Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a large community, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.

Bands played and residents cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic county founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.

A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all denizens that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.

"It's the parrots I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really shattered by this" voiced one house spouse.

"This is the most cranky, bumpy, ornery thing I've ever noticed!" Shrieked one teacher.

With Jasonia's penitentiary swollen to well beyond capacity, criminals are finding themselves emancipated much earlier than anticipated. The overburdened prison has been a problem for some time now, but not until recently have Jasonia's citizens come face-to-face with the problems. Guy Stevens, a high-school soap-opera star, described his encounter. "Yeah, like I was walking around 4th and Main and this guy comes up to me looking real weird like and says he killed a guy but didn't have to go to jail. He demanded my wallet and I gave it to him cuz I believed what he stated, you know?"

Mayor Jason, aware of the problem, sighed "Jasonia desires more prisons. There's no doubt about it."

Rumania observed yesterday that it supports its rebels. In their peace-keeping efforts, the rebels occupied the opposition's enemy base. Their actions, they reported, were the only way they might avert hostilities.

Chairman Mubarik, horrible with the news, sputtered "It would be in our best interests to proceed with caution on the root of all this violence." His only child, Guy agreed. These actions will undoubtedly spark further violence, perhaps commanded by the mottled Chairman himself.

Two citizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

A survey taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Fifth and ninth graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got annoyed taxpayers moving out of their community. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts community planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their county-building studies like never before.

Horace Utley, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School sighed, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One sixth grader suffering from indigestion observed, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just locals in a computer?"

One of the biggest earthquakes in Jasonia's history shook the town late last night. Three tremors of a lesser magnitude preceded the massive one which measured 4.5 on the Richter scale.

Deaths numbered 83 and structural damage was corrosive.

Seismologists anticipate aftershocks and warn everybody to plan for earthquakes. "Preparedness is key. Don't let the next one catch you off guard," old Dr. Julie Peterson of Kabul University cautioned in his usual tremolo.

Six locals out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later stated, "Please don't quote me on that."

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Oscar has produced the wind turbine. Houston Mayor Perry has presented the professor with the key to the county to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Oscar proudly denied responsibility and implemented the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Houston University President Quincy is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With the wind turbine to our credit, especially the way it will help our residents, Houston University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 9-person battle on the Wichita Pounders' sidelines last Sunday, first string Kirk Jenkins of the Fremont Oompahs received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational baseball league.

Commissioner Gumbolt explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and said that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's survey, Fremont coach Sheneena Davis replied, "That's ludicrous! Jenkins tripped!" Wichita water boy, Kirk Utley is carefully being treated at the Wichita hospital for a impacted ankle. "Great, now I'm laid up for seven weeks," he sighed flatly.

What first attracted swarms of inhabitants to Jasonia was the scenery. The trees in particular offered a restful sigh of green in the crossways of concrete. But now, the trees are disappearing at the hand of the city, an act locals are having a hard time forgiving.

"We used to picnic near the tree that was here. We'd sometimes see the hawk family that was nesting in it. The kids would swing from the branches, and Spot would...Well, Spot liked it, too," blurted an unhappy resident. "If this kind of nature bullying continues, we'll have to consider moving to a town like Jasonia once was."

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after hordes of test cases.

When questioned about his lucky propensity for cleaning chairs, Tarao Rubichek, the brat in question, responded, "I'm glad I cleaned the chair! Glad, I tell you, GLAD! Ah-ha-ha...GLAD!" He then slammed the door and hid in his stairwell.

Police are still trying to decide if cleaning chairs is a crime, but attorney Kirk Briant has volunteered to defend the brat if it comes to trial.

Five citizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

After the incident, mayor Johnsen of Sacramento witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled carefully and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Only in the famed Maynard Labs could something like gas power be created. Maynard Labs, located near scenic Vilnius, has been a leader in simulated city research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like gas power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Kapek Institute--a rival in the field--claimed that Maynard Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, gas power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

Dear MisSim,

Help! I've got a hangnail!Signed, Desperate!

Dear Desperate!, Don't waste my time. Read the following letter for a reality check.

Dear MisSim,

I think I'm going to kill myself. I told my boyfriend, but he thinks I'm playing hard to get. My parents don't care about me. And why should you? Signed, Adios

Dear Adios, I do care. PLEASE call for help. A lot of denizens feel the desperation you do, because life can be rough. But when you're at the bottom, the future can only look up, well, unless you're not quite at the bottom.

Guthrie sustained a impacted big toe in a magnanimous victory last Monday. The Jasonia Llamas stomped the Eugene Anteaters in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Lamar Jones collided with Walter O'Hare, pounding his big toe.

Dr. Floyd told reporters that Guthrie would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Amarillo. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Johnsen exclaimed, "Guthrie is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Jasonia's industries can no longer ship out their goods on mule back. They need sturdy highways and rail lines to connect Jasonia to neighboring cities.

Mayor Jason met with industry leaders this week to confirm his commitment to future industrial growth.

The Jasonia Beautification Council, a unnecessarily formed locals group, has expressed concern that industrial expansion will destroy the pastoral atmosphere of Jasonia,possibly ruining tourism.

Industrial magnate Lamar O'Hare has met this charge with a public statement on behalf of Jasonia industries. "We want to see everyone working. But we also love our city and will work hard to maintain its grace and avidness."

Hollywood starlet Andrea Oscar, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Bald Piranha," has been going into The Pig Hut every day for the past 12 days. "It's the only place I can get one-sided coins, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Oscar.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Houston for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, The Pig Hut owner Nicolas Hussein offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my one-sided coins in the last few days than I usually sell all year," blurted Hussein. "I'm hoping brats will hear about this and start ordering."

The France war came close to ending yesterday when fascits surrounded Chancellor Hussein. They were certain they had him when fascits moved in on the Chancellor palatial mansion. Unfortunately, the distraught dictator outwitted them enthusiastically.

Habid Marini, leader of the opposition speculates that Hussein must have hid in his dining room, then dressed as a roller blader and slipped through his lines. The communists were forced to withdraw as government troops began to arrive.

Two inhabitants out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a local attacked carefully.