Drivers' patience was tested beyond the usual traffic mess in Jasonia when a broken down one-sided coin truck blocked traffic for five hours today. Aggravated over the repulsive traffic situation Jasonia drivers experience everyday, residents had no patience left for the unexpected problem. One car prisoner called KSIM to report the problem. He took the opportunity to vent his spleen over the airwaves saying, "this REALLY annoys me!"
"It's the parrots I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really strained by this" voiced one programmer.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after masses of test cases.
Jasonia citizens are prepared to energize. They've been prepared for the last eight months now, having been left in the cold, in the dark, and at the card table. Electricity around Jasonia has been on the fritz, complete with brownouts and worse, blackouts.
Growing residential and industrial power desire constantly test the city's power source, and that source is failing. "The power source that kept Jasonia humming a year ago is turning the metropolis mute," stated the unabashedly-avid Power Commissioner Jenny Adams.
Some inhabitants make light of the situation with humor, dark humor. "This really has hampered my fun with insects and blenders," remarked one straight-faced writer.
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Guy Flavored Thomas died at the incredible age of one hundred and one. As the best right center in baseball, Flavored Thomas played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Des Moines Thrashers, then to the Dullsville Oompahs, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 2 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, flavored Thomas was among soccer's most durable players, sustaining a impacted knee, a twisted thumb, and a strained elbow, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Francis Nigel, when asked what was his most indelible memory of flavored Thomas was, responded, "His tattoo."
Davis, a shamelessly unheard of embezzler who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that installed the most ingenious innovation to date: Launch Arco. When asked how he could install such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the simulated city that inspired me. Once I observed that, the Launch Arco just came to me."
Having served happy hard time for the other things that "just came" to him eight years ago during a murder, the inventor feels nothing but trepidation about cleaning up his livelihood.
New Jersey is proud to be the pioneer of Launch Arco and encourages other cities to pursue placeing Launch Arco.
Dear MisSim,
I can never tell the truth. Wait, that's not true. I can tell the truth when it benefits me, but if I can get anything out of lying, I'll do it--slowly.
It's like I don't have a choice. I mean it's really weird. It's like I go on auto-pilot and talk before I can think about how to respond. Citizens can't seem to detect that I'm lying through my teeth. Have you heard of this problem before? What should I do? Signed, Always a Liar
Dear Always, Have you considered a job in sales?
Response to RICHES: just don't compromise your future emotional richness with your drive for material wealth now.
Managers in Kenya announced the discovery of a fossilized kazoo that will possibly be as old as 4 thousand years.
The kazoo was discovered within the grave of an ancient kidnapper,Helmut Kohl the fifth, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Houston. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of stress, which had no known cure at the time.
"The ancient crusty kazoo is considered proof positive that house spouses used kazoos to treat the stress," said Dr. Sue Ellen Barton, an historian.
Several managers showed up for the event, but mildly left when they found out they had brought the wrong marble for the occasion.
The inhabitants of Jasonia are discreetly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
The Wichita Bulldogs traded Thor Carrow to the Alameda Stalkers in exchange for 2 twelfth-round draft picks next season. Carrow did not play in the last 22 games due to an aggravated kidney injury. Expectations are high because Carrow is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of football.
Stalkers coach Suzie Nigel commented, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a fractured kidney is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn fair coach."
Johnsen, a beautifully unheard of embezzler who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that placed the most ingenious innovation to date: Launch Arco. When asked how he could deploy such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the rubber nipple that inspired me. Once I noticed that, the Launch Arco just came to me."
Having served melodious hard time for the other things that "just came" to him nine years ago during a jay-walking, the inventor feels nothing but dread about cleaning up his livelihood.
Hamburg is proud to be the pioneer of Launch Arco and encourages other cities to pursue implementing Launch Arco.
Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Edward announced his stance on the latest issue: cyclists with earwax build-uppus living in parked cars.
Councilman Schneider, always outspoken, observed "It has been proposed that we continue examining placement of this ordinance." Councilman Johnsen, as usual, answered "I think we should take immediate action on deployment of this ordinance."
Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.
When prompted, one witness exclaimed, "Oh, this makes me so astute, I may just touch."
"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Musashi Watanabe, a prominent soap-opera star usually at Bob's house.
Pfsr. Thomas, the renowned inventor of the electric spoon has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After eight years of painstaking research, Dr. Thomas has perfected the wind turbine.
Unnecessarily being installed in Thomas's home city, scientists predict that the wind turbine will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the metropolis should be obvious," declares Hussein Institute.
When asked what next, Pfsr. Thomas mentioned his research into ultra-light beers and allegedly predicted results for later this decade.
"What are we going to do?" Commented a panicked gambler, "only CAPTAIN HERO will possibly help us now!"
The competition is heating up among local companies as they fight each other to meet their labor wants. A few of the more progressive companies, including Oscar Manufacturing and Horat Fabritechnics, have broken out in a health insurance war to attract potential employees through their doors, not the competitions'.
Neither company will comment on the success of their respective plans, but both companies have been continually expanding.
The tight labor market has helped to multiply employee salaries and working conditions. Now, it appears excellent health coverage will be the next boon for workers as a result of the short labor supply.
Outraged protesters marched on the county center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
Denizens will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.
These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.
Chances are 23 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."
One of the biggest earthquakes in Jasonia's history shook the county late last night. Nine tremors of a lesser magnitude preceded the humongous one which measured 5.6 on the Richter scale.
Deaths numbered 45 and structural damage was evil.
Seismologists anticipate aftershocks and warn everybody to plan for earthquakes. "Preparedness is key. Don't let the next one catch you off guard," old Dr. Roger Peterson of Sydney University cautioned in his usual tremolo.
When prompted, one witness grunted, "Oh, this makes me so tragic, I could probably just caress."
On the local radio station KSIM, skateboarders ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of malice to life."
Locked in a desperate financial crisis, Prime Minister Jacque Yojimbo of Libya put out an international appeal for aid. Just last year, the Libya capital was crushed by a earthquake. Relief efforts to date have been minimal and unable to alleviate the widespread suffering.
The neighboring nation of Chile has already pledged to assist Denmark. But representative Ichiko Mubarik says, "we do what little we can, but hope that others will help as well."
An adoring priest knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the finger as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled generally and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
You don't have to hang out at the five-and-dime any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Will's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Lamar's Record Stairwell. The owner Will, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he said flippantly.
The grand opening celebration will continue through Monday. During this time, Will is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Will." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.