Thailand restricted migration this week in a sulky new move. Thailand diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."
Granillo Institute views this act with alarm, "they will possibly be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."
Yojimbo Institute showed minimal concern saying, "It seems to me like a sweet idea to actively pursue these considerations."
The incident did not affect seven old men playing checkers, but the cool young vagabond passing by did.
Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-seven year old woman mildly replied, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Humongous Terminally Speckled Shark deluxe."
With the airbase destroyed by fascits in Mongolia, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of fascits across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the officers' attention who, fascits assert, have suppressed citizens' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.
Not all the fascits enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."
"Lover, fighter, cutpurse, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."
A tragic man stated, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more dictaphones than he does."
A police sting operation drew to a close yesterday as Jasonia officers rounded up dozens of offenders. Tarao's Pawn Shop was a front for police operatives who purchased stolen merchandise from muggers and wise guys. Other agents tailed the felons, recording their addresses for future arrest. "It was harder than we thought," exclaimed officer Diane Xavier, "criminals are more cautious these days. They know we're out there waiting to thrash them."
In a plan deployed roughly 11 months ago, officers Taylor and Johnsen began undercover investigations, sometimes taking them to the Tarao's home for family dinners.
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted New Jersey businessman Julie Jenkins. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
A tornado, destruction in one of mother nature's nastiest forms, checked into Jasonia at 5:15 am yesterday.
For 14 minutes, Jasonia was at the mercy of intense winds which followed an erratic course, displacing cars, destroying homes, decimating street lamps, demolishing buildings, dismantling store windows and downing power lines in a devastating path before dissipating. At least 37 locals died.
"It was foul," noted Jasonia native Cletus Taylor. "My first response was 'Well buy me a Cadillac and call me Elvis!' Then I took cover."
The storm's worst was localized near a Braun Llama Dome, where wind-tossed trash cans reduced Mohammed's Glass 'n Brass's front windows to rubble. "This ain't kite flyin' weather," warned Jennifer Johnsen of Jasonia Community College Department of Meteorology.
Businesses of Jasonia think it's high time for a seaport. "We're at a competitive disadvantage doing business out of Jasonia because it lacks a seaport," sighed Julie Verner, president of Jasonia Industrial Cooperation Keepers.
A seaport in Jasonia would definitely boost local industry thus helping the economy. Seaports are expensive to build, though, so if the mayor opts to build one, chances are it would be wee, but the plans would probably leave room for later expansion.
"I have nothing but hate for those magnanimous priests affected by this" sighed an observer.
The metropolis has decided to tackle the problem of illiterate residents head on. With an eye to housing high-tech industries in the future, council passed an ordinance to help cultivate a qualified workforce in Jasonia.
The program will only be as strong as its teachers, and Jasonia wants your help. If you would like to volunteer as a teacher, please contact Andrew Maynard at the county offices.
"I have nothing but desire for those who supported this ordinance," offered a surfer dude, judiciously.
Reports from Libya indicate that locals there are kinky with the situation.
Following this news, proponents met at Andrea's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.
When questioned about his bold propensity for killing notepads, Ichiko Ng, the trophy maker in question, countered, "I'm glad I killed the notepad! Glad, I tell you, GLAD! Ah-ha-ha...GLAD!" He then slammed the door and hid in his den.
Police are still trying to decide if killing notepads is a crime, but attorney Julie Lesser has volunteered to defend the trophy maker if it comes to trial.
One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."
Odds are nine to one that all Jasonia locals will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at New Jersey Broiled Chicken this weekend.
An adoring priest knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the big toe as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Inhabitants are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they terribly raised the funds for.
The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.
"It's the peewits I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really pulled by this" voiced one disk jockey.
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved aunt burst into song over the news.
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
Watanabe Institute announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Uzbek the innovation of the century: desalinization plants. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Leningrad found the misplaced link that led to desalinization plants.
Leningrad locals can expect to have desalinization plants as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having desalinization plants in our cute municipality will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Leningrad Mayor Jones. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit deploying desalinization plants very soon.
The Alameda Oompahs traded Francis Larson to the Fremont Anteaters in exchange for 2 ninth-round draft picks next season. Larson did not play in the last 13 games due to an aggravated big toe injury. Expectations are high because Larson is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of lacrosse.
Anteaters coach Francis Pearson blurted, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a strained big toe is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn fair coach."
The community has decided to take the homeless into its hands. With a program that will cost the metropolis a pretty penny, council members decided to sweep the avenues to get a handle on Jasonia's increaseing homelessness problem.
"Whereas panhandling laws beg the real problem, this measure homes in on it: the lack of shelter for denizens without means," sighed Council member Ingmar Albitre, comfortably.
The program should decrease the number of homeless citizens and improve the number of residents, thus increasing the labor pool for commerce and industry. Land value will also marginally increase as a result.
Most Jasonia residents will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.
Threatened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
Most Jasonia citizens will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.
The Alameda Doggers traded Frank Utley to the Orinda Anteaters in exchange for 2 sixth-round draft picks next season. Utley did not play in the last 13 games due to an aggravated arm injury. Expectations are high because Utley is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of baseball.
Anteaters coach Bonnie Thomas noted, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a shattered arm is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn warm coach."
President Taylor celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest store clerk friends. Senator Ichiko Karnes presented the President with a slippery chocolate cake in the shape of a notepad. The senator also presented President Taylor with a pair of gold-plated vegetables to use on his upcoming vacation in Afghanistan.
One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."
A happy man stated, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more cushions than he does."
After the incident, mayor Jenkins of Renton spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason countered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
Dear MisSim,
My wife had an affair with my best friend after 16 years of marriage. I know it's true, even though my wife denies it. My best friend's wife told me all about it when we were in Manchester together last weekend, on business.
Do you think I should continue asking my wife until she spills the truth, or should I get further clarification from my friend's wife? (She and I have another trip planned next week.) Signed, Confused
Dear Confused, Get counseling. (P.S. You may need to check into group rates.)
My father's electric spoon factory was fined $69 last week for violating EPA standards. HEY! We produce quality electric spoons for citizens everywhere. If a little black air is the price we pay, I say go for it.
Asthmatics are having a particularly hard time in our metropolis. My doctor tells me that several of his patients have moved to Twin Peaks where the air is clear and dry.
Take a look around you. Plants and wildlife are dying, and children are staying indoors to play Gentendo, not because they want to, but because they have to. At this rate, we're going to have to change Jasonia's science textbooks, which claim air is a life-GIVING element.
This issue in particular seems to have turned Jasonia into a political circus. Those who think there's a problem are really angry about the whole thing, and others don't seem to think there's a problem at all. Who'd know?