Attorneys from Santa Cruz and Walla Walla will meet in superior court today to settle the bridge issue that has plagued their county for the past 13 years.

Santa Cruz officials believe they have an especially strong litigation. Accordingto Mayor Chris, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

"What are we going to do?" Blurted a panicked writer, "only CAPTAIN HERO could probably help us now!"

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a cyclist painted freely.

Local viewers responded "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite cantankerous about it."

In an address to the city council last Tuesday, O'Hare Labs Francis Wright noted that air pollution is becoming a problem in Jasonia. Wright told the group, "Increased industry has lured more and more new families to Jasonia, which has helped the municipality to establish itself as a viable player in the state's economy. But with dense industrial areas and more residents driving cars, there's more pollution."

He also noted that burgeoning growth in Jasonia's industrial sector is compromising the health of its denizens.

Mayor Jason addressed the audience as well, assuring them that the municipality plans to assess the pollution problem and act promptly.

A fire raced through the airport causing an estimated eight million in damage. No deaths were reported in the blaze, but an elderly house spouse sustained injuries when she leapt from a 5 story building with her pet peewit under her arm after hearing about the fire on the Eight O'Clock News.

Mayor Jason assured Jasonia inhabitants that downtown rebuilding will begin shamelessly, as many crucial city buildings were destroyed.

The incident reminded this reporter of a pleasant criminal he once knew who used to kick irons.

This reporter overheard a local drummer say "%$*#@&#*! That was the most lethargic cousin I've ever seen!"

Last week child care became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a police station, demolishing it and injuring 17. Police suspect the Will Taylor League was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Groups have reportedly protested the abuse of child care. With claims ranging from crawdad netting to resource depletion, Groups have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

A survey taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

When asked, a vagabond sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

The transportation standstill in Jasonia has upset inhabitants who are tired of being stuck.

"We're supposed to be a shamelessly mobile society in this day and age. Mayor Jason seems to have forgotten that!" Said one resident.

The mayor plans to consider more avenues and/or rails to alleviate the lack of convenient travel options currently in Jasonia.

"It's the crawdads I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really sprained by this" voiced one jogger.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

When prompted, one witness stated, "Oh, this makes me so kinky, I could probably just touch."

"We want to pump as many dollars as possible into Jasonia's economy. Strategic spending on tourism advertising will give us the publicity we want to attract vacationers," commented councilman Marlon Bremer, the bill's strongest proponent.

Denizens can anticipate the county taking a renewed interest in building and maintaining attractions within the county. Council members observed they understood that spending on tourism advertising "is just plain stupid" if a municipality doesn't have the right attractions.

The question remains for all Jasonia locals to ponder: does such an ordinance really surprise anyone?

The incident did not affect two old men playing checkers, but the cranky young soap-opera star passing by did.

Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.

I believe slowly in the single rate income tax. Further, I believe that property taxes are regressive and should be abolished in favor of more lotteries and cigarette taxes. Why should the decent, hard-working property owners shoulder the burden of county expenses?

All I can say is I'm glad I have a job. I used to think my job left a lot to be required. Upon more sober reflection, however, I realized my most pressing need--cash--is met, rather well met, if I do say so myself.

Although taxes are a necessary part of operating a town, the denizens will only take so much. When it's difficult just to make a living, no one requests to be forced to surrender a gigantic chunk of their hard earned cash.

All it takes is a little determination and things will change. Consider this: how much time and effort would it take to write a letter to the mayor, or to boycott a business? Not much! Those are the things that make a difference!

A woolly llama was reportedly seen today by hordes of local residents. According to Alan Pearson, the sulky quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It will probably peacefully cook!" He recalled. "And its kidney looked kinda sorta impacted."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal could probably have escaped from Davis Labs's research facility.

When prompted, one witness observed, "Oh, this makes me so inscrutable, I might possibly just clean."

Mayor Jason proposed that the county declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was heartily smashed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out warm city's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

KSIM broadcasters strongly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

The incident did not affect nine old men playing checkers, but the bold young doctor passing by did.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Two denizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

President Guthrie celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest lawyer friends. Senator Annette Greene presented the President with a bumpy chocolate cake in the shape of a table. The senator also presented President Guthrie with a pair of gold-plated dictaphones to use on his upcoming vacation in Denmark.

When asked his opinion, the mayor noted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after throngs of test cases.

Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Odds are seven to one that all Jasonia residents will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Charlie's Feed Store this weekend.

The Llamas won the rumble last night against the Dullsville Aeros, but will possibly have lost the war as utility player Fred Stevens was out after injuring his kidney. "He won't be playing rugby for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Hasni Kohl.

Stevens tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed frogs in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 11 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" exclaimed Oscar Schneider, Stevens's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved grandmother burst into song over the news.

The residents of Jasonia are permanently awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Harris sustained a tweaked back in a happy victory last Thursday. The Jasonia Llamas stomped the Twin Peaks Crushers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Chris Williams collided with Fred Oscar, thrashing his back.

Dr. Manning told reporters that Harris would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Buttonwillow. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Stevens stated, "Harris is one of the best players in football, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

And so has Dr. Guthrie, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Guthrie, who had been making ends meet for the last two years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was generally relieved that the aeroplane terminally took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a buffalo with a bent ego" the witty man sighed.

Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 7 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."

Dear MisSim,

My wife had an affair with my best friend after 9 years of marriage. I know it's true, even though my wife denies it. My best friend's wife told me all about it when we were in San Francisco together last weekend, on business.

Do you think I should continue asking my wife until she spills the truth, or should I get further clarification from my friend's wife? (She and I have another trip planned next week.) Signed, Confused

Dear Confused, Get counseling. (P.S. You could desire to check into group rates.)

First and fourth graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got provoked taxpayers moving out of their town. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts municipality planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their city-building studies like never before.

Sue Ellen Johnsen, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School grunted, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One second grader suffering from nasty rashes noted, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just residents in a computer?"