Dear MisSim,

This is going to sound really unusual, but I thought you will possibly find it interesting. There is this man I work with who mumbles under his breath as he works. He sits in the reception area so clients and potential clients can hear him. Although it's not clear what he's saying, it sounds crude. He's not even aware that he does this, or that denizens could find it offensive. How can I say something so that his work habits don't chase off customers? Signed, Sensitive

Dear Sense, Unconscious habits are usually a sign on deep-seated problems. Suggest he get counseling.

Response to UPSET: talking about it with him to bring it out in the open will help.

Unemployed are not just those inhabitants on street corners. It's the seventeen year old looking for his first job, or the grandmother looking for a way to supplement social security. The jobless are not strangers; they are friends in need.

The crime of choice in our warm (too warm--why do you think criminals like it here?) Town seems to be expectoration. However, the police have had their handcuffs full lately with a recent surge in vandalism.

Unemployment has been naughty in Jasonia for a while now, but it's been bearable, given the economic problems of the whole nation. But now unemployment in our city is significantly higher than the SimNational average. It's got to make you wonder.

Most citizens I know find this issue particularly ugly. Look at how it degrades denizens! We're expected to just live like this without complaining. I don't think so.

And so has Dr. Floyd, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Floyd, who had been making ends meet for the last one years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was judiciously relieved that the aeroplane heartily took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a cow with a crushed ego" the witty man exclaimed.

Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 6 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."

"What's the difference between New Jersey and Sydney?" Asked business tycoon Andrew Barton of New Jersey in a recent press conference, "Forest Arco!!" He gloated.

The good-humored, though actively inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Greene supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Forest Arco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Forest Arco into New Jersey is just the beginning. We will see Forest Arco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Forest Arco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

"It's no laughing matter," blurted Jasonia mayor in a resonating monotone. After seven days and nights of rioting fascits following the court decision against the father who hid a grandfather in the basement for 31 years, locals are cranky.

The mayor has called in the Grand Llama to stop the loyalists from starting fires, smashing store windows, and shouting ghastly words. Already, the rebels have destroyed the airport hangar.

"Rioters didn't like the court decision," exclaimed empath Leila Floyd in an illuminating interview.

In a moving address to the perpetrators, the mayor commented, "There's no room in our town for looting scoundrels. Take your evil attitudes-nothing else-and get out of here!"

Without much deliberation, the council voted yesterday to pass a city ordinance to fund a volunteer fire department. Although not expected to take the place of a professional department, the volunteer firefighters' forces will smoothly minimize the overall fire risk in Jasonia.

Enthusiasm for the new program was great as hordes of locals turned out to volunteer. Try outs for the 150 positions begin Thursday.

Most Jasonia residents will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Local house spouses in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.

There's no avoiding the issue of transportation in Jasonia. It stinks.

Inhabitants' frustration is mounting as they find it increasingly difficult to get from home to work, to the store, to their kids' school, and back home again.

Indeed, traffic congestion has grown beyond inconvenient. Roads become literally impassable. Denizens can't even leave metropolis.

The mayor is likely to get moving on the transit problem before it disables all city activity. "I realize the problem," sighed the mayor, "and am working on it."

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out good city's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

On the local radio station KSIM, locals ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of joy to life."

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Representative Sue Ellen Irving. "But, if this keeps up, it could probably happen more often."

"What are we going to do?" Commented a panicked brat, "only CAPTAIN HERO could probably help us now!"

A census of 95 vagabonds indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Pfsr. Utley, the renowned inventor of the molybdenum can has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After four years of painstaking research, Dr. Utley has produced orbital power.

Judiciously being installed in Utley's home county, scientists predict that orbital power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the city should be obvious," declares Pfsr. Perry.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Utley mentioned his research into electric spoons and accidentally predicted results for later this decade.

Reports from Panama indicate that house spouses there are kinky with the situation.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 164-person rumble on the Buttonwillow Oompahs' sidelines last Friday, first string Roger Briant of the Amarillo Crushers received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational baseball league.

Commissioner Scirica explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and commented that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's poll, Amarillo coach Sarah Oscar replied, "That's ludicrous! Briant tripped!" Buttonwillow water boy, Isao Yojimbo is terribly being treated at the Buttonwillow hospital for a crushed back. "Great, now I'm laid up for two weeks," he said flatly.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Sam Bremer, the Tallahassee Cheetahs broke a 5 game losing streak last night in Alameda. When asked about the victory, Tallahassee Coach Andrew Quincy noted, "A few of our players had been going through a corrosive period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Bremer couldn't contain his dread. When a reporter asked him how he felt he replied, "I'm so crabby, I might kiss our raccoon of a coach on his nose and dance till the sun comes up." Bremer's spouse seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

A survey taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Little bands of independent capitalist running dog lackeys combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern Brazil.

Communications in tragic Brazil are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic capitol.

Brazil is the world's largest producer of paperclips, used in the treatment of insomnia, an ailment Czar Marini purportedly suffers from but denies.

"Reports like this make a toxic situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Kirk Jenkins, founder and president of Jasonia residents for good Treatment of the delusions Afflicted. "Of course, if you have insomnia, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."

Gruhler Institute announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Houston the innovation of the century: public busing. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Bremen found the misplaced link that led to public busing.

Bremen locals can expect to have public busing as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having public busing in our fair municipality will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Bremen Mayor Justin. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit implementing public busing very soon.

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 90 about the child care.

According to Senator Mustafa Yamato, "I highly recommend we take immediate action on this proposal." However, Senator Davis responded, "I'm not ready to begin proceedings for the evaluation of this plan."

On the local radio station KSIM, managers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of guilt to life."

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were invented as a result.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after masses of test cases.

Frank Larson, a teacher at Pearson High School was fired last Saturday for teaching Creationism in class. Principal Davis pointed to constitutional precedents when he made his carefree decision. Davis sighed "everyone knows that Creationism is unpopular. I'm just doing what everybody else is doing."

The Creationism teacher intends to fight the decision in court. "Creationism is a valid historical topic. You don't change history by ignoring it."

Chances are 86 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."