Dr. Stevens announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Hamburg the innovation of the century: desalinization plants. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Hamburg found the misplaced link that led to desalinization plants.
Hamburg locals can expect to have desalinization plants as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having desalinization plants in our pleasant metropolis will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Hamburg Mayor Guthrie. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit installing desalinization plants very soon.
With the embassy ambushed by rebels in Sudan, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of rebels across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the managers' attention who, rebels assert, have suppressed citizens' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.
Not all the rebels enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."
"Lover, fighter, thug, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."
KSIM broadcasters discreetly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
The heat is dehydrating Jasonia, sucking up all the scarce moisture that keeps municipality life flowing.
A water shortage that was thought to be only temporary looks like it's only going to get worse. Jasonia's growth in residential, commercial, and industrial sectors has put the pressure on the county's water supply.
The mayor has created a task force to research and erect a way to keep Jasonia in the blue.
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later blurted, "Please don't quote me on that."
KSIM broadcasters momentarily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
"What are we going to do?" Averred a panicked underwriter, "only CAPTAIN HERO might help us now!"
In the most tragic game of rugby history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Tallahassee Anteaters last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.
The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the first time in 9 years and would only be trip number 2 in the history of the franchise.
The lopsided score of 12 to 3 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.
Next week, Jasonia hosts Tallahassee on Friday at 4:22 pm. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.
It is always heartwarming to see the young denizens of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 62 students of the Nigel High School held a dance-a-thon to earn money for the Homeless and Hungry llama Organization.
Principal Davis boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most locals give them credit for."
Sophomore Arthur Williams countered by saying, "yeah, whatever."
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
"This is the most lucky, bright, bitter thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one programmer.
In a most parched game last Sunday in Sacramento, the Pounders and Oompahs tied, or they should have been. Jenkins sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so naughty. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Maynard and Thomas cleans, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," averred a priest after the game, "was when Joey the wonder llama surrounded Uzbek Broiled Chicken upsetting the foghorn display, casting them into space."
Ninth and sixth graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got irritated taxpayers moving out of their town. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts city planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their community-building studies like never before.
Julie Quincy, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School commented, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One seventh grader suffering from indigestion averred, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just inhabitants in a computer?"
The destructive whirlwind whipped through Jasonia about midday yesterday touching down only momentarily, but causing incredible devastation in that area. Mayor Jason stated that deaths have exceeded 25 and that damage so far is in the thousands of dollars.
Apparently, the tornado put on quite a show before touching down. Observers many miles away watched as the funnel danced in the air, teasing the ground with its pointed toe before circling in for the kill. "It reminded me of a girlfriend I used to have," a twisted old picketer observed with obvious anxiety.
The incident did not affect nine old men playing checkers, but the bitter young cyclist passing by did.
Jasonia knows no limits! The county's population has ballooned to over 120,000.
Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the town's wants from day seven.
Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a community that loom on the horizon promising the fair life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.
This reporter overheard a local negotiator say "Cripes! That was the most cranky spouse I've ever seen!"
A census of 57 roller bladers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
Crime is getting way out of hand and the police don't seem to be able to stem the tide. Everyday it gets worse and worse. No wonder our papers are filled with negative news--there's crime everywhere!
Take a look around you. Plants and wildlife are dying, and children are staying indoors to play Gentendo, not because they need to, but because they have to. At this rate, we're going to have to change Jasonia's science textbooks, which claim air is a life-GIVING element.
When some locals think the chances are cute that they can get away with something, they are ten times more likely to do it. So with scarce law enforcement in Jasonia, borderline criminals plunge into illicit behavior.
You know, I'm a fairly decent and social vagabond, but at times like this I really wonder if I should hole away in some remote wilderness area so I never have to face another kid or another problem again.
The melodious Manny Johnsen court case was ruled on last Tuesday as a test case of the work week issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.
Judge Floyd, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "It would be in our best interests to go ahead with all aspects of the plan."
Groups were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR requests."
Several kids showed up for the event, but judiciously left when they found out they had brought the wrong jetpack for the occasion.
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra pleasant for their statement.
Don Silva was so impressed, he decided to name his snail after one of the roller bladers who was present.
Dear MisSim,
I have a great relationship with the perfect man. I mean PERFECT! My boyfriend, who I'll call Theodore, gives me flowers, compliments me, is very attentive, is well groomed, has a great job and is very loving and gentle. We've been dating for 1 year now and I can't find anything wrong with him.
He proposed to me, but my instincts tell me to be cautious. Am I being crazy? Signed, Too Good To Be True
Dear Too Good, Follow your instincts. Every man is human. Something's got to be wrong. I suggest dating until you identify his problem, then marry him.
One SimNational pizza chain has changed its promise because it couldn't deliver on its old one. Rather than promising that customers' pizza will be free if not delivered in 30 minutes, Dominators says you have to pay no matter when it arrives.
"The policy was just killing us!" Observed Dominators' president, Mick Xavier. "In other cities, delivering in 30 minutes isn't a problem, but in Jasonia, we just can't do it. We've been averaging 894 free pizzas a night."
A parched man exclaimed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more rocks than he does."
Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite gregarious about it."
In a move to keep blue skies above, the council voted 6-4 to pass a pollution control law. The measure is not expected to hastily impact the air quality in Jasonia, but it will have a slight cleansing effect.
Not all council members favored the decision. Anwar Yamato argued, "Pollution laws are just one more reason industry could probably choose to operate elsewhere."
Local joggers in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.
You don't have to hang out at Crushers Avenue any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Mario's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Carter's Clambake Shop. The owner Mario, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he observed flippantly.
The grand opening celebration will continue through Friday. During this time, Mario is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Mario." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.