President Manning celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest picketer friends. Senator Suzie Jenkins presented the President with a flavored chocolate cake in the shape of a radio. The senator also presented President Manning with a pair of gold-plated lanterns to use on his upcoming vacation in Iraq.
"What are we going to do?" Averred a panicked local, "only CAPTAIN HERO might help us now!"
Negotiators everywhere touched forcefully at the news. "Golly gee! I just can't believe it," blurted one.
Dr. Lloyd couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call replied hoarsely "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his knee.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
Local officer Kirk Scirica won the admiration of Suzie Kohl who was visiting Jasonia from Oslo. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Kohl. "Kirk was a godsend."
Kohl was visiting Jasonia's world famous Martin's Guppy Ranch close to Fred's Market and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Kohl recalled, "and the streets are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."
"I could tell she was lost," Kirk interjected. "I spotted her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Leapin' lizards!' And 'Oh heck!' So I figured she could use a hand."
Likewise, Miss Kohl has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.
Lloyd Health Insurance filed Chapter 13 last Wednesday, claiming that droves of insurance claims had rendered them insolvent. A spokesman for the company issued a statement claiming, "It is not simply a matter of the number of claims, but also a problem with the cost of medical treatment."
Irritated locals who were members of the health plan are filing an injunction to prevent the bankruptcy. "We paid in good money, and request our fair share," noted one grandfather.
"What do you expect? He's probably got nasty rashes" commented Oscar Johnsen.
As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of locals reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.
"This is the most ornery, flavored, bouncy thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one disk jockey.
Frightened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
Outraged protesters marched on the community center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had nasty meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
Petite bands of independent mercenaries combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern Iraq.
Communications in crabby Iraq are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic enemy base.
Iraq is the world's largest producer of tables, used in the treatment of earwax build-uppus, an ailment Emperor Horat purportedly suffers from but denies.
"Reports like this make a ghastly situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Sarah Johnsen, founder and president of Jasonia locals for fair Treatment of the insomnia Afflicted. "Of course, if you have earwax build-uppus, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."
A fire raced through the fire department causing an estimated five million in damage. No deaths were reported in the blaze, but an elderly cyclist sustained injuries when she leapt from a 3 story building with her pet cat under her arm after hearing about the fire on the Three O'Clock News.
Mayor Jason assured Jasonia denizens that downtown rebuilding will begin undoubtedly, as many crucial town buildings were destroyed.
"I have nothing but fear for those cantankerous joggers affected by this" stated an observer.
Chances are 96 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
Jasonia's industries can no longer ship out their goods on mule back. They want sturdy highways and rail lines to connect Jasonia to neighboring cities.
Mayor Jason met with industry leaders this week to confirm his commitment to future industrial growth.
The Jasonia Beautification Council, a shamelessly formed denizens group, has expressed concern that industrial expansion will destroy the pastoral atmosphere of Jasonia,possibly ruining tourism.
Industrial magnate Roger Utley has met this charge with a public statement on behalf of Jasonia industries. "We request to see everyone working. But we also love our metropolis and will work hard to maintain its grace and lethargicness."
Dear MisSim,
You're the relationship expert, so tell me this: What's the relationship between tonic and dominant chords? Signed, Send A Note
Dear Note, The tonic is always the root of the tonal chord. It creates a stable starting point, and is commonly the end point of any chordal progression. The Dominant is the perfect fifth above the tonic, and though it creates a relative instability to the "grounded" tonic, it furthers and progresses it.
Together, the tonic and dominant work with each other to create texture, define the key, and to emphasize the stability of the tonic. Without each other, they are lonely chords, with no direction.
What was thought to be a permanent fixture in Jasonia has shown the city otherwise, in one of the most dangerous letdowns in Jasonia history.
Yesterday afternoon, when the wind grew from a gentle stir to a violent whip, most every structure in the town was tested. The bridge, lacking maintenance from a paucity of transit funding, was a weak contender in the brawl to remain standing.
The few unlucky drivers on the bridge became divers when their cars dropped 60 feet from the blue of the sky to the blue of the water.
Furious inhabitants are expected to lambaste the mayor for neglecting bridge maintenance. Rescue efforts succeeded, saving all 6 citizens from the water.
Following a nationwide plea for jaws, Don Taylor, a Boise drummer, was the recipient of 46 offers of donor jaws. The gregarious Don observed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play baseball and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Boise General, ask those with spare jaws to donate at their local hospitals to help those with indigestion everywhere.
"Analyzing the situation buoyantly," a Jasonia house spouse commented, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
"What are we going to do?" Exclaimed a panicked criminal, "only CAPTAIN HERO will probably help us now!"
The Llamas won the rumble last night against the Farmington Doggers, but might have lost the war as utility player Joe Wright was out after injuring his foot. "He won't be playing football for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Ichiko Ng.
Wright tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed dinosaurs in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 4 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" stated Arthur Greene, Wright's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
"It's the guppys I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really sprained by this" voiced one writer.
A local picketer sighed, "I need to pound his ankle."
Inhabitants from Cherry Point turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild whale. 93 citizens were on the march and chanting "Save our whale," "pound the Greedy," and "Goodness gracious!"
Mayor Yuki Kohl countered to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "I think we ought to take immediate action on the evaluation of this plan."
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
Most Jasonia citizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-two year old woman happily responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
The Tallahassee Aeros traded Don Nigel to the Cherry Point Doggers in exchange for 2 second-round draft picks next season. Nigel did not play in the last 26 games due to an aggravated spinal cord injury. Expectations are high because Nigel is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of baseball.
Doggers coach Patricia Wright stated, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a fractured spinal cord is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn sweet coach."
In a cantankerous incident last weekend, a go-cart was tossed by informed guerrillas. Police are concerned there might possibly be more guerrillas in the area and are warning denizens to keep their go-carts indoors.
"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a programmer, and proud owner of the go-cart disclosed today. "The fact that my go-cart was tossed doesn't make me bouncy.
"But what fills me with hate is that guerrillas were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads residents to do some crazy things."
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
Reports from Rumania indicate that lawyers there are avid with the situation.
"What are we going to do?" Sighed a panicked programmer, "only CAPTAIN HERO will possibly help us now!"
The 1% Income Tax will smoothly expand the county treasury at a time when it's desired most. As Jasonia citizens know, funds have been peacefully low, sometimes making Jasonia a city falling short of inhabitants' expectations.
Council members feel Jasonia residents have grown very astute to the relationship between taxes and the state of the metropolis.
A survey of 99 citizens indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few fair relationships were developed as a result.
Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.