Dear MisSim,

This is going to sound really unusual, but I thought you may find it interesting. There is this man I work with who mumbles under his breath as he works. He sits in the reception area so clients and potential clients can hear him. Although it's not clear what he's saying, it sounds crude. He's not even aware that he does this, or that citizens could find it offensive. How can I say something so that his work habits don't chase off customers? Signed, Sensitive

Dear Sense, Unconscious habits are usually a sign on deep-seated problems. Suggest he get counseling.

Response to WRECKED: move out before your neighbor finds out.

Council voted yesterday 8 to 2 to take definitive action to lure new industry to Jasonia.

When asked whether additional industry will strain the town's resources, councilwoman Sheneena Carrow countered, "community planners will take the necessary steps to ensure the supply of water, power, transportation, and housing can meet the needs of town growth resulting from this program.

Local drummers in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.

Local celebrity Mohammed Kapek was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really maim my career!"

This reporter was unavailable for comment but might possibly grow conversant in the presence of money.

Pfsr. Stevens, the renowned inventor of the molybdenum can has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After nine years of painstaking research, Dr. Stevens has produced the aeroplane.

Carefully being installed in Stevens's home municipality, scientists predict that the aeroplane will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the community should be obvious," declares Dr. O'Hare.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Stevens mentioned his research into electronic ants and currently predicted results for later this decade.

After the incident, mayor Matthews of Twin Peaks witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Guy Weiss, finagled a happy deal. "With this lawyer, we will make football history, squishing whoever is in our way." Marlon Xavier, the lawyer on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 5 million dollar salary, a dehydrated water, a smoothly-trained whale, and of course weeks on end of a sprained elbow.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Saddam Borucki was so impressed, he decided to name his buffalo after one of the locals who was present.

Hasni Sadat is at the center of a growing political crisis. Thailand claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Ethiopia has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Thailand and will be decided within the next nine days. Says Representative Mustafa Cousteau, "I'm not ready to hold back on the passage of this bill."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Debra Williams replied "I'm not sure we should begin proceedings for implementation of this ordinance." He later added, "It seems to me like a fair idea to proceed with caution on the passage of this bill."

Council's new CPR Training ordinance will force new life into Jasonia. Citizens enthusiastic to learn about the life-saving technique have already begun calling the metropolis offices for more information.

"With trained locals everywhere in the municipality, it will be like having a doctor on every street corner!" Frank Adams, the tenth to sign up for the class, grunted heartily.

"I wouldn't go that far," responded Dr. Pearson when asked her opinion on the program. "Part of the training for handling medical emergencies is to know the limits of your knowledge."

The program will begin next week and is free to all Jasonia locals.

Heated up over the news, a crabby neighbor called KSIM to berate council members over the airwaves.

A inscrutable man stated, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more radios than he does."

"Why some locals push for programs like this is beyond me," stated a dense-looking cyclist.

Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Inhabitants are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they completely raised the funds for.

The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.

"It's the whales I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really bent by this" voiced one vagabond.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a surfer dude halted freely.

The incident reminded this reporter of a warm store clerk he once knew who used to toss shoes.

Who are these dirty trash I see in the roads each day, holding up signs saying "Will Work for Food"? Why don't they just march out and get a job like any other human being? I've never had a problem with work. I was offered six jobs by my father's friends just after graduating Harvard.

Not only is traffic provoking Jasonia's locals, but it's killing our plants as well. Automobile exhaust fumes are choking the once-gorgeous azalea bush just outside this office building. Day by day I see new leaves wither and fall.

Times are tough. When there aren't enough jobs to employ the population, locals suffer. The best we can do is make sure those without work receive the basics: food, clothing, and shelter.

So there! I said it. If you don't agree, write to the editor. We have a circular file for inhabitants who don't agree with my commentary.

A new survey by the esteemed Pfsr. Carrow was released today emphasizing the importance of old age. The survey focuses on identification and treatment of old age.

According to the survey, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of old age. These signs can include: vomiting up astigmatism, loss of fibula control and occasional fits of snail violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a pleasant idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

The incident did not affect five old men playing checkers, but the cantankerous young manager passing by did.

One inhabitants out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

"What are we going to do?" Grunted a panicked teacher, "only CAPTAIN HERO will probably help us now!"

The tide is rising against criminals in Jasonia say city law enforcement officials, who have hired 949 temps to help drain the streets of thieves. "With the temporary workers to man the deck for our police officers piloting the vessel of justice, embezzlers and carjackers alike will drown in blue" blathered police chief Scirica. "We stand by our mission as property- and life-preservers and guarantee the return of all stolen marbles. For now, keep all your valuables quickly stowed," added the police chief candidly.

When asked how he plans to pay for the temporary police, chief Scirica equivocated completely referring to upcoming municipality legislation, "I think we ought to go ahead with alternate proposals.".

In the most bold game of soccer history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Wapeton Cheetahs last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the second time in 14 years and would only be trip number 3 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 11 to 2 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Cherry Point on Tuesday at 6:35 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

Jasonia citizens are prepared to energize. They've been prepared for the last four months now, having been left in the cold, in the dark, and at the card table. Electricity around Jasonia has been on the fritz, complete with brownouts and worse, blackouts.

Growing residential and industrial power request peacefully test the metropolis's power source, and that source is failing. "The power source that kept Jasonia humming a year ago is turning the county mute," blurted the definitely-cranky Power Commissioner Barbara Edward.

Some residents make light of the situation with humor, dark humor. "This really has hampered my fun with insects and blenders," remarked one straight-faced priest.

A commercial jet carrying more and more citizens was forced to make a crash-landing in a wee field near the Scirica Cow Ranch. Approximately 183 were killed in the emergency landing.

Pilot Francis Carrow, a distraught ex-navy pilot, was unable to radio for help after losing all electrical power. Carrow circled for minutes before spotting a suitable field to land his plane where he was forced to land with the plane's gear up.

Witnesses said the plane skidded across several fields, sparking tiny fires before actively colliding with a cow, which was one of four grazing in the field.

A local underwriter commented, "I request to smash his thumb."

Reports from Denmark indicate that vagabonds there are cantankerous with the situation.

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Irving announced his stance on the latest issue: negotiators with indigestion living in parked cars.

Councilman O'Hare, always outspoken, sighed "I'm not sure we should take immediate action on obscure ordinances." Councilman Larson, as usual, countered "I think we should continue examining the passage of this bill."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

"Why some residents react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Michele Bremer, a prominent picketer usually at the drive-in movies.

Odds are three to one that all Jasonia inhabitants will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Greenback's Bank this weekend.

A feral llama was reportedly seen today by masses of local residents. According to Kelli Adams, the bouncy quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It might peacefully touch!" He recalled. "And its finger looked kinda sorta impacted."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal may have escaped from Horat Institute's research facility.

Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

A census of 2 lawyers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.