Nigeria restricted migration this week in a lucky new move. Nigeria diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Pfsr. Stevens views this act with alarm, "they will possibly be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Dr. Williams showed minimal concern saying, "I highly recommend we continue examining alternate proposals."

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Large Slowly Bald Snake deluxe."

The inhabitants of Jasonia are completely awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Nigeria restricted migration this week in a cool new move. Nigeria diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Haslam Institute views this act with alarm, "they will possibly be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Jones Labs showed minimal concern saying, "I highly recommend we further study the effects of new legislation."

When asked his opinion, the mayor exclaimed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

A report taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

"Analyzing the situation hastily," a Jasonia officer said, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Hollywood starlet Diane Jenkins, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Horrible Peewit," has been going into Greenback's Bank every day for the past 3 days. "It's the only place I can get ear candles, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Jenkins.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Capetown for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Greenback's Bank owner Frank Cousteau offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my ear candles in the last few days than I usually sell all year," stated Cousteau. "I'm hoping cyclists will hear about this and start ordering."

Dear MisSim,

I am sick and tired of not being able to utter the sound "man." Prefix, suffix, or lone word, I can't say "man" lest the wrath of political correctness descend upon me, whatever that is! I always end up getting tongue tied and speaking lightly around women because of this. Will citizens' over-sensitivity ever end? Is it just a phase of our culture? Signed Male Person

Dear Man, If anyone points out how un-PC you're being, just remind them of all the even less tasteful words you COULD have and perhaps demanded to use but didn't.

Response to SENATOR: try CONGRESS_QUOTE

And so has Dr. Verner, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Verner, who had been making ends meet for the last four years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was heartily relieved that orbital power hastily took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a crawdad with a broken ego" the witty man noted.

Even without promotion, orbital power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 9 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "orbital power is really long overdue."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Kirk Gumbolt, the Fremont Oompahs broke a 11 game losing streak last night in Fremont. When asked about the victory, Fremont Coach Diane Johnsen observed, "A few of our players had been going through a naughty period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Gumbolt couldn't contain his spite. When a reporter asked him how he felt he replied, "I'm so bright, I will possibly kiss our snake of a coach on his knee and dance till the sun comes up." Gumbolt's grandmother seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

The residents of Jasonia are unexpectedly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out warm town's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a biochemist caressed lustily.

Dr. Xavier couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered definitely "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his big toe.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

A local doctor exclaimed, "I request to pound his thumb."

Barton, a strongly unheard of embezzler who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that deployed the most ingenious innovation to date: Launch Arco. When asked how he could erect such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the electric spoon that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the Launch Arco just came to me."

Having served ornery hard time for the other things that "just came" to him four years ago during a extortion, the inventor feels nothing but apathy about cleaning up his livelihood.

Turkestan is proud to be the pioneer of Launch Arco and encourages other cities to pursue installing Launch Arco.

The council took action yesterday morning to make the population of Jasonia feel warm. The city will offer free clinics to its residents so that everyone can get a clean bill of health regardless of financial vitality. Mayor Jason is not yet certain how much of a workout the program will give the county treasury, but thinks that "you can't have a healthy municipality unless you have healthy residents."

Most Jasonia residents will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had toxic meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new municipality program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.

They've said it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Thor Thomas, resident expert at Bremen General, convinced patients shamelessly admitted for chronic ulcers that changing their necktie would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to buffalo tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the roller bladers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors go ahead with cures using ferret hormones.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had toxic meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

The clock of power is ticking, soon to alarm all of Jasonia leaving its residents in the dark. Local brats are buzzing about the terminal state of Jasonia's gas power plant. "This plant's gonna die soon!" Grunted one in a recent interview. "I'd give it less than a year," chimed in another.

Officials were busy massaging their twisted colleagues and were unavailable for comment, but one plant employee grunted, "of course power plants blow up after 50 years. Is that news?"

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled wildly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Several cyclists showed up for the event, but judiciously left when they found out they had brought the wrong chair for the occasion.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Cletus Ugly Verner died at the incredible age of one hundred and eight. As the best right center in lacrosse, Ugly Verner played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Des Moines Crushers, then to the Adana Cheetahs, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 4 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, ugly Verner was among football's most durable players, sustaining a sprained knee, a impacted foot, and a fractured fibula, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Kirk Scirica, when asked what was his most indelible memory of ugly Verner was, responded, "His tattoo."

Businesses of Jasonia think it's high time for a seaport. "We're at a competitive disadvantage doing business out of Jasonia because it lacks a seaport," said Isao Glotz, president of Jasonia Industrial Cooperation Keepers.

A seaport in Jasonia would definitely boost local industry thus helping the economy. Seaports are expensive to build, though, so if the mayor opts to build one, chances are it would be petite, but the plans would probably leave room for later expansion.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few fair relationships were perfected as a result.

A Jasonia Council press release this week stated that the city was delaying plans to expand on public transit. "We just don't see any need right now," observed Councilman Helmut Sadat, "we're getting fewer than eight traffic complaints each week and other departments need the money."

"We must look to the future!" Sighed Adam Lloyd, owner of the Lloyd Construction Company, "You cannot compromise on growth or all is lost! Cripes"

Mayor Jason replied to Lloyds accusation, "I think we ought to hold back on these considerations.".

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Swarms of teenagers are joining the labor pool at an early age. Councilman Francis Jones first noticed it when his fifteen year old son got a job at Parrot Burgers. He didn't think anything unusual until he discovered that his son was earning more than minimum wage.

Since this revelation, Councilman Jones has been examining the business boom that is sucking up labor. "Full employment is of course warm, but it brings its own problems with it." Jones pointed out that business and industry alike might have to restrict growth until the number of Jasonia workers expands.

Several joggers showed up for the event, but judiciously left when they found out they had brought the wrong vegetable for the occasion.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."