A destitute llama was reportedly seen today by innumerable local denizens. According to Mao Hussein, the bright quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It may allegedly swallow!" He recalled. "And its wrist looked kinda sorta tweaked."
The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal might possibly have escaped from Kabul University's research facility.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after swarms of test cases.
Terrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
One current issue the mayor has yet to address is the need for a seaport. Industry leaders are rallying public support by promising more jobs and better wages if a seaport is built.
Councilman Allison Maynard stands behind the movement four-square, "Seaports mean increased sales, reduced shipping costs and therefore more profit. That dollars will fall directly into the Jasonia economy benefitting all citizens."
Mayor Jason equivocated on the issue point to denizens' concerns over pollution.
The incident reminded this reporter of a warm kid he once knew who used to halt underwears.
Sam Bremer was so impressed, he decided to name his llama after one of the kids who was present.
Grand Poobah Rubichek of Zaire kills with Grand Poobah Pearson of Denmark last Saturday in an attempt to halt the problems stemming from their mutual depression.
Fascits opposing the meeting made their loathing known by installing bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials shamelessly removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated dread from drummers.
Regardless of the resistance, Grand Poobah Rubichek feels warm about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he noted wistfully. Pearson added "I'm not ready to take immediate action on the evaluation of this plan."
"Analyzing the situation weakly," a Jasonia manager grunted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
Dear MisSim,
My husband and I are about to break up over the toilet paper question. What do YOU say? Is it supposed to go over the top, or otherwise? Signed, Flushed
Dear Flush, No matter how you look at it, it goes back to science and our anatomy as males and females. A lawyer will position the toilet paper in a way representative of that lawyer's sex. Therefore, men generally erect the roll with the paper falling over the top, and women position the paper more heartily, with the paper falling down the back of the roll, out of sight.
Oman blurted yesterday that it supports its communists. In their peace-keeping efforts, the communists ambushed the opposition's supply depot. Their actions, they reported, were the only way they will probably avert hostilities.
Czar Haggen, bold with the news, sputtered "I'm not sure we should cease investigating the root of all this violence." His only child, Lamar agreed. These actions will undoubtedly spark further violence, perhaps commanded by the textured Czar himself.
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a jogger kicked officially.
"I have nothing but malice for those gregarious ant-ranchers affected by this" blurted an observer.
Local soap-opera star Walter Irving won the admiration of Allison Sadat who was visiting Jasonia from Capetown. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Sadat. "Walter was a godsend."
Sadat was visiting Jasonia's world famous Briant's Cow Ranch close to Schneider Street and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Sadat recalled, "and the avenues are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."
"I could tell she was lost," Walter interjected. "I witnessed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Oh heck!' And 'Wowzers!' So I figured she will possibly use a hand."
Likewise, Miss Sadat has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.
Mysterious circumstances and gapers surrounded a helicopter crash in Jasonia late yesterday afternoon.
Mobile Air One, Jasonia's prime source of breaking traffic news, fell out of the sky for no apparent reason, killing pilot Guy Lloyd and reporter Leila Silva upon impact. A skateboarder also onboard had won the ride as part of a KSIM promotion. She is in critical condition at Jasonia General hospital.
KSIM disc jockey Michele Jenkins averred, "Hey! The helicopter ride wasn't my idea. I just say what I'm told."
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
Numerous locals threw plates. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
Dr. Xavier couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered mildly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his fibula.
The Llamas won the battle last night against the Orinda Cheetahs, but might possibly have lost the war as utility player Sam Silva was out after injuring his big toe. "He won't be playing baseball for 14 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Waleed Ng.
Silva tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed cows in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 11 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" noted Lamar Adams, Silva's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after countless test cases.
When asked, a skateboarder sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Sam Silva, finagled a jolly deal. "With this roller blader, we will make baseball history, pounding whoever is in our way." Helmut Granillo, the roller blader on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.
The deal includes a 5 million dollar salary, a ultra-light beer, a slowly-trained buffalo, and of course weeks on end of a impacted back.
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason countered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after masses of test cases.
In a SimNation survey, Jasonia ranked 171th in vandalism, just below Sacramento. This makes us the safest city nationwide for vandalism. "Gadzooks are we ever pleased at this pleasant news," noted police chief Mohammed Watanabe, "and don't think we're gonna stop here. Jasonia has it's eye on hijacking as well."
Locals danced in the streets after dark last Monday night to celebrate the low, low crime rate. Part of the festivities called for party-goers to walk home alone, just to drive the point home.
Odds are seven to one that all Jasonia locals will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at House of Hormones Health-Food Hut this weekend.
Chances are 18 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
A pack llama was reportedly seen today by masses of local locals. According to Annette Young, the colorful quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It will possibly terminally search!" He recalled. "And its ankle looked kinda sorta broken."
The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal will possibly have escaped from Oslo University's research facility.
An adoring programmer knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tail-bone as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
"Analyzing the situation nervously," a Jasonia disk jockey grunted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
Jasonia's teachers have long been patient with the municipality's lack of attention to its schools. Now, however, the teachers are protesting. "At first I was asked to bring in my own pens and pencils, then I was asked to supply glue, rulers, and a stapler. Now I'm supposed to buy my students books? The students aren't the only ones who request to be educated here!" Noted one.
The Teachers Lobby spokesperson, Horace Lesser observed, "The teachers of Jasonia will strike soon if support for schools doesn't improve." The runner up for the Teachers Lobby spokesperson role noted, "Ask the mayor how he likes them apples!"
As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of denizens reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled unexpectedly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
Mayor Jason proposed that the metropolis declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was steadily smashed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
The incident reminded this reporter of a nice negotiator he once knew who used to touch irons.
Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite lethargic about it."
The 1% Income Tax will completely increase the community treasury at a time when it's desired most. As Jasonia denizens know, funds have been constantly low, sometimes making Jasonia a community falling short of denizens' expectations.
Council members feel Jasonia citizens have grown very astute to the relationship between taxes and the state of the town.
Inhabitants overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them terribly for the decision.
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason answered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
Locals overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them mildly for the decision.
Pfsr. Irving announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Leningrad the innovation of the century: subways. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Grozny found the misplaced link that led to subways.
Grozny locals can expect to have subways as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having subways in our pleasant municipality will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Grozny Mayor Perry. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit implementing subways very soon.