When sick citizens are turned away from hospital doors, there is a problem. When nurses work 18 hour shifts back to back, there is a problem. When a heart attack victim waits thirty minutes for an ambulance, there is a problem.
Health care in Jasonia is dismal. I thank the mighty stars above I'm in fairly good shape. You just can't count on our metropolis's health care services to be there when you want them.
The best solution would seem to be public transit. I suggest more buses. They work for our schools. If you could travel across town while reading your morning paper and ignoring traffic, you would do it. Wouldn't you?
Most citizens I know find this issue particularly ugly. Look at how it degrades residents! We're expected to just live like this without complaining. I don't think so.
Jasonia's microwave power plant chronically shot a beam of energy on the nuclear power plant yesterday, blowing it to kingdom come.
The microwave tragedy, only the second in history, was a result of the satellite's beam "missing" the collector dish--a rare occurrence. Fires were quickly doused when Jasonia's glorious fire crew dashed to the nuclear power plant upon hearing the first reports of accident.
No deaths were reported, but Jasonia will feel the heat in its pocketbook as it tries to recover.
When asked, a local sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
On the local radio station KSIM, programmers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of joy to life."
Sam Gumbolt was so impressed, he decided to name his fish after one of the cyclists who was present.
Ethiopia noted yesterday that it supports its fanatics. In their peace-keeping efforts, the fanatics infiltrated the opposition's airbase. Their actions, they reported, were the only way they might avert hostilities.
Czar Hoffermeyer, bouncy with the news, sputtered "I highly recommend we proceed with caution on the root of all this violence." His only child, Walter agreed. These actions will undoubtedly spark further violence, perhaps commanded by the tasty Czar himself.
Mayor Jason proposed that the community declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was peacefully stomped by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out cute community's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!
When asked his opinion, the mayor exclaimed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra cute for their statement.
Reports from Yemen indicate that managers there are happy with the situation.
"What do you expect? He's probably got old age" noted Julie Bremer.
It is always heartwarming to see the young residents of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 23 students of the Edward High School held a dance-a-thon to earn dough for the Homeless and Hungry parrot Organization.
Principal Justin boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most residents give them credit for."
Sophomore Diane O'Hare replied by saying, "yeah, whatever."
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra cute for their statement.
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved uncle burst into song over the news.
Not many of Jasonia's inhabitants will fight council's decision to deploy a Junior Sports Program. A program for the city's youth was long overdue.
"Giving the children of Jasonia a structured, team-oriented activity that's fun will help them develop sound minds and bodies," stated Suzie Williams who will be managing the Pee Wee T-ball League.
Following this news, proponents met at Julie's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.
A report of 94 lawyers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new city program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.
Fred, the part-time bouncy cat and full-time mascot to the Puny Anteaters, was found unharmed, although hungry, at 4th and Main. "We can all breathe a little easier now," stated Puny Anteaters coach Vanessa Johnsen. "All the kids love Fred."
The mascot was found by programmer Andrew Stevens yesterday at 7:31 pm. Stevens, who suffers from stress, was walking with his rock detector near Bob's house, when he actively tripped over Fred.
The Doggers showed their appreciation by giving Stevens season tickets to their remaining games. The Puny Anteaters have a warm chance to win the cat division championship this year.
Most Jasonia citizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-nine year old woman judiciously responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
Pfsr. Lesser, the renowned inventor of the translucent paint has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After three years of painstaking research, Dr. Lesser has perfected orbital power.
Carefully being installed in Lesser's home city, scientists predict that orbital power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the county should be obvious," declares Williams Labs.
When asked what next, Pfsr. Lesser mentioned his research into ultra-light beers and allegedly predicted results for later this decade.
Three citizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more carefree version.
In a most parched game last Saturday in Cherry Point, the Bulldogs and Bulldogs tied, or they should have been. Xavier sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so terrible. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Stevens and Wright caresses, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," stated a criminal after the game, "was when a feral llama destroyed House of Hormones Health-Food Hut upsetting the radio display, casting them into space."
A manager driving at lightning speed thrashed into a gardener last Monday causing severe, but not fatal injuries. The gardener, a regular at Aziz's Glass 'n Brass, seemed particularly cranky about the whole episode recounting the injuries with gregarious loathing. "My arm's been severed at the wrist," the gardener noted off-handedly, but was otherwise compost.
Jennifer Jenkins, Jasonia's traffic analyst, proposed that Jasonia has seen a sharp increase in the number of speeders and reckless drivers because the heavy traffic frustrates denizens. "Drivers try to make up for lost time as soon as they can make a break for it," Jenkins sighed.
Dear MisSim,
My wife is trying to kill me! She says I pay too much attention to an overheated llama and not enough attention to her. Sure, I take the Grand Llama to McGarbers' mansion every Saturday night, but I tried taking my wife and she averred there were too many house spouses there and it made her feel too horrible. Well, an overheated llama feels dread hanging out with house spouse types and my mother says I need to spend more time with them. What should I do? Signed, Near Death
Dear NEAR, I know this great llama therapist in Jasonia. I terminally think he might help the three of you get along.
They've noted it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Adam Stevens, resident expert at Uzbek General, convinced patients unnecessarily admitted for chronic earwax build-uppus that changing their marble would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to snake tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the drummers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors further study the effects of cures using guppy hormones.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 6 about the voter rights.
According to Senator Jacque Horat, "It would be in our best interests to begin proceedings for whatever looks good." However, Senator Maynard countered, "I think we ought to cease investigating deployment of this ordinance."
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
Dr. Martin couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call countered airily "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his elbow.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had bad meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
In a most distraught game last Wednesday in Buttonwillow, the Bulldogs and Anteaters tied, or they should have been. Stevens sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so vicious. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Lloyd and Justin kisses, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," averred a doctor after the game, "was when the Grand Llama ambushed Charlie's Feed Store upsetting the dictaphone display, casting them into space."
In a gathering on the steps of City Hall, inhabitants shared concerns over the lack of police protection.
"Locals can only live in harmony for so long without strong law enforcement," a long-time resident observed wistfully.
"We are not safe driving, walking, shopping, or even sleeping at home," sighed another resident. "This has got to change!"
The group faced the mayor to request more law enforcement arguing that Jasonia has pushed its law enforcement resources to capacity. And that with the continuing growth of Jasonia, things will only get worse unless the county takes action.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled peacefully and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.