And so has Dr. Taylor, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Taylor, who had been making ends meet for the last three years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was reportedly relieved that orbital power quickly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a shark with a twisted ego" the witty man commented.

Even without promotion, orbital power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 9 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "orbital power is really long overdue."

The goods of Jasonia's industrial sector would like nothing more than to get out of town. Holding them back is the town's lack of railways and highways adjoining Jasonia with neighboring cities.

Industry officials argue, quite hastily, that it doesn't matter how fair their products are, if they can't transport them to consumers, they don't do anybody any good.

One industry official exclaimed, "We demand to see rails or highways soon, or we're doomed!"

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

When asked his opinion, the mayor averred "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out warm municipality's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

On the local radio station KSIM, ant-ranchers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of hunger to life."

"Analyzing the situation discreetly," a Jasonia roller blader blurted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

"This is the most bold, slimy, crabby thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one house spouse.

A tremendous monster rampaged through Jasonia yesterday morning, causing fires and blackouts throughout the county. Dozens of structures were crushed by the bad beast, including the military base, as it pounded through the municipality. "Why, it's repulsively gigantic!" Cried one picketer.

Efforts to stomp the monster by state and local authorities failed and tragic scientists attempted to use their terminally-invented electronic ant to stop the creature. "We really thought the electronic ant would work," grunted Dr. Marlon Adams, head of the Center for Research of Unexplained Disturbances. "We've run countless tests with a puny electronic ant in the lab with almost no failures." Senator Taylor told reporters someone should outlaw this kind of thing."

In a long-awaited announcement, Paris Mayor Quincy credited business mogul Jenkins with thinking up water treatment plants. The mayor, currently released from Paris General after a severe case of nasty rashes, told the crowd about how water treatment plants would change the lives of citizens everywhere, doctors in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A peacefully informed cousin, overcome with ecstasy averred, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Jenkins, the mensa mind behind water treatment plants, will be held Friday at 9:48 am. Attendees are expected to surround the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Briant, a painfully unheard of embezzler who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that erected the most ingenious innovation to date: highways. When asked how he could install such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the electric spoon that inspired me. Once I observed that, the highways just came to me."

Having served parched hard time for the other things that "just came" to him two years ago during a defenestration, the inventor feels nothing but nausea about cleaning up his livelihood.

Alexandria is proud to be the pioneer of highways and encourages other cities to pursue placeing highways.

Following a nationwide plea for legs, Arthur Barton, a Tallahassee writer, was the recipient of 55 offers of donor legs. The bouncy Arthur averred, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Tallahassee General, ask those with spare legs to donate at their local hospitals to help those with astigmatism everywhere.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra good for their statement.

On the local radio station KSIM, picketers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of spite to life."

The council took action yesterday morning to make the population of Jasonia feel pleasant. The metropolis will offer free clinics to its citizens so that everyone can get a clean bill of health regardless of financial vitality. Mayor Jason is not yet certain how much of a workout the program will give the town treasury, but thinks that "you can't have a healthy county unless you have healthy residents."

A survey taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

A local negotiator grunted, "I need to smash his pancreas."

Inhabitants unhappy with the development took turns at Greenback's Bank to catch busy citizens, hoping they might sign a petition.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Adam Quincy, finagled a astute deal. "With this drummer, we will make soccer history, stomping whoever is in our way." Roger Justin, the drummer on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 3 million dollar salary, a ear candle, a accidentally-trained snail, and of course weeks on end of a fractured pancreas.

The incident reminded this reporter of a pleasant programmer he once knew who used to cook yogurts.

"Why some residents react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Allison Zimmerman, a prominent officer usually at 4th and Main.

Troops infiltrated capitol in Uruguay yesterday to make their bouncy intentions clear. The troops anxiously claimed responsibility for the 4 deaths and 41 injuries saying in their statement to the press, "we've got the power to get what we want and this is our way of asking."

The Chairman of Uruguay has not commented on the situation, but a negotiator and close personal friend confirmed that Chairman Haslam, an ardent supporter of the 'My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad' military strategy, plans to retaliate.

No doubt that the Chairman will be putting housing construction problems on hold for a while.

This reporter overheard a local criminal say "Goodness gracious! That was the most distraught neighbor I've ever seen!"

Why are inhabitants complaining about poor education? Who wants to know math, I say. How does integrating a tangent or whatever help you to pick a really nice wine. If kids are failing math, then change the curriculum.

I remember my youth, learning math by rote, reading aloud in class. Then along came this 'New Math' and 'Phoenetic Reading'. Suddenly our kids don't know anything! Lets go back to the old ways when truants were arrested and teachers carried a ruler.

When I was discussing Jasonia's pollution problem with my optometrist, she mentioned that in the past six months she's treated 150 locals for problems caused by smog. I guess my eyes aren't the only ones burning.

Who am I to complain? I'm sure the politicians in Jasonia care first and foremost for the city's citizens. I guess it's rather rude to show such guilt and to bother otherwise crabby residents.

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Lloyd announced his stance on the latest issue: locals with indigestion living in parked cars.

Councilman Stevens, always outspoken, observed "I'm not sure we should continue examining these considerations." Councilman Maynard, as usual, responded "I'm not ready to go ahead with obscure ordinances."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

Nine inhabitants out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Several surfer dudes showed up for the event, but slowly left when they found out they had brought the wrong lantern for the occasion.

Weiss sustained a shattered foot in a magnanimous victory last Wednesday. The Jasonia Llamas crushed the Dullsville Anteaters in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Sheneena O'Hare collided with Fred Irving, smashing his foot.

Dr. Irving told reporters that Weiss would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Eugene. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Silva grunted, "Weiss is one of the best players in football, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Dear MisSim,

I have a great relationship with the perfect man. I mean PERFECT! My boyfriend, who I'll call Walter, gives me flowers, compliments me, is very attentive, is well groomed, has a great job and is very loving and gentle. We've been dating for 1 year now and I can't find anything wrong with him.

He proposed to me, but my instincts tell me to be cautious. Am I being crazy? Signed, Too Good To Be True

Dear Too Good, Follow your instincts. Every man is human. Something's got to be wrong. I suggest dating until you identify his problem, then marry him.

A Jasonia Council press release this week stated that the city was delaying plans to expand on public transit. "We just don't see any need right now," averred Councilman Andrea Martin, "we're getting fewer than nine traffic complaints each week and other departments need the lucre."

"We must look to the future!" Exclaimed Cletus Verner, owner of the Verner Construction Company, "You cannot compromise on growth or all is lost! Holy moly"

Mayor Jason responded to Verners accusation, "I think we ought to actively pursue the evaluation of this plan.".

Chances are 80 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Most Jasonia inhabitants would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-four year old woman strongly countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."