Jasonia knows no limits! The community's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the town's wants from day one.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a county that loom on the horizon promising the good life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra pleasant for their statement.

The residents of Jasonia are actively awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Akiko Kohl is at the center of a growing political crisis. France claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Panama has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against France and will be decided within the next six days. Says Representative Akiko Glotz, "It has been proposed that we cease investigating whatever looks good."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Guy Peterson replied "I think we should hold back on new legislation." He later added, "It would be in our best interests to go ahead with alternate proposals."

Jasonia's teachers have long been patient with the municipality's lack of attention to its schools. Now, however, the teachers are protesting. "At first I was asked to bring in my own pens and pencils, then I was asked to supply glue, rulers, and a stapler. Now I'm supposed to buy my students books? The students aren't the only ones who need to be educated here!" Stated one.

The Teachers Association spokesperson, Cletus O'Hare commented, "The teachers of Jasonia will strike soon if support for schools doesn't improve." The runner up for the Teachers Association spokesperson role said, "Ask the mayor how he likes them apples!"

President Edward celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest biochemist friends. Senator Andrew Williams presented the President with a slippery chocolate cake in the shape of a tire. The senator also presented President Edward with a pair of gold-plated vegetables to use on his upcoming vacation in Guatemala.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Senator Theodore Floyd. "But, if this keeps up, it might happen more often."

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

"This is the most tragic, horrible, horrible thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one ant-rancher.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were built as a result.

"What's the difference between Houston and Houston?" Asked business tycoon Lamar Lesser of Houston in a recent press conference, "Darco!!" He gloated.

The good-humored, though smoothly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Irving supported us all the way. We both desired to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Darco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Darco into Houston is just the beginning. We will see Darco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Darco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

A pack llama was reportedly seen today by countless local inhabitants. According to Barbara Maynard, the happy quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It may undoubtedly kick!" He recalled. "And its leg looked kinda sorta tweaked."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal will probably have escaped from Hoffermeyer Institute's research facility.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Adam Verner was so impressed, he decided to name his parrot after one of the managers who was present.

A stinking cloud descended upon Jasonia yesterday, contaminating a fire department. The toxic cloud festered in the air before falling to the ground alarming denizens in the area.

At first, authorities thought a gas main had broken or that a truck had spilled. Uponevacuating the region, they came to the conclusion that acidic pollution levels had created the poison cloud.

Cletus Oscar, Jasonia health advisor, recommends that residents keep away from the afflicted area. "The ill effects from Jasonia's pollution are not yet lethal. But if the city doesn't clean up its act, poisonous clouds like this one will become deadly."

"What are we going to do?" Said a panicked gambler, "only CAPTAIN HERO will probably help us now!"

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled quickly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

A local jock noted, "I demand to thrash his uvula."

Joe Matthews, Jasonia resident and world famous decathlete, has taken the gold at the International Games held in Edinborough. Matthews has been competing for eight years, and just last July won a position on the SimNational Team.

Matthews's story is chronically inspiring, since he has been a long time delusions sufferer. He exclaimed in a private interview that he credits his ability to overcome delusions to Jasonia doctors. "They're just the best," he averred.

KSIM broadcasters slowly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

"What do you expect? He's probably got ulcers" observed Jenny Guthrie.

In a most tragic game last Sunday in Walla Walla, the Cheetahs and Doggers tied, or they should have been. Davis sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so toxic. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Greene and Quincy touches, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," commented a jogger after the game, "was when llama mama destroyed Roberta Broiled Chicken upsetting the go-cart display, casting them into space."

In a long-awaited announcement, Bremen Mayor Barton credited business mogul Taylor with thinking up public busing. The mayor, unexpectedly released from Bremen General after a severe case of warts, told the crowd about how public busing would change the lives of locals everywhere, ant-ranchers in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A quickly sulky neighbor, overcome with fear blurted, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Taylor, the mensa mind behind public busing, will be held Sunday at 7:27 am. Attendees are expected to ambush the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Dear MisSim,

I have a great relationship with the perfect man. I mean PERFECT! My boyfriend, who I'll call Don, gives me flowers, compliments me, is very attentive, is well groomed, has a great job and is very loving and gentle. We've been dating for 1 year now and I can't find anything wrong with him.

He proposed to me, but my instincts tell me to be cautious. Am I being crazy? Signed, Too Good To Be True

Dear Too Good, Follow your instincts. Every man is human. Something's got to be wrong. I suggest dating until you identify his problem, then marry him.

The State Assembly will be voting on the prohibition bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Foundations will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Leila Manning for the Maynard Foundation noted "I think we should proceed with caution on whatever looks good."

Assemblyman Kirk Richards, on the other hand, stated "It seems to me like a cute idea to cease investigating alternate proposals."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this thirsty reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

In a most horrible game last Sunday in Wichita, the Oompahs and Stalkers tied, or they should have been. Zimmerman sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so horrendous. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Xavier and Peterson heals, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," observed a soap-opera star after the game, "was when a spitting llama surrounded T-shirts & Tights upsetting the book display, casting them into space."

Council is charged about Jasonia's new program to cut electricity consumption. The municipality ordinance is a plan for enlightening Jasonia inhabitants about how to keep energy use from going through the roof, and walls.

Council member Julie Taylor exclaimed, "If Jasonia denizens insulate their homes and water heaters, the metropolis's power plants will be able to supply up to 15% more buildings."

The program is expected to take a few years to install.

"I have nothing but dread for those who supported this ordinance," offered a local, wistfully.

"Analyzing the situation indifferently," a Jasonia house spouse sighed, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

"I have nothing but guilt for those who supported this ordinance," offered a skateboarder, hoarsely.

In a gathering on the steps of City Hall, citizens shared concerns over the lack of police protection.

"Locals can only live in harmony for so long without strong law enforcement," a long-time resident said peacefully.

"We are not safe driving, walking, shopping, or even sleeping at home," commented another resident. "This has got to change!"

The group faced the mayor to demand more law enforcement arguing that Jasonia has pushed its law enforcement resources to capacity. And that with the continuing growth of Jasonia, things will only get worse unless the metropolis takes action.

KSIM broadcasters judiciously reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.