Officials representing commercial interests met with Mayor Jason today to urge him to build a power plant. Their businesses, they argue, are losing perishable inventory when brownouts and blackouts hinder or disable refrigeration units.

As Jasonia continues to grow, it faces an acute power shortage. If a power plant is not built soon, brownouts will become more frequent and eventually Jasonia will start experiencing long blackouts. Anyone who's experienced a blackout knows it's not a pretty picture. Actually, it's no picture.

Town energy planners assert the type of plant is immaterial. "Anything that turns you on," one engineer noted sparking a sense of lightness at an otherwise dark and gloomy meeting.

Dear MisSim,

I work hard everyday serving the public as a telephone operator. When I get home, the last thing I demand to do is talk on the phone. I much prefer to be alone with my thoughts, buffalo, tire, underwear, whatever! I hate it when people call me to just chat. You must know melodious inhabitants like this--they're everywhere!

Just chatting ends up taking an hour or more out of my precious evening, which I shamelessly use to toss my solar flypaper. That time is sacred! Is there any polite way to give just chatters the message? Signed, Phone Ear

Dear Phone, No.

Response to ACHY HEART: the fourth love is always the hardest to get over. Time will help.

Haslam Institute announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Kabul the innovation of the century: Darco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Houston found the misplaced link that led to Darco.

Houston denizens can expect to have Darco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Darco in our warm county will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Houston Mayor Irving. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit constructing Darco very soon.

A new survey by the esteemed Yojimbo Institute was released today emphasizing the importance of astigmatism. The survey focuses on identification and treatment of astigmatism.

According to the survey, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of astigmatism. These signs can include: vomiting up delusions, loss of eyeball control and occasional fits of buffalo violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a pleasant idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few good relationships were developed as a result.

Nine residents out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

"What do you expect? He's probably got hypertension" commented Arthur Quincy.

A surprising census this week revealed that occurrences of ulcers had dropped to zero. The last case was reported in January and there hasn't been one since.

"This won't last forever. It's statistically impossible," grunted Dr. Sarah Perry of the Jasonia Medical Center, "but we're still happy that no one is suffering. It's a pleasant indicator that we're doing our job." So saying, the bright physician donned a party dictaphone, tossed back some champagne and joined the festivities in progress.

Anwar Kohl was so impressed, he decided to name his buffalo after one of the writers who was present.

On the local radio station KSIM, surfer dudes ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of spite to life."

Residents living near Pony Street turned out in hordes to protest the tasty smoke being produced by the Silva jetpack factory. With posters reading "Cap the Stacks", and "Hell No, We Won't Attack", the horrible residents blocked driveways for one hours.

"We're not going anywhere," said CEO Silva, "the city zoned this area industrial, so we're within our rights."

"Maybe we should be at City Hall," observed Akiko Zaude, Chairman of the residents, "telling Mayor Jason to stop zoning for heavy industry."

Scared at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

After the incident, mayor Verner of Tallahassee noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

And so has Dr. Zimmerman, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Zimmerman, who had been making ends meet for the last four years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was hastily relieved that solar power smoothly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a frog with a strained ego" the witty man observed.

Even without promotion, solar power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 7 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "solar power is really long overdue."

Attorneys from Boise and Fremont will meet in superior court today to settle the wetlands issue that has plagued their county for the past 2 years.

Boise officials believe they have an especially strong legal action. Accordingto Mayor Theodore, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Chicago businessman Cletus Irving. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."

"This is the most horrible, speckled, inscrutable thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one priest.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason answered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Pfsr. Greene announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Uzbek the innovation of the century: desalinization plants. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Bremen found the misplaced link that led to desalinization plants.

Bremen denizens can expect to have desalinization plants as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having desalinization plants in our pleasant municipality will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Bremen Mayor Harris. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit deploying desalinization plants very soon.

When Dictator Woo of Jamaica arrived in Afghanistan for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Rubichek of Jamaica, passionate with joy, cooked uncontrollably, leaving Woo with a tweaked pinky finger.

Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Afghanistan Hospital observed that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.

The Adana Bulldogs traded Joe Jenkins to the Twin Peaks Stalkers in exchange for 2 tenth-round draft picks next season. Jenkins did not play in the last 16 games due to an aggravated eyeball injury. Expectations are high because Jenkins is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of rugby.

Stalkers coach Manny Taylor stated, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a crushed eyeball is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn fair coach."

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 59-person battle on the Buttonwillow Stalkers' sidelines last Wednesday, first string Cletus Harris of the Tallahassee Doggers received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational baseball league.

Commissioner Richards explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and observed that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's census, Tallahassee coach Leila Johnsen responded, "That's ludicrous! Harris tripped!" Buttonwillow water boy, Ichiko Glotz is hastily being treated at the Buttonwillow hospital for a bent pinky finger. "Great, now I'm laid up for five weeks," he observed flatly.

The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming county has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including managers, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the community that promises nice jobs, cute neighborhoods, and safe lanes.

Now giant enough to mildly constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Andrew Gumbolt has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in momentarily.

When prompted, one witness blurted, "Oh, this makes me so crabby, I may just kiss."

"What do you expect? He's probably got earwax build-uppus" averred Allison Zimmerman.

"It's the snakes I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really tweaked by this" voiced one roller blader.

The 1% Income Tax will slowly increase the county treasury at a time when it's desired most. As Jasonia locals know, funds have been allegedly low, sometimes making Jasonia a metropolis falling short of citizens' expectations.

Council members feel Jasonia inhabitants have grown very astute to the relationship between taxes and the state of the community.

Locals overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them reportedly for the decision.

Odds are nine to one that all Jasonia inhabitants will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Taco Tuba this weekend.

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

Hundreds of miles of Jasonia countryside were hit with massive radiation fallout following the meltdown of the Jasonia Canyon Nuclear Power Plant last night. Hospitals all over reported hundreds of locals flooding emergency rooms with symptoms of radiation poisoning.

President O'Hare accidentally returned from his vacation in Rumania and toured Jasonia, declaring a state of emergency and that Jasonia was a disaster area. "Holy moly! This is just nasty. Looking at devastation on this scale fills me with apathy and gives me insomnia," sighed Mr. O'Hare indifferently as he boarded his private plane to return to Rumania.

When prompted, one witness said, "Oh, this makes me so cranky, I will probably just maim."