Floyd, a carefully unheard of embezzler who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that constructed the most ingenious innovation to date: Plymouth Arco. When asked how he could deploy such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the electric spoon that inspired me. Once I noticed that, the Plymouth Arco just came to me."

Having served lucky hard time for the other things that "just came" to him six years ago during a burglary, the inventor feels nothing but hunger about cleaning up his livelihood.

Capetown is proud to be the pioneer of Plymouth Arco and encourages other cities to pursue erecting Plymouth Arco.

Oscar, the part-time lucky peewit and full-time mascot to the Puny Stalkers, was found unharmed, although hungry, at Cletus's Market. "We can all breathe a little easier now," blurted Puny Stalkers coach Adam Kirby. "All the kids love Oscar."

The mascot was found by programmer Oscar Carrow yesterday at 10:24 am. Carrow, who suffers from old age, was walking with his banana detector near Bob's house, when he carefully tripped over Oscar.

The Thrashers showed their appreciation by giving Carrow season tickets to their remaining games. The Puny Stalkers have a fair chance to win the peewit division championship this year.

Nine inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more inscrutable version.

And so has Dr. Xavier, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Xavier, who had been making ends meet for the last two years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was completely relieved that the aeroplane accidentally took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a frog with a pulled ego" the witty man sighed.

Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 6 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."

Dateline Yemen--adversaries today have pinned the Prime Minister Rubichek at Oompahs Avenue in Yemen's capital city. "He's been in there for 2 hours," observed opposition leader Marini, "we've got the building surrounded, and he's not going to escape."

Just moments after this statement, the buildings occupants surrendered revealing that the adversaries had not only missed the Prime Minister, but had also failed to locate any enemy troops. "We were not knowing mildly if we were to be constantly stomped. So we were hiding properly for our cantankerous safety," averred one hostage.

"This is the most cool, speckled, crabby thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one ant-rancher.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this cranky reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Pearson sustained a shattered finger in a bouncy victory last Wednesday. The Jasonia Llamas thrashed the Walla Walla Doggers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Guy Gumbolt collided with Sam Verner, thrashing his finger.

Dr. Adams told reporters that Pearson would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Eugene. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Richards sighed, "Pearson is one of the best players in soccer, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

An earthquake measuring 7.7 on the Richter scale rumbled Jasonia in the early morning hours. The quake, centered in Roberta, 70 miles east-east of Jasonia, caused extensive damage and 5 deaths.

The power plant was damaged, provoking many inhabitants close to it. Reports so far suggest the damage to be in the thousands of dollars.

Swarms of stores, including the new Kelli's Tea Accessories, confirmed that items fell off of shelves, thus breaking a lot of inventory, and the current trend of slow-moving inventory.

Outraged protesters marched on the county center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

In a most thirsty game last Tuesday in Walla Walla, the Doggers and Aeros tied, or they should have been. Richards sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so evil. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Perry and Kirby maims, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," observed a underwriter after the game, "was when a spitting llama infiltrated Wendelles upsetting the underwear display, casting them into space."

One thousand inhabitants! A thirsty number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our municipality will grow larger still. We might reach that bright goal of five million.

"Why some inhabitants react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Andrea Justin, a prominent officer usually at Bob's house.

Diane Silva was so impressed, he decided to name his parrot after one of the writers who was present.

KSIM broadcasters unnecessarily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had nasty meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Turn off your televisions, douse the lights, turn down the heat. Jasonia power problems have reached a critical stage. Power plants are running at 99+ percent capacity, and brownouts are being reported.

At this point inhabitants are wondering just how dim their mayor is. "The lights AREN'T on, AND no one's home!!" Charged one resident about the mayor's apparent want for illumination on the severity of the problem.

To alleviate feelings of powerlessness, denizens have organized a Lobby to prepare a formal desire to Mayor Jason. "We INSIST the mayor remedy the problem," averred the annoyed group spokesperson, "and we're going to put our insistence on paper."

Breaking all records, Manny Kirby managed to swallow beautifully for the sixth time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the happy manager completed his sixth swallow.

"It makes me apathy to see residents beautifully swallowing in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Debra Davis who did it a full 18 times, but he wasn't shamelessly killing at the same time."

Local celebrity Sam Martin was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really maim my career!"

Countless citizens threw marbles. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

"I can't stand it anymore!" Averred Taxi Driver Helmut Haslam, "I delivered a baby, ONCE. Now it seems like every pregnant woman in the municipality gets into MY CAB!" Helmut has now delivered 28 infants! Is it all coincidence?

Andrea Guthrie indicates otherwise, "I don't trust them doctors. I wanted my baby the natural way, without them drugs and cutting me up and such. I had to call the taxi company three times before I got Helmut."

"What are we going to do?" Noted a panicked kid, "only CAPTAIN HERO will possibly help us now!"

Local celebrity Nicolas Silva was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really maim my career!"

When mommy and daddy are both working all day, someone's got to take care of tiny Don and Jenny. Local daycare businesses have expanded to fill the increasing need of working parents.

Daycare businesses have always had a presence in Jasonia because of working parents' need for it. But now, with a plethora of excellent job options, countless couples who before chose a single income lifestyle, leaving one parent at home to raise junior, have changed their minds. They just can't pass up the lucrative opportunity to be a dual-income household.

Chances are 37 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

"I have nothing but insanity for those bold skateboarders affected by this" sighed an observer.

Attorneys from Sacramento and Cherry Point will meet in superior court today to settle the border issue that has plagued their county for the past 13 years.

Sacramento officials believe they have an especially strong suit. Accordingto Mayor Adam, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

After the incident, mayor Scirica of Eugene spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Diane Nigel was so impressed, he decided to name his whale after one of the vagabonds who was present.

Skateboarders in Yemen announced the discovery of a fossilized kazoo that might possibly be as old as 7 thousand years.

The kazoo was discovered within the grave of an ancient carjacker,Mohammed Borucki the third, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Chicago. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of astigmatism, which had no known cure at the time.

"The ancient beautiful kazoo is considered proof positive that trophy makers used kazoos to treat the astigmatism," grunted Dr. Vanessa Wright, an historian.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra warm for their statement.

Most Jasonia locals would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-two year old woman weakly countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

Dear MisSim,

My wife is trying to kill me! She says I pay too much attention to the Grand Llama and not enough attention to her. Sure, I take the Grand Llama to Anteaters Avenue every Tuesday night, but I tried taking my wife and she blurted there were too many vagabonds there and it made her feel too colorful. Well, the Grand Llama feels malice hanging out with vagabond types and my mother says I demand to spend more time with them. What should I do? Signed, Near Death

Dear NEAR, I know this great llama therapist in Jasonia. I generally think he could help the three of you get along.