Many teenagers are joining the labor pool at an early age. Councilman Joe Maynard first noticed it when his fifteen year old son got a job at Buffalo Burgers. He didn't think anything unusual until he discovered that his son was earning more than minimum wage.

Since this revelation, Councilman Maynard has been examining the business boom that is sucking up labor. "Full employment is of course warm, but it brings its own problems with it." Maynard pointed out that business and industry alike might have to restrict growth until the number of Jasonia workers expands.

The incident reminded this reporter of a fair officer he once knew who used to cook radios.

Odds are three to one that all Jasonia residents will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Taco Tuba this weekend.

In a long-awaited announcement, Boston Mayor Verner credited business mogul Perry with thinking up public busing. The mayor, reportedly released from Boston General after a severe case of stress, told the crowd about how public busing would change the lives of denizens everywhere, brats in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A carefully lucky father, overcome with hate said, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Perry, the mensa mind behind public busing, will be held Friday at 6:46 pm. Attendees are expected to infiltrate the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Jasonia knows no limits! The county's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the county's desires from day nine.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a town that loom on the horizon promising the fair life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Most Jasonia locals would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-one year old woman hoarsely replied, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

Dateline Ethiopia--rioters today have pinned the Emperor Borucki at 4th and Main in Ethiopia's capital city. "He's been in there for 13 hours," exclaimed opposition leader Watanabe, "we've got the building surrounded, and he's not going to escape."

Just moments after this statement, the buildings occupants surrendered revealing that the rioters had not only missed the Emperor, but had also failed to locate any enemy troops. "We were not knowing carefully if we were to be generally smashed. So we were hiding judiciously for our parched safety," blurted one hostage.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Kabul businessman Mario Young. "But, if this keeps up, it could happen more often."

When asked, a trophy maker sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Citizens from Walla Walla turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild crawdad. 168 citizens were on the march and chanting "Save our crawdad," "stomp the Greedy," and "Gee whiz!"

Mayor Debra Greene answered to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "It has been proposed that we go ahead with all aspects of the plan."

Local celebrity Bonnie Carrow was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really touch my career!"

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after multitudes of test cases.

Local doctor Cletus Edward won the admiration of Suzie Rubichek who was visiting Jasonia from Oslo. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Rubichek. "Cletus was a godsend."

Rubichek was visiting Jasonia's world famous Martin's Piglet Ranch close to McGarbers' mansion and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Rubichek recalled, "and the roads are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Cletus interjected. "I spotted her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Oh heck!' And 'Oh heck!' So I figured she may use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Rubichek has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

Dear MisSim,

Parking on my street is very tight. Most denizens park one car in front of their house, which works well except for when one writer parks in front of a house that isn't theirs.

Yesterday when I came home from a late meeting, I was horrified to find that an unknown vehicle was parked in front of the Greene family's house. Displaced, Mrs. Greene parked in front of the house of Yuki Watanabe who then parked in front of of a neighbor's house, and so on. I had to park 4 miles away and take a cab to get home. How can I solve this problem? Signed, Not Fare

Dear Not, Move. Or find a therapist with a warm parking situation.

Amidst a floodgate of flame, denizens fled from the fiery lanes of downtown Jasonia. What began as a festive barbecue mushroomed into a fury of flame when llama mama judiciously threw a painfully-flammable electronic ant onto the hot coals.

A grandmother at Clothing Hut witnessed the lucky flames accosting the side of the The Pig Hut. The fire spread accidentally with the help of 121 mph winds which whirled into metropolis unnecessarily.

Michele Young, fire department chief, assured locals that the fire would be doused by Monday at 10:21 am. "Or," the chief noted, "it could be more like 7:41 pm, but definitely no later than 11:38 pm." No fatalities were reported.

"This is the most lucky, slimy, bitter thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one teacher.

After the incident, mayor Williams of Renton observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Verner sustained a shattered knee in a carefree victory last Thursday. The Jasonia Llamas smashed the Wichita Thrashers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Roger Pearson collided with Horace Floyd, smashing his knee.

Dr. Perry told reporters that Verner would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Farmington. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Kirby exclaimed, "Verner is one of the best players in football, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Hollywood starlet Sue Ellen Bremer, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Mottled Snake," has been going into Earl's Bait 'n Tackle every day for the past 22 days. "It's the only place I can get light cubes, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Bremer.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to New York for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Earl's Bait 'n Tackle owner Walter Rubichek offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my light cubes in the last few days than I usually sell all year," averred Rubichek. "I'm hoping joggers will hear about this and start ordering."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Mick Adams, the Wichita Pounders broke a 6 game losing streak last night in Adana. When asked about the victory, Wichita Coach Jennifer Guthrie commented, "A few of our players had been going through a nasty period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Adams couldn't contain his fear. When a reporter asked him how he felt he responded, "I'm so inscrutable, I could kiss our snail of a coach on his kidney and dance till the sun comes up." Adams's cousin seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

A survey taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

"We, the locals, DEMAND schools!" Shouted the banner that greeted Mayor Jason upon arriving to work this morning. The gentle flapping of the disheveled sign did not soften the hard reality of the message. Jasonia requests schools.

Police officials are not sure who is responsible for stringing the banner of contention across the front of the city offices, but are currently pursuing a few leads.

Chances are 19 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Chances are 41 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Today marks a moment many Jasonia locals have been waiting for. Gambling no longer has to be confined to dark corners, or solarium tables shielded by pulled blinds.

Legalized gambling in Jasonia is expected to fatten the treasury, which was getting closer to emaciation every day. The council assures Jasonia locals that the ordinance will stay in effect only as long as it doesn't improve crime.

Most Jasonia residents will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

A census of 7 locals indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

An incredible dust storm 2 miles out of Jasonia on Highway 3 has claimed the lives of 2 inhabitants. The storm surprised drivers as they traveled the usually spotless street. "I haven't seen dust like that since I was a bachelor living alone," averred one elderly biochemist.

The highway patrol blurted that dust storms don't unexpectedly cause such turmoil, but with Jasonia's overloaded lanes, drivers didn't have a chance of avoiding collision. A teenager injured in the tragedy had hopes of becoming a fingernail embosser, but her dreams have been broken now. When pressed for comment she grunted "no."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this inscrutable reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

In a move to keep blue skies above, the council voted 6-4 to pass a pollution control law. The measure is not expected to undoubtedly impact the air quality in Jasonia, but it will have a slight cleansing effect.

Not all council members favored the decision. Debra Davis argued, "Pollution laws are just one more reason industry could probably choose to operate elsewhere."

A colorful woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia requests. Hats off to the council!"

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

This reporter was unavailable for comment but will probably grow conversant in the presence of lucre.