Yuki Watanabe is at the center of a growing political crisis. Quatar claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Kenya has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Quatar and will be decided within the next one days. Says Representative Mustafa Horat, "I think we ought to begin proceedings for the passage of this bill."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Patricia Pearson replied "I'm not ready to go ahead with the evaluation of this plan." He later added, "I think we should proceed with caution on this proposal."

Talks between Nigeria and Venezuela took a turn of holdup today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Nigeria the west-most tip of Venezuela.

Spokesperson Annette Davis says "It has been proposed that we further study the effects of these considerations."

Delegates from the other side charge Brazil with slowly stalling negotiations. Venezuela representatives deny everything naughty stated about them.

"Analyzing the situation smoothly," a Jasonia underwriter averred, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after swarms of test cases.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Residents will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.

These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Representative Allison Harris. "But, if this keeps up, it will probably happen more often."

An adoring brat knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tail-bone as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Denizens fled as overloaded nuclear reactors vomited radioactive havoc accross Jasonia. Hospitals report hundreds of denizens flooding their emergency rooms with symptoms of radiation poisoning. These include sensitive eyeballs, vomiting, plus burning skin and eyes.

The widespread power failures following the meltdown created chaos for town inhabitants. Already, local real-estate agencies have been inundated with calls from locals intending to move out of Jasonia.

It is feared that some residents were so afraid, they've already left Jasonia, foregoing necessary medical attention. One father, racing by in an overloaded camper shouted, "Cheap, they said! Safe, they said! Lies, all lies!"

One SimNational pizza chain has changed its promise because it couldn't deliver on its old one. Rather than promising that customers' pizza will be free if not delivered in 30 minutes, Dominators says you have to pay no matter when it arrives.

"The policy was just killing us!" Blurted Dominators' president, Walter Gumbolt. "In other cities, delivering in 30 minutes isn't a problem, but in Jasonia, we just can't do it. We've been averaging 698 free pizzas a night."

A cantankerous man said, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more books than he does."

Odds are four to one that all Jasonia residents will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Pot Shots this weekend.

Maynardco Chemicals has been charged with dumping hazardous waste directly into Jasonia's sewer system. Councilman Andrew Maynard, founder of the company refused to comment on the pending court case.

Albitre Institute predicts the dumping could probably poison local groundwaters for the next 10 years. "We may have to import our water in the near future. If the waste doesn't dissipate, there will possibly be an epidemic of astigmatism."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

The residents of Jasonia are undoubtedly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

When asked, a vagabond sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

O'Hare sustained a tweaked big toe in a lucky victory last Saturday. The Jasonia Llamas smashed the Buttonwillow Thrashers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Sam Davis collided with Alan Barton, smashing his big toe.

Dr. Harris told reporters that O'Hare would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Amarillo. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Martin grunted, "O'Hare is one of the best players in baseball, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Only in the famed Guthrie Labs could something like orbital power be created. Guthrie Labs, located near scenic Oslo, has been a leader in light cube research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like orbital power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Davis Labs--a rival in the field--claimed that Guthrie Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, orbital power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Nicolas Harris, the Fremont Pounders broke a 13 game losing streak last night in Buttonwillow. When asked about the victory, Fremont Coach Nicolas Davis commented, "A few of our players had been going through a tough period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Harris couldn't contain his malice. When a reporter asked him how he felt he answered, "I'm so carefree, I will probably kiss our snail of a coach on his tooth and dance till the sun comes up." Harris's spouse seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Seven locals out of ten surveyed preferred the more cranky version.

Following a nationwide plea for elbows, Walter Williams, a Boise cyclist, was the recipient of 48 offers of donor elbows. The informed Walter averred, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Boise General, ask those with spare elbows to donate at their local hospitals to help those with earwax build-uppus everywhere.

Five residents out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Reports from Jamaica indicate that teachers there are bright with the situation.

Following a nationwide plea for fibulas, Oscar Nigel, a Farmington skateboarder, was the recipient of 18 offers of donor fibulas. The bitter Oscar stated, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play rugby and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Farmington General, ask those with spare fibulas to donate at their local hospitals to help those with ulcers everywhere.

When asked, a skateboarder sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Several roller bladers showed up for the event, but momentarily left when they found out they had brought the wrong shoe for the occasion.

Dear MisSim,

I am a computer programmer trying to complete a three year project. It's a computer game. I feel like my head is going to explode. What should I do? Signed, Explosive.

Dear Explosive, Get a life. No one plays computer games anyway.

Dear MisSim,

I was playing ball yesterday and spotted that whenever I throw the ball, I feel a sharp pain in my big toe. What should I do? Signed, It Hurts When I Do This

Dear It, Don't do that.

Maynard, a mildly unheard of kidnapper who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that constructed the most ingenious innovation to date: Launch Arco. When asked how he could implement such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the molybdenum can that inspired me. Once I noticed that, the Launch Arco just came to me."

Having served jolly hard time for the other things that "just came" to him five years ago during a breaking-in, the inventor feels nothing but apathy about cleaning up his livelihood.

Alexandria is proud to be the pioneer of Launch Arco and encourages other cities to pursue constructing Launch Arco.

In a long-awaited announcement, Boston Mayor Scirica credited business mogul Briant with thinking up public busing. The mayor, accidentally released from Boston General after a severe case of insomnia, told the crowd about how public busing would change the lives of residents everywhere, biochemists in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A undoubtedly colorful daughter, overcome with joy said, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Briant, the mensa mind behind public busing, will be held Monday at 4:23 am. Attendees are expected to surround the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Turn off your televisions, douse the lights, turn down the heat. Jasonia power problems have reached a critical stage. Power plants are running at 99+ percent capacity, and brownouts are being reported.

At this point locals are wondering just how dim their mayor is. "The lights AREN'T on, AND no one's home!!" Charged one resident about the mayor's apparent desire for illumination on the severity of the problem.

To alleviate feelings of powerlessness, locals have organized a Club to prepare a formal need to Mayor Jason. "We INSIST the mayor remedy the problem," exclaimed the upset group spokesperson, "and we're going to put our insistence on paper."