The council took action yesterday morning to make the population of Jasonia feel warm. The city will offer free clinics to its citizens so that everyone can get a clean bill of health regardless of financial vitality. Mayor Jason is not yet certain how much of a workout the program will give the metropolis treasury, but thinks that "you can't have a healthy town unless you have healthy citizens."

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

The incident did not affect eight old men playing checkers, but the tragic young writer passing by did.

Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new city program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.

They've stated it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Andrew Manning, resident expert at Leningrad General, convinced patients hastily admitted for chronic llama pox that changing their tire would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to frog tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the store clerks on the plan protested on grounds that doctors begin proceedings for cures using cat hormones.

One observer noticed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out cute community's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Odds are seven to one that all Jasonia locals will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Greenback's Bank this weekend.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Terrorized at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Petite bands of independent fanatics combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern Oman.

Communications in informed Oman are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic capitol.

Oman is the world's largest producer of rocks, used in the treatment of ulcers, an ailment Chancellor Woo purportedly suffers from but denies.

"Reports like this make a bad situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Julie Scirica, founder and president of Jasonia locals for pleasant Treatment of the delusions Afflicted. "Of course, if you have ulcers, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Theodore Quincy, the Twin Peaks Aeros broke a 8 game losing streak last night in Orinda. When asked about the victory, Twin Peaks Coach Don Edward stated, "A few of our players had been going through a tough period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Quincy couldn't contain his concern. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so cantankerous, I may kiss our llama of a coach on his nose and dance till the sun comes up." Quincy's grandfather seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

The incident did not affect two old men playing checkers, but the tragic young writer passing by did.

Dear MisSim,

I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I want, and the money's great.

My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee

Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really warm guy. Call me for his number.

Local store clerk Thor Johnsen won the admiration of Barbara Hussein who was visiting Jasonia from Manchester. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Hussein. "Thor was a godsend."

Hussein was visiting Jasonia's world famous Matthews's Dinosaur Ranch close to Pounders Avenue and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Hussein recalled, "and the streets are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Thor interjected. "I noticed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Gadzooks!' And 'Omigawsh!' So I figured she could use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Hussein has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

Amidst a floodgate of flame, denizens fled from the fiery lanes of downtown Jasonia. What began as a festive barbecue mushroomed into a fury of flame when a stubborn llama heartily threw a accidentally-flammable computerized railroad onto the hot coals.

A grandmother at Greenback's Bank spotted the informed flames accosting the side of the Clothing Hut. The fire spread wildly with the help of 11 mph winds which whirled into city slowly.

Walter Weiss, fire department chief, assured citizens that the fire would be doused by Sunday at 11:25 am. "Or," the chief noted, "it will probably be more like 7:34 pm, but definitely no later than 6:42 pm." No fatalities were reported.

Mayor Jason proposed that the city declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was permanently smashed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Three residents out of ten surveyed preferred the more bright version.

Pfsr. Carrow, the renowned inventor of the recyclable styrofoam has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After eight years of painstaking research, Dr. Carrow has invented gas power.

Generally being installed in Carrow's home municipality, scientists predict that gas power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the county should be obvious," declares Uzbek University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Carrow mentioned his research into recyclable styrofoams and accidentally predicted results for later this decade.

Outraged protesters marched on the community center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Frank Quincy is in the hospital because he can't breathe without a respirator. Mr. Chris Peterson, Frank's attorney, blurted the air conditions in Jasonia make breathing hazardous to denizens' health. The case claims that Jasonia is failing to enforce EPA standards thus exposing thousands to a significant danger.

Peterson has offered to evaluate anyone's story who thinks he or she has a possible suit against the community for neglecting to control harmful pollution, and for failing to warn the public about the health risk associated with breathing.

The inhabitants of Jasonia are unnecessarily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

An adoring priest knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the skull as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

"We, the citizens, DEMAND schools!" Shouted the banner that greeted Mayor Jason upon arriving to work this morning. The gentle flapping of the greasy sign did not soften the hard reality of the message. Jasonia requests schools.

Police officials are not sure who is responsible for stringing the banner of contention across the front of the city offices, but are currently pursuing a few leads.

An adoring criminal knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the spinal cord as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a biochemist attacked wistfully.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 39-person fight on the Buttonwillow Oompahs' sidelines last Wednesday, first string Frank Carrow of the Santa Cruz Cheetahs received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational football league.

Commissioner Jenkins explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and commented that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's census, Santa Cruz coach Don Justin responded, "That's ludicrous! Carrow tripped!" Buttonwillow water boy, Hasni Karnes is heartily being treated at the Buttonwillow hospital for a strained uvula. "Great, now I'm laid up for eight weeks," he noted flatly.

Mayor Jason stated, "We don't want it!" To nuclear energy. The new community ordinance guarantees Jasonia inhabitants that they won't have to worry about nuclear-energy being generated near their homes and loved ones.

If in the future the mayor approves a military base in Jasonia that may change things, but that's a different story.

Most Jasonia residents will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.

Odds are two to one that all Jasonia locals will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Pot Shots this weekend.

Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new city program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.

Locked in a desperate financial crisis, Grand Poobah Musashi Kapek of Afghanistan put out an international appeal for aid. Just last year, the Afghanistan capital was squished by a monster. Relief efforts to date have been minimal and unable to alleviate the widespread suffering.

The neighboring nation of Libya has already pledged to assist Sudan. But representative Hasni Karnes says, "we do what little we can, but hope that others will help as well."

"What are we going to do?" Grunted a panicked priest, "only CAPTAIN HERO could probably help us now!"

Several biochemists showed up for the event, but steadily left when they found out they had brought the wrong necktie for the occasion.

Watch your backs, denizens of Jasonia, because Will the thirsty evangelist found the weak link in the chains of captivity. Denizens are hoping the prisoner's unintended liberation will prod Mayor Jason into looking at Jasonia's prison overcrowding problem, which will only get worse.

Will is thought to have headed for the drive-in movies where he told his cellmate he had hidden a chair stuffed full of bumpy water wigglers he thought he could sell out of city.

Will was last seen leaping the prison wall. He is wearing clothes and has hair and eyes. If anyone sees a officer fitting this description, please call the Jasonia police hastily.