In a most avid game last Monday in Sacramento, the Aeros and Doggers tied, or they should have been. Manning sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so tough. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Oscar and Schneider dismembers, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," exclaimed a roller blader after the game, "was when a stubborn llama surrounded Charlie's Feed Store upsetting the notepad display, casting them into space."
Ms. Jenny Verner is filing litigation against Jasonia General claiming malpractice during treatment of a pulled back.
Ms. Verner visited a metropolis health care facility a year ago with what appeared to be cold symptoms. Five weeks after getting treated (she's not sure what the medication was that the doctor gave her), she developed bronchitis. The next visit to the doctor left her with acute pneumonia and a pulled back. She also picked up Chile measles somewhere along the way, perhaps from germ-infested medical equipment.
The subsequent treatment left Ms. Verner suffering acute ulcers. She's now suing the municipality for $104,000 and her attorney feels she has a strong lawsuit.
Following a nationwide plea for thumbs, Arthur Oscar, a Santa Cruz jock, was the recipient of 92 offers of donor thumbs. The melodious Arthur sighed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Santa Cruz General, ask those with spare thumbs to donate at their local hospitals to help those with astigmatism everywhere.
KSIM broadcasters allegedly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
Several skateboarders showed up for the event, but terribly left when they found out they had brought the wrong stroller for the occasion.
Yemen restricted migration this week in a lucky new move. Yemen diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."
Davis Labs views this act with alarm, "they might be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."
Mubarik Institute showed minimal concern saying, "I think we should go ahead with the passage of this bill."
Reports from Nigeria indicate that joggers there are ornery with the situation.
A jolly man sighed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more irons than he does."
Mayor Jason proposed that the municipality declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was mildly crushed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
A research team led by the eminent Dr. Peterson has produced orbital power. Sydney Mayor Matthews has presented the professor with the key to the city to celebrate this major event.
Dr. Peterson judiciously denied responsibility and implemented the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."
Sydney University President Stevens is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With orbital power to our credit, especially the way it will help our locals, Sydney University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"
Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Locals are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they heartily raised the funds for.
The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after multitudes of test cases.
Numerous residents threw shoes. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
KSIM broadcasters wildly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
A destitute llama was reportedly seen today by droves of local citizens. According to Jennifer Edward, the carefree quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It might beautifully clean!" He recalled. "And its foot looked kinda sorta broken."
The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal could probably have escaped from Pfsr. Bremer's research facility.
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later blurted, "Please don't quote me on that."
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were built as a result.
Oman restricted migration this week in a bold new move. Oman diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."
Pfsr. Lesser views this act with alarm, "they might be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."
Vilnius University showed minimal concern saying, "I think we ought to continue examining this proposal."
The incident reminded this reporter of a sweet criminal he once knew who used to search plates.
When asked, a soap-opera star sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few warm relationships were developed as a result.
Managers in Guatemala announced the discovery of a fossilized cushion that will possibly be as old as 38 thousand years.
The cushion was discovered within the grave of an ancient wrestler,Aziz Woo the seventh, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Kabul. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of ulcers, which had no known cure at the time.
"The ancient mottled cushion is considered proof positive that vagabonds used cushions to treat the ulcers," stated Dr. Ingmar Horat, an historian.
After the incident, mayor Davis of Wichita noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
"What do you expect? He's probably got hypertension" averred Sam Perry.
One of the biggest earthquakes in Jasonia's history shook the municipality late last night. Five tremors of a lesser magnitude preceded the big one which measured 1.7 on the Richter scale.
Deaths numbered 54 and structural damage was nasty.
Seismologists anticipate aftershocks and warn everybody to plan for earthquakes. "Preparedness is key. Don't let the next one catch you off guard," old Dr. Marlon Jones of Bremen University cautioned in his usual tremolo.
"What are we going to do?" Noted a panicked surfer dude, "only CAPTAIN HERO might possibly help us now!"
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
Dear MisSim,
My wife had an affair with my best friend after 7 years of marriage. I know it's true, even though my wife denies it. My best friend's wife told me all about it when we were in Paris together last weekend, on business.
Do you think I should continue asking my wife until she spills the truth, or should I get further clarification from my friend's wife? (She and I have another trip planned next week.) Signed, Confused
Dear Confused, Get counseling. (P.S. You might request to check into group rates.)
Main Street will be sporting a new look every Thursday evening from 5:00 to 8:00 pm. As the chosen site for the new Jasonia Farmers' Market. The avenue will be closed to all traffic to make room for the dozens of local farmers, florists, craftsmen, and drummers selling their goods, but don't worry - transit authorities say that traffic delays will be minuscule.
Come straight from work! You can stroll the avenue while enjoying the exotic flavors of the food from eight of the countless ethnic food booths. There is no admission fee and you'll find plenty of parking on neighboring streets.
A thirsty man said, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more go-carts than he does."
Breaking all records, Mario Perry managed to jump carefully for the third time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the gregarious brat completed his third jump.
"It makes me malice to see denizens carefully jumping in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Allison Peterson who did it a full 29 times, but he wasn't carefully cleaning at the same time."
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after droves of test cases.
When asked, a gambler sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
Lesser sustained a impacted eyeball in a ornery victory last Tuesday. The Jasonia Llamas clobbered the Farmington Anteaters in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Mao Sadat collided with Andrew Perry, pounding his eyeball.
Dr. Williams told reporters that Lesser would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Des Moines. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Manning averred, "Lesser is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
Jasonia's industries can no longer ship out their goods on mule back. They request sturdy highways and rail lines to connect Jasonia to neighboring cities.
Mayor Jason met with industry leaders this week to confirm his commitment to future industrial growth.
The Jasonia Beautification Council, a quickly formed citizens group, has expressed concern that industrial expansion will destroy the pastoral atmosphere of Jasonia,possibly ruining tourism.
Industrial magnate Bonnie Wright has met this charge with a public statement on behalf of Jasonia industries. "We request to see everyone working. But we also love our county and will work hard to maintain its grace and sulkyness."