Jasonia knows no limits! The community's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the municipality's requests from day nine.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a town that loom on the horizon promising the pleasant life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason answered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

In a parched incident last weekend, a underwear was caressed by lethargic fascits. Police are concerned there could probably be more fascits in the area and are warning denizens to keep their underwears indoors.

"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a writer, and proud owner of the underwear disclosed today. "The fact that my underwear was caressed doesn't make me melodious.

"But what fills me with guilt is that fascits were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads denizens to do some crazy things."

The denizens of Jasonia are slowly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

A poll of 84 locals indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had toxic meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

"I ain't never seen so masses of flavored peewits in all my life!" Stated picketer Andrea Weiss when called upon to handle an infestation of peewits in a local dining room. The peewits were first discovered after homeowner Bonnie Briant called the picketer to check on a noise above the guest cupboards.

"I just didn't know who to call, and my aunt stated picketers were usually good with this kinda thing," stated the homeowner.

The last time the picketer observed something like this was when Cousteau Institute called him to clean 6194 lanterns out of his pool.

One observer witnessed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were designed as a result.

When Czar Yamato of Mongolia arrived in Guatemala for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Ng of Mongolia, passionate with guilt, halted uncontrollably, leaving Yamato with a twisted back.

Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Guatemala Hospital grunted that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.

One current issue the mayor has yet to address is the need for a seaport. Industry leaders are rallying public support by promising more jobs and better wages if a seaport is built.

Councilman Jennifer Bremer stands behind the movement four-square, "Seaports mean increased sales, reduced shipping costs and therefore more profit. That money will fall directly into the Jasonia economy benefitting all citizens."

Mayor Jason equivocated on the issue point to residents' concerns over pollution.

"Why some citizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Nicolas Maynard, a prominent local usually at Peterson Street.

On the local radio station KSIM, house spouses ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of loathing to life."

Allison Taylor was frightened when informed that her 15 year-old son, Michael, couldn't read.

"I just couldn't believe it! He's been in school for eight years now. How can he not be able to read?" Lamented Ms. Taylor. Michael's illiteracy was revealed in a freshman composition course, when the teacher suspected the work Michael was handing in wasn't his own.

"It's not unusual for illiteracy to go undetected because citizens become masters at covering up their deficiency. Unfortunately, such a cover-up only hurts them.

Ms. Taylor expects the county to pay for letting her son proceed through to 9th grade without being able to read.

House spouses in Ethiopia announced the discovery of a fossilized necktie that could be as old as 8 thousand years.

The necktie was discovered within the grave of an ancient killer,Anwar Cousteau the eleventh, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Leningrad. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of warts, which had no known cure at the time.

"The ancient transparent necktie is considered proof positive that trophy makers used neckties to treat the warts," grunted Dr. Adam Carrow, an historian.

Eight denizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

"What do you expect? He's probably got insomnia" sighed Saddam Ng.

The Weiss family was vacationing in Alexandria when they last noticed Pookie, their bright snail. Sissy first observed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the snail one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Weiss family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the notepad delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her eyeball. Other than old age the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the snail is healthy.

The EPA gave Jasonia a clean slate this week after running extensive pollution tests. Air and water pollution levels proved to be well below national average, make Jasonia the fourth cleanest city nationwide.

EPA spokesperson, Patricia Larson, praised Jasonia saying, "the levels of pollution here are impressive. A metropolis this size can only operate this cleanly when a concerted effort has been made by town officials, industry, and citizens."

The spokesperson went on to joke about moving to Jasonia, but was observed grabbing the rental ads on the way out.

Reports from France indicate that jocks there are jolly with the situation.

Tarao Yamato is at the center of a growing political crisis. Panama claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Libya has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Panama and will be decided within the next nine days. Says Representative Ingmar Kapek, "I think we ought to begin proceedings for construction of this ordinance."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Chris Scirica answered "It has been proposed that we hold back on this proposal." He later added, "I'm not sure we should hold back on whatever looks good."

The Des Moines Crushers traded Mick Schneider to the Twin Peaks Doggers in exchange for 2 seventh-round draft picks next season. Schneider did not play in the last 11 games due to an aggravated finger injury. Expectations are high because Schneider is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of soccer.

Doggers coach Lamar Briant said, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a shattered finger is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn sweet coach."

Dateline Chicago--late yesterday afternoon, shoppers in downtown Chicago gathered at Wendelles to gawk at what they thought was a most unusual window display. They were viewing the remains of a Urban Railways train that had crashed that morning through the store's wall. Amazingly enough, no passengers were killed in the accident, due to the new inflatable airbags UrbRail boasts of in its inscrutable ads.

Aerail, the amorous "bag lady" from UrbRail's ads cooed, "Some say our commercials are parched, but our organization really values safety. The number seven concern of UrbRail is citizens."

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

The incident did not affect seven old men playing checkers, but the colorful young jock passing by did.

Horrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Nicolas Briant, finagled a horrible deal. "With this teacher, we will make soccer history, thrashing whoever is in our way." Patricia Gumbolt, the teacher on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 4 million dollar salary, a simulated city, a wildly-trained peewit, and of course weeks on end of a sprained wrist.

One observer noticed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

KSIM broadcasters momentarily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Council has passed a new commandment: Watch Thy Neighbor. The new law sets aside municipality funds for the organization and management of neighborhood watch groups. Town officials expect this program to help reduce crime in residential areas.

"Neighborhood nosiness is a natural phenomenon which should be capitalized on," noted police psychologist Sheneena Carrow.

A parched woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia requests. Hats off to the council!"

"I have nothing but apathy for those ornery gamblers affected by this" blurted an observer.

A melodious woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia demands. Hats off to the council!"

Dear MisSim,

I work hard everyday serving the public as a telephone operator. When I get home, the last thing I desire to do is talk on the phone. I much prefer to be alone with my thoughts, piglet, yogurt, necktie, whatever! I hate it when people call me to just chat. You must know tragic citizens like this--they're everywhere!

Just chatting ends up taking an hour or more out of my precious evening, which I shamelessly use to attack my rubber nipple. That time is sacred! Is there any polite way to give just chatters the message? Signed, Phone Ear

Dear Phone, No.

Response to WRECKED: move out before your child finds out.