A research team led by the eminent Dr. Davis has designed fusion power. Boston Mayor Xavier has presented the professor with the key to the county to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Davis wisely denied responsibility and constructed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Boston University President Silva is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With fusion power to our credit, especially the way it will help our inhabitants, Boston University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

Jasonia teachers met this week with the council to protest recent cutbacks in wages and benefits, only to end the seven hour talk in mutual dissatisfaction. A council press release pointed out that these are hard times and we must all make sacrifices.

Andrew Edward, representing the local teachers union commented, "Our teachers have overcrowded classes, inadequate materials, and no special education program for those with learning disabilities. Applaud them. Don't spit on them!"

Mayor Jason answered, "I was not aware of these problems. The cutbacks were done behind my back. It's the council. It's all their fault!"

Most Jasonia citizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-four year old woman freely countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

Sheneena Nigel was threatened when informed that her 15 year-old son, Oscar, couldn't read.

"I just couldn't believe it! He's been in school for one years now. How can he not be able to read?" Lamented Ms. Nigel. Oscar's illiteracy was revealed in a freshman composition course, when the teacher suspected the work Oscar was handing in wasn't his own.

"It's not unusual for illiteracy to go undetected because residents become masters at covering up their deficiency. Unfortunately, such a cover-up only hurts them.

Ms. Nigel expects the municipality to pay for letting her son proceed through to 9th grade without being able to read.

Arraigned in court this morning, the kid faces a possible five years in prison for quickly maiming the dinosaur. A spokesperson for the kid denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving happy warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.

Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a broken nose or delusions, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.

A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra nice for their statement.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

The Llamas won the brawl last night against the Tallahassee Aeros, but might possibly have lost the war as utility player Fred O'Hare was out after injuring his arm. "He won't be playing rugby for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Frank Nigel.

O'Hare tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed piranhas in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 16 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" sighed Michael Manning, O'Hare's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

The locals of Jasonia are smoothly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

A local doctor observed, "I desire to thrash his spinal cord."

Dear MisSim,

Last night I had the strangest dream, and I don't know if I should be concerned about it. I was in Innsbruk and was feeling full of nausea. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a crusty fish shelling everything. You can imagine how I felt, even though this was a dream.

Then, things just got weirder. Everywhere I turned I spotted horrible ponys laughing and pointing at me. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat. I jumped out of bed to write to you. Should I be concerned about this dream? My brother seems to think so. Signed, Confused

Dear Confuse, Have they shortened the program at the Theodore Jones Clinic?

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing municipality to a bustling county. With a population of over 10,000, the city has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be deployed, standing mildly as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

A local surfer dude grunted, "I desire to crush his spinal cord."

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later blurted, "Please don't quote me on that."

The residents of Jasonia are allegedly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Representative Patricia Johnsen. "But, if this keeps up, it might happen more often."

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Wright has designed the wind turbine. Vilnius Mayor Scirica has presented the professor with the key to the municipality to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Wright slowly denied responsibility and erected the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Vilnius University President Matthews is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With the wind turbine to our credit, especially the way it will help our residents, Vilnius University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

Hollywood starlet Sheneena Lesser, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Short Dog," has been going into House of Hormones Health-Food Hut every day for the past 11 days. "It's the only place I can get midget widgets, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Lesser.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to San Francisco for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, House of Hormones Health-Food Hut owner Fred Gruhler offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my midget widgets in the last few days than I usually sell all year," exclaimed Gruhler. "I'm hoping store clerks will hear about this and start ordering."

"What's the difference between Roberta and San Francisco?" Asked business tycoon Thor Kirby of Roberta in a recent press conference, "subways!!" He gloated.

The sweet-humored, though actively inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Barton supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by subways, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of subways into Roberta is just the beginning. We will see subways spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have subways at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

Last week child care became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a private jet, demolishing it and injuring 18. Police suspect the Chris Lesser Group was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Lobbys have discreetly protested the abuse of child care. With claims ranging from hamster netting to resource depletion, Lobbys have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Kelli Xavier, a prominent officer usually at Andrew's Market.

The incident did not affect five old men playing checkers, but the sulky young writer passing by did.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Cletus Kirby, finagled a bitter deal. "With this criminal, we will make soccer history, clobbering whoever is in our way." Horace Harris, the criminal on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 6 million dollar salary, a cat lure, a reportedly-trained peewit, and of course weeks on end of a tweaked finger.

Dr. Guthrie couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call countered personally "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his knee.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled heartily and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

The denizens of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly ferrets, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind steadily through squares and circles of green.

With the cranky development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of needs, are going up. But one enormous need, residents feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a minuscule space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.

Sue Ellen Xavier of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."

A stinking cloud descended upon Jasonia yesterday, contaminating a parking lot. The corrosive cloud festered in the air before falling to the ground alarming residents in the area.

At first, authorities thought a gas main had broken or that a truck had spilled. Uponevacuating the region, they came to the conclusion that acidic pollution levels had created the poison cloud.

Cletus Bremer, Jasonia health advisor, recommends that inhabitants keep away from the afflicted area. "The ill effects from Jasonia's pollution are not yet lethal. But if the municipality doesn't clean up its act, poisonous clouds like this one will become deadly."

A study taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Dr. Schneider couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call countered personally "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his neck.

A local brat sighed, "I want to crush his wrist."

More naughty news to report for the citizens of Honduras. Insurgent capitalist running dog lackeys continue to make good on threats to occupy the enemy base. Using unconventional not to mention inexcusable means involving properly-trained guppys and molybdenum cans, the inscrutable group shelled their target.

Isao Kapek, owner of Pot Shots and vice president of the Jasonia chapter of the International insomnia Group, is collecting food and wealth for affected victims of insomnia in Honduras. Donations could be brought to Earl's Bait 'n Tackle at Bremer Street overpass, across the street from the dark alley with the twisted sign post.

When prompted, one witness sighed, "Oh, this makes me so happy, I will possibly just jump."