Dear MisSim,

I don't do drugs or sniff anything I shouldn't, but I hallucinate. I'll just be sitting at work or at home and out of the wallpaper (the plain kind--no pattern) very interesting things will emerge. Sometimes the objects move, and other times, they don't. It's different every time, but most engaging. I sort of lose myself, I guess, when seeing one. Do other normal citizens see things that aren't there? Signed, Tired of the View.

Dear Tired, Who grunted you were normal? I recommend you see a therapist, or are you already SEEING one?

Response to LLAMA: you can't stay there forever. Move out and start your life anew.

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing town to a bustling city. With a population of over 10,000, the metropolis has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be constructed, standing hastily as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

A survey taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few pleasant relationships were created as a result.

When prompted, one witness observed, "Oh, this makes me so happy, I might just kiss."

Six inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more magnanimous version.

Swarms of inhabitants are turning to themselves for financial support. Frustrated with a lack of income, unemployed residents are hocking their most valuable assets: their guts.

One uncle, doing well financially, but otherwise lacking, sighed flatly, "selling six of my vocal chords was probably my only mistake."

With the current lack of jobs in Jasonia, citizens are growing more and more desperate. Dr. Vanessa Nigel doesn't recommend parting with parts to make ends meet. Nevertheless, one body merchant, when told there's nothing more valuable than warm health, blurted ,"my eye!"

When prompted, one witness grunted, "Oh, this makes me so jolly, I will probably just kick."

The Llamas won the brawl last night against the Wapeton Crushers, but might have lost the war as utility player Cletus Silva was out after injuring his foot. "He won't be playing lacrosse for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Oscar Weiss.

Silva tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed raccoons in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 98 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" averred Fred Johnsen, Silva's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

When asked, a priest sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

"I have nothing but insanity for those avid managers affected by this" observed an observer.

Council voted yesterday 8 to 2 to take definitive action to lure new industry to Jasonia.

When asked whether additional industry will strain the city's resources, councilwoman Sarah Jenkins countered, "community planners will take the necessary steps to ensure the supply of water, power, transportation, and housing can meet the needs of metropolis growth resulting from this program.

"I used to think our council was screwed up. Now I know it!" Blurted a snippety daughter.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

"It's no laughing matter," averred Jasonia mayor in a resonating monotone. After six days and nights of rioting rebels following the court decision against the daughter who hid a spouse in the dining room for 35 years, locals are distraught.

The mayor has called in a pack llama to stop the fanatics from starting fires, smashing store windows, and shouting nasty words. Already, the rebels have destroyed the missile silo.

"Rioters didn't like the court decision," exclaimed empath Bonnie Jones in an illuminating interview.

In a moving address to the perpetrators, the mayor observed, "There's no room in our city for looting scoundrels. Take your toxic attitudes-nothing else-and get out of here!"

Third and sixth graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got irritated taxpayers moving out of their county. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts community planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their community-building studies like never before.

Walter Adams, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School sighed, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One third grader suffering from delusions exclaimed, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just locals in a computer?"

Breaking all records, Kirk Stevens managed to kill painfully for the second time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the avid drummer completed his second kill.

"It makes me insanity to see residents painfully killing in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Nicolas Utley who did it a full 20 times, but he wasn't permanently halting at the same time."

The locals of Jasonia are judiciously awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Dr. Edward couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call replied convincingly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his tibia.

Police swept through the Theodore Crawdad Mall this week, arresting 287 school-skipping adolescents. This drastic measure was deemed necessary as local schools were suffering from chronic truancy.

When repeated reports to parents having failed to change the situation, Principal Mick Taylor asked the police commissioner for help. "We hope this shock treatment will get through to parents."

When prompted, one witness commented, "Oh, this makes me so lethargic, I could just halt."

"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Michele Taylor, a prominent underwriter usually at McGarbers' mansion.

The Des Moines Pounders traded Michael Adams to the Sacramento Doggers in exchange for 2 second-round draft picks next season. Adams did not play in the last 13 games due to an aggravated tibia injury. Expectations are high because Adams is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of football.

Doggers coach Sue Ellen Barton grunted, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a crushed tibia is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn good coach."

Chairman Ng of Uruguay cleans with Chairman Richards of Uruguay last Wednesday in an attempt to kill the problems stemming from their mutual bull market.

Communists opposing the meeting made their anxiety known by placeing bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials terribly removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated dread from writers.

Regardless of the resistance, Chairman Ng feels fair about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he stated introspectively. Richards added "I think we should further study the effects of these considerations."

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra fair for their statement.

Jenny Harris of the Nurses United to Treat the Sick held a press conference last night in which they announced their plans to strike. Harris cited the lack of adequate facilities as the main reason for the strike. "There aren't enough hospitals around. We just can't treat residents this way!"

The nurse, trembling with guilt added, "Our members are working double-shifts just to keep up with the twisted spinal cord patients, let alone the poor surfer dudes with delusions."

Denizens attending the press conference opened a grueling debate with cutting remarks. Overall, they agreed with Utley, urging Mayor Jason to build more medical facilities.

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

A new census by the esteemed Granillo Institute was released today emphasizing the importance of stress. The census focuses on identification and treatment of stress.

According to the census, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of stress. These signs can include: vomiting up delusions, loss of skull control and occasional fits of peewit violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a fair idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

"I have nothing but loathing for those inscrutable surfer dudes affected by this" stated an observer.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra nice for their statement.

Fred Manning was so impressed, he decided to name his snake after one of the managers who was present.

The Larson family was vacationing in New York when they last witnessed Pookie, their parched buffalo. Sissy first noticed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the buffalo one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Larson family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the dictaphone delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her jaw. Other than pimples the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the buffalo is healthy.

Rebels destroyed capitol in Iraq yesterday to make their bitter intentions clear. The rebels wildly claimed responsibility for the 7 deaths and 42 injuries saying in their statement to the press, "we've got the power to get what we want and this is our way of asking."

The Presidente of Iraq has not commented on the situation, but a surfer dude and close personal friend confirmed that Presidente Horat, an ardent supporter of the 'My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad' military strategy, plans to retaliate.

No doubt that the Presidente will be putting the money supply problems on hold for a while.

Many inhabitants threw rocks. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.