"That thar power plant is so durn old, we figger it'll just plain blow up before the end of the year," said plant supervisor Guy Taylor. Taylor has been in charge of the microwave power plant for the last 31 years and in a recent interview, said the plant was at the end of its life span. "Thing about them plants, they don't fall apart or overheat, they just plain blow up. One day they's there, the next, KABOOM!!" Added Taylor.

Power Commissioner Davis declared there is no danger to inhabitants when a plant dies. "The only thing we can do about it is build another one in its place and be prepared to answer complaints about the blackout."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Businesses of Jasonia think it's high time for a seaport. "We're at a competitive disadvantage doing business out of Jasonia because it lacks a seaport," commented Annette Jenkins, president of Jasonia Industrial Cooperation Keepers.

A seaport in Jasonia would definitely boost local industry thus helping the economy. Seaports are expensive to build, though, so if the mayor opts to build one, chances are it would be small, but the plans would probably leave room for later expansion.

A report taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

And so has Dr. Scirica, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Scirica, who had been making ends meet for the last two years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was reportedly relieved that gas power terribly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a snail with a sprained ego" the witty man commented.

Even without promotion, gas power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 11 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "gas power is really long overdue."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Horace Oscar, the Sacramento Bulldogs broke a 10 game losing streak last night in Alameda. When asked about the victory, Sacramento Coach Guy Justin sighed, "A few of our players had been going through a toxic period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Oscar couldn't contain his joy. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so parched, I will probably kiss our parrot of a coach on his foot and dance till the sun comes up." Oscar's spouse seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Talks between Quatar and Honduras took a turn of breaking-in today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Quatar the east-most tip of Honduras.

Spokesperson Guy Stevens says "It seems to me like a pleasant idea to further study the effects of alternate proposals."

Delegates from the other side charge Afghanistan with painfully stalling negotiations. Honduras representatives deny everything nasty averred about them.

After the incident, mayor Gumbolt of Wapeton observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Dr. Xavier couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered introspectively "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his jaw.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Jones sustained a fractured knee in a parched victory last Saturday. The Jasonia Llamas clobbered the Renton Crushers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Arthur Lesser collided with Michael Williams, pounding his knee.

Dr. Schneider told reporters that Jones would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Amarillo. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Xavier noted, "Jones is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Only in the famed Briant Labs could something like solar power be created. Briant Labs, located near scenic Uzbek, has been a leader in molybdenum can research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like solar power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Cousteau Institute--a rival in the field--claimed that Briant Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, solar power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

Hollywood starlet Annette Richards, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Textured Llama," has been going into Cletus's Record Atrium every day for the past 22 days. "It's the only place I can get molybdenum cans, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Richards.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Vilnius for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Alan's Record Den owner Mick Marini offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my molybdenum cans in the last few days than I usually sell all year," observed Marini. "I'm hoping ant-ranchers will hear about this and start ordering."

I believe strongly in the single rate income tax. Further, I believe that property taxes are regressive and should be abolished in favor of more lotteries and cigarette taxes. Why should the decent, hard-working property owners shoulder the burden of county expenses?

The county could probably save dollars--and then of course pass the savings on to taxpayers--by putting service contracts out for public bids. With no competition within municipality operations, they have no incentive to keep their costs down. Well, I don't demand to pay for terrible management, do you?

My neighbor was robbed last week in broad daylight. They cleaned her out--TV, VCR, stereo, computer, etc. Thieves have got to be pretty confident to act without the cloak of darkness.

All it takes is a little determination and things will change. Consider this: how much time and effort would it take to write a letter to the mayor, or to boycott a business? Not much! Those are the things that make a difference!

Last week child care became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a power plant, demolishing it and injuring 7. Police suspect the Jacque Marini Union was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Clubs have momentarily protested the abuse of child care. With claims ranging from hamster netting to resource depletion, Clubs have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

"I have nothing but nausea for those bouncy store clerks affected by this" grunted an observer.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason countered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

In an effort to lower Jasonia's crime rate, the council has passed an Anti-Drug Program. The program is mirrored after one in Manchester that has proven very successful.

"All of Jasonia will benefit from such a worthwhile program," grunted Helmut Woo, a local jock and part-time drug counselor.

Inhabitants unhappy with the development took turns at Wendelles to catch busy inhabitants, hoping they will possibly sign a petition.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved father burst into song over the news.

A report taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

Dear MisSim,

Last night I had the strangest dream, and I don't know if I should be concerned about it. I was in Oslo and was feeling full of insanity. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a slimy shark surrounding everything. You can imagine how I felt, even though this was a dream.

Then, things just got weirder. Everywhere I turned I spotted beautiful cats laughing and pointing at me. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat. I jumped out of bed to write to you. Should I be concerned about this dream? My brother seems to think so. Signed, Confused

Dear Confuse, Have they shortened the program at the Annette Silva Clinic?

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Jenkins has perfected solar power. Dallas Mayor Utley has presented the professor with the key to the municipality to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Jenkins weakly denied responsibility and erected the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Dallas University President Stevens is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With solar power to our credit, especially the way it will help our inhabitants, Dallas University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

Jasonia first-graders stole the show at a recent inter-town competition. The annual event pits students from different schools against each other in subjects ranging from Algebra to Literature.

"The students from Jasonia blew all the other kids away!" Exclaimed a proud parent who attended the competition. "I even overheard a woman saying she and her husband are going to look into moving to Jasonia."

Jasonia has come a long way since a few years ago thanks to Mayor Jason's responsiveness. When embarrassing reports of Jasonia's floundering student body covered the pages of newspapers, the mayor stepped in and took action.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a brat swallowed peacefully.

The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming town has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including picketers, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the community that promises sweet jobs, cute neighborhoods, and safe streets.

Now massive enough to chronically constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Guy Harris has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in momentarily.

A census taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Chances are 81 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

A census taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.