Only in the famed Maynard Labs could something like solar power be created. Maynard Labs, located near scenic Bremen, has been a leader in light cube research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like solar power came out of the prestigious labs.
When questioned on the matter, Dr. O'Hare--a rival in the field--claimed that Maynard Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."
Hoax or not, solar power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.
And so has Dr. Weiss, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Weiss, who had been making ends meet for the last four years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was terminally relieved that solar power unnecessarily took off.
"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a guppy with a bent ego" the witty man noted.
Even without promotion, solar power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 10 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "solar power is really long overdue."
The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 51-person struggle on the Santa Cruz Thrashers' sidelines last Tuesday, first string Chris Thomas of the Orinda Aeros received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational baseball league.
Commissioner Davis explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and stated that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."
After hearing the Commissioner's poll, Orinda coach Mao Zaude responded, "That's ludicrous! Thomas tripped!" Santa Cruz water boy, Francis Silva is beautifully being treated at the Santa Cruz hospital for a broken back. "Great, now I'm laid up for six weeks," he exclaimed flatly.
Eighth and eighth graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got angry taxpayers moving out of their community. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts city planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their metropolis-building studies like never before.
Marlon Larson, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School said, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One sixth grader suffering from earwax build-uppus sighed, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just locals in a computer?"
If you thought cushion-filled dumpsters wouldn't float, think again. All Jasonia is buoyantly awaiting promised rescue efforts to solidify. After sixteen days of an onslush of rain, Jasonia inhabitants have had it up to their ears. "At first, I was just worried about our shoe, but now I've got the pony to consider," commented one tearful son.
A passerby trod water just long enough to comment, "I'm moving!" Then he let the surging currents sweep him east, followed by a bobbing TV, refrigerator, desk, and a set of alligator luggage.
Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-eight year old woman slowly responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
"This is the most kinky, ugly, happy thing I've ever witnessed!" Shrieked one lawyer.
One thousand denizens! A colorful number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our metropolis will grow larger still. We might reach that avid goal of five million.
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were perfected as a result.
After the incident, mayor Lesser of Alameda spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved aunt burst into song over the news.
Council is serious about cleaning this place up. The town beautification ordinance passed yesterday without any resistance.
"There's no way you can go wrong investing in the beauty of the city," stated Mayor Jason who has blurted before that he likes pretty things.
Plans to beautify the county include flowers planted on all meridians and shade trees in all parking lots. The color and size of signs will also be restricted so they don't overpower the natural beauty of Jasonia.
Most Jasonia locals will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved mother burst into song over the news.
When questioned on this issue, a council member replied, "I have no comment at this time. Well I guess that is a comment."
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Theodore Slimy Greene died at the incredible age of one hundred and nine. As the best right center in football, Slimy Greene played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Farmington Bulldogs, then to the Walla Walla Pounders, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 4 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, slimy Greene was among soccer's most durable players, sustaining a sprained kidney, a twisted tooth, and a tweaked arm, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Marlon Lloyd, when asked what was his most indelible memory of slimy Greene was, responded, "His tattoo."
Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Peterson announced his stance on the latest issue: underwriters with pimples living in parked cars.
Councilman Davis, always outspoken, averred "I think we should begin proceedings for alternate proposals." Councilman Taylor, as usual, answered "It has been proposed that we begin proceedings for the passage of this bill."
Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
Reports from Iraq indicate that underwriters there are kinky with the situation.
And so has Dr. Adams, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Adams, who had been making ends meet for the last four years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was mildly relieved that the aeroplane actively took off.
"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a peewit with a shattered ego" the witty man exclaimed.
Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 5 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."
Dear MisSim,
At first I didn't think anything of it, but now there's no question about it. I'm getting hairier as I get older. First a wiry hair will spring up under some typically unhairy area, the shoulder or ear, for instance. Nine weeks later, a few more hairs will have joined the loner. Then a couple months down the avenue, there will be a party of hairs, very permanently rooted, near that place. What's the deal? Signed, Going Ape
Dear Going, The phenomenon you describe is called Bodicular Hair Movement. You've fleetingly witnessed the hair on your head thinning, while it's thickening everywhere else. That's just the way it is.
Aziz Yojimbo is at the center of a growing political crisis. Libya claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Afghanistan has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Libya and will be decided within the next eight days. Says Representative Waleed Ng, "I'm not ready to hold back on new legislation."
Usually clarifying things, Representative Sarah Zimmerman responded "It seems to me like a pleasant idea to hold back on the passage of this bill." He later added, "It would be in our best interests to begin proceedings for alternate proposals."
The council voted unanimously to repeal the leaf-burning ban that went into effect a few years ago. The ban was implemented in response to concerns citizens had aired about pollution caused by leaf burning. But concerns have changed, and the legislation now reflects that.
Councilwoman Patricia Scirica explained breezily, "it's a pain to haul leaves out to the dump, and besides air pollution is just not a problem." Scirica went on to say that leaf
Burning adds a rustic atmosphere that attracts tourism.
Outraged protesters marched on the municipality center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
The inhabitants of Jasonia are heartily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
Chamber of commerce president, Andrew Utley, led an assembly this morning to address the want for more roads between Jasonia and its neighboring cities.
Business people from masses of shops and offices spoke heartily about what more roads would mean for commercial interests: lucre.
"We can't open our community branch office until we can get there," said Ingmar Woo, president of The Pig Hut.
Local celebrity Oscar Schneider was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really maim my career!"
After the incident, mayor Barton of Tallahassee noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
What first attracted droves of citizens to Jasonia was the scenery. The trees in particular offered a restful sigh of green in the crossways of concrete. But now, the trees are disappearing at the hand of the town, an act inhabitants are having a hard time forgiving.
"We used to picnic near the tree that was here. We'd sometimes see the hawk family that was nesting in it. The kids would swing from the branches, and Spot would...Well, Spot liked it, too," stated an unhappy resident. "If this kind of nature bullying continues, we'll have to consider moving to a community like Jasonia once was."
"Analyzing the situation lightly," a Jasonia lawyer noted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."