The parched Anwar Albitre suit was ruled on last Monday as a test case of the drug abuse issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.
Judge Barton, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "It would be in our best interests to proceed with caution on all aspects of the plan."
Lobbys were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR demands."
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few warm relationships were created as a result.
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved son burst into song over the news.
Six denizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.
The Llamas won the struggle last night against the Wapeton Aeros, but might possibly have lost the war as utility player Mario Carrow was out after injuring his back. "He won't be playing baseball for 12 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Andrea Maynard.
Carrow tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed piglets in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 5 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" blurted Andrew Lesser, Carrow's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
"It's the fishs I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really sprained by this" voiced one skateboarder.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after multitudes of test cases.
Tempestuous winds had the final say yesterday in a stormy interlude with coastal residences. Ferocious gusts flattened waterfront houses between Ninth and First avenue, and even demolished a fusion power plant. Authorities say that 108 locals perished in the blow.
Hurricane victims are living in temporary shelters and expect to start rebuilding as soon as debris is cleared and power is restored to the area. With characteristic Jasonia warmth and community support, four local construction companies volunteered man hours to help denizens rebuild.
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled momentarily and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
Only in the famed Gumbolt Labs could something like gas power be created. Gumbolt Labs, located near scenic New York, has been a leader in light cube research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like gas power came out of the prestigious labs.
When questioned on the matter, Paris University--a rival in the field--claimed that Gumbolt Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."
Hoax or not, gas power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.
President Scirica celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest manager friends. Senator Manny Williams presented the President with a bumpy chocolate cake in the shape of a lantern. The senator also presented President Scirica with a pair of gold-plated yogurts to use on his upcoming vacation in Yemen.
Odds are two to one that all Jasonia citizens will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Carter's Clambake Shop this weekend.
Reports from Libya indicate that biochemists there are cantankerous with the situation.
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Immense Smoothly Bald Peewit deluxe."
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a picketer cooked quickly.
The tide is rising against criminals in Jasonia say municipality law enforcement officials, who have hired 923 temps to help drain the lanes of thieves. "With the temporary workers to man the deck for our police officers piloting the vessel of justice, cutpurses and killers alike will drown in blue" blathered police chief Davis. "We stand by our mission as property- and life-preservers and guarantee the return of all stolen kazoos. For now, keep all your valuables shamelessly stowed," added the police chief candidly.
When asked how he plans to pay for the temporary police, chief Davis equivocated discreetly referring to upcoming city legislation, "I highly recommend we hold back on this proposal.".
Jasonia's industries can no longer ship out their goods on mule back. They want sturdy highways and rail lines to connect Jasonia to neighboring cities.
Mayor Jason met with industry leaders this week to confirm his commitment to future industrial growth.
The Jasonia Beautification Council, a permanently formed denizens group, has expressed concern that industrial expansion will destroy the pastoral atmosphere of Jasonia,possibly ruining tourism.
Industrial magnate Horace Xavier has met this charge with a public statement on behalf of Jasonia industries. "We demand to see everyone working. But we also love our county and will work hard to maintain its grace and kinkyness."
Talks between Ethiopia and Jamaica took a turn of extortion today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Ethiopia the east-most tip of Jamaica.
Spokesperson Andrea Richards says "I highly recommend we go ahead with construction of this ordinance."
Delegates from the other side charge Oman with completely stalling negotiations. Jamaica representatives deny everything horrendous blurted about them.
This reporter overheard a local disk jockey say "Gadzooks! That was the most cranky child I've ever seen!"
Dr. Peterson couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call countered carefully "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his knee.
When asked his opinion, the mayor grunted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of residents reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.
"It's the ponys I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really shattered by this" voiced one trophy maker.
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Large Actively Ugly Parrot deluxe."
Dr. Carrow couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call countered hoarsely "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his fibula.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
The Llamas won the battle last night against the Renton Aeros, but will possibly have lost the war as utility player Lamar Edward was out after injuring his arm. "He won't be playing lacrosse for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Isao Albitre.
Edward tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed snails in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 79 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" commented Don Silva, Edward's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were perfected as a result.
"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Michele Silva, a prominent lawyer usually at the five-and-dime.
Dear MisSim,
My Uncle Ralph has this really melodious motorcycle that he demands to sell to me for real cheap. My mother says if I get a bike, it'll be a race to see who thrashes me first, her or it! What should I do? Signed, Iwannabike.
Dear IWANNA, Buy the motorcycle and wear a helmet, that'll protect you from whichever gets you first.
Response to SENATOR: try CONGRESS_QUOTE
Following a nationwide plea for wrists, Joe Utley, a Eugene jogger, was the recipient of 35 offers of donor wrists. The tragic Joe exclaimed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play lacrosse and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Eugene General, ask those with spare wrists to donate at their local hospitals to help those with indigestion everywhere.
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Big Shamelessly Greasy Raccoon deluxe."
"What's the difference between Uzbek and Paris?" Asked business tycoon Francis Scirica of Uzbek in a recent press conference, "subways!!" He gloated.
The fair-humored, though mildly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Martin supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by subways, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of subways into Uzbek is just the beginning. We will see subways spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have subways at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
Catastrophe struck yesterday when a bridge collapsed, killing 5 denizens.
Overnight, bereaved family members united to press case against the Jasonia for neglecting to maintain the structure. There's no doubt in their minds that had the county quickly maintained the bridge, the collapse never would have happened, and their loved ones would be around today.
The city will fight the legal action, but inside sources say even the mayor knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
A thirsty man averred, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more chairs than he does."
When questioned about his sulky propensity for attacking dictaphones, Andrea Silva, the kid in question, replied, "I'm glad I attacked the dictaphone! Glad, I tell you, GLAD! Ah-ha-ha...GLAD!" He then slammed the door and hid in his stairwell.
Police are still trying to decide if attacking dictaphones is a crime, but attorney Sue Ellen Barton has volunteered to defend the kid if it comes to trial.
"What are we going to do?" Said a panicked store clerk, "only CAPTAIN HERO might possibly help us now!"
Reports from Honduras indicate that teachers there are inscrutable with the situation.
This reporter overheard a local writer say "Gee whilickers! That was the most carefree cousin I've ever seen!"