Thomas sustained a pulled fibula in a ornery victory last Wednesday. The Jasonia Llamas clobbered the Dullsville Doggers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Michele Jones collided with Alan Justin, pounding his fibula.
Dr. Maynard told reporters that Thomas would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Farmington. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Harris said, "Thomas is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
Hollywood starlet Kelli Xavier, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Greasy Peewit," has been going into House of Hormones Health-Food Hut every day for the past 22 days. "It's the only place I can get rubber nipples, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Xavier.
Tomorrow the crew moves on to Bremen for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, House of Hormones Health-Food Hut owner Horace Yamato offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.
"She's bought more of my rubber nipples in the last few days than I usually sell all year," observed Yamato. "I'm hoping picketers will hear about this and start ordering."
Jasonia has matured from a buzzing metropolis to a bustling metropolis. With a population of over 10,000, the metropolis has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.
As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be placed, standing momentarily as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.
Local celebrity Arthur Carrow was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really cook my career!"
A local officer grunted, "I desire to squish his leg."
The residents of Jasonia are painfully awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved spouse burst into song over the news.
Guerrillas in Denmark battled independent adversaries around the government tank column in Denmark's southeastern rural provinces.
At last report, guerrillas under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "flavored Whale" were poised to infiltrate the tank column. Moving to the aid of the tank column, fascits and government-sanctioned guerrillas set up tenuous positions close to the tank column. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of lanes in the area.
Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite bright about it."
Dr. Scirica couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call countered hoarsely "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his neck.
The competition is heating up among local companies as they struggle each other to meet their labor requests. A few of the more progressive companies, including Taylor Manufacturing and Horat Fabritechnics, have broken out in a health insurance war to attract potential employees through their doors, not the competitions'.
Neither company will comment on the success of their respective plans, but both companies have been continually expanding.
The tight labor market has helped to increase employee salaries and working conditions. Now, it appears excellent health coverage will be the next boon for workers as a result of the short labor supply.
"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Waleed Sadat, a prominent officer usually at Hamster Lane.
The council took action yesterday morning to make the population of Jasonia feel pleasant. The city will offer free clinics to its locals so that everyone can get a clean bill of health regardless of financial vitality. Mayor Jason is not yet certain how much of a workout the program will give the municipality treasury, but thinks that "you can't have a healthy municipality unless you have healthy citizens."
"Why some citizens push for programs like this is beyond me," exclaimed a dense-looking store clerk.
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were created as a result.
Most Jasonia citizens will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.
An provoked volcano erupted yesterday, claiming 39 lives and sparking fires and destruction all around it.
The City Hall at its base blew up, raining down in the form of debris and ash."The situation got shamelessly out of hand. The quick response by the fire department helped, but there was just too much for them to handle," sighed the mayor.
Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
Frightened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
"What are we going to do?" Noted a panicked gambler, "only CAPTAIN HERO might help us now!"
A local local averred, "I desire to stomp his ankle."
Attorneys from Renton and Santa Cruz will meet in superior court today to settle the land rights issue that has plagued their county for the past 6 years.
Renton officials believe they have an especially strong case. Accordingto Mayor Michael, "we were here first, and we're bigger."
"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later grunted, "Please don't quote me on that."
KSIM broadcasters shamelessly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
"I have nothing but malice for those parched cyclists affected by this" noted an observer.
Utley sustained a sprained wrist in a gregarious victory last Monday. The Jasonia Llamas pounded the Boise Aeros in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Michele Larson collided with Arthur Wright, thrashing his wrist.
Dr. Floyd told reporters that Utley would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Tallahassee. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Weiss blurted, "Utley is one of the best players in football, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
Council is serious about cleaning this place up. The town beautification ordinance passed yesterday without any resistance.
"There's no way you can go wrong investing in the beauty of the municipality," blurted Mayor Jason who has grunted before that he likes pretty things.
Plans to beautify the community include flowers planted on all meridians and shade trees in all parking lots. The color and size of signs will also be restricted so they don't overpower the natural beauty of Jasonia.
Denizens overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them painfully for the decision.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after multitudes of test cases.
The passage of this bill will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. Only time will tell.
An unemployed soap-opera star, Kirk Kirby, defied police for 18 hours yesterday when they tried to force his eviction. Police sergeant Carrow observed, "we were called at 7:44 am to evict the soap-opera star. He's been three months behind on his rent, and one previous at eviction had led to a brawl with his landlord, Patricia Oscar."
Sighed Oscar, "so times are awful. That aren't my fault. I got people willing to pay cute wealth for that room, and I got to eat too."
The soap-opera star Kirk was finally captured by police. He is being held at the city jail under charges of resisting arrest.
One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."
Following a nationwide plea for uvulas, Theodore Williams, a Dullsville surfer dude, was the recipient of 23 offers of donor uvulas. The ornery Theodore sighed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Dullsville General, ask those with spare uvulas to donate at their local hospitals to help those with stress everywhere.
"What do you expect? He's probably got earwax build-uppus" noted Kirk Davis.
On the local radio station KSIM, picketers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of malice to life."
Frank, the part-time sulky shark and full-time mascot to the Microscopic Stalkers, was found unharmed, although hungry, at the drive-in movies. "We can all breathe a little easier now," sighed Microscopic Stalkers coach Vanessa Davis. "All the kids love Frank."
The mascot was found by soap-opera star Thor Guthrie yesterday at 6:12 am. Guthrie, who suffers from pimples, was walking with his jetpack detector near McGarbers' mansion, when he unexpectedly tripped over Frank.
The Aeros showed their appreciation by giving Guthrie season tickets to their remaining games. The Microscopic Stalkers have a nice chance to win the shark division championship this year.
Four inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more horrible version.
Dear MisSim,
I found that last article to be mildly offensive and lacking in any mildly redeeming content. I want an apology! Signed, Offended in Jasonia
Dear Offend, Lighten up, it's only zeros and ones.
Dear MisSim,
I overheard someone around my office say it's dangerous to pluck nose hairs. I was too embarrassed to ask her for more information. But, is that true? Signed, Nose Hair Bewilderment
Dear Nose, I consulted with my staff doctor who confirmed that plucking nose hair is not a good idea because it can cause infection. Besides, that's gross.
The heat is dehydrating Jasonia, sucking up all the scarce moisture that keeps town life flowing.
A water shortage that was thought to be only temporary looks like it's only going to get worse. Jasonia's growth in residential, commercial, and industrial sectors has put the pressure on the town's water supply.
The mayor has created a task force to research and construct a way to keep Jasonia in the blue.
The incident reminded this reporter of a cute jock he once knew who used to caress strollers.
Dr. O'Hare couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call countered unnecessarily "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his jaw.
The incident did not affect five old men playing checkers, but the thirsty young lawyer passing by did.