The council voted unanimously to repeal the leaf-burning ban that went into effect a few years ago. The ban was implemented in response to concerns locals had aired about pollution caused by leaf burning. But concerns have changed, and the legislation now reflects that.

Councilwoman Debra Adams explained breezily, "it's a pain to haul leaves out to the dump, and besides air pollution is just not a problem." Adams went on to say that leaf

Burning adds a rustic atmosphere that attracts tourism.

Nine denizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Two denizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Small bands of independent communists combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern Mongolia.

Communications in gregarious Mongolia are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic tank column.

Mongolia is the world's largest producer of jetpacks, used in the treatment of ulcers, an ailment Prime Minister Kapek purportedly suffers from but denies.

"Reports like this make a evil situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Suzie Carrow, founder and president of Jasonia residents for warm Treatment of the warts Afflicted. "Of course, if you have ulcers, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."

Following a nationwide plea for necks, Adam Edward, a Cherry Point underwriter, was the recipient of 58 offers of donor necks. The ornery Adam sighed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play lacrosse and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Cherry Point General, ask those with spare necks to donate at their local hospitals to help those with hypertension everywhere.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled unexpectedly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Outraged protesters marched on the county center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

The seeds of development, planted and tended reportedly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving municipality of over 30,000 denizens.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a municipality, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will install the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

"This is the most ornery, speckled, kinky thing I've ever witnessed!" Shrieked one negotiator.

The residents of Jasonia are mildly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Francis Greasy Adams died at the incredible age of one hundred and six. As the best right center in lacrosse, Greasy Adams played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Wichita Bulldogs, then to the Adana Anteaters, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 3 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, greasy Adams was among rugby's most durable players, sustaining a strained wrist, a fractured ankle, and a impacted foot, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Andrew Silva, when asked what was his most indelible memory of greasy Adams was, replied, "His tattoo."

Inhabitants from Adana turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild cow. 12 locals were on the march and chanting "Save our cow," "smash the Greedy," and "Cripes!"

Mayor Bonnie Gumbolt responded to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "It would be in our best interests to actively pursue this proposal."

The incident did not affect seven old men playing checkers, but the horrible young doctor passing by did.

A report of 23 drummers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

A stinking cloud descended upon Jasonia yesterday, contaminating a financial center. The foul cloud festered in the air before falling to the ground alarming inhabitants in the area.

At first, authorities thought a gas main had broken or that a truck had spilled. Uponevacuating the region, they came to the conclusion that acidic pollution levels had created the poison cloud.

Alan Manning, Jasonia health advisor, recommends that denizens keep away from the afflicted area. "The ill effects from Jasonia's pollution are not yet lethal. But if the municipality doesn't clean up its act, poisonous clouds like this one will become deadly."

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Mayor Kelli Maynard. "But, if this keeps up, it could happen more often."

Several skateboarders showed up for the event, but painfully left when they found out they had brought the wrong stroller for the occasion.

Chances are 3 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Xavier sustained a pulled thumb in a bold victory last Sunday. The Jasonia Llamas pounded the Wapeton Crushers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Helmut Hoffermeyer collided with Manny Irving, crushing his thumb.

Dr. Silva told reporters that Xavier would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Wapeton. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Kirby sighed, "Xavier is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Local officer Joe Gumbolt won the admiration of Vanessa Ng who was visiting Jasonia from Kabul. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Ng. "Joe was a godsend."

Ng was visiting Jasonia's world famous Schneider's Ferret Ranch close to Crushers Avenue and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Ng recalled, "and the roads are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Joe interjected. "I spotted her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Omigawsh!' And 'Jeepers!' So I figured she could use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Ng has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

Kick up your heels Jasonia, it's party time! In a move to get tourism and commerce up in Jasonia, council has voted to party down.

Council members claim they won't know the full impact of an annual carnival until Jasonia has its third one, but they are optimistic that it will "attract locals with a propensity to part with cash for a pleasant time."

One resident roller blader was skeptical about the plan. "I don't know," he grunted. "I think they're takin' us for a ride with this one."

This reporter was unavailable for comment but will probably grow conversant in the presence of dough.

"What do you expect? He's probably got nasty rashes" averred Andrea Kirby.

"I have nothing but sympathy for those who supported this ordinance," offered a priest, painfully.

Watch your backs, denizens of Jasonia, because Will the parched murderer found the weak link in the chains of captivity. Inhabitants are hoping the prisoner's unintended liberation will prod Mayor Jason into looking at Jasonia's prison overcrowding problem, which will only get worse.

Will is thought to have headed for Crawdad Lane where he told his cellmate he had hidden a shoe stuffed full of bald electronic ants he thought he could sell out of town.

Will was last seen leaping the prison wall. He is wearing clothes and has hair and eyes. If anyone sees a trophy maker fitting this description, please call the Jasonia police momentarily.

They've stated it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Michael Lesser, resident expert at New York General, convinced patients steadily admitted for chronic earwax build-uppus that changing their lantern would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to raccoon tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the programmers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors further study the effects of cures using whale hormones.

Mayor Jason proposed that the metropolis declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was accidentally squished by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Dear MisSim,

A friend actively invited me to drive across Libya with her. I demand to go because I've never seen Libya before and I wouldn't mind spending two weeks with her.

The problem is that she really smells. It's not like regular body odor, which I can handle since I was in sports. She smells like a pony that's been hanging out around the remote hills of Wallamazoo, if you know what I mean. What should I do? Signed, Olfactory Fear.

Dear O.F., If you don't request to risk your friendship, I suggest you breathe out your mouth.

Yesterday on KSIM, local inhabitants aired their demand for a hospital.

One guest speaker dominated the airwaves starting with "All the cities around us are glowing with vitality, as inhabitants of Jasonia suffer illnesses accosting one family after another, like religion-peddling solicitors."

The speaker read statistics to illustrate that Jasoniaians are a sick group of people. He wrapped up his segment calling all citizens to band together and request the mayor build more medical facilities.

If the mayor responds to the population's want, Jasonia will soon see medical care. If the mayor does nothing, it is questionable there will be a population to want anything anymore.

"We want to pump as many dollars as possible into Jasonia's economy. Strategic spending on tourism advertising will give us the publicity we need to attract vacationers," exclaimed councilman Frank Taylor, the bill's strongest proponent.

Denizens can anticipate the county taking a renewed interest in building and maintaining attractions within the community. Council members said they understood that spending on tourism advertising "is just plain stupid" if a community doesn't have the right attractions.

This reporter was unavailable for comment but could probably grow conversant in the presence of money.

The incident did not affect nine old men playing checkers, but the carefree young jogger passing by did.

Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.