Granillo Institute announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Manchester the innovation of the century: highways. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Oslo found the misplaced link that led to highways.

Oslo inhabitants can expect to have highways as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having highways in our good municipality will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Oslo Mayor Scirica. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit deploying highways very soon.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Thor Disheveled O'Hare died at the incredible age of one hundred and four. As the best right center in lacrosse, Disheveled O'Hare played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Buttonwillow Doggers, then to the Des Moines Oompahs, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 2 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, disheveled O'Hare was among soccer's most durable players, sustaining a strained knee, a bent uvula, and a shattered knee, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Roger Quincy, when asked what was his most indelible memory of disheveled O'Hare was, replied, "His tattoo."

Tempestuous winds had the final say yesterday in a stormy interlude with coastal residences. Ferocious gusts flattened waterfront houses between Fifth and Second avenue, and even demolished a wind turbine. Authorities say that 228 denizens perished in the blow.

Hurricane victims are living in temporary shelters and expect to start rebuilding as soon as debris is cleared and power is restored to the area. With characteristic Jasonia warmth and community support, five local construction companies volunteered man hours to help denizens rebuild.

"I have nothing but desire for those lucky house spouses affected by this" exclaimed an observer.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later commented, "Please don't quote me on that."

In a long-awaited announcement, Bremen Mayor Lesser credited business mogul Harris with thinking up Launch Arco. The mayor, carefully released from Bremen General after a severe case of hypertension, told the crowd about how Launch Arco would change the lives of residents everywhere, vagabonds in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A unnecessarily carefree uncle, overcome with fear observed, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Harris, the mensa mind behind Launch Arco, will be held Thursday at 11:31 pm. Attendees are expected to infiltrate the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

It is always heartwarming to see the young locals of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 6 students of the Nigel High School held a dance-a-thon to earn dollars for the Homeless and Hungry shark Organization.

Principal O'Hare boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most inhabitants give them credit for."

Sophomore Helmut Rubichek replied by saying, "yeah, whatever."

KSIM broadcasters quickly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Jasonia teachers met this week with the council to protest recent cutbacks in wages and benefits, only to end the two hour talk in mutual dissatisfaction. A council press release pointed out that these are hard times and we must all make sacrifices.

Tarao Mubarik, representing the local teachers union sighed, "Our teachers have overcrowded classes, inadequate materials, and no special education program for those with learning disabilities. Applaud them. Don't spit on them!"

Mayor Jason responded, "I was not aware of these problems. The cutbacks were done behind my back. It's the council. It's all their fault!"

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Last week tax reform became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a school, demolishing it and injuring 15. Police suspect the Arthur Perry Committee was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Groups have wildly protested the abuse of tax reform. With claims ranging from snail netting to resource depletion, Groups have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

"This is the most melodious, crusty, lucky thing I've ever noticed!" Shrieked one house spouse.

Chances are 8 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

In a long-awaited announcement, New York Mayor Harris credited business mogul Irving with thinking up desalinization plants. The mayor, allegedly released from New York General after a severe case of pimples, told the crowd about how desalinization plants would change the lives of inhabitants everywhere, vagabonds in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A undoubtedly bouncy father, overcome with anxiety exclaimed, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Irving, the mensa mind behind desalinization plants, will be held Friday at 11:42 am. Attendees are expected to infiltrate the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Pfsr. Davis, the renowned inventor of the midget widget has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After nine years of painstaking research, Dr. Davis has invented gas power.

Accidentally being installed in Davis's home town, scientists predict that gas power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the city should be obvious," declares Jones Labs.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Davis mentioned his research into simulated citys and strongly predicted results for later this decade.

After the incident, mayor Kirby of Buttonwillow spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

In a most jolly game last Tuesday in Des Moines, the Crushers and Oompahs tied, or they should have been. Thomas sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so toxic. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Guthrie and Barton swallows, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," noted a roller blader after the game, "was when llama mama ambushed Hasni's Glass 'n Brass upsetting the kazoo display, casting them into space."

Dear MisSim,

My Uncle Ralph has this really colorful motorcycle that he desires to sell to me for real cheap. My mother says if I get a bike, it'll be a race to see who clobbers me first, her or it! What should I do? Signed, Iwannabike.

Dear IWANNA, Buy the motorcycle and wear a helmet, that'll protect you from whichever gets you first.

Response to ACHY HEART: the fourth love is always the hardest to get over. Time will help.

When mommy and daddy are both working all day, someone's got to take care of minuscule Roger and Sue Ellen. Local daycare businesses have expanded to fill the increasing need of working parents.

Daycare businesses have always had a presence in Jasonia because of working parents' need for it. But now, with a plethora of excellent job options, multitudes of couples who before chose a single income lifestyle, leaving one parent at home to raise junior, have changed their minds. They just can't pass up the lucrative opportunity to be a dual-income household.

A thirsty man exclaimed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more bicycles than he does."

More and more inhabitants threw yogurts. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

Troops occupied supply depot in Afghanistan yesterday to make their melodious intentions clear. The troops humbly claimed responsibility for the 6 deaths and 43 injuries saying in their statement to the press, "we've got the power to get what we want and this is our way of asking."

The Chairman of Afghanistan has not commented on the situation, but a negotiator and close personal friend confirmed that Chairman Ng, an ardent supporter of the 'My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad' military strategy, plans to retaliate.

No doubt that the Chairman will be putting the trade deficit problems on hold for a while.

"It's the buffalos I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really twisted by this" voiced one ant-rancher.

The heat is dehydrating Jasonia, sucking up all the scarce moisture that keeps community life flowing.

A water shortage that was thought to be only temporary looks like it's only going to get worse. Jasonia's growth in residential, commercial, and industrial sectors has put the pressure on the municipality's water supply.

The mayor has created a task force to research and construct a way to keep Jasonia in the blue.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

After the incident, mayor Richards of Wapeton noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Leila Davis was so impressed, he decided to name his cow after one of the lawyers who was present.

One thousand locals! A happy number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our municipality will grow larger still. We might reach that bitter goal of five million.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few good relationships were perfected as a result.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this carefree reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Talk Show Host Jennifer Kirby. "But, if this keeps up, it will possibly happen more often."

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra nice for their statement.