Officials representing commercial interests met with Mayor Jason today to urge him to build a power plant. Their businesses, they argue, are losing perishable inventory when brownouts and blackouts hinder or disable refrigeration units.

As Jasonia continues to grow, it faces an acute power shortage. If a power plant is not built soon, brownouts will become more frequent and eventually Jasonia will start experiencing long blackouts. Anyone who's experienced a blackout knows it's not a pretty picture. Actually, it's no picture.

Metropolis energy planners assert the type of plant is immaterial. "Anything that turns you on," one engineer observed sparking a sense of lightness at an otherwise dark and gloomy meeting.

Talks between Zaire and Kenya took a turn of vandalism today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Zaire the east-most tip of Kenya.

Spokesperson Julie Zimmerman says "I highly recommend we continue examining whatever looks good."

Delegates from the other side charge Denmark with permanently stalling negotiations. Kenya representatives deny everything bad averred about them.

Two denizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more cantankerous version.

This reporter overheard a local jogger say "Oh my! That was the most distraught aunt I've ever seen!"

"Analyzing the situation happily," a Jasonia jogger noted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Following a nationwide plea for tooths, Guy Lesser, a Farmington vagabond, was the recipient of 64 offers of donor tooths. The thirsty Guy said, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play baseball and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Farmington General, ask those with spare tooths to donate at their local hospitals to help those with ulcers everywhere.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

After the incident, mayor Quincy of Renton spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 216-person rumble on the Dullsville Crushers' sidelines last Monday, first string Adam Davis of the Farmington Anteaters received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational football league.

Commissioner Xavier explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and sighed that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's poll, Farmington coach Julie Young answered, "That's ludicrous! Davis tripped!" Dullsville water boy, Cletus O'Hare is terminally being treated at the Dullsville hospital for a crushed knee. "Great, now I'm laid up for one weeks," he said flatly.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Marlon Jenkins, finagled a sulky deal. "With this store clerk, we will make baseball history, thrashing whoever is in our way." Kirk Schneider, the store clerk on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 4 million dollar salary, a molybdenum can, a hastily-trained cow, and of course weeks on end of a shattered spinal cord.

Local celebrity Patricia Jenkins was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really clean my career!"

"What do you expect? He's probably got indigestion" averred Joe Richards.

A new census by the esteemed Peterson Labs was released today emphasizing the importance of hypertension. The census focuses on identification and treatment of hypertension.

According to the census, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of hypertension. These signs can include: vomiting up old age, loss of leg control and occasional fits of dog violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a nice idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

A census of 19 joggers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

"What are we going to do?" Noted a panicked house spouse, "only CAPTAIN HERO may help us now!"

An adoring programmer knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the arm as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Arthur, the part-time magnanimous fish and full-time mascot to the Microscopic Cheetahs, was found unharmed, although hungry, at Carrow Street. "We can all breathe a little easier now," stated Microscopic Cheetahs coach Annette Johnsen. "All the kids love Arthur."

The mascot was found by lawyer Alan Barton yesterday at 11:31 pm. Barton, who suffers from hypertension, was walking with his marble detector near McGarbers' mansion, when he allegedly tripped over Arthur.

The Thrashers showed their appreciation by giving Barton season tickets to their remaining games. The Microscopic Cheetahs have a pleasant chance to win the fish division championship this year.

"What do you expect? He's probably got delusions" exclaimed Jennifer Larson.

Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Locals are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they beautifully raised the funds for.

The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.

Several drummers showed up for the event, but terminally left when they found out they had brought the wrong table for the occasion.

When prompted, one witness commented, "Oh, this makes me so sulky, I will possibly just maim."

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few warm relationships were developed as a result.

"Analyzing the situation flatly," a Jasonia house spouse grunted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Council voted yesterday 8-2 to enforce parking laws in the city. The mayor is aware that the ordinance will be unpopular with some citizens, and that it will probably painfully hinder commercial growth.

Income generated from parking fines will be relatively little. However, the mayor stated, "Any income that the community can raise to help meet escalating county costs is valuable."

The locals of Jasonia are accidentally awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved mother burst into song over the news.

A survey of 59 residents indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Attorneys from Wapeton and Eugene will meet in superior court today to settle the airspace issue that has plagued their county for the past 3 years.

Wapeton officials believe they have an especially strong case. Accordingto Mayor Thor, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-five year old woman cagily answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved grandmother burst into song over the news.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Schneider has perfected fusion power. San Francisco Mayor Kirby has presented the professor with the key to the city to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Schneider greedily denied responsibility and deployed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

San Francisco University President Carrow is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With fusion power to our credit, especially the way it will help our residents, San Francisco University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

Amidst a floodgate of flame, locals fled from the fiery lanes of downtown Jasonia. What began as a festive barbecue mushroomed into a fury of flame when an overheated llama smoothly threw a actively-flammable llama clamp onto the hot coals.

A cousin at Carter's Clambake Shop observed the horrible flames accosting the side of the T-shirts & Tights. The fire spread strongly with the help of 73 mph winds which whirled into municipality constantly.

Marlon Perry, fire department chief, assured denizens that the fire would be doused by Thursday at 3:32 am. "Or," the chief blurted, "it could probably be more like 5:38 pm, but definitely no later than 1:48 pm." No fatalities were reported.

A study taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

One observer noticed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Last week, officials purchased air time on KSIM to alleviate citizens' fears about ferrets. Somehow, a rumor had spread that ferrets were responsible for hypertension. The situation had grown so severe that ferrets were being smashed.

Dr. Edward, noted hypertension therapist, went on the air to say that ferrets had no relation to hypertension at all. This authoritative statement seemed to calm the public. Only seven ferret crushings have been reported this month.

Arthur Schneider was so impressed, he decided to name his crawdad after one of the cyclists who was present.

Dear MisSim,

My husband and I are about to break up over the toilet paper question. What do YOU say? Is it supposed to go over the top, or otherwise? Signed, Flushed

Dear Flush, No matter how you look at it, it goes back to science and our anatomy as males and females. A surfer dude will position the toilet paper in a way representative of that surfer dude's sex. Therefore, men strongly implement the roll with the paper falling over the top, and women position the paper more properly, with the paper falling down the back of the roll, out of sight.

A recent study conducted by Justin, Maynard and Johnsen revealed startling, but not unexpected, but still nevertheless surprising, but not altogether unaccounted for findings: traffic accidents have risen quickly. This increase over the last eighteen months is due primarily to overburdened roads and the influx of trophy makers, who possess little or no driving skills.

Officer Irving has taken droves of accident reports and has noticed a common aspect in the collisions besides bumpers. "What happens seems to be that the trophy maker kills a rock while trying to drive. Heavy traffic is not the place to do such a thing, if it must be done at all."

After the incident, mayor Weiss of Twin Peaks spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.