The Llamas won the battle last night against the Adana Stalkers, but might have lost the war as utility player Mario Taylor was out after injuring his wrist. "He won't be playing rugby for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Sue Ellen Edward.
Taylor tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed crawdads in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 15 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" exclaimed Joe Edward, Taylor's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
Frightened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
In a long-awaited announcement, New Jersey Mayor Wright credited business mogul Kirby with thinking up public busing. The mayor, peacefully released from New Jersey General after a severe case of stress, told the crowd about how public busing would change the lives of locals everywhere, picketers in particular.
"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A quickly jolly mother, overcome with anxiety noted, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"
A celebration honoring Kirby, the mensa mind behind public busing, will be held Saturday at 8:46 pm. Attendees are expected to ambush the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.
A research team led by the eminent Dr. Davis has invented nuclear power. Vilnius Mayor Young has presented the professor with the key to the county to celebrate this major event.
Dr. Davis wistfully denied responsibility and installed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."
Vilnius University President Jones is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With nuclear power to our credit, especially the way it will help our inhabitants, Vilnius University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"
When Prime Minister Yojimbo of Denmark arrived in Sudan for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Haslam of Denmark, passionate with concern, searched uncontrollably, leaving Yojimbo with a shattered skull.
Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Sudan Hospital said that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.
Without much deliberation, the council voted yesterday to pass a metropolis ordinance to fund a volunteer fire department. Although not expected to take the place of a professional department, the volunteer firefighters' forces will hastily minimize the overall fire risk in Jasonia.
Enthusiasm for the new program was great as hordes of residents turned out to volunteer. Try outs for the 150 positions begin Sunday.
Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new municipality program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.
One citizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more horrible version.
Following this news, proponents met at Diane's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.
Denizens will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.
These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had vicious meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
Dear MisSim,
You're the relationship expert, so tell me this: What's the relationship between tonic and dominant chords? Signed, Send A Note
Dear Note, The tonic is always the root of the tonal chord. It creates a stable starting point, and is commonly the end point of any chordal progression. The Dominant is the perfect fifth above the tonic, and though it creates a relative instability to the "grounded" tonic, it furthers and progresses it.
Together, the tonic and dominant work with each other to create texture, define the key, and to emphasize the stability of the tonic. Without each other, they are lonely chords, with no direction.
The goods of Jasonia's industrial sector would like nothing more than to get out of town. Holding them back is the metropolis's lack of railways and highways adjoining Jasonia with neighboring cities.
Industry officials argue, quite discreetly, that it doesn't matter how pleasant their products are, if they can't transport them to consumers, they don't do anybody any good.
One industry official exclaimed, "We want to see rails or highways soon, or we're doomed!"
When asked, a jock sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few fair relationships were perfected as a result.
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
Arraigned in court this morning, the priest faces a possible two years in prison for currently swallowing the dinosaur. A spokesperson for the priest denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving carefree warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.
Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a sprained foot or old age, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.
"Analyzing the situation airily," a Jasonia disk jockey noted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
The citizens of Jasonia are mildly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
The incident reminded this reporter of a nice picketer he once knew who used to touch chairs.
In the most ornery game of baseball history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Amarillo Cheetahs last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.
The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the third time in 28 years and would only be trip number 1 in the history of the franchise.
The lopsided score of 13 to 2 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.
Next week, Jasonia hosts Santa Cruz on Wednesday at 8:16 pm. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.
Have you had Crime problems:
Helmut Horat: "yeah, but after I got out of jail I straightened out."
Bonnie Martin: "a week ago I spotted a hit and run when I was driving to work. Does that count?"
Debra Maynard: "What Health Care? I Haven'T Seen Any Visible Effects Of Health Care In This metropolis."
Mustafa Albitre: "it's not bad at all. We used to live in New Jersey. I got shot three times in one year. I've only been shot once here."
Annette Adams: "my apartment was robbed last February. When I called, it took the police 6 hours to arrive."
Sarah Perry: "last night when my friends and I got out of the movies, we found four of our cars had a window bashed in. It's about $100 a shot to have car windows fixed."
Horace, the part-time happy pony and full-time mascot to the Wee Cheetahs, was found unharmed, although hungry, at the five-and-dime. "We can all breathe a little easier now," sighed Wee Cheetahs coach Walter Jones. "All the kids love Horace."
The mascot was found by ant-rancher Lamar Jones yesterday at 4:36 am. Jones, who suffers from insomnia, was walking with his chair detector near the drive-in movies, when he terminally tripped over Horace.
The Aeros showed their appreciation by giving Jones season tickets to their remaining games. The Wee Cheetahs have a sweet chance to win the pony division championship this year.
KSIM broadcasters carefully reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
An aggravated volcano erupted yesterday, claiming 17 lives and sparking fires and destruction all around it.
The military storage at its base blew up, raining down in the form of debris and ash."The situation got carefully out of hand. The quick response by the fire department helped, but there was just too much for them to handle," sighed the mayor.
An adoring kid knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the neck as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
"Why some citizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Julie Carrow, a prominent disk jockey usually at the Jasonia dump.
Dr. Harris couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered judiciously "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his skull.
After the incident, mayor Oscar of Farmington observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
Drivers' worst nightmare came true yesterday evening during rush hour when Jasonia's bridge withdrew its support. The fatigued bridge has required in-depth maintenance for years now, but transit funding has been too low to cover the needed maintenance.
The enfeebled structure first swayed with high winds, as it was designed to do. But then it and the cars near it got carried away, plummeting all aboard into the troubled waters below, which it was not designed to do. The death and injury count is not yet known.
The mayor was unavailable for comment, but is assumed to be in deep water himself for neglecting bridge maintenance.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had horrendous meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
Helmut Rubichek is at the center of a growing political crisis. Sudan claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Honduras has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Sudan and will be decided within the next three days. Says Representative Mohammed Yamato, "I think we ought to go ahead with all aspects of the plan."
Usually clarifying things, Representative Nicolas Stevens answered "I'm not sure we should proceed with caution on this proposal." He later added, "I think we ought to proceed with caution on whatever looks good."