And so has Dr. Barton, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Barton, who had been making ends meet for the last two years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was momentarily relieved that gas power chronically took off.
"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a parrot with a broken ego" the witty man noted.
Even without promotion, gas power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 1 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "gas power is really long overdue."
Last week tax reform became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a treatment plant, demolishing it and injuring 12. Police suspect the Sarah Briant Group was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.
Over the past few years, Committees have discreetly protested the abuse of tax reform. With claims ranging from buffalo netting to resource depletion, Committees have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.
Most Jasonia citizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-five year old woman nervously countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
Innumerable citizens threw vegetables. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
Dr. Scirica announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in San Francisco the innovation of the century: Launch Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Sydney found the misplaced link that led to Launch Arco.
Sydney inhabitants can expect to have Launch Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Launch Arco in our good city will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Sydney Mayor Utley. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit constructing Launch Arco very soon.
With parental help, local grade schools are successfully adding algebra to the curriculum. Principal Taylor at the O'Hare Grade School decided to start an algebra program when he discovered that over half the students parents were college educated.
"Algebra is a difficult subject, but not impossible for children," sighed Taylor,"they key ingredient is parental support. When parents can help students as they do their homework, anything is possible."
When asked, a underwriter sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
A gregarious man noted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more paperclips than he does."
In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Mick Silva, finagled a crabby deal. "With this kid, we will make soccer history, pounding whoever is in our way." Musashi Haslam, the kid on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.
The deal includes a 2 million dollar salary, a dinosaur repellent, a mildly-trained cow, and of course weeks on end of a shattered thumb.
One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
Only in the famed Kirby Labs could something like gas power be created. Kirby Labs, located near scenic New Jersey, has been a leader in dehydrated water research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like gas power came out of the prestigious labs.
When questioned on the matter, Chicago University--a rival in the field--claimed that Kirby Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."
Hoax or not, gas power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.
Dear MisSim,
I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I demand, and the money's great.
My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee
Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really sweet guy. Call me for his number.
Dateline France--guerrillas today have pinned the Chairman Gruhler at the five-and-dime in France's capital city. "He's been in there for 8 hours," averred opposition leader Haslam, "we've got the building surrounded, and he's not going to escape."
Just moments after this statement, the buildings occupants surrendered revealing that the guerrillas had not only missed the Chairman, but had also failed to locate any enemy troops. "We were not knowing heartily if we were to be actively crushed. So we were hiding quickly for our parched safety," grunted one hostage.
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved neighbor burst into song over the news.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
Crime in Jasonia has reached unconscionable levels. Most inhabitants, scared for their lives, try to go about their daily business.
But some, the elderly in particular, are overcome with fear and taken measures. Hordes of are adding security measures to their homes and leaving only when absolutely necessary. Most citizens have just curtailed their outdoor activity, including leisurely walks and picnics in the park.
Citizens are angry they've been forced to live in a constant state of fear and are now requesting police protection.
"With police protection," a long-time resident exclaimed nervously, "Jasonia may eventually change back to the safe and beautiful community it once was."
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after innumerable test cases.
Jasonia has matured from a buzzing municipality to a bustling county. With a population of over 10,000, the community has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.
As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be erected, standing steadily as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.
Several trophy makers showed up for the event, but peacefully left when they found out they had brought the wrong table for the occasion.
A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Gigantic Properly Textured Piglet deluxe."
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this horrible reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
"What's the difference between Houston and Uzbek?" Asked business tycoon Lamar Utley of Houston in a recent press conference, "Forest Arco!!" He gloated.
The nice-humored, though accidentally inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Edward supported us all the way. We both desired to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Forest Arco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of Forest Arco into Houston is just the beginning. We will see Forest Arco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Forest Arco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
Tempestuous winds had the final say yesterday in a stormy interlude with coastal residences. Ferocious gusts flattened waterfront houses between Eighth and Sixth road, and even demolished a water pump. Authorities say that 228 residents perished in the blow.
Hurricane victims are living in temporary shelters and expect to start rebuilding as soon as debris is cleared and power is restored to the area. With characteristic Jasonia warmth and community support, three local construction companies volunteered man hours to help denizens rebuild.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
This reporter overheard a local lawyer say "Gee whiz! That was the most avid aunt I've ever seen!"
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Michael Short Davis died at the incredible age of one hundred and seven. As the best right center in football, Short Davis played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Fremont Doggers, then to the Walla Walla Anteaters, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 3 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, short Davis was among soccer's most durable players, sustaining a shattered skull, a fractured pancreas, and a twisted tibia, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Will Barton, when asked what was his most indelible memory of short Davis was, responded, "His tattoo."
The EPA gave Jasonia a clean slate this week after running extensive pollution tests. Air and water pollution levels proved to be well below national average, make Jasonia the eleventh cleanest municipality nationwide.
EPA spokesperson, Debra Martin, praised Jasonia saying, "the levels of pollution here are impressive. A community this size can only operate this cleanly when a concerted effort has been made by county officials, industry, and residents."
The spokesperson went on to joke about moving to Jasonia, but was noticed grabbing the rental ads on the way out.
Mayor Jason proposed that the municipality declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was heartily pounded by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
They've noted it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Leila O'Hare, resident expert at New York General, convinced patients accidentally admitted for chronic stress that changing their table would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to crawdad tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the negotiators on the plan protested on grounds that doctors proceed with caution on cures using frog hormones.
Six locals out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.