The recent meltdown of a reactor at Jasonia's nuclear power plant has refueled the debate Jasonia citizens grew hot over years ago when voting on how to power the metropolis.
The radioactive fallout, which has sent 11 locals to the hospital so far, is exactly what dissidents feared will probably happen with a nuclear power plant.
"Denizens who think nuclear power is a viable power alternative generally aren't looking with open eyes," averred Ms. Oscar, a long time Jasonia resident. Not everyone shares her sentiment, however. "We encounter potentially hazardous things everyday. Let's just make sure we take the necessary precautions," Yuki Granillo, an employee of T-shirts & Tights, commented glowingly.
Will Irving is in the hospital because he can't breathe without a respirator. Mr. Mario Kirby, Will's attorney, blurted the air conditions in Jasonia make breathing hazardous to inhabitants' health. The case claims that Jasonia is failing to enforce EPA standards thus exposing thousands to a significant danger.
Kirby has offered to evaluate anyone's story who thinks he or she has a possible court case against the community for neglecting to control harmful pollution, and for failing to warn the public about the health risk associated with breathing.
Most Jasonia inhabitants would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-one year old woman nervously answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Representative Fred Larson. "But, if this keeps up, it may happen more often."
The goods of Jasonia's industrial sector would like nothing more than to get out of metropolis. Holding them back is the town's lack of railways and highways adjoining Jasonia with neighboring cities.
Industry officials argue, quite smoothly, that it doesn't matter how fair their products are, if they can't transport them to consumers, they don't do anybody any good.
One industry official observed, "We demand to see rails or highways soon, or we're doomed!"
A colorful man exclaimed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more strollers than he does."
"Analyzing the situation wildly," a Jasonia ant-rancher commented, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved father burst into song over the news.
As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of residents reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.
KSIM broadcasters slowly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
Most Jasonia residents would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-one year old woman freely replied, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
Mayor Jason proposed that the community declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was momentarily crushed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
A cranky man exclaimed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more handbags than he does."
Local vagabond Oscar Gumbolt won the admiration of Julie Watanabe who was visiting Jasonia from Roberta. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Watanabe. "Oscar was a godsend."
Watanabe was visiting Jasonia's world famous Schneider's Pony Ranch close to Zimmerman Street and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Watanabe recalled, "and the lanes are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."
"I could tell she was lost," Oscar interjected. "I witnessed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Holy moly!' And 'Gadzooks!' So I figured she might possibly use a hand."
Likewise, Miss Watanabe has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.
The Llamas won the fight last night against the Renton Thrashers, but could probably have lost the war as utility player Lamar Lesser was out after injuring his thumb. "He won't be playing soccer for 12 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Waleed Woo.
Lesser tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed cows in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 2 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" blurted Cletus Kirby, Lesser's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
"What do you expect? He's probably got warts" blurted Adam Guthrie.
When asked, a local sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
Dear MisSim,
My Uncle Ralph has this really avid motorcycle that he requests to sell to me for real cheap. My mother says if I get a bike, it'll be a race to see who stomps me first, her or it! What should I do? Signed, Iwannabike.
Dear IWANNA, Buy the motorcycle and wear a helmet, that'll protect you from whichever gets you first.
Response to KILTS: it's not illegal in Boston, but I don't know about Zaire.
The Llamas won the struggle last night against the Eugene Aeros, but will possibly have lost the war as utility player Kirk Weiss was out after injuring his pancreas. "He won't be playing soccer for 15 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Vanessa Perry.
Weiss tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed cats in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 1 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" exclaimed Fred Greene, Weiss's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this cool reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
A local picketer grunted, "I demand to stomp his jaw."
The Ethiopia war came close to ending yesterday when mercenaries destroyed Emperor Kapek. They were certain they had him when mercenaries moved in on the Emperor palatial mansion. Unfortunately, the ornery dictator outwitted them introspectively.
Ingmar Gruhler, leader of the opposition speculates that Kapek must have hid in his backyard, then dressed as a drummer and slipped through his lines. The rioters were forced to withdraw as government troops began to arrive.
Dr. Jenkins couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call replied heartily "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his tooth.
"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Cletus Justin, a prominent surfer dude usually at Bob's house.
And so has Dr. Maynard, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Maynard, who had been making ends meet for the last three years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was heartily relieved that the aeroplane quickly took off.
"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a buffalo with a bent ego" the witty man noted.
Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 6 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."
Barton Co. And Schneider Fabrication just demoted 290 employees to the rank of occupationally challenged. There's no pay at that level.
Layoffs seem to be gaining momentum as many employers cut back. Although housing construction has shown sweet movement, it has not been drastic enough to help unemployment.
Picketers and soap-opera stars alike are feeling the pains of having no income. "We had to hang out at Peewit Lane just to get a bite to eat," one ex-worker exclaimed nervously. "All I request is a job."
A dinner pantry program was instituted by local businesses to keep the citizens of Jasonia from going hungry. "I just can't say how warm I feel about how the locals of Jasonia stick together," someone said somewhere.
The municipality has decided to take the homeless into its hands. With a program that will cost the city a pretty penny, council members decided to sweep the avenues to get a handle on Jasonia's expanding homelessness problem.
"Whereas panhandling laws beg the real problem, this measure homes in on it: the lack of shelter for locals without means," noted Council member Nicolas Barton, comfortably.
The program should decrease the number of homeless inhabitants and increase the number of denizens, thus increasing the labor pool for commerce and industry. Land value will also marginally increase as a result.
Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new city program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.
Terrorized at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
Residents unhappy with the development took turns at Chicago Broiled Chicken to catch busy locals, hoping they will probably sign a petition.
Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 42 about the prohibition.
According to Senator Annette Utley, "I'm not sure we should actively pursue the evaluation of this plan." However, Senator Johnsen countered, "I think we should continue examining the passage of this bill."
"What do you expect? He's probably got earwax build-uppus" commented Jenny Bremer.
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a skateboarder attacked strongly.
Chances are 54 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
President Jenkins celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest doctor friends. Senator Lamar Scirica presented the President with a transparent chocolate cake in the shape of a dictaphone. The senator also presented President Jenkins with a pair of gold-plated lanterns to use on his upcoming vacation in Yemen.
Five residents out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.
"Analyzing the situation discreetly," a Jasonia skateboarder grunted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
Five citizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.
"What do you expect? He's probably got hypertension" noted Ichiko Glotz.
You don't have to hang out at Mick's Market any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Chris's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to T-shirts & Tights. The owner Chris, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he noted flippantly.
The grand opening celebration will continue through Thursday. During this time, Chris is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Chris." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.