Swarms of Jasonia denizens would like to walk with the animals. Andrea Stevens has formed the Animals with locals Environment group to circulate petitions for building a zoo in Jasonia. "The support for a zoo has been beyond our wildest dreams!" Chirped Stevens.
"A zoo would be great. We could take our kids and out-of-town visitors there," one resident noted hoarsely. "And leave them," barked her husband.
When asked to respond to the residents' animal interests, Mayor Jason squealed, "I really am late for a meeting," and ducked out. But with so many inhabitants howling for a zoo, Jasonia should have one soon.
The Renton Pounders traded Oscar Wright to the Twin Peaks Crushers in exchange for 2 second-round draft picks next season. Wright did not play in the last 11 games due to an aggravated pinky finger injury. Expectations are high because Wright is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of football.
Crushers coach Isao Glotz commented, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a shattered pinky finger is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn good coach."
Bicycle riders in downtown Jasonia are passing cars right and left. Although bicycle messengers typically transport letters and packages, they have been receiving more requests to transport denizens.
One driver, late for an important meeting, left his car sitting in frozen traffic then summoned a passing cyclist. He offered the two-wheeled messenger six hundred dollars to deliver HIM seven blocks away.
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later blurted, "Please don't quote me on that."
Odds are two to one that all Jasonia locals will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Mortie's Pawn Shop this weekend.
Dr. Edward couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call responded deliberately "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his kidney.
In a most melodious game last Saturday in Walla Walla, the Bulldogs and Pounders tied, or they should have been. Bremer sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so awful. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Wright and Pearson halts, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," observed a criminal after the game, "was when a pack llama ambushed Clothing Hut upsetting the banana display, casting them into space."
Adversaries in Brazil battled independent guerrillas around the government embassy in Brazil's southeastern rural provinces.
At last report, rioters under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "crusty Llama" were poised to infiltrate the embassy. Moving to the aid of the embassy, guerrillas and government-sanctioned communists set up tenuous positions close to the embassy. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of avenues in the area.
Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
Odds are nine to one that all Jasonia locals will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Charlie's Feed Store this weekend.
Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent report by Young Labs hoarsely suggests certain afflictions may result from prolonged contact with any kind of llama clamp. One aunt, a local manager, came down with an acute case of distraught nasty rashes on the tibia after having grown somewhat dependent on llama clamps to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary concern.
Filled with insanity, the mother averred, "I read the label. I only used my electric spoon in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"
It is always heartwarming to see the young inhabitants of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 52 students of the Quincy High School held a dance-a-thon to earn wealth for the Homeless and Hungry whale Organization.
Principal Johnsen boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most residents give them credit for."
Sophomore Fred Guthrie responded by saying, "yeah, whatever."
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved daughter burst into song over the news.
Five citizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more carefree version.
Citizens fled as overloaded nuclear reactors vomited radioactive havoc accross Jasonia. Hospitals report hundreds of citizens flooding their emergency rooms with symptoms of radiation poisoning. These include sensitive knees, vomiting, plus burning skin and eyes.
The widespread power failures following the meltdown created chaos for town locals. Already, local real-estate agencies have been inundated with calls from locals intending to move out of Jasonia.
It is feared that some residents were so afraid, they've already left Jasonia, foregoing necessary medical attention. One mother, racing by in an overloaded camper shouted, "Cheap, they said! Safe, they said! Lies, all lies!"
Dear MisSim,
Parking on my lane is very tight. Most citizens park one car in front of their house, which works well except for when one lawyer parks in front of a house that isn't theirs.
Yesterday when I came home from a late meeting, I was horrified to find that an unknown vehicle was parked in front of the Richards family's house. Displaced, Mrs. Richards parked in front of the house of Fred Jenkins who then parked in front of of a neighbor's house, and so on. I had to park 4 miles away and take a cab to get home. How can I solve this problem? Signed, Not Fare
Dear Not, Move. Or find a therapist with a cute parking situation.
Council voted mildly to pass the 1% Sales Tax. The ordinance should raise terribly needed funds that would go to maintaining the many facets of the metropolis.
A Tax Impact Evaluation Foundation plans to review the ordinance's effects down the road to ensure the tax isn't hurting the local commerce.
"I have nothing but hunger for those who supported this ordinance," offered a picketer, humbly.
Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-six year old woman miserably replied, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.
With the tank column surrounded by capitalist running dog lackeys in Guatemala, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of capitalist running dog lackeys across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the criminals' attention who, capitalist running dog lackeys assert, have suppressed inhabitants' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.
Not all the capitalist running dog lackeys enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."
"Lover, fighter, bad guy, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."
A cranky man blurted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more tables than he does."
As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of citizens reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.
Local celebrity Kelli Schneider was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really search my career!"
"What are we going to do?" Commented a panicked store clerk, "only CAPTAIN HERO might help us now!"
Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite colorful about it."
The residents of Jasonia are constantly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
A rash of tibia pox struck Jasonia this past week, with casualties soaring into the 47s. Doctor Harris of the Irving League indicated that Jasonia could probably expect more problems with disease.
"Our health facilities have been substandard for years. If our citizenry had been quickly inoculated with the rest of the SimNation a decade ago, this could never have happened."
The elderly were hastily hard hit at the Joe Adams Retirement Home. Sighed Director Matthews, "our facilities are limited. It's just heart-breaking when something like this happens."
The town has decided to take the homeless into its hands. With a program that will cost the community a pretty penny, council members decided to sweep the avenues to get a handle on Jasonia's increaseing homelessness problem.
"Whereas panhandling laws beg the real problem, this measure homes in on it: the lack of shelter for residents without means," stated Council member Patricia Lesser, comfortably.
The program should decrease the number of homeless citizens and improve the number of inhabitants, thus increasing the labor pool for commerce and industry. Land value will also marginally increase as a result.
A colorful woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia wants. Hats off to the council!"
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
Local writers in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.
A research team led by the eminent Dr. Oscar has developed the aeroplane. Turkestan Mayor Martin has presented the professor with the key to the municipality to celebrate this major event.
Dr. Oscar forcefully denied responsibility and deployed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."
Turkestan University President Greene is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With the aeroplane to our credit, especially the way it will help our locals, Turkestan University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"