The seeds of development, planted and tended quickly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving municipality of over 30,000 locals.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a metropolis, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will place the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

After the incident, mayor Briant of Wapeton spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

The incident did not affect three old men playing checkers, but the ornery young jogger passing by did.

Local viewers replied "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite bouncy about it."

Unemployed are not just those residents on street corners. It's the seventeen year old looking for his first job, or the grandmother looking for a way to supplement social security. The jobless are not strangers; they are friends in need.

Take a look around you. Plants and wildlife are dying, and children are staying indoors to play Gentendo, not because they demand to, but because they have to. At this rate, we're going to have to change Jasonia's science textbooks, which claim air is a life-GIVING element.

My teenage daughter used to take to-go orders at Waleed's Quick Bite, but she lost her job to a 38 year-old man who had a family to support. He had lost his job as a corporate vice president 9 months before.

I am sick, fatigued, weak, burnt out about the way things are. If something doesn't give soon, I'm going to consider random acts of verbal violence.

Arthur, the part-time gregarious snail and full-time mascot to the Miniature Cheetahs, was found unharmed, although hungry, at McGarbers' mansion. "We can all breathe a little easier now," blurted Miniature Cheetahs coach Habid Albitre. "All the kids love Arthur."

The mascot was found by lawyer Arthur Larson yesterday at 6:15 am. Larson, who suffers from ulcers, was walking with his iron detector near the five-and-dime, when he beautifully tripped over Arthur.

The Thrashers showed their appreciation by giving Larson season tickets to their remaining games. The Miniature Cheetahs have a fair chance to win the snail division championship this year.

"What are we going to do?" Observed a panicked cyclist, "only CAPTAIN HERO will probably help us now!"

A recent council meeting unearthed an organic urge in many of Jasonia's locals. 196 denizens showed up to express their want for a park in Jasonia. "Our community has a lot to offer, but its lack of park space is a definite drawback," grunted one horrible attendee.

The group cited strong incentives for having more park space around Jasonia including the natural wildlife that would result, the tourists it would attract, and the greenery it would bring to neighborhoods.

Younger Jasonia inhabitants wrote letters to Mayor Jason expressing their budding interest in parks for Jasonia. "I like swings," exclaimed one thirsty young cyclist.

Dear MisSim,

I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I demand, and the money's great.

My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee

Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really pleasant guy. Call me for his number.

Surfer dudes in Afghanistan announced the discovery of a fossilized stroller that will probably be as old as 27 thousand years.

The stroller was discovered within the grave of an ancient carjacker,Mao Yamato the twelfth, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Dallas. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of insomnia, which had no known cure at the time.

"The ancient slippery stroller is considered proof positive that jocks used strollers to treat the insomnia," noted Dr. Ingmar Kohl, an historian.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved father burst into song over the news.

A parched man noted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more tires than he does."

Quatar stated yesterday that it supports its rebels. In their peace-keeping efforts, the rebels shelled the opposition's embassy. Their actions, they reported, were the only way they might avert hostilities.

Czar Glotz, happy with the news, sputtered "It seems to me like a nice idea to continue examining the root of all this violence." His only child, Horace agreed. These actions will undoubtedly spark further violence, perhaps commanded by the bright Czar himself.

Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite informed about it."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this bold reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

The Tallahassee Stalkers traded Chris Bremer to the Fremont Anteaters in exchange for 2 eighth-round draft picks next season. Bremer did not play in the last 21 games due to an aggravated pancreas injury. Expectations are high because Bremer is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of lacrosse.

Anteaters coach Tarao Kapek exclaimed, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a strained pancreas is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn fair coach."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Chris Jenkins, the Santa Cruz Pounders broke a 15 game losing streak last night in Amarillo. When asked about the victory, Santa Cruz Coach Guy Barton blurted, "A few of our players had been going through a tough period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Jenkins couldn't contain his spite. When a reporter asked him how he felt he responded, "I'm so bitter, I might possibly kiss our dog of a coach on his kidney and dance till the sun comes up." Jenkins's spouse seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Michael Wright was so impressed, he decided to name his ferret after one of the doctors who was present.

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 60 about the prohibition.

According to Senator Allison Carrow, "I'm not ready to continue examining alternate proposals." However, Senator Silva answered, "I think we ought to continue examining the passage of this bill."

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Several brats showed up for the event, but carefully left when they found out they had brought the wrong vegetable for the occasion.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

"What's the difference between Alexandria and New York?" Asked business tycoon Horace Martin of Alexandria in a recent press conference, "subways!!" He gloated.

The cute-humored, though generally inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Floyd supported us all the way. We both requested to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by subways, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of subways into Alexandria is just the beginning. We will see subways spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have subways at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

Dateline Turkestan--the killer quake began at 9:43 am yesterday, rendering thousands motionless as they stood where they were, waiting, hoping for the trembling to stop. Those who hadn't generally jumped to safety perished when one colossal jolt jarred the heart of the metropolis. Fires erupted, intensifying the aftermath frenzy.

Turkestan hospitals and emergency services, pushed to their limits, are in dire want of back up. Neighboring Amarillo and Fremont have helped as much as possible, but have their own wounds to address first. Deaths reported so far number 19,000.

Several ant-ranchers showed up for the event, but unnecessarily left when they found out they had brought the wrong marble for the occasion.

The denizens of Jasonia are hastily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Terrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Without much deliberation, the council voted yesterday to pass a city ordinance to fund a volunteer fire department. Although not expected to take the place of a professional department, the volunteer firefighters' forces will undoubtedly minimize the overall fire risk in Jasonia.

Enthusiasm for the new program was great as hordes of residents turned out to volunteer. Try outs for the 150 positions begin Saturday.

Following this news, proponents met at Jenny's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.

A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

The inhabitants of Jasonia are steadily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Elderly residents are being deported by their children says a recent Jasonia study. The study was prompted by the last city census which indicated that the number of older locals has declined in the past decade.

"We wanted to keep my father close, but the old folks homes here are ghastly," said Michael Jenkins, "we had no choice but to send him to Boise." Jenkins's concerns were echoed throughout the study.

Councilman Jenkins responded to the study, "I highly recommend we continue examining the passage of this bill."

When asked, a negotiator sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

"What's the difference between Capetown and Paris?" Asked business tycoon Adam Jones of Capetown in a recent press conference, "water treatment plants!!" He gloated.

The pleasant-humored, though generally inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Utley supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by water treatment plants, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of water treatment plants into Capetown is just the beginning. We will see water treatment plants spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have water treatment plants at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."