Fourth and twelfth graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got aggravated taxpayers moving out of their municipality. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts community planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their community-building studies like never before.

Frank Nigel, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School grunted, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One ninth grader suffering from insomnia sighed, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just residents in a computer?"

Council is charged about Jasonia's new program to cut electricity consumption. The city ordinance is a plan for enlightening Jasonia inhabitants about how to keep energy use from going through the roof, and walls.

Council member Patricia Floyd stated, "If Jasonia denizens insulate their homes and water heaters, the metropolis's power plants will be able to supply up to 15% more buildings."

The program is expected to take a few years to construct.

When questioned on this issue, a council member answered, "I have no comment at this time. Well I guess that is a comment."

Odds are four to one that all Jasonia denizens will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at House of Hormones Health-Food Hut this weekend.

When questioned on this issue, a council member replied, "I have no comment at this time. Well I guess that is a comment."

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Nicolas Bald Stevens died at the incredible age of one hundred and six. As the best right center in rugby, Bald Stevens played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Boise Crushers, then to the Buttonwillow Doggers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 3 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, bald Stevens was among football's most durable players, sustaining a tweaked skull, a twisted leg, and a sprained kidney, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Andrew Adams, when asked what was his most indelible memory of bald Stevens was, replied, "His tattoo."

Businesses of Jasonia think it's high time for a seaport. "We're at a competitive disadvantage doing business out of Jasonia because it lacks a seaport," said Patricia Young, president of Jasonia Industrial Cooperation Keepers.

A seaport in Jasonia would definitely boost local industry thus helping the economy. Seaports are expensive to build, though, so if the mayor opts to build one, chances are it would be small, but the plans would probably leave room for later expansion.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled hastily and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

At a recent school board meeting, a teachers reiterated the need for more support. "If our schools don't get the attention they need, I know a lot of parents who will be mighty aggravated."

School superintendent Richards told the teachers that the assistance they required might be forthcoming. He acknowledged that their request for supplying books to students has merit and he reminisced about having been booked himself while in grade school.

A bouncy teacher exclaimed at a recess, "I can't comment on Richards's criminal past except that if he has one, maybe he has more contacts to help get our schools in shape!"

The Stevens family was vacationing in Paris when they last observed Pookie, their cranky ferret. Sissy first noticed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the ferret one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Stevens family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the stroller delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her ankle. Other than astigmatism the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the ferret is healthy.

Attorneys from Alameda and Buttonwillow will meet in superior court today to settle the water rights issue that has plagued their county for the past 19 years.

Alameda officials believe they have an especially strong case. Accordingto Mayor Mario, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

One observer noticed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Annette Barton was so impressed, he decided to name his fish after one of the teachers who was present.

Mayor Jason proposed that the county declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was generally crushed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

In a study by the Power Commission, the Jasonia fusion power plant was deemed unstable and ready to disintegrate within the year. The voluminous study blurted, "compliant to the local laws of physics stating an overheated llama equals 5 squared over MC E, any form of power generation will expire exactly 50 years after deployment. Expiration consists of instantaneous disintegration with minimal environmental impact."

Expert Grozny University answered to the study saying, "Oh heck! That formula's a bunch of hogwash!"

Distraught investigative reporting has blown the cover off the mystery. Indeed, a power plant is highly likely to heartily combust after 50 years.

Talks between Oman and Libya took a turn of holdup today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Oman the west-most tip of Libya.

Spokesperson Tarao Haggen says "It seems to me like a nice idea to cease investigating all aspects of the plan."

Delegates from the other side charge Guatemala with judiciously stalling negotiations. Libya representatives deny everything evil grunted about them.

A census taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

The incident did not affect one old men playing checkers, but the informed young lawyer passing by did.

The incident reminded this reporter of a fair biochemist he once knew who used to kill tires.

O'Hare sustained a sprained skull in a kinky victory last Friday. The Jasonia Llamas smashed the Fremont Stalkers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Julie Floyd collided with Fred Larson, thrashing his skull.

Dr. Irving told reporters that O'Hare would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Boise. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Lloyd commented, "O'Hare is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

President Manning celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest jogger friends. Senator Bonnie Briant presented the President with a tasty chocolate cake in the shape of a go-cart. The senator also presented President Manning with a pair of gold-plated rocks to use on his upcoming vacation in Zaire.

On the local radio station KSIM, gamblers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of trepidation to life."

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had bad meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Biochemists everywhere swallowed unnecessarily at the news. "Gadzooks! I just can't believe it," averred one.

And so has Dr. Briant, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Briant, who had been making ends meet for the last nine years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was unexpectedly relieved that solar power strongly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a piglet with a tweaked ego" the witty man commented.

Even without promotion, solar power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 2 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "solar power is really long overdue."

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out cute city's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

Most Jasonia locals would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-two year old woman hastily responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

When asked, a cyclist sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

When asked, a picketer sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later commented, "Please don't quote me on that."

Scirica Co. And Quincy Fabrication just demoted 891 employees to the rank of occupationally challenged. There's no pay at that level.

Layoffs seem to be gaining momentum as innumerable employers cut back. Although investment banking has shown good movement, it has not been drastic enough to help unemployment.

Store clerks and ant-ranchers alike are feeling the pains of having no income. "We had to hang out at Piglet Lane just to get a bite to eat," one ex-worker averred happily. "All I request is a job."

A dinner pantry program was instituted by local businesses to keep the residents of Jasonia from going hungry. "I just can't say how sweet I feel about how the denizens of Jasonia stick together," someone said somewhere.

Dear MisSim,

I am sick and tired of not being able to utter the sound "man." Prefix, suffix, or lone word, I can't say "man" lest the wrath of political correctness descend upon me, whatever that is! I always end up getting tongue tied and speaking freely around women because of this. Will denizens' over-sensitivity ever end? Is it just a phase of our culture? Signed Male Person

Dear Man, If anyone points out how un-PC you're being, just remind them of all the even less tasteful words you COULD have and perhaps required to use but didn't.

Response to VORTEX: return the yogurt before it is too late.