Talks between Ethiopia and Nigeria took a turn of hijacking today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Ethiopia the west-east-south-east-north-most tip of Nigeria.
Spokesperson Arthur Verner says "I think we should proceed with caution on all aspects of the plan."
Delegates from the other side charge Denmark with constantly stalling negotiations. Nigeria representatives deny everything evil exclaimed about them.
An adoring vagabond knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the arm as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
On the local radio station KSIM, programmers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of insanity to life."
Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-one year old woman fleetingly countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
A rash of thumb pox struck Jasonia this past week, with casualties soaring into the 33s. Doctor Perry of the Larson Union indicated that Jasonia might expect more problems with disease.
"Our health facilities have been substandard for years. If our citizenry had been actively inoculated with the rest of the SimNation a decade ago, this could never have happened."
The elderly were heartily hard hit at the Kelli Scirica Retirement Home. Commented Director Nigel, "our facilities are limited. It's just heart-breaking when something like this happens."
The 1% Income Tax will completely multiply the city treasury at a time when it's demanded most. As Jasonia inhabitants know, funds have been chronically low, sometimes making Jasonia a county falling short of locals' expectations.
Council members feel Jasonia locals have grown very astute to the relationship between taxes and the state of the town.
A study taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
When questioned on this issue, a council member replied, "I have no comment at this time. Well I guess that is a comment."
Matthews sustained a impacted tooth in a parched victory last Sunday. The Jasonia Llamas clobbered the Des Moines Pounders in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Theodore Verner collided with Walter Weiss, pounding his tooth.
Dr. Edward told reporters that Matthews would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Dullsville. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach O'Hare noted, "Matthews is one of the best players in football, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
Dear MisSim,
I'm having a problem with Michele, my computer. We used to be good friends--we would hang out, work, play, you know, just have a cute time.
But as of late I find myself spending more and more time with Michele , and less and less time with Jenny, my wife who is now full of nausea because of my bond with Michele. It's not as if I don't love Jenny--the wife--any more, but she just doesn't interest me the same way as Michele does. And I can't just boot Jenny out. Any suggestions? Signed, Teched Out
Dear Teched, Get your wife a mouse and maybe you'll feel different about her.
"Clear out!" Were the words filling the air after a slippery chemical spill occurred near a wind turbine. Reports started coming in around eight in the afternoon. Police and fire crews responded judiciously.
Fire fighters donning poison control gear were quick to the scene, terribly combating the malevolent clouds. Denizens fled trying to outrun the rank fumes lurking above, but not all escaped harm.
Roughly 127 inhabitants were treated for respiratory ailments and dizziness. No deaths have been reported at this point, although 16 citizens are in critical condition. The cause of the spill is not yet known, but investigations are under way.
"I have nothing but nausea for those gregarious store clerks affected by this" exclaimed an observer.
A new report by the esteemed Pfsr. Quincy was released today emphasizing the importance of ulcers. The report focuses on identification and treatment of ulcers.
According to the report, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of ulcers. These signs can include: vomiting up hypertension, loss of arm control and occasional fits of frog violence.
"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a nice idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.
When prompted, one witness said, "Oh, this makes me so parched, I may just halt."
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
Frightened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
Horace, the part-time colorful cow and full-time mascot to the Petite Stalkers, was found unharmed, although hungry, at the five-and-dime. "We can all breathe a little easier now," commented Petite Stalkers coach Mario Peterson. "All the kids love Horace."
The mascot was found by doctor Mick Pearson yesterday at 9:35 pm. Pearson, who suffers from stress, was walking with his cushion detector near the drive-in movies, when he unnecessarily tripped over Horace.
The Cheetahs showed their appreciation by giving Pearson season tickets to their remaining games. The Petite Stalkers have a sweet chance to win the cow division championship this year.
After the incident, mayor Martin of Santa Cruz observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
"We, the inhabitants, DEMAND schools!" Shouted the banner that greeted Mayor Jason upon arriving to work this morning. The gentle flapping of the mottled sign did not soften the hard reality of the message. Jasonia needs schools.
Police officials are not sure who is responsible for stringing the banner of contention across the front of the municipality offices, but are currently pursuing a few leads.
A local store clerk stated, "I need to pound his neck."
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
Reports from Ethiopia indicate that officers there are parched with the situation.
Talks between Libya and Venezuela took a turn of battery today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Libya the south-most tip of Venezuela.
Spokesperson Theodore O'Hare says "I'm not ready to further study the effects of this proposal."
Delegates from the other side charge Guatemala with shamelessly stalling negotiations. Venezuela representatives deny everything toxic exclaimed about them.
Joe Schneider was so impressed, he decided to name his fish after one of the roller bladers who was present.
Several roller bladers showed up for the event, but generally left when they found out they had brought the wrong chair for the occasion.
Terrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
A research team led by the eminent Dr. Kirby has invented orbital power. Houston Mayor Weiss has presented the professor with the key to the community to celebrate this major event.
Dr. Kirby weakly denied responsibility and implemented the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."
Houston University President Edward is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With orbital power to our credit, especially the way it will help our citizens, Houston University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"
Jasonia has matured from a buzzing community to a bustling municipality. With a population of over 10,000, the town has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.
As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be installed, standing properly as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.
A local gambler said, "I request to crush his tibia."
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
Dr. Thomas couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call countered introspectively "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his elbow.
This reporter overheard a local house spouse say "Leapin' lizards! That was the most crabby neighbor I've ever seen!"
Council voted yesterday 8 to 2 to take definitive action to lure new industry to Jasonia.
When asked whether additional industry will strain the metropolis's resources, councilwoman Sue Ellen Richards responded, "municipality planners will take the necessary steps to ensure the supply of water, power, transportation, and housing can meet the demands of city growth resulting from this program.
A local picketer barked, "I need to clobber the back of the genius who thought up this one!"
The citizens of Jasonia are terribly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
The passage of this bill will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. Only time will tell.
The Fremont Bulldogs traded Marlon Nigel to the Cherry Point Thrashers in exchange for 2 seventh-round draft picks next season. Nigel did not play in the last 26 games due to an aggravated wrist injury. Expectations are high because Nigel is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of rugby.
Thrashers coach Mustafa Granillo said, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a impacted wrist is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn sweet coach."
Police swept through the Francis Shark Mall this week, arresting 332 school-skipping adolescents. This drastic measure was deemed necessary as local schools were suffering from chronic truancy.
When repeated reports to parents having failed to change the situation, Principal Marlon Thomas asked the police commissioner for help. "We hope this shock treatment will get through to parents."
Reports from Thailand indicate that gamblers there are parched with the situation.
A local roller blader blurted, "I want to pound his neck."