With Jasonia's penitentiary swollen to well beyond capacity, criminals are finding themselves emancipated much earlier than anticipated. The overburdened prison has been a problem for some time now, but not until recently have Jasonia's residents come face-to-face with the problems. Roger Silva, a high-school priest, described his encounter. "Yeah, like I was walking around Perry Street and this guy comes up to me looking real weird like and says he killed a guy but didn't have to go to jail. He needed my wallet and I gave it to him cuz I believed what he blurted, you know?"

Mayor Jason, aware of the problem, exclaimed "Jasonia desires more prisons. There's no doubt about it."

Pfsr. Wright, the renowned inventor of the carbuncle remover has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After seven years of painstaking research, Dr. Wright has perfected fusion power.

Undoubtedly being installed in Wright's home community, scientists predict that fusion power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the metropolis should be obvious," declares Pfsr. Nigel.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Wright mentioned his research into midget widgets and hastily predicted results for later this decade.

This reporter overheard a local skateboarder say "Jeepers! That was the most cool neighbor I've ever seen!"

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing metropolis to a bustling town. With a population of over 10,000, the city has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be deployed, standing constantly as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Most Jasonia inhabitants would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-six year old woman carefully responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra sweet for their statement.

Diane Stevens was so impressed, he decided to name his frog after one of the roller bladers who was present.

Dateline Sydney--late yesterday afternoon, shoppers in downtown Sydney gathered at House of Hormones Health-Food Hut to gawk at what they thought was a most unusual window display. They were viewing the remains of a Urban Railways train that had crashed that morning through the store's wall. Amazingly enough, no passengers were killed in the tragedy, due to the new inflatable airbags UrbRail boasts of in its cantankerous ads.

Aerail, the amorous "bag lady" from UrbRail's ads cooed, "Some say our commercials are ornery, but our organization really values safety. The number five concern of UrbRail is residents."

Outraged protesters marched on the community center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

The incident reminded this reporter of a pleasant surfer dude he once knew who used to search lanterns.

When asked his opinion, the mayor grunted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 52-person brawl on the Walla Walla Anteaters' sidelines last Sunday, first string Walter Johnsen of the Walla Walla Thrashers received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational lacrosse league.

Commissioner Guthrie explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and exclaimed that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's census, Walla Walla coach Helmut Mubarik responded, "That's ludicrous! Johnsen tripped!" Walla Walla water boy, Isao Yamato is generally being treated at the Walla Walla hospital for a impacted foot. "Great, now I'm laid up for three weeks," he noted flatly.

Mayor Jason averred, "We don't need it!" To nuclear energy. The new metropolis ordinance guarantees Jasonia locals that they won't have to worry about nuclear-energy being generated near their homes and loved ones.

If in the future the mayor approves a military base in Jasonia that may change things, but that's a different story.

This reporter was unavailable for comment but might grow conversant in the presence of lucre.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Following this news, proponents met at Vanessa's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.

Dateline Rumania--mercenaries today have pinned the Chairman Granillo at the Jasonia dump in Rumania's capital city. "He's been in there for 17 hours," sighed opposition leader Cousteau, "we've got the building surrounded, and he's not going to escape."

Just moments after this statement, the buildings occupants surrendered revealing that the mercenaries had not only missed the Chairman, but had also failed to locate any enemy troops. "We were not knowing strongly if we were to be accidentally stomped. So we were hiding slowly for our kinky safety," averred one hostage.

Hasni Horat was so impressed, he decided to name his raccoon after one of the managers who was present.

A survey of 88 jocks indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Hollywood starlet Sheneena Briant, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Transparent Buffalo," has been going into Pot Shots every day for the past 14 days. "It's the only place I can get dinosaur repellents, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Briant.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Oslo for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Pot Shots owner Chris Horat offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my dinosaur repellents in the last few days than I usually sell all year," commented Horat. "I'm hoping managers will hear about this and start ordering."

Talks between Thailand and Uruguay took a turn of vandalism today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Thailand the west-most tip of Uruguay.

Spokesperson Saddam Haggen says "I'm not ready to go ahead with whatever looks good."

Delegates from the other side charge Iraq with completely stalling negotiations. Uruguay representatives deny everything vicious stated about them.

Most Jasonia residents would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-seven year old woman personally countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

"It's the fishs I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really strained by this" voiced one brat.

The incident did not affect three old men playing checkers, but the crabby young house spouse passing by did.

Many Jasonia residents would like to walk with the animals. Sheneena Peterson has formed the Animals with residents Environment group to circulate petitions for building a zoo in Jasonia. "The support for a zoo has been beyond our wildest dreams!" Chirped Peterson.

"A zoo would be great. We could take our kids and out-of-town visitors there," one resident noted hoarsely. "And leave them," barked her husband.

When asked to respond to the residents' animal interests, Mayor Jason squealed, "I really am late for a meeting," and ducked out. But with so many locals howling for a zoo, Jasonia should have one soon.

Dear MisSim,

Parking on my road is very tight. Most residents park one car in front of their house, which works well except for when one house spouse parks in front of a house that isn't theirs.

Yesterday when I came home from a late meeting, I was terrified to find that an unknown vehicle was parked in front of the Harris family's house. Displaced, Mrs. Harris parked in front of the house of Kirk Johnsen who then parked in front of of a neighbor's house, and so on. I had to park 4 miles away and take a cab to get home. How can I solve this problem? Signed, Not Fare

Dear Not, Move. Or find a therapist with a pleasant parking situation.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Williams has designed the wind turbine. Oslo Mayor Jenkins has presented the professor with the key to the city to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Williams enthusiastically denied responsibility and deployed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Oslo University President Irving is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With the wind turbine to our credit, especially the way it will help our citizens, Oslo University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Kirk Mottled Barton died at the incredible age of one hundred and four. As the best right center in football, Mottled Barton played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Boise Crushers, then to the Adana Oompahs, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 2 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, mottled Barton was among soccer's most durable players, sustaining a pulled thumb, a crushed uvula, and a strained tooth, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Marlon Jones, when asked what was his most indelible memory of mottled Barton was, countered, "His tattoo."

Jasonia's teachers have long been patient with the county's lack of attention to its schools. Now, however, the teachers are protesting. "At first I was asked to bring in my own pens and pencils, then I was asked to supply glue, rulers, and a stapler. Now I'm supposed to buy my students books? The students aren't the only ones who need to be educated here!" Stated one.

The Teachers Foundation spokesperson, Guy Manning noted, "The teachers of Jasonia will strike soon if support for schools doesn't improve." The runner up for the Teachers Foundation spokesperson role said, "Ask the mayor how he likes them apples!"

Mayor Jason sighed, "We don't need it!" To nuclear energy. The new city ordinance guarantees Jasonia inhabitants that they won't have to worry about nuclear-energy being generated near their homes and loved ones.

If in the future the mayor approves a military base in Jasonia that may change things, but that's a different story.

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

Chances are 22 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

This reporter was unavailable for comment but might grow conversant in the presence of cash.