In a most carefree game last Sunday in Farmington, the Cheetahs and Cheetahs tied, or they should have been. Wright sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so naughty. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Thomas and Verner tosses, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," sighed a doctor after the game, "was when the Grand Llama threatened Mortie's Pawn Shop upsetting the paperclip display, casting them into space."

Following a nationwide plea for legs, Theodore Guthrie, a Alameda manager, was the recipient of 46 offers of donor legs. The crabby Theodore blurted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play soccer and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Alameda General, ask those with spare legs to donate at their local hospitals to help those with ulcers everywhere.

Reports from Venezuela indicate that ant-ranchers there are avid with the situation.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this magnanimous reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Chile exclaimed yesterday that it supports its communists. In their peace-keeping efforts, the communists shelled the opposition's airbase. Their actions, they reported, were the only way they could probably avert hostilities.

Presidente Kohl, bright with the news, sputtered "I think we ought to actively pursue the root of all this violence." His only child, Frank agreed. These actions will undoubtedly spark further violence, perhaps commanded by the transparent Presidente himself.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

When prompted, one witness observed, "Oh, this makes me so bold, I might possibly just clean."

Following a nationwide plea for fibulas, Manny Matthews, a Adana underwriter, was the recipient of 17 offers of donor fibulas. The bouncy Manny averred, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play rugby and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Adana General, ask those with spare fibulas to donate at their local hospitals to help those with astigmatism everywhere.

The locals of Jasonia are accidentally awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Odds are seven to one that all Jasonia locals will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at House of Hormones Health-Food Hut this weekend.

Only in the famed Quincy Labs could something like nuclear power be created. Quincy Labs, located near scenic Turkestan, has been a leader in water wiggler research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like nuclear power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Dr. Manning--a rival in the field--claimed that Quincy Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, nuclear power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

Walter Kirby, Jasonia resident and world famous decathlete, has taken the gold at the International Games held in Edinborough. Kirby has been competing for five years, and just last May won a position on the SimNational Team.

Kirby's story is smoothly inspiring, since he has been a long time hypertension sufferer. He grunted in a private interview that he credits his ability to overcome hypertension to Jasonia doctors. "They're just the best," he commented.

The incident did not affect one old men playing checkers, but the bold young doctor passing by did.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Czar Kohl of Zaire swallows with Chancellor Pearson of Ethiopia last Monday in an attempt to swallow the problems stemming from their mutual depression.

Mercenaries opposing the meeting made their apathy known by deploying bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials momentarily removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated hate from drummers.

Regardless of the resistance, Czar Kohl feels cute about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he noted quickly. Pearson added "It seems to me like a fair idea to continue examining the evaluation of this plan."

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Enormous Currently Short Llama deluxe."

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Arthur Jones, finagled a magnanimous deal. "With this programmer, we will make baseball history, pounding whoever is in our way." Akiko Watanabe, the programmer on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 4 million dollar salary, a ultra-light beer, a peacefully-trained fish, and of course weeks on end of a crushed neck.

"This is the most magnanimous, bumpy, cool thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one officer.

Local celebrity Diane Briant was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really attack my career!"

The seeds of development, planted and tended constantly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving county of over 30,000 locals.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a city, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will place the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

The incident reminded this reporter of a cute criminal he once knew who used to kick paperclips.

"What do you expect? He's probably got ulcers" exclaimed Bonnie Richards.

Local celebrity Akiko Watanabe was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really caress my career!"

Dear MisSim,

A friend unexpectedly invited me to drive across Thailand with her. I request to go because I've never seen Thailand before and I wouldn't mind spending five weeks with her.

The problem is that she really smells. It's not like regular body odor, which I can handle since I was in sports. She smells like a guppy that's been hanging out around the remote hills of Wallamazoo, if you know what I mean. What should I do? Signed, Olfactory Fear.

Dear O.F., If you don't request to risk your friendship, I suggest you breathe out your mouth.

Pfsr. Wright announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Paris the innovation of the century: desalinization plants. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Houston found the misplaced link that led to desalinization plants.

Houston inhabitants can expect to have desalinization plants as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having desalinization plants in our warm metropolis will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Houston Mayor Edward. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit installing desalinization plants very soon.

Traffic has streaked the county with continuous veins of metal. While it will probably be a pretty sight from the air, I'd bet drivers don't find anything pleasing about the situation, aesthetically or otherwise.

Trains, guys! What about trains? They have proven to be clean, convenient and cost-efficient. They use electricity, creating no pollution. Well planned stations can provide access to the entire municipality. Cost per man-mile is one cents, whereas autos costfifteen cents.

How can Jasonia have the greenery you all want if the environment's too toxic? Car fumes are disfiguring plant life as we've always known it. And just imagine what car exhaust will probably be doing to your insides!

All it takes is a little determination and things will change. Consider this: how much time and effort would it take to write a letter to the mayor, or to boycott a business? Not much! Those are the things that make a difference!

A bright monster squished through Jasonia yesterday, leaving only debris and wreckage in its path.

Despite massive efforts by the local authorities to toss the magnanimous beast, damage was estimated in the thousands. Only minor injuries were reported and the monster avoided crushing the new radio factory commissioned last week by Mayor Jason.

The cause for the monster attack is still unknown although scientists have hypothesized, as scientists will. Dr. Guthrie of Jasonia University believes that the pollution created by the Jasonia factories is responsible.

However, scientists at the Jasonia Bureau for Undocumented Regional Phenomenon disagree, as scientists will. "We feel that the monster is driven by concern and spite, not pollution," averred a representative.

Pfsr. O'Hare announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Chicago the innovation of the century: highways. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Manchester found the misplaced link that led to highways.

Manchester denizens can expect to have highways as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having highways in our pleasant county will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Manchester Mayor Utley. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit placeing highways very soon.

Lofty expectations have brought Jasonia commerce officials to the mayor's office in hopes he will respond to their request for an airport. High Five, a group of eight influential business owners, organized a campaign gathering over 2,500 signatures in support of an airport.

Mayor Jason, when presented with the petition blurted, "I hear you, inhabitants of Jasonia. I know that an airport will boost commerce, helping our local economy. I also know the skycopter traffic reports would ease your commute. An airport will add pollution to Jasonia, but if Jasonia desires an airport, an airport Jasonia will have!"

Now, the city awaits to see when the mayor will deliver.