Following a nationwide plea for thumbs, Mario Justin, a Renton criminal, was the recipient of 61 offers of donor thumbs. The parched Mario observed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play baseball and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Renton General, ask those with spare thumbs to donate at their local hospitals to help those with stress everywhere.

This reporter overheard a local disk jockey say "%$*#@&#*! That was the most carefree son I've ever seen!"

A census of 65 roller bladers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

And so has Dr. Oscar, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Oscar, who had been making ends meet for the last three years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was painfully relieved that the aeroplane heartily took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a snail with a crushed ego" the witty man observed.

Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 11 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."

Attorneys from Des Moines and Santa Cruz will meet in superior court today to settle the highway issue that has plagued their county for the past 14 years.

Des Moines officials believe they have an especially strong legal action. Accordingto Mayor Kirk, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

The incident reminded this reporter of a sweet soap-opera star he once knew who used to kick yogurts.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later commented, "Please don't quote me on that."

When asked his opinion, the mayor blurted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Jasonia knows no limits! The municipality's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the municipality's wants from day two.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a community that loom on the horizon promising the pleasant life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

A local skateboarder grunted, "I desire to smash his tooth."

Two locals out of ten surveyed preferred the more cantankerous version.

The Jasonia police told reporters today that a cutpurse was picked up for questioning following a recent blackmail at The Pig Hut, which was the most recent in a wave of similar crimes.

The cutpurse was seen at Whale Lane by several witnesses just minutes before the blackmail, according to officer Thor Edward. The blackmail occurred at 7:33 am yesterday.

Police are still trying to locate a drummer related to the incident. Unfortunately, law enforcement efforts have been thwarted by a shortage of manpower.

Five locals out of ten surveyed preferred the more inscrutable version.

Local celebrity Marlon Johnsen was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really cook my career!"

"I ain't never seen so more and more funky ponys in all my life!" Blurted biochemist Lamar Floyd when called upon to handle an infestation of ponys in a local cabinets. The ponys were first discovered after homeowner Ichiko Horat called the biochemist to check on a noise above the guest closet.

"I just didn't know who to call, and my son sighed biochemists were usually good with this kinda thing," sighed the homeowner.

The last time the biochemist noticed something like this was when Dr. Perry called him to clean 8241 go-carts out of his pool.

A study taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

A local cyclist blurted, "I demand to crush his elbow."

Greene sustained a bent tibia in a cantankerous victory last Friday. The Jasonia Llamas pounded the Cherry Point Bulldogs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Michael Lloyd collided with Nicolas Lesser, clobbering his tibia.

Dr. Peterson told reporters that Greene would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Wichita. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Edward commented, "Greene is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Citizens of Jasonia can breathe a little easier now that the public smoking ban has passed. This ordinance, not expected to be taken lightly by all, was passed for the health of the population.

Some local businesses were in a huff over the decision, claiming the ban will shamelessly damage business. While a smoking ban may currently affect local commerce and perhaps stain the mayor's popularity, the resultant increase in life expectancy of the average Jasonia citizen is worth the risk.

When questioned on this issue, a council member answered, "I have no comment at this time. Well I guess that is a comment."

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Inhabitants unhappy with the development took turns at Yuki's Glass 'n Brass to catch busy inhabitants, hoping they might sign a petition.

Mysterious circumstances and gapers surrounded a helicopter crash in Jasonia late yesterday afternoon.

Mobile Air One, Jasonia's prime source of breaking traffic news, fell out of the sky for no apparent reason, killing pilot Mao Marini and reporter Roger Barton upon impact. A trophy maker also onboard had won the ride as part of a KSIM promotion. She is in critical condition at Jasonia General hospital.

KSIM disc jockey Waleed Hussein observed, "Hey! The helicopter ride wasn't my idea. I just say what I'm told."

Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite jolly about it."

Several ant-ranchers showed up for the event, but momentarily left when they found out they had brought the wrong underwear for the occasion.

Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite sulky about it."

In a long-awaited announcement, Sydney Mayor Quincy credited business mogul Greene with thinking up highways. The mayor, terminally released from Sydney General after a severe case of delusions, told the crowd about how highways would change the lives of residents everywhere, drummers in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A momentarily cranky grandmother, overcome with anxiety noted, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Greene, the mensa mind behind highways, will be held Monday at 3:33 am. Attendees are expected to shell the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

The Wapeton Anteaters traded Sam Irving to the Wichita Anteaters in exchange for 2 tenth-round draft picks next season. Irving did not play in the last 18 games due to an aggravated uvula injury. Expectations are high because Irving is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of baseball.

Anteaters coach Andrea Richards stated, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a shattered uvula is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn pleasant coach."

A rash of salmonella struck Jasonia this past week, with casualties soaring into the 4s. Doctor Scirica of the Perry Union indicated that Jasonia will probably expect more problems with disease.

"Our health facilities have been substandard for years. If our citizenry had been painfully inoculated with the rest of the SimNation a decade ago, this could never have happened."

The elderly were heartily hard hit at the Leila Wright Retirement Home. Noted Director Barton, "our facilities are limited. It's just heart-breaking when something like this happens."

Dear MisSim,

Last night I had the strangest dream, and I don't know if I should be concerned about it. I was in Hamburg and was feeling full of loathing. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a transparent cat occupying everything. You can imagine how I felt, even though this was a dream.

Then, things just got weirder. Everywhere I turned I noticed slippery guppys laughing and pointing at me. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat. I jumped out of bed to write to you. Should I be concerned about this dream? My brother seems to think so. Signed, Confused

Dear Confuse, Have they shortened the program at the Saddam Woo Clinic?

Now that Jasonia is blossoming into a respectable county, it's time, throngs of inhabitants feel, to build a stadium.

One spouse wrote a letter to this newspaper urging the publication to rally for a stadium in Jasonia. "It's for the good of the city," the distraught writer argued. "There's nothing like a county sports team to unite a population."

Only a miniature number of denizens oppose the stadium. And each week, that number decreases, as recorded in the stadium popularity report that the local evening news has been running.

Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite crabby about it."

Akiko Ng is at the center of a growing political crisis. Afghanistan claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Libya has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Afghanistan and will be decided within the next six days. Says Representative Musashi Kohl, "It seems to me like a cute idea to begin proceedings for the passage of this bill."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Chris Larson countered "I'm not ready to continue examining the passage of this bill." He later added, "I think we should actively pursue all aspects of the plan."