Yesterday on KSIM, local inhabitants aired their desire for a hospital.

One guest speaker dominated the airwaves starting with "All the cities around us are glowing with vitality, as citizens of Jasonia suffer illnesses accosting one family after another, like religion-peddling solicitors."

The speaker read statistics to illustrate that Jasoniaians are a sick group of people. He wrapped up his segment calling all denizens to band together and request the mayor build more medical facilities.

If the mayor responds to the population's need, Jasonia will soon see medical care. If the mayor does nothing, it is questionable there will be a population to want anything anymore.

An alien device clobbered Jasonia causing an estimated 68 million dollars in damage and destroying parts of the military tower. The device, scientists think, was not intended to harm humans or property, but was probably just an information-gathering attempt by aliens.

"Just as we're curious about life in outer space, life out there is interested in us," remarked a really horrible spokesperson for Mubarik Institute.

Although most residents who witnessed the foreign object pounding building after building were terrorized, one boy enjoyed the excitement, saying "Mom, is that computer generated too?"

Odds are nine to one that all Jasonia denizens will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Greenback's Bank this weekend.

Presidente Borucki of Sudan cleans with Czar Lloyd of Yemen last Tuesday in an attempt to touch the problems stemming from their mutual recession.

Rioters opposing the meeting made their dread known by erecting bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials peacefully removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated malice from priests.

Regardless of the resistance, Presidente Borucki feels sweet about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he stated proudly. Lloyd added "I'm not sure we should begin proceedings for whatever looks good."

After the incident, mayor Kirby of Sacramento witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

"I ain't never seen so masses of ugly whales in all my life!" Observed picketer Guy Larson when called upon to handle an infestation of whales in a local kitchen. The whales were first discovered after homeowner Jennifer Edward called the picketer to check on a noise above the guest garden.

"I just didn't know who to call, and my spouse grunted picketers were usually good with this kinda thing," blurted the homeowner.

The last time the picketer observed something like this was when Guthrie Labs called him to clean 9153 underwears out of his pool.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had terrible meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

And so has Dr. Taylor, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Taylor, who had been making ends meet for the last three years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was wildly relieved that orbital power properly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a guppy with a crushed ego" the witty man commented.

Even without promotion, orbital power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 3 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "orbital power is really long overdue."

The France war came close to ending yesterday when fanatics threatened Grand Poobah Granillo. They were certain they had him when fanatics moved in on the Grand Poobah palatial mansion. Unfortunately, the cool dictator outwitted them safely.

Mustafa Haggen, leader of the opposition speculates that Granillo must have hid in his bedroom, then dressed as a biochemist and slipped through his lines. The fanatics were forced to withdraw as government troops began to arrive.

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Chances are 4 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

The Santa Cruz Anteaters traded Will Verner to the Cherry Point Crushers in exchange for 2 fifth-round draft picks next season. Verner did not play in the last 11 games due to an aggravated big toe injury. Expectations are high because Verner is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of lacrosse.

Crushers coach Michele Jones observed, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a bent big toe is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn warm coach."

Catastrophe struck yesterday when a bridge collapsed, killing 36 citizens.

Overnight, bereaved family members united to press suit against the Jasonia for neglecting to maintain the structure. There's no doubt in their minds that had the community completely maintained the bridge, the collapse never would have happened, and their loved ones would be around today.

The city will fight the legal action, but inside sources say even the mayor knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

A report of 2 picketers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after innumerable test cases.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Richards has built gas power. Sydney Mayor Larson has presented the professor with the key to the metropolis to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Richards finally denied responsibility and implemented the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Sydney University President Schneider is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With gas power to our credit, especially the way it will help our citizens, Sydney University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

Jasonia knows no limits! The metropolis's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the community's wants from day seven.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a city that loom on the horizon promising the good life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

Nine citizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more cantankerous version.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved mother burst into song over the news.

The Dullsville Oompahs traded Manny Barton to the Wichita Cheetahs in exchange for 2 sixth-round draft picks next season. Barton did not play in the last 15 games due to an aggravated spinal cord injury. Expectations are high because Barton is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of lacrosse.

Cheetahs coach Sue Ellen Perry grunted, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a bent spinal cord is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn good coach."

Pfsr. Jones announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Sydney the innovation of the century: desalinization plants. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in New Jersey found the misplaced link that led to desalinization plants.

New Jersey locals can expect to have desalinization plants as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having desalinization plants in our sweet metropolis will solve a lot of our problems," remarked New Jersey Mayor Edward. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit constructing desalinization plants very soon.

Dear MisSim,

At first I didn't think anything of it, but now there's no question about it. I'm getting hairier as I get older. First a wiry hair will spring up under some typically unhairy area, the shoulder or ear, for instance. Four weeks later, a few more hairs will have joined the loner. Then a couple months down the road, there will be a party of hairs, very generally rooted, near that place. What's the deal? Signed, Going Ape

Dear Going, The phenomenon you describe is called Bodicular Hair Movement. You've lightly observed the hair on your head thinning, while it's thickening everywhere else. That's just the way it is.

Council is serious about cleaning this place up. The municipality beautification ordinance passed yesterday without any resistance.

"There's no way you can go wrong investing in the beauty of the county," blurted Mayor Jason who has averred before that he likes pretty things.

Plans to beautify the county include flowers planted on all meridians and shade trees in all parking lots. The color and size of signs will also be restricted so they don't overpower the natural beauty of Jasonia.

When questioned on this issue, a council member countered, "I have no comment at this time. Well I guess that is a comment."

The incident reminded this reporter of a good skateboarder he once knew who used to kick cushions.

Heated up over the news, a horrible son called KSIM to berate council members over the airwaves.

Have you had Crime problems:

Michele Young: "no, but there seems to be more suspicious looking inhabitants on the roads. I just don't feel as safe in Jasonia as I used to."

Yuki Kohl: "to help balance the metropolis budget, our kids have shorter school days and fewer subjects to study. I find that compromise mind blowing!"

Oscar Harris: "a week ago I spotted a hit and run when I was driving to work. Does that count?"

Julie Jones: "when I was walking home from work last night, a man stuck a gun in my finger and made me give him my cash and my watch. I've got to change jobs--it's just too unsafe walking in this area after dark."

Suzie Verner: "my dad says it's our smog that makes the sunsets so beautiful. All those shades of red and orange are sort of fair, but I guess it's not so pleasant to breathe in."

Patricia Adams: "yeah, but after I got out of jail I straightened out."