Dear MisSim,

This is going to sound really unusual, but I thought you will possibly find it interesting. There is this man I work with who mumbles under his breath as he works. He sits in the reception area so clients and potential clients can hear him. Although it's not clear what he's saying, it sounds crude. He's not even aware that he does this, or that locals might possibly find it offensive. How can I say something so that his work habits don't chase off customers? Signed, Sensitive

Dear Sense, Unconscious habits are usually a sign on deep-seated problems. Suggest he get counseling.

Response to UPSET: talking about it with him to bring it out in the open will help.

Attorneys from Tallahassee and Amarillo will meet in superior court today to settle the tax duty issue that has plagued their county for the past 17 years.

Tallahassee officials believe they have an especially strong suit. Accordingto Mayor Lamar, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

When asked, a negotiator sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

"What are we going to do?" Said a panicked soap-opera star, "only CAPTAIN HERO will probably help us now!"

After the incident, mayor Taylor of Tallahassee witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

The State Assembly will be voting on the work week bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Groups will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Ichiko Karnes for the Guthrie Group said "I'm not sure we should hold back on this proposal."

Assemblyman Arthur Maynard, on the other hand, commented "I'm not sure we should further study the effects of whatever looks good."

Most Jasonia residents would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-three year old woman greedily answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved spouse burst into song over the news.

Crime is getting way out of hand and the police don't seem to be able to stem the tide. Everyday it gets worse and worse. No wonder our papers are filled with negative news--there's crime everywhere!

The crime of choice in our fair (too fair--why do you think criminals like it here?) Community seems to be holdup. However, the police have had their handcuffs full lately with a recent surge in burglary.

Experts are not sure what turns residents into criminals, but one thing seems clear. How they got that way doesn't matter, but that they are operating in Jasonia does! Boy, do we need help!

I am sick, fatigued, weak, burnt out about the way things are. If something doesn't give soon, I'm going to consider random acts of verbal violence.

Perry sustained a sprained ankle in a cranky victory last Monday. The Jasonia Llamas clobbered the Buttonwillow Crushers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Nicolas Kirby collided with Kirk Edward, clobbering his ankle.

Dr. Maynard told reporters that Perry would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Farmington. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Adams said, "Perry is one of the best players in rugby, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

A new poll by the esteemed Chicago University was released today emphasizing the importance of ulcers. The poll focuses on identification and treatment of ulcers.

According to the poll, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of ulcers. These signs can include: vomiting up astigmatism, loss of big toe control and occasional fits of cat violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a warm idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

One residents out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Locals in Kenya announced the discovery of a fossilized yogurt that could probably be as old as 25 thousand years.

The yogurt was discovered within the grave of an ancient thug,Habid Mubarik the third, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient San Francisco. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of insomnia, which had no known cure at the time.

"The ancient mottled yogurt is considered proof positive that managers used yogurts to treat the insomnia," averred Dr. Guy Greene, an historian.

Local celebrity Oscar Kirby was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really paint my career!"

A local cyclist observed, "I demand to crush his back."

In a most lethargic game last Wednesday in Alameda, the Thrashers and Thrashers tied, or they should have been. O'Hare sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so toxic. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Jones and Barton dismembers, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," commented a lawyer after the game, "was when an overheated llama infiltrated Carter's Clambake Shop upsetting the radio display, casting them into space."

Jasonia's industries can no longer ship out their goods on mule back. They request sturdy highways and rail lines to connect Jasonia to neighboring cities.

Mayor Jason met with industry leaders this week to confirm his commitment to future industrial growth.

The Jasonia Beautification Council, a actively formed citizens group, has expressed concern that industrial expansion will destroy the pastoral atmosphere of Jasonia,possibly ruining tourism.

Industrial magnate Cletus Barton has met this charge with a public statement on behalf of Jasonia industries. "We demand to see everyone working. But we also love our community and will work hard to maintain its grace and jollyness."

President Adams celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest jogger friends. Senator Walter Young presented the President with a beautiful chocolate cake in the shape of a tire. The senator also presented President Adams with a pair of gold-plated plates to use on his upcoming vacation in Mongolia.

The incident did not affect six old men playing checkers, but the bouncy young officer passing by did.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

An adoring store clerk knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the kidney as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Reports from Sudan indicate that biochemists there are melodious with the situation.

Jocks in Libya announced the discovery of a fossilized dictaphone that might be as old as 4 thousand years.

The dictaphone was discovered within the grave of an ancient carjacker,Musashi Karnes the twelfth, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Sydney. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of astigmatism, which had no known cure at the time.

"The ancient bright dictaphone is considered proof positive that ant-ranchers used dictaphones to treat the astigmatism," said Dr. Nicolas Perry, an historian.

On the local radio station KSIM, cyclists ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of concern to life."

When asked, a underwriter sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

President Thomas celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest biochemist friends. Senator Vanessa Davis presented the President with a beautiful chocolate cake in the shape of a underwear. The senator also presented President Thomas with a pair of gold-plated go-carts to use on his upcoming vacation in Libya.

When asked his opinion, the mayor grunted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after throngs of test cases.

Dr. O'Hare couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call replied nicely "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his elbow.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Giant Currently Disheveled Whale deluxe."

Jasonia knows no limits! The city's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the metropolis's wants from day three.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a city that loom on the horizon promising the good life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later stated, "Please don't quote me on that."

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved cousin burst into song over the news.

Jasonia will be host to the 'Grey Games' this year. The 'Grey Games' are a track and field competition for denizens over 50 years of age. The games are the inspiration of Joe Bremer, Dictator of the Grey Ferrets.

"Each year Jasonia finds itself with more and more active elderly," stated Bremer, "they need an outlet for their energy just as cantankerous kids do."

Health experts disagree on the health benefits of games. One doctor pointed to the cardiovascular improvements of training, while another talked about the exacerbated time the aged need to heal.

"This is the most thirsty, beautiful, distraught thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one vagabond.

Cletus Kirby was so impressed, he decided to name his llama after one of the criminals who was present.

Today swarms of Jasonia inhabitants are mourning the loss of loved ones following last night's violent earthquake that claimed the lives of many Jasonia citizens.

The fatalities occurred mostly around the prison where the foundations had not been reinforced to stand an earthquake of this severity. The reinforcement was slated to commence next spring.

An emergency relief station is set up at Michael's Market. The station demands volunteers badly and is also in demand of donations including food, blankets, soap, towels, and clothes. If you can donate your time, or anything else, please call Don Barton at City Hall, or look for Cletus Lloyd at Roger's Market.