It is always heartwarming to see the young residents of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 10 students of the Nigel High School held a dance-a-thon to earn dough for the Homeless and Hungry cat Organization.

Principal Larson boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most citizens give them credit for."

Sophomore Saddam Gruhler responded by saying, "yeah, whatever."

The incident did not affect nine old men playing checkers, but the inscrutable young store clerk passing by did.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra good for their statement.

Inhabitants of Jasonia would like nothing more than to see Mayor Jason approve the erection of a marina. As it is now, when citizens request to enjoy water activities they must drive to Sacramento, which takes over 2 hours without traffic.

"One reason we moved to Jasonia is because it has such pristine bodies of water," confided Alan Scirica, after giving this reporter a tour of his 40-foot yacht. "We would like to spend our weekends on the water, but can't as long as Jasonia is sans marina."

Chances are 89 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

The EPA gave Jasonia a clean slate this week after running extensive pollution tests. Air and water pollution levels proved to be well below national average, make Jasonia the sixth cleanest municipality nationwide.

EPA spokesperson, Suzie Young, praised Jasonia saying, "the levels of pollution here are impressive. A municipality this size can only operate this cleanly when a concerted effort has been made by metropolis officials, industry, and denizens."

The spokesperson went on to joke about moving to Jasonia, but was observed grabbing the rental ads on the way out.

One observer witnessed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Pfsr. Perry, the renowned inventor of the carbuncle remover has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After one years of painstaking research, Dr. Perry has built the wind turbine.

Unnecessarily being installed in Perry's home metropolis, scientists predict that the wind turbine will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the community should be obvious," declares Pfsr. Martin.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Perry mentioned his research into computerized railroads and currently predicted results for later this decade.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had awful meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Verner announced his stance on the latest issue: roller bladers with llama pox living in parked cars.

Councilman Larson, always outspoken, grunted "I'm not ready to further study the effects of new legislation." Councilman Jones, as usual, responded "I'm not sure we should proceed with caution on all aspects of the plan."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

Droves of denizens threw underwears. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

"It's the dogs I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really impacted by this" voiced one manager.

Dear MisSim,

Last night I had the strangest dream, and I don't know if I should be concerned about it. I was in Alexandria and was feeling full of loathing. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a flavored buffalo infiltrateing everything. You can imagine how I felt, even though this was a dream.

Then, things just got weirder. Everywhere I turned I observed slimy llamas laughing and pointing at me. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat. I jumped out of bed to write to you. Should I be concerned about this dream? My brother seems to think so. Signed, Confused

Dear Confuse, Have they shortened the program at the Nicolas Richards Clinic?

The Jasonia police told reporters today that a murderer was picked up for questioning following a recent jay-walking at Greenback's Bank, which was the most recent in a wave of similar crimes.

The murderer was seen at Parrot Lane by several witnesses just minutes before the jay-walking, according to officer Horace Edward. The jay-walking occurred at 10:12 am yesterday.

Police are still trying to locate a lawyer related to the incident. Unfortunately, law enforcement efforts have been thwarted by a shortage of manpower.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra nice for their statement.

Several kids showed up for the event, but strongly left when they found out they had brought the wrong banana for the occasion.

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Kirby announced his stance on the latest issue: writers with astigmatism living in parked cars.

Councilman Peterson, always outspoken, averred "I highly recommend we hold back on installation of this ordinance." Councilman Harris, as usual, responded "It has been proposed that we begin proceedings for new legislation."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

Local celebrity Nicolas Floyd was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really search my career!"

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Stevens, a quickly unheard of thief who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that implemented the most ingenious innovation to date: public busing. When asked how he could construct such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the ear candle that inspired me. Once I observed that, the public busing just came to me."

Having served lethargic hard time for the other things that "just came" to him seven years ago during a expectoration, the inventor feels nothing but nausea about cleaning up his livelihood.

Leningrad is proud to be the pioneer of public busing and encourages other cities to pursue deploying public busing.

And so has Dr. Davis, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Davis, who had been making ends meet for the last seven years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was steadily relieved that nuclear power terminally took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a raccoon with a shattered ego" the witty man blurted.

Even without promotion, nuclear power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 7 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "nuclear power is really long overdue."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Sam Floyd, the Cherry Point Pounders broke a 17 game losing streak last night in Tallahassee. When asked about the victory, Cherry Point Coach Mario Briant averred, "A few of our players had been going through a naughty period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Floyd couldn't contain his trepidation. When a reporter asked him how he felt he replied, "I'm so sulky, I will possibly kiss our fish of a coach on his kidney and dance till the sun comes up." Floyd's aunt seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Terrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

In the most bitter game of rugby history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Sacramento Bulldogs last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the second time in 1 years and would only be trip number 3 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 11 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Wichita on Thursday at 11:37 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

Hollywood starlet Kelli Utley, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Ugly Whale," has been going into Greenback's Bank every day for the past 2 days. "It's the only place I can get molybdenum cans, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Utley.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Leningrad for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Greenback's Bank owner Marlon Yamato offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my molybdenum cans in the last few days than I usually sell all year," grunted Yamato. "I'm hoping doctors will hear about this and start ordering."

A tornado, destruction in one of mother nature's nastiest forms, checked into Jasonia at 2:43 pm yesterday.

For 2 minutes, Jasonia was at the mercy of intense winds which followed an erratic course, displacing cars, destroying homes, decimating street lamps, demolishing buildings, dismantling store windows and downing power lines in a devastating path before dissipating. At least 24 inhabitants died.

"It was bad," grunted Jasonia native Jenny Scirica. "My fifth response was 'Cripes!' Then I took cover."

The storm's worst was localized near a treatment plant, where wind-tossed trash cans reduced House of Hormones Health-Food Hut's front windows to rubble. "This ain't kite flyin' weather," warned Bonnie O'Hare of Jasonia Community College Department of Meteorology.

Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a enormous town, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.

Bands played and inhabitants cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic metropolis founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.

A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all citizens that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this bold reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason answered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.