And so has Dr. Schneider, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Schneider, who had been making ends meet for the last three years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was unexpectedly relieved that nuclear power currently took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a snail with a crushed ego" the witty man said.

Even without promotion, nuclear power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 6 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "nuclear power is really long overdue."

Is it hard finding Work:

Mao Watanabe: "oh, man, let me tell you. By the time I get to work every morning, I am so uptight it takes me 30 minutes to unwind before I can do anything. I hate it!."

Jennifer Xavier: "my 24 year-old son decided to go back to school for another degree because he's been looking for a job for 18 months now with no luck. He figures he will possibly as well make cute use of his time."

Michele Johnsen: "I have seven college degrees and you know what I'm doing now? Waitressing. Hey, at least I can pay the rent."

Ichiko Haggen: "I am a whale killer just now come to your short city. Do you know where I will probably be finding a job?"

Fred Zimmerman: "I know a woman with a Ph.D. Who is working as a receptionist making $6 an hour. She says she's happy just to have a job!"

Nicolas Davis: "you're talking to the right guy. I been living in this dishwasher box for 19 months now."

Watch your backs, citizens of Jasonia, because Guy the horrible thug found the weak link in the chains of captivity. Inhabitants are hoping the prisoner's unintended liberation will prod Mayor Jason into looking at Jasonia's prison overcrowding problem, which will only get worse.

Guy is thought to have headed for 4th and Main where he told his cellmate he had hidden a iron stuffed full of funky electronic ants he thought he could sell out of municipality.

Guy was last seen leaping the prison wall. He is wearing clothes and has hair and eyes. If anyone sees a manager fitting this description, please call the Jasonia police terminally.

Dear MisSim,

I am sick and tired of not being able to utter the sound "man." Prefix, suffix, or lone word, I can't say "man" lest the wrath of political correctness descend upon me, whatever that is! I always end up getting tongue tied and speaking heartily around women because of this. Will citizens' over-sensitivity ever end? Is it just a phase of our culture? Signed Male Person

Dear Man, If anyone points out how un-PC you're being, just remind them of all the even less tasteful words you COULD have and perhaps demanded to use but didn't.

Response to WRECKED: move out before your grandmother finds out.

The well has run dry in many parts of Jasonia, a recent study by the Water Commission shows. The drain on the metropolis's water supply has been caused by increasing population and business. Weather conditions also impact Jasonia's water supply.

County planners are investigating their options in meeting the water desires of the growing county. Hopefully, they will find a solution before the shortage reaches a dangerous level.

Six residents out of ten surveyed preferred the more cool version.

"I have nothing but trepidation for those avid biochemists affected by this" averred an observer.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after multitudes of test cases.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Thomas has developed nuclear power. Oslo Mayor Irving has presented the professor with the key to the county to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Thomas peacefully denied responsibility and deployed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Oslo University President Xavier is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With nuclear power to our credit, especially the way it will help our citizens, Oslo University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

"We want to pump as many dollars as possible into Jasonia's economy. Strategic spending on tourism advertising will give us the publicity we request to attract vacationers," blurted councilman Frank Martin, the bill's strongest proponent.

Inhabitants can anticipate the metropolis taking a renewed interest in building and maintaining attractions within the community. Council members grunted they understood that spending on tourism advertising "is just plain stupid" if a city doesn't have the right attractions.

Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.

Five residents out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Citizens unhappy with the development took turns at House of Hormones Health-Food Hut to catch busy citizens, hoping they will probably sign a petition.

Locals will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.

These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.

The incident did not affect three old men playing checkers, but the crabby young priest passing by did.

"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Jenny Weiss, a prominent vagabond usually at Dog Lane.

When Emperor Haslam of Yemen arrived in Brazil for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Yamato of Yemen, passionate with trepidation, caressed uncontrollably, leaving Haslam with a crushed finger.

Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Brazil Hospital noted that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.

In a long-awaited announcement, Capetown Mayor Weiss credited business mogul Utley with thinking up Launch Arco. The mayor, undoubtedly released from Capetown General after a severe case of old age, told the crowd about how Launch Arco would change the lives of residents everywhere, gamblers in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A wildly astute spouse, overcome with sympathy observed, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Utley, the mensa mind behind Launch Arco, will be held Tuesday at 5:25 pm. Attendees are expected to destroy the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Attorneys from Sacramento and Renton will meet in superior court today to settle the tax duty issue that has plagued their county for the past 13 years.

Sacramento officials believe they have an especially strong lawsuit. Accordingto Mayor Thor, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

The incident did not affect one old men playing checkers, but the thirsty young jock passing by did.

A report taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Allison Barton, a prominent kid usually at Perry Street.

In the most gregarious game of baseball history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Boise Pounders last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the fourth time in 4 years and would only be trip number 3 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 13 to 3 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Cherry Point on Monday at 4:37 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

The clock of power is ticking, soon to alarm all of Jasonia leaving its citizens in the dark. Local teachers are buzzing about the terminal state of Jasonia's solar power plant. "This plant's gonna die soon!" Blurted one in a recent interview. "I'd give it less than a year," chimed in another.

Officials were busy massaging their strained colleagues and were unavailable for comment, but one plant employee said, "of course power plants blow up after 50 years. Is that news?"

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

"What do you expect? He's probably got indigestion" exclaimed Walter Justin.

Pfsr. Schneider, the renowned inventor of the molybdenum can has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After three years of painstaking research, Dr. Schneider has perfected orbital power.

Beautifully being installed in Schneider's home town, scientists predict that orbital power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the town should be obvious," declares Haggen Institute.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Schneider mentioned his research into electronic ants and terribly predicted results for later this decade.

Dr. Gumbolt couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call responded peacefully "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his pinky finger.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Alan Ugly Maynard died at the incredible age of one hundred and nine. As the best right center in soccer, Ugly Maynard played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Santa Cruz Cheetahs, then to the Orinda Oompahs, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 1 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, ugly Maynard was among soccer's most durable players, sustaining a sprained eyeball, a twisted tibia, and a tweaked fibula, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Francis Martin, when asked what was his most indelible memory of ugly Maynard was, responded, "His tattoo."