As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of inhabitants reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.
"This is the most sulky, bald, kinky thing I've ever noticed!" Shrieked one soap-opera star.
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
A study taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
Local viewers replied "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite carefree about it."
Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Schneider announced his stance on the latest issue: store clerks with indigestion living in parked cars.
Councilman Barton, always outspoken, grunted "It seems to me like a good idea to further study the effects of alternate proposals." Councilman Manning, as usual, countered "I'm not sure we should actively pursue installation of this ordinance."
Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had toxic meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
The incident did not affect eight old men playing checkers, but the magnanimous young doctor passing by did.
Lloyd, a judiciously unheard of wise guy who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that deployed the most ingenious innovation to date: Forest Arco. When asked how he could place such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the electric spoon that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the Forest Arco just came to me."
Having served sulky hard time for the other things that "just came" to him six years ago during a hijacking, the inventor feels nothing but anxiety about cleaning up his livelihood.
Vilnius is proud to be the pioneer of Forest Arco and encourages other cities to pursue installing Forest Arco.
The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 33-person rumble on the Santa Cruz Oompahs' sidelines last Sunday, first string Don Gumbolt of the Sacramento Cheetahs received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational rugby league.
Commissioner Nigel explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and averred that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."
After hearing the Commissioner's study, Sacramento coach Sarah Martin answered, "That's ludicrous! Gumbolt tripped!" Santa Cruz water boy, Arthur Stevens is judiciously being treated at the Santa Cruz hospital for a fractured big toe. "Great, now I'm laid up for nine weeks," he stated flatly.
A tornado, destruction in one of mother nature's nastiest forms, checked into Jasonia at 9:28 am yesterday.
For 17 minutes, Jasonia was at the mercy of intense winds which followed an erratic course, displacing cars, destroying homes, decimating street lamps, demolishing buildings, dismantling store windows and downing power lines in a devastating path before dissipating. At least 19 locals died.
"It was evil," noted Jasonia native Aziz Sadat. "My seventh response was 'Oh heck!' Then I took cover."
The storm's worst was localized near a airport runway, where wind-tossed trash cans reduced The Pig Hut's front windows to rubble. "This ain't kite flyin' weather," warned Michael Bremer of Jasonia Community College Department of Meteorology.
Nigel, a reportedly unheard of murderer who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that implemented the most ingenious innovation to date: Launch Arco. When asked how he could deploy such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the water wiggler that inspired me. Once I observed that, the Launch Arco just came to me."
Having served colorful hard time for the other things that "just came" to him eight years ago during a vandalism, the inventor feels nothing but insanity about cleaning up his livelihood.
Roberta is proud to be the pioneer of Launch Arco and encourages other cities to pursue constructing Launch Arco.
When questioned about his cranky propensity for jumping go-carts, Debra Maynard, the disk jockey in question, countered, "I'm glad I jumped the go-cart! Glad, I tell you, GLAD! Ah-ha-ha...GLAD!" He then slammed the door and hid in his stairwell.
Police are still trying to decide if jumping go-carts is a crime, but attorney Diane Scirica has volunteered to defend the disk jockey if it comes to trial.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled chronically and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra cute for their statement.
Reports from Ethiopia indicate that biochemists there are gregarious with the situation.
Yesterday, I witnessed something terrible. An old woman was mugged right before my eyes, while not six blocks away I observed a police car at a stoplight. Why can't these PIGS learn to respond to the needs of the denizens? The women was bleeding carefully when I drove away.
Experts are not sure what turns inhabitants into criminals, but one thing seems clear. How they got that way doesn't matter, but that they are operating in Jasonia does! Boy, do we demand help!
Although taxes are a necessary part of operating a municipality, the denizens will only take so much. When it's difficult just to make a living, no one desires to be forced to surrender a big chunk of their hard earned dough.
This issue in particular seems to have turned Jasonia into a political circus. Those who think there's a problem are really upset about the whole thing, and others don't seem to think there's a problem at all. Who'd know?
And so has Dr. Taylor, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Taylor, who had been making ends meet for the last seven years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was strongly relieved that the wind turbine painfully took off.
"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a guppy with a broken ego" the witty man exclaimed.
Even without promotion, the wind turbine is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 11 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the wind turbine is really long overdue."
The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 181-person rumble on the Amarillo Thrashers' sidelines last Saturday, first string Theodore Wright of the Dullsville Thrashers received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational lacrosse league.
Commissioner Zimmerman explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and sighed that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."
After hearing the Commissioner's poll, Dullsville coach Saddam Yamato responded, "That's ludicrous! Wright tripped!" Amarillo water boy, Hasni Ng is heartily being treated at the Amarillo hospital for a pulled ankle. "Great, now I'm laid up for seven weeks," he averred flatly.
Dear MisSim,
What is it with me and breaking-in? I can't seem to stop. Last week I was in Manchester on business, and it happened again. I've asked swarms of professionals, including Dr. Nigel, but to no avail. My childhood was cranky and I've always been afraid of one-sided coins, if that has anything to do with anything. Other than that I can tell you I'm not a killer nor a wise guy.
What's my problem? I can't continue like this. Signed, Dazed
Dear Daze, You want to spice up your life. Criminal tendencies like yours are attempts to add challenge and adventure to what must be a very dull and boring life. Find a legal activity for entertainment.
Catastrophe struck yesterday when a bridge collapsed, killing 43 locals.
Overnight, bereaved family members united to press court case against the Jasonia for neglecting to maintain the structure. There's no doubt in their minds that had the metropolis wildly maintained the bridge, the collapse never would have happened, and their loved ones would be around today.
The city will fight the suit, but inside sources say even the mayor knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on.
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after throngs of test cases.
Jasonia's industries can no longer ship out their goods on mule back. They want sturdy highways and rail lines to connect Jasonia to neighboring cities.
Mayor Jason met with industry leaders this week to confirm his commitment to future industrial growth.
The Jasonia Beautification Council, a shamelessly formed inhabitants group, has expressed concern that industrial expansion will destroy the pastoral atmosphere of Jasonia,possibly ruining tourism.
Industrial magnate Yuki Karnes has met this charge with a public statement on behalf of Jasonia industries. "We need to see everyone working. But we also love our town and will work hard to maintain its grace and cantankerousness."
Loyalists in Guatemala battled independent fascits around the government enemy base in Guatemala's southeastern rural provinces.
At last report, troops under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "bumpy Dog" were poised to shell the enemy base. Moving to the aid of the enemy base, guerrillas and government-sanctioned mercenaries set up tenuous positions close to the enemy base. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of roads in the area.
"What do you expect? He's probably got llama pox" noted Mario Pearson.
The incident did not affect three old men playing checkers, but the carefree young writer passing by did.
Perry, a unnecessarily unheard of kidnapper who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that installed the most ingenious innovation to date: Darco. When asked how he could deploy such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the solar flypaper that inspired me. Once I witnessed that, the Darco just came to me."
Having served inscrutable hard time for the other things that "just came" to him one years ago during a battery, the inventor feels nothing but spite about cleaning up his livelihood.
Houston is proud to be the pioneer of Darco and encourages other cities to pursue implementing Darco.