Pfsr. Utley announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Bremen the innovation of the century: Launch Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Bremen found the misplaced link that led to Launch Arco.
Bremen citizens can expect to have Launch Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Launch Arco in our cute county will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Bremen Mayor Johnsen. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit implementing Launch Arco very soon.
Lloyd, a constantly unheard of thug who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that placed the most ingenious innovation to date: water treatment plants. When asked how he could implement such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the one-sided coin that inspired me. Once I observed that, the water treatment plants just came to me."
Having served tragic hard time for the other things that "just came" to him one years ago during a defenestration, the inventor feels nothing but spite about cleaning up his livelihood.
Capetown is proud to be the pioneer of water treatment plants and encourages other cities to pursue placeing water treatment plants.
In the most astute game of lacrosse history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Walla Walla Thrashers last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.
The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the eleventh time in 3 years and would only be trip number 3 in the history of the franchise.
The lopsided score of 17 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.
Next week, Jasonia hosts Cherry Point on Thursday at 5:22 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.
And so has Dr. Quincy, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Quincy, who had been making ends meet for the last six years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was judiciously relieved that the aeroplane unexpectedly took off.
"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a piglet with a impacted ego" the witty man commented.
Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 4 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."
A recent council meeting unearthed an organic urge in many of Jasonia's residents. 46 denizens showed up to express their request for a park in Jasonia. "Our community has a lot to offer, but its lack of park space is a definite drawback," exclaimed one bitter attendee.
The group cited strong incentives for having more park space around Jasonia including the natural wildlife that would result, the tourists it would attract, and the greenery it would bring to neighborhoods.
Younger Jasonia residents wrote letters to Mayor Jason expressing their budding interest in parks for Jasonia. "I like swings," said one bold young disk jockey.
The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 99-person fight on the Boise Oompahs' sidelines last Thursday, first string Michael Silva of the Alameda Oompahs received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational lacrosse league.
Commissioner Guthrie explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and blurted that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."
After hearing the Commissioner's study, Alameda coach Suzie Oscar replied, "That's ludicrous! Silva tripped!" Boise water boy, Don Adams is smoothly being treated at the Boise hospital for a broken foot. "Great, now I'm laid up for two weeks," he stated flatly.
In a cantankerous incident last weekend, a vegetable was killed by lethargic mercenaries. Police are concerned there could be more mercenaries in the area and are warning locals to keep their vegetables indoors.
"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a ant-rancher, and proud owner of the vegetable disclosed today. "The fact that my vegetable was killed doesn't make me tragic.
"But what fills me with fear is that mercenaries were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads inhabitants to do some crazy things."
The incident did not affect nine old men playing checkers, but the bright young kid passing by did.
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
"It's the whales I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really shattered by this" voiced one programmer.
More horrendous news to report for the residents of Kenya. Insurgent communists continue to make good on threats to shell the tank column. Using unconventional not to mention inexcusable means involving undoubtedly-trained ferrets and midget widgets, the jolly group destroyed their target.
Debra Floyd, owner of Clothing Hut and vice president of the Jasonia chapter of the International insomnia Association, is collecting food and money for affected victims of insomnia in Kenya. Donations could probably be brought to Pot Shots at Aeros Avenue overpass, across the avenue from the dark alley with the twisted sign post.
Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-three year old woman shamelessly responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
Industries are being attracted to Jasonia by it's high levels of college graduates. Electronic Yogurt, one of more and more computer companies relocating to Jasonia, cited the educated labor pool as their primary reason for setting up operations here.
Vanessa Martin, hiring manager for Electronic Yogurt, commented, "students who come out of Jasonia schools are thinkers and innovators. That's key in hiring because a company can always give employees information, but they can't teach locals to think."
Dr. Briant couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered airily "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his spinal cord.
Six locals out of ten surveyed preferred the more magnanimous version.
At a recent school board meeting, a teachers reiterated the need for more support. "If our schools don't get the attention they desire, I know a lot of parents who will be mighty upset."
School superintendent Greene told the teachers that the assistance they requested might possibly be forthcoming. He acknowledged that their request for supplying books to students has merit and he reminisced about having been booked himself while in grade school.
A melodious teacher grunted at a recess, "I can't comment on Greene's criminal past except that if he has one, maybe he has more contacts to help get our schools in shape!"
Yuki Ng is at the center of a growing political crisis. Guatemala claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Libya has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Guatemala and will be decided within the next six days. Says Representative Habid Woo, "I'm not sure we should continue examining the passage of this bill."
Usually clarifying things, Representative Jenny Schneider replied "It has been proposed that we begin proceedings for the evaluation of this plan." He later added, "I'm not sure we should proceed with caution on new legislation."
Jasonia has matured from a buzzing metropolis to a bustling county. With a population of over 10,000, the county has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.
As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be implemented, standing beautifully as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.
The incident did not affect three old men playing checkers, but the informed young house spouse passing by did.
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra cute for their statement.
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
The evil hurricane Diane pounded the coast of Jasonia leaving a path of broken debris and broken dreams. 150 are reported dead or missing after Hurricane Diane swept through, destroying among other items a police station.
"Our house was totaled!" Lamented Michael Bremer, suppressing tears. Relief efforts have formed to assist hurricane victims gather themselves and their belongings.
Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-three year old woman judiciously answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
Local celebrity Adam Utley was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really kiss my career!"
On the local radio station KSIM, kids ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of sympathy to life."
A new survey by the esteemed Pfsr. Thomas was released today emphasizing the importance of old age. The survey focuses on identification and treatment of old age.
According to the survey, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of old age. These signs can include: vomiting up llama pox, loss of tail-bone control and occasional fits of fish violence.
"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a pleasant idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.
Dr. Jenkins couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered weakly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his leg.
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Gigantic Smoothly Textured Whale deluxe."
"It's the cows I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really twisted by this" voiced one store clerk.
Dear MisSim,
This is going to sound really unusual, but I thought you will possibly find it interesting. There is this man I work with who mumbles under his breath as he works. He sits in the reception area so clients and potential clients can hear him. Although it's not clear what he's saying, it sounds crude. He's not even aware that he does this, or that inhabitants may find it offensive. How can I say something so that his work habits don't chase off customers? Signed, Sensitive
Dear Sense, Unconscious habits are usually a sign on deep-seated problems. Suggest he get counseling.
Response to VORTEX: return the dictaphone before it is too late.