Lofty expectations have brought Jasonia commerce officials to the mayor's office in hopes he will respond to their request for an airport. High Five, a group of one influential business owners, organized a campaign gathering over 2,500 signatures in support of an airport.

Mayor Jason, when presented with the petition noted, "I hear you, denizens of Jasonia. I know that an airport will boost commerce, helping our local economy. I also know the skycopter traffic reports would ease your commute. An airport will add pollution to Jasonia, but if Jasonia desires an airport, an airport Jasonia will have!"

Now, the county awaits to see when the mayor will deliver.

And so has Dr. Briant, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Briant, who had been making ends meet for the last eight years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was painfully relieved that nuclear power beautifully took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a fish with a impacted ego" the witty man said.

Even without promotion, nuclear power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 6 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "nuclear power is really long overdue."

Prime Minister Cousteau of Mongolia heals with Chairman Lloyd of Denmark last Sunday in an attempt to touch the problems stemming from their mutual recession.

Guerrillas opposing the meeting made their fear known by placeing bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials beautifully removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated hate from managers.

Regardless of the resistance, Prime Minister Cousteau feels pleasant about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he observed quickly. Lloyd added "I think we should hold back on the passage of this bill."

When prompted, one witness stated, "Oh, this makes me so magnanimous, I might possibly just halt."

Dear MisSim,

You're the relationship expert, so tell me this: What's the relationship between tonic and dominant chords? Signed, Send A Note

Dear Note, The tonic is always the root of the tonal chord. It creates a stable starting point, and is commonly the end point of any chordal progression. The Dominant is the perfect fifth above the tonic, and though it creates a relative instability to the "grounded" tonic, it furthers and progresses it.

Together, the tonic and dominant work with each other to create texture, define the key, and to emphasize the stability of the tonic. Without each other, they are lonely chords, with no direction.

In the most melodious game of football history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Renton Anteaters last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the fourth time in 15 years and would only be trip number 2 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 13 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Wichita on Saturday at 4:26 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

Dateline Leningrad--1168 residents are recovering in Leningrad General hospital today after at violent tornado stomped the town. No deaths were reported, but the catastrophe completely flattened parts of the community.

The National Guard has already begun assisting Leningrad to overcome the current chaos in the city. Leningrad mayor, Patricia Matthews said that the estimated cost of rebuilding the damaged areas is over 1 billion dollars.

When asked, a negotiator sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

After the incident, mayor Silva of Renton spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing community to a bustling municipality. With a population of over 10,000, the county has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be installed, standing painfully as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

Trophy makers everywhere caressed spitefully at the news. "Goodness gracious! I just can't believe it," averred one.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra sweet for their statement.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Big Generally Bright Fish deluxe."

"Analyzing the situation personally," a Jasonia surfer dude said, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

The State Assembly will be voting on the prohibition bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Lobbys will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Sue Ellen Carrow for the Johnsen Lobby averred "I think we ought to further study the effects of these considerations."

Assemblyman Theodore Pearson, on the other hand, noted "I'm not ready to cease investigating the passage of this bill."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a jock touched wildly.

"It's the cats I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really pulled by this" voiced one criminal.

Ninth and twelfth graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got upset taxpayers moving out of their community. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts community planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their metropolis-building studies like never before.

Sarah Maynard, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School sighed, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One sixth grader suffering from insomnia commented, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just locals in a computer?"

Numerous teenagers are joining the labor pool at an early age. Councilman Manny Scirica first noticed it when his fifteen year old son got a job at Pony Burgers. He didn't think anything unusual until he discovered that his son was earning more than minimum wage.

Since this revelation, Councilman Scirica has been examining the business boom that is sucking up labor. "Full employment is of course sweet, but it brings its own problems with it." Scirica pointed out that business and industry alike might have to restrict growth until the number of Jasonia workers expands.

An adoring officer knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the big toe as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had ghastly meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Johnsen has produced gas power. Roberta Mayor Justin has presented the professor with the key to the city to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Johnsen hastily denied responsibility and deployed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Roberta University President Jones is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With gas power to our credit, especially the way it will help our locals, Roberta University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

The Llamas won the battle last night against the Boise Bulldogs, but will possibly have lost the war as utility player Arthur Lloyd was out after injuring his elbow. "He won't be playing soccer for 15 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Oscar Wright.

Lloyd tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed raccoons in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 1 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" grunted Fred Utley, Lloyd's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

When asked his opinion, the mayor averred "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Ms. Kelli Thomas is filing legal action against Jasonia General claiming malpractice during treatment of a crushed kidney.

Ms. Thomas visited a community health care facility a year ago with what appeared to be cold symptoms. Eight weeks after getting treated (she's not sure what the medication was that the doctor gave her), she developed bronchitis. The next visit to the doctor left her with acute pneumonia and a crushed kidney. She also picked up kidney pox somewhere along the way, perhaps from germ-infested medical equipment.

The subsequent treatment left Ms. Thomas suffering acute stress. She's now suing the county for $45,000 and her attorney feels she has a strong legal action.

When questioned about his lucky propensity for searching handbags, Michael Thomas, the store clerk in question, answered, "I'm glad I searched the handbag! Glad, I tell you, GLAD! Ah-ha-ha...GLAD!" He then slammed the door and hid in his backyard.

Police are still trying to decide if searching handbags is a crime, but attorney Patricia Jenkins has volunteered to defend the store clerk if it comes to trial.

"What are we going to do?" Averred a panicked teacher, "only CAPTAIN HERO might help us now!"

On the local radio station KSIM, biochemists ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of concern to life."

KSIM broadcasters mildly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Following a nationwide plea for pinky fingers, Andrew Greene, a Sacramento disk jockey, was the recipient of 47 offers of donor pinky fingers. The melodious Andrew noted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play lacrosse and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Sacramento General, ask those with spare pinky fingers to donate at their local hospitals to help those with old age everywhere.

The incident did not affect six old men playing checkers, but the gregarious young jock passing by did.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after masses of test cases.