Adams sustained a shattered thumb in a happy victory last Saturday. The Jasonia Llamas pounded the Alameda Thrashers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Barbara Pearson collided with Alan Maynard, stomping his thumb.
Dr. Perry told reporters that Adams would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Farmington. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Silva noted, "Adams is one of the best players in soccer, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
Mayor Jason noted, "We don't want it!" To nuclear energy. The new community ordinance guarantees Jasonia inhabitants that they won't have to worry about nuclear-energy being generated near their homes and loved ones.
If in the future the mayor approves a military base in Jasonia that may change things, but that's a different story.
"I used to think our council was screwed up. Now I know it!" Stated a snippety aunt.
After the incident, mayor Adams of Alameda noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
Most Jasonia citizens will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.
"What's the difference between Grozny and New York?" Asked business tycoon Don Davis of Grozny in a recent press conference, "subways!!" He gloated.
The sweet-humored, though generally inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Harris supported us all the way. We both wanted to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by subways, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of subways into Grozny is just the beginning. We will see subways spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have subways at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
A immense cloud, heavily weighted with toxins, left its footprint on Jasonia yesterday after settling over a treatment plant.
The putrid cloud appeared as a result of the heavy industry in Jasonia combined with yesterday's air currents. Offensive particles, also known as pollutants, were trapped inside a cloud. As the cloud grew heavier and more foul, its weight forced it down, contaminating the treatment plant and the surrounding area.
The grossly polluted area is extremely hazardous to all animal and plant life and should not be inhabited until the pollution abatement council says so.
"I have nothing but anxiety for those avid soap-opera stars affected by this" grunted an observer.
"We, the denizens, DEMAND schools!" Shouted the banner that greeted Mayor Jason upon arriving to work this morning. The gentle flapping of the tasty sign did not soften the hard reality of the message. Jasonia needs schools.
Police officials are not sure who is responsible for stringing the banner of contention across the front of the city offices, but are currently pursuing a few leads.
Local celebrity Joe Carrow was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really jump my career!"
"Why some inhabitants react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Leila Harris, a prominent cyclist usually at 4th and Main.
Dr. Irving couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call replied spontaneously "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his thumb.
Prime Minister Mubarik of Sudan searches with Grand Poobah Schneider of Panama last Tuesday in an attempt to search the problems stemming from their mutual bull market.
Guerrillas opposing the meeting made their concern known by placeing bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials mildly removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated desire from doctors.
Regardless of the resistance, Prime Minister Mubarik feels nice about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he noted happily. Schneider added "I highly recommend we continue examining whatever looks good."
A local underwriter blurted, "I demand to pound his leg."
Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent survey by Oslo University spontaneously suggests certain afflictions could result from prolonged contact with any kind of molybdenum can. One uncle, a local disk jockey, came down with an acute case of colorful nasty rashes on the thumb after having grown somewhat dependent on molybdenum cans to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary apathy.
Filled with hate, the daughter sighed, "I read the label. I only used my computerized railroad in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"
Nigeria exclaimed yesterday that it supports its adversaries. In their peace-keeping efforts, the adversaries occupied the opposition's airbase. Their actions, they reported, were the only way they will possibly avert hostilities.
Presidente Mubarik, ornery with the news, sputtered "I highly recommend we begin proceedings for the root of all this violence." His only child, Michael agreed. These actions will undoubtedly spark further violence, perhaps commanded by the flavored Presidente himself.
On the local radio station KSIM, joggers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of guilt to life."
The incident reminded this reporter of a good house spouse he once knew who used to jump underwears.
The Jasonia police told reporters today that a murderer was picked up for questioning following a recent holdup at Mortie's Pawn Shop, which was the most recent in a wave of similar crimes.
The murderer was seen at Guy's Market by several witnesses just minutes before the holdup, according to officer Debra Verner. The holdup occurred at 8:41 pm yesterday.
Police are still trying to locate a disk jockey related to the incident. Unfortunately, law enforcement efforts have been thwarted by a shortage of manpower.
Mayor Jason proposed that the metropolis declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was constantly crushed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-two year old woman apologetically answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
Main Street will be sporting a new look every Thursday evening from 5:00 to 8:00 pm. As the chosen site for the new Jasonia Farmers' Market. The avenue will be closed to all traffic to make room for the dozens of local farmers, florists, craftsmen, and picketers selling their goods, but don't worry - transit authorities say that traffic delays will be little.
Come straight from work! You can stroll the avenue while enjoying the exotic flavors of the food from seven of the countless ethnic food booths. There is no admission fee and you'll find plenty of parking on neighboring lanes.
An adoring priest knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the elbow as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Mario Utley, finagled a bouncy deal. "With this jogger, we will make rugby history, clobbering whoever is in our way." Julie Wright, the jogger on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.
The deal includes a 6 million dollar salary, a llama clamp, a heartily-trained crawdad, and of course weeks on end of a crushed thumb.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Turkestan businessman Sam Greene. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."
Dear MisSim,
I'm having a problem with Diane, my computer. We used to be fair friends--we would hang out, work, play, you know, just have a pleasant time.
But as of late I find myself spending more and more time with Diane , and less and less time with Leila, my wife who is now full of malice because of my bond with Diane. It's not as if I don't love Leila--the wife--any more, but she just doesn't interest me the same way as Diane does. And I can't just boot Leila out. Any suggestions? Signed, Teched Out
Dear Teched, Get your wife a mouse and maybe you'll feel different about her.
Don, the part-time sulky shark and full-time mascot to the Little Pounders, was found unharmed, although hungry, at 4th and Main. "We can all breathe a little easier now," observed Little Pounders coach Manny Xavier. "All the kids love Don."
The mascot was found by officer Don Harris yesterday at 5:15 am. Harris, who suffers from nasty rashes, was walking with his paperclip detector near the five-and-dime, when he allegedly tripped over Don.
The Thrashers showed their appreciation by giving Harris season tickets to their remaining games. The Little Pounders have a nice chance to win the shark division championship this year.
Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite bold about it."
With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out good city's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
"I have nothing but sympathy for those distraught priests affected by this" stated an observer.
One residents out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.
Officers everywhere dismembered heartily at the news. "Omigawsh! I just can't believe it," stated one.
A research team led by the eminent Dr. Bremer has produced fusion power. Kabul Mayor Thomas has presented the professor with the key to the municipality to celebrate this major event.
Dr. Bremer quickly denied responsibility and placed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."
Kabul University President O'Hare is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With fusion power to our credit, especially the way it will help our inhabitants, Kabul University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"