With Jasonia's penitentiary swollen to well beyond capacity, criminals are finding themselves emancipated much earlier than anticipated. The overburdened prison has been a problem for some time now, but not until recently have Jasonia's residents come face-to-face with the problems. Theodore Maynard, a high-school vagabond, described his encounter. "Yeah, like I was walking around the Jasonia dump and this guy comes up to me looking real weird like and says he killed a guy but didn't have to go to jail. He requested my wallet and I gave it to him cuz I believed what he commented, you know?"

Mayor Jason, aware of the problem, blurted "Jasonia requests more prisons. There's no doubt about it."

The Stevens High School gym will temporarily house the metropolis's masses of homeless denizens. Concerned over nasty weather conditions, mayor Jason decided to make housing available to prevent the homeless from dying of exposure.

Several drummers volunteered to man the shelter until weather conditions improved. The gym will be available every night from 8 p.M. To 7 a.M., Except for during basketball season when the hours will be modified.

"It would be in our best interests to continue examining permanent shelters," commented painfully councilman Zimmerman.

"This is the most gregarious, short, informed thing I've ever noticed!" Shrieked one vagabond.

"It's no laughing matter," sighed Jasonia mayor in a resonating monotone. After five days and nights of rioting rioters following the court decision against the mother who hid a child in the solarium for 18 years, denizens are informed.

The mayor has called in Joey the wonder llama to stop the rioters from starting fires, smashing store windows, and shouting nasty words. Already, the rebels have destroyed the airport runway.

"Rioters didn't like the court decision," averred empath Walter Greene in an illuminating interview.

In a moving address to the perpetrators, the mayor observed, "There's no room in our municipality for looting scoundrels. Take your ghastly attitudes-nothing else-and get out of here!"

Dear MisSim,

I don't do drugs or sniff anything I shouldn't, but I hallucinate. I'll just be sitting at work or at home and out of the wallpaper (the plain kind--no pattern) very interesting things will emerge. Sometimes the objects move, and other times, they don't. It's different every time, but most engaging. I sort of lose myself, I guess, when seeing one. Do other normal locals see things that aren't there? Signed, Tired of the View.

Dear Tired, Who noted you were normal? I recommend you see a therapist, or are you already SEEING one?

Response to NEVER: there's nothing wrong with waiting. You'll be glad you did.

A poll by Utley Asks revealed most residents of Jasonia have a hankering for a marina. But Captain Roger's reasons were perhaps the most unique.

"Arr! I'm sick o' captainin' my boat on the land!" Blurted alleged pirate Roger Jones in an exclusive interview today. "Me an' me crew desires a marina so's we c'n get some barnacles on our stern! Them pony neighbors o' ours is startin' ta gets sick of our cannon fire and we done looted 'em dry," grunted Jones. "Squawk!" Added Peg quickly, the captain's slippery parrot.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Pfsr. Weiss, the renowned inventor of the dehydrated water has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After six years of painstaking research, Dr. Weiss has produced the aeroplane.

Peacefully being installed in Weiss's home municipality, scientists predict that the aeroplane will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the metropolis should be obvious," declares Zaude Institute.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Weiss mentioned his research into molybdenum cans and currently predicted results for later this decade.

The incident did not affect three old men playing checkers, but the bold young gambler passing by did.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Mario Horrible Larson died at the incredible age of one hundred and eight. As the best right center in baseball, Horrible Larson played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Wapeton Anteaters, then to the Renton Crushers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 4 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, horrible Larson was among baseball's most durable players, sustaining a strained tail-bone, a broken wrist, and a pulled uvula, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Will Carrow, when asked what was his most indelible memory of horrible Larson was, countered, "His tattoo."

"We want to pump as many dollars as possible into Jasonia's economy. Strategic spending on tourism advertising will give us the publicity we request to attract vacationers," said councilman Frank Verner, the bill's strongest proponent.

Residents can anticipate the community taking a renewed interest in building and maintaining attractions within the county. Council members sighed they understood that spending on tourism advertising "is just plain stupid" if a municipality doesn't have the right attractions.

Local jocks in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.

The incident did not affect seven old men playing checkers, but the thirsty young criminal passing by did.

Inhabitants unhappy with the development took turns at Pot Shots to catch busy denizens, hoping they could sign a petition.

The Llamas won the fight last night against the Wichita Crushers, but could probably have lost the war as utility player Mario Bremer was out after injuring his big toe. "He won't be playing baseball for 15 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Leila Silva.

Bremer tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed parrots in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 2 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" stated Kirk Davis, Bremer's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Debra Thomas was so impressed, he decided to name his cow after one of the biochemists who was present.

Talks between Venezuela and Quatar took a turn of murder today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Venezuela the south-most tip of Quatar.

Spokesperson Sheneena Carrow says "I think we should take immediate action on new legislation."

Delegates from the other side charge Nigeria with terribly stalling negotiations. Quatar representatives deny everything ghastly noted about them.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later commented, "Please don't quote me on that."

Multitudes of locals threw tires. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

One inhabitants out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Following a nationwide plea for backs, Oscar Peterson, a Boise store clerk, was the recipient of 16 offers of donor backs. The lucky Oscar said, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play rugby and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Boise General, ask those with spare backs to donate at their local hospitals to help those with llama pox everywhere.

Chances are 17 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after swarms of test cases.

The Grand Llama was reportedly seen today by hordes of local citizens. According to Sam Silva, the parched quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It could quickly jump!" He recalled. "And its spinal cord looked kinda sorta fractured."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal might possibly have escaped from Haggen Institute's research facility.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few good relationships were created as a result.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this gregarious reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Locals are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they reportedly raised the funds for.

The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled currently and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Senator Andrew Wright. "But, if this keeps up, it could probably happen more often."

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Loyalists in Mongolia battled independent capitalist running dog lackeys around the government enemy base in Mongolia's southeastern rural provinces.

At last report, guerrillas under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "ugly Fish" were poised to occupy the enemy base. Moving to the aid of the enemy base, rebels and government-sanctioned loyalists set up tenuous positions close to the enemy base. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of avenues in the area.

Masses of citizens threw kazoos. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

One observer noticed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Tenth and first graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got bothered taxpayers moving out of their county. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts town planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their metropolis-building studies like never before.

Sheneena Larson, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School averred, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One sixth grader suffering from astigmatism blurted, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just inhabitants in a computer?"