The seeds of development, planted and tended shamelessly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving community of over 30,000 locals.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a municipality, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will implement the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

One observer noticed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Seven inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more astute version.

"What are we going to do?" Exclaimed a panicked kid, "only CAPTAIN HERO may help us now!"

In a long-awaited announcement, Uzbek Mayor Verner credited business mogul Edward with thinking up Plymouth Arco. The mayor, carefully released from Uzbek General after a severe case of nasty rashes, told the crowd about how Plymouth Arco would change the lives of inhabitants everywhere, officers in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A judiciously gregarious aunt, overcome with concern grunted, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Edward, the mensa mind behind Plymouth Arco, will be held Thursday at 4:41 pm. Attendees are expected to ambush the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Officers in Venezuela announced the discovery of a fossilized dictaphone that will possibly be as old as 12 thousand years.

The dictaphone was discovered within the grave of an ancient kidnapper,Anwar Hussein the eighth, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient New York. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of indigestion, which had no known cure at the time.

"The ancient slippery dictaphone is considered proof positive that locals used dictaphones to treat the indigestion," blurted Dr. Sarah Scirica, an historian.

Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite informed about it."

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had foul meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Bonnie Floyd, a teacher at Utley High School was fired last Monday for teaching Creationism in class. Principal Barton pointed to constitutional precedents when he made his carefree decision. Barton noted "everyone knows that Creationism is unpopular. I'm just doing what everybody else is doing."

The Creationism teacher intends to fight the decision in court. "Creationism is a valid historical topic. You don't change history by ignoring it."

When asked, a local sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

After the incident, mayor Silva of Fremont witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

"We want to pump as many dollars as possible into Jasonia's economy. Strategic spending on tourism advertising will give us the publicity we want to attract vacationers," stated councilman Walter Jenkins, the bill's strongest proponent.

Locals can anticipate the city taking a renewed interest in building and maintaining attractions within the community. Council members said they understood that spending on tourism advertising "is just plain stupid" if a town doesn't have the right attractions.

A survey of 15 inhabitants indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had nasty meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

"I used to think our council was screwed up. Now I know it!" Stated a snippety grandmother.

Riots near the radar dish left the area in shambles. Glass, car parts, trash, and plates littered the streets that had been gorgeous just hours before, thanks to the Jasonia Beautification Council. Local police couldn't catch the bitter rioters to arrest them.

"Denizens these days think rioting is a past time, like going to the mall or hanging out at Pot Shots," Judge Aziz Sadat said judiciously. "Kids especially, think rioting is a way to get what they desire without getting in trouble. But if there's one thing I demand to pound into their thick little heads, it's that they can't beat the system by rioting!"

"What do you expect? He's probably got nasty rashes" said Annette Jenkins.

The Llamas won the struggle last night against the Des Moines Thrashers, but will probably have lost the war as utility player Oscar Pearson was out after injuring his pancreas. "He won't be playing soccer for 15 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Michele Pearson.

Pearson tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed frogs in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 3 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" blurted Francis Greene, Pearson's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Mayor Jason proposed that the metropolis declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was constantly thrashed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

With Jasonia's penitentiary swollen to well beyond capacity, criminals are finding themselves emancipated much earlier than anticipated. The overburdened prison has been a problem for some time now, but not until recently have Jasonia's locals come face-to-face with the problems. Fred Schneider, a high-school cyclist, described his encounter. "Yeah, like I was walking around 4th and Main and this guy comes up to me looking real weird like and says he killed a guy but didn't have to go to jail. He desired my wallet and I gave it to him cuz I believed what he said, you know?"

Mayor Jason, aware of the problem, exclaimed "Jasonia needs more prisons. There's no doubt about it."

Yuki Gruhler is at the center of a growing political crisis. Jamaica claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Sudan has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Jamaica and will be decided within the next three days. Says Representative Anwar Watanabe, "I highly recommend we go ahead with placement of this ordinance."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Kirk Kirby responded "I think we ought to go ahead with alternate proposals." He later added, "It has been proposed that we go ahead with erection of this ordinance."

Dear MisSim,

I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I want, and the money's great.

My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee

Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really nice guy. Call me for his number.

Barton sustained a sprained tooth in a cantankerous victory last Saturday. The Jasonia Llamas thrashed the Fremont Doggers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Michele Lloyd collided with Adam Gumbolt, squishing his tooth.

Dr. Irving told reporters that Barton would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Des Moines. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach O'Hare sighed, "Barton is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Third and twelfth graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got aggravated taxpayers moving out of their municipality. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts municipality planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their town-building studies like never before.

Bonnie Martin, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School stated, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One first grader suffering from insomnia noted, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just denizens in a computer?"

Puny bands of independent adversaries combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern Oman.

Communications in sulky Oman are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic supply depot.

Oman is the world's largest producer of chairs, used in the treatment of stress, an ailment Prime Minister Cousteau purportedly suffers from but denies.

"Reports like this make a tough situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Francis Lloyd, founder and president of Jasonia inhabitants for pleasant Treatment of the llama pox Afflicted. "Of course, if you have stress, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."

Council is serious about cleaning this place up. The town beautification ordinance passed yesterday without any resistance.

"There's no way you can go wrong investing in the beauty of the city," observed Mayor Jason who has blurted before that he likes pretty things.

Plans to beautify the county include flowers planted on all meridians and shade trees in all parking lots. The color and size of signs will also be restricted so they don't overpower the natural beauty of Jasonia.

Heated up over the news, a magnanimous grandfather called KSIM to berate council members over the airwaves.

Five locals out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

A lucky woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia desires. Hats off to the council!"

Businesses of Jasonia think it's high time for a seaport. "We're at a competitive disadvantage doing business out of Jasonia because it lacks a seaport," stated Bonnie Xavier, president of Jasonia Industrial Cooperation Keepers.

A seaport in Jasonia would definitely boost local industry thus helping the economy. Seaports are expensive to build, though, so if the mayor opts to build one, chances are it would be miniature, but the plans would probably leave room for later expansion.

After the incident, mayor Greene of Renton noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.