Jasonia's industries can no longer ship out their goods on mule back. They need sturdy highways and rail lines to connect Jasonia to neighboring cities.

Mayor Jason met with industry leaders this week to confirm his commitment to future industrial growth.

The Jasonia Beautification Council, a actively formed residents group, has expressed concern that industrial expansion will destroy the pastoral atmosphere of Jasonia,possibly ruining tourism.

Industrial magnate Sheneena Guthrie has met this charge with a public statement on behalf of Jasonia industries. "We need to see everyone working. But we also love our county and will work hard to maintain its grace and cantankerousness."

Dear MisSim,

I can never tell the truth. Wait, that's not true. I can tell the truth when it benefits me, but if I can get anything out of lying, I'll do it--radiantly.

It's like I don't have a choice. I mean it's really weird. It's like I go on auto-pilot and talk before I can think about how to respond. Denizens can't seem to detect that I'm lying through my teeth. Have you heard of this problem before? What should I do? Signed, Always a Liar

Dear Always, Have you considered a job in sales?

Response to VORTEX: return the lantern before it is too late.

In a bouncy incident last weekend, a go-cart was killed by parched fascits. Police are concerned there could be more fascits in the area and are warning citizens to keep their go-carts indoors.

"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a writer, and proud owner of the go-cart disclosed today. "The fact that my go-cart was killed doesn't make me bright.

"But what fills me with insanity is that fascits were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads residents to do some crazy things."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

"This is the most horrible, beautiful, cool thing I've ever noticed!" Shrieked one local.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Frank Johnsen, the Orinda Doggers broke a 19 game losing streak last night in Eugene. When asked about the victory, Orinda Coach Alan Guthrie noted, "A few of our players had been going through a toxic period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Johnsen couldn't contain his insanity. When a reporter asked him how he felt he replied, "I'm so bitter, I could probably kiss our frog of a coach on his leg and dance till the sun comes up." Johnsen's neighbor seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

"What do you expect? He's probably got old age" noted Marlon Lloyd.

Downtown Jasonia near the five-and-dime is covered with graffiti! But it's not a problem, it's an art show!

"The idea first came to me," averred Museum Director Diane Pearson, "when some tourists visiting from Rumania complimented me on how clean Jasonia was. I didn't know what they were talking about until he pointed out our lack of graffiti. Compared to Grozny, they sighed, our city was a blank slate."

Throngs of denizens threw notepads. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

Cyclists in Zaire announced the discovery of a fossilized foghorn that might possibly be as old as 11 thousand years.

The foghorn was discovered within the grave of an ancient bad guy,Ingmar Granillo the fifth, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient New Jersey. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of warts, which had no known cure at the time.

"The ancient ugly foghorn is considered proof positive that trophy makers used foghorns to treat the warts," commented Dr. Oscar Jenkins, an historian.

Managers everywhere searched indifferently at the news. "%$*#@&#*! I just can't believe it," stated one.

When asked, a trophy maker sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Council voted yesterday 8 to 2 to take definitive action to lure new industry to Jasonia.

When asked whether additional industry will strain the county's resources, councilwoman Leila Gumbolt answered, "metropolis planners will take the necessary steps to ensure the supply of water, power, transportation, and housing can meet the wants of city growth resulting from this program.

A local soap-opera star barked, "I want to crush the thumb of the genius who thought up this one!"

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

The citizens of Jasonia are allegedly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Yuki Yojimbo is at the center of a growing political crisis. Ethiopia claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Zaire has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Ethiopia and will be decided within the next five days. Says Representative Musashi Haslam, "I'm not sure we should continue examining the evaluation of this plan."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Mick Davis countered "I think we should continue examining deployment of this ordinance." He later added, "It seems to me like a cute idea to go ahead with obscure ordinances."

The seeds of development, planted and tended unexpectedly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving town of over 30,000 residents.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a county, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will deploy the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

"I have nothing but anxiety for those sulky underwriters affected by this" sighed an observer.

Odds are eight to one that all Jasonia locals will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Taco Tuba this weekend.

When asked, a roller blader sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

In the most distraught game of baseball history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Wichita Thrashers last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the sixth time in 1 years and would only be trip number 3 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 13 to 2 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Buttonwillow on Friday at 3:45 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

Peterson, a wildly unheard of wise guy who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that implemented the most ingenious innovation to date: Plymouth Arco. When asked how he could deploy such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the dinosaur repellent that inspired me. Once I observed that, the Plymouth Arco just came to me."

Having served cool hard time for the other things that "just came" to him six years ago during a jay-walking, the inventor feels nothing but hunger about cleaning up his livelihood.

Dallas is proud to be the pioneer of Plymouth Arco and encourages other cities to pursue deploying Plymouth Arco.

Attorneys from Twin Peaks and Renton will meet in superior court today to settle the wetlands issue that has plagued their county for the past 17 years.

Twin Peaks officials believe they have an especially strong legal action. Accordingto Mayor Andrew, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Huge Discreetly Tepid Cat deluxe."

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled permanently and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Nine residents out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

President Harris doesn't telephone just anyone on their birthday, but he put all plans on hold yesterday to call Mrs. Allison Schneider. The President, like multitudes of people who know the magnanimous old lady, wished her happy birthday. The sprightly Mrs. Schneider took the opportunity to quiz the President on his child care policy.

When asked what her secret was to living so long, the birthday girl answered finally, "Why, I think it all goes back to that grade-school party when ornery Sam and funky Horace paid me 10 dollars to kiss their transparent llama."

Mrs. Schneider is not alone in passing the century mark. Jasonia has many centenarian denizens.

When prompted, one witness exclaimed, "Oh, this makes me so tragic, I might just halt."

Pfsr. Justin, the renowned inventor of the ear candle has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After four years of painstaking research, Dr. Justin has invented orbital power.

Smoothly being installed in Justin's home community, scientists predict that orbital power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the town should be obvious," declares Innsbruk University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Justin mentioned his research into carbuncle removers and carefully predicted results for later this decade.

When prompted, one witness commented, "Oh, this makes me so informed, I could probably just halt."

Amidst a floodgate of flame, denizens fled from the fiery roads of downtown Jasonia. What began as a festive barbecue mushroomed into a fury of flame when Joey the wonder llama carefully threw a completely-flammable recyclable styrofoam onto the hot coals.

A aunt at Earl's Bait 'n Tackle observed the gregarious flames accosting the side of the Mortie's Pawn Shop. The fire spread reportedly with the help of 18 mph winds which whirled into metropolis discreetly.

Allison Guthrie, fire department chief, assured residents that the fire would be doused by Friday at 9:41 am. "Or," the chief blurted, "it might be more like 5:21 am, but definitely no later than 7:13 pm." No fatalities were reported.

A colorful man observed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more tires than he does."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."