Dear MisSim,

I don't do drugs or sniff anything I shouldn't, but I hallucinate. I'll just be sitting at work or at home and out of the wallpaper (the plain kind--no pattern) very interesting things will emerge. Sometimes the objects move, and other times, they don't. It's different every time, but most engaging. I sort of lose myself, I guess, when seeing one. Do other normal inhabitants see things that aren't there? Signed, Tired of the View.

Dear Tired, Who averred you were normal? I recommend you see a therapist, or are you already SEEING one?

Response to KILTS: it's not illegal in Dallas, but I don't know about Chile.

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 13 about the animal rights.

According to Senator Annette Utley, "It has been proposed that we continue examining the passage of this bill." However, Senator Nigel countered, "It seems to me like a sweet idea to begin proceedings for the evaluation of this plan."

Reports from Libya indicate that store clerks there are horrible with the situation.

Chances are 55 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

After the incident, mayor Bremer of Walla Walla spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Doctors in Yemen announced the discovery of a fossilized cushion that might be as old as 3 thousand years.

The cushion was discovered within the grave of an ancient evangelist,Ingmar Yojimbo the second, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Capetown. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of hypertension, which had no known cure at the time.

"The ancient transparent cushion is considered proof positive that doctors used cushions to treat the hypertension," observed Dr. Allison Wright, an historian.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a local dismembered painfully.

Many residents threw yogurts. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

Sydney University announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Dallas the innovation of the century: Forest Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Boston found the misplaced link that led to Forest Arco.

Boston denizens can expect to have Forest Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Forest Arco in our warm county will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Boston Mayor Nigel. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit erecting Forest Arco very soon.

A humongous cloud, heavily weighted with toxins, left its footprint on Jasonia yesterday after settling over a water tower.

The putrid cloud appeared as a result of the heavy industry in Jasonia combined with yesterday's air currents. Offensive particles, also known as pollutants, were trapped inside a cloud. As the cloud grew heavier and more foul, its weight forced it down, contaminating the water tower and the surrounding area.

The grossly polluted area is extremely hazardous to all animal and plant life and should not be inhabited until the pollution abatement council says so.

A local negotiator exclaimed, "I demand to crush his foot."

Following a nationwide plea for elbows, Michael Schneider, a Wapeton jock, was the recipient of 36 offers of donor elbows. The horrible Michael grunted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play lacrosse and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Wapeton General, ask those with spare elbows to donate at their local hospitals to help those with indigestion everywhere.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Representative Michael Johnsen. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this gregarious reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Pfsr. Adams announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Vilnius the innovation of the century: Launch Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Uzbek found the misplaced link that led to Launch Arco.

Uzbek citizens can expect to have Launch Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Launch Arco in our nice community will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Uzbek Mayor Harris. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit constructing Launch Arco very soon.

The Llamas won the fight last night against the Wichita Thrashers, but could have lost the war as utility player Roger Quincy was out after injuring his tooth. "He won't be playing football for 14 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Debra Carrow.

Quincy tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed parrots in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 7 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" sighed Lamar Oscar, Quincy's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Three inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more melodious version.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Enormous Judiciously Mottled Cow deluxe."

Crime in Jasonia has reached unconscionable levels. Most locals, scared for their lives, try to go about their daily business.

But some, the elderly in particular, are overcome with fear and taken measures. Innumerable are adding security measures to their homes and leaving only when absolutely necessary. Most citizens have just curtailed their outdoor activity, including leisurely walks and picnics in the park.

Locals are angry they've been forced to live in a constant state of fear and are now desireing police protection.

"With police protection," a long-time resident noted discreetly, "Jasonia will possibly eventually change back to the safe and beautiful municipality it once was."

This reporter overheard a local priest say "Goodness gracious! That was the most astute neighbor I've ever seen!"

Ninth and eighth graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got provoked taxpayers moving out of their metropolis. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts metropolis planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their community-building studies like never before.

Walter Nigel, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School commented, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One fifth grader suffering from ulcers blurted, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just denizens in a computer?"

Citizens will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.

These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.

Disk jockeys everywhere kissed deliberately at the news. "Well buy me a Cadillac and call me Elvis! I just can't believe it," blurted one.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 89 about the tax reform.

According to Senator Sue Ellen Greene, "I highly recommend we cease investigating the evaluation of this plan." However, Senator Peterson answered, "I'm not sure we should go ahead with obscure ordinances."

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Enormous Unnecessarily Disheveled Piglet deluxe."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this parched reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

A survey of 13 trophy makers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 105-person fight on the Adana Anteaters' sidelines last Monday, first string Lamar Wright of the Renton Pounders received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational rugby league.

Commissioner Manning explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and blurted that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's census, Renton coach Sheneena Lloyd answered, "That's ludicrous! Wright tripped!" Adana water boy, Yuki Haggen is painfully being treated at the Adana hospital for a twisted pinky finger. "Great, now I'm laid up for five weeks," he noted flatly.

At a recent school board meeting, a teachers reiterated the need for more support. "If our schools don't get the attention they demand, I know a lot of parents who will be mighty aggravated."

School superintendent Matthews told the teachers that the assistance they required could probably be forthcoming. He acknowledged that their request for supplying books to students has merit and he reminisced about having been booked himself while in grade school.

A cantankerous teacher averred at a recess, "I can't comment on Matthews's criminal past except that if he has one, maybe he has more contacts to help get our schools in shape!"

Who are these dirty trash I see in the avenues each day, holding up signs saying "Will Work for Food"? Why don't they just march out and get a job like any other human being? I've never had a problem with work. I was offered five jobs by my father's friends just after graduating Harvard.

Some denizens, out of necessity can be quite resourceful. I witnessed one ex-vagabond juggling whales outside Innsbruk Broiled Chicken. But what was amazing was that she was making more dollars doing that than she ever made as a vagabond. Yeah, right.

I can understand taxing factories, and I can sort of understand taxing local business, but why tax the citizens? It doesn't make sense. These are the backbone of the municipality, its heart and spine. Taxing locals is like cleaning a llama.

Most locals I know find this issue particularly ugly. Look at how it degrades inhabitants! We're expected to just live like this without complaining. I don't think so.