The State Assembly will be voting on the health care bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Leagues will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.
Spokesperson Barbara O'Hare for the Perry League exclaimed "I'm not sure we should further study the effects of the passage of this bill."
Assemblyman Adam Guthrie, on the other hand, exclaimed "I highly recommend we hold back on whatever looks good."
Dr. Pearson couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call countered proudly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his wrist.
This reporter overheard a local negotiator say "Omigawsh! That was the most gregarious grandfather I've ever seen!"
A bizarre helicopter catastrophe left eight dead and three critically injured yesterday.
The aircraft showed no signs of distress before crashing. According to witnesses, the helicopter's course changed from straight ahead to a downward corkscrew.
A small ground fire was quickly contained and the wreckage cleared. Investigators are currently working to find the cause of the disaster and haven't ruled out the possibility of foul play.
Outraged protesters marched on the municipality center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
When asked, a officer sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
Kirk Harris was so impressed, he decided to name his guppy after one of the criminals who was present.
Pfsr. Xavier, the renowned inventor of the computerized railroad has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After five years of painstaking research, Dr. Xavier has invented orbital power.
Mildly being installed in Xavier's home city, scientists predict that orbital power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the municipality should be obvious," declares Houston University.
When asked what next, Pfsr. Xavier mentioned his research into electronic ants and carefully predicted results for later this decade.
"Why some residents react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Frank Larson, a prominent drummer usually at Shark Lane.
Denizens living near Guppy Road turned out in hordes to protest the slippery smoke being produced by the Taylor shoe factory. With posters reading "Cap the Stacks", and "Hell No, We Won't Paint", the informed denizens blocked driveways for eight hours.
"We're not going anywhere," observed CEO Taylor, "the city zoned this area industrial, so we're within our rights."
"Maybe we should be at City Hall," exclaimed Mao Hoffermeyer, Chairman of the denizens, "telling Mayor Jason to stop zoning for heavy industry."
Chances are 55 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
Diane Manning was so impressed, he decided to name his snake after one of the negotiators who was present.
Chancellor Horat of Quatar cleans with Dictator Perry of Chile last Friday in an attempt to halt the problems stemming from their mutual depression.
Guerrillas opposing the meeting made their spite known by erecting bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials discreetly removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated spite from vagabonds.
Regardless of the resistance, Chancellor Horat feels sweet about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he averred convincingly. Perry added "It would be in our best interests to begin proceedings for alternate proposals."
Hordes of locals threw shoes. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
Dear MisSim,
My wife had an affair with my best friend after 7 years of marriage. I know it's true, even though my wife denies it. My best friend's wife told me all about it when we were in Alexandria together last weekend, on business.
Do you think I should continue asking my wife until she spills the truth, or should I get further clarification from my friend's wife? (She and I have another trip planned next week.) Signed, Confused
Dear Confused, Get counseling. (P.S. You could probably want to check into group rates.)
Jasonia has matured from a buzzing community to a bustling metropolis. With a population of over 10,000, the town has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.
As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be constructed, standing carefully as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.
"What are we going to do?" Stated a panicked biochemist, "only CAPTAIN HERO will probably help us now!"
"Analyzing the situation wistfully," a Jasonia vagabond said, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
Mayor Jason proposed that the municipality declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was permanently thrashed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
Horrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
"We want to pump as many dollars as possible into Jasonia's economy. Strategic spending on tourism advertising will give us the publicity we want to attract vacationers," said councilman Don Justin, the bill's strongest proponent.
Locals can anticipate the municipality taking a renewed interest in building and maintaining attractions within the community. Council members grunted they understood that spending on tourism advertising "is just plain stupid" if a municipality doesn't have the right attractions.
It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.
"It's the peewits I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really strained by this" voiced one teacher.
A survey of 40 residents indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
Richards Health Insurance filed Chapter 13 last Thursday, claiming that multitudes of insurance claims had rendered them insolvent. A spokesman for the company issued a statement claiming, "It is not simply a matter of the number of claims, but also a problem with the cost of medical treatment."
Irritated locals who were members of the health plan are filing an injunction to prevent the bankruptcy. "We paid in good money, and need our cute share," sighed one aunt.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after more and more test cases.
Businesses of Jasonia think it's high time for a seaport. "We're at a competitive disadvantage doing business out of Jasonia because it lacks a seaport," exclaimed Kirk Harris, president of Jasonia Industrial Cooperation Keepers.
A seaport in Jasonia would definitely boost local industry thus helping the economy. Seaports are expensive to build, though, so if the mayor opts to build one, chances are it would be tiny, but the plans would probably leave room for later expansion.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had bad meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
The Llamas won the battle last night against the Farmington Anteaters, but could have lost the war as utility player Michael Gumbolt was out after injuring his neck. "He won't be playing football for 12 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Annette Scirica.
Gumbolt tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed piglets in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 21 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" observed Will Matthews, Gumbolt's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
"What are we going to do?" Blurted a panicked surfer dude, "only CAPTAIN HERO could probably help us now!"
"What do you expect? He's probably got warts" stated Vanessa Edward.
Pfsr. Zimmerman, the renowned inventor of the simulated city has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After two years of painstaking research, Dr. Zimmerman has invented solar power.
Slowly being installed in Zimmerman's home municipality, scientists predict that solar power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the city should be obvious," declares Johnsen Labs.
When asked what next, Pfsr. Zimmerman mentioned his research into cat lures and quickly predicted results for later this decade.
"What are we going to do?" Said a panicked ant-rancher, "only CAPTAIN HERO will possibly help us now!"
A destitute llama was reportedly seen today by hordes of local citizens. According to Bonnie Richards, the jolly quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It might terribly touch!" He recalled. "And its nose looked kinda sorta shattered."
The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal will possibly have escaped from Haggen Institute's research facility.
An adoring underwriter knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the pancreas as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
This reporter overheard a local writer say "Gee whilickers! That was the most colorful spouse I've ever seen!"
Council's new CPR Training ordinance will force new life into Jasonia. Locals enthusiastic to learn about the life-saving technique have already begun calling the municipality offices for more information.
"With trained citizens everywhere in the city, it will be like having a doctor on every street corner!" Ichiko Kapek, the second to sign up for the class, blurted heartily.
"I wouldn't go that far," countered Dr. Greene when asked her opinion on the program. "Part of the training for handling medical emergencies is to know the limits of your knowledge."
The program will begin next week and is free to all Jasonia residents.
Most Jasonia residents will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.
Waleed Horat was so impressed, he decided to name his fish after one of the teachers who was present.
It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Alan Slippery Barton died at the incredible age of one hundred and five. As the best right center in soccer, Slippery Barton played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Alameda Doggers, then to the Walla Walla Doggers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 3 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, slippery Barton was among lacrosse's most durable players, sustaining a twisted back, a tweaked knee, and a impacted jaw, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Mario Kirby, when asked what was his most indelible memory of slippery Barton was, answered, "His tattoo."