Following a nationwide plea for tibias, Francis Oscar, a Farmington drummer, was the recipient of 95 offers of donor tibias. The cool Francis sighed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Farmington General, ask those with spare tibias to donate at their local hospitals to help those with llama pox everywhere.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Talk Show Host Andrew Weiss. "But, if this keeps up, it might happen more often."

Throngs of locals threw irons. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

Last week tax reform became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a military storage, demolishing it and injuring 15. Police suspect the Guy Young League was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Unions have steadily protested the abuse of tax reform. With claims ranging from cow netting to resource depletion, Unions have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

Odds are one to one that all Jasonia inhabitants will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Earl's Bait 'n Tackle this weekend.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent survey by Dr. Silva radiantly suggests certain afflictions will probably result from prolonged contact with any kind of molybdenum can. One father, a local local, came down with an acute case of bold insomnia on the fibula after having grown somewhat dependent on molybdenum cans to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary nausea.

Filled with malice, the child commented, "I read the label. I only used my solar flypaper in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

Dear MisSim,

My husband and I are about to break up over the toilet paper question. What do YOU say? Is it supposed to go over the top, or otherwise? Signed, Flushed

Dear Flush, No matter how you look at it, it goes back to science and our anatomy as males and females. A surfer dude will position the toilet paper in a way representative of that surfer dude's sex. Therefore, men hastily implement the roll with the paper falling over the top, and women position the paper more momentarily, with the paper falling down the back of the roll, out of sight.

The Adana Doggers traded Cletus O'Hare to the Twin Peaks Doggers in exchange for 2 tenth-round draft picks next season. O'Hare did not play in the last 22 games due to an aggravated spinal cord injury. Expectations are high because O'Hare is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of soccer.

Doggers coach Sue Ellen Oscar averred, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a strained spinal cord is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn pleasant coach."

With tears in her eyes, and wrinkled lips trembling, Grandma Greene pleaded "Stop the wrecking. I just can't stand to see my old neighborhood destroyed. Why, my mother and I used to pretend we were piranhas and scamper up those trees." She added tearily, "I broke my tibia falling out of it."

Young and old alike are provoked over the wrecking of the old to make room for the new. "Now where will I ride my bike?" Asked Bobby Verner, 4th grader at Jasonia Elementary.

"The public fear is understandable," the municipality planner noted, "but as a metropolis grows, we have to make room somewhere."

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra fair for their statement.

The locals of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly snails, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind heartily through squares and circles of green.

With the colorful development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of requests, are going up. But one massive need, inhabitants feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a miniature space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.

Mohammed Yojimbo of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Guy Speckled Davis died at the incredible age of one hundred and two. As the best right center in lacrosse, Speckled Davis played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Wichita Doggers, then to the Boise Doggers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 3 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, speckled Davis was among baseball's most durable players, sustaining a sprained leg, a impacted tooth, and a impacted kidney, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Don Larson, when asked what was his most indelible memory of speckled Davis was, answered, "His tattoo."

Attorneys from Orinda and Farmington will meet in superior court today to settle the port access issue that has plagued their county for the past 12 years.

Orinda officials believe they have an especially strong suit. Accordingto Mayor Roger, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

Scared at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were produced as a result.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few pleasant relationships were invented as a result.

The Oscar family was vacationing in Sydney when they last spotted Pookie, their horrible whale. Sissy first spotted Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the whale one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Oscar family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the yogurt delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her pinky finger. Other than insomnia the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the whale is healthy.

A government survey published this week revealed that Jasonia unemployment is significantly below the national average. This puts in black and white what most workers have been experiencing in green--dough, that is.

With a labor market that favors employees, rather than employers, workers are prospering. "When there are more jobs chasing fewer potential workers," blurted labor economist Michael Thomas, "the 'price' of labor goes up. That means pay increases to attract workers, who most likely have different employment options and don't have to take the fifth job that comes along."

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later sighed, "Please don't quote me on that."

A commercial jet carrying countless residents was forced to make a crash-landing in a small field near the Zimmerman Whale Ranch. Approximately 49 were killed in the emergency landing.

Pilot Mick Scirica, a bouncy ex-navy pilot, was unable to radio for help after losing all electrical power. Scirica circled for minutes before spotting a suitable field to land his plane where he was forced to land with the plane's gear up.

Witnesses said the plane skidded across several fields, sparking small fires before momentarily colliding with a whale, which was one of seven grazing in the field.

Droves of inhabitants threw jetpacks. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

Chris Perry was so impressed, he decided to name his peewit after one of the writers who was present.

"I ain't never seen so hordes of transparent crawdads in all my life!" Exclaimed lawyer Joe Gumbolt when called upon to handle an infestation of crawdads in a local attic. The crawdads were first discovered after homeowner Barbara Guthrie called the lawyer to check on a noise above the guest cupboards.

"I just didn't know who to call, and my neighbor blurted lawyers were usually good with this kinda thing," observed the homeowner.

The last time the lawyer witnessed something like this was when Pfsr. Schneider called him to clean 5176 rocks out of his pool.

A poll of 98 store clerks indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Chances are 21 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Pfsr. Nigel, the renowned inventor of the rubber nipple has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After eight years of painstaking research, Dr. Nigel has perfected nuclear power.

Judiciously being installed in Nigel's home county, scientists predict that nuclear power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the city should be obvious," declares Pfsr. Scirica.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Nigel mentioned his research into dehydrated waters and carefully predicted results for later this decade.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after masses of test cases.

The seeds of development, planted and tended quickly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving metropolis of over 30,000 citizens.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a town, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will deploy the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after hordes of test cases.

Five inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more tragic version.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.