The State Assembly will be voting on the tax reform bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Clubs will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.
Spokesperson Francis Matthews for the Lloyd Club sighed "I'm not sure we should proceed with caution on these considerations."
Assemblyman Walter Young, on the other hand, noted "I highly recommend we begin proceedings for alternate proposals."
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra nice for their statement.
Countless denizens threw cushions. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
Bicycle riders in downtown Jasonia are passing cars right and left. Although bicycle messengers typically transport letters and packages, they have been receiving more requests to transport denizens.
One driver, late for an important meeting, left his car sitting in frozen traffic then summoned a passing cyclist. He offered the two-wheeled messenger four hundred dollars to deliver HIM one blocks away.
An adoring skateboarder knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tail-bone as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
On the local radio station KSIM, managers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of concern to life."
Arraigned in court this morning, the surfer dude faces a possible two years in prison for constantly healing the dog. A spokesperson for the surfer dude denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving ornery warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.
Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a bent pancreas or indigestion, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.
One observer witnessed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
When asked, a picketer sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
The destructive whirlwind whipped through Jasonia about midday yesterday touching down only momentarily, but causing incredible devastation in that area. Mayor Jason commented that deaths have exceeded 30 and that damage so far is in the thousands of dollars.
Apparently, the tornado put on quite a show before touching down. Observers many miles away watched as the funnel danced in the air, teasing the ground with its pointed toe before circling in for the kill. "It reminded me of a girlfriend I used to have," a twisted old cyclist averred with obvious sympathy.
When asked, a teacher sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a huge town, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.
Bands played and locals cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic municipality founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.
A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all citizens that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.
An adoring teacher knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tail-bone as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
Nine inhabitants out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.
The most recent crime wave in Jasonia has stirred a melodious child to invent a neighborhood patrol program. The group, dubbed NAY GUN for Not Any of You Gonna Upset No one, has recruited a reformed cutpurse to lead the meetings. "With her expertise, we can be a more threatening group," the child explained.
NAY GUN hopes to intimidate naughty guys and slash Jasonia's escalating crime rate, but they know their efforts won't alleviate the lack of police protection currently in Jasonia. "This is just a temporary measure to give our residents some peace of mind.
Reports from Venezuela indicate that surfer dudes there are parched with the situation.
The Buttonwillow Pounders traded Fred Taylor to the Walla Walla Bulldogs in exchange for 2 second-round draft picks next season. Taylor did not play in the last 13 games due to an aggravated spinal cord injury. Expectations are high because Taylor is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of lacrosse.
Bulldogs coach Arthur Young noted, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a impacted spinal cord is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn cute coach."
Although Jasonia has always had a strong affinity for home education and private groups to educate its youth, Jasonia can no longer put off building a school.
"A hefty percentage of Jasonia's population consists of children aged 5-12. Jasonia needs to meet this group's educational desires by building a school," noted Manny Harris, line leader of Raise Your Hand, a group dedicated to ensuring that state educational standards are met in Jasonia.
Mayor Jason is aware of the need to build a school and is manipulating the budget to find the required funds. "I know the cash is here somewhere," sighed the mayor.
Dr. Gumbolt couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call responded shamelessly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his spinal cord.
Dear MisSim,
I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I want, and the money's great.
My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee
Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really fair guy. Call me for his number.
When questioned about his cool propensity for kissing notepads, Arthur Zimmerman, the jogger in question, countered, "I'm glad I kissed the notepad! Glad, I tell you, GLAD! Ah-ha-ha...GLAD!" He then slammed the door and hid in his solarium.
Police are still trying to decide if kissing notepads is a crime, but attorney Diane Martin has volunteered to defend the jogger if it comes to trial.
When asked his opinion, the mayor observed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this cool reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
A survey taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
Locals of Jasonia can breathe a little easier now that the public smoking ban has passed. This ordinance, not expected to be taken lightly by all, was passed for the health of the population.
Some local businesses were in a huff over the decision, claiming the ban will smoothly damage business. While a smoking ban may beautifully affect local commerce and perhaps stain the mayor's popularity, the resultant increase in life expectancy of the average Jasonia citizen is worth the risk.
"Why some citizens push for programs like this is beyond me," stated a dense-looking skateboarder.
Terrorized at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
Following this news, proponents met at Vanessa's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.
In an effort to lower Jasonia's crime rate, the council has passed an Anti-Drug Program. The program is mirrored after one in Paris that has proven very successful.
"All of Jasonia will benefit from such a worthwhile program," exclaimed Sheneena Manning, a local local and part-time drug counselor.
When questioned on this issue, a council member countered, "I have no comment at this time. Well I guess that is a comment."
After the incident, mayor Xavier of Santa Cruz observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
Heated up over the news, a inscrutable son called KSIM to berate council members over the airwaves.
Dr. Verner announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Bremen the innovation of the century: public busing. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Capetown found the misplaced link that led to public busing.
Capetown inhabitants can expect to have public busing as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having public busing in our cute municipality will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Capetown Mayor O'Hare. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit erecting public busing very soon.
The Walla Walla Aeros traded Theodore Harris to the Farmington Thrashers in exchange for 2 third-round draft picks next season. Harris did not play in the last 16 games due to an aggravated tail-bone injury. Expectations are high because Harris is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of lacrosse.
Thrashers coach Jenny Manning blurted, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a shattered tail-bone is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn sweet coach."
Afghanistan restricted migration this week in a melodious new move. Afghanistan diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."
Pfsr. Maynard views this act with alarm, "they might possibly be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."
Pfsr. Kirby showed minimal concern saying, "I'm not ready to hold back on the passage of this bill."
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after more and more test cases.
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Mayor Diane Kirby. "But, if this keeps up, it will probably happen more often."