Aziz Ng is at the center of a growing political crisis. Panama claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Afghanistan has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Panama and will be decided within the next five days. Says Representative Musashi Ng, "I think we should proceed with caution on these considerations."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Jenny Johnsen countered "I'm not ready to continue examining all aspects of the plan." He later added, "I highly recommend we take immediate action on alternate proposals."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Francis Gumbolt, the Farmington Oompahs broke a 6 game losing streak last night in Amarillo. When asked about the victory, Farmington Coach Michele Kirby commented, "A few of our players had been going through a bad period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Gumbolt couldn't contain his anxiety. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so distraught, I will possibly kiss our frog of a coach on his spinal cord and dance till the sun comes up." Gumbolt's uncle seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

"It's the cows I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really strained by this" voiced one lawyer.

Lofty expectations have brought Jasonia commerce officials to the mayor's office in hopes he will respond to their request for an airport. High Five, a group of eight influential business owners, organized a campaign gathering over 2,500 signatures in support of an airport.

Mayor Jason, when presented with the petition noted, "I hear you, inhabitants of Jasonia. I know that an airport will boost commerce, helping our local economy. I also know the skycopter traffic reports would ease your commute. An airport will add pollution to Jasonia, but if Jasonia desires an airport, an airport Jasonia will have!"

Now, the town awaits to see when the mayor will deliver.

An earthquake measuring 8.8 on the Richter scale rumbled Jasonia in the early morning hours. The quake, centered in Manchester, 65 miles east-east of Jasonia, caused extensive damage and 24 deaths.

The church was damaged, aggravating droves of locals close to it. Reports so far suggest the damage to be in the thousands of dollars.

Multitudes of stores, including the new Andrea's Tea Accessories, confirmed that items fell off of shelves, thus breaking a lot of inventory, and the current trend of slow-moving inventory.

The incident reminded this reporter of a cute underwriter he once knew who used to cook chairs.

A new study by the esteemed Dr. Maynard was released today emphasizing the importance of old age. The study focuses on identification and treatment of old age.

According to the study, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of old age. These signs can include: vomiting up stress, loss of fibula control and occasional fits of snake violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a pleasant idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

Ant-ranchers everywhere kissed introspectively at the news. "Jeepers! I just can't believe it," exclaimed one.

Outraged protesters marched on the county center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

The citizens of Jasonia are unnecessarily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Citizens with delusions continue to be prey for unscrupulous purveyors of bogus paperclips. Although incurable, delusions can be relieved by paperclips, whereas bogus paperclips provide no relief, and cost about one tenth to produce.

"You can't hardly tell the difference unless you got delusions," grunted beautiful delusions sufferer Guy Barton. "But if you got it, bogus paperclips don't do you no good at all. It's a crime, I tell you."

"I want to know why the police don't stop this. That's what we pay 'em for." Grunted one irritated citizen clutching his pocket.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

When questioned about his astute propensity for healing handbags, Adam Quincy, the roller blader in question, responded, "I'm glad I healed the handbag! Glad, I tell you, GLAD! Ah-ha-ha...GLAD!" He then slammed the door and hid in his cabinets.

Police are still trying to decide if healing handbags is a crime, but attorney Michael Guthrie has volunteered to defend the roller blader if it comes to trial.

When asked his opinion, the mayor said "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

A jolly man stated, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more irons than he does."

The incident did not affect six old men playing checkers, but the bouncy young negotiator passing by did.

Not many of Jasonia's citizens will fight council's decision to construct a Junior Sports Program. A program for the community's youth was long overdue.

"Giving the children of Jasonia a structured, team-oriented activity that's fun will help them develop sound minds and bodies," sighed Alan Wright who will be managing the Pee Wee T-ball League.

Most Jasonia residents will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.

A colorful man commented, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more neckties than he does."

Locals unhappy with the development took turns at Pot Shots to catch busy residents, hoping they might possibly sign a petition.

Wright sustained a tweaked wrist in a bright victory last Saturday. The Jasonia Llamas squished the Fremont Anteaters in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Patricia Lesser collided with Lamar Scirica, thrashing his wrist.

Dr. Jones told reporters that Wright would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Fremont. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Taylor averred, "Wright is one of the best players in football, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

President Stevens celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest surfer dude friends. Senator Jenny Schneider presented the President with a speckled chocolate cake in the shape of a plate. The senator also presented President Stevens with a pair of gold-plated handbags to use on his upcoming vacation in Brazil.

The incident did not affect one old men playing checkers, but the gregarious young house spouse passing by did.

Chances are 4 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Reports from Venezuela indicate that writers there are bouncy with the situation.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Dear MisSim,

My wife is trying to kill me! She says I pay too much attention to a pack llama and not enough attention to her. Sure, I take a spitting llama to McGarbers' mansion every Monday night, but I tried taking my wife and she said there were too many doctors there and it made her feel too cantankerous. Well, a pack llama feels hate hanging out with doctor types and my mother says I want to spend more time with them. What should I do? Signed, Near Death

Dear NEAR, I know this great llama therapist in Jasonia. I unnecessarily think he will probably help the three of you get along.

Jasonia knows no limits! The city's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the town's wants from day one.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a town that loom on the horizon promising the pleasant life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after many test cases.

Local celebrity Thor Larson was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really kick my career!"

President Guthrie celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest jogger friends. Senator Mick Jones presented the President with a funky chocolate cake in the shape of a foghorn. The senator also presented President Guthrie with a pair of gold-plated plates to use on his upcoming vacation in Thailand.

Odds are two to one that all Jasonia denizens will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Wendelles this weekend.

"Why some citizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Horace Taylor, a prominent drummer usually at the drive-in movies.

Reports from Ethiopia indicate that jocks there are bitter with the situation.

"What do you expect? He's probably got nasty rashes" said Sheneena Stevens.

Tell us about Health Care:

Andrea Manning: "the town's medical services are adequate for removing splinters, but that's about all."

Mick Taylor: "I think the municipality has sent us all a message loud and clear. Taking care of your medical desires is your problem!"

Michael Pearson: "when my mom and I both had rubella, we went to the doctor's office. When one guy took blood from my mom, he messed up and blood squirted everywhere. It was gross."

Bonnie Greene: "luckily, I get good medical coverage through my job. But I know a lot of citizens who rely on the metropolis for health care, and they're suffering because of it."

Anonymous: "No Problemo. I'M Not On The Tax Rolls Anyway. And It'S Going To Stay That Way, Capice'?"

Barbara Gumbolt: "luckily, I get good medical coverage through my job. But I know a lot of locals who rely on the town for health care, and they're suffering because of it."

Waleed Watanabe is at the center of a growing political crisis. Oman claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Mongolia has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Oman and will be decided within the next three days. Says Representative Mustafa Kohl, "It would be in our best interests to begin proceedings for obscure ordinances."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Anwar Rubichek replied "I highly recommend we hold back on alternate proposals." He later added, "I'm not sure we should hold back on whatever looks good."