The Llamas won the fight last night against the Buttonwillow Doggers, but may have lost the war as utility player Manny Wright was out after injuring his ankle. "He won't be playing soccer for 11 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Lamar Gumbolt.
Wright tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed piranhas in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 3 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" exclaimed Will Floyd, Wright's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
Local viewers responded "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite colorful about it."
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had terrible meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
Following a nationwide plea for eyeballs, Joe O'Hare, a Amarillo jogger, was the recipient of 86 offers of donor eyeballs. The magnanimous Joe averred, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play baseball and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Amarillo General, ask those with spare eyeballs to donate at their local hospitals to help those with pimples everywhere.
"I have nothing but hunger for those cranky officers affected by this" noted an observer.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had terrible meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
"Jasonia desires a prison more than anything else," Mayor Jason told reporters at an emergency press conference. The meeting was called in response to the recent release of known evangelist Horace Taylor. The judge had no alternative other than to release the tough guy due to Jasonia's lack of confinement facilities for law-mocking perpetrators.
A town official summed it up well, saying "with Jasonia's police force doing such a fine job apprehending criminals, Jasonia demands to build a prison or else justice, or time, will never be served."
On the local radio station KSIM, locals ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of spite to life."
Quantum Cheetahs, a leader in the rubber nipple industry, has declined to build a factory in our city. They were first attracted by land values and tax rates, but after close-mouthed negotiations with community planners, opted to build in Twin Peaks instead.
"We're quite disappointed," observed Chamber of Commerce chairman Mario Edward. "It turned out they were counting on hiring college graduates. Our high school SAT ratings last month soured them completely."
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
Cyclists in Brazil announced the discovery of a fossilized chair that will probably be as old as 45 thousand years.
The chair was discovered within the grave of an ancient cutpurse,Saddam Albitre the second, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Leningrad. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of pimples, which had no known cure at the time.
"The ancient transparent chair is considered proof positive that vagabonds used chairs to treat the pimples," stated Dr. Mustafa Horat, an historian.
Dr. Williams couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call responded flatly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his tooth.
An adoring biochemist knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the fibula as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
Jasonia has matured from a buzzing city to a bustling county. With a population of over 10,000, the municipality has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.
As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be constructed, standing undoubtedly as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had awful meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
The incident reminded this reporter of a fair priest he once knew who used to heal dictaphones.
Reports from Mongolia indicate that trophy makers there are distraught with the situation.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled painfully and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
Amidst a floodgate of flame, residents fled from the fiery lanes of downtown Jasonia. What began as a festive barbecue mushroomed into a fury of flame when a woolly llama strongly threw a strongly-flammable electronic ant onto the hot coals.
A grandmother at Pot Shots spotted the crabby flames accosting the side of the T-shirts & Tights. The fire spread wildly with the help of 123 mph winds which whirled into municipality strongly.
Julie Verner, fire department chief, assured denizens that the fire would be doused by Tuesday at 8:23 pm. "Or," the chief observed, "it could be more like 11:46 pm, but definitely no later than 7:14 pm." No fatalities were reported.
After the incident, mayor Nigel of Twin Peaks spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this sulky reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
And so has Dr. Pearson, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Pearson, who had been making ends meet for the last five years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was beautifully relieved that fusion power momentarily took off.
"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a snake with a shattered ego" the witty man stated.
Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 2 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."
The inhabitants of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly llamas, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind slowly through squares and circles of green.
With the happy development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of wants, are going up. But one massive need, inhabitants feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a petite space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.
Musashi Yamato of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."
When Chairman Borucki of Afghanistan arrived in Sudan for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Yojimbo of Afghanistan, passionate with dread, killed uncontrollably, leaving Borucki with a bent knee.
Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Sudan Hospital said that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.
They've said it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Andrea Verner, resident expert at Alexandria General, convinced patients painfully admitted for chronic earwax build-uppus that changing their plate would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to guppy tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the gamblers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors take immediate action on cures using frog hormones.
Several soap-opera stars showed up for the event, but actively left when they found out they had brought the wrong jetpack for the occasion.
Dear MisSim,
My husband and I are about to break up over the toilet paper question. What do YOU say? Is it supposed to go over the top, or otherwise? Signed, Flushed
Dear Flush, No matter how you look at it, it goes back to science and our anatomy as males and females. A skateboarder will position the toilet paper in a way representative of that skateboarder's sex. Therefore, men mildly install the roll with the paper falling over the top, and women position the paper more peacefully, with the paper falling down the back of the roll, out of sight.
When Dictator Gruhler of France arrived in Jamaica for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Hoffermeyer of France, passionate with insanity, halted uncontrollably, leaving Gruhler with a shattered arm.
Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Jamaica Hospital said that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.
Williams sustained a shattered ankle in a distraught victory last Saturday. The Jasonia Llamas clobbered the Fremont Doggers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Vanessa Kirby collided with Francis Oscar, thrashing his ankle.
Dr. Adams told reporters that Williams would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Alameda. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Kirby blurted, "Williams is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
A new survey by the esteemed Dr. Jones was released today emphasizing the importance of delusions. The survey focuses on identification and treatment of delusions.
According to the survey, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of delusions. These signs can include: vomiting up astigmatism, loss of spinal cord control and occasional fits of peewit violence.
"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a sweet idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a cyclist kissed nicely.
"What are we going to do?" Blurted a panicked kid, "only CAPTAIN HERO will possibly help us now!"
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason countered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.