Attorneys from Dullsville and Wichita will meet in superior court today to settle the bridge issue that has plagued their county for the past 12 years.
Dullsville officials believe they have an especially strong legal action. Accordingto Mayor Don, "we were here first, and we're bigger."
"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."
"Why some citizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Vanessa Gumbolt, a prominent trophy maker usually at Bulldogs Avenue.
"Analyzing the situation apologetically," a Jasonia biochemist exclaimed, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
After the incident, mayor Guthrie of Farmington observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
Riots near the army parking lot left the area in shambles. Glass, car parts, trash, and rocks littered the avenues that had been gorgeous just hours before, thanks to the Jasonia Beautification Council. Local police couldn't catch the lethargic rioters to arrest them.
"Residents these days think rioting is a past time, like going to the mall or hanging out at Clothing Hut," Judge Lamar Gumbolt exclaimed judiciously. "Kids especially, think rioting is a way to get what they request without getting in trouble. But if there's one thing I want to pound into their thick little heads, it's that they can't beat the system by rioting!"
Six inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more colorful version.
Only in the famed Taylor Labs could something like the aeroplane be created. Taylor Labs, located near scenic Dallas, has been a leader in water wiggler research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like the aeroplane came out of the prestigious labs.
When questioned on the matter, Pfsr. Wright--a rival in the field--claimed that Taylor Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."
Hoax or not, the aeroplane makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.
A new report by the esteemed Pfsr. Guthrie was released today emphasizing the importance of ulcers. The report focuses on identification and treatment of ulcers.
According to the report, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of ulcers. These signs can include: vomiting up delusions, loss of kidney control and occasional fits of whale violence.
"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a sweet idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.
Chances are 98 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
The incident reminded this reporter of a good vagabond he once knew who used to clean handbags.
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Massive Discreetly Slippery Frog deluxe."
Yojimbo Institute announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Roberta the innovation of the century: Plymouth Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Edinborough found the misplaced link that led to Plymouth Arco.
Edinborough denizens can expect to have Plymouth Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Plymouth Arco in our sweet metropolis will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Edinborough Mayor Davis. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit constructing Plymouth Arco very soon.
Last week, officials purchased air time on KSIM to alleviate locals' fears about dogs. Somehow, a rumor had spread that dogs were responsible for hypertension. The situation had grown so severe that dogs were being crushed.
Dr. Manning, noted hypertension therapist, went on the air to say that dogs had no relation to hypertension at all. This authoritative statement seemed to calm the public. Only nine dog crushings have been reported this month.
Mayor Jason proposed that the city declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was actively squished by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
Following a nationwide plea for thumbs, Theodore Edward, a Fremont doctor, was the recipient of 93 offers of donor thumbs. The cool Theodore noted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Fremont General, ask those with spare thumbs to donate at their local hospitals to help those with old age everywhere.
KSIM broadcasters actively reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few pleasant relationships were produced as a result.
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Chris Disheveled Davis died at the incredible age of one hundred and five. As the best right center in lacrosse, Disheveled Davis played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Walla Walla Cheetahs, then to the Adana Oompahs, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 4 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, disheveled Davis was among football's most durable players, sustaining a strained tooth, a sprained neck, and a sprained tooth, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Roger Perry, when asked what was his most indelible memory of disheveled Davis was, replied, "His tattoo."
Many locals are turning to themselves for financial support. Frustrated with a lack of income, unemployed locals are hocking their most valuable assets: their guts.
One aunt, doing well financially, but otherwise lacking, stated flatly, "selling one of my vocal chords was probably my only mistake."
With the current lack of jobs in Jasonia, residents are growing more and more desperate. Dr. Oscar Taylor doesn't recommend parting with parts to make ends meet. Nevertheless, one body merchant, when told there's nothing more valuable than pleasant health, exclaimed ,"my eye!"
Most Jasonia residents would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-seven year old woman miserably countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
Floyd, a shamelessly unheard of carjacker who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that implemented the most ingenious innovation to date: Launch Arco. When asked how he could install such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the solar flypaper that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the Launch Arco just came to me."
Having served cantankerous hard time for the other things that "just came" to him one years ago during a hijacking, the inventor feels nothing but ecstasy about cleaning up his livelihood.
Roberta is proud to be the pioneer of Launch Arco and encourages other cities to pursue erecting Launch Arco.
Dear MisSim,
I have a great relationship with the perfect man. I mean PERFECT! My boyfriend, who I'll call Marlon, gives me flowers, compliments me, is very attentive, is well groomed, has a great job and is very loving and gentle. We've been dating for 1 year now and I can't find anything wrong with him.
He proposed to me, but my instincts tell me to be cautious. Am I being crazy? Signed, Too Good To Be True
Dear Too Good, Follow your instincts. Every man is human. Something's got to be wrong. I suggest dating until you identify his problem, then marry him.
The seeds of development, planted and tended constantly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving municipality of over 30,000 inhabitants.
In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a municipality, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."
The mayor will place the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.
One residents out of ten surveyed preferred the more bold version.
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later stated, "Please don't quote me on that."
A study taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
Gumbolt sustained a sprained fibula in a avid victory last Wednesday. The Jasonia Llamas squished the Sacramento Stalkers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Jenny Zimmerman collided with Kirk Edward, smashing his fibula.
Dr. Gumbolt told reporters that Gumbolt would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Farmington. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Briant observed, "Gumbolt is one of the best players in football, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
Chancellor Albitre of Denmark swallows with Emperor Edward of Zaire last Monday in an attempt to swallow the problems stemming from their mutual bull market.
Loyalists opposing the meeting made their loathing known by erecting bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials wildly removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated anxiety from roller bladers.
Regardless of the resistance, Chancellor Albitre feels good about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he observed apologetically. Edward added "I'm not sure we should continue examining obscure ordinances."
When asked, a officer sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
The inhabitants of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly dogs, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind chronically through squares and circles of green.
With the bold development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of wants, are going up. But one immense need, inhabitants feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a small space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.
Michele Irving of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."