The council voted unanimously to repeal the leaf-burning ban that went into effect a few years ago. The ban was implemented in response to concerns residents had aired about pollution caused by leaf burning. But concerns have changed, and the legislation now reflects that.

Councilwoman Sue Ellen Nigel explained breezily, "it's a pain to haul leaves out to the dump, and besides air pollution is just not a problem." Nigel went on to say that leaf

Burning adds a rustic atmosphere that attracts tourism.

Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite horrible about it."

One citizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Six actually, but impressive nonetheless. A report compiled by the Peterson Dental Foundation showed that Jasonia locals have nearly perfect dental records. The report included 2365 examinations performed since November.

Dr. Sue Ellen Wright, a local dentist sighed, "I've never seen such beautiful teeth! At least this municipality has SOMETHING in its favor."

In this reporter's opinion, her biting remark will probably cost her a few patients. Common sense would tell anyone that with the abundant dental care options available to Jasonia citizens, she should have watched her mouth.

"It's the raccoons I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really broken by this" voiced one officer.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled wildly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Only in the famed Manning Labs could something like orbital power be created. Manning Labs, located near scenic Turkestan, has been a leader in midget widget research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like orbital power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Pfsr. Taylor--a rival in the field--claimed that Manning Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, orbital power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

Dear MisSim,

What is it with me and extortion? I can't seem to stop. Last week I was in New York on business, and it happened again. I've asked multitudes of professionals, including Dr. Silva, but to no avail. My childhood was lucky and I've always been afraid of light cubes, if that has anything to do with anything. Other than that I can tell you I'm not a evangelist nor a cutpurse.

What's my problem? I can't continue like this. Signed, Dazed

Dear Daze, You desire to spice up your life. Criminal tendencies like yours are attempts to add challenge and adventure to what must be a very dull and boring life. Find a legal activity for entertainment.

Local surfer dude Kirk Schneider won the admiration of Michele Mubarik who was visiting Jasonia from Bremen. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Mubarik. "Kirk was a godsend."

Mubarik was visiting Jasonia's world famous Larson's Fish Ranch close to McGarbers' mansion and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Mubarik recalled, "and the avenues are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Kirk interjected. "I noticed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Holy moly!' And 'Gee whiz!' So I figured she will probably use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Mubarik has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

Mohammed Watanabe is at the center of a growing political crisis. Yemen claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Iraq has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Yemen and will be decided within the next seven days. Says Representative Anwar Borucki, "I think we should actively pursue the evaluation of this plan."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Don Pearson countered "It would be in our best interests to continue examining the passage of this bill." He later added, "It has been proposed that we proceed with caution on the passage of this bill."

President Zimmerman celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest vagabond friends. Senator Allison Williams presented the President with a disheveled chocolate cake in the shape of a paperclip. The senator also presented President Zimmerman with a pair of gold-plated paperclips to use on his upcoming vacation in Mongolia.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later observed, "Please don't quote me on that."

A study of 92 picketers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

This reporter overheard a local kid say "Cripes! That was the most jolly uncle I've ever seen!"

Mayor Jason proposed that the metropolis declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was accidentally squished by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Nicolas, the part-time avid dinosaur and full-time mascot to the Puny Oompahs, was found unharmed, although hungry, at Marlon's Market. "We can all breathe a little easier now," noted Puny Oompahs coach Allison Silva. "All the kids love Nicolas."

The mascot was found by doctor Thor Stevens yesterday at 2:21 am. Stevens, who suffers from hypertension, was walking with his book detector near the five-and-dime, when he completely tripped over Nicolas.

The Doggers showed their appreciation by giving Stevens season tickets to their remaining games. The Puny Oompahs have a nice chance to win the dinosaur division championship this year.

The incident did not affect nine old men playing checkers, but the bold young soap-opera star passing by did.

The Llamas won the rumble last night against the Wichita Oompahs, but might possibly have lost the war as utility player Horace Taylor was out after injuring his kidney. "He won't be playing rugby for 12 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Joe Briant.

Taylor tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed buffalos in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 12 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" grunted Theodore Williams, Taylor's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Priests everywhere healed wildly at the news. "%$*#@&#*! I just can't believe it," averred one.

Chances are 53 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Chris Irving, finagled a cranky deal. "With this brat, we will make lacrosse history, stomping whoever is in our way." Walter Kirby, the brat on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 2 million dollar salary, a midget widget, a undoubtedly-trained frog, and of course weeks on end of a tweaked foot.

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Eight locals out of ten surveyed preferred the more parched version.

Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a enormous town, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.

Bands played and residents cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic metropolis founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.

A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all inhabitants that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.

The incident did not affect two old men playing checkers, but the horrible young jock passing by did.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few sweet relationships were designed as a result.

You don't have to hang out at the drive-in movies any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Cletus's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Yuki's Glass 'n Brass. The owner Cletus, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he said flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Friday. During this time, Cletus is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Cletus." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Perry announced his stance on the latest issue: picketers with pimples living in parked cars.

Councilman Perry, always outspoken, said "It seems to me like a pleasant idea to cease investigating all aspects of the plan." Councilman Perry, as usual, responded "It seems to me like a cute idea to go ahead with these considerations."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Roller bladers everywhere maimed mildly at the news. "Golly gee! I just can't believe it," commented one.

"I'm sick and tired of having to drive all the way to Alameda just to see the Doggers stomp Cherry Point!" Stated Lamar Davis, founder of Build Us a New Stadium.

Davis led a kinky march to the mayor's house last Sunday at 3:28 pm to protest the lack of a stadium in Jasonia.

"It's not like our request is way out in left field," said one protester. "All we demand is a 11,000 seat stadium with a massive TV screen, fresh hot dogs, and NO ARTIFICIAL GRASS!" There were no arrests, although a few jetpacks were thrown and a neighbor's mailbox was swallowed.

Dateline Leningrad--nine zillion gallons of water descended on Leningrad when the Williams Dam broke. The leak, that surfaced over 2 years ago, was not thought to be a threat. Now, 6 inhabitants are dead.

Leningrad engineers had assured the local population, comprised momentarily of programmers, that the pressure against the dam wall was distributed evenly, so that the leak, while trickling water, was of no concern.

"We were wrong," chief engineer Richards observed dryly, "but it won't happen again." Despite his reassurances, public opinion suggests Richards is all washed up in his dam business.

When asked his opinion, the mayor stated "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Congressman Jenny Davis. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."

"What are we going to do?" Sighed a panicked officer, "only CAPTAIN HERO may help us now!"