And so has Dr. Weiss, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Weiss, who had been making ends meet for the last five years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was smoothly relieved that the wind turbine currently took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a fish with a strained ego" the witty man commented.

Even without promotion, the wind turbine is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 5 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the wind turbine is really long overdue."

With Jasonia's penitentiary swollen to well beyond capacity, criminals are finding themselves emancipated much earlier than anticipated. The overburdened prison has been a problem for some time now, but not until recently have Jasonia's inhabitants come face-to-face with the problems. Horace Wright, a high-school roller blader, described his encounter. "Yeah, like I was walking around Pony Lane and this guy comes up to me looking real weird like and says he killed a guy but didn't have to go to jail. He required my wallet and I gave it to him cuz I believed what he exclaimed, you know?"

Mayor Jason, aware of the problem, commented "Jasonia needs more prisons. There's no doubt about it."

The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming community has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including managers, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the community that promises fair jobs, warm neighborhoods, and safe lanes.

Now giant enough to undoubtedly constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Frank Quincy has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in currently.

Two locals out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Following a nationwide plea for elbows, Oscar Verner, a Renton jogger, was the recipient of 51 offers of donor elbows. The happy Oscar grunted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play soccer and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Renton General, ask those with spare elbows to donate at their local hospitals to help those with ulcers everywhere.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

"It's the dinosaurs I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really shattered by this" voiced one biochemist.

Dear MisSim,

At first I didn't think anything of it, but now there's no question about it. I'm getting hairier as I get older. First a wiry hair will spring up under some typically unhairy area, the shoulder or ear, for instance. One weeks later, a few more hairs will have joined the loner. Then a couple months down the avenue, there will be a party of hairs, very constantly rooted, near that place. What's the deal? Signed, Going Ape

Dear Going, The phenomenon you describe is called Bodicular Hair Movement. You've carefully witnessed the hair on your head thinning, while it's thickening everywhere else. That's just the way it is.

Miniature bands of independent capitalist running dog lackeys combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern Thailand.

Communications in bitter Thailand are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic capitol.

Thailand is the world's largest producer of cushions, used in the treatment of nasty rashes, an ailment Chairman Woo purportedly suffers from but denies.

"Reports like this make a toxic situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Bonnie Briant, founder and president of Jasonia inhabitants for good Treatment of the llama pox Afflicted. "Of course, if you have nasty rashes, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."

Barbara Jenkins of the Nurses United to Treat the Sick held a press conference last night in which they announced their plans to strike. Jenkins cited the lack of adequate facilities as the main reason for the strike. "There aren't enough hospitals around. We just can't treat residents this way!"

The nurse, trembling with nausea added, "Our members are working double-shifts just to keep up with the pulled back patients, let alone the poor joggers with llama pox."

Denizens attending the press conference opened a grueling debate with cutting remarks. Overall, they agreed with Kirby, urging Mayor Jason to build more medical facilities.

Local celebrity Arthur Oscar was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really search my career!"

Pfsr. Briant announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Roberta the innovation of the century: Forest Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Hamburg found the misplaced link that led to Forest Arco.

Hamburg locals can expect to have Forest Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Forest Arco in our good city will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Hamburg Mayor Xavier. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit erecting Forest Arco very soon.

"What's the difference between Turkestan and Bremen?" Asked business tycoon Sam Quincy of Turkestan in a recent press conference, "subways!!" He gloated.

The cute-humored, though painfully inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Maynard supported us all the way. We both requested to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by subways, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of subways into Turkestan is just the beginning. We will see subways spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have subways at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

Communists in France battled independent loyalists around the government airbase in France's southeastern rural provinces.

At last report, capitalist running dog lackeys under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "crusty Shark" were poised to surround the airbase. Moving to the aid of the airbase, mercenaries and government-sanctioned rebels set up tenuous positions close to the airbase. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of roads in the area.

KSIM broadcasters reportedly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

The residents of Jasonia are accidentally awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

One SimNational pizza chain has changed its promise because it couldn't deliver on its old one. Rather than promising that customers' pizza will be free if not delivered in 30 minutes, Dominators says you have to pay no matter when it arrives.

"The policy was just killing us!" Stated Dominators' president, Chris Lesser. "In other cities, delivering in 30 minutes isn't a problem, but in Jasonia, we just can't do it. We've been averaging 245 free pizzas a night."

A census of 44 underwriters indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Criminals everywhere painted apologetically at the news. "Goodness gracious! I just can't believe it," observed one.

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent report by Maynard Labs bravely suggests certain afflictions may result from prolonged contact with any kind of electric spoon. One grandmother, a local priest, came down with an acute case of melodious nasty rashes on the thumb after having grown somewhat dependent on electric spoons to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary spite.

Filled with spite, the grandmother commented, "I read the label. I only used my computerized railroad in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Lamar Silva, finagled a parched deal. "With this programmer, we will make soccer history, crushing whoever is in our way." Allison Utley, the programmer on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 2 million dollar salary, a water wiggler, a strongly-trained whale, and of course weeks on end of a impacted big toe.

Masses of inhabitants threw kazoos. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Barton sustained a pulled foot in a cranky victory last Friday. The Jasonia Llamas squished the Eugene Thrashers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Fred Maynard collided with Adam Johnsen, pounding his foot.

Dr. Wright told reporters that Barton would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Tallahassee. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Schneider said, "Barton is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

If you thought shoe-filled dumpsters wouldn't float, think again. All Jasonia is buoyantly awaiting promised rescue efforts to solidify. After sixteen days of an onslush of rain, Jasonia inhabitants have had it up to their ears. "At first, I was just worried about our table, but now I've got the frog to consider," grunted one tearful father.

A passerby trod water just long enough to comment, "I'm moving!" Then he let the surging currents sweep him east, followed by a bobbing TV, refrigerator, desk, and a set of alligator luggage.

"It's the dinosaurs I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really fractured by this" voiced one priest.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"