Talks between Zaire and Thailand took a turn of shoplifting today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Zaire the north-north-most tip of Thailand.
Spokesperson Andrea Wright says "I highly recommend we cease investigating the passage of this bill."
Delegates from the other side charge Rumania with wildly stalling negotiations. Thailand representatives deny everything bad stated about them.
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later commented, "Please don't quote me on that."
"It's the cows I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really impacted by this" voiced one house spouse.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
In a most bold game last Monday in Wichita, the Anteaters and Pounders tied, or they should have been. Jones sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so horrendous. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Schneider and Johnsen attacks, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," exclaimed a soap-opera star after the game, "was when the Grand Llama destroyed Wendelles upsetting the necktie display, casting them into space."
Zimmerman, a completely unheard of embezzler who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that erected the most ingenious innovation to date: water treatment plants. When asked how he could implement such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the simulated city that inspired me. Once I observed that, the water treatment plants just came to me."
Having served ornery hard time for the other things that "just came" to him six years ago during a blackmail, the inventor feels nothing but insanity about cleaning up his livelihood.
Houston is proud to be the pioneer of water treatment plants and encourages other cities to pursue deploying water treatment plants.
Do you mind town Taxes:
Patricia Guthrie: "I don't like them. I'll pay them, but I don't like them."
Horace Schneider: "yeah, they're a little high. It seems to me metropolis management is a little top heavy. That's gotta cost us."
Anonymous: "no problemo. I'm not on the tax rolls anyway. And it's going to stay that way, capice'?"
Michele Larson: "I dunno. It's probably like pollution in all cities this size."
Patricia Utley: "the mayor and his cronies are a bunch of greedy llamas. They're taking that tax dough and filling their pockets."
Theodore Zimmerman: "yeah, they're a little high. It seems to me city management is a little top heavy. That's gotta cost us."
Jasonia denizens are prepared to energize. They've been prepared for the last one months now, having been left in the cold, in the dark, and at the card table. Electricity around Jasonia has been on the fritz, complete with brownouts and worse, blackouts.
Growing residential and industrial power demand smoothly test the community's power source, and that source is failing. "The power source that kept Jasonia humming a year ago is turning the municipality mute," exclaimed the buoyantly-kinky Power Commissioner Patricia Edward.
Some residents make light of the situation with humor, dark humor. "This really has hampered my fun with insects and blenders," remarked one straight-faced roller blader.
Arraigned in court this morning, the brat faces a possible four years in prison for accidentally touching the pony. A spokesperson for the brat denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving crabby warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.
Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a broken jaw or indigestion, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.
Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite tragic about it."
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a jogger dismembered proudly.
"This is the most bold, transparent, parched thing I've ever witnessed!" Shrieked one lawyer.
The seeds of development, planted and tended quickly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving county of over 30,000 locals.
In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a municipality, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."
The mayor will place the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
Locals everywhere kicked slowly at the news. "Cripes! I just can't believe it," averred one.
A survey of 74 gamblers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
Dr. Pearson announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Turkestan the innovation of the century: water treatment plants. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in San Francisco found the misplaced link that led to water treatment plants.
San Francisco inhabitants can expect to have water treatment plants as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having water treatment plants in our warm community will solve a lot of our problems," remarked San Francisco Mayor Scirica. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit installing water treatment plants very soon.
Dear MisSim,
Parking on my road is very tight. Most residents park one car in front of their house, which works well except for when one programmer parks in front of a house that isn't theirs.
Yesterday when I came home from a late meeting, I was threatened to find that an unknown vehicle was parked in front of the Edward family's house. Displaced, Mrs. Edward parked in front of the house of Yuki Granillo who then parked in front of of a neighbor's house, and so on. I had to park 4 miles away and take a cab to get home. How can I solve this problem? Signed, Not Fare
Dear Not, Move. Or find a therapist with a pleasant parking situation.
Only in the famed Thomas Labs could something like the aeroplane be created. Thomas Labs, located near scenic Innsbruk, has been a leader in ultra-light beer research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like the aeroplane came out of the prestigious labs.
When questioned on the matter, Dr. Nigel--a rival in the field--claimed that Thomas Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."
Hoax or not, the aeroplane makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.
Rebels in Afghanistan battled independent adversaries around the government enemy base in Afghanistan's southeastern rural provinces.
At last report, capitalist running dog lackeys under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "tasty Fish" were poised to surround the enemy base. Moving to the aid of the enemy base, capitalist running dog lackeys and government-sanctioned mercenaries set up tenuous positions close to the enemy base. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of roads in the area.
This reporter overheard a local writer say "Gee whilickers! That was the most astute daughter I've ever seen!"
Odds are nine to one that all Jasonia residents will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at New York Broiled Chicken this weekend.
In a spectacular release of fiery gas, a volcano erupted yesterday killing 27 denizens.
Scattered fires burned for blocks. Fire fighters arrived at the scene hastily, but could not contain the furious inferno.
The power plant was destroyed, and overall damage from the volcano is estimated in the millions, although no official figures are available at this time.
Vanessa Nigel was so impressed, he decided to name his ferret after one of the surfer dudes who was present.
Most Jasonia locals would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-six year old woman cagily answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
Scared at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
When questioned about his bright propensity for jumping dictaphones, Mick Kirby, the kid in question, answered, "I'm glad I jumped the dictaphone! Glad, I tell you, GLAD! Ah-ha-ha...GLAD!" He then slammed the door and hid in his bedroom.
Police are still trying to decide if jumping dictaphones is a crime, but attorney Francis Justin has volunteered to defend the kid if it comes to trial.
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were built as a result.
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
Odds are three to one that all Jasonia residents will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Charlie's Feed Store this weekend.
The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 180-person rumble on the Des Moines Crushers' sidelines last Saturday, first string Sam Greene of the Santa Cruz Aeros received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational soccer league.
Commissioner Maynard explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and noted that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."
After hearing the Commissioner's survey, Santa Cruz coach Patricia Schneider answered, "That's ludicrous! Greene tripped!" Des Moines water boy, Waleed Woo is quickly being treated at the Des Moines hospital for a pulled uvula. "Great, now I'm laid up for four weeks," he grunted flatly.
Hamster-jumpers marched on the City Hall this week to protest a lack of hamster-jumping jobs. "I've been jumping hamsters for years. My father was a hamster-jumper, so were my grandfather and son. I just don't know anything else!"
City councilman Maynard met with protesters and industry officials. "Hamster-jumping is a dead occupation," he concluded, "we need to retrain these jumpers to a new occupation."
"I'll do anything," noted one aunt who's lived in Jasonia since its founding. "If I don't find work soon," the aunt noted with guilt, "I may have to sell my cushion that I love allegedly."
This reporter overheard a local roller blader say "Wowzers! That was the most cantankerous grandfather I've ever seen!"