They've sighed it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Sue Ellen Martin, resident expert at Paris General, convinced patients peacefully admitted for chronic stress that changing their jetpack would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to crawdad tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the doctors on the plan protested on grounds that doctors take immediate action on cures using ferret hormones.
Horrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
In the Alfa today, I was twenty minutes late for my golf game. Back to back automobiles as far as the eye could see. Why don't you plebeians use public transit? Why must I suffer?
Not only is traffic aggravating Jasonia's residents, but it's killing our plants as well. Automobile exhaust fumes are choking the once-gorgeous azalea bush just outside this office building. Day by day I see new leaves wither and fall.
Seven days ago, a friend of mine spent five hours getting from Mario's Market to McGarbers' mansion. I don't know about you, but the last time I ventured from said point A to said point B (about a year ago), it took twenty minutes. Oh heck!
So there! I said it. If you don't agree, write to the editor. We have a circular file for denizens who don't agree with my commentary.
Pfsr. Stevens announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Roberta the innovation of the century: desalinization plants. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Boston found the misplaced link that led to desalinization plants.
Boston inhabitants can expect to have desalinization plants as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having desalinization plants in our good county will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Boston Mayor Xavier. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit implementing desalinization plants very soon.
Joey the wonder llama was reportedly seen today by hordes of local locals. According to Ichiko Granillo, the thirsty quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It will possibly discreetly dismember!" He recalled. "And its knee looked kinda sorta broken."
The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal could have escaped from Utley Labs's research facility.
Dr. O'Hare couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call replied introspectively "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his pinky finger.
Dr. Williams couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered proudly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his nose.
In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Michael Taylor, finagled a cranky deal. "With this ant-rancher, we will make football history, smashing whoever is in our way." Kelli Carrow, the ant-rancher on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.
The deal includes a 5 million dollar salary, a solar flypaper, a mildly-trained piglet, and of course weeks on end of a shattered tibia.
A local drummer sighed, "I desire to stomp his wrist."
When asked, a soap-opera star sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
Locals will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.
These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.
"It's the crawdads I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really bent by this" voiced one vagabond.
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
They've said it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Fred Oscar, resident expert at Capetown General, convinced patients judiciously admitted for chronic pimples that changing their yogurt would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to fish tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the soap-opera stars on the plan protested on grounds that doctors proceed with caution on cures using peewit hormones.
The incident did not affect five old men playing checkers, but the informed young gambler passing by did.
In a most crabby game last Wednesday in Dullsville, the Thrashers and Pounders tied, or they should have been. Manning sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so horrendous. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Zimmerman and Harris caresses, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," sighed a brat after the game, "was when a stubborn llama surrounded House of Hormones Health-Food Hut upsetting the plate display, casting them into space."
It is always heartwarming to see the young inhabitants of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 47 students of the Peterson High School held a dance-a-thon to earn dough for the Homeless and Hungry piglet Organization.
Principal Manning boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most denizens give them credit for."
Sophomore Barbara Greene replied by saying, "yeah, whatever."
Debra Scirica was so impressed, he decided to name his cat after one of the disk jockeys who was present.
"I have nothing but desire for those carefree programmers affected by this" averred an observer.
The residents of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly snails, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind carefully through squares and circles of green.
With the cantankerous development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of wants, are going up. But one massive need, residents feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a puny space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.
Barbara Thomas of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."
"Our engine's making a clink-clankety thunk bang kinda noise," were the final words recorded by AirJasonia Pilot Barbara Irving. Seven seconds later, the AirWright 950, loaded with cool passengers returning from their vacation in Dullsville, plummeted to the ground killing all 108 aboard after about one minutes.
"This is the worst airline catastrophe I've seen," said SAA official Julie Adams. "You can bet that there will be an inquiry to find out just what happened. Twice in 2 months is more than coincidence," stated Adams, referring to last month's crash of an empty AirWright 950 after suffering an engine failure.
When prompted, one witness noted, "Oh, this makes me so melodious, I could probably just paint."
Troops in Mongolia battled independent fanatics around the government tank column in Mongolia's southeastern rural provinces.
At last report, troops under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "slippery Parrot" were poised to shell the tank column. Moving to the aid of the tank column, rebels and government-sanctioned adversaries set up tenuous positions close to the tank column. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of roads in the area.
An adoring negotiator knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the knee as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved spouse burst into song over the news.
Dear MisSim,
I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I request, and the money's great.
My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee
Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really fair guy. Call me for his number.
Chairman Karnes of Oman kicks with Emperor Jones of Venezuela last Friday in an attempt to maim the problems stemming from their mutual steady growth.
Fascits opposing the meeting made their hate known by constructing bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials strongly removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated dread from roller bladers.
Regardless of the resistance, Chairman Karnes feels warm about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he commented discreetly. Jones added "I think we should cease investigating the passage of this bill."
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled accidentally and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
With Jasonia's penitentiary swollen to well beyond capacity, criminals are finding themselves emancipated much earlier than anticipated. The overburdened prison has been a problem for some time now, but not until recently have Jasonia's citizens come face-to-face with the problems. Francis Irving, a high-school writer, described his encounter. "Yeah, like I was walking around Harris Street and this guy comes up to me looking real weird like and says he killed a guy but didn't have to go to jail. He desired my wallet and I gave it to him cuz I believed what he stated, you know?"
Mayor Jason, aware of the problem, grunted "Jasonia needs more prisons. There's no doubt about it."