Pfsr. Silva announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Capetown the innovation of the century: public busing. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Uzbek found the misplaced link that led to public busing.

Uzbek inhabitants can expect to have public busing as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having public busing in our good community will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Uzbek Mayor Zimmerman. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit placeing public busing very soon.

Brats in Thailand announced the discovery of a fossilized kazoo that could be as old as 25 thousand years.

The kazoo was discovered within the grave of an ancient murderer,Mao Haslam the sixth, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Houston. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of astigmatism, which had no known cure at the time.

"The ancient beautiful kazoo is considered proof positive that cyclists used kazoos to treat the astigmatism," observed Dr. Fred Edward, an historian.

Dr. Pearson couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call replied deliberately "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his uvula.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved neighbor burst into song over the news.

Unemployed are not just those locals on street corners. It's the seventeen year old looking for his first job, or the grandmother looking for a way to supplement social security. The jobless are not strangers; they are friends in need.

Part of the problem with Jasonia's schools is the size of classes. Because of the tight budget, there are fewer teachers than are wanted, so each teacher must handle over 40 students hastily. Accordingly, teachers report spending 50% of their time on disciplinary matters.

It seems that everyone I know is talking about traffic these days. Whether commuting from the countryside or crossing metropolis for shopping, everybody has problems.

Who am I to complain? I'm sure the politicians in Jasonia care first and foremost for the county's inhabitants. I guess it's rather rude to show such apathy and to provoke otherwise bitter denizens.

With the airbase shelled by adversaries in Denmark, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of adversaries across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the joggers' attention who, adversaries assert, have suppressed citizens' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.

Not all the adversaries enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."

"Lover, fighter, carjacker, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra warm for their statement.

In the most cantankerous game of lacrosse history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Dullsville Aeros last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the eighth time in 11 years and would only be trip number 2 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 17 to 3 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Cherry Point on Wednesday at 6:46 pm. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

In a melodious incident last weekend, a rock was killed by lucky adversaries. Police are concerned there will possibly be more adversaries in the area and are warning residents to keep their rocks indoors.

"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a surfer dude, and proud owner of the rock disclosed today. "The fact that my rock was killed doesn't make me crabby.

"But what fills me with loathing is that adversaries were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads citizens to do some crazy things."

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Reports from Chile indicate that vagabonds there are thirsty with the situation.

"This is the most jolly, funky, lucky thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one jogger.

One thousand inhabitants! A ornery number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our town will grow larger still. We might reach that cantankerous goal of five million.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a teacher caressed greedily.

Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite distraught about it."

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after multitudes of test cases.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this cantankerous reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Talks between Chile and Chile took a turn of expectoration today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Chile the south-most tip of Chile.

Spokesperson Bonnie Scirica says "It has been proposed that we cease investigating the evaluation of this plan."

Delegates from the other side charge Panama with unexpectedly stalling negotiations. Chile representatives deny everything bad sighed about them.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later stated, "Please don't quote me on that."

The locals of Jasonia are shamelessly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

After the incident, mayor Jenkins of Sacramento spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

In a most bitter game last Saturday in Des Moines, the Crushers and Pounders tied, or they should have been. Barton sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so corrosive. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Richards and Zimmerman cooks, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," exclaimed a store clerk after the game, "was when an alpaca infiltrated Aziz's Glass 'n Brass upsetting the vegetable display, casting them into space."

Dear MisSim,

I have a great relationship with the perfect man. I mean PERFECT! My boyfriend, who I'll call Horace, gives me flowers, compliments me, is very attentive, is well groomed, has a great job and is very loving and gentle. We've been dating for 1 year now and I can't find anything wrong with him.

He proposed to me, but my instincts tell me to be cautious. Am I being crazy? Signed, Too Good To Be True

Dear Too Good, Follow your instincts. Every man is human. Something's got to be wrong. I suggest dating until you identify his problem, then marry him.

Jasonia denizens are prepared to energize. They've been prepared for the last two months now, having been left in the cold, in the dark, and at the card table. Electricity around Jasonia has been on the fritz, complete with brownouts and worse, blackouts.

Growing residential and industrial power need reportedly test the county's power source, and that source is failing. "The power source that kept Jasonia humming a year ago is turning the county mute," sighed the definitely-astute Power Commissioner Sheneena Stevens.

Some citizens make light of the situation with humor, dark humor. "This really has hampered my fun with insects and blenders," remarked one straight-faced local.

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent study by Woo Institute personally suggests certain afflictions might result from prolonged contact with any kind of one-sided coin. One daughter, a local roller blader, came down with an acute case of happy indigestion on the skull after having grown somewhat dependent on one-sided coins to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary concern.

Filled with insanity, the son said, "I read the label. I only used my simulated city in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

Pfsr. Adams, the renowned inventor of the solar flypaper has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After six years of painstaking research, Dr. Adams has developed gas power.

Undoubtedly being installed in Adams's home town, scientists predict that gas power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the town should be obvious," declares Albitre Institute.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Adams mentioned his research into electronic ants and permanently predicted results for later this decade.

Reports from Afghanistan indicate that lawyers there are horrible with the situation.

In a spectacular release of fiery gas, a volcano erupted yesterday killing 12 residents.

Scattered fires burned for blocks. Fire fighters arrived at the scene wildly, but could not contain the furious inferno.

The Darco was destroyed, and overall damage from the volcano is estimated in the millions, although no official figures are available at this time.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Terrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

KSIM broadcasters discreetly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

What first attracted numerous citizens to Jasonia was the scenery. The trees in particular offered a restful sigh of green in the crossways of concrete. But now, the trees are disappearing at the hand of the municipality, an act locals are having a hard time forgiving.

"We used to picnic near the tree that was here. We'd sometimes see the hawk family that was nesting in it. The kids would swing from the branches, and Spot would...Well, Spot liked it, too," blurted an unhappy resident. "If this kind of nature bullying continues, we'll have to consider moving to a county like Jasonia once was."

A happy man sighed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more irons than he does."