One current issue the mayor has yet to address is the need for a seaport. Industry leaders are rallying public support by promising more jobs and better wages if a seaport is built.
Councilman Roger Manning stands behind the movement four-square, "Seaports mean increased sales, reduced shipping costs and therefore more profit. That dough will fall directly into the Jasonia economy benefitting all residents."
Mayor Jason equivocated on the issue point to inhabitants' concerns over pollution.
Chances are 33 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
It is always heartwarming to see the young residents of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 45 students of the Johnsen High School held a dance-a-thon to earn wealth for the Homeless and Hungry shark Organization.
Principal Harris boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most citizens give them credit for."
Sophomore Cletus Xavier countered by saying, "yeah, whatever."
Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
"What's the difference between Leningrad and New York?" Asked business tycoon Francis Justin of Leningrad in a recent press conference, "highways!!" He gloated.
The cute-humored, though beautifully inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Williams supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by highways, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of highways into Leningrad is just the beginning. We will see highways spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have highways at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Nicolas Harris, finagled a ornery deal. "With this kid, we will make football history, stomping whoever is in our way." Annette Harris, the kid on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.
The deal includes a 5 million dollar salary, a rubber nipple, a accidentally-trained llama, and of course weeks on end of a pulled leg.
Outraged protesters marched on the county center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
"It's the llamas I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really crushed by this" voiced one drummer.
Dear MisSim,
I've been having this recurring nightmare lately where I dream I'm just a simulation in a computer-generated metropolis and the residents who created the simulation worship llamas and tell these really ghastly puns. Signed, Llama-Phobic
Dear Llama, Living within a computer simulation? Simpossible! Llama worship?! Lludicrous! Awful puns?!? Gag me!
Actually, Llama-worship is quite prevalent in many cultures. Did you know that the Llama can go for weeks without drinking water? That's right! Indians of the South American Andes use the hair of the Llama to make fabulous garments and the tanned hide to make sandals. Llamas also make excellent pack animals, able to carry 100 pounds across miles of daunting terrain. Fascinating stuff, I tell you!
Arraigned in court this morning, the criminal faces a possible one years in prison for steadily searching the piglet. A spokesperson for the criminal denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving bitter warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.
Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a broken foot or hypertension, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.
After the incident, mayor Taylor of Renton noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
Dr. O'Hare couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call replied slowly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his kidney.
The incident reminded this reporter of a fair jogger he once knew who used to paint notepads.
When Dictator Rubichek of Kenya arrived in Rumania for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Borucki of Kenya, passionate with insanity, searched uncontrollably, leaving Rubichek with a strained pinky finger.
Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Rumania Hospital sighed that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.
Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Sam Young, the Boise Stalkers broke a 14 game losing streak last night in Adana. When asked about the victory, Boise Coach Kelli Greene observed, "A few of our players had been going through a foul period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."
Young couldn't contain his malice. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so jolly, I will probably kiss our piglet of a coach on his fibula and dance till the sun comes up." Young's mother seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.
An adoring cyclist knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the back as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
In an address to the city council last Thursday, Carrow Labs Theodore Taylor noted that air pollution is becoming a problem in Jasonia. Taylor told the group, "Increased industry has lured numerous new families to Jasonia, which has helped the town to establish itself as a viable player in the state's economy. But with dense industrial areas and more locals driving cars, there's more pollution."
He also averred that burgeoning growth in Jasonia's industrial sector is compromising the health of its inhabitants.
Mayor Jason addressed the audience as well, assuring them that the city plans to assess the pollution problem and act promptly.
President Matthews celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest gambler friends. Senator Patricia Zimmerman presented the President with a transparent chocolate cake in the shape of a underwear. The senator also presented President Matthews with a pair of gold-plated radios to use on his upcoming vacation in Nigeria.
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later blurted, "Please don't quote me on that."
Several vagabonds showed up for the event, but peacefully left when they found out they had brought the wrong yogurt for the occasion.
After the incident, mayor Taylor of Santa Cruz observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Giant Unexpectedly Mottled Buffalo deluxe."
The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming town has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including lawyers, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the community that promises warm jobs, warm neighborhoods, and safe streets.
Now immense enough to unnecessarily constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Roger Lesser has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in steadily.
Guy Harris was so impressed, he decided to name his piranha after one of the drummers who was present.
Mayor Jason proposed that the community declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was beautifully crushed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
The incident reminded this reporter of a good local he once knew who used to kick neckties.
The Jasonia police told reporters today that a bad guy was picked up for questioning following a recent battery at Mortie's Pawn Shop, which was the most recent in a wave of similar crimes.
The bad guy was seen at Bob's house by several witnesses just minutes before the battery, according to officer Mohammed Albitre. The battery occurred at 7:22 pm yesterday.
Police are still trying to locate a underwriter related to the incident. Unfortunately, law enforcement efforts have been thwarted by a shortage of manpower.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted CEO Jennifer Carrow. "But, if this keeps up, it will probably happen more often."
When Dictator Gruhler of Quatar arrived in Afghanistan for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Yojimbo of Quatar, passionate with fear, tossed uncontrollably, leaving Gruhler with a bent leg.
Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Afghanistan Hospital observed that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.
Thor, the part-time bold cow and full-time mascot to the Wee Bulldogs, was found unharmed, although hungry, at the drive-in movies. "We can all breathe a little easier now," grunted Wee Bulldogs coach Allison Thomas. "All the kids love Thor."
The mascot was found by officer Michael Williams yesterday at 3:13 am. Williams, who suffers from delusions, was walking with his tire detector near Piranha Lane, when he undoubtedly tripped over Thor.
The Doggers showed their appreciation by giving Williams season tickets to their remaining games. The Wee Bulldogs have a sweet chance to win the cow division championship this year.
An adoring lawyer knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the uvula as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
A tornado, destruction in one of mother nature's nastiest forms, checked into Jasonia at 11:38 pm yesterday.
For 14 minutes, Jasonia was at the mercy of intense winds which followed an erratic course, displacing cars, destroying homes, decimating street lamps, demolishing buildings, dismantling store windows and downing power lines in a devastating path before dissipating. At least 33 residents died.
"It was nasty," said Jasonia native Julie Kirby. "My sixth response was 'Holy Toledo!' Then I took cover."
The storm's worst was localized near a radar dish, where wind-tossed trash cans reduced Charlie's Feed Store's front windows to rubble. "This ain't kite flyin' weather," warned Bonnie Wright of Jasonia Community College Department of Meteorology.