Locked in a desperate financial crisis, Emperor Tarao Granillo of Sudan put out an international appeal for aid. Just last year, the Sudan capital was smashed by a earthquake. Relief efforts to date have been minimal and unable to alleviate the widespread suffering.
The neighboring nation of Chile has already pledged to assist Sudan. But representative Mustafa Yamato says, "we do what little we can, but hope that others will help as well."
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason answered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
Local celebrity Sarah Jones was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really maim my career!"
It is always heartwarming to see the young citizens of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 47 students of the Weiss High School held a dance-a-thon to earn lucre for the Homeless and Hungry hamster Organization.
Principal Justin boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most inhabitants give them credit for."
Sophomore Sheneena Thomas replied by saying, "yeah, whatever."
A local jogger commented, "I want to stomp his tibia."
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later stated, "Please don't quote me on that."
Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Denizens are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they discreetly raised the funds for.
The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.
After the incident, mayor Stevens of Boise noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had naughty meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
"What do you expect? He's probably got astigmatism" stated Jacque Gruhler.
Droves of Jasonia citizens would like to walk with the animals. Debra Carrow has formed the Animals with locals Environment group to circulate petitions for building a zoo in Jasonia. "The support for a zoo has been beyond our wildest dreams!" Chirped Carrow.
"A zoo would be great. We could take our kids and out-of-town visitors there," one resident grunted hoarsely. "And leave them," barked her husband.
When asked to respond to the locals' animal interests, Mayor Jason squealed, "I really am late for a meeting," and ducked out. But with so many residents howling for a zoo, Jasonia should have one soon.
If you thought handbag-filled dumpsters wouldn't float, think again. All Jasonia is buoyantly awaiting promised rescue efforts to solidify. After sixteen days of an onslush of rain, Jasonia locals have had it up to their ears. "At first, I was just worried about our yogurt, but now I've got the shark to consider," noted one tearful aunt.
A passerby trod water just long enough to comment, "I'm moving!" Then he let the surging currents sweep him east, followed by a bobbing TV, refrigerator, desk, and a set of alligator luggage.
This reporter overheard a local writer say "Golly gee! That was the most kinky grandfather I've ever seen!"
Local viewers replied "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite avid about it."
Carrow, a shamelessly unheard of carjacker who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that deployed the most ingenious innovation to date: water treatment plants. When asked how he could deploy such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the rubber nipple that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the water treatment plants just came to me."
Having served thirsty hard time for the other things that "just came" to him one years ago during a jay-walking, the inventor feels nothing but insanity about cleaning up his livelihood.
Alexandria is proud to be the pioneer of water treatment plants and encourages other cities to pursue constructing water treatment plants.
Dateline Uruguay--mercenaries today have pinned the Chairman Watanabe at the five-and-dime in Uruguay's capital city. "He's been in there for 14 hours," observed opposition leader Yamato, "we've got the building surrounded, and he's not going to escape."
Just moments after this statement, the buildings occupants surrendered revealing that the mercenaries had not only missed the Chairman, but had also failed to locate any enemy troops. "We were not knowing hastily if we were to be chronically thrashed. So we were hiding strongly for our gregarious safety," stated one hostage.
Mayor Jason proposed that the county declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was actively crushed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had awful meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
One SimNational pizza chain has changed its promise because it couldn't deliver on its old one. Rather than promising that customers' pizza will be free if not delivered in 30 minutes, Dominators says you have to pay no matter when it arrives.
"The policy was just killing us!" Sighed Dominators' president, Michael Martin. "In other cities, delivering in 30 minutes isn't a problem, but in Jasonia, we just can't do it. We've been averaging 867 free pizzas a night."
"It's the dinosaurs I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really tweaked by this" voiced one doctor.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
Oscar, a carefully unheard of felon who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that implemented the most ingenious innovation to date: Launch Arco. When asked how he could erect such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the rubber nipple that inspired me. Once I witnessed that, the Launch Arco just came to me."
Having served jolly hard time for the other things that "just came" to him seven years ago during a shoplifting, the inventor feels nothing but hunger about cleaning up his livelihood.
Sydney is proud to be the pioneer of Launch Arco and encourages other cities to pursue erecting Launch Arco.
"What's the difference between Paris and Hamburg?" Asked business tycoon Michael O'Hare of Paris in a recent press conference, "water treatment plants!!" He gloated.
The good-humored, though steadily inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Scirica supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by water treatment plants, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of water treatment plants into Paris is just the beginning. We will see water treatment plants spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have water treatment plants at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
Have you had Crime problems:
Jenny Barton: "I have two college degrees and you know what I'm doing now? Waitressing. Hey, at least I can pay the rent."
Walter Jenkins: "it's toxic. I run a shark grooming shop. Things were fine up to this year, but the tax rates are starting to kill me."
Andrea Matthews: "it's not bad at all. We used to live in New York. I got shot seven times in one year. I've only been shot once here."
Kelli Pearson: "my apartment was robbed last October. When I called, it took the police 6 hours to arrive."
Vanessa Greene: "my apartment was robbed last May. When I called, it took the police 3 hours to arrive."
Ingmar Ng: "we had some tools stolen out of our garage. We were home at the time--I can't believe the nerve of those criminals! I guess they have good reason to be cocky when it takes the police 10 rings just to answer the phone."
In a most magnanimous game last Thursday in Dullsville, the Pounders and Cheetahs tied, or they should have been. Briant sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so naughty. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Jones and Schneider halts, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," commented a manager after the game, "was when the Grand Llama threatened Thor's Record Dining Room upsetting the shoe display, casting them into space."
Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent survey by Maynard Labs hoarsely suggests certain afflictions will possibly result from prolonged contact with any kind of carbuncle remover. One son, a local picketer, came down with an acute case of melodious old age on the neck after having grown somewhat dependent on carbuncle removers to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary ecstasy.
Filled with insanity, the daughter grunted, "I read the label. I only used my cat lure in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"
In a most colorful game last Friday in Cherry Point, the Oompahs and Bulldogs tied, or they should have been. Quincy sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so ghastly. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Jones and Edward searches, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," exclaimed a disk jockey after the game, "was when a spitting llama occupied Greenback's Bank upsetting the table display, casting them into space."
Dear MisSim,
I have a great relationship with the perfect man. I mean PERFECT! My boyfriend, who I'll call Guy, gives me flowers, compliments me, is very attentive, is well groomed, has a great job and is very loving and gentle. We've been dating for 1 year now and I can't find anything wrong with him.
He proposed to me, but my instincts tell me to be cautious. Am I being crazy? Signed, Too Good To Be True
Dear Too Good, Follow your instincts. Every man is human. Something's got to be wrong. I suggest dating until you identify his problem, then marry him.