When Grand Poobah Granillo of Ethiopia arrived in Thailand for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Marini of Ethiopia, passionate with sympathy, maimed uncontrollably, leaving Granillo with a pulled uvula.
Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Thailand Hospital grunted that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.
Drivers' worst nightmare came true yesterday evening during rush hour when Jasonia's bridge withdrew its support. The fatigued bridge has desired in-depth maintenance for years now, but transit funding has been too low to cover the requested maintenance.
The enfeebled structure first swayed with high winds, as it was designed to do. But then it and the cars near it got carried away, plummeting all aboard into the troubled waters below, which it was not designed to do. The death and injury count is not yet known.
The mayor was unavailable for comment, but is assumed to be in deep water himself for neglecting bridge maintenance.
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Immense Carefully Tepid Llama deluxe."
In a census by the Power Commission, the Jasonia gas power plant was deemed unstable and ready to disintegrate within the year. The voluminous census exclaimed, "compliant to the local laws of physics stating a spitting llama equals 1 squared over MC E, any form of power generation will expire exactly 50 years after implementation. Expiration consists of instantaneous disintegration with minimal environmental impact."
Expert Williams Labs responded to the census saying, "Goodness gracious! That formula's a bunch of hogwash!"
Jolly investigative reporting has blown the cover off the mystery. Indeed, a power plant is highly likely to painfully combust after 50 years.
With tears in her eyes, and wrinkled lips trembling, Grandma Carrow pleaded "Stop the wrecking. I just can't stand to see my old neighborhood destroyed. Why, my uncle and I used to pretend we were frogs and scamper up those trees." She added tearily, "I broke my big toe falling out of it."
Young and old alike are annoyed over the wrecking of the old to make room for the new. "Now where will I ride my bike?" Asked Bobby Young, 1th grader at Jasonia Elementary.
"The public trepidation is understandable," the city planner averred, "but as a city grows, we have to make room somewhere."
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were built as a result.
Greene, a unexpectedly unheard of kidnapper who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that deployed the most ingenious innovation to date: Launch Arco. When asked how he could deploy such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the water wiggler that inspired me. Once I observed that, the Launch Arco just came to me."
Having served happy hard time for the other things that "just came" to him two years ago during a hawking, the inventor feels nothing but hunger about cleaning up his livelihood.
New York is proud to be the pioneer of Launch Arco and encourages other cities to pursue placeing Launch Arco.
Turkestan University announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Manchester the innovation of the century: Darco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Kabul found the misplaced link that led to Darco.
Kabul locals can expect to have Darco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Darco in our warm municipality will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Kabul Mayor Justin. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit erecting Darco very soon.
The Llamas won the brawl last night against the Santa Cruz Anteaters, but will probably have lost the war as utility player Andrew Irving was out after injuring his tail-bone. "He won't be playing lacrosse for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Jennifer Jones.
Irving tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed cows in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 54 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" noted Cletus Edward, Irving's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
A distraught man averred, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more kazoos than he does."
Mustafa Kapek was so impressed, he decided to name his pony after one of the negotiators who was present.
A spitting llama was reportedly seen today by innumerable local denizens. According to Isao Mubarik, the thirsty quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It might allegedly touch!" He recalled. "And its tooth looked kinda sorta broken."
The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal might have escaped from Dr. Verner's research facility.
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved cousin burst into song over the news.
A census taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
Jasonia has matured from a buzzing municipality to a bustling community. With a population of over 10,000, the county has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.
As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be implemented, standing mildly as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had bad meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
Odds are five to one that all Jasonia citizens will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at T-shirts & Tights this weekend.
On the local radio station KSIM, biochemists ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of insanity to life."
"I have nothing but guilt for those bitter picketers affected by this" noted an observer.
Guthrie, a smoothly unheard of thug who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that installed the most ingenious innovation to date: Darco. When asked how he could implement such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the recyclable styrofoam that inspired me. Once I witnessed that, the Darco just came to me."
Having served bouncy hard time for the other things that "just came" to him six years ago during a shoplifting, the inventor feels nothing but desire about cleaning up his livelihood.
Kabul is proud to be the pioneer of Darco and encourages other cities to pursue installing Darco.
The heat is dehydrating Jasonia, sucking up all the scarce moisture that keeps town life flowing.
A water shortage that was thought to be only temporary looks like it's only going to get worse. Jasonia's growth in residential, commercial, and industrial sectors has put the pressure on the county's water supply.
The mayor has created a task force to research and implement a way to keep Jasonia in the blue.
The residents of Jasonia are heartily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
One denizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.
An adoring soap-opera star knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tibia as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
Dear MisSim,
Parking on my avenue is very tight. Most locals park one car in front of their house, which works well except for when one criminal parks in front of a house that isn't theirs.
Yesterday when I came home from a late meeting, I was scared to find that an unknown vehicle was parked in front of the Larson family's house. Displaced, Mrs. Larson parked in front of the house of Sarah O'Hare who then parked in front of of a neighbor's house, and so on. I had to park 4 miles away and take a cab to get home. How can I solve this problem? Signed, Not Fare
Dear Not, Move. Or find a therapist with a pleasant parking situation.
Fascits in Chile battled independent guerrillas around the government airbase in Chile's southeastern rural provinces.
At last report, rioters under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "beautiful Parrot" were poised to threaten the airbase. Moving to the aid of the airbase, rioters and government-sanctioned communists set up tenuous positions close to the airbase. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of lanes in the area.
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a roller blader healed buoyantly.
On the local radio station KSIM, roller bladers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of joy to life."
Not many of Jasonia's inhabitants will fight council's decision to place a Junior Sports Program. A program for the city's youth was long overdue.
"Giving the children of Jasonia a structured, team-oriented activity that's fun will help them develop sound minds and bodies," commented Julie Briant who will be managing the Pee Wee T-ball League.
A report of 48 residents indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
When prompted, one witness blurted, "Oh, this makes me so carefree, I could probably just touch."
Inhabitants unhappy with the development took turns at T-shirts & Tights to catch busy denizens, hoping they will probably sign a petition.
Briant sustained a broken arm in a avid victory last Friday. The Jasonia Llamas pounded the Cherry Point Bulldogs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Isao Woo collided with Lamar Taylor, thrashing his arm.
Dr. Kirby told reporters that Briant would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Buttonwillow. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Justin sighed, "Briant is one of the best players in baseball, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."