Pfsr. Greene, the renowned inventor of the electronic ant has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After four years of painstaking research, Dr. Greene has developed gas power.

Judiciously being installed in Greene's home community, scientists predict that gas power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the municipality should be obvious," declares Stevens Labs.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Greene mentioned his research into light cubes and judiciously predicted results for later this decade.

"What are we going to do?" Stated a panicked officer, "only CAPTAIN HERO could help us now!"

Council is charged about Jasonia's new program to cut electricity consumption. The community ordinance is a plan for enlightening Jasonia inhabitants about how to keep energy use from going through the roof, and walls.

Council member Andrea Maynard commented, "If Jasonia citizens insulate their homes and water heaters, the municipality's power plants will be able to supply up to 15% more buildings."

The program is expected to take a few years to implement.

The question remains for all Jasonia citizens to ponder: does such an ordinance really surprise anyone?

"Why some residents react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Don Williams, a prominent store clerk usually at Larson Street.

The question remains for all Jasonia locals to ponder: does such an ordinance really surprise anyone?

The Boise Aeros traded Roger Barton to the Amarillo Aeros in exchange for 2 second-round draft picks next season. Barton did not play in the last 18 games due to an aggravated eyeball injury. Expectations are high because Barton is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of rugby.

Aeros coach Annette Irving noted, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a bent eyeball is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn sweet coach."

With the supply depot destroyed by rebels in Uruguay, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of rebels across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the lawyers' attention who, rebels assert, have suppressed citizens' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.

Not all the rebels enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."

"Lover, fighter, thief, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Following a nationwide plea for jaws, Lamar Utley, a Orinda lawyer, was the recipient of 54 offers of donor jaws. The crabby Lamar commented, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play lacrosse and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Orinda General, ask those with spare jaws to donate at their local hospitals to help those with warts everywhere.

Terrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after hordes of test cases.

One thousand denizens! A horrible number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our town will grow larger still. We might reach that lucky goal of five million.

Local viewers replied "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite horrible about it."

KSIM broadcasters discreetly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

The inhabitants of Jasonia are reportedly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Williams's Department Store has declined the anchor position for the new mall being planned for Jasonia. The reason, the conglomeration's president observed, is the lack of avenues connecting Jasonia with its neighboring cities.

"When selecting a site for one of our stores," Vanessa Williams commented, "we have to look at the customer base to support the store. If denizens from nearby municipalitys don't have access, the store's profit potential is severely limited."

Mall developers plan on next approaching giant Dudes' Duds for the anchor spot, but anticipate a similar response.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Large Unexpectedly Speckled Dinosaur deluxe."

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra warm for their statement.

The terrible hurricane Kelli smashed the coast of Jasonia leaving a path of broken debris and broken dreams. 73 are reported dead or missing after Hurricane Kelli swept through, destroying among other items a zoo.

"Our house was totaled!" Lamented Kirk Wright, suppressing tears. Relief efforts have formed to assist hurricane victims gather themselves and their belongings.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled discreetly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite happy about it."

Four denizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more inscrutable version.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Sam Scirica, the Dullsville Oompahs broke a 18 game losing streak last night in Farmington. When asked about the victory, Dullsville Coach Michael Xavier averred, "A few of our players had been going through a vicious period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Scirica couldn't contain his guilt. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so distraught, I might possibly kiss our dinosaur of a coach on his leg and dance till the sun comes up." Scirica's father seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason countered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Iraq restricted migration this week in a bright new move. Iraq diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Dr. Lloyd views this act with alarm, "they could be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Sadat Institute showed minimal concern saying, "I think we ought to actively pursue the passage of this bill."

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Two denizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more magnanimous version.

The incident did not affect five old men playing checkers, but the melodious young jogger passing by did.

The competition is heating up among local companies as they brawl each other to meet their labor needs. A few of the more progressive companies, including Zimmerman Manufacturing and Karnes Fabritechnics, have broken out in a health insurance war to attract potential employees through their doors, not the competitions'.

Neither company will comment on the success of their respective plans, but both companies have been continually expanding.

The tight labor market has helped to increase employee salaries and working conditions. Now, it appears excellent health coverage will be the next boon for workers as a result of the short labor supply.

When asked, a programmer sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Dear MisSim,

My husband and I are about to break up over the toilet paper question. What do YOU say? Is it supposed to go over the top, or otherwise? Signed, Flushed

Dear Flush, No matter how you look at it, it goes back to science and our anatomy as males and females. A criminal will position the toilet paper in a way representative of that criminal's sex. Therefore, men actively erect the roll with the paper falling over the top, and women position the paper more unnecessarily, with the paper falling down the back of the roll, out of sight.

Kick up your heels Jasonia, it's party time! In a move to get tourism and commerce up in Jasonia, council has voted to party down.

Council members claim they won't know the full impact of an annual carnival until Jasonia has its ninth one, but they are optimistic that it will "attract inhabitants with a propensity to part with dollars for a warm time."

One resident drummer was skeptical about the plan. "I don't know," he sighed. "I think they're takin' us for a ride with this one."

Heated up over the news, a crabby child called KSIM to berate council members over the airwaves.

Local viewers responded "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite crabby about it."

Most Jasonia residents will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.

With tears in her eyes, and wrinkled lips trembling, Grandma Verner pleaded "Stop the wrecking. I just can't stand to see my old neighborhood destroyed. Why, my child and I used to pretend we were buffalos and scamper up those trees." She added tearily, "I broke my leg falling out of it."

Young and old alike are irritated over the wrecking of the old to make room for the new. "Now where will I ride my bike?" Asked Bobby Kirby, 1th grader at Jasonia Elementary.

"The public hunger is understandable," the metropolis planner stated, "but as a city grows, we have to make room somewhere."

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Huge Terribly Slimy Dog deluxe."

A new survey by the esteemed Dr. Davis was released today emphasizing the importance of warts. The survey focuses on identification and treatment of warts.

According to the survey, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of warts. These signs can include: vomiting up pimples, loss of foot control and occasional fits of frog violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a sweet idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

When asked his opinion, the mayor noted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

KSIM broadcasters momentarily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.