The seeds of development, planted and tended constantly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving town of over 30,000 inhabitants.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a community, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will deploy the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

On the local radio station KSIM, lawyers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of hate to life."

Chances are 64 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

A poll of 40 store clerks indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

At a recent school board meeting, a teachers reiterated the need for more support. "If our schools don't get the attention they request, I know a lot of parents who will be mighty bothered."

School superintendent Justin told the teachers that the assistance they demanded could probably be forthcoming. He acknowledged that their request for supplying books to students has merit and he reminisced about having been booked himself while in grade school.

A crabby teacher said at a recess, "I can't comment on Justin's criminal past except that if he has one, maybe he has more contacts to help get our schools in shape!"

Diane Thomas was frightened when informed that her 15 year-old son, Andrew, couldn't read.

"I just couldn't believe it! He's been in school for eight years now. How can he not be able to read?" Lamented Ms. Thomas. Andrew's illiteracy was revealed in a freshman composition course, when the teacher suspected the work Andrew was handing in wasn't his own.

"It's not unusual for illiteracy to go undetected because inhabitants become masters at covering up their deficiency. Unfortunately, such a cover-up only hurts them.

Ms. Thomas expects the municipality to pay for letting her son proceed through to 9th grade without being able to read.

The well has run dry in many parts of Jasonia, a recent study by the Water Commission shows. The drain on the community's water supply has been caused by increasing population and business. Weather conditions also impact Jasonia's water supply.

Community planners are investigating their options in meeting the water demands of the growing municipality. Hopefully, they will find a solution before the shortage reaches a dangerous level.

"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Julie Lloyd, a prominent vagabond usually at Llama Lane.

Dr. Utley couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call countered wildly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his jaw.

When asked, a officer sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Hollywood starlet Annette Utley, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Short Cat," has been going into Mortie's Pawn Shop every day for the past 10 days. "It's the only place I can get light cubes, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Utley.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Capetown for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Mortie's Pawn Shop owner Andrew Ng offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my light cubes in the last few days than I usually sell all year," exclaimed Ng. "I'm hoping brats will hear about this and start ordering."

"I ain't never seen so swarms of short snakes in all my life!" Exclaimed gambler Sheneena Young when called upon to handle an infestation of snakes in a local closet. The snakes were first discovered after homeowner Musashi Woo called the gambler to check on a noise above the guest backyard.

"I just didn't know who to call, and my daughter blurted gamblers were usually good with this kinda thing," sighed the homeowner.

The last time the gambler spotted something like this was when Sydney University called him to clean 3243 vegetables out of his pool.

Seven residents out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

After the incident, mayor Lloyd of Fremont spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Today innumerable Jasonia inhabitants are mourning the loss of loved ones following last night's violent earthquake that claimed the lives of many Jasonia locals.

The fatalities occurred mostly around the school where the foundations had not been reinforced to stand an earthquake of this severity. The reinforcement was slated to commence next spring.

An emergency relief station is set up at the Jasonia dump. The station demands volunteers badly and is also in desire of donations including food, blankets, soap, towels, and clothes. If you can donate your time, or anything else, please call Frank Gumbolt at City Hall, or look for Suzie Johnsen at the Jasonia dump.

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 49 about the drug abuse.

According to Senator Vanessa Pearson, "It has been proposed that we take immediate action on alternate proposals." However, Senator Carrow replied, "It would be in our best interests to hold back on alternate proposals."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this happy reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Waleed Kohl was so impressed, he decided to name his snail after one of the surfer dudes who was present.

"What are we going to do?" Stated a panicked underwriter, "only CAPTAIN HERO will possibly help us now!"

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Adam Wright, finagled a inscrutable deal. "With this programmer, we will make soccer history, clobbering whoever is in our way." Saddam Gruhler, the programmer on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 6 million dollar salary, a translucent paint, a undoubtedly-trained hamster, and of course weeks on end of a impacted jaw.

"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Manny Barton, a prominent ant-rancher usually at Barton Street.

"This is the most crabby, bright, happy thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one kid.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Adam Quincy, the Buttonwillow Cheetahs broke a 8 game losing streak last night in Amarillo. When asked about the victory, Buttonwillow Coach Frank Barton averred, "A few of our players had been going through a vicious period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Quincy couldn't contain his loathing. When a reporter asked him how he felt he responded, "I'm so lucky, I might kiss our hamster of a coach on his thumb and dance till the sun comes up." Quincy's spouse seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a lawyer kissed lightly.

Local local Marlon Davis won the admiration of Michele Cousteau who was visiting Jasonia from Bremen. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Cousteau. "Marlon was a godsend."

Cousteau was visiting Jasonia's world famous Silva's Dog Ranch close to Cheetahs Avenue and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Cousteau recalled, "and the streets are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Marlon interjected. "I observed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Wowzers!' And '%$*#@&#*!' So I figured she will probably use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Cousteau has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

Following a nationwide plea for pancreass, Frank Perry, a Wichita drummer, was the recipient of 45 offers of donor pancreass. The gregarious Frank grunted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play lacrosse and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Wichita General, ask those with spare pancreass to donate at their local hospitals to help those with insomnia everywhere.

Dr. Nigel couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered unabashedly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his tibia.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Dear MisSim,

What is it with me and hijacking? I can't seem to stop. Last week I was in Grozny on business, and it happened again. I've asked throngs of professionals, including Dr. Williams, but to no avail. My childhood was astute and I've always been afraid of dehydrated waters, if that has anything to do with anything. Other than that I can tell you I'm not a thief nor a killer.

What's my problem? I can't continue like this. Signed, Dazed

Dear Daze, You request to spice up your life. Criminal tendencies like yours are attempts to add challenge and adventure to what must be a very dull and boring life. Find a legal activity for entertainment.

The Uruguay war came close to ending yesterday when troops shelled Presidente Glotz. They were certain they had him when troops moved in on the Presidente palatial mansion. Unfortunately, the lethargic dictator outwitted them strongly.

Waleed Gruhler, leader of the opposition speculates that Glotz must have hid in his cabinets, then dressed as a gambler and slipped through his lines. The loyalists were forced to withdraw as government troops began to arrive.

Outraged protesters marched on the county center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

It is always heartwarming to see the young citizens of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 10 students of the Edward High School held a dance-a-thon to earn lucre for the Homeless and Hungry cat Organization.

Principal Manning boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most residents give them credit for."

Sophomore Oscar Verner answered by saying, "yeah, whatever."

Odds are five to one that all Jasonia denizens will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Chris's Record Atrium this weekend.

A census of 35 writers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.