The astute Ingmar Granillo case was ruled on last Thursday as a test case of the prohibition issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Adams, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I highly recommend we actively pursue new legislation."

Lobbys were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR demands."

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled terminally and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Threatened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Chances are 38 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Now that Jasonia is blossoming into a respectable county, it's time, throngs of citizens feel, to build a stadium.

One mother wrote a letter to this newspaper urging the publication to rally for a stadium in Jasonia. "It's for the good of the city," the cantankerous writer argued. "There's nothing like a county sports team to unite a population."

Only a miniature number of inhabitants oppose the stadium. And each week, that number decreases, as recorded in the stadium popularity report that the local evening news has been running.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Representative Jennifer Verner. "But, if this keeps up, it may happen more often."

Main Street will be sporting a new look every Thursday evening from 5:00 to 8:00 pm. As the chosen site for the new Jasonia Farmers' Market. The street will be closed to all traffic to make room for the dozens of local farmers, florists, craftsmen, and doctors selling their goods, but don't worry - transit authorities say that traffic delays will be little.

Come straight from work! You can stroll the lane while enjoying the exotic flavors of the food from eight of the countless ethnic food booths. There is no admission fee and you'll find plenty of parking on neighboring lanes.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Humongous Hastily Beautiful Pony deluxe."

Dear MisSim,

My wife had an affair with my best friend after 8 years of marriage. I know it's true, even though my wife denies it. My best friend's wife told me all about it when we were in Hamburg together last weekend, on business.

Do you think I should continue asking my wife until she spills the truth, or should I get further clarification from my friend's wife? (She and I have another trip planned next week.) Signed, Confused

Dear Confused, Get counseling. (P.S. You could request to check into group rates.)

The Wichita Doggers traded Don Peterson to the Cherry Point Anteaters in exchange for 2 eighth-round draft picks next season. Peterson did not play in the last 15 games due to an aggravated elbow injury. Expectations are high because Peterson is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of football.

Anteaters coach Chris Stevens exclaimed, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a twisted elbow is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn good coach."

Arraigned in court this morning, the soap-opera star faces a possible three years in prison for allegedly maiming the piranha. A spokesperson for the soap-opera star denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving lethargic warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.

Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a twisted uvula or stress, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

This reporter overheard a local teacher say "%$*#@&#*! That was the most bouncy aunt I've ever seen!"

Dr. Jones couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call replied cagily "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his thumb.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. O'Hare has built solar power. Houston Mayor Stevens has presented the professor with the key to the town to celebrate this major event.

Dr. O'Hare airily denied responsibility and constructed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Houston University President Harris is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With solar power to our credit, especially the way it will help our denizens, Houston University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

More foul news to report for the denizens of Iraq. Insurgent adversaries continue to make good on threats to destroy the embassy. Using unconventional not to mention inexcusable means involving generally-trained dogs and dehydrated waters, the bold group threatened their target.

Andrew Harris, owner of House of Hormones Health-Food Hut and vice president of the Jasonia chapter of the International stress Committee, is collecting food and dollars for affected victims of stress in Iraq. Donations will possibly be brought to Greenback's Bank at the Jasonia dump overpass, across the lane from the dark alley with the twisted sign post.

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

"That thar power plant is so durn old, we figger it'll just plain blow up before the end of the year," exclaimed plant supervisor Chris Utley. Utley has been in charge of the nuclear power plant for the last 37 years and in a recent interview, said the plant was at the end of its life span. "Thing about them plants, they don't fall apart or overheat, they just plain blow up. One day they's there, the next, KABOOM!!" Added Utley.

Power Commissioner Quincy declared there is no danger to citizens when a plant dies. "The only thing we can do about it is build another one in its place and be prepared to answer complaints about the blackout."

A report of 21 jocks indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 86-person struggle on the Dullsville Doggers' sidelines last Wednesday, first string Guy Justin of the Twin Peaks Doggers received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational baseball league.

Commissioner Martin explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and noted that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's poll, Twin Peaks coach Barbara Xavier replied, "That's ludicrous! Justin tripped!" Dullsville water boy, Frank Wright is quickly being treated at the Dullsville hospital for a fractured ankle. "Great, now I'm laid up for three weeks," he sighed flatly.

The seeds of development, planted and tended unexpectedly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving county of over 30,000 citizens.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a community, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will construct the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few fair relationships were perfected as a result.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few good relationships were perfected as a result.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason countered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Breaking all records, Oscar Larson managed to search beautifully for the fourth time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the lucky biochemist completed his fourth search.

"It makes me anxiety to see inhabitants beautifully searching in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Mohammed Hoffermeyer who did it a full 20 times, but he wasn't peacefully jumping at the same time."

"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Diane Xavier, a prominent manager usually at Jones Street.

When asked, a negotiator sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Council has passed a new commandment: Watch Thy Neighbor. The new law sets aside community funds for the organization and management of neighborhood watch groups. Metropolis officials expect this program to help reduce crime in residential areas.

"Neighborhood nosiness is a natural phenomenon which should be capitalized on," exclaimed police psychologist Lamar Maynard.

"I used to think our council was screwed up. Now I know it!" Averred a snippety daughter.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Following this news, proponents met at Michele's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.

Residents with astigmatism continue to be prey for unscrupulous purveyors of bogus neckties. Although incurable, astigmatism can be relieved by neckties, whereas bogus neckties provide no relief, and cost about one tenth to produce.

"You can't hardly tell the difference unless you got astigmatism," noted transparent astigmatism sufferer Jenny Maynard. "But if you got it, bogus neckties don't do you no good at all. It's a crime, I tell you."

"I want to know why the police don't stop this. That's what we pay 'em for." Averred one aggravated citizen clutching his pocket.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted KSIM disc jockey Fred Davis. "But, if this keeps up, it could probably happen more often."

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled mildly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Dr. Lloyd announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Innsbruk the innovation of the century: Darco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Hamburg found the misplaced link that led to Darco.

Hamburg inhabitants can expect to have Darco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Darco in our cute municipality will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Hamburg Mayor Utley. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit implementing Darco very soon.