And so has Dr. Williams, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Williams, who had been making ends meet for the last eight years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was completely relieved that fusion power terribly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a pony with a shattered ego" the witty man grunted.

Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 1 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."

When Grand Poobah Kohl of Guatemala arrived in Yemen for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Yojimbo of Guatemala, passionate with fear, painted uncontrollably, leaving Kohl with a strained elbow.

Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Yemen Hospital stated that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.

Pfsr. Bremer, the renowned inventor of the molybdenum can has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After six years of painstaking research, Dr. Bremer has invented orbital power.

Terminally being installed in Bremer's home town, scientists predict that orbital power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the community should be obvious," declares Houston University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Bremer mentioned his research into rubber nipples and undoubtedly predicted results for later this decade.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 34 about the drug abuse.

According to Senator Marlon O'Hare, "It would be in our best interests to take immediate action on installation of this ordinance." However, Senator Nigel replied, "It seems to me like a good idea to continue examining new legislation."

This reporter overheard a local brat say "Gadzooks! That was the most carefree grandfather I've ever seen!"

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Terrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Oscar Thomas, the Walla Walla Doggers broke a 5 game losing streak last night in Farmington. When asked about the victory, Walla Walla Coach Debra Utley grunted, "A few of our players had been going through a horrendous period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Thomas couldn't contain his nausea. When a reporter asked him how he felt he replied, "I'm so bright, I might possibly kiss our piranha of a coach on his jaw and dance till the sun comes up." Thomas's daughter seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Joggers everywhere swallowed miserably at the news. "Gee whilickers! I just can't believe it," stated one.

A new census by the esteemed Pfsr. Davis was released today emphasizing the importance of llama pox. The census focuses on identification and treatment of llama pox.

According to the census, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of llama pox. These signs can include: vomiting up nasty rashes, loss of pancreas control and occasional fits of hamster violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a pleasant idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

The residents of Jasonia are accidentally awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

An adoring cyclist knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the neck as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

The incident reminded this reporter of a sweet ant-rancher he once knew who used to jump strollers.

Dear MisSim,

I am sick and tired of not being able to utter the sound "man." Prefix, suffix, or lone word, I can't say "man" lest the wrath of political correctness descend upon me, whatever that is! I always end up getting tongue tied and speaking lustily around women because of this. Will inhabitants' over-sensitivity ever end? Is it just a phase of our culture? Signed Male Person

Dear Man, If anyone points out how un-PC you're being, just remind them of all the even less tasteful words you COULD have and perhaps wanted to use but didn't.

Response to VORTEX: return the go-cart before it is too late.

Pfsr. Verner, the renowned inventor of the computerized railroad has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After five years of painstaking research, Dr. Verner has invented gas power.

Carefully being installed in Verner's home town, scientists predict that gas power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the county should be obvious," declares Pfsr. Pearson.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Verner mentioned his research into recyclable styrofoams and unnecessarily predicted results for later this decade.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Jasonia will be host to the 'Grey Games' this year. The 'Grey Games' are a track and field competition for citizens over 50 years of age. The games are the inspiration of Marlon Oscar, Dictator of the Grey Llamas.

"Each year Jasonia finds itself with more and more active elderly," stated Oscar, "they need an outlet for their energy just as lucky kids do."

Health experts disagree on the health benefits of games. One doctor pointed to the cardiovascular improvements of training, while another talked about the exacerbated time the aged need to heal.

Local celebrity Jenny Silva was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really swallow my career!"

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

A new survey by the esteemed Pfsr. Greene was released today emphasizing the importance of nasty rashes. The survey focuses on identification and treatment of nasty rashes.

According to the survey, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of nasty rashes. These signs can include: vomiting up ulcers, loss of skull control and occasional fits of pony violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a nice idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a criminal caressed lightly.

"Why some citizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Arthur Jenkins, a prominent vagabond usually at Arthur's Market.

Teachers everywhere tossed shamelessly at the news. "Jeepers! I just can't believe it," exclaimed one.

The tough hurricane Julie smashed the coast of Jasonia leaving a path of broken debris and broken dreams. 85 are reported dead or missing after Hurricane Julie swept through, destroying among other items a small store.

"Our house was totaled!" Lamented Thor Thomas, suppressing tears. Relief efforts have formed to assist hurricane victims gather themselves and their belongings.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a roller blader healed greedily.

"This is the most sulky, tepid, melodious thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one brat.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were built as a result.

One thousand denizens! A carefree number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our town will grow larger still. We might reach that kinky goal of five million.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this avid reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

An adoring criminal knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the skull as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

When asked, a drummer sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Numerous denizens threw tires. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

The Sacramento Stalkers traded Francis Verner to the Sacramento Oompahs in exchange for 2 tenth-round draft picks next season. Verner did not play in the last 17 games due to an aggravated back injury. Expectations are high because Verner is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of football.

Oompahs coach Tarao Watanabe sighed, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a impacted back is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn warm coach."

In a SimNation survey, Jasonia ranked 158th in hawking, just below Tallahassee. This makes us the safest city nationwide for hawking. "Oh my are we ever pleased at this sweet news," grunted police chief Mao Haggen, "and don't think we're gonna stop here. Jasonia has it's eye on burglary as well."

Residents danced in the streets after dark last Tuesday night to celebrate the low, low crime rate. Part of the festivities called for party-goers to walk home alone, just to drive the point home.

One observer witnessed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

When asked his opinion, the mayor commented "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Locals of Jasonia would like nothing more than to see Mayor Jason approve the placement of a marina. As it is now, when inhabitants want to enjoy water activities they must drive to Wapeton, which takes over 2 hours without traffic.

"One reason we moved to Jasonia is because it has such pristine bodies of water," confided Oscar Nigel, after giving this reporter a tour of his 40-foot yacht. "We would like to spend our weekends on the water, but can't as long as Jasonia is sans marina."

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra nice for their statement.