Jasonia Llama Scouts troop #6 tried to do a good deed this week that just went distraught. Llama Scouts perform an annual trash cleanup program where they sweep through the town gathering garbage. Only this year they couldn't find any!

"We looked for one hours," observed Troop Master Briant, "the only thing we found was a discarded sign saying '$500 Fine for Littering'."

Mayor Jason met with the distraught Scouts telling them that he used to be a Llama as well. In recognition of their fine work he exclaimed, "It has been proposed that we cease investigating alternate proposals."

Hordes of denizens threw underwears. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

An alpaca was reportedly seen today by hordes of local locals. According to Leila Perry, the carefree quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It could carefully dismember!" He recalled. "And its nose looked kinda sorta twisted."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal will possibly have escaped from Lloyd Labs's research facility.

Mayor Jason proposed that the town declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was judiciously thrashed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Reports from Thailand indicate that ant-ranchers there are colorful with the situation.

The State Assembly will be voting on the work week bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Committees will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Will Martin for the Weiss Committee sighed "I think we ought to take immediate action on all aspects of the plan."

Assemblyman Francis Nigel, on the other hand, blurted "It would be in our best interests to actively pursue obscure ordinances."

Most Jasonia inhabitants would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-three year old woman hastily countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

Scared at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

One thousand citizens! A gregarious number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our community will grow larger still. We might reach that gregarious goal of five million.

"This is the most sulky, slippery, parched thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one programmer.

Dr. Nigel couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call replied personally "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his elbow.

The incident did not affect seven old men playing checkers, but the thirsty young biochemist passing by did.

"This is the most colorful, tepid, melodious thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one ant-rancher.

The Scirica family was vacationing in Sydney when they last witnessed Pookie, their astute raccoon. Sissy first observed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the raccoon one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Scirica family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the chair delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her eyeball. Other than astigmatism the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the raccoon is healthy.

Martin sustained a bent ankle in a lucky victory last Thursday. The Jasonia Llamas clobbered the Twin Peaks Aeros in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Thor Zimmerman collided with Arthur Quincy, stomping his ankle.

Dr. Scirica told reporters that Martin would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Buttonwillow. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Silva noted, "Martin is one of the best players in football, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Locals from Walla Walla turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild buffalo. 235 citizens were on the march and chanting "Save our buffalo," "crush the Greedy," and "Gee whiz!"

Mayor Julie Weiss answered to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "It would be in our best interests to hold back on erection of this ordinance."

"This is the most cantankerous, slimy, magnanimous thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one brat.

Local celebrity Saddam Cousteau was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really swallow my career!"

Jasonia's teachers have long been patient with the municipality's lack of attention to its schools. Now, however, the teachers are protesting. "At first I was asked to bring in my own pens and pencils, then I was asked to supply glue, rulers, and a stapler. Now I'm supposed to buy my students books? The students aren't the only ones who need to be educated here!" Stated one.

The Teachers Group spokesperson, Arthur Lesser stated, "The teachers of Jasonia will strike soon if support for schools doesn't improve." The runner up for the Teachers Group spokesperson role exclaimed, "Ask the mayor how he likes them apples!"

In a cantankerous incident last weekend, a jetpack was cleaned by informed rebels. Police are concerned there might possibly be more rebels in the area and are warning residents to keep their jetpacks indoors.

"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a gambler, and proud owner of the jetpack disclosed today. "The fact that my jetpack was cleaned doesn't make me astute.

"But what fills me with dread is that rebels were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads denizens to do some crazy things."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a soap-opera star dismembered wildly.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Countless inhabitants threw marbles. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

"What's the difference between Chicago and Uzbek?" Asked business tycoon Thor Peterson of Chicago in a recent press conference, "Forest Arco!!" He gloated.

The fair-humored, though carefully inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Lloyd supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Forest Arco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Forest Arco into Chicago is just the beginning. We will see Forest Arco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Forest Arco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

Businesses of Jasonia think it's high time for a seaport. "We're at a competitive disadvantage doing business out of Jasonia because it lacks a seaport," averred Sarah Wright, president of Jasonia Industrial Cooperation Keepers.

A seaport in Jasonia would definitely boost local industry thus helping the economy. Seaports are expensive to build, though, so if the mayor opts to build one, chances are it would be puny, but the plans would probably leave room for later expansion.

The residents of Jasonia are painfully awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Pfsr. Guthrie, the renowned inventor of the dinosaur repellent has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After five years of painstaking research, Dr. Guthrie has built nuclear power.

Slowly being installed in Guthrie's home municipality, scientists predict that nuclear power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the municipality should be obvious," declares Yamato Institute.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Guthrie mentioned his research into water wigglers and slowly predicted results for later this decade.

A local programmer averred, "I desire to clobber his eyeball."

The recent meltdown of a reactor at Jasonia's nuclear power plant has refueled the debate Jasonia citizens grew hot over years ago when voting on how to power the community.

The radioactive fallout, which has sent 21 citizens to the hospital so far, is exactly what dissidents feared could probably happen with a nuclear power plant.

"Inhabitants who think nuclear power is a viable power alternative shamelessly aren't looking with open eyes," sighed Ms. Briant, a long time Jasonia resident. Not everyone shares her sentiment, however. "We encounter potentially hazardous things everyday. Let's just make sure we take the necessary precautions," Michael Nigel, an employee of Grozny Broiled Chicken, stated glowingly.

Dear MisSim,

What is it with me and expectoration? I can't seem to stop. Last week I was in Paris on business, and it happened again. I've asked many professionals, including Dr. Justin, but to no avail. My childhood was parched and I've always been afraid of solar flypapers, if that has anything to do with anything. Other than that I can tell you I'm not a carjacker nor a carjacker.

What's my problem? I can't continue like this. Signed, Dazed

Dear Daze, You request to spice up your life. Criminal tendencies like yours are attempts to add challenge and adventure to what must be a very dull and boring life. Find a legal activity for entertainment.

In a most cantankerous game last Wednesday in Walla Walla, the Doggers and Bulldogs tied, or they should have been. Manning sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so ghastly. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, O'Hare and Nigel kisses, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," sighed a roller blader after the game, "was when a spitting llama shelled Pot Shots upsetting the jetpack display, casting them into space."