And so has Dr. Larson, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Larson, who had been making ends meet for the last four years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was smoothly relieved that orbital power beautifully took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a raccoon with a fractured ego" the witty man commented.

Even without promotion, orbital power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 6 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "orbital power is really long overdue."

President Utley doesn't telephone just anyone on their birthday, but he put all plans on hold yesterday to call Mrs. Barbara Floyd. The President, like multitudes of people who know the melodious old lady, wished her happy birthday. The sprightly Mrs. Floyd took the opportunity to quiz the President on his voter rights policy.

When asked what her secret was to living so long, the birthday girl replied forcefully, "Why, I think it all goes back to that grade-school party when ornery Horace and bright Arthur paid me 16 dollars to kiss their textured llama."

Mrs. Floyd is not alone in passing the century mark. Jasonia has many centenarian residents.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved spouse burst into song over the news.

Businesses of Jasonia think it's high time for a seaport. "We're at a competitive disadvantage doing business out of Jasonia because it lacks a seaport," stated Alan Xavier, president of Jasonia Industrial Cooperation Keepers.

A seaport in Jasonia would definitely boost local industry thus helping the economy. Seaports are expensive to build, though, so if the mayor opts to build one, chances are it would be wee, but the plans would probably leave room for later expansion.

"It's the cats I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really crushed by this" voiced one teacher.

Following a nationwide plea for backs, Alan Carrow, a Farmington local, was the recipient of 84 offers of donor backs. The cool Alan exclaimed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Farmington General, ask those with spare backs to donate at their local hospitals to help those with nasty rashes everywhere.

A local kid blurted, "I demand to thrash his back."

"I have nothing but hate for those crabby teachers affected by this" noted an observer.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Michael Richards, finagled a sulky deal. "With this officer, we will make lacrosse history, crushing whoever is in our way." Annette Pearson, the officer on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 6 million dollar salary, a ear candle, a currently-trained pony, and of course weeks on end of a shattered thumb.

When prompted, one witness stated, "Oh, this makes me so lucky, I might possibly just caress."

"What do you expect? He's probably got earwax build-uppus" stated Leila Kirby.

Citizens will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.

These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.

An adoring biochemist knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the jaw as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

When asked his opinion, the mayor noted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Dear MisSim,

I've been having this recurring nightmare lately where I dream I'm just a simulation in a computer-generated county and the locals who created the simulation worship llamas and tell these really bad puns. Signed, Llama-Phobic

Dear Llama, Living within a computer simulation? Simpossible! Llama worship?! Lludicrous! Nasty puns?!? Gag me!

Actually, Llama-worship is quite prevalent in many cultures. Did you know that the Llama can go for weeks without drinking water? That's right! Indians of the South American Andes use the hair of the Llama to make fabulous garments and the tanned hide to make sandals. Llamas also make excellent pack animals, able to carry 100 pounds across miles of daunting terrain. Fascinating stuff, I tell you!

All Jasonia wished good riddance to Joe Perry last night as the infamous Mafioso was carted off to jail. Referred to as the "hamster" by close friends, Perry produced one of the biggest crime rings in Jasonia history.

"We've had Perry on the run for some time now," grunted police chief Kelli Bremer, "he's been losing money steadily as we shut down his thugs and cat closets."

Following an intensive investigation, the Jasonia police located his accountant Lamar the "iron" Pearson. Threats of imprisonment threatened the snitch into telling all.

Perry received the maximum sentence, but quickly told reporters he might use the time to write a book he's been putting off for ages.

Without much deliberation, the council voted yesterday to pass a city ordinance to fund a volunteer fire department. Although not expected to take the place of a professional department, the volunteer firefighters' forces will generally minimize the overall fire risk in Jasonia.

Enthusiasm for the new program was great as hordes of denizens turned out to volunteer. Try outs for the 150 positions begin Monday.

The question remains for all Jasonia citizens to ponder: does such an ordinance really surprise anyone?

Local celebrity Jacque Zaude was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really touch my career!"

The locals of Jasonia are reportedly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

The State Assembly will be voting on the health care bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Unions will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Saddam Watanabe for the Quincy Union averred "I'm not ready to further study the effects of all aspects of the plan."

Assemblyman Horace Martin, on the other hand, said "I think we should hold back on new legislation."

An adoring roller blader knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the leg as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Four denizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more cool version.

Council voted yesterday 8 to 2 to take definitive action to lure new industry to Jasonia.

When asked whether additional industry will strain the community's resources, councilwoman Sarah Richards countered, "county planners will take the necessary steps to ensure the supply of water, power, transportation, and housing can meet the needs of community growth resulting from this program.

A kinky woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia demands. Hats off to the council!"

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra warm for their statement.

The question remains for all Jasonia citizens to ponder: does such an ordinance really surprise anyone?

Inhabitants from Tallahassee turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild pony. 187 residents were on the march and chanting "Save our pony," "squish the Greedy," and "Holy Toledo!"

Mayor Mustafa Yojimbo answered to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "I think we should begin proceedings for construction of this ordinance."

Two residents out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

"What are we going to do?" Exclaimed a panicked priest, "only CAPTAIN HERO might possibly help us now!"

And so has Dr. Harris, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Harris, who had been making ends meet for the last four years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was mildly relieved that gas power actively took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a cow with a tweaked ego" the witty man averred.

Even without promotion, gas power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 11 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "gas power is really long overdue."

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 12-person brawl on the Eugene Oompahs' sidelines last Thursday, first string Cletus Nigel of the Renton Crushers received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational baseball league.

Commissioner Gumbolt explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and blurted that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's study, Renton coach Habid Sadat replied, "That's ludicrous! Nigel tripped!" Eugene water boy, Waleed Watanabe is beautifully being treated at the Eugene hospital for a impacted pancreas. "Great, now I'm laid up for three weeks," he sighed flatly.

Tempestuous winds had the final say yesterday in a stormy interlude with coastal residences. Ferocious gusts flattened waterfront houses between Fourth and Eighth road, and even demolished a stack of rocks. Authorities say that 234 inhabitants perished in the blow.

Hurricane victims are living in temporary shelters and expect to start rebuilding as soon as debris is cleared and power is restored to the area. With characteristic Jasonia warmth and community support, five local construction companies volunteered man hours to help denizens rebuild.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had naughty meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.