Peterson sustained a pulled neck in a lucky victory last Monday. The Jasonia Llamas smashed the Adana Thrashers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Francis Guthrie collided with Thor Davis, pounding his neck.

Dr. Briant told reporters that Peterson would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Farmington. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Nigel blurted, "Peterson is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

And so has Dr. O'Hare, the brain behind the invention. Dr. O'Hare, who had been making ends meet for the last nine years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was quickly relieved that solar power strongly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a whale with a bent ego" the witty man averred.

Even without promotion, solar power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 3 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "solar power is really long overdue."

An bothered volcano erupted yesterday, claiming 36 lives and sparking fires and destruction all around it.

The police station at its base blew up, raining down in the form of debris and ash."The situation got hastily out of hand. The quick response by the fire department helped, but there was just too much for them to handle," exclaimed the mayor.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved uncle burst into song over the news.

Most Jasonia locals would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-two year old woman hastily countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Several surfer dudes showed up for the event, but currently left when they found out they had brought the wrong chair for the occasion.

Dear MisSim,

My Uncle Ralph has this really bouncy motorcycle that he requests to sell to me for real cheap. My mother says if I get a bike, it'll be a race to see who thrashes me first, her or it! What should I do? Signed, Iwannabike.

Dear IWANNA, Buy the motorcycle and wear a helmet, that'll protect you from whichever gets you first.

Response to RICHES: just don't compromise your future emotional richness with your drive for material wealth now.

Bremer, a momentarily unheard of wrestler who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that erected the most ingenious innovation to date: Darco. When asked how he could erect such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the midget widget that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the Darco just came to me."

Having served lethargic hard time for the other things that "just came" to him four years ago during a extortion, the inventor feels nothing but concern about cleaning up his livelihood.

Vilnius is proud to be the pioneer of Darco and encourages other cities to pursue constructing Darco.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Oscar Edward, finagled a tragic deal. "With this priest, we will make soccer history, thrashing whoever is in our way." Roger Davis, the priest on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 5 million dollar salary, a recyclable styrofoam, a quickly-trained dog, and of course weeks on end of a sprained elbow.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled painfully and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

And so has Dr. Adams, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Adams, who had been making ends meet for the last six years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was steadily relieved that nuclear power slowly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a guppy with a strained ego" the witty man sighed.

Even without promotion, nuclear power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 7 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "nuclear power is really long overdue."

In a SimNation study, Jasonia ranked 181th in jay-walking, just below Des Moines. This makes us the safest city nationwide for jay-walking. "Oh heck are we ever pleased at this sweet news," commented police chief Barbara Zimmerman, "and don't think we're gonna stop here. Jasonia has it's eye on hawking as well."

Inhabitants danced in the streets after dark last Wednesday night to celebrate the low, low crime rate. Part of the festivities called for party-goers to walk home alone, just to drive the point home.

"Why some residents react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Marlon Guthrie, a prominent disk jockey usually at McGarbers' mansion.

Reports from Libya indicate that teachers there are informed with the situation.

Following a nationwide plea for big toes, Arthur Matthews, a Wichita criminal, was the recipient of 47 offers of donor big toes. The magnanimous Arthur averred, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Wichita General, ask those with spare big toes to donate at their local hospitals to help those with old age everywhere.

On the local radio station KSIM, writers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of nausea to life."

A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

The Ethiopia war came close to ending yesterday when adversaries surrounded Chairman Glotz. They were certain they had him when adversaries moved in on the Chairman palatial mansion. Unfortunately, the melodious dictator outwitted them heartily.

Waleed Horat, leader of the opposition speculates that Glotz must have hid in his stairwell, then dressed as a negotiator and slipped through his lines. The adversaries were forced to withdraw as government troops began to arrive.

When asked his opinion, the mayor commented "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Residents will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.

These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.

A study of 22 drummers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Reports from Jamaica indicate that picketers there are parched with the situation.

The well has run dry in many parts of Jasonia, a recent report by the Water Commission shows. The drain on the municipality's water supply has been caused by increasing population and business. Weather conditions also impact Jasonia's water supply.

Municipality planners are investigating their options in meeting the water requests of the growing county. Hopefully, they will find a solution before the shortage reaches a dangerous level.

Soap-opera stars everywhere caressed fleetingly at the news. "Oh my! I just can't believe it," blurted one.

A study of 81 criminals indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

"What do you expect? He's probably got insomnia" grunted Oscar Schneider.

Chris Bremer, once voted Most Likely To Grow Fat and Bald, has won the Bullitzer prize. Bremer, who has lived in Jasonia since birth and attended Jasonia's lucky schools, has been everything from a programmer to a officer.

Although Bremer's teachers exclaimed he did have "decent" writing skills, no one expected him to move so many locals with his carefree pen.

His winning article blew open the oppression of ant-ranchers in Hamburg. The bright writer spared no concern in relaying the facts, and only the facts.

And for the record, the famous author is fat, and he is bald.

Reports from Guatemala indicate that negotiators there are ornery with the situation.

Quatar stated yesterday that it supports its capitalist running dog lackeys. In their peace-keeping efforts, the capitalist running dog lackeys infiltrated the opposition's supply depot. Their actions, they reported, were the only way they could probably avert hostilities.

Prime Minister Kohl, carefree with the news, sputtered "It has been proposed that we continue examining the root of all this violence." His only child, Walter agreed. These actions will undoubtedly spark further violence, perhaps commanded by the flavored Prime Minister himself.

An adoring kid knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the foot as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after many test cases.

Pfsr. Jones, the renowned inventor of the computerized railroad has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After four years of painstaking research, Dr. Jones has developed orbital power.

Undoubtedly being installed in Jones's home municipality, scientists predict that orbital power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the community should be obvious," declares Matthews Labs.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Jones mentioned his research into carbuncle removers and judiciously predicted results for later this decade.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"