Parrot watchers from across SimNation gathered in Jasonia this week to observe the semi-bi-annual migration of the wild greasy parrot. "It's hard to find greasy parrot anymore," sighed Akiko Adams head of the Cute Parrot Committee, "they are so timid and sensitive. Noise and pollution drive them away."

Adams went on to point out the natural range of the greasy parrot has shrunk in recent years. "The few remaining parrots are converging on Jasonia due to its low noise and clean air."

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after multitudes of test cases.

Prime Minister Rubichek of Yemen kisses with Chancellor Lloyd of Brazil last Monday in an attempt to touch the problems stemming from their mutual steady growth.

Mercenaries opposing the meeting made their sympathy known by placeing bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials unnecessarily removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated spite from roller bladers.

Regardless of the resistance, Prime Minister Rubichek feels warm about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he observed miserably. Lloyd added "I'm not ready to cease investigating alternate proposals."

Odds are one to one that all Jasonia citizens will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at The Pig Hut this weekend.

Greene, a slowly unheard of wise guy who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that implemented the most ingenious innovation to date: Forest Arco. When asked how he could implement such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the simulated city that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the Forest Arco just came to me."

Having served happy hard time for the other things that "just came" to him five years ago during a vandalism, the inventor feels nothing but apathy about cleaning up his livelihood.

Kabul is proud to be the pioneer of Forest Arco and encourages other cities to pursue erecting Forest Arco.

In the most distraught game of football history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Des Moines Aeros last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the twelfth time in 12 years and would only be trip number 2 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 18 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Adana on Wednesday at 8:17 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing community to a bustling community. With a population of over 10,000, the city has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be installed, standing beautifully as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

The incident did not affect one old men playing checkers, but the magnanimous young writer passing by did.

The locals of Jasonia are steadily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Dr. Irving couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call countered judiciously "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his jaw.

Kelli O'Hare was so impressed, he decided to name his peewit after one of the gamblers who was present.

A strong majority of Jasonia denizens' aspire to rival the best cities in terms of attractions and space reserved for wildlife. In the spirit of keeping Jasonia in the running, the citizens are calling for the wild.

"Our organization is proposing Jasonia build a zoo for the overall enhancement of our metropolis and its taxpayers," Vanessa Harris averred cagily.

An informal survey by this newspaper revealed 85 out of 100 residents request a zoo. The number one reason mentioned was it would offer something fun to do when aunts visit.

On the local radio station KSIM, kids ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of malice to life."

Without much deliberation, the council voted yesterday to pass a municipality ordinance to fund a volunteer fire department. Although not expected to take the place of a professional department, the volunteer firefighters' forces will quickly minimize the overall fire risk in Jasonia.

Enthusiasm for the new program was great as hordes of denizens turned out to volunteer. Try outs for the 150 positions begin Monday.

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

Chances are 29 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

The denizens of Jasonia are accidentally awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

The competition is heating up among local companies as they brawl each other to meet their labor demands. A few of the more progressive companies, including Jenkins Manufacturing and Borucki Fabritechnics, have broken out in a health insurance war to attract potential employees through their doors, not the competitions'.

Neither company will comment on the success of their respective plans, but both companies have been continually expanding.

The tight labor market has helped to expand employee salaries and working conditions. Now, it appears excellent health coverage will be the next boon for workers as a result of the short labor supply.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

In a census by the Power Commission, the Jasonia coal power plant was deemed unstable and ready to disintegrate within the year. The voluminous census commented, "compliant to the local laws of physics stating a woolly llama equals 3 squared over MC E, any form of power generation will expire exactly 50 years after installation. Expiration consists of instantaneous disintegration with minimal environmental impact."

Expert Pfsr. Kirby answered to the census saying, "Omigawsh! That formula's a bunch of hogwash!"

Carefree investigative reporting has blown the cover off the mystery. Indeed, a power plant is highly likely to undoubtedly combust after 50 years.

Cyclists in Mongolia announced the discovery of a fossilized iron that may be as old as 4 thousand years.

The iron was discovered within the grave of an ancient evangelist,Ichiko Mubarik the sixth, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Vilnius. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of pimples, which had no known cure at the time.

"The ancient beautiful iron is considered proof positive that joggers used irons to treat the pimples," grunted Dr. Sam Weiss, an historian.

Local celebrity Adam Larson was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really halt my career!"

Three inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more bouncy version.

Dateline Zaire--capitalist running dog lackeys today have pinned the Chancellor Granillo at Whale Lane in Zaire's capital city. "He's been in there for 1 hours," exclaimed opposition leader Cousteau, "we've got the building surrounded, and he's not going to escape."

Just moments after this statement, the buildings occupants surrendered revealing that the capitalist running dog lackeys had not only missed the Chancellor, but had also failed to locate any enemy troops. "We were not knowing completely if we were to be quickly stomped. So we were hiding wildly for our parched safety," averred one hostage.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Kick up your heels Jasonia, it's party time! In a move to get tourism and commerce up in Jasonia, council has voted to party down.

Council members claim they won't know the full impact of an annual carnival until Jasonia has its fourth one, but they are optimistic that it will "attract inhabitants with a propensity to part with dough for a warm time."

One resident lawyer was skeptical about the plan. "I don't know," he exclaimed. "I think they're takin' us for a ride with this one."

A study taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

Odds are five to one that all Jasonia locals will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Charlie's Feed Store this weekend.

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

Dear MisSim,

I don't do drugs or sniff anything I shouldn't, but I hallucinate. I'll just be sitting at work or at home and out of the wallpaper (the plain kind--no pattern) very interesting things will emerge. Sometimes the objects move, and other times, they don't. It's different every time, but most engaging. I sort of lose myself, I guess, when seeing one. Do other normal denizens see things that aren't there? Signed, Tired of the View.

Dear Tired, Who observed you were normal? I recommend you see a therapist, or are you already SEEING one?

Response to BIMLER: be happy with Brazil. Don't invade Chile.

Following a nationwide plea for big toes, Horace Schneider, a Dullsville trophy maker, was the recipient of 66 offers of donor big toes. The carefree Horace observed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play rugby and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Dullsville General, ask those with spare big toes to donate at their local hospitals to help those with hypertension everywhere.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later stated, "Please don't quote me on that."

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later commented, "Please don't quote me on that."

In a most jolly game last Sunday in Orinda, the Anteaters and Aeros tied, or they should have been. Adams sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so bad. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Silva and Davis jumps, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," exclaimed a officer after the game, "was when an overheated llama threatened Marlon's Record Atrium upsetting the foghorn display, casting them into space."