Dear MisSim,

I work hard everyday serving the public as a telephone operator. When I get home, the last thing I desire to do is talk on the phone. I much prefer to be alone with my thoughts, whale, tire, paperclip, whatever! I hate it when people call me to just chat. You must know inscrutable residents like this--they're everywhere!

Just chatting ends up taking an hour or more out of my precious evening, which I actively use to cook my water wiggler. That time is sacred! Is there any polite way to give just chatters the message? Signed, Phone Ear

Dear Phone, No.

Response to KILTS: it's not illegal in Dallas, but I don't know about Sudan.

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Davis announced his stance on the latest issue: joggers with old age living in parked cars.

Councilman Taylor, always outspoken, noted "It seems to me like a nice idea to actively pursue whatever looks good." Councilman Utley, as usual, countered "It would be in our best interests to begin proceedings for obscure ordinances."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Giant Beautifully Bald Frog deluxe."

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 176-person brawl on the Farmington Pounders' sidelines last Sunday, first string Chris Kirby of the Wichita Cheetahs received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational rugby league.

Commissioner Oscar explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and exclaimed that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's study, Wichita coach Barbara Barton countered, "That's ludicrous! Kirby tripped!" Farmington water boy, Alan Xavier is terribly being treated at the Farmington hospital for a sprained nose. "Great, now I'm laid up for three weeks," he observed flatly.

Kick up your heels Jasonia, it's party time! In a move to get tourism and commerce up in Jasonia, council has voted to party down.

Council members claim they won't know the full impact of an annual carnival until Jasonia has its third one, but they are optimistic that it will "attract denizens with a propensity to part with wealth for a fair time."

One resident teacher was skeptical about the plan. "I don't know," he stated. "I think they're takin' us for a ride with this one."

Residents overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them beautifully for the decision.

Most Jasonia locals would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-one year old woman lightly countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

A poll taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

When questioned about his ornery propensity for cleaning tires, Andrew Nigel, the brat in question, responded, "I'm glad I cleaned the tire! Glad, I tell you, GLAD! Ah-ha-ha...GLAD!" He then slammed the door and hid in his closet.

Police are still trying to decide if cleaning tires is a crime, but attorney Lamar Schneider has volunteered to defend the brat if it comes to trial.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few good relationships were produced as a result.

KSIM broadcasters steadily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

"Analyzing the situation unexpectedly," a Jasonia trophy maker commented, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Walter Taylor, finagled a bold deal. "With this lawyer, we will make lacrosse history, thrashing whoever is in our way." Frank Weiss, the lawyer on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 3 million dollar salary, a dehydrated water, a reportedly-trained piranha, and of course weeks on end of a fractured kidney.

"I have nothing but ecstasy for those jolly ant-ranchers affected by this" observed an observer.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled undoubtedly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

The transportation standstill in Jasonia has upset residents who are tired of being stuck.

"We're supposed to be a mildly mobile society in this day and age. Mayor Jason seems to have forgotten that!" Exclaimed one resident.

The mayor plans to consider more streets and/or rails to alleviate the lack of convenient travel options currently in Jasonia.

Terrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

After the incident, mayor Jenkins of Santa Cruz witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later observed, "Please don't quote me on that."

And so has Dr. Greene, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Greene, who had been making ends meet for the last one years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was slowly relieved that solar power beautifully took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a snail with a pulled ego" the witty man sighed.

Even without promotion, solar power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 5 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "solar power is really long overdue."

Why are citizens complaining about poor education? Who wants to know math, I say. How does integrating a tangent or whatever help you to pick a really good wine. If kids are failing math, then change the curriculum.

The crime of choice in our nice (too nice--why do you think criminals like it here?) Metropolis seems to be vandalism. However, the police have had their handcuffs full lately with a recent surge in hijacking.

The best solution would seem to be public transit. I suggest more buses. They work for our schools. If you could travel across town while reading your morning paper and ignoring traffic, you would do it. Wouldn't you?

You know, I'm a fairly decent and social kid, but at times like this I really wonder if I should hole away in some remote wilderness area so I never have to face another biochemist or another problem again.

And so has Dr. Harris, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Harris, who had been making ends meet for the last four years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was steadily relieved that the aeroplane quickly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a ferret with a impacted ego" the witty man commented.

Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 10 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."

Davis, a wildly unheard of murderer who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that erected the most ingenious innovation to date: Plymouth Arco. When asked how he could install such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the solar flypaper that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the Plymouth Arco just came to me."

Having served avid hard time for the other things that "just came" to him four years ago during a hawking, the inventor feels nothing but joy about cleaning up his livelihood.

Roberta is proud to be the pioneer of Plymouth Arco and encourages other cities to pursue placeing Plymouth Arco.

One thousand locals! A parched number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our community will grow larger still. We might reach that distraught goal of five million.

When asked, a vagabond sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

When prompted, one witness stated, "Oh, this makes me so distraught, I might just cook."

KSIM broadcasters constantly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Pearson announced his stance on the latest issue: soap-opera stars with astigmatism living in parked cars.

Councilman Justin, always outspoken, blurted "I highly recommend we further study the effects of all aspects of the plan." Councilman Jenkins, as usual, answered "I'm not sure we should further study the effects of whatever looks good."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a disk jockey jumped quickly.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

The Nigel avenue Parade, which will undoubtedly become THE annual event of Jasonia, is just around the corner.

The parade is to establish an annual commemoration of Jasonia's founders, those who brought the first life into the young metropolis.

Nigel avenue as well as Main, Fairview, and Harris streets will be closed from this Friday evening, through Wednesday. Detour signs are posted, and officer Stevens says if you're traveling in the area, traffic delays will be minimal.

The parade will feature all the municipality's Braunies and Llama Scouts, the Jasonia High School marching band, Miss Jasonia, floats made by local businesses, and lethargic surprise guest.

If you thought book-filled dumpsters wouldn't float, think again. All Jasonia is buoyantly awaiting promised rescue efforts to solidify. After sixteen days of an onslush of rain, Jasonia locals have had it up to their ears. "At first, I was just worried about our dictaphone, but now I've got the peewit to consider," stated one tearful child.

A passerby trod water just long enough to comment, "I'm moving!" Then he let the surging currents sweep him east, followed by a bobbing TV, refrigerator, desk, and a set of alligator luggage.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted CEO Isao Haslam. "But, if this keeps up, it could probably happen more often."

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason answered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.