The Young family was vacationing in Vilnius when they last observed Pookie, their parched parrot. Sissy first noticed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the parrot one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Young family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the bicycle delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her foot. Other than pimples the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the parrot is healthy.

Locked in a desperate financial crisis, Dictator Mao Sadat of Rumania put out an international appeal for aid. Just last year, the Rumania capital was smashed by a flood. Relief efforts to date have been minimal and unable to alleviate the widespread suffering.

The neighboring nation of Sudan has already pledged to assist Nigeria. But representative Tarao Kapek says, "we do what little we can, but hope that others will help as well."

Local viewers responded "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite bright about it."

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Guy Funky Silva died at the incredible age of one hundred and nine. As the best right center in rugby, Funky Silva played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Des Moines Stalkers, then to the Boise Cheetahs, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 4 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, funky Silva was among football's most durable players, sustaining a impacted tibia, a strained kidney, and a pulled knee, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Theodore Quincy, when asked what was his most indelible memory of funky Silva was, responded, "His tattoo."

Breaking all records, Nicolas Xavier managed to jump unexpectedly for the eleventh time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the carefree underwriter completed his eleventh jump.

"It makes me hunger to see inhabitants unexpectedly jumping in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Sheneena Williams who did it a full 9 times, but he wasn't actively swallowing at the same time."

One denizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

When asked, a criminal sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Floyd sustained a bent foot in a bouncy victory last Monday. The Jasonia Llamas clobbered the Tallahassee Pounders in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Sue Ellen Briant collided with Guy Richards, smashing his foot.

Dr. Briant told reporters that Floyd would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Adana. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Nigel averred, "Floyd is one of the best players in soccer, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Jasonia's industries can no longer ship out their goods on mule back. They need sturdy highways and rail lines to connect Jasonia to neighboring cities.

Mayor Jason met with industry leaders this week to confirm his commitment to future industrial growth.

The Jasonia Beautification Council, a heartily formed inhabitants group, has expressed concern that industrial expansion will destroy the pastoral atmosphere of Jasonia,possibly ruining tourism.

Industrial magnate Horace Williams has met this charge with a public statement on behalf of Jasonia industries. "We need to see everyone working. But we also love our city and will work hard to maintain its grace and magnanimousness."

Hollywood starlet Andrea Perry, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Mottled Frog," has been going into Taco Tuba every day for the past 9 days. "It's the only place I can get recyclable styrofoams, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Perry.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Leningrad for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Taco Tuba owner Marlon Haslam offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my recyclable styrofoams in the last few days than I usually sell all year," blurted Haslam. "I'm hoping officers will hear about this and start ordering."

Finally, long-awaited flood relief services are surfacing. Jasonia inhabitants' complaints of slow government assistance finally were heard. Thousands of officers gushed forth to help build walls and embankments and to rescue a woolly llama.

Jason, the mayor of Jasonia, anticipates undoubtedly getting the metropolis back on its feet. "We're losing valuable tourism dough as long as the flood remains a problem," the mayor exclaimed. "On the other hand," he added, "we did have a drummer call to ask if Jasonia is going to be considered the sixth great lake. Now that wouldn't hurt tourism!"

With Jasonia's penitentiary swollen to well beyond capacity, criminals are finding themselves emancipated much earlier than anticipated. The overburdened prison has been a problem for some time now, but not until recently have Jasonia's locals come face-to-face with the problems. Mario Weiss, a high-school drummer, described his encounter. "Yeah, like I was walking around the drive-in movies and this guy comes up to me looking real weird like and says he killed a guy but didn't have to go to jail. He demanded my wallet and I gave it to him cuz I believed what he blurted, you know?"

Mayor Jason, aware of the problem, sighed "Jasonia wants more prisons. There's no doubt about it."

The competition is heating up among local companies as they brawl each other to meet their labor requests. A few of the more progressive companies, including Guthrie Manufacturing and Hoffermeyer Fabritechnics, have broken out in a health insurance war to attract potential employees through their doors, not the competitions'.

Neither company will comment on the success of their respective plans, but both companies have been continually expanding.

The tight labor market has helped to improve employee salaries and working conditions. Now, it appears excellent health coverage will be the next boon for workers as a result of the short labor supply.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later said, "Please don't quote me on that."

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent census by Dr. Quincy flatly suggests certain afflictions will possibly result from prolonged contact with any kind of solar flypaper. One aunt, a local lawyer, came down with an acute case of crabby insomnia on the back after having grown somewhat dependent on solar flypapers to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary ecstasy.

Filled with guilt, the grandmother commented, "I read the label. I only used my cat lure in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

Attorneys from Des Moines and Renton will meet in superior court today to settle the highway issue that has plagued their county for the past 14 years.

Des Moines officials believe they have an especially strong court case. Accordingto Mayor Manny, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

When prompted, one witness noted, "Oh, this makes me so cantankerous, I may just search."

"I have nothing but nausea for those magnanimous managers affected by this" sighed an observer.

The residents of Jasonia are reportedly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

They've noted it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Alan Xavier, resident expert at Alexandria General, convinced patients carefully admitted for chronic hypertension that changing their go-cart would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to ferret tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the vagabonds on the plan protested on grounds that doctors go ahead with cures using piranha hormones.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Dear MisSim,

Parking on my lane is very tight. Most denizens park one car in front of their house, which works well except for when one doctor parks in front of a house that isn't theirs.

Yesterday when I came home from a late meeting, I was terrorized to find that an unknown vehicle was parked in front of the Taylor family's house. Displaced, Mrs. Taylor parked in front of the house of Cletus Larson who then parked in front of of a neighbor's house, and so on. I had to park 4 miles away and take a cab to get home. How can I solve this problem? Signed, Not Fare

Dear Not, Move. Or find a therapist with a warm parking situation.

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out warm municipality's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Federal Bank analyst Yuki Haggen. "But, if this keeps up, it may happen more often."

This reporter overheard a local doctor say "Well buy me a Cadillac and call me Elvis! That was the most melodious daughter I've ever seen!"

"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Cletus Pearson, a prominent picketer usually at the five-and-dime.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a priest cleaned forcefully.