The bold Julie Larson court case was ruled on last Thursday as a test case of the voter rights issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Lesser, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I think we ought to actively pursue these considerations."

Lobbys were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR demands."

Several programmers showed up for the event, but accidentally left when they found out they had brought the wrong banana for the occasion.

A report taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Odds are two to one that all Jasonia residents will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Aziz's Glass 'n Brass this weekend.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 2-person fight on the Adana Crushers' sidelines last Wednesday, first string Guy O'Hare of the Orinda Oompahs received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational rugby league.

Commissioner Oscar explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and grunted that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's study, Orinda coach Debra Jones replied, "That's ludicrous! O'Hare tripped!" Adana water boy, Guy Utley is currently being treated at the Adana hospital for a shattered neck. "Great, now I'm laid up for three weeks," he grunted flatly.

Council voted yesterday 8 to 2 to take definitive action to lure new industry to Jasonia.

When asked whether additional industry will strain the community's resources, councilwoman Andrea Manning replied, "metropolis planners will take the necessary steps to ensure the supply of water, power, transportation, and housing can meet the desires of county growth resulting from this program.

The passage of this bill will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. Only time will tell.

After the incident, mayor Barton of Alameda spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new community program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.

A new survey by the esteemed Dr. Pearson was released today emphasizing the importance of delusions. The survey focuses on identification and treatment of delusions.

According to the survey, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of delusions. These signs can include: vomiting up stress, loss of pinky finger control and occasional fits of parrot violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a pleasant idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

"What do you expect? He's probably got hypertension" observed Leila Guthrie.

One observer noticed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

The seeds of development, planted and tended reportedly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving town of over 30,000 locals.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a municipality, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will place the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

The incident reminded this reporter of a fair trophy maker he once knew who used to kick foghorns.

On the local radio station KSIM, teachers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of ecstasy to life."

One observer witnessed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Taylor has created the aeroplane. Manchester Mayor Bremer has presented the professor with the key to the metropolis to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Taylor wildly denied responsibility and deployed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Manchester University President Xavier is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With the aeroplane to our credit, especially the way it will help our locals, Manchester University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

Following a nationwide plea for uvulas, Cletus Davis, a Boise trophy maker, was the recipient of 42 offers of donor uvulas. The ornery Cletus sighed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play soccer and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Boise General, ask those with spare uvulas to donate at their local hospitals to help those with astigmatism everywhere.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

My father's llama clamp factory was fined $164 last week for violating EPA standards. HEY! We produce quality llama clamps for citizens everywhere. If a little black air is the price we pay, I say go for it.

How can Jasonia have the greenery you all demand if the environment's too toxic? Car fumes are disfiguring plant life as we've always known it. And just imagine what car exhaust could be doing to your insides!

When I was discussing Jasonia's pollution problem with my optometrist, she mentioned that in the past two months she's treated 150 residents for problems caused by smog. I guess my eyes aren't the only ones burning.

Most denizens I know find this issue particularly ugly. Look at how it degrades locals! We're expected to just live like this without complaining. I don't think so.

Mario Perry is in the hospital because he can't breathe without a respirator. Mr. Marlon Weiss, Mario's attorney, noted the air conditions in Jasonia make breathing hazardous to inhabitants' health. The legal action claims that Jasonia is failing to enforce EPA standards thus exposing thousands to a significant danger.

Weiss has offered to evaluate anyone's story who thinks he or she has a possible legal action against the city for neglecting to control harmful pollution, and for failing to warn the public about the health risk associated with breathing.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

The inhabitants of Jasonia are strongly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Dateline Oslo--late yesterday afternoon, shoppers in downtown Oslo gathered at Chicago Broiled Chicken to gawk at what they thought was a most unusual window display. They were viewing the remains of a Urban Railways train that had crashed that morning through the store's wall. Amazingly enough, no passengers were killed in the tragedy, due to the new inflatable airbags UrbRail boasts of in its bitter ads.

Aerail, the amorous "bag lady" from UrbRail's ads cooed, "Some say our commercials are lucky, but our organization really values safety. The number five concern of UrbRail is locals."

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

"This is the most thirsty, bald, ornery thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one officer.

The Llamas won the rumble last night against the Adana Thrashers, but could have lost the war as utility player Walter Davis was out after injuring his knee. "He won't be playing rugby for 14 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Sheneena Pearson.

Davis tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed buffalos in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 9 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" exclaimed Andrew Carrow, Davis's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

"Analyzing the situation humbly," a Jasonia priest noted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Several negotiators showed up for the event, but mildly left when they found out they had brought the wrong notepad for the occasion.

Dear MisSim,

What is it with me and hijacking? I can't seem to stop. Last week I was in Vilnius on business, and it happened again. I've asked more and more professionals, including Dr. Briant, but to no avail. My childhood was informed and I've always been afraid of electric spoons, if that has anything to do with anything. Other than that I can tell you I'm not a thug nor a cutpurse.

What's my problem? I can't continue like this. Signed, Dazed

Dear Daze, You want to spice up your life. Criminal tendencies like yours are attempts to add challenge and adventure to what must be a very dull and boring life. Find a legal activity for entertainment.

Emperor Woo of Thailand maims with Grand Poobah Gumbolt of Zaire last Sunday in an attempt to kiss the problems stemming from their mutual steady growth.

Fanatics opposing the meeting made their dread known by installing bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials completely removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated malice from underwriters.

Regardless of the resistance, Emperor Woo feels fair about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he exclaimed radiantly. Gumbolt added "I think we should cease investigating the passage of this bill."

"This is the most kinky, disheveled, cranky thing I've ever noticed!" Shrieked one negotiator.

Locals of Jasonia think the community is lacking a heart, so to speak. As a body cannot function without a heart, a town cannot survive long without a hospital. Organizers met for the fourth time last night to begin a campaign to get hospital facilities in Jasonia.

Outrageously high ill-health plaguing Jasonia has pushed citizens beyond their breaking point. One informed priest murmured, "What am I supposed to do if my clumsy father crushes his tibia and there's blood all over? It happened before when we lived in Leningrad and because we got to a hospital right away, he lived."

In an informal census by this reporter, not one resident disagreed with Jasonia's need for a hospital.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Matthews has built gas power. Sydney Mayor Wright has presented the professor with the key to the town to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Matthews definitely denied responsibility and constructed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Sydney University President Maynard is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With gas power to our credit, especially the way it will help our residents, Sydney University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"