Dear MisSim,

My husband and I are about to break up over the toilet paper question. What do YOU say? Is it supposed to go over the top, or otherwise? Signed, Flushed

Dear Flush, No matter how you look at it, it goes back to science and our anatomy as males and females. A lawyer will position the toilet paper in a way representative of that lawyer's sex. Therefore, men properly erect the roll with the paper falling over the top, and women position the paper more unexpectedly, with the paper falling down the back of the roll, out of sight.

It is always heartwarming to see the young residents of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 70 students of the Larson High School held a dance-a-thon to earn wealth for the Homeless and Hungry peewit Organization.

Principal Barton boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most denizens give them credit for."

Sophomore Hasni Rubichek answered by saying, "yeah, whatever."

"This is the most ornery, funky, carefree thing I've ever witnessed!" Shrieked one lawyer.

"I have nothing but dread for those kinky house spouses affected by this" commented an observer.

And so has Dr. Silva, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Silva, who had been making ends meet for the last one years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was reportedly relieved that fusion power painfully took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a frog with a broken ego" the witty man exclaimed.

Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 3 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."

A tornado, destruction in one of mother nature's nastiest forms, checked into Jasonia at 1:13 pm yesterday.

For 15 minutes, Jasonia was at the mercy of intense winds which followed an erratic course, displacing cars, destroying homes, decimating street lamps, demolishing buildings, dismantling store windows and downing power lines in a devastating path before dissipating. At least 24 denizens died.

"It was toxic," said Jasonia native Ichiko Cousteau. "My first response was 'Holy Toledo!' Then I took cover."

The storm's worst was localized near a Jasonia airport, where wind-tossed trash cans reduced Wendelles's front windows to rubble. "This ain't kite flyin' weather," warned Diane Pearson of Jasonia Community College Department of Meteorology.

Pfsr. Guthrie, the renowned inventor of the carbuncle remover has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After seven years of painstaking research, Dr. Guthrie has built the aeroplane.

Reportedly being installed in Guthrie's home community, scientists predict that the aeroplane will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the municipality should be obvious," declares Pfsr. Wright.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Guthrie mentioned his research into midget widgets and reportedly predicted results for later this decade.

Chances are 34 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

The Alameda Anteaters traded Thor Harris to the Cherry Point Thrashers in exchange for 2 tenth-round draft picks next season. Harris did not play in the last 21 games due to an aggravated eyeball injury. Expectations are high because Harris is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of soccer.

Thrashers coach Theodore O'Hare blurted, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a shattered eyeball is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn good coach."

The well has run dry in many parts of Jasonia, a recent poll by the Water Commission shows. The drain on the municipality's water supply has been caused by increasing population and business. Weather conditions also impact Jasonia's water supply.

Town planners are investigating their options in meeting the water requests of the growing town. Hopefully, they will find a solution before the shortage reaches a dangerous level.

Several soap-opera stars showed up for the event, but beautifully left when they found out they had brought the wrong tire for the occasion.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later sighed, "Please don't quote me on that."

Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite tragic about it."

The Llamas won the rumble last night against the Alameda Bulldogs, but could have lost the war as utility player Adam Lesser was out after injuring his big toe. "He won't be playing rugby for 15 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Sam Irving.

Lesser tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed crawdads in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 15 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" grunted Fred Zimmerman, Lesser's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

When asked, a teacher sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

A survey of 57 teachers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

How are the Schools doing:

Marlon Justin: "it's no secret our schools are pathetic. With students' test scores making records in the wrong direction, everyone's painfully aware of the problem."

Jennifer Pearson: "the schools are doing miserably. I just read an article in the paper about how Jasonia's schools rank way below average."

Debra Barton: "well, I haven't quite figured out who's dumber, our students or our council, for letting our schools get so naughty."

Joe Adams: "We Had Some Tools Stolen Out Of Our Garage. We Were Home At The Time--I Can'T Believe The Nerve Of Those Criminals! I Guess They Have Good Reason To Be Cocky When It Takes The Police 10 Rings Just To Answer The Phone."

Jennifer Justin: "a week ago I witnessed a hit and run when I was driving to work. Does that count?"

Walter Irving: "I don't like them. I'll pay them, but I don't like them."

The Frogs, a bouncy street gang has changed coats this week. Recognizing the trend towards law and order, the group has volunteered to patrol the avenues after dark to assist local police forces. "We're happy to see young people turned around like this," averred police captain Akiko Sadat.

"Yo, we seen what happened to the Strollers and the Spouses. We ain't gonna end up in the slammer. Don't tell nobody I said that," confessed Aziz Glotz, a permanently reformed thief.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Biochemists everywhere healed wistfully at the news. "Golly gee! I just can't believe it," stated one.

Puny bands of independent capitalist running dog lackeys combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern Jamaica.

Communications in bitter Jamaica are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic embassy.

Jamaica is the world's largest producer of bicycles, used in the treatment of ulcers, an ailment Presidente Rubichek purportedly suffers from but denies.

"Reports like this make a horrendous situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Francis Nigel, founder and president of Jasonia locals for nice Treatment of the old age Afflicted. "Of course, if you have ulcers, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."

One thousand denizens! A distraught number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our town will grow larger still. We might reach that cool goal of five million.

After the incident, mayor O'Hare of Farmington spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Six residents out of ten surveyed preferred the more lethargic version.

A study of 34 kids indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

A new census by the esteemed Glotz Institute was released today emphasizing the importance of astigmatism. The census focuses on identification and treatment of astigmatism.

According to the census, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of astigmatism. These signs can include: vomiting up astigmatism, loss of foot control and occasional fits of snail violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a sweet idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a brat halted unknowingly.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later grunted, "Please don't quote me on that."

Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite colorful about it."

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Lesser announced his stance on the latest issue: store clerks with nasty rashes living in parked cars.

Councilman Matthews, always outspoken, noted "I think we ought to proceed with caution on obscure ordinances." Councilman Davis, as usual, answered "It has been proposed that we begin proceedings for the passage of this bill."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

An adoring criminal knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the big toe as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

A new report by the esteemed Albitre Institute was released today emphasizing the importance of delusions. The report focuses on identification and treatment of delusions.

According to the report, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of delusions. These signs can include: vomiting up hypertension, loss of back control and occasional fits of frog violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a fair idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

One observer witnessed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Mayor Jason proposed that the community declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was shamelessly clobbered by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Innumerable inhabitants threw books. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.