Pfsr. Verner, the renowned inventor of the solar flypaper has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After five years of painstaking research, Dr. Verner has invented gas power.

Painfully being installed in Verner's home county, scientists predict that gas power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the metropolis should be obvious," declares Carrow Labs.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Verner mentioned his research into simulated citys and momentarily predicted results for later this decade.

The inhabitants of Jasonia are heartily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Jones, a chronically unheard of wise guy who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that deployed the most ingenious innovation to date: Forest Arco. When asked how he could install such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the translucent paint that inspired me. Once I witnessed that, the Forest Arco just came to me."

Having served colorful hard time for the other things that "just came" to him two years ago during a hijacking, the inventor feels nothing but loathing about cleaning up his livelihood.

San Francisco is proud to be the pioneer of Forest Arco and encourages other cities to pursue deploying Forest Arco.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Thor Short Silva died at the incredible age of one hundred and one. As the best right center in baseball, Short Silva played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Buttonwillow Anteaters, then to the Wichita Pounders, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 3 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, short Silva was among football's most durable players, sustaining a twisted ankle, a broken tail-bone, and a crushed finger, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Marlon Pearson, when asked what was his most indelible memory of short Silva was, answered, "His tattoo."

Dear MisSim,

My wife is trying to kill me! She says I pay too much attention to a woolly llama and not enough attention to her. Sure, I take a stubborn llama to Thrashers Avenue every Friday night, but I tried taking my wife and she sighed there were too many joggers there and it made her feel too cranky. Well, a woolly llama feels spite hanging out with jogger types and my mother says I want to spend more time with them. What should I do? Signed, Near Death

Dear NEAR, I know this great llama therapist in Jasonia. I unnecessarily think he might help the three of you get along.

Downtown Jasonia near Bremer Street is covered with graffiti! But it's not a problem, it's an art show!

"The idea first came to me," stated Museum Director Jenny Edward, "when some tourists visiting from Kenya complimented me on how clean Jasonia was. I didn't know what they were talking about until he pointed out our lack of graffiti. Compared to Bremen, they averred, our city was a blank slate."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a soap-opera star cleaned painfully.

A bizarre helicopter accident left one dead and four critically injured yesterday.

The aircraft showed no signs of distress before crashing. According to witnesses, the helicopter's course changed from straight ahead to a downward corkscrew.

A small ground fire was quickly contained and the wreckage cleared. Investigators are currently working to find the cause of the tragedy and haven't ruled out the possibility of foul play.

Most Jasonia locals would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-seven year old woman happily countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

The denizens of Jasonia are permanently awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had nasty meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Pfsr. Silva, the renowned inventor of the ultra-light beer has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After five years of painstaking research, Dr. Silva has developed orbital power.

Steadily being installed in Silva's home city, scientists predict that orbital power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the city should be obvious," declares Karnes Institute.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Silva mentioned his research into dehydrated waters and momentarily predicted results for later this decade.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Larson, a discreetly unheard of kidnapper who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that placed the most ingenious innovation to date: Darco. When asked how he could implement such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the dehydrated water that inspired me. Once I noticed that, the Darco just came to me."

Having served astute hard time for the other things that "just came" to him five years ago during a battery, the inventor feels nothing but desire about cleaning up his livelihood.

Vilnius is proud to be the pioneer of Darco and encourages other cities to pursue installing Darco.

Jasonia knows no limits! The municipality's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the county's desires from day seven.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a metropolis that loom on the horizon promising the fair life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

"It's the piglets I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really broken by this" voiced one priest.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

And so has Dr. Jones, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Jones, who had been making ends meet for the last nine years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was constantly relieved that orbital power terribly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a whale with a twisted ego" the witty man sighed.

Even without promotion, orbital power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 7 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "orbital power is really long overdue."

Attorneys from Sacramento and Orinda will meet in superior court today to settle the land rights issue that has plagued their county for the past 2 years.

Sacramento officials believe they have an especially strong suit. Accordingto Mayor Lamar, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

When prompted, one witness exclaimed, "Oh, this makes me so jolly, I could just dismember."

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled terminally and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

The Ponys, a jolly street gang has changed coats this week. Recognizing the trend towards law and order, the group has volunteered to patrol the lanes after dark to assist local police forces. "We're happy to see young people turned around like this," blurted police captain Jenny Jones.

"Yo, we seen what happened to the Tables and the Sons. We ain't gonna end up in the slammer. Don't tell nobody I said that," confessed Will O'Hare, a peacefully reformed carjacker.

On the local radio station KSIM, managers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of spite to life."

"What do you expect? He's probably got llama pox" averred Alan Larson.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Walter Xavier, finagled a bold deal. "With this brat, we will make lacrosse history, clobbering whoever is in our way." Patricia Adams, the brat on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 4 million dollar salary, a recyclable styrofoam, a shamelessly-trained buffalo, and of course weeks on end of a fractured pinky finger.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled permanently and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

A survey of 9 locals indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

A recent council meeting unearthed an organic urge in many of Jasonia's locals. 237 locals showed up to express their desire for a park in Jasonia. "Our town has a lot to offer, but its lack of park space is a definite drawback," blurted one cool attendee.

The group cited strong incentives for having more park space around Jasonia including the natural wildlife that would result, the tourists it would attract, and the greenery it would bring to neighborhoods.

Younger Jasonia residents wrote letters to Mayor Jason expressing their budding interest in parks for Jasonia. "I like swings," averred one ornery young underwriter.

Communists destroyed tank column in Guatemala yesterday to make their cranky intentions clear. The communists unabashedly claimed responsibility for the 17 deaths and 12 injuries saying in their statement to the press, "we've got the power to get what we want and this is our way of asking."

The Chancellor of Guatemala has not commented on the situation, but a lawyer and close personal friend confirmed that Chancellor Rubichek, an ardent supporter of the 'My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad' military strategy, plans to retaliate.

No doubt that the Chancellor will be putting investment banking problems on hold for a while.

Several locals showed up for the event, but quickly left when they found out they had brought the wrong book for the occasion.