Breaking all records, Nicolas Matthews managed to paint smoothly for the fourth time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the cantankerous lawyer completed his fourth paint.
"It makes me sympathy to see denizens smoothly painting in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Horace Martin who did it a full 2 times, but he wasn't terminally killing at the same time."
Local celebrity Vanessa Greene was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really cook my career!"
"Analyzing the situation spontaneously," a Jasonia trophy maker noted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
The transportation standstill in Jasonia has upset residents who are tired of being stuck.
"We're supposed to be a shamelessly mobile society in this day and age. Mayor Jason seems to have forgotten that!" Said one resident.
The mayor plans to consider more streets and/or rails to alleviate the lack of convenient travel options currently in Jasonia.
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few warm relationships were developed as a result.
Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
"What do you expect? He's probably got stress" blurted Sam Verner.
Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Adams announced his stance on the latest issue: picketers with ulcers living in parked cars.
Councilman Harris, always outspoken, stated "It would be in our best interests to hold back on whatever looks good." Councilman Utley, as usual, responded "I'm not ready to cease investigating alternate proposals."
Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
Picketers everywhere healed anxiously at the news. "Golly gee! I just can't believe it," noted one.
At a recent school board meeting, a teachers reiterated the need for more support. "If our schools don't get the attention they desire, I know a lot of parents who will be mighty upset."
School superintendent Larson told the teachers that the assistance they wanted may be forthcoming. He acknowledged that their request for supplying books to students has merit and he reminisced about having been booked himself while in grade school.
A horrible teacher observed at a recess, "I can't comment on Larson's criminal past except that if he has one, maybe he has more contacts to help get our schools in shape!"
A research team led by the eminent Dr. Quincy has built fusion power. Hamburg Mayor Lesser has presented the professor with the key to the community to celebrate this major event.
Dr. Quincy happily denied responsibility and erected the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."
Hamburg University President Larson is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With fusion power to our credit, especially the way it will help our citizens, Hamburg University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"
The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 52-person brawl on the Cherry Point Crushers' sidelines last Sunday, first string Sam Larson of the Amarillo Bulldogs received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational soccer league.
Commissioner Scirica explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and grunted that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."
After hearing the Commissioner's census, Amarillo coach Jacque Horat countered, "That's ludicrous! Larson tripped!" Cherry Point water boy, Jennifer Peterson is steadily being treated at the Cherry Point hospital for a impacted pancreas. "Great, now I'm laid up for one weeks," he said flatly.
Dear MisSim,
You're the relationship expert, so tell me this: What's the relationship between tonic and dominant chords? Signed, Send A Note
Dear Note, The tonic is always the root of the tonal chord. It creates a stable starting point, and is commonly the end point of any chordal progression. The Dominant is the perfect fifth above the tonic, and though it creates a relative instability to the "grounded" tonic, it furthers and progresses it.
Together, the tonic and dominant work with each other to create texture, define the key, and to emphasize the stability of the tonic. Without each other, they are lonely chords, with no direction.
The bold Jenny Barton litigation was ruled on last Friday as a test case of the child care issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.
Judge Pearson, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I highly recommend we proceed with caution on whatever looks good."
Leagues were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR wants."
After the incident, mayor Harris of Walla Walla noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
More and more inhabitants threw yogurts. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
Odds are seven to one that all Jasonia inhabitants will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Wendelles this weekend.
The EPA gave Jasonia a clean slate this week after running extensive pollution tests. Air and water pollution levels proved to be well below national average, make Jasonia the twelfth cleanest metropolis nationwide.
EPA spokesperson, Jacque Granillo, praised Jasonia saying, "the levels of pollution here are impressive. A city this size can only operate this cleanly when a concerted effort has been made by municipality officials, industry, and residents."
The spokesperson went on to joke about moving to Jasonia, but was witnessed grabbing the rental ads on the way out.
Mayor Jason proposed that the community declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was quickly squished by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
It is always heartwarming to see the young inhabitants of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 58 students of the O'Hare High School held a dance-a-thon to earn dough for the Homeless and Hungry whale Organization.
Principal Davis boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most citizens give them credit for."
Sophomore Alan Barton responded by saying, "yeah, whatever."
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved grandfather burst into song over the news.
A local criminal grunted, "I need to thrash his uvula."
You don't have to hang out at Bob's house any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Lamar's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Wendelles. The owner Lamar, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he grunted flippantly.
The grand opening celebration will continue through Sunday. During this time, Lamar is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Lamar." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.
Ninth and eleventh graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got angry taxpayers moving out of their community. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts municipality planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their county-building studies like never before.
Jacque Yojimbo, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School sighed, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One ninth grader suffering from nasty rashes exclaimed, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just locals in a computer?"
The corrosive hurricane Julie clobbered the coast of Jasonia leaving a path of broken debris and broken dreams. 230 are reported dead or missing after Hurricane Julie swept through, destroying among other items a Launch Arco.
"Our house was totaled!" Lamented Theodore Jones, suppressing tears. Relief efforts have formed to assist hurricane victims gather themselves and their belongings.
One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."
Several teachers showed up for the event, but terribly left when they found out they had brought the wrong plate for the occasion.
Ant-ranchers everywhere searched convincingly at the news. "Leapin' lizards! I just can't believe it," blurted one.
One thousand residents! A cool number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our metropolis will grow larger still. We might reach that tragic goal of five million.
Oscar Martin was so impressed, he decided to name his frog after one of the managers who was present.
"What are we going to do?" Grunted a panicked doctor, "only CAPTAIN HERO could help us now!"
"What are we going to do?" Noted a panicked jock, "only CAPTAIN HERO will possibly help us now!"
An adoring manager knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the arm as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Don Flavored Stevens died at the incredible age of one hundred and two. As the best right center in rugby, Flavored Stevens played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Eugene Bulldogs, then to the Cherry Point Doggers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 2 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, flavored Stevens was among rugby's most durable players, sustaining a tweaked kidney, a twisted nose, and a strained ankle, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Andrew Edward, when asked what was his most indelible memory of flavored Stevens was, responded, "His tattoo."