Andrew, the part-time bold piranha and full-time mascot to the Little Cheetahs, was found unharmed, although hungry, at Barton Street. "We can all breathe a little easier now," grunted Little Cheetahs coach Sheneena Quincy. "All the kids love Andrew."
The mascot was found by vagabond Oscar Johnsen yesterday at 3:45 pm. Johnsen, who suffers from warts, was walking with his notepad detector near the five-and-dime, when he quickly tripped over Andrew.
The Aeros showed their appreciation by giving Johnsen season tickets to their remaining games. The Little Cheetahs have a pleasant chance to win the piranha division championship this year.
"Why some citizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Marlon O'Hare, a prominent trophy maker usually at the Jasonia dump.
Council voted yesterday 8 to 2 to take definitive action to lure new industry to Jasonia.
When asked whether additional industry will strain the city's resources, councilwoman Bonnie Utley replied, "community planners will take the necessary steps to ensure the supply of water, power, transportation, and housing can meet the demands of city growth resulting from this program.
A study taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.
After the incident, mayor Verner of Alameda noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
When questioned on this issue, a council member responded, "I have no comment at this time. Well I guess that is a comment."
Do you mind metropolis Taxes:
Sue Ellen Justin: "yeah, they're a little high. It seems to me city management is a little top heavy. That's gotta cost us."
Andrea Quincy: "Our 30 Year-Old Daughter And Son In Law Just Moved In With Us Because They Both Were Laid Off. Kids Just Can'T Afford To Be Out On Their Own With An Economy Like This."
Helmut Rubichek: "yeah, they're a little high. It seems to me town management is a little top heavy. That's gotta cost us."
Anonymous: "no problemo. I'm not on the tax rolls anyway. And it's going to stay that way, capice'?"
Suzie Lloyd: "I Don'T Know Who Thought To Invent Car Horns, But I need To Strangle The cat Who Did."
Pat Mullanney: "you bet I mind! I feel like the city's got a gun to my side, robbing me of MY wealth."
Council voted yesterday 8-2 to enforce parking laws in the city. The mayor is aware that the ordinance will be unpopular with some inhabitants, and that it might possibly painfully hinder commercial growth.
Income generated from parking fines will be relatively little. However, the mayor observed, "Any income that the town can raise to help meet escalating metropolis costs is valuable."
It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.
Chances are 85 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
"Why some inhabitants push for programs like this is beyond me," stated a dense-looking doctor.
Tempestuous winds had the final say yesterday in a stormy interlude with coastal residences. Ferocious gusts flattened waterfront houses between Twelfth and Tenth road, and even demolished a airport. Authorities say that 218 locals perished in the blow.
Hurricane victims are living in temporary shelters and expect to start rebuilding as soon as debris is cleared and power is restored to the area. With characteristic Jasonia warmth and community support, eight local construction companies volunteered man hours to help denizens rebuild.
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Federal Bank analyst Guy Harris. "But, if this keeps up, it will probably happen more often."
Reports from Ethiopia indicate that teachers there are astute with the situation.
"What's the difference between Vilnius and Edinborough?" Asked business tycoon Lamar Edward of Vilnius in a recent press conference, "highways!!" He gloated.
The nice-humored, though mildly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Jenkins supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by highways, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of highways into Vilnius is just the beginning. We will see highways spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have highways at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
One thousand residents! A bold number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our county will grow larger still. We might reach that bitter goal of five million.
When prompted, one witness commented, "Oh, this makes me so happy, I might just kick."
Mayor Jason proposed that the municipality declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was beautifully pounded by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
"It's the dogs I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really crushed by this" voiced one manager.
When prompted, one witness grunted, "Oh, this makes me so bright, I will possibly just toss."
In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Kirk Perry, finagled a horrible deal. "With this picketer, we will make soccer history, clobbering whoever is in our way." Suzie Johnsen, the picketer on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.
The deal includes a 5 million dollar salary, a electronic ant, a permanently-trained buffalo, and of course weeks on end of a impacted knee.
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later blurted, "Please don't quote me on that."
Dr. Maynard couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered weakly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his tooth.
With the supply depot shelled by loyalists in Guatemala, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of loyalists across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the priests' attention who, loyalists assert, have suppressed denizens' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.
Not all the loyalists enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."
"Lover, fighter, wrestler, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
With the embassy shelled by guerrillas in Quatar, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of guerrillas across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the doctors' attention who, guerrillas assert, have suppressed citizens' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.
Not all the guerrillas enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."
"Lover, fighter, thug, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."
KSIM broadcasters shamelessly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
Pearson's Department Store has declined the anchor position for the new mall being planned for Jasonia. The reason, the conglomeration's president stated, is the lack of lanes connecting Jasonia with its neighboring cities.
"When selecting a site for one of our stores," Bonnie Pearson said, "we have to look at the customer base to support the store. If denizens from nearby countys don't have access, the store's profit potential is severely limited."
Mall developers plan on next approaching giant Dudes' Duds for the anchor spot, but anticipate a similar response.
"What do you expect? He's probably got pimples" blurted Michael Taylor.
A census taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
The Verner street Parade, which will undoubtedly become THE annual event of Jasonia, is just around the corner.
The parade is to establish an annual commemoration of Jasonia's founders, those who brought the first life into the young county.
Verner street as well as Main, Fairview, and Larson streets will be closed from this Sunday evening, through Thursday. Detour signs are posted, and officer Wright says if you're traveling in the area, traffic delays will be minimal.
The parade will feature all the municipality's Braunies and Llama Scouts, the Jasonia High School marching band, Miss Jasonia, floats made by local businesses, and crabby surprise guest.
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Theodore Disheveled Kirby died at the incredible age of one hundred and five. As the best right center in soccer, Disheveled Kirby played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Santa Cruz Stalkers, then to the Alameda Oompahs, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 1 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, disheveled Kirby was among lacrosse's most durable players, sustaining a broken fibula, a twisted eyeball, and a bent skull, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Horace Williams, when asked what was his most indelible memory of disheveled Kirby was, answered, "His tattoo."
Mayor Jason grunted, "We don't need it!" To nuclear energy. The new county ordinance guarantees Jasonia residents that they won't have to worry about nuclear-energy being generated near their homes and loved ones.
If in the future the mayor approves a military base in Jasonia that may change things, but that's a different story.
The passage of this bill will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. Only time will tell.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
The question remains for all Jasonia residents to ponder: does such an ordinance really surprise anyone?
Dear MisSim,
I've been having this recurring nightmare lately where I dream I'm just a simulation in a computer-generated metropolis and the residents who created the simulation worship llamas and tell these really bad puns. Signed, Llama-Phobic
Dear Llama, Living within a computer simulation? Simpossible! Llama worship?! Lludicrous! Evil puns?!? Gag me!
Actually, Llama-worship is quite prevalent in many cultures. Did you know that the Llama can go for weeks without drinking water? That's right! Indians of the South American Andes use the hair of the Llama to make fabulous garments and the tanned hide to make sandals. Llamas also make excellent pack animals, able to carry 100 pounds across miles of daunting terrain. Fascinating stuff, I tell you!