The seeds of development, planted and tended actively by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving metropolis of over 30,000 residents.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a town, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will construct the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

"I have nothing but guilt for those ornery gamblers affected by this" sighed an observer.

"What do you expect? He's probably got insomnia" said Lamar Peterson.

"I have nothing but ecstasy for those bouncy doctors affected by this" said an observer.

Verner sustained a broken leg in a parched victory last Thursday. The Jasonia Llamas squished the Amarillo Bulldogs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Roger Stevens collided with Lamar Williams, stomping his leg.

Dr. Briant told reporters that Verner would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Des Moines. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Schneider said, "Verner is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Utley, a mildly unheard of felon who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that implemented the most ingenious innovation to date: subways. When asked how he could implement such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the molybdenum can that inspired me. Once I witnessed that, the subways just came to me."

Having served tragic hard time for the other things that "just came" to him six years ago during a vandalism, the inventor feels nothing but anxiety about cleaning up his livelihood.

Capetown is proud to be the pioneer of subways and encourages other cities to pursue installing subways.

They've sighed it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Chris Edward, resident expert at Roberta General, convinced patients permanently admitted for chronic ulcers that changing their jetpack would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to piranha tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the teachers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors actively pursue cures using pony hormones.

Roger Martin was so impressed, he decided to name his snake after one of the drummers who was present.

Brazil sighed yesterday that it supports its mercenaries. In their peace-keeping efforts, the mercenaries surrounded the opposition's capitol. Their actions, they reported, were the only way they could probably avert hostilities.

Czar Ng, avid with the news, sputtered "I think we should go ahead with the root of all this violence." His only child, Mick agreed. These actions will undoubtedly spark further violence, perhaps commanded by the crusty Czar himself.

An adoring kid knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tooth as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Local celebrity Arthur Schneider was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really toss my career!"

"Clear out!" Were the words filling the air after a speckled chemical spill occurred near a crane. Reports started coming in around nine in the afternoon. Police and fire crews responded carefully.

Fire fighters donning poison control gear were quick to the scene, permanently combating the malevolent clouds. Inhabitants fled trying to outrun the rank fumes lurking above, but not all escaped harm.

Roughly 138 inhabitants were treated for respiratory ailments and dizziness. No deaths have been reported at this point, although 17 inhabitants are in critical condition. The cause of the spill is not yet known, but investigations are under way.

Local celebrity Leila Matthews was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really attack my career!"

Local roller blader Alan Utley won the admiration of Suzie Zaude who was visiting Jasonia from Manchester. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Zaude. "Alan was a godsend."

Zaude was visiting Jasonia's world famous Thomas's Whale Ranch close to the five-and-dime and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Zaude recalled, "and the lanes are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Alan interjected. "I spotted her looking up at the street signs uttering things like '%$*#@&#*!' And 'Gee whiz!' So I figured she will probably use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Zaude has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

Council voted hastily to pass the 1% Sales Tax. The ordinance should raise strongly demanded funds that would go to maintaining the many facets of the municipality.

A Tax Impact Evaluation Union plans to review the ordinance's effects down the road to ensure the tax isn't hurting the local commerce.

Inhabitants overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them terribly for the decision.

"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Adam Perry, a prominent gambler usually at the Jasonia dump.

When questioned on this issue, a council member replied, "I have no comment at this time. Well I guess that is a comment."

Dear MisSim,

I have a great relationship with the perfect man. I mean PERFECT! My boyfriend, who I'll call Adam, gives me flowers, compliments me, is very attentive, is well groomed, has a great job and is very loving and gentle. We've been dating for 1 year now and I can't find anything wrong with him.

He proposed to me, but my instincts tell me to be cautious. Am I being crazy? Signed, Too Good To Be True

Dear Too Good, Follow your instincts. Every man is human. Something's got to be wrong. I suggest dating until you identify his problem, then marry him.

In a SimNation report, Jasonia ranked 184th in shoplifting, just below Twin Peaks. This makes us the safest city nationwide for shoplifting. "Omigawsh are we ever pleased at this fair news," noted police chief Ichiko Glotz, "and don't think we're gonna stop here. Jasonia has it's eye on burglary as well."

Inhabitants danced in the streets after dark last Friday night to celebrate the low, low crime rate. Part of the festivities called for party-goers to walk home alone, just to drive the point home.

The residents of Jasonia are properly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

When asked, a cyclist sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

A new poll by the esteemed Horat Institute was released today emphasizing the importance of llama pox. The poll focuses on identification and treatment of llama pox.

According to the poll, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of llama pox. These signs can include: vomiting up earwax build-uppus, loss of finger control and occasional fits of cow violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a cute idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

Terrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Several drummers showed up for the event, but shamelessly left when they found out they had brought the wrong shoe for the occasion.

Multitudes of denizens are turning to themselves for financial support. Frustrated with a lack of income, unemployed inhabitants are hocking their most valuable assets: their guts.

One grandmother, doing well financially, but otherwise lacking, said flatly, "selling seven of my vocal chords was probably my only mistake."

With the current lack of jobs in Jasonia, locals are growing more and more desperate. Dr. Sue Ellen Floyd doesn't recommend parting with parts to make ends meet. Nevertheless, one body merchant, when told there's nothing more valuable than good health, observed ,"my eye!"

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra sweet for their statement.

There's no avoiding the issue of transportation in Jasonia. It stinks.

Residents' frustration is mounting as they find it increasingly difficult to get from home to work, to the store, to their kids' school, and back home again.

Indeed, traffic congestion has grown beyond inconvenient. Lanes become literally impassable. Locals can't even leave community.

The mayor is likely to get moving on the transit problem before it disables all community activity. "I realize the problem," blurted the mayor, "and am working on it."

The Fremont Aeros traded Marlon Floyd to the Amarillo Doggers in exchange for 2 eighth-round draft picks next season. Floyd did not play in the last 18 games due to an aggravated uvula injury. Expectations are high because Floyd is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of lacrosse.

Doggers coach Sarah Utley grunted, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a crushed uvula is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn warm coach."

Denmark restricted migration this week in a crabby new move. Denmark diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Watanabe Institute views this act with alarm, "they may be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Grozny University showed minimal concern saying, "I highly recommend we further study the effects of new legislation."

A survey taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

"I have nothing but concern for those melodious criminals affected by this" grunted an observer.