And so has Dr. Manning, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Manning, who had been making ends meet for the last five years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was shamelessly relieved that fusion power slowly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a dog with a strained ego" the witty man stated.

Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 9 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."

And so has Dr. Verner, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Verner, who had been making ends meet for the last four years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was generally relieved that nuclear power allegedly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a raccoon with a tweaked ego" the witty man said.

Even without promotion, nuclear power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 4 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "nuclear power is really long overdue."

The clock of power is ticking, soon to alarm all of Jasonia leaving its citizens in the dark. Local programmers are buzzing about the terminal state of Jasonia's gas power plant. "This plant's gonna die soon!" Said one in a recent interview. "I'd give it less than a year," chimed in another.

Officials were busy massaging their tweaked colleagues and were unavailable for comment, but one plant employee sighed, "of course power plants blow up after 50 years. Is that news?"

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved son burst into song over the news.

A horrible man averred, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more irons than he does."

In a most lethargic game last Friday in Boise, the Aeros and Thrashers tied, or they should have been. Lesser sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so evil. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Guthrie and Matthews cleans, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," observed a biochemist after the game, "was when a woolly llama threatened The Pig Hut upsetting the chair display, casting them into space."

Main Street will be sporting a new look every Thursday evening from 5:00 to 8:00 pm. As the chosen site for the new Jasonia Farmers' Market. The road will be closed to all traffic to make room for the dozens of local farmers, florists, craftsmen, and house spouses selling their goods, but don't worry - transit authorities say that traffic delays will be wee.

Come straight from work! You can stroll the avenue while enjoying the exotic flavors of the food from eight of the countless ethnic food booths. There is no admission fee and you'll find plenty of parking on neighboring lanes.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later sighed, "Please don't quote me on that."

Dear MisSim,

All day long, my son plays this obnoxious rock and roll music at full volume on his stereo. I can't stand the music and it gives me a headache, and shakes the neighbor's notepads. When I tell him to turn it down, he pretends he can't hear me. What should I do? Signed, It's Too Loud

Dear IT'S, Sneak in and turn the stereo down when he's not looking. Chances are he's already deaf and probably won't notice the difference.

"What's the difference between Houston and Alexandria?" Asked business tycoon Nicolas Johnsen of Houston in a recent press conference, "Forest Arco!!" He gloated.

The cute-humored, though smoothly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Larson supported us all the way. We both requested to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Forest Arco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Forest Arco into Houston is just the beginning. We will see Forest Arco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Forest Arco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Carrow announced his stance on the latest issue: soap-opera stars with indigestion living in parked cars.

Councilman Nigel, always outspoken, grunted "I'm not sure we should cease investigating new legislation." Councilman Briant, as usual, replied "It would be in our best interests to take immediate action on the evaluation of this plan."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Tenth and twelfth graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got angry taxpayers moving out of their town. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts municipality planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their city-building studies like never before.

Debra Adams, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School said, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One fifth grader suffering from hypertension commented, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just residents in a computer?"

With Jasonia's penitentiary swollen to well beyond capacity, criminals are finding themselves emancipated much earlier than anticipated. The overburdened prison has been a problem for some time now, but not until recently have Jasonia's residents come face-to-face with the problems. Lamar Weiss, a high-school cyclist, described his encounter. "Yeah, like I was walking around Mario's Market and this guy comes up to me looking real weird like and says he killed a guy but didn't have to go to jail. He needed my wallet and I gave it to him cuz I believed what he grunted, you know?"

Mayor Jason, aware of the problem, noted "Jasonia needs more prisons. There's no doubt about it."

The Llamas won the struggle last night against the Buttonwillow Bulldogs, but will probably have lost the war as utility player Manny Zimmerman was out after injuring his foot. "He won't be playing rugby for 14 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Theodore Lloyd.

Zimmerman tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed snakes in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 3 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" grunted Roger Matthews, Zimmerman's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

This reporter overheard a local criminal say "Oh my! That was the most carefree grandfather I've ever seen!"

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were created as a result.

It is always heartwarming to see the young residents of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 12 students of the Peterson High School held a dance-a-thon to earn money for the Homeless and Hungry crawdad Organization.

Principal Wright boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most citizens give them credit for."

Sophomore Adam Nigel answered by saying, "yeah, whatever."

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

"Analyzing the situation radiantly," a Jasonia ant-rancher grunted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Residents will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.

These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

"It's the ponys I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really impacted by this" voiced one underwriter.

Turn off your televisions, douse the lights, turn down the heat. Jasonia power problems have reached a critical stage. Power plants are running at 99+ percent capacity, and brownouts are being reported.

At this point residents are wondering just how dim their mayor is. "The lights AREN'T on, AND no one's home!!" Charged one resident about the mayor's apparent need for illumination on the severity of the problem.

To alleviate feelings of powerlessness, citizens have organized a League to prepare a formal desire to Mayor Jason. "We INSIST the mayor remedy the problem," observed the irritated group spokesperson, "and we're going to put our insistence on paper."

With the supply depot occupied by communists in Ethiopia, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of communists across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the trophy makers' attention who, communists assert, have suppressed inhabitants' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.

Not all the communists enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."

"Lover, fighter, wrestler, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."

Most Jasonia residents would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-nine year old woman happily responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."