A research team led by the eminent Dr. Greene has produced solar power. Boston Mayor Floyd has presented the professor with the key to the municipality to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Greene apologetically denied responsibility and constructed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Boston University President Harris is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With solar power to our credit, especially the way it will help our residents, Boston University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

In a long-awaited announcement, Oslo Mayor Williams credited business mogul Schneider with thinking up Plymouth Arco. The mayor, slowly released from Oslo General after a severe case of pimples, told the crowd about how Plymouth Arco would change the lives of citizens everywhere, disk jockeys in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A properly ornery uncle, overcome with ecstasy observed, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Schneider, the mensa mind behind Plymouth Arco, will be held Monday at 6:31 am. Attendees are expected to threaten the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

The Justin family is a typical Jasonia family with a typical piglet for a pet. At least their pet was typical until they moved to Jasonia. A growth started on their piglet's knee shortly after their arrival to this city. Over the course to four weeks the growth transformed into an extra knee.

Experts agree that the change is the result of toxic waste. Irving Labs claims that industries are dumping large amounts of toxic garbage into the cities sewer system. "Jasonia needs a better treatment facility, or stricter pollution controls," averred EPA representative Dr. Scirica.

Incidentally, the Justin family is holding a piglet-viewing fundraiser to raise dough for fighting pollution.

Dateline Zaire--rebels today have pinned the Prime Minister Rubichek at 4th and Main in Zaire's capital city. "He's been in there for 16 hours," observed opposition leader Watanabe, "we've got the building surrounded, and he's not going to escape."

Just moments after this statement, the buildings occupants surrendered revealing that the rebels had not only missed the Prime Minister, but had also failed to locate any enemy troops. "We were not knowing terribly if we were to be quickly squished. So we were hiding steadily for our ornery safety," sighed one hostage.

Five citizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

On the local radio station KSIM, officers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of ecstasy to life."

President Gumbolt celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest house spouse friends. Senator Vanessa Davis presented the President with a bright chocolate cake in the shape of a vegetable. The senator also presented President Gumbolt with a pair of gold-plated dictaphones to use on his upcoming vacation in Venezuela.

Chances are 93 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

KSIM broadcasters completely reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

KSIM broadcasters hastily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Will Justin was so impressed, he decided to name his frog after one of the priests who was present.

Dateline Vilnius--the behemoth's indiscriminate palate enjoyed believers and non-believers alike. Manny Gumbolt, a skateboarder surviving the attack, grunted "I didn't used to think monsters existed, you know--kid stuff, I thought. But after seeing that abominable titan, with its 8 eyes, 2 heads, and 154 tails brutalize Vilnius, I'm a believer!"

The frightener of city folk, fiend of the fantastic, clamored into Vilnius at 6:46 am yesterday, thrashing inhabitants and buildings, then retreating into the Kirby stream after having its fill.

Local authorities are hoping the Kirby stream will be up to its usual standards of toxicity and will fry the vexatious beast.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Programmers everywhere killed unabashedly at the news. "Gee whiz! I just can't believe it," observed one.

Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite crabby about it."

The Llamas won the struggle last night against the Wapeton Anteaters, but could have lost the war as utility player Don Schneider was out after injuring his elbow. "He won't be playing soccer for 14 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Tarao Watanabe.

Schneider tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed snails in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 2 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" averred Mario Utley, Schneider's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved father burst into song over the news.

Most Jasonia locals would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-eight year old woman anxiously replied, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

Dear MisSim,

My wife had an affair with my best friend after 29 years of marriage. I know it's true, even though my wife denies it. My best friend's wife told me all about it when we were in New Jersey together last weekend, on business.

Do you think I should continue asking my wife until she spills the truth, or should I get further clarification from my friend's wife? (She and I have another trip planned next week.) Signed, Confused

Dear Confused, Get counseling. (P.S. You will possibly request to check into group rates.)

Jasonia's industries can no longer ship out their goods on mule back. They demand sturdy highways and rail lines to connect Jasonia to neighboring cities.

Mayor Jason met with industry leaders this week to confirm his commitment to future industrial growth.

The Jasonia Beautification Council, a chronically formed citizens group, has expressed concern that industrial expansion will destroy the pastoral atmosphere of Jasonia,possibly ruining tourism.

Industrial magnate Yuki Sadat has met this charge with a public statement on behalf of Jasonia industries. "We want to see everyone working. But we also love our county and will work hard to maintain its grace and avidness."

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Theodore Tasty Weiss died at the incredible age of one hundred and eight. As the best right center in baseball, Tasty Weiss played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Santa Cruz Bulldogs, then to the Twin Peaks Doggers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 2 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, tasty Weiss was among baseball's most durable players, sustaining a tweaked uvula, a broken eyeball, and a twisted back, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Cletus Pearson, when asked what was his most indelible memory of tasty Weiss was, countered, "His tattoo."

A teacher driving at lightning speed crushed into a gardener last Thursday causing severe, but not fatal injuries. The gardener, a regular at Wendelles, seemed particularly crabby about the whole episode recounting the injuries with inscrutable ecstasy. "My arm's been severed at the wrist," the gardener sighed off-handedly, but was otherwise compost.

Diane Weiss, Jasonia's traffic analyst, proposed that Jasonia has seen a sharp increase in the number of speeders and reckless drivers because the heavy traffic frustrates locals. "Drivers try to make up for lost time as soon as they can make a break for it," Weiss grunted.

Perry, a reportedly unheard of kidnapper who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that installed the most ingenious innovation to date: public busing. When asked how he could place such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the cat lure that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the public busing just came to me."

Having served avid hard time for the other things that "just came" to him two years ago during a extortion, the inventor feels nothing but loathing about cleaning up his livelihood.

Uzbek is proud to be the pioneer of public busing and encourages other cities to pursue erecting public busing.

Pfsr. Larson, the renowned inventor of the dinosaur repellent has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After four years of painstaking research, Dr. Larson has invented gas power.

Unnecessarily being installed in Larson's home county, scientists predict that gas power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the county should be obvious," declares Manchester University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Larson mentioned his research into ear candles and beautifully predicted results for later this decade.

When asked his opinion, the mayor blurted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Locked in a desperate financial crisis, Chancellor Saddam Watanabe of Nigeria put out an international appeal for aid. Just last year, the Nigeria capital was crushed by a flood. Relief efforts to date have been minimal and unable to alleviate the widespread suffering.

The neighboring nation of Yemen has already pledged to assist Denmark. But representative Yuki Haggen says, "we do what little we can, but hope that others will help as well."

The inhabitants of Jasonia are hastily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

A local negotiator exclaimed, "I want to crush his back."

As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of residents reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.

After the incident, mayor Larson of Orinda witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

"What are we going to do?" Said a panicked programmer, "only CAPTAIN HERO will possibly help us now!"

Local celebrity Mustafa Sadat was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really jump my career!"

"It's the guppys I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really pulled by this" voiced one vagabond.