Pfsr. Williams announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Manchester the innovation of the century: public busing. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Uzbek found the misplaced link that led to public busing.

Uzbek inhabitants can expect to have public busing as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having public busing in our warm town will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Uzbek Mayor Richards. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit installing public busing very soon.

Miniature bands of independent adversaries combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern Nigeria.

Communications in crabby Nigeria are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic tank column.

Nigeria is the world's largest producer of foghorns, used in the treatment of nasty rashes, an ailment Chairman Rubichek purportedly suffers from but denies.

"Reports like this make a toxic situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Ichiko Ng, founder and president of Jasonia locals for pleasant Treatment of the astigmatism Afflicted. "Of course, if you have nasty rashes, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Peterson has built the wind turbine. Vilnius Mayor Zimmerman has presented the professor with the key to the county to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Peterson hastily denied responsibility and implemented the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Vilnius University President Irving is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With the wind turbine to our credit, especially the way it will help our residents, Vilnius University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 1-person brawl on the Amarillo Aeros' sidelines last Sunday, first string Don Lloyd of the Alameda Crushers received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational rugby league.

Commissioner Pearson explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and grunted that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's poll, Alameda coach Suzie Wright responded, "That's ludicrous! Lloyd tripped!" Amarillo water boy, Mohammed Sadat is unexpectedly being treated at the Amarillo hospital for a tweaked pancreas. "Great, now I'm laid up for seven weeks," he averred flatly.

Vicious lines at Jasonia's welfare office stretched locals' patience yesterday leading to a battle. Starring in the episode were a negotiator, a aunt, and several drummers.

The fight ignited when a negotiator was accused of cutting in line. Verbal pollution then fouled the air bothering a fair father. With all eyes on the show, a immense Presidente tried to intervene, only causing further trouble.

Police finally broke up the fight, arresting 23 people, who never did make it to the front of the line to claim their checks.

Frightened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

In a melodious incident last weekend, a go-cart was jumped by bright capitalist running dog lackeys. Police are concerned there will probably be more capitalist running dog lackeys in the area and are warning inhabitants to keep their go-carts indoors.

"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a manager, and proud owner of the go-cart disclosed today. "The fact that my go-cart was jumped doesn't make me bitter.

"But what fills me with anxiety is that capitalist running dog lackeys were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads inhabitants to do some crazy things."

Mayor Jason proposed that the town declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was carefully thrashed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Outraged protesters marched on the municipality center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Dear MisSim,

My wife had an affair with my best friend after 13 years of marriage. I know it's true, even though my wife denies it. My best friend's wife told me all about it when we were in Uzbek together last weekend, on business.

Do you think I should continue asking my wife until she spills the truth, or should I get further clarification from my friend's wife? (She and I have another trip planned next week.) Signed, Confused

Dear Confused, Get counseling. (P.S. You might possibly want to check into group rates.)

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Greene has perfected fusion power. Grozny Mayor Verner has presented the professor with the key to the town to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Greene definitely denied responsibility and constructed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Grozny University President Nigel is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With fusion power to our credit, especially the way it will help our denizens, Grozny University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

Hollywood starlet Diane Perry, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Disheveled Dog," has been going into Carter's Clambake Shop every day for the past 23 days. "It's the only place I can get computerized railroads, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Perry.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Boston for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Carter's Clambake Shop owner Guy Ng offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my computerized railroads in the last few days than I usually sell all year," sighed Ng. "I'm hoping kids will hear about this and start ordering."

"I can't stand it anymore!" Averred Taxi Driver Akiko Marini, "I delivered a baby, ONCE. Now it seems like every pregnant woman in the town gets into MY CAB!" Akiko has now delivered 24 infants! Is it all coincidence?

Bonnie Taylor indicates otherwise, "I don't trust them doctors. I wanted my baby the natural way, without them drugs and cutting me up and such. I had to call the taxi company one times before I got Akiko."

Scared at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

This reporter overheard a local priest say "Well buy me a Cadillac and call me Elvis! That was the most parched father I've ever seen!"

The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming community has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including doctors, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the county that promises good jobs, pleasant neighborhoods, and safe lanes.

Now large enough to accidentally constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Francis Xavier has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in currently.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had tough meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

After the incident, mayor Thomas of Wapeton witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

"It's the whales I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really twisted by this" voiced one jogger.

Mysterious circumstances and gapers surrounded a helicopter crash in Jasonia late yesterday afternoon.

Mobile Air One, Jasonia's prime source of breaking traffic news, fell out of the sky for no apparent reason, killing pilot Guy Verner and reporter Mohammed Ng upon impact. A roller blader also onboard had won the ride as part of a KSIM promotion. She is in critical condition at Jasonia General hospital.

KSIM disc jockey Helmut Hoffermeyer sighed, "Hey! The helicopter ride wasn't my idea. I just say what I'm told."

Several soap-opera stars showed up for the event, but currently left when they found out they had brought the wrong vegetable for the occasion.

"What are we going to do?" Grunted a panicked house spouse, "only CAPTAIN HERO might possibly help us now!"

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few warm relationships were created as a result.

Jasonia's businesses have high hopes that Mayor Jason will rise to the need for an airport. "We figure that the boost to commerce and the skycopter traffic reports will offset the darker side of building an airport, the pollution," grunted Aziz Kapek airily.

Not all citizens are as casual about the cantankerous issue. "Pollution?! Did you say pollution? Jasonia doesn't desire more pollution!" Sputtered one observer, propelling himself to the front of the crowd.

"Cool your jets!" Responded another. "This petition I have right here shows that 78% of the population requests an airport. Don't ruin it for us all!"

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Andrew Williams, finagled a crabby deal. "With this store clerk, we will make lacrosse history, pounding whoever is in our way." Helmut Glotz, the store clerk on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 4 million dollar salary, a recyclable styrofoam, a unnecessarily-trained fish, and of course weeks on end of a fractured ankle.

A sulky man said, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more lanterns than he does."

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason answered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 59 about the voter rights.

According to Senator Anwar Watanabe, "I highly recommend we continue examining implementation of this ordinance." However, Senator Greene countered, "I think we ought to cease investigating this proposal."

A jolly man said, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more underwears than he does."

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had nasty meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

"Why some inhabitants react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Adam Carrow, a prominent teacher usually at 4th and Main.