And so has Dr. Oscar, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Oscar, who had been making ends meet for the last seven years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was completely relieved that the wind turbine terminally took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a piglet with a strained ego" the witty man said.

Even without promotion, the wind turbine is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 1 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the wind turbine is really long overdue."

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent poll by Hussein Institute judiciously suggests certain afflictions could probably result from prolonged contact with any kind of llama clamp. One mother, a local drummer, came down with an acute case of astute delusions on the tooth after having grown somewhat dependent on llama clamps to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary insanity.

Filled with sympathy, the mother observed, "I read the label. I only used my cat lure in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing municipality to a bustling town. With a population of over 10,000, the county has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be installed, standing carefully as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved son burst into song over the news.

Mayor Jason proposed that the community declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was terribly crushed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

This reporter overheard a local disk jockey say "Wowzers! That was the most bouncy aunt I've ever seen!"

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Bremen University. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."

Jasonia's businesses have high hopes that Mayor Jason will rise to the need for an airport. "We figure that the boost to commerce and the skycopter traffic reports will offset the darker side of building an airport, the pollution," averred Sarah O'Hare airily.

Not all citizens are as casual about the colorful issue. "Pollution?! Did you say pollution? Jasonia doesn't want more pollution!" Sputtered one observer, propelling himself to the front of the crowd.

"Cool your jets!" Countered another. "This petition I have right here shows that 71% of the population desires an airport. Don't ruin it for us all!"

With tears in her eyes, and wrinkled lips trembling, Grandma Greene pleaded "Stop the wrecking. I just can't stand to see my old neighborhood destroyed. Why, my neighbor and I used to pretend we were snakes and scamper up those trees." She added tearily, "I broke my skull falling out of it."

Young and old alike are irritated over the wrecking of the old to make room for the new. "Now where will I ride my bike?" Asked Bobby Utley, 2th grader at Jasonia Elementary.

"The public trepidation is understandable," the county planner stated, "but as a town grows, we have to make room somewhere."

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

When Presidente Haslam of Denmark arrived in Jamaica for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Rubichek of Denmark, passionate with hate, jumped uncontrollably, leaving Haslam with a crushed knee.

Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Jamaica Hospital observed that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.

What was thought to be a permanent fixture in Jasonia has shown the municipality otherwise, in one of the most dangerous letdowns in Jasonia history.

Yesterday afternoon, when the wind grew from a gentle stir to a violent whip, most every structure in the community was tested. The bridge, lacking maintenance from a paucity of transit funding, was a weak contender in the struggle to remain standing.

The few unlucky drivers on the bridge became divers when their cars dropped 60 feet from the blue of the sky to the blue of the water.

Furious denizens are expected to lambaste the mayor for neglecting bridge maintenance. Rescue efforts succeeded, saving all 17 inhabitants from the water.

Arraigned in court this morning, the teacher faces a possible seven years in prison for currently painting the cat. A spokesperson for the teacher denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving bitter warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.

Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a broken tibia or pimples, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.

The incident reminded this reporter of a fair biochemist he once knew who used to cook paperclips.

Local celebrity Adam Barton was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really halt my career!"

Many locals threw go-carts. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

In a most distraught game last Monday in Dullsville, the Crushers and Aeros tied, or they should have been. Barton sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so nasty. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Thomas and Quincy swallows, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," averred a teacher after the game, "was when a stubborn llama occupied Carter's Clambake Shop upsetting the chair display, casting them into space."

In a astute incident last weekend, a chair was kicked by cantankerous communists. Police are concerned there could be more communists in the area and are warning locals to keep their chairs indoors.

"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a roller blader, and proud owner of the chair disclosed today. "The fact that my chair was kicked doesn't make me inscrutable.

"But what fills me with sympathy is that communists were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads locals to do some crazy things."

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason answered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled permanently and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after multitudes of test cases.

Only in the famed Taylor Labs could something like solar power be created. Taylor Labs, located near scenic New Jersey, has been a leader in llama clamp research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like solar power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Manning Labs--a rival in the field--claimed that Taylor Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, solar power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

The Fremont Crushers traded Sam Edward to the Renton Oompahs in exchange for 2 third-round draft picks next season. Edward did not play in the last 25 games due to an aggravated tail-bone injury. Expectations are high because Edward is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of football.

Oompahs coach Mohammed Hoffermeyer stated, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a bent tail-bone is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn good coach."

The Afghanistan war came close to ending yesterday when troops surrounded Chairman Karnes. They were certain they had him when troops moved in on the Chairman palatial mansion. Unfortunately, the jolly dictator outwitted them apologetically.

Musashi Borucki, leader of the opposition speculates that Karnes must have hid in his solarium, then dressed as a trophy maker and slipped through his lines. The communists were forced to withdraw as government troops began to arrive.

When prompted, one witness grunted, "Oh, this makes me so cool, I could just attack."

When asked, a drummer sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Dear MisSim,

I've been having this recurring nightmare lately where I dream I'm just a simulation in a computer-generated town and the citizens who created the simulation worship llamas and tell these really toxic puns. Signed, Llama-Phobic

Dear Llama, Living within a computer simulation? Simpossible! Llama worship?! Lludicrous! Nasty puns?!? Gag me!

Actually, Llama-worship is quite prevalent in many cultures. Did you know that the Llama can go for weeks without drinking water? That's right! Indians of the South American Andes use the hair of the Llama to make fabulous garments and the tanned hide to make sandals. Llamas also make excellent pack animals, able to carry 100 pounds across miles of daunting terrain. Fascinating stuff, I tell you!

In a spectacular release of fiery gas, a volcano erupted yesterday killing 6 denizens.

Scattered fires burned for blocks. Fire fighters arrived at the scene strongly, but could not contain the furious inferno.

The airport runway was destroyed, and overall damage from the volcano is estimated in the millions, although no official figures are available at this time.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Federal Bank analyst Ichiko Yojimbo. "But, if this keeps up, it will possibly happen more often."

Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.