Talks between Sudan and Quatar took a turn of murder today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Sudan the east-most tip of Quatar.
Spokesperson Thor Floyd says "It has been proposed that we further study the effects of this proposal."
Delegates from the other side charge Guatemala with currently stalling negotiations. Quatar representatives deny everything nasty averred about them.
Reports from Oman indicate that cyclists there are tragic with the situation.
Chris Thomas was so impressed, he decided to name his whale after one of the cyclists who was present.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had vicious meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
Today marks a moment many Jasonia denizens have been waiting for. Gambling no longer has to be confined to dark corners, or attic tables shielded by pulled blinds.
Legalized gambling in Jasonia is expected to fatten the treasury, which was getting closer to emaciation every day. The council assures Jasonia locals that the ordinance will stay in effect only as long as it doesn't improve crime.
Inhabitants overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them reportedly for the decision.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
Heated up over the news, a bouncy neighbor called KSIM to berate council members over the airwaves.
The Dullsville Cheetahs traded Sam Harris to the Fremont Crushers in exchange for 2 eleventh-round draft picks next season. Harris did not play in the last 12 games due to an aggravated finger injury. Expectations are high because Harris is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of rugby.
Crushers coach Jenny Briant sighed, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a broken finger is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn good coach."
A research team led by the eminent Dr. Matthews has built fusion power. Paris Mayor Taylor has presented the professor with the key to the city to celebrate this major event.
Dr. Matthews fleetingly denied responsibility and deployed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."
Paris University President Scirica is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With fusion power to our credit, especially the way it will help our inhabitants, Paris University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"
A research team led by the eminent Dr. Peterson has designed the aeroplane. Sydney Mayor Edward has presented the professor with the key to the town to celebrate this major event.
Dr. Peterson freely denied responsibility and installed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."
Sydney University President Wright is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With the aeroplane to our credit, especially the way it will help our locals, Sydney University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"
Council is serious about cleaning this place up. The community beautification ordinance passed yesterday without any resistance.
"There's no way you can go wrong investing in the beauty of the community," sighed Mayor Jason who has grunted before that he likes pretty things.
Plans to beautify the metropolis include flowers planted on all meridians and shade trees in all parking lots. The color and size of signs will also be restricted so they don't overpower the natural beauty of Jasonia.
The residents of Jasonia are actively awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
"This is the most informed, textured, ornery thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one kid.
When questioned on this issue, a council member answered, "I have no comment at this time. Well I guess that is a comment."
In the most colorful game of soccer history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Farmington Bulldogs last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.
The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the ninth time in 2 years and would only be trip number 2 in the history of the franchise.
The lopsided score of 15 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.
Next week, Jasonia hosts Walla Walla on Tuesday at 4:46 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.
Jasonia's industries can no longer ship out their goods on mule back. They want sturdy highways and rail lines to connect Jasonia to neighboring cities.
Mayor Jason met with industry leaders this week to confirm his commitment to future industrial growth.
The Jasonia Beautification Council, a strongly formed denizens group, has expressed concern that industrial expansion will destroy the pastoral atmosphere of Jasonia,possibly ruining tourism.
Industrial magnate Debra Manning has met this charge with a public statement on behalf of Jasonia industries. "We demand to see everyone working. But we also love our town and will work hard to maintain its grace and brightness."
They've observed it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Adam Floyd, resident expert at Sydney General, convinced patients currently admitted for chronic old age that changing their stroller would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to hamster tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the criminals on the plan protested on grounds that doctors proceed with caution on cures using snail hormones.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled generally and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
One thousand inhabitants! A bright number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our municipality will grow larger still. We might reach that parched goal of five million.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after countless test cases.
This reporter overheard a local writer say "Golly gee! That was the most inscrutable cousin I've ever seen!"
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Immense Steadily Bright Snake deluxe."
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
"That thar power plant is so durn old, we figger it'll just plain blow up before the end of the year," noted plant supervisor Fred Thomas. Thomas has been in charge of the gas power plant for the last 38 years and in a recent interview, said the plant was at the end of its life span. "Thing about them plants, they don't fall apart or overheat, they just plain blow up. One day they's there, the next, KABOOM!!" Added Thomas.
Power Commissioner Jenkins declared there is no danger to inhabitants when a plant dies. "The only thing we can do about it is build another one in its place and be prepared to answer complaints about the blackout."
"This is the most sulky, crusty, avid thing I've ever witnessed!" Shrieked one soap-opera star.
What first attracted throngs of inhabitants to Jasonia was the scenery. The trees in particular offered a restful sigh of green in the crossways of concrete. But now, the trees are disappearing at the hand of the metropolis, an act residents are having a hard time forgiving.
"We used to picnic near the tree that was here. We'd sometimes see the hawk family that was nesting in it. The kids would swing from the branches, and Spot would...Well, Spot liked it, too," stated an unhappy resident. "If this kind of nature bullying continues, we'll have to consider moving to a municipality like Jasonia once was."
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few sweet relationships were produced as a result.
Last week, officials purchased air time on KSIM to alleviate citizens' fears about peewits. Somehow, a rumor had spread that peewits were responsible for earwax build-uppus. The situation had grown so severe that peewits were being thrashed.
Dr. O'Hare, noted earwax build-uppus therapist, went on the air to say that peewits had no relation to earwax build-uppus at all. This authoritative statement seemed to calm the public. Only five peewit crushings have been reported this month.
On the local radio station KSIM, surfer dudes ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of trepidation to life."
Dear MisSim,
I am sick and tired of not being able to utter the sound "man." Prefix, suffix, or lone word, I can't say "man" lest the wrath of political correctness descend upon me, whatever that is! I always end up getting tongue tied and speaking nervously around women because of this. Will inhabitants' over-sensitivity ever end? Is it just a phase of our culture? Signed Male Person
Dear Man, If anyone points out how un-PC you're being, just remind them of all the even less tasteful words you COULD have and perhaps desired to use but didn't.
Response to CURIOUS: look at my pamphlet "Getting the Most from Your Man."
The State Assembly will be voting on the work week bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Leagues will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.
Spokesperson Isao Granillo for the Pearson League noted "It seems to me like a nice idea to actively pursue this proposal."
Assemblyman Andrew Williams, on the other hand, commented "It seems to me like a warm idea to continue examining this proposal."
Chances are 43 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."