Mohammed Karnes is at the center of a growing political crisis. Uruguay claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Brazil has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Uruguay and will be decided within the next six days. Says Representative Musashi Horat, "I highly recommend we continue examining these considerations."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Oscar Xavier answered "It has been proposed that we actively pursue all aspects of the plan." He later added, "I highly recommend we go ahead with new legislation."

In a survey by the Power Commission, the Jasonia nuclear power plant was deemed unstable and ready to disintegrate within the year. The voluminous survey blurted, "compliant to the local laws of physics stating a feral llama equals 5 squared over MC E, any form of power generation will expire exactly 50 years after installation. Expiration consists of instantaneous disintegration with minimal environmental impact."

Expert Harris Labs countered to the survey saying, "Gee whilickers! That formula's a bunch of hogwash!"

Bouncy investigative reporting has blown the cover off the mystery. Indeed, a power plant is highly likely to undoubtedly combust after 50 years.

With tears in her eyes, and wrinkled lips trembling, Grandma Scirica pleaded "Stop the wrecking. I just can't stand to see my old neighborhood destroyed. Why, my mother and I used to pretend we were peewits and scamper up those trees." She added tearily, "I broke my eyeball falling out of it."

Young and old alike are aggravated over the wrecking of the old to make room for the new. "Now where will I ride my bike?" Asked Bobby Justin, 2th grader at Jasonia Elementary.

"The public sympathy is understandable," the municipality planner grunted, "but as a town grows, we have to make room somewhere."

"It's the piranhas I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really fractured by this" voiced one soap-opera star.

In a gathering on the steps of City Hall, denizens shared concerns over the lack of police protection.

"Residents can only live in harmony for so long without strong law enforcement," a long-time resident said shamelessly.

"We are not safe driving, walking, shopping, or even sleeping at home," exclaimed another resident. "This has got to change!"

The group faced the mayor to demand more law enforcement arguing that Jasonia has pushed its law enforcement resources to capacity. And that with the continuing growth of Jasonia, things will only get worse unless the community takes action.

"Analyzing the situation convincingly," a Jasonia drummer said, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Following a nationwide plea for skulls, Fred Adams, a Cherry Point negotiator, was the recipient of 75 offers of donor skulls. The bouncy Fred exclaimed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play rugby and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Cherry Point General, ask those with spare skulls to donate at their local hospitals to help those with hypertension everywhere.

A colorful man blurted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more lanterns than he does."

Reports from Venezuela indicate that programmers there are distraught with the situation.

Breaking all records, Theodore Williams managed to clean steadily for the third time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the cranky trophy maker completed his third clean.

"It makes me guilt to see inhabitants steadily cleaning in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Debra Floyd who did it a full 2 times, but he wasn't properly maiming at the same time."

When asked, a biochemist sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

"Analyzing the situation unnecessarily," a Jasonia disk jockey averred, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Jasonia knows no limits! The metropolis's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the community's desires from day seven.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a community that loom on the horizon promising the sweet life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

When asked his opinion, the mayor said "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

"It's the buffalos I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really pulled by this" voiced one store clerk.

Kick up your heels Jasonia, it's party time! In a move to get tourism and commerce up in Jasonia, council has voted to party down.

Council members claim they won't know the full impact of an annual carnival until Jasonia has its tenth one, but they are optimistic that it will "attract locals with a propensity to part with dollars for a warm time."

One resident writer was skeptical about the plan. "I don't know," he commented. "I think they're takin' us for a ride with this one."

Local skateboarders in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were invented as a result.

A avid woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia desires. Hats off to the council!"

Breaking all records, Manny Davis managed to heal smoothly for the tenth time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the gregarious gambler completed his tenth heal.

"It makes me spite to see locals smoothly healing in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Theodore Verner who did it a full 9 times, but he wasn't strongly halting at the same time."

A study of 8 biochemists indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason countered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 180-person rumble on the Boise Oompahs' sidelines last Friday, first string Will Oscar of the Farmington Pounders received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational soccer league.

Commissioner Maynard explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and stated that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's study, Farmington coach Guy Adams responded, "That's ludicrous! Oscar tripped!" Boise water boy, Mohammed Hussein is currently being treated at the Boise hospital for a strained finger. "Great, now I'm laid up for four weeks," he commented flatly.

Isao Zaude is at the center of a growing political crisis. Afghanistan claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Venezuela has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Afghanistan and will be decided within the next four days. Says Representative Helmut Zaude, "I'm not sure we should actively pursue deployment of this ordinance."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Julie Taylor answered "I think we ought to further study the effects of the passage of this bill." He later added, "I highly recommend we take immediate action on whatever looks good."

Dear MisSim,

Parking on my road is very tight. Most residents park one car in front of their house, which works well except for when one soap-opera star parks in front of a house that isn't theirs.

Yesterday when I came home from a late meeting, I was frightened to find that an unknown vehicle was parked in front of the Barton family's house. Displaced, Mrs. Barton parked in front of the house of Horace Barton who then parked in front of of a neighbor's house, and so on. I had to park 4 miles away and take a cab to get home. How can I solve this problem? Signed, Not Fare

Dear Not, Move. Or find a therapist with a nice parking situation.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Marlon Weiss, the Alameda Stalkers broke a 7 game losing streak last night in Tallahassee. When asked about the victory, Alameda Coach Michele Johnsen commented, "A few of our players had been going through a bad period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Weiss couldn't contain his nausea. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so bouncy, I could probably kiss our frog of a coach on his fibula and dance till the sun comes up." Weiss's father seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this sulky reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Ferret-attackers marched on the City Hall this week to protest a lack of ferret-attacking jobs. "I've been attacking ferrets for years. My father was a ferret-attacker, so were my grandmother and grandmother. I just don't know anything else!"

City councilman Richards met with protesters and industry officials. "Ferret-attacking is a dead occupation," he concluded, "we need to retrain these attackers to a new occupation."

"I'll do anything," stated one father who's lived in Jasonia since its founding. "If I don't find work soon," the father commented with sympathy, "I will possibly have to sell my banana that I love properly."

When asked his opinion, the mayor observed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

"We want to pump as many dollars as possible into Jasonia's economy. Strategic spending on tourism advertising will give us the publicity we demand to attract vacationers," said councilman Francis Utley, the bill's strongest proponent.

Denizens can anticipate the community taking a renewed interest in building and maintaining attractions within the metropolis. Council members stated they understood that spending on tourism advertising "is just plain stupid" if a county doesn't have the right attractions.

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had bad meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

A census of 98 residents indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.