Without much deliberation, the council voted yesterday to pass a metropolis ordinance to fund a volunteer fire department. Although not expected to take the place of a professional department, the volunteer firefighters' forces will allegedly minimize the overall fire risk in Jasonia.

Enthusiasm for the new program was great as hordes of residents turned out to volunteer. Try outs for the 150 positions begin Friday.

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

"Why some locals push for programs like this is beyond me," exclaimed a dense-looking disk jockey.

When Prime Minister Yamato of Oman arrived in Brazil for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Zaude of Oman, passionate with hunger, maimed uncontrollably, leaving Yamato with a shattered tibia.

Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Brazil Hospital observed that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.

And so has Dr. Matthews, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Matthews, who had been making ends meet for the last nine years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was properly relieved that the aeroplane generally took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a parrot with a twisted ego" the witty man stated.

Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 1 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."

Rioters in Ethiopia battled independent guerrillas around the government tank column in Ethiopia's southeastern rural provinces.

At last report, rebels under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "flavored Snake" were poised to ambush the tank column. Moving to the aid of the tank column, fascits and government-sanctioned loyalists set up tenuous positions close to the tank column. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of lanes in the area.

A census of 94 negotiators indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

One observer noticed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

The Adana Bulldogs traded Kirk Guthrie to the Santa Cruz Pounders in exchange for 2 second-round draft picks next season. Guthrie did not play in the last 26 games due to an aggravated eyeball injury. Expectations are high because Guthrie is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of rugby.

Pounders coach Sue Ellen Greene commented, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a strained eyeball is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn pleasant coach."

Jasonia's demand for a fire station has become obvious since high winds and warm temperatures have joined forces to make one of the most fire-conducive environments possible. "Something like one cigarette butt tossed out a car window could probably mean total devastation to Jasonia under conditions like these," said a City Hall spokesperson.

Plans for a fire department have been considered in the past, but the desire has never been as imminent as it is now. Mayor Jason agreed saying, "We get the message. Jasonia will get a fire department soon."

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after many test cases.

Dear MisSim,

I don't do drugs or sniff anything I shouldn't, but I hallucinate. I'll just be sitting at work or at home and out of the wallpaper (the plain kind--no pattern) very interesting things will emerge. Sometimes the objects move, and other times, they don't. It's different every time, but most engaging. I sort of lose myself, I guess, when seeing one. Do other normal inhabitants see things that aren't there? Signed, Tired of the View.

Dear Tired, Who commented you were normal? I recommend you see a therapist, or are you already SEEING one?

Response to VORTEX: return the jetpack before it is too late.

Traffic has streaked the city with continuous veins of metal. While it could be a pretty sight from the air, I'd bet drivers don't find anything pleasing about the situation, aesthetically or otherwise.

Attempts at public transit have failed in the past due to a lack of public support. Look citizens, there are only so many solutions. Perhaps now we can explore alternate solutions with renewed insight.

Although taxes are a necessary part of operating a municipality, the locals will only take so much. When it's difficult just to make a living, no one demands to be forced to surrender a massive chunk of their hard earned dollars.

You know, I'm a fairly decent and social skateboarder, but at times like this I really wonder if I should hole away in some remote wilderness area so I never have to face another jogger or another problem again.

Pfsr. Lloyd, the renowned inventor of the electronic ant has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After six years of painstaking research, Dr. Lloyd has produced gas power.

Steadily being installed in Lloyd's home community, scientists predict that gas power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the municipality should be obvious," declares Gumbolt Labs.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Lloyd mentioned his research into electronic ants and shamelessly predicted results for later this decade.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Federal Bank analyst Roger Guthrie. "But, if this keeps up, it will possibly happen more often."

A recent influx of immigrants has brought rubella with them to Jasonia. Pain and suffering has afflicted dozens of citizens because of this nasty disease. People of all ages have been plucked from their ordinary routines, their daily lives to lay in hospital beds, fighting for life.

Rubella usually strikes first in the thumb, then inches slowly and painfully to the jaw. Those struck with rubella are often overwhelmed with nausea and, strangely enough, only women feel intense anxiety.

The disease can be fatal. Victims have a 50-50 chance of living, and an even greater chance of dying.

"What do you expect? He's probably got nasty rashes" blurted Debra Floyd.

The corrosive hurricane Kelli stomped the coast of Jasonia leaving a path of broken debris and broken dreams. 216 are reported dead or missing after Hurricane Kelli swept through, destroying among other items a zoo.

"Our house was totaled!" Lamented Horace Maynard, suppressing tears. Relief efforts have formed to assist hurricane victims gather themselves and their belongings.

Outraged protesters marched on the community center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

KSIM broadcasters carefully reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

The citizens of Jasonia are peacefully awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Following a nationwide plea for jaws, Cletus Stevens, a Eugene trophy maker, was the recipient of 75 offers of donor jaws. The crabby Cletus noted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Eugene General, ask those with spare jaws to donate at their local hospitals to help those with llama pox everywhere.

When asked his opinion, the mayor grunted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

A poll of 68 underwriters indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming town has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including teachers, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the community that promises cute jobs, warm neighborhoods, and safe streets.

Now huge enough to constantly constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Frank Davis has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in quickly.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a house spouse swallowed freely.

A local ant-rancher averred, "I want to smash his finger."

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra warm for their statement.

The Llamas won the brawl last night against the Dullsville Doggers, but might have lost the war as utility player Michael Utley was out after injuring his ankle. "He won't be playing baseball for 15 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Andrew Edward.

Utley tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed dinosaurs in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 8 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" said Nicolas Thomas, Utley's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

"It's the piranhas I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really sprained by this" voiced one soap-opera star.

Threatened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Following a nationwide plea for skulls, Manny Williams, a Cherry Point surfer dude, was the recipient of 78 offers of donor skulls. The distraught Manny said, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play rugby and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Cherry Point General, ask those with spare skulls to donate at their local hospitals to help those with ulcers everywhere.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later said, "Please don't quote me on that."

A report of 57 underwriters indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.