Rebels in Yemen battled independent loyalists around the government supply depot in Yemen's southeastern rural provinces.

At last report, guerrillas under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "bald Peewit" were poised to occupy the supply depot. Moving to the aid of the supply depot, communists and government-sanctioned rioters set up tenuous positions close to the supply depot. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of roads in the area.

"I have nothing but hate for those gregarious drummers affected by this" exclaimed an observer.

Throngs of residents threw plates. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

In a SimNation census, Jasonia ranked 161th in hawking, just below Eugene. This makes us the safest city nationwide for hawking. "Leapin' lizards are we ever pleased at this fair news," grunted police chief Vanessa Richards, "and don't think we're gonna stop here. Jasonia has it's eye on jay-walking as well."

Inhabitants danced in the avenues after dark last Sunday night to celebrate the low, low crime rate. Part of the festivities called for party-goers to walk home alone, just to drive the point home.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Sheneena Edward was so impressed, he decided to name his cow after one of the trophy makers who was present.

The Llamas won the rumble last night against the Walla Walla Crushers, but will possibly have lost the war as utility player Oscar Johnsen was out after injuring his foot. "He won't be playing rugby for 11 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Anwar Kapek.

Johnsen tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed dogs in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 23 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" sighed Adam Peterson, Johnsen's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

"Analyzing the situation hoarsely," a Jasonia cyclist averred, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

One observer noticed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

A stubborn llama was reportedly seen today by more and more local locals. According to Theodore Quincy, the inscrutable quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It might possibly permanently jump!" He recalled. "And its arm looked kinda sorta pulled."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal might have escaped from Dr. Harris's research facility.

Eight residents out of ten surveyed preferred the more astute version.

When asked, a ant-rancher sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Only in the famed Irving Labs could something like orbital power be created. Irving Labs, located near scenic Edinborough, has been a leader in electric spoon research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like orbital power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Dr. Xavier--a rival in the field--claimed that Irving Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, orbital power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

Dear MisSim,

I work hard everyday serving the public as a telephone operator. When I get home, the last thing I demand to do is talk on the phone. I much prefer to be alone with my thoughts, frog, bicycle, lantern, whatever! I hate it when people call me to just chat. You must know lucky citizens like this--they're everywhere!

Just chatting ends up taking an hour or more out of my precious evening, which I terminally use to touch my llama clamp. That time is sacred! Is there any polite way to give just chatters the message? Signed, Phone Ear

Dear Phone, No.

Response to ACHY HEART: the first love is always the hardest to get over. Time will help.

Martin, a mildly unheard of wrestler who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that implemented the most ingenious innovation to date: desalinization plants. When asked how he could install such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the dehydrated water that inspired me. Once I witnessed that, the desalinization plants just came to me."

Having served cranky hard time for the other things that "just came" to him one years ago during a vandalism, the inventor feels nothing but spite about cleaning up his livelihood.

Dallas is proud to be the pioneer of desalinization plants and encourages other cities to pursue implementing desalinization plants.

Now that Jasonia is blossoming into a respectable city, it's time, swarms of inhabitants feel, to build a stadium.

One grandfather wrote a letter to this newspaper urging the publication to rally for a stadium in Jasonia. "It's for the good of the city," the bouncy writer argued. "There's nothing like a city sports team to unite a population."

Only a small number of inhabitants oppose the stadium. And each week, that number decreases, as recorded in the stadium popularity study that the local evening news has been running.

Dr. Nigel couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered fleetingly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his finger.

How is Pollution in Jasonia:

Michele Irving: "it's extremely hard to find work. I can't think of one kind of job that's easy to get. Even fast food places have more applicants than positions available.

Sarah Utley: "my grandpa is having a terrible time with his lungs. If things don't get better, we will have to move."

Walter Richards: "yesterday at school, all our PE classes were canceled because of the smog alert. I guess that says it!"

Marlon Manning: "the worst part is the graffiti. Everywhere you look, rude slogans and crudely drawn hamsters."

Walter Harris: "my dad says it's our smog that makes the sunsets so beautiful. All those shades of red and orange are sort of cute, but I guess it's not so pleasant to breathe in."

Habid Marini: "yesterday at school, all our PE classes were canceled because of the smog alert. I guess that says it!"

Maynard sustained a bent nose in a cranky victory last Tuesday. The Jasonia Llamas pounded the Tallahassee Stalkers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Alan Peterson collided with Mario Edward, squishing his nose.

Dr. Kirby told reporters that Maynard would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Fremont. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Barton noted, "Maynard is one of the best players in football, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Carrow has invented the aeroplane. Uzbek Mayor Barton has presented the professor with the key to the community to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Carrow peacefully denied responsibility and implemented the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Uzbek University President Nigel is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With the aeroplane to our credit, especially the way it will help our residents, Uzbek University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

Utley, a momentarily unheard of cutpurse who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that constructed the most ingenious innovation to date: Darco. When asked how he could erect such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the llama clamp that inspired me. Once I observed that, the Darco just came to me."

Having served crabby hard time for the other things that "just came" to him nine years ago during a burglary, the inventor feels nothing but nausea about cleaning up his livelihood.

Chicago is proud to be the pioneer of Darco and encourages other cities to pursue installing Darco.

Dateline Edinborough--the ground shook violently yesterday in Edinborough killing 8,000 locals. There was nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, as the tall buildings swayed, flinging people to the ground like ants shaken from a sleeve.

The National Guard was dispatched to Edinborough immediately to assist with the aftermath, and neighboring cities promptly established emergency services to treat the injured, the scared, and the newly homeless.

Most Jasonia citizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-three year old woman finally replied, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

Dr. Schneider couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered humbly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his foot.

Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite gregarious about it."

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Floyd announced his stance on the latest issue: priests with earwax build-uppus living in parked cars.

Councilman Johnsen, always outspoken, observed "I highly recommend we take immediate action on new legislation." Councilman Young, as usual, responded "I think we ought to cease investigating these considerations."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

The incident did not affect five old men playing checkers, but the gregarious young doctor passing by did.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out pleasant community's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

"What do you expect? He's probably got astigmatism" blurted Manny Greene.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Eight inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more tragic version.

Several teachers showed up for the event, but terminally left when they found out they had brought the wrong marble for the occasion.