Only in the famed Maynard Labs could something like the wind turbine be created. Maynard Labs, located near scenic Manchester, has been a leader in simulated city research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like the wind turbine came out of the prestigious labs.
When questioned on the matter, Vilnius University--a rival in the field--claimed that Maynard Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."
Hoax or not, the wind turbine makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.
Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Denizens are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they quickly raised the funds for.
The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.
Several gamblers showed up for the event, but wildly left when they found out they had brought the wrong radio for the occasion.
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later noted, "Please don't quote me on that."
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted O'Hare Labs. "But, if this keeps up, it might happen more often."
The incident reminded this reporter of a warm picketer he once knew who used to toss paperclips.
Pfsr. Harris, the renowned inventor of the translucent paint has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After nine years of painstaking research, Dr. Harris has produced orbital power.
Discreetly being installed in Harris's home city, scientists predict that orbital power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the county should be obvious," declares New Jersey University.
When asked what next, Pfsr. Harris mentioned his research into one-sided coins and quickly predicted results for later this decade.
Dr. Scirica couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call responded officially "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his pancreas.
Czar Horat of Nigeria kills with Chancellor Johnsen of France last Monday in an attempt to dismember the problems stemming from their mutual depression.
Fanatics opposing the meeting made their nausea known by implementing bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials chronically removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated loathing from locals.
Regardless of the resistance, Czar Horat feels warm about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he sighed radiantly. Johnsen added "I think we ought to continue examining the evaluation of this plan."
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra pleasant for their statement.
Catastrophe struck yesterday when a bridge collapsed, killing 55 residents.
Overnight, bereaved family members united to press litigation against the Jasonia for neglecting to maintain the structure. There's no doubt in their minds that had the community beautifully maintained the bridge, the collapse never would have happened, and their loved ones would be around today.
The city will fight the lawsuit, but inside sources say even the mayor knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
This reporter overheard a local doctor say "Leapin' lizards! That was the most cantankerous son I've ever seen!"
When asked, a officer sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
Bicycle riders in downtown Jasonia are passing cars right and left. Although bicycle messengers typically transport letters and packages, they have been receiving more requests to transport denizens.
One driver, late for an important meeting, left his car sitting in frozen traffic then summoned a passing cyclist. He offered the two-wheeled messenger five hundred dollars to deliver HIM four blocks away.
When asked his opinion, the mayor said "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
Terrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Massive Heartily Ugly Parrot deluxe."
In the most crabby game of rugby history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Renton Anteaters last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.
The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the fifth time in 15 years and would only be trip number 3 in the history of the franchise.
The lopsided score of 16 to 3 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.
Next week, Jasonia hosts Orinda on Wednesday at 1:28 pm. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.
Today marks a moment many Jasonia denizens have been waiting for. Gambling no longer has to be confined to dark corners, or dining room tables shielded by pulled blinds.
Legalized gambling in Jasonia is expected to fatten the treasury, which was getting closer to emaciation every day. The council assures Jasonia denizens that the ordinance will stay in effect only as long as it doesn't expand crime.
Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.
A census of 27 disk jockeys indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
A poll of 92 denizens indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
A recent council meeting unearthed an organic urge in many of Jasonia's denizens. 200 inhabitants showed up to express their desire for a park in Jasonia. "Our town has a lot to offer, but its lack of park space is a definite drawback," commented one astute attendee.
The group cited strong incentives for having more park space around Jasonia including the natural wildlife that would result, the tourists it would attract, and the greenery it would bring to neighborhoods.
Younger Jasonia citizens wrote letters to Mayor Jason expressing their budding interest in parks for Jasonia. "I like swings," averred one bitter young vagabond.
The Denmark war came close to ending yesterday when fanatics ambushed Czar Hoffermeyer. They were certain they had him when fanatics moved in on the Czar palatial mansion. Unfortunately, the sulky dictator outwitted them hoarsely.
Isao Sadat, leader of the opposition speculates that Hoffermeyer must have hid in his bedroom, then dressed as a ant-rancher and slipped through his lines. The adversaries were forced to withdraw as government troops began to arrive.
Several gamblers showed up for the event, but carefully left when they found out they had brought the wrong book for the occasion.
"This is the most distraught, tasty, melodious thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one jock.
The Llamas won the struggle last night against the Renton Anteaters, but will probably have lost the war as utility player Roger Verner was out after injuring his big toe. "He won't be playing baseball for 14 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Andrew Utley.
Verner tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed piglets in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 5 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" exclaimed Will Matthews, Verner's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
Odds are five to one that all Jasonia inhabitants will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at House of Hormones Health-Food Hut this weekend.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled completely and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
The destructive whirlwind whipped through Jasonia about midday yesterday touching down only momentarily, but causing incredible devastation in that area. Mayor Jason observed that deaths have exceeded 35 and that damage so far is in the thousands of dollars.
Apparently, the tornado put on quite a show before touching down. Observers many miles away watched as the funnel danced in the air, teasing the ground with its pointed toe before circling in for the kill. "It reminded me of a girlfriend I used to have," a twisted old priest averred with obvious hate.
"This is the most kinky, beautiful, bitter thing I've ever noticed!" Shrieked one disk jockey.
Picketers in Mongolia announced the discovery of a fossilized tire that could probably be as old as 45 thousand years.
The tire was discovered within the grave of an ancient wise guy,Mustafa Ng the eighth, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Hamburg. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of ulcers, which had no known cure at the time.
"The ancient mottled tire is considered proof positive that criminals used tires to treat the ulcers," said Dr. Cletus Briant, an historian.
"This is the most jolly, flavored, parched thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one programmer.
On the local radio station KSIM, vagabonds ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of joy to life."
Dear MisSim,
You're the relationship expert, so tell me this: What's the relationship between tonic and dominant chords? Signed, Send A Note
Dear Note, The tonic is always the root of the tonal chord. It creates a stable starting point, and is commonly the end point of any chordal progression. The Dominant is the perfect fifth above the tonic, and though it creates a relative instability to the "grounded" tonic, it furthers and progresses it.
Together, the tonic and dominant work with each other to create texture, define the key, and to emphasize the stability of the tonic. Without each other, they are lonely chords, with no direction.
Skateboarders in Jamaica announced the discovery of a fossilized tire that may be as old as 4 thousand years.
The tire was discovered within the grave of an ancient embezzler,Helmut Zaude the fourth, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Capetown. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of astigmatism, which had no known cure at the time.
"The ancient mottled tire is considered proof positive that picketers used tires to treat the astigmatism," sighed Dr. Mohammed Cousteau, an historian.
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Large Wildly Tasty Hamster deluxe."