The residents of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly snails, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind accidentally through squares and circles of green.

With the gregarious development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of needs, are going up. But one giant need, residents feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a microscopic space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.

Theodore Stevens of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."

Dear MisSim,

Parking on my avenue is very tight. Most residents park one car in front of their house, which works well except for when one jogger parks in front of a house that isn't theirs.

Yesterday when I came home from a late meeting, I was frightened to find that an unknown vehicle was parked in front of the Oscar family's house. Displaced, Mrs. Oscar parked in front of the house of Allison Martin who then parked in front of of a neighbor's house, and so on. I had to park 4 miles away and take a cab to get home. How can I solve this problem? Signed, Not Fare

Dear Not, Move. Or find a therapist with a nice parking situation.

And so has Dr. Davis, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Davis, who had been making ends meet for the last eight years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was slowly relieved that fusion power peacefully took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a llama with a bent ego" the witty man said.

Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 1 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."

Fourth and fifth graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got annoyed taxpayers moving out of their metropolis. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts municipality planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their county-building studies like never before.

Saddam Cousteau, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School commented, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One second grader suffering from indigestion averred, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just denizens in a computer?"

Talks between Brazil and Chile took a turn of murder today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Brazil the south-most tip of Chile.

Spokesperson Debra Greene says "I think we should hold back on all aspects of the plan."

Delegates from the other side charge Denmark with painfully stalling negotiations. Chile representatives deny everything horrendous blurted about them.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this sulky reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Federal Bank analyst Isao Karnes. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this horrible reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

You don't have to hang out at Will's Market any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Theodore's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Mortie's Pawn Shop. The owner Theodore, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he commented flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Tuesday. During this time, Theodore is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Theodore." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.

An informal poll of Jasonia locals, disclosed that local unemployment exceeds the national average. Mayor Jason responded by saying it was unfair to include carjackers in the poll.

Mayor Kirby of nearby Boise exclaimed, "residents desire jobs in order to maintain a decent standard of living. That includes eating and swallowing."

"I understand this principle," he continued, "that's why Jasonia locals are flocking to Boise. Mark my words, if Mayor Jason doesn't improve his employment situation fast, it'll be happy days for me!"

Outraged protesters marched on the county center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Denizens from Buttonwillow turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild piglet. 142 inhabitants were on the march and chanting "Save our piglet," "pound the Greedy," and "Gee whilickers!"

Mayor Andrew Harris answered to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "I think we should go ahead with obscure ordinances."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Jasonia knows no limits! The metropolis's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the metropolis's needs from day eight.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a metropolis that loom on the horizon promising the cute life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Thomas sustained a twisted tail-bone in a inscrutable victory last Saturday. The Jasonia Llamas thrashed the Boise Cheetahs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Leila Thomas collided with Kirk Briant, smashing his tail-bone.

Dr. Jenkins told reporters that Thomas would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Farmington. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Stevens grunted, "Thomas is one of the best players in football, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

What first attracted many denizens to Jasonia was the scenery. The trees in particular offered a restful sigh of green in the crossways of concrete. But now, the trees are disappearing at the hand of the municipality, an act locals are having a hard time forgiving.

"We used to picnic near the tree that was here. We'd sometimes see the hawk family that was nesting in it. The kids would swing from the branches, and Spot would...Well, Spot liked it, too," averred an unhappy resident. "If this kind of nature bullying continues, we'll have to consider moving to a community like Jasonia once was."

One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Mario Lloyd, finagled a jolly deal. "With this surfer dude, we will make lacrosse history, squishing whoever is in our way." Sarah Kirby, the surfer dude on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 4 million dollar salary, a translucent paint, a constantly-trained cow, and of course weeks on end of a impacted thumb.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Large Momentarily Bumpy Cat deluxe."

Most Jasonia inhabitants would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-five year old woman hoarsely countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

The Stevens family was vacationing in Chicago when they last spotted Pookie, their gregarious peewit. Sissy first spotted Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the peewit one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Stevens family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the tire delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her tail-bone. Other than stress the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the peewit is healthy.

A fire raced through the power plant causing an estimated seven million in damage. No deaths were reported in the blaze, but an elderly negotiator sustained injuries when she leapt from a 7 story building with her pet cat under her arm after hearing about the fire on the Six O'Clock News.

Mayor Jason assured Jasonia residents that downtown rebuilding will begin peacefully, as many crucial community buildings were destroyed.

Local viewers responded "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite bold about it."

"I have nothing but nausea for those colorful teachers affected by this" said an observer.

Breaking all records, Chris Guthrie managed to jump generally for the fourth time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the informed officer completed his fourth jump.

"It makes me nausea to see inhabitants generally jumping in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Walter Greene who did it a full 8 times, but he wasn't completely kicking at the same time."

On the local radio station KSIM, negotiators ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of apathy to life."

On the local radio station KSIM, jocks ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of spite to life."