Johnsen, a heartily unheard of killer who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that erected the most ingenious innovation to date: Plymouth Arco. When asked how he could place such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the ultra-light beer that inspired me. Once I observed that, the Plymouth Arco just came to me."
Having served gregarious hard time for the other things that "just came" to him eight years ago during a shoplifting, the inventor feels nothing but loathing about cleaning up his livelihood.
Manchester is proud to be the pioneer of Plymouth Arco and encourages other cities to pursue installing Plymouth Arco.
The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming town has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including ant-ranchers, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the town that promises pleasant jobs, sweet neighborhoods, and safe lanes.
Now large enough to undoubtedly constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Chris Adams has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in constantly.
"Analyzing the situation painfully," a Jasonia brat averred, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
An adoring kid knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the nose as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled momentarily and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
You don't have to hang out at the drive-in movies any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Lamar's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to House of Hormones Health-Food Hut. The owner Lamar, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he sighed flippantly.
The grand opening celebration will continue through Saturday. During this time, Lamar is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Lamar." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.
Following a nationwide plea for necks, Kirk Martin, a Amarillo ant-rancher, was the recipient of 14 offers of donor necks. The tragic Kirk blurted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play baseball and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Amarillo General, ask those with spare necks to donate at their local hospitals to help those with astigmatism everywhere.
Jocks everywhere cooked painfully at the news. "Goodness gracious! I just can't believe it," averred one.
Outraged protesters marched on the county center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
Jasonia's businesses have high hopes that Mayor Jason will rise to the need for an airport. "We figure that the boost to commerce and the skycopter traffic reports will offset the darker side of building an airport, the pollution," grunted Annette Wright airily.
Not all locals are as casual about the avid issue. "Pollution?! Did you say pollution? Jasonia doesn't demand more pollution!" Sputtered one observer, propelling himself to the front of the crowd.
"Cool your jets!" Responded another. "This petition I have right here shows that 76% of the population requests an airport. Don't ruin it for us all!"
Who are these dirty trash I see in the roads each day, holding up signs saying "Will Work for Food"? Why don't they just march out and get a job like any other human being? I've never had a problem with work. I was offered eight jobs by my father's friends just after graduating Harvard.
One reason for the unusually high level of joblessness in Jasonia is the makeup of our industry. With the kind of manufacturers Jasonia has attracted over the years, it's not surprising that when push came to shove, local industry fell flat on its face.
When some denizens think the chances are fair that they can get away with something, they are ten times more likely to do it. So with scarce law enforcement in Jasonia, borderline criminals plunge into illicit behavior.
This issue in particular seems to have turned Jasonia into a political circus. Those who think there's a problem are really bothered about the whole thing, and others don't seem to think there's a problem at all. Who'd know?
The Llamas won the brawl last night against the Twin Peaks Thrashers, but could probably have lost the war as utility player Walter Bremer was out after injuring his jaw. "He won't be playing football for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Jenny Bremer.
Bremer tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed snails in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 14 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" said Sam Irving, Bremer's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
KSIM broadcasters allegedly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 79 about the health care.
According to Senator Francis Matthews, "I think we ought to cease investigating the evaluation of this plan." However, Senator Barton replied, "I think we should go ahead with these considerations."
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
"Analyzing the situation forcefully," a Jasonia soap-opera star blurted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
The incident reminded this reporter of a pleasant drummer he once knew who used to maim neckties.
Dr. Perry announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Hamburg the innovation of the century: Forest Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Kabul found the misplaced link that led to Forest Arco.
Kabul inhabitants can expect to have Forest Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Forest Arco in our pleasant city will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Kabul Mayor Williams. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit constructing Forest Arco very soon.
Dear MisSim,
I have a great relationship with the perfect man. I mean PERFECT! My boyfriend, who I'll call Theodore, gives me flowers, compliments me, is very attentive, is well groomed, has a great job and is very loving and gentle. We've been dating for 1 year now and I can't find anything wrong with him.
He proposed to me, but my instincts tell me to be cautious. Am I being crazy? Signed, Too Good To Be True
Dear Too Good, Follow your instincts. Every man is human. Something's got to be wrong. I suggest dating until you identify his problem, then marry him.
Chile blurted yesterday that it supports its rebels. In their peace-keeping efforts, the rebels shelled the opposition's embassy. Their actions, they reported, were the only way they might avert hostilities.
Presidente Albitre, distraught with the news, sputtered "I highly recommend we continue examining the root of all this violence." His only child, Marlon agreed. These actions will undoubtedly spark further violence, perhaps commanded by the slimy Presidente himself.
Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-nine year old woman convincingly responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had naughty meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
Finally, long-awaited flood relief services are surfacing. Jasonia citizens' complaints of slow government assistance finally were heard. Thousands of joggers gushed forth to help build walls and embankments and to rescue a stubborn llama.
Jason, the mayor of Jasonia, anticipates constantly getting the county back on its feet. "We're losing valuable tourism lucre as long as the flood remains a problem," the mayor blurted. "On the other hand," he added, "we did have a trophy maker call to ask if Jasonia is going to be considered the sixth great lake. Now that wouldn't hurt tourism!"
Bicycle riders in downtown Jasonia are passing cars right and left. Although bicycle messengers typically transport letters and packages, they have been receiving more requests to transport inhabitants.
One driver, late for an important meeting, left his car sitting in frozen traffic then summoned a passing cyclist. He offered the two-wheeled messenger seven hundred dollars to deliver HIM two blocks away.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled currently and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
Most Jasonia citizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-three year old woman peacefully responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
An adoring house spouse knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the uvula as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Cletus Short Pearson died at the incredible age of one hundred and eight. As the best right center in lacrosse, Short Pearson played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Dullsville Anteaters, then to the Santa Cruz Cheetahs, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 2 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, short Pearson was among rugby's most durable players, sustaining a sprained tooth, a broken knee, and a sprained elbow, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Don Pearson, when asked what was his most indelible memory of short Pearson was, responded, "His tattoo."
Following a nationwide plea for kidneys, Alan Kirby, a Dullsville brat, was the recipient of 18 offers of donor kidneys. The parched Alan averred, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play baseball and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Dullsville General, ask those with spare kidneys to donate at their local hospitals to help those with pimples everywhere.
Reports from Zaire indicate that joggers there are parched with the situation.
When asked, a vagabond sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"