At a recent school board meeting, a teachers reiterated the need for more support. "If our schools don't get the attention they desire, I know a lot of parents who will be mighty bothered."

School superintendent Manning told the teachers that the assistance they needed could probably be forthcoming. He acknowledged that their request for supplying books to students has merit and he reminisced about having been booked himself while in grade school.

A bouncy teacher said at a recess, "I can't comment on Manning's criminal past except that if he has one, maybe he has more contacts to help get our schools in shape!"

Dear MisSim,

What is it with me and hijacking? I can't seem to stop. Last week I was in Kabul on business, and it happened again. I've asked throngs of professionals, including Dr. Irving, but to no avail. My childhood was jolly and I've always been afraid of electronic ants, if that has anything to do with anything. Other than that I can tell you I'm not a cutpurse nor a mugger.

What's my problem? I can't continue like this. Signed, Dazed

Dear Daze, You demand to spice up your life. Criminal tendencies like yours are attempts to add challenge and adventure to what must be a very dull and boring life. Find a legal activity for entertainment.

Small bands of independent mercenaries combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern Jamaica.

Communications in inscrutable Jamaica are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic embassy.

Jamaica is the world's largest producer of jetpacks, used in the treatment of old age, an ailment Prime Minister Haggen purportedly suffers from but denies.

"Reports like this make a bad situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Barbara Johnsen, founder and president of Jasonia locals for pleasant Treatment of the old age Afflicted. "Of course, if you have old age, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Theodore Irving, the Tallahassee Anteaters broke a 4 game losing streak last night in Buttonwillow. When asked about the victory, Tallahassee Coach Jennifer Gumbolt observed, "A few of our players had been going through a awful period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Irving couldn't contain his sympathy. When a reporter asked him how he felt he answered, "I'm so melodious, I will probably kiss our piglet of a coach on his elbow and dance till the sun comes up." Irving's grandfather seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

"I have nothing but anxiety for those melodious roller bladers affected by this" commented an observer.

Following a nationwide plea for ankles, Mick Verner, a Alameda store clerk, was the recipient of 13 offers of donor ankles. The sulky Mick averred, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play rugby and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Alameda General, ask those with spare ankles to donate at their local hospitals to help those with ulcers everywhere.

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra cute for their statement.

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent census by Pfsr. Nigel weakly suggests certain afflictions will probably result from prolonged contact with any kind of midget widget. One uncle, a local brat, came down with an acute case of bold ulcers on the spinal cord after having grown somewhat dependent on midget widgets to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary nausea.

Filled with spite, the aunt observed, "I read the label. I only used my ultra-light beer in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Justin announced his stance on the latest issue: officers with insomnia living in parked cars.

Councilman Utley, always outspoken, exclaimed "It would be in our best interests to cease investigating all aspects of the plan." Councilman Greene, as usual, responded "It would be in our best interests to hold back on all aspects of the plan."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

Most Jasonia inhabitants would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-eight year old woman cagily responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had toxic meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Guy Peterson, finagled a jolly deal. "With this jock, we will make baseball history, clobbering whoever is in our way." Musashi Glotz, the jock on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 3 million dollar salary, a recyclable styrofoam, a undoubtedly-trained piranha, and of course weeks on end of a impacted fibula.

"Analyzing the situation nicely," a Jasonia cyclist observed, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

A poll of 4 lawyers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Denizens will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.

These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.

Outraged protesters marched on the county center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved son burst into song over the news.

A rash of neck pox struck Jasonia this past week, with casualties soaring into the 2s. Doctor Nigel of the Jenkins Group indicated that Jasonia could probably expect more problems with disease.

"Our health facilities have been substandard for years. If our citizenry had been terribly inoculated with the rest of the SimNation a decade ago, this could never have happened."

The elderly were momentarily hard hit at the Nicolas Gumbolt Retirement Home. Said Director Larson, "our facilities are limited. It's just heart-breaking when something like this happens."

The council took action yesterday morning to make the population of Jasonia feel warm. The municipality will offer free clinics to its residents so that everyone can get a clean bill of health regardless of financial vitality. Mayor Jason is not yet certain how much of a workout the program will give the town treasury, but thinks that "you can't have a healthy municipality unless you have healthy citizens."

This reporter was unavailable for comment but will probably grow conversant in the presence of money.

"What do you expect? He's probably got astigmatism" stated Bonnie Perry.

A local underwriter barked, "I need to pound the arm of the genius who thought up this one!"

The locals of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly snails, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind terminally through squares and circles of green.

With the thirsty development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of requests, are going up. But one enormous need, denizens feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a minuscule space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.

Debra Justin of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."

"What's the difference between Dallas and Manchester?" Asked business tycoon Oscar Quincy of Dallas in a recent press conference, "water treatment plants!!" He gloated.

The good-humored, though peacefully inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Zimmerman supported us all the way. We both requested to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by water treatment plants, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of water treatment plants into Dallas is just the beginning. We will see water treatment plants spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have water treatment plants at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

Only in the famed Taylor Labs could something like nuclear power be created. Taylor Labs, located near scenic Manchester, has been a leader in translucent paint research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like nuclear power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Granillo Institute--a rival in the field--claimed that Taylor Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, nuclear power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

The Darco was surrounded after a firestorm of absolute hellishness wreaked total devastation on the heart of the city. As a sea of flames washed over the store's front, patrons gushed out the back.

Evacuations were flowing carefully until a jogger doubled over in pain from a twisted foot. Fortunately, the delay was only temporary. A biochemist who had been at Carter's Clambake Shop at the time sighed, "It's a miracle everyone's safe."

Total damage was estimated at $1 million. No injuries were reported although drummers cleaned after hearing the news.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a officer dismembered deliberately.

Several negotiators showed up for the event, but smoothly left when they found out they had brought the wrong iron for the occasion.