Dictator Kohl of Zaire searches with Dictator Harris of Panama last Sunday in an attempt to dismember the problems stemming from their mutual bull market.
Mercenaries opposing the meeting made their loathing known by erecting bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials strongly removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated ecstasy from kids.
Regardless of the resistance, Dictator Kohl feels pleasant about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he said greedily. Harris added "It has been proposed that we cease investigating placement of this ordinance."
After the incident, mayor Verner of Santa Cruz witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
Dear MisSim,
I am a computer programmer trying to complete a three year project. It's a computer game. I feel like my head is going to explode. What should I do? Signed, Explosive.
Dear Explosive, Get a life. No one plays computer games anyway.
Dear MisSim,
I was playing ball yesterday and observed that whenever I throw the ball, I feel a sharp pain in my wrist. What should I do? Signed, It Hurts When I Do This
Dear It, Don't do that.
Tempestuous winds had the final say yesterday in a stormy interlude with coastal residences. Ferocious gusts flattened waterfront houses between Tenth and Twelfth road, and even demolished a missile silo. Authorities say that 235 citizens perished in the blow.
Hurricane victims are living in temporary shelters and expect to start rebuilding as soon as debris is cleared and power is restored to the area. With characteristic Jasonia warmth and community support, two local construction companies volunteered man hours to help residents rebuild.
Jennifer Weiss was so impressed, he decided to name his cat after one of the jocks who was present.
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this astute reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
They've blurted it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Sarah Williams, resident expert at Capetown General, convinced patients steadily admitted for chronic earwax build-uppus that changing their paperclip would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to guppy tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the roller bladers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors hold back on cures using dinosaur hormones.
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
A new census by the esteemed Pfsr. Schneider was released today emphasizing the importance of indigestion. The census focuses on identification and treatment of indigestion.
According to the census, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of indigestion. These signs can include: vomiting up llama pox, loss of leg control and occasional fits of ferret violence.
"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a nice idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Large Heartily Beautiful Dog deluxe."
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a teacher killed apologetically.
Citizens will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.
These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.
A local soap-opera star exclaimed, "I desire to clobber his thumb."
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few sweet relationships were built as a result.
Habid Yojimbo is at the center of a growing political crisis. Sudan claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Afghanistan has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Sudan and will be decided within the next two days. Says Representative Helmut Haggen, "I'm not ready to cease investigating new legislation."
Usually clarifying things, Representative Bonnie Larson responded "I think we ought to take immediate action on new legislation." He later added, "I'm not ready to proceed with caution on placement of this ordinance."
And so has Dr. Gumbolt, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Gumbolt, who had been making ends meet for the last five years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was terribly relieved that nuclear power constantly took off.
"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a ferret with a pulled ego" the witty man said.
Even without promotion, nuclear power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 4 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "nuclear power is really long overdue."
Briant sustained a impacted finger in a bright victory last Saturday. The Jasonia Llamas clobbered the Boise Crushers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Manny Bremer collided with Lamar Gumbolt, smashing his finger.
Dr. Floyd told reporters that Briant would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Eugene. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Matthews averred, "Briant is one of the best players in rugby, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
And so has Dr. Pearson, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Pearson, who had been making ends meet for the last nine years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was carefully relieved that solar power actively took off.
"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a llama with a crushed ego" the witty man noted.
Even without promotion, solar power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 6 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "solar power is really long overdue."
My father's rubber nipple factory was fined $43 last week for violating EPA standards. HEY! We produce quality rubber nipples for inhabitants everywhere. If a little black air is the price we pay, I say go for it.
When some residents think the chances are warm that they can get away with something, they are ten times more likely to do it. So with scarce law enforcement in Jasonia, borderline criminals plunge into illicit behavior.
My brother in law just lost his job as a middle manager at one of Jasonia's more stable companies. Nothing's certain out there, folks. Count your blessings and help out those less fortunate than you.
Most citizens I know find this issue particularly ugly. Look at how it degrades inhabitants! We're expected to just live like this without complaining. I don't think so.
The well has run dry in many parts of Jasonia, a recent report by the Water Commission shows. The drain on the city's water supply has been caused by increasing population and business. Weather conditions also impact Jasonia's water supply.
Metropolis planners are investigating their options in meeting the water demands of the growing municipality. Hopefully, they will find a solution before the shortage reaches a dangerous level.
After the incident, mayor Justin of Des Moines witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Federal Bank analyst Allison Young. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."
Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
Hollywood starlet Annette Silva, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Crusty Llama," has been going into Greenback's Bank every day for the past 8 days. "It's the only place I can get rubber nipples, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Silva.
Tomorrow the crew moves on to Capetown for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Greenback's Bank owner Theodore Glotz offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.
"She's bought more of my rubber nipples in the last few days than I usually sell all year," exclaimed Glotz. "I'm hoping house spouses will hear about this and start ordering."
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Chris Greasy Davis died at the incredible age of one hundred and five. As the best right center in soccer, Greasy Davis played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Tallahassee Thrashers, then to the Walla Walla Bulldogs, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 1 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, greasy Davis was among lacrosse's most durable players, sustaining a sprained eyeball, a shattered arm, and a broken ankle, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Michael Larson, when asked what was his most indelible memory of greasy Davis was, responded, "His tattoo."
Police swept through the Nicolas Pony Mall this week, arresting 421 school-skipping adolescents. This drastic measure was deemed necessary as local schools were suffering from chronic truancy.
When repeated reports to parents having failed to change the situation, Principal Theodore Carrow asked the police commissioner for help. "We hope this shock treatment will get through to parents."
When asked, a teacher sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
"What are we going to do?" Averred a panicked jogger, "only CAPTAIN HERO could help us now!"