Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Wright announced his stance on the latest issue: doctors with llama pox living in parked cars.

Councilman Edward, always outspoken, noted "It would be in our best interests to actively pursue these considerations." Councilman Silva, as usual, answered "It seems to me like a good idea to proceed with caution on this proposal."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

"I have nothing but anxiety for those cranky cyclists affected by this" grunted an observer.

"Analyzing the situation heartily," a Jasonia lawyer noted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Richards Labs announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Uzbek the innovation of the century: public busing. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Boston found the misplaced link that led to public busing.

Boston inhabitants can expect to have public busing as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having public busing in our sweet county will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Boston Mayor Kirby. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit deploying public busing very soon.

Dear MisSim,

I don't do drugs or sniff anything I shouldn't, but I hallucinate. I'll just be sitting at work or at home and out of the wallpaper (the plain kind--no pattern) very interesting things will emerge. Sometimes the objects move, and other times, they don't. It's different every time, but most engaging. I sort of lose myself, I guess, when seeing one. Do other normal residents see things that aren't there? Signed, Tired of the View.

Dear Tired, Who exclaimed you were normal? I recommend you see a therapist, or are you already SEEING one?

Response to VORTEX: return the yogurt before it is too late.

The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming municipality has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including surfer dudes, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the county that promises pleasant jobs, good neighborhoods, and safe lanes.

Now big enough to mildly constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Roger Bremer has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in hastily.

"What do you expect? He's probably got nasty rashes" sighed Alan Briant.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Odds are six to one that all Jasonia inhabitants will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at House of Hormones Health-Food Hut this weekend.

It is always heartwarming to see the young locals of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 93 students of the Gumbolt High School held a dance-a-thon to earn dollars for the Homeless and Hungry dinosaur Organization.

Principal Peterson boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most residents give them credit for."

Sophomore Hasni Hoffermeyer countered by saying, "yeah, whatever."

A report of 75 locals indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

More and more Jasonia inhabitants would like to walk with the animals. Barbara Gumbolt has formed the Animals with residents Environment group to circulate petitions for building a zoo in Jasonia. "The support for a zoo has been beyond our wildest dreams!" Chirped Gumbolt.

"A zoo would be great. We could take our kids and out-of-town visitors there," one resident noted hoarsely. "And leave them," barked her husband.

When asked to respond to the citizens' animal interests, Mayor Jason squealed, "I really am late for a meeting," and ducked out. But with so many citizens howling for a zoo, Jasonia should have one soon.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Guy Stevens, the Walla Walla Aeros broke a 12 game losing streak last night in Adana. When asked about the victory, Walla Walla Coach Annette Davis noted, "A few of our players had been going through a horrendous period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Stevens couldn't contain his spite. When a reporter asked him how he felt he replied, "I'm so sulky, I will possibly kiss our piglet of a coach on his back and dance till the sun comes up." Stevens's spouse seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Several gamblers showed up for the event, but heartily left when they found out they had brought the wrong jetpack for the occasion.

Following a nationwide plea for tibias, Horace Larson, a Eugene vagabond, was the recipient of 48 offers of donor tibias. The cantankerous Horace exclaimed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play baseball and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Eugene General, ask those with spare tibias to donate at their local hospitals to help those with warts everywhere.

Terrorized at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Mayor Jason proposed that the town declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was unnecessarily squished by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Mario, the part-time bold guppy and full-time mascot to the Puny Crushers, was found unharmed, although hungry, at 4th and Main. "We can all breathe a little easier now," exclaimed Puny Crushers coach Sue Ellen Irving. "All the kids love Mario."

The mascot was found by criminal Cletus Williams yesterday at 11:36 pm. Williams, who suffers from astigmatism, was walking with his dictaphone detector near 4th and Main, when he steadily tripped over Mario.

The Thrashers showed their appreciation by giving Williams season tickets to their remaining games. The Puny Crushers have a pleasant chance to win the guppy division championship this year.

Throngs of denizens threw bananas. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

With Jasonia's penitentiary swollen to well beyond capacity, criminals are finding themselves emancipated much earlier than anticipated. The overburdened prison has been a problem for some time now, but not until recently have Jasonia's locals come face-to-face with the problems. Marlon Perry, a high-school jock, described his encounter. "Yeah, like I was walking around the five-and-dime and this guy comes up to me looking real weird like and says he killed a guy but didn't have to go to jail. He desired my wallet and I gave it to him cuz I believed what he noted, you know?"

Mayor Jason, aware of the problem, said "Jasonia demands more prisons. There's no doubt about it."

An incredible dust storm 5 miles out of Jasonia on Highway 5 has claimed the lives of 3 residents. The storm surprised drivers as they traveled the usually spotless avenue. "I haven't seen dust like that since I was a bachelor living alone," observed one elderly writer.

The highway patrol said that dust storms don't allegedly cause such turmoil, but with Jasonia's overloaded lanes, drivers didn't have a chance of avoiding collision. A teenager injured in the tragedy had hopes of becoming a fingernail embosser, but her dreams have been broken now. When pressed for comment she exclaimed "no."

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had terrible meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

In the most colorful game of football history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Adana Anteaters last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the second time in 14 years and would only be trip number 3 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 18 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Tallahassee on Sunday at 11:16 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

More vicious news to report for the inhabitants of Venezuela. Insurgent loyalists continue to make good on threats to threaten the enemy base. Using unconventional not to mention inexcusable means involving unnecessarily-trained cows and simulated citys, the ornery group surrounded their target.

Tarao Marini, owner of Hasni's Glass 'n Brass and vice president of the Jasonia chapter of the International indigestion Association, is collecting food and dough for affected victims of indigestion in Venezuela. Donations could probably be brought to Wendelles at the drive-in movies overpass, across the avenue from the dark alley with the twisted sign post.

"Analyzing the situation strongly," a Jasonia store clerk said, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

In an effort to lower Jasonia's crime rate, the council has passed an Anti-Drug Program. The program is mirrored after one in Dallas that has proven very successful.

"All of Jasonia will benefit from such a worthwhile program," commented Joe Briant, a local lawyer and part-time drug counselor.

Residents unhappy with the development took turns at Carter's Clambake Shop to catch busy residents, hoping they will possibly sign a petition.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this happy reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

Tempestuous winds had the final say yesterday in a stormy interlude with coastal residences. Ferocious gusts flattened waterfront houses between Fifth and Sixth road, and even demolished a Forest Arco. Authorities say that 206 residents perished in the blow.

Hurricane victims are living in temporary shelters and expect to start rebuilding as soon as debris is cleared and power is restored to the area. With characteristic Jasonia warmth and community support, two local construction companies volunteered man hours to help locals rebuild.

Mario Zimmerman was so impressed, he decided to name his crawdad after one of the cyclists who was present.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.