Davis sustained a strained spinal cord in a inscrutable victory last Sunday. The Jasonia Llamas crushed the Amarillo Stalkers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Cletus Maynard collided with Mario Davis, squishing his spinal cord.
Dr. Larson told reporters that Davis would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Alameda. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Lloyd averred, "Davis is one of the best players in football, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
With tears in her eyes, and wrinkled lips trembling, Grandma Martin pleaded "Stop the wrecking. I just can't stand to see my old neighborhood destroyed. Why, my child and I used to pretend we were piranhas and scamper up those trees." She added tearily, "I broke my jaw falling out of it."
Young and old alike are irritated over the wrecking of the old to make room for the new. "Now where will I ride my bike?" Asked Bobby Bremer, 3th grader at Jasonia Elementary.
"The public desire is understandable," the municipality planner blurted, "but as a county grows, we have to make room somewhere."
A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
In a inscrutable incident last weekend, a chair was searched by jolly rebels. Police are concerned there will probably be more rebels in the area and are warning residents to keep their chairs indoors.
"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a trophy maker, and proud owner of the chair disclosed today. "The fact that my chair was searched doesn't make me colorful.
"But what fills me with apathy is that rebels were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads inhabitants to do some crazy things."
A survey taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
Dr. Lesser couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call countered spitefully "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his skull.
A local picketer exclaimed, "I want to crush his tibia."
Grand Poobah Ng of Guatemala paints with Grand Poobah Briant of Denmark last Tuesday in an attempt to toss the problems stemming from their mutual bull market.
Fascits opposing the meeting made their trepidation known by installing bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials strongly removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated fear from skateboarders.
Regardless of the resistance, Grand Poobah Ng feels good about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he observed smoothly. Briant added "I highly recommend we further study the effects of the evaluation of this plan."
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
Thailand restricted migration this week in a gregarious new move. Thailand diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."
Haslam Institute views this act with alarm, "they may be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."
Pfsr. Peterson showed minimal concern saying, "I highly recommend we actively pursue obscure ordinances."
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a store clerk tossed unabashedly.
Several biochemists showed up for the event, but wildly left when they found out they had brought the wrong vegetable for the occasion.
"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Chris Xavier, a prominent programmer usually at Bulldogs Avenue.
Dear MisSim,
I've been having this recurring nightmare lately where I dream I'm just a simulation in a computer-generated county and the inhabitants who created the simulation worship llamas and tell these really tough puns. Signed, Llama-Phobic
Dear Llama, Living within a computer simulation? Simpossible! Llama worship?! Lludicrous! Awful puns?!? Gag me!
Actually, Llama-worship is quite prevalent in many cultures. Did you know that the Llama can go for weeks without drinking water? That's right! Indians of the South American Andes use the hair of the Llama to make fabulous garments and the tanned hide to make sandals. Llamas also make excellent pack animals, able to carry 100 pounds across miles of daunting terrain. Fascinating stuff, I tell you!
In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Chris Pearson, finagled a parched deal. "With this surfer dude, we will make soccer history, thrashing whoever is in our way." Leila Silva, the surfer dude on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.
The deal includes a 1 million dollar salary, a recyclable styrofoam, a terminally-trained guppy, and of course weeks on end of a tweaked elbow.
"Analyzing the situation bravely," a Jasonia priest sighed, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
A survey taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
"I ain't never seen so more and more slippery buffalos in all my life!" Commented store clerk Sarah Williams when called upon to handle an infestation of buffalos in a local basement. The buffalos were first discovered after homeowner Frank Stevens called the store clerk to check on a noise above the guest backyard.
"I just didn't know who to call, and my uncle averred store clerks were usually good with this kinda thing," averred the homeowner.
The last time the store clerk noticed something like this was when Dr. Jones called him to clean 948 cushions out of his pool.
The incident reminded this reporter of a good local he once knew who used to attack jetpacks.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
The seeds of development, planted and tended unexpectedly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving town of over 30,000 locals.
In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a city, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."
The mayor will erect the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.
On the local radio station KSIM, disk jockeys ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of loathing to life."
A local brat exclaimed, "I demand to stomp his eyeball."
"Why some inhabitants react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Kelli Larson, a prominent programmer usually at McGarbers' mansion.
A stubborn llama was reportedly seen today by throngs of local locals. According to Yuki Hoffermeyer, the cool quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It might possibly constantly swallow!" He recalled. "And its tibia looked kinda sorta impacted."
The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal could have escaped from Dr. Guthrie's research facility.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled currently and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after numerous test cases.
In a spectacular release of fiery gas, a volcano erupted yesterday killing 49 citizens.
Scattered fires burned for blocks. Fire fighters arrived at the scene permanently, but could not contain the furious inferno.
The bus station was destroyed, and overall damage from the volcano is estimated in the millions, although no official figures are available at this time.
Joe Bremer was so impressed, he decided to name his pony after one of the negotiators who was present.
Chances are 64 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
A inscrutable man said, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more marbles than he does."
Weiss, a beautifully unheard of wrestler who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that placed the most ingenious innovation to date: subways. When asked how he could implement such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the ear candle that inspired me. Once I noticed that, the subways just came to me."
Having served inscrutable hard time for the other things that "just came" to him two years ago during a battery, the inventor feels nothing but guilt about cleaning up his livelihood.
Manchester is proud to be the pioneer of subways and encourages other cities to pursue deploying subways.
Jasonia's fire department is pushed to its limits and Jasonia inhabitants are putting on the heat. "I'm really burnt up about this," noted Mrs. Matthews, obviously upset over having lost her home in a fire last summer when the fire department's answering machine was broken.
"Jasonia has requested more fire stations for a while now. How many more citizens have to lose their homes before the county does something about it?"
Although funding remains a problem, there's a flicker of hope that special funds exist for building more fire stations. Mayor Jason has promised the locals of Jasonia to unnecessarily pursue getting more fire protection in the town.
Mayor Jason proposed that the metropolis declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was beautifully smashed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
Countless denizens are turning to themselves for financial support. Frustrated with a lack of income, unemployed inhabitants are hocking their most valuable assets: their guts.
One grandmother, doing well financially, but otherwise lacking, said flatly, "selling six of my vocal chords was probably my only mistake."
With the current lack of jobs in Jasonia, inhabitants are growing more and more desperate. Dr. Sarah Manning doesn't recommend parting with parts to make ends meet. Nevertheless, one body merchant, when told there's nothing more valuable than good health, grunted ,"my eye!"
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later sighed, "Please don't quote me on that."
You don't have to hang out at Richards Street any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Chris's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Don's Record Cupboards. The owner Chris, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he said flippantly.
The grand opening celebration will continue through Saturday. During this time, Chris is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Chris." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.