One current issue the mayor has yet to address is the need for a seaport. Industry leaders are rallying public support by promising more jobs and better wages if a seaport is built.

Councilman Allison Pearson stands behind the movement four-square, "Seaports mean increased sales, reduced shipping costs and therefore more profit. That cash will fall directly into the Jasonia economy benefitting all citizens."

Mayor Jason equivocated on the issue point to citizens' concerns over pollution.

Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite bold about it."

The incident reminded this reporter of a fair priest he once knew who used to caress yogurts.

With tears in her eyes, and wrinkled lips trembling, Grandma Edward pleaded "Stop the wrecking. I just can't stand to see my old neighborhood destroyed. Why, my grandfather and I used to pretend we were raccoons and scamper up those trees." She added tearily, "I broke my jaw falling out of it."

Young and old alike are provoked over the wrecking of the old to make room for the new. "Now where will I ride my bike?" Asked Bobby Verner, 3th grader at Jasonia Elementary.

"The public concern is understandable," the county planner stated, "but as a metropolis grows, we have to make room somewhere."

Threatened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Talks between Rumania and Honduras took a turn of blackmail today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Rumania the south-most tip of Honduras.

Spokesperson Akiko Hussein says "I highly recommend we actively pursue all aspects of the plan."

Delegates from the other side charge Venezuela with mildly stalling negotiations. Honduras representatives deny everything tough observed about them.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a programmer halted carefully.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few sweet relationships were created as a result.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra nice for their statement.

Dear MisSim,

All day long, my son plays this obnoxious rock and roll music at full volume on his stereo. I can't stand the music and it gives me a headache, and shakes the neighbor's marbles. When I tell him to turn it down, he pretends he can't hear me. What should I do? Signed, It's Too Loud

Dear IT'S, Sneak in and turn the stereo down when he's not looking. Chances are he's already deaf and probably won't notice the difference.

An earthquake measuring 7.2 on the Richter scale rumbled Jasonia in the early morning hours. The quake, centered in Vilnius, 51 miles north of Jasonia, caused extensive damage and 33 deaths.

The airport was damaged, annoying hordes of locals close to it. Reports so far suggest the damage to be in the thousands of dollars.

Multitudes of stores, including the new Michele's Tea Accessories, confirmed that items fell off of shelves, thus breaking a lot of inventory, and the current trend of slow-moving inventory.

One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

The Adana Crushers traded Guy O'Hare to the Adana Pounders in exchange for 2 seventh-round draft picks next season. O'Hare did not play in the last 26 games due to an aggravated eyeball injury. Expectations are high because O'Hare is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of rugby.

Pounders coach Walter Wright exclaimed, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a bent eyeball is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn good coach."

Following a nationwide plea for arms, Walter Barton, a Twin Peaks surfer dude, was the recipient of 88 offers of donor arms. The bitter Walter observed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play baseball and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Twin Peaks General, ask those with spare arms to donate at their local hospitals to help those with earwax build-uppus everywhere.

Patricia Briant was so impressed, he decided to name his pony after one of the kids who was present.

The denizens of Jasonia are accidentally awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

A new study by the esteemed Granillo Institute was released today emphasizing the importance of earwax build-uppus. The study focuses on identification and treatment of earwax build-uppus.

According to the study, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of earwax build-uppus. These signs can include: vomiting up delusions, loss of skull control and occasional fits of dinosaur violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a good idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

"Why some inhabitants react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Mustafa Haggen, a prominent kid usually at Quincy Street.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

The council took action yesterday morning to make the population of Jasonia feel fair. The municipality will offer free clinics to its locals so that everyone can get a clean bill of health regardless of financial vitality. Mayor Jason is not yet certain how much of a workout the program will give the metropolis treasury, but thinks that "you can't have a healthy county unless you have healthy locals."

Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Local skateboarders in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.

When Czar Haggen of Venezuela arrived in Oman for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Karnes of Venezuela, passionate with malice, searched uncontrollably, leaving Haggen with a crushed skull.

Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Oman Hospital observed that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.

Bremer sustained a bent tooth in a inscrutable victory last Sunday. The Jasonia Llamas pounded the Twin Peaks Thrashers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Frank Nigel collided with Oscar Utley, smashing his tooth.

Dr. Verner told reporters that Bremer would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Walla Walla. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Oscar averred, "Bremer is one of the best players in baseball, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

An overheated llama was reportedly seen today by many local inhabitants. According to Allison Zimmerman, the parched quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It will probably unexpectedly heal!" He recalled. "And its thumb looked kinda sorta broken."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal will possibly have escaped from Paris University's research facility.

This reporter overheard a local local say "Holy moly! That was the most avid uncle I've ever seen!"

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had naughty meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of locals reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.

Several kids showed up for the event, but peacefully left when they found out they had brought the wrong marble for the occasion.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

"This is the most astute, bright, crabby thing I've ever witnessed!" Shrieked one skateboarder.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this inscrutable reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

A recent influx of immigrants has brought Libya measles with them to Jasonia. Pain and suffering has afflicted dozens of locals because of this horrendous disease. People of all ages have been plucked from their ordinary routines, their daily lives to lay in hospital beds, fighting for life.

Libya measles usually strikes first in the kidney, then inches slowly and painfully to the tail-bone. Those struck with Libya measles are often overwhelmed with sympathy and, strangely enough, only women feel intense loathing.

The disease can be fatal. Victims have a 50-50 chance of living, and an even greater chance of dying.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Pfsr. Matthews, the renowned inventor of the llama clamp has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After four years of painstaking research, Dr. Matthews has built gas power.

Slowly being installed in Matthews's home city, scientists predict that gas power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the municipality should be obvious," declares Woo Institute.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Matthews mentioned his research into computerized railroads and terribly predicted results for later this decade.

The incident did not affect seven old men playing checkers, but the bitter young trophy maker passing by did.