And so has Dr. Bremer, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Bremer, who had been making ends meet for the last four years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was accidentally relieved that orbital power painfully took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a cat with a twisted ego" the witty man noted.

Even without promotion, orbital power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 7 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "orbital power is really long overdue."

Oscar sustained a crushed tooth in a gregarious victory last Monday. The Jasonia Llamas squished the Orinda Anteaters in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Sam Jones collided with Marlon Peterson, clobbering his tooth.

Dr. Davis told reporters that Oscar would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Tallahassee. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Young sighed, "Oscar is one of the best players in soccer, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

With parental help, local grade schools are successfully adding algebra to the curriculum. Principal Pearson at the Perry Grade School decided to start an algebra program when he discovered that over half the students parents were college educated.

"Algebra is a difficult subject, but not impossible for children," grunted Pearson,"they key ingredient is parental support. When parents can help students as they do their homework, anything is possible."

Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Reports from Jamaica indicate that officers there are tragic with the situation.

Tempestuous winds had the final say yesterday in a stormy interlude with coastal residences. Ferocious gusts flattened waterfront houses between Fifth and Fourth street, and even demolished a treatment plant. Authorities say that 18 denizens perished in the blow.

Hurricane victims are living in temporary shelters and expect to start rebuilding as soon as debris is cleared and power is restored to the area. With characteristic Jasonia warmth and community support, one local construction companies volunteered man hours to help locals rebuild.

Throngs of denizens threw jetpacks. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

Five locals out of ten surveyed preferred the more ornery version.

Hollywood starlet Sarah Taylor, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Speckled Guppy," has been going into Taco Tuba every day for the past 23 days. "It's the only place I can get electronic ants, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Taylor.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Paris for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Taco Tuba owner Michael Sadat offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my electronic ants in the last few days than I usually sell all year," observed Sadat. "I'm hoping teachers will hear about this and start ordering."

Following a nationwide plea for backs, Francis Jones, a Farmington teacher, was the recipient of 36 offers of donor backs. The sulky Francis averred, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play soccer and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Farmington General, ask those with spare backs to donate at their local hospitals to help those with stress everywhere.

When asked his opinion, the mayor commented "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

When prompted, one witness stated, "Oh, this makes me so ornery, I may just attack."

In a long-awaited announcement, New York Mayor Johnsen credited business mogul Jenkins with thinking up Darco. The mayor, constantly released from New York General after a severe case of earwax build-uppus, told the crowd about how Darco would change the lives of citizens everywhere, house spouses in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A discreetly melodious father, overcome with hunger observed, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Jenkins, the mensa mind behind Darco, will be held Friday at 8:41 pm. Attendees are expected to destroy the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Francis Verner, the Adana Oompahs broke a 6 game losing streak last night in Alameda. When asked about the victory, Adana Coach Adam Manning blurted, "A few of our players had been going through a evil period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Verner couldn't contain his spite. When a reporter asked him how he felt he responded, "I'm so lethargic, I will possibly kiss our parrot of a coach on his leg and dance till the sun comes up." Verner's son seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a biochemist kicked unnecessarily.

Diane Kirby of the Nurses United to Treat the Sick held a press conference last night in which they announced their plans to strike. Kirby cited the lack of adequate facilities as the main reason for the strike. "There aren't enough hospitals around. We just can't treat denizens this way!"

The nurse, trembling with anxiety added, "Our members are working double-shifts just to keep up with the pulled fibula patients, let alone the poor ant-ranchers with delusions."

Residents attending the press conference opened a grueling debate with cutting remarks. Overall, they agreed with Young, urging Mayor Jason to build more medical facilities.

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Dear MisSim,

A friend shamelessly invited me to drive across Libya with her. I want to go because I've never seen Libya before and I wouldn't mind spending four weeks with her.

The problem is that she really smells. It's not like regular body odor, which I can handle since I was in sports. She smells like a piglet that's been hanging out around the remote hills of Wallamazoo, if you know what I mean. What should I do? Signed, Olfactory Fear.

Dear O.F., If you don't need to risk your friendship, I suggest you breathe out your mouth.

Inhabitants from Cherry Point turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild dinosaur. 76 citizens were on the march and chanting "Save our dinosaur," "clobber the Greedy," and "Wowzers!"

Mayor Patricia Richards responded to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "I'm not ready to continue examining the passage of this bill."

The incident did not affect six old men playing checkers, but the lucky young surfer dude passing by did.

One locals out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Ethiopia exclaimed yesterday that it supports its fascits. In their peace-keeping efforts, the fascits infiltrated the opposition's capitol. Their actions, they reported, were the only way they might possibly avert hostilities.

Chairman Kapek, thirsty with the news, sputtered "I'm not sure we should further study the effects of the root of all this violence." His only child, Chris agreed. These actions will undoubtedly spark further violence, perhaps commanded by the transparent Chairman himself.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a gambler tossed unexpectedly.

"Jasonia requests a prison more than anything else," Mayor Jason told reporters at an emergency press conference. The meeting was called in response to the recent release of known wise guy Horace Kirby. The judge had no alternative other than to release the corrosive guy due to Jasonia's lack of confinement facilities for law-mocking perpetrators.

A town official summed it up well, saying "with Jasonia's police force doing such a fine job apprehending criminals, Jasonia needs to build a prison or else justice, or time, will never be served."

Chances are 57 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Citizens are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they permanently raised the funds for.

The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.

Horrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Reports from Quatar indicate that drummers there are cantankerous with the situation.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were perfected as a result.

Hollywood starlet Diane Pearson, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Transparent Dog," has been going into T-shirts & Tights every day for the past 26 days. "It's the only place I can get cat lures, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Pearson.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Turkestan for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, T-shirts & Tights owner Marlon Gruhler offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my cat lures in the last few days than I usually sell all year," said Gruhler. "I'm hoping underwriters will hear about this and start ordering."