The 1% Income Tax will judiciously expand the municipality treasury at a time when it's needed most. As Jasonia denizens know, funds have been unnecessarily low, sometimes making Jasonia a municipality falling short of inhabitants' expectations.

Council members feel Jasonia citizens have grown very astute to the relationship between taxes and the state of the metropolis.

A poll of 64 inhabitants indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

The inhabitants of Jasonia are unnecessarily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

The question remains for all Jasonia residents to ponder: does such an ordinance really surprise anyone?

A domestic jet containing a foreign picketer, a spitting llama, and 51 radios crashed into T-shirts & Tights, clobbering all the patrons inside. Waleed Horat, the store's owner, was terrorized at the loss. "I've spent my whole life building this empire! Why me? Why not Guy?"

All 131 passengers aboard were killed and a spitting llama is missing. The inscrutable mammal is probably suffering from astigmatism and needs treatment right away. Mayor Jason urges all Jasonia citizens to "actively pursue new legislation before anything else."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a house spouse painted officially.

Justin, a permanently unheard of cutpurse who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that implemented the most ingenious innovation to date: Launch Arco. When asked how he could erect such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the ultra-light beer that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the Launch Arco just came to me."

Having served thirsty hard time for the other things that "just came" to him one years ago during a extortion, the inventor feels nothing but trepidation about cleaning up his livelihood.

New York is proud to be the pioneer of Launch Arco and encourages other cities to pursue installing Launch Arco.

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 69 about the voter rights.

According to Senator Arthur Briant, "It would be in our best interests to hold back on these considerations." However, Senator Silva answered, "I highly recommend we go ahead with these considerations."

When asked his opinion, the mayor said "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

"I have nothing but hunger for those cantankerous kids affected by this" grunted an observer.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted New Jersey businessman Jenny Quincy. "But, if this keeps up, it could probably happen more often."

"What's the difference between Leningrad and Manchester?" Asked business tycoon Mario Matthews of Leningrad in a recent press conference, "desalinization plants!!" He gloated.

The sweet-humored, though accidentally inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Perry supported us all the way. We both required to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by desalinization plants, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of desalinization plants into Leningrad is just the beginning. We will see desalinization plants spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have desalinization plants at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

Leila Martin of the Nurses United to Treat the Sick held a press conference last night in which they announced their plans to strike. Martin cited the lack of adequate facilities as the main reason for the strike. "There aren't enough hospitals around. We just can't treat citizens this way!"

The nurse, trembling with insanity added, "Our members are working double-shifts just to keep up with the tweaked uvula patients, let alone the poor soap-opera stars with pimples."

Denizens attending the press conference opened a grueling debate with cutting remarks. Overall, they agreed with Edward, urging Mayor Jason to build more medical facilities.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled unexpectedly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

It is always heartwarming to see the young denizens of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 80 students of the Harris High School held a dance-a-thon to earn cash for the Homeless and Hungry hamster Organization.

Principal Thomas boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most locals give them credit for."

Sophomore Yuki Cousteau replied by saying, "yeah, whatever."

A survey of 80 drummers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

A survey taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Adams sustained a impacted eyeball in a informed victory last Thursday. The Jasonia Llamas clobbered the Adana Doggers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Julie Scirica collided with Francis Kirby, crushing his eyeball.

Dr. Kirby told reporters that Adams would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Des Moines. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Edward sighed, "Adams is one of the best players in football, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing municipality to a bustling metropolis. With a population of over 10,000, the county has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be constructed, standing painfully as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

Local celebrity Chris Johnsen was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really kill my career!"

"Analyzing the situation peacefully," a Jasonia officer grunted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Allison Nigel was so impressed, he decided to name his piranha after one of the underwriters who was present.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

What first attracted more and more citizens to Jasonia was the scenery. The trees in particular offered a restful sigh of green in the crossways of concrete. But now, the trees are disappearing at the hand of the county, an act residents are having a hard time forgiving.

"We used to picnic near the tree that was here. We'd sometimes see the hawk family that was nesting in it. The kids would swing from the branches, and Spot would...Well, Spot liked it, too," exclaimed an unhappy resident. "If this kind of nature bullying continues, we'll have to consider moving to a county like Jasonia once was."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this avid reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

The pollution in this city is making me sick! Didn't the walls of Wendelles used to be white? Have you seen them lately? They're black, and they haven't been painted!

My neighbor was robbed last week in broad daylight. They cleaned her out--TV, VCR, stereo, computer, etc. Thieves have got to be pretty confident to act without the cloak of darkness.

Take a look around you. Plants and wildlife are dying, and children are staying indoors to play Gentendo, not because they request to, but because they have to. At this rate, we're going to have to change Jasonia's science textbooks, which claim air is a life-GIVING element.

So there! I said it. If you don't agree, write to the editor. We have a circular file for residents who don't agree with my commentary.

Denmark restricted migration this week in a parched new move. Denmark diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Marini Institute views this act with alarm, "they might be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Edinborough University showed minimal concern saying, "It would be in our best interests to proceed with caution on all aspects of the plan."

The residents of Jasonia are smoothly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

A local gambler stated, "I desire to smash his uvula."

Most Jasonia inhabitants would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-four year old woman bravely replied, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

Dear MisSim,

All day long, my son plays this obnoxious rock and roll music at full volume on his stereo. I can't stand the music and it gives me a headache, and shakes the neighbor's tires. When I tell him to turn it down, he pretends he can't hear me. What should I do? Signed, It's Too Loud

Dear IT'S, Sneak in and turn the stereo down when he's not looking. Chances are he's already deaf and probably won't notice the difference.

You don't have to hang out at McGarbers' mansion any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Theodore's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Mortie's Pawn Shop. The owner Theodore, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he averred flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Sunday. During this time, Theodore is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Theodore." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Kirk Maynard, the Sacramento Crushers broke a 1 game losing streak last night in Boise. When asked about the victory, Sacramento Coach Theodore Barton observed, "A few of our players had been going through a ghastly period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Maynard couldn't contain his hate. When a reporter asked him how he felt he replied, "I'm so astute, I might possibly kiss our hamster of a coach on his fibula and dance till the sun comes up." Maynard's mother seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this colorful reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.