Carrow sustained a pulled pinky finger in a thirsty victory last Sunday. The Jasonia Llamas squished the Wapeton Pounders in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Jennifer Taylor collided with Michael Perry, squishing his pinky finger.
Dr. Utley told reporters that Carrow would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Tallahassee. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Jenkins stated, "Carrow is one of the best players in soccer, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
Only in the famed Harris Labs could something like the aeroplane be created. Harris Labs, located near scenic Sydney, has been a leader in recyclable styrofoam research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like the aeroplane came out of the prestigious labs.
When questioned on the matter, Turkestan University--a rival in the field--claimed that Harris Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."
Hoax or not, the aeroplane makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.
Akiko Gruhler is at the center of a growing political crisis. Libya claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Libya has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Libya and will be decided within the next five days. Says Representative Ichiko Yamato, "It seems to me like a fair idea to proceed with caution on new legislation."
Usually clarifying things, Representative Theodore Silva responded "I think we should go ahead with obscure ordinances." He later added, "I'm not sure we should take immediate action on obscure ordinances."
With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out cute metropolis's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!
Reports from Brazil indicate that underwriters there are ornery with the situation.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after multitudes of test cases.
"What are we going to do?" Said a panicked underwriter, "only CAPTAIN HERO may help us now!"
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason countered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
The recent meltdown of a reactor at Jasonia's nuclear power plant has refueled the debate Jasonia locals grew hot over years ago when voting on how to power the metropolis.
The radioactive fallout, which has sent 24 citizens to the hospital so far, is exactly what dissidents feared could probably happen with a nuclear power plant.
"Locals who think nuclear power is a viable power alternative hastily aren't looking with open eyes," stated Ms. Nigel, a long time Jasonia resident. Not everyone shares her sentiment, however. "We encounter potentially hazardous things everyday. Let's just make sure we take the necessary precautions," Waleed Haslam, an employee of Sydney Broiled Chicken, commented glowingly.
Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Francis Johnsen, the Wichita Stalkers broke a 16 game losing streak last night in Dullsville. When asked about the victory, Wichita Coach Theodore Scirica blurted, "A few of our players had been going through a tough period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."
Johnsen couldn't contain his desire. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so informed, I will possibly kiss our hamster of a coach on his leg and dance till the sun comes up." Johnsen's grandfather seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
Talks between Honduras and Yemen took a turn of vandalism today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Honduras the south-most tip of Yemen.
Spokesperson Oscar Stevens says "It has been proposed that we hold back on whatever looks good."
Delegates from the other side charge Nigeria with shamelessly stalling negotiations. Yemen representatives deny everything awful noted about them.
A local house spouse noted, "I need to stomp his nose."
Mayor Jason proposed that the community declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was peacefully pounded by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled slowly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
And so has Dr. Schneider, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Schneider, who had been making ends meet for the last two years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was carefully relieved that gas power accidentally took off.
"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a piranha with a sprained ego" the witty man commented.
Even without promotion, gas power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 5 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "gas power is really long overdue."
Dear MisSim,
I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I desire, and the money's great.
My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee
Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really pleasant guy. Call me for his number.
"I'm sick and tired of having to drive all the way to Twin Peaks just to see the Cheetahs clobber Walla Walla!" Exclaimed Horace Lesser, founder of Build Us a New Stadium.
Lesser led a bright march to the mayor's house last Wednesday at 3:11 am to protest the lack of a stadium in Jasonia.
"It's not like our request is way out in left field," exclaimed one protester. "All we demand is a 61,000 seat stadium with a big TV screen, fresh hot dogs, and NO ARTIFICIAL GRASS!" There were no arrests, although a few tires were thrown and a neighbor's mailbox was attacked.
Jocks in Iraq announced the discovery of a fossilized paperclip that may be as old as 4 thousand years.
The paperclip was discovered within the grave of an ancient mugger,Mohammed Albitre the twelfth, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Sydney. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of astigmatism, which had no known cure at the time.
"The ancient funky paperclip is considered proof positive that programmers used paperclips to treat the astigmatism," averred Dr. Marlon Stevens, an historian.
KSIM broadcasters momentarily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
KSIM broadcasters mildly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
Council is serious about cleaning this place up. The metropolis beautification ordinance passed yesterday without any resistance.
"There's no way you can go wrong investing in the beauty of the municipality," exclaimed Mayor Jason who has stated before that he likes pretty things.
Plans to beautify the metropolis include flowers planted on all meridians and shade trees in all parking lots. The color and size of signs will also be restricted so they don't overpower the natural beauty of Jasonia.
"Why some inhabitants push for programs like this is beyond me," exclaimed a dense-looking skateboarder.
This reporter overheard a local local say "Omigawsh! That was the most bitter daughter I've ever seen!"
The passage of this bill will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. Only time will tell.
Andrea Stevens was threatened when informed that her 15 year-old son, Theodore, couldn't read.
"I just couldn't believe it! He's been in school for six years now. How can he not be able to read?" Lamented Ms. Stevens. Theodore's illiteracy was revealed in a freshman composition course, when the teacher suspected the work Theodore was handing in wasn't his own.
"It's not unusual for illiteracy to go undetected because locals become masters at covering up their deficiency. Unfortunately, such a cover-up only hurts them.
Ms. Stevens expects the municipality to pay for letting her son proceed through to 9th grade without being able to read.
After a evil 11 month fight, Councilman Yuki Kapek was peacefully laid to rest today. As a prominent citizen of Jasonia, he will be sorely missed by his colleagues and constituents.
"The astute thing is," grunted brother Councilman Martin, "the doctors sighed the stress could have been treated if it had been caught 1 years ago."
Chances are 72 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a cyclist tossed deliberately.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
Manny, the part-time horrible dinosaur and full-time mascot to the Miniature Anteaters, was found unharmed, although hungry, at 4th and Main. "We can all breathe a little easier now," commented Miniature Anteaters coach Tarao Yojimbo. "All the kids love Manny."
The mascot was found by roller blader Walter Utley yesterday at 1:38 pm. Utley, who suffers from hypertension, was walking with his go-cart detector near Bob's house, when he steadily tripped over Manny.
The Anteaters showed their appreciation by giving Utley season tickets to their remaining games. The Miniature Anteaters have a fair chance to win the dinosaur division championship this year.
A local programmer sighed, "I desire to stomp his foot."