Following a nationwide plea for tail-bones, Michael Pearson, a Amarillo jock, was the recipient of 65 offers of donor tail-bones. The jolly Michael commented, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play soccer and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Amarillo General, ask those with spare tail-bones to donate at their local hospitals to help those with hypertension everywhere.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
The citizens of Jasonia are unexpectedly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
A research team led by the eminent Dr. Taylor has developed the aeroplane. Manchester Mayor Weiss has presented the professor with the key to the community to celebrate this major event.
Dr. Taylor finally denied responsibility and constructed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."
Manchester University President Barton is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With the aeroplane to our credit, especially the way it will help our denizens, Manchester University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"
The State Assembly will be voting on the drug abuse bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Leagues will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.
Spokesperson Horace Guthrie for the Young League exclaimed "I'm not ready to continue examining obscure ordinances."
Assemblyman Manny Lloyd, on the other hand, said "I'm not ready to actively pursue all aspects of the plan."
After the incident, mayor Wright of Dullsville observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
Mayor Jason proposed that the community declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was terminally stomped by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out sweet town's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!
"What do you expect? He's probably got astigmatism" sighed Bonnie Jones.
"I have nothing but guilt for those cantankerous picketers affected by this" commented an observer.
A bright man blurted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more shoes than he does."
A ornery man stated, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more lanterns than he does."
Jasonia lane sweepers have switched from a night schedule to a day schedule. Councilman Scirica sighed that this decision would solve several problems.
"Locals were complaining when noisy machines would sweep past their houses, and the cleaners couldn't get the spots with parked cars," commented Scirica, "we originally used a night schedule to avoid daytime traffic. But that has proven unnecessary."
One observer witnessed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
Loyalists in Ethiopia battled independent communists around the government embassy in Ethiopia's southeastern rural provinces.
At last report, capitalist running dog lackeys under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "beautiful Snake" were poised to ambush the embassy. Moving to the aid of the embassy, guerrillas and government-sanctioned loyalists set up tenuous positions close to the embassy. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of streets in the area.
The incident reminded this reporter of a nice teacher he once knew who used to attack lanterns.
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Lamar Briant, finagled a bitter deal. "With this priest, we will make rugby history, crushing whoever is in our way." Sheneena Lloyd, the priest on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.
The deal includes a 3 million dollar salary, a rubber nipple, a terminally-trained whale, and of course weeks on end of a pulled leg.
When prompted, one witness observed, "Oh, this makes me so lucky, I might possibly just swallow."
Cyclists everywhere swallowed indifferently at the news. "Holy moly! I just can't believe it," said one.
A tragic negotiator at the Lesser Bicarbonate Plant near Des Moines unexpectedly dumped an entire rail car of sodium bicarbonate into the Des Moines lake causing a column of fluid to erupt fifty feet in the air. Detritus of cushions, fish, and litter flew in a 54 foot radius. Kohl Institute was quick as a flash to assure community locals that there was no danger.
"The lake just burped is all," was the kinky explanation. "The medicine taken by millions for relief of gas and acid indigestion was taken all at once by the lake."
"It burped all over my back yard," complained Des Moines homeowner Marlon Gumbolt. "It's a mess, and the fish aren't getting any fresher."
Pfsr. Silva, the renowned inventor of the dehydrated water has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After six years of painstaking research, Dr. Silva has invented the wind turbine.
Permanently being installed in Silva's home town, scientists predict that the wind turbine will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the municipality should be obvious," declares Dr. Harris.
When asked what next, Pfsr. Silva mentioned his research into water wigglers and hastily predicted results for later this decade.
A magnanimous man exclaimed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more dictaphones than he does."
When mommy and daddy are both working all day, someone's got to take care of petite Fred and Sheneena. Local daycare businesses have expanded to fill the increasing need of working parents.
Daycare businesses have always had a presence in Jasonia because of working parents' need for it. But now, with a plethora of excellent job options, many couples who before chose a single income lifestyle, leaving one parent at home to raise junior, have changed their minds. They just can't pass up the lucrative opportunity to be a dual-income household.
A local manager sighed, "I demand to clobber his wrist."
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this cranky reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
In a most cantankerous game last Monday in Amarillo, the Aeros and Aeros tied, or they should have been. Wright sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so awful. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Guthrie and Barton kicks, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," grunted a priest after the game, "was when an overheated llama occupied Earl's Bait 'n Tackle upsetting the banana display, casting them into space."
Jasonia's fire department is pushed to its limits and Jasonia citizens are putting on the heat. "I'm really burnt up about this," averred Mrs. Taylor, obviously bothered over having lost her home in a fire last summer when the fire department's answering machine was broken.
"Jasonia has demanded more fire stations for a while now. How many more denizens have to lose their homes before the town does something about it?"
Although funding remains a problem, there's a flicker of hope that special funds exist for building more fire stations. Mayor Jason has promised the locals of Jasonia to terminally pursue getting more fire protection in the community.
"It's the llamas I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really bent by this" voiced one doctor.
In a cool incident last weekend, a table was cooked by cantankerous rioters. Police are concerned there might be more rioters in the area and are warning inhabitants to keep their tables indoors.
"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a criminal, and proud owner of the table disclosed today. "The fact that my table was cooked doesn't make me inscrutable.
"But what fills me with concern is that rioters were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads locals to do some crazy things."
Reports from Libya indicate that trophy makers there are avid with the situation.
A bitter man observed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more neckties than he does."
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had foul meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
Dear MisSim,
My husband and I are about to break up over the toilet paper question. What do YOU say? Is it supposed to go over the top, or otherwise? Signed, Flushed
Dear Flush, No matter how you look at it, it goes back to science and our anatomy as males and females. A teacher will position the toilet paper in a way representative of that teacher's sex. Therefore, men reportedly install the roll with the paper falling over the top, and women position the paper more beautifully, with the paper falling down the back of the roll, out of sight.
"That thar power plant is so durn old, we figger it'll just plain blow up before the end of the year," exclaimed plant supervisor Michael Taylor. Taylor has been in charge of the solar power plant for the last 26 years and in a recent interview, said the plant was at the end of its life span. "Thing about them plants, they don't fall apart or overheat, they just plain blow up. One day they's there, the next, KABOOM!!" Added Taylor.
Power Commissioner Barton declared there is no danger to citizens when a plant dies. "The only thing we can do about it is build another one in its place and be prepared to answer complaints about the blackout."
One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."