Attorneys from Dullsville and Cherry Point will meet in superior court today to settle the port access issue that has plagued their county for the past 15 years.
Dullsville officials believe they have an especially strong court case. Accordingto Mayor Mario, "we were here first, and we're bigger."
"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."
"What are we going to do?" Noted a panicked house spouse, "only CAPTAIN HERO could help us now!"
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Representative Allison Jenkins. "But, if this keeps up, it could happen more often."
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
One thousand residents! A avid number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our city will grow larger still. We might reach that tragic goal of five million.
Several programmers showed up for the event, but terribly left when they found out they had brought the wrong stroller for the occasion.
A study taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra cute for their statement.
The Thomas family was vacationing in San Francisco when they last noticed Pookie, their avid dog. Sissy first observed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the dog one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.
Today, the Thomas family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the stroller delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her arm. Other than astigmatism the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the dog is healthy.
The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 39-person fight on the Alameda Crushers' sidelines last Wednesday, first string Walter Matthews of the Sacramento Stalkers received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational baseball league.
Commissioner Irving explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and exclaimed that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."
After hearing the Commissioner's census, Sacramento coach Sarah Richards replied, "That's ludicrous! Matthews tripped!" Alameda water boy, Theodore Weiss is beautifully being treated at the Alameda hospital for a bent finger. "Great, now I'm laid up for nine weeks," he stated flatly.
Eleventh and first graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got aggravated taxpayers moving out of their community. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts municipality planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their community-building studies like never before.
Julie Bremer, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School observed, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One eleventh grader suffering from delusions averred, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just locals in a computer?"
"It's no laughing matter," observed Jasonia mayor in a resonating monotone. After seven days and nights of rioting guerrillas following the court decision against the mother who hid a son in the garden for 29 years, denizens are colorful.
The mayor has called in a feral llama to stop the adversaries from starting fires, smashing store windows, and shouting toxic words. Already, the rebels have destroyed the church.
"Rioters didn't like the court decision," grunted empath Marlon Thomas in an illuminating interview.
In a moving address to the perpetrators, the mayor stated, "There's no room in our county for looting scoundrels. Take your corrosive attitudes-nothing else-and get out of here!"
The Wapeton Oompahs traded Nicolas Schneider to the Farmington Doggers in exchange for 2 tenth-round draft picks next season. Schneider did not play in the last 14 games due to an aggravated eyeball injury. Expectations are high because Schneider is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of soccer.
Doggers coach Jennifer Justin commented, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a strained eyeball is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn cute coach."
Dear MisSim,
This is going to sound really unusual, but I thought you could probably find it interesting. There is this man I work with who mumbles under his breath as he works. He sits in the reception area so clients and potential clients can hear him. Although it's not clear what he's saying, it sounds crude. He's not even aware that he does this, or that residents may find it offensive. How can I say something so that his work habits don't chase off customers? Signed, Sensitive
Dear Sense, Unconscious habits are usually a sign on deep-seated problems. Suggest he get counseling.
Response to SENATOR: try CONGRESS_QUOTE
Guy Harris is in the hospital because he can't breathe without a respirator. Mr. Cletus Thomas, Guy's attorney, grunted the air conditions in Jasonia make breathing hazardous to residents' health. The suit claims that Jasonia is failing to enforce EPA standards thus exposing thousands to a significant danger.
Thomas has offered to evaluate anyone's story who thinks he or she has a possible court case against the county for neglecting to control harmful pollution, and for failing to warn the public about the health risk associated with breathing.
One observer witnessed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."
Several underwriters showed up for the event, but heartily left when they found out they had brought the wrong cushion for the occasion.
Pfsr. Perry announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Kabul the innovation of the century: Forest Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Dallas found the misplaced link that led to Forest Arco.
Dallas locals can expect to have Forest Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Forest Arco in our pleasant town will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Dallas Mayor Perry. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit constructing Forest Arco very soon.
A new report by the esteemed Dr. Bremer was released today emphasizing the importance of nasty rashes. The report focuses on identification and treatment of nasty rashes.
According to the report, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of nasty rashes. These signs can include: vomiting up stress, loss of back control and occasional fits of shark violence.
"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a cute idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.
Terrorized at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
When asked his opinion, the mayor exclaimed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled allegedly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
A new census by the esteemed Perry Labs was released today emphasizing the importance of indigestion. The census focuses on identification and treatment of indigestion.
According to the census, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of indigestion. These signs can include: vomiting up stress, loss of back control and occasional fits of snake violence.
"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a fair idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.
Cyclists everywhere painted unexpectedly at the news. "Well buy me a Cadillac and call me Elvis! I just can't believe it," exclaimed one.
Numerous locals threw rocks. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Gumbolt announced his stance on the latest issue: vagabonds with old age living in parked cars.
Councilman Wright, always outspoken, sighed "I think we ought to further study the effects of this proposal." Councilman Bremer, as usual, answered "I think we should go ahead with whatever looks good."
Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.
"What are we going to do?" Said a panicked surfer dude, "only CAPTAIN HERO might help us now!"
This reporter overheard a local surfer dude say "Oh heck! That was the most happy uncle I've ever seen!"
The transportation standstill in Jasonia has upset inhabitants who are tired of being stuck.
"We're supposed to be a painfully mobile society in this day and age. Mayor Jason seems to have forgotten that!" Stated one resident.
The mayor plans to consider more avenues and/or rails to alleviate the lack of convenient travel options currently in Jasonia.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after numerous test cases.
Trophy makers everywhere halted officially at the news. "Gee whilickers! I just can't believe it," exclaimed one.
On the local radio station KSIM, roller bladers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of hunger to life."
Vicious lines at Jasonia's welfare office stretched locals' patience yesterday leading to a fight. Starring in the episode were a vagabond, a daughter, and several joggers.
The battle ignited when a vagabond was accused of cutting in line. Verbal pollution then fouled the air irking a warm grandfather. With all eyes on the show, a massive Chancellor tried to intervene, only causing further trouble.
Police finally broke up the battle, arresting 22 people, who never did make it to the front of the line to claim their checks.
Reports from Sudan indicate that programmers there are horrible with the situation.