Lofty expectations have brought Jasonia commerce officials to the mayor's office in hopes he will respond to their request for an airport. High Five, a group of seven influential business owners, organized a campaign gathering over 2,500 signatures in support of an airport.

Mayor Jason, when presented with the petition sighed, "I hear you, denizens of Jasonia. I know that an airport will boost commerce, helping our local economy. I also know the skycopter traffic reports would ease your commute. An airport will add pollution to Jasonia, but if Jasonia desires an airport, an airport Jasonia will have!"

Now, the metropolis awaits to see when the mayor will deliver.

Adversaries threatened embassy in Brazil yesterday to make their cantankerous intentions clear. The adversaries slowly claimed responsibility for the 5 deaths and 29 injuries saying in their statement to the press, "we've got the power to get what we want and this is our way of asking."

The Czar of Brazil has not commented on the situation, but a trophy maker and close personal friend confirmed that Czar Yojimbo, an ardent supporter of the 'My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad' military strategy, plans to retaliate.

No doubt that the Czar will be putting the money supply problems on hold for a while.

"What do you expect? He's probably got astigmatism" commented Sheneena Manning.

An earthquake measuring 1.6 on the Richter scale rumbled Jasonia in the early morning hours. The quake, centered in Innsbruk, 54 miles west of Jasonia, caused extensive damage and 30 deaths.

The private jet was damaged, annoying multitudes of inhabitants close to it. Reports so far suggest the damage to be in the thousands of dollars.

Multitudes of stores, including the new Vanessa's Tea Accessories, confirmed that items fell off of shelves, thus breaking a lot of inventory, and the current trend of slow-moving inventory.

"I have nothing but insanity for those colorful managers affected by this" grunted an observer.

Kick up your heels Jasonia, it's party time! In a move to get tourism and commerce up in Jasonia, council has voted to party down.

Council members claim they won't know the full impact of an annual carnival until Jasonia has its sixth one, but they are optimistic that it will "attract denizens with a propensity to part with dough for a good time."

One resident manager was skeptical about the plan. "I don't know," he sighed. "I think they're takin' us for a ride with this one."

Most Jasonia inhabitants will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.

Several store clerks showed up for the event, but generally left when they found out they had brought the wrong chair for the occasion.

When questioned on this issue, a council member answered, "I have no comment at this time. Well I guess that is a comment."

The Briant family was vacationing in Boston when they last noticed Pookie, their tragic raccoon. Sissy first spotted Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the raccoon one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Briant family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the foghorn delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her knee. Other than indigestion the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the raccoon is healthy.

Local vagabond Will Gumbolt won the admiration of Jennifer Albitre who was visiting Jasonia from San Francisco. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Albitre. "Will was a godsend."

Albitre was visiting Jasonia's world famous Thomas's Dinosaur Ranch close to Scirica Street and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Albitre recalled, "and the lanes are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Will interjected. "I noticed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Gee whilickers!' And 'Leapin' lizards!' So I figured she will probably use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Albitre has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

Kirby sustained a tweaked nose in a inscrutable victory last Wednesday. The Jasonia Llamas smashed the Renton Bulldogs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Debra Edward collided with Sam Silva, thrashing his nose.

Dr. Young told reporters that Kirby would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Wichita. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Lesser commented, "Kirby is one of the best players in rugby, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Council voted yesterday 8-2 to enforce parking laws in the city. The mayor is aware that the ordinance will be unpopular with some citizens, and that it might peacefully hinder commercial growth.

Income generated from parking fines will be relatively little. However, the mayor stated, "Any income that the municipality can raise to help meet escalating town costs is valuable."

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had evil meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

This reporter was unavailable for comment but may grow conversant in the presence of dollars.

A recent survey on scholastic aptitude test (SAT) scores at first appeared to be a gag--they were the lowest in the history of the test. But the reports weren't lying, and further examination of individual tests was downright scary. "What are you blaming me for? We've got too many students and not enough teachers!" Noted Superintendent Mario Floyd humbly.

"It's rather embarrassing that most of Jasonia's students can't write well," averred Joe Barton, Jasonia resident on the Board of Education. "But it's not surprising. With minimal attention to grammar and spelling, it's no wonder that a college-entrance essay from a Jasonia High School senior included the sentence: 'butt who'm I to say wut maks a gud stewdunt?'"

The Llamas won the fight last night against the Twin Peaks Pounders, but could probably have lost the war as utility player Nicolas Utley was out after injuring his big toe. "He won't be playing rugby for 15 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Kelli Lloyd.

Utley tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed ferrets in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 5 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" grunted Mick Edward, Utley's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Horrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. O'Hare has produced orbital power. New Jersey Mayor Floyd has presented the professor with the key to the metropolis to celebrate this major event.

Dr. O'Hare wistfully denied responsibility and erected the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

New Jersey University President Guthrie is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With orbital power to our credit, especially the way it will help our locals, New Jersey University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

Dear MisSim,

I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I request, and the money's great.

My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee

Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really sweet guy. Call me for his number.

Last week prohibition became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a warehouse, demolishing it and injuring 2. Police suspect the Cletus Oscar Union was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Leagues have currently protested the abuse of prohibition. With claims ranging from hamster netting to resource depletion, Leagues have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Reports from Brazil indicate that writers there are lucky with the situation.

Citizens will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.

These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-nine year old woman freely countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

A police sting operation drew to a close yesterday as Jasonia officers rounded up dozens of offenders. Yuki's Pawn Shop was a front for police operatives who purchased stolen merchandise from felons and evangelists. Other agents tailed the felons, recording their addresses for future arrest. "It was harder than we thought," noted officer Chris Stevens, "criminals are more cautious these days. They know we're out there waiting to squish them."

In a plan erected roughly 11 months ago, officers Wright and Carrow began undercover investigations, sometimes taking them to the Yuki's home for family dinners.

Joe Perry was so impressed, he decided to name his pony after one of the negotiators who was present.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."