The 1% Income Tax will heartily improve the city treasury at a time when it's needed most. As Jasonia locals know, funds have been heartily low, sometimes making Jasonia a town falling short of residents' expectations.
Council members feel Jasonia denizens have grown very astute to the relationship between taxes and the state of the town.
Local house spouses in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.
Odds are seven to one that all Jasonia citizens will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at The Pig Hut this weekend.
Local joggers in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.
Adams sustained a strained ankle in a cranky victory last Thursday. The Jasonia Llamas thrashed the Twin Peaks Anteaters in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Barbara Larson collided with Mick Maynard, smashing his ankle.
Dr. Briant told reporters that Adams would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Wapeton. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Briant grunted, "Adams is one of the best players in rugby, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
Dear MisSim,
You're the relationship expert, so tell me this: What's the relationship between tonic and dominant chords? Signed, Send A Note
Dear Note, The tonic is always the root of the tonal chord. It creates a stable starting point, and is commonly the end point of any chordal progression. The Dominant is the perfect fifth above the tonic, and though it creates a relative instability to the "grounded" tonic, it furthers and progresses it.
Together, the tonic and dominant work with each other to create texture, define the key, and to emphasize the stability of the tonic. Without each other, they are lonely chords, with no direction.
Petite bands of independent loyalists combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern Ethiopia.
Communications in sulky Ethiopia are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic supply depot.
Ethiopia is the world's largest producer of neckties, used in the treatment of insomnia, an ailment Chairman Karnes purportedly suffers from but denies.
"Reports like this make a nasty situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Bonnie O'Hare, founder and president of Jasonia inhabitants for sweet Treatment of the old age Afflicted. "Of course, if you have insomnia, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."
In a long-awaited announcement, Alexandria Mayor Bremer credited business mogul Floyd with thinking up Launch Arco. The mayor, peacefully released from Alexandria General after a severe case of insomnia, told the crowd about how Launch Arco would change the lives of denizens everywhere, soap-opera stars in particular.
"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A chronically inscrutable mother, overcome with hate blurted, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"
A celebration honoring Floyd, the mensa mind behind Launch Arco, will be held Saturday at 5:48 am. Attendees are expected to threaten the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.
The well has run dry in many parts of Jasonia, a recent census by the Water Commission shows. The drain on the city's water supply has been caused by increasing population and business. Weather conditions also impact Jasonia's water supply.
Town planners are investigating their options in meeting the water demands of the growing municipality. Hopefully, they will find a solution before the shortage reaches a dangerous level.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
"It's the fishs I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really strained by this" voiced one house spouse.
Reports from Kenya indicate that locals there are kinky with the situation.
Fanatics destroyed enemy base in Ethiopia yesterday to make their kinky intentions clear. The fanatics hastily claimed responsibility for the 19 deaths and 21 injuries saying in their statement to the press, "we've got the power to get what we want and this is our way of asking."
The Chancellor of Ethiopia has not commented on the situation, but a programmer and close personal friend confirmed that Chancellor Mubarik, an ardent supporter of the 'My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad' military strategy, plans to retaliate.
No doubt that the Chancellor will be putting unemployment problems on hold for a while.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled steadily and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
Pearson Industries, the ominous industrial giant based in Jasonia's basement, turned ugly yesterday when a chemical spill corroded the company's long-standing image of environmental awareness.
The vile chemical, oxymorobiochemodrylcorz, burst from a storage tank when a 'Driver in Training' operating one of the monstrous cranes slammed into it. "He was alert, but confused," a company spokesman reported.
The noxious gas descended over a parking lot, chasing out all the residents from Bob's house to 4th and Main. The gas is not lethal but can cause hallucinations, blistering skin, and neck tumors if breathed in for an hour or longer. If you experience any of the symptoms, massage your tail-bone and call your doctor.
Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Residents are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they shamelessly raised the funds for.
The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.
Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had bad meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a ant-rancher painted spontaneously.
Mayor Jason proposed that the city declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was accidentally clobbered by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
"Jasonia demands a prison more than anything else," Mayor Jason told reporters at an emergency press conference. The meeting was called in response to the recent release of known mugger Horace Guthrie. The judge had no alternative other than to release the tough guy due to Jasonia's lack of confinement facilities for law-mocking perpetrators.
A municipality official summed it up well, saying "with Jasonia's police force doing such a fine job apprehending criminals, Jasonia demands to build a prison or else justice, or time, will never be served."
Mayor Jason proposed that the metropolis declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was accidentally pounded by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
The Fremont Stalkers traded Walter Thomas to the Tallahassee Cheetahs in exchange for 2 fifth-round draft picks next season. Thomas did not play in the last 24 games due to an aggravated knee injury. Expectations are high because Thomas is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of lacrosse.
Cheetahs coach Michele Davis stated, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a tweaked knee is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn fair coach."
A rash of Jamaica measles struck Jasonia this past week, with casualties soaring into the 44s. Doctor Quincy of the Irving League indicated that Jasonia could probably expect more problems with disease.
"Our health facilities have been substandard for years. If our citizenry had been beautifully inoculated with the rest of the SimNation a decade ago, this could never have happened."
The elderly were reportedly hard hit at the Sam Bremer Retirement Home. Sighed Director Taylor, "our facilities are limited. It's just heart-breaking when something like this happens."
"What's the difference between Grozny and Hamburg?" Asked business tycoon Mario Schneider of Grozny in a recent press conference, "Plymouth Arco!!" He gloated.
The warm-humored, though carefully inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Quincy supported us all the way. We both requested to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Plymouth Arco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of Plymouth Arco into Grozny is just the beginning. We will see Plymouth Arco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Plymouth Arco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
Boston University announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in San Francisco the innovation of the century: subways. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Bremen found the misplaced link that led to subways.
Bremen citizens can expect to have subways as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having subways in our cute city will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Bremen Mayor Perry. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit erecting subways very soon.
And so has Dr. Richards, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Richards, who had been making ends meet for the last nine years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was unnecessarily relieved that orbital power discreetly took off.
"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a pony with a pulled ego" the witty man observed.
Even without promotion, orbital power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 3 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "orbital power is really long overdue."