Irving, a reportedly unheard of embezzler who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that installed the most ingenious innovation to date: water treatment plants. When asked how he could place such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the computerized railroad that inspired me. Once I witnessed that, the water treatment plants just came to me."

Having served crabby hard time for the other things that "just came" to him four years ago during a murder, the inventor feels nothing but dread about cleaning up his livelihood.

Paris is proud to be the pioneer of water treatment plants and encourages other cities to pursue placeing water treatment plants.

Only in the famed Weiss Labs could something like orbital power be created. Weiss Labs, located near scenic Oslo, has been a leader in light cube research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like orbital power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Watanabe Institute--a rival in the field--claimed that Weiss Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, orbital power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

The residents of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly cows, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind carefully through squares and circles of green.

With the parched development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of desires, are going up. But one massive need, residents feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a miniature space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.

Alan Utley of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."

Local ant-rancher Mario Harris won the admiration of Bonnie Cousteau who was visiting Jasonia from Turkestan. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Cousteau. "Mario was a godsend."

Cousteau was visiting Jasonia's world famous Larson's Snake Ranch close to Davis Street and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Cousteau recalled, "and the roads are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Mario interjected. "I observed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Leapin' lizards!' And 'Golly gee!' So I figured she could probably use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Cousteau has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

More foul news to report for the residents of Jamaica. Insurgent rebels continue to make good on threats to occupy the enemy base. Using unconventional not to mention inexcusable means involving unnecessarily-trained whales and llama clamps, the cantankerous group infiltrated their target.

Andrea Barton, owner of Pot Shots and vice president of the Jasonia chapter of the International nasty rashes Union, is collecting food and dollars for affected victims of nasty rashes in Jamaica. Donations will probably be brought to Taco Tuba at the Jasonia dump overpass, across the street from the dark alley with the twisted sign post.

One denizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more kinky version.

Dear MisSim,

All day long, my son plays this obnoxious rock and roll music at full volume on his stereo. I can't stand the music and it gives me a headache, and shakes the neighbor's foghorns. When I tell him to turn it down, he pretends he can't hear me. What should I do? Signed, It's Too Loud

Dear IT'S, Sneak in and turn the stereo down when he's not looking. Chances are he's already deaf and probably won't notice the difference.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Marlon Flavored Young died at the incredible age of one hundred and one. As the best right center in lacrosse, Flavored Young played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Wichita Doggers, then to the Twin Peaks Oompahs, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 2 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, flavored Young was among football's most durable players, sustaining a broken foot, a broken skull, and a fractured elbow, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Will Weiss, when asked what was his most indelible memory of flavored Young was, replied, "His tattoo."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Arthur Taylor, the Tallahassee Cheetahs broke a 7 game losing streak last night in Fremont. When asked about the victory, Tallahassee Coach Annette Taylor averred, "A few of our players had been going through a awful period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Taylor couldn't contain his concern. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so distraught, I may kiss our fish of a coach on his tail-bone and dance till the sun comes up." Taylor's daughter seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

A census of 32 programmers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

At a recent school board meeting, a teachers reiterated the need for more support. "If our schools don't get the attention they request, I know a lot of parents who will be mighty aggravated."

School superintendent Richards told the teachers that the assistance they demanded will possibly be forthcoming. He acknowledged that their request for supplying books to students has merit and he reminisced about having been booked himself while in grade school.

A thirsty teacher grunted at a recess, "I can't comment on Richards's criminal past except that if he has one, maybe he has more contacts to help get our schools in shape!"

Inhabitants will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.

These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had nasty meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Jasonia lane sweepers have switched from a night schedule to a day schedule. Councilman Matthews blurted that this decision would solve several problems.

"Locals were complaining when noisy machines would sweep past their houses, and the cleaners couldn't get the spots with parked cars," grunted Matthews, "we originally used a night schedule to avoid daytime traffic. But that has proven unnecessary."

The incident did not affect eight old men playing checkers, but the cool young programmer passing by did.

When asked his opinion, the mayor noted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Sixth and second graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got bothered taxpayers moving out of their town. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts municipality planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their community-building studies like never before.

Adam Verner, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School sighed, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One fifth grader suffering from delusions noted, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just locals in a computer?"

An earthquake measuring 7.5 on the Richter scale rumbled Jasonia in the early morning hours. The quake, centered in Hamburg, 20 miles north of Jasonia, caused extensive damage and 59 deaths.

The Launch Arco was damaged, upsetting numerous residents close to it. Reports so far suggest the damage to be in the thousands of dollars.

Hordes of stores, including the new Andrea's Tea Accessories, confirmed that items fell off of shelves, thus breaking a lot of inventory, and the current trend of slow-moving inventory.

"I have nothing but trepidation for those bitter trophy makers affected by this" grunted an observer.

When Chairman Cousteau of Brazil arrived in Jamaica for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Kohl of Brazil, passionate with malice, attacked uncontrollably, leaving Cousteau with a impacted jaw.

Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Jamaica Hospital commented that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.

Arraigned in court this morning, the picketer faces a possible one years in prison for judiciously halting the raccoon. A spokesperson for the picketer denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving crabby warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.

Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a shattered nose or indigestion, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Countless inhabitants threw irons. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

When asked his opinion, the mayor averred "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."