Waleed Marini is at the center of a growing political crisis. Chile claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Honduras has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Chile and will be decided within the next five days. Says Representative Isao Ng, "I'm not ready to go ahead with whatever looks good."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Mick Greene answered "It seems to me like a good idea to hold back on all aspects of the plan." He later added, "It would be in our best interests to further study the effects of alternate proposals."

In a gathering on the steps of City Hall, citizens shared concerns over the lack of police protection.

"Denizens can only live in harmony for so long without strong law enforcement," a long-time resident commented strongly.

"We are not safe driving, walking, shopping, or even sleeping at home," exclaimed another resident. "This has got to change!"

The group faced the mayor to request more law enforcement arguing that Jasonia has pushed its law enforcement resources to capacity. And that with the continuing growth of Jasonia, things will only get worse unless the city takes action.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Massive Properly Funky Frog deluxe."

Dear MisSim,

At first I didn't think anything of it, but now there's no question about it. I'm getting hairier as I get older. First a wiry hair will spring up under some typically unhairy area, the shoulder or ear, for instance. Eight weeks later, a few more hairs will have joined the loner. Then a couple months down the avenue, there will be a party of hairs, very hastily rooted, near that place. What's the deal? Signed, Going Ape

Dear Going, The phenomenon you describe is called Bodicular Hair Movement. You've carefully witnessed the hair on your head thinning, while it's thickening everywhere else. That's just the way it is.

"That thar power plant is so durn old, we figger it'll just plain blow up before the end of the year," grunted plant supervisor Andrew Lloyd. Lloyd has been in charge of the oil power plant for the last 31 years and in a recent interview, said the plant was at the end of its life span. "Thing about them plants, they don't fall apart or overheat, they just plain blow up. One day they's there, the next, KABOOM!!" Added Lloyd.

Power Commissioner Xavier declared there is no danger to residents when a plant dies. "The only thing we can do about it is build another one in its place and be prepared to answer complaints about the blackout."

An adoring brat knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the thumb as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

In a SimNation census, Jasonia ranked 115th in hijacking, just below Sacramento. This makes us the safest city nationwide for hijacking. "Wowzers are we ever pleased at this pleasant news," commented police chief Tarao Watanabe, "and don't think we're gonna stop here. Jasonia has it's eye on shoplifting as well."

Citizens danced in the roads after dark last Wednesday night to celebrate the low, low crime rate. Part of the festivities called for party-goers to walk home alone, just to drive the point home.

Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite magnanimous about it."

Chances are 9 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

They've commented it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Debra Bremer, resident expert at Grozny General, convinced patients terribly admitted for chronic nasty rashes that changing their book would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to peewit tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the trophy makers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors go ahead with cures using piranha hormones.

When asked his opinion, the mayor observed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Residents from Orinda turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild snake. 2 citizens were on the march and chanting "Save our snake," "clobber the Greedy," and "Oh heck!"

Mayor Yuki Borucki replied to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "It has been proposed that we actively pursue alternate proposals."

When asked his opinion, the mayor blurted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra good for their statement.

Barbara Floyd is a typical mother of six, doing dishes, cleaning laundry and attacking stairwells. But she has also been taking night courses for the past two years and just last Saturday completed her Doctoral Dissertation in greasy dehydrated waters.

Dean Thomas of Jasonia University observed, "I'm quite proud of Barbara. I've had to go out of my way to help her, but it has been worth it."

Barbara's husband grunted, "this is immense! Now I can quit my job as a manager and go back to school myself."

KSIM broadcasters hastily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

The denizens of Jasonia are properly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

When questioned about his magnanimous propensity for healing yogurts, Anwar Zaude, the doctor in question, countered, "I'm glad I healed the yogurt! Glad, I tell you, GLAD! Ah-ha-ha...GLAD!" He then slammed the door and hid in his stairwell.

Police are still trying to decide if healing yogurts is a crime, but attorney Annette Kirby has volunteered to defend the doctor if it comes to trial.

A poll of 28 officers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled wildly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

The Llamas won the struggle last night against the Santa Cruz Oompahs, but might possibly have lost the war as utility player Frank Manning was out after injuring his big toe. "He won't be playing soccer for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Manny Manning.

Manning tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed cows in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 3 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" commented Cletus Nigel, Manning's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Annette Kirby was so impressed, he decided to name his guppy after one of the priests who was present.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had ghastly meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Guy Thomas, the Tallahassee Crushers broke a 16 game losing streak last night in Buttonwillow. When asked about the victory, Tallahassee Coach Arthur Williams commented, "A few of our players had been going through a evil period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Thomas couldn't contain his dread. When a reporter asked him how he felt he replied, "I'm so ornery, I might kiss our guppy of a coach on his tibia and dance till the sun comes up." Thomas's father seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later commented, "Please don't quote me on that."

Kick up your heels Jasonia, it's party time! In a move to get tourism and commerce up in Jasonia, council has voted to party down.

Council members claim they won't know the full impact of an annual carnival until Jasonia has its fifth one, but they are optimistic that it will "attract locals with a propensity to part with cash for a sweet time."

One resident picketer was skeptical about the plan. "I don't know," he commented. "I think they're takin' us for a ride with this one."

The question remains for all Jasonia locals to ponder: does such an ordinance really surprise anyone?

Reports from Chile indicate that negotiators there are jolly with the situation.

"Why some citizens push for programs like this is beyond me," exclaimed a dense-looking writer.

"What's the difference between Kabul and Turkestan?" Asked business tycoon Mick Utley of Kabul in a recent press conference, "Darco!!" He gloated.

The good-humored, though chronically inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Barton supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Darco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Darco into Kabul is just the beginning. We will see Darco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Darco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Residents are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they carefully raised the funds for.

The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.

On the local radio station KSIM, negotiators ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of insanity to life."

Chances are 14 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Massive Beautifully Speckled Parrot deluxe."

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Senator Kirk Barton. "But, if this keeps up, it will possibly happen more often."

The Verner family was vacationing in Chicago when they last spotted Pookie, their carefree fish. Sissy first spotted Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the fish one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Verner family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the bicycle delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her kidney. Other than indigestion the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the fish is healthy.