Locals from Walla Walla turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild cat. 135 locals were on the march and chanting "Save our cat," "pound the Greedy," and "Well buy me a Cadillac and call me Elvis!"
Mayor Ingmar Zaude countered to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "It has been proposed that we actively pursue this proposal."
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had terrible meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
"What do you expect? He's probably got warts" exclaimed Mustafa Marini.
Fourth and third graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got angry taxpayers moving out of their municipality. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts city planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their community-building studies like never before.
Roger Xavier, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School stated, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One fifth grader suffering from astigmatism sighed, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just citizens in a computer?"
Why are denizens complaining about poor education? Who desires to know math, I say. How does integrating a tangent or whatever help you to pick a really sweet wine. If kids are failing math, then change the curriculum.
Part of the problem with Jasonia's schools is the size of classes. Because of the tight budget, there are fewer teachers than are requested, so each teacher must handle over 40 students momentarily. Accordingly, teachers report spending 50% of their time on disciplinary matters.
I remember my youth, learning math by rote, reading aloud in class. Then along came this 'New Math' and 'Phoenetic Reading'. Suddenly our kids don't know anything! Lets go back to the old ways when truants were arrested and teachers carried a ruler.
Who am I to complain? I'm sure the politicians in Jasonia care first and foremost for the city's locals. I guess it's rather rude to show such trepidation and to irritate otherwise kinky citizens.
A commercial jet carrying multitudes of residents was forced to make a crash-landing in a microscopic field near the Lloyd Snail Ranch. Approximately 100 were killed in the emergency landing.
Pilot Guy O'Hare, a avid ex-navy pilot, was unable to radio for help after losing all electrical power. O'Hare circled for minutes before spotting a suitable field to land his plane where he was forced to land with the plane's gear up.
Witnesses said the plane skidded across several fields, sparking miniature fires before terminally colliding with a snail, which was one of two grazing in the field.
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra pleasant for their statement.
When prompted, one witness grunted, "Oh, this makes me so lethargic, I might possibly just kill."
In a most inscrutable game last Monday in Alameda, the Crushers and Pounders tied, or they should have been. Oscar sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so foul. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Davis and Lesser kisses, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," averred a programmer after the game, "was when llama mama ambushed Carter's Clambake Shop upsetting the kazoo display, casting them into space."
Without much deliberation, the council voted yesterday to pass a community ordinance to fund a volunteer fire department. Although not expected to take the place of a professional department, the volunteer firefighters' forces will discreetly minimize the overall fire risk in Jasonia.
Enthusiasm for the new program was great as hordes of inhabitants turned out to volunteer. Try outs for the 150 positions begin Wednesday.
Residents unhappy with the development took turns at House of Hormones Health-Food Hut to catch busy citizens, hoping they could probably sign a petition.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had corrosive meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
A survey of 80 inhabitants indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
Breaking all records, Oscar Xavier managed to heal undoubtedly for the fifth time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the happy house spouse completed his fifth heal.
"It makes me fear to see residents undoubtedly healing in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Don Bremer who did it a full 19 times, but he wasn't strongly killing at the same time."
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Gigantic Strongly Flavored Buffalo deluxe."
"It's the snakes I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really bent by this" voiced one ant-rancher.
Kirby sustained a impacted nose in a colorful victory last Friday. The Jasonia Llamas stomped the Tallahassee Anteaters in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Julie Lesser collided with Francis Briant, stomping his nose.
Dr. Edward told reporters that Kirby would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Wapeton. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Irving grunted, "Kirby is one of the best players in baseball, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
Dear MisSim,
Last night I had the strangest dream, and I don't know if I should be concerned about it. I was in Capetown and was feeling full of hate. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a beautiful pony shelling everything. You can imagine how I felt, even though this was a dream.
Then, things just got weirder. Everywhere I turned I observed bumpy hamsters laughing and pointing at me. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat. I jumped out of bed to write to you. Should I be concerned about this dream? My brother seems to think so. Signed, Confused
Dear Confuse, Have they shortened the program at the Michael Xavier Clinic?
Rioters in France battled independent fascits around the government airbase in France's southeastern rural provinces.
At last report, rebels under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "disheveled Whale" were poised to occupy the airbase. Moving to the aid of the airbase, troops and government-sanctioned mercenaries set up tenuous positions close to the airbase. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of roads in the area.
"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Manny Martin, a prominent jock usually at Aeros Avenue.
A local roller blader exclaimed, "I demand to crush his fibula."
Only in the famed Floyd Labs could something like nuclear power be created. Floyd Labs, located near scenic Dallas, has been a leader in translucent paint research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like nuclear power came out of the prestigious labs.
When questioned on the matter, Peterson Labs--a rival in the field--claimed that Floyd Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."
Hoax or not, nuclear power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.
Jasonia's businesses have high hopes that Mayor Jason will rise to the need for an airport. "We figure that the boost to commerce and the skycopter traffic reports will offset the darker side of building an airport, the pollution," exclaimed Leila Oscar airily.
Not all residents are as casual about the distraught issue. "Pollution?! Did you say pollution? Jasonia doesn't want more pollution!" Sputtered one observer, propelling himself to the front of the crowd.
"Cool your jets!" Answered another. "This petition I have right here shows that 72% of the population requests an airport. Don't ruin it for us all!"
One thousand locals! A bitter number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our metropolis will grow larger still. We might reach that astute goal of five million.
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved daughter burst into song over the news.
Horrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
"What do you expect? He's probably got delusions" exclaimed Alan Greene.
After the incident, mayor Perry of Twin Peaks witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
Following a nationwide plea for ankles, Marlon Stevens, a Buttonwillow officer, was the recipient of 51 offers of donor ankles. The lethargic Marlon blurted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play baseball and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Buttonwillow General, ask those with spare ankles to donate at their local hospitals to help those with ulcers everywhere.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after hordes of test cases.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled strongly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
The Thomas street Parade, which will undoubtedly become THE annual event of Jasonia, is just around the corner.
The parade is to establish an annual commemoration of Jasonia's founders, those who brought the first life into the young metropolis.
Thomas street as well as Main, Fairview, and Carrow lanes will be closed from this Monday evening, through Saturday. Detour signs are posted, and officer Kirby says if you're traveling in the area, traffic delays will be minimal.
The parade will feature all the community's Braunies and Llama Scouts, the Jasonia High School marching band, Miss Jasonia, floats made by local businesses, and crabby surprise guest.