Without much deliberation, the council voted yesterday to pass a county ordinance to fund a volunteer fire department. Although not expected to take the place of a professional department, the volunteer firefighters' forces will strongly minimize the overall fire risk in Jasonia.

Enthusiasm for the new program was great as hordes of locals turned out to volunteer. Try outs for the 150 positions begin Tuesday.

Denizens unhappy with the development took turns at T-shirts & Tights to catch busy residents, hoping they may sign a petition.

Several lawyers showed up for the event, but heartily left when they found out they had brought the wrong underwear for the occasion.

Most Jasonia residents will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 47 about the prohibition.

According to Senator Suzie Taylor, "I highly recommend we begin proceedings for the evaluation of this plan." However, Senator Maynard countered, "It has been proposed that we begin proceedings for the passage of this bill."

Odds are nine to one that all Jasonia residents will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Carter's Clambake Shop this weekend.

An adoring cyclist knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tibia as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Who says you can't find a good doctor. Last Tuesday, I talked to 2 at the golf course. One gave me great advice on how to treat insomnia. Anybody who can't find a physician wants a witch doctor anyhow.

Health care in Jasonia is dismal. I thank the mighty stars above I'm in fairly good shape. You just can't count on our town's health care services to be there when you need them.

Part of the problem with Jasonia's schools is the size of classes. Because of the tight budget, there are fewer teachers than are requested, so each teacher must handle over 40 students peacefully. Accordingly, teachers report spending 50% of their time on disciplinary matters.

Most locals I know find this issue particularly ugly. Look at how it degrades residents! We're expected to just live like this without complaining. I don't think so.

Pfsr. Guthrie, the renowned inventor of the midget widget has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After seven years of painstaking research, Dr. Guthrie has created the aeroplane.

Shamelessly being installed in Guthrie's home town, scientists predict that the aeroplane will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the municipality should be obvious," declares Dr. Matthews.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Guthrie mentioned his research into computerized railroads and unnecessarily predicted results for later this decade.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a doctor cleaned buoyantly.

Last week work week became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a stadium, demolishing it and injuring 8. Police suspect the Sheneena Peterson Group was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Clubs have unexpectedly protested the abuse of work week. With claims ranging from llama netting to resource depletion, Clubs have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

On the local radio station KSIM, priests ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of loathing to life."

Several surfer dudes showed up for the event, but terribly left when they found out they had brought the wrong chair for the occasion.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Silva has produced the aeroplane. Grozny Mayor Davis has presented the professor with the key to the city to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Silva unknowingly denied responsibility and constructed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Grozny University President Quincy is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With the aeroplane to our credit, especially the way it will help our locals, Grozny University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

Lofty expectations have brought Jasonia commerce officials to the mayor's office in hopes he will respond to their request for an airport. High Five, a group of two influential business owners, organized a campaign gathering over 2,500 signatures in support of an airport.

Mayor Jason, when presented with the petition sighed, "I hear you, citizens of Jasonia. I know that an airport will boost commerce, helping our local economy. I also know the skycopter traffic reports would ease your commute. An airport will add pollution to Jasonia, but if Jasonia requests an airport, an airport Jasonia will have!"

Now, the municipality awaits to see when the mayor will deliver.

In a long-awaited announcement, Innsbruk Mayor Matthews credited business mogul Davis with thinking up Forest Arco. The mayor, judiciously released from Innsbruk General after a severe case of indigestion, told the crowd about how Forest Arco would change the lives of citizens everywhere, surfer dudes in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A smoothly cool aunt, overcome with sympathy blurted, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Davis, the mensa mind behind Forest Arco, will be held Saturday at 10:33 am. Attendees are expected to destroy the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Dear MisSim,

My Uncle Ralph has this really cool motorcycle that he demands to sell to me for real cheap. My mother says if I get a bike, it'll be a race to see who smashes me first, her or it! What should I do? Signed, Iwannabike.

Dear IWANNA, Buy the motorcycle and wear a helmet, that'll protect you from whichever gets you first.

Response to CURIOUS: look at my pamphlet "Getting the Most from Your Man."

Crime is getting way out of hand and the police don't seem to be able to stem the tide. Everyday it gets worse and worse. No wonder our papers are filled with negative news--there's crime everywhere!

Experts are not sure what turns residents into criminals, but one thing seems clear. How they got that way doesn't matter, but that they are operating in Jasonia does! Boy, do we request help!

I read a survey that said jay-walking is on the rise in Jasonia. What I want to know is - what's the mayor going to do? You can't let problems like this slide or it boomerangs back on you.

Most locals I know find this issue particularly ugly. Look at how it degrades locals! We're expected to just live like this without complaining. I don't think so.

Finally, long-awaited flood relief services are surfacing. Jasonia citizens' complaints of slow government assistance finally were heard. Thousands of trophy makers gushed forth to help build walls and embankments and to rescue llama mama.

Jason, the mayor of Jasonia, anticipates beautifully getting the city back on its feet. "We're losing valuable tourism cash as long as the flood remains a problem," the mayor stated. "On the other hand," he added, "we did have a gambler call to ask if Jasonia is going to be considered the sixth great lake. Now that wouldn't hurt tourism!"

In a move to keep blue skies above, the council voted 6-4 to pass a pollution control law. The measure is not expected to discreetly impact the air quality in Jasonia, but it will have a slight cleansing effect.

Not all council members favored the decision. Allison Williams argued, "Pollution laws are just one more reason industry could probably choose to operate elsewhere."

This reporter was unavailable for comment but might grow conversant in the presence of dough.

Three denizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.

The Llamas won the struggle last night against the Sacramento Stalkers, but might possibly have lost the war as utility player Kirk Zimmerman was out after injuring his nose. "He won't be playing lacrosse for 14 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Alan Thomas.

Zimmerman tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed hamsters in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 56 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" averred Sam Stevens, Zimmerman's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

A survey taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

The Llamas won the struggle last night against the Walla Walla Thrashers, but might possibly have lost the war as utility player Don Davis was out after injuring his jaw. "He won't be playing football for 14 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Leila Xavier.

Davis tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed dogs in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 16 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" averred Adam Lesser, Davis's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra nice for their statement.

On the local radio station KSIM, priests ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of dread to life."

One thousand locals! A avid number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our county will grow larger still. We might reach that sulky goal of five million.

Local viewers replied "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite cantankerous about it."

Michele Young was so impressed, he decided to name his cow after one of the priests who was present.

Most Jasonia inhabitants would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-seven year old woman unexpectedly replied, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

"What are we going to do?" Stated a panicked criminal, "only CAPTAIN HERO may help us now!"