Dr. Kirby announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Capetown the innovation of the century: public busing. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Bremen found the misplaced link that led to public busing.
Bremen citizens can expect to have public busing as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having public busing in our nice metropolis will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Bremen Mayor Maynard. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit placeing public busing very soon.
"I ain't never seen so hordes of bright snails in all my life!" Observed priest Frank Jenkins when called upon to handle an infestation of snails in a local kitchen. The snails were first discovered after homeowner Chris Xavier called the priest to check on a noise above the guest closet.
"I just didn't know who to call, and my mother commented priests were usually good with this kinda thing," blurted the homeowner.
The last time the priest witnessed something like this was when Pfsr. Larson called him to clean 173 tires out of his pool.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after multitudes of test cases.
Trophy makers everywhere attacked unexpectedly at the news. "Leapin' lizards! I just can't believe it," stated one.
A strong majority of Jasonia citizens' aspire to rival the best cities in terms of attractions and space reserved for wildlife. In the spirit of keeping Jasonia in the running, the locals are calling for the wild.
"Our organization is proposing Jasonia build a zoo for the overall enhancement of our city and its taxpayers," Andrea Matthews averred cagily.
An informal census by this newspaper revealed 85 out of 100 inhabitants want a zoo. The number one reason mentioned was it would offer something fun to do when neighbors visit.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after countless test cases.
The Twin Peaks Cheetahs traded Francis Greene to the Adana Doggers in exchange for 2 second-round draft picks next season. Greene did not play in the last 13 games due to an aggravated foot injury. Expectations are high because Greene is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of lacrosse.
Doggers coach Akiko Kapek said, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a shattered foot is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn nice coach."
It is always heartwarming to see the young denizens of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 69 students of the Xavier High School held a dance-a-thon to earn dough for the Homeless and Hungry pony Organization.
Principal Xavier boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most citizens give them credit for."
Sophomore Ichiko Mubarik countered by saying, "yeah, whatever."
Most Jasonia inhabitants would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-five year old woman introspectively replied, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
The citizens of Jasonia are steadily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
Akiko Mubarik is at the center of a growing political crisis. Brazil claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Honduras has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Brazil and will be decided within the next two days. Says Representative Hasni Ng, "It seems to me like a sweet idea to go ahead with whatever looks good."
Usually clarifying things, Representative Sam Zimmerman replied "It would be in our best interests to proceed with caution on obscure ordinances." He later added, "It would be in our best interests to cease investigating erection of this ordinance."
Walter Stevens, Jasonia resident and world famous decathlete, has taken the gold at the International Games held in Turkestan. Stevens has been competing for three years, and just last December won a position on the SimNational Team.
Stevens's story is actively inspiring, since he has been a long time hypertension sufferer. He observed in a private interview that he credits his ability to overcome hypertension to Jasonia doctors. "They're just the best," he stated.
When asked his opinion, the mayor exclaimed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
"This is the most parched, horrible, avid thing I've ever noticed!" Shrieked one jogger.
"Jasonia needs a prison more than anything else," Mayor Jason told reporters at an emergency press conference. The meeting was called in response to the recent release of known kidnapper Sam Zimmerman. The judge had no alternative other than to release the terrible guy due to Jasonia's lack of confinement facilities for law-mocking perpetrators.
A metropolis official summed it up well, saying "with Jasonia's police force doing such a fine job apprehending criminals, Jasonia needs to build a prison or else justice, or time, will never be served."
After the incident, mayor Jones of Farmington spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
The Alameda Cheetahs traded Cletus Manning to the Alameda Stalkers in exchange for 2 fourth-round draft picks next season. Manning did not play in the last 26 games due to an aggravated elbow injury. Expectations are high because Manning is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of rugby.
Stalkers coach Suzie Taylor commented, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a bent elbow is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn good coach."
Dear MisSim,
My husband and I are about to break up over the toilet paper question. What do YOU say? Is it supposed to go over the top, or otherwise? Signed, Flushed
Dear Flush, No matter how you look at it, it goes back to science and our anatomy as males and females. A trophy maker will position the toilet paper in a way representative of that trophy maker's sex. Therefore, men hastily place the roll with the paper falling over the top, and women position the paper more permanently, with the paper falling down the back of the roll, out of sight.
A wall of water gushed through the downtown area yesterday raising the level of fear and most everything else. The estimated damage is $89 million, a figure likely to squeeze the insurance companies dry.
Citizens have been building sand banks to keep the residential zones as dry as possible, a very difficult feat in a municipality like Jasonia with such geographic terrain. "When my son yelled, 'Dad! It's a gusher!' I thought he meant we finally made it big with our last invention, the water wiggler.
But when I was swept off my feet by a force more powerful than a destitute llama, I knew he was talking more literally," sighed Adam, a local inventor.
Pfsr. O'Hare, the renowned inventor of the cat lure has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After one years of painstaking research, Dr. O'Hare has perfected orbital power.
Slowly being installed in O'Hare's home city, scientists predict that orbital power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the county should be obvious," declares San Francisco University.
When asked what next, Pfsr. O'Hare mentioned his research into light cubes and quickly predicted results for later this decade.
The incident reminded this reporter of a fair trophy maker he once knew who used to attack bananas.
Aziz Horat is at the center of a growing political crisis. Rumania claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Yemen has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Rumania and will be decided within the next five days. Says Representative Habid Haggen, "I think we should cease investigating new legislation."
Usually clarifying things, Representative Debra Briant countered "I highly recommend we actively pursue this proposal." He later added, "I'm not ready to continue examining alternate proposals."
Cousteau Institute announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Sydney the innovation of the century: Launch Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Boston found the misplaced link that led to Launch Arco.
Boston locals can expect to have Launch Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Launch Arco in our good town will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Boston Mayor Matthews. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit constructing Launch Arco very soon.
As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of locals reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.
Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite colorful about it."
An adoring negotiator knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the nose as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
A study taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
The incident did not affect nine old men playing checkers, but the magnanimous young picketer passing by did.