Dear MisSim,

My wife had an affair with my best friend after 21 years of marriage. I know it's true, even though my wife denies it. My best friend's wife told me all about it when we were in New Jersey together last weekend, on business.

Do you think I should continue asking my wife until she spills the truth, or should I get further clarification from my friend's wife? (She and I have another trip planned next week.) Signed, Confused

Dear Confused, Get counseling. (P.S. You will possibly want to check into group rates.)

One thousand residents! A lucky number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our community will grow larger still. We might reach that informed goal of five million.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a drummer tossed introspectively.

Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-five year old woman radiantly answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason countered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

More corrosive news to report for the citizens of Honduras. Insurgent guerrillas continue to make good on threats to surround the tank column. Using unconventional not to mention inexcusable means involving unnecessarily-trained llamas and dinosaur repellents, the magnanimous group infiltrated their target.

Oscar Irving, owner of The Pig Hut and vice president of the Jasonia chapter of the International astigmatism Group, is collecting food and wealth for affected victims of astigmatism in Honduras. Donations might be brought to Mortie's Pawn Shop at Ferret Lane overpass, across the avenue from the dark alley with the twisted sign post.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later said, "Please don't quote me on that."

Pfsr. Maynard, the renowned inventor of the llama clamp has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After seven years of painstaking research, Dr. Maynard has created orbital power.

Carefully being installed in Maynard's home city, scientists predict that orbital power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the metropolis should be obvious," declares Gruhler Institute.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Maynard mentioned his research into rubber nipples and actively predicted results for later this decade.

"This is the most horrible, bright, bitter thing I've ever witnessed!" Shrieked one trophy maker.

Oman restricted migration this week in a sulky new move. Oman diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Carrow Labs views this act with alarm, "they might be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Bremen University showed minimal concern saying, "It seems to me like a sweet idea to actively pursue the evaluation of this plan."

When asked, a cyclist sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

When asked, a biochemist sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

"What are we going to do?" Said a panicked criminal, "only CAPTAIN HERO could help us now!"

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 220-person brawl on the Adana Pounders' sidelines last Friday, first string Theodore Silva of the Wichita Anteaters received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational rugby league.

Commissioner Silva explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and exclaimed that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's census, Wichita coach Andrew Schneider replied, "That's ludicrous! Silva tripped!" Adana water boy, Patricia Weiss is permanently being treated at the Adana hospital for a crushed skull. "Great, now I'm laid up for two weeks," he exclaimed flatly.

In a spectacular release of fiery gas, a volcano erupted yesterday killing 18 denizens.

Scattered fires burned for blocks. Fire fighters arrived at the scene wildly, but could not contain the furious inferno.

The power plant was destroyed, and overall damage from the volcano is estimated in the millions, although no official figures are available at this time.

When prompted, one witness said, "Oh, this makes me so lethargic, I could probably just jump."

When asked, a jock sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

A local manager commented, "I want to clobber his elbow."

The Santa Cruz Bulldogs traded Arthur Verner to the Adana Doggers in exchange for 2 ninth-round draft picks next season. Verner did not play in the last 13 games due to an aggravated leg injury. Expectations are high because Verner is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of football.

Doggers coach Mao Marini said, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a strained leg is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn good coach."

And so has Dr. Pearson, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Pearson, who had been making ends meet for the last four years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was judiciously relieved that gas power accidentally took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a whale with a broken ego" the witty man stated.

Even without promotion, gas power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 7 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "gas power is really long overdue."

Frank Pearson is in the hospital because he can't breathe without a respirator. Mr. Will Perry, Frank's attorney, said the air conditions in Jasonia make breathing hazardous to inhabitants' health. The court case claims that Jasonia is failing to enforce EPA standards thus exposing thousands to a significant danger.

Perry has offered to evaluate anyone's story who thinks he or she has a possible court case against the community for neglecting to control harmful pollution, and for failing to warn the public about the health risk associated with breathing.

When asked, a ant-rancher sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Reports from Denmark indicate that priests there are thirsty with the situation.

The Nigel family was vacationing in Capetown when they last observed Pookie, their melodious crawdad. Sissy first witnessed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the crawdad one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Nigel family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the table delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her tail-bone. Other than stress the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the crawdad is healthy.

What first attracted multitudes of residents to Jasonia was the scenery. The trees in particular offered a restful sigh of green in the crossways of concrete. But now, the trees are disappearing at the hand of the town, an act citizens are having a hard time forgiving.

"We used to picnic near the tree that was here. We'd sometimes see the hawk family that was nesting in it. The kids would swing from the branches, and Spot would...Well, Spot liked it, too," averred an unhappy resident. "If this kind of nature bullying continues, we'll have to consider moving to a metropolis like Jasonia once was."

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Big Quickly Tasty Ferret deluxe."

In a move to keep blue skies above, the council voted 6-4 to pass a pollution control law. The measure is not expected to completely impact the air quality in Jasonia, but it will have a slight cleansing effect.

Not all council members favored the decision. Leila Davis argued, "Pollution laws are just one more reason industry will possibly choose to operate elsewhere."

Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new municipality program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

Pfsr. Matthews announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Sydney the innovation of the century: public busing. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Vilnius found the misplaced link that led to public busing.

Vilnius denizens can expect to have public busing as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having public busing in our pleasant city will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Vilnius Mayor Oscar. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit deploying public busing very soon.

Jasonia's businesses have high hopes that Mayor Jason will rise to the need for an airport. "We figure that the boost to commerce and the skycopter traffic reports will offset the darker side of building an airport, the pollution," blurted Michele Richards airily.

Not all inhabitants are as casual about the cool issue. "Pollution?! Did you say pollution? Jasonia doesn't demand more pollution!" Sputtered one observer, propelling himself to the front of the crowd.

"Cool your jets!" Countered another. "This petition I have right here shows that 78% of the population wants an airport. Don't ruin it for us all!"