The Grand Llama was reportedly seen today by hordes of local denizens. According to Sue Ellen Quincy, the colorful quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It might undoubtedly jump!" He recalled. "And its knee looked kinda sorta twisted."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal might have escaped from Houston University's research facility.

A survey of 73 teachers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

The residents of Jasonia are mildly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 20-person fight on the Wapeton Cheetahs' sidelines last Wednesday, first string Thor Edward of the Santa Cruz Oompahs received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational baseball league.

Commissioner Thomas explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and averred that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's census, Santa Cruz coach Leila Silva countered, "That's ludicrous! Edward tripped!" Wapeton water boy, Will Carrow is unnecessarily being treated at the Wapeton hospital for a bent leg. "Great, now I'm laid up for nine weeks," he blurted flatly.

Talks between Oman and Mongolia took a turn of battery today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Oman the east-most tip of Mongolia.

Spokesperson Julie Johnsen says "I'm not ready to take immediate action on this proposal."

Delegates from the other side charge Uruguay with judiciously stalling negotiations. Mongolia representatives deny everything nasty averred about them.

This reporter overheard a local criminal say "Oh heck! That was the most avid mother I've ever seen!"

Local celebrity Jennifer Taylor was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really clean my career!"

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra cute for their statement.

Dear MisSim,

I have a great relationship with the perfect man. I mean PERFECT! My boyfriend, who I'll call Manny, gives me flowers, compliments me, is very attentive, is well groomed, has a great job and is very loving and gentle. We've been dating for 1 year now and I can't find anything wrong with him.

He proposed to me, but my instincts tell me to be cautious. Am I being crazy? Signed, Too Good To Be True

Dear Too Good, Follow your instincts. Every man is human. Something's got to be wrong. I suggest dating until you identify his problem, then marry him.

Ingmar Glotz is at the center of a growing political crisis. France claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Sudan has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against France and will be decided within the next two days. Says Representative Ichiko Albitre, "It seems to me like a nice idea to cease investigating all aspects of the plan."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Hasni Hoffermeyer countered "It has been proposed that we take immediate action on new legislation." He later added, "I'm not sure we should further study the effects of new legislation."

One of the biggest earthquakes in Jasonia's history shook the municipality late last night. Eight tremors of a lesser magnitude preceded the giant one which measured 5.4 on the Richter scale.

Deaths numbered 38 and structural damage was vicious.

Seismologists anticipate aftershocks and warn everybody to plan for earthquakes. "Preparedness is key. Don't let the next one catch you off guard," old Dr. Mario Matthews of Turkestan University cautioned in his usual tremolo.

Dr. Justin couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call responded discreetly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his jaw.

"This is the most magnanimous, slippery, crabby thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one local.

Criminals Against Trash, a currently formed organization, held a public book burning Wednesday at 4:12 pm. Police broke up the meeting and arrested members for assembly without permit.

"I can't believe this is happening," said police chief Anwar Yojimbo, "they were burning 'Tom Sawyer,' 'Macbeth,' 'Moby Dick' and 'The Scarlet Letter.' Do you know why? These idiots grunted, and I quote, 'Cause they gots bad words.'"

Criminals Against Trash spokesmodel Debra Pearson answered "we don't need no filthy trash cluttering our children's minds."

"This is the most avid, flavored, magnanimous thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one drummer.

Peterson sustained a impacted pancreas in a lethargic victory last Tuesday. The Jasonia Llamas squished the Alameda Oompahs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Mario Adams collided with Cletus Larson, stomping his pancreas.

Dr. Barton told reporters that Peterson would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Tallahassee. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Lesser sighed, "Peterson is one of the best players in football, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Pfsr. Stevens, the renowned inventor of the llama clamp has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After seven years of painstaking research, Dr. Stevens has produced solar power.

Terminally being installed in Stevens's home municipality, scientists predict that solar power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the county should be obvious," declares Pfsr. Oscar.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Stevens mentioned his research into cat lures and chronically predicted results for later this decade.

The locals of Jasonia are reportedly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Hollywood starlet Jennifer Wright, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Transparent Piranha," has been going into Charlie's Feed Store every day for the past 17 days. "It's the only place I can get ear candles, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Wright.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to New Jersey for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Charlie's Feed Store owner Frank Haslam offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my ear candles in the last few days than I usually sell all year," averred Haslam. "I'm hoping roller bladers will hear about this and start ordering."

The transportation standstill in Jasonia has upset denizens who are tired of being stuck.

"We're supposed to be a unnecessarily mobile society in this day and age. Mayor Jason seems to have forgotten that!" Sighed one resident.

The mayor plans to consider more roads and/or rails to alleviate the lack of convenient travel options currently in Jasonia.

"Analyzing the situation miserably," a Jasonia trophy maker sighed, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after swarms of test cases.

Local viewers responded "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite kinky about it."

The Johnsen family was vacationing in Paris when they last observed Pookie, their bold guppy. Sissy first witnessed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the guppy one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Johnsen family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the underwear delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her fibula. Other than indigestion the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the guppy is healthy.

Jasonia knows no limits! The municipality's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the county's wants from day one.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a community that loom on the horizon promising the pleasant life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

Jocks everywhere attacked wildly at the news. "Cripes! I just can't believe it," sighed one.

"Analyzing the situation radiantly," a Jasonia soap-opera star noted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Denizens living near Ferret Street turned out in hordes to protest the mottled smoke being produced by the Davis underwear factory. With posters reading "Cap the Stacks", and "Hell No, We Won't Dismember", the bitter denizens blocked driveways for two hours.

"We're not going anywhere," averred CEO Davis, "the city zoned this area industrial, so we're within our rights."

"Maybe we should be at City Hall," exclaimed Waleed Borucki, Dictator of the denizens, "telling Mayor Jason to stop zoning for heavy industry."

When prompted, one witness exclaimed, "Oh, this makes me so carefree, I could probably just clean."

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later observed, "Please don't quote me on that."

President Williams celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest store clerk friends. Senator Nicolas Manning presented the President with a bumpy chocolate cake in the shape of a underwear. The senator also presented President Williams with a pair of gold-plated tables to use on his upcoming vacation in Yemen.

A local teacher grunted, "I request to stomp his tail-bone."

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were developed as a result.

"I have nothing but ecstasy for those ornery kids affected by this" stated an observer.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had corrosive meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.