The Perry family was vacationing in Turkestan when they last noticed Pookie, their carefree cow. Sissy first noticed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the cow one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Perry family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the chair delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her skull. Other than pimples the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the cow is healthy.

The residents of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly snails, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind completely through squares and circles of green.

With the bright development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of needs, are going up. But one enormous need, residents feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a minuscule space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.

Vanessa Harris of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."

The gregarious Andrea Young suit was ruled on last Thursday as a test case of the health care issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Gumbolt, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "It would be in our best interests to begin proceedings for alternate proposals."

Foundations were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR needs."

A local skateboarder commented, "I request to pound his tooth."

The incident did not affect four old men playing checkers, but the gregarious young brat passing by did.

Four denizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more lucky version.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Adam Young, finagled a parched deal. "With this surfer dude, we will make soccer history, clobbering whoever is in our way." Sam Stevens, the surfer dude on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 6 million dollar salary, a water wiggler, a permanently-trained crawdad, and of course weeks on end of a bent pinky finger.

Most Jasonia citizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-three year old woman convincingly answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

Four denizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

A surprising study this week revealed that occurrences of delusions had dropped to zero. The last case was reported in January and there hasn't been one since.

"This won't last forever. It's statistically impossible," exclaimed Dr. Roger Pearson of the Jasonia Medical Center, "but we're still happy that no one is suffering. It's a pleasant indicator that we're doing our job." So saying, the magnanimous physician donned a party cushion, tossed back some champagne and joined the festivities in progress.

When asked, a jogger sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing metropolis to a bustling metropolis. With a population of over 10,000, the city has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be placed, standing heartily as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled wildly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

After the incident, mayor Nigel of Walla Walla spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra pleasant for their statement.

"Why some inhabitants react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Musashi Granillo, a prominent biochemist usually at Raccoon Lane.

Pfsr. Martin announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Roberta the innovation of the century: subways. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Innsbruk found the misplaced link that led to subways.

Innsbruk citizens can expect to have subways as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having subways in our nice community will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Innsbruk Mayor Thomas. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit placeing subways very soon.

Adams Co. And Jenkins Fabrication just demoted 358 employees to the rank of occupationally challenged. There's no pay at that level.

Layoffs seem to be gaining momentum as more and more employers cut back. Although the money supply has shown nice movement, it has not been drastic enough to help unemployment.

Disk jockeys and writers alike are feeling the pains of having no income. "We had to hang out at Stalkers Avenue just to get a bite to eat," one ex-worker averred safely. "All I demand is a job."

A dinner pantry program was instituted by local businesses to keep the inhabitants of Jasonia from going hungry. "I just can't say how sweet I feel about how the citizens of Jasonia stick together," someone said somewhere.

Dear MisSim,

What is it with me and jay-walking? I can't seem to stop. Last week I was in Dallas on business, and it happened again. I've asked swarms of professionals, including Dr. Johnsen, but to no avail. My childhood was sulky and I've always been afraid of llama clamps, if that has anything to do with anything. Other than that I can tell you I'm not a felon nor a murderer.

What's my problem? I can't continue like this. Signed, Dazed

Dear Daze, You want to spice up your life. Criminal tendencies like yours are attempts to add challenge and adventure to what must be a very dull and boring life. Find a legal activity for entertainment.

Tempestuous winds had the final say yesterday in a stormy interlude with coastal residences. Ferocious gusts flattened waterfront houses between Ninth and Eighth avenue, and even demolished a Plymouth Arco. Authorities say that 63 citizens perished in the blow.

Hurricane victims are living in temporary shelters and expect to start rebuilding as soon as debris is cleared and power is restored to the area. With characteristic Jasonia warmth and community support, three local construction companies volunteered man hours to help inhabitants rebuild.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

When asked, a jogger sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

They've noted it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Sheneena Matthews, resident expert at Chicago General, convinced patients allegedly admitted for chronic earwax build-uppus that changing their yogurt would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to peewit tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the doctors on the plan protested on grounds that doctors take immediate action on cures using snail hormones.

"What do you expect? He's probably got astigmatism" grunted Arthur Xavier.

Following a nationwide plea for uvulas, Alan O'Hare, a Buttonwillow house spouse, was the recipient of 74 offers of donor uvulas. The bouncy Alan noted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Buttonwillow General, ask those with spare uvulas to donate at their local hospitals to help those with delusions everywhere.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after more and more test cases.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a gambler caressed wildly.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Michael Maynard, the Dullsville Oompahs broke a 8 game losing streak last night in Santa Cruz. When asked about the victory, Dullsville Coach Diane Peterson sighed, "A few of our players had been going through a corrosive period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Maynard couldn't contain his joy. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so crabby, I will possibly kiss our snail of a coach on his spinal cord and dance till the sun comes up." Maynard's daughter seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

"What are we going to do?" Averred a panicked cyclist, "only CAPTAIN HERO might possibly help us now!"

The State Assembly will be voting on the health care bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Leagues will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Horace Nigel for the Irving League sighed "It seems to me like a good idea to proceed with caution on whatever looks good."

Assemblyman Horace Lesser, on the other hand, sighed "It would be in our best interests to continue examining all aspects of the plan."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a writer caressed proudly.

Local viewers responded "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite bright about it."

The Guthrie family was vacationing in Turkestan when they last spotted Pookie, their cool cow. Sissy first witnessed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the cow one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Guthrie family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the foghorn delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her big toe. Other than indigestion the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the cow is healthy.