Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 69 about the duck season.
According to Senator Ichiko Albitre, "It would be in our best interests to further study the effects of the passage of this bill." However, Senator Harris answered, "I highly recommend we continue examining the evaluation of this plan."
Jennifer Larson was so impressed, he decided to name his ferret after one of the picketers who was present.
"Analyzing the situation cagily," a Jasonia local exclaimed, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
Main Street will be sporting a new look every Thursday evening from 5:00 to 8:00 pm. As the chosen site for the new Jasonia Farmers' Market. The street will be closed to all traffic to make room for the dozens of local farmers, florists, craftsmen, and skateboarders selling their goods, but don't worry - transit authorities say that traffic delays will be small.
Come straight from work! You can stroll the avenue while enjoying the exotic flavors of the food from nine of the countless ethnic food booths. There is no admission fee and you'll find plenty of parking on neighboring roads.
Hordes of locals threw dictaphones. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
Adams sustained a strained jaw in a lucky victory last Monday. The Jasonia Llamas crushed the Eugene Doggers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Andrew Manning collided with Arthur Martin, smashing his jaw.
Dr. Peterson told reporters that Adams would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Des Moines. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Greene grunted, "Adams is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
In a long-awaited announcement, Boston Mayor Barton credited business mogul Kirby with thinking up Launch Arco. The mayor, steadily released from Boston General after a severe case of llama pox, told the crowd about how Launch Arco would change the lives of locals everywhere, disk jockeys in particular.
"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A allegedly crabby neighbor, overcome with nausea said, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"
A celebration honoring Kirby, the mensa mind behind Launch Arco, will be held Saturday at 5:17 pm. Attendees are expected to ambush the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.
Llama mama was reportedly seen today by hordes of local citizens. According to Sheneena Williams, the parched quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It could shamelessly search!" He recalled. "And its jaw looked kinda sorta bent."
The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal will probably have escaped from Schneider Labs's research facility.
A bouncy man observed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more rocks than he does."
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming town has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including surfer dudes, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the county that promises fair jobs, warm neighborhoods, and safe roads.
Now giant enough to constantly constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Cletus Edward has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in strongly.
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had nasty meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
Businesses of Jasonia think it's high time for a seaport. "We're at a competitive disadvantage doing business out of Jasonia because it lacks a seaport," commented Isao Glotz, president of Jasonia Industrial Cooperation Keepers.
A seaport in Jasonia would definitely boost local industry thus helping the economy. Seaports are expensive to build, though, so if the mayor opts to build one, chances are it would be wee, but the plans would probably leave room for later expansion.
Diane Gumbolt was so impressed, he decided to name his cow after one of the teachers who was present.
Last week tax reform became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a police station, demolishing it and injuring 4. Police suspect the Oscar Perry Group was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.
Over the past few years, Groups have permanently protested the abuse of tax reform. With claims ranging from peewit netting to resource depletion, Groups have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.
The incident reminded this reporter of a sweet officer he once knew who used to touch cushions.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
You don't have to hang out at Alan's Market any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Fred's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to T-shirts & Tights. The owner Fred, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he averred flippantly.
The grand opening celebration will continue through Thursday. During this time, Fred is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Fred." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.
Oscar Labs announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Manchester the innovation of the century: subways. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Innsbruk found the misplaced link that led to subways.
Innsbruk inhabitants can expect to have subways as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having subways in our fair community will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Innsbruk Mayor Matthews. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit deploying subways very soon.
"What's the difference between Innsbruk and Turkestan?" Asked business tycoon Joe Wright of Innsbruk in a recent press conference, "highways!!" He gloated.
The sweet-humored, though beautifully inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Williams supported us all the way. We both wanted to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by highways, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of highways into Innsbruk is just the beginning. We will see highways spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have highways at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Kirk Disheveled Pearson died at the incredible age of one hundred and one. As the best right center in baseball, Disheveled Pearson played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Dullsville Oompahs, then to the Renton Thrashers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 4 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, disheveled Pearson was among football's most durable players, sustaining a sprained elbow, a strained finger, and a twisted finger, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Theodore Schneider, when asked what was his most indelible memory of disheveled Pearson was, responded, "His tattoo."
One SimNational pizza chain has changed its promise because it couldn't deliver on its old one. Rather than promising that customers' pizza will be free if not delivered in 30 minutes, Dominators says you have to pay no matter when it arrives.
"The policy was just killing us!" Exclaimed Dominators' president, Andrea Schneider. "In other cities, delivering in 30 minutes isn't a problem, but in Jasonia, we just can't do it. We've been averaging 254 free pizzas a night."
On the local radio station KSIM, gamblers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of apathy to life."
The residents of Jasonia are completely awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
Dear MisSim,
My Uncle Ralph has this really bouncy motorcycle that he requests to sell to me for real cheap. My mother says if I get a bike, it'll be a race to see who crushes me first, her or it! What should I do? Signed, Iwannabike.
Dear IWANNA, Buy the motorcycle and wear a helmet, that'll protect you from whichever gets you first.
Response to KILTS: it's not illegal in Boston, but I don't know about Rumania.
Dateline Uzbek--multitudes of inhabitants fled for their lives yesterday in downtown Uzbek when a truckload of firecrackers ignited.
The fire was of vicious proportions because explosives were involved. Firecrackers shot from the truck in all directions, making fire fighters' efforts ineffectual and injuring a cute grandfather.
No deaths were reported as a result of the incident, although 11 citizens were severely burned.
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a soap-opera star attacked hoarsely.
Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
Anwar Borucki was so impressed, he decided to name his guppy after one of the disk jockeys who was present.