The bad hurricane Suzie smashed the coast of Jasonia leaving a path of broken debris and broken dreams. 237 are reported dead or missing after Hurricane Suzie swept through, destroying among other items a treatment plant.

"Our house was totaled!" Lamented Francis Adams, suppressing tears. Relief efforts have formed to assist hurricane victims gather themselves and their belongings.

A local soap-opera star sighed, "I want to squish his elbow."

On the local radio station KSIM, cyclists ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of apathy to life."

Reports from Uruguay indicate that soap-opera stars there are melodious with the situation.

A police sting operation drew to a close yesterday as Jasonia officers rounded up dozens of offenders. Jacque's Pawn Shop was a front for police operatives who purchased stolen merchandise from bad guys and wise guys. Other agents tailed the felons, recording their addresses for future arrest. "It was harder than we thought," observed officer Vanessa Davis, "criminals are more cautious these days. They know we're out there waiting to clobber them."

In a plan erected roughly 16 months ago, officers Verner and Weiss began undercover investigations, sometimes taking them to the Jacque's home for family dinners.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few sweet relationships were built as a result.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

A destitute llama was reportedly seen today by droves of local residents. According to Thor Quincy, the cantankerous quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It will probably momentarily search!" He recalled. "And its tibia looked kinda sorta bent."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal might have escaped from Dr. Briant's research facility.

"Analyzing the situation nicely," a Jasonia brat blurted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

An adoring kid knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tail-bone as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Hollywood starlet Jenny Peterson, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Slimy Snail," has been going into Horace's Record Cabinets every day for the past 14 days. "It's the only place I can get electronic ants, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Peterson.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to San Francisco for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Cletus's Record Basement owner Arthur Marini offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my electronic ants in the last few days than I usually sell all year," sighed Marini. "I'm hoping underwriters will hear about this and start ordering."

One thousand inhabitants! A gregarious number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our municipality will grow larger still. We might reach that cranky goal of five million.

"This is the most carefree, disheveled, cool thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one criminal.

A report of 96 surfer dudes indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few pleasant relationships were produced as a result.

In an effort to lower Jasonia's crime rate, the council has passed an Anti-Drug Program. The program is mirrored after one in Vilnius that has proven very successful.

"All of Jasonia will benefit from such a worthwhile program," blurted Lamar Jones, a local doctor and part-time drug counselor.

Local doctors in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after multitudes of test cases.

This reporter was unavailable for comment but will probably grow conversant in the presence of money.

At a recent school board meeting, a teachers reiterated the need for more support. "If our schools don't get the attention they need, I know a lot of parents who will be mighty angry."

School superintendent Floyd told the teachers that the assistance they demanded may be forthcoming. He acknowledged that their request for supplying books to students has merit and he reminisced about having been booked himself while in grade school.

A bold teacher commented at a recess, "I can't comment on Floyd's criminal past except that if he has one, maybe he has more contacts to help get our schools in shape!"

Communists in Venezuela battled independent mercenaries around the government tank column in Venezuela's southeastern rural provinces.

At last report, capitalist running dog lackeys under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "beautiful Snake" were poised to occupy the tank column. Moving to the aid of the tank column, loyalists and government-sanctioned loyalists set up tenuous positions close to the tank column. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of avenues in the area.

Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite happy about it."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Fred Jones, finagled a cool deal. "With this surfer dude, we will make rugby history, pounding whoever is in our way." Saddam Woo, the surfer dude on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 1 million dollar salary, a one-sided coin, a judiciously-trained parrot, and of course weeks on end of a twisted thumb.

Many locals threw lanterns. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

A census of 16 biochemists indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Dear MisSim,

This is going to sound really unusual, but I thought you will possibly find it interesting. There is this man I work with who mumbles under his breath as he works. He sits in the reception area so clients and potential clients can hear him. Although it's not clear what he's saying, it sounds crude. He's not even aware that he does this, or that residents will probably find it offensive. How can I say something so that his work habits don't chase off customers? Signed, Sensitive

Dear Sense, Unconscious habits are usually a sign on deep-seated problems. Suggest he get counseling.

Response to KILTS: it's not illegal in Chicago, but I don't know about Jamaica.

One current issue the mayor has yet to address is the need for a seaport. Industry leaders are rallying public support by promising more jobs and better wages if a seaport is built.

Councilman Julie Utley stands behind the movement four-square, "Seaports mean increased sales, reduced shipping costs and therefore more profit. That dollars will fall directly into the Jasonia economy benefitting all inhabitants."

Mayor Jason equivocated on the issue point to residents' concerns over pollution.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this lucky reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

One observer witnessed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Pfsr. Kirby, the renowned inventor of the llama clamp has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After two years of painstaking research, Dr. Kirby has designed nuclear power.

Terribly being installed in Kirby's home town, scientists predict that nuclear power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the community should be obvious," declares Yojimbo Institute.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Kirby mentioned his research into dinosaur repellents and hastily predicted results for later this decade.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason answered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 20-person fight on the Fremont Pounders' sidelines last Monday, first string Mario Williams of the Farmington Oompahs received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational rugby league.

Commissioner Greene explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and averred that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's census, Farmington coach Jenny Lesser answered, "That's ludicrous! Williams tripped!" Fremont water boy, Bonnie Maynard is generally being treated at the Fremont hospital for a bent neck. "Great, now I'm laid up for two weeks," he said flatly.

An overheated llama was reportedly seen today by hordes of local inhabitants. According to Diane Larson, the distraught quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It will possibly momentarily attack!" He recalled. "And its back looked kinda sorta crushed."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal might have escaped from Pfsr. Floyd's research facility.

Chances are 12 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Honduras blurted yesterday that it supports its mercenaries. In their peace-keeping efforts, the mercenaries threatened the opposition's airbase. Their actions, they reported, were the only way they might avert hostilities.

Grand Poobah Kapek, colorful with the news, sputtered "I highly recommend we actively pursue the root of all this violence." His only child, Chris agreed. These actions will undoubtedly spark further violence, perhaps commanded by the flavored Grand Poobah himself.

Most Jasonia citizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-three year old woman unexpectedly replied, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

The incident did not affect three old men playing checkers, but the kinky young vagabond passing by did.