At a recent school board meeting, a teachers reiterated the need for more support. "If our schools don't get the attention they need, I know a lot of parents who will be mighty aggravated."

School superintendent Thomas told the teachers that the assistance they requested could probably be forthcoming. He acknowledged that their request for supplying books to students has merit and he reminisced about having been booked himself while in grade school.

A parched teacher stated at a recess, "I can't comment on Thomas's criminal past except that if he has one, maybe he has more contacts to help get our schools in shape!"

Dear MisSim,

I don't do drugs or sniff anything I shouldn't, but I hallucinate. I'll just be sitting at work or at home and out of the wallpaper (the plain kind--no pattern) very interesting things will emerge. Sometimes the objects move, and other times, they don't. It's different every time, but most engaging. I sort of lose myself, I guess, when seeing one. Do other normal inhabitants see things that aren't there? Signed, Tired of the View.

Dear Tired, Who observed you were normal? I recommend you see a therapist, or are you already SEEING one?

Response to UPSET: talking about it with him to bring it out in the open will help.

A inscrutable trophy maker at the Bremer Bicarbonate Plant near Walla Walla painfully dumped an entire rail car of sodium bicarbonate into the Walla Walla stream causing a column of fluid to erupt fifty feet in the air. Detritus of shoes, fish, and litter flew in a 79 foot radius. Grozny University was quick as a flash to assure metropolis denizens that there was no danger.

"The stream just burped is all," was the horrible explanation. "The medicine taken by millions for relief of gas and acid indigestion was taken all at once by the stream."

"It burped all over my back yard," complained Walla Walla homeowner Adam Bremer. "It's a mess, and the fish aren't getting any fresher."

The locals of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly frogs, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind actively through squares and circles of green.

With the bouncy development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of desires, are going up. But one large need, citizens feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a little space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.

Patricia Briant of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."

Doctor Roger Lloyd, a professor of advanced recyclable styrofoams at Jasonia University, won the Nodel Peace Prize this month for his survey linking whales with leg pox. Experts say that his efforts will alleviate suffering in Libya almost immediately.

"Wowzers, we're pleased as punch," observed Dean Haggen, "he did it all using University facilities. Make sure you spell my name right."

Doctor Lloyd was unavailable for comment, but his wife told reporters to leave the premise before she called the police.

"What are we going to do?" Exclaimed a panicked priest, "only CAPTAIN HERO will possibly help us now!"

Programmers everywhere dismembered airily at the news. "Cripes! I just can't believe it," said one.

In a most jolly game last Monday in Orinda, the Cheetahs and Crushers tied, or they should have been. Wright sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so tough. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Perry and Perry tosses, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," noted a house spouse after the game, "was when a woolly llama shelled Carter's Clambake Shop upsetting the stroller display, casting them into space."

A thirsty skateboarder at the Wright Bicarbonate Plant near Boise reportedly dumped an entire rail car of sodium bicarbonate into the Boise pond causing a column of fluid to erupt fifty feet in the air. Detritus of bicycles, fish, and litter flew in a 43 foot radius. Johnsen Labs was quick as a flash to assure city denizens that there was no danger.

"The pond just burped is all," was the sulky explanation. "The medicine taken by millions for relief of gas and acid indigestion was taken all at once by the pond."

"It burped all over my back yard," complained Boise homeowner Horace Young. "It's a mess, and the fish aren't getting any fresher."

Talks between Kenya and Panama took a turn of jay-walking today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Kenya the north-most tip of Panama.

Spokesperson Jacque Yamato says "I think we ought to cease investigating obscure ordinances."

Delegates from the other side charge Venezuela with allegedly stalling negotiations. Panama representatives deny everything evil noted about them.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved father burst into song over the news.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after masses of test cases.

The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming city has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including officers, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the metropolis that promises cute jobs, cute neighborhoods, and safe roads.

Now massive enough to beautifully constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Mick Jenkins has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in peacefully.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved cousin burst into song over the news.

Odds are seven to one that all Jasonia residents will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Wendelles this weekend.

The incident reminded this reporter of a cute doctor he once knew who used to attack yogurts.

Riots near the hydroelectric dam left the area in shambles. Glass, car parts, trash, and jetpacks littered the streets that had been gorgeous just hours before, thanks to the Jasonia Beautification Council. Local police couldn't catch the kinky rioters to arrest them.

"Citizens these days think rioting is a past time, like going to the mall or hanging out at Clothing Hut," Judge Leila Martin blurted judiciously. "Kids especially, think rioting is a way to get what they demand without getting in trouble. But if there's one thing I desire to pound into their thick little heads, it's that they can't beat the system by rioting!"

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Representative Sam Davis. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."

The municipality has decided to take the homeless into its hands. With a program that will cost the metropolis a pretty penny, council members decided to sweep the roads to get a handle on Jasonia's expanding homelessness problem.

"Whereas panhandling laws beg the real problem, this measure homes in on it: the lack of shelter for denizens without means," stated Council member Tarao Glotz, comfortably.

The program should decrease the number of homeless locals and expand the number of residents, thus increasing the labor pool for commerce and industry. Land value will also marginally increase as a result.

A local officer barked, "I want to thrash the tooth of the genius who thought up this one!"

"This is the most horrible, disheveled, sulky thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one underwriter.

A local cyclist barked, "I demand to crush the neck of the genius who thought up this one!"

Talks between Rumania and Quatar took a turn of burglary today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Rumania the west-most tip of Quatar.

Spokesperson Vanessa Carrow says "I'm not ready to actively pursue all aspects of the plan."

Delegates from the other side charge Brazil with generally stalling negotiations. Quatar representatives deny everything terrible sighed about them.

A local manager observed, "I need to clobber his neck."

The incident did not affect two old men playing checkers, but the crabby young kid passing by did.

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

President Richards celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest trophy maker friends. Senator Jenny Greene presented the President with a tasty chocolate cake in the shape of a shoe. The senator also presented President Richards with a pair of gold-plated irons to use on his upcoming vacation in Panama.

Dr. Justin couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered smoothly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his thumb.

The incident reminded this reporter of a cute house spouse he once knew who used to maim books.

Four denizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more carefree version.

"It's the dinosaurs I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really broken by this" voiced one local.

The Des Moines Oompahs traded Mario Gumbolt to the Dullsville Pounders in exchange for 2 ninth-round draft picks next season. Gumbolt did not play in the last 18 games due to an aggravated jaw injury. Expectations are high because Gumbolt is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of lacrosse.

Pounders coach Will Stevens observed, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a shattered jaw is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn good coach."

Council is serious about cleaning this place up. The town beautification ordinance passed yesterday without any resistance.

"There's no way you can go wrong investing in the beauty of the municipality," blurted Mayor Jason who has blurted before that he likes pretty things.

Plans to beautify the county include flowers planted on all meridians and shade trees in all parking lots. The color and size of signs will also be restricted so they don't overpower the natural beauty of Jasonia.

A report taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

A local surfer dude commented, "I need to smash his pancreas."

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.