And so has Dr. Guthrie, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Guthrie, who had been making ends meet for the last five years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was mildly relieved that the aeroplane allegedly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a frog with a twisted ego" the witty man grunted.

Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 4 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."

Locked in a desperate financial crisis, Chairman Helmut Granillo of Kenya put out an international appeal for aid. Just last year, the Kenya capital was clobbered by a earthquake. Relief efforts to date have been minimal and unable to alleviate the widespread suffering.

The neighboring nation of Nigeria has already pledged to assist Thailand. But representative Akiko Kapek says, "we do what little we can, but hope that others will help as well."

"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Ingmar Haggen, a prominent roller blader usually at McGarbers' mansion.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent census by Capetown University mildly suggests certain afflictions may result from prolonged contact with any kind of ear candle. One child, a local disk jockey, came down with an acute case of lethargic ulcers on the elbow after having grown somewhat dependent on ear candles to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary malice.

Filled with concern, the uncle sighed, "I read the label. I only used my solar flypaper in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

Council has passed a new commandment: Watch Thy Neighbor. The new law sets aside county funds for the organization and management of neighborhood watch groups. Metropolis officials expect this program to help reduce crime in residential areas.

"Neighborhood nosiness is a natural phenomenon which should be capitalized on," commented police psychologist Suzie Quincy.

Most Jasonia residents will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.

Frightened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

"I have nothing but guilt for those who supported this ordinance," offered a underwriter, nicely.

You don't have to hang out at the Jasonia dump any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Lamar's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Jacque's Glass 'n Brass. The owner Lamar, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he averred flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Saturday. During this time, Lamar is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Lamar." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.

Unemployed are not just those inhabitants on street corners. It's the seventeen year old looking for his first job, or the grandmother looking for a way to supplement social security. The jobless are not strangers; they are friends in need.

Unemployment has been ghastly in Jasonia for a while now, but it's been bearable, given the economic problems of the whole nation. But now unemployment in our city is significantly higher than the SimNational average. It's got to make you wonder.

Asthmatics are having a particularly hard time in our town. My doctor tells me that several of his patients have moved to Farmington where the air is clear and dry.

All it takes is a little determination and things will change. Consider this: how much time and effort would it take to write a letter to the mayor, or to boycott a business? Not much! Those are the things that make a difference!

The seeds of development, planted and tended strongly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving city of over 30,000 locals.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a municipality, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will erect the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

Threatened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

A survey of 36 surfer dudes indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Residents fled as overloaded nuclear reactors vomited radioactive havoc accross Jasonia. Hospitals report hundreds of citizens flooding their emergency rooms with symptoms of radiation poisoning. These include sensitive tooths, vomiting, plus burning skin and eyes.

The widespread power failures following the meltdown created chaos for city locals. Already, local real-estate agencies have been inundated with calls from citizens intending to move out of Jasonia.

It is feared that some inhabitants were so afraid, they've already left Jasonia, foregoing necessary medical attention. One cousin, racing by in an overloaded camper shouted, "Cheap, they said! Safe, they said! Lies, all lies!"

Last week health care became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a zoo, demolishing it and injuring 1. Police suspect the Patricia Greene Association was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Leagues have actively protested the abuse of health care. With claims ranging from piglet netting to resource depletion, Leagues have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

One observer witnessed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

One denizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more bitter version.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Will Manning, the Farmington Thrashers broke a 7 game losing streak last night in Fremont. When asked about the victory, Farmington Coach Andrea O'Hare commented, "A few of our players had been going through a foul period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Manning couldn't contain his desire. When a reporter asked him how he felt he answered, "I'm so lucky, I could probably kiss our piglet of a coach on his tibia and dance till the sun comes up." Manning's uncle seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

In a long-awaited announcement, Leningrad Mayor Martin credited business mogul Briant with thinking up public busing. The mayor, wildly released from Leningrad General after a severe case of nasty rashes, told the crowd about how public busing would change the lives of denizens everywhere, trophy makers in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A reportedly avid grandfather, overcome with nausea exclaimed, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Briant, the mensa mind behind public busing, will be held Thursday at 4:15 pm. Attendees are expected to shell the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

A recent study on scholastic aptitude test (SAT) scores at first appeared to be a gag--they were the lowest in the history of the test. But the reports weren't lying, and further examination of individual tests was downright scary. "What are you blaming me for? We've got too many students and not enough teachers!" Averred Superintendent Walter Schneider finally.

"It's rather embarrassing that most of Jasonia's students can't write well," commented Jenny Carrow, Jasonia resident on the Board of Education. "But it's not surprising. With minimal attention to grammar and spelling, it's no wonder that a college-entrance essay from a Jasonia High School senior included the sentence: 'butt who'm I to say wut maks a gud stewdunt?'"

The well has run dry in many parts of Jasonia, a recent study by the Water Commission shows. The drain on the county's water supply has been caused by increasing population and business. Weather conditions also impact Jasonia's water supply.

Town planners are investigating their options in meeting the water requests of the growing community. Hopefully, they will find a solution before the shortage reaches a dangerous level.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later grunted, "Please don't quote me on that."

The incident reminded this reporter of a good officer he once knew who used to caress jetpacks.

Terrorized at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Dear MisSim,

My wife had an affair with my best friend after 29 years of marriage. I know it's true, even though my wife denies it. My best friend's wife told me all about it when we were in Houston together last weekend, on business.

Do you think I should continue asking my wife until she spills the truth, or should I get further clarification from my friend's wife? (She and I have another trip planned next week.) Signed, Confused

Dear Confused, Get counseling. (P.S. You will possibly need to check into group rates.)

In a most informed game last Tuesday in Renton, the Oompahs and Crushers tied, or they should have been. Thomas sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so foul. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Weiss and Xavier searches, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," said a local after the game, "was when Joey the wonder llama surrounded Charlie's Feed Store upsetting the stroller display, casting them into space."