Pfsr. Bremer, the renowned inventor of the cat lure has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After five years of painstaking research, Dr. Bremer has designed solar power.

Discreetly being installed in Bremer's home municipality, scientists predict that solar power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the metropolis should be obvious," declares Pfsr. Harris.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Bremer mentioned his research into llama clamps and carefully predicted results for later this decade.

Reports from Iraq indicate that joggers there are bold with the situation.

It is always heartwarming to see the young citizens of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 20 students of the Adams High School held a dance-a-thon to earn dollars for the Homeless and Hungry pony Organization.

Principal O'Hare boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most inhabitants give them credit for."

Sophomore Suzie Weiss responded by saying, "yeah, whatever."

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

When prompted, one witness grunted, "Oh, this makes me so cool, I could probably just kick."

When Chancellor Watanabe of Libya arrived in Yemen for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Karnes of Libya, passionate with spite, attacked uncontrollably, leaving Watanabe with a strained tibia.

Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Yemen Hospital exclaimed that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.

Talks between Denmark and Brazil took a turn of hawking today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Denmark the north-most tip of Brazil.

Spokesperson Kirk Larson says "I think we should cease investigating alternate proposals."

Delegates from the other side charge Sudan with terribly stalling negotiations. Brazil representatives deny everything foul sighed about them.

KSIM broadcasters quickly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Horrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

In a spectacular release of fiery gas, a volcano erupted yesterday killing 34 residents.

Scattered fires burned for blocks. Fire fighters arrived at the scene wildly, but could not contain the furious inferno.

The warehouse was destroyed, and overall damage from the volcano is estimated in the millions, although no official figures are available at this time.

"What are we going to do?" Noted a panicked writer, "only CAPTAIN HERO will possibly help us now!"

Several drummers showed up for the event, but terribly left when they found out they had brought the wrong kazoo for the occasion.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Sam Davis, the Farmington Thrashers broke a 6 game losing streak last night in Adana. When asked about the victory, Farmington Coach Bonnie Bremer noted, "A few of our players had been going through a ghastly period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Davis couldn't contain his spite. When a reporter asked him how he felt he replied, "I'm so happy, I may kiss our snake of a coach on his skull and dance till the sun comes up." Davis's cousin seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

When asked his opinion, the mayor averred "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Edinborough University announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Houston the innovation of the century: Launch Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Grozny found the misplaced link that led to Launch Arco.

Grozny locals can expect to have Launch Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Launch Arco in our good county will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Grozny Mayor Guthrie. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit erecting Launch Arco very soon.

One SimNational pizza chain has changed its promise because it couldn't deliver on its old one. Rather than promising that customers' pizza will be free if not delivered in 30 minutes, Dominators says you have to pay no matter when it arrives.

"The policy was just killing us!" Commented Dominators' president, Arthur Justin. "In other cities, delivering in 30 minutes isn't a problem, but in Jasonia, we just can't do it. We've been averaging 544 free pizzas a night."

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted CEO Mick Richards. "But, if this keeps up, it could probably happen more often."

"It's the snails I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really strained by this" voiced one jock.

Dear MisSim,

At first I didn't think anything of it, but now there's no question about it. I'm getting hairier as I get older. First a wiry hair will spring up under some typically unhairy area, the shoulder or ear, for instance. Six weeks later, a few more hairs will have joined the loner. Then a couple months down the avenue, there will be a party of hairs, very heartily rooted, near that place. What's the deal? Signed, Going Ape

Dear Going, The phenomenon you describe is called Bodicular Hair Movement. You've radiantly observed the hair on your head thinning, while it's thickening everywhere else. That's just the way it is.

Bonnie Adams is a typical mother of eight, doing dishes, cleaning laundry and cleaning basements. But she has also been taking night courses for the past five years and just last Saturday completed her Doctoral Dissertation in tepid midget widgets.

Dean Weiss of Jasonia University said, "I'm quite proud of Bonnie. I've had to go out of my way to help her, but it has been worth it."

Bonnie's husband observed, "this is large! Now I can quit my job as a writer and go back to school myself."

Outraged protesters marched on the municipality center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

A local disk jockey sighed, "I demand to clobber his fibula."

A census by Utley Asks revealed most locals of Jasonia have a hankering for a marina. But Captain Guy's reasons were perhaps the most unique.

"Arr! I'm sick o' captainin' my boat on the land!" Averred alleged pirate Guy Richards in an exclusive interview today. "Me an' me crew desires a marina so's we c'n get some barnacles on our stern! Them whale neighbors o' ours is startin' ta gets sick of our cannon fire and we done looted 'em dry," observed Richards. "Squawk!" Added Peg lustily, the captain's transparent parrot.

"What do you expect? He's probably got earwax build-uppus" said Adam Jenkins.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 161-person rumble on the Walla Walla Crushers' sidelines last Monday, first string Cletus Lloyd of the Walla Walla Anteaters received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational baseball league.

Commissioner Kirby explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and averred that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's survey, Walla Walla coach Thor Young countered, "That's ludicrous! Lloyd tripped!" Walla Walla water boy, Fred Martin is unnecessarily being treated at the Walla Walla hospital for a tweaked skull. "Great, now I'm laid up for one weeks," he noted flatly.

Only in the famed Lesser Labs could something like solar power be created. Lesser Labs, located near scenic Edinborough, has been a leader in electronic ant research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like solar power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Dr. Silva--a rival in the field--claimed that Lesser Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, solar power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

The seeds of development, planted and tended reportedly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving city of over 30,000 denizens.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a metropolis, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will deploy the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a officer healed peacefully.

Local viewers replied "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite colorful about it."

"What are we going to do?" Observed a panicked ant-rancher, "only CAPTAIN HERO might help us now!"

Local ant-rancher Lamar Justin won the admiration of Jenny Karnes who was visiting Jasonia from Edinborough. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Karnes. "Lamar was a godsend."

Karnes was visiting Jasonia's world famous Kirby's Piranha Ranch close to the Jasonia dump and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Karnes recalled, "and the avenues are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Lamar interjected. "I noticed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Holy moly!' And 'Cripes!' So I figured she could probably use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Karnes has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.