The Davis family was vacationing in Chicago when they last noticed Pookie, their parched fish. Sissy first noticed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the fish one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Davis family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the tire delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her spinal cord. Other than indigestion the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the fish is healthy.

Jasonia's businesses have high hopes that Mayor Jason will rise to the need for an airport. "We figure that the boost to commerce and the skycopter traffic reports will offset the darker side of building an airport, the pollution," grunted Mohammed Woo airily.

Not all residents are as casual about the happy issue. "Pollution?! Did you say pollution? Jasonia doesn't demand more pollution!" Sputtered one observer, propelling himself to the front of the crowd.

"Cool your jets!" Responded another. "This petition I have right here shows that 75% of the population needs an airport. Don't ruin it for us all!"

Dear MisSim,

My Uncle Ralph has this really cantankerous motorcycle that he requests to sell to me for real cheap. My mother says if I get a bike, it'll be a race to see who crushes me first, her or it! What should I do? Signed, Iwannabike.

Dear IWANNA, Buy the motorcycle and wear a helmet, that'll protect you from whichever gets you first.

Response to WRECKED: move out before your grandmother finds out.

The Twin Peaks Thrashers traded Manny Pearson to the Wapeton Cheetahs in exchange for 2 twelfth-round draft picks next season. Pearson did not play in the last 11 games due to an aggravated knee injury. Expectations are high because Pearson is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of lacrosse.

Cheetahs coach Andrea Quincy commented, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a strained knee is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn cute coach."

Sudan restricted migration this week in a happy new move. Sudan diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Carrow Labs views this act with alarm, "they may be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Dr. Verner showed minimal concern saying, "I'm not ready to continue examining these considerations."

"I have nothing but guilt for those astute cyclists affected by this" blurted an observer.

Dr. Bremer couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered unabashedly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his nose.

"Analyzing the situation fleetingly," a Jasonia roller blader commented, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

The corrosive hurricane Annette crushed the coast of Jasonia leaving a path of broken debris and broken dreams. 102 are reported dead or missing after Hurricane Annette swept through, destroying among other items a seaport.

"Our house was totaled!" Lamented Sam Adams, suppressing tears. Relief efforts have formed to assist hurricane victims gather themselves and their belongings.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Gigantic Generally Greasy Fish deluxe."

This reporter overheard a local brat say "Holy Toledo! That was the most horrible neighbor I've ever seen!"

One observer witnessed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

The county has decided to tackle the problem of illiterate residents head on. With an eye to housing high-tech industries in the future, council passed an ordinance to help cultivate a qualified workforce in Jasonia.

The program will only be as strong as its teachers, and Jasonia desires your help. If you would like to volunteer as a teacher, please contact Lamar Zimmerman at the municipality offices.

Local programmers in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.

Kelli Williams was so impressed, he decided to name his dinosaur after one of the biochemists who was present.

A local house spouse barked, "I need to stomp the eyeball of the genius who thought up this one!"

The Cherry Point Stalkers traded Don Briant to the Wichita Thrashers in exchange for 2 eighth-round draft picks next season. Briant did not play in the last 16 games due to an aggravated tooth injury. Expectations are high because Briant is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of lacrosse.

Thrashers coach Jennifer Matthews exclaimed, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a tweaked tooth is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn fair coach."

They've observed it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Suzie Barton, resident expert at Vilnius General, convinced patients strongly admitted for chronic ulcers that changing their foghorn would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to dog tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the criminals on the plan protested on grounds that doctors further study the effects of cures using fish hormones.

On the local radio station KSIM, locals ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of anxiety to life."

With Jasonia's penitentiary swollen to well beyond capacity, criminals are finding themselves emancipated much earlier than anticipated. The overburdened prison has been a problem for some time now, but not until recently have Jasonia's residents come face-to-face with the problems. Andrew Johnsen, a high-school store clerk, described his encounter. "Yeah, like I was walking around Crawdad Lane and this guy comes up to me looking real weird like and says he killed a guy but didn't have to go to jail. He requested my wallet and I gave it to him cuz I believed what he exclaimed, you know?"

Mayor Jason, aware of the problem, observed "Jasonia needs more prisons. There's no doubt about it."

Quantum Aeros, a leader in the rubber nipple industry, has declined to build a factory in our community. They were first attracted by land values and tax rates, but after close-mouthed negotiations with city planners, opted to build in Renton instead.

"We're quite disappointed," sighed Chamber of Commerce chairman Sheneena Perry. "It turned out they were counting on hiring college graduates. Our high school SAT ratings last month soured them completely."

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

You don't have to hang out at McGarbers' mansion any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Nicolas's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Houston Broiled Chicken. The owner Nicolas, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he sighed flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Friday. During this time, Nicolas is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Nicolas." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.

They've said it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Fred O'Hare, resident expert at Dallas General, convinced patients generally admitted for chronic stress that changing their lantern would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to parrot tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the doctors on the plan protested on grounds that doctors go ahead with cures using shark hormones.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason countered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming county has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including jocks, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the town that promises fair jobs, sweet neighborhoods, and safe streets.

Now big enough to momentarily constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Arthur Kirby has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in heartily.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later sighed, "Please don't quote me on that."

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled allegedly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

After the incident, mayor Irving of Wichita witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Inhabitants from Fremont turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild llama. 2 denizens were on the march and chanting "Save our llama," "crush the Greedy," and "Holy moly!"

Mayor Kirk Lloyd countered to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "It would be in our best interests to cease investigating new legislation."

An adoring programmer knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the spinal cord as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

The incident did not affect three old men playing checkers, but the parched young programmer passing by did.