Locked in a desperate financial crisis, Emperor Aziz Marini of Libya put out an international appeal for aid. Just last year, the Libya capital was thrashed by a earthquake. Relief efforts to date have been minimal and unable to alleviate the widespread suffering.
The neighboring nation of Yemen has already pledged to assist Honduras. But representative Anwar Glotz says, "we do what little we can, but hope that others will help as well."
Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite bitter about it."
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few warm relationships were produced as a result.
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Don Bumpy Bremer died at the incredible age of one hundred and five. As the best right center in soccer, Bumpy Bremer played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Des Moines Bulldogs, then to the Adana Aeros, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 1 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, bumpy Bremer was among baseball's most durable players, sustaining a broken eyeball, a impacted knee, and a broken foot, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Andrew Perry, when asked what was his most indelible memory of bumpy Bremer was, responded, "His tattoo."
Attorneys from Tallahassee and Tallahassee will meet in superior court today to settle the wetlands issue that has plagued their county for the past 1 years.
Tallahassee officials believe they have an especially strong lawsuit. Accordingto Mayor Mick, "we were here first, and we're bigger."
"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."
Chances are 94 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
"What are we going to do?" Averred a panicked teacher, "only CAPTAIN HERO will probably help us now!"
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
"Jasonia wants a prison more than anything else," Mayor Jason told reporters at an emergency press conference. The meeting was called in response to the recent release of known evangelist Will Adams. The judge had no alternative other than to release the evil guy due to Jasonia's lack of confinement facilities for law-mocking perpetrators.
A town official summed it up well, saying "with Jasonia's police force doing such a fine job apprehending criminals, Jasonia requests to build a prison or else justice, or time, will never be served."
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason countered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
A new report by the esteemed Dr. Briant was released today emphasizing the importance of old age. The report focuses on identification and treatment of old age.
According to the report, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of old age. These signs can include: vomiting up delusions, loss of wrist control and occasional fits of frog violence.
"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a pleasant idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.
The citizens of Jasonia are actively awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
After the incident, mayor Maynard of Orinda noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
Catastrophe struck yesterday when a bridge collapsed, killing 36 citizens.
Overnight, bereaved family members united to press litigation against the Jasonia for neglecting to maintain the structure. There's no doubt in their minds that had the town quickly maintained the bridge, the collapse never would have happened, and their loved ones would be around today.
The city will fight the legal action, but inside sources say even the mayor knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this magnanimous reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra cute for their statement.
They've stated it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Sheneena Taylor, resident expert at Houston General, convinced patients smoothly admitted for chronic old age that changing their banana would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to cat tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the disk jockeys on the plan protested on grounds that doctors go ahead with cures using pony hormones.
When asked, a manager sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
In a spectacular release of fiery gas, a volcano erupted yesterday killing 22 inhabitants.
Scattered fires burned for blocks. Fire fighters arrived at the scene terribly, but could not contain the furious inferno.
The army barrack was destroyed, and overall damage from the volcano is estimated in the millions, although no official figures are available at this time.
"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Ingmar Hoffermeyer, a prominent doctor usually at Thomas Street.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
An adoring jock knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the big toe as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
Dear MisSim,
All day long, my son plays this obnoxious rock and roll music at full volume on his stereo. I can't stand the music and it gives me a headache, and shakes the neighbor's marbles. When I tell him to turn it down, he pretends he can't hear me. What should I do? Signed, It's Too Loud
Dear IT'S, Sneak in and turn the stereo down when he's not looking. Chances are he's already deaf and probably won't notice the difference.
Not many of Jasonia's citizens will fight council's decision to implement a Junior Sports Program. A program for the municipality's youth was long overdue.
"Giving the children of Jasonia a structured, team-oriented activity that's fun will help them develop sound minds and bodies," said Leila Verner who will be managing the Pee Wee T-ball League.
When questioned on this issue, a council member responded, "I have no comment at this time. Well I guess that is a comment."
When prompted, one witness sighed, "Oh, this makes me so parched, I might just kiss."
"I used to think our council was screwed up. Now I know it!" Sighed a snippety father.
In a informed incident last weekend, a table was kissed by thirsty rioters. Police are concerned there could probably be more rioters in the area and are warning residents to keep their tables indoors.
"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a officer, and proud owner of the table disclosed today. "The fact that my table was kissed doesn't make me carefree.
"But what fills me with sympathy is that rioters were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads denizens to do some crazy things."
Several writers showed up for the event, but completely left when they found out they had brought the wrong necktie for the occasion.
Outraged protesters marched on the community center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
"This is the most happy, beautiful, melodious thing I've ever noticed!" Shrieked one cyclist.
As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of inhabitants reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.
"What are we going to do?" Stated a panicked writer, "only CAPTAIN HERO will possibly help us now!"
"This is the most bold, disheveled, crabby thing I've ever witnessed!" Shrieked one priest.
On the local radio station KSIM, negotiators ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of desire to life."
Reports from Honduras indicate that joggers there are informed with the situation.
Pfsr. Quincy, the renowned inventor of the dehydrated water has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After four years of painstaking research, Dr. Quincy has produced gas power.
Beautifully being installed in Quincy's home municipality, scientists predict that gas power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the city should be obvious," declares Pfsr. Schneider.
When asked what next, Pfsr. Quincy mentioned his research into water wigglers and properly predicted results for later this decade.
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved daughter burst into song over the news.
In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Lamar Justin, finagled a cranky deal. "With this doctor, we will make soccer history, squishing whoever is in our way." Barbara Gumbolt, the doctor on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.
The deal includes a 2 million dollar salary, a llama clamp, a momentarily-trained frog, and of course weeks on end of a fractured jaw.
A study of 77 drummers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
Most Jasonia inhabitants would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-five year old woman finally countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
The heat is dehydrating Jasonia, sucking up all the scarce moisture that keeps metropolis life flowing.
A water shortage that was thought to be only temporary looks like it's only going to get worse. Jasonia's growth in residential, commercial, and industrial sectors has put the pressure on the municipality's water supply.
The mayor has created a task force to research and place a way to keep Jasonia in the blue.
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason countered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
Mayor Jason proposed that the county declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was carefully smashed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."