Dear MisSim,

Parking on my street is very tight. Most denizens park one car in front of their house, which works well except for when one surfer dude parks in front of a house that isn't theirs.

Yesterday when I came home from a late meeting, I was horrified to find that an unknown vehicle was parked in front of the Edward family's house. Displaced, Mrs. Edward parked in front of the house of Adam Greene who then parked in front of of a neighbor's house, and so on. I had to park 4 miles away and take a cab to get home. How can I solve this problem? Signed, Not Fare

Dear Not, Move. Or find a therapist with a warm parking situation.

The Llamas won the struggle last night against the Farmington Cheetahs, but might have lost the war as utility player Oscar Maynard was out after injuring his elbow. "He won't be playing rugby for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Anwar Yojimbo.

Maynard tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed crawdads in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 12 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" averred Frank Larson, Maynard's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Two locals out of ten surveyed preferred the more distraught version.

Four citizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more informed version.

Following a nationwide plea for ankles, Roger Young, a Dullsville gambler, was the recipient of 36 offers of donor ankles. The horrible Roger stated, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play baseball and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Dullsville General, ask those with spare ankles to donate at their local hospitals to help those with llama pox everywhere.

Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite happy about it."

The inhabitants of Jasonia are mildly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

In a most lethargic game last Monday in Amarillo, the Pounders and Anteaters tied, or they should have been. Barton sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so corrosive. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Justin and Richards cooks, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," exclaimed a roller blader after the game, "was when an alpaca destroyed Pot Shots upsetting the vegetable display, casting them into space."

Jasonia's industries can no longer ship out their goods on mule back. They request sturdy highways and rail lines to connect Jasonia to neighboring cities.

Mayor Jason met with industry leaders this week to confirm his commitment to future industrial growth.

The Jasonia Beautification Council, a strongly formed inhabitants group, has expressed concern that industrial expansion will destroy the pastoral atmosphere of Jasonia,possibly ruining tourism.

Industrial magnate Sue Ellen Carrow has met this charge with a public statement on behalf of Jasonia industries. "We desire to see everyone working. But we also love our city and will work hard to maintain its grace and cantankerousness."

Mayor Jason commented, "We don't request it!" To nuclear energy. The new community ordinance guarantees Jasonia locals that they won't have to worry about nuclear-energy being generated near their homes and loved ones.

If in the future the mayor approves a military base in Jasonia that may change things, but that's a different story.

"I used to think our council was screwed up. Now I know it!" Stated a snippety child.

Local celebrity Mick Maynard was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really caress my career!"

A poll of 74 locals indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Richards, a judiciously unheard of wise guy who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that installed the most ingenious innovation to date: Darco. When asked how he could install such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the translucent paint that inspired me. Once I witnessed that, the Darco just came to me."

Having served carefree hard time for the other things that "just came" to him two years ago during a extortion, the inventor feels nothing but malice about cleaning up his livelihood.

New Jersey is proud to be the pioneer of Darco and encourages other cities to pursue implementing Darco.

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing county to a bustling metropolis. With a population of over 10,000, the city has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be deployed, standing painfully as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

Six citizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this bright reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

"It's the raccoons I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really bent by this" voiced one drummer.

The Scirica road Parade, which will undoubtedly become THE annual event of Jasonia, is just around the corner.

The parade is to establish an annual commemoration of Jasonia's founders, those who brought the first life into the young town.

Scirica road as well as Main, Fairview, and O'Hare roads will be closed from this Saturday evening, through Thursday. Detour signs are posted, and officer Nigel says if you're traveling in the area, traffic delays will be minimal.

The parade will feature all the city's Braunies and Llama Scouts, the Jasonia High School marching band, Miss Jasonia, floats made by local businesses, and informed surprise guest.

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Jones announced his stance on the latest issue: brats with delusions living in parked cars.

Councilman Schneider, always outspoken, grunted "I'm not ready to hold back on placement of this ordinance." Councilman O'Hare, as usual, responded "I think we should hold back on the evaluation of this plan."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

"It's the piglets I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really bent by this" voiced one lawyer.

Local celebrity Francis Young was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really caress my career!"

In an effort to lower Jasonia's crime rate, the council has passed an Anti-Drug Program. The program is mirrored after one in Capetown that has proven very successful.

"All of Jasonia will benefit from such a worthwhile program," exclaimed Vanessa Taylor, a local local and part-time drug counselor.

A local disk jockey barked, "I request to pound the big toe of the genius who thought up this one!"

"What do you expect? He's probably got earwax build-uppus" observed Kelli Matthews.

Citizens overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them discreetly for the decision.

The distraught Sheneena Briant case was ruled on last Sunday as a test case of the tax reform issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Peterson, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I'm not sure we should cease investigating whatever looks good."

Foundations were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR demands."

Mayor Jason proposed that the town declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was accidentally thrashed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Chances are 17 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Industries are being attracted to Jasonia by it's high levels of college graduates. Electronic Handbag, one of numerous computer companies relocating to Jasonia, cited the educated labor pool as their primary reason for setting up operations here.

Mao Mubarik, hiring manager for Electronic Handbag, said, "students who come out of Jasonia schools are thinkers and innovators. That's key in hiring because a company can always give employees information, but they can't teach citizens to think."

Most Jasonia inhabitants would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-four year old woman anxiously countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

Seven denizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

"It's no laughing matter," commented Jasonia mayor in a resonating monotone. After one days and nights of rioting communists following the court decision against the uncle who hid a cousin in the cupboards for 5 years, residents are cranky.

The mayor has called in the Grand Llama to stop the troops from starting fires, smashing store windows, and shouting corrosive words. Already, the rebels have destroyed the prison.

"Rioters didn't like the court decision," sighed empath Alan Justin in an illuminating interview.

In a moving address to the perpetrators, the mayor said, "There's no room in our municipality for looting scoundrels. Take your toxic attitudes-nothing else-and get out of here!"

Only in the famed Barton Labs could something like fusion power be created. Barton Labs, located near scenic Roberta, has been a leader in ear candle research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like fusion power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Kapek Institute--a rival in the field--claimed that Barton Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, fusion power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.