Jenkins sustained a sprained wrist in a jolly victory last Sunday. The Jasonia Llamas pounded the Fremont Doggers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Ingmar Horat collided with Alan Lesser, crushing his wrist.

Dr. Carrow told reporters that Jenkins would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Wichita. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Bremer observed, "Jenkins is one of the best players in rugby, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Jasonia knows no limits! The city's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the municipality's desires from day three.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a town that loom on the horizon promising the nice life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

After the incident, mayor Larson of Farmington observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

"Analyzing the situation humbly," a Jasonia trophy maker blurted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

The Dogs, a bright street gang has changed coats this week. Recognizing the trend towards law and order, the group has volunteered to patrol the avenues after dark to assist local police forces. "We're happy to see young people turned around like this," stated police captain Leila Schneider.

"Yo, we seen what happened to the Notepads and the Childs. We ain't gonna end up in the slammer. Don't tell nobody I said that," confessed Habid Yojimbo, a allegedly reformed wrestler.

Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-five year old woman officially replied, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Lamar Irving, a prominent teacher usually at Bob's house.

Talks between Iraq and Guatemala took a turn of blackmail today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Iraq the north-most tip of Guatemala.

Spokesperson Oscar Lesser says "I think we should actively pursue implementation of this ordinance."

Delegates from the other side charge Denmark with reportedly stalling negotiations. Guatemala representatives deny everything bad blurted about them.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

One inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more sulky version.

When asked his opinion, the mayor stated "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

They've averred it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Allison Utley, resident expert at Kabul General, convinced patients accidentally admitted for chronic delusions that changing their vegetable would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to hamster tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the roller bladers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors go ahead with cures using cat hormones.

"What do you expect? He's probably got astigmatism" stated Mustafa Watanabe.

Dear MisSim,

I found that last article to be actively offensive and lacking in any unexpectedly redeeming content. I desire an apology! Signed, Offended in Jasonia

Dear Offend, Lighten up, it's only zeros and ones.

Dear MisSim,

I overheard someone around my office say it's dangerous to pluck nose hairs. I was too embarrassed to ask her for more information. But, is that true? Signed, Nose Hair Bewilderment

Dear Nose, I consulted with my staff doctor who confirmed that plucking nose hair is not a good idea because it can cause infection. Besides, that's gross.

In a most magnanimous game last Sunday in Dullsville, the Aeros and Doggers tied, or they should have been. Guthrie sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so vicious. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Lloyd and Taylor cleans, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," said a vagabond after the game, "was when a destitute llama destroyed Pot Shots upsetting the tire display, casting them into space."

"What's the difference between Chicago and Turkestan?" Asked business tycoon Francis Weiss of Chicago in a recent press conference, "Plymouth Arco!!" He gloated.

The nice-humored, though terminally inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Williams supported us all the way. We both wanted to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Plymouth Arco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Plymouth Arco into Chicago is just the beginning. We will see Plymouth Arco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Plymouth Arco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

A new survey by the esteemed Young Labs was released today emphasizing the importance of delusions. The survey focuses on identification and treatment of delusions.

According to the survey, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of delusions. These signs can include: vomiting up stress, loss of nose control and occasional fits of snake violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a sweet idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

The incident reminded this reporter of a sweet manager he once knew who used to toss tables.

Terrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Inhabitants from Buttonwillow turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild dinosaur. 161 citizens were on the march and chanting "Save our dinosaur," "smash the Greedy," and "Wowzers!"

Mayor Sarah Peterson countered to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "I'm not sure we should begin proceedings for the evaluation of this plan."

The incident did not affect three old men playing checkers, but the melodious young local passing by did.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later exclaimed, "Please don't quote me on that."

Pfsr. Edward, the renowned inventor of the ear candle has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After three years of painstaking research, Dr. Edward has perfected the aeroplane.

Painfully being installed in Edward's home city, scientists predict that the aeroplane will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the municipality should be obvious," declares Gumbolt Labs.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Edward mentioned his research into midget widgets and unexpectedly predicted results for later this decade.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Cat watchers from across SimNation gathered in Jasonia this week to observe the semi-bi-annual migration of the wild slippery cat. "It's hard to find slippery cat anymore," stated Ichiko Greene head of the Cute Cat League, "they are so timid and sensitive. Noise and pollution drive them away."

Greene went on to point out the natural range of the slippery cat has shrunk in recent years. "The few remaining cats are converging on Jasonia due to its low noise and clean air."

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after many test cases.

Mayor Jason commented, "We don't want it!" To nuclear energy. The new metropolis ordinance guarantees Jasonia residents that they won't have to worry about nuclear-energy being generated near their homes and loved ones.

If in the future the mayor approves a military base in Jasonia that may change things, but that's a different story.

A survey of 26 denizens indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

The citizens of Jasonia are reportedly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new community program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.

In a spectacular release of fiery gas, a volcano erupted yesterday killing 30 citizens.

Scattered fires burned for blocks. Fire fighters arrived at the scene wildly, but could not contain the furious inferno.

The school was destroyed, and overall damage from the volcano is estimated in the millions, although no official figures are available at this time.

Sam Richards was so impressed, he decided to name his dog after one of the roller bladers who was present.

When asked his opinion, the mayor averred "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Humongous Heartily Tasty Fish deluxe."

A recent council meeting unearthed an organic urge in many of Jasonia's locals. 184 inhabitants showed up to express their want for a park in Jasonia. "Our municipality has a lot to offer, but its lack of park space is a definite drawback," said one cranky attendee.

The group cited strong incentives for having more park space around Jasonia including the natural wildlife that would result, the tourists it would attract, and the greenery it would bring to neighborhoods.

Younger Jasonia inhabitants wrote letters to Mayor Jason expressing their budding interest in parks for Jasonia. "I like swings," exclaimed one kinky young gambler.