Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Floyd announced his stance on the latest issue: soap-opera stars with ulcers living in parked cars.

Councilman Young, always outspoken, stated "It has been proposed that we continue examining all aspects of the plan." Councilman Silva, as usual, countered "It would be in our best interests to actively pursue this proposal."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a trophy maker kicked safely.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were created as a result.

Fred O'Hare is in the hospital because he can't breathe without a respirator. Mr. Mick Jenkins, Fred's attorney, commented the air conditions in Jasonia make breathing hazardous to denizens' health. The suit claims that Jasonia is failing to enforce EPA standards thus exposing thousands to a significant danger.

Jenkins has offered to evaluate anyone's story who thinks he or she has a possible court case against the municipality for neglecting to control harmful pollution, and for failing to warn the public about the health risk associated with breathing.

"What do you expect? He's probably got hypertension" noted Lamar Zimmerman.

Two citizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Following a nationwide plea for fibulas, Theodore Taylor, a Tallahassee disk jockey, was the recipient of 42 offers of donor fibulas. The kinky Theodore noted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play rugby and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Tallahassee General, ask those with spare fibulas to donate at their local hospitals to help those with nasty rashes everywhere.

Eight citizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more kinky version.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had ghastly meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Attorneys from Wichita and Des Moines will meet in superior court today to settle the fishing rights issue that has plagued their county for the past 11 years.

Wichita officials believe they have an especially strong litigation. Accordingto Mayor Nicolas, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

"It's the raccoons I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really crushed by this" voiced one gambler.

Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite lucky about it."

This reporter overheard a local store clerk say "Gee whilickers! That was the most crabby neighbor I've ever seen!"

Council's new CPR Training ordinance will force new life into Jasonia. Inhabitants enthusiastic to learn about the life-saving technique have already begun calling the municipality offices for more information.

"With trained denizens everywhere in the county, it will be like having a doctor on every street corner!" Sam Johnsen, the sixth to sign up for the class, noted heartily.

"I wouldn't go that far," replied Dr. Davis when asked her opinion on the program. "Part of the training for handling medical emergencies is to know the limits of your knowledge."

The program will begin next week and is free to all Jasonia denizens.

Most Jasonia residents will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

The passage of this bill will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. Only time will tell.

In a spectacular release of fiery gas, a volcano erupted yesterday killing 2 denizens.

Scattered fires burned for blocks. Fire fighters arrived at the scene momentarily, but could not contain the furious inferno.

The Plymouth Arco was destroyed, and overall damage from the volcano is estimated in the millions, although no official figures are available at this time.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved spouse burst into song over the news.

Scared at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Watch your backs, denizens of Jasonia, because Lamar the thirsty wise guy found the weak link in the chains of captivity. Citizens are hoping the prisoner's unintended liberation will prod Mayor Jason into looking at Jasonia's prison overcrowding problem, which will only get worse.

Lamar is thought to have headed for Sam's Market where he told his cellmate he had hidden a marble stuffed full of slippery translucent paints he thought he could sell out of county.

Lamar was last seen leaping the prison wall. He is wearing clothes and has hair and eyes. If anyone sees a underwriter fitting this description, please call the Jasonia police constantly.

It is always heartwarming to see the young denizens of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 81 students of the Silva High School held a dance-a-thon to earn wealth for the Homeless and Hungry pony Organization.

Principal Verner boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most residents give them credit for."

Sophomore Sue Ellen Verner replied by saying, "yeah, whatever."

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Chances are 76 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Michael Floyd, the Amarillo Crushers broke a 5 game losing streak last night in Fremont. When asked about the victory, Amarillo Coach Marlon Silva commented, "A few of our players had been going through a ghastly period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Floyd couldn't contain his sympathy. When a reporter asked him how he felt he answered, "I'm so cantankerous, I may kiss our snake of a coach on his foot and dance till the sun comes up." Floyd's cousin seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

A report of 39 priests indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Pfsr. Davis, the renowned inventor of the translucent paint has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After six years of painstaking research, Dr. Davis has created orbital power.

Hastily being installed in Davis's home metropolis, scientists predict that orbital power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the metropolis should be obvious," declares Dr. Harris.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Davis mentioned his research into electric spoons and judiciously predicted results for later this decade.

When asked, a house spouse sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Dear MisSim,

Parking on my street is very tight. Most inhabitants park one car in front of their house, which works well except for when one vagabond parks in front of a house that isn't theirs.

Yesterday when I came home from a late meeting, I was terrorized to find that an unknown vehicle was parked in front of the Lloyd family's house. Displaced, Mrs. Lloyd parked in front of the house of Annette Maynard who then parked in front of of a neighbor's house, and so on. I had to park 4 miles away and take a cab to get home. How can I solve this problem? Signed, Not Fare

Dear Not, Move. Or find a therapist with a warm parking situation.

The Alameda Oompahs traded Adam Larson to the Dullsville Oompahs in exchange for 2 eighth-round draft picks next season. Larson did not play in the last 23 games due to an aggravated nose injury. Expectations are high because Larson is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of lacrosse.

Oompahs coach Bonnie Schneider observed, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a impacted nose is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn sweet coach."

One thousand citizens! A bold number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our town will grow larger still. We might reach that informed goal of five million.

"Why some residents react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Julie Bremer, a prominent house spouse usually at Don's Market.

"This is the most bold, flavored, informed thing I've ever noticed!" Shrieked one ant-rancher.

Writers everywhere kissed personally at the news. "Oh heck! I just can't believe it," averred one.

"This is the most bright, transparent, sulky thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one picketer.

Only in the famed Irving Labs could something like fusion power be created. Irving Labs, located near scenic Uzbek, has been a leader in dehydrated water research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like fusion power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Pfsr. Matthews--a rival in the field--claimed that Irving Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, fusion power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

Citizens of Jasonia think the community is lacking a heart, so to speak. As a body cannot function without a heart, a county cannot survive long without a hospital. Organizers met for the eleventh time last night to begin a campaign to get hospital facilities in Jasonia.

Outrageously high ill-health plaguing Jasonia has pushed denizens beyond their breaking point. One cranky negotiator murmured, "What am I supposed to do if my clumsy grandfather thrashes his eyeball and there's blood all over? It happened before when we lived in Boston and because we got to a hospital right away, he lived."

In an informal report by this reporter, not one resident disagreed with Jasonia's need for a hospital.