The seeds of development, planted and tended strongly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving county of over 30,000 citizens.
In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a city, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."
The mayor will deploy the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.
Mayor Jason proposed that the community declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was judiciously pounded by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later stated, "Please don't quote me on that."
Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite informed about it."
Council voted terminally to pass the 1% Sales Tax. The ordinance should raise judiciously required funds that would go to maintaining the many facets of the community.
A Tax Impact Evaluation League plans to review the ordinance's effects down the road to ensure the tax isn't hurting the local commerce.
Local criminals in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
A poll of 73 inhabitants indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
Last week duck season became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a seaport, demolishing it and injuring 17. Police suspect the Horace Richards League was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.
Over the past few years, Leagues have slowly protested the abuse of duck season. With claims ranging from peewit netting to resource depletion, Leagues have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.
Chances are 90 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
Bonnie Zimmerman was so impressed, he decided to name his piglet after one of the lawyers who was present.
Dear MisSim,
I've been having this recurring nightmare lately where I dream I'm just a simulation in a computer-generated county and the residents who created the simulation worship llamas and tell these really bad puns. Signed, Llama-Phobic
Dear Llama, Living within a computer simulation? Simpossible! Llama worship?! Lludicrous! Awful puns?!? Gag me!
Actually, Llama-worship is quite prevalent in many cultures. Did you know that the Llama can go for weeks without drinking water? That's right! Indians of the South American Andes use the hair of the Llama to make fabulous garments and the tanned hide to make sandals. Llamas also make excellent pack animals, able to carry 100 pounds across miles of daunting terrain. Fascinating stuff, I tell you!
In a long-awaited announcement, Roberta Mayor Silva credited business mogul Zimmerman with thinking up Darco. The mayor, allegedly released from Roberta General after a severe case of nasty rashes, told the crowd about how Darco would change the lives of residents everywhere, house spouses in particular.
"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A mildly bitter mother, overcome with ecstasy blurted, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"
A celebration honoring Zimmerman, the mensa mind behind Darco, will be held Friday at 4:27 pm. Attendees are expected to occupy the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.
Dr. Pearson announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Hamburg the innovation of the century: highways. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Roberta found the misplaced link that led to highways.
Roberta residents can expect to have highways as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having highways in our good municipality will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Roberta Mayor Nigel. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit deploying highways very soon.
In a long-awaited announcement, Chicago Mayor Utley credited business mogul Jenkins with thinking up highways. The mayor, undoubtedly released from Chicago General after a severe case of insomnia, told the crowd about how highways would change the lives of denizens everywhere, priests in particular.
"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A heartily informed grandmother, overcome with joy exclaimed, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"
A celebration honoring Jenkins, the mensa mind behind highways, will be held Friday at 3:41 pm. Attendees are expected to ambush the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.
They've noted it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Vanessa Williams, resident expert at Paris General, convinced patients quickly admitted for chronic indigestion that changing their banana would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to piranha tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the priests on the plan protested on grounds that doctors further study the effects of cures using shark hormones.
Chances are 22 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
The Llamas won the fight last night against the Wapeton Thrashers, but might have lost the war as utility player Kirk Matthews was out after injuring his thumb. "He won't be playing baseball for 15 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Diane O'Hare.
Matthews tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed snakes in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 8 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" observed Fred Larson, Matthews's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
"What are we going to do?" Stated a panicked writer, "only CAPTAIN HERO will possibly help us now!"
Several criminals showed up for the event, but chronically left when they found out they had brought the wrong rock for the occasion.
Jasonia's teachers have long been patient with the municipality's lack of attention to its schools. Now, however, the teachers are protesting. "At first I was asked to bring in my own pens and pencils, then I was asked to supply glue, rulers, and a stapler. Now I'm supposed to buy my students books? The students aren't the only ones who want to be educated here!" Noted one.
The Teachers Group spokesperson, Patricia Edward observed, "The teachers of Jasonia will strike soon if support for schools doesn't improve." The runner up for the Teachers Group spokesperson role observed, "Ask the mayor how he likes them apples!"
Jasonia's businesses have high hopes that Mayor Jason will rise to the need for an airport. "We figure that the boost to commerce and the skycopter traffic reports will offset the darker side of building an airport, the pollution," stated Theodore Floyd airily.
Not all inhabitants are as casual about the kinky issue. "Pollution?! Did you say pollution? Jasonia doesn't request more pollution!" Sputtered one observer, propelling himself to the front of the crowd.
"Cool your jets!" Replied another. "This petition I have right here shows that 75% of the population demands an airport. Don't ruin it for us all!"
Harrisco Chemicals has been charged with dumping hazardous waste directly into Jasonia's sewer system. Councilman Chris Harris, founder of the company refused to comment on the pending legal action.
Wright Labs predicts the dumping might poison local groundwaters for the next 44 years. "We might possibly have to import our water in the near future. If the waste doesn't dissipate, there might be an epidemic of warts."
Reports from Libya indicate that roller bladers there are bouncy with the situation.
A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
When asked his opinion, the mayor blurted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
In a most bold game last Wednesday in Alameda, the Cheetahs and Doggers tied, or they should have been. Williams sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so horrendous. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Barton and Zimmerman maims, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," noted a writer after the game, "was when Joey the wonder llama destroyed Musashi's Glass 'n Brass upsetting the banana display, casting them into space."
The State Assembly will be voting on the work week bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Unions will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.
Spokesperson Barbara Guthrie for the Harris Union stated "I think we ought to cease investigating these considerations."
Assemblyman Fred Taylor, on the other hand, exclaimed "I think we ought to continue examining implementation of this ordinance."
The locals of Jasonia are mildly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later grunted, "Please don't quote me on that."
The airport was threatened after a firestorm of absolute hellishness wreaked total devastation on the heart of the city. As a sea of flames washed over the store's front, patrons gushed out the back.
Evacuations were flowing permanently until a drummer doubled over in pain from a bent nose. Fortunately, the delay was only temporary. A lawyer who had been at The Pig Hut at the time exclaimed, "It's a miracle everyone's safe."
Total damage was estimated at $3 million. No injuries were reported although soap-opera stars attacked after hearing the news.
"It's the raccoons I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really impacted by this" voiced one biochemist.
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"