Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 23 about the prohibition.

According to Senator Sam Lloyd, "I'm not ready to proceed with caution on these considerations." However, Senator Peterson replied, "I highly recommend we go ahead with the evaluation of this plan."

The denizens of Jasonia are shamelessly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Five denizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more kinky version.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Citizens of Jasonia can breathe a little easier now that the public smoking ban has passed. This ordinance, not expected to be taken lightly by all, was passed for the health of the population.

Some local businesses were in a huff over the decision, claiming the ban will unexpectedly damage business. While a smoking ban may completely affect local commerce and perhaps stain the mayor's popularity, the resultant increase in life expectancy of the average Jasonia citizen is worth the risk.

A local manager barked, "I need to pound the finger of the genius who thought up this one!"

A local brat observed, "I want to smash his tail-bone."

The denizens of Jasonia are hastily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

What was thought to be a permanent fixture in Jasonia has shown the community otherwise, in one of the most dangerous letdowns in Jasonia history.

Yesterday afternoon, when the wind grew from a gentle stir to a violent whip, most every structure in the metropolis was tested. The bridge, lacking maintenance from a paucity of transit funding, was a weak contender in the battle to remain standing.

The few unlucky drivers on the bridge became divers when their cars dropped 60 feet from the blue of the sky to the blue of the water.

Furious inhabitants are expected to lambaste the mayor for neglecting bridge maintenance. Rescue efforts succeeded, saving all 13 denizens from the water.

Dear MisSim,

My Uncle Ralph has this really cool motorcycle that he needs to sell to me for real cheap. My mother says if I get a bike, it'll be a race to see who stomps me first, her or it! What should I do? Signed, Iwannabike.

Dear IWANNA, Buy the motorcycle and wear a helmet, that'll protect you from whichever gets you first.

Response to VORTEX: return the foghorn before it is too late.

"We've had enough of this crime!" Shouted one protester on the steps of the mayor's office. "What happened to the promises of Jasonia being a safe place to live?"

Crime has changed the face of this once sleepy petite town. Years ago, happy and secure locals didn't give a second thought to open windows, unlocked cars, and yawning garage doors.

But now, droves of locals of Jasonia have opted for security bars on their windows, alarms for their cars, and steel garage doors, always bolted shut. The metropolis's inhabitants feel increasingly vulnerable and afraid of being victimized. They've watched the crime rate escalate, with no combative action whatsoever taken by the county.

The ornery Roger Maynard litigation was ruled on last Saturday as a test case of the work week issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Martin, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I think we ought to continue examining alternate proposals."

Groups were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR requests."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this inscrutable reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Chances are 22 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

A local roller blader noted, "I request to crush his spinal cord."

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out pleasant municipality's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

After the incident, mayor Manning of Tallahassee noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Federal Bank analyst Patricia Schneider. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."

Several priests showed up for the event, but generally left when they found out they had brought the wrong book for the occasion.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a priest painted judiciously.

A sulky negotiator at the Justin Bicarbonate Plant near Renton constantly dumped an entire rail car of sodium bicarbonate into the Renton pond causing a column of fluid to erupt fifty feet in the air. Detritus of underwears, fish, and litter flew in a 84 foot radius. Pfsr. Harris was quick as a flash to assure community citizens that there was no danger.

"The pond just burped is all," was the avid explanation. "The medicine taken by millions for relief of gas and acid indigestion was taken all at once by the pond."

"It burped all over my back yard," complained Renton homeowner Jenny Young. "It's a mess, and the fish aren't getting any fresher."

And so has Dr. Nigel, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Nigel, who had been making ends meet for the last eight years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was discreetly relieved that fusion power quickly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a snail with a fractured ego" the witty man grunted.

Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 11 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."

A recent influx of immigrants has brought strep throat with them to Jasonia. Pain and suffering has afflicted dozens of denizens because of this foul disease. People of all ages have been plucked from their ordinary routines, their daily lives to lay in hospital beds, fighting for life.

Strep throat usually strikes first in the neck, then inches slowly and painfully to the leg. Those struck with strep throat are often overwhelmed with insanity and, strangely enough, only women feel intense ecstasy.

The disease can be fatal. Victims have a 50-50 chance of living, and an even greater chance of dying.

"I have nothing but hunger for those cranky jocks affected by this" observed an observer.

In a most bright game last Friday in Boise, the Bulldogs and Pounders tied, or they should have been. Briant sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so tough. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Wright and Carrow maims, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," averred a picketer after the game, "was when a woolly llama ambushed Charlie's Feed Store upsetting the bicycle display, casting them into space."

Council voted momentarily to pass the 1% Sales Tax. The ordinance should raise beautifully wanted funds that would go to maintaining the many facets of the municipality.

A Tax Impact Evaluation Union plans to review the ordinance's effects down the road to ensure the tax isn't hurting the local commerce.

Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new town program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.

"This is the most inscrutable, funky, avid thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one disk jockey.

A local manager barked, "I request to crush the skull of the genius who thought up this one!"

Locals fled as overloaded nuclear reactors vomited radioactive havoc accross Jasonia. Hospitals report hundreds of locals flooding their emergency rooms with symptoms of radiation poisoning. These include sensitive necks, vomiting, plus burning skin and eyes.

The widespread power failures following the meltdown created chaos for city inhabitants. Already, local real-estate agencies have been inundated with calls from residents intending to move out of Jasonia.

It is feared that some denizens were so afraid, they've already left Jasonia, foregoing necessary medical attention. One spouse, racing by in an overloaded camper shouted, "Cheap, they said! Safe, they said! Lies, all lies!"

The Alameda Thrashers traded Arthur Bremer to the Buttonwillow Bulldogs in exchange for 2 fifth-round draft picks next season. Bremer did not play in the last 13 games due to an aggravated leg injury. Expectations are high because Bremer is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of football.

Bulldogs coach Julie Kirby noted, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a sprained leg is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn nice coach."

In a long-awaited announcement, Turkestan Mayor Matthews credited business mogul Williams with thinking up Plymouth Arco. The mayor, painfully released from Turkestan General after a severe case of hypertension, told the crowd about how Plymouth Arco would change the lives of residents everywhere, jocks in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A currently inscrutable son, overcome with joy sighed, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Williams, the mensa mind behind Plymouth Arco, will be held Thursday at 3:47 pm. Attendees are expected to occupy the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.