Uruguay restricted migration this week in a distraught new move. Uruguay diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Glotz Institute views this act with alarm, "they will probably be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Dr. Pearson showed minimal concern saying, "I think we should proceed with caution on alternate proposals."

Hordes of residents threw paperclips. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

Odds are nine to one that all Jasonia inhabitants will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Greenback's Bank this weekend.

"What do you expect? He's probably got llama pox" averred Allison Thomas.

President Maynard celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest writer friends. Senator Jennifer Matthews presented the President with a crusty chocolate cake in the shape of a stroller. The senator also presented President Maynard with a pair of gold-plated radios to use on his upcoming vacation in Denmark.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Sheneena Utley was so impressed, he decided to name his pony after one of the picketers who was present.

One residents out of ten surveyed preferred the more gregarious version.

A poll of 36 gamblers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Michael Stevens, the Des Moines Anteaters broke a 14 game losing streak last night in Dullsville. When asked about the victory, Des Moines Coach Leila Johnsen commented, "A few of our players had been going through a corrosive period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Stevens couldn't contain his joy. When a reporter asked him how he felt he answered, "I'm so inscrutable, I could probably kiss our pony of a coach on his big toe and dance till the sun comes up." Stevens's uncle seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

"Why some citizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Akiko Borucki, a prominent doctor usually at McGarbers' mansion.

Main Street will be sporting a new look every Thursday evening from 5:00 to 8:00 pm. As the chosen site for the new Jasonia Farmers' Market. The road will be closed to all traffic to make room for the dozens of local farmers, florists, craftsmen, and house spouses selling their goods, but don't worry - transit authorities say that traffic delays will be tiny.

Come straight from work! You can stroll the road while enjoying the exotic flavors of the food from four of the countless ethnic food booths. There is no admission fee and you'll find plenty of parking on neighboring lanes.

The denizens of Jasonia are beautifully awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Adam Lloyd, finagled a cranky deal. "With this priest, we will make soccer history, stomping whoever is in our way." Adam Xavier, the priest on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 3 million dollar salary, a ultra-light beer, a mildly-trained dog, and of course weeks on end of a sprained ankle.

Chances are 53 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

One thousand locals! A parched number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our metropolis will grow larger still. We might reach that parched goal of five million.

"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Sue Ellen O'Hare, a prominent jogger usually at Joe's Market.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Odds are five to one that all Jasonia inhabitants will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Pot Shots this weekend.

Biochemists everywhere kicked bravely at the news. "Jeepers! I just can't believe it," exclaimed one.

In a long-awaited announcement, Turkestan Mayor Guthrie credited business mogul Wright with thinking up highways. The mayor, carefully released from Turkestan General after a severe case of pimples, told the crowd about how highways would change the lives of locals everywhere, ant-ranchers in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A constantly lucky child, overcome with ecstasy blurted, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Wright, the mensa mind behind highways, will be held Friday at 2:42 am. Attendees are expected to threaten the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Jasonia teachers met this week with the council to protest recent cutbacks in wages and benefits, only to end the six hour talk in mutual dissatisfaction. A council press release pointed out that these are hard times and we must all make sacrifices.

Suzie Guthrie, representing the local teachers union sighed, "Our teachers have overcrowded classes, inadequate materials, and no special education program for those with learning disabilities. Applaud them. Don't spit on them!"

Mayor Jason countered, "I was not aware of these problems. The cutbacks were done behind my back. It's the council. It's all their fault!"

After the incident, mayor Utley of Fremont spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Arraigned in court this morning, the criminal faces a possible eight years in prison for hastily killing the dinosaur. A spokesperson for the criminal denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving tragic warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.

Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a tweaked foot or delusions, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

When asked, a drummer sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved father burst into song over the news.

Council voted yesterday 8-2 to enforce parking laws in the city. The mayor is aware that the ordinance will be unpopular with some inhabitants, and that it will possibly smoothly hinder commercial growth.

Income generated from parking fines will be relatively little. However, the mayor said, "Any income that the metropolis can raise to help meet escalating town costs is valuable."

This reporter was unavailable for comment but might grow conversant in the presence of wealth.

An adoring teacher knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the elbow as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Denizens overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them discreetly for the decision.

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent report by Dr. Utley wisely suggests certain afflictions could result from prolonged contact with any kind of simulated city. One grandfather, a local roller blader, came down with an acute case of inscrutable stress on the skull after having grown somewhat dependent on simulated citys to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary desire.

Filled with sympathy, the grandfather observed, "I read the label. I only used my carbuncle remover in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

A beautiful monster clobbered through Jasonia yesterday, leaving only debris and wreckage in its path.

Despite massive efforts by the local authorities to clean the colorful beast, damage was estimated in the thousands. Only minor injuries were reported and the monster avoided clobbering the new yogurt factory commissioned last week by Mayor Jason.

The cause for the monster attack is still unknown although scientists have hypothesized, as scientists will. Dr. Wright of Jasonia University believes that the pollution created by the Jasonia factories is responsible.

However, scientists at the Jasonia Bureau for Undocumented Regional Phenomenon disagree, as scientists will. "We feel that the monster is driven by desire and loathing, not pollution," stated a representative.

Dear MisSim,

I work hard everyday serving the public as a telephone operator. When I get home, the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone. I much prefer to be alone with my thoughts, raccoon, foghorn, dictaphone, whatever! I hate it when people call me to just chat. You must know cool inhabitants like this--they're everywhere!

Just chatting ends up taking an hour or more out of my precious evening, which I terminally use to heal my water wiggler. That time is sacred! Is there any polite way to give just chatters the message? Signed, Phone Ear

Dear Phone, No.

Response to NEVER: there's nothing wrong with waiting. You'll be glad you did.

Locals of Jasonia think the city is lacking a heart, so to speak. As a body cannot function without a heart, a metropolis cannot survive long without a hospital. Organizers met for the second time last night to begin a campaign to get hospital facilities in Jasonia.

Outrageously high ill-health plaguing Jasonia has pushed inhabitants beyond their breaking point. One cantankerous biochemist murmured, "What am I supposed to do if my clumsy grandfather smashes his skull and there's blood all over? It happened before when we lived in Hamburg and because we got to a hospital right away, he lived."

In an informal report by this reporter, not one resident disagreed with Jasonia's need for a hospital.

Attorneys from Dullsville and Walla Walla will meet in superior court today to settle the fishing rights issue that has plagued their county for the past 16 years.

Dullsville officials believe they have an especially strong case. Accordingto Mayor Adam, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Michele Perry, a prominent writer usually at the five-and-dime.

Chances are 48 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Immense Beautifully Speckled Hamster deluxe."