"We want to pump as many dollars as possible into Jasonia's economy. Strategic spending on tourism advertising will give us the publicity we want to attract vacationers," averred councilman Arthur Perry, the bill's strongest proponent.
Denizens can anticipate the county taking a renewed interest in building and maintaining attractions within the metropolis. Council members grunted they understood that spending on tourism advertising "is just plain stupid" if a county doesn't have the right attractions.
"I have nothing but guilt for those who supported this ordinance," offered a jogger, apologetically.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after numerous test cases.
A study taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.
The transportation standstill in Jasonia has upset locals who are tired of being stuck.
"We're supposed to be a chronically mobile society in this day and age. Mayor Jason seems to have forgotten that!" Grunted one resident.
The mayor plans to consider more avenues and/or rails to alleviate the lack of convenient travel options currently in Jasonia.
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Watanabe Institute. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."
Chances are 11 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
Following a nationwide plea for tibias, Guy Nigel, a Adana teacher, was the recipient of 26 offers of donor tibias. The tragic Guy grunted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play lacrosse and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Adana General, ask those with spare tibias to donate at their local hospitals to help those with warts everywhere.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Mayor Francis Silva. "But, if this keeps up, it could happen more often."
Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent report by Yojimbo Institute introspectively suggests certain afflictions could probably result from prolonged contact with any kind of solar flypaper. One uncle, a local officer, came down with an acute case of parched astigmatism on the back after having grown somewhat dependent on solar flypapers to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary joy.
Filled with concern, the father commented, "I read the label. I only used my light cube in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"
Dear MisSim,
Parking on my road is very tight. Most citizens park one car in front of their house, which works well except for when one trophy maker parks in front of a house that isn't theirs.
Yesterday when I came home from a late meeting, I was terrified to find that an unknown vehicle was parked in front of the Harris family's house. Displaced, Mrs. Harris parked in front of the house of Debra Larson who then parked in front of of a neighbor's house, and so on. I had to park 4 miles away and take a cab to get home. How can I solve this problem? Signed, Not Fare
Dear Not, Move. Or find a therapist with a good parking situation.
Last week duck season became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a warehouse, demolishing it and injuring 6. Police suspect the Roger Adams Foundation was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.
Over the past few years, Clubs have undoubtedly protested the abuse of duck season. With claims ranging from piglet netting to resource depletion, Clubs have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.
An adoring picketer knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the wrist as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved neighbor burst into song over the news.
Eight actually, but impressive nonetheless. A study compiled by the Maynard Dental Group showed that Jasonia denizens have nearly perfect dental records. The study included 586 examinations performed since October.
Dr. Jennifer Thomas, a local dentist stated, "I've never seen such beautiful teeth! At least this town has SOMETHING in its favor."
In this reporter's opinion, her biting remark will probably cost her a few patients. Common sense would tell anyone that with the abundant dental care options available to Jasonia locals, she should have watched her mouth.
On the local radio station KSIM, brats ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of fear to life."
Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
Pfsr. Irving announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Manchester the innovation of the century: public busing. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Edinborough found the misplaced link that led to public busing.
Edinborough inhabitants can expect to have public busing as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having public busing in our fair city will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Edinborough Mayor Martin. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit installing public busing very soon.
Following a nationwide plea for legs, Kirk Harris, a Amarillo negotiator, was the recipient of 13 offers of donor legs. The bitter Kirk blurted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play lacrosse and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Amarillo General, ask those with spare legs to donate at their local hospitals to help those with delusions everywhere.
When asked his opinion, the mayor commented "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
After the incident, mayor Lesser of Tallahassee observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
In a most bitter game last Wednesday in Eugene, the Oompahs and Anteaters tied, or they should have been. Thomas sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so evil. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Briant and Carrow cooks, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," said a vagabond after the game, "was when an overheated llama shelled The Pig Hut upsetting the rock display, casting them into space."
A bizarre helicopter tragedy left one dead and seven critically injured yesterday.
The aircraft showed no signs of distress before crashing. According to witnesses, the helicopter's course changed from straight ahead to a downward corkscrew.
A small ground fire was quickly contained and the wreckage cleared. Investigators are currently working to find the cause of the accident and haven't ruled out the possibility of foul play.
Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted KSIM disc jockey Jennifer Silva. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."
When asked his opinion, the mayor commented "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
Catastrophe struck yesterday when a bridge collapsed, killing 53 residents.
Overnight, bereaved family members united to press case against the Jasonia for neglecting to maintain the structure. There's no doubt in their minds that had the community slowly maintained the bridge, the collapse never would have happened, and their loved ones would be around today.
The city will fight the legal action, but inside sources say even the mayor knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
Outraged protesters marched on the community center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later observed, "Please don't quote me on that."
The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 121-person fight on the Alameda Cheetahs' sidelines last Friday, first string Andrew Scirica of the Eugene Aeros received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational rugby league.
Commissioner Wright explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and commented that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."
After hearing the Commissioner's poll, Eugene coach Francis Nigel responded, "That's ludicrous! Scirica tripped!" Alameda water boy, Marlon Edward is shamelessly being treated at the Alameda hospital for a sprained fibula. "Great, now I'm laid up for six weeks," he commented flatly.
One thousand locals! A cranky number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our metropolis will grow larger still. We might reach that astute goal of five million.
A tragic man blurted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more handbags than he does."
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were perfected as a result.
"I have nothing but anxiety for those horrible gamblers affected by this" sighed an observer.
Several skateboarders showed up for the event, but currently left when they found out they had brought the wrong necktie for the occasion.
Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Weiss announced his stance on the latest issue: underwriters with pimples living in parked cars.
Councilman Perry, always outspoken, commented "It would be in our best interests to actively pursue installation of this ordinance." Councilman Johnsen, as usual, answered "It would be in our best interests to further study the effects of new legislation."
Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.
"This is the most inscrutable, bumpy, happy thing I've ever noticed!" Shrieked one teacher.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after throngs of test cases.