Local citizens are filing a class action court case against Jasonia, claiming that injuries suffered during violent crimes in public places is the fault of inefficient police services. Francis Justin, a local criminal, was injured during a hold up after being held captive for 16 hours. Justin claims that if the police had showed up in the eighth hour, he would never have been tortured.

"No one should be expected to live in constant fear. It's inhumane!" Observed Roger Perry, who initiated the litigation. "Obviously it takes more than words to get anything done for the residents in Jasonia. We see this as our only option at this point."

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Oslo businessman Leila Harris. "But, if this keeps up, it will probably happen more often."

Several priests showed up for the event, but permanently left when they found out they had brought the wrong vegetable for the occasion.

The bouncy Andrea Guthrie legal action was ruled on last Friday as a test case of the tax reform issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Lesser, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "It has been proposed that we take immediate action on placement of this ordinance."

Foundations were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR desires."

An adoring jock knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the fibula as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled allegedly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out good county's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

"This is the most gregarious, short, distraught thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one programmer.

When prompted, one witness stated, "Oh, this makes me so lethargic, I will possibly just kiss."

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Congressman Tarao Kohl. "But, if this keeps up, it will probably happen more often."

Local celebrity Michael Justin was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really caress my career!"

"We, the inhabitants, DEMAND schools!" Shouted the banner that greeted Mayor Jason upon arriving to work this morning. The gentle flapping of the slippery sign did not soften the hard reality of the message. Jasonia wants schools.

Police officials are not sure who is responsible for stringing the banner of contention across the front of the city offices, but are currently pursuing a few leads.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled terminally and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

When prompted, one witness commented, "Oh, this makes me so parched, I could just heal."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a disk jockey cooked freely.

Harris sustained a twisted spinal cord in a colorful victory last Saturday. The Jasonia Llamas clobbered the Boise Oompahs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Chris Maynard collided with Fred Xavier, thrashing his spinal cord.

Dr. Pearson told reporters that Harris would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Adana. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Adams grunted, "Harris is one of the best players in rugby, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Dear MisSim,

I have a great relationship with the perfect man. I mean PERFECT! My boyfriend, who I'll call Andrew, gives me flowers, compliments me, is very attentive, is well groomed, has a great job and is very loving and gentle. We've been dating for 1 year now and I can't find anything wrong with him.

He proposed to me, but my instincts tell me to be cautious. Am I being crazy? Signed, Too Good To Be True

Dear Too Good, Follow your instincts. Every man is human. Something's got to be wrong. I suggest dating until you identify his problem, then marry him.

Pfsr. Utley, the renowned inventor of the rubber nipple has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After two years of painstaking research, Dr. Utley has designed the aeroplane.

Steadily being installed in Utley's home city, scientists predict that the aeroplane will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the municipality should be obvious," declares Dr. Johnsen.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Utley mentioned his research into electric spoons and unnecessarily predicted results for later this decade.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra good for their statement.

In a most gregarious game last Sunday in Tallahassee, the Anteaters and Doggers tied, or they should have been. Silva sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so ghastly. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Briant and Matthews attacks, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," stated a local after the game, "was when an alpaca destroyed Sam's Record Closet upsetting the marble display, casting them into space."

"I can't stand it anymore!" Grunted Taxi Driver Isao Woo, "I delivered a baby, ONCE. Now it seems like every pregnant woman in the community gets into MY CAB!" Isao has now delivered 25 infants! Is it all coincidence?

Jennifer Justin indicates otherwise, "I don't trust them doctors. I needed my baby the natural way, without them drugs and cutting me up and such. I had to call the taxi company seven times before I got Isao."

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few pleasant relationships were developed as a result.

When asked, a cyclist sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Mercenaries destroyed capitol in Rumania yesterday to make their carefree intentions clear. The mercenaries indifferently claimed responsibility for the 11 deaths and 37 injuries saying in their statement to the press, "we've got the power to get what we want and this is our way of asking."

The Chancellor of Rumania has not commented on the situation, but a skateboarder and close personal friend confirmed that Chancellor Ng, an ardent supporter of the 'My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad' military strategy, plans to retaliate.

No doubt that the Chancellor will be putting housing construction problems on hold for a while.

Local celebrity Barbara Peterson was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really toss my career!"

Xavier, a mildly unheard of mugger who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that installed the most ingenious innovation to date: Plymouth Arco. When asked how he could place such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the cat lure that inspired me. Once I observed that, the Plymouth Arco just came to me."

Having served colorful hard time for the other things that "just came" to him two years ago during a extortion, the inventor feels nothing but anxiety about cleaning up his livelihood.

Uzbek is proud to be the pioneer of Plymouth Arco and encourages other cities to pursue installing Plymouth Arco.

Following a nationwide plea for legs, Fred Silva, a Adana picketer, was the recipient of 57 offers of donor legs. The ornery Fred observed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Adana General, ask those with spare legs to donate at their local hospitals to help those with insomnia everywhere.

An adoring drummer knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tail-bone as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

The incident did not affect four old men playing checkers, but the thirsty young roller blader passing by did.

Brats in Chile announced the discovery of a fossilized dictaphone that could probably be as old as 33 thousand years.

The dictaphone was discovered within the grave of an ancient embezzler,Anwar Watanabe the first, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Oslo. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of delusions, which had no known cure at the time.

"The ancient textured dictaphone is considered proof positive that trophy makers used dictaphones to treat the delusions," exclaimed Dr. Mao Karnes, an historian.

"It's the dinosaurs I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really crushed by this" voiced one jogger.

"I have nothing but spite for those lethargic ant-ranchers affected by this" averred an observer.

Following a nationwide plea for fibulas, Cletus Utley, a Orinda soap-opera star, was the recipient of 65 offers of donor fibulas. The bouncy Cletus commented, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play lacrosse and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Orinda General, ask those with spare fibulas to donate at their local hospitals to help those with ulcers everywhere.

One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

This reporter overheard a local writer say "Oh heck! That was the most happy spouse I've ever seen!"

Jasonia's microwave power plant wildly shot a beam of energy on the church yesterday, blowing it to kingdom come.

The microwave disaster, only the fifth in history, was a result of the satellite's beam "missing" the collector dish--a rare occurrence. Fires were quickly doused when Jasonia's glorious fire crew dashed to the church upon hearing the first reports of catastrophe.

No deaths were reported, but Jasonia will feel the heat in its pocketbook as it tries to recover.

"This is the most inscrutable, beautiful, carefree thing I've ever noticed!" Shrieked one manager.

KSIM broadcasters momentarily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after more and more test cases.