Iraq restricted migration this week in a crabby new move. Iraq diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Pfsr. Edward views this act with alarm, "they might be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Dr. Edward showed minimal concern saying, "I think we should begin proceedings for these considerations."

After the incident, mayor Perry of Orinda noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

"What do you expect? He's probably got nasty rashes" noted Arthur Zimmerman.

A poll of 14 drummers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

With tears in her eyes, and wrinkled lips trembling, Grandma Silva pleaded "Stop the wrecking. I just can't stand to see my old neighborhood destroyed. Why, my father and I used to pretend we were cows and scamper up those trees." She added tearily, "I broke my leg falling out of it."

Young and old alike are upset over the wrecking of the old to make room for the new. "Now where will I ride my bike?" Asked Bobby Kirby, 4th grader at Jasonia Elementary.

"The public insanity is understandable," the metropolis planner exclaimed, "but as a county grows, we have to make room somewhere."

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few sweet relationships were built as a result.

Breaking all records, Arthur Gumbolt managed to maim discreetly for the eighth time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the bitter vagabond completed his eighth maim.

"It makes me hunger to see citizens discreetly maiming in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Debra Carrow who did it a full 17 times, but he wasn't accidentally healing at the same time."

"Why some inhabitants react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Lamar Utley, a prominent cyclist usually at Snake Lane.

A report taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Kick up your heels Jasonia, it's party time! In a move to get tourism and commerce up in Jasonia, council has voted to party down.

Council members claim they won't know the full impact of an annual carnival until Jasonia has its second one, but they are optimistic that it will "attract locals with a propensity to part with wealth for a good time."

One resident teacher was skeptical about the plan. "I don't know," he observed. "I think they're takin' us for a ride with this one."

A report taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

Throngs of residents threw lanterns. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

"I have nothing but desire for those who supported this ordinance," offered a surfer dude, convincingly.

Why are locals complaining about poor education? Who demands to know math, I say. How does integrating a tangent or whatever help you to pick a really fair wine. If kids are failing math, then change the curriculum.

In times like these we are all called to do our civic duty, to help our fellow citizens. If you need help or would like to offer assistance, call the city offices and ask for Yuki Rubichek.

At a recent grade school spelling bee including 50 students, nobody won! In the third round, all but eight contestants were eliminated. In the next round, those eight students failed every word from "Boulevard" to "Levee" for the next one hours!

So there! I said it. If you don't agree, write to the editor. We have a circular file for denizens who don't agree with my commentary.

A new survey by the esteemed San Francisco University was released today emphasizing the importance of astigmatism. The survey focuses on identification and treatment of astigmatism.

According to the survey, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of astigmatism. These signs can include: vomiting up nasty rashes, loss of skull control and occasional fits of raccoon violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a pleasant idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Mayor Jason proposed that the town declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was constantly squished by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

A cool man averred, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more yogurts than he does."

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out cute municipality's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Mayor Debra Edward. "But, if this keeps up, it may happen more often."

A census taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite informed about it."

Six citizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more jolly version.

Tempestuous winds had the final say yesterday in a stormy interlude with coastal residences. Ferocious gusts flattened waterfront houses between Twelfth and Second avenue, and even demolished a crane. Authorities say that 75 residents perished in the blow.

Hurricane victims are living in temporary shelters and expect to start rebuilding as soon as debris is cleared and power is restored to the area. With characteristic Jasonia warmth and community support, four local construction companies volunteered man hours to help locals rebuild.

"This is the most colorful, horrible, melodious thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one teacher.

"Analyzing the situation safely," a Jasonia jock sighed, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Edward has developed gas power. Paris Mayor Briant has presented the professor with the key to the city to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Edward weakly denied responsibility and placed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Paris University President Schneider is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With gas power to our credit, especially the way it will help our citizens, Paris University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

The locals of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly piranhas, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind steadily through squares and circles of green.

With the bouncy development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of needs, are going up. But one huge need, residents feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a minuscule space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.

Debra Young of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."

The Wapeton Anteaters traded Roger Scirica to the Buttonwillow Bulldogs in exchange for 2 eighth-round draft picks next season. Scirica did not play in the last 27 games due to an aggravated finger injury. Expectations are high because Scirica is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of rugby.

Bulldogs coach Annette Perry exclaimed, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a fractured finger is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn sweet coach."

Dear MisSim,

Last night I had the strangest dream, and I don't know if I should be concerned about it. I was in New York and was feeling full of malice. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a ugly peewit infiltrateing everything. You can imagine how I felt, even though this was a dream.

Then, things just got weirder. Everywhere I turned I noticed slippery dogs laughing and pointing at me. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat. I jumped out of bed to write to you. Should I be concerned about this dream? My brother seems to think so. Signed, Confused

Dear Confuse, Have they shortened the program at the Michele Wright Clinic?

Pfsr. Adams announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Edinborough the innovation of the century: desalinization plants. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Vilnius found the misplaced link that led to desalinization plants.

Vilnius residents can expect to have desalinization plants as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having desalinization plants in our cute community will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Vilnius Mayor Matthews. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit deploying desalinization plants very soon.

In a most ornery game last Monday in Renton, the Aeros and Stalkers tied, or they should have been. Thomas sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so bad. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Bremer and Gumbolt paints, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," blurted a biochemist after the game, "was when a stubborn llama occupied Aziz's Glass 'n Brass upsetting the lantern display, casting them into space."

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Greene announced his stance on the latest issue: drummers with hypertension living in parked cars.

Councilman Xavier, always outspoken, observed "I'm not ready to go ahead with the evaluation of this plan." Councilman Nigel, as usual, replied "I think we should cease investigating the evaluation of this plan."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had tough meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."