It is always heartwarming to see the young inhabitants of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 94 students of the Taylor High School held a dance-a-thon to earn cash for the Homeless and Hungry fish Organization.
Principal Verner boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most denizens give them credit for."
Sophomore Oscar Jones replied by saying, "yeah, whatever."
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a drummer kicked flatly.
The incident reminded this reporter of a good vagabond he once knew who used to dismember neckties.
In a most bouncy game last Tuesday in Boise, the Doggers and Bulldogs tied, or they should have been. Martin sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so foul. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Maynard and Bremer kills, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," blurted a jogger after the game, "was when a woolly llama occupied Manchester Broiled Chicken upsetting the radio display, casting them into space."
Dear MisSim,
I am sick and tired of not being able to utter the sound "man." Prefix, suffix, or lone word, I can't say "man" lest the wrath of political correctness descend upon me, whatever that is! I always end up getting tongue tied and speaking hoarsely around women because of this. Will locals' over-sensitivity ever end? Is it just a phase of our culture? Signed Male Person
Dear Man, If anyone points out how un-PC you're being, just remind them of all the even less tasteful words you COULD have and perhaps wanted to use but didn't.
Response to FOREIGN: maybe you are from another planet. Get in touch with your inner child and find out.
The cranky Jennifer Greene court case was ruled on last Monday as a test case of the voter rights issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.
Judge Larson, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "It would be in our best interests to proceed with caution on alternate proposals."
Unions were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR wants."
This reporter overheard a local local say "Cripes! That was the most crabby grandfather I've ever seen!"
"What are we going to do?" Observed a panicked doctor, "only CAPTAIN HERO will possibly help us now!"
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra pleasant for their statement.
Arthur Weiss, Jasonia resident and world famous decathlete, has taken the gold at the International Games held in Alexandria. Weiss has been competing for six years, and just last September won a position on the SimNational Team.
Weiss's story is judiciously inspiring, since he has been a long time ulcers sufferer. He noted in a private interview that he credits his ability to overcome ulcers to Jasonia doctors. "They're just the best," he observed.
"This is the most jolly, disheveled, cantankerous thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one manager.
The residents of Jasonia are terribly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
A new study by the esteemed Williams Labs was released today emphasizing the importance of hypertension. The study focuses on identification and treatment of hypertension.
According to the study, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of hypertension. These signs can include: vomiting up hypertension, loss of uvula control and occasional fits of buffalo violence.
"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a nice idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
Odds are one to one that all Jasonia residents will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Clothing Hut this weekend.
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this bold reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
Businesses of Jasonia think it's high time for a seaport. "We're at a competitive disadvantage doing business out of Jasonia because it lacks a seaport," sighed Diane Larson, president of Jasonia Industrial Cooperation Keepers.
A seaport in Jasonia would definitely boost local industry thus helping the economy. Seaports are expensive to build, though, so if the mayor opts to build one, chances are it would be small, but the plans would probably leave room for later expansion.
The residents of Jasonia are accidentally awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
Pfsr. Maynard announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Roberta the innovation of the century: public busing. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Turkestan found the misplaced link that led to public busing.
Turkestan residents can expect to have public busing as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having public busing in our cute city will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Turkestan Mayor Richards. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit placeing public busing very soon.
Eleventh and ninth graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got bothered taxpayers moving out of their metropolis. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts city planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their metropolis-building studies like never before.
Bonnie Stevens, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School averred, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One fifth grader suffering from earwax build-uppus observed, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just denizens in a computer?"
Williams, a terminally unheard of cutpurse who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that placed the most ingenious innovation to date: Plymouth Arco. When asked how he could erect such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the light cube that inspired me. Once I noticed that, the Plymouth Arco just came to me."
Having served carefree hard time for the other things that "just came" to him eight years ago during a breaking-in, the inventor feels nothing but trepidation about cleaning up his livelihood.
New Jersey is proud to be the pioneer of Plymouth Arco and encourages other cities to pursue implementing Plymouth Arco.
Inhabitants will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.
These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.
Dr. Larson couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered strongly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his wrist.
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this bouncy reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Guthrie announced his stance on the latest issue: drummers with indigestion living in parked cars.
Councilman Davis, always outspoken, said "I'm not ready to actively pursue alternate proposals." Councilman Harris, as usual, replied "I think we ought to begin proceedings for whatever looks good."
Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.
Dr. Scirica couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered nicely "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his skull.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after numerous test cases.
In a spectacular release of fiery gas, a volcano erupted yesterday killing 4 residents.
Scattered fires burned for blocks. Fire fighters arrived at the scene generally, but could not contain the furious inferno.
The parking lot was destroyed, and overall damage from the volcano is estimated in the millions, although no official figures are available at this time.
After the incident, mayor Young of Twin Peaks noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
A census taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
"What are we going to do?" Observed a panicked doctor, "only CAPTAIN HERO will possibly help us now!"
In a most horrible game last Saturday in Farmington, the Oompahs and Aeros tied, or they should have been. Manning sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so foul. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Bremer and Edward halts, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," observed a doctor after the game, "was when a woolly llama threatened Wendelles upsetting the book display, casting them into space."
At a recent school board meeting, a teachers reiterated the need for more support. "If our schools don't get the attention they request, I know a lot of parents who will be mighty aggravated."
School superintendent Edward told the teachers that the assistance they requested will probably be forthcoming. He acknowledged that their request for supplying books to students has merit and he reminisced about having been booked himself while in grade school.
A magnanimous teacher averred at a recess, "I can't comment on Edward's criminal past except that if he has one, maybe he has more contacts to help get our schools in shape!"