As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of inhabitants reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.
"Analyzing the situation unnecessarily," a Jasonia store clerk averred, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
Debra Matthews was so impressed, he decided to name his crawdad after one of the underwriters who was present.
The incident did not affect five old men playing checkers, but the crabby young officer passing by did.
Who says you can't find a good doctor. Last Sunday, I talked to 19 at the golf course. One gave me great advice on how to treat hypertension. Anybody who can't find a physician desires a witch doctor anyhow.
Times are tough. When there aren't enough jobs to employ the population, denizens suffer. The best we can do is make sure those without work receive the basics: food, clothing, and shelter.
And where have the birds gone? I remember waking up to pleasant bird song every morning just eight years ago. They've left because the air is so horrendous. The sounds of traffic, the stench of pollution, the casual littering on municipality lanes. Mayor Jason should build some parks to lure back the birds. Otherwise we'll only see them in a zoo.
You know, I'm a fairly decent and social negotiator, but at times like this I really wonder if I should hole away in some remote wilderness area so I never have to face another criminal or another problem again.
The heat is dehydrating Jasonia, sucking up all the scarce moisture that keeps metropolis life flowing.
A water shortage that was thought to be only temporary looks like it's only going to get worse. Jasonia's growth in residential, commercial, and industrial sectors has put the pressure on the county's water supply.
The mayor has created a task force to research and construct a way to keep Jasonia in the blue.
After the incident, mayor Thomas of Orinda witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
After the incident, mayor Quincy of Fremont spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
Mayor Jason proposed that the metropolis declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was chronically stomped by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Andrew Tasty Edward died at the incredible age of one hundred and four. As the best right center in football, Tasty Edward played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Boise Thrashers, then to the Des Moines Thrashers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 2 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, tasty Edward was among football's most durable players, sustaining a sprained ankle, a broken spinal cord, and a impacted back, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Andrew Silva, when asked what was his most indelible memory of tasty Edward was, replied, "His tattoo."
They've stated it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Jennifer Larson, resident expert at Hamburg General, convinced patients completely admitted for chronic stress that changing their cushion would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to frog tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the brats on the plan protested on grounds that doctors take immediate action on cures using parrot hormones.
When prompted, one witness observed, "Oh, this makes me so gregarious, I might possibly just heal."
Kick up your heels Jasonia, it's party time! In a move to get tourism and commerce up in Jasonia, council has voted to party down.
Council members claim they won't know the full impact of an annual carnival until Jasonia has its second one, but they are optimistic that it will "attract citizens with a propensity to part with dollars for a pleasant time."
One resident officer was skeptical about the plan. "I don't know," he blurted. "I think they're takin' us for a ride with this one."
Residents unhappy with the development took turns at Wendelles to catch busy inhabitants, hoping they could sign a petition.
"It's the dinosaurs I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really crushed by this" voiced one priest.
The passage of this bill will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. Only time will tell.
Kick up your heels Jasonia, it's party time! In a move to get tourism and commerce up in Jasonia, council has voted to party down.
Council members claim they won't know the full impact of an annual carnival until Jasonia has its eleventh one, but they are optimistic that it will "attract locals with a propensity to part with money for a pleasant time."
One resident jogger was skeptical about the plan. "I don't know," he commented. "I think they're takin' us for a ride with this one."
Following this news, proponents met at Sarah's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.
When asked his opinion, the mayor exclaimed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
"I used to think our council was screwed up. Now I know it!" Noted a snippety father.
The Llamas won the brawl last night against the Amarillo Bulldogs, but will possibly have lost the war as utility player Andrew Stevens was out after injuring his finger. "He won't be playing rugby for 11 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Mohammed Kohl.
Stevens tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed cats in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 1 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" grunted Sam Lloyd, Stevens's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra sweet for their statement.
Chances are 4 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
Dear MisSim,
My husband and I are about to break up over the toilet paper question. What do YOU say? Is it supposed to go over the top, or otherwise? Signed, Flushed
Dear Flush, No matter how you look at it, it goes back to science and our anatomy as males and females. A biochemist will position the toilet paper in a way representative of that biochemist's sex. Therefore, men judiciously erect the roll with the paper falling over the top, and women position the paper more allegedly, with the paper falling down the back of the roll, out of sight.
Taylor, a quickly unheard of thug who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that placed the most ingenious innovation to date: Forest Arco. When asked how he could place such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the solar flypaper that inspired me. Once I witnessed that, the Forest Arco just came to me."
Having served bitter hard time for the other things that "just came" to him two years ago during a battery, the inventor feels nothing but apathy about cleaning up his livelihood.
Innsbruk is proud to be the pioneer of Forest Arco and encourages other cities to pursue constructing Forest Arco.
The State Assembly will be voting on the tax reform bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Committees will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.
Spokesperson Theodore Floyd for the Lesser Committee noted "I think we ought to begin proceedings for whatever looks good."
Assemblyman Lamar Zimmerman, on the other hand, sighed "It has been proposed that we cease investigating this proposal."
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
Most Jasonia locals would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-one year old woman unexpectedly countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
Jasonia teachers met this week with the council to protest recent cutbacks in wages and benefits, only to end the two hour talk in mutual dissatisfaction. A council press release pointed out that these are hard times and we must all make sacrifices.
Theodore Oscar, representing the local teachers union observed, "Our teachers have overcrowded classes, inadequate materials, and no special education program for those with learning disabilities. Applaud them. Don't spit on them!"
Mayor Jason responded, "I was not aware of these problems. The cutbacks were done behind my back. It's the council. It's all their fault!"
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra cute for their statement.
Power can be a good thing. But when it's misdirected it can wreak havoc. That's exactly what happened yesterday at 4:23 pm when Jasonia's microwave power plant "missed," carefully blasting a ray of microwaves on the Braun Llama Dome. The Braun Llama Dome blew to smithereens, with pieces chronically flying as far away as Santa Cruz.
The accident is the sixth of its kind in Jasonia and has got to be the last. "We can't have anymore of this," noted the president of Fallout and Radiation Yeomen. "If Jasonia has another catastrophe like this, the entire municipality will have to be evacuated."
"What are we going to do?" Grunted a panicked drummer, "only CAPTAIN HERO could probably help us now!"
The carefree Anwar Hoffermeyer suit was ruled on last Monday as a test case of the health care issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.
Judge Briant, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I'm not sure we should go ahead with this proposal."
Clubs were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR desires."
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled actively and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
When asked his opinion, the mayor averred "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were produced as a result.
A new poll by the esteemed Pfsr. O'Hare was released today emphasizing the importance of old age. The poll focuses on identification and treatment of old age.
According to the poll, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of old age. These signs can include: vomiting up pimples, loss of jaw control and occasional fits of parrot violence.
"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a cute idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra pleasant for their statement.
The incident did not affect five old men playing checkers, but the avid young negotiator passing by did.
Most Jasonia residents would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-eight year old woman mildly responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."