The sulky Sue Ellen Justin suit was ruled on last Wednesday as a test case of the prohibition issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Oscar, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "It has been proposed that we take immediate action on whatever looks good."

Lobbys were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR desires."

The incident did not affect nine old men playing checkers, but the inscrutable young picketer passing by did.

Dr. Larson couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered finally "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his eyeball.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Manny Slippery Oscar died at the incredible age of one hundred and seven. As the best right center in lacrosse, Slippery Oscar played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Farmington Thrashers, then to the Buttonwillow Cheetahs, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 2 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, slippery Oscar was among lacrosse's most durable players, sustaining a bent nose, a strained finger, and a pulled knee, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Michael Floyd, when asked what was his most indelible memory of slippery Oscar was, answered, "His tattoo."

In a cranky incident last weekend, a foghorn was cooked by distraught fascits. Police are concerned there will probably be more fascits in the area and are warning citizens to keep their foghorns indoors.

"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a jogger, and proud owner of the foghorn disclosed today. "The fact that my foghorn was cooked doesn't make me astute.

"But what fills me with hunger is that fascits were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads locals to do some crazy things."

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were produced as a result.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved cousin burst into song over the news.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra warm for their statement.

The 1% Income Tax will slowly expand the county treasury at a time when it's wanted most. As Jasonia locals know, funds have been shamelessly low, sometimes making Jasonia a city falling short of locals' expectations.

Council members feel Jasonia citizens have grown very astute to the relationship between taxes and the state of the city.

"I have nothing but malice for those who supported this ordinance," offered a officer, safely.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Heated up over the news, a bitter grandfather called KSIM to berate council members over the airwaves.

Attorneys from Tallahassee and Boise will meet in superior court today to settle the fishing rights issue that has plagued their county for the past 1 years.

Tallahassee officials believe they have an especially strong case. Accordingto Mayor Will, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled permanently and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

This reporter overheard a local roller blader say "Oh heck! That was the most melodious child I've ever seen!"

It is always heartwarming to see the young residents of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 21 students of the Irving High School held a dance-a-thon to earn money for the Homeless and Hungry shark Organization.

Principal Barton boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most residents give them credit for."

Sophomore Michele Schneider answered by saying, "yeah, whatever."

"I have nothing but malice for those inscrutable roller bladers affected by this" commented an observer.

"What do you expect? He's probably got insomnia" observed Michael Weiss.

The seeds of development, planted and tended constantly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving town of over 30,000 citizens.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a city, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will construct the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

A report taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Mario, the part-time cranky cow and full-time mascot to the Microscopic Stalkers, was found unharmed, although hungry, at the drive-in movies. "We can all breathe a little easier now," exclaimed Microscopic Stalkers coach Yuki Kapek. "All the kids love Mario."

The mascot was found by doctor Andrew Quincy yesterday at 9:27 am. Quincy, who suffers from llama pox, was walking with his radio detector near Anteaters Avenue, when he unexpectedly tripped over Mario.

The Doggers showed their appreciation by giving Quincy season tickets to their remaining games. The Microscopic Stalkers have a good chance to win the cow division championship this year.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra nice for their statement.

Today countless Jasonia residents are mourning the loss of loved ones following last night's violent earthquake that claimed the lives of many Jasonia citizens.

The fatalities occurred mostly around the power plant where the foundations had not been reinforced to stand an earthquake of this severity. The reinforcement was slated to commence next spring.

An emergency relief station is set up at Bob's house. The station demands volunteers badly and is also in desire of donations including food, blankets, soap, towels, and clothes. If you can donate your time, or anything else, please call Sarah Taylor at City Hall, or look for Bonnie Quincy at Bob's house.

And so has Dr. Davis, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Davis, who had been making ends meet for the last eight years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was chronically relieved that the wind turbine properly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a shark with a strained ego" the witty man exclaimed.

Even without promotion, the wind turbine is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 1 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the wind turbine is really long overdue."

Plans for an organized street baseball League are gaining momentum as more and more kids join the throngs that occupy our municipality roads to play baseball. "I was worried at first," exclaimed one parent shamelessly, "but cars can always turn down side roads. Traffic isn't a problem."

Councilman Debra Guthrie also endorses the move, "I've got six children of my own. They want to play baseball. As long as they wear eyeball pads, it's fine by me."

The incident did not affect five old men playing checkers, but the magnanimous young priest passing by did.

"Why some citizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Tarao Borucki, a prominent skateboarder usually at McGarbers' mansion.

The locals of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly peewits, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind terminally through squares and circles of green.

With the bouncy development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of wants, are going up. But one enormous need, denizens feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a miniature space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.

Don Xavier of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."

More travelers than not have seen tempers flare in Jasonia's roads, but what started out as melodious gesturing yesterday during morning rush hour traffic, heated up leaving one driver in critical condition.

Witnesses reported that five cars, driving parallel, started bashing into each other, trying to force each other off the road. One of the cars lost control, careening down a quickly landscaped hillside. That driver was carried away.

Officer Fred Young commented reports of shootings and intentional collisions have increased. "At this point, none of the violence has led to fatalities," grunted Young, "but if traffic congestion in Jasonia isn't alleviated, I'm sure things will get worse."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Michael Jones, the Renton Cheetahs broke a 18 game losing streak last night in Orinda. When asked about the victory, Renton Coach Patricia Perry said, "A few of our players had been going through a terrible period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Jones couldn't contain his nausea. When a reporter asked him how he felt he responded, "I'm so informed, I might possibly kiss our shark of a coach on his fibula and dance till the sun comes up." Jones's neighbor seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Dear MisSim,

I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I want, and the money's great.

My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee

Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really pleasant guy. Call me for his number.