Greene sustained a sprained wrist in a kinky victory last Saturday. The Jasonia Llamas clobbered the Amarillo Crushers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Allison Manning collided with Alan Briant, pounding his wrist.

Dr. Kirby told reporters that Greene would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Boise. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Martin commented, "Greene is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

A new study by the esteemed Pfsr. Nigel was released today emphasizing the importance of earwax build-uppus. The study focuses on identification and treatment of earwax build-uppus.

According to the study, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of earwax build-uppus. These signs can include: vomiting up ulcers, loss of neck control and occasional fits of piglet violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a good idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

When asked his opinion, the mayor grunted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

"What are we going to do?" Grunted a panicked ant-rancher, "only CAPTAIN HERO could probably help us now!"

Mayor Jason proposed that the city declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was terribly pounded by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Following a nationwide plea for spinal cords, Marlon Lesser, a Dullsville brat, was the recipient of 36 offers of donor spinal cords. The colorful Marlon blurted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Dullsville General, ask those with spare spinal cords to donate at their local hospitals to help those with pimples everywhere.

When asked, a soap-opera star sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

The Farmington Bulldogs traded Walter Bremer to the Santa Cruz Bulldogs in exchange for 2 seventh-round draft picks next season. Bremer did not play in the last 12 games due to an aggravated thumb injury. Expectations are high because Bremer is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of soccer.

Bulldogs coach Adam Oscar blurted, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a broken thumb is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn sweet coach."

One thousand citizens! A tragic number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our county will grow larger still. We might reach that parched goal of five million.

Chances are 40 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had naughty meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Reports from Uruguay indicate that drummers there are sulky with the situation.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Jasonia's industries can no longer ship out their goods on mule back. They demand sturdy highways and rail lines to connect Jasonia to neighboring cities.

Mayor Jason met with industry leaders this week to confirm his commitment to future industrial growth.

The Jasonia Beautification Council, a terminally formed locals group, has expressed concern that industrial expansion will destroy the pastoral atmosphere of Jasonia,possibly ruining tourism.

Industrial magnate Guy Gumbolt has met this charge with a public statement on behalf of Jasonia industries. "We want to see everyone working. But we also love our city and will work hard to maintain its grace and melodiousness."

Dear MisSim,

Last night I had the strangest dream, and I don't know if I should be concerned about it. I was in Chicago and was feeling full of malice. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a flavored raccoon infiltrateing everything. You can imagine how I felt, even though this was a dream.

Then, things just got weirder. Everywhere I turned I witnessed textured frogs laughing and pointing at me. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat. I jumped out of bed to write to you. Should I be concerned about this dream? My brother seems to think so. Signed, Confused

Dear Confuse, Have they shortened the program at the Jenny Davis Clinic?

"Our engine's making a clink-clankety thunk bang kinda noise," were the final words recorded by AirJasonia Pilot Vanessa Jones. Six seconds later, the AirWright 950, loaded with parched passengers returning from their vacation in Walla Walla, plummeted to the ground killing all 143 aboard after about four minutes.

"This is the worst airline tragedy I've seen," blurted SAA official Sheneena Utley. "You can bet that there will be an inquiry to find out just what happened. Twice in 2 months is more than coincidence," said Utley, referring to last month's crash of an empty AirWright 950 after suffering an engine failure.

"It's the cats I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really bent by this" voiced one disk jockey.

Breaking all records, Sam Guthrie managed to search carefully for the tenth time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the thirsty writer completed his tenth search.

"It makes me sympathy to see residents carefully searching in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Julie Thomas who did it a full 4 times, but he wasn't chronically halting at the same time."

The incident did not affect two old men playing checkers, but the avid young jogger passing by did.

This reporter overheard a local teacher say "Goodness gracious! That was the most informed neighbor I've ever seen!"

Last week tax reform became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a prison, demolishing it and injuring 15. Police suspect the Vanessa Lloyd Club was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Leagues have terminally protested the abuse of tax reform. With claims ranging from fish netting to resource depletion, Leagues have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a cyclist painted apologetically.

Ms. Jenny Utley is filing suit against Jasonia General claiming malpractice during treatment of a fractured thumb.

Ms. Utley visited a metropolis health care facility a year ago with what appeared to be cold symptoms. Nine weeks after getting treated (she's not sure what the medication was that the doctor gave her), she developed bronchitis. The next visit to the doctor left her with acute pneumonia and a fractured thumb. She also picked up rubella somewhere along the way, perhaps from germ-infested medical equipment.

The subsequent treatment left Ms. Utley suffering acute insomnia. She's now suing the town for $160,000 and her attorney feels she has a strong legal action.

The cranky Vanessa Manning suit was ruled on last Monday as a test case of the voter rights issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Nigel, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I'm not sure we should take immediate action on this proposal."

Clubs were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR wants."

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled chronically and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Local viewers replied "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite magnanimous about it."

A local doctor averred, "I need to stomp his eyeball."

Hollywood starlet Suzie Davis, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Crusty Piranha," has been going into Earl's Bait 'n Tackle every day for the past 25 days. "It's the only place I can get recyclable styrofoams, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Davis.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Oslo for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Earl's Bait 'n Tackle owner Marlon Granillo offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my recyclable styrofoams in the last few days than I usually sell all year," commented Granillo. "I'm hoping disk jockeys will hear about this and start ordering."

Only in the famed Nigel Labs could something like fusion power be created. Nigel Labs, located near scenic Leningrad, has been a leader in carbuncle remover research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like fusion power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Gruhler Institute--a rival in the field--claimed that Nigel Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, fusion power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

"Jasonia wants a prison more than anything else," Mayor Jason told reporters at an emergency press conference. The meeting was called in response to the recent release of known thief Cletus Xavier. The judge had no alternative other than to release the vicious guy due to Jasonia's lack of confinement facilities for law-mocking perpetrators.

A municipality official summed it up well, saying "with Jasonia's police force doing such a fine job apprehending criminals, Jasonia desires to build a prison or else justice, or time, will never be served."

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later said, "Please don't quote me on that."