You don't have to hang out at the Jasonia dump any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Roger's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Pot Shots. The owner Roger, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he blurted flippantly.
The grand opening celebration will continue through Thursday. During this time, Roger is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Roger." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.
You don't have to hang out at the drive-in movies any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Guy's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Clothing Hut. The owner Guy, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he noted flippantly.
The grand opening celebration will continue through Thursday. During this time, Guy is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Guy." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.
In the most informed game of lacrosse history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Orinda Pounders last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.
The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the eleventh time in 1 years and would only be trip number 1 in the history of the franchise.
The lopsided score of 17 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.
Next week, Jasonia hosts Farmington on Friday at 5:31 pm. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.
In the most crabby game of rugby history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Cherry Point Stalkers last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.
The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the seventh time in 4 years and would only be trip number 2 in the history of the franchise.
The lopsided score of 18 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.
Next week, Jasonia hosts Wapeton on Wednesday at 3:11 pm. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.
Residents from Santa Cruz turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild snail. 116 denizens were on the march and chanting "Save our snail," "squish the Greedy," and "Goodness gracious!"
Mayor Mick Jenkins countered to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "I'm not sure we should begin proceedings for this proposal."
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few warm relationships were designed as a result.
Horrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
Dear MisSim,
Last night I had the strangest dream, and I don't know if I should be concerned about it. I was in Manchester and was feeling full of anxiety. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a disheveled raccoon shelling everything. You can imagine how I felt, even though this was a dream.
Then, things just got weirder. Everywhere I turned I observed tepid cats laughing and pointing at me. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat. I jumped out of bed to write to you. Should I be concerned about this dream? My brother seems to think so. Signed, Confused
Dear Confuse, Have they shortened the program at the Bonnie O'Hare Clinic?
A tepid monster clobbered through Jasonia yesterday, leaving only debris and wreckage in its path.
Despite massive efforts by the local authorities to touch the colorful beast, damage was estimated in the thousands. Only minor injuries were reported and the monster avoided crushing the new plate factory commissioned last week by Mayor Jason.
The cause for the monster attack is still unknown although scientists have hypothesized, as scientists will. Dr. Harris of Jasonia University believes that the pollution created by the Jasonia factories is responsible.
However, scientists at the Jasonia Bureau for Undocumented Regional Phenomenon disagree, as scientists will. "We feel that the monster is driven by anxiety and ecstasy, not pollution," observed a representative.
Hollywood starlet Kelli Pearson, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Mottled Buffalo," has been going into Charlie's Feed Store every day for the past 18 days. "It's the only place I can get carbuncle removers, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Pearson.
Tomorrow the crew moves on to Oslo for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Charlie's Feed Store owner Mario Borucki offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.
"She's bought more of my carbuncle removers in the last few days than I usually sell all year," blurted Borucki. "I'm hoping biochemists will hear about this and start ordering."
And so has Dr. Williams, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Williams, who had been making ends meet for the last three years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was permanently relieved that gas power reportedly took off.
"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a shark with a broken ego" the witty man averred.
Even without promotion, gas power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 9 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "gas power is really long overdue."
Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a humongous metropolis, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.
Bands played and residents cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic town founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.
A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all citizens that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.
When asked, a vagabond sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
"Why some inhabitants react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Francis Stevens, a prominent manager usually at the drive-in movies.
Quatar grunted yesterday that it supports its rebels. In their peace-keeping efforts, the rebels occupied the opposition's enemy base. Their actions, they reported, were the only way they may avert hostilities.
Chairman Horat, tragic with the news, sputtered "I think we ought to proceed with caution on the root of all this violence." His only child, Frank agreed. These actions will undoubtedly spark further violence, perhaps commanded by the bumpy Chairman himself.
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
KSIM broadcasters shamelessly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
Only in the famed Jones Labs could something like the aeroplane be created. Jones Labs, located near scenic Turkestan, has been a leader in recyclable styrofoam research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like the aeroplane came out of the prestigious labs.
When questioned on the matter, Karnes Institute--a rival in the field--claimed that Jones Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."
Hoax or not, the aeroplane makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.
A recent council meeting unearthed an organic urge in many of Jasonia's locals. 111 denizens showed up to express their request for a park in Jasonia. "Our city has a lot to offer, but its lack of park space is a definite drawback," averred one cranky attendee.
The group cited strong incentives for having more park space around Jasonia including the natural wildlife that would result, the tourists it would attract, and the greenery it would bring to neighborhoods.
Younger Jasonia citizens wrote letters to Mayor Jason expressing their budding interest in parks for Jasonia. "I like swings," stated one crabby young store clerk.
With parental help, local grade schools are successfully adding algebra to the curriculum. Principal Nigel at the Adams Grade School decided to start an algebra program when he discovered that over half the students parents were college educated.
"Algebra is a difficult subject, but not impossible for children," exclaimed Nigel,"they key ingredient is parental support. When parents can help students as they do their homework, anything is possible."
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
When asked his opinion, the mayor noted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
Jasonia's teachers have long been patient with the metropolis's lack of attention to its schools. Now, however, the teachers are protesting. "At first I was asked to bring in my own pens and pencils, then I was asked to supply glue, rulers, and a stapler. Now I'm supposed to buy my students books? The students aren't the only ones who desire to be educated here!" Stated one.
The Teachers League spokesperson, Patricia Matthews commented, "The teachers of Jasonia will strike soon if support for schools doesn't improve." The runner up for the Teachers League spokesperson role observed, "Ask the mayor how he likes them apples!"