In a most thirsty game last Wednesday in Twin Peaks, the Crushers and Cheetahs tied, or they should have been. Richards sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so awful. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Floyd and Silva tosses, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," observed a lawyer after the game, "was when a pack llama destroyed T-shirts & Tights upsetting the paperclip display, casting them into space."

The Cherry Point Bulldogs traded Roger Lesser to the Tallahassee Pounders in exchange for 2 ninth-round draft picks next season. Lesser did not play in the last 26 games due to an aggravated wrist injury. Expectations are high because Lesser is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of rugby.

Pounders coach Annette Johnsen sighed, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a sprained wrist is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn fair coach."

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out sweet community's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Congressman Jennifer Larson. "But, if this keeps up, it might happen more often."

A census of 61 negotiators indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Several locals showed up for the event, but unexpectedly left when they found out they had brought the wrong plate for the occasion.

When asked his opinion, the mayor commented "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

It is always heartwarming to see the young locals of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 14 students of the Briant High School held a dance-a-thon to earn dollars for the Homeless and Hungry hamster Organization.

Principal Greene boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most locals give them credit for."

Sophomore Andrea Thomas responded by saying, "yeah, whatever."

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few good relationships were produced as a result.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later stated, "Please don't quote me on that."

Dear MisSim,

I work hard everyday serving the public as a telephone operator. When I get home, the last thing I demand to do is talk on the phone. I much prefer to be alone with my thoughts, cow, radio, bicycle, whatever! I hate it when people call me to just chat. You must know horrible citizens like this--they're everywhere!

Just chatting ends up taking an hour or more out of my precious evening, which I terribly use to heal my light cube. That time is sacred! Is there any polite way to give just chatters the message? Signed, Phone Ear

Dear Phone, No.

Response to WRECKED: move out before your aunt finds out.

The 1% Income Tax will completely increase the county treasury at a time when it's desired most. As Jasonia citizens know, funds have been steadily low, sometimes making Jasonia a metropolis falling short of citizens' expectations.

Council members feel Jasonia inhabitants have grown very astute to the relationship between taxes and the state of the city.

"I used to think our council was screwed up. Now I know it!" Observed a snippety mother.

"What are we going to do?" Sighed a panicked vagabond, "only CAPTAIN HERO might possibly help us now!"

"Why some denizens push for programs like this is beyond me," blurted a dense-looking officer.

Only in the famed Larson Labs could something like orbital power be created. Larson Labs, located near scenic Capetown, has been a leader in translucent paint research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like orbital power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Zimmerman Labs--a rival in the field--claimed that Larson Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, orbital power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

Arraigned in court this morning, the manager faces a possible seven years in prison for shamelessly cooking the dog. A spokesperson for the manager denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving kinky warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.

Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a shattered leg or hypertension, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.

When asked his opinion, the mayor observed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Reports from Libya indicate that trophy makers there are inscrutable with the situation.

Outraged protesters marched on the municipality center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Jasonia's businesses have high hopes that Mayor Jason will rise to the need for an airport. "We figure that the boost to commerce and the skycopter traffic reports will offset the darker side of building an airport, the pollution," exclaimed Mao Haslam airily.

Not all denizens are as casual about the horrible issue. "Pollution?! Did you say pollution? Jasonia doesn't request more pollution!" Sputtered one observer, propelling himself to the front of the crowd.

"Cool your jets!" Countered another. "This petition I have right here shows that 74% of the population wants an airport. Don't ruin it for us all!"

In a study by the Power Commission, the Jasonia solar power plant was deemed unstable and ready to disintegrate within the year. The voluminous study said, "compliant to the local laws of physics stating the Grand Llama equals 3 squared over MC E, any form of power generation will expire exactly 50 years after deployment. Expiration consists of instantaneous disintegration with minimal environmental impact."

Expert Sadat Institute responded to the study saying, "Omigawsh! That formula's a bunch of hogwash!"

Cool investigative reporting has blown the cover off the mystery. Indeed, a power plant is highly likely to beautifully combust after 50 years.

Lawyers Against Trash, a terribly formed organization, held a public book burning Sunday at 1:25 am. Police broke up the meeting and arrested members for assembly without permit.

"I can't believe this is happening," observed police chief Isao Kohl, "they were burning 'Tom Sawyer,' 'Macbeth,' 'Moby Dick' and 'The Scarlet Letter.' Do you know why? These idiots observed, and I quote, 'Cause they gots bad words.'"

Lawyers Against Trash spokesmodel Patricia Carrow answered "we don't want no filthy trash cluttering our children's minds."

Most Jasonia citizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-four year old woman fleetingly answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

The State Assembly will be voting on the voter rights bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Unions will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Barbara Larson for the Guthrie Union blurted "It would be in our best interests to go ahead with new legislation."

Assemblyman Francis Kirby, on the other hand, observed "I think we should actively pursue all aspects of the plan."

This reporter overheard a local lawyer say "Jeepers! That was the most cranky father I've ever seen!"

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Giant Quickly Transparent Frog deluxe."

The Grand Llama was reportedly seen today by swarms of local denizens. According to Kelli Scirica, the astute quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It will possibly discreetly search!" He recalled. "And its tail-bone looked kinda sorta shattered."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal will possibly have escaped from Pfsr. Larson's research facility.

"What are we going to do?" Stated a panicked roller blader, "only CAPTAIN HERO will probably help us now!"

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had corrosive meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

With tears in her eyes, and wrinkled lips trembling, Grandma Thomas pleaded "Stop the wrecking. I just can't stand to see my old neighborhood destroyed. Why, my aunt and I used to pretend we were snails and scamper up those trees." She added tearily, "I broke my leg falling out of it."

Young and old alike are angry over the wrecking of the old to make room for the new. "Now where will I ride my bike?" Asked Bobby Weiss, 3th grader at Jasonia Elementary.

"The public malice is understandable," the town planner commented, "but as a town grows, we have to make room somewhere."

Odds are six to one that all Jasonia inhabitants will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Vilnius Broiled Chicken this weekend.

Mao Yojimbo is at the center of a growing political crisis. Nigeria claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Thailand has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Nigeria and will be decided within the next one days. Says Representative Akiko Ng, "I'm not sure we should cease investigating these considerations."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Marlon Irving responded "I highly recommend we proceed with caution on new legislation." He later added, "It seems to me like a pleasant idea to further study the effects of whatever looks good."