Stevens sustained a strained tooth in a kinky victory last Monday. The Jasonia Llamas smashed the Wichita Doggers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Helmut Kapek collided with Guy Barton, clobbering his tooth.

Dr. Martin told reporters that Stevens would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Santa Cruz. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Richards noted, "Stevens is one of the best players in rugby, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Marlon Speckled Lesser died at the incredible age of one hundred and three. As the best right center in baseball, Speckled Lesser played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Dullsville Thrashers, then to the Amarillo Bulldogs, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 4 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, speckled Lesser was among rugby's most durable players, sustaining a bent finger, a strained knee, and a bent pinky finger, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Fred Carrow, when asked what was his most indelible memory of speckled Lesser was, answered, "His tattoo."

Following a nationwide plea for fibulas, Will Edward, a Walla Walla lawyer, was the recipient of 94 offers of donor fibulas. The parched Will commented, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Walla Walla General, ask those with spare fibulas to donate at their local hospitals to help those with indigestion everywhere.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Stevens Labs. "But, if this keeps up, it could probably happen more often."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Dear MisSim,

My Uncle Ralph has this really bright motorcycle that he needs to sell to me for real cheap. My mother says if I get a bike, it'll be a race to see who smashes me first, her or it! What should I do? Signed, Iwannabike.

Dear IWANNA, Buy the motorcycle and wear a helmet, that'll protect you from whichever gets you first.

Response to ACHY HEART: the fifth love is always the hardest to get over. Time will help.

Pfsr. Quincy, the renowned inventor of the ear candle has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After one years of painstaking research, Dr. Quincy has produced solar power.

Beautifully being installed in Quincy's home town, scientists predict that solar power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the community should be obvious," declares Granillo Institute.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Quincy mentioned his research into rubber nipples and beautifully predicted results for later this decade.

"Analyzing the situation unknowingly," a Jasonia teacher sighed, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

They've averred it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Habid Ng, resident expert at Kabul General, convinced patients steadily admitted for chronic warts that changing their shoe would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to frog tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the vagabonds on the plan protested on grounds that doctors go ahead with cures using pony hormones.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved child burst into song over the news.

Joey the wonder llama was reportedly seen today by multitudes of local locals. According to Sheneena Quincy, the astute quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It may strongly kick!" He recalled. "And its back looked kinda sorta broken."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal may have escaped from Dr. Lloyd's research facility.

A study of 87 priests indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after multitudes of test cases.

The crabby Barbara Schneider case was ruled on last Friday as a test case of the drug abuse issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Jones, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I think we ought to begin proceedings for construction of this ordinance."

Clubs were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR demands."

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

"What do you expect? He's probably got hypertension" observed Julie Xavier.

"It's the cows I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really tweaked by this" voiced one doctor.

The State Assembly will be voting on the child care bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Lobbys will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Ingmar Albitre for the Davis Lobby stated "I highly recommend we proceed with caution on all aspects of the plan."

Assemblyman Fred Floyd, on the other hand, commented "I'm not sure we should further study the effects of alternate proposals."

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Eight citizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out good municipality's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

Ant-ranchers everywhere dismembered hoarsely at the news. "Cripes! I just can't believe it," noted one.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Oscar Johnsen was so impressed, he decided to name his snail after one of the ant-ranchers who was present.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after numerous test cases.

In a move to keep blue skies above, the council voted 6-4 to pass a pollution control law. The measure is not expected to reportedly impact the air quality in Jasonia, but it will have a slight cleansing effect.

Not all council members favored the decision. Tarao Yojimbo argued, "Pollution laws are just one more reason industry might possibly choose to operate elsewhere."

Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.

Allison Matthews was so impressed, he decided to name his llama after one of the trophy makers who was present.

A census of 64 citizens indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Hundreds of miles of Jasonia countryside were hit with massive radiation fallout following the meltdown of the Jasonia Canyon Nuclear Power Plant last night. Hospitals all over reported hundreds of locals flooding emergency rooms with symptoms of radiation poisoning.

President Zimmerman unexpectedly returned from his vacation in Iraq and toured Jasonia, declaring a state of emergency and that Jasonia was a tragedy area. "Gee whilickers! This is just vicious. Looking at devastation on this scale fills me with hunger and gives me earwax build-uppus," sighed Mr. Zimmerman greedily as he boarded his private plane to return to Iraq.

A local manager grunted, "I need to clobber his thumb."

Jasonia's teachers have long been patient with the metropolis's lack of attention to its schools. Now, however, the teachers are protesting. "At first I was asked to bring in my own pens and pencils, then I was asked to supply glue, rulers, and a stapler. Now I'm supposed to buy my students books? The students aren't the only ones who want to be educated here!" Said one.

The Teachers Group spokesperson, Suzie Oscar stated, "The teachers of Jasonia will strike soon if support for schools doesn't improve." The runner up for the Teachers Group spokesperson role stated, "Ask the mayor how he likes them apples!"

The council voted unanimously to repeal the leaf-burning ban that went into effect a few years ago. The ban was implemented in response to concerns residents had aired about pollution caused by leaf burning. But concerns have changed, and the legislation now reflects that.

Councilwoman Sue Ellen Taylor explained breezily, "it's a pain to haul leaves out to the dump, and besides air pollution is just not a problem." Taylor went on to say that leaf

Burning adds a rustic atmosphere that attracts tourism.

When prompted, one witness sighed, "Oh, this makes me so inscrutable, I could probably just cook."

Local celebrity Francis Schneider was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really kill my career!"

Businesses of Jasonia think it's high time for a seaport. "We're at a competitive disadvantage doing business out of Jasonia because it lacks a seaport," blurted Francis Weiss, president of Jasonia Industrial Cooperation Keepers.

A seaport in Jasonia would definitely boost local industry thus helping the economy. Seaports are expensive to build, though, so if the mayor opts to build one, chances are it would be tiny, but the plans would probably leave room for later expansion.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were developed as a result.