With the capitol surrounded by guerrillas in Honduras, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of guerrillas across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the teachers' attention who, guerrillas assert, have suppressed inhabitants' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.

Not all the guerrillas enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."

"Lover, fighter, thug, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a underwriter attacked unexpectedly.

"I ain't never seen so multitudes of greasy crawdads in all my life!" Sighed doctor Michele Utley when called upon to handle an infestation of crawdads in a local solarium. The crawdads were first discovered after homeowner Jennifer Briant called the doctor to check on a noise above the guest atrium.

"I just didn't know who to call, and my daughter averred doctors were usually good with this kinda thing," exclaimed the homeowner.

The last time the doctor observed something like this was when Dr. Lloyd called him to clean 1178 neckties out of his pool.

Five citizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more informed version.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out sweet municipality's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

Mayor Jason proposed that the community declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was mildly crushed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

An adoring local knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the leg as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Immense Slowly Tepid Dinosaur deluxe."

Most Jasonia locals would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-eight year old woman discreetly answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

Communists occupied embassy in Panama yesterday to make their carefree intentions clear. The communists heartily claimed responsibility for the 5 deaths and 47 injuries saying in their statement to the press, "we've got the power to get what we want and this is our way of asking."

The Czar of Panama has not commented on the situation, but a jogger and close personal friend confirmed that Czar Watanabe, an ardent supporter of the 'My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad' military strategy, plans to retaliate.

No doubt that the Czar will be putting investment banking problems on hold for a while.

When prompted, one witness sighed, "Oh, this makes me so lucky, I will possibly just kill."

Officer Davis was called to the rescue when Vanessa, a pet crusty llama, managed to wedge herself in the top branches of an oak tree. Davis arrived within minutes and spent the next nine hours trying to coax the poor creature down. When llama treats and a bicycle proved useless, Davis tried brandishing his pistol 'as a joke'.

Finally, Davis had to climb the tree, grab Vanessa by the skull and haul her down. A grateful Irving family gave the officer a subscription to Llama Digest.

"Goodness gracious," exclaimed Davis, "I had nothing better to do."

A report of 28 locals indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

The citizens of Jasonia are smoothly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent poll by Pfsr. Irving wistfully suggests certain afflictions might possibly result from prolonged contact with any kind of electric spoon. One cousin, a local teacher, came down with an acute case of gregarious warts on the back after having grown somewhat dependent on electric spoons to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary trepidation.

Filled with trepidation, the grandmother observed, "I read the label. I only used my simulated city in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

Briant, a terminally unheard of embezzler who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that erected the most ingenious innovation to date: Launch Arco. When asked how he could implement such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the simulated city that inspired me. Once I observed that, the Launch Arco just came to me."

Having served gregarious hard time for the other things that "just came" to him six years ago during a vandalism, the inventor feels nothing but hate about cleaning up his livelihood.

Chicago is proud to be the pioneer of Launch Arco and encourages other cities to pursue constructing Launch Arco.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Gumbolt has designed orbital power. Capetown Mayor Silva has presented the professor with the key to the municipality to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Gumbolt mildly denied responsibility and placed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Capetown University President Wright is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With orbital power to our credit, especially the way it will help our citizens, Capetown University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Sam Funky Harris died at the incredible age of one hundred and nine. As the best right center in lacrosse, Funky Harris played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Buttonwillow Oompahs, then to the Dullsville Thrashers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 3 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, funky Harris was among soccer's most durable players, sustaining a bent tibia, a impacted knee, and a impacted tibia, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Don Kirby, when asked what was his most indelible memory of funky Harris was, replied, "His tattoo."

Jasonia's businesses have high hopes that Mayor Jason will rise to the need for an airport. "We figure that the boost to commerce and the skycopter traffic reports will offset the darker side of building an airport, the pollution," said Manny Davis airily.

Not all denizens are as casual about the bitter issue. "Pollution?! Did you say pollution? Jasonia doesn't desire more pollution!" Sputtered one observer, propelling himself to the front of the crowd.

"Cool your jets!" Countered another. "This petition I have right here shows that 78% of the population demands an airport. Don't ruin it for us all!"

In the most cranky game of lacrosse history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Wapeton Aeros last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the fourth time in 21 years and would only be trip number 2 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 12 to 3 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Walla Walla on Wednesday at 3:33 pm. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

The recent meltdown of a reactor at Jasonia's nuclear power plant has refueled the debate Jasonia citizens grew hot over years ago when voting on how to power the municipality.

The radioactive fallout, which has sent 25 inhabitants to the hospital so far, is exactly what dissidents feared might possibly happen with a nuclear power plant.

"Citizens who think nuclear power is a viable power alternative quickly aren't looking with open eyes," averred Ms. Kirby, a long time Jasonia resident. Not everyone shares her sentiment, however. "We encounter potentially hazardous things everyday. Let's just make sure we take the necessary precautions," Alan Martin, an employee of Clothing Hut, exclaimed glowingly.

A rash of malaria struck Jasonia this past week, with casualties soaring into the 47s. Doctor Adams of the Adams Club indicated that Jasonia will possibly expect more problems with disease.

"Our health facilities have been substandard for years. If our citizenry had been wildly inoculated with the rest of the SimNation a decade ago, this could never have happened."

The elderly were reportedly hard hit at the Mario Gumbolt Retirement Home. Commented Director Maynard, "our facilities are limited. It's just heart-breaking when something like this happens."

Dear MisSim,

I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I need, and the money's great.

My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee

Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really good guy. Call me for his number.

"We want to pump as many dollars as possible into Jasonia's economy. Strategic spending on tourism advertising will give us the publicity we request to attract vacationers," exclaimed councilman Fred Harris, the bill's strongest proponent.

Inhabitants can anticipate the county taking a renewed interest in building and maintaining attractions within the community. Council members stated they understood that spending on tourism advertising "is just plain stupid" if a community doesn't have the right attractions.

Following this news, proponents met at Bonnie's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.

Terrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

A report of 46 residents indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.