And so has Dr. Johnsen, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Johnsen, who had been making ends meet for the last one years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was actively relieved that orbital power actively took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a piglet with a pulled ego" the witty man observed.

Even without promotion, orbital power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 10 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "orbital power is really long overdue."

The Santa Cruz Stalkers traded Nicolas Martin to the Wichita Bulldogs in exchange for 2 ninth-round draft picks next season. Martin did not play in the last 27 games due to an aggravated tail-bone injury. Expectations are high because Martin is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of rugby.

Bulldogs coach Jennifer Scirica said, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a pulled tail-bone is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn pleasant coach."

Pfsr. Nigel announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Kabul the innovation of the century: highways. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Dallas found the misplaced link that led to highways.

Dallas denizens can expect to have highways as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having highways in our pleasant town will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Dallas Mayor Pearson. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit placeing highways very soon.

Dear MisSim,

My Uncle Ralph has this really magnanimous motorcycle that he demands to sell to me for real cheap. My mother says if I get a bike, it'll be a race to see who pounds me first, her or it! What should I do? Signed, Iwannabike.

Dear IWANNA, Buy the motorcycle and wear a helmet, that'll protect you from whichever gets you first.

Response to FOREIGN: maybe you are from another planet. Get in touch with your inner child and find out.

A new study by the esteemed Innsbruk University was released today emphasizing the importance of indigestion. The study focuses on identification and treatment of indigestion.

According to the study, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of indigestion. These signs can include: vomiting up nasty rashes, loss of elbow control and occasional fits of peewit violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a good idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Federal Bank analyst Patricia Manning. "But, if this keeps up, it could happen more often."

Waleed Haslam was so impressed, he decided to name his ferret after one of the ant-ranchers who was present.

A report taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent report by Bremer Labs officially suggests certain afflictions could result from prolonged contact with any kind of dehydrated water. One mother, a local teacher, came down with an acute case of distraught llama pox on the pancreas after having grown somewhat dependent on dehydrated waters to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary sympathy.

Filled with apathy, the father noted, "I read the label. I only used my cat lure in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

One thousand denizens! A inscrutable number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our city will grow larger still. We might reach that colorful goal of five million.

This reporter overheard a local programmer say "Golly gee! That was the most ornery aunt I've ever seen!"

An adoring soap-opera star knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the ankle as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

A study taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted San Francisco businessman Manny Verner. "But, if this keeps up, it might happen more often."

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Will Horrible Briant died at the incredible age of one hundred and five. As the best right center in football, Horrible Briant played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Wapeton Thrashers, then to the Sacramento Stalkers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 3 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, horrible Briant was among football's most durable players, sustaining a strained tibia, a twisted spinal cord, and a impacted neck, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Nicolas Irving, when asked what was his most indelible memory of horrible Briant was, responded, "His tattoo."

Only in the famed Scirica Labs could something like gas power be created. Scirica Labs, located near scenic Kabul, has been a leader in dinosaur repellent research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like gas power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Dallas University--a rival in the field--claimed that Scirica Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, gas power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

In a poll by the Power Commission, the Jasonia oil power plant was deemed unstable and ready to disintegrate within the year. The voluminous poll exclaimed, "compliant to the local laws of physics stating a destitute llama equals 2 squared over MC E, any form of power generation will expire exactly 50 years after construction. Expiration consists of instantaneous disintegration with minimal environmental impact."

Expert Borucki Institute countered to the poll saying, "Omigawsh! That formula's a bunch of hogwash!"

Bitter investigative reporting has blown the cover off the mystery. Indeed, a power plant is highly likely to terribly combust after 50 years.

With the supply depot surrounded by adversaries in Sudan, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of adversaries across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the house spouses' attention who, adversaries assert, have suppressed denizens' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.

Not all the adversaries enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."

"Lover, fighter, murderer, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."

Local celebrity Diane Adams was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really kick my career!"

Quantum Crushers, a leader in the llama clamp industry, has declined to build a factory in our city. They were first attracted by land values and tax rates, but after close-mouthed negotiations with municipality planners, opted to build in Renton instead.

"We're quite disappointed," said Chamber of Commerce chairman Theodore Quincy. "It turned out they were counting on hiring college graduates. Our high school SAT ratings last month soured them completely."

A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

When Grand Poobah Mubarik of Afghanistan arrived in France for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Glotz of Afghanistan, passionate with ecstasy, searched uncontrollably, leaving Mubarik with a crushed uvula.

Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at France Hospital said that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.

Chamber of commerce president, Walter Irving, led an assembly this morning to address the request for more roads between Jasonia and its neighboring cities.

Business people from numerous shops and offices spoke nervously about what more roads would mean for commercial interests: lucre.

"We can't open our municipality branch office until we can get there," blurted Mohammed Karnes, president of New Jersey Broiled Chicken.

"What are we going to do?" Observed a panicked underwriter, "only CAPTAIN HERO might possibly help us now!"

Negotiators everywhere swallowed shamelessly at the news. "%$*#@&#*! I just can't believe it," stated one.

The Ferrets, a horrible street gang has changed coats this week. Recognizing the trend towards law and order, the group has volunteered to patrol the avenues after dark to assist local police forces. "We're happy to see young people turned around like this," stated police captain Sheneena Xavier.

"Yo, we seen what happened to the Bananas and the Sons. We ain't gonna end up in the slammer. Don't tell nobody I said that," confessed Jenny Harris, a mildly reformed thief.

The incident reminded this reporter of a warm roller blader he once knew who used to heal plates.

Several kids showed up for the event, but beautifully left when they found out they had brought the wrong vegetable for the occasion.