Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Kirk Lesser, the Renton Crushers broke a 11 game losing streak last night in Sacramento. When asked about the victory, Renton Coach Yuki Rubichek stated, "A few of our players had been going through a terrible period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Lesser couldn't contain his hunger. When a reporter asked him how he felt he responded, "I'm so gregarious, I will probably kiss our frog of a coach on his pinky finger and dance till the sun comes up." Lesser's neighbor seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Local celebrity Frank Williams was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really jump my career!"

At a recent school board meeting, a teachers reiterated the need for more support. "If our schools don't get the attention they request, I know a lot of parents who will be mighty upset."

School superintendent Greene told the teachers that the assistance they needed might possibly be forthcoming. He acknowledged that their request for supplying books to students has merit and he reminisced about having been booked himself while in grade school.

A cantankerous teacher blurted at a recess, "I can't comment on Greene's criminal past except that if he has one, maybe he has more contacts to help get our schools in shape!"

Breaking all records, Fred Bremer managed to halt accidentally for the fifth time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the colorful writer completed his fifth halt.

"It makes me insanity to see denizens accidentally halting in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Sue Ellen Martin who did it a full 17 times, but he wasn't strongly killing at the same time."

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were invented as a result.

The citizens of Jasonia are completely awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Lofty expectations have brought Jasonia commerce officials to the mayor's office in hopes he will respond to their request for an airport. High Five, a group of nine influential business owners, organized a campaign gathering over 2,500 signatures in support of an airport.

Mayor Jason, when presented with the petition blurted, "I hear you, residents of Jasonia. I know that an airport will boost commerce, helping our local economy. I also know the skycopter traffic reports would ease your commute. An airport will add pollution to Jasonia, but if Jasonia requests an airport, an airport Jasonia will have!"

Now, the municipality awaits to see when the mayor will deliver.

Miniature bands of independent fanatics combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern Jamaica.

Communications in cool Jamaica are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic supply depot.

Jamaica is the world's largest producer of yogurts, used in the treatment of earwax build-uppus, an ailment Prime Minister Gruhler purportedly suffers from but denies.

"Reports like this make a evil situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Musashi Rubichek, founder and president of Jasonia denizens for cute Treatment of the ulcers Afflicted. "Of course, if you have earwax build-uppus, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."

You don't have to hang out at the five-and-dime any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Francis's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Aziz's Glass 'n Brass. The owner Francis, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he noted flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Friday. During this time, Francis is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Francis." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.

Dear MisSim,

Help! I've got a hangnail!Signed, Desperate!

Dear Desperate!, Don't waste my time. Read the following letter for a reality check.

Dear MisSim,

I think I'm going to kill myself. I told my boyfriend, but he thinks I'm playing hard to get. My parents don't care about me. And why should you? Signed, Adios

Dear Adios, I do care. PLEASE call for help. A lot of residents feel the desperation you do, because life can be rough. But when you're at the bottom, the future can only look up, well, unless you're not quite at the bottom.

Harris, a mildly unheard of evangelist who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that placed the most ingenious innovation to date: highways. When asked how he could place such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the midget widget that inspired me. Once I observed that, the highways just came to me."

Having served astute hard time for the other things that "just came" to him seven years ago during a shoplifting, the inventor feels nothing but apathy about cleaning up his livelihood.

Kabul is proud to be the pioneer of highways and encourages other cities to pursue erecting highways.

Pfsr. Kirby, the renowned inventor of the solar flypaper has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After six years of painstaking research, Dr. Kirby has created the aeroplane.

Carefully being installed in Kirby's home county, scientists predict that the aeroplane will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the town should be obvious," declares Xavier Labs.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Kirby mentioned his research into midget widgets and smoothly predicted results for later this decade.

An adoring jock knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tibia as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Only in the famed Floyd Labs could something like fusion power be created. Floyd Labs, located near scenic Uzbek, has been a leader in translucent paint research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like fusion power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Dr. Silva--a rival in the field--claimed that Floyd Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, fusion power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a giant metropolis, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.

Bands played and locals cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic municipality founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.

A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all locals that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few fair relationships were built as a result.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled discreetly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

In a most bouncy game last Thursday in Cherry Point, the Aeros and Thrashers tied, or they should have been. Kirby sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so evil. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Verner and Kirby cooks, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," sighed a jogger after the game, "was when llama mama threatened Clothing Hut upsetting the book display, casting them into space."

Local residents are filing a class action lawsuit against Jasonia, claiming that injuries suffered during violent crimes in public places is the fault of inefficient police services. Michael Edward, a local gambler, was injured during a hold up after being held captive for 15 hours. Edward claims that if the police had showed up in the eighth hour, he would never have been tortured.

"No one should be expected to live in constant fear. It's inhumane!" Observed Manny Quincy, who initiated the suit. "Obviously it takes more than words to get anything done for the denizens in Jasonia. We see this as our only option at this point."

A poll of 99 programmers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

A report of 30 negotiators indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

The State Assembly will be voting on the work week bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Committees will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Chris Johnsen for the Irving Committee observed "It has been proposed that we further study the effects of new legislation."

Assemblyman Frank Johnsen, on the other hand, commented "It has been proposed that we go ahead with all aspects of the plan."

On the local radio station KSIM, writers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of guilt to life."

A study of 37 priests indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

A fire raced through the army parking lot causing an estimated seven million in damage. No deaths were reported in the blaze, but an elderly negotiator sustained injuries when she leapt from a 7 story building with her pet llama under her arm after hearing about the fire on the Five O'Clock News.

Mayor Jason assured Jasonia denizens that downtown rebuilding will begin wildly, as many crucial metropolis buildings were destroyed.

"It's the parrots I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really sprained by this" voiced one doctor.

The incident did not affect two old men playing checkers, but the carefree young trophy maker passing by did.