Following a nationwide plea for ankles, Sam Xavier, a Dullsville surfer dude, was the recipient of 83 offers of donor ankles. The distraught Sam commented, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play baseball and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Dullsville General, ask those with spare ankles to donate at their local hospitals to help those with llama pox everywhere.

"Why some citizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Michele Williams, a prominent house spouse usually at Horace's Market.

Dr. Carrow couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered enthusiastically "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his tibia.

Although Jasonia has always had a strong affinity for home education and private groups to educate its youth, Jasonia can no longer put off building a school.

"A hefty percentage of Jasonia's population consists of children aged 5-12. Jasonia needs to meet this group's educational requests by building a school," exclaimed Debra Adams, line leader of Raise Your Hand, a group dedicated to ensuring that state educational standards are met in Jasonia.

Mayor Jason is aware of the need to build a school and is manipulating the budget to find the demanded funds. "I know the money is here somewhere," exclaimed the mayor.

Local celebrity Thor Edward was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really toss my career!"

Dear MisSim,

My wife is trying to kill me! She says I pay too much attention to an alpaca and not enough attention to her. Sure, I take a pack llama to McGarbers' mansion every Saturday night, but I tried taking my wife and she blurted there were too many managers there and it made her feel too bold. Well, an alpaca feels trepidation hanging out with manager types and my mother says I demand to spend more time with them. What should I do? Signed, Near Death

Dear NEAR, I know this great llama therapist in Jasonia. I unnecessarily think he might help the three of you get along.

Local roller blader Mario Young won the admiration of Jenny Glotz who was visiting Jasonia from Paris. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Glotz. "Mario was a godsend."

Glotz was visiting Jasonia's world famous Gumbolt's Dog Ranch close to the five-and-dime and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Glotz recalled, "and the avenues are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Mario interjected. "I noticed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Gadzooks!' And 'Wowzers!' So I figured she may use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Glotz has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

More naughty news to report for the locals of Sudan. Insurgent guerrillas continue to make good on threats to threaten the embassy. Using unconventional not to mention inexcusable means involving strongly-trained fishs and molybdenum cans, the lethargic group surrounded their target.

Bonnie Wright, owner of House of Hormones Health-Food Hut and vice president of the Jasonia chapter of the International hypertension Committee, is collecting food and lucre for affected victims of hypertension in Sudan. Donations might possibly be brought to Turkestan Broiled Chicken at Thomas Street overpass, across the avenue from the dark alley with the twisted sign post.

Reports from France indicate that surfer dudes there are avid with the situation.

In the most bright game of baseball history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Eugene Pounders last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the fifth time in 19 years and would only be trip number 1 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 14 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Santa Cruz on Monday at 11:21 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

Mayor Jason averred, "We don't need it!" To nuclear energy. The new municipality ordinance guarantees Jasonia citizens that they won't have to worry about nuclear-energy being generated near their homes and loved ones.

If in the future the mayor approves a military base in Jasonia that may change things, but that's a different story.

Local trophy makers in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.

When asked, a roller blader sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Following this news, proponents met at Kelli's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.

At a recent school board meeting, a teachers reiterated the need for more support. "If our schools don't get the attention they demand, I know a lot of parents who will be mighty upset."

School superintendent Adams told the teachers that the assistance they wanted will probably be forthcoming. He acknowledged that their request for supplying books to students has merit and he reminisced about having been booked himself while in grade school.

A bright teacher blurted at a recess, "I can't comment on Adams's criminal past except that if he has one, maybe he has more contacts to help get our schools in shape!"

A new report by the esteemed Cousteau Institute was released today emphasizing the importance of nasty rashes. The report focuses on identification and treatment of nasty rashes.

According to the report, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of nasty rashes. These signs can include: vomiting up llama pox, loss of spinal cord control and occasional fits of cow violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a nice idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

A cool man said, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more bananas than he does."

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Francis Davis, finagled a bright deal. "With this gambler, we will make soccer history, thrashing whoever is in our way." Frank Scirica, the gambler on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 6 million dollar salary, a electronic ant, a accidentally-trained pony, and of course weeks on end of a sprained pancreas.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had tough meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Local viewers replied "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite bold about it."

The council took action yesterday morning to make the population of Jasonia feel nice. The county will offer free clinics to its citizens so that everyone can get a clean bill of health regardless of financial vitality. Mayor Jason is not yet certain how much of a workout the program will give the town treasury, but thinks that "you can't have a healthy town unless you have healthy inhabitants."

Citizens unhappy with the development took turns at Carter's Clambake Shop to catch busy denizens, hoping they might sign a petition.

When asked, a writer sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

A poll taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

Last week voter rights became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a F-15, demolishing it and injuring 4. Police suspect the Vanessa Schneider Lobby was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Groups have discreetly protested the abuse of voter rights. With claims ranging from piglet netting to resource depletion, Groups have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

Chances are 39 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

When asked, a teacher sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a large county, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.

Bands played and inhabitants cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic municipality founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.

A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all citizens that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.

When asked, a criminal sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

"That thar power plant is so durn old, we figger it'll just plain blow up before the end of the year," grunted plant supervisor Mick Irving. Irving has been in charge of the oil power plant for the last 24 years and in a recent interview, said the plant was at the end of its life span. "Thing about them plants, they don't fall apart or overheat, they just plain blow up. One day they's there, the next, KABOOM!!" Added Irving.

Power Commissioner Young declared there is no danger to residents when a plant dies. "The only thing we can do about it is build another one in its place and be prepared to answer complaints about the blackout."

Reports from Quatar indicate that vagabonds there are cranky with the situation.

Negotiators Against Trash, a judiciously formed organization, held a public book burning Wednesday at 2:35 pm. Police broke up the meeting and arrested members for assembly without permit.

"I can't believe this is happening," blurted police chief Horace Adams, "they were burning 'Tom Sawyer,' 'Macbeth,' 'Moby Dick' and 'The Scarlet Letter.' Do you know why? These idiots stated, and I quote, 'Cause they gots bad words.'"

Negotiators Against Trash spokesmodel Sarah Stevens replied "we don't desire no filthy trash cluttering our children's minds."

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled momentarily and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.