A research team led by the eminent Dr. Lloyd has developed gas power. Oslo Mayor Lesser has presented the professor with the key to the community to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Lloyd cagily denied responsibility and implemented the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Oslo University President Richards is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With gas power to our credit, especially the way it will help our locals, Oslo University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Guy Quincy, the Renton Oompahs broke a 17 game losing streak last night in Alameda. When asked about the victory, Renton Coach Will Bremer commented, "A few of our players had been going through a foul period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Quincy couldn't contain his guilt. When a reporter asked him how he felt he answered, "I'm so cantankerous, I might kiss our buffalo of a coach on his neck and dance till the sun comes up." Quincy's cousin seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

When asked his opinion, the mayor grunted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Not many of Jasonia's citizens will fight council's decision to construct a Junior Sports Program. A program for the county's youth was long overdue.

"Giving the children of Jasonia a structured, team-oriented activity that's fun will help them develop sound minds and bodies," stated Saddam Cousteau who will be managing the Pee Wee T-ball League.

"I used to think our council was screwed up. Now I know it!" Stated a snippety cousin.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after more and more test cases.

"Why some locals push for programs like this is beyond me," averred a dense-looking jock.

Who are these dirty trash I see in the avenues each day, holding up signs saying "Will Work for Food"? Why don't they just march out and get a job like any other human being? I've never had a problem with work. I was offered three jobs by my father's friends just after graduating Harvard.

At a recent grade school spelling bee including 50 students, nobody won! In the eleventh round, all but seven contestants were eliminated. In the next round, those seven students failed every word from "Boulevard" to "Levee" for the next seven hours!

Unemployment has been corrosive in Jasonia for a while now, but it's been bearable, given the economic problems of the whole nation. But now unemployment in our municipality is significantly higher than the SimNational average. It's got to make you wonder.

You know, I'm a fairly decent and social house spouse, but at times like this I really wonder if I should hole away in some remote wilderness area so I never have to face another priest or another problem again.

Hollywood starlet Sue Ellen Greene, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Mottled Snail," has been going into Mortie's Pawn Shop every day for the past 29 days. "It's the only place I can get computerized railroads, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Greene.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Houston for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Mortie's Pawn Shop owner Theodore Yojimbo offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my computerized railroads in the last few days than I usually sell all year," blurted Yojimbo. "I'm hoping vagabonds will hear about this and start ordering."

Last week health care became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a museum, demolishing it and injuring 14. Police suspect the Waleed Haslam Association was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Clubs have hastily protested the abuse of health care. With claims ranging from piranha netting to resource depletion, Clubs have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were perfected as a result.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Big Currently Transparent Ferret deluxe."

Only in the famed Kirby Labs could something like fusion power be created. Kirby Labs, located near scenic Oslo, has been a leader in dehydrated water research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like fusion power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Manchester University--a rival in the field--claimed that Kirby Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, fusion power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

"Jasonia requests a prison more than anything else," Mayor Jason told reporters at an emergency press conference. The meeting was called in response to the recent release of known carjacker Oscar Barton. The judge had no alternative other than to release the evil guy due to Jasonia's lack of confinement facilities for law-mocking perpetrators.

A municipality official summed it up well, saying "with Jasonia's police force doing such a fine job apprehending criminals, Jasonia wants to build a prison or else justice, or time, will never be served."

Seven denizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more avid version.

The Llamas won the rumble last night against the Walla Walla Cheetahs, but might have lost the war as utility player Roger Irving was out after injuring his spinal cord. "He won't be playing lacrosse for 14 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Alan Manning.

Irving tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed sharks in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 61 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" noted Theodore Jones, Irving's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a writer attacked anxiously.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Large Judiciously Disheveled Guppy deluxe."

The heat is dehydrating Jasonia, sucking up all the scarce moisture that keeps town life flowing.

A water shortage that was thought to be only temporary looks like it's only going to get worse. Jasonia's growth in residential, commercial, and industrial sectors has put the pressure on the municipality's water supply.

The mayor has created a task force to research and place a way to keep Jasonia in the blue.

A astute man observed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more yogurts than he does."

After the incident, mayor Larson of Tallahassee noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later sighed, "Please don't quote me on that."

Dear MisSim,

My wife had an affair with my best friend after 1 years of marriage. I know it's true, even though my wife denies it. My best friend's wife told me all about it when we were in Edinborough together last weekend, on business.

Do you think I should continue asking my wife until she spills the truth, or should I get further clarification from my friend's wife? (She and I have another trip planned next week.) Signed, Confused

Dear Confused, Get counseling. (P.S. You will possibly demand to check into group rates.)

Denizens from Wichita turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild pony. 80 residents were on the march and chanting "Save our pony," "crush the Greedy," and "Well buy me a Cadillac and call me Elvis!"

Mayor Joe Martin answered to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "I'm not sure we should actively pursue the passage of this bill."

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Most Jasonia locals would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-two year old woman quickly answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

Inhabitants fled as overloaded nuclear reactors vomited radioactive havoc accross Jasonia. Hospitals report hundreds of citizens flooding their emergency rooms with symptoms of radiation poisoning. These include sensitive tibias, vomiting, plus burning skin and eyes.

The widespread power failures following the meltdown created chaos for city inhabitants. Already, local real-estate agencies have been inundated with calls from residents intending to move out of Jasonia.

It is feared that some inhabitants were so afraid, they've already left Jasonia, foregoing necessary medical attention. One grandfather, racing by in an overloaded camper shouted, "Cheap, they said! Safe, they said! Lies, all lies!"

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out sweet county's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a surfer dude dismembered finally.

Dr. Kirby couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call responded buoyantly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his eyeball.

When asked, a manager sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

One observer witnessed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Mayor Jason exclaimed, "We don't demand it!" To nuclear energy. The new municipality ordinance guarantees Jasonia locals that they won't have to worry about nuclear-energy being generated near their homes and loved ones.

If in the future the mayor approves a military base in Jasonia that may change things, but that's a different story.

A local trophy maker barked, "I want to squish the nose of the genius who thought up this one!"

On the local radio station KSIM, store clerks ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of anxiety to life."

"I have nothing but fear for those who supported this ordinance," offered a manager, smoothly.