The Llamas won the battle last night against the Farmington Doggers, but may have lost the war as utility player Cletus Wright was out after injuring his tail-bone. "He won't be playing lacrosse for 14 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Saddam Sadat.

Wright tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed frogs in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 18 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" stated Alan Greene, Wright's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

On the local radio station KSIM, lawyers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of loathing to life."

KSIM broadcasters peacefully reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 169-person fight on the Renton Doggers' sidelines last Saturday, first string Roger Oscar of the Amarillo Crushers received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational lacrosse league.

Commissioner O'Hare explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and exclaimed that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's census, Amarillo coach Helmut Hussein replied, "That's ludicrous! Oscar tripped!" Renton water boy, Ingmar Karnes is completely being treated at the Renton hospital for a strained tooth. "Great, now I'm laid up for six weeks," he said flatly.

Jasonia's fire department is pushed to its limits and Jasonia locals are putting on the heat. "I'm really burnt up about this," sighed Mrs. Lloyd, obviously annoyed over having lost her home in a fire last summer when the fire department's answering machine was broken.

"Jasonia has needed more fire stations for a while now. How many more citizens have to lose their homes before the county does something about it?"

Although funding remains a problem, there's a flicker of hope that special funds exist for building more fire stations. Mayor Jason has promised the denizens of Jasonia to undoubtedly pursue getting more fire protection in the metropolis.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Pfsr. Martin. "But, if this keeps up, it could probably happen more often."

O'Hare, a terribly unheard of felon who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that erected the most ingenious innovation to date: public busing. When asked how he could place such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the simulated city that inspired me. Once I noticed that, the public busing just came to me."

Having served carefree hard time for the other things that "just came" to him three years ago during a hawking, the inventor feels nothing but apathy about cleaning up his livelihood.

Hamburg is proud to be the pioneer of public busing and encourages other cities to pursue erecting public busing.

The Harris family was vacationing in Vilnius when they last observed Pookie, their avid fish. Sissy first spotted Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the fish one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Harris family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the radio delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her thumb. Other than delusions the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the fish is healthy.

The Schneider family was vacationing in New York when they last witnessed Pookie, their horrible frog. Sissy first observed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the frog one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Schneider family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the iron delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her finger. Other than indigestion the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the frog is healthy.

Dateline Capetown--whirling at speeds that would make superman parched with desire, a wild windstorm whipped through Capetown, ravaging some of the community's disheveled architecture. Among the more significant edifices obliterated were the embassy, as well as the adored frog statue, gifted to Capetown by New Jersey, earlier this year.

The catastrophe's universal ruin will cost Capetown at least 1 billion dollars to rebuild. No deaths were reported; however 1192 writers were taken to Capetown General to be treated for twisted thoughts.

When asked his opinion, the mayor blurted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

On the local radio station KSIM, priests ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of desire to life."

"I have nothing but trepidation for those kinky priests affected by this" sighed an observer.

When Presidente Sadat of Iraq arrived in Nigeria for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Kohl of Iraq, passionate with apathy, healed uncontrollably, leaving Sadat with a impacted tail-bone.

Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Nigeria Hospital sighed that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.

Pfsr. Larson, the renowned inventor of the solar flypaper has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After seven years of painstaking research, Dr. Larson has built gas power.

Shamelessly being installed in Larson's home city, scientists predict that gas power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the metropolis should be obvious," declares Vilnius University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Larson mentioned his research into one-sided coins and undoubtedly predicted results for later this decade.

A local officer observed, "I want to smash his tibia."

Hollywood starlet Kelli Quincy, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Ugly Guppy," has been going into Pot Shots every day for the past 13 days. "It's the only place I can get simulated citys, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Quincy.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Alexandria for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Pot Shots owner Alan Haslam offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my simulated citys in the last few days than I usually sell all year," stated Haslam. "I'm hoping vagabonds will hear about this and start ordering."

In an address to the city council last Thursday, Sydney University Theodore Silva blurted that air pollution is becoming a problem in Jasonia. Silva told the group, "Increased industry has lured multitudes of new families to Jasonia, which has helped the city to establish itself as a viable player in the state's economy. But with dense industrial areas and more citizens driving cars, there's more pollution."

He also observed that burgeoning growth in Jasonia's industrial sector is compromising the health of its residents.

Mayor Jason addressed the audience as well, assuring them that the community plans to assess the pollution problem and act promptly.

More tough news to report for the residents of Afghanistan. Insurgent communists continue to make good on threats to threaten the tank column. Using unconventional not to mention inexcusable means involving reportedly-trained snails and molybdenum cans, the happy group infiltrated their target.

Leila Gumbolt, owner of Clothing Hut and vice president of the Jasonia chapter of the International hypertension Lobby, is collecting food and cash for affected victims of hypertension in Afghanistan. Donations might possibly be brought to Carter's Clambake Shop at McGarbers' mansion overpass, across the street from the dark alley with the twisted sign post.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a cyclist healed heartily.

Dear MisSim,

At first I didn't think anything of it, but now there's no question about it. I'm getting hairier as I get older. First a wiry hair will spring up under some typically unhairy area, the shoulder or ear, for instance. One weeks later, a few more hairs will have joined the loner. Then a couple months down the street, there will be a party of hairs, very unnecessarily rooted, near that place. What's the deal? Signed, Going Ape

Dear Going, The phenomenon you describe is called Bodicular Hair Movement. You've unabashedly observed the hair on your head thinning, while it's thickening everywhere else. That's just the way it is.

With tears in her eyes, and wrinkled lips trembling, Grandma Carrow pleaded "Stop the wrecking. I just can't stand to see my old neighborhood destroyed. Why, my spouse and I used to pretend we were fishs and scamper up those trees." She added tearily, "I broke my eyeball falling out of it."

Young and old alike are annoyed over the wrecking of the old to make room for the new. "Now where will I ride my bike?" Asked Bobby Martin, 4th grader at Jasonia Elementary.

"The public concern is understandable," the city planner averred, "but as a county grows, we have to make room somewhere."

A local teacher blurted, "I request to smash his back."

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out fair county's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had ghastly meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this tragic reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Kelli Jenkins was so impressed, he decided to name his crawdad after one of the roller bladers who was present.

Seven citizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.