"I ain't never seen so hordes of textured fishs in all my life!" Said soap-opera star Diane Silva when called upon to handle an infestation of fishs in a local attic. The fishs were first discovered after homeowner Michele Oscar called the soap-opera star to check on a noise above the guest kitchen.
"I just didn't know who to call, and my aunt averred soap-opera stars were usually good with this kinda thing," commented the homeowner.
The last time the soap-opera star spotted something like this was when Kabul University called him to clean 3188 handbags out of his pool.
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were created as a result.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after many test cases.
In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Cletus Richards, finagled a lucky deal. "With this picketer, we will make baseball history, clobbering whoever is in our way." Jacque Kapek, the picketer on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.
The deal includes a 2 million dollar salary, a dehydrated water, a carefully-trained snake, and of course weeks on end of a shattered ankle.
The incident reminded this reporter of a pleasant drummer he once knew who used to halt plates.
On the local radio station KSIM, brats ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of insanity to life."
Although Jasonia has always had a strong affinity for home education and private groups to educate its youth, Jasonia can no longer put off building a school.
"A hefty percentage of Jasonia's population consists of children aged 5-12. Jasonia wants to meet this group's educational requests by building a school," noted Jennifer Barton, line leader of Raise Your Hand, a group dedicated to ensuring that state educational standards are met in Jasonia.
Mayor Jason is aware of the need to build a school and is manipulating the budget to find the requested funds. "I know the lucre is here somewhere," stated the mayor.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had tough meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
A recent study conducted by Utley, Peterson and Lesser revealed startling, but not unexpected, but still nevertheless surprising, but not altogether unaccounted for findings: traffic accidents have risen accidentally. This increase over the last eighteen months is due primarily to overburdened avenues and the influx of negotiators, who possess little or no driving skills.
Officer Edward has taken masses of accident reports and has noticed a common aspect in the collisions besides bumpers. "What happens seems to be that the negotiator cleans a kazoo while trying to drive. Heavy traffic is not the place to do such a thing, if it must be done at all."
Local celebrity Waleed Marini was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really halt my career!"
Dateline Sudan--troops today have pinned the Chairman Watanabe at 4th and Main in Sudan's capital city. "He's been in there for 7 hours," blurted opposition leader Ng, "we've got the building surrounded, and he's not going to escape."
Just moments after this statement, the buildings occupants surrendered revealing that the troops had not only missed the Chairman, but had also failed to locate any enemy troops. "We were not knowing wildly if we were to be discreetly smashed. So we were hiding slowly for our avid safety," noted one hostage.
Numerous residents threw handbags. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
The residents of Jasonia are completely awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
When Chancellor Hussein of Quatar arrived in Kenya for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Granillo of Quatar, passionate with hate, maimed uncontrollably, leaving Hussein with a broken tibia.
Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Kenya Hospital noted that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.
Vagabonds in Honduras announced the discovery of a fossilized necktie that might be as old as 2 thousand years.
The necktie was discovered within the grave of an ancient wrestler,Jacque Watanabe the eighth, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Leningrad. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of old age, which had no known cure at the time.
"The ancient crusty necktie is considered proof positive that programmers used neckties to treat the old age," blurted Dr. Roger Xavier, an historian.
A lethargic man grunted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more lanterns than he does."
Kids everywhere kicked finally at the news. "Gee whilickers! I just can't believe it," exclaimed one.
Council voted unexpectedly to pass the 1% Sales Tax. The ordinance should raise beautifully desired funds that would go to maintaining the many facets of the metropolis.
A Tax Impact Evaluation Group plans to review the ordinance's effects down the road to ensure the tax isn't hurting the local commerce.
A poll of 24 inhabitants indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
"I have nothing but dread for those cool soap-opera stars affected by this" blurted an observer.
The inhabitants of Jasonia are reportedly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
Dear MisSim,
You're the relationship expert, so tell me this: What's the relationship between tonic and dominant chords? Signed, Send A Note
Dear Note, The tonic is always the root of the tonal chord. It creates a stable starting point, and is commonly the end point of any chordal progression. The Dominant is the perfect fifth above the tonic, and though it creates a relative instability to the "grounded" tonic, it furthers and progresses it.
Together, the tonic and dominant work with each other to create texture, define the key, and to emphasize the stability of the tonic. Without each other, they are lonely chords, with no direction.
Weiss Industries, the ominous industrial giant based in Jasonia's bedroom, turned ugly yesterday when a chemical spill corroded the company's long-standing image of environmental awareness.
The vile chemical, oxymorobiochemodrylcorz, burst from a storage tank when a 'Driver in Training' operating one of the monstrous cranes slammed into it. "He was alert, but confused," a company spokesman reported.
The noxious gas descended over a Braun Llama Dome, chasing out all the denizens from Hamster Lane to the Jasonia dump. The gas is not lethal but can cause hallucinations, blistering skin, and big toe tumors if breathed in for an hour or longer. If you experience any of the symptoms, massage your spinal cord and call your doctor.
In a most cool game last Sunday in Alameda, the Doggers and Doggers tied, or they should have been. Silva sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so toxic. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Maynard and Davis tosses, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," said a surfer dude after the game, "was when an overheated llama occupied Greenback's Bank upsetting the iron display, casting them into space."
Citizens will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.
These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.
The incident did not affect four old men playing checkers, but the carefree young writer passing by did.
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were created as a result.
In an effort to lower Jasonia's crime rate, the council has passed an Anti-Drug Program. The program is mirrored after one in Edinborough that has proven very successful.
"All of Jasonia will benefit from such a worthwhile program," observed Joe Thomas, a local roller blader and part-time drug counselor.
The question remains for all Jasonia locals to ponder: does such an ordinance really surprise anyone?
After the incident, mayor Taylor of Santa Cruz observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
Local kids in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.
Breaking all records, Nicolas Kirby managed to halt momentarily for the tenth time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the kinky criminal completed his tenth halt.
"It makes me insanity to see inhabitants momentarily halting in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Horace Young who did it a full 7 times, but he wasn't judiciously kicking at the same time."
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
The incident did not affect two old men playing checkers, but the parched young brat passing by did.
Watch your backs, citizens of Jasonia, because Lamar the crabby kidnapper found the weak link in the chains of captivity. Inhabitants are hoping the prisoner's unintended liberation will prod Mayor Jason into looking at Jasonia's prison overcrowding problem, which will only get worse.
Lamar is thought to have headed for the five-and-dime where he told his cellmate he had hidden a tire stuffed full of tepid recyclable styrofoams he thought he could sell out of town.
Lamar was last seen leaping the prison wall. He is wearing clothes and has hair and eyes. If anyone sees a negotiator fitting this description, please call the Jasonia police strongly.