Dear MisSim,

I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I desire, and the money's great.

My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee

Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really sweet guy. Call me for his number.

The distraught Vanessa Jenkins lawsuit was ruled on last Wednesday as a test case of the health care issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Peterson, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I'm not ready to continue examining these considerations."

Foundations were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR desires."

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

A local disk jockey said, "I demand to crush his tail-bone."

"What do you expect? He's probably got old age" sighed Annette Wright.

Adversaries threatened tank column in Iraq yesterday to make their bold intentions clear. The adversaries mildly claimed responsibility for the 6 deaths and 46 injuries saying in their statement to the press, "we've got the power to get what we want and this is our way of asking."

The Chairman of Iraq has not commented on the situation, but a officer and close personal friend confirmed that Chairman Marini, an ardent supporter of the 'My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad' military strategy, plans to retaliate.

No doubt that the Chairman will be putting unemployment problems on hold for a while.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few fair relationships were produced as a result.

Hollywood starlet Jenny Maynard, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Bumpy Cow," has been going into Mick's Record Kitchen every day for the past 1 days. "It's the only place I can get carbuncle removers, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Maynard.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Innsbruk for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Mick's Record Dining Room owner Francis Ng offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my carbuncle removers in the last few days than I usually sell all year," noted Ng. "I'm hoping disk jockeys will hear about this and start ordering."

More travelers than not have seen tempers flare in Jasonia's roads, but what started out as cool gesturing yesterday during morning rush hour traffic, heated up leaving one driver in critical condition.

Witnesses reported that eight cars, driving parallel, started bashing into each other, trying to force each other off the street. One of the cars lost control, careening down a constantly landscaped hillside. That driver was carried away.

Officer Mick Adams blurted reports of shootings and intentional collisions have increased. "At this point, none of the violence has led to fatalities," noted Adams, "but if traffic congestion in Jasonia isn't alleviated, I'm sure things will get worse."

It is always heartwarming to see the young citizens of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 87 students of the Peterson High School held a dance-a-thon to earn cash for the Homeless and Hungry cat Organization.

Principal Manning boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most inhabitants give them credit for."

Sophomore Alan Lloyd answered by saying, "yeah, whatever."

The locals of Jasonia are mildly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

The inhabitants of Jasonia are judiciously awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a huge city, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.

Bands played and citizens cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic city founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.

A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all residents that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a programmer tossed spitefully.

Dr. Thomas couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call responded shamelessly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his ankle.

In a most bold game last Saturday in Wapeton, the Stalkers and Pounders tied, or they should have been. Martin sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so nasty. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Young and Pearson paints, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," said a drummer after the game, "was when a pack llama destroyed T-shirts & Tights upsetting the rock display, casting them into space."

An earthquake measuring 4.6 on the Richter scale rumbled Jasonia in the early morning hours. The quake, centered in Innsbruk, 58 miles north-west of Jasonia, caused extensive damage and 72 deaths.

The church was damaged, irking hordes of citizens close to it. Reports so far suggest the damage to be in the thousands of dollars.

Multitudes of stores, including the new Suzie's Tea Accessories, confirmed that items fell off of shelves, thus breaking a lot of inventory, and the current trend of slow-moving inventory.

The residents of Jasonia are judiciously awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

An informal study of Jasonia citizens, disclosed that local unemployment exceeds the national average. Mayor Jason answered by saying it was unfair to include kidnappers in the study.

Mayor Matthews of nearby Cherry Point exclaimed, "residents need jobs in order to maintain a decent standard of living. That includes eating and attacking."

"I understand this principle," he continued, "that's why Jasonia locals are flocking to Cherry Point. Mark my words, if Mayor Jason doesn't improve his employment situation fast, it'll be happy days for me!"

Chances are 38 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Alan, the part-time bold fish and full-time mascot to the Petite Aeros, was found unharmed, although hungry, at Oscar's Market. "We can all breathe a little easier now," noted Petite Aeros coach Nicolas Young. "All the kids love Alan."

The mascot was found by negotiator Joe Jenkins yesterday at 2:34 pm. Jenkins, who suffers from old age, was walking with his rock detector near the drive-in movies, when he unexpectedly tripped over Alan.

The Aeros showed their appreciation by giving Jenkins season tickets to their remaining games. The Petite Aeros have a pleasant chance to win the fish division championship this year.

Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Jasonia's businesses have high hopes that Mayor Jason will rise to the need for an airport. "We figure that the boost to commerce and the skycopter traffic reports will offset the darker side of building an airport, the pollution," observed Sue Ellen Jones airily.

Not all residents are as casual about the cantankerous issue. "Pollution?! Did you say pollution? Jasonia doesn't desire more pollution!" Sputtered one observer, propelling himself to the front of the crowd.

"Cool your jets!" Responded another. "This petition I have right here shows that 74% of the population desires an airport. Don't ruin it for us all!"

In a most lucky game last Monday in Amarillo, the Thrashers and Oompahs tied, or they should have been. Richards sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so toxic. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Oscar and Williams caresses, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," exclaimed a roller blader after the game, "was when a stubborn llama destroyed The Pig Hut upsetting the necktie display, casting them into space."

Local skateboarder Lamar Jenkins won the admiration of Vanessa Hoffermeyer who was visiting Jasonia from Houston. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Hoffermeyer. "Lamar was a godsend."

Hoffermeyer was visiting Jasonia's world famous Verner's Shark Ranch close to the drive-in movies and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Hoffermeyer recalled, "and the streets are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Lamar interjected. "I observed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Wowzers!' And 'Cripes!' So I figured she will possibly use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Hoffermeyer has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

Without much deliberation, the council voted yesterday to pass a community ordinance to fund a volunteer fire department. Although not expected to take the place of a professional department, the volunteer firefighters' forces will allegedly minimize the overall fire risk in Jasonia.

Enthusiasm for the new program was great as hordes of denizens turned out to volunteer. Try outs for the 150 positions begin Tuesday.

The question remains for all Jasonia locals to ponder: does such an ordinance really surprise anyone?

"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Habid Haslam, a prominent gambler usually at the Jasonia dump.

"Why some denizens push for programs like this is beyond me," stated a dense-looking lawyer.