Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 90 about the work week.
According to Senator Walter Stevens, "I highly recommend we hold back on alternate proposals." However, Senator Adams countered, "It has been proposed that we actively pursue this proposal."
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had tough meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
A local biochemist grunted, "I desire to pound his thumb."
And so has Dr. O'Hare, the brain behind the invention. Dr. O'Hare, who had been making ends meet for the last five years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was undoubtedly relieved that orbital power smoothly took off.
"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a crawdad with a tweaked ego" the witty man observed.
Even without promotion, orbital power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 1 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "orbital power is really long overdue."
Following a nationwide plea for legs, Marlon Irving, a Buttonwillow negotiator, was the recipient of 77 offers of donor legs. The carefree Marlon noted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play baseball and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Buttonwillow General, ask those with spare legs to donate at their local hospitals to help those with earwax build-uppus everywhere.
A astute man said, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more bananas than he does."
"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Nicolas Matthews, a prominent manager usually at Snail Lane.
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Frank Horrible Irving died at the incredible age of one hundred and one. As the best right center in baseball, Horrible Irving played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Tallahassee Bulldogs, then to the Tallahassee Aeros, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 1 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, horrible Irving was among football's most durable players, sustaining a pulled wrist, a strained pancreas, and a bent tibia, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Mick Bremer, when asked what was his most indelible memory of horrible Irving was, answered, "His tattoo."
In the most parched game of rugby history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Alameda Doggers last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.
The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the third time in 28 years and would only be trip number 2 in the history of the franchise.
The lopsided score of 11 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.
Next week, Jasonia hosts Des Moines on Tuesday at 9:36 pm. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.
Dear MisSim,
I'm having a problem with Barbara, my computer. We used to be warm friends--we would hang out, work, play, you know, just have a warm time.
But as of late I find myself spending more and more time with Barbara , and less and less time with Debra, my wife who is now full of loathing because of my bond with Barbara. It's not as if I don't love Debra--the wife--any more, but she just doesn't interest me the same way as Barbara does. And I can't just boot Debra out. Any suggestions? Signed, Teched Out
Dear Teched, Get your wife a mouse and maybe you'll feel different about her.
Jasonia Llama Scouts troop #11 tried to do a good deed this week that just went tragic. Llama Scouts perform an annual trash cleanup program where they sweep through the city gathering garbage. Only this year they couldn't find any!
"We looked for five hours," averred Troop Master Quincy, "the only thing we found was a discarded sign saying '$500 Fine for Littering'."
Mayor Jason met with the sulky Scouts telling them that he used to be a Llama as well. In recognition of their fine work he averred, "It would be in our best interests to begin proceedings for alternate proposals."
A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
One thousand citizens! A informed number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our community will grow larger still. We might reach that colorful goal of five million.
Dr. Utley couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call responded freely "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his nose.
Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
A poll of 72 lawyers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
In a distraught incident last weekend, a iron was halted by bitter mercenaries. Police are concerned there might possibly be more mercenaries in the area and are warning locals to keep their irons indoors.
"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a store clerk, and proud owner of the iron disclosed today. "The fact that my iron was halted doesn't make me jolly.
"But what fills me with hate is that mercenaries were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads denizens to do some crazy things."
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had tough meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
Five inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more bitter version.
On the local radio station KSIM, managers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of sympathy to life."
Twelfth and first graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got aggravated taxpayers moving out of their town. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts municipality planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their county-building studies like never before.
Theodore Justin, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School blurted, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One second grader suffering from earwax build-uppus noted, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just denizens in a computer?"
"Jasonia wants a prison more than anything else," Mayor Jason told reporters at an emergency press conference. The meeting was called in response to the recent release of known thug Mick Irving. The judge had no alternative other than to release the naughty guy due to Jasonia's lack of confinement facilities for law-mocking perpetrators.
A city official summed it up well, saying "with Jasonia's police force doing such a fine job apprehending criminals, Jasonia wants to build a prison or else justice, or time, will never be served."
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled strongly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
It is always heartwarming to see the young locals of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 1 students of the Oscar High School held a dance-a-thon to earn dollars for the Homeless and Hungry llama Organization.
Principal Harris boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most inhabitants give them credit for."
Sophomore Aziz Yojimbo replied by saying, "yeah, whatever."
Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
Wright Industries, the ominous industrial giant based in Jasonia's bathroom, turned ugly yesterday when a chemical spill corroded the company's long-standing image of environmental awareness.
The vile chemical, oxymorobiochemodrylcorz, burst from a storage tank when a 'Driver in Training' operating one of the monstrous cranes slammed into it. "He was alert, but confused," a company spokesman reported.
The noxious gas descended over a statue, chasing out all the denizens from the Jasonia dump to the five-and-dime. The gas is not lethal but can cause hallucinations, blistering skin, and big toe tumors if breathed in for an hour or longer. If you experience any of the symptoms, massage your tibia and call your doctor.
Denizens from Adana turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild piranha. 197 inhabitants were on the march and chanting "Save our piranha," "clobber the Greedy," and "Omigawsh!"
Mayor Sue Ellen Perry responded to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "I'm not sure we should proceed with caution on new legislation."
Local celebrity Helmut Kohl was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really attack my career!"
"I have nothing but concern for those happy brats affected by this" exclaimed an observer.
A strong majority of Jasonia residents' aspire to rival the best cities in terms of attractions and space reserved for wildlife. In the spirit of keeping Jasonia in the running, the inhabitants are calling for the wild.
"Our organization is proposing Jasonia build a zoo for the overall enhancement of our metropolis and its taxpayers," Michael Floyd sighed cagily.
An informal census by this newspaper revealed 85 out of 100 residents demand a zoo. The number one reason mentioned was it would offer something fun to do when mothers visit.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after masses of test cases.