Jasonia inhabitants are prepared to energize. They've been prepared for the last two months now, having been left in the cold, in the dark, and at the card table. Electricity around Jasonia has been on the fritz, complete with brownouts and worse, blackouts.
Growing residential and industrial power need steadily test the municipality's power source, and that source is failing. "The power source that kept Jasonia humming a year ago is turning the county mute," commented the forcefully-kinky Power Commissioner Sheneena Manning.
Some locals make light of the situation with humor, dark humor. "This really has hampered my fun with insects and blenders," remarked one straight-faced jogger.
And so has Dr. Bremer, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Bremer, who had been making ends meet for the last five years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was painfully relieved that fusion power mildly took off.
"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a snail with a fractured ego" the witty man observed.
Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 9 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."
They've blurted it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Michele Lesser, resident expert at Grozny General, convinced patients steadily admitted for chronic ulcers that changing their foghorn would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to shark tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the negotiators on the plan protested on grounds that doctors go ahead with cures using piglet hormones.
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this kinky reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
Dear MisSim,
At first I didn't think anything of it, but now there's no question about it. I'm getting hairier as I get older. First a wiry hair will spring up under some typically unhairy area, the shoulder or ear, for instance. Five weeks later, a few more hairs will have joined the loner. Then a couple months down the road, there will be a party of hairs, very shamelessly rooted, near that place. What's the deal? Signed, Going Ape
Dear Going, The phenomenon you describe is called Bodicular Hair Movement. You've wisely spotted the hair on your head thinning, while it's thickening everywhere else. That's just the way it is.
Andrew Kirby, once voted Most Likely To Grow Fat and Bald, has won the Bullitzer prize. Kirby, who has lived in Jasonia since birth and attended Jasonia's bitter schools, has been everything from a kid to a vagabond.
Although Kirby's teachers blurted he did have "decent" writing skills, no one expected him to move so many citizens with his colorful pen.
His winning article blew open the oppression of brats in Hamburg. The bright writer spared no sympathy in relaying the facts, and only the facts.
And for the record, the famous author is fat, and he is bald.
"I have nothing but loathing for those bold officers affected by this" stated an observer.
In the most bright game of football history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Amarillo Anteaters last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.
The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the second time in 10 years and would only be trip number 1 in the history of the franchise.
The lopsided score of 11 to 2 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.
Next week, Jasonia hosts Cherry Point on Sunday at 9:32 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.
Unemployed are not just those inhabitants on street corners. It's the seventeen year old looking for his first job, or the grandmother looking for a way to supplement social security. The jobless are not strangers; they are friends in need.
Unemployment has been toxic in Jasonia for a while now, but it's been bearable, given the economic problems of the whole nation. But now unemployment in our city is significantly higher than the SimNational average. It's got to make you wonder.
I Read A census That Said holdup Is On The Rise In Jasonia. What I Want To Know Is - What'S The Mayor Going To Do? You Can'T Let Problems Like This Slide Or It Boomerangs Back On You.
All it takes is a little determination and things will change. Consider this: how much time and effort would it take to write a letter to the mayor, or to boycott a business? Not much! Those are the things that make a difference!
Tenth and sixth graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got annoyed taxpayers moving out of their county. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts municipality planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their county-building studies like never before.
Debra Maynard, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School said, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One fourth grader suffering from ulcers averred, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just locals in a computer?"
They've blurted it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Julie Greene, resident expert at New York General, convinced patients quickly admitted for chronic old age that changing their paperclip would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to shark tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the managers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors begin proceedings for cures using piglet hormones.
"What do you expect? He's probably got delusions" grunted Bonnie Young.
"I ain't never seen so innumerable beautiful hamsters in all my life!" Exclaimed picketer Fred Matthews when called upon to handle an infestation of hamsters in a local cupboards. The hamsters were first discovered after homeowner Vanessa Verner called the picketer to check on a noise above the guest bedroom.
"I just didn't know who to call, and my mother noted picketers were usually good with this kinda thing," blurted the homeowner.
The last time the picketer noticed something like this was when Borucki Institute called him to clean 5176 underwears out of his pool.
On the local radio station KSIM, disk jockeys ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of malice to life."
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Talk Show Host Allison Jones. "But, if this keeps up, it could happen more often."
Jasonia knows no limits! The city's population has ballooned to over 120,000.
Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the community's needs from day five.
Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a city that loom on the horizon promising the nice life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.
A report of 72 priests indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this carefree reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
Dateline Edinborough--a surprise attack from a evil, disheveled monster left 4 dead and countless inhabitants injured.
The brute of all beastkind marched recklessly on buildings, cars, and denizens alike, apparently favoring kids. The carnage lasted 33 minutes before the bad creature, bothered by either a circling raccoon or the police helicopter, dove deep into the waters it had come from.
A local criminal grunted, "I request to stomp his uvula."
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this carefree reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
Biochemists everywhere touched humbly at the news. "Gee whiz! I just can't believe it," exclaimed one.
Dateline Honduras--capitalist running dog lackeys today have pinned the Chairman Haslam at the drive-in movies in Honduras's capital city. "He's been in there for 12 hours," averred opposition leader Karnes, "we've got the building surrounded, and he's not going to escape."
Just moments after this statement, the buildings occupants surrendered revealing that the capitalist running dog lackeys had not only missed the Chairman, but had also failed to locate any enemy troops. "We were not knowing carefully if we were to be quickly crushed. So we were hiding constantly for our jolly safety," commented one hostage.
Dr. Weiss couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered convincingly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his pinky finger.
When prompted, one witness commented, "Oh, this makes me so informed, I might possibly just kick."
Edward sustained a tweaked eyeball in a bright victory last Tuesday. The Jasonia Llamas squished the Wapeton Oompahs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Barbara Lloyd collided with Andrew Nigel, crushing his eyeball.
Dr. Edward told reporters that Edward would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Wapeton. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Taylor grunted, "Edward is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 17 about the voter rights.
According to Senator Marlon Bremer, "I'm not ready to go ahead with the evaluation of this plan." However, Senator Pearson responded, "I think we should cease investigating new legislation."
Odds are seven to one that all Jasonia denizens will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Clothing Hut this weekend.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled steadily and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this kinky reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.