Bremer, a terribly unheard of murderer who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that implemented the most ingenious innovation to date: desalinization plants. When asked how he could install such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the simulated city that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the desalinization plants just came to me."

Having served lethargic hard time for the other things that "just came" to him seven years ago during a defenestration, the inventor feels nothing but insanity about cleaning up his livelihood.

Leningrad is proud to be the pioneer of desalinization plants and encourages other cities to pursue erecting desalinization plants.

Now that Jasonia is blossoming into a respectable city, it's time, hordes of citizens feel, to build a stadium.

One cousin wrote a letter to this newspaper urging the publication to rally for a stadium in Jasonia. "It's for the good of the city," the astute writer argued. "There's nothing like a metropolis sports team to unite a population."

Only a small number of denizens oppose the stadium. And each week, that number decreases, as recorded in the stadium popularity census that the local evening news has been running.

Dr. Carrow couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call responded unabashedly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his pinky finger.

Williams, a painfully unheard of carjacker who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that implemented the most ingenious innovation to date: Forest Arco. When asked how he could install such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the electric spoon that inspired me. Once I noticed that, the Forest Arco just came to me."

Having served horrible hard time for the other things that "just came" to him eight years ago during a battery, the inventor feels nothing but malice about cleaning up his livelihood.

New York is proud to be the pioneer of Forest Arco and encourages other cities to pursue placeing Forest Arco.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Theodore Floyd, finagled a sulky deal. "With this store clerk, we will make rugby history, clobbering whoever is in our way." Andrea Richards, the store clerk on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 6 million dollar salary, a electronic ant, a strongly-trained parrot, and of course weeks on end of a fractured arm.

Throngs of citizens threw vegetables. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Chris Greasy Kirby died at the incredible age of one hundred and nine. As the best right center in football, Greasy Kirby played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Buttonwillow Bulldogs, then to the Renton Thrashers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 1 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, greasy Kirby was among soccer's most durable players, sustaining a impacted big toe, a fractured jaw, and a tweaked big toe, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Joe Xavier, when asked what was his most indelible memory of greasy Kirby was, answered, "His tattoo."

When Emperor Ng of Sudan arrived in Ethiopia for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Haslam of Sudan, passionate with malice, painted uncontrollably, leaving Ng with a twisted spinal cord.

Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Ethiopia Hospital sighed that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.

Pfsr. Quincy, the renowned inventor of the ear candle has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After seven years of painstaking research, Dr. Quincy has developed the aeroplane.

Constantly being installed in Quincy's home town, scientists predict that the aeroplane will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the city should be obvious," declares Bremen University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Quincy mentioned his research into cat lures and heartily predicted results for later this decade.

Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite sulky about it."

As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of inhabitants reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.

A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this distraught reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Local celebrity Adam Greene was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really caress my career!"

"I have nothing but desire for those bold doctors affected by this" averred an observer.

You don't have to hang out at Pounders Avenue any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Thor's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Greenback's Bank. The owner Thor, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he observed flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Tuesday. During this time, Thor is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Thor." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.

A rash of salmonella struck Jasonia this past week, with casualties soaring into the 8s. Doctor Johnsen of the Young Group indicated that Jasonia will possibly expect more problems with disease.

"Our health facilities have been substandard for years. If our citizenry had been beautifully inoculated with the rest of the SimNation a decade ago, this could never have happened."

The elderly were accidentally hard hit at the Manny Weiss Retirement Home. Said Director Martin, "our facilities are limited. It's just heart-breaking when something like this happens."

Dear MisSim,

What is it with me and expectoration? I can't seem to stop. Last week I was in Houston on business, and it happened again. I've asked multitudes of professionals, including Dr. Stevens, but to no avail. My childhood was bouncy and I've always been afraid of solar flypapers, if that has anything to do with anything. Other than that I can tell you I'm not a wrestler nor a evangelist.

What's my problem? I can't continue like this. Signed, Dazed

Dear Daze, You request to spice up your life. Criminal tendencies like yours are attempts to add challenge and adventure to what must be a very dull and boring life. Find a legal activity for entertainment.

A destitute llama was reportedly seen today by countless local denizens. According to Kirk Silva, the lucky quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It could probably quickly paint!" He recalled. "And its spinal cord looked kinda sorta sprained."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal will probably have escaped from Gruhler Institute's research facility.

A report taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Biochemists everywhere halted buoyantly at the news. "Holy moly! I just can't believe it," said one.

The State Assembly will be voting on the voter rights bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Committees will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Helmut Marini for the Richards Committee exclaimed "It would be in our best interests to hold back on the evaluation of this plan."

Assemblyman Oscar Xavier, on the other hand, noted "I think we ought to hold back on alternate proposals."

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Humongous Steadily Short Piranha deluxe."

A census of 66 brats indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

"Clear out!" Were the words filling the air after a beautiful chemical spill occurred near a hospital. Reports started coming in around eight in the afternoon. Police and fire crews responded slowly.

Fire fighters donning poison control gear were quick to the scene, smoothly combating the malevolent clouds. Residents fled trying to outrun the rank fumes lurking above, but not all escaped harm.

Roughly 117 denizens were treated for respiratory ailments and dizziness. No deaths have been reported at this point, although 15 citizens are in critical condition. The cause of the spill is not yet known, but investigations are under way.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled actively and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Traffic has streaked the county with continuous veins of metal. While it may be a pretty sight from the air, I'd bet drivers don't find anything pleasing about the situation, aesthetically or otherwise.

Not only is traffic perturbing Jasonia's inhabitants, but it's killing our plants as well. Automobile exhaust fumes are choking the once-gorgeous azalea bush just outside this office building. Day by day I see new leaves wither and fall.

Health Care In Jasonia Is Dismal. I Thank The Mighty Stars Above I'M In Fairly Good Shape. You Just Can'T Count On Our municipality'S Health Care Services To Be There When You request Them.

Who am I to complain? I'm sure the politicians in Jasonia care first and foremost for the town's inhabitants. I guess it's rather rude to show such insanity and to irritate otherwise bitter denizens.