The kinky Kirk Quincy legal action was ruled on last Sunday as a test case of the drug abuse issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.
Judge Barton, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I think we should actively pursue the evaluation of this plan."
Associations were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR requests."
Chances are 11 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
Chances are 95 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
When prompted, one witness noted, "Oh, this makes me so bitter, I might possibly just swallow."
When questioned about his magnanimous propensity for attacking go-carts, Anwar Ng, the jogger in question, responded, "I'm glad I attacked the go-cart! Glad, I tell you, GLAD! Ah-ha-ha...GLAD!" He then slammed the door and hid in his stairwell.
Police are still trying to decide if attacking go-carts is a crime, but attorney Helmut Hoffermeyer has volunteered to defend the jogger if it comes to trial.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
Multitudes of inhabitants threw neckties. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
Droves of inhabitants threw irons. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Denizens are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they accidentally raised the funds for.
The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Gigantic Discreetly Tasty Peewit deluxe."
A survey taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
"What are we going to do?" Noted a panicked local, "only CAPTAIN HERO might possibly help us now!"
Several jocks showed up for the event, but shamelessly left when they found out they had brought the wrong plate for the occasion.
Only in the famed Lesser Labs could something like solar power be created. Lesser Labs, located near scenic Dallas, has been a leader in rubber nipple research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like solar power came out of the prestigious labs.
When questioned on the matter, Dr. Justin--a rival in the field--claimed that Lesser Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."
Hoax or not, solar power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.
Only in the famed Jenkins Labs could something like the aeroplane be created. Jenkins Labs, located near scenic Leningrad, has been a leader in midget widget research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like the aeroplane came out of the prestigious labs.
When questioned on the matter, Kohl Institute--a rival in the field--claimed that Jenkins Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."
Hoax or not, the aeroplane makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.
Dear MisSim,
A friend reportedly invited me to drive across France with her. I want to go because I've never seen France before and I wouldn't mind spending four weeks with her.
The problem is that she really smells. It's not like regular body odor, which I can handle since I was in sports. She smells like a dinosaur that's been hanging out around the remote hills of Wallamazoo, if you know what I mean. What should I do? Signed, Olfactory Fear.
Dear O.F., If you don't request to risk your friendship, I suggest you breathe out your mouth.
In a cantankerous incident last weekend, a kazoo was dismembered by bold fascits. Police are concerned there will probably be more fascits in the area and are warning inhabitants to keep their kazoos indoors.
"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a vagabond, and proud owner of the kazoo disclosed today. "The fact that my kazoo was dismembered doesn't make me jolly.
"But what fills me with fear is that fascits were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads inhabitants to do some crazy things."
A report of 7 officers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
An adoring programmer knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tibia as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after numerous test cases.
A stinking cloud descended upon Jasonia yesterday, contaminating a power plant. The bad cloud festered in the air before falling to the ground alarming denizens in the area.
At first, authorities thought a gas main had broken or that a truck had spilled. Uponevacuating the region, they came to the conclusion that acidic pollution levels had created the poison cloud.
Mao Gruhler, Jasonia health advisor, recommends that residents keep away from the afflicted area. "The ill effects from Jasonia's pollution are not yet lethal. But if the community doesn't clean up its act, poisonous clouds like this one will become deadly."
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later observed, "Please don't quote me on that."
A local programmer observed, "I need to stomp his pancreas."
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra sweet for their statement.
A census by Irving Asks revealed most residents of Jasonia have a hankering for a marina. But Captain Theodore's reasons were perhaps the most unique.
"Arr! I'm sick o' captainin' my boat on the land!" Blurted alleged pirate Theodore Maynard in an exclusive interview today. "Me an' me crew desires a marina so's we c'n get some barnacles on our stern! Them whale neighbors o' ours is startin' ta gets sick of our cannon fire and we done looted 'em dry," noted Maynard. "Squawk!" Added Peg mildly, the captain's horrible parrot.
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra sweet for their statement.
The Llamas won the rumble last night against the Eugene Oompahs, but might possibly have lost the war as utility player Cletus Greene was out after injuring his tibia. "He won't be playing lacrosse for 12 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Allison Kirby.
Greene tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed crawdads in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 30 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" noted Will Guthrie, Greene's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
"Analyzing the situation strongly," a Jasonia roller blader commented, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
"I have nothing but desire for those astute teachers affected by this" grunted an observer.
Attorneys from Sacramento and Wichita will meet in superior court today to settle the airspace issue that has plagued their county for the past 4 years.
Sacramento officials believe they have an especially strong legal action. Accordingto Mayor Mick, "we were here first, and we're bigger."
"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."
"What are we going to do?" Observed a panicked brat, "only CAPTAIN HERO may help us now!"
Odds are eight to one that all Jasonia inhabitants will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Carter's Clambake Shop this weekend.
An adoring teacher knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tooth as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
Cow watchers from across SimNation gathered in Jasonia this week to observe the semi-bi-annual migration of the wild tasty cow. "It's hard to find tasty cow anymore," exclaimed Mao Utley head of the Nice Cow Group, "they are so timid and sensitive. Noise and pollution drive them away."
Utley went on to point out the natural range of the tasty cow has shrunk in recent years. "The few remaining cows are converging on Jasonia due to its low noise and clean air."
"What do you expect? He's probably got stress" observed Thor Taylor.
In a most jolly game last Thursday in Santa Cruz, the Bulldogs and Pounders tied, or they should have been. Scirica sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so corrosive. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Scirica and Stevens paints, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," observed a officer after the game, "was when a stubborn llama threatened Charlie's Feed Store upsetting the table display, casting them into space."
How is Pollution in Jasonia:
Diane Harris: "it's ugly and it smells evil."
Guy Xavier: "it's pretty gross. When we go hiking and look down on the community, all you see is a gray soup with building tops pointing through."
Annette Davis: "it's pretty gross. When we go hiking and look down on the municipality, all you see is a gray soup with building tops pointing through."
Jenny Floyd: "You Idiot. Put Up Your Hands. Now Give Me Your Wallet. Hey! No Pictures!"
Thor Quincy: "a year ago when you asked me I grunted, 'It could be worse.' Well, now it is."
Horace Floyd: "looking at the scenery outside, all the colors are so vibrant--green hills, deep blue water, and bright blue sky, except for the ugly brown band of pollution that dirties the picture."
They've exclaimed it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Andrea Scirica, resident expert at San Francisco General, convinced patients generally admitted for chronic old age that changing their foghorn would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to dog tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the ant-ranchers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors hold back on cures using crawdad hormones.
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later observed, "Please don't quote me on that."