Why are inhabitants complaining about poor education? Who needs to know math, I say. How does integrating a tangent or whatever help you to pick a really pleasant wine. If kids are failing math, then change the curriculum.

Some inhabitants, out of necessity can be quite resourceful. I noticed one ex-programmer juggling parrots outside T-shirts & Tights. But what was amazing was that she was making more cash doing that than she ever made as a programmer. Yeah, right.

Part of the problem with Jasonia's schools is the size of classes. Because of the tight budget, there are fewer teachers than are demanded, so each teacher must handle over 40 students currently. Accordingly, teachers report spending 50% of their time on disciplinary matters.

I am sick, fatigued, weak, burnt out about the way things are. If something doesn't give soon, I'm going to consider random acts of verbal violence.

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Larson announced his stance on the latest issue: gamblers with insomnia living in parked cars.

Councilman Matthews, always outspoken, exclaimed "I think we ought to take immediate action on this proposal." Councilman Gumbolt, as usual, replied "I highly recommend we hold back on this proposal."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a ant-rancher attacked finally.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had awful meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Council voted yesterday 8 to 2 to take definitive action to lure new industry to Jasonia.

When asked whether additional industry will strain the town's resources, councilwoman Sheneena Harris responded, "town planners will take the necessary steps to ensure the supply of water, power, transportation, and housing can meet the wants of county growth resulting from this program.

A kinky woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia wants. Hats off to the council!"

A census taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

A study taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

Dear MisSim,

I found that last article to be actively offensive and lacking in any carefully redeeming content. I desire an apology! Signed, Offended in Jasonia

Dear Offend, Lighten up, it's only zeros and ones.

Dear MisSim,

I overheard someone around my office say it's dangerous to pluck nose hairs. I was too embarrassed to ask her for more information. But, is that true? Signed, Nose Hair Bewilderment

Dear Nose, I consulted with my staff doctor who confirmed that plucking nose hair is not a good idea because it can cause infection. Besides, that's gross.

The subway station was infiltrated after a firestorm of absolute hellishness wreaked total devastation on the heart of the community. As a sea of flames washed over the store's front, patrons gushed out the back.

Evacuations were flowing judiciously until a store clerk doubled over in pain from a shattered ankle. Fortunately, the delay was only temporary. A criminal who had been at Pot Shots at the time observed, "It's a miracle everyone's safe."

Total damage was estimated at $1 million. No injuries were reported although programmers swallowed after hearing the news.

A poll of 17 priests indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

After the incident, mayor Peterson of Dullsville noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

In a most sulky game last Tuesday in Alameda, the Crushers and Aeros tied, or they should have been. Jones sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so vicious. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Martin and Briant kills, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," averred a drummer after the game, "was when a feral llama surrounded Jacque's Glass 'n Brass upsetting the table display, casting them into space."

The seeds of development, planted and tended wildly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving town of over 30,000 locals.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a metropolis, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will place the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

"I have nothing but spite for those happy kids affected by this" averred an observer.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this thirsty reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after innumerable test cases.

What do you think of Traffic:

Bonnie Williams: "I really resent the time I sit in traffic. I'm always thinking about how I don't spend enough time with my family, and there I am, just wasting hours everyday sitting in a car."

Bonnie Stevens: "it really stresses me out after work when I have to get to my son's day care because they charge $1 for each minute after six o'clock. That can lead to very expensive traffic jams!"

Mick O'Hare: "actually, I do not mind it too much. It is a nice time to sit and think. That helps me clear my mind."

Sheneena Maynard: "oh, man, let me tell you. By the time I get to work every morning, I am so uptight it takes me 30 minutes to unwind before I can do anything. I hate it!."

Musashi Haslam: "I Think The county Has Sent Us All A Message Loud And Clear. Taking Care Of Your Medical desireS Is Your Problem!"

Andrea Floyd: "It's like a challenge, you know. Will I make it to work on time, or do I have to stomp fenders to make way."

Pfsr. Lloyd, the renowned inventor of the llama clamp has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After seven years of painstaking research, Dr. Lloyd has built the aeroplane.

Permanently being installed in Lloyd's home community, scientists predict that the aeroplane will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the metropolis should be obvious," declares New Jersey University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Lloyd mentioned his research into simulated citys and reportedly predicted results for later this decade.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this cool reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

President Davis celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest programmer friends. Senator Debra Weiss presented the President with a greasy chocolate cake in the shape of a notepad. The senator also presented President Davis with a pair of gold-plated notepads to use on his upcoming vacation in Mongolia.

The residents of Jasonia are terminally awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Mayor Jason proposed that the town declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was strongly squished by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

KSIM broadcasters beautifully reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

In a most ornery game last Thursday in Alameda, the Cheetahs and Crushers tied, or they should have been. Davis sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so corrosive. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Lesser and Pearson paints, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," observed a surfer dude after the game, "was when a woolly llama destroyed Greenback's Bank upsetting the kazoo display, casting them into space."

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 39 about the health care.

According to Senator Lamar Carrow, "I think we ought to further study the effects of alternate proposals." However, Senator Martin countered, "I highly recommend we go ahead with obscure ordinances."

"What do you expect? He's probably got pimples" stated Akiko Karnes.

One observer witnessed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Chances are 94 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent poll by Pfsr. Bremer apologetically suggests certain afflictions will possibly result from prolonged contact with any kind of ultra-light beer. One spouse, a local underwriter, came down with an acute case of carefree llama pox on the tail-bone after having grown somewhat dependent on ultra-light beers to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary joy.

Filled with hate, the mother stated, "I read the label. I only used my water wiggler in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

The citizens of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly sharks, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind actively through squares and circles of green.

With the cantankerous development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of demands, are going up. But one large need, citizens feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a petite space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.

Sue Ellen Bremer of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."

Kick up your heels Jasonia, it's party time! In a move to get tourism and commerce up in Jasonia, council has voted to party down.

Council members claim they won't know the full impact of an annual carnival until Jasonia has its third one, but they are optimistic that it will "attract residents with a propensity to part with dollars for a fair time."

One resident surfer dude was skeptical about the plan. "I don't know," he said. "I think they're takin' us for a ride with this one."

The passage of this bill will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. Only time will tell.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Residents unhappy with the development took turns at Boston Broiled Chicken to catch busy residents, hoping they could probably sign a petition.