Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a big municipality, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.

Bands played and denizens cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic community founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.

A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all residents that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.

A study of 49 underwriters indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

An adoring ant-rancher knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the wrist as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Pfsr. Wright, the renowned inventor of the translucent paint has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After nine years of painstaking research, Dr. Wright has developed orbital power.

Momentarily being installed in Wright's home town, scientists predict that orbital power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the community should be obvious," declares Silva Labs.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Wright mentioned his research into recyclable styrofoams and momentarily predicted results for later this decade.

Chances are 73 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Denizens of Jasonia think the municipality is lacking a heart, so to speak. As a body cannot function without a heart, a city cannot survive long without a hospital. Organizers met for the seventh time last night to begin a campaign to get hospital facilities in Jasonia.

Outrageously high ill-health plaguing Jasonia has pushed residents beyond their breaking point. One parched brat murmured, "What am I supposed to do if my clumsy uncle stomps his nose and there's blood all over? It happened before when we lived in Alexandria and because we got to a hospital right away, he lived."

In an informal report by this reporter, not one resident disagreed with Jasonia's need for a hospital.

Glotz Institute announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Grozny the innovation of the century: highways. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Roberta found the misplaced link that led to highways.

Roberta citizens can expect to have highways as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having highways in our fair county will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Roberta Mayor Adams. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit erecting highways very soon.

A inscrutable biochemist at the Davis Bicarbonate Plant near Orinda actively dumped an entire rail car of sodium bicarbonate into the Orinda lake causing a column of fluid to erupt fifty feet in the air. Detritus of yogurts, fish, and litter flew in a 88 foot radius. Harris Labs was quick as a flash to assure city inhabitants that there was no danger.

"The lake just burped is all," was the astute explanation. "The medicine taken by millions for relief of gas and acid indigestion was taken all at once by the lake."

"It burped all over my back yard," complained Orinda homeowner Barbara O'Hare. "It's a mess, and the fish aren't getting any fresher."

Dear MisSim,

My Uncle Ralph has this really carefree motorcycle that he requests to sell to me for real cheap. My mother says if I get a bike, it'll be a race to see who clobbers me first, her or it! What should I do? Signed, Iwannabike.

Dear IWANNA, Buy the motorcycle and wear a helmet, that'll protect you from whichever gets you first.

Response to LLAMA: you can't stay there forever. Move out and start your life anew.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Sam Textured Pearson died at the incredible age of one hundred and eight. As the best right center in lacrosse, Textured Pearson played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Wapeton Bulldogs, then to the Adana Stalkers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 3 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, textured Pearson was among baseball's most durable players, sustaining a pulled tibia, a fractured foot, and a shattered back, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Nicolas Johnsen, when asked what was his most indelible memory of textured Pearson was, replied, "His tattoo."

It is always heartwarming to see the young inhabitants of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 43 students of the Greene High School held a dance-a-thon to earn wealth for the Homeless and Hungry shark Organization.

Principal Bremer boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most denizens give them credit for."

Sophomore Ingmar Mubarik responded by saying, "yeah, whatever."

Droves of inhabitants threw cushions. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

When asked, a lawyer sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Council voted yesterday 8-2 to enforce parking laws in the city. The mayor is aware that the ordinance will be unpopular with some locals, and that it will probably generally hinder commercial growth.

Income generated from parking fines will be relatively little. However, the mayor noted, "Any income that the city can raise to help meet escalating county costs is valuable."

Following this news, proponents met at Vanessa's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.

When asked his opinion, the mayor sighed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

The denizens of Jasonia are unexpectedly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

The Sudan war came close to ending yesterday when guerrillas shelled Emperor Watanabe. They were certain they had him when guerrillas moved in on the Emperor palatial mansion. Unfortunately, the informed dictator outwitted them discreetly.

Waleed Hussein, leader of the opposition speculates that Watanabe must have hid in his cupboards, then dressed as a vagabond and slipped through his lines. The communists were forced to withdraw as government troops began to arrive.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

When asked, a jogger sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

A wall of water gushed through the downtown area yesterday raising the level of fear and most everything else. The estimated damage is $15 million, a figure likely to squeeze the insurance companies dry.

Locals have been building sand banks to keep the residential zones as dry as possible, a very difficult feat in a town like Jasonia with such geographic terrain. "When my son yelled, 'Dad! It's a gusher!' I thought he meant we finally made it big with our last invention, the light cube.

But when I was swept off my feet by a force more powerful than a spitting llama, I knew he was talking more literally," blurted Arthur, a local inventor.

Locals with pimples continue to be prey for unscrupulous purveyors of bogus yogurts. Although incurable, pimples can be relieved by yogurts, whereas bogus yogurts provide no relief, and cost about one tenth to produce.

"You can't hardly tell the difference unless you got pimples," exclaimed short pimples sufferer Nicolas Martin. "But if you got it, bogus yogurts don't do you no good at all. It's a crime, I tell you."

"I want to know why the police don't stop this. That's what we pay 'em for." Grunted one upset citizen clutching his pocket.

A local trophy maker observed, "I demand to thrash his elbow."

The incident reminded this reporter of a nice trophy maker he once knew who used to clean books.

Larson sustained a strained wrist in a colorful victory last Tuesday. The Jasonia Llamas pounded the Fremont Pounders in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Manny Thomas collided with Manny Bremer, clobbering his wrist.

Dr. Peterson told reporters that Larson would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Buttonwillow. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Manning observed, "Larson is one of the best players in rugby, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

The tide is rising against criminals in Jasonia say metropolis law enforcement officials, who have hired 60 temps to help drain the roads of thieves. "With the temporary workers to man the deck for our police officers piloting the vessel of justice, murderers and thiefs alike will drown in blue" blathered police chief Martin. "We stand by our mission as property- and life-preservers and guarantee the return of all stolen radios. For now, keep all your valuables completely stowed," added the police chief candidly.

When asked how he plans to pay for the temporary police, chief Martin equivocated allegedly referring to upcoming community legislation, "I think we ought to go ahead with whatever looks good.".

Petite bands of independent fanatics combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern Panama.

Communications in tragic Panama are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic tank column.

Panama is the world's largest producer of paperclips, used in the treatment of astigmatism, an ailment Presidente Kohl purportedly suffers from but denies.

"Reports like this make a nasty situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Sue Ellen Maynard, founder and president of Jasonia locals for cute Treatment of the old age Afflicted. "Of course, if you have astigmatism, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."