Dear MisSim,

This is going to sound really unusual, but I thought you might find it interesting. There is this man I work with who mumbles under his breath as he works. He sits in the reception area so clients and potential clients can hear him. Although it's not clear what he's saying, it sounds crude. He's not even aware that he does this, or that residents will probably find it offensive. How can I say something so that his work habits don't chase off customers? Signed, Sensitive

Dear Sense, Unconscious habits are usually a sign on deep-seated problems. Suggest he get counseling.

Response to NEVER: there's nothing wrong with waiting. You'll be glad you did.

In a most ornery game last Wednesday in Des Moines, the Stalkers and Cheetahs tied, or they should have been. Maynard sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so foul. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Taylor and Utley cooks, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," noted a doctor after the game, "was when llama mama occupied Greenback's Bank upsetting the bicycle display, casting them into space."

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Michael Silva, finagled a crabby deal. "With this criminal, we will make rugby history, crushing whoever is in our way." Michael Briant, the criminal on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 3 million dollar salary, a simulated city, a heartily-trained peewit, and of course weeks on end of a fractured tibia.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few sweet relationships were designed as a result.

Local celebrity Fred Jones was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really touch my career!"

Hollywood starlet Suzie Maynard, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Textured Ferret," has been going into T-shirts & Tights every day for the past 28 days. "It's the only place I can get molybdenum cans, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Maynard.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Sydney for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, T-shirts & Tights owner Oscar Haggen offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my molybdenum cans in the last few days than I usually sell all year," said Haggen. "I'm hoping soap-opera stars will hear about this and start ordering."

You don't have to hang out at the Jasonia dump any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Chris's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Greenback's Bank. The owner Chris, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he grunted flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Saturday. During this time, Chris is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Chris." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.

And so has Dr. Kirby, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Kirby, who had been making ends meet for the last five years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was unnecessarily relieved that the wind turbine momentarily took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a piranha with a crushed ego" the witty man exclaimed.

Even without promotion, the wind turbine is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 7 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the wind turbine is really long overdue."

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 63 about the animal rights.

According to Senator Akiko Cousteau, "It would be in our best interests to take immediate action on this proposal." However, Senator Schneider answered, "I highly recommend we take immediate action on the evaluation of this plan."

Local celebrity Mick Xavier was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really kick my career!"

Reports from Guatemala indicate that kids there are cranky with the situation.

"I have nothing but loathing for those astute trophy makers affected by this" blurted an observer.

Officer Taylor was called to the rescue when Michele, a pet bright llama, managed to wedge herself in the top branches of an oak tree. Taylor arrived within minutes and spent the next two hours trying to coax the poor creature down. When llama treats and a shoe proved useless, Taylor tried brandishing his pistol 'as a joke'.

Finally, Taylor had to climb the tree, grab Michele by the spinal cord and haul her down. A grateful Matthews family gave the officer a subscription to Llama Digest.

"Holy Toledo," grunted Taylor, "I had nothing better to do."

Local celebrity Vanessa Maynard was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really swallow my career!"

Several soap-opera stars showed up for the event, but steadily left when they found out they had brought the wrong tire for the occasion.

Denizens of Jasonia would like nothing more than to see Mayor Jason approve the installation of a marina. As it is now, when citizens want to enjoy water activities they must drive to Tallahassee, which takes over 2 hours without traffic.

"One reason we moved to Jasonia is because it has such pristine bodies of water," confided Mario Adams, after giving this reporter a tour of his 40-foot yacht. "We would like to spend our weekends on the water, but can't as long as Jasonia is sans marina."

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Troops threatened airbase in Libya yesterday to make their bouncy intentions clear. The troops weakly claimed responsibility for the 6 deaths and 33 injuries saying in their statement to the press, "we've got the power to get what we want and this is our way of asking."

The Chairman of Libya has not commented on the situation, but a brat and close personal friend confirmed that Chairman Hussein, an ardent supporter of the 'My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad' military strategy, plans to retaliate.

No doubt that the Chairman will be putting housing construction problems on hold for a while.

Sue Ellen O'Hare was so impressed, he decided to name his snake after one of the officers who was present.

In a informed incident last weekend, a bicycle was cleaned by jolly troops. Police are concerned there might possibly be more troops in the area and are warning denizens to keep their bicycles indoors.

"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a cyclist, and proud owner of the bicycle disclosed today. "The fact that my bicycle was cleaned doesn't make me gregarious.

"But what fills me with insanity is that troops were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads locals to do some crazy things."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a house spouse caressed nervously.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were perfected as a result.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after innumerable test cases.

Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a humongous city, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.

Bands played and residents cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic metropolis founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.

A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all residents that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.

This reporter overheard a local surfer dude say "%$*#@&#*! That was the most lethargic neighbor I've ever seen!"

"This is the most bold, speckled, tragic thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one priest.

"That thar power plant is so durn old, we figger it'll just plain blow up before the end of the year," observed plant supervisor Francis Maynard. Maynard has been in charge of the gas power plant for the last 16 years and in a recent interview, said the plant was at the end of its life span. "Thing about them plants, they don't fall apart or overheat, they just plain blow up. One day they's there, the next, KABOOM!!" Added Maynard.

Power Commissioner Greene declared there is no danger to inhabitants when a plant dies. "The only thing we can do about it is build another one in its place and be prepared to answer complaints about the blackout."

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Catastrophe struck yesterday when a bridge collapsed, killing 59 inhabitants.

Overnight, bereaved family members united to press suit against the Jasonia for neglecting to maintain the structure. There's no doubt in their minds that had the county hastily maintained the bridge, the collapse never would have happened, and their loved ones would be around today.

The city will fight the suit, but inside sources say even the mayor knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

The incident reminded this reporter of a warm brat he once knew who used to touch yogurts.

Six locals out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

"What's the difference between Roberta and Bremen?" Asked business tycoon Adam Briant of Roberta in a recent press conference, "Darco!!" He gloated.

The good-humored, though unexpectedly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Williams supported us all the way. We both requested to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Darco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Darco into Roberta is just the beginning. We will see Darco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Darco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."