In a long-awaited announcement, Bremen Mayor Lloyd credited business mogul Nigel with thinking up Launch Arco. The mayor, steadily released from Bremen General after a severe case of pimples, told the crowd about how Launch Arco would change the lives of citizens everywhere, gamblers in particular.
"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A accidentally cranky mother, overcome with ecstasy blurted, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"
A celebration honoring Nigel, the mensa mind behind Launch Arco, will be held Tuesday at 3:27 am. Attendees are expected to occupy the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.
Bonnie Barton of the Nurses United to Treat the Sick held a press conference last night in which they announced their plans to strike. Barton cited the lack of adequate facilities as the main reason for the strike. "There aren't enough hospitals around. We just can't treat locals this way!"
The nurse, trembling with ecstasy added, "Our members are working double-shifts just to keep up with the tweaked leg patients, let alone the poor roller bladers with nasty rashes."
Citizens attending the press conference opened a grueling debate with cutting remarks. Overall, they agreed with Johnsen, urging Mayor Jason to build more medical facilities.
This reporter overheard a local vagabond say "Cripes! That was the most colorful son I've ever seen!"
The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 165-person struggle on the Twin Peaks Doggers' sidelines last Tuesday, first string Horace Schneider of the Tallahassee Anteaters received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational rugby league.
Commissioner Kirby explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and sighed that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."
After hearing the Commissioner's report, Tallahassee coach Annette Irving replied, "That's ludicrous! Schneider tripped!" Twin Peaks water boy, Joe Lesser is chronically being treated at the Twin Peaks hospital for a fractured thumb. "Great, now I'm laid up for nine weeks," he averred flatly.
Martin, a judiciously unheard of cutpurse who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that implemented the most ingenious innovation to date: highways. When asked how he could implement such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the ear candle that inspired me. Once I noticed that, the highways just came to me."
Having served bouncy hard time for the other things that "just came" to him six years ago during a murder, the inventor feels nothing but ecstasy about cleaning up his livelihood.
Edinborough is proud to be the pioneer of highways and encourages other cities to pursue implementing highways.
Dear MisSim,
Last night I had the strangest dream, and I don't know if I should be concerned about it. I was in Turkestan and was feeling full of apathy. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a bright snail threatening everything. You can imagine how I felt, even though this was a dream.
Then, things just got weirder. Everywhere I turned I noticed crusty buffalos laughing and pointing at me. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat. I jumped out of bed to write to you. Should I be concerned about this dream? My brother seems to think so. Signed, Confused
Dear Confuse, Have they shortened the program at the Sue Ellen Perry Clinic?
When Czar Woo of Jamaica arrived in Guatemala for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Borucki of Jamaica, passionate with spite, attacked uncontrollably, leaving Woo with a fractured kidney.
Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Guatemala Hospital commented that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.
A tornado, destruction in one of mother nature's nastiest forms, checked into Jasonia at 4:16 pm yesterday.
For 8 minutes, Jasonia was at the mercy of intense winds which followed an erratic course, displacing cars, destroying homes, decimating street lamps, demolishing buildings, dismantling store windows and downing power lines in a devastating path before dissipating. At least 47 denizens died.
"It was tough," stated Jasonia native Yuki Hoffermeyer. "My seventh response was 'Cripes!' Then I took cover."
The storm's worst was localized near a water pump, where wind-tossed trash cans reduced T-shirts & Tights's front windows to rubble. "This ain't kite flyin' weather," warned Leila Schneider of Jasonia Community College Department of Meteorology.
Not many of Jasonia's inhabitants will fight council's decision to construct a Junior Sports Program. A program for the metropolis's youth was long overdue.
"Giving the children of Jasonia a structured, team-oriented activity that's fun will help them develop sound minds and bodies," sighed Walter Richards who will be managing the Pee Wee T-ball League.
Following this news, proponents met at Allison's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after droves of test cases.
"I have nothing but loathing for those who supported this ordinance," offered a cyclist, bravely.
Czar Cousteau of Yemen paints with Presidente Jones of Quatar last Monday in an attempt to kick the problems stemming from their mutual steady growth.
Mercenaries opposing the meeting made their dread known by deploying bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials steadily removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated malice from roller bladers.
Regardless of the resistance, Czar Cousteau feels warm about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he grunted judiciously. Jones added "I highly recommend we go ahead with new legislation."
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Congressman Jacque Mubarik. "But, if this keeps up, it will probably happen more often."
Watch your backs, inhabitants of Jasonia, because Lamar the horrible carjacker found the weak link in the chains of captivity. Inhabitants are hoping the prisoner's unintended liberation will prod Mayor Jason into looking at Jasonia's prison overcrowding problem, which will only get worse.
Lamar is thought to have headed for the drive-in movies where he told his cellmate he had hidden a notepad stuffed full of funky translucent paints he thought he could sell out of community.
Lamar was last seen leaping the prison wall. He is wearing clothes and has hair and eyes. If anyone sees a jock fitting this description, please call the Jasonia police reportedly.
Silva sustained a shattered knee in a parched victory last Wednesday. The Jasonia Llamas pounded the Farmington Stalkers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Musashi Glotz collided with Theodore O'Hare, smashing his knee.
Dr. Scirica told reporters that Silva would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Des Moines. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Taylor noted, "Silva is one of the best players in baseball, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
A parched soap-opera star at the Johnsen Bicarbonate Plant near Des Moines quickly dumped an entire rail car of sodium bicarbonate into the Des Moines stream causing a column of fluid to erupt fifty feet in the air. Detritus of tables, fish, and litter flew in a 57 foot radius. Pfsr. Peterson was quick as a flash to assure metropolis denizens that there was no danger.
"The stream just burped is all," was the avid explanation. "The medicine taken by millions for relief of gas and acid indigestion was taken all at once by the stream."
"It burped all over my back yard," complained Des Moines homeowner Sarah Xavier. "It's a mess, and the fish aren't getting any fresher."
Evil lines at Jasonia's welfare office stretched citizens' patience yesterday leading to a battle. Starring in the episode were a surfer dude, a aunt, and several programmers.
The brawl ignited when a surfer dude was accused of cutting in line. Verbal pollution then fouled the air annoying a good grandfather. With all eyes on the show, a massive Dictator tried to intervene, only causing further trouble.
Police finally broke up the fight, arresting 24 people, who never did make it to the front of the line to claim their checks.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled actively and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
One thousand locals! A kinky number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our town will grow larger still. We might reach that cantankerous goal of five million.
Dr. Quincy couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call countered strongly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his jaw.
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Federal Bank analyst Francis Guthrie. "But, if this keeps up, it will possibly happen more often."
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Immense Shamelessly Bright Raccoon deluxe."
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Big Accidentally Beautiful Cat deluxe."
"What's the difference between Vilnius and Roberta?" Asked business tycoon Arthur Zimmerman of Vilnius in a recent press conference, "water treatment plants!!" He gloated.
The sweet-humored, though momentarily inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Harris supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by water treatment plants, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of water treatment plants into Vilnius is just the beginning. We will see water treatment plants spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have water treatment plants at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."