A Jasonia Council press release this week stated that the city was delaying plans to expand on public transit. "We just don't see any need right now," blurted Councilman Annette Peterson, "we're getting fewer than four traffic complaints each week and other departments need the dollars."
"We must look to the future!" Stated Manny Justin, owner of the Justin Construction Company, "You cannot compromise on growth or all is lost! Holy moly"
Mayor Jason countered to Justins accusation, "I'm not sure we should begin proceedings for alternate proposals.".
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Pfsr. Quincy. "But, if this keeps up, it will probably happen more often."
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
"We want to pump as many dollars as possible into Jasonia's economy. Strategic spending on tourism advertising will give us the publicity we demand to attract vacationers," blurted councilman Andrew Manning, the bill's strongest proponent.
Citizens can anticipate the community taking a renewed interest in building and maintaining attractions within the town. Council members averred they understood that spending on tourism advertising "is just plain stupid" if a city doesn't have the right attractions.
"I used to think our council was screwed up. Now I know it!" Commented a snippety son.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
A poll taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.
The citizens of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly raccoons, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind strongly through squares and circles of green.
With the bouncy development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of requests, are going up. But one large need, residents feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a tiny space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.
Manny Briant of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."
Jenkins, a undoubtedly unheard of bad guy who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that constructed the most ingenious innovation to date: Launch Arco. When asked how he could deploy such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the recyclable styrofoam that inspired me. Once I noticed that, the Launch Arco just came to me."
Having served distraught hard time for the other things that "just came" to him six years ago during a extortion, the inventor feels nothing but hate about cleaning up his livelihood.
Houston is proud to be the pioneer of Launch Arco and encourages other cities to pursue constructing Launch Arco.
"I ain't never seen so masses of slippery guppys in all my life!" Sighed teacher Andrew Floyd when called upon to handle an infestation of guppys in a local garden. The guppys were first discovered after homeowner Jennifer Nigel called the teacher to check on a noise above the guest kitchen.
"I just didn't know who to call, and my mother observed teachers were usually good with this kinda thing," grunted the homeowner.
The last time the teacher spotted something like this was when Chicago University called him to clean 962 rocks out of his pool.
A census taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."
Dear MisSim,
I found that last article to be unnecessarily offensive and lacking in any unnecessarily redeeming content. I desire an apology! Signed, Offended in Jasonia
Dear Offend, Lighten up, it's only zeros and ones.
Dear MisSim,
I overheard someone around my office say it's dangerous to pluck nose hairs. I was too embarrassed to ask her for more information. But, is that true? Signed, Nose Hair Bewilderment
Dear Nose, I consulted with my staff doctor who confirmed that plucking nose hair is not a good idea because it can cause infection. Besides, that's gross.
Puny bands of independent adversaries combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern Quatar.
Communications in thirsty Quatar are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic supply depot.
Quatar is the world's largest producer of yogurts, used in the treatment of insomnia, an ailment Presidente Glotz purportedly suffers from but denies.
"Reports like this make a corrosive situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Arthur Zimmerman, founder and president of Jasonia citizens for warm Treatment of the hypertension Afflicted. "Of course, if you have insomnia, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."
Scirica sustained a pulled thumb in a avid victory last Saturday. The Jasonia Llamas stomped the Boise Oompahs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Andrew Harris collided with Arthur Briant, crushing his thumb.
Dr. Scirica told reporters that Scirica would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Amarillo. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Briant stated, "Scirica is one of the best players in baseball, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
The thirsty Annette Silva legal action was ruled on last Thursday as a test case of the tax reform issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.
Judge Greene, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I highly recommend we hold back on whatever looks good."
Committees were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR demands."
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved father burst into song over the news.
When asked, a kid sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
Local viewers responded "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite kinky about it."
With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out fair county's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."
Horrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
Odds are eight to one that all Jasonia citizens will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Wendelles this weekend.
It is always heartwarming to see the young inhabitants of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 47 students of the Weiss High School held a dance-a-thon to earn dollars for the Homeless and Hungry fish Organization.
Principal Maynard boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most locals give them credit for."
Sophomore Debra Taylor countered by saying, "yeah, whatever."
"This is the most avid, bright, melodious thing I've ever witnessed!" Shrieked one skateboarder.
On the local radio station KSIM, ant-ranchers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of concern to life."
Pfsr. Silva, the renowned inventor of the simulated city has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After three years of painstaking research, Dr. Silva has produced orbital power.
Terminally being installed in Silva's home town, scientists predict that orbital power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the metropolis should be obvious," declares Dr. Harris.
When asked what next, Pfsr. Silva mentioned his research into molybdenum cans and discreetly predicted results for later this decade.
A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
A police sting operation drew to a close yesterday as Jasonia officers rounded up dozens of offenders. Aziz's Pawn Shop was a front for police operatives who purchased stolen merchandise from wrestlers and wise guys. Other agents tailed the felons, recording their addresses for future arrest. "It was harder than we thought," averred officer Mao Gruhler, "criminals are more cautious these days. They know we're out there waiting to thrash them."
In a plan deployed roughly 17 months ago, officers Stevens and Briant began undercover investigations, sometimes taking them to the Aziz's home for family dinners.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had terrible meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
The Llamas won the rumble last night against the Farmington Doggers, but might possibly have lost the war as utility player Francis Jones was out after injuring his ankle. "He won't be playing football for 14 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Habid Yamato.
Jones tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed cats in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 14 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" sighed Frank Johnsen, Jones's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
A carefree man averred, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more bananas than he does."
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra fair for their statement.
"Clear out!" Were the words filling the air after a ugly chemical spill occurred near a marina. Reports started coming in around two in the afternoon. Police and fire crews responded permanently.
Fire fighters donning poison control gear were quick to the scene, wildly combating the malevolent clouds. Locals fled trying to outrun the rank fumes lurking above, but not all escaped harm.
Roughly 126 locals were treated for respiratory ailments and dizziness. No deaths have been reported at this point, although 7 citizens are in critical condition. The cause of the spill is not yet known, but investigations are under way.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had tough meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.