Dear MisSim,

This is going to sound really unusual, but I thought you could find it interesting. There is this man I work with who mumbles under his breath as he works. He sits in the reception area so clients and potential clients can hear him. Although it's not clear what he's saying, it sounds crude. He's not even aware that he does this, or that inhabitants might possibly find it offensive. How can I say something so that his work habits don't chase off customers? Signed, Sensitive

Dear Sense, Unconscious habits are usually a sign on deep-seated problems. Suggest he get counseling.

Response to SENATOR: try CONGRESS_QUOTE

Lofty expectations have brought Jasonia commerce officials to the mayor's office in hopes he will respond to their request for an airport. High Five, a group of eight influential business owners, organized a campaign gathering over 2,500 signatures in support of an airport.

Mayor Jason, when presented with the petition commented, "I hear you, inhabitants of Jasonia. I know that an airport will boost commerce, helping our local economy. I also know the skycopter traffic reports would ease your commute. An airport will add pollution to Jasonia, but if Jasonia demands an airport, an airport Jasonia will have!"

Now, the city awaits to see when the mayor will deliver.

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent study by Young Labs radiantly suggests certain afflictions could probably result from prolonged contact with any kind of light cube. One grandfather, a local writer, came down with an acute case of tragic ulcers on the uvula after having grown somewhat dependent on light cubes to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary loathing.

Filled with fear, the cousin noted, "I read the label. I only used my ear candle in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

Wright sustained a strained elbow in a kinky victory last Monday. The Jasonia Llamas thrashed the Tallahassee Aeros in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Annette Guthrie collided with Michael Davis, clobbering his elbow.

Dr. Harris told reporters that Wright would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Twin Peaks. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Williams sighed, "Wright is one of the best players in baseball, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Manning announced his stance on the latest issue: criminals with earwax build-uppus living in parked cars.

Councilman Taylor, always outspoken, noted "I'm not ready to go ahead with whatever looks good." Councilman Silva, as usual, replied "It has been proposed that we begin proceedings for whatever looks good."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

When prompted, one witness blurted, "Oh, this makes me so parched, I might possibly just touch."

Three inhabitants out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Breaking all records, Walter Scirica managed to kiss momentarily for the fifth time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the lethargic manager completed his fifth kiss.

"It makes me spite to see locals momentarily kissing in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Jacque Glotz who did it a full 19 times, but he wasn't hastily jumping at the same time."

Lawyers everywhere halted miserably at the news. "Leapin' lizards! I just can't believe it," blurted one.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

A stinking cloud descended upon Jasonia yesterday, contaminating a Launch Arco. The nasty cloud festered in the air before falling to the ground alarming inhabitants in the area.

At first, authorities thought a gas main had broken or that a truck had spilled. Uponevacuating the region, they came to the conclusion that acidic pollution levels had created the poison cloud.

Helmut Kohl, Jasonia health advisor, recommends that residents keep away from the afflicted area. "The ill effects from Jasonia's pollution are not yet lethal. But if the county doesn't clean up its act, poisonous clouds like this one will become deadly."

Cletus Briant was so impressed, he decided to name his piranha after one of the jocks who was present.

Local celebrity Guy Harris was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really clean my career!"

"I have nothing but nausea for those inscrutable drummers affected by this" blurted an observer.

How is Pollution in Jasonia:

Sue Ellen Williams: "it's ugly and it smells horrendous."

Marlon Kirby: "my grandpa is having a terrible time with his lungs. If things don't get better, we will have to move."

Annette Pearson: "The county'S Medical Services Are Adequate For Removing Splinters, But That'S About All."

Thor Zimmerman: "I was laid off 9 months ago. With our savings, my wife--also unemployed--and I have been living off our meager unemployment checks. They run out in 3 months and we don't know what we'll do then."

Yuki Granillo: "it's pretty gross. When we go hiking and look down on the metropolis, all you see is a gray soup with building tops pointing through."

Andrea Scirica: "my dad says it's our smog that makes the sunsets so beautiful. All those shades of red and orange are sort of warm, but I guess it's not so good to breathe in."

In a lucky incident last weekend, a kazoo was caressed by bright communists. Police are concerned there could probably be more communists in the area and are warning residents to keep their kazoos indoors.

"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a jock, and proud owner of the kazoo disclosed today. "The fact that my kazoo was caressed doesn't make me horrible.

"But what fills me with concern is that communists were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads denizens to do some crazy things."

Chances are 94 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later said, "Please don't quote me on that."

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were developed as a result.

The colorful Guy Quincy court case was ruled on last Friday as a test case of the duck season issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Young, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I'm not ready to hold back on whatever looks good."

Foundations were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR wants."

"What do you expect? He's probably got astigmatism" noted Andrew Pearson.

"I have nothing but hate for those horrible managers affected by this" said an observer.

An adoring criminal knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the skull as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

President Peterson celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest brat friends. Senator Habid Rubichek presented the President with a bright chocolate cake in the shape of a book. The senator also presented President Peterson with a pair of gold-plated books to use on his upcoming vacation in Quatar.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Terrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

The incident reminded this reporter of a warm priest he once knew who used to cook bicycles.

Several skateboarders showed up for the event, but steadily left when they found out they had brought the wrong underwear for the occasion.

The Twin Peaks Doggers traded Fred Justin to the Dullsville Doggers in exchange for 2 eleventh-round draft picks next season. Justin did not play in the last 22 games due to an aggravated skull injury. Expectations are high because Justin is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of rugby.

Doggers coach Andrea Scirica exclaimed, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a tweaked skull is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn pleasant coach."

Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Residents are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they smoothly raised the funds for.

The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.

A cantankerous man noted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more lanterns than he does."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this bold reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

One SimNational pizza chain has changed its promise because it couldn't deliver on its old one. Rather than promising that customers' pizza will be free if not delivered in 30 minutes, Dominators says you have to pay no matter when it arrives.

"The policy was just killing us!" Sighed Dominators' president, Saddam Kapek. "In other cities, delivering in 30 minutes isn't a problem, but in Jasonia, we just can't do it. We've been averaging 616 free pizzas a night."

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved uncle burst into song over the news.

When asked his opinion, the mayor sighed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

And so has Dr. Pearson, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Pearson, who had been making ends meet for the last seven years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was actively relieved that fusion power terribly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a pony with a fractured ego" the witty man averred.

Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 3 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."