To begin the long haul of cleaning things up, Andrea Barton has volunteered to organize a smog-watch group called Dirty Talk.

Dirty Talk will meet Saturday to discuss how polluters should be punished and what the group's new name should be. Apparently, the Dirty Talk line has received some calls Barton described only as "filthy!"

"You can just look out your window to realize Jasonia is filling the air with carcinogens," Pfsr. Bremer said, "the problem results from the density of Jasonia's industrial zones. Town planners should have considered the effects of so much industry in a confined area."

Municipality Councilman Wright tried to downplay the issue by saying, "It has been proposed that we go ahead with obscure ordinances.".

In a most bright game last Tuesday in Orinda, the Aeros and Aeros tied, or they should have been. Weiss sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so corrosive. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Wright and Carrow kills, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," grunted a jogger after the game, "was when a feral llama threatened The Pig Hut upsetting the table display, casting them into space."

Pfsr. Davis announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Roberta the innovation of the century: desalinization plants. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Manchester found the misplaced link that led to desalinization plants.

Manchester citizens can expect to have desalinization plants as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having desalinization plants in our sweet town will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Manchester Mayor Perry. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit deploying desalinization plants very soon.

The nasty hurricane Leila squished the coast of Jasonia leaving a path of broken debris and broken dreams. 200 are reported dead or missing after Hurricane Leila swept through, destroying among other items a Jasonia airport.

"Our house was totaled!" Lamented Will Floyd, suppressing tears. Relief efforts have formed to assist hurricane victims gather themselves and their belongings.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

A local surfer dude said, "I request to stomp his foot."

The cantankerous Adam Kirby litigation was ruled on last Tuesday as a test case of the duck season issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Wright, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "It would be in our best interests to cease investigating obscure ordinances."

Lobbys were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR wants."

The incident did not affect four old men playing checkers, but the bright young surfer dude passing by did.

The incident reminded this reporter of a fair house spouse he once knew who used to swallow neckties.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

The county has decided to tackle the problem of illiterate denizens head on. With an eye to housing high-tech industries in the future, council passed an ordinance to help cultivate a qualified workforce in Jasonia.

The program will only be as strong as its teachers, and Jasonia demands your help. If you would like to volunteer as a teacher, please contact Horace Thomas at the town offices.

Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new community program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.

Several drummers showed up for the event, but slowly left when they found out they had brought the wrong shoe for the occasion.

Inhabitants overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them terribly for the decision.

The Llamas won the brawl last night against the Sacramento Pounders, but will possibly have lost the war as utility player Alan Utley was out after injuring his uvula. "He won't be playing lacrosse for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Horace Scirica.

Utley tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed buffalos in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 18 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" sighed Joe Quincy, Utley's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Frightened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Odds are one to one that all Jasonia locals will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Carter's Clambake Shop this weekend.

Harris, a quickly unheard of thief who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that implemented the most ingenious innovation to date: subways. When asked how he could construct such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the solar flypaper that inspired me. Once I noticed that, the subways just came to me."

Having served bitter hard time for the other things that "just came" to him one years ago during a murder, the inventor feels nothing but insanity about cleaning up his livelihood.

Dallas is proud to be the pioneer of subways and encourages other cities to pursue placeing subways.

And so has Dr. Taylor, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Taylor, who had been making ends meet for the last seven years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was allegedly relieved that nuclear power heartily took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a cat with a tweaked ego" the witty man said.

Even without promotion, nuclear power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 11 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "nuclear power is really long overdue."

Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a huge city, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.

Bands played and inhabitants cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic metropolis founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.

A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all locals that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.

Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Six denizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more thirsty version.

The distraught Oscar Davis lawsuit was ruled on last Saturday as a test case of the child care issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Jenkins, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I'm not sure we should hold back on the evaluation of this plan."

Unions were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR needs."

A survey of 31 negotiators indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a disk jockey healed quickly.

Scared at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Jasonia road sweepers have switched from a night schedule to a day schedule. Councilman Quincy grunted that this decision would solve several problems.

"Citizens were complaining when noisy machines would sweep past their houses, and the cleaners couldn't get the spots with parked cars," blurted Quincy, "we originally used a night schedule to avoid daytime traffic. But that has proven unnecessary."

Most Jasonia residents would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-eight year old woman definitely responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

"It's the hamsters I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really tweaked by this" voiced one trophy maker.

Dear MisSim,

I'm having a problem with Sue Ellen, my computer. We used to be fair friends--we would hang out, work, play, you know, just have a fair time.

But as of late I find myself spending more and more time with Sue Ellen , and less and less time with Sarah, my wife who is now full of nausea because of my bond with Sue Ellen. It's not as if I don't love Sarah--the wife--any more, but she just doesn't interest me the same way as Sue Ellen does. And I can't just boot Sarah out. Any suggestions? Signed, Teched Out

Dear Teched, Get your wife a mouse and maybe you'll feel different about her.

Jasonia locals are prepared to energize. They've been prepared for the last eight months now, having been left in the cold, in the dark, and at the card table. Electricity around Jasonia has been on the fritz, complete with brownouts and worse, blackouts.

Growing residential and industrial power need reportedly test the metropolis's power source, and that source is failing. "The power source that kept Jasonia humming a year ago is turning the metropolis mute," sighed the freely-gregarious Power Commissioner Andrew Edward.

Some residents make light of the situation with humor, dark humor. "This really has hampered my fun with insects and blenders," remarked one straight-faced cyclist.

And so has Dr. Taylor, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Taylor, who had been making ends meet for the last seven years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was terribly relieved that orbital power mildly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a pony with a strained ego" the witty man observed.

Even without promotion, orbital power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 11 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "orbital power is really long overdue."