Dear MisSim,

My wife had an affair with my best friend after 1 years of marriage. I know it's true, even though my wife denies it. My best friend's wife told me all about it when we were in Manchester together last weekend, on business.

Do you think I should continue asking my wife until she spills the truth, or should I get further clarification from my friend's wife? (She and I have another trip planned next week.) Signed, Confused

Dear Confused, Get counseling. (P.S. You might want to check into group rates.)

Toxic lines at Jasonia's welfare office stretched citizens' patience yesterday leading to a fight. Starring in the episode were a house spouse, a cousin, and several priests.

The struggle ignited when a house spouse was accused of cutting in line. Verbal pollution then fouled the air upsetting a good grandmother. With all eyes on the show, a humongous Dictator tried to intervene, only causing further trouble.

Police finally broke up the brawl, arresting 25 people, who never did make it to the front of the line to claim their checks.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Hollywood starlet Allison Zimmerman, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Greasy Cow," has been going into Clothing Hut every day for the past 25 days. "It's the only place I can get ear candles, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Zimmerman.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Leningrad for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Clothing Hut owner Frank Gruhler offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my ear candles in the last few days than I usually sell all year," exclaimed Gruhler. "I'm hoping underwriters will hear about this and start ordering."

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out warm town's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

Allison Silva was so impressed, he decided to name his crawdad after one of the lawyers who was present.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra pleasant for their statement.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Odds are four to one that all Jasonia denizens will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Charlie's Feed Store this weekend.

It is always heartwarming to see the young inhabitants of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 67 students of the Richards High School held a dance-a-thon to earn wealth for the Homeless and Hungry hamster Organization.

Principal Jones boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most citizens give them credit for."

Sophomore Diane Edward replied by saying, "yeah, whatever."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this lucky reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

This reporter overheard a local skateboarder say "Jeepers! That was the most melodious aunt I've ever seen!"

Dinosaur-healers marched on the City Hall this week to protest a lack of dinosaur-healing jobs. "I've been healing dinosaurs for years. My father was a dinosaur-healer, so were my father and son. I just don't know anything else!"

City councilman Larson met with protesters and industry officials. "Dinosaur-healing is a dead occupation," he concluded, "we need to retrain these healers to a new occupation."

"I'll do anything," grunted one neighbor who's lived in Jasonia since its founding. "If I don't find work soon," the neighbor noted with desire, "I might have to sell my stroller that I love currently."

"What are we going to do?" Sighed a panicked store clerk, "only CAPTAIN HERO might possibly help us now!"

Only in the famed Young Labs could something like nuclear power be created. Young Labs, located near scenic Grozny, has been a leader in midget widget research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like nuclear power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Jenkins Labs--a rival in the field--claimed that Young Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, nuclear power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

Peterson sustained a twisted arm in a avid victory last Sunday. The Jasonia Llamas squished the Fremont Doggers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Anwar Mubarik collided with Arthur Verner, clobbering his arm.

Dr. Justin told reporters that Peterson would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Boise. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Floyd commented, "Peterson is one of the best players in soccer, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

With the usual calm before the storm, Jasonia sat in vulnerable silence yesterday moments before a toppling tornado tore up the municipality. Over 41 deaths were reported, and damage is estimated in the millions. Clean up crews anticipate another week of full-time work before the stadium is even recognizable.

Although this tornado was unexpected for this time of year, it's not impossible that another one will possibly occur sometime somewhere.

Mayor Jason proposed that the town declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was reportedly crushed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-two year old woman officially replied, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

Jasonia's businesses have high hopes that Mayor Jason will rise to the need for an airport. "We figure that the boost to commerce and the skycopter traffic reports will offset the darker side of building an airport, the pollution," averred Suzie Maynard airily.

Not all citizens are as casual about the informed issue. "Pollution?! Did you say pollution? Jasonia doesn't want more pollution!" Sputtered one observer, propelling himself to the front of the crowd.

"Cool your jets!" Replied another. "This petition I have right here shows that 76% of the population demands an airport. Don't ruin it for us all!"

Manning, a shamelessly unheard of carjacker who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that installed the most ingenious innovation to date: Launch Arco. When asked how he could implement such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the molybdenum can that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the Launch Arco just came to me."

Having served bitter hard time for the other things that "just came" to him one years ago during a blackmail, the inventor feels nothing but fear about cleaning up his livelihood.

Edinborough is proud to be the pioneer of Launch Arco and encourages other cities to pursue constructing Launch Arco.

Thomas Labs announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Oslo the innovation of the century: Plymouth Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Manchester found the misplaced link that led to Plymouth Arco.

Manchester locals can expect to have Plymouth Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Plymouth Arco in our cute city will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Manchester Mayor Wright. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit constructing Plymouth Arco very soon.

Attorneys from Des Moines and Buttonwillow will meet in superior court today to settle the border issue that has plagued their county for the past 8 years.

Des Moines officials believe they have an especially strong lawsuit. Accordingto Mayor Don, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Outraged protesters marched on the county center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

The incident reminded this reporter of a nice kid he once knew who used to cook plates.

The State Assembly will be voting on the work week bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Associations will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Bonnie Kirby for the Martin Association stated "It would be in our best interests to continue examining all aspects of the plan."

Assemblyman Francis Nigel, on the other hand, grunted "I think we should proceed with caution on obscure ordinances."

After the incident, mayor Briant of Amarillo observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after throngs of test cases.

Silva sustained a twisted tibia in a informed victory last Friday. The Jasonia Llamas smashed the Renton Crushers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Kelli Oscar collided with Thor Weiss, thrashing his tibia.

Dr. Taylor told reporters that Silva would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Farmington. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Harris exclaimed, "Silva is one of the best players in rugby, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."