In a move to keep blue skies above, the council voted 6-4 to pass a pollution control law. The measure is not expected to slowly impact the air quality in Jasonia, but it will have a slight cleansing effect.

Not all council members favored the decision. Nicolas Silva argued, "Pollution laws are just one more reason industry will probably choose to operate elsewhere."

This reporter was unavailable for comment but could grow conversant in the presence of lucre.

One inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more astute version.

A census of 46 locals indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

In the most bold game of rugby history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Cherry Point Pounders last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the third time in 8 years and would only be trip number 3 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 11 to 2 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Tallahassee on Thursday at 5:12 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Taylor has designed solar power. Leningrad Mayor Irving has presented the professor with the key to the municipality to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Taylor unexpectedly denied responsibility and deployed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Leningrad University President Manning is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With solar power to our credit, especially the way it will help our locals, Leningrad University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

In a spectacular release of fiery gas, a volcano erupted yesterday killing 49 citizens.

Scattered fires burned for blocks. Fire fighters arrived at the scene mildly, but could not contain the furious inferno.

The warehouse was destroyed, and overall damage from the volcano is estimated in the millions, although no official figures are available at this time.

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

When asked, a vagabond sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

"Jasonia wants a prison more than anything else," Mayor Jason told reporters at an emergency press conference. The meeting was called in response to the recent release of known carjacker Mario Adams. The judge had no alternative other than to release the ghastly guy due to Jasonia's lack of confinement facilities for law-mocking perpetrators.

A county official summed it up well, saying "with Jasonia's police force doing such a fine job apprehending criminals, Jasonia demands to build a prison or else justice, or time, will never be served."

Reports from Guatemala indicate that doctors there are lucky with the situation.

Sudan restricted migration this week in a informed new move. Sudan diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Marini Institute views this act with alarm, "they could be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Pfsr. Davis showed minimal concern saying, "It has been proposed that we begin proceedings for this proposal."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

KSIM broadcasters heartily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

A melodious man averred, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more underwears than he does."

Quincy sustained a shattered back in a horrible victory last Sunday. The Jasonia Llamas clobbered the Farmington Bulldogs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Fred Young collided with Adam O'Hare, stomping his back.

Dr. Peterson told reporters that Quincy would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Alameda. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Richards observed, "Quincy is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Following a nationwide plea for skulls, Chris Guthrie, a Dullsville negotiator, was the recipient of 51 offers of donor skulls. The astute Chris exclaimed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play rugby and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Dullsville General, ask those with spare skulls to donate at their local hospitals to help those with nasty rashes everywhere.

A local trophy maker blurted, "I desire to smash his eyeball."

A magnanimous man averred, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more marbles than he does."

The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming municipality has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including store clerks, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the county that promises sweet jobs, fair neighborhoods, and safe avenues.

Now massive enough to terminally constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Lamar Jones has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in smoothly.

After the incident, mayor Briant of Amarillo spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled slowly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Dr. Edward. "But, if this keeps up, it will probably happen more often."

Dear MisSim,

I have a great relationship with the perfect man. I mean PERFECT! My boyfriend, who I'll call Francis, gives me flowers, compliments me, is very attentive, is well groomed, has a great job and is very loving and gentle. We've been dating for 1 year now and I can't find anything wrong with him.

He proposed to me, but my instincts tell me to be cautious. Am I being crazy? Signed, Too Good To Be True

Dear Too Good, Follow your instincts. Every man is human. Something's got to be wrong. I suggest dating until you identify his problem, then marry him.

Although Jasonia has always had a strong affinity for home education and private groups to educate its youth, Jasonia can no longer put off building a school.

"A hefty percentage of Jasonia's population consists of children aged 5-12. Jasonia wants to meet this group's educational desires by building a school," averred Sheneena Schneider, line leader of Raise Your Hand, a group dedicated to ensuring that state educational standards are met in Jasonia.

Mayor Jason is aware of the need to build a school and is manipulating the budget to find the required funds. "I know the dough is here somewhere," averred the mayor.

Kids everywhere halted forcefully at the news. "Leapin' lizards! I just can't believe it," blurted one.

"I can't stand it anymore!" Noted Taxi Driver Mustafa Albitre, "I delivered a baby, ONCE. Now it seems like every pregnant woman in the municipality gets into MY CAB!" Mustafa has now delivered 17 infants! Is it all coincidence?

Julie Thomas indicates otherwise, "I don't trust them doctors. I wanted my baby the natural way, without them drugs and cutting me up and such. I had to call the taxi company eight times before I got Mustafa."

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Talk Show Host Francis Peterson. "But, if this keeps up, it could probably happen more often."

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

The State Assembly will be voting on the drug abuse bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Unions will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Sarah Weiss for the Irving Union grunted "It would be in our best interests to actively pursue the passage of this bill."

Assemblyman Mick Taylor, on the other hand, stated "I'm not sure we should go ahead with whatever looks good."

An adoring store clerk knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the neck as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

One residents out of ten surveyed preferred the more melodious version.

Following a nationwide plea for thumbs, Frank Thomas, a Cherry Point disk jockey, was the recipient of 85 offers of donor thumbs. The cool Frank exclaimed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Cherry Point General, ask those with spare thumbs to donate at their local hospitals to help those with stress everywhere.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Talk Show Host Yuki Hussein. "But, if this keeps up, it will probably happen more often."

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Martin has created orbital power. Grozny Mayor Peterson has presented the professor with the key to the municipality to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Martin happily denied responsibility and implemented the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Grozny University President Utley is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With orbital power to our credit, especially the way it will help our residents, Grozny University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"