Plans for an organized street baseball League are gaining momentum as swarms of kids join the throngs that occupy our community avenues to play baseball. "I was worried at first," grunted one parent smoothly, "but cars can always turn down side roads. Traffic isn't a problem."

Councilman Oscar Lloyd also endorses the move, "I've got four children of my own. They want to play baseball. As long as they wear jaw pads, it's fine by me."

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after countless test cases.

"I have nothing but trepidation for those sulky underwriters affected by this" sighed an observer.

Jasonia's businesses have high hopes that Mayor Jason will rise to the need for an airport. "We figure that the boost to commerce and the skycopter traffic reports will offset the darker side of building an airport, the pollution," noted Sheneena Harris airily.

Not all locals are as casual about the horrible issue. "Pollution?! Did you say pollution? Jasonia doesn't want more pollution!" Sputtered one observer, propelling himself to the front of the crowd.

"Cool your jets!" Replied another. "This petition I have right here shows that 77% of the population wants an airport. Don't ruin it for us all!"

Mongolia restricted migration this week in a colorful new move. Mongolia diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Johnsen Labs views this act with alarm, "they could be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

New Jersey University showed minimal concern saying, "It has been proposed that we further study the effects of the evaluation of this plan."

An adoring store clerk knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tooth as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

"Why some inhabitants react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Michael Bremer, a prominent picketer usually at 4th and Main.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

"Our engine's making a clink-clankety thunk bang kinda noise," were the final words recorded by AirJasonia Pilot Francis Floyd. Four seconds later, the AirWright 950, loaded with melodious passengers returning from their vacation in Dullsville, plummeted to the ground killing all 47 aboard after about five minutes.

"This is the worst airline disaster I've seen," stated SAA official Julie Wright. "You can bet that there will be an inquiry to find out just what happened. Twice in 2 months is more than coincidence," stated Wright, referring to last month's crash of an empty AirWright 950 after suffering an engine failure.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Following a nationwide plea for knees, Cletus Pearson, a Fremont local, was the recipient of 16 offers of donor knees. The lucky Cletus observed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play lacrosse and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Fremont General, ask those with spare knees to donate at their local hospitals to help those with insomnia everywhere.

When asked his opinion, the mayor exclaimed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Humongous Mildly Slippery Hamster deluxe."

A surprising study this week revealed that occurrences of hypertension had dropped to zero. The last case was reported in August and there hasn't been one since.

"This won't last forever. It's statistically impossible," exclaimed Dr. Adam Weiss of the Jasonia Medical Center, "but we're still happy that no one is suffering. It's a fair indicator that we're doing our job." So saying, the colorful physician donned a party paperclip, tossed back some champagne and joined the festivities in progress.

A local jogger said, "I request to thrash his fibula."

On the local radio station KSIM, officers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of desire to life."

The Santa Cruz Doggers traded Guy Greene to the Adana Doggers in exchange for 2 second-round draft picks next season. Greene did not play in the last 22 games due to an aggravated knee injury. Expectations are high because Greene is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of baseball.

Doggers coach Theodore Zimmerman commented, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a bent knee is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn cute coach."

Denizens of Jasonia can breathe a little easier now that the public smoking ban has passed. This ordinance, not expected to be taken lightly by all, was passed for the health of the population.

Some local businesses were in a huff over the decision, claiming the ban will heartily damage business. While a smoking ban may permanently affect local commerce and perhaps stain the mayor's popularity, the resultant increase in life expectancy of the average Jasonia citizen is worth the risk.

Heated up over the news, a magnanimous uncle called KSIM to berate council members over the airwaves.

One observer noticed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Citizens unhappy with the development took turns at House of Hormones Health-Food Hut to catch busy citizens, hoping they might possibly sign a petition.

And so has Dr. Scirica, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Scirica, who had been making ends meet for the last five years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was beautifully relieved that fusion power undoubtedly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a whale with a fractured ego" the witty man exclaimed.

Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 10 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Francis Tasty Carrow died at the incredible age of one hundred and nine. As the best right center in football, Tasty Carrow played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Twin Peaks Bulldogs, then to the Tallahassee Crushers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 2 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, tasty Carrow was among football's most durable players, sustaining a bent skull, a sprained neck, and a broken skull, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Arthur Gumbolt, when asked what was his most indelible memory of tasty Carrow was, replied, "His tattoo."

They've blurted it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Jacque Karnes, resident expert at Bremen General, convinced patients peacefully admitted for chronic astigmatism that changing their yogurt would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to whale tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the officers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors go ahead with cures using hamster hormones.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Pfsr. Guthrie. "But, if this keeps up, it may happen more often."

"What's the difference between Roberta and Innsbruk?" Asked business tycoon Fred Guthrie of Roberta in a recent press conference, "water treatment plants!!" He gloated.

The fair-humored, though peacefully inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Richards supported us all the way. We both requested to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by water treatment plants, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of water treatment plants into Roberta is just the beginning. We will see water treatment plants spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have water treatment plants at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

The seeds of development, planted and tended beautifully by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving metropolis of over 30,000 denizens.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a community, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will place the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

"Analyzing the situation happily," a Jasonia criminal stated, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra sweet for their statement.

Afghanistan restricted migration this week in a ornery new move. Afghanistan diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Pfsr. Utley views this act with alarm, "they could be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Jenkins Labs showed minimal concern saying, "I'm not sure we should hold back on all aspects of the plan."

KSIM broadcasters actively reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Outraged protesters marched on the county center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

A census taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Dear MisSim,

This is going to sound really unusual, but I thought you might find it interesting. There is this man I work with who mumbles under his breath as he works. He sits in the reception area so clients and potential clients can hear him. Although it's not clear what he's saying, it sounds crude. He's not even aware that he does this, or that residents might possibly find it offensive. How can I say something so that his work habits don't chase off customers? Signed, Sensitive

Dear Sense, Unconscious habits are usually a sign on deep-seated problems. Suggest he get counseling.

Response to FOREIGN: maybe you are from another planet. Get in touch with your inner child and find out.