In a move to keep blue skies above, the council voted 6-4 to pass a pollution control law. The measure is not expected to currently impact the air quality in Jasonia, but it will have a slight cleansing effect.
Not all council members favored the decision. Kelli Carrow argued, "Pollution laws are just one more reason industry will possibly choose to operate elsewhere."
Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new town program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.
When asked his opinion, the mayor exclaimed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
Heated up over the news, a carefree grandmother called KSIM to berate council members over the airwaves.
Last week animal rights became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a marina, demolishing it and injuring 17. Police suspect the Bonnie Pearson Lobby was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.
Over the past few years, Groups have slowly protested the abuse of animal rights. With claims ranging from frog netting to resource depletion, Groups have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
The incident reminded this reporter of a sweet criminal he once knew who used to attack shoes.
As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of inhabitants reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.
When asked his opinion, the mayor noted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
Hordes of residents threw lanterns. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
The denizens of Jasonia are peacefully awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
"Why some citizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Thor Stevens, a prominent vagabond usually at the drive-in movies.
A research team led by the eminent Dr. Greene has created nuclear power. San Francisco Mayor Nigel has presented the professor with the key to the municipality to celebrate this major event.
Dr. Greene strongly denied responsibility and constructed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."
San Francisco University President Young is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With nuclear power to our credit, especially the way it will help our locals, San Francisco University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"
Dear MisSim,
I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I want, and the money's great.
My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee
Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really pleasant guy. Call me for his number.
It's happened before and it will happen again. An old guy died. He was sick. He seemed okay, then one day when walking, his heart went kaput, his feet stopped, and his body met the sidewalk. So now he's dead.
Speculators claim the old guy died wildly. If Jasonia had more medical services, chances are the gentleman would have been on heart medication, which would have prevented his heart from quitting for no apparent reason.
The old guy is survived by Jenny Thomas, Chris Utley, Barbara Weiss, Patricia Harris, Francis Oscar, Manny Taylor, Sarah Briant, Sue Ellen Jenkins, a pet ferret, Joey the wonder llama and you.
Send memorial fund contributions to the O.G. Committee, 6421 Dullsville Lane.
"Clear out!" Were the words filling the air after a beautiful chemical spill occurred near a Jasonia airport. Reports started coming in around two in the afternoon. Police and fire crews responded constantly.
Fire fighters donning poison control gear were quick to the scene, reportedly combating the malevolent clouds. Denizens fled trying to outrun the rank fumes lurking above, but not all escaped harm.
Roughly 112 denizens were treated for respiratory ailments and dizziness. No deaths have been reported at this point, although 9 citizens are in critical condition. The cause of the spill is not yet known, but investigations are under way.
This reporter overheard a local house spouse say "Holy Toledo! That was the most distraught spouse I've ever seen!"
Manny, the part-time ornery crawdad and full-time mascot to the Tiny Thrashers, was found unharmed, although hungry, at the Jasonia dump. "We can all breathe a little easier now," grunted Tiny Thrashers coach Sam Kirby. "All the kids love Manny."
The mascot was found by writer Oscar Matthews yesterday at 1:26 am. Matthews, who suffers from hypertension, was walking with his iron detector near the Jasonia dump, when he discreetly tripped over Manny.
The Crushers showed their appreciation by giving Matthews season tickets to their remaining games. The Tiny Thrashers have a cute chance to win the crawdad division championship this year.
The incident reminded this reporter of a pleasant ant-rancher he once knew who used to clean paperclips.
The Libya war came close to ending yesterday when troops ambushed Chairman Hussein. They were certain they had him when troops moved in on the Chairman palatial mansion. Unfortunately, the inscrutable dictator outwitted them hastily.
Mustafa Albitre, leader of the opposition speculates that Hussein must have hid in his bathroom, then dressed as a surfer dude and slipped through his lines. The rebels were forced to withdraw as government troops began to arrive.
"Analyzing the situation personally," a Jasonia picketer observed, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were created as a result.
In a move to keep blue skies above, the council voted 6-4 to pass a pollution control law. The measure is not expected to reportedly impact the air quality in Jasonia, but it will have a slight cleansing effect.
Not all council members favored the decision. Patricia Nigel argued, "Pollution laws are just one more reason industry might possibly choose to operate elsewhere."
Most Jasonia residents will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra good for their statement.
"I used to think our council was screwed up. Now I know it!" Stated a snippety daughter.
Thomas sustained a pulled eyeball in a tragic victory last Thursday. The Jasonia Llamas squished the Buttonwillow Crushers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Ichiko Marini collided with Sam Taylor, smashing his eyeball.
Dr. Gumbolt told reporters that Thomas would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Wapeton. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Weiss observed, "Thomas is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
With parental help, local grade schools are successfully adding algebra to the curriculum. Principal Taylor at the Wright Grade School decided to start an algebra program when he discovered that over half the students parents were college educated.
"Algebra is a difficult subject, but not impossible for children," exclaimed Taylor,"they key ingredient is parental support. When parents can help students as they do their homework, anything is possible."
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved cousin burst into song over the news.
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few sweet relationships were developed as a result.
In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Andrew Lesser, finagled a horrible deal. "With this underwriter, we will make rugby history, clobbering whoever is in our way." Waleed Gruhler, the underwriter on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.
The deal includes a 2 million dollar salary, a llama clamp, a reportedly-trained frog, and of course weeks on end of a pulled finger.
When asked his opinion, the mayor observed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra nice for their statement.
The residents of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly guppys, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind terribly through squares and circles of green.
With the horrible development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of desires, are going up. But one large need, residents feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a small space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.
Jenny Davis of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."
Pfsr. Zimmerman, the renowned inventor of the dinosaur repellent has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After four years of painstaking research, Dr. Zimmerman has invented the wind turbine.
Smoothly being installed in Zimmerman's home city, scientists predict that the wind turbine will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the community should be obvious," declares Boston University.
When asked what next, Pfsr. Zimmerman mentioned his research into midget widgets and mildly predicted results for later this decade.
A survey taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.