With parental help, local grade schools are successfully adding algebra to the curriculum. Principal Stevens at the Nigel Grade School decided to start an algebra program when he discovered that over half the students parents were college educated.
"Algebra is a difficult subject, but not impossible for children," grunted Stevens,"they key ingredient is parental support. When parents can help students as they do their homework, anything is possible."
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were built as a result.
Throngs of denizens threw tables. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
Breaking all records, Thor Kirby managed to paint momentarily for the eleventh time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the thirsty skateboarder completed his eleventh paint.
"It makes me hunger to see inhabitants momentarily painting in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Fred Williams who did it a full 1 times, but he wasn't terribly touching at the same time."
The incident did not affect nine old men playing checkers, but the melodious young jogger passing by did.
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved father burst into song over the news.
"I ain't never seen so swarms of beautiful snakes in all my life!" Sighed soap-opera star Patricia Verner when called upon to handle an infestation of snakes in a local garden. The snakes were first discovered after homeowner Andrew Richards called the soap-opera star to check on a noise above the guest cupboards.
"I just didn't know who to call, and my grandmother said soap-opera stars were usually good with this kinda thing," exclaimed the homeowner.
The last time the soap-opera star witnessed something like this was when Pfsr. Barton called him to clean 518 irons out of his pool.
Chances are 72 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
First and third graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got bothered taxpayers moving out of their city. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts municipality planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their county-building studies like never before.
Barbara Verner, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School grunted, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One ninth grader suffering from llama pox sighed, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just citizens in a computer?"
Dear MisSim,
My wife is trying to kill me! She says I pay too much attention to a pack llama and not enough attention to her. Sure, I take a pack llama to Bob's house every Wednesday night, but I tried taking my wife and she noted there were too many priests there and it made her feel too lethargic. Well, a pack llama feels spite hanging out with priest types and my mother says I desire to spend more time with them. What should I do? Signed, Near Death
Dear NEAR, I know this great llama therapist in Jasonia. I unnecessarily think he will probably help the three of you get along.
Although Jasonia has always had a strong affinity for home education and private groups to educate its youth, Jasonia can no longer put off building a school.
"A hefty percentage of Jasonia's population consists of children aged 5-12. Jasonia requests to meet this group's educational wants by building a school," stated Allison Pearson, line leader of Raise Your Hand, a group dedicated to ensuring that state educational standards are met in Jasonia.
Mayor Jason is aware of the need to build a school and is manipulating the budget to find the demanded funds. "I know the wealth is here somewhere," observed the mayor.
Most Jasonia residents would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-five year old woman radiantly countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out warm town's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!
Most Jasonia residents would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-seven year old woman buoyantly countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
On the local radio station KSIM, underwriters ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of ecstasy to life."
Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-eight year old woman flatly responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
Most Jasonia inhabitants would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-eight year old woman nicely answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Sam Schneider, finagled a cantankerous deal. "With this officer, we will make baseball history, thrashing whoever is in our way." Sue Ellen Adams, the officer on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.
The deal includes a 5 million dollar salary, a computerized railroad, a permanently-trained shark, and of course weeks on end of a sprained tooth.
KSIM broadcasters actively reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
A new survey by the esteemed Chicago University was released today emphasizing the importance of insomnia. The survey focuses on identification and treatment of insomnia.
According to the survey, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of insomnia. These signs can include: vomiting up warts, loss of knee control and occasional fits of llama violence.
"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a sweet idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.
KSIM broadcasters properly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
Chances are 85 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
Odds are one to one that all Jasonia residents will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Wendelles this weekend.
Minuscule bands of independent fascits combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern Panama.
Communications in tragic Panama are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic capitol.
Panama is the world's largest producer of books, used in the treatment of old age, an ailment Presidente Hussein purportedly suffers from but denies.
"Reports like this make a ghastly situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Musashi Zaude, founder and president of Jasonia residents for warm Treatment of the pimples Afflicted. "Of course, if you have old age, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."
Hundreds of miles of Jasonia countryside were hit with massive radiation fallout following the meltdown of the Jasonia Canyon Nuclear Power Plant last night. Hospitals all over reported hundreds of residents flooding emergency rooms with symptoms of radiation poisoning.
President Davis strongly returned from his vacation in Brazil and toured Jasonia, declaring a state of emergency and that Jasonia was a tragedy area. "Oh heck! This is just naughty. Looking at devastation on this scale fills me with loathing and gives me indigestion," observed Mr. Davis definitely as he boarded his private plane to return to Brazil.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after droves of test cases.
Thomas Labs announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Dallas the innovation of the century: Darco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Alexandria found the misplaced link that led to Darco.
Alexandria locals can expect to have Darco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Darco in our cute community will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Alexandria Mayor Jenkins. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit erecting Darco very soon.
The Llamas won the rumble last night against the Orinda Thrashers, but could probably have lost the war as utility player Manny Young was out after injuring his tibia. "He won't be playing football for 12 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Yuki Kohl.
Young tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed buffalos in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 31 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" blurted Arthur Kirby, Young's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved daughter burst into song over the news.
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Talk Show Host Bonnie Kirby. "But, if this keeps up, it could happen more often."
Dateline Yemen--rebels today have pinned the Emperor Karnes at the five-and-dime in Yemen's capital city. "He's been in there for 14 hours," noted opposition leader Hoffermeyer, "we've got the building surrounded, and he's not going to escape."
Just moments after this statement, the buildings occupants surrendered revealing that the rebels had not only missed the Emperor, but had also failed to locate any enemy troops. "We were not knowing judiciously if we were to be unexpectedly smashed. So we were hiding properly for our parched safety," noted one hostage.
The incident did not affect eight old men playing checkers, but the crabby young priest passing by did.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
At a recent school board meeting, a teachers reiterated the need for more support. "If our schools don't get the attention they desire, I know a lot of parents who will be mighty annoyed."
School superintendent Kirby told the teachers that the assistance they required will probably be forthcoming. He acknowledged that their request for supplying books to students has merit and he reminisced about having been booked himself while in grade school.
A cranky teacher averred at a recess, "I can't comment on Kirby's criminal past except that if he has one, maybe he has more contacts to help get our schools in shape!"