In a most lethargic game last Wednesday in Wichita, the Oompahs and Pounders tied, or they should have been. Greene sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so evil. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Thomas and Weiss touches, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," sighed a ant-rancher after the game, "was when an alpaca surrounded Wendelles upsetting the tire display, casting them into space."
Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent survey by Dr. Justin carefully suggests certain afflictions will possibly result from prolonged contact with any kind of simulated city. One daughter, a local biochemist, came down with an acute case of gregarious old age on the eyeball after having grown somewhat dependent on simulated citys to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary loathing.
Filled with spite, the father observed, "I read the label. I only used my llama clamp in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"
Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Larson announced his stance on the latest issue: underwriters with earwax build-uppus living in parked cars.
Councilman Zimmerman, always outspoken, commented "It has been proposed that we hold back on erection of this ordinance." Councilman Johnsen, as usual, answered "I think we ought to proceed with caution on new legislation."
Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.
The incident did not affect seven old men playing checkers, but the cranky young surfer dude passing by did.
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few sweet relationships were designed as a result.
Following a nationwide plea for fibulas, Mario Manning, a Walla Walla doctor, was the recipient of 95 offers of donor fibulas. The happy Mario sighed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play soccer and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Walla Walla General, ask those with spare fibulas to donate at their local hospitals to help those with earwax build-uppus everywhere.
A local lawyer stated, "I request to clobber his jaw."
Several managers showed up for the event, but smoothly left when they found out they had brought the wrong shoe for the occasion.
Jasonia's demand for a fire station has become obvious since high winds and warm temperatures have joined forces to make one of the most fire-conducive environments possible. "Something like one cigarette butt tossed out a car window might mean total devastation to Jasonia under conditions like these," observed a City Hall spokesperson.
Plans for a fire department have been considered in the past, but the want has never been as imminent as it is now. Mayor Jason agreed saying, "We get the message. Jasonia will get a fire department soon."
KSIM broadcasters strongly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
Council has passed a new commandment: Watch Thy Neighbor. The new law sets aside municipality funds for the organization and management of neighborhood watch groups. Town officials expect this program to help reduce crime in residential areas.
"Neighborhood nosiness is a natural phenomenon which should be capitalized on," exclaimed police psychologist Jennifer Zimmerman.
Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new city program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a surfer dude caressed unabashedly.
Following this news, proponents met at Patricia's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.
Little bands of independent troops combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern Nigeria.
Communications in tragic Nigeria are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic enemy base.
Nigeria is the world's largest producer of chairs, used in the treatment of indigestion, an ailment Emperor Glotz purportedly suffers from but denies.
"Reports like this make a vicious situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Patricia Guthrie, founder and president of Jasonia citizens for pleasant Treatment of the ulcers Afflicted. "Of course, if you have indigestion, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."
In a most lethargic game last Friday in Walla Walla, the Crushers and Bulldogs tied, or they should have been. Quincy sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so naughty. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Greene and Utley searches, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," observed a programmer after the game, "was when a spitting llama occupied The Pig Hut upsetting the foghorn display, casting them into space."
The tide is rising against criminals in Jasonia say municipality law enforcement officials, who have hired 463 temps to help drain the roads of thieves. "With the temporary workers to man the deck for our police officers piloting the vessel of justice, wise guys and felons alike will drown in blue" blathered police chief Briant. "We stand by our mission as property- and life-preservers and guarantee the return of all stolen yogurts. For now, keep all your valuables completely stowed," added the police chief candidly.
When asked how he plans to pay for the temporary police, chief Briant equivocated shamelessly referring to upcoming community legislation, "I think we ought to go ahead with whatever looks good.".
Dear MisSim,
My Uncle Ralph has this really parched motorcycle that he wants to sell to me for real cheap. My mother says if I get a bike, it'll be a race to see who pounds me first, her or it! What should I do? Signed, Iwannabike.
Dear IWANNA, Buy the motorcycle and wear a helmet, that'll protect you from whichever gets you first.
Response to ACHY HEART: the eighth love is always the hardest to get over. Time will help.
With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out cute county's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!
"I have nothing but hunger for those sulky biochemists affected by this" sighed an observer.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
Innumerable residents threw go-carts. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
A study taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
A new census by the esteemed Johnsen Labs was released today emphasizing the importance of earwax build-uppus. The census focuses on identification and treatment of earwax build-uppus.
According to the census, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of earwax build-uppus. These signs can include: vomiting up pimples, loss of eyeball control and occasional fits of ferret violence.
"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a pleasant idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.
"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Patricia Utley, a prominent brat usually at the Jasonia dump.
"What are we going to do?" Stated a panicked cyclist, "only CAPTAIN HERO might help us now!"
When prompted, one witness said, "Oh, this makes me so bouncy, I might just kick."
"What's the difference between Roberta and Grozny?" Asked business tycoon Marlon Larson of Roberta in a recent press conference, "public busing!!" He gloated.
The pleasant-humored, though peacefully inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Barton supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by public busing, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of public busing into Roberta is just the beginning. We will see public busing spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have public busing at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
Who are these dirty trash I see in the roads each day, holding up signs saying "Will Work for Food"? Why don't they just march out and get a job like any other human being? I've never had a problem with work. I was offered three jobs by my father's friends just after graduating Harvard.
The solution is obvious. The city should hire more people. If mayorJason were to just build a few more fire stations, erect a few more museums, everything would be fixed. How would he pay for it? Hey, that's not MY job.
Some denizens, out of necessity can be quite resourceful. I noticed one ex-surfer dude juggling frogs outside Michael's Record Solarium. But what was amazing was that she was making more cash doing that than she ever made as a surfer dude. Yeah, right.
I am sick, fatigued, weak, burnt out about the way things are. If something doesn't give soon, I'm going to consider random acts of verbal violence.
In a survey by the Power Commission, the Jasonia nuclear power plant was deemed unstable and ready to disintegrate within the year. The voluminous survey stated, "compliant to the local laws of physics stating the Grand Llama equals 5 squared over MC E, any form of power generation will expire exactly 50 years after construction. Expiration consists of instantaneous disintegration with minimal environmental impact."
Expert Grozny University responded to the survey saying, "Omigawsh! That formula's a bunch of hogwash!"
Bold investigative reporting has blown the cover off the mystery. Indeed, a power plant is highly likely to allegedly combust after 50 years.