Talks between Iraq and Yemen took a turn of hawking today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Iraq the north-north-east-most tip of Yemen.

Spokesperson Sue Ellen Scirica says "I'm not sure we should take immediate action on the passage of this bill."

Delegates from the other side charge Iraq with completely stalling negotiations. Yemen representatives deny everything vicious averred about them.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

"What are we going to do?" Stated a panicked officer, "only CAPTAIN HERO might possibly help us now!"

Countless residents threw dictaphones. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out cute community's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

"What do you expect? He's probably got ulcers" exclaimed Mao Watanabe.

"What do you expect? He's probably got astigmatism" observed Ingmar Sadat.

On the local radio station KSIM, cyclists ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of malice to life."

Outraged protesters marched on the community center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

The Gumbolt family was vacationing in Paris when they last spotted Pookie, their bouncy piranha. Sissy first spotted Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the piranha one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Gumbolt family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the chair delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her eyeball. Other than ulcers the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the piranha is healthy.

The recent meltdown of a reactor at Jasonia's nuclear power plant has refueled the debate Jasonia denizens grew hot over years ago when voting on how to power the city.

The radioactive fallout, which has sent 2 denizens to the hospital so far, is exactly what dissidents feared will probably happen with a nuclear power plant.

"Residents who think nuclear power is a viable power alternative allegedly aren't looking with open eyes," commented Ms. Davis, a long time Jasonia resident. Not everyone shares her sentiment, however. "We encounter potentially hazardous things everyday. Let's just make sure we take the necessary precautions," Chris Bremer, an employee of Greenback's Bank, commented glowingly.

Council has passed a new commandment: Watch Thy Neighbor. The new law sets aside city funds for the organization and management of neighborhood watch groups. County officials expect this program to help reduce crime in residential areas.

"Neighborhood nosiness is a natural phenomenon which should be capitalized on," sighed police psychologist Kelli Peterson.

"I have nothing but loathing for those who supported this ordinance," offered a trophy maker, introspectively.

An adoring trophy maker knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the pinky finger as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

"Why some residents push for programs like this is beyond me," commented a dense-looking soap-opera star.

"I ain't never seen so multitudes of disheveled crawdads in all my life!" Averred biochemist Thor Maynard when called upon to handle an infestation of crawdads in a local den. The crawdads were first discovered after homeowner Tarao Yojimbo called the biochemist to check on a noise above the guest closet.

"I just didn't know who to call, and my grandfather averred biochemists were usually good with this kinda thing," blurted the homeowner.

The last time the biochemist noticed something like this was when Dr. Wright called him to clean 4171 notepads out of his pool.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Immense Peacefully Flavored Frog deluxe."

More nasty news to report for the locals of Thailand. Insurgent capitalist running dog lackeys continue to make good on threats to ambush the tank column. Using unconventional not to mention inexcusable means involving unnecessarily-trained snakes and dinosaur repellents, the magnanimous group infiltrated their target.

Frank Xavier, owner of House of Hormones Health-Food Hut and vice president of the Jasonia chapter of the International warts League, is collecting food and dollars for affected victims of warts in Thailand. Donations may be brought to Pot Shots at Mick's Market overpass, across the street from the dark alley with the twisted sign post.

Chances are 33 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Dear MisSim,

I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I demand, and the money's great.

My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee

Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really pleasant guy. Call me for his number.

Quantum Thrashers, a leader in the water wiggler industry, has declined to build a factory in our metropolis. They were first attracted by land values and tax rates, but after close-mouthed negotiations with city planners, opted to build in Wichita instead.

"We're quite disappointed," blurted Chamber of Commerce chairman Allison Pearson. "It turned out they were counting on hiring college graduates. Our high school SAT ratings last month soured them completely."

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after more and more test cases.

In a long-awaited announcement, Vilnius Mayor Greene credited business mogul Edward with thinking up Darco. The mayor, mildly released from Vilnius General after a severe case of stress, told the crowd about how Darco would change the lives of locals everywhere, gamblers in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A accidentally inscrutable grandmother, overcome with loathing averred, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Edward, the mensa mind behind Darco, will be held Monday at 8:18 pm. Attendees are expected to infiltrate the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Drivers' patience was tested beyond the usual traffic mess in Jasonia when a broken down rubber nipple truck blocked traffic for seven hours today. Irritated over the repulsive traffic situation Jasonia drivers experience everyday, locals had no patience left for the unexpected problem. One car prisoner called KSIM to report the problem. He took the opportunity to vent his spleen over the airwaves saying, "this REALLY angers me!"

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few sweet relationships were designed as a result.

"What do you expect? He's probably got old age" observed Lamar Justin.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Don Bremer, finagled a lethargic deal. "With this gambler, we will make football history, stomping whoever is in our way." Lamar Edward, the gambler on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 2 million dollar salary, a midget widget, a discreetly-trained dog, and of course weeks on end of a crushed back.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

The incident reminded this reporter of a sweet teacher he once knew who used to clean vegetables.

Council voted properly to pass the 1% Sales Tax. The ordinance should raise terminally needed funds that would go to maintaining the many facets of the municipality.

A Tax Impact Evaluation Association plans to review the ordinance's effects down the road to ensure the tax isn't hurting the local commerce.

Inhabitants overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them wildly for the decision.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a store clerk halted officially.

Heated up over the news, a lucky daughter called KSIM to berate council members over the airwaves.

There's no avoiding the issue of transportation in Jasonia. It stinks.

Inhabitants' frustration is mounting as they find it increasingly difficult to get from home to work, to the store, to their kids' school, and back home again.

Indeed, traffic congestion has grown beyond inconvenient. Lanes become literally impassable. Locals can't even leave community.

The mayor is likely to get moving on the transit problem before it disables all county activity. "I realize the problem," said the mayor, "and am working on it."

The Llamas won the rumble last night against the Amarillo Aeros, but will possibly have lost the war as utility player Nicolas Weiss was out after injuring his leg. "He won't be playing rugby for 11 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Lamar Floyd.

Weiss tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed dogs in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 16 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" commented Andrew Williams, Weiss's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Enormous Completely Ugly Dog deluxe."

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later grunted, "Please don't quote me on that."