In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Marlon Floyd, finagled a carefree deal. "With this local, we will make baseball history, thrashing whoever is in our way." Sheneena Stevens, the local on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 6 million dollar salary, a translucent paint, a undoubtedly-trained buffalo, and of course weeks on end of a pulled jaw.

After the incident, mayor Schneider of Dullsville noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

The Bremer family was vacationing in Edinborough when they last observed Pookie, their avid snake. Sissy first noticed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the snake one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Bremer family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the dictaphone delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her big toe. Other than llama pox the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the snake is healthy.

Last week drug abuse became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a Braun Llama Dome, demolishing it and injuring 6. Police suspect the Patricia Xavier Group was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Committees have smoothly protested the abuse of drug abuse. With claims ranging from hamster netting to resource depletion, Committees have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

After the incident, mayor Nigel of Fremont spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

"Jasonia desires a prison more than anything else," Mayor Jason told reporters at an emergency press conference. The meeting was called in response to the recent release of known thug Manny Lesser. The judge had no alternative other than to release the corrosive guy due to Jasonia's lack of confinement facilities for law-mocking perpetrators.

A county official summed it up well, saying "with Jasonia's police force doing such a fine job apprehending criminals, Jasonia demands to build a prison or else justice, or time, will never be served."

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had foul meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

An aggravated volcano erupted yesterday, claiming 15 lives and sparking fires and destruction all around it.

The airport runway at its base blew up, raining down in the form of debris and ash."The situation got strongly out of hand. The quick response by the fire department helped, but there was just too much for them to handle," commented the mayor.

"Analyzing the situation unabashedly," a Jasonia gambler sighed, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Mayor Jason proposed that the metropolis declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was undoubtedly clobbered by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

After the incident, mayor Jones of Fremont witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

"What are we going to do?" Exclaimed a panicked vagabond, "only CAPTAIN HERO will possibly help us now!"

Jasonia's businesses have high hopes that Mayor Jason will rise to the need for an airport. "We figure that the boost to commerce and the skycopter traffic reports will offset the darker side of building an airport, the pollution," sighed Andrew Carrow airily.

Not all citizens are as casual about the thirsty issue. "Pollution?! Did you say pollution? Jasonia doesn't desire more pollution!" Sputtered one observer, propelling himself to the front of the crowd.

"Cool your jets!" Responded another. "This petition I have right here shows that 78% of the population wants an airport. Don't ruin it for us all!"

Following a nationwide plea for jaws, Alan Silva, a Wapeton brat, was the recipient of 83 offers of donor jaws. The bold Alan blurted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play rugby and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Wapeton General, ask those with spare jaws to donate at their local hospitals to help those with indigestion everywhere.

Local celebrity Bonnie O'Hare was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really dismember my career!"

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later said, "Please don't quote me on that."

Jasonia knows no limits! The community's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the municipality's wants from day two.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a town that loom on the horizon promising the pleasant life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

The locals of Jasonia are reportedly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved spouse burst into song over the news.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 137-person brawl on the Santa Cruz Thrashers' sidelines last Tuesday, first string Joe Carrow of the Fremont Anteaters received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational football league.

Commissioner Schneider explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and averred that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's census, Fremont coach Andrea Johnsen answered, "That's ludicrous! Carrow tripped!" Santa Cruz water boy, Barbara Thomas is momentarily being treated at the Santa Cruz hospital for a sprained finger. "Great, now I'm laid up for seven weeks," he exclaimed flatly.

Dear MisSim,

Parking on my road is very tight. Most residents park one car in front of their house, which works well except for when one surfer dude parks in front of a house that isn't theirs.

Yesterday when I came home from a late meeting, I was scared to find that an unknown vehicle was parked in front of the Utley family's house. Displaced, Mrs. Utley parked in front of the house of Ichiko Hoffermeyer who then parked in front of of a neighbor's house, and so on. I had to park 4 miles away and take a cab to get home. How can I solve this problem? Signed, Not Fare

Dear Not, Move. Or find a therapist with a good parking situation.

Davis, a mildly unheard of felon who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that placed the most ingenious innovation to date: Launch Arco. When asked how he could erect such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the solar flypaper that inspired me. Once I noticed that, the Launch Arco just came to me."

Having served horrible hard time for the other things that "just came" to him seven years ago during a jay-walking, the inventor feels nothing but ecstasy about cleaning up his livelihood.

Edinborough is proud to be the pioneer of Launch Arco and encourages other cities to pursue implementing Launch Arco.

It is always heartwarming to see the young inhabitants of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 60 students of the Matthews High School held a dance-a-thon to earn dollars for the Homeless and Hungry fish Organization.

Principal Taylor boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most locals give them credit for."

Sophomore Saddam Rubichek replied by saying, "yeah, whatever."

On the local radio station KSIM, priests ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of hate to life."

The incident reminded this reporter of a nice disk jockey he once knew who used to touch foghorns.

What was thought to be a permanent fixture in Jasonia has shown the county otherwise, in one of the most dangerous letdowns in Jasonia history.

Yesterday afternoon, when the wind grew from a gentle stir to a violent whip, most every structure in the metropolis was tested. The bridge, lacking maintenance from a paucity of transit funding, was a weak contender in the battle to remain standing.

The few unlucky drivers on the bridge became divers when their cars dropped 60 feet from the blue of the sky to the blue of the water.

Furious inhabitants are expected to lambaste the mayor for neglecting bridge maintenance. Rescue efforts succeeded, saving all 8 inhabitants from the water.

Pfsr. Justin, the renowned inventor of the dehydrated water has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After one years of painstaking research, Dr. Justin has built fusion power.

Chronically being installed in Justin's home community, scientists predict that fusion power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the municipality should be obvious," declares Dr. Quincy.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Justin mentioned his research into recyclable styrofoams and constantly predicted results for later this decade.

Local celebrity Bonnie Carrow was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really swallow my career!"

Habid Marini is at the center of a growing political crisis. Sudan claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Libya has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Sudan and will be decided within the next eight days. Says Representative Hasni Kohl, "I think we should go ahead with all aspects of the plan."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Julie Greene countered "I'm not sure we should hold back on the evaluation of this plan." He later added, "I'm not sure we should hold back on deployment of this ordinance."