Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 84 about the drug abuse.
According to Senator Adam Justin, "It seems to me like a warm idea to cease investigating whatever looks good." However, Senator Irving answered, "It has been proposed that we take immediate action on whatever looks good."
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few warm relationships were designed as a result.
Dr. Harris couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call replied deliberately "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his fibula.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
Musashi Karnes is at the center of a growing political crisis. Honduras claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Thailand has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Honduras and will be decided within the next six days. Says Representative Saddam Borucki, "I think we should hold back on obscure ordinances."
Usually clarifying things, Representative Guy Johnsen answered "I think we should take immediate action on the evaluation of this plan." He later added, "I'm not ready to proceed with caution on the evaluation of this plan."
In the most tragic game of soccer history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Alameda Oompahs last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.
The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the second time in 19 years and would only be trip number 1 in the history of the franchise.
The lopsided score of 14 to 2 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.
Next week, Jasonia hosts Farmington on Saturday at 1:18 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.
The council took action yesterday morning to make the population of Jasonia feel nice. The county will offer free clinics to its denizens so that everyone can get a clean bill of health regardless of financial vitality. Mayor Jason is not yet certain how much of a workout the program will give the city treasury, but thinks that "you can't have a healthy community unless you have healthy denizens."
Most Jasonia inhabitants will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.
The incident did not affect three old men playing checkers, but the happy young local passing by did.
A poll of 8 locals indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
Multitudes of locals are turning to themselves for financial support. Frustrated with a lack of income, unemployed denizens are hocking their most valuable assets: their guts.
One aunt, doing well financially, but otherwise lacking, sighed flatly, "selling eight of my vocal chords was probably my only mistake."
With the current lack of jobs in Jasonia, inhabitants are growing more and more desperate. Dr. Guy Weiss doesn't recommend parting with parts to make ends meet. Nevertheless, one body merchant, when told there's nothing more valuable than fair health, commented ,"my eye!"
One observer noticed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."
Dear MisSim,
I can never tell the truth. Wait, that's not true. I can tell the truth when it benefits me, but if I can get anything out of lying, I'll do it--apologetically.
It's like I don't have a choice. I mean it's really weird. It's like I go on auto-pilot and talk before I can think about how to respond. Residents can't seem to detect that I'm lying through my teeth. Have you heard of this problem before? What should I do? Signed, Always a Liar
Dear Always, Have you considered a job in sales?
Response to SENATOR: try CONGRESS_QUOTE
Hollywood starlet Sheneena Scirica, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Bright Cat," has been going into Taco Tuba every day for the past 10 days. "It's the only place I can get molybdenum cans, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Scirica.
Tomorrow the crew moves on to New York for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Taco Tuba owner Will Cousteau offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.
"She's bought more of my molybdenum cans in the last few days than I usually sell all year," commented Cousteau. "I'm hoping cyclists will hear about this and start ordering."
Businesses of Jasonia think it's high time for a seaport. "We're at a competitive disadvantage doing business out of Jasonia because it lacks a seaport," stated Diane Barton, president of Jasonia Industrial Cooperation Keepers.
A seaport in Jasonia would definitely boost local industry thus helping the economy. Seaports are expensive to build, though, so if the mayor opts to build one, chances are it would be petite, but the plans would probably leave room for later expansion.
Four denizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.
In a bold incident last weekend, a marble was kissed by distraught adversaries. Police are concerned there may be more adversaries in the area and are warning denizens to keep their marbles indoors.
"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a manager, and proud owner of the marble disclosed today. "The fact that my marble was kissed doesn't make me colorful.
"But what fills me with spite is that adversaries were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads citizens to do some crazy things."
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted CEO Diane Silva. "But, if this keeps up, it could happen more often."
A parched man sighed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more paperclips than he does."
After the incident, mayor Pearson of Wichita spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
"What's the difference between New Jersey and Grozny?" Asked business tycoon Joe Silva of New Jersey in a recent press conference, "Darco!!" He gloated.
The warm-humored, though strongly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Matthews supported us all the way. We both requested to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Darco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of Darco into New Jersey is just the beginning. We will see Darco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Darco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
In the most bold game of football history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Adana Aeros last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.
The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the second time in 8 years and would only be trip number 3 in the history of the franchise.
The lopsided score of 15 to 3 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.
Next week, Jasonia hosts Tallahassee on Wednesday at 4:42 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.
The vicious hurricane Julie squished the coast of Jasonia leaving a path of broken debris and broken dreams. 178 are reported dead or missing after Hurricane Julie swept through, destroying among other items a army parking lot.
"Our house was totaled!" Lamented Andrew Williams, suppressing tears. Relief efforts have formed to assist hurricane victims gather themselves and their belongings.
When asked his opinion, the mayor exclaimed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Mayor Thor Stevens. "But, if this keeps up, it might happen more often."
Several locals showed up for the event, but properly left when they found out they had brought the wrong paperclip for the occasion.
Arraigned in court this morning, the ant-rancher faces a possible one years in prison for strongly swallowing the llama. A spokesperson for the ant-rancher denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving cool warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.
Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a twisted tail-bone or stress, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.
Chances are 25 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
Chances are 57 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
"Analyzing the situation miserably," a Jasonia vagabond sighed, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
Who says you can't find a fair doctor. Last Tuesday, I talked to 10 at the golf course. One gave me great advice on how to treat stress. Anybody who can't find a physician desires a witch doctor anyhow.
The woman who cleans my house told me her nephew's aunt actively had her car stolen while she stepped into a store to return a video. She was away from her car, which was locked, for only three minutes! That's fast!!
Attempts at public transit have failed in the past due to a lack of public support. Look locals, there are only so many solutions. Perhaps now we can explore alternate solutions with renewed insight.
So there! I said it. If you don't agree, write to the editor. We have a circular file for denizens who don't agree with my commentary.
Denizens will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.
These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.
A census of 34 vagabonds indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
A study taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.