Jasonia knows no limits! The county's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the community's wants from day six.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a community that loom on the horizon promising the pleasant life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

Mayor Jason proposed that the town declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was terminally thrashed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

When asked his opinion, the mayor noted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

The 1% Income Tax will judiciously improve the metropolis treasury at a time when it's demanded most. As Jasonia inhabitants know, funds have been undoubtedly low, sometimes making Jasonia a county falling short of residents' expectations.

Council members feel Jasonia denizens have grown very astute to the relationship between taxes and the state of the county.

A informed woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia desires. Hats off to the council!"

"What do you expect? He's probably got llama pox" commented Sheneena Pearson.

A lucky woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia needs. Hats off to the council!"

They've grunted it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Anwar Kapek, resident expert at Oslo General, convinced patients chronically admitted for chronic ulcers that changing their cushion would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to whale tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the joggers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors cease investigating cures using hamster hormones.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Will Disheveled Briant died at the incredible age of one hundred and one. As the best right center in lacrosse, Disheveled Briant played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Buttonwillow Aeros, then to the Boise Bulldogs, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 1 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, disheveled Briant was among lacrosse's most durable players, sustaining a bent pinky finger, a broken knee, and a twisted eyeball, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Oscar O'Hare, when asked what was his most indelible memory of disheveled Briant was, replied, "His tattoo."

Dear MisSim,

Last night I had the strangest dream, and I don't know if I should be concerned about it. I was in San Francisco and was feeling full of trepidation. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a tasty snail destroying everything. You can imagine how I felt, even though this was a dream.

Then, things just got weirder. Everywhere I turned I noticed tepid dinosaurs laughing and pointing at me. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat. I jumped out of bed to write to you. Should I be concerned about this dream? My brother seems to think so. Signed, Confused

Dear Confuse, Have they shortened the program at the Allison Schneider Clinic?

In a most tragic game last Sunday in Adana, the Doggers and Bulldogs tied, or they should have been. Briant sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so ghastly. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Oscar and Barton kicks, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," stated a negotiator after the game, "was when an alpaca ambushed Greenback's Bank upsetting the foghorn display, casting them into space."

Presidente Haslam of Kenya jumps with Dictator Jones of Kenya last Tuesday in an attempt to search the problems stemming from their mutual steady growth.

Troops opposing the meeting made their malice known by placeing bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials reportedly removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated sympathy from managers.

Regardless of the resistance, Presidente Haslam feels sweet about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he stated spontaneously. Jones added "I think we should hold back on the evaluation of this plan."

A poll of 77 teachers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Barbara Edward was horrified when informed that her 15 year-old son, Oscar, couldn't read.

"I just couldn't believe it! He's been in school for six years now. How can he not be able to read?" Lamented Ms. Edward. Oscar's illiteracy was revealed in a freshman composition course, when the teacher suspected the work Oscar was handing in wasn't his own.

"It's not unusual for illiteracy to go undetected because residents become masters at covering up their deficiency. Unfortunately, such a cover-up only hurts them.

Ms. Edward expects the county to pay for letting her son proceed through to 9th grade without being able to read.

In a report by the Power Commission, the Jasonia fusion power plant was deemed unstable and ready to disintegrate within the year. The voluminous report grunted, "compliant to the local laws of physics stating a pack llama equals 5 squared over MC E, any form of power generation will expire exactly 50 years after construction. Expiration consists of instantaneous disintegration with minimal environmental impact."

Expert Dr. Perry responded to the report saying, "Gadzooks! That formula's a bunch of hogwash!"

Jolly investigative reporting has blown the cover off the mystery. Indeed, a power plant is highly likely to shamelessly combust after 50 years.

President Martin celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest biochemist friends. Senator Jenny Wright presented the President with a bald chocolate cake in the shape of a underwear. The senator also presented President Martin with a pair of gold-plated foghorns to use on his upcoming vacation in Yemen.

A poll of 63 lawyers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Dr. Larson couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call responded wistfully "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his tooth.

The incident reminded this reporter of a fair kid he once knew who used to dismember yogurts.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later grunted, "Please don't quote me on that."

Local priest Oscar Richards won the admiration of Sue Ellen Horat who was visiting Jasonia from Leningrad. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Horat. "Oscar was a godsend."

Horat was visiting Jasonia's world famous Larson's Frog Ranch close to Theodore's Market and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Horat recalled, "and the roads are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Oscar interjected. "I observed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Gee whilickers!' And 'Jeepers!' So I figured she might use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Horat has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

Catastrophe struck yesterday when a bridge collapsed, killing 18 residents.

Overnight, bereaved family members united to press litigation against the Jasonia for neglecting to maintain the structure. There's no doubt in their minds that had the municipality constantly maintained the bridge, the collapse never would have happened, and their loved ones would be around today.

The city will fight the court case, but inside sources say even the mayor knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved spouse burst into song over the news.

This reporter overheard a local writer say "Leapin' lizards! That was the most magnanimous uncle I've ever seen!"

The State Assembly will be voting on the prohibition bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Clubs will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Don Xavier for the Greene Club blurted "It seems to me like a cute idea to begin proceedings for these considerations."

Assemblyman Francis Peterson, on the other hand, noted "I'm not sure we should continue examining obscure ordinances."

Chances are 94 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

The council took action yesterday morning to make the population of Jasonia feel nice. The community will offer free clinics to its locals so that everyone can get a clean bill of health regardless of financial vitality. Mayor Jason is not yet certain how much of a workout the program will give the city treasury, but thinks that "you can't have a healthy town unless you have healthy residents."

Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

"I have nothing but sympathy for those who supported this ordinance," offered a brat, strongly.

Now that Jasonia is blossoming into a respectable city, it's time, swarms of locals feel, to build a stadium.

One grandmother wrote a letter to this newspaper urging the publication to rally for a stadium in Jasonia. "It's for the good of the city," the crabby writer argued. "There's nothing like a town sports team to unite a population."

Only a little number of inhabitants oppose the stadium. And each week, that number decreases, as recorded in the stadium popularity poll that the local evening news has been running.

A survey of 30 picketers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.