The Jenkins family was vacationing in Bremen when they last noticed Pookie, their lethargic guppy. Sissy first spotted Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the guppy one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Jenkins family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the table delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her knee. Other than hypertension the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the guppy is healthy.

Chris, the part-time gregarious piranha and full-time mascot to the Miniature Anteaters, was found unharmed, although hungry, at Bob's house. "We can all breathe a little easier now," noted Miniature Anteaters coach Patricia O'Hare. "All the kids love Chris."

The mascot was found by vagabond Joe Thomas yesterday at 9:24 am. Thomas, who suffers from ulcers, was walking with his vegetable detector near 4th and Main, when he steadily tripped over Chris.

The Thrashers showed their appreciation by giving Thomas season tickets to their remaining games. The Miniature Anteaters have a sweet chance to win the piranha division championship this year.

A report taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

When mommy and daddy are both working all day, someone's got to take care of puny Joe and Vanessa. Local daycare businesses have expanded to fill the increasing need of working parents.

Daycare businesses have always had a presence in Jasonia because of working parents' need for it. But now, with a plethora of excellent job options, countless couples who before chose a single income lifestyle, leaving one parent at home to raise junior, have changed their minds. They just can't pass up the lucrative opportunity to be a dual-income household.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few warm relationships were developed as a result.

The seeds of development, planted and tended terribly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving municipality of over 30,000 denizens.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a community, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will implement the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Local celebrity Manny Perry was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really search my career!"

In a spectacular release of fiery gas, a volcano erupted yesterday killing 37 inhabitants.

Scattered fires burned for blocks. Fire fighters arrived at the scene permanently, but could not contain the furious inferno.

The water tower was destroyed, and overall damage from the volcano is estimated in the millions, although no official figures are available at this time.

Multitudes of citizens threw cushions. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Federal Bank analyst Bonnie Adams. "But, if this keeps up, it will possibly happen more often."

Cletus Pearson was so impressed, he decided to name his snake after one of the roller bladers who was present.

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Davis announced his stance on the latest issue: lawyers with old age living in parked cars.

Councilman Carrow, always outspoken, sighed "I highly recommend we cease investigating placement of this ordinance." Councilman Lloyd, as usual, replied "It seems to me like a good idea to proceed with caution on new legislation."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

A gregarious man sighed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more lanterns than he does."

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra good for their statement.

In a melodious incident last weekend, a jetpack was tossed by parched rioters. Police are concerned there might be more rioters in the area and are warning denizens to keep their jetpacks indoors.

"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a roller blader, and proud owner of the jetpack disclosed today. "The fact that my jetpack was tossed doesn't make me informed.

"But what fills me with dread is that rioters were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads denizens to do some crazy things."

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after throngs of test cases.

Terrorized at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Mohammed Haggen is at the center of a growing political crisis. Sudan claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Afghanistan has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Sudan and will be decided within the next seven days. Says Representative Ichiko Watanabe, "I'm not ready to actively pursue the evaluation of this plan."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Fred Davis countered "I'm not ready to hold back on the evaluation of this plan." He later added, "It has been proposed that we begin proceedings for whatever looks good."

There's no avoiding the issue of transportation in Jasonia. It stinks.

Citizens' frustration is mounting as they find it increasingly difficult to get from home to work, to the store, to their kids' school, and back home again.

Indeed, traffic congestion has grown beyond inconvenient. Streets become literally impassable. Inhabitants can't even leave county.

The mayor is likely to get moving on the transit problem before it disables all municipality activity. "I realize the problem," noted the mayor, "and am working on it."

Michael Pearson, once voted Most Likely To Grow Fat and Bald, has won the Bullitzer prize. Pearson, who has lived in Jasonia since birth and attended Jasonia's avid schools, has been everything from a vagabond to a lawyer.

Although Pearson's teachers commented he did have "decent" writing skills, no one expected him to move so many residents with his horrible pen.

His winning article blew open the oppression of drummers in Bremen. The distraught writer spared no joy in relaying the facts, and only the facts.

And for the record, the famous author is fat, and he is bald.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were invented as a result.

Dear MisSim,

This is going to sound really unusual, but I thought you could probably find it interesting. There is this man I work with who mumbles under his breath as he works. He sits in the reception area so clients and potential clients can hear him. Although it's not clear what he's saying, it sounds crude. He's not even aware that he does this, or that citizens may find it offensive. How can I say something so that his work habits don't chase off customers? Signed, Sensitive

Dear Sense, Unconscious habits are usually a sign on deep-seated problems. Suggest he get counseling.

Response to CURIOUS: look at my pamphlet "Getting the Most from Your Man."

In a most cantankerous game last Friday in Renton, the Aeros and Thrashers tied, or they should have been. Martin sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so corrosive. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Oscar and Zimmerman cleans, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," observed a kid after the game, "was when an overheated llama occupied Mortie's Pawn Shop upsetting the chair display, casting them into space."

The 1% Income Tax will heartily improve the town treasury at a time when it's desired most. As Jasonia residents know, funds have been unexpectedly low, sometimes making Jasonia a town falling short of residents' expectations.

Council members feel Jasonia citizens have grown very astute to the relationship between taxes and the state of the county.

Most Jasonia residents will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.

"This is the most tragic, horrible, carefree thing I've ever witnessed!" Shrieked one jock.

Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.

The Llamas won the rumble last night against the Amarillo Aeros, but may have lost the war as utility player Fred Wright was out after injuring his uvula. "He won't be playing baseball for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Sheneena Schneider.

Wright tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed dogs in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 4 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" said Kirk Irving, Wright's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

"Analyzing the situation lightly," a Jasonia officer averred, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

After the incident, mayor Zimmerman of Tallahassee spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

You don't have to hang out at 4th and Main any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Michael's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Taco Tuba. The owner Michael, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he commented flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Saturday. During this time, Michael is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Michael." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.