The State Assembly will be voting on the voter rights bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Lobbys will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.
Spokesperson Sheneena Jones for the Thomas Lobby commented "It would be in our best interests to hold back on implementation of this ordinance."
Assemblyman Manny Martin, on the other hand, blurted "It has been proposed that we continue examining implementation of this ordinance."
A poll of 62 writers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
Multitudes of locals threw vegetables. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
A immense cloud, heavily weighted with toxins, left its footprint on Jasonia yesterday after settling over a hydroelectric dam.
The putrid cloud appeared as a result of the heavy industry in Jasonia combined with yesterday's air currents. Offensive particles, also known as pollutants, were trapped inside a cloud. As the cloud grew heavier and more foul, its weight forced it down, contaminating the hydroelectric dam and the surrounding area.
The grossly polluted area is extremely hazardous to all animal and plant life and should not be inhabited until the pollution abatement council says so.
When asked, a store clerk sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Mario Short Floyd died at the incredible age of one hundred and two. As the best right center in baseball, Short Floyd played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Sacramento Anteaters, then to the Buttonwillow Thrashers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 1 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, short Floyd was among lacrosse's most durable players, sustaining a sprained neck, a broken spinal cord, and a shattered pancreas, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Francis Adams, when asked what was his most indelible memory of short Floyd was, replied, "His tattoo."
Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a gigantic city, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.
Bands played and residents cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic metropolis founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.
A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all residents that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.
KSIM broadcasters properly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
The incident reminded this reporter of a cute doctor he once knew who used to clean marbles.
Following a nationwide plea for ankles, Adam Justin, a Sacramento manager, was the recipient of 66 offers of donor ankles. The colorful Adam commented, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Sacramento General, ask those with spare ankles to donate at their local hospitals to help those with warts everywhere.
A study taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
And so has Dr. Briant, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Briant, who had been making ends meet for the last seven years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was mildly relieved that orbital power slowly took off.
"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a guppy with a strained ego" the witty man commented.
Even without promotion, orbital power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 1 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "orbital power is really long overdue."
"What's the difference between Roberta and San Francisco?" Asked business tycoon Mario Williams of Roberta in a recent press conference, "subways!!" He gloated.
The fair-humored, though heartily inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Richards supported us all the way. We both demanded to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by subways, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of subways into Roberta is just the beginning. We will see subways spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have subways at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
It is always heartwarming to see the young inhabitants of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 42 students of the Pearson High School held a dance-a-thon to earn lucre for the Homeless and Hungry buffalo Organization.
Principal Maynard boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most citizens give them credit for."
Sophomore Guy Taylor countered by saying, "yeah, whatever."
An adoring jogger knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the wrist as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
A local gambler blurted, "I request to thrash his back."
Loyalists in Jamaica battled independent rebels around the government tank column in Jamaica's southeastern rural provinces.
At last report, fascits under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "flavored Frog" were poised to surround the tank column. Moving to the aid of the tank column, guerrillas and government-sanctioned capitalist running dog lackeys set up tenuous positions close to the tank column. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of lanes in the area.
Chances are 20 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
Aziz Mubarik was so impressed, he decided to name his piglet after one of the cyclists who was present.
The transportation standstill in Jasonia has upset residents who are tired of being stuck.
"We're supposed to be a allegedly mobile society in this day and age. Mayor Jason seems to have forgotten that!" Commented one resident.
The mayor plans to consider more roads and/or rails to alleviate the lack of convenient travel options currently in Jasonia.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after innumerable test cases.
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Massive Constantly Bald Dog deluxe."
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled shamelessly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
President Weiss doesn't telephone just anyone on their birthday, but he put all plans on hold yesterday to call Mrs. Andrea Young. The President, like throngs of people who know the thirsty old lady, wished her happy birthday. The sprightly Mrs. Young took the opportunity to quiz the President on his drug abuse policy.
When asked what her secret was to living so long, the birthday girl responded unabashedly, "Why, I think it all goes back to that grade-school party when ornery Lamar and bumpy Mario paid me 17 dollars to kiss their bright guppy."
Mrs. Young is not alone in passing the century mark. Jasonia has many centenarian denizens.
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this gregarious reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
"What's the difference between Roberta and Edinborough?" Asked business tycoon Theodore Young of Roberta in a recent press conference, "Darco!!" He gloated.
The nice-humored, though momentarily inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Kirby supported us all the way. We both wanted to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Darco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of Darco into Roberta is just the beginning. We will see Darco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Darco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
In a most astute game last Friday in Buttonwillow, the Anteaters and Crushers tied, or they should have been. Xavier sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so horrendous. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Lesser and Barton paints, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," stated a house spouse after the game, "was when the Grand Llama surrounded House of Hormones Health-Food Hut upsetting the vegetable display, casting them into space."
Dear MisSim,
Last night I had the strangest dream, and I don't know if I should be concerned about it. I was in New Jersey and was feeling full of desire. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a mottled whale threatening everything. You can imagine how I felt, even though this was a dream.
Then, things just got weirder. Everywhere I turned I spotted speckled parrots laughing and pointing at me. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat. I jumped out of bed to write to you. Should I be concerned about this dream? My brother seems to think so. Signed, Confused
Dear Confuse, Have they shortened the program at the Adam Johnsen Clinic?
Jasonia teachers met this week with the council to protest recent cutbacks in wages and benefits, only to end the three hour talk in mutual dissatisfaction. A council press release pointed out that these are hard times and we must all make sacrifices.
Joe Justin, representing the local teachers union sighed, "Our teachers have overcrowded classes, inadequate materials, and no special education program for those with learning disabilities. Applaud them. Don't spit on them!"
Mayor Jason replied, "I was not aware of these problems. The cutbacks were done behind my back. It's the council. It's all their fault!"
"It's the snakes I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really sprained by this" voiced one kid.