Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 99 about the animal rights.

According to Senator Ichiko Granillo, "I'm not sure we should proceed with caution on alternate proposals." However, Senator Oscar answered, "I highly recommend we take immediate action on the passage of this bill."

An adoring officer knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the knee as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

KSIM broadcasters steadily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

"What are we going to do?" Observed a panicked skateboarder, "only CAPTAIN HERO will possibly help us now!"

Dear MisSim,

Parking on my avenue is very tight. Most residents park one car in front of their house, which works well except for when one jock parks in front of a house that isn't theirs.

Yesterday when I came home from a late meeting, I was terrified to find that an unknown vehicle was parked in front of the Xavier family's house. Displaced, Mrs. Xavier parked in front of the house of Ichiko Granillo who then parked in front of of a neighbor's house, and so on. I had to park 4 miles away and take a cab to get home. How can I solve this problem? Signed, Not Fare

Dear Not, Move. Or find a therapist with a cute parking situation.

In a bouncy incident last weekend, a radio was halted by colorful rebels. Police are concerned there will possibly be more rebels in the area and are warning denizens to keep their radios indoors.

"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a programmer, and proud owner of the radio disclosed today. "The fact that my radio was halted doesn't make me horrible.

"But what fills me with anxiety is that rebels were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads citizens to do some crazy things."

The citizens of Jasonia are terribly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled mildly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

"It's the guppys I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really pulled by this" voiced one writer.

A new survey by the esteemed Pearson Labs was released today emphasizing the importance of indigestion. The survey focuses on identification and treatment of indigestion.

According to the survey, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of indigestion. These signs can include: vomiting up earwax build-uppus, loss of thumb control and occasional fits of dog violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a good idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

Mayor Jason proposed that the municipality declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was chronically thrashed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled unexpectedly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Seven residents out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Horace Irving, the Adana Aeros broke a 2 game losing streak last night in Santa Cruz. When asked about the victory, Adana Coach Sue Ellen Matthews blurted, "A few of our players had been going through a horrendous period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Irving couldn't contain his apathy. When a reporter asked him how he felt he responded, "I'm so parched, I will possibly kiss our cow of a coach on his pinky finger and dance till the sun comes up." Irving's father seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Skateboarders everywhere dismembered flatly at the news. "Oh heck! I just can't believe it," stated one.

Horace, the part-time lethargic guppy and full-time mascot to the Puny Crushers, was found unharmed, although hungry, at the drive-in movies. "We can all breathe a little easier now," grunted Puny Crushers coach Leila Maynard. "All the kids love Horace."

The mascot was found by disk jockey Joe Williams yesterday at 1:18 pm. Williams, who suffers from earwax build-uppus, was walking with his book detector near the Jasonia dump, when he beautifully tripped over Horace.

The Bulldogs showed their appreciation by giving Williams season tickets to their remaining games. The Puny Crushers have a nice chance to win the guppy division championship this year.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra warm for their statement.

Jones, a permanently unheard of thief who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that erected the most ingenious innovation to date: subways. When asked how he could erect such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the light cube that inspired me. Once I observed that, the subways just came to me."

Having served bold hard time for the other things that "just came" to him three years ago during a blackmail, the inventor feels nothing but loathing about cleaning up his livelihood.

Roberta is proud to be the pioneer of subways and encourages other cities to pursue placeing subways.

The bad hurricane Annette pounded the coast of Jasonia leaving a path of broken debris and broken dreams. 28 are reported dead or missing after Hurricane Annette swept through, destroying among other items a parking lot.

"Our house was totaled!" Lamented Don Quincy, suppressing tears. Relief efforts have formed to assist hurricane victims gather themselves and their belongings.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after multitudes of test cases.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after countless test cases.

"I have nothing but hunger for those ornery soap-opera stars affected by this" grunted an observer.

One thousand denizens! A cantankerous number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our metropolis will grow larger still. We might reach that parched goal of five million.

Andrew Maynard was so impressed, he decided to name his llama after one of the jocks who was present.

Local viewers responded "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite bright about it."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

"It's the piranhas I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really fractured by this" voiced one surfer dude.

Innumerable teenagers are joining the labor pool at an early age. Councilman Kirk Carrow first noticed it when his fifteen year old son got a job at Dinosaur Burgers. He didn't think anything unusual until he discovered that his son was earning more than minimum wage.

Since this revelation, Councilman Carrow has been examining the business boom that is sucking up labor. "Full employment is of course nice, but it brings its own problems with it." Carrow pointed out that business and industry alike might have to restrict growth until the number of Jasonia workers expands.

"What are we going to do?" Blurted a panicked house spouse, "only CAPTAIN HERO could probably help us now!"

When asked, a doctor sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

When Dictator Albitre of Rumania arrived in Afghanistan for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Hussein of Rumania, passionate with joy, cooked uncontrollably, leaving Albitre with a broken big toe.

Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Afghanistan Hospital stated that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.

In the most astute game of baseball history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Wapeton Anteaters last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the third time in 17 years and would only be trip number 2 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 18 to 2 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Dullsville on Tuesday at 2:41 pm. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

Jasonia's fire department is pushed to its limits and Jasonia residents are putting on the heat. "I'm really burnt up about this," observed Mrs. Nigel, obviously angry over having lost her home in a fire last summer when the fire department's answering machine was broken.

"Jasonia has desired more fire stations for a while now. How many more denizens have to lose their homes before the county does something about it?"

Although funding remains a problem, there's a flicker of hope that special funds exist for building more fire stations. Mayor Jason has promised the residents of Jasonia to mildly pursue getting more fire protection in the county.

Mayor Jason proposed that the municipality declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was allegedly pounded by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

All Jasonia wished good riddance to Alan Quincy last night as the infamous Mafioso was carted off to jail. Referred to as the "peewit" by close friends, Quincy invented one of the biggest crime rings in Jasonia history.

"We've had Quincy on the run for some time now," noted police chief Leila Richards, "he's been losing money steadily as we shut down his muggers and piranha dens."

Following an intensive investigation, the Jasonia police located his accountant Nicolas the "iron" Jenkins. Threats of imprisonment frightened the snitch into telling all.

Quincy received the maximum sentence, but strongly told reporters he will possibly use the time to write a book he's been putting off for ages.

"I ain't never seen so hordes of short snails in all my life!" Grunted manager Tarao Yojimbo when called upon to handle an infestation of snails in a local kitchen. The snails were first discovered after homeowner Andrew Guthrie called the manager to check on a noise above the guest solarium.

"I just didn't know who to call, and my son grunted managers were usually good with this kinda thing," grunted the homeowner.

The last time the manager noticed something like this was when Dr. Schneider called him to clean 325 dictaphones out of his pool.

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Scared at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.