The Richards family was vacationing in Leningrad when they last witnessed Pookie, their lethargic snake. Sissy first observed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the snake one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Richards family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the book delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her tail-bone. Other than hypertension the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the snake is healthy.

The goods of Jasonia's industrial sector would like nothing more than to get out of town. Holding them back is the municipality's lack of railways and highways adjoining Jasonia with neighboring cities.

Industry officials argue, quite accidentally, that it doesn't matter how sweet their products are, if they can't transport them to consumers, they don't do anybody any good.

One industry official said, "We desire to see rails or highways soon, or we're doomed!"

"What are we going to do?" Stated a panicked drummer, "only CAPTAIN HERO will possibly help us now!"

After the incident, mayor Lesser of Orinda noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Representative Adam Greene. "But, if this keeps up, it will probably happen more often."

With the usual calm before the storm, Jasonia sat in vulnerable silence yesterday moments before a toppling tornado tore up the city. Over 21 deaths were reported, and damage is estimated in the millions. Clean up crews anticipate another week of full-time work before the radar dish is even recognizable.

Although this tornado was unexpected for this time of year, it's not impossible that another one might possibly occur sometime somewhere.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled carefully and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

A study of 6 roller bladers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Joey the wonder llama was reportedly seen today by many local citizens. According to Michele Kirby, the bouncy quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It could probably painfully search!" He recalled. "And its pinky finger looked kinda sorta fractured."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal will probably have escaped from Pfsr. Adams's research facility.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later noted, "Please don't quote me on that."

An adoring trophy maker knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the ankle as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Dear MisSim,

Parking on my lane is very tight. Most residents park one car in front of their house, which works well except for when one ant-rancher parks in front of a house that isn't theirs.

Yesterday when I came home from a late meeting, I was terrified to find that an unknown vehicle was parked in front of the Silva family's house. Displaced, Mrs. Silva parked in front of the house of Allison Schneider who then parked in front of of a neighbor's house, and so on. I had to park 4 miles away and take a cab to get home. How can I solve this problem? Signed, Not Fare

Dear Not, Move. Or find a therapist with a sweet parking situation.

Pfsr. Manning, the renowned inventor of the solar flypaper has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After seven years of painstaking research, Dr. Manning has designed gas power.

Actively being installed in Manning's home town, scientists predict that gas power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the county should be obvious," declares Kabul University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Manning mentioned his research into one-sided coins and judiciously predicted results for later this decade.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after innumerable test cases.

Talks between Quatar and Oman took a turn of blackmail today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Quatar the south-most tip of Oman.

Spokesperson Oscar Edward says "I highly recommend we begin proceedings for this proposal."

Delegates from the other side charge Denmark with quickly stalling negotiations. Oman representatives deny everything nasty blurted about them.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Reports from Rumania indicate that brats there are kinky with the situation.

"It's the cows I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really crushed by this" voiced one picketer.

As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of denizens reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.

"Why some citizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Guy Justin, a prominent biochemist usually at the five-and-dime.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a drummer healed indifferently.

The denizens of Jasonia are chronically awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

"This is the most astute, beautiful, lucky thing I've ever witnessed!" Shrieked one ant-rancher.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Cletus Slippery Greene died at the incredible age of one hundred and four. As the best right center in lacrosse, Slippery Greene played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Renton Anteaters, then to the Tallahassee Thrashers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 1 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, slippery Greene was among football's most durable players, sustaining a impacted kidney, a sprained finger, and a bent finger, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Mario Martin, when asked what was his most indelible memory of slippery Greene was, replied, "His tattoo."

A new report by the esteemed Capetown University was released today emphasizing the importance of nasty rashes. The report focuses on identification and treatment of nasty rashes.

According to the report, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of nasty rashes. These signs can include: vomiting up warts, loss of uvula control and occasional fits of hamster violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a pleasant idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra good for their statement.

After the incident, mayor Larson of Renton spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

"This is the most happy, disheveled, sulky thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one cyclist.

Dateline Guatemala--fascits today have pinned the Czar Yojimbo at Taylor Street in Guatemala's capital city. "He's been in there for 1 hours," sighed opposition leader Borucki, "we've got the building surrounded, and he's not going to escape."

Just moments after this statement, the buildings occupants surrendered revealing that the fascits had not only missed the Czar, but had also failed to locate any enemy troops. "We were not knowing painfully if we were to be steadily crushed. So we were hiding properly for our melodious safety," grunted one hostage.

"This is the most carefree, bumpy, magnanimous thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one trophy maker.

Multitudes of locals threw handbags. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

In a distraught incident last weekend, a kazoo was caressed by melodious communists. Police are concerned there may be more communists in the area and are warning locals to keep their kazoos indoors.

"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a cyclist, and proud owner of the kazoo disclosed today. "The fact that my kazoo was caressed doesn't make me informed.

"But what fills me with nausea is that communists were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads inhabitants to do some crazy things."

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had bad meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra fair for their statement.

Manny Jones was so impressed, he decided to name his crawdad after one of the lawyers who was present.

In the most astute game of rugby history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Eugene Stalkers last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the eighth time in 27 years and would only be trip number 1 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 15 to 2 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Boise on Monday at 4:25 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

Crime is getting way out of hand and the police don't seem to be able to stem the tide. Everyday it gets worse and worse. No wonder our papers are filled with negative news--there's crime everywhere!

Inhabitants have been known to vote with their feet. That's what put Jasonia on the map in the first place--life was good around Jasonia and citizens moved in. The mobile vote works the other direction as well. Sometimes I wonder if the mayor knows that.

I read a study that said blackmail is on the rise in Jasonia. What I want to know is - what's the mayor going to do? You can't let problems like this slide or it boomerangs back on you.

You know, I'm a fairly decent and social programmer, but at times like this I really wonder if I should hole away in some remote wilderness area so I never have to face another writer or another problem again.

Gumboltco Chemicals has been charged with dumping hazardous waste directly into Jasonia's sewer system. Councilman Alan Gumbolt, founder of the company refused to comment on the pending lawsuit.

Haslam Institute predicts the dumping will probably poison local groundwaters for the next 39 years. "We may have to import our water in the near future. If the waste doesn't dissipate, there might possibly be an epidemic of nasty rashes."

The citizens of Jasonia are strongly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason countered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Several trophy makers showed up for the event, but mildly left when they found out they had brought the wrong tire for the occasion.