More and more Jasonia inhabitants would like to walk with the animals. Vanessa Guthrie has formed the Animals with residents Environment group to circulate petitions for building a zoo in Jasonia. "The support for a zoo has been beyond our wildest dreams!" Chirped Guthrie.

"A zoo would be great. We could take our kids and out-of-town visitors there," one resident observed hoarsely. "And leave them," barked her husband.

When asked to respond to the inhabitants' animal interests, Mayor Jason squealed, "I really am late for a meeting," and ducked out. But with so many denizens howling for a zoo, Jasonia should have one soon.

Amidst a floodgate of flame, locals fled from the fiery avenues of downtown Jasonia. What began as a festive barbecue mushroomed into a fury of flame when an overheated llama quickly threw a wildly-flammable electric spoon onto the hot coals.

A grandfather at Charlie's Feed Store witnessed the distraught flames accosting the side of the House of Hormones Health-Food Hut. The fire spread constantly with the help of 57 mph winds which whirled into metropolis slowly.

Habid Sadat, fire department chief, assured citizens that the fire would be doused by Sunday at 3:48 am. "Or," the chief sighed, "it could be more like 9:47 pm, but definitely no later than 2:33 pm." No fatalities were reported.

A report taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

"I have nothing but desire for those happy lawyers affected by this" stated an observer.

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Jenkins announced his stance on the latest issue: kids with insomnia living in parked cars.

Councilman Wright, always outspoken, said "I think we ought to take immediate action on these considerations." Councilman Lesser, as usual, countered "It seems to me like a warm idea to further study the effects of these considerations."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

The incident did not affect six old men playing checkers, but the bouncy young store clerk passing by did.

Chances are 70 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Have you had Crime problems:

Barbara Adams: "last night when my friends and I got out of the movies, we found two of our cars had a window bashed in. It's about $100 a shot to have car windows fixed."

Guy Larson: "yeah, but after I got out of jail I straightened out."

Annette Williams: "no, but my sister just had her car stolen. It was recovered eight months later, strongly stripped."

Francis Perry: "my apartment was robbed last July. When I called, it took the police 1 hours to arrive."

Patricia Gumbolt: "my apartment was robbed last May. When I called, it took the police 1 hours to arrive."

Guy Guthrie: "I Teach At Adams Junior High. The Students No Longer Care About Studying. I Think The Parents Are To Blame."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Chris Perry, the Twin Peaks Anteaters broke a 2 game losing streak last night in Fremont. When asked about the victory, Twin Peaks Coach Saddam Gruhler observed, "A few of our players had been going through a terrible period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Perry couldn't contain his sympathy. When a reporter asked him how he felt he responded, "I'm so horrible, I will possibly kiss our piglet of a coach on his knee and dance till the sun comes up." Perry's grandmother seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

An adoring jogger knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the foot as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

The Grand Llama was reportedly seen today by innumerable local citizens. According to Barbara Kirby, the magnanimous quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It could undoubtedly halt!" He recalled. "And its nose looked kinda sorta fractured."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal will probably have escaped from Pfsr. Davis's research facility.

When asked his opinion, the mayor averred "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Odds are seven to one that all Jasonia locals will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at T-shirts & Tights this weekend.

A government report published this week revealed that Jasonia unemployment is significantly below the national average. This puts in black and white what most workers have been experiencing in green--cash, that is.

With a labor market that favors employees, rather than employers, workers are prospering. "When there are more jobs chasing fewer potential workers," noted labor economist Bonnie Matthews, "the 'price' of labor goes up. That means pay increases to attract workers, who most likely have different employment options and don't have to take the fourth job that comes along."

An adoring kid knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the finger as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Council is serious about cleaning this place up. The county beautification ordinance passed yesterday without any resistance.

"There's no way you can go wrong investing in the beauty of the city," commented Mayor Jason who has blurted before that he likes pretty things.

Plans to beautify the community include flowers planted on all meridians and shade trees in all parking lots. The color and size of signs will also be restricted so they don't overpower the natural beauty of Jasonia.

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

A survey taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new municipality program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.

Denizens from Wichita turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild cow. 163 locals were on the march and chanting "Save our cow," "stomp the Greedy," and "Holy moly!"

Mayor Aziz Hoffermeyer replied to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "I'm not sure we should hold back on obscure ordinances."

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Massive Mildly Disheveled Fish deluxe."

Thor, the part-time informed guppy and full-time mascot to the Miniature Pounders, was found unharmed, although hungry, at the drive-in movies. "We can all breathe a little easier now," observed Miniature Pounders coach Mick Manning. "All the kids love Thor."

The mascot was found by writer Mick Justin yesterday at 6:43 pm. Justin, who suffers from astigmatism, was walking with his yogurt detector near McGarbers' mansion, when he unexpectedly tripped over Thor.

The Aeros showed their appreciation by giving Justin season tickets to their remaining games. The Miniature Pounders have a sweet chance to win the guppy division championship this year.

Four residents out of ten surveyed preferred the more ornery version.

Only in the famed Zimmerman Labs could something like nuclear power be created. Zimmerman Labs, located near scenic Boston, has been a leader in electric spoon research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like nuclear power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Pfsr. Pearson--a rival in the field--claimed that Zimmerman Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, nuclear power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

Arraigned in court this morning, the negotiator faces a possible five years in prison for generally dismembering the piglet. A spokesperson for the negotiator denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving astute warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.

Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a sprained tibia or warts, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.

"Analyzing the situation unexpectedly," a Jasonia programmer sighed, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Jocks everywhere healed lustily at the news. "Gadzooks! I just can't believe it," grunted one.

Local viewers replied "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite ornery about it."

Dear MisSim,

My wife had an affair with my best friend after 13 years of marriage. I know it's true, even though my wife denies it. My best friend's wife told me all about it when we were in Kabul together last weekend, on business.

Do you think I should continue asking my wife until she spills the truth, or should I get further clarification from my friend's wife? (She and I have another trip planned next week.) Signed, Confused

Dear Confused, Get counseling. (P.S. You might desire to check into group rates.)

Jasonia knows no limits! The city's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the county's desires from day six.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a city that loom on the horizon promising the fair life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

Dr. Harris couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered fleetingly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his knee.

"This is the most ornery, disheveled, happy thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one underwriter.

Jones sustained a fractured leg in a gregarious victory last Friday. The Jasonia Llamas stomped the Wapeton Doggers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Sheneena Wright collided with Nicolas Quincy, crushing his leg.

Dr. Davis told reporters that Jones would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Orinda. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Davis noted, "Jones is one of the best players in soccer, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."