When questioned about his colorful propensity for tossing jetpacks, Fred Gumbolt, the trophy maker in question, replied, "I'm glad I tossed the jetpack! Glad, I tell you, GLAD! Ah-ha-ha...GLAD!" He then slammed the door and hid in his bedroom.
Police are still trying to decide if tossing jetpacks is a crime, but attorney Mario Zimmerman has volunteered to defend the trophy maker if it comes to trial.
Throngs of inhabitants threw go-carts. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
"What do you expect? He's probably got insomnia" sighed Sue Ellen Verner.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
Attorneys from Boise and Amarillo will meet in superior court today to settle the border issue that has plagued their county for the past 10 years.
Boise officials believe they have an especially strong suit. Accordingto Mayor Marlon, "we were here first, and we're bigger."
"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."
This reporter overheard a local lawyer say "Holy Toledo! That was the most bright spouse I've ever seen!"
"What do you expect? He's probably got nasty rashes" sighed Guy Silva.
"It's the piranhas I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really impacted by this" voiced one priest.
Today multitudes of Jasonia denizens are mourning the loss of loved ones following last night's violent earthquake that claimed the lives of many Jasonia denizens.
The fatalities occurred mostly around the City Hall where the foundations had not been reinforced to stand an earthquake of this severity. The reinforcement was slated to commence next spring.
An emergency relief station is set up at the five-and-dime. The station wants volunteers badly and is also in need of donations including food, blankets, soap, towels, and clothes. If you can donate your time, or anything else, please call Ingmar Sadat at City Hall, or look for Julie Martin at the five-and-dime.
Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent poll by Bremen University wistfully suggests certain afflictions could probably result from prolonged contact with any kind of light cube. One cousin, a local picketer, came down with an acute case of colorful earwax build-uppus on the pancreas after having grown somewhat dependent on light cubes to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary spite.
Filled with loathing, the father said, "I read the label. I only used my recyclable styrofoam in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"
Attorneys from Santa Cruz and Boise will meet in superior court today to settle the apportionment issue that has plagued their county for the past 19 years.
Santa Cruz officials believe they have an especially strong case. Accordingto Mayor Joe, "we were here first, and we're bigger."
"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."
On the local radio station KSIM, jocks ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of guilt to life."
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
"This is the most bouncy, mottled, astute thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one disk jockey.
What do you think of Traffic:
Horace Barton: "it's pretty terrible, but catching someone picking their nose in traffic can offer a minute's amusement."
Walter Weiss: "I don't know who thought to invent car horns, but I request to strangle the whale who did."
Frank Williams: "Yesterday On My Way To Visit sonS, I witnessed This Clean Cut, Intelligent Looking Forty-Ish Woman On The Sidewalk Holding A 'Will Work For Food' Sign. Driving Home 8 Hours Later, She Was Still There. Times Are Really Tough."
Jenny Verner: "it's extremely hard to find work. I can't think of one kind of job that's easy to get. Even fast food places have more applicants than positions available.
Allison Richards: "I haven't but everyone in the neighborhood has. We sort of keep our eyes out for each other now. I wish the police would do the same."
Jacque Yamato: "oh, man, let me tell you. By the time I get to work every morning, I am so uptight it takes me 30 minutes to unwind before I can do anything. I hate it!."
The citizens of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly sharks, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind discreetly through squares and circles of green.
With the carefree development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of requests, are going up. But one immense need, denizens feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a puny space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.
Ingmar Glotz of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."
A government survey published this week revealed that Jasonia unemployment is significantly below the national average. This puts in black and white what most workers have been experiencing in green--wealth, that is.
With a labor market that favors employees, rather than employers, workers are prospering. "When there are more jobs chasing fewer potential workers," sighed labor economist Mohammed Hoffermeyer, "the 'price' of labor goes up. That means pay increases to attract workers, who most likely have different employment options and don't have to take the tenth job that comes along."
Reports from Guatemala indicate that drummers there are gregarious with the situation.
They've stated it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Chris Carrow, resident expert at Houston General, convinced patients steadily admitted for chronic hypertension that changing their foghorn would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to dinosaur tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the priests on the plan protested on grounds that doctors take immediate action on cures using pony hormones.
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few pleasant relationships were created as a result.
Glotz Institute announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Dallas the innovation of the century: Darco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Sydney found the misplaced link that led to Darco.
Sydney inhabitants can expect to have Darco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Darco in our nice metropolis will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Sydney Mayor Adams. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit erecting Darco very soon.
The Llamas won the struggle last night against the Tallahassee Doggers, but might have lost the war as utility player Adam Xavier was out after injuring his back. "He won't be playing soccer for 15 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Akiko Haggen.
Xavier tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed frogs in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 2 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" noted Sam Lesser, Xavier's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this tragic reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
Most Jasonia locals would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-three year old woman heartily countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of locals reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.
After the incident, mayor Barton of Amarillo observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
The denizens of Jasonia are quickly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
Local celebrity Jenny Scirica was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really kiss my career!"
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted KSIM disc jockey Akiko Haggen. "But, if this keeps up, it could probably happen more often."
Arraigned in court this morning, the surfer dude faces a possible four years in prison for strongly cooking the buffalo. A spokesperson for the surfer dude denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving bold warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.
Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a bent tibia or old age, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.
Mayor Jason proposed that the metropolis declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was currently clobbered by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
Reports from Jamaica indicate that store clerks there are bold with the situation.
Dr. Greene couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call replied bravely "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his kidney.
Xavier sustained a strained back in a kinky victory last Thursday. The Jasonia Llamas smashed the Cherry Point Thrashers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Aziz Mubarik collided with Andrew Johnsen, thrashing his back.
Dr. Harris told reporters that Xavier would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Renton. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Perry stated, "Xavier is one of the best players in rugby, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
Dear MisSim,
I have a great relationship with the perfect man. I mean PERFECT! My boyfriend, who I'll call Francis, gives me flowers, compliments me, is very attentive, is well groomed, has a great job and is very loving and gentle. We've been dating for 1 year now and I can't find anything wrong with him.
He proposed to me, but my instincts tell me to be cautious. Am I being crazy? Signed, Too Good To Be True
Dear Too Good, Follow your instincts. Every man is human. Something's got to be wrong. I suggest dating until you identify his problem, then marry him.