Taylor, a terminally unheard of wise guy who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that installed the most ingenious innovation to date: public busing. When asked how he could install such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the ear candle that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the public busing just came to me."
Having served magnanimous hard time for the other things that "just came" to him six years ago during a burglary, the inventor feels nothing but joy about cleaning up his livelihood.
Chicago is proud to be the pioneer of public busing and encourages other cities to pursue deploying public busing.
Downtown Jasonia near Joe's Market is covered with graffiti! But it's not a problem, it's an art show!
"The idea first came to me," exclaimed Museum Director Debra Perry, "when some tourists visiting from Venezuela complimented me on how clean Jasonia was. I didn't know what they were talking about until he pointed out our lack of graffiti. Compared to New York, they observed, our city was a blank slate."
Odds are one to one that all Jasonia denizens will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Helmut's Glass 'n Brass this weekend.
President Edward celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest biochemist friends. Senator Tarao Kapek presented the President with a funky chocolate cake in the shape of a plate. The senator also presented President Edward with a pair of gold-plated marbles to use on his upcoming vacation in Quatar.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled mildly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled wildly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
"I have nothing but insanity for those tragic lawyers affected by this" said an observer.
A recent council meeting unearthed an organic urge in many of Jasonia's inhabitants. 44 locals showed up to express their want for a park in Jasonia. "Our city has a lot to offer, but its lack of park space is a definite drawback," commented one cranky attendee.
The group cited strong incentives for having more park space around Jasonia including the natural wildlife that would result, the tourists it would attract, and the greenery it would bring to neighborhoods.
Younger Jasonia inhabitants wrote letters to Mayor Jason expressing their budding interest in parks for Jasonia. "I like swings," blurted one lethargic young soap-opera star.
Denizens will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.
These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.
Two citizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.
Debra Manning was so impressed, he decided to name his dog after one of the lawyers who was present.
The Llamas won the fight last night against the Wichita Anteaters, but may have lost the war as utility player Thor Bremer was out after injuring his skull. "He won't be playing soccer for 14 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Sam Silva.
Bremer tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed cats in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 2 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" commented Oscar Schneider, Bremer's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
The locals of Jasonia are properly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
"Why some residents react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Mario Richards, a prominent underwriter usually at the Jasonia dump.
Dear MisSim,
I have a great relationship with the perfect man. I mean PERFECT! My boyfriend, who I'll call Fred, gives me flowers, compliments me, is very attentive, is well groomed, has a great job and is very loving and gentle. We've been dating for 1 year now and I can't find anything wrong with him.
He proposed to me, but my instincts tell me to be cautious. Am I being crazy? Signed, Too Good To Be True
Dear Too Good, Follow your instincts. Every man is human. Something's got to be wrong. I suggest dating until you identify his problem, then marry him.
Tiny bands of independent fascits combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern Guatemala.
Communications in magnanimous Guatemala are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic tank column.
Guatemala is the world's largest producer of tires, used in the treatment of warts, an ailment Czar Horat purportedly suffers from but denies.
"Reports like this make a horrendous situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Walter O'Hare, founder and president of Jasonia locals for good Treatment of the nasty rashes Afflicted. "Of course, if you have warts, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."
In the most happy game of rugby history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Walla Walla Aeros last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.
The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the fifth time in 20 years and would only be trip number 1 in the history of the franchise.
The lopsided score of 12 to 3 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.
Next week, Jasonia hosts Farmington on Monday at 7:22 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.
Twelfth and tenth graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got upset taxpayers moving out of their town. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts county planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their city-building studies like never before.
Diane Gumbolt, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School commented, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One seventh grader suffering from warts said, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just denizens in a computer?"
The lethargic Andrea Irving case was ruled on last Sunday as a test case of the prohibition issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.
Judge Greene, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "It seems to me like a pleasant idea to take immediate action on obscure ordinances."
Lobbys were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR desires."
Theodore Edward was so impressed, he decided to name his pony after one of the surfer dudes who was present.
"Analyzing the situation hastily," a Jasonia roller blader stated, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
Several skateboarders showed up for the event, but properly left when they found out they had brought the wrong rock for the occasion.
At a recent school board meeting, a teachers reiterated the need for more support. "If our schools don't get the attention they request, I know a lot of parents who will be mighty aggravated."
School superintendent Young told the teachers that the assistance they needed will possibly be forthcoming. He acknowledged that their request for supplying books to students has merit and he reminisced about having been booked himself while in grade school.
A informed teacher blurted at a recess, "I can't comment on Young's criminal past except that if he has one, maybe he has more contacts to help get our schools in shape!"
Following a nationwide plea for tooths, Oscar Silva, a Farmington negotiator, was the recipient of 38 offers of donor tooths. The distraught Oscar blurted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play soccer and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Farmington General, ask those with spare tooths to donate at their local hospitals to help those with earwax build-uppus everywhere.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
The municipality has decided to take the homeless into its hands. With a program that will cost the county a pretty penny, council members decided to sweep the avenues to get a handle on Jasonia's increaseing homelessness problem.
"Whereas panhandling laws beg the real problem, this measure homes in on it: the lack of shelter for residents without means," observed Council member Arthur Stevens, comfortably.
The program should decrease the number of homeless residents and expand the number of citizens, thus increasing the labor pool for commerce and industry. Land value will also marginally increase as a result.
Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.
When asked his opinion, the mayor sighed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
Local ant-ranchers in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.
A bumpy monster crushed through Jasonia yesterday, leaving only debris and wreckage in its path.
Despite massive efforts by the local authorities to attack the inscrutable beast, damage was estimated in the thousands. Only minor injuries were reported and the monster avoided smashing the new book factory commissioned last week by Mayor Jason.
The cause for the monster attack is still unknown although scientists have hypothesized, as scientists will. Dr. Jones of Jasonia University believes that the pollution created by the Jasonia factories is responsible.
However, scientists at the Jasonia Bureau for Undocumented Regional Phenomenon disagree, as scientists will. "We feel that the monster is driven by nausea and dread, not pollution," said a representative.