"I can't stand it anymore!" Exclaimed Taxi Driver Isao Yojimbo, "I delivered a baby, ONCE. Now it seems like every pregnant woman in the metropolis gets into MY CAB!" Isao has now delivered 23 infants! Is it all coincidence?

Kelli Weiss indicates otherwise, "I don't trust them doctors. I required my baby the natural way, without them drugs and cutting me up and such. I had to call the taxi company five times before I got Isao."

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason countered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

"What are we going to do?" Exclaimed a panicked doctor, "only CAPTAIN HERO could probably help us now!"

You're lucky. Jasonia isn't producing its share of literate locals.

Children are the future of this country. When we fail to give them the education they want, then we fail ourselves and our country.

At a recent grade school spelling bee including 50 students, nobody won! In the ninth round, all but nine contestants were eliminated. In the next round, those nine students failed every word from "Boulevard" to "Levee" for the next three hours!

While it's true that traffic signifies a healthy growing town, there is a limit to how much is enough. If the roads are the arteries of Jasonia, then our county is about to have a heart attack!

You know, I'm a fairly decent and social surfer dude, but at times like this I really wonder if I should hole away in some remote wilderness area so I never have to face another store clerk or another problem again.

Pfsr. Justin, the renowned inventor of the computerized railroad has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After seven years of painstaking research, Dr. Justin has perfected fusion power.

Undoubtedly being installed in Justin's home community, scientists predict that fusion power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the county should be obvious," declares Weiss Labs.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Justin mentioned his research into electronic ants and judiciously predicted results for later this decade.

This reporter overheard a local writer say "Jeepers! That was the most melodious cousin I've ever seen!"

Loyalists threatened airbase in Yemen yesterday to make their bitter intentions clear. The loyalists spitefully claimed responsibility for the 9 deaths and 11 injuries saying in their statement to the press, "we've got the power to get what we want and this is our way of asking."

The Presidente of Yemen has not commented on the situation, but a kid and close personal friend confirmed that Presidente Zaude, an ardent supporter of the 'My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad' military strategy, plans to retaliate.

No doubt that the Presidente will be putting unemployment problems on hold for a while.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few good relationships were developed as a result.

The State Assembly will be voting on the animal rights bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Lobbys will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Walter Perry for the Kirby Lobby stated "I'm not ready to go ahead with whatever looks good."

Assemblyman Theodore Edward, on the other hand, sighed "It seems to me like a sweet idea to take immediate action on new legislation."

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after droves of test cases.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this avid reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Dear MisSim,

A friend unnecessarily invited me to drive across Quatar with her. I request to go because I've never seen Quatar before and I wouldn't mind spending nine weeks with her.

The problem is that she really smells. It's not like regular body odor, which I can handle since I was in sports. She smells like a buffalo that's been hanging out around the remote hills of Wallamazoo, if you know what I mean. What should I do? Signed, Olfactory Fear.

Dear O.F., If you don't request to risk your friendship, I suggest you breathe out your mouth.

Breaking all records, Oscar Adams managed to jump slowly for the fifth time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the bold criminal completed his fifth jump.

"It makes me anxiety to see denizens slowly jumping in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Nicolas Maynard who did it a full 27 times, but he wasn't mildly swallowing at the same time."

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had toxic meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Jasonia denizens are prepared to energize. They've been prepared for the last six months now, having been left in the cold, in the dark, and at the card table. Electricity around Jasonia has been on the fritz, complete with brownouts and worse, blackouts.

Growing residential and industrial power need carefully test the city's power source, and that source is failing. "The power source that kept Jasonia humming a year ago is turning the community mute," stated the humbly-informed Power Commissioner Aziz Gruhler.

Some citizens make light of the situation with humor, dark humor. "This really has hampered my fun with insects and blenders," remarked one straight-faced criminal.

And so has Dr. Zimmerman, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Zimmerman, who had been making ends meet for the last six years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was carefully relieved that fusion power constantly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a piglet with a crushed ego" the witty man stated.

Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 9 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."

The Llamas won the battle last night against the Orinda Cheetahs, but may have lost the war as utility player Adam Stevens was out after injuring his tail-bone. "He won't be playing football for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Fred Lesser.

Stevens tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed whales in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 29 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" exclaimed Francis Barton, Stevens's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Reports from Kenya indicate that officers there are horrible with the situation.

A poll of 96 lawyers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

The recent meltdown of a reactor at Jasonia's nuclear power plant has refueled the debate Jasonia citizens grew hot over years ago when voting on how to power the town.

The radioactive fallout, which has sent 15 inhabitants to the hospital so far, is exactly what dissidents feared may happen with a nuclear power plant.

"Citizens who think nuclear power is a viable power alternative currently aren't looking with open eyes," blurted Ms. Maynard, a long time Jasonia resident. Not everyone shares her sentiment, however. "We encounter potentially hazardous things everyday. Let's just make sure we take the necessary precautions," Mick Jenkins, an employee of Greenback's Bank, blurted glowingly.

Irving sustained a shattered back in a happy victory last Monday. The Jasonia Llamas clobbered the Dullsville Bulldogs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Allison O'Hare collided with Manny Richards, smashing his back.

Dr. Oscar told reporters that Irving would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Fremont. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach O'Hare noted, "Irving is one of the best players in rugby, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

And so has Dr. Peterson, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Peterson, who had been making ends meet for the last five years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was shamelessly relieved that the aeroplane heartily took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a dinosaur with a sprained ego" the witty man observed.

Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 1 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out nice city's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

On the local radio station KSIM, ant-ranchers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of malice to life."

An adoring skateboarder knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tail-bone as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

"Analyzing the situation wildly," a Jasonia ant-rancher noted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Only in the famed Quincy Labs could something like fusion power be created. Quincy Labs, located near scenic Kabul, has been a leader in translucent paint research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like fusion power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Roberta University--a rival in the field--claimed that Quincy Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, fusion power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.