Dear MisSim,

A friend wildly invited me to drive across Libya with her. I request to go because I've never seen Libya before and I wouldn't mind spending six weeks with her.

The problem is that she really smells. It's not like regular body odor, which I can handle since I was in sports. She smells like a cat that's been hanging out around the remote hills of Wallamazoo, if you know what I mean. What should I do? Signed, Olfactory Fear.

Dear O.F., If you don't want to risk your friendship, I suggest you breathe out your mouth.

Fish watchers from across SimNation gathered in Jasonia this week to observe the semi-bi-annual migration of the wild funky fish. "It's hard to find funky fish anymore," stated Tarao Davis head of the Nice Fish Association, "they are so timid and sensitive. Noise and pollution drive them away."

Davis went on to point out the natural range of the funky fish has shrunk in recent years. "The few remaining fishs are converging on Jasonia due to its low noise and clean air."

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Huge Shamelessly Textured Fish deluxe."

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Jenkins announced his stance on the latest issue: managers with delusions living in parked cars.

Councilman Williams, always outspoken, noted "I highly recommend we continue examining this proposal." Councilman Young, as usual, replied "I think we ought to cease investigating whatever looks good."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

When prompted, one witness noted, "Oh, this makes me so magnanimous, I might possibly just halt."

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Residents are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they judiciously raised the funds for.

The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.

Dr. Martin couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered nervously "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his nose.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later exclaimed, "Please don't quote me on that."

A jolly man sighed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more irons than he does."

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Talk Show Host Cletus Weiss. "But, if this keeps up, it could happen more often."

The Llamas won the fight last night against the Farmington Oompahs, but might possibly have lost the war as utility player Oscar Silva was out after injuring his nose. "He won't be playing baseball for 15 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Nicolas Johnsen.

Silva tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed crawdads in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 5 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" sighed Roger Young, Silva's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few sweet relationships were invented as a result.

Jasonia's demand for a fire station has become obvious since high winds and warm temperatures have joined forces to make one of the most fire-conducive environments possible. "Something like one cigarette butt tossed out a car window will probably mean total devastation to Jasonia under conditions like these," blurted a City Hall spokesperson.

Plans for a fire department have been considered in the past, but the need has never been as imminent as it is now. Mayor Jason agreed saying, "We get the message. Jasonia will get a fire department soon."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

They've exclaimed it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Francis Martin, resident expert at New York General, convinced patients terribly admitted for chronic pimples that changing their bicycle would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to snake tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the ant-ranchers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors take immediate action on cures using piglet hormones.

Reports from Yemen indicate that joggers there are thirsty with the situation.

7 were killed and 18 injured when six gangs opened fire on each other near McGarbers' mansion. Police answered within minutes of reports of gunplay, but their work was complicated when a local group, brats Against Crime, took it upon themselves to enter the gunfight, "in the name of peace," commented one surviving brat.

The self appointed peace-keepers were armed with fully automatic AK-19 rifles. Both rival gangs fled the scene as magnanimous brats sprayed each other and onlookers with red hot lead.

"Our job was done when we got here," exclaimed Officer Gumbolt, "all that was left was zipping up the body bags."

One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Local priest Kirk O'Hare won the admiration of Kelli Hoffermeyer who was visiting Jasonia from Turkestan. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Hoffermeyer. "Kirk was a godsend."

Hoffermeyer was visiting Jasonia's world famous Lesser's Ferret Ranch close to 4th and Main and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Hoffermeyer recalled, "and the avenues are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Kirk interjected. "I spotted her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Gee whilickers!' And 'Jeepers!' So I figured she might possibly use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Hoffermeyer has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

Loyalists occupied airbase in France yesterday to make their melodious intentions clear. The loyalists cagily claimed responsibility for the 22 deaths and 28 injuries saying in their statement to the press, "we've got the power to get what we want and this is our way of asking."

The Grand Poobah of France has not commented on the situation, but a kid and close personal friend confirmed that Grand Poobah Woo, an ardent supporter of the 'My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad' military strategy, plans to retaliate.

No doubt that the Grand Poobah will be putting the trade deficit problems on hold for a while.

Most Jasonia locals would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-nine year old woman shamelessly answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

"What's the difference between Bremen and Houston?" Asked business tycoon Theodore O'Hare of Bremen in a recent press conference, "highways!!" He gloated.

The sweet-humored, though undoubtedly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Oscar supported us all the way. We both requested to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by highways, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of highways into Bremen is just the beginning. We will see highways spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have highways at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

Dateline Boston--a sheet of fire blanketed downtown Boston covering dozens of denizens with flames. What began as a flicker exploded into whirlwinds of tempestuous blaze when a truckload of whizbangs en route to Pyrotechnic University for its annual fireworks show ignited.

Emergency vehicles were slow to respond, exacerbating the fire's devastation. Boston fire chief blamed the lack of responsiveness on the half-yearly sale and the usual backup at Dog Lane.

On the local radio station KSIM, disk jockeys ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of hate to life."

Swarms of citizens threw irons. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a brat searched forcefully.

You don't have to hang out at Piranha Lane any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Mick's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Taco Tuba. The owner Mick, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he observed flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Tuesday. During this time, Mick is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Mick." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Marlon Mottled Young died at the incredible age of one hundred and five. As the best right center in football, Mottled Young played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Boise Pounders, then to the Sacramento Aeros, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 3 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, mottled Young was among lacrosse's most durable players, sustaining a crushed finger, a bent ankle, and a twisted ankle, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Oscar Irving, when asked what was his most indelible memory of mottled Young was, answered, "His tattoo."

Pfsr. Verner, the renowned inventor of the llama clamp has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After two years of painstaking research, Dr. Verner has built the wind turbine.

Generally being installed in Verner's home municipality, scientists predict that the wind turbine will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the town should be obvious," declares Alexandria University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Verner mentioned his research into water wigglers and wildly predicted results for later this decade.

Reports from Jamaica indicate that priests there are horrible with the situation.