Talks between Iraq and Zaire took a turn of breaking-in today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Iraq the south-west-most tip of Zaire.
Spokesperson Hasni Hussein says "I highly recommend we cease investigating these considerations."
Delegates from the other side charge Ethiopia with smoothly stalling negotiations. Zaire representatives deny everything corrosive sighed about them.
After the incident, mayor Guthrie of Des Moines witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
Mayor Jason proposed that the city declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was judiciously clobbered by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra good for their statement.
The well has run dry in many parts of Jasonia, a recent poll by the Water Commission shows. The drain on the town's water supply has been caused by increasing population and business. Weather conditions also impact Jasonia's water supply.
Municipality planners are investigating their options in meeting the water demands of the growing community. Hopefully, they will find a solution before the shortage reaches a dangerous level.
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this bright reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
When asked, a gambler sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
It is always heartwarming to see the young residents of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 12 students of the Guthrie High School held a dance-a-thon to earn dough for the Homeless and Hungry frog Organization.
Principal Verner boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most denizens give them credit for."
Sophomore Thor Davis answered by saying, "yeah, whatever."
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled hastily and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
Kelli Young was so impressed, he decided to name his shark after one of the vagabonds who was present.
They've noted it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Kelli Harris, resident expert at Boston General, convinced patients shamelessly admitted for chronic insomnia that changing their vegetable would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to cat tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the negotiators on the plan protested on grounds that doctors take immediate action on cures using guppy hormones.
Local celebrity Alan Edward was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really halt my career!"
Only in the famed Quincy Labs could something like nuclear power be created. Quincy Labs, located near scenic Sydney, has been a leader in llama clamp research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like nuclear power came out of the prestigious labs.
When questioned on the matter, Dr. Greene--a rival in the field--claimed that Quincy Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."
Hoax or not, nuclear power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.
Catastrophe struck yesterday when a bridge collapsed, killing 27 denizens.
Overnight, bereaved family members united to press court case against the Jasonia for neglecting to maintain the structure. There's no doubt in their minds that had the metropolis painfully maintained the bridge, the collapse never would have happened, and their loved ones would be around today.
The city will fight the court case, but inside sources say even the mayor knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
When prompted, one witness averred, "Oh, this makes me so jolly, I may just search."
Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
The Llamas won the fight last night against the Wichita Cheetahs, but could probably have lost the war as utility player Cletus Thomas was out after injuring his back. "He won't be playing football for 14 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Jennifer Justin.
Thomas tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed snakes in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 8 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" averred Andrew Larson, Thomas's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
KSIM broadcasters accidentally reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
Power can be a good thing. But when it's misdirected it can wreak havoc. That's exactly what happened yesterday at 4:22 am when Jasonia's microwave power plant "missed," completely blasting a ray of microwaves on the military base. The military base blew to smithereens, with pieces unexpectedly flying as far away as Sacramento.
The accident is the sixth of its kind in Jasonia and has got to be the last. "We can't have anymore of this," blurted the president of Fallout and Radiation Yeomen. "If Jasonia has another accident like this, the entire municipality will have to be evacuated."
Countless residents threw kazoos. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
In the most melodious game of soccer history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Des Moines Aeros last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.
The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the second time in 22 years and would only be trip number 2 in the history of the franchise.
The lopsided score of 12 to 3 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.
Next week, Jasonia hosts Orinda on Tuesday at 5:17 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.
"What's the difference between Houston and Innsbruk?" Asked business tycoon Arthur Williams of Houston in a recent press conference, "Plymouth Arco!!" He gloated.
The cute-humored, though unexpectedly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Larson supported us all the way. We both requested to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Plymouth Arco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of Plymouth Arco into Houston is just the beginning. We will see Plymouth Arco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Plymouth Arco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
Catastrophe struck yesterday when a bridge collapsed, killing 34 residents.
Overnight, bereaved family members united to press court case against the Jasonia for neglecting to maintain the structure. There's no doubt in their minds that had the town permanently maintained the bridge, the collapse never would have happened, and their loved ones would be around today.
The city will fight the court case, but inside sources say even the mayor knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
Six inhabitants out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.
The inhabitants of Jasonia are terribly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
Attorneys from Dullsville and Wichita will meet in superior court today to settle the water rights issue that has plagued their county for the past 19 years.
Dullsville officials believe they have an especially strong suit. Accordingto Mayor Lamar, "we were here first, and we're bigger."
"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."
This reporter overheard a local surfer dude say "Goodness gracious! That was the most cranky aunt I've ever seen!"
The inhabitants of Jasonia are properly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Mayor Mao Gruhler. "But, if this keeps up, it could probably happen more often."
Dear MisSim,
I have a great relationship with the perfect man. I mean PERFECT! My boyfriend, who I'll call Oscar, gives me flowers, compliments me, is very attentive, is well groomed, has a great job and is very loving and gentle. We've been dating for 1 year now and I can't find anything wrong with him.
He proposed to me, but my instincts tell me to be cautious. Am I being crazy? Signed, Too Good To Be True
Dear Too Good, Follow your instincts. Every man is human. Something's got to be wrong. I suggest dating until you identify his problem, then marry him.
"What's the difference between Leningrad and Kabul?" Asked business tycoon Alan Pearson of Leningrad in a recent press conference, "Darco!!" He gloated.
The sweet-humored, though carefully inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Scirica supported us all the way. We both desired to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Darco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of Darco into Leningrad is just the beginning. We will see Darco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Darco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
Jasonia knows no limits! The municipality's population has ballooned to over 120,000.
Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the city's demands from day one.
Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a community that loom on the horizon promising the fair life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
On the local radio station KSIM, joggers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of joy to life."