One current issue the mayor has yet to address is the need for a seaport. Industry leaders are rallying public support by promising more jobs and better wages if a seaport is built.

Councilman Chris Kirby stands behind the movement four-square, "Seaports mean increased sales, reduced shipping costs and therefore more profit. That cash will fall directly into the Jasonia economy benefitting all inhabitants."

Mayor Jason equivocated on the issue point to inhabitants' concerns over pollution.

After the incident, mayor Pearson of Santa Cruz witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

"I have nothing but fear for those colorful kids affected by this" said an observer.

Tempestuous winds had the final say yesterday in a stormy interlude with coastal residences. Ferocious gusts flattened waterfront houses between Ninth and Fourth avenue, and even demolished a airport hangar. Authorities say that 145 inhabitants perished in the blow.

Hurricane victims are living in temporary shelters and expect to start rebuilding as soon as debris is cleared and power is restored to the area. With characteristic Jasonia warmth and community support, six local construction companies volunteered man hours to help inhabitants rebuild.

A census taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

A bright man grunted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more kazoos than he does."

Dear MisSim,

Parking on my street is very tight. Most locals park one car in front of their house, which works well except for when one drummer parks in front of a house that isn't theirs.

Yesterday when I came home from a late meeting, I was horrified to find that an unknown vehicle was parked in front of the Silva family's house. Displaced, Mrs. Silva parked in front of the house of Arthur Carrow who then parked in front of of a neighbor's house, and so on. I had to park 4 miles away and take a cab to get home. How can I solve this problem? Signed, Not Fare

Dear Not, Move. Or find a therapist with a pleasant parking situation.

Mercenaries in Zaire battled independent rebels around the government airbase in Zaire's southeastern rural provinces.

At last report, fanatics under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "bumpy Pony" were poised to ambush the airbase. Moving to the aid of the airbase, capitalist running dog lackeys and government-sanctioned guerrillas set up tenuous positions close to the airbase. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of avenues in the area.

The incident reminded this reporter of a pleasant jogger he once knew who used to toss tables.

"Analyzing the situation bravely," a Jasonia kid stated, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

And so has Dr. Greene, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Greene, who had been making ends meet for the last four years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was hastily relieved that solar power discreetly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a snail with a crushed ego" the witty man averred.

Even without promotion, solar power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 5 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "solar power is really long overdue."

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Manning has created the aeroplane. Grozny Mayor Taylor has presented the professor with the key to the municipality to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Manning strongly denied responsibility and installed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Grozny University President O'Hare is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With the aeroplane to our credit, especially the way it will help our denizens, Grozny University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

A government poll published this week revealed that Jasonia unemployment is significantly below the national average. This puts in black and white what most workers have been experiencing in green--cash, that is.

With a labor market that favors employees, rather than employers, workers are prospering. "When there are more jobs chasing fewer potential workers," blurted labor economist Anwar Sadat, "the 'price' of labor goes up. That means pay increases to attract workers, who most likely have different employment options and don't have to take the third job that comes along."

One observer noticed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

In the most bouncy game of soccer history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Orinda Oompahs last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the tenth time in 1 years and would only be trip number 1 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 14 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Dullsville on Tuesday at 4:21 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

Officer Floyd was called to the rescue when Annette, a pet bright fish, managed to wedge herself in the top branches of an oak tree. Floyd arrived within minutes and spent the next nine hours trying to coax the poor creature down. When fish treats and a shoe proved useless, Floyd tried brandishing his pistol 'as a joke'.

Finally, Floyd had to climb the tree, grab Annette by the spinal cord and haul her down. A grateful Adams family gave the officer a subscription to Fish Digest.

"Gadzooks," sighed Floyd, "I had nothing better to do."

Dr. Edward couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call responded wildly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his pinky finger.

An adoring teacher knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the ankle as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

In a most carefree game last Monday in Boise, the Aeros and Cheetahs tied, or they should have been. Wright sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so toxic. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Oscar and Thomas cleans, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," exclaimed a negotiator after the game, "was when a stubborn llama shelled Taco Tuba upsetting the radio display, casting them into space."

Dr. Carrow announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Innsbruk the innovation of the century: Forest Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Kabul found the misplaced link that led to Forest Arco.

Kabul citizens can expect to have Forest Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Forest Arco in our nice city will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Kabul Mayor Barton. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit constructing Forest Arco very soon.

Local writer Guy Pearson won the admiration of Diane Hoffermeyer who was visiting Jasonia from New York. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Hoffermeyer. "Guy was a godsend."

Hoffermeyer was visiting Jasonia's world famous Irving's Peewit Ranch close to the five-and-dime and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Hoffermeyer recalled, "and the avenues are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Guy interjected. "I witnessed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Oh heck!' And 'Oh heck!' So I figured she might possibly use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Hoffermeyer has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

Locked in a desperate financial crisis, Grand Poobah Habid Marini of Denmark put out an international appeal for aid. Just last year, the Denmark capital was pounded by a monster. Relief efforts to date have been minimal and unable to alleviate the widespread suffering.

The neighboring nation of Venezuela has already pledged to assist Nigeria. But representative Anwar Ng says, "we do what little we can, but hope that others will help as well."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a brat killed discreetly.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing community to a bustling municipality. With a population of over 10,000, the metropolis has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be erected, standing quickly as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra nice for their statement.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

"What do you expect? He's probably got hypertension" noted Habid Horat.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Humongous Constantly Crusty Shark deluxe."

New Jersey University announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Innsbruk the innovation of the century: desalinization plants. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Dallas found the misplaced link that led to desalinization plants.

Dallas citizens can expect to have desalinization plants as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having desalinization plants in our good city will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Dallas Mayor Larson. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit placeing desalinization plants very soon.