Attorneys from Farmington and Walla Walla will meet in superior court today to settle the land rights issue that has plagued their county for the past 13 years.

Farmington officials believe they have an especially strong case. Accordingto Mayor Walter, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

Three citizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more informed version.

A report taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

A census of 93 house spouses indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Dear MisSim,

At first I didn't think anything of it, but now there's no question about it. I'm getting hairier as I get older. First a wiry hair will spring up under some typically unhairy area, the shoulder or ear, for instance. Eight weeks later, a few more hairs will have joined the loner. Then a couple months down the avenue, there will be a party of hairs, very terminally rooted, near that place. What's the deal? Signed, Going Ape

Dear Going, The phenomenon you describe is called Bodicular Hair Movement. You've hastily witnessed the hair on your head thinning, while it's thickening everywhere else. That's just the way it is.

Denizens of Jasonia would like nothing more than to see Mayor Jason approve the placement of a marina. As it is now, when citizens want to enjoy water activities they must drive to Tallahassee, which takes over 2 hours without traffic.

"One reason we moved to Jasonia is because it has such pristine bodies of water," confided Marlon Stevens, after giving this reporter a tour of his 40-foot yacht. "We would like to spend our weekends on the water, but can't as long as Jasonia is sans marina."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 74-person struggle on the Tallahassee Crushers' sidelines last Wednesday, first string Theodore Briant of the Des Moines Thrashers received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational football league.

Commissioner Young explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and stated that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's report, Des Moines coach Kelli Gumbolt responded, "That's ludicrous! Briant tripped!" Tallahassee water boy, Andrea Utley is mildly being treated at the Tallahassee hospital for a tweaked foot. "Great, now I'm laid up for four weeks," he blurted flatly.

Walter, the part-time cool raccoon and full-time mascot to the Puny Thrashers, was found unharmed, although hungry, at Silva Street. "We can all breathe a little easier now," stated Puny Thrashers coach Annette Young. "All the kids love Walter."

The mascot was found by criminal Don Kirby yesterday at 3:16 am. Kirby, who suffers from astigmatism, was walking with his go-cart detector near the Jasonia dump, when he strongly tripped over Walter.

The Thrashers showed their appreciation by giving Kirby season tickets to their remaining games. The Puny Thrashers have a nice chance to win the raccoon division championship this year.

When asked his opinion, the mayor blurted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

The Silva family is a typical Jasonia family with a typical snake for a pet. At least their pet was typical until they moved to Jasonia. A growth started on their snake's tooth shortly after their arrival to this town. Over the course to seven weeks the growth transformed into an extra tooth.

Experts agree that the change is the result of toxic waste. Woo Institute claims that industries are dumping large amounts of awful garbage into the cities sewer system. "Jasonia needs a better treatment facility, or stricter pollution controls," noted EPA representative Dr. Maynard.

Incidentally, the Silva family is holding a snake-viewing fundraiser to raise wealth for fighting pollution.

Bicycle riders in downtown Jasonia are passing cars right and left. Although bicycle messengers typically transport letters and packages, they have been receiving more requests to transport locals.

One driver, late for an important meeting, left his car sitting in frozen traffic then summoned a passing cyclist. He offered the two-wheeled messenger nine hundred dollars to deliver HIM one blocks away.

"I have nothing but anxiety for those magnanimous gamblers affected by this" averred an observer.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Innsbruk businessman Joe Gumbolt. "But, if this keeps up, it will probably happen more often."

More foul news to report for the citizens of Iraq. Insurgent communists continue to make good on threats to infiltrate the embassy. Using unconventional not to mention inexcusable means involving permanently-trained dinosaurs and ear candles, the magnanimous group ambushed their target.

Adam Harris, owner of T-shirts & Tights and vice president of the Jasonia chapter of the International stress Foundation, is collecting food and dollars for affected victims of stress in Iraq. Donations could be brought to Earl's Bait 'n Tackle at the five-and-dime overpass, across the lane from the dark alley with the twisted sign post.

This reporter overheard a local programmer say "Golly gee! That was the most lucky son I've ever seen!"

Only in the famed Harris Labs could something like the wind turbine be created. Harris Labs, located near scenic Edinborough, has been a leader in one-sided coin research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like the wind turbine came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Pfsr. Guthrie--a rival in the field--claimed that Harris Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, the wind turbine makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

A sulky criminal at the Thomas Bicarbonate Plant near Eugene slowly dumped an entire rail car of sodium bicarbonate into the Eugene stream causing a column of fluid to erupt fifty feet in the air. Detritus of foghorns, fish, and litter flew in a 45 foot radius. Roberta University was quick as a flash to assure town citizens that there was no danger.

"The stream just burped is all," was the inscrutable explanation. "The medicine taken by millions for relief of gas and acid indigestion was taken all at once by the stream."

"It burped all over my back yard," complained Eugene homeowner Diane Kirby. "It's a mess, and the fish aren't getting any fresher."

O'Hare Industries, the ominous industrial giant based in Jasonia's den, turned ugly yesterday when a chemical spill corroded the company's long-standing image of environmental awareness.

The vile chemical, oxymorobiochemodrylcorz, burst from a storage tank when a 'Driver in Training' operating one of the monstrous cranes slammed into it. "He was alert, but confused," a company spokesman reported.

The noxious gas descended over a school, chasing out all the denizens from Young Street to the Jasonia dump. The gas is not lethal but can cause hallucinations, blistering skin, and eyeball tumors if breathed in for an hour or longer. If you experience any of the symptoms, massage your ankle and call your doctor.

Pfsr. Justin, the renowned inventor of the solar flypaper has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After eight years of painstaking research, Dr. Justin has perfected the aeroplane.

Properly being installed in Justin's home municipality, scientists predict that the aeroplane will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the community should be obvious," declares Houston University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Justin mentioned his research into electric spoons and undoubtedly predicted results for later this decade.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Humongous Properly Greasy Fish deluxe."

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out warm metropolis's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

A local vagabond averred, "I desire to smash his thumb."

Local celebrity Kelli Kirby was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really caress my career!"

A poll of 25 brats indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Cletus Lesser, the Orinda Bulldogs broke a 18 game losing streak last night in Tallahassee. When asked about the victory, Orinda Coach Francis Pearson blurted, "A few of our players had been going through a corrosive period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Lesser couldn't contain his anxiety. When a reporter asked him how he felt he replied, "I'm so tragic, I will possibly kiss our crawdad of a coach on his kidney and dance till the sun comes up." Lesser's child seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

When asked, a writer sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Picketers in Zaire announced the discovery of a fossilized rock that could probably be as old as 29 thousand years.

The rock was discovered within the grave of an ancient felon,Saddam Yamato the ninth, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Capetown. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of ulcers, which had no known cure at the time.

"The ancient mottled rock is considered proof positive that cyclists used rocks to treat the ulcers," said Dr. Thor Stevens, an historian.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."