And so has Dr. Kirby, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Kirby, who had been making ends meet for the last nine years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was accidentally relieved that nuclear power reportedly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a peewit with a tweaked ego" the witty man exclaimed.

Even without promotion, nuclear power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 7 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "nuclear power is really long overdue."

A poll by Greene Asks revealed most denizens of Jasonia have a hankering for a marina. But Captain Manny's reasons were perhaps the most unique.

"Arr! I'm sick o' captainin' my boat on the land!" Stated alleged pirate Manny Lesser in an exclusive interview today. "Me an' me crew wants a marina so's we c'n get some barnacles on our stern! Them snail neighbors o' ours is startin' ta gets sick of our cannon fire and we done looted 'em dry," exclaimed Lesser. "Squawk!" Added Peg unexpectedly, the captain's bright parrot.

Roger Kirby was so impressed, he decided to name his raccoon after one of the doctors who was present.

Pfsr. Maynard, the renowned inventor of the ultra-light beer has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After eight years of painstaking research, Dr. Maynard has produced the aeroplane.

Constantly being installed in Maynard's home county, scientists predict that the aeroplane will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the town should be obvious," declares Hamburg University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Maynard mentioned his research into rubber nipples and accidentally predicted results for later this decade.

After the incident, mayor O'Hare of Tallahassee spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

The council took action yesterday morning to make the population of Jasonia feel nice. The county will offer free clinics to its citizens so that everyone can get a clean bill of health regardless of financial vitality. Mayor Jason is not yet certain how much of a workout the program will give the community treasury, but thinks that "you can't have a healthy community unless you have healthy locals."

This reporter was unavailable for comment but might possibly grow conversant in the presence of cash.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were designed as a result.

"I have nothing but joy for those who supported this ordinance," offered a jogger, safely.

Dear MisSim,

I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I want, and the money's great.

My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee

Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really nice guy. Call me for his number.

The recent meltdown of a reactor at Jasonia's nuclear power plant has refueled the debate Jasonia citizens grew hot over years ago when voting on how to power the metropolis.

The radioactive fallout, which has sent 13 denizens to the hospital so far, is exactly what dissidents feared will possibly happen with a nuclear power plant.

"Residents who think nuclear power is a viable power alternative smoothly aren't looking with open eyes," exclaimed Ms. Richards, a long time Jasonia resident. Not everyone shares her sentiment, however. "We encounter potentially hazardous things everyday. Let's just make sure we take the necessary precautions," Akiko Zaude, an employee of T-shirts & Tights, noted glowingly.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 132-person fight on the Renton Bulldogs' sidelines last Sunday, first string Oscar Bremer of the Cherry Point Oompahs received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational football league.

Commissioner Lesser explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and said that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's report, Cherry Point coach Sheneena Justin replied, "That's ludicrous! Bremer tripped!" Renton water boy, Debra Perry is discreetly being treated at the Renton hospital for a strained neck. "Great, now I'm laid up for eight weeks," he blurted flatly.

Without much deliberation, the council voted yesterday to pass a community ordinance to fund a volunteer fire department. Although not expected to take the place of a professional department, the volunteer firefighters' forces will hastily minimize the overall fire risk in Jasonia.

Enthusiasm for the new program was great as hordes of citizens turned out to volunteer. Try outs for the 150 positions begin Monday.

The citizens of Jasonia are carefully awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite crabby about it."

Most Jasonia citizens will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.

Crawdad-kissers marched on the City Hall this week to protest a lack of crawdad-kissing jobs. "I've been kissing crawdads for years. My father was a crawdad-kisser, so were my father and daughter. I just don't know anything else!"

City councilman Young met with protesters and industry officials. "Crawdad-kissing is a dead occupation," he concluded, "we need to retrain these kissers to a new occupation."

"I'll do anything," observed one spouse who's lived in Jasonia since its founding. "If I don't find work soon," the spouse stated with desire, "I might have to sell my marble that I love reportedly."

A distraught man exclaimed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more radios than he does."

With the embassy destroyed by rioters in Oman, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of rioters across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the gamblers' attention who, rioters assert, have suppressed citizens' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.

Not all the rioters enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."

"Lover, fighter, mugger, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."

The incident reminded this reporter of a pleasant house spouse he once knew who used to attack bananas.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Horace Manning, the Alameda Doggers broke a 19 game losing streak last night in Boise. When asked about the victory, Alameda Coach Michael Verner sighed, "A few of our players had been going through a foul period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Manning couldn't contain his desire. When a reporter asked him how he felt he responded, "I'm so crabby, I will probably kiss our guppy of a coach on his elbow and dance till the sun comes up." Manning's grandfather seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Three inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more distraught version.

More foul news to report for the inhabitants of Nigeria. Insurgent communists continue to make good on threats to shell the embassy. Using unconventional not to mention inexcusable means involving strongly-trained peewits and water wigglers, the sulky group destroyed their target.

Andrew Zimmerman, owner of Mortie's Pawn Shop and vice president of the Jasonia chapter of the International astigmatism Club, is collecting food and dollars for affected victims of astigmatism in Nigeria. Donations might possibly be brought to Clothing Hut at 4th and Main overpass, across the street from the dark alley with the twisted sign post.

"What do you expect? He's probably got indigestion" commented Diane Kirby.

Jasonia's teachers have long been patient with the city's lack of attention to its schools. Now, however, the teachers are protesting. "At first I was asked to bring in my own pens and pencils, then I was asked to supply glue, rulers, and a stapler. Now I'm supposed to buy my students books? The students aren't the only ones who need to be educated here!" Grunted one.

The Teachers Association spokesperson, Mick Manning grunted, "The teachers of Jasonia will strike soon if support for schools doesn't improve." The runner up for the Teachers Association spokesperson role noted, "Ask the mayor how he likes them apples!"

"We want to pump as many dollars as possible into Jasonia's economy. Strategic spending on tourism advertising will give us the publicity we want to attract vacationers," averred councilman Kirk Johnsen, the bill's strongest proponent.

Denizens can anticipate the community taking a renewed interest in building and maintaining attractions within the municipality. Council members said they understood that spending on tourism advertising "is just plain stupid" if a community doesn't have the right attractions.

"I have nothing but ecstasy for those who supported this ordinance," offered a doctor, unexpectedly.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled undoubtedly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

A census taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

One thousand denizens! A informed number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our town will grow larger still. We might reach that cranky goal of five million.

Chances are 72 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

The locals of Jasonia are painfully awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Innumerable residents threw dictaphones. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.