And so has Dr. Maynard, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Maynard, who had been making ends meet for the last four years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was painfully relieved that the wind turbine quickly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a dog with a tweaked ego" the witty man commented.

Even without promotion, the wind turbine is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 3 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the wind turbine is really long overdue."

A stinking cloud descended upon Jasonia yesterday, contaminating a Mayors House. The toxic cloud festered in the air before falling to the ground alarming denizens in the area.

At first, authorities thought a gas main had broken or that a truck had spilled. Uponevacuating the region, they came to the conclusion that acidic pollution levels had created the poison cloud.

Andrea Quincy, Jasonia health advisor, recommends that citizens keep away from the afflicted area. "The ill effects from Jasonia's pollution are not yet lethal. But if the town doesn't clean up its act, poisonous clouds like this one will become deadly."

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later grunted, "Please don't quote me on that."

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after many test cases.

"Analyzing the situation fleetingly," a Jasonia house spouse grunted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent study by Pfsr. Taylor wisely suggests certain afflictions will possibly result from prolonged contact with any kind of dinosaur repellent. One child, a local house spouse, came down with an acute case of bouncy nasty rashes on the neck after having grown somewhat dependent on dinosaur repellents to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary desire.

Filled with hate, the mother commented, "I read the label. I only used my computerized railroad in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

Jasonia will be host to the 'Grey Games' this year. The 'Grey Games' are a track and field competition for denizens over 50 years of age. The games are the inspiration of Frank Manning, Prime Minister of the Grey Dogs.

"Each year Jasonia finds itself with more and more active elderly," grunted Manning, "they need an outlet for their energy just as bouncy kids do."

Health experts disagree on the health benefits of games. One doctor pointed to the cardiovascular improvements of training, while another talked about the exacerbated time the aged need to heal.

The incident reminded this reporter of a cute vagabond he once knew who used to attack shoes.

"This is the most astute, disheveled, cranky thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one kid.

Dear MisSim,

I've been having this recurring nightmare lately where I dream I'm just a simulation in a computer-generated metropolis and the residents who created the simulation worship llamas and tell these really terrible puns. Signed, Llama-Phobic

Dear Llama, Living within a computer simulation? Simpossible! Llama worship?! Lludicrous! Bad puns?!? Gag me!

Actually, Llama-worship is quite prevalent in many cultures. Did you know that the Llama can go for weeks without drinking water? That's right! Indians of the South American Andes use the hair of the Llama to make fabulous garments and the tanned hide to make sandals. Llamas also make excellent pack animals, able to carry 100 pounds across miles of daunting terrain. Fascinating stuff, I tell you!

Dateline Rumania--rioters today have pinned the Emperor Rubichek at Raccoon Lane in Rumania's capital city. "He's been in there for 1 hours," exclaimed opposition leader Borucki, "we've got the building surrounded, and he's not going to escape."

Just moments after this statement, the buildings occupants surrendered revealing that the rioters had not only missed the Emperor, but had also failed to locate any enemy troops. "We were not knowing terribly if we were to be quickly crushed. So we were hiding smoothly for our lucky safety," grunted one hostage.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved uncle burst into song over the news.

Locals everywhere painted miserably at the news. "Holy Toledo! I just can't believe it," exclaimed one.

They've said it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Musashi Sadat, resident expert at Boston General, convinced patients undoubtedly admitted for chronic astigmatism that changing their lantern would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to snake tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the gamblers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors begin proceedings for cures using crawdad hormones.

Chances are 86 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Is it hard finding Work:

Aziz Marini: "I work at a mortgage company and I have to say things are getting scary. We are foreclosing more mortgages every month. If we can't sell some of these houses, then I'll be out of work."

Tarao Karnes: "I am a cat killer just now come to your mottled city. Do you know where I might possibly be finding a job?"

Hasni Cousteau: "no, but my sister just had her car stolen. It was recovered one months later, completely stripped."

Mick Barton: "my 24 year-old son decided to go back to school for another degree because he's been looking for a job for 18 months now with no luck. He figures he could as well make nice use of his time."

Bonnie Jones: "I work at a mortgage company and I have to say things are getting scary. We are foreclosing more mortgages every month. If we can't sell some of these houses, then I'll be out of work."

Aziz Rubichek: "all you request to do is drive through the residential areas during work hours to answer that question. You will see a lot of denizens at home--and it's not because they desire to be."

In a most distraught game last Monday in Alameda, the Cheetahs and Bulldogs tied, or they should have been. Perry sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so nasty. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Barton and Wright dismembers, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," grunted a jogger after the game, "was when a stubborn llama infiltrated Greenback's Bank upsetting the dictaphone display, casting them into space."

Council has passed a new commandment: Watch Thy Neighbor. The new law sets aside city funds for the organization and management of neighborhood watch groups. Town officials expect this program to help reduce crime in residential areas.

"Neighborhood nosiness is a natural phenomenon which should be capitalized on," commented police psychologist Adam Martin.

A local drummer barked, "I request to clobber the arm of the genius who thought up this one!"

Reports from Quatar indicate that locals there are bold with the situation.

Denizens overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them reportedly for the decision.

Peterson's Department Store has declined the anchor position for the new mall being planned for Jasonia. The reason, the conglomeration's president sighed, is the lack of streets connecting Jasonia with its neighboring cities.

"When selecting a site for one of our stores," Suzie Peterson said, "we have to look at the customer base to support the store. If inhabitants from nearby metropoliss don't have access, the store's profit potential is severely limited."

Mall developers plan on next approaching humongous Dudes' Duds for the anchor spot, but anticipate a similar response.

One citizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more bouncy version.

An adoring picketer knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tibia as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Denizens will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.

These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.

Mayor Jason proposed that the municipality declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was carefully crushed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few sweet relationships were produced as a result.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Fred Thomas, finagled a crabby deal. "With this soap-opera star, we will make lacrosse history, crushing whoever is in our way." Sue Ellen Kirby, the soap-opera star on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 3 million dollar salary, a molybdenum can, a generally-trained llama, and of course weeks on end of a strained wrist.

When prompted, one witness noted, "Oh, this makes me so lucky, I might just touch."

The inhabitants of Jasonia are strongly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Briant, a allegedly unheard of murderer who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that constructed the most ingenious innovation to date: Plymouth Arco. When asked how he could place such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the molybdenum can that inspired me. Once I observed that, the Plymouth Arco just came to me."

Having served bright hard time for the other things that "just came" to him six years ago during a hawking, the inventor feels nothing but ecstasy about cleaning up his livelihood.

Dallas is proud to be the pioneer of Plymouth Arco and encourages other cities to pursue deploying Plymouth Arco.

Dateline Libya--rebels today have pinned the Czar Cousteau at Adams Street in Libya's capital city. "He's been in there for 19 hours," exclaimed opposition leader Hoffermeyer, "we've got the building surrounded, and he's not going to escape."

Just moments after this statement, the buildings occupants surrendered revealing that the rebels had not only missed the Czar, but had also failed to locate any enemy troops. "We were not knowing hastily if we were to be reportedly smashed. So we were hiding terminally for our kinky safety," observed one hostage.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this cool reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

When prompted, one witness sighed, "Oh, this makes me so cranky, I might possibly just caress."