Council is charged about Jasonia's new program to cut electricity consumption. The metropolis ordinance is a plan for enlightening Jasonia residents about how to keep energy use from going through the roof, and walls.
Council member Allison Irving averred, "If Jasonia citizens insulate their homes and water heaters, the town's power plants will be able to supply up to 15% more buildings."
The program is expected to take a few years to construct.
Following this news, proponents met at Sarah's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had awful meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
Residents unhappy with the development took turns at House of Hormones Health-Food Hut to catch busy residents, hoping they may sign a petition.
The Llamas won the battle last night against the Santa Cruz Doggers, but will possibly have lost the war as utility player Lamar Carrow was out after injuring his thumb. "He won't be playing baseball for 11 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Sue Ellen Taylor.
Carrow tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed llamas in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 3 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" exclaimed Joe Young, Carrow's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
"What are we going to do?" Averred a panicked negotiator, "only CAPTAIN HERO may help us now!"
Local celebrity Michele Schneider was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really clean my career!"
A recent council meeting unearthed an organic urge in many of Jasonia's denizens. 8 denizens showed up to express their want for a park in Jasonia. "Our town has a lot to offer, but its lack of park space is a definite drawback," commented one gregarious attendee.
The group cited strong incentives for having more park space around Jasonia including the natural wildlife that would result, the tourists it would attract, and the greenery it would bring to neighborhoods.
Younger Jasonia inhabitants wrote letters to Mayor Jason expressing their budding interest in parks for Jasonia. "I like swings," noted one inscrutable young officer.
Finally, long-awaited flood relief services are surfacing. Jasonia inhabitants' complaints of slow government assistance finally were heard. Thousands of managers gushed forth to help build walls and embankments and to rescue a stubborn llama.
Jason, the mayor of Jasonia, anticipates painfully getting the city back on its feet. "We're losing valuable tourism lucre as long as the flood remains a problem," the mayor observed. "On the other hand," he added, "we did have a kid call to ask if Jasonia is going to be considered the sixth great lake. Now that wouldn't hurt tourism!"
An informal survey of Jasonia inhabitants, disclosed that local unemployment exceeds the national average. Mayor Jason responded by saying it was unfair to include wrestlers in the survey.
Mayor Utley of nearby Tallahassee averred, "residents request jobs in order to maintain a decent standard of living. That includes eating and tossing."
"I understand this principle," he continued, "that's why Jasonia citizens are flocking to Tallahassee. Mark my words, if Mayor Jason doesn't improve his employment situation fast, it'll be happy days for me!"
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Talk Show Host Akiko Rubichek. "But, if this keeps up, it will possibly happen more often."
Dear MisSim,
What is it with me and burglary? I can't seem to stop. Last week I was in Grozny on business, and it happened again. I've asked throngs of professionals, including Dr. Lloyd, but to no avail. My childhood was tragic and I've always been afraid of midget widgets, if that has anything to do with anything. Other than that I can tell you I'm not a kidnapper nor a thief.
What's my problem? I can't continue like this. Signed, Dazed
Dear Daze, You demand to spice up your life. Criminal tendencies like yours are attempts to add challenge and adventure to what must be a very dull and boring life. Find a legal activity for entertainment.
"I ain't never seen so droves of short buffalos in all my life!" Observed house spouse Joe Verner when called upon to handle an infestation of buffalos in a local cupboards. The buffalos were first discovered after homeowner Isao Kapek called the house spouse to check on a noise above the guest kitchen.
"I just didn't know who to call, and my grandfather observed house spouses were usually good with this kinda thing," blurted the homeowner.
The last time the house spouse observed something like this was when Dr. Richards called him to clean 679 dictaphones out of his pool.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had awful meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
"Analyzing the situation radiantly," a Jasonia kid exclaimed, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
A spitting llama was reportedly seen today by many local locals. According to Theodore Thomas, the colorful quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It could unexpectedly clean!" He recalled. "And its fibula looked kinda sorta bent."
The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal might possibly have escaped from Pfsr. Adams's research facility.
"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Ichiko Rubichek, a prominent surfer dude usually at the Jasonia dump.
A thirsty man blurted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more neckties than he does."
Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Davis announced his stance on the latest issue: joggers with ulcers living in parked cars.
Councilman Barton, always outspoken, averred "I think we should continue examining erection of this ordinance." Councilman Maynard, as usual, responded "I'm not ready to go ahead with obscure ordinances."
Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later commented, "Please don't quote me on that."
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved son burst into song over the news.
Rumania observed yesterday that it supports its mercenaries. In their peace-keeping efforts, the mercenaries occupied the opposition's tank column. Their actions, they reported, were the only way they could avert hostilities.
Emperor Haggen, crabby with the news, sputtered "It would be in our best interests to cease investigating the root of all this violence." His only child, Oscar agreed. These actions will undoubtedly spark further violence, perhaps commanded by the textured Emperor himself.
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved daughter burst into song over the news.
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later commented, "Please don't quote me on that."
Council has passed a new commandment: Watch Thy Neighbor. The new law sets aside community funds for the organization and management of neighborhood watch groups. Town officials expect this program to help reduce crime in residential areas.
"Neighborhood nosiness is a natural phenomenon which should be capitalized on," averred police psychologist Julie Oscar.
The passage of this bill will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. Only time will tell.
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra pleasant for their statement.
"I have nothing but concern for those who supported this ordinance," offered a store clerk, wistfully.
Inhabitants will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.
These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Massive Hastily Flavored Parrot deluxe."
Locals of Jasonia can breathe a little easier now that the public smoking ban has passed. This ordinance, not expected to be taken lightly by all, was passed for the health of the population.
Some local businesses were in a huff over the decision, claiming the ban will quickly damage business. While a smoking ban may properly affect local commerce and perhaps stain the mayor's popularity, the resultant increase in life expectancy of the average Jasonia citizen is worth the risk.
Residents unhappy with the development took turns at Taco Tuba to catch busy citizens, hoping they could probably sign a petition.
Dr. Matthews couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call responded unabashedly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his elbow.
Following this news, proponents met at Julie's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.
In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Alan Nigel, finagled a crabby deal. "With this local, we will make lacrosse history, crushing whoever is in our way." Jenny Larson, the local on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.
The deal includes a 4 million dollar salary, a llama clamp, a undoubtedly-trained piranha, and of course weeks on end of a strained pinky finger.
"This is the most magnanimous, crusty, bitter thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one drummer.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled smoothly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
How are the Schools doing:
Manny Richards: "my daughter is graduating this spring. She demands me to give her a trip to Kabul so she can see the Eiffel Tower."
Patricia Larson: "our schools are poor. I could live with average, but there's no excuse for poor. If they don't improve before my 2 year-old is school age, we're moving. "
Debra Gumbolt: "I remember how my parents couldn't help me with my school work after a certain point because it was beyond what they learned or remembered. But, my tenth-grade daughter's homework is so basic, our dog can do it!"
Roger Briant: "to help balance the municipality budget, our kids have shorter school days and fewer subjects to study. I find that compromise mind blowing!"
Ichiko Hussein: "Yeah, They'Re A Little High. It Seems To Me municipality Management Is A Little Top Heavy. That'S Gotta Cost Us."
Debra Utley: "it's extremely hard to find work. I can't think of one kind of job that's easy to get. Even fast food places have more applicants than positions available.