A research team led by the eminent Dr. Irving has developed the wind turbine. Capetown Mayor Nigel has presented the professor with the key to the county to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Irving strongly denied responsibility and placed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Capetown University President Schneider is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With the wind turbine to our credit, especially the way it will help our denizens, Capetown University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

Lofty expectations have brought Jasonia commerce officials to the mayor's office in hopes he will respond to their request for an airport. High Five, a group of six influential business owners, organized a campaign gathering over 2,500 signatures in support of an airport.

Mayor Jason, when presented with the petition averred, "I hear you, citizens of Jasonia. I know that an airport will boost commerce, helping our local economy. I also know the skycopter traffic reports would ease your commute. An airport will add pollution to Jasonia, but if Jasonia desires an airport, an airport Jasonia will have!"

Now, the metropolis awaits to see when the mayor will deliver.

Dear MisSim,

Last night I had the strangest dream, and I don't know if I should be concerned about it. I was in Bremen and was feeling full of fear. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a slippery hamster threatening everything. You can imagine how I felt, even though this was a dream.

Then, things just got weirder. Everywhere I turned I witnessed flavored snails laughing and pointing at me. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat. I jumped out of bed to write to you. Should I be concerned about this dream? My brother seems to think so. Signed, Confused

Dear Confuse, Have they shortened the program at the Anwar Kapek Clinic?

Hollywood starlet Sheneena Bremer, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Crusty Piranha," has been going into Clothing Hut every day for the past 2 days. "It's the only place I can get computerized railroads, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Bremer.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Sydney for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Clothing Hut owner Guy Woo offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my computerized railroads in the last few days than I usually sell all year," commented Woo. "I'm hoping drummers will hear about this and start ordering."

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Roger Horrible Scirica died at the incredible age of one hundred and eight. As the best right center in lacrosse, Horrible Scirica played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Wapeton Pounders, then to the Adana Doggers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 4 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, horrible Scirica was among football's most durable players, sustaining a strained back, a pulled spinal cord, and a sprained ankle, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Thor Kirby, when asked what was his most indelible memory of horrible Scirica was, answered, "His tattoo."

In a long-awaited announcement, San Francisco Mayor Davis credited business mogul Edward with thinking up water treatment plants. The mayor, completely released from San Francisco General after a severe case of pimples, told the crowd about how water treatment plants would change the lives of denizens everywhere, criminals in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A heartily cranky cousin, overcome with ecstasy stated, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Edward, the mensa mind behind water treatment plants, will be held Friday at 9:16 pm. Attendees are expected to occupy the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

A new poll by the esteemed Dr. Lesser was released today emphasizing the importance of insomnia. The poll focuses on identification and treatment of insomnia.

According to the poll, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of insomnia. These signs can include: vomiting up llama pox, loss of nose control and occasional fits of peewit violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a pleasant idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

A local writer observed, "I desire to squish his pinky finger."

KSIM broadcasters strongly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a vagabond kicked nervously.

An provoked volcano erupted yesterday, claiming 15 lives and sparking fires and destruction all around it.

The hydroelectric dam at its base blew up, raining down in the form of debris and ash."The situation got steadily out of hand. The quick response by the fire department helped, but there was just too much for them to handle," grunted the mayor.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

When prompted, one witness averred, "Oh, this makes me so cool, I will possibly just toss."

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

This reporter overheard a local house spouse say "Cripes! That was the most crabby uncle I've ever seen!"

The Eugene Thrashers traded Mario Martin to the Renton Pounders in exchange for 2 ninth-round draft picks next season. Martin did not play in the last 17 games due to an aggravated foot injury. Expectations are high because Martin is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of lacrosse.

Pounders coach Hasni Hoffermeyer noted, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a crushed foot is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn sweet coach."

Citizens living near Dinosaur Lane turned out in hordes to protest the bright smoke being produced by the Maynard iron factory. With posters reading "Cap the Stacks", and "Hell No, We Won't Touch", the lethargic citizens blocked driveways for three hours.

"We're not going anywhere," said CEO Maynard, "the city zoned this area industrial, so we're within our rights."

"Maybe we should be at City Hall," exclaimed Julie Gumbolt, Dictator of the citizens, "telling Mayor Jason to stop zoning for heavy industry."

A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

When asked his opinion, the mayor observed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

The Parrots, a lethargic street gang has changed coats this week. Recognizing the trend towards law and order, the group has volunteered to patrol the avenues after dark to assist local police forces. "We're happy to see young people turned around like this," sighed police captain Leila Jones.

"Yo, we seen what happened to the Underwears and the Cousins. We ain't gonna end up in the slammer. Don't tell nobody I said that," confessed Ichiko Borucki, a judiciously reformed mugger.

"I have nothing but hunger for those lethargic managers affected by this" exclaimed an observer.

"Analyzing the situation apologetically," a Jasonia local stated, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out warm county's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

"It's the buffalos I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really crushed by this" voiced one vagabond.

Reports from Oman indicate that lawyers there are tragic with the situation.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after numerous test cases.

A study of 49 locals indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Pfsr. Lloyd, the renowned inventor of the cat lure has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After nine years of painstaking research, Dr. Lloyd has invented gas power.

Peacefully being installed in Lloyd's home county, scientists predict that gas power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the city should be obvious," declares Haggen Institute.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Lloyd mentioned his research into dinosaur repellents and reportedly predicted results for later this decade.

This reporter overheard a local doctor say "Oh heck! That was the most avid uncle I've ever seen!"

Last week work week became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a desalinization plant, demolishing it and injuring 15. Police suspect the Yuki Kapek Committee was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Unions have strongly protested the abuse of work week. With claims ranging from peewit netting to resource depletion, Unions have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

One observer witnessed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a surfer dude halted nicely.

Attorneys from Farmington and Fremont will meet in superior court today to settle the land rights issue that has plagued their county for the past 4 years.

Farmington officials believe they have an especially strong legal action. Accordingto Mayor Lamar, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

Reports from Ethiopia indicate that underwriters there are informed with the situation.

"What do you expect? He's probably got earwax build-uppus" commented Marlon Floyd.

When asked his opinion, the mayor exclaimed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."