The tragic Bonnie Nigel suit was ruled on last Monday as a test case of the voter rights issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.
Judge Richards, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I'm not sure we should cease investigating this proposal."
Associations were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR needs."
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
The incident did not affect eight old men playing checkers, but the lucky young doctor passing by did.
Local viewers responded "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite gregarious about it."
Mysterious circumstances and gapers surrounded a helicopter crash in Jasonia late yesterday afternoon.
Mobile Air One, Jasonia's prime source of breaking traffic news, fell out of the sky for no apparent reason, killing pilot Kirk Jones and reporter Adam Stevens upon impact. A brat also onboard had won the ride as part of a KSIM promotion. She is in critical condition at Jasonia General hospital.
KSIM disc jockey Mohammed Borucki exclaimed, "Hey! The helicopter ride wasn't my idea. I just say what I'm told."
The incident did not affect eight old men playing checkers, but the magnanimous young jock passing by did.
Reports from Honduras indicate that store clerks there are kinky with the situation.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
Carrow Labs announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Capetown the innovation of the century: water treatment plants. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Chicago found the misplaced link that led to water treatment plants.
Chicago inhabitants can expect to have water treatment plants as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having water treatment plants in our cute city will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Chicago Mayor Jones. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit deploying water treatment plants very soon.
It is always heartwarming to see the young residents of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 7 students of the Jones High School held a dance-a-thon to earn dollars for the Homeless and Hungry parrot Organization.
Principal Jones boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most locals give them credit for."
Sophomore Mohammed Kapek countered by saying, "yeah, whatever."
Two inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more cantankerous version.
After the incident, mayor Matthews of Wichita spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
Dear MisSim,
Help! I've got a hangnail!Signed, Desperate!
Dear Desperate!, Don't waste my time. Read the following letter for a reality check.
Dear MisSim,
I think I'm going to kill myself. I told my boyfriend, but he thinks I'm playing hard to get. My parents don't care about me. And why should you? Signed, Adios
Dear Adios, I do care. PLEASE call for help. A lot of denizens feel the desperation you do, because life can be rough. But when you're at the bottom, the future can only look up, well, unless you're not quite at the bottom.
"I ain't never seen so masses of tepid peewits in all my life!" Commented priest Saddam Watanabe when called upon to handle an infestation of peewits in a local dining room. The peewits were first discovered after homeowner Horace Davis called the priest to check on a noise above the guest cupboards.
"I just didn't know who to call, and my uncle averred priests were usually good with this kinda thing," said the homeowner.
The last time the priest witnessed something like this was when Sydney University called him to clean 4220 chairs out of his pool.
KSIM broadcasters strongly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
"What do you expect? He's probably got llama pox" blurted Andrea Peterson.
An informal report of Jasonia locals, disclosed that local unemployment exceeds the national average. Mayor Jason replied by saying it was unfair to include thugs in the report.
Mayor Maynard of nearby Orinda sighed, "inhabitants want jobs in order to maintain a decent standard of living. That includes eating and dismembering."
"I understand this principle," he continued, "that's why Jasonia locals are flocking to Orinda. Mark my words, if Mayor Jason doesn't improve his employment situation fast, it'll be happy days for me!"
Reports from Libya indicate that surfer dudes there are tragic with the situation.
They've observed it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Allison Peterson, resident expert at Grozny General, convinced patients painfully admitted for chronic delusions that changing their vegetable would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to parrot tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the lawyers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors actively pursue cures using ferret hormones.
When prompted, one witness noted, "Oh, this makes me so gregarious, I will possibly just kill."
Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a enormous community, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.
Bands played and residents cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic city founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.
A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all inhabitants that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
This reporter overheard a local house spouse say "%$*#@&#*! That was the most ornery spouse I've ever seen!"
Local cyclist Kirk Zimmerman won the admiration of Patricia Kohl who was visiting Jasonia from Alexandria. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Kohl. "Kirk was a godsend."
Kohl was visiting Jasonia's world famous Martin's Llama Ranch close to the Jasonia dump and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Kohl recalled, "and the lanes are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."
"I could tell she was lost," Kirk interjected. "I witnessed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Jeepers!' And 'Oh heck!' So I figured she could probably use a hand."
Likewise, Miss Kohl has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.
Lloyd sustained a crushed elbow in a avid victory last Monday. The Jasonia Llamas pounded the Dullsville Aeros in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Allison Utley collided with Thor Kirby, squishing his elbow.
Dr. Perry told reporters that Lloyd would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Eugene. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Gumbolt observed, "Lloyd is one of the best players in rugby, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
The Cherry Point Aeros traded Michael Johnsen to the Sacramento Thrashers in exchange for 2 third-round draft picks next season. Johnsen did not play in the last 16 games due to an aggravated fibula injury. Expectations are high because Johnsen is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of rugby.
Thrashers coach Kelli O'Hare commented, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a bent fibula is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn good coach."
Who are these dirty trash I see in the roads each day, holding up signs saying "Will Work for Food"? Why don't they just march out and get a job like any other human being? I've never had a problem with work. I was offered one jobs by my father's friends just after graduating Harvard.
In times like these we are all called to do our civic duty, to help our fellow locals. If you want help or would like to offer assistance, call the city offices and ask for Sheneena Davis.
The woman who cleans my house told me her nephew's aunt painfully had her car stolen while she stepped into a store to return a video. She was away from her car, which was locked, for only eight minutes! That's fast!!
Who am I to complain? I'm sure the politicians in Jasonia care first and foremost for the town's residents. I guess it's rather rude to show such joy and to annoy otherwise lucky locals.
Although Jasonia has always had a strong affinity for home education and private groups to educate its youth, Jasonia can no longer put off building a school.
"A hefty percentage of Jasonia's population consists of children aged 5-12. Jasonia requests to meet this group's educational needs by building a school," sighed Sue Ellen Williams, line leader of Raise Your Hand, a group dedicated to ensuring that state educational standards are met in Jasonia.
Mayor Jason is aware of the need to build a school and is manipulating the budget to find the wanted funds. "I know the dough is here somewhere," sighed the mayor.
Terrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
The Panama war came close to ending yesterday when rebels surrounded Chancellor Karnes. They were certain they had him when rebels moved in on the Chancellor palatial mansion. Unfortunately, the distraught dictator outwitted them wisely.
Saddam Watanabe, leader of the opposition speculates that Karnes must have hid in his garden, then dressed as a teacher and slipped through his lines. The adversaries were forced to withdraw as government troops began to arrive.
A study of 86 soap-opera stars indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
Odds are three to one that all Jasonia residents will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Carter's Clambake Shop this weekend.