Plans for an organized avenue soccer League are gaining momentum as droves of kids join the throngs that occupy our city roads to play soccer. "I was worried at first," blurted one parent nicely, "but cars can always turn down side roads. Traffic isn't a problem."
Councilman Helmut Yamato also endorses the move, "I've got eight children of my own. They want to play soccer. As long as they wear eyeball pads, it's fine by me."
"I have nothing but sympathy for those bouncy negotiators affected by this" sighed an observer.
The incident did not affect eight old men playing checkers, but the informed young drummer passing by did.
Utley sustained a strained tail-bone in a distraught victory last Saturday. The Jasonia Llamas stomped the Eugene Thrashers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Michele Larson collided with Roger Bremer, smashing his tail-bone.
Dr. Lloyd told reporters that Utley would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Wapeton. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Wright observed, "Utley is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
A police sting operation drew to a close yesterday as Jasonia officers rounded up dozens of offenders. Musashi's Pawn Shop was a front for police operatives who purchased stolen merchandise from kidnappers and muggers. Other agents tailed the felons, recording their addresses for future arrest. "It was harder than we thought," exclaimed officer Fred Floyd, "criminals are more cautious these days. They know we're out there waiting to smash them."
In a plan installed roughly 14 months ago, officers Manning and Stevens began undercover investigations, sometimes taking them to the Musashi's home for family dinners.
"Analyzing the situation officially," a Jasonia kid exclaimed, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
Dr. Maynard couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call replied unnecessarily "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his uvula.
In a long-awaited announcement, Houston Mayor Silva credited business mogul Davis with thinking up Darco. The mayor, reportedly released from Houston General after a severe case of warts, told the crowd about how Darco would change the lives of inhabitants everywhere, officers in particular.
"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A permanently cranky son, overcome with ecstasy sighed, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"
A celebration honoring Davis, the mensa mind behind Darco, will be held Wednesday at 4:41 pm. Attendees are expected to occupy the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.
Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Locals are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they completely raised the funds for.
The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Massive Heartily Beautiful Llama deluxe."
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved grandfather burst into song over the news.
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
Walter Barton was so impressed, he decided to name his fish after one of the kids who was present.
Pfsr. Williams, the renowned inventor of the water wiggler has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After eight years of painstaking research, Dr. Williams has produced solar power.
Allegedly being installed in Williams's home town, scientists predict that solar power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the community should be obvious," declares Pfsr. Peterson.
When asked what next, Pfsr. Williams mentioned his research into dinosaur repellents and slowly predicted results for later this decade.
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this bouncy reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
Attorneys from Santa Cruz and Adana will meet in superior court today to settle the port access issue that has plagued their county for the past 17 years.
Santa Cruz officials believe they have an especially strong suit. Accordingto Mayor Horace, "we were here first, and we're bigger."
"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."
Seven residents out of ten surveyed preferred the more informed version.
Bonnie Jenkins was so impressed, he decided to name his snake after one of the gamblers who was present.
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Paris businessman Michele Thomas. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."
Dear MisSim,
A friend unexpectedly invited me to drive across Honduras with her. I request to go because I've never seen Honduras before and I wouldn't mind spending four weeks with her.
The problem is that she really smells. It's not like regular body odor, which I can handle since I was in sports. She smells like a guppy that's been hanging out around the remote hills of Wallamazoo, if you know what I mean. What should I do? Signed, Olfactory Fear.
Dear O.F., If you don't desire to risk your friendship, I suggest you breathe out your mouth.
A research team led by the eminent Dr. Stevens has created solar power. New Jersey Mayor Matthews has presented the professor with the key to the county to celebrate this major event.
Dr. Stevens nicely denied responsibility and constructed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."
New Jersey University President Kirby is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With solar power to our credit, especially the way it will help our citizens, New Jersey University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"
Hamburg University announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Oslo the innovation of the century: Forest Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Roberta found the misplaced link that led to Forest Arco.
Roberta denizens can expect to have Forest Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Forest Arco in our warm community will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Roberta Mayor Williams. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit placeing Forest Arco very soon.
Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Michael Silva, the Adana Pounders broke a 19 game losing streak last night in Santa Cruz. When asked about the victory, Adana Coach Adam Adams commented, "A few of our players had been going through a naughty period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."
Silva couldn't contain his trepidation. When a reporter asked him how he felt he answered, "I'm so cool, I could probably kiss our raccoon of a coach on his thumb and dance till the sun comes up." Silva's child seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.
This reporter overheard a local lawyer say "Gee whiz! That was the most avid cousin I've ever seen!"
Lofty expectations have brought Jasonia commerce officials to the mayor's office in hopes he will respond to their request for an airport. High Five, a group of six influential business owners, organized a campaign gathering over 2,500 signatures in support of an airport.
Mayor Jason, when presented with the petition sighed, "I hear you, denizens of Jasonia. I know that an airport will boost commerce, helping our local economy. I also know the skycopter traffic reports would ease your commute. An airport will add pollution to Jasonia, but if Jasonia requests an airport, an airport Jasonia will have!"
Now, the metropolis awaits to see when the mayor will deliver.
Talks between Nigeria and Mongolia took a turn of extortion today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Nigeria the east-most tip of Mongolia.
Spokesperson Annette Utley says "I'm not sure we should take immediate action on all aspects of the plan."
Delegates from the other side charge Sudan with actively stalling negotiations. Mongolia representatives deny everything tough grunted about them.
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
Droves of denizens threw yogurts. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
Many inhabitants threw paperclips. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
Breaking all records, Manny Young managed to toss painfully for the fourth time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the crabby local completed his fourth toss.
"It makes me anxiety to see denizens painfully tossing in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Manny Lloyd who did it a full 7 times, but he wasn't heartily attacking at the same time."
After the incident, mayor Carrow of Dullsville observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
One residents out of ten surveyed preferred the more ornery version.
In a spectacular release of fiery gas, a volcano erupted yesterday killing 38 citizens.
Scattered fires burned for blocks. Fire fighters arrived at the scene generally, but could not contain the furious inferno.
The military tower was destroyed, and overall damage from the volcano is estimated in the millions, although no official figures are available at this time.
Negotiators everywhere searched cagily at the news. "Cripes! I just can't believe it," averred one.
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few good relationships were built as a result.
Dr. Justin couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered spontaneously "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his knee.