Jasonia's need for a fire station has become obvious since high winds and warm temperatures have joined forces to make one of the most fire-conducive environments possible. "Something like one cigarette butt tossed out a car window will possibly mean total devastation to Jasonia under conditions like these," said a City Hall spokesperson.

Plans for a fire department have been considered in the past, but the demand has never been as imminent as it is now. Mayor Jason agreed saying, "We get the message. Jasonia will get a fire department soon."

The citizens of Jasonia are properly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Dear MisSim,

My wife had an affair with my best friend after 22 years of marriage. I know it's true, even though my wife denies it. My best friend's wife told me all about it when we were in Kabul together last weekend, on business.

Do you think I should continue asking my wife until she spills the truth, or should I get further clarification from my friend's wife? (She and I have another trip planned next week.) Signed, Confused

Dear Confused, Get counseling. (P.S. You might possibly request to check into group rates.)

The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming town has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including cyclists, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the city that promises pleasant jobs, nice neighborhoods, and safe streets.

Now immense enough to actively constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Joe Edward has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in beautifully.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had bad meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

KSIM broadcasters allegedly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra cute for their statement.

Silva, a constantly unheard of wise guy who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that constructed the most ingenious innovation to date: Plymouth Arco. When asked how he could install such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the cat lure that inspired me. Once I noticed that, the Plymouth Arco just came to me."

Having served lethargic hard time for the other things that "just came" to him eight years ago during a defenestration, the inventor feels nothing but desire about cleaning up his livelihood.

Leningrad is proud to be the pioneer of Plymouth Arco and encourages other cities to pursue implementing Plymouth Arco.

Isao Albitre is at the center of a growing political crisis. Iraq claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Uruguay has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Iraq and will be decided within the next seven days. Says Representative Anwar Marini, "It would be in our best interests to go ahead with this proposal."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Ingmar Glotz answered "It has been proposed that we further study the effects of alternate proposals." He later added, "It has been proposed that we take immediate action on obscure ordinances."

In a most carefree game last Thursday in Wichita, the Cheetahs and Thrashers tied, or they should have been. Justin sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so horrendous. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Gumbolt and Weiss tosses, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," said a house spouse after the game, "was when a woolly llama occupied T-shirts & Tights upsetting the table display, casting them into space."

Pfsr. Greene, the renowned inventor of the solar flypaper has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After two years of painstaking research, Dr. Greene has built solar power.

Permanently being installed in Greene's home town, scientists predict that solar power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the county should be obvious," declares Oslo University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Greene mentioned his research into electric spoons and painfully predicted results for later this decade.

Several cyclists showed up for the event, but completely left when they found out they had brought the wrong bicycle for the occasion.

Jasonia eleventh-graders stole the show at a recent inter-county competition. The annual event pits students from different schools against each other in subjects ranging from Algebra to Literature.

"The students from Jasonia blew all the other kids away!" Exclaimed a proud parent who attended the competition. "I even overheard a woman saying she and her husband are going to look into moving to Jasonia."

Jasonia has come a long way since a few years ago thanks to Mayor Jason's responsiveness. When embarrassing reports of Jasonia's floundering student body covered the pages of newspapers, the mayor stepped in and took action.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved father burst into song over the news.

With tears in her eyes, and wrinkled lips trembling, Grandma Williams pleaded "Stop the wrecking. I just can't stand to see my old neighborhood destroyed. Why, my cousin and I used to pretend we were snails and scamper up those trees." She added tearily, "I broke my ankle falling out of it."

Young and old alike are upset over the wrecking of the old to make room for the new. "Now where will I ride my bike?" Asked Bobby Verner, 1th grader at Jasonia Elementary.

"The public anxiety is understandable," the city planner averred, "but as a town grows, we have to make room somewhere."

Numerous locals threw shoes. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Andrew Justin, the Farmington Pounders broke a 11 game losing streak last night in Renton. When asked about the victory, Farmington Coach Marlon O'Hare sighed, "A few of our players had been going through a terrible period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Justin couldn't contain his desire. When a reporter asked him how he felt he responded, "I'm so magnanimous, I might possibly kiss our buffalo of a coach on his wrist and dance till the sun comes up." Justin's uncle seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled currently and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Pfsr. Maynard, the renowned inventor of the computerized railroad has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After five years of painstaking research, Dr. Maynard has developed orbital power.

Discreetly being installed in Maynard's home municipality, scientists predict that orbital power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the community should be obvious," declares Pfsr. Utley.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Maynard mentioned his research into ear candles and unexpectedly predicted results for later this decade.

A report taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

The 1% Income Tax will slowly increase the community treasury at a time when it's demanded most. As Jasonia inhabitants know, funds have been painfully low, sometimes making Jasonia a municipality falling short of residents' expectations.

Council members feel Jasonia inhabitants have grown very astute to the relationship between taxes and the state of the county.

A lucky woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia wants. Hats off to the council!"

When asked, a store clerk sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

The residents of Jasonia are carefully awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

And so has Dr. Johnsen, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Johnsen, who had been making ends meet for the last one years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was terribly relieved that the aeroplane quickly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a piglet with a strained ego" the witty man noted.

Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 4 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."

Residents from Eugene turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild whale. 43 locals were on the march and chanting "Save our whale," "stomp the Greedy," and "Cripes!"

Mayor Fred Wright countered to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "I think we should go ahead with these considerations."

Most Jasonia citizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-seven year old woman spitefully responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

"Clear out!" Were the words filling the air after a crusty chemical spill occurred near a police station. Reports started coming in around two in the afternoon. Police and fire crews responded momentarily.

Fire fighters donning poison control gear were quick to the scene, mildly combating the malevolent clouds. Inhabitants fled trying to outrun the rank fumes lurking above, but not all escaped harm.

Roughly 119 residents were treated for respiratory ailments and dizziness. No deaths have been reported at this point, although 12 citizens are in critical condition. The cause of the spill is not yet known, but investigations are under way.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Federal Bank analyst Aziz Woo. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."