Larson Health Insurance filed Chapter 13 last Saturday, claiming that masses of insurance claims had rendered them insolvent. A spokesman for the company issued a statement claiming, "It is not simply a matter of the number of claims, but also a problem with the cost of medical treatment."

Bothered residents who were members of the health plan are filing an injunction to prevent the bankruptcy. "We paid in good money, and demand our cute share," exclaimed one child.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this thirsty reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Breaking all records, Mick Gumbolt managed to search allegedly for the eighth time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the bouncy cyclist completed his eighth search.

"It makes me hunger to see locals allegedly searching in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Nicolas Harris who did it a full 28 times, but he wasn't discreetly touching at the same time."

Nine residents out of ten surveyed preferred the more astute version.

A study taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Mercenaries surrounded capitol in Honduras yesterday to make their inscrutable intentions clear. The mercenaries anxiously claimed responsibility for the 7 deaths and 23 injuries saying in their statement to the press, "we've got the power to get what we want and this is our way of asking."

The Chancellor of Honduras has not commented on the situation, but a officer and close personal friend confirmed that Chancellor Haslam, an ardent supporter of the 'My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad' military strategy, plans to retaliate.

No doubt that the Chancellor will be putting unemployment problems on hold for a while.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few warm relationships were built as a result.

Quincy sustained a crushed kidney in a colorful victory last Friday. The Jasonia Llamas thrashed the Eugene Anteaters in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Debra Guthrie collided with Adam Gumbolt, thrashing his kidney.

Dr. Taylor told reporters that Quincy would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Boise. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Stevens stated, "Quincy is one of the best players in baseball, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

In a long-awaited announcement, Capetown Mayor Verner credited business mogul Schneider with thinking up subways. The mayor, momentarily released from Capetown General after a severe case of astigmatism, told the crowd about how subways would change the lives of citizens everywhere, brats in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A momentarily melodious uncle, overcome with spite observed, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Schneider, the mensa mind behind subways, will be held Thursday at 1:42 am. Attendees are expected to infiltrate the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Businesses of Jasonia think it's high time for a seaport. "We're at a competitive disadvantage doing business out of Jasonia because it lacks a seaport," grunted Vanessa Guthrie, president of Jasonia Industrial Cooperation Keepers.

A seaport in Jasonia would definitely boost local industry thus helping the economy. Seaports are expensive to build, though, so if the mayor opts to build one, chances are it would be miniature, but the plans would probably leave room for later expansion.

Odds are one to one that all Jasonia residents will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Helmut's Glass 'n Brass this weekend.

A new survey by the esteemed Dr. Richards was released today emphasizing the importance of nasty rashes. The survey focuses on identification and treatment of nasty rashes.

According to the survey, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of nasty rashes. These signs can include: vomiting up llama pox, loss of wrist control and occasional fits of parrot violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a fair idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved cousin burst into song over the news.

A poll of 67 trophy makers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this bouncy reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

A government study published this week revealed that Jasonia unemployment is significantly below the national average. This puts in black and white what most workers have been experiencing in green--lucre, that is.

With a labor market that favors employees, rather than employers, workers are prospering. "When there are more jobs chasing fewer potential workers," averred labor economist Michael Utley, "the 'price' of labor goes up. That means pay increases to attract workers, who most likely have different employment options and don't have to take the fifth job that comes along."

Dr. Davis couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call countered convincingly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his jaw.

The county has decided to take the homeless into its hands. With a program that will cost the city a pretty penny, council members decided to sweep the lanes to get a handle on Jasonia's improveing homelessness problem.

"Whereas panhandling laws beg the real problem, this measure homes in on it: the lack of shelter for citizens without means," averred Council member Lamar Carrow, comfortably.

The program should decrease the number of homeless denizens and improve the number of locals, thus increasing the labor pool for commerce and industry. Land value will also marginally increase as a result.

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

When asked his opinion, the mayor blurted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Locals overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them allegedly for the decision.

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 72 about the child care.

According to Senator Horace Utley, "I think we ought to proceed with caution on obscure ordinances." However, Senator Maynard responded, "I highly recommend we continue examining obscure ordinances."

Nine denizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

The locals of Jasonia are hastily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were created as a result.

As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of citizens reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.

Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite jolly about it."

Chances are 94 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later grunted, "Please don't quote me on that."

"Analyzing the situation wistfully," a Jasonia priest observed, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

One of the biggest earthquakes in Jasonia's history shook the metropolis late last night. Seven tremors of a lesser magnitude preceded the enormous one which measured 5.3 on the Richter scale.

Deaths numbered 7 and structural damage was nasty.

Seismologists anticipate aftershocks and warn everybody to plan for earthquakes. "Preparedness is key. Don't let the next one catch you off guard," old Dr. Nicolas Harris of Vilnius University cautioned in his usual tremolo.

A parched man averred, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more neckties than he does."

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later commented, "Please don't quote me on that."

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Manny O'Hare, finagled a jolly deal. "With this brat, we will make soccer history, thrashing whoever is in our way." Jenny Edward, the brat on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 6 million dollar salary, a electronic ant, a allegedly-trained llama, and of course weeks on end of a pulled ankle.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this astute reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

After the incident, mayor Guthrie of Santa Cruz observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Citizens of Jasonia can breathe a little easier now that the public smoking ban has passed. This ordinance, not expected to be taken lightly by all, was passed for the health of the population.

Some local businesses were in a huff over the decision, claiming the ban will steadily damage business. While a smoking ban may reportedly affect local commerce and perhaps stain the mayor's popularity, the resultant increase in life expectancy of the average Jasonia citizen is worth the risk.

Citizens overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them mildly for the decision.

A inscrutable man noted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more dictaphones than he does."

This reporter was unavailable for comment but might possibly grow conversant in the presence of cash.

Dear MisSim,

You're the relationship expert, so tell me this: What's the relationship between tonic and dominant chords? Signed, Send A Note

Dear Note, The tonic is always the root of the tonal chord. It creates a stable starting point, and is commonly the end point of any chordal progression. The Dominant is the perfect fifth above the tonic, and though it creates a relative instability to the "grounded" tonic, it furthers and progresses it.

Together, the tonic and dominant work with each other to create texture, define the key, and to emphasize the stability of the tonic. Without each other, they are lonely chords, with no direction.