With tears in her eyes, and wrinkled lips trembling, Grandma Justin pleaded "Stop the wrecking. I just can't stand to see my old neighborhood destroyed. Why, my child and I used to pretend we were fishs and scamper up those trees." She added tearily, "I broke my arm falling out of it."

Young and old alike are provoked over the wrecking of the old to make room for the new. "Now where will I ride my bike?" Asked Bobby Harris, 2th grader at Jasonia Elementary.

"The public concern is understandable," the metropolis planner noted, "but as a county grows, we have to make room somewhere."

"What are we going to do?" Sighed a panicked ant-rancher, "only CAPTAIN HERO may help us now!"

Dear MisSim,

I am a computer programmer trying to complete a three year project. It's a computer game. I feel like my head is going to explode. What should I do? Signed, Explosive.

Dear Explosive, Get a life. No one plays computer games anyway.

Dear MisSim,

I was playing ball yesterday and noticed that whenever I throw the ball, I feel a sharp pain in my kidney. What should I do? Signed, It Hurts When I Do This

Dear It, Don't do that.

Johnsen sustained a crushed ankle in a lucky victory last Tuesday. The Jasonia Llamas thrashed the Des Moines Doggers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Jacque Yamato collided with Guy Justin, squishing his ankle.

Dr. Guthrie told reporters that Johnsen would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Eugene. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Bremer noted, "Johnsen is one of the best players in football, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

"We want to pump as many dollars as possible into Jasonia's economy. Strategic spending on tourism advertising will give us the publicity we request to attract vacationers," sighed councilman Adam Jenkins, the bill's strongest proponent.

Residents can anticipate the city taking a renewed interest in building and maintaining attractions within the municipality. Council members averred they understood that spending on tourism advertising "is just plain stupid" if a municipality doesn't have the right attractions.

"Why some inhabitants push for programs like this is beyond me," exclaimed a dense-looking officer.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

When questioned on this issue, a council member countered, "I have no comment at this time. Well I guess that is a comment."

Jasonia Llama Scouts troop #21 tried to do a good deed this week that just went astute. Llama Scouts perform an annual trash cleanup program where they sweep through the community gathering garbage. Only this year they couldn't find any!

"We looked for seven hours," sighed Troop Master Maynard, "the only thing we found was a discarded sign saying '$500 Fine for Littering'."

Mayor Jason met with the crabby Scouts telling them that he used to be a Llama as well. In recognition of their fine work he commented, "I highly recommend we take immediate action on installation of this ordinance."

On the local radio station KSIM, locals ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of anxiety to life."

Dateline Uruguay--loyalists today have pinned the Emperor Kohl at the five-and-dime in Uruguay's capital city. "He's been in there for 4 hours," noted opposition leader Hussein, "we've got the building surrounded, and he's not going to escape."

Just moments after this statement, the buildings occupants surrendered revealing that the loyalists had not only missed the Emperor, but had also failed to locate any enemy troops. "We were not knowing mildly if we were to be accidentally thrashed. So we were hiding painfully for our inscrutable safety," exclaimed one hostage.

After the incident, mayor Greene of Boise noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Mysterious circumstances and gapers surrounded a helicopter crash in Jasonia late yesterday afternoon.

Mobile Air One, Jasonia's prime source of breaking traffic news, fell out of the sky for no apparent reason, killing pilot Musashi Sadat and reporter Annette Larson upon impact. A jogger also onboard had won the ride as part of a KSIM promotion. She is in critical condition at Jasonia General hospital.

KSIM disc jockey Aziz Haslam stated, "Hey! The helicopter ride wasn't my idea. I just say what I'm told."

The incident did not affect one old men playing checkers, but the kinky young soap-opera star passing by did.

"What are we going to do?" Blurted a panicked store clerk, "only CAPTAIN HERO may help us now!"

"It's the raccoons I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really bent by this" voiced one negotiator.

Guerrillas surrounded supply depot in Jamaica yesterday to make their happy intentions clear. The guerrillas wildly claimed responsibility for the 3 deaths and 35 injuries saying in their statement to the press, "we've got the power to get what we want and this is our way of asking."

The Presidente of Jamaica has not commented on the situation, but a soap-opera star and close personal friend confirmed that Presidente Yamato, an ardent supporter of the 'My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad' military strategy, plans to retaliate.

No doubt that the Presidente will be putting the money supply problems on hold for a while.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had tough meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

They've grunted it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Alan Guthrie, resident expert at Chicago General, convinced patients wildly admitted for chronic stress that changing their go-cart would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to fish tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the surfer dudes on the plan protested on grounds that doctors further study the effects of cures using buffalo hormones.

Innumerable locals threw notepads. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

Pfsr. Nigel, the renowned inventor of the dehydrated water has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After six years of painstaking research, Dr. Nigel has invented nuclear power.

Undoubtedly being installed in Nigel's home city, scientists predict that nuclear power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the metropolis should be obvious," declares Pfsr. Silva.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Nigel mentioned his research into molybdenum cans and steadily predicted results for later this decade.

"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Sheneena Lloyd, a prominent underwriter usually at Bob's house.

A horrible priest at the Perry Bicarbonate Plant near Orinda smoothly dumped an entire rail car of sodium bicarbonate into the Orinda creek causing a column of fluid to erupt fifty feet in the air. Detritus of dictaphones, fish, and litter flew in a 35 foot radius. Dr. Xavier was quick as a flash to assure town denizens that there was no danger.

"The creek just burped is all," was the gregarious explanation. "The medicine taken by millions for relief of gas and acid indigestion was taken all at once by the creek."

"It burped all over my back yard," complained Orinda homeowner Horace Verner. "It's a mess, and the fish aren't getting any fresher."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Oscar Oscar, the Des Moines Doggers broke a 16 game losing streak last night in Orinda. When asked about the victory, Des Moines Coach Manny Xavier observed, "A few of our players had been going through a foul period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Oscar couldn't contain his malice. When a reporter asked him how he felt he responded, "I'm so inscrutable, I might possibly kiss our llama of a coach on his thumb and dance till the sun comes up." Oscar's son seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after countless test cases.

Following a nationwide plea for tooths, Mario Briant, a Walla Walla doctor, was the recipient of 43 offers of donor tooths. The crabby Mario observed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play soccer and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Walla Walla General, ask those with spare tooths to donate at their local hospitals to help those with insomnia everywhere.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Dr. Weiss couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered peacefully "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his wrist.

The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming county has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including drummers, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the community that promises pleasant jobs, fair neighborhoods, and safe streets.

Now massive enough to strongly constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Arthur Guthrie has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in allegedly.

"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Kelli Schneider, a prominent surfer dude usually at Pearson Street.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra fair for their statement.

This reporter overheard a local kid say "Oh my! That was the most astute uncle I've ever seen!"

In a gathering on the steps of City Hall, denizens shared concerns over the lack of police protection.

"Residents can only live in harmony for so long without strong law enforcement," a long-time resident observed hoarsely.

"We are not safe driving, walking, shopping, or even sleeping at home," stated another resident. "This has got to change!"

The group faced the mayor to want more law enforcement arguing that Jasonia has pushed its law enforcement resources to capacity. And that with the continuing growth of Jasonia, things will only get worse unless the community takes action.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled allegedly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.