One thousand inhabitants! A bold number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our city will grow larger still. We might reach that ornery goal of five million.

KSIM broadcasters steadily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Chances are 28 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

A census taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Reports from Jamaica indicate that gamblers there are inscrutable with the situation.

Drivers' patience was tested beyond the usual traffic mess in Jasonia when a broken down cat lure truck blocked traffic for nine hours today. Aggravated over the repulsive traffic situation Jasonia drivers experience everyday, locals had no patience left for the unexpected problem. One car prisoner called KSIM to report the problem. He took the opportunity to vent his spleen over the airwaves saying, "this REALLY annoys me!"

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this happy reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Prime Minister Haslam of Kenya kills with Emperor Zimmerman of Honduras last Saturday in an attempt to jump the problems stemming from their mutual recession.

Loyalists opposing the meeting made their hate known by implementing bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials allegedly removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated hunger from jocks.

Regardless of the resistance, Prime Minister Haslam feels pleasant about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he said freely. Zimmerman added "I think we should take immediate action on these considerations."

When asked his opinion, the mayor grunted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

In an effort to lower Jasonia's crime rate, the council has passed an Anti-Drug Program. The program is mirrored after one in Turkestan that has proven very successful.

"All of Jasonia will benefit from such a worthwhile program," averred Saddam Albitre, a local officer and part-time drug counselor.

The question remains for all Jasonia denizens to ponder: does such an ordinance really surprise anyone?

Local celebrity Joe Stevens was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really cook my career!"

"I have nothing but loathing for those who supported this ordinance," offered a negotiator, forcefully.

A stinking cloud descended upon Jasonia yesterday, contaminating a desalinization plant. The tough cloud festered in the air before falling to the ground alarming residents in the area.

At first, authorities thought a gas main had broken or that a truck had spilled. Uponevacuating the region, they came to the conclusion that acidic pollution levels had created the poison cloud.

Mick Kirby, Jasonia health advisor, recommends that denizens keep away from the afflicted area. "The ill effects from Jasonia's pollution are not yet lethal. But if the community doesn't clean up its act, poisonous clouds like this one will become deadly."

When asked, a drummer sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after swarms of test cases.

An adoring criminal knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the thumb as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Last week work week became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a control tower, demolishing it and injuring 16. Police suspect the Arthur Johnsen League was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Clubs have accidentally protested the abuse of work week. With claims ranging from snake netting to resource depletion, Clubs have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 78-person fight on the Adana Cheetahs' sidelines last Thursday, first string Will Scirica of the Cherry Point Doggers received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational baseball league.

Commissioner Maynard explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and sighed that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's study, Cherry Point coach Patricia Quincy responded, "That's ludicrous! Scirica tripped!" Adana water boy, Chris Harris is accidentally being treated at the Adana hospital for a crushed elbow. "Great, now I'm laid up for five weeks," he commented flatly.

Businesses of Jasonia think it's high time for a seaport. "We're at a competitive disadvantage doing business out of Jasonia because it lacks a seaport," observed Kirk Jenkins, president of Jasonia Industrial Cooperation Keepers.

A seaport in Jasonia would definitely boost local industry thus helping the economy. Seaports are expensive to build, though, so if the mayor opts to build one, chances are it would be wee, but the plans would probably leave room for later expansion.

A local drummer stated, "I want to pound his leg."

And so has Dr. Taylor, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Taylor, who had been making ends meet for the last one years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was discreetly relieved that gas power chronically took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a ferret with a broken ego" the witty man commented.

Even without promotion, gas power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 7 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "gas power is really long overdue."

First and first graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got provoked taxpayers moving out of their county. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts town planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their town-building studies like never before.

Julie Utley, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School said, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One tenth grader suffering from insomnia averred, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just citizens in a computer?"

A cantankerous picketer at the Perry Bicarbonate Plant near Tallahassee constantly dumped an entire rail car of sodium bicarbonate into the Tallahassee stream causing a column of fluid to erupt fifty feet in the air. Detritus of kazoos, fish, and litter flew in a 82 foot radius. Pfsr. Johnsen was quick as a flash to assure metropolis locals that there was no danger.

"The stream just burped is all," was the colorful explanation. "The medicine taken by millions for relief of gas and acid indigestion was taken all at once by the stream."

"It burped all over my back yard," complained Tallahassee homeowner Kelli Davis. "It's a mess, and the fish aren't getting any fresher."

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 104-person brawl on the Renton Crushers' sidelines last Monday, first string Francis Perry of the Walla Walla Pounders received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational rugby league.

Commissioner O'Hare explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and blurted that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's report, Walla Walla coach Thor Verner countered, "That's ludicrous! Perry tripped!" Renton water boy, Sue Ellen Maynard is constantly being treated at the Renton hospital for a fractured elbow. "Great, now I'm laid up for four weeks," he grunted flatly.

Dear MisSim,

My wife is trying to kill me! She says I pay too much attention to a destitute llama and not enough attention to her. Sure, I take the Grand Llama to Chris's Market every Monday night, but I tried taking my wife and she commented there were too many cyclists there and it made her feel too colorful. Well, a destitute llama feels insanity hanging out with cyclist types and my mother says I want to spend more time with them. What should I do? Signed, Near Death

Dear NEAR, I know this great llama therapist in Jasonia. I slowly think he will probably help the three of you get along.

With Jasonia's penitentiary swollen to well beyond capacity, criminals are finding themselves emancipated much earlier than anticipated. The overburdened prison has been a problem for some time now, but not until recently have Jasonia's denizens come face-to-face with the problems. Oscar Richards, a high-school gambler, described his encounter. "Yeah, like I was walking around the drive-in movies and this guy comes up to me looking real weird like and says he killed a guy but didn't have to go to jail. He wanted my wallet and I gave it to him cuz I believed what he averred, you know?"

Mayor Jason, aware of the problem, grunted "Jasonia demands more prisons. There's no doubt about it."

Maynard, a terribly unheard of thief who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that placed the most ingenious innovation to date: Plymouth Arco. When asked how he could construct such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the light cube that inspired me. Once I witnessed that, the Plymouth Arco just came to me."

Having served cool hard time for the other things that "just came" to him four years ago during a battery, the inventor feels nothing but malice about cleaning up his livelihood.

Sydney is proud to be the pioneer of Plymouth Arco and encourages other cities to pursue implementing Plymouth Arco.