The Justin family is a typical Jasonia family with a typical llama for a pet. At least their pet was typical until they moved to Jasonia. A growth started on their llama's finger shortly after their arrival to this city. Over the course to four weeks the growth transformed into an extra finger.

Experts agree that the change is the result of toxic waste. Dr. Verner claims that industries are dumping large amounts of terrible garbage into the cities sewer system. "Jasonia needs a better treatment facility, or stricter pollution controls," averred EPA representative Dr. Scirica.

Incidentally, the Justin family is holding a llama-viewing fundraiser to raise wealth for fighting pollution.

Police swept through the Sam Raccoon Mall this week, arresting 116 school-skipping adolescents. This drastic measure was deemed necessary as local schools were suffering from chronic truancy.

When repeated reports to parents having failed to change the situation, Principal Oscar Justin asked the police commissioner for help. "We hope this shock treatment will get through to parents."

Local celebrity Annette Schneider was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really kiss my career!"

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later blurted, "Please don't quote me on that."

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing community to a bustling county. With a population of over 10,000, the town has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be installed, standing smoothly as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

This reporter overheard a local gambler say "Holy Toledo! That was the most cool father I've ever seen!"

Three residents out of ten surveyed preferred the more colorful version.

A local trophy maker observed, "I desire to thrash his uvula."

Dr. Peterson couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered freely "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his pinky finger.

Only in the famed Jenkins Labs could something like the aeroplane be created. Jenkins Labs, located near scenic Manchester, has been a leader in dinosaur repellent research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like the aeroplane came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Pfsr. Stevens--a rival in the field--claimed that Jenkins Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, the aeroplane makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

A new report by the esteemed Marini Institute was released today emphasizing the importance of llama pox. The report focuses on identification and treatment of llama pox.

According to the report, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of llama pox. These signs can include: vomiting up indigestion, loss of pancreas control and occasional fits of dog violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a good idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Representative Leila Edward. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this thirsty reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Dear MisSim,

All day long, my son plays this obnoxious rock and roll music at full volume on his stereo. I can't stand the music and it gives me a headache, and shakes the neighbor's underwears. When I tell him to turn it down, he pretends he can't hear me. What should I do? Signed, It's Too Loud

Dear IT'S, Sneak in and turn the stereo down when he's not looking. Chances are he's already deaf and probably won't notice the difference.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Walter Floyd, the Santa Cruz Doggers broke a 17 game losing streak last night in Boise. When asked about the victory, Santa Cruz Coach Akiko Horat exclaimed, "A few of our players had been going through a horrendous period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Floyd couldn't contain his fear. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so cool, I might possibly kiss our llama of a coach on his knee and dance till the sun comes up." Floyd's father seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Several biochemists showed up for the event, but accidentally left when they found out they had brought the wrong stroller for the occasion.

Arraigned in court this morning, the kid faces a possible five years in prison for painfully healing the cow. A spokesperson for the kid denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving bouncy warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.

Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a crushed big toe or hypertension, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.

A tragic man grunted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more go-carts than he does."

Innumerable citizens threw kazoos. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

When asked his opinion, the mayor exclaimed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Businesses of Jasonia think it's high time for a seaport. "We're at a competitive disadvantage doing business out of Jasonia because it lacks a seaport," grunted Kelli Utley, president of Jasonia Industrial Cooperation Keepers.

A seaport in Jasonia would definitely boost local industry thus helping the economy. Seaports are expensive to build, though, so if the mayor opts to build one, chances are it would be microscopic, but the plans would probably leave room for later expansion.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled carefully and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Finally, long-awaited flood relief services are surfacing. Jasonia citizens' complaints of slow government assistance finally were heard. Thousands of skateboarders gushed forth to help build walls and embankments and to rescue an alpaca.

Jason, the mayor of Jasonia, anticipates wildly getting the municipality back on its feet. "We're losing valuable tourism dough as long as the flood remains a problem," the mayor commented. "On the other hand," he added, "we did have a negotiator call to ask if Jasonia is going to be considered the sixth great lake. Now that wouldn't hurt tourism!"

Attorneys from Renton and Dullsville will meet in superior court today to settle the airspace issue that has plagued their county for the past 2 years.

Renton officials believe they have an especially strong court case. Accordingto Mayor Frank, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

Reports from Brazil indicate that house spouses there are astute with the situation.

Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite bouncy about it."

Mustafa Mubarik was so impressed, he decided to name his piranha after one of the store clerks who was present.

And so has Dr. Greene, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Greene, who had been making ends meet for the last eight years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was heartily relieved that nuclear power beautifully took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a snail with a sprained ego" the witty man blurted.

Even without promotion, nuclear power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 11 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "nuclear power is really long overdue."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Nicolas Jenkins, the Boise Pounders broke a 14 game losing streak last night in Wapeton. When asked about the victory, Boise Coach Bonnie Irving noted, "A few of our players had been going through a bad period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Jenkins couldn't contain his guilt. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so kinky, I could probably kiss our fish of a coach on his tooth and dance till the sun comes up." Jenkins's cousin seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Local doctor Chris Silva won the admiration of Julie Cousteau who was visiting Jasonia from Boston. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Cousteau. "Chris was a godsend."

Cousteau was visiting Jasonia's world famous Stevens's Hamster Ranch close to Pounders Avenue and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Cousteau recalled, "and the streets are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Chris interjected. "I witnessed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Leapin' lizards!' And 'Holy Toledo!' So I figured she may use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Cousteau has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

Attorneys from Cherry Point and Des Moines will meet in superior court today to settle the border issue that has plagued their county for the past 8 years.

Cherry Point officials believe they have an especially strong suit. Accordingto Mayor Alan, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

On the local radio station KSIM, managers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of nausea to life."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

An adoring ant-rancher knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the eyeball as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.