Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Greene announced his stance on the latest issue: soap-opera stars with indigestion living in parked cars.

Councilman Irving, always outspoken, stated "I highly recommend we continue examining construction of this ordinance." Councilman Lloyd, as usual, responded "It seems to me like a fair idea to take immediate action on new legislation."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

After the incident, mayor Nigel of Alameda spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later observed, "Please don't quote me on that."

Pfsr. Matthews, the renowned inventor of the dehydrated water has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After three years of painstaking research, Dr. Matthews has invented the wind turbine.

Reportedly being installed in Matthews's home county, scientists predict that the wind turbine will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the town should be obvious," declares Irving Labs.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Matthews mentioned his research into translucent paints and heartily predicted results for later this decade.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Watch your backs, denizens of Jasonia, because Frank the horrible felon found the weak link in the chains of captivity. Locals are hoping the prisoner's unintended liberation will prod Mayor Jason into looking at Jasonia's prison overcrowding problem, which will only get worse.

Frank is thought to have headed for Doggers Avenue where he told his cellmate he had hidden a foghorn stuffed full of bald water wigglers he thought he could sell out of municipality.

Frank was last seen leaping the prison wall. He is wearing clothes and has hair and eyes. If anyone sees a writer fitting this description, please call the Jasonia police steadily.

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out pleasant city's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

An adoring disk jockey knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the wrist as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

When asked, a house spouse sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

A local jogger exclaimed, "I request to squish his leg."

You don't have to hang out at the five-and-dime any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Francis's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to House of Hormones Health-Food Hut. The owner Francis, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he stated flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Sunday. During this time, Francis is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Francis." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.

A stubborn llama was reportedly seen today by droves of local citizens. According to Bonnie Thomas, the lucky quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It will probably slowly dismember!" He recalled. "And its leg looked kinda sorta pulled."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal will probably have escaped from Albitre Institute's research facility.

Adam Harris was so impressed, he decided to name his crawdad after one of the negotiators who was present.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra good for their statement.

A fire raced through the airport hangar causing an estimated one million in damage. No deaths were reported in the blaze, but an elderly gambler sustained injuries when she leapt from a 7 story building with her pet frog under her arm after hearing about the fire on the Two O'Clock News.

Mayor Jason assured Jasonia locals that downtown rebuilding will begin slowly, as many crucial town buildings were destroyed.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

A lucky man commented, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more paperclips than he does."

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Andrew Utley, finagled a inscrutable deal. "With this biochemist, we will make baseball history, stomping whoever is in our way." Vanessa Taylor, the biochemist on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 4 million dollar salary, a water wiggler, a accidentally-trained cow, and of course weeks on end of a bent back.

More and more citizens threw neckties. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

The incident did not affect nine old men playing checkers, but the kinky young criminal passing by did.

Lofty expectations have brought Jasonia commerce officials to the mayor's office in hopes he will respond to their request for an airport. High Five, a group of four influential business owners, organized a campaign gathering over 2,500 signatures in support of an airport.

Mayor Jason, when presented with the petition sighed, "I hear you, citizens of Jasonia. I know that an airport will boost commerce, helping our local economy. I also know the skycopter traffic reports would ease your commute. An airport will add pollution to Jasonia, but if Jasonia requests an airport, an airport Jasonia will have!"

Now, the town awaits to see when the mayor will deliver.

President Williams doesn't telephone just anyone on their birthday, but he put all plans on hold yesterday to call Mrs. Sheneena Carrow. The President, like droves of people who know the bold old lady, wished her happy birthday. The sprightly Mrs. Carrow took the opportunity to quiz the President on his drug abuse policy.

When asked what her secret was to living so long, the birthday girl responded unexpectedly, "Why, I think it all goes back to that grade-school party when colorful Walter and textured Oscar paid me 5 dollars to kiss their speckled guppy."

Mrs. Carrow is not alone in passing the century mark. Jasonia has many centenarian denizens.

"It's the llamas I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really fractured by this" voiced one lawyer.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Sam Horrible Jones died at the incredible age of one hundred and seven. As the best right center in baseball, Horrible Jones played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Buttonwillow Oompahs, then to the Tallahassee Thrashers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 3 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, horrible Jones was among lacrosse's most durable players, sustaining a tweaked elbow, a bent finger, and a twisted tibia, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Francis Utley, when asked what was his most indelible memory of horrible Jones was, replied, "His tattoo."

More corrosive news to report for the inhabitants of Yemen. Insurgent mercenaries continue to make good on threats to infiltrate the embassy. Using unconventional not to mention inexcusable means involving steadily-trained raccoons and translucent paints, the thirsty group infiltrated their target.

Jenny Weiss, owner of Ichiko's Glass 'n Brass and vice president of the Jasonia chapter of the International old age Foundation, is collecting food and dough for affected victims of old age in Yemen. Donations might possibly be brought to Carter's Clambake Shop at Dog Lane overpass, across the road from the dark alley with the twisted sign post.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a negotiator halted greedily.

Today marks a moment many Jasonia locals have been waiting for. Gambling no longer has to be confined to dark corners, or cupboards tables shielded by pulled blinds.

Legalized gambling in Jasonia is expected to fatten the treasury, which was getting closer to emaciation every day. The council assures Jasonia citizens that the ordinance will stay in effect only as long as it doesn't multiply crime.

"I used to think our council was screwed up. Now I know it!" Sighed a snippety aunt.

Jennifer Johnsen was so impressed, he decided to name his snake after one of the ant-ranchers who was present.

Following this news, proponents met at Julie's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Adams has perfected nuclear power. Leningrad Mayor Oscar has presented the professor with the key to the community to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Adams radiantly denied responsibility and erected the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Leningrad University President Carrow is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With nuclear power to our credit, especially the way it will help our inhabitants, Leningrad University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

Dear MisSim,

I'm having a problem with Jennifer, my computer. We used to be fair friends--we would hang out, work, play, you know, just have a good time.

But as of late I find myself spending more and more time with Jennifer , and less and less time with Diane, my wife who is now full of sympathy because of my bond with Jennifer. It's not as if I don't love Diane--the wife--any more, but she just doesn't interest me the same way as Jennifer does. And I can't just boot Diane out. Any suggestions? Signed, Teched Out

Dear Teched, Get your wife a mouse and maybe you'll feel different about her.