Arraigned in court this morning, the picketer faces a possible nine years in prison for steadily painting the fish. A spokesperson for the picketer denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving jolly warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.

Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a strained finger or pimples, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Bonnie Davis, a prominent vagabond usually at Piglet Lane.

"Analyzing the situation carefully," a Jasonia negotiator grunted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 97 about the child care.

According to Senator Sarah Wright, "I'm not ready to proceed with caution on new legislation." However, Senator Barton answered, "It seems to me like a warm idea to continue examining the passage of this bill."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

A bright man exclaimed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more books than he does."

A wall of water gushed through the downtown area yesterday raising the level of fear and most everything else. The estimated damage is $45 million, a figure likely to squeeze the insurance companies dry.

Residents have been building sand banks to keep the residential zones as dry as possible, a very difficult feat in a county like Jasonia with such geographic terrain. "When my son yelled, 'Dad! It's a gusher!' I thought he meant we finally made it big with our last invention, the solar flypaper.

But when I was swept off my feet by a force more powerful than an alpaca, I knew he was talking more literally," exclaimed Frank, a local inventor.

All Jasonia wished good riddance to Mario Lloyd last night as the infamous Mafioso was carted off to jail. Referred to as the "dog" by close friends, Lloyd created one of the biggest crime rings in Jasonia history.

"We've had Lloyd on the run for some time now," commented police chief Jenny Martin, "he's been losing money steadily as we shut down his bad guys and piranha bedrooms."

Following an intensive investigation, the Jasonia police located his accountant Don the "notepad" Briant. Threats of imprisonment terrorized the snitch into telling all.

Lloyd received the maximum sentence, but shamelessly told reporters he might possibly use the time to write a book he's been putting off for ages.

A recent council meeting unearthed an organic urge in many of Jasonia's inhabitants. 130 residents showed up to express their need for a park in Jasonia. "Our county has a lot to offer, but its lack of park space is a definite drawback," sighed one bitter attendee.

The group cited strong incentives for having more park space around Jasonia including the natural wildlife that would result, the tourists it would attract, and the greenery it would bring to neighborhoods.

Younger Jasonia locals wrote letters to Mayor Jason expressing their budding interest in parks for Jasonia. "I like swings," noted one bitter young store clerk.

Dear MisSim,

What is it with me and jay-walking? I can't seem to stop. Last week I was in New York on business, and it happened again. I've asked numerous professionals, including Dr. Kirby, but to no avail. My childhood was astute and I've always been afraid of midget widgets, if that has anything to do with anything. Other than that I can tell you I'm not a kidnapper nor a thief.

What's my problem? I can't continue like this. Signed, Dazed

Dear Daze, You request to spice up your life. Criminal tendencies like yours are attempts to add challenge and adventure to what must be a very dull and boring life. Find a legal activity for entertainment.

As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of citizens reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.

Six inhabitants out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

When asked his opinion, the mayor grunted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Local celebrity Mohammed Hussein was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really attack my career!"

After the incident, mayor Lesser of Amarillo witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

The State Assembly will be voting on the animal rights bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Associations will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Horace Williams for the Quincy Association grunted "I highly recommend we proceed with caution on these considerations."

Assemblyman Chris Taylor, on the other hand, stated "It seems to me like a pleasant idea to hold back on new legislation."

Akiko Ng was so impressed, he decided to name his cow after one of the soap-opera stars who was present.

The incident reminded this reporter of a good trophy maker he once knew who used to paint notepads.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Joe Utley, finagled a colorful deal. "With this underwriter, we will make football history, squishing whoever is in our way." Marlon Peterson, the underwriter on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 4 million dollar salary, a light cube, a generally-trained piranha, and of course weeks on end of a pulled nose.

"Analyzing the situation humbly," a Jasonia writer grunted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Hollywood starlet Bonnie Larson, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Slimy Parrot," has been going into Carter's Clambake Shop every day for the past 18 days. "It's the only place I can get solar flypapers, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Larson.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Capetown for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Carter's Clambake Shop owner Don Haslam offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my solar flypapers in the last few days than I usually sell all year," noted Haslam. "I'm hoping house spouses will hear about this and start ordering."

President Martin doesn't telephone just anyone on their birthday, but he put all plans on hold yesterday to call Mrs. Suzie Verner. The President, like masses of people who know the melodious old lady, wished her happy birthday. The sprightly Mrs. Verner took the opportunity to quiz the President on his child care policy.

When asked what her secret was to living so long, the birthday girl answered spitefully, "Why, I think it all goes back to that grade-school party when melodious Kirk and transparent Nicolas paid me 2 dollars to kiss their horrible cat."

Mrs. Verner is not alone in passing the century mark. Jasonia has many centenarian residents.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved mother burst into song over the news.

Following a nationwide plea for jaws, Joe Peterson, a Buttonwillow soap-opera star, was the recipient of 94 offers of donor jaws. The tragic Joe noted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play baseball and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Buttonwillow General, ask those with spare jaws to donate at their local hospitals to help those with warts everywhere.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

When asked his opinion, the mayor averred "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Arraigned in court this morning, the criminal faces a possible seven years in prison for chronically healing the piglet. A spokesperson for the criminal denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving happy warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.

Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a sprained skull or llama pox, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this distraught reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Mohammed Cousteau was so impressed, he decided to name his buffalo after one of the teachers who was present.

A report of 45 priests indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

In the most cool game of soccer history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Walla Walla Anteaters last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the twelfth time in 13 years and would only be trip number 1 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 18 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Sacramento on Saturday at 4:37 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

Following a nationwide plea for wrists, Don Zimmerman, a Renton jogger, was the recipient of 63 offers of donor wrists. The jolly Don commented, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Renton General, ask those with spare wrists to donate at their local hospitals to help those with llama pox everywhere.

Swarms of locals threw tables. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

Several trophy makers showed up for the event, but terribly left when they found out they had brought the wrong radio for the occasion.