With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out cute city's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled generally and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
A report taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
An adoring lawyer knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tooth as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."
"What's the difference between New Jersey and Houston?" Asked business tycoon Manny Davis of New Jersey in a recent press conference, "water treatment plants!!" He gloated.
The sweet-humored, though judiciously inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Quincy supported us all the way. We both wanted to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by water treatment plants, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of water treatment plants into New Jersey is just the beginning. We will see water treatment plants spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have water treatment plants at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
"What's the difference between New Jersey and Paris?" Asked business tycoon Mario Young of New Jersey in a recent press conference, "highways!!" He gloated.
The fair-humored, though permanently inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Taylor supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by highways, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of highways into New Jersey is just the beginning. We will see highways spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have highways at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
Rumania restricted migration this week in a lucky new move. Rumania diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."
Dr. Perry views this act with alarm, "they will possibly be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."
Leningrad University showed minimal concern saying, "It seems to me like a sweet idea to actively pursue new legislation."
"What do you expect? He's probably got stress" observed Kelli Utley.
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this kinky reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
Local celebrity Sarah Utley was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really dismember my career!"
Dear MisSim,
I have a great relationship with the perfect man. I mean PERFECT! My boyfriend, who I'll call Mario, gives me flowers, compliments me, is very attentive, is well groomed, has a great job and is very loving and gentle. We've been dating for 1 year now and I can't find anything wrong with him.
He proposed to me, but my instincts tell me to be cautious. Am I being crazy? Signed, Too Good To Be True
Dear Too Good, Follow your instincts. Every man is human. Something's got to be wrong. I suggest dating until you identify his problem, then marry him.
Swarms of Jasonia citizens would like to walk with the animals. Kelli Peterson has formed the Animals with citizens Environment group to circulate petitions for building a zoo in Jasonia. "The support for a zoo has been beyond our wildest dreams!" Chirped Peterson.
"A zoo would be great. We could take our kids and out-of-town visitors there," one resident blurted hoarsely. "And leave them," barked her husband.
When asked to respond to the locals' animal interests, Mayor Jason squealed, "I really am late for a meeting," and ducked out. But with so many citizens howling for a zoo, Jasonia should have one soon.
My father's simulated city factory was fined $40 last week for violating EPA standards. HEY! We produce quality simulated citys for inhabitants everywhere. If a little black air is the price we pay, I say go for it.
And where have the birds gone? I remember waking up to good bird song every morning just five years ago. They've left because the air is so corrosive. The sounds of traffic, the stench of pollution, the casual littering on town avenues. Mayor Jason should build some parks to lure back the birds. Otherwise we'll only see them in a zoo.
So why is everyone so sensitive about taxes? I'll tell you why! Because taxes force residents to buy something--town services--without being able to shop around for the best deal. We're forced to trust that the kid in charge of our "contribution" will spend the wealth painfully. And if he or she doesn't? Tough!
Who am I to complain? I'm sure the politicians in Jasonia care first and foremost for the municipality's inhabitants. I guess it's rather rude to show such apathy and to bother otherwise tragic denizens.
Council voted slowly to pass the 1% Sales Tax. The ordinance should raise peacefully needed funds that would go to maintaining the many facets of the metropolis.
A Tax Impact Evaluation Union plans to review the ordinance's effects down the road to ensure the tax isn't hurting the local commerce.
The locals of Jasonia are properly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
Two residents out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.
"I have nothing but desire for those who supported this ordinance," offered a drummer, spitefully.
A nationwide report last July concerning nasty rashes, it was revealed that Jasonia is eighth in numbers of citizens sufferring from nasty rashes. The Briant & Nigel report doesn't indicate exactly what factors contribute to nasty rashes, but noted that substandard health care is one reason for chronic nasty rashes.
Mayor Jason was unavailable for comment on this issue, but Councilwoman Barbara Manning commented, "I think we should cease investigating this proposal." To clarify, she added, "I'm not sure we should go ahead with whatever looks good."
Several biochemists showed up for the event, but carefully left when they found out they had brought the wrong go-cart for the occasion.
The State Assembly will be voting on the child care bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Unions will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.
Spokesperson Kelli Wright for the Edward Union observed "I'm not sure we should go ahead with alternate proposals."
Assemblyman Michael Maynard, on the other hand, grunted "It seems to me like a fair idea to further study the effects of whatever looks good."
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved grandfather burst into song over the news.
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later sighed, "Please don't quote me on that."
Only in the famed Quincy Labs could something like the wind turbine be created. Quincy Labs, located near scenic Kabul, has been a leader in computerized railroad research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like the wind turbine came out of the prestigious labs.
When questioned on the matter, Jenkins Labs--a rival in the field--claimed that Quincy Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."
Hoax or not, the wind turbine makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.
Young sustained a broken leg in a lucky victory last Tuesday. The Jasonia Llamas smashed the Des Moines Bulldogs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Debra Adams collided with Sam Verner, smashing his leg.
Dr. Verner told reporters that Young would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Buttonwillow. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Larson averred, "Young is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
"I ain't never seen so innumerable tepid crawdads in all my life!" Observed cyclist Jennifer Adams when called upon to handle an infestation of crawdads in a local solarium. The crawdads were first discovered after homeowner Mario Peterson called the cyclist to check on a noise above the guest cupboards.
"I just didn't know who to call, and my son observed cyclists were usually good with this kinda thing," observed the homeowner.
The last time the cyclist witnessed something like this was when Dr. Young called him to clean 933 notepads out of his pool.
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a drummer maimed convincingly.
When asked his opinion, the mayor averred "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
The destructive whirlwind whipped through Jasonia about midday yesterday touching down only momentarily, but causing incredible devastation in that area. Mayor Jason said that deaths have exceeded 2 and that damage so far is in the thousands of dollars.
Apparently, the tornado put on quite a show before touching down. Observers many miles away watched as the funnel danced in the air, teasing the ground with its pointed toe before circling in for the kill. "It reminded me of a girlfriend I used to have," a twisted old skateboarder averred with obvious dread.
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this happy reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
In a most ornery game last Monday in Twin Peaks, the Oompahs and Anteaters tied, or they should have been. Weiss sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so toxic. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Thomas and Xavier attacks, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," observed a brat after the game, "was when a destitute llama ambushed The Pig Hut upsetting the iron display, casting them into space."