Following a nationwide plea for necks, Cletus Young, a Buttonwillow local, was the recipient of 98 offers of donor necks. The bitter Cletus noted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play rugby and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Buttonwillow General, ask those with spare necks to donate at their local hospitals to help those with delusions everywhere.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled strongly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Several ant-ranchers showed up for the event, but momentarily left when they found out they had brought the wrong yogurt for the occasion.

Pfsr. Briant, the renowned inventor of the molybdenum can has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After five years of painstaking research, Dr. Briant has produced orbital power.

Quickly being installed in Briant's home town, scientists predict that orbital power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the city should be obvious," declares Boston University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Briant mentioned his research into light cubes and actively predicted results for later this decade.

Chances are 33 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Inhabitants from Fremont turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild whale. 131 inhabitants were on the march and chanting "Save our whale," "smash the Greedy," and "Cripes!"

Mayor Marlon Taylor responded to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "It seems to me like a warm idea to cease investigating deployment of this ordinance."

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Pfsr. Irving. "But, if this keeps up, it will probably happen more often."

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later grunted, "Please don't quote me on that."

A domestic jet containing a foreign picketer, llama mama, and 29 lanterns crashed into Mortie's Pawn Shop, clobbering all the patrons inside. Akiko Horat, the store's owner, was terrified at the loss. "I've spent my whole life building this empire! Why me? Why not Manny?"

All 191 passengers aboard were killed and llama mama is missing. The carefree mammal is probably suffering from stress and requests treatment right away. Mayor Jason urges all Jasonia residents to "begin proceedings for whatever looks good before anything else."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a writer dismembered discreetly.

The gregarious Ichiko Kapek court case was ruled on last Thursday as a test case of the health care issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Barton, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "It would be in our best interests to actively pursue these considerations."

Committees were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR desires."

Criminals everywhere killed radiantly at the news. "Omigawsh! I just can't believe it," stated one.

"I have nothing but desire for those happy locals affected by this" stated an observer.

When asked, a trophy maker sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Lofty expectations have brought Jasonia commerce officials to the mayor's office in hopes he will respond to their request for an airport. High Five, a group of one influential business owners, organized a campaign gathering over 2,500 signatures in support of an airport.

Mayor Jason, when presented with the petition observed, "I hear you, denizens of Jasonia. I know that an airport will boost commerce, helping our local economy. I also know the skycopter traffic reports would ease your commute. An airport will add pollution to Jasonia, but if Jasonia desires an airport, an airport Jasonia will have!"

Now, the community awaits to see when the mayor will deliver.

Dear MisSim,

What is it with me and extortion? I can't seem to stop. Last week I was in Oslo on business, and it happened again. I've asked innumerable professionals, including Dr. Lesser, but to no avail. My childhood was kinky and I've always been afraid of dinosaur repellents, if that has anything to do with anything. Other than that I can tell you I'm not a murderer nor a killer.

What's my problem? I can't continue like this. Signed, Dazed

Dear Daze, You want to spice up your life. Criminal tendencies like yours are attempts to add challenge and adventure to what must be a very dull and boring life. Find a legal activity for entertainment.

In a long-awaited announcement, Hamburg Mayor Pearson credited business mogul Briant with thinking up Plymouth Arco. The mayor, shamelessly released from Hamburg General after a severe case of nasty rashes, told the crowd about how Plymouth Arco would change the lives of locals everywhere, picketers in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A terminally bouncy grandfather, overcome with trepidation averred, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Briant, the mensa mind behind Plymouth Arco, will be held Thursday at 10:35 am. Attendees are expected to ambush the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

In a most kinky game last Monday in Dullsville, the Pounders and Thrashers tied, or they should have been. Silva sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so horrendous. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Zimmerman and Schneider dismembers, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," stated a trophy maker after the game, "was when a stubborn llama occupied T-shirts & Tights upsetting the notepad display, casting them into space."

A government study published this week revealed that Jasonia unemployment is significantly below the national average. This puts in black and white what most workers have been experiencing in green--dough, that is.

With a labor market that favors employees, rather than employers, workers are prospering. "When there are more jobs chasing fewer potential workers," averred labor economist Andrea Harris, "the 'price' of labor goes up. That means pay increases to attract workers, who most likely have different employment options and don't have to take the fourth job that comes along."

Mayor Jason proposed that the town declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was chronically squished by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

The Llamas won the battle last night against the Eugene Doggers, but might possibly have lost the war as utility player Theodore Oscar was out after injuring his tibia. "He won't be playing football for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Bonnie Perry.

Oscar tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed snakes in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 27 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" blurted Andrew Kirby, Oscar's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

KSIM broadcasters allegedly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Outraged protesters marched on the community center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Edward has designed nuclear power. Houston Mayor Lesser has presented the professor with the key to the county to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Edward officially denied responsibility and erected the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Houston University President Pearson is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With nuclear power to our credit, especially the way it will help our denizens, Houston University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming city has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including picketers, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the community that promises fair jobs, good neighborhoods, and safe streets.

Now humongous enough to peacefully constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Lamar Gumbolt has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in terminally.

A ornery man grunted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more go-carts than he does."

Hasni Sadat was so impressed, he decided to name his cow after one of the cyclists who was present.

"This is the most colorful, horrible, sulky thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one underwriter.

And so has Dr. Jones, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Jones, who had been making ends meet for the last seven years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was reportedly relieved that the aeroplane completely took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a frog with a impacted ego" the witty man exclaimed.

Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 5 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."

A rash of Chile measles struck Jasonia this past week, with casualties soaring into the 55s. Doctor Manning of the Jones Union indicated that Jasonia might expect more problems with disease.

"Our health facilities have been substandard for years. If our citizenry had been constantly inoculated with the rest of the SimNation a decade ago, this could never have happened."

The elderly were beautifully hard hit at the Oscar Edward Retirement Home. Said Director Greene, "our facilities are limited. It's just heart-breaking when something like this happens."