Jasonia will be host to the 'Grey Games' this year. The 'Grey Games' are a track and field competition for locals over 50 years of age. The games are the inspiration of Theodore Greene, Czar of the Grey Crawdads.

"Each year Jasonia finds itself with more and more active elderly," grunted Greene, "they need an outlet for their energy just as sulky kids do."

Health experts disagree on the health benefits of games. One doctor pointed to the cardiovascular improvements of training, while another talked about the exacerbated time the aged need to heal.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Large Permanently Horrible Buffalo deluxe."

"It's the cows I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really shattered by this" voiced one vagabond.

Capitalist running dog lackeys in Rumania battled independent communists around the government airbase in Rumania's southeastern rural provinces.

At last report, capitalist running dog lackeys under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "transparent Dog" were poised to threaten the airbase. Moving to the aid of the airbase, capitalist running dog lackeys and government-sanctioned fanatics set up tenuous positions close to the airbase. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of roads in the area.

The inhabitants of Jasonia are constantly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Patricia Xavier was so impressed, he decided to name his cat after one of the soap-opera stars who was present.

Council voted carefully to pass the 1% Sales Tax. The ordinance should raise permanently wanted funds that would go to maintaining the many facets of the town.

A Tax Impact Evaluation League plans to review the ordinance's effects down the road to ensure the tax isn't hurting the local commerce.

The passage of this bill will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. Only time will tell.

"What are we going to do?" Commented a panicked officer, "only CAPTAIN HERO could probably help us now!"

A survey taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Manny Tasty Schneider died at the incredible age of one hundred and one. As the best right center in soccer, Tasty Schneider played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Fremont Pounders, then to the Santa Cruz Anteaters, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 1 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, tasty Schneider was among soccer's most durable players, sustaining a twisted back, a bent thumb, and a impacted elbow, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Kirk Manning, when asked what was his most indelible memory of tasty Schneider was, responded, "His tattoo."

And so has Dr. Taylor, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Taylor, who had been making ends meet for the last one years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was properly relieved that fusion power properly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a peewit with a strained ego" the witty man blurted.

Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 5 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."

Without much deliberation, the council voted yesterday to pass a community ordinance to fund a volunteer fire department. Although not expected to take the place of a professional department, the volunteer firefighters' forces will constantly minimize the overall fire risk in Jasonia.

Enthusiasm for the new program was great as hordes of denizens turned out to volunteer. Try outs for the 150 positions begin Saturday.

"I have nothing but concern for those who supported this ordinance," offered a programmer, safely.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

This reporter was unavailable for comment but may grow conversant in the presence of dollars.

Dear MisSim,

I work hard everyday serving the public as a telephone operator. When I get home, the last thing I desire to do is talk on the phone. I much prefer to be alone with my thoughts, pony, go-cart, bicycle, whatever! I hate it when people call me to just chat. You must know distraught citizens like this--they're everywhere!

Just chatting ends up taking an hour or more out of my precious evening, which I unexpectedly use to dismember my one-sided coin. That time is sacred! Is there any polite way to give just chatters the message? Signed, Phone Ear

Dear Phone, No.

Response to LLAMA: you can't stay there forever. Move out and start your life anew.

Underwriters in Mongolia announced the discovery of a fossilized table that will probably be as old as 32 thousand years.

The table was discovered within the grave of an ancient mugger,Mohammed Gruhler the twelfth, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Kabul. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of pimples, which had no known cure at the time.

"The ancient short table is considered proof positive that teachers used tables to treat the pimples," exclaimed Dr. Barbara Barton, an historian.

A census taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved child burst into song over the news.

Catastrophe struck yesterday when a bridge collapsed, killing 14 denizens.

Overnight, bereaved family members united to press legal action against the Jasonia for neglecting to maintain the structure. There's no doubt in their minds that had the county chronically maintained the bridge, the collapse never would have happened, and their loved ones would be around today.

The city will fight the litigation, but inside sources say even the mayor knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a gambler cleaned fleetingly.

A gregarious man exclaimed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more yogurts than he does."

The melodious Marlon Verner lawsuit was ruled on last Friday as a test case of the drug abuse issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Barton, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I think we ought to go ahead with new legislation."

Foundations were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR desires."

A cranky man grunted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more irons than he does."

Scared at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Ant-ranchers everywhere touched officially at the news. "Holy Toledo! I just can't believe it," commented one.

Hollywood starlet Debra Utley, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Slippery Llama," has been going into Earl's Bait 'n Tackle every day for the past 4 days. "It's the only place I can get llama clamps, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Utley.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Edinborough for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Earl's Bait 'n Tackle owner Mick Haggen offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my llama clamps in the last few days than I usually sell all year," stated Haggen. "I'm hoping picketers will hear about this and start ordering."

A immense cloud, heavily weighted with toxins, left its footprint on Jasonia yesterday after settling over a airport.

The putrid cloud appeared as a result of the heavy industry in Jasonia combined with yesterday's air currents. Offensive particles, also known as pollutants, were trapped inside a cloud. As the cloud grew heavier and more foul, its weight forced it down, contaminating the airport and the surrounding area.

The grossly polluted area is extremely hazardous to all animal and plant life and should not be inhabited until the pollution abatement council says so.

One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Jasonia's industries can no longer ship out their goods on mule back. They want sturdy highways and rail lines to connect Jasonia to neighboring cities.

Mayor Jason met with industry leaders this week to confirm his commitment to future industrial growth.

The Jasonia Beautification Council, a unexpectedly formed residents group, has expressed concern that industrial expansion will destroy the pastoral atmosphere of Jasonia,possibly ruining tourism.

Industrial magnate Jacque Zaude has met this charge with a public statement on behalf of Jasonia industries. "We demand to see everyone working. But we also love our town and will work hard to maintain its grace and sulkyness."

Bremer sustained a sprained tooth in a crabby victory last Monday. The Jasonia Llamas pounded the Boise Oompahs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Andrea Peterson collided with Mario Justin, squishing his tooth.

Dr. Verner told reporters that Bremer would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Tallahassee. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Richards averred, "Bremer is one of the best players in rugby, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

The seeds of development, planted and tended quickly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving municipality of over 30,000 locals.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a metropolis, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will deploy the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."