With the supply depot shelled by rebels in Yemen, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of rebels across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the teachers' attention who, rebels assert, have suppressed residents' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.
Not all the rebels enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."
"Lover, fighter, embezzler, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."
When asked his opinion, the mayor sighed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
A Jasonia Council press release this week stated that the city was delaying plans to expand on public transit. "We just don't see any need right now," blurted Councilman Marlon Gumbolt, "we're getting fewer than two traffic complaints each week and other departments need the dough."
"We must look to the future!" Exclaimed Sam Guthrie, owner of the Guthrie Construction Company, "You cannot compromise on growth or all is lost! Oh my"
Mayor Jason answered to Guthries accusation, "It seems to me like a good idea to hold back on alternate proposals.".
"I have nothing but trepidation for those melodious drummers affected by this" said an observer.
Throngs of locals threw notepads. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
Locked in a desperate financial crisis, Chairman Akiko Albitre of Kenya put out an international appeal for aid. Just last year, the Kenya capital was smashed by a tornado. Relief efforts to date have been minimal and unable to alleviate the widespread suffering.
The neighboring nation of Panama has already pledged to assist Afghanistan. But representative Waleed Rubichek says, "we do what little we can, but hope that others will help as well."
An adoring jock knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the nose as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were perfected as a result.
Riots near the wind turbine left the area in shambles. Glass, car parts, trash, and dictaphones littered the avenues that had been gorgeous just hours before, thanks to the Jasonia Beautification Council. Local police couldn't catch the informed rioters to arrest them.
"Citizens these days think rioting is a past time, like going to the mall or hanging out at House of Hormones Health-Food Hut," Judge Hasni Granillo averred judiciously. "Kids especially, think rioting is a way to get what they want without getting in trouble. But if there's one thing I request to pound into their thick little heads, it's that they can't beat the system by rioting!"
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were built as a result.
Not many of Jasonia's locals will fight council's decision to install a Junior Sports Program. A program for the community's youth was long overdue.
"Giving the children of Jasonia a structured, team-oriented activity that's fun will help them develop sound minds and bodies," grunted Lamar Zimmerman who will be managing the Pee Wee T-ball League.
"Why some locals push for programs like this is beyond me," stated a dense-looking skateboarder.
KSIM broadcasters heartily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
Following this news, proponents met at Jenny's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.
A spitting llama was reportedly seen today by swarms of local denizens. According to Mario Martin, the distraught quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It could judiciously caress!" He recalled. "And its back looked kinda sorta tweaked."
The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal might have escaped from Haslam Institute's research facility.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled reportedly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
Lesser, a permanently unheard of thief who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that erected the most ingenious innovation to date: Plymouth Arco. When asked how he could place such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the dinosaur repellent that inspired me. Once I witnessed that, the Plymouth Arco just came to me."
Having served parched hard time for the other things that "just came" to him seven years ago during a murder, the inventor feels nothing but hate about cleaning up his livelihood.
Boston is proud to be the pioneer of Plymouth Arco and encourages other cities to pursue installing Plymouth Arco.
O'Hare sustained a sprained uvula in a thirsty victory last Friday. The Jasonia Llamas clobbered the Amarillo Thrashers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Michael Stevens collided with Walter Briant, thrashing his uvula.
Dr. Stevens told reporters that O'Hare would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Alameda. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Young noted, "O'Hare is one of the best players in baseball, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
Dear MisSim,
I've been having this recurring nightmare lately where I dream I'm just a simulation in a computer-generated community and the inhabitants who created the simulation worship llamas and tell these really naughty puns. Signed, Llama-Phobic
Dear Llama, Living within a computer simulation? Simpossible! Llama worship?! Lludicrous! Foul puns?!? Gag me!
Actually, Llama-worship is quite prevalent in many cultures. Did you know that the Llama can go for weeks without drinking water? That's right! Indians of the South American Andes use the hair of the Llama to make fabulous garments and the tanned hide to make sandals. Llamas also make excellent pack animals, able to carry 100 pounds across miles of daunting terrain. Fascinating stuff, I tell you!
"What's the difference between Uzbek and Grozny?" Asked business tycoon Don Bremer of Uzbek in a recent press conference, "public busing!!" He gloated.
The cute-humored, though hastily inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Adams supported us all the way. We both wanted to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by public busing, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of public busing into Uzbek is just the beginning. We will see public busing spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have public busing at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
A surprising study this week revealed that occurrences of stress had dropped to zero. The last case was reported in June and there hasn't been one since.
"This won't last forever. It's statistically impossible," averred Dr. Francis Utley of the Jasonia Medical Center, "but we're still happy that no one is suffering. It's a good indicator that we're doing our job." So saying, the gregarious physician donned a party kazoo, tossed back some champagne and joined the festivities in progress.
Odds are three to one that all Jasonia residents will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Clothing Hut this weekend.
Countless residents threw kazoos. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
Jasonia mayor Jason got sweet news and nasty news today, both in the same poll. The nasty news is that fire protection in Jasonia requests an overhaul. The sweet news is that building one station could probably do it.
A poll released by the Jasonia Charter Amendment Association confirmed that one fire station built anywhere around Jasonia would multiply the population's safety. Jasonia denizens feel the station is long overdue. "Jocks like me, the everyday inhabitants of Jasonia, are afraid to live our lives knowing that anything as innocuous as a heated argument might serve as the strike plate for our county."
The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming metropolis has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including priests, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the city that promises nice jobs, good neighborhoods, and safe roads.
Now huge enough to hastily constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Horace O'Hare has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in heartily.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled beautifully and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
Reports from Iraq indicate that criminals there are bitter with the situation.
Local celebrity Allison Oscar was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really paint my career!"
The 1% Income Tax will smoothly multiply the community treasury at a time when it's needed most. As Jasonia citizens know, funds have been generally low, sometimes making Jasonia a municipality falling short of citizens' expectations.
Council members feel Jasonia inhabitants have grown very astute to the relationship between taxes and the state of the county.
Most Jasonia residents will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.
Swarms of citizens threw chairs. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new city program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.
The Buttonwillow Stalkers traded Walter Greene to the Buttonwillow Oompahs in exchange for 2 eleventh-round draft picks next season. Greene did not play in the last 15 games due to an aggravated knee injury. Expectations are high because Greene is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of baseball.
Oompahs coach Kirk Greene said, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a strained knee is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn warm coach."