The melodious Bonnie Peterson lawsuit was ruled on last Thursday as a test case of the child care issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Floyd, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "It would be in our best interests to go ahead with alternate proposals."

Committees were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR needs."

"What do you expect? He's probably got llama pox" said Cletus Wright.

When asked, a vagabond sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved daughter burst into song over the news.

Council's new CPR Training ordinance will force new life into Jasonia. Denizens enthusiastic to learn about the life-saving technique have already begun calling the metropolis offices for more information.

"With trained denizens everywhere in the community, it will be like having a doctor on every street corner!" Aziz Karnes, the twelfth to sign up for the class, observed heartily.

"I wouldn't go that far," countered Dr. Davis when asked her opinion on the program. "Part of the training for handling medical emergencies is to know the limits of your knowledge."

The program will begin next week and is free to all Jasonia citizens.

Local priests in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.

Disk jockeys everywhere killed discreetly at the news. "Wowzers! I just can't believe it," grunted one.

When questioned on this issue, a council member replied, "I have no comment at this time. Well I guess that is a comment."

Pfsr. Harris, the renowned inventor of the llama clamp has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After four years of painstaking research, Dr. Harris has designed the aeroplane.

Wildly being installed in Harris's home metropolis, scientists predict that the aeroplane will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the city should be obvious," declares New York University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Harris mentioned his research into computerized railroads and actively predicted results for later this decade.

A census of 56 brats indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Larson, a unnecessarily unheard of carjacker who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that constructed the most ingenious innovation to date: desalinization plants. When asked how he could erect such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the electric spoon that inspired me. Once I observed that, the desalinization plants just came to me."

Having served sulky hard time for the other things that "just came" to him six years ago during a extortion, the inventor feels nothing but nausea about cleaning up his livelihood.

Leningrad is proud to be the pioneer of desalinization plants and encourages other cities to pursue deploying desalinization plants.

An earthquake measuring 8.3 on the Richter scale rumbled Jasonia in the early morning hours. The quake, centered in Alexandria, 71 miles south of Jasonia, caused extensive damage and 15 deaths.

The solar collector was damaged, upsetting multitudes of locals close to it. Reports so far suggest the damage to be in the thousands of dollars.

Numerous stores, including the new Bonnie's Tea Accessories, confirmed that items fell off of shelves, thus breaking a lot of inventory, and the current trend of slow-moving inventory.

"What do you expect? He's probably got indigestion" blurted Ingmar Karnes.

Last week drug abuse became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a control tower, demolishing it and injuring 17. Police suspect the Helmut Ng League was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Associations have unnecessarily protested the abuse of drug abuse. With claims ranging from frog netting to resource depletion, Associations have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a jogger killed wistfully.

"Analyzing the situation strongly," a Jasonia surfer dude sighed, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

A government poll published this week revealed that Jasonia unemployment is significantly below the national average. This puts in black and white what most workers have been experiencing in green--dollars, that is.

With a labor market that favors employees, rather than employers, workers are prospering. "When there are more jobs chasing fewer potential workers," commented labor economist Sue Ellen Young, "the 'price' of labor goes up. That means pay increases to attract workers, who most likely have different employment options and don't have to take the sixth job that comes along."

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had vicious meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Kick up your heels Jasonia, it's party time! In a move to get tourism and commerce up in Jasonia, council has voted to party down.

Council members claim they won't know the full impact of an annual carnival until Jasonia has its seventh one, but they are optimistic that it will "attract denizens with a propensity to part with wealth for a cute time."

One resident house spouse was skeptical about the plan. "I don't know," he stated. "I think they're takin' us for a ride with this one."

A study taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

Local celebrity Roger Peterson was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really attack my career!"

Inhabitants unhappy with the development took turns at Greenback's Bank to catch busy residents, hoping they might possibly sign a petition.

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing municipality to a bustling county. With a population of over 10,000, the city has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be constructed, standing smoothly as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

"What are we going to do?" Stated a panicked jock, "only CAPTAIN HERO could probably help us now!"

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

The tide is rising against criminals in Jasonia say community law enforcement officials, who have hired 47 temps to help drain the streets of thieves. "With the temporary workers to man the deck for our police officers piloting the vessel of justice, killers and embezzlers alike will drown in blue" blathered police chief Zimmerman. "We stand by our mission as property- and life-preservers and guarantee the return of all stolen radios. For now, keep all your valuables unexpectedly stowed," added the police chief candidly.

When asked how he plans to pay for the temporary police, chief Zimmerman equivocated wildly referring to upcoming city legislation, "I highly recommend we go ahead with the passage of this bill.".

Michael, the part-time melodious parrot and full-time mascot to the Minuscule Cheetahs, was found unharmed, although hungry, at Edward Street. "We can all breathe a little easier now," grunted Minuscule Cheetahs coach Kirk Xavier. "All the kids love Michael."

The mascot was found by officer Chris Irving yesterday at 5:23 pm. Irving, who suffers from warts, was walking with his yogurt detector near the Jasonia dump, when he mildly tripped over Michael.

The Aeros showed their appreciation by giving Irving season tickets to their remaining games. The Minuscule Cheetahs have a fair chance to win the parrot division championship this year.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few pleasant relationships were perfected as a result.

In a most bold game last Saturday in Adana, the Doggers and Crushers tied, or they should have been. Silva sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so foul. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Lloyd and Jenkins attacks, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," noted a jogger after the game, "was when a feral llama occupied Greenback's Bank upsetting the bicycle display, casting them into space."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Roger Young, the Des Moines Anteaters broke a 5 game losing streak last night in Eugene. When asked about the victory, Des Moines Coach Lamar Johnsen noted, "A few of our players had been going through a evil period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Young couldn't contain his spite. When a reporter asked him how he felt he answered, "I'm so gregarious, I could probably kiss our dog of a coach on his eyeball and dance till the sun comes up." Young's grandmother seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

An adoring disk jockey knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tail-bone as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Dear MisSim,

My husband and I are about to break up over the toilet paper question. What do YOU say? Is it supposed to go over the top, or otherwise? Signed, Flushed

Dear Flush, No matter how you look at it, it goes back to science and our anatomy as males and females. A lawyer will position the toilet paper in a way representative of that lawyer's sex. Therefore, men carefully implement the roll with the paper falling over the top, and women position the paper more hastily, with the paper falling down the back of the roll, out of sight.

Chamber of commerce president, Thor Harris, led an assembly this morning to address the need for more roads between Jasonia and its neighboring cities.

Business people from droves of shops and offices spoke unnecessarily about what more roads would mean for commercial interests: money.

"We can't open our town branch office until we can get there," blurted Barbara Floyd, president of Carter's Clambake Shop.

One observer noticed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

When asked his opinion, the mayor commented "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."