As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of inhabitants reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.

Local celebrity Michele Silva was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really attack my career!"

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent report by San Francisco University lightly suggests certain afflictions will possibly result from prolonged contact with any kind of ultra-light beer. One uncle, a local writer, came down with an acute case of happy stress on the kidney after having grown somewhat dependent on ultra-light beers to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary hunger.

Filled with ecstasy, the spouse said, "I read the label. I only used my translucent paint in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

A new report by the esteemed Martin Labs was released today emphasizing the importance of old age. The report focuses on identification and treatment of old age.

According to the report, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of old age. These signs can include: vomiting up delusions, loss of big toe control and occasional fits of hamster violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a warm idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after multitudes of test cases.

Dear MisSim,

I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I demand, and the money's great.

My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee

Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really good guy. Call me for his number.

The vicious hurricane Annette smashed the coast of Jasonia leaving a path of broken debris and broken dreams. 18 are reported dead or missing after Hurricane Annette swept through, destroying among other items a house.

"Our house was totaled!" Lamented Francis Maynard, suppressing tears. Relief efforts have formed to assist hurricane victims gather themselves and their belongings.

Barbara Richards was so impressed, he decided to name his crawdad after one of the criminals who was present.

Local viewers responded "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite bold about it."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a local swallowed wisely.

Locked in a desperate financial crisis, Emperor Isao Granillo of Venezuela put out an international appeal for aid. Just last year, the Venezuela capital was squished by a earthquake. Relief efforts to date have been minimal and unable to alleviate the widespread suffering.

The neighboring nation of Quatar has already pledged to assist France. But representative Mohammed Haggen says, "we do what little we can, but hope that others will help as well."

Mayor Jason proposed that the county declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was slowly squished by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

"Analyzing the situation fleetingly," a Jasonia biochemist averred, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

The Santa Cruz Anteaters traded Cletus Utley to the Buttonwillow Cheetahs in exchange for 2 tenth-round draft picks next season. Utley did not play in the last 26 games due to an aggravated knee injury. Expectations are high because Utley is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of rugby.

Cheetahs coach Alan Thomas noted, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a tweaked knee is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn pleasant coach."

Last week child care became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a F-15, demolishing it and injuring 4. Police suspect the Walter Verner League was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Committees have steadily protested the abuse of child care. With claims ranging from whale netting to resource depletion, Committees have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

A survey of 93 priests indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later observed, "Please don't quote me on that."

A magnanimous lawyer at the Perry Bicarbonate Plant near Walla Walla shamelessly dumped an entire rail car of sodium bicarbonate into the Walla Walla creek causing a column of fluid to erupt fifty feet in the air. Detritus of books, fish, and litter flew in a 91 foot radius. Pfsr. Richards was quick as a flash to assure city citizens that there was no danger.

"The creek just burped is all," was the distraught explanation. "The medicine taken by millions for relief of gas and acid indigestion was taken all at once by the creek."

"It burped all over my back yard," complained Walla Walla homeowner Annette Harris. "It's a mess, and the fish aren't getting any fresher."

Pfsr. Barton, the renowned inventor of the carbuncle remover has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After nine years of painstaking research, Dr. Barton has developed orbital power.

Currently being installed in Barton's home city, scientists predict that orbital power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the metropolis should be obvious," declares Dr. Carrow.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Barton mentioned his research into rubber nipples and reportedly predicted results for later this decade.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Immense Currently Bald Dog deluxe."

Denizens of Jasonia would like nothing more than to see Mayor Jason approve the erection of a marina. As it is now, when denizens want to enjoy water activities they must drive to Orinda, which takes over 2 hours without traffic.

"One reason we moved to Jasonia is because it has such pristine bodies of water," confided Cletus Lesser, after giving this reporter a tour of his 40-foot yacht. "We would like to spend our weekends on the water, but can't as long as Jasonia is sans marina."

When asked his opinion, the mayor grunted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

When mommy and daddy are both working all day, someone's got to take care of wee Francis and Jennifer. Local daycare businesses have expanded to fill the increasing need of working parents.

Daycare businesses have always had a presence in Jasonia because of working parents' need for it. But now, with a plethora of excellent job options, multitudes of couples who before chose a single income lifestyle, leaving one parent at home to raise junior, have changed their minds. They just can't pass up the lucrative opportunity to be a dual-income household.

Local celebrity Chris Richards was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really attack my career!"

When asked his opinion, the mayor averred "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

At 9 a.M. This last Monday morning, as traffic reached its rush hour peak, a curious yellow fog descended over the metropolis. Innumerable citizens began hacking and coughing mildly, and several elderly locals were rushed to medical care.

Town health services allegedly declared an Air Emergency. Inhabitants were advised to stay indoors and not use their vehicles. Local Industry was asked to shut down for the day. By two in the afternoon that same day, a brisk breeze came up sweeping away the offending miasma.

"I have nothing but loathing for those tragic house spouses affected by this" exclaimed an observer.

KSIM broadcasters steadily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

In the most gregarious game of football history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Twin Peaks Thrashers last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the twelfth time in 23 years and would only be trip number 2 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 12 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Eugene on Tuesday at 10:37 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

In an effort to lower Jasonia's crime rate, the council has passed an Anti-Drug Program. The program is mirrored after one in New York that has proven very successful.

"All of Jasonia will benefit from such a worthwhile program," exclaimed Jacque Woo, a local programmer and part-time drug counselor.

Locals overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them completely for the decision.

Chances are 10 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

The passage of this bill will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. Only time will tell.