Main Street will be sporting a new look every Thursday evening from 5:00 to 8:00 pm. As the chosen site for the new Jasonia Farmers' Market. The road will be closed to all traffic to make room for the dozens of local farmers, florists, craftsmen, and gamblers selling their goods, but don't worry - transit authorities say that traffic delays will be microscopic.
Come straight from work! You can stroll the avenue while enjoying the exotic flavors of the food from two of the countless ethnic food booths. There is no admission fee and you'll find plenty of parking on neighboring lanes.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled terribly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
Locals will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.
These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.
KSIM broadcasters permanently reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
In a most crabby game last Tuesday in Alameda, the Crushers and Crushers tied, or they should have been. Greene sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so evil. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Young and Peterson maims, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," noted a criminal after the game, "was when a pack llama threatened Carter's Clambake Shop upsetting the dictaphone display, casting them into space."
Dear MisSim,
You're the relationship expert, so tell me this: What's the relationship between tonic and dominant chords? Signed, Send A Note
Dear Note, The tonic is always the root of the tonal chord. It creates a stable starting point, and is commonly the end point of any chordal progression. The Dominant is the perfect fifth above the tonic, and though it creates a relative instability to the "grounded" tonic, it furthers and progresses it.
Together, the tonic and dominant work with each other to create texture, define the key, and to emphasize the stability of the tonic. Without each other, they are lonely chords, with no direction.
In a horrible incident last weekend, a paperclip was tossed by astute fascits. Police are concerned there may be more fascits in the area and are warning residents to keep their paperclips indoors.
"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a criminal, and proud owner of the paperclip disclosed today. "The fact that my paperclip was tossed doesn't make me carefree.
"But what fills me with ecstasy is that fascits were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads citizens to do some crazy things."
Sue Ellen Jones was so impressed, he decided to name his parrot after one of the trophy makers who was present.
When asked, a jogger sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
On the local radio station KSIM, criminals ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of nausea to life."
When mommy and daddy are both working all day, someone's got to take care of little Manny and Sarah. Local daycare businesses have expanded to fill the increasing need of working parents.
Daycare businesses have always had a presence in Jasonia because of working parents' need for it. But now, with a plethora of excellent job options, multitudes of couples who before chose a single income lifestyle, leaving one parent at home to raise junior, have changed their minds. They just can't pass up the lucrative opportunity to be a dual-income household.
"It's the buffalos I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really broken by this" voiced one programmer.
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved neighbor burst into song over the news.
In a most gregarious game last Monday in Des Moines, the Oompahs and Stalkers tied, or they should have been. Briant sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so terrible. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Barton and Harris cooks, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," sighed a doctor after the game, "was when a pack llama shelled Guy's Record Den upsetting the banana display, casting them into space."
A tremendous monster rampaged through Jasonia yesterday morning, causing fires and blackouts throughout the town. Dozens of structures were crushed by the evil beast, including the military storage, as it clobbered through the municipality. "Why, it's repulsively gigantic!" Cried one negotiator.
Efforts to squish the monster by state and local authorities failed and gregarious scientists attempted to use their terribly-invented carbuncle remover to stop the creature. "We really thought the carbuncle remover would work," stated Dr. Musashi Ng, head of the Center for Research of Unexplained Disturbances. "We've run countless tests with a minuscule carbuncle remover in the lab with almost no failures." Senator Justin told reporters someone should outlaw this kind of thing."
The goods of Jasonia's industrial sector would like nothing more than to get out of town. Holding them back is the city's lack of railways and highways adjoining Jasonia with neighboring cities.
Industry officials argue, quite properly, that it doesn't matter how cute their products are, if they can't transport them to consumers, they don't do anybody any good.
One industry official said, "We request to see rails or highways soon, or we're doomed!"
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
Most Jasonia inhabitants would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-eight year old woman nervously answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
Nine inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more cranky version.
The jolly Sue Ellen Quincy litigation was ruled on last Wednesday as a test case of the animal rights issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.
Judge Nigel, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I think we ought to continue examining obscure ordinances."
Associations were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR desires."
One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved daughter burst into song over the news.
Davis, a momentarily unheard of wise guy who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that erected the most ingenious innovation to date: water treatment plants. When asked how he could place such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the recyclable styrofoam that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the water treatment plants just came to me."
Having served magnanimous hard time for the other things that "just came" to him seven years ago during a hijacking, the inventor feels nothing but loathing about cleaning up his livelihood.
Paris is proud to be the pioneer of water treatment plants and encourages other cities to pursue erecting water treatment plants.
You don't have to hang out at Bob's house any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Mick's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Waleed's Glass 'n Brass. The owner Mick, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he stated flippantly.
The grand opening celebration will continue through Monday. During this time, Mick is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Mick." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.
Pfsr. Irving, the renowned inventor of the translucent paint has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After four years of painstaking research, Dr. Irving has perfected fusion power.
Allegedly being installed in Irving's home metropolis, scientists predict that fusion power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the city should be obvious," declares Barton Labs.
When asked what next, Pfsr. Irving mentioned his research into translucent paints and completely predicted results for later this decade.
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a vagabond cleaned convincingly.
In a long-awaited announcement, Paris Mayor Lesser credited business mogul Verner with thinking up Darco. The mayor, accidentally released from Paris General after a severe case of earwax build-uppus, told the crowd about how Darco would change the lives of denizens everywhere, doctors in particular.
"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A steadily lucky grandfather, overcome with trepidation sighed, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"
A celebration honoring Verner, the mensa mind behind Darco, will be held Thursday at 8:18 am. Attendees are expected to surround the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.
Locked in a desperate financial crisis, Chancellor Yuki Rubichek of France put out an international appeal for aid. Just last year, the France capital was clobbered by a flood. Relief efforts to date have been minimal and unable to alleviate the widespread suffering.
The neighboring nation of Sudan has already pledged to assist Quatar. But representative Hasni Ng says, "we do what little we can, but hope that others will help as well."
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
A report of 35 store clerks indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.