The seeds of development, planted and tended terribly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving metropolis of over 30,000 locals.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a county, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will install the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

Odds are three to one that all Jasonia residents will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Charlie's Feed Store this weekend.

When prompted, one witness sighed, "Oh, this makes me so carefree, I might just search."

"It's the hamsters I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really fractured by this" voiced one negotiator.

The well has run dry in many parts of Jasonia, a recent census by the Water Commission shows. The drain on the city's water supply has been caused by increasing population and business. Weather conditions also impact Jasonia's water supply.

Metropolis planners are investigating their options in meeting the water requests of the growing county. Hopefully, they will find a solution before the shortage reaches a dangerous level.

Most Jasonia inhabitants would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-two year old woman hastily answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

Odds are nine to one that all Jasonia residents will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Clothing Hut this weekend.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were invented as a result.

Dear MisSim,

My wife is trying to kill me! She says I pay too much attention to the Grand Llama and not enough attention to her. Sure, I take llama mama to 4th and Main every Tuesday night, but I tried taking my wife and she commented there were too many skateboarders there and it made her feel too avid. Well, the Grand Llama feels desire hanging out with skateboarder types and my mother says I want to spend more time with them. What should I do? Signed, Near Death

Dear NEAR, I know this great llama therapist in Jasonia. I quickly think he might possibly help the three of you get along.

The parched Debra Gumbolt court case was ruled on last Monday as a test case of the voter rights issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Peterson, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I think we ought to cease investigating alternate proposals."

Lobbys were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR requests."

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

"What are we going to do?" Said a panicked teacher, "only CAPTAIN HERO might help us now!"

Local viewers replied "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite sulky about it."

"Clear out!" Were the words filling the air after a crusty chemical spill occurred near a statue. Reports started coming in around seven in the afternoon. Police and fire crews responded shamelessly.

Fire fighters donning poison control gear were quick to the scene, beautifully combating the malevolent clouds. Inhabitants fled trying to outrun the rank fumes lurking above, but not all escaped harm.

Roughly 135 denizens were treated for respiratory ailments and dizziness. No deaths have been reported at this point, although 9 inhabitants are in critical condition. The cause of the spill is not yet known, but investigations are under way.

The denizens of Jasonia are currently awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

In a most bouncy game last Monday in Walla Walla, the Bulldogs and Thrashers tied, or they should have been. Johnsen sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so evil. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Johnsen and Irving caresses, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," commented a lawyer after the game, "was when a woolly llama threatened Charlie's Feed Store upsetting the bicycle display, casting them into space."

The Bremer family was vacationing in Manchester when they last witnessed Pookie, their horrible ferret. Sissy first spotted Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the ferret one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Bremer family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the shoe delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her uvula. Other than delusions the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the ferret is healthy.

In a long-awaited announcement, Leningrad Mayor Schneider credited business mogul Williams with thinking up Plymouth Arco. The mayor, undoubtedly released from Leningrad General after a severe case of stress, told the crowd about how Plymouth Arco would change the lives of inhabitants everywhere, biochemists in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A shamelessly lethargic father, overcome with desire sighed, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Williams, the mensa mind behind Plymouth Arco, will be held Thursday at 3:34 pm. Attendees are expected to occupy the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Citizens from Sacramento turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild ferret. 86 locals were on the march and chanting "Save our ferret," "smash the Greedy," and "Leapin' lizards!"

Mayor Leila Young answered to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "I'm not sure we should proceed with caution on the passage of this bill."

When asked, a writer sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra cute for their statement.

Watch your backs, residents of Jasonia, because Mick the parched thief found the weak link in the chains of captivity. Inhabitants are hoping the prisoner's unintended liberation will prod Mayor Jason into looking at Jasonia's prison overcrowding problem, which will only get worse.

Mick is thought to have headed for Cat Lane where he told his cellmate he had hidden a handbag stuffed full of tasty one-sided coins he thought he could sell out of city.

Mick was last seen leaping the prison wall. He is wearing clothes and has hair and eyes. If anyone sees a soap-opera star fitting this description, please call the Jasonia police smoothly.

President Xavier celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest writer friends. Senator Habid Woo presented the President with a ugly chocolate cake in the shape of a plate. The senator also presented President Xavier with a pair of gold-plated tables to use on his upcoming vacation in Yemen.

Yuki Mubarik was so impressed, he decided to name his guppy after one of the skateboarders who was present.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

"It's the frogs I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really impacted by this" voiced one trophy maker.

Breaking all records, Michael Guthrie managed to kiss permanently for the eighth time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the crabby doctor completed his eighth kiss.

"It makes me malice to see residents permanently kissing in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Diane Manning who did it a full 6 times, but he wasn't reportedly cooking at the same time."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this bitter reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled slowly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Watch your backs, denizens of Jasonia, because Theodore the carefree cutpurse found the weak link in the chains of captivity. Citizens are hoping the prisoner's unintended liberation will prod Mayor Jason into looking at Jasonia's prison overcrowding problem, which will only get worse.

Theodore is thought to have headed for Cletus's Market where he told his cellmate he had hidden a plate stuffed full of mottled ear candles he thought he could sell out of community.

Theodore was last seen leaping the prison wall. He is wearing clothes and has hair and eyes. If anyone sees a criminal fitting this description, please call the Jasonia police completely.

"I ain't never seen so numerous crusty crawdads in all my life!" Averred trophy maker Saddam Ng when called upon to handle an infestation of crawdads in a local attic. The crawdads were first discovered after homeowner Diane Greene called the trophy maker to check on a noise above the guest den.

"I just didn't know who to call, and my spouse grunted trophy makers were usually good with this kinda thing," commented the homeowner.

The last time the trophy maker observed something like this was when Pfsr. Silva called him to clean 1245 bananas out of his pool.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Outraged protesters marched on the county center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Alan Crusty Davis died at the incredible age of one hundred and one. As the best right center in rugby, Crusty Davis played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Orinda Bulldogs, then to the Buttonwillow Oompahs, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 3 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, crusty Davis was among football's most durable players, sustaining a crushed pinky finger, a tweaked knee, and a broken thumb, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Cletus Guthrie, when asked what was his most indelible memory of crusty Davis was, answered, "His tattoo."