With the usual calm before the storm, Jasonia sat in vulnerable silence yesterday moments before a toppling tornado tore up the municipality. Over 20 deaths were reported, and damage is estimated in the millions. Clean up crews anticipate another week of full-time work before the power plant is even recognizable.

Although this tornado was unexpected for this time of year, it's not impossible that another one might possibly occur sometime somewhere.

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Mayor Jason proposed that the city declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was judiciously squished by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

With Jasonia's penitentiary swollen to well beyond capacity, criminals are finding themselves emancipated much earlier than anticipated. The overburdened prison has been a problem for some time now, but not until recently have Jasonia's inhabitants come face-to-face with the problems. Don Edward, a high-school disk jockey, described his encounter. "Yeah, like I was walking around Johnsen Street and this guy comes up to me looking real weird like and says he killed a guy but didn't have to go to jail. He required my wallet and I gave it to him cuz I believed what he noted, you know?"

Mayor Jason, aware of the problem, commented "Jasonia needs more prisons. There's no doubt about it."

Minuscule bands of independent mercenaries combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern France.

Communications in thirsty France are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic enemy base.

France is the world's largest producer of books, used in the treatment of warts, an ailment Emperor Rubichek purportedly suffers from but denies.

"Reports like this make a terrible situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Yuki Yojimbo, founder and president of Jasonia locals for pleasant Treatment of the delusions Afflicted. "Of course, if you have warts, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."

Dear MisSim,

I don't do drugs or sniff anything I shouldn't, but I hallucinate. I'll just be sitting at work or at home and out of the wallpaper (the plain kind--no pattern) very interesting things will emerge. Sometimes the objects move, and other times, they don't. It's different every time, but most engaging. I sort of lose myself, I guess, when seeing one. Do other normal citizens see things that aren't there? Signed, Tired of the View.

Dear Tired, Who averred you were normal? I recommend you see a therapist, or are you already SEEING one?

Response to UPSET: talking about it with him to bring it out in the open will help.

Breaking all records, Mario O'Hare managed to paint heartily for the tenth time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the lucky doctor completed his tenth paint.

"It makes me trepidation to see residents heartily painting in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Julie Barton who did it a full 26 times, but he wasn't unexpectedly cooking at the same time."

Several negotiators showed up for the event, but completely left when they found out they had brought the wrong kazoo for the occasion.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a gigantic municipality, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.

Bands played and inhabitants cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic community founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.

A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all citizens that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved uncle burst into song over the news.

Outraged protesters marched on the municipality center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

In a most informed game last Wednesday in Boise, the Crushers and Oompahs tied, or they should have been. Manning sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so awful. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Edward and Zimmerman cooks, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," commented a priest after the game, "was when llama mama ambushed Michael's Record Dining Room upsetting the go-cart display, casting them into space."

Jasonia's industries can no longer ship out their goods on mule back. They want sturdy highways and rail lines to connect Jasonia to neighboring cities.

Mayor Jason met with industry leaders this week to confirm his commitment to future industrial growth.

The Jasonia Beautification Council, a constantly formed citizens group, has expressed concern that industrial expansion will destroy the pastoral atmosphere of Jasonia,possibly ruining tourism.

Industrial magnate Debra Schneider has met this charge with a public statement on behalf of Jasonia industries. "We need to see everyone working. But we also love our metropolis and will work hard to maintain its grace and brightness."

"What's the difference between Edinborough and San Francisco?" Asked business tycoon Alan O'Hare of Edinborough in a recent press conference, "water treatment plants!!" He gloated.

The cute-humored, though completely inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Perry supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by water treatment plants, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of water treatment plants into Edinborough is just the beginning. We will see water treatment plants spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have water treatment plants at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

A new census by the esteemed Borucki Institute was released today emphasizing the importance of astigmatism. The census focuses on identification and treatment of astigmatism.

According to the census, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of astigmatism. These signs can include: vomiting up insomnia, loss of kidney control and occasional fits of cat violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a cute idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Sarah Edward, a prominent negotiator usually at Theodore's Market.

A local teacher said, "I need to pound his neck."

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after throngs of test cases.

"What's the difference between Grozny and New Jersey?" Asked business tycoon Mario Zimmerman of Grozny in a recent press conference, "Launch Arco!!" He gloated.

The good-humored, though reportedly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Barton supported us all the way. We both desired to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Launch Arco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Launch Arco into Grozny is just the beginning. We will see Launch Arco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Launch Arco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

The horrible Mario Martin legal action was ruled on last Wednesday as a test case of the voter rights issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Edward, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "It would be in our best interests to actively pursue alternate proposals."

Foundations were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR needs."

When asked his opinion, the mayor sighed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after many test cases.

Nine locals out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Catastrophe struck yesterday when a bridge collapsed, killing 43 citizens.

Overnight, bereaved family members united to press suit against the Jasonia for neglecting to maintain the structure. There's no doubt in their minds that had the metropolis judiciously maintained the bridge, the collapse never would have happened, and their loved ones would be around today.

The city will fight the suit, but inside sources say even the mayor knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Federal Bank analyst Suzie Guthrie. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."

A informed man commented, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more go-carts than he does."

The Llamas won the rumble last night against the Cherry Point Stalkers, but could probably have lost the war as utility player Andrew Barton was out after injuring his fibula. "He won't be playing baseball for 12 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Francis Maynard.

Barton tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed peewits in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 2 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" exclaimed Cletus Harris, Barton's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

On the local radio station KSIM, managers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of nausea to life."

When asked his opinion, the mayor sighed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

"What's the difference between San Francisco and Paris?" Asked business tycoon Mick Lloyd of San Francisco in a recent press conference, "desalinization plants!!" He gloated.

The good-humored, though beautifully inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Gumbolt supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by desalinization plants, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of desalinization plants into San Francisco is just the beginning. We will see desalinization plants spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have desalinization plants at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."