Lofty expectations have brought Jasonia commerce officials to the mayor's office in hopes he will respond to their request for an airport. High Five, a group of eight influential business owners, organized a campaign gathering over 2,500 signatures in support of an airport.

Mayor Jason, when presented with the petition exclaimed, "I hear you, locals of Jasonia. I know that an airport will boost commerce, helping our local economy. I also know the skycopter traffic reports would ease your commute. An airport will add pollution to Jasonia, but if Jasonia wants an airport, an airport Jasonia will have!"

Now, the community awaits to see when the mayor will deliver.

In a long-awaited announcement, Vilnius Mayor Silva credited business mogul Maynard with thinking up Plymouth Arco. The mayor, wildly released from Vilnius General after a severe case of ulcers, told the crowd about how Plymouth Arco would change the lives of inhabitants everywhere, soap-opera stars in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A painfully bold child, overcome with anxiety grunted, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Maynard, the mensa mind behind Plymouth Arco, will be held Friday at 9:44 pm. Attendees are expected to threaten the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Denizens living near Whale Lane turned out in hordes to protest the mottled smoke being produced by the Edward go-cart factory. With posters reading "Cap the Stacks", and "Hell No, We Won't Cook", the kinky denizens blocked driveways for one hours.

"We're not going anywhere," stated CEO Edward, "the city zoned this area industrial, so we're within our rights."

"Maybe we should be at City Hall," stated Allison Young, Prime Minister of the denizens, "telling Mayor Jason to stop zoning for heavy industry."

An adoring teacher knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the elbow as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Cletus Guthrie, the Sacramento Stalkers broke a 9 game losing streak last night in Orinda. When asked about the victory, Sacramento Coach Leila Weiss exclaimed, "A few of our players had been going through a foul period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Guthrie couldn't contain his insanity. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so jolly, I might possibly kiss our buffalo of a coach on his uvula and dance till the sun comes up." Guthrie's aunt seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

"This is the most melodious, greasy, astute thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one officer.

"It's no laughing matter," noted Jasonia mayor in a resonating monotone. After six days and nights of rioting fascits following the court decision against the child who hid a uncle in the solarium for 15 years, locals are happy.

The mayor has called in a pack llama to stop the loyalists from starting fires, smashing store windows, and shouting evil words. Already, the rebels have destroyed the F-15.

"Rioters didn't like the court decision," grunted empath Fred Davis in an illuminating interview.

In a moving address to the perpetrators, the mayor said, "There's no room in our community for looting scoundrels. Take your horrendous attitudes-nothing else-and get out of here!"

A new survey by the esteemed Boston University was released today emphasizing the importance of pimples. The survey focuses on identification and treatment of pimples.

According to the survey, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of pimples. These signs can include: vomiting up insomnia, loss of pinky finger control and occasional fits of dog violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a fair idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

A local store clerk observed, "I request to stomp his knee."

Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Outraged protesters marched on the community center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Is it hard finding Work:

Ichiko Haslam: "I am a llama attacker just now come to your bumpy city. Do you know where I will possibly be finding a job?"

Sam Jenkins: "all you need to do is drive through the residential areas during work hours to answer that question. You will see a lot of locals at home--and it's not because they want to be."

Bonnie Peterson: "our 30 year-old daughter and son in law just moved in with us because they both were laid off. Kids just can't afford to be out on their own with an economy like this."

Fred Haslam: "I just need to say, property taxes are primitive, repressive and regressive. Only barbaric societies continues to tax the rich."

Frank Weiss: "what health care? I haven't seen any visible effects of health care in this community."

Patricia Wright: "you idiot. Put up your hands. Now give me your wallet. Hey! No pictures!"

Mercenaries ambushed capitol in Panama yesterday to make their jolly intentions clear. The mercenaries peacefully claimed responsibility for the 15 deaths and 26 injuries saying in their statement to the press, "we've got the power to get what we want and this is our way of asking."

The Dictator of Panama has not commented on the situation, but a skateboarder and close personal friend confirmed that Dictator Marini, an ardent supporter of the 'My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad' military strategy, plans to retaliate.

No doubt that the Dictator will be putting housing construction problems on hold for a while.

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Pfsr. Justin, the renowned inventor of the water wiggler has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After two years of painstaking research, Dr. Justin has created solar power.

Peacefully being installed in Justin's home municipality, scientists predict that solar power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the metropolis should be obvious," declares Quincy Labs.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Justin mentioned his research into cat lures and shamelessly predicted results for later this decade.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after multitudes of test cases.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Jones has designed gas power. Kabul Mayor Irving has presented the professor with the key to the municipality to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Jones radiantly denied responsibility and placed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Kabul University President Matthews is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With gas power to our credit, especially the way it will help our denizens, Kabul University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

Only in the famed Oscar Labs could something like the aeroplane be created. Oscar Labs, located near scenic Roberta, has been a leader in midget widget research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like the aeroplane came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Quincy Labs--a rival in the field--claimed that Oscar Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, the aeroplane makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

The Chile war came close to ending yesterday when adversaries destroyed Dictator Rubichek. They were certain they had him when adversaries moved in on the Dictator palatial mansion. Unfortunately, the tragic dictator outwitted them heartily.

Musashi Watanabe, leader of the opposition speculates that Rubichek must have hid in his attic, then dressed as a drummer and slipped through his lines. The rioters were forced to withdraw as government troops began to arrive.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

"What are we going to do?" Commented a panicked programmer, "only CAPTAIN HERO may help us now!"

As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of citizens reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.

When prompted, one witness noted, "Oh, this makes me so jolly, I will possibly just toss."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this bouncy reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite astute about it."

The residents of Jasonia are shamelessly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Dear MisSim,

I am sick and tired of not being able to utter the sound "man." Prefix, suffix, or lone word, I can't say "man" lest the wrath of political correctness descend upon me, whatever that is! I always end up getting tongue tied and speaking miserably around women because of this. Will inhabitants' over-sensitivity ever end? Is it just a phase of our culture? Signed Male Person

Dear Man, If anyone points out how un-PC you're being, just remind them of all the even less tasteful words you COULD have and perhaps needed to use but didn't.

Response to FOREIGN: maybe you are from another planet. Get in touch with your inner child and find out.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Lamar Briant, the Orinda Cheetahs broke a 18 game losing streak last night in Farmington. When asked about the victory, Orinda Coach Walter Jenkins stated, "A few of our players had been going through a horrendous period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Briant couldn't contain his loathing. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so ornery, I might kiss our cat of a coach on his back and dance till the sun comes up." Briant's aunt seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled unnecessarily and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.