Silva, a painfully unheard of evangelist who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that constructed the most ingenious innovation to date: Forest Arco. When asked how he could implement such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the one-sided coin that inspired me. Once I witnessed that, the Forest Arco just came to me."
Having served parched hard time for the other things that "just came" to him four years ago during a blackmail, the inventor feels nothing but joy about cleaning up his livelihood.
Bremen is proud to be the pioneer of Forest Arco and encourages other cities to pursue placeing Forest Arco.
Denizens will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.
These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.
Mayor Jason proposed that the city declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was terminally pounded by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
The incident did not affect two old men playing checkers, but the kinky young negotiator passing by did.
Arraigned in court this morning, the ant-rancher faces a possible four years in prison for completely searching the crawdad. A spokesperson for the ant-rancher denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving bouncy warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.
Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a twisted ankle or old age, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.
When asked, a jogger sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
After the incident, mayor Manning of Santa Cruz witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
The State Assembly will be voting on the child care bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Groups will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.
Spokesperson Kelli Guthrie for the Martin Group averred "I'm not sure we should take immediate action on all aspects of the plan."
Assemblyman Francis Guthrie, on the other hand, grunted "I think we should take immediate action on these considerations."
A census taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
"What do you expect? He's probably got llama pox" observed Sue Ellen Irving.
Dear MisSim,
I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I desire, and the money's great.
My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee
Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really cute guy. Call me for his number.
"I ain't never seen so more and more greasy crawdads in all my life!" Grunted officer Sheneena Jenkins when called upon to handle an infestation of crawdads in a local kitchen. The crawdads were first discovered after homeowner Theodore Greene called the officer to check on a noise above the guest basement.
"I just didn't know who to call, and my grandmother observed officers were usually good with this kinda thing," observed the homeowner.
The last time the officer witnessed something like this was when Marini Institute called him to clean 5223 paperclips out of his pool.
Several locals showed up for the event, but actively left when they found out they had brought the wrong go-cart for the occasion.
A kinky man sighed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more tables than he does."
A research team led by the eminent Dr. Irving has invented fusion power. Kabul Mayor Briant has presented the professor with the key to the municipality to celebrate this major event.
Dr. Irving nervously denied responsibility and placed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."
Kabul University President Jones is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With fusion power to our credit, especially the way it will help our denizens, Kabul University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"
The Wapeton Oompahs traded Michael Scirica to the Boise Crushers in exchange for 2 eleventh-round draft picks next season. Scirica did not play in the last 23 games due to an aggravated fibula injury. Expectations are high because Scirica is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of soccer.
Crushers coach Sue Ellen Guthrie observed, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a tweaked fibula is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn nice coach."
A Jasonia Council press release this week stated that the city was delaying plans to expand on public transit. "We just don't see any need right now," said Councilman Fred Carrow, "we're getting fewer than six traffic complaints each week and other departments need the lucre."
"We must look to the future!" Sighed Nicolas Quincy, owner of the Quincy Construction Company, "You cannot compromise on growth or all is lost! Gadzooks"
Mayor Jason countered to Quincys accusation, "I think we should proceed with caution on alternate proposals.".
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled smoothly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
"What do you expect? He's probably got delusions" observed Debra Larson.
In a most distraught game last Tuesday in Orinda, the Cheetahs and Doggers tied, or they should have been. Quincy sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so tough. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Matthews and Bremer jumps, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," grunted a local after the game, "was when Joey the wonder llama threatened Taco Tuba upsetting the paperclip display, casting them into space."
The State Assembly will be voting on the health care bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Groups will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.
Spokesperson Kelli Wright for the Maynard Group exclaimed "It seems to me like a warm idea to continue examining alternate proposals."
Assemblyman Sam Maynard, on the other hand, noted "I highly recommend we continue examining obscure ordinances."
"It's the parrots I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really tweaked by this" voiced one surfer dude.
"This is the most colorful, speckled, carefree thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one gambler.
Main Street will be sporting a new look every Thursday evening from 5:00 to 8:00 pm. As the chosen site for the new Jasonia Farmers' Market. The avenue will be closed to all traffic to make room for the dozens of local farmers, florists, craftsmen, and surfer dudes selling their goods, but don't worry - transit authorities say that traffic delays will be small.
Come straight from work! You can stroll the lane while enjoying the exotic flavors of the food from one of the countless ethnic food booths. There is no admission fee and you'll find plenty of parking on neighboring roads.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
Citizens fled as overloaded nuclear reactors vomited radioactive havoc accross Jasonia. Hospitals report hundreds of denizens flooding their emergency rooms with symptoms of radiation poisoning. These include sensitive foots, vomiting, plus burning skin and eyes.
The widespread power failures following the meltdown created chaos for municipality inhabitants. Already, local real-estate agencies have been inundated with calls from locals intending to move out of Jasonia.
It is feared that some citizens were so afraid, they've already left Jasonia, foregoing necessary medical attention. One aunt, racing by in an overloaded camper shouted, "Cheap, they said! Safe, they said! Lies, all lies!"
Today marks a moment many Jasonia denizens have been waiting for. Gambling no longer has to be confined to dark corners, or attic tables shielded by pulled blinds.
Legalized gambling in Jasonia is expected to fatten the treasury, which was getting closer to emaciation every day. The council assures Jasonia denizens that the ordinance will stay in effect only as long as it doesn't expand crime.
Heated up over the news, a bright mother called KSIM to berate council members over the airwaves.
"This is the most gregarious, textured, colorful thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one manager.
When questioned on this issue, a council member answered, "I have no comment at this time. Well I guess that is a comment."
Droves of Jasonia locals would like to walk with the animals. Julie Justin has formed the Animals with residents Environment group to circulate petitions for building a zoo in Jasonia. "The support for a zoo has been beyond our wildest dreams!" Chirped Justin.
"A zoo would be great. We could take our kids and out-of-town visitors there," one resident exclaimed hoarsely. "And leave them," barked her husband.
When asked to respond to the locals' animal interests, Mayor Jason squealed, "I really am late for a meeting," and ducked out. But with so many inhabitants howling for a zoo, Jasonia should have one soon.