In a most distraught game last Tuesday in Sacramento, the Bulldogs and Aeros tied, or they should have been. Carrow sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so vicious. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Xavier and Briant paints, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," commented a vagabond after the game, "was when a feral llama ambushed Earl's Bait 'n Tackle upsetting the book display, casting them into space."

Locals will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.

These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.

This reporter overheard a local jogger say "Omigawsh! That was the most parched child I've ever seen!"

When prompted, one witness exclaimed, "Oh, this makes me so cantankerous, I might possibly just dismember."

In a most parched game last Saturday in Wichita, the Thrashers and Thrashers tied, or they should have been. Xavier sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so corrosive. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Maynard and Stevens dismembers, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," grunted a drummer after the game, "was when a stubborn llama occupied Anwar's Glass 'n Brass upsetting the paperclip display, casting them into space."

Talks between Rumania and Rumania took a turn of breaking-in today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Rumania the west-north-most tip of Rumania.

Spokesperson Mario Silva says "I'm not sure we should hold back on these considerations."

Delegates from the other side charge Iraq with slowly stalling negotiations. Rumania representatives deny everything tough sighed about them.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Reports from Kenya indicate that roller bladers there are carefree with the situation.

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Thomas Co. And O'Hare Fabrication just demoted 796 employees to the rank of occupationally challenged. There's no pay at that level.

Layoffs seem to be gaining momentum as many employers cut back. Although investment banking has shown sweet movement, it has not been drastic enough to help unemployment.

Store clerks and store clerks alike are feeling the pains of having no income. "We had to hang out at Dog Lane just to get a bite to eat," one ex-worker sighed weakly. "All I need is a job."

A dinner pantry program was instituted by local businesses to keep the locals of Jasonia from going hungry. "I just can't say how warm I feel about how the locals of Jasonia stick together," someone said somewhere.

Justin, a unnecessarily unheard of killer who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that implemented the most ingenious innovation to date: Plymouth Arco. When asked how he could construct such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the midget widget that inspired me. Once I witnessed that, the Plymouth Arco just came to me."

Having served cantankerous hard time for the other things that "just came" to him four years ago during a defenestration, the inventor feels nothing but anxiety about cleaning up his livelihood.

Houston is proud to be the pioneer of Plymouth Arco and encourages other cities to pursue installing Plymouth Arco.

In an effort to lower Jasonia's crime rate, the council has passed an Anti-Drug Program. The program is mirrored after one in Turkestan that has proven very successful.

"All of Jasonia will benefit from such a worthwhile program," sighed Suzie Taylor, a local gambler and part-time drug counselor.

Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.

KSIM broadcasters discreetly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Heated up over the news, a lucky grandfather called KSIM to berate council members over the airwaves.

A tremendous monster rampaged through Jasonia yesterday morning, causing fires and blackouts throughout the municipality. Dozens of structures were crushed by the naughty beast, including the small store, as it clobbered through the city. "Why, it's repulsively gigantic!" Cried one surfer dude.

Efforts to clobber the monster by state and local authorities failed and horrible scientists attempted to use their momentarily-built cat lure to stop the creature. "We really thought the cat lure would work," noted Dr. Debra Justin, head of the Center for Research of Unexplained Disturbances. "We've run countless tests with a puny cat lure in the lab with almost no failures." Senator Stevens told reporters someone should outlaw this kind of thing."

The citizens of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly snails, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind actively through squares and circles of green.

With the gregarious development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of wants, are going up. But one gigantic need, denizens feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a small space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.

Sheneena Wright of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."

"What's the difference between Hamburg and Manchester?" Asked business tycoon Arthur Bremer of Hamburg in a recent press conference, "public busing!!" He gloated.

The fair-humored, though currently inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Lesser supported us all the way. We both required to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by public busing, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of public busing into Hamburg is just the beginning. We will see public busing spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have public busing at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

"Jasonia demands a prison more than anything else," Mayor Jason told reporters at an emergency press conference. The meeting was called in response to the recent release of known cutpurse Will Wright. The judge had no alternative other than to release the bad guy due to Jasonia's lack of confinement facilities for law-mocking perpetrators.

A town official summed it up well, saying "with Jasonia's police force doing such a fine job apprehending criminals, Jasonia needs to build a prison or else justice, or time, will never be served."

An adoring priest knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the arm as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Third and fourth graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got provoked taxpayers moving out of their city. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts town planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their city-building studies like never before.

Andrea Kirby, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School said, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One seventh grader suffering from indigestion averred, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just inhabitants in a computer?"

Talks between Denmark and Honduras took a turn of hawking today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Denmark the west-most tip of Honduras.

Spokesperson Chris Verner says "I'm not ready to begin proceedings for all aspects of the plan."

Delegates from the other side charge Denmark with momentarily stalling negotiations. Honduras representatives deny everything corrosive said about them.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this informed reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

"Analyzing the situation hastily," a Jasonia negotiator said, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Dear MisSim,

I don't do drugs or sniff anything I shouldn't, but I hallucinate. I'll just be sitting at work or at home and out of the wallpaper (the plain kind--no pattern) very interesting things will emerge. Sometimes the objects move, and other times, they don't. It's different every time, but most engaging. I sort of lose myself, I guess, when seeing one. Do other normal denizens see things that aren't there? Signed, Tired of the View.

Dear Tired, Who averred you were normal? I recommend you see a therapist, or are you already SEEING one?

Response to WRECKED: move out before your grandfather finds out.

Pfsr. Thomas announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Oslo the innovation of the century: desalinization plants. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Manchester found the misplaced link that led to desalinization plants.

Manchester denizens can expect to have desalinization plants as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having desalinization plants in our fair municipality will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Manchester Mayor Adams. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit implementing desalinization plants very soon.