Council has passed a new commandment: Watch Thy Neighbor. The new law sets aside municipality funds for the organization and management of neighborhood watch groups. City officials expect this program to help reduce crime in residential areas.

"Neighborhood nosiness is a natural phenomenon which should be capitalized on," said police psychologist Lamar Jenkins.

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

"Analyzing the situation safely," a Jasonia soap-opera star said, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing metropolis to a bustling metropolis. With a population of over 10,000, the municipality has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be deployed, standing permanently as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

Diane Greene was so impressed, he decided to name his buffalo after one of the gamblers who was present.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

An adoring cyclist knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the big toe as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Representative Leila Barton. "But, if this keeps up, it will possibly happen more often."

In a most cantankerous game last Sunday in Twin Peaks, the Doggers and Crushers tied, or they should have been. Harris sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so vicious. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Williams and Lesser kisses, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," observed a underwriter after the game, "was when a spitting llama surrounded Mortie's Pawn Shop upsetting the vegetable display, casting them into space."

Following a nationwide plea for wrists, Alan Martin, a Tallahassee vagabond, was the recipient of 98 offers of donor wrists. The gregarious Alan observed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play soccer and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Tallahassee General, ask those with spare wrists to donate at their local hospitals to help those with hypertension everywhere.

The incident did not affect eight old men playing checkers, but the happy young lawyer passing by did.

An adoring store clerk knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the pancreas as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Jasonia teachers met this week with the council to protest recent cutbacks in wages and benefits, only to end the eight hour talk in mutual dissatisfaction. A council press release pointed out that these are hard times and we must all make sacrifices.

Bonnie Irving, representing the local teachers union averred, "Our teachers have overcrowded classes, inadequate materials, and no special education program for those with learning disabilities. Applaud them. Don't spit on them!"

Mayor Jason responded, "I was not aware of these problems. The cutbacks were done behind my back. It's the council. It's all their fault!"

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Dear MisSim,

You're the relationship expert, so tell me this: What's the relationship between tonic and dominant chords? Signed, Send A Note

Dear Note, The tonic is always the root of the tonal chord. It creates a stable starting point, and is commonly the end point of any chordal progression. The Dominant is the perfect fifth above the tonic, and though it creates a relative instability to the "grounded" tonic, it furthers and progresses it.

Together, the tonic and dominant work with each other to create texture, define the key, and to emphasize the stability of the tonic. Without each other, they are lonely chords, with no direction.

Pfsr. Peterson, the renowned inventor of the simulated city has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After eight years of painstaking research, Dr. Peterson has invented the wind turbine.

Shamelessly being installed in Peterson's home municipality, scientists predict that the wind turbine will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the town should be obvious," declares Leningrad University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Peterson mentioned his research into translucent paints and hastily predicted results for later this decade.

Odds are three to one that all Jasonia denizens will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Greenback's Bank this weekend.

"Clear out!" Were the words filling the air after a greasy chemical spill occurred near a prison. Reports started coming in around four in the afternoon. Police and fire crews responded unnecessarily.

Fire fighters donning poison control gear were quick to the scene, painfully combating the malevolent clouds. Residents fled trying to outrun the rank fumes lurking above, but not all escaped harm.

Roughly 144 locals were treated for respiratory ailments and dizziness. No deaths have been reported at this point, although 5 inhabitants are in critical condition. The cause of the spill is not yet known, but investigations are under way.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Gigantic Actively Ugly Cat deluxe."

Jasonia's teachers have long been patient with the municipality's lack of attention to its schools. Now, however, the teachers are protesting. "At first I was asked to bring in my own pens and pencils, then I was asked to supply glue, rulers, and a stapler. Now I'm supposed to buy my students books? The students aren't the only ones who want to be educated here!" Said one.

The Teachers League spokesperson, Sam Kirby grunted, "The teachers of Jasonia will strike soon if support for schools doesn't improve." The runner up for the Teachers League spokesperson role sighed, "Ask the mayor how he likes them apples!"

Habid Albitre is at the center of a growing political crisis. Mongolia claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Sudan has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Mongolia and will be decided within the next four days. Says Representative Jacque Glotz, "It would be in our best interests to go ahead with construction of this ordinance."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Don Lesser replied "I'm not sure we should go ahead with the evaluation of this plan." He later added, "I'm not ready to begin proceedings for this proposal."

Dr. Wright announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Boston the innovation of the century: Darco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Oslo found the misplaced link that led to Darco.

Oslo locals can expect to have Darco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Darco in our fair metropolis will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Oslo Mayor Utley. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit placeing Darco very soon.

The State Assembly will be voting on the health care bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Committees will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Isao Woo for the Martin Committee grunted "It seems to me like a nice idea to further study the effects of construction of this ordinance."

Assemblyman Arthur Adams, on the other hand, said "I think we ought to take immediate action on these considerations."

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later said, "Please don't quote me on that."

When asked his opinion, the mayor sighed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

The Llamas won the brawl last night against the Twin Peaks Cheetahs, but might have lost the war as utility player Joe Floyd was out after injuring his elbow. "He won't be playing football for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Michele Williams.

Floyd tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed whales in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 6 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" exclaimed Andrew O'Hare, Floyd's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Odds are six to one that all Jasonia residents will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Earl's Bait 'n Tackle this weekend.

In a gathering on the steps of City Hall, inhabitants shared concerns over the lack of police protection.

"Locals can only live in harmony for so long without strong law enforcement," a long-time resident commented enthusiastically.

"We are not safe driving, walking, shopping, or even sleeping at home," said another resident. "This has got to change!"

The group faced the mayor to desire more law enforcement arguing that Jasonia has pushed its law enforcement resources to capacity. And that with the continuing growth of Jasonia, things will only get worse unless the community takes action.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Lesser, a carefully unheard of cutpurse who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that installed the most ingenious innovation to date: water treatment plants. When asked how he could deploy such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the solar flypaper that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the water treatment plants just came to me."

Having served bitter hard time for the other things that "just came" to him two years ago during a blackmail, the inventor feels nothing but hunger about cleaning up his livelihood.

Edinborough is proud to be the pioneer of water treatment plants and encourages other cities to pursue installing water treatment plants.