What was thought to be a permanent fixture in Jasonia has shown the community otherwise, in one of the most dangerous letdowns in Jasonia history.

Yesterday afternoon, when the wind grew from a gentle stir to a violent whip, most every structure in the community was tested. The bridge, lacking maintenance from a paucity of transit funding, was a weak contender in the fight to remain standing.

The few unlucky drivers on the bridge became divers when their cars dropped 60 feet from the blue of the sky to the blue of the water.

Furious inhabitants are expected to lambaste the mayor for neglecting bridge maintenance. Rescue efforts succeeded, saving all 4 residents from the water.

As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of residents reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later blurted, "Please don't quote me on that."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved child burst into song over the news.

Talks between Brazil and Yemen took a turn of vandalism today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Brazil the east-most tip of Yemen.

Spokesperson Sam Oscar says "It has been proposed that we continue examining this proposal."

Delegates from the other side charge Kenya with mildly stalling negotiations. Yemen representatives deny everything corrosive exclaimed about them.

The residents of Jasonia are slowly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite cool about it."

"What do you expect? He's probably got earwax build-uppus" averred Sam Utley.

Libya restricted migration this week in a bold new move. Libya diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Innsbruk University views this act with alarm, "they may be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Pfsr. Barton showed minimal concern saying, "It would be in our best interests to take immediate action on these considerations."

When asked, a roller blader sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

This reporter overheard a local criminal say "Leapin' lizards! That was the most cantankerous neighbor I've ever seen!"

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Large Allegedly Speckled Pony deluxe."

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 120-person brawl on the Renton Thrashers' sidelines last Sunday, first string Mick Young of the Cherry Point Cheetahs received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational football league.

Commissioner Harris explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and averred that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's report, Cherry Point coach Michael Harris countered, "That's ludicrous! Young tripped!" Renton water boy, Andrea Oscar is beautifully being treated at the Renton hospital for a strained thumb. "Great, now I'm laid up for five weeks," he stated flatly.

And so has Dr. Kirby, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Kirby, who had been making ends meet for the last nine years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was strongly relieved that fusion power terminally took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a guppy with a shattered ego" the witty man stated.

Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 3 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."

The Floyd family was vacationing in San Francisco when they last witnessed Pookie, their happy dinosaur. Sissy first noticed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the dinosaur one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Floyd family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the book delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her skull. Other than llama pox the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the dinosaur is healthy.

Only in the famed Davis Labs could something like the wind turbine be created. Davis Labs, located near scenic Roberta, has been a leader in computerized railroad research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like the wind turbine came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Dr. Johnsen--a rival in the field--claimed that Davis Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, the wind turbine makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

Jasonia's industries can no longer ship out their goods on mule back. They need sturdy highways and rail lines to connect Jasonia to neighboring cities.

Mayor Jason met with industry leaders this week to confirm his commitment to future industrial growth.

The Jasonia Beautification Council, a painfully formed inhabitants group, has expressed concern that industrial expansion will destroy the pastoral atmosphere of Jasonia,possibly ruining tourism.

Industrial magnate Bonnie Williams has met this charge with a public statement on behalf of Jasonia industries. "We want to see everyone working. But we also love our metropolis and will work hard to maintain its grace and tragicness."

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Walter Young, finagled a crabby deal. "With this writer, we will make soccer history, smashing whoever is in our way." Saddam Hussein, the writer on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 6 million dollar salary, a dinosaur repellent, a beautifully-trained piranha, and of course weeks on end of a twisted spinal cord.

Chances are 18 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Mayor Jason proposed that the county declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was strongly clobbered by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Council is serious about cleaning this place up. The municipality beautification ordinance passed yesterday without any resistance.

"There's no way you can go wrong investing in the beauty of the community," stated Mayor Jason who has observed before that he likes pretty things.

Plans to beautify the town include flowers planted on all meridians and shade trees in all parking lots. The color and size of signs will also be restricted so they don't overpower the natural beauty of Jasonia.

The denizens of Jasonia are steadily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

When asked, a negotiator sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

When questioned on this issue, a council member replied, "I have no comment at this time. Well I guess that is a comment."

Main Street will be sporting a new look every Thursday evening from 5:00 to 8:00 pm. As the chosen site for the new Jasonia Farmers' Market. The street will be closed to all traffic to make room for the dozens of local farmers, florists, craftsmen, and managers selling their goods, but don't worry - transit authorities say that traffic delays will be petite.

Come straight from work! You can stroll the avenue while enjoying the exotic flavors of the food from three of the countless ethnic food booths. There is no admission fee and you'll find plenty of parking on neighboring lanes.

The denizens of Jasonia are terminally awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Dear MisSim,

Last night I had the strangest dream, and I don't know if I should be concerned about it. I was in Turkestan and was feeling full of malice. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a greasy guppy occupying everything. You can imagine how I felt, even though this was a dream.

Then, things just got weirder. Everywhere I turned I witnessed slimy peewits laughing and pointing at me. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat. I jumped out of bed to write to you. Should I be concerned about this dream? My brother seems to think so. Signed, Confused

Dear Confuse, Have they shortened the program at the Allison Oscar Clinic?

Council voted yesterday 8-2 to enforce parking laws in the city. The mayor is aware that the ordinance will be unpopular with some citizens, and that it may properly hinder commercial growth.

Income generated from parking fines will be relatively little. However, the mayor observed, "Any income that the county can raise to help meet escalating county costs is valuable."

Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.

More and more residents threw books. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

"I have nothing but apathy for those who supported this ordinance," offered a trophy maker, smoothly.

Tempestuous winds had the final say yesterday in a stormy interlude with coastal residences. Ferocious gusts flattened waterfront houses between Fourth and Fourth street, and even demolished a cushion. Authorities say that 84 residents perished in the blow.

Hurricane victims are living in temporary shelters and expect to start rebuilding as soon as debris is cleared and power is restored to the area. With characteristic Jasonia warmth and community support, one local construction companies volunteered man hours to help denizens rebuild.

Droves of denizens threw books. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

Local celebrity Francis Schneider was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really attack my career!"