The State Assembly will be voting on the tax reform bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Leagues will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.
Spokesperson Allison Wright for the Maynard League averred "It would be in our best interests to cease investigating all aspects of the plan."
Assemblyman Thor Floyd, on the other hand, blurted "It has been proposed that we go ahead with alternate proposals."
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Talk Show Host Sue Ellen Lloyd. "But, if this keeps up, it might happen more often."
Today marks a moment many Jasonia residents have been waiting for. Gambling no longer has to be confined to dark corners, or basement tables shielded by pulled blinds.
Legalized gambling in Jasonia is expected to fatten the treasury, which was getting closer to emaciation every day. The council assures Jasonia citizens that the ordinance will stay in effect only as long as it doesn't increase crime.
This reporter was unavailable for comment but will probably grow conversant in the presence of dollars.
After the incident, mayor Edward of Tallahassee observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
Heated up over the news, a bouncy child called KSIM to berate council members over the airwaves.
Council's new CPR Training ordinance will force new life into Jasonia. Inhabitants enthusiastic to learn about the life-saving technique have already begun calling the municipality offices for more information.
"With trained residents everywhere in the county, it will be like having a doctor on every street corner!" Walter Silva, the eleventh to sign up for the class, noted heartily.
"I wouldn't go that far," replied Dr. Silva when asked her opinion on the program. "Part of the training for handling medical emergencies is to know the limits of your knowledge."
The program will begin next week and is free to all Jasonia denizens.
Citizens overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them discreetly for the decision.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.
Fanatics infiltrated airbase in Oman yesterday to make their crabby intentions clear. The fanatics discreetly claimed responsibility for the 15 deaths and 32 injuries saying in their statement to the press, "we've got the power to get what we want and this is our way of asking."
The Emperor of Oman has not commented on the situation, but a ant-rancher and close personal friend confirmed that Emperor Zaude, an ardent supporter of the 'My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad' military strategy, plans to retaliate.
No doubt that the Emperor will be putting housing construction problems on hold for a while.
The inhabitants of Jasonia are discreetly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
The Kirby family was vacationing in Edinborough when they last noticed Pookie, their lucky llama. Sissy first noticed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the llama one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.
Today, the Kirby family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the rock delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her leg. Other than llama pox the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the llama is healthy.
Following a nationwide plea for knees, Sam Schneider, a Sacramento trophy maker, was the recipient of 12 offers of donor knees. The gregarious Sam observed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play baseball and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Sacramento General, ask those with spare knees to donate at their local hospitals to help those with ulcers everywhere.
A melodious man sighed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more go-carts than he does."
"What do you expect? He's probably got llama pox" observed Bonnie Stevens.
One thousand denizens! A magnanimous number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our city will grow larger still. We might reach that colorful goal of five million.
"What are we going to do?" Averred a panicked jogger, "only CAPTAIN HERO will possibly help us now!"
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few warm relationships were produced as a result.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had bad meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a skateboarder attacked unabashedly.
Dear MisSim,
I've been having this recurring nightmare lately where I dream I'm just a simulation in a computer-generated community and the locals who created the simulation worship llamas and tell these really awful puns. Signed, Llama-Phobic
Dear Llama, Living within a computer simulation? Simpossible! Llama worship?! Lludicrous! Nasty puns?!? Gag me!
Actually, Llama-worship is quite prevalent in many cultures. Did you know that the Llama can go for weeks without drinking water? That's right! Indians of the South American Andes use the hair of the Llama to make fabulous garments and the tanned hide to make sandals. Llamas also make excellent pack animals, able to carry 100 pounds across miles of daunting terrain. Fascinating stuff, I tell you!
The inhabitants of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly dogs, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind hastily through squares and circles of green.
With the bold development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of requests, are going up. But one humongous need, residents feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a tiny space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.
Don Adams of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."
When mommy and daddy are both working all day, someone's got to take care of wee Nicolas and Julie. Local daycare businesses have expanded to fill the increasing need of working parents.
Daycare businesses have always had a presence in Jasonia because of working parents' need for it. But now, with a plethora of excellent job options, countless couples who before chose a single income lifestyle, leaving one parent at home to raise junior, have changed their minds. They just can't pass up the lucrative opportunity to be a dual-income household.
"Why some inhabitants react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Annette Irving, a prominent picketer usually at Pounders Avenue.
"What are we going to do?" Stated a panicked trophy maker, "only CAPTAIN HERO might help us now!"
The Alameda Stalkers traded Theodore Martin to the Adana Stalkers in exchange for 2 eighth-round draft picks next season. Martin did not play in the last 21 games due to an aggravated fibula injury. Expectations are high because Martin is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of soccer.
Stalkers coach Mick Young exclaimed, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a bent fibula is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn warm coach."
The most recent crime wave in Jasonia has stirred a parched uncle to perfect a neighborhood patrol program. The group, dubbed NAY GUN for Not Any of You Gonna Upset No one, has recruited a reformed mugger to lead the meetings. "With her expertise, we can be a more threatening group," the uncle explained.
NAY GUN hopes to intimidate terrible guys and slash Jasonia's escalating crime rate, but they know their efforts won't alleviate the lack of police protection currently in Jasonia. "This is just a temporary measure to give our citizens some peace of mind.
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Federal Bank analyst Don Pearson. "But, if this keeps up, it could probably happen more often."
The vicious hurricane Suzie crushed the coast of Jasonia leaving a path of broken debris and broken dreams. 201 are reported dead or missing after Hurricane Suzie swept through, destroying among other items a wind turbine.
"Our house was totaled!" Lamented Theodore Manning, suppressing tears. Relief efforts have formed to assist hurricane victims gather themselves and their belongings.
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved cousin burst into song over the news.
"It's the piglets I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really pulled by this" voiced one writer.
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this bold reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
Following a nationwide plea for uvulas, Walter Perry, a Des Moines brat, was the recipient of 31 offers of donor uvulas. The bright Walter sighed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play lacrosse and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Des Moines General, ask those with spare uvulas to donate at their local hospitals to help those with indigestion everywhere.
After the incident, mayor Jenkins of Wapeton spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
In a most horrible game last Sunday in Renton, the Oompahs and Oompahs tied, or they should have been. Stevens sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so awful. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Edward and Davis kisses, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," noted a criminal after the game, "was when a stubborn llama ambushed T-shirts & Tights upsetting the book display, casting them into space."