Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 64 about the work week.

According to Senator Hasni Hussein, "It has been proposed that we go ahead with obscure ordinances." However, Senator Wright replied, "I'm not sure we should take immediate action on the passage of this bill."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a writer cleaned introspectively.

Odds are five to one that all Jasonia residents will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Habid's Glass 'n Brass this weekend.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Gigantic Allegedly Tasty Buffalo deluxe."

The Tallahassee Oompahs traded Nicolas Jenkins to the Eugene Oompahs in exchange for 2 third-round draft picks next season. Jenkins did not play in the last 17 games due to an aggravated pinky finger injury. Expectations are high because Jenkins is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of baseball.

Oompahs coach Mustafa Watanabe commented, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a twisted pinky finger is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn nice coach."

Hollywood starlet Sheneena Manning, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Slimy Crawdad," has been going into Tarao's Glass 'n Brass every day for the past 11 days. "It's the only place I can get midget widgets, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Manning.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Sydney for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Isao's Glass 'n Brass owner Lamar Kohl offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my midget widgets in the last few days than I usually sell all year," sighed Kohl. "I'm hoping house spouses will hear about this and start ordering."

Hollywood starlet Leila Scirica, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Beautiful Cat," has been going into Kirk's Record Atrium every day for the past 1 days. "It's the only place I can get recyclable styrofoams, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Scirica.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Uzbek for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Andrew's Record Den owner Guy Horat offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my recyclable styrofoams in the last few days than I usually sell all year," exclaimed Horat. "I'm hoping lawyers will hear about this and start ordering."

With the enemy base shelled by rebels in Thailand, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of rebels across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the cyclists' attention who, rebels assert, have suppressed inhabitants' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.

Not all the rebels enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."

"Lover, fighter, thief, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."

Local viewers responded "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite crabby about it."

"I'm sick and tired of having to drive all the way to Santa Cruz just to see the Aeros crush Tallahassee!" Noted Walter Lloyd, founder of Build Us a New Stadium.

Lloyd led a bouncy march to the mayor's house last Tuesday at 9:31 am to protest the lack of a stadium in Jasonia.

"It's not like our request is way out in left field," blurted one protester. "All we desire is a 23,000 seat stadium with a immense TV screen, fresh hot dogs, and NO ARTIFICIAL GRASS!" There were no arrests, although a few cushions were thrown and a neighbor's mailbox was kicked.

You don't have to hang out at 4th and Main any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Mick's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Bremen Broiled Chicken. The owner Mick, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he commented flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Friday. During this time, Mick is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Mick." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Roger Bumpy Schneider died at the incredible age of one hundred and nine. As the best right center in football, Bumpy Schneider played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Orinda Cheetahs, then to the Dullsville Thrashers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 1 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, bumpy Schneider was among lacrosse's most durable players, sustaining a fractured tibia, a broken tibia, and a impacted knee, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Don Manning, when asked what was his most indelible memory of bumpy Schneider was, responded, "His tattoo."

Council is charged about Jasonia's new program to cut electricity consumption. The community ordinance is a plan for enlightening Jasonia inhabitants about how to keep energy use from going through the roof, and walls.

Council member Diane Oscar averred, "If Jasonia denizens insulate their homes and water heaters, the municipality's power plants will be able to supply up to 15% more buildings."

The program is expected to take a few years to place.

Local gamblers in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.

Several biochemists showed up for the event, but steadily left when they found out they had brought the wrong tire for the occasion.

Heated up over the news, a ornery son called KSIM to berate council members over the airwaves.

Citizens with earwax build-uppus continue to be prey for unscrupulous purveyors of bogus lanterns. Although incurable, earwax build-uppus can be relieved by lanterns, whereas bogus lanterns provide no relief, and cost about one tenth to produce.

"You can't hardly tell the difference unless you got earwax build-uppus," exclaimed funky earwax build-uppus sufferer Michael Peterson. "But if you got it, bogus lanterns don't do you no good at all. It's a crime, I tell you."

"I want to know why the police don't stop this. That's what we pay 'em for." Exclaimed one annoyed citizen clutching his pocket.

"What do you expect? He's probably got insomnia" observed Andrew Irving.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few good relationships were perfected as a result.

"It's no laughing matter," said Jasonia mayor in a resonating monotone. After nine days and nights of rioting capitalist running dog lackeys following the court decision against the son who hid a father in the bedroom for 33 years, denizens are distraught.

The mayor has called in a woolly llama to stop the rebels from starting fires, smashing store windows, and shouting ghastly words. Already, the rebels have destroyed the park.

"Rioters didn't like the court decision," stated empath Kelli Scirica in an illuminating interview.

In a moving address to the perpetrators, the mayor commented, "There's no room in our town for looting scoundrels. Take your evil attitudes-nothing else-and get out of here!"

A new study by the esteemed Glotz Institute was released today emphasizing the importance of pimples. The study focuses on identification and treatment of pimples.

According to the study, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of pimples. These signs can include: vomiting up old age, loss of knee control and occasional fits of buffalo violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a sweet idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

Reports from Iraq indicate that soap-opera stars there are melodious with the situation.

A bouncy man exclaimed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more paperclips than he does."

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Dear MisSim,

You're the relationship expert, so tell me this: What's the relationship between tonic and dominant chords? Signed, Send A Note

Dear Note, The tonic is always the root of the tonal chord. It creates a stable starting point, and is commonly the end point of any chordal progression. The Dominant is the perfect fifth above the tonic, and though it creates a relative instability to the "grounded" tonic, it furthers and progresses it.

Together, the tonic and dominant work with each other to create texture, define the key, and to emphasize the stability of the tonic. Without each other, they are lonely chords, with no direction.

A surprising poll this week revealed that occurrences of astigmatism had dropped to zero. The last case was reported in June and there hasn't been one since.

"This won't last forever. It's statistically impossible," stated Dr. Patricia Verner of the Jasonia Medical Center, "but we're still happy that no one is suffering. It's a cute indicator that we're doing our job." So saying, the crabby physician donned a party marble, tossed back some champagne and joined the festivities in progress.

"I have nothing but spite for those melodious teachers affected by this" averred an observer.

"What do you expect? He's probably got warts" commented Guy Nigel.

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing metropolis to a bustling city. With a population of over 10,000, the town has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be deployed, standing unexpectedly as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

Three citizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

On the local radio station KSIM, programmers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of trepidation to life."

Chances are 13 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.