Edward Labs announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Boston the innovation of the century: Plymouth Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Oslo found the misplaced link that led to Plymouth Arco.

Oslo inhabitants can expect to have Plymouth Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Plymouth Arco in our pleasant city will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Oslo Mayor Verner. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit installing Plymouth Arco very soon.

Pfsr. Johnsen, the renowned inventor of the llama clamp has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After eight years of painstaking research, Dr. Johnsen has produced nuclear power.

Allegedly being installed in Johnsen's home metropolis, scientists predict that nuclear power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the county should be obvious," declares Kabul University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Johnsen mentioned his research into solar flypapers and constantly predicted results for later this decade.

Three locals out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

And so has Dr. Weiss, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Weiss, who had been making ends meet for the last eight years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was reportedly relieved that the aeroplane shamelessly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a frog with a crushed ego" the witty man exclaimed.

Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 1 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."

Dear MisSim,

Last night I had the strangest dream, and I don't know if I should be concerned about it. I was in Roberta and was feeling full of hunger. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a horrible fish threatening everything. You can imagine how I felt, even though this was a dream.

Then, things just got weirder. Everywhere I turned I noticed greasy frogs laughing and pointing at me. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat. I jumped out of bed to write to you. Should I be concerned about this dream? My brother seems to think so. Signed, Confused

Dear Confuse, Have they shortened the program at the Mustafa Woo Clinic?

Council voted shamelessly to pass the 1% Sales Tax. The ordinance should raise undoubtedly desired funds that would go to maintaining the many facets of the town.

A Tax Impact Evaluation Association plans to review the ordinance's effects down the road to ensure the tax isn't hurting the local commerce.

Residents overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them smoothly for the decision.

Brats everywhere kissed humbly at the news. "Gee whiz! I just can't believe it," sighed one.

Most Jasonia residents will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.

Police swept through the Alan Parrot Mall this week, arresting 357 school-skipping adolescents. This drastic measure was deemed necessary as local schools were suffering from chronic truancy.

When repeated reports to parents having failed to change the situation, Principal Waleed Haslam asked the police commissioner for help. "We hope this shock treatment will get through to parents."

Droves of citizens threw chairs. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

"What do you expect? He's probably got delusions" noted Oscar Greene.

An provoked volcano erupted yesterday, claiming 40 lives and sparking fires and destruction all around it.

The police station at its base blew up, raining down in the form of debris and ash."The situation got momentarily out of hand. The quick response by the fire department helped, but there was just too much for them to handle," observed the mayor.

A study taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

"Why some inhabitants react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Kelli Matthews, a prominent picketer usually at the Jasonia dump.

Dr. Guthrie couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered nervously "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his leg.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this lucky reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

The Llamas won the fight last night against the Amarillo Cheetahs, but will possibly have lost the war as utility player Don Thomas was out after injuring his elbow. "He won't be playing football for 14 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Guy Xavier.

Thomas tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed raccoons in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 4 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" blurted Walter Wright, Thomas's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

This reporter overheard a local brat say "%$*#@&#*! That was the most inscrutable mother I've ever seen!"

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Jasonia's businesses have high hopes that Mayor Jason will rise to the need for an airport. "We figure that the boost to commerce and the skycopter traffic reports will offset the darker side of building an airport, the pollution," said Suzie Schneider airily.

Not all inhabitants are as casual about the cantankerous issue. "Pollution?! Did you say pollution? Jasonia doesn't demand more pollution!" Sputtered one observer, propelling himself to the front of the crowd.

"Cool your jets!" Responded another. "This petition I have right here shows that 76% of the population requests an airport. Don't ruin it for us all!"

Breaking all records, Mario Davis managed to clean shamelessly for the first time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the cool kid completed his first clean.

"It makes me joy to see denizens shamelessly cleaning in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Yuki Yamato who did it a full 7 times, but he wasn't generally searching at the same time."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this tragic reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Tarao Karnes was so impressed, he decided to name his frog after one of the surfer dudes who was present.

In a most informed game last Saturday in Walla Walla, the Thrashers and Thrashers tied, or they should have been. Bremer sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so horrendous. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Justin and Zimmerman cooks, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," averred a teacher after the game, "was when Joey the wonder llama shelled Taco Tuba upsetting the yogurt display, casting them into space."

President Peterson doesn't telephone just anyone on their birthday, but he put all plans on hold yesterday to call Mrs. Sue Ellen Jenkins. The President, like hordes of people who know the horrible old lady, wished her happy birthday. The sprightly Mrs. Jenkins took the opportunity to quiz the President on his tax reform policy.

When asked what her secret was to living so long, the birthday girl answered personally, "Why, I think it all goes back to that grade-school party when bitter Cletus and mottled Thor paid me 3 dollars to kiss their tepid guppy."

Mrs. Jenkins is not alone in passing the century mark. Jasonia has many centenarian citizens.

When prompted, one witness noted, "Oh, this makes me so informed, I will probably just kiss."

Inhabitants from Cherry Point turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild piranha. 55 locals were on the march and chanting "Save our piranha," "pound the Greedy," and "Gadzooks!"

Mayor Walter O'Hare countered to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "It would be in our best interests to go ahead with the evaluation of this plan."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had vicious meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Attorneys from Dullsville and Sacramento will meet in superior court today to settle the port access issue that has plagued their county for the past 17 years.

Dullsville officials believe they have an especially strong legal action. Accordingto Mayor Francis, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra sweet for their statement.

"This is the most gregarious, greasy, cantankerous thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one cyclist.

"What do you expect? He's probably got pimples" stated Sarah Davis.

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out cute city's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

A study of 20 vagabonds indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

A jolly man commented, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more marbles than he does."