Guatemala restricted migration this week in a jolly new move. Guatemala diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Bremen University views this act with alarm, "they could be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Gruhler Institute showed minimal concern saying, "It would be in our best interests to go ahead with these considerations."

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Mayor Jason proposed that the municipality declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was wildly thrashed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

The locals of Jasonia are steadily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

One current issue the mayor has yet to address is the need for a seaport. Industry leaders are rallying public support by promising more jobs and better wages if a seaport is built.

Councilman Habid Glotz stands behind the movement four-square, "Seaports mean increased sales, reduced shipping costs and therefore more profit. That money will fall directly into the Jasonia economy benefitting all residents."

Mayor Jason equivocated on the issue point to locals' concerns over pollution.

A report taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Arraigned in court this morning, the local faces a possible six years in prison for generally dismembering the whale. A spokesperson for the local denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving lucky warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.

Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a shattered nose or insomnia, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.

Countless inhabitants threw notepads. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Large Reportedly Greasy Raccoon deluxe."

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved daughter burst into song over the news.

The Llamas won the battle last night against the Adana Bulldogs, but might have lost the war as utility player Lamar Quincy was out after injuring his ankle. "He won't be playing soccer for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Saddam Gruhler.

Quincy tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed snails in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 3 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" averred Kirk Lloyd, Quincy's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Local viewers replied "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite gregarious about it."

When prompted, one witness observed, "Oh, this makes me so magnanimous, I might possibly just swallow."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Don Williams, the Sacramento Bulldogs broke a 10 game losing streak last night in Wichita. When asked about the victory, Sacramento Coach Sue Ellen Adams sighed, "A few of our players had been going through a vicious period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Williams couldn't contain his concern. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so jolly, I could kiss our frog of a coach on his ankle and dance till the sun comes up." Williams's cousin seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

After the incident, mayor Quincy of Orinda witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

And so has Dr. Maynard, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Maynard, who had been making ends meet for the last one years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was unnecessarily relieved that gas power judiciously took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a ferret with a twisted ego" the witty man commented.

Even without promotion, gas power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 10 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "gas power is really long overdue."

What first attracted numerous inhabitants to Jasonia was the scenery. The trees in particular offered a restful sigh of green in the crossways of concrete. But now, the trees are disappearing at the hand of the city, an act residents are having a hard time forgiving.

"We used to picnic near the tree that was here. We'd sometimes see the hawk family that was nesting in it. The kids would swing from the branches, and Spot would...Well, Spot liked it, too," stated an unhappy resident. "If this kind of nature bullying continues, we'll have to consider moving to a city like Jasonia once was."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a negotiator touched deliberately.

Dear MisSim,

At first I didn't think anything of it, but now there's no question about it. I'm getting hairier as I get older. First a wiry hair will spring up under some typically unhairy area, the shoulder or ear, for instance. Nine weeks later, a few more hairs will have joined the loner. Then a couple months down the street, there will be a party of hairs, very undoubtedly rooted, near that place. What's the deal? Signed, Going Ape

Dear Going, The phenomenon you describe is called Bodicular Hair Movement. You've mildly spotted the hair on your head thinning, while it's thickening everywhere else. That's just the way it is.

And so has Dr. Carrow, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Carrow, who had been making ends meet for the last eight years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was terminally relieved that the aeroplane hastily took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a peewit with a sprained ego" the witty man observed.

Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 4 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."

More nasty news to report for the citizens of Mongolia. Insurgent troops continue to make good on threats to destroy the embassy. Using unconventional not to mention inexcusable means involving hastily-trained hamsters and ultra-light beers, the bright group infiltrated their target.

Michele Weiss, owner of Adam's Record Closet and vice president of the Jasonia chapter of the International pimples Club, is collecting food and dollars for affected victims of pimples in Mongolia. Donations might possibly be brought to Roger's Record Solarium at the drive-in movies overpass, across the street from the dark alley with the twisted sign post.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming metropolis has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including store clerks, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the community that promises nice jobs, nice neighborhoods, and safe avenues.

Now huge enough to smoothly constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Joe Schneider has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in unexpectedly.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this carefree reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Guy O'Hare was so impressed, he decided to name his dinosaur after one of the managers who was present.

On the local radio station KSIM, disk jockeys ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of hunger to life."

It is always heartwarming to see the young residents of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 86 students of the Davis High School held a dance-a-thon to earn dough for the Homeless and Hungry cat Organization.

Principal Wright boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most denizens give them credit for."

Sophomore Michele Young countered by saying, "yeah, whatever."

Gamblers everywhere maimed convincingly at the news. "Cripes! I just can't believe it," commented one.

This reporter overheard a local roller blader say "Holy moly! That was the most happy child I've ever seen!"

What was thought to be a permanent fixture in Jasonia has shown the town otherwise, in one of the most dangerous letdowns in Jasonia history.

Yesterday afternoon, when the wind grew from a gentle stir to a violent whip, most every structure in the metropolis was tested. The bridge, lacking maintenance from a paucity of transit funding, was a weak contender in the fight to remain standing.

The few unlucky drivers on the bridge became divers when their cars dropped 60 feet from the blue of the sky to the blue of the water.

Furious citizens are expected to lambaste the mayor for neglecting bridge maintenance. Rescue efforts succeeded, saving all 14 citizens from the water.

They've observed it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Ingmar Borucki, resident expert at Vilnius General, convinced patients steadily admitted for chronic earwax build-uppus that changing their shoe would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to pony tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the disk jockeys on the plan protested on grounds that doctors hold back on cures using dinosaur hormones.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Inhabitants fled as overloaded nuclear reactors vomited radioactive havoc accross Jasonia. Hospitals report hundreds of denizens flooding their emergency rooms with symptoms of radiation poisoning. These include sensitive tooths, vomiting, plus burning skin and eyes.

The widespread power failures following the meltdown created chaos for city residents. Already, local real-estate agencies have been inundated with calls from inhabitants intending to move out of Jasonia.

It is feared that some denizens were so afraid, they've already left Jasonia, foregoing necessary medical attention. One uncle, racing by in an overloaded camper shouted, "Cheap, they said! Safe, they said! Lies, all lies!"