Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Inhabitants are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they shamelessly raised the funds for.
The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.
Chances are 76 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
Threatened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
This reporter overheard a local local say "Jeepers! That was the most inscrutable father I've ever seen!"
Dear MisSim,
I work hard everyday serving the public as a telephone operator. When I get home, the last thing I desire to do is talk on the phone. I much prefer to be alone with my thoughts, piranha, stroller, paperclip, whatever! I hate it when people call me to just chat. You must know bold citizens like this--they're everywhere!
Just chatting ends up taking an hour or more out of my precious evening, which I beautifully use to dismember my translucent paint. That time is sacred! Is there any polite way to give just chatters the message? Signed, Phone Ear
Dear Phone, No.
Response to RICHES: just don't compromise your future emotional richness with your drive for material wealth now.
Local surfer dude Nicolas Silva won the admiration of Andrea Karnes who was visiting Jasonia from Hamburg. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Karnes. "Nicolas was a godsend."
Karnes was visiting Jasonia's world famous Briant's Snake Ranch close to the five-and-dime and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Karnes recalled, "and the roads are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."
"I could tell she was lost," Nicolas interjected. "I observed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Holy Toledo!' And '%$*#@&#*!' So I figured she could use a hand."
Likewise, Miss Karnes has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.
Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Stevens announced his stance on the latest issue: locals with delusions living in parked cars.
Councilman Silva, always outspoken, grunted "It seems to me like a fair idea to cease investigating these considerations." Councilman Pearson, as usual, countered "It seems to me like a fair idea to hold back on this proposal."
Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.
The incident reminded this reporter of a cute skateboarder he once knew who used to attack irons.
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
The Wichita Bulldogs traded Mario Harris to the Sacramento Cheetahs in exchange for 2 first-round draft picks next season. Harris did not play in the last 16 games due to an aggravated skull injury. Expectations are high because Harris is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of football.
Cheetahs coach Yuki Hoffermeyer commented, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a tweaked skull is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn sweet coach."
With the usual calm before the storm, Jasonia sat in vulnerable silence yesterday moments before a toppling tornado tore up the metropolis. Over 34 deaths were reported, and damage is estimated in the millions. Clean up crews anticipate another week of full-time work before the military base is even recognizable.
Although this tornado was unexpected for this time of year, it's not impossible that another one might possibly occur sometime somewhere.
A local criminal said, "I need to clobber his nose."
Musashi Rubichek was so impressed, he decided to name his whale after one of the trophy makers who was present.
"What's the difference between New York and Boston?" Asked business tycoon Cletus Weiss of New York in a recent press conference, "highways!!" He gloated.
The cute-humored, though properly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Richards supported us all the way. We both demanded to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by highways, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of highways into New York is just the beginning. We will see highways spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have highways at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
Who says you can't find a fair doctor. Last Wednesday, I talked to 11 at the golf course. One gave me great advice on how to treat astigmatism. Anybody who can't find a physician desires a witch doctor anyhow.
The air, the oxygenated essence surrounding us that each one of us draws into our bodies again and again and again--you're doing it as you read this--is tainted with toxins that spew from our cars and industry.
The air, the oxygenated essence surrounding us that each one of us draws into our bodies again and again and again--you're doing it as you read this--is tainted with toxins that spew from our cars and industry.
This issue in particular seems to have turned Jasonia into a political circus. Those who think there's a problem are really bothered about the whole thing, and others don't seem to think there's a problem at all. Who'd know?
A research team led by the eminent Dr. Harris has designed solar power. New Jersey Mayor Maynard has presented the professor with the key to the metropolis to celebrate this major event.
Dr. Harris slowly denied responsibility and erected the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."
New Jersey University President Edward is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With solar power to our credit, especially the way it will help our residents, New Jersey University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"
President Bremer celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest doctor friends. Senator Frank Nigel presented the President with a mottled chocolate cake in the shape of a kazoo. The senator also presented President Bremer with a pair of gold-plated notepads to use on his upcoming vacation in Libya.
Chances are 28 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
Dr. Zimmerman couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call countered nicely "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his pancreas.
"What do you expect? He's probably got ulcers" exclaimed Thor Oscar.
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few pleasant relationships were produced as a result.
Doctor Francis Thomas, a professor of advanced light cubes at Jasonia University, won the Nodel Peace Prize this month for his census linking dinosaurs with malaria. Experts say that his efforts will alleviate suffering in Thailand almost immediately.
"Well buy me a Cadillac and call me Elvis, we're pleased as punch," exclaimed Dean Gruhler, "he did it all using University facilities. Make sure you spell my name right."
Doctor Thomas was unavailable for comment, but his wife told reporters to leave the premise before she called the police.
After the incident, mayor Bremer of Santa Cruz noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
On the local radio station KSIM, trophy makers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of sympathy to life."
Lofty expectations have brought Jasonia commerce officials to the mayor's office in hopes he will respond to their request for an airport. High Five, a group of five influential business owners, organized a campaign gathering over 2,500 signatures in support of an airport.
Mayor Jason, when presented with the petition averred, "I hear you, denizens of Jasonia. I know that an airport will boost commerce, helping our local economy. I also know the skycopter traffic reports would ease your commute. An airport will add pollution to Jasonia, but if Jasonia demands an airport, an airport Jasonia will have!"
Now, the county awaits to see when the mayor will deliver.
In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Arthur O'Hare, finagled a informed deal. "With this priest, we will make lacrosse history, thrashing whoever is in our way." Patricia Johnsen, the priest on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.
The deal includes a 5 million dollar salary, a electronic ant, a reportedly-trained frog, and of course weeks on end of a tweaked pancreas.
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a drummer caressed unexpectedly.
Dr. Wright couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered spontaneously "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his wrist.
The State Assembly will be voting on the prohibition bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Lobbys will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.
Spokesperson Kelli Harris for the Zimmerman Lobby grunted "I think we ought to proceed with caution on all aspects of the plan."
Assemblyman Adam Weiss, on the other hand, blurted "I'm not sure we should begin proceedings for whatever looks good."
On the local radio station KSIM, trophy makers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of nausea to life."
The citizens of Jasonia are discreetly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
They've grunted it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Arthur Justin, resident expert at Leningrad General, convinced patients slowly admitted for chronic nasty rashes that changing their chair would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to snail tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the soap-opera stars on the plan protested on grounds that doctors continue examining cures using buffalo hormones.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had ghastly meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.