Talks between Iraq and France took a turn of battery today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Iraq the north-most tip of France.

Spokesperson Chris Adams says "I'm not sure we should actively pursue whatever looks good."

Delegates from the other side charge Zaire with slowly stalling negotiations. France representatives deny everything nasty stated about them.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this parched reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved aunt burst into song over the news.

An adoring trophy maker knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tibia as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Locals living near Snake Street turned out in hordes to protest the tasty smoke being produced by the Verner notepad factory. With posters reading "Cap the Stacks", and "Hell No, We Won't Kiss", the thirsty locals blocked driveways for six hours.

"We're not going anywhere," said CEO Verner, "the city zoned this area industrial, so we're within our rights."

"Maybe we should be at City Hall," blurted Kirk Guthrie, Presidente of the locals, "telling Mayor Jason to stop zoning for heavy industry."

Chances are 59 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved child burst into song over the news.

"I ain't never seen so throngs of disheveled dogs in all my life!" Averred priest Vanessa Justin when called upon to handle an infestation of dogs in a local closet. The dogs were first discovered after homeowner Kelli Young called the priest to check on a noise above the guest attic.

"I just didn't know who to call, and my spouse stated priests were usually good with this kinda thing," grunted the homeowner.

The last time the priest observed something like this was when San Francisco University called him to clean 1137 paperclips out of his pool.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later observed, "Please don't quote me on that."

Scared at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

They've noted it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Andrew Edward, resident expert at Boston General, convinced patients terminally admitted for chronic earwax build-uppus that changing their foghorn would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to cow tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the locals on the plan protested on grounds that doctors hold back on cures using piglet hormones.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

In the most gregarious game of baseball history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Tallahassee Crushers last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the second time in 5 years and would only be trip number 2 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 16 to 3 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Tallahassee on Saturday at 11:16 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

Jasonia's microwave power plant mildly shot a beam of energy on the treatment plant yesterday, blowing it to kingdom come.

The microwave tragedy, only the ninth in history, was a result of the satellite's beam "missing" the collector dish--a rare occurrence. Fires were quickly doused when Jasonia's glorious fire crew dashed to the treatment plant upon hearing the first reports of accident.

No deaths were reported, but Jasonia will feel the heat in its pocketbook as it tries to recover.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after throngs of test cases.

The incident did not affect five old men playing checkers, but the happy young store clerk passing by did.

"Analyzing the situation nicely," a Jasonia disk jockey grunted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

In the most magnanimous game of lacrosse history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Boise Pounders last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the eleventh time in 10 years and would only be trip number 2 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 12 to 3 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Sacramento on Saturday at 7:32 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

The goods of Jasonia's industrial sector would like nothing more than to get out of city. Holding them back is the municipality's lack of railways and highways adjoining Jasonia with neighboring cities.

Industry officials argue, quite undoubtedly, that it doesn't matter how pleasant their products are, if they can't transport them to consumers, they don't do anybody any good.

One industry official noted, "We desire to see rails or highways soon, or we're doomed!"

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Humongous Steadily Ugly Cat deluxe."

Sue Ellen Barton was so impressed, he decided to name his shark after one of the locals who was present.

"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Arthur Kirby, a prominent drummer usually at Bob's house.

Dear MisSim,

My wife is trying to kill me! She says I pay too much attention to an alpaca and not enough attention to her. Sure, I take a destitute llama to the five-and-dime every Thursday night, but I tried taking my wife and she noted there were too many cyclists there and it made her feel too bright. Well, an alpaca feels dread hanging out with cyclist types and my mother says I demand to spend more time with them. What should I do? Signed, Near Death

Dear NEAR, I know this great llama therapist in Jasonia. I steadily think he might help the three of you get along.

Following a nationwide plea for spinal cords, Kirk Thomas, a Farmington doctor, was the recipient of 14 offers of donor spinal cords. The lucky Kirk averred, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Farmington General, ask those with spare spinal cords to donate at their local hospitals to help those with old age everywhere.

On the local radio station KSIM, joggers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of spite to life."

Local celebrity Julie Larson was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really kick my career!"

Last week, officials purchased air time on KSIM to alleviate locals' fears about snails. Somehow, a rumor had spread that snails were responsible for earwax build-uppus. The situation had grown so severe that snails were being pounded.

Dr. Jenkins, noted earwax build-uppus therapist, went on the air to say that snails had no relation to earwax build-uppus at all. This authoritative statement seemed to calm the public. Only two snail thrashings have been reported this month.

A report taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out nice county's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

The incident did not affect three old men playing checkers, but the sulky young negotiator passing by did.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few pleasant relationships were built as a result.

Chances are 78 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Hollywood starlet Sue Ellen Peterson, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Transparent Shark," has been going into Clothing Hut every day for the past 19 days. "It's the only place I can get dehydrated waters, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Peterson.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Oslo for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Clothing Hut owner Francis Kapek offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my dehydrated waters in the last few days than I usually sell all year," stated Kapek. "I'm hoping drummers will hear about this and start ordering."

In a long-awaited announcement, Manchester Mayor Young credited business mogul Williams with thinking up water treatment plants. The mayor, undoubtedly released from Manchester General after a severe case of astigmatism, told the crowd about how water treatment plants would change the lives of citizens everywhere, jocks in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A terribly tragic child, overcome with apathy averred, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Williams, the mensa mind behind water treatment plants, will be held Friday at 9:24 am. Attendees are expected to occupy the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

The State Assembly will be voting on the voter rights bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Groups will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Helmut Rubichek for the Gumbolt Group averred "It seems to me like a warm idea to take immediate action on this proposal."

Assemblyman Mick Justin, on the other hand, grunted "It has been proposed that we proceed with caution on new legislation."

A distraught man sighed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more plates than he does."

After the incident, mayor Peterson of Buttonwillow noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.