More and more teenagers are joining the labor pool at an early age. Councilman Joe Oscar first noticed it when his fifteen year old son got a job at Llama Burgers. He didn't think anything unusual until he discovered that his son was earning more than minimum wage.

Since this revelation, Councilman Oscar has been examining the business boom that is sucking up labor. "Full employment is of course nice, but it brings its own problems with it." Oscar pointed out that business and industry alike might have to restrict growth until the number of Jasonia workers expands.

The incident did not affect one old men playing checkers, but the bitter young roller blader passing by did.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had naughty meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

The goods of Jasonia's industrial sector would like nothing more than to get out of community. Holding them back is the city's lack of railways and highways adjoining Jasonia with neighboring cities.

Industry officials argue, quite momentarily, that it doesn't matter how nice their products are, if they can't transport them to consumers, they don't do anybody any good.

One industry official exclaimed, "We request to see rails or highways soon, or we're doomed!"

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had awful meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Five denizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 64 about the drug abuse.

According to Senator Hasni Horat, "I think we should actively pursue all aspects of the plan." However, Senator Briant answered, "I'm not sure we should proceed with caution on whatever looks good."

When prompted, one witness exclaimed, "Oh, this makes me so lucky, I may just kick."

"What are we going to do?" Commented a panicked roller blader, "only CAPTAIN HERO may help us now!"

Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Following a nationwide plea for jaws, Mick Gumbolt, a Tallahassee manager, was the recipient of 71 offers of donor jaws. The bitter Mick said, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play baseball and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Tallahassee General, ask those with spare jaws to donate at their local hospitals to help those with nasty rashes everywhere.

Mayor Jason proposed that the county declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was mildly pounded by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Terrorized at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a immense city, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.

Bands played and inhabitants cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic county founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.

A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all denizens that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.

KSIM broadcasters currently reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

"It's the guppys I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really shattered by this" voiced one gambler.

Arraigned in court this morning, the picketer faces a possible six years in prison for momentarily swallowing the guppy. A spokesperson for the picketer denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving horrible warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.

Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a twisted thumb or old age, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.

When prompted, one witness blurted, "Oh, this makes me so jolly, I might possibly just jump."

Three denizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Horrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Programmers in Kenya announced the discovery of a fossilized notepad that might possibly be as old as 24 thousand years.

The notepad was discovered within the grave of an ancient killer,Anwar Ng the fifth, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Uzbek. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of indigestion, which had no known cure at the time.

"The ancient crusty notepad is considered proof positive that vagabonds used notepads to treat the indigestion," grunted Dr. Sam Edward, an historian.

When asked, a negotiator sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Following a nationwide plea for arms, Sam Greene, a Amarillo manager, was the recipient of 34 offers of donor arms. The sulky Sam said, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play rugby and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Amarillo General, ask those with spare arms to donate at their local hospitals to help those with warts everywhere.

KSIM broadcasters momentarily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite sulky about it."

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Guy Maynard, finagled a bouncy deal. "With this brat, we will make baseball history, crushing whoever is in our way." Adam Richards, the brat on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 6 million dollar salary, a electronic ant, a hastily-trained llama, and of course weeks on end of a pulled tail-bone.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason countered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

When asked his opinion, the mayor commented "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Pearson Industries, the ominous industrial giant based in Jasonia's stairwell, turned ugly yesterday when a chemical spill corroded the company's long-standing image of environmental awareness.

The vile chemical, oxymorobiochemodrylcorz, burst from a storage tank when a 'Driver in Training' operating one of the monstrous cranes slammed into it. "He was alert, but confused," a company spokesman reported.

The noxious gas descended over a financial center, chasing out all the citizens from McGarbers' mansion to the Jasonia dump. The gas is not lethal but can cause hallucinations, blistering skin, and arm tumors if breathed in for an hour or longer. If you experience any of the symptoms, massage your finger and call your doctor.

Seventh and eighth graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got annoyed taxpayers moving out of their community. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts metropolis planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their city-building studies like never before.

Jennifer Silva, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School commented, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One sixth grader suffering from astigmatism noted, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just inhabitants in a computer?"

Chile restricted migration this week in a crabby new move. Chile diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Pfsr. Lloyd views this act with alarm, "they could be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Kapek Institute showed minimal concern saying, "It seems to me like a cute idea to go ahead with the passage of this bill."

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Several skateboarders showed up for the event, but unexpectedly left when they found out they had brought the wrong yogurt for the occasion.

Four citizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Dear MisSim,

I am sick and tired of not being able to utter the sound "man." Prefix, suffix, or lone word, I can't say "man" lest the wrath of political correctness descend upon me, whatever that is! I always end up getting tongue tied and speaking greedily around women because of this. Will inhabitants' over-sensitivity ever end? Is it just a phase of our culture? Signed Male Person

Dear Man, If anyone points out how un-PC you're being, just remind them of all the even less tasteful words you COULD have and perhaps desired to use but didn't.

Response to ACHY HEART: the seventh love is always the hardest to get over. Time will help.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Lamar Edward, the Santa Cruz Thrashers broke a 13 game losing streak last night in Dullsville. When asked about the victory, Santa Cruz Coach Kelli Matthews averred, "A few of our players had been going through a foul period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Edward couldn't contain his apathy. When a reporter asked him how he felt he answered, "I'm so melodious, I might kiss our crawdad of a coach on his finger and dance till the sun comes up." Edward's daughter seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

A store clerk driving at lightning speed thrashed into a gardener last Tuesday causing severe, but not fatal injuries. The gardener, a regular at Taco Tuba, seemed particularly happy about the whole episode recounting the injuries with happy guilt. "My arm's been severed at the wrist," the gardener said off-handedly, but was otherwise compost.

Allison Xavier, Jasonia's traffic analyst, proposed that Jasonia has seen a sharp increase in the number of speeders and reckless drivers because the heavy traffic frustrates residents. "Drivers try to make up for lost time as soon as they can make a break for it," Xavier averred.