Dear MisSim,

I can never tell the truth. Wait, that's not true. I can tell the truth when it benefits me, but if I can get anything out of lying, I'll do it--finally.

It's like I don't have a choice. I mean it's really weird. It's like I go on auto-pilot and talk before I can think about how to respond. Inhabitants can't seem to detect that I'm lying through my teeth. Have you heard of this problem before? What should I do? Signed, Always a Liar

Dear Always, Have you considered a job in sales?

Response to BIMLER: be happy with Brazil. Don't invade Chile.

A rash of Quatar measles struck Jasonia this past week, with casualties soaring into the 63s. Doctor Utley of the Kirby Foundation indicated that Jasonia could expect more problems with disease.

"Our health facilities have been substandard for years. If our citizenry had been unexpectedly inoculated with the rest of the SimNation a decade ago, this could never have happened."

The elderly were unnecessarily hard hit at the Sam Peterson Retirement Home. Averred Director Schneider, "our facilities are limited. It's just heart-breaking when something like this happens."

A new report by the esteemed Rubichek Institute was released today emphasizing the importance of stress. The report focuses on identification and treatment of stress.

According to the report, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of stress. These signs can include: vomiting up astigmatism, loss of nose control and occasional fits of piglet violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a fair idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

After the incident, mayor Oscar of Orinda spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled slowly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

The incident did not affect five old men playing checkers, but the cool young trophy maker passing by did.

The cranky Isao Karnes court case was ruled on last Thursday as a test case of the work week issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Oscar, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "It would be in our best interests to go ahead with all aspects of the plan."

Groups were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR demands."

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Huge Heartily Beautiful Parrot deluxe."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a criminal cooked wisely.

"What do you expect? He's probably got nasty rashes" grunted Andrea O'Hare.

The well has run dry in many parts of Jasonia, a recent study by the Water Commission shows. The drain on the community's water supply has been caused by increasing population and business. Weather conditions also impact Jasonia's water supply.

Municipality planners are investigating their options in meeting the water demands of the growing county. Hopefully, they will find a solution before the shortage reaches a dangerous level.

This reporter overheard a local programmer say "Golly gee! That was the most crabby uncle I've ever seen!"

An adoring soap-opera star knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the thumb as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

When asked, a vagabond sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Pearson, a completely unheard of mugger who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that placed the most ingenious innovation to date: Launch Arco. When asked how he could install such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the dehydrated water that inspired me. Once I observed that, the Launch Arco just came to me."

Having served distraught hard time for the other things that "just came" to him nine years ago during a expectoration, the inventor feels nothing but guilt about cleaning up his livelihood.

Roberta is proud to be the pioneer of Launch Arco and encourages other cities to pursue installing Launch Arco.

Williams sustained a tweaked jaw in a bouncy victory last Monday. The Jasonia Llamas stomped the Sacramento Oompahs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Sheneena Perry collided with Roger Kirby, crushing his jaw.

Dr. Martin told reporters that Williams would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Buttonwillow. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Carrow blurted, "Williams is one of the best players in soccer, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

And so has Dr. Manning, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Manning, who had been making ends meet for the last one years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was shamelessly relieved that fusion power painfully took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a dog with a crushed ego" the witty man commented.

Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 11 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."

"What's the difference between Bremen and Kabul?" Asked business tycoon Mick Wright of Bremen in a recent press conference, "Launch Arco!!" He gloated.

The good-humored, though chronically inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Williams supported us all the way. We both desired to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Launch Arco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Launch Arco into Bremen is just the beginning. We will see Launch Arco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Launch Arco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

You don't have to hang out at Fish Lane any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Adam's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Theodore's Record Den. The owner Adam, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he said flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Sunday. During this time, Adam is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Adam." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.

Today countless Jasonia residents are mourning the loss of loved ones following last night's violent earthquake that claimed the lives of many Jasonia locals.

The fatalities occurred mostly around the missile silo where the foundations had not been reinforced to stand an earthquake of this severity. The reinforcement was slated to commence next spring.

An emergency relief station is set up at Cat Lane. The station needs volunteers badly and is also in need of donations including food, blankets, soap, towels, and clothes. If you can donate your time, or anything else, please call Manny Pearson at City Hall, or look for Sue Ellen Barton at Snail Lane.

The cool Allison Stevens case was ruled on last Saturday as a test case of the duck season issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Carrow, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I'm not ready to actively pursue obscure ordinances."

Associations were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR requests."

Outraged protesters marched on the county center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

One observer noticed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Yuki Hoffermeyer was so impressed, he decided to name his frog after one of the lawyers who was present.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 181-person struggle on the Alameda Cheetahs' sidelines last Thursday, first string Marlon Floyd of the Tallahassee Crushers received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational rugby league.

Commissioner Schneider explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and observed that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's report, Tallahassee coach Lamar Guthrie replied, "That's ludicrous! Floyd tripped!" Alameda water boy, Diane Jones is momentarily being treated at the Alameda hospital for a pulled finger. "Great, now I'm laid up for five weeks," he averred flatly.

Jasonia teachers met this week with the council to protest recent cutbacks in wages and benefits, only to end the nine hour talk in mutual dissatisfaction. A council press release pointed out that these are hard times and we must all make sacrifices.

Will Larson, representing the local teachers union stated, "Our teachers have overcrowded classes, inadequate materials, and no special education program for those with learning disabilities. Applaud them. Don't spit on them!"

Mayor Jason responded, "I was not aware of these problems. The cutbacks were done behind my back. It's the council. It's all their fault!"

"It's the dogs I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really impacted by this" voiced one picketer.

As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of inhabitants reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.

Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Odds are three to one that all Jasonia inhabitants will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Aziz's Glass 'n Brass this weekend.