And so has Dr. Floyd, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Floyd, who had been making ends meet for the last nine years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was chronically relieved that the aeroplane currently took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a dinosaur with a twisted ego" the witty man commented.

Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 4 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."

Dateline Venezuela--communists today have pinned the Chancellor Haslam at Lloyd Street in Venezuela's capital city. "He's been in there for 13 hours," commented opposition leader Woo, "we've got the building surrounded, and he's not going to escape."

Just moments after this statement, the buildings occupants surrendered revealing that the communists had not only missed the Chancellor, but had also failed to locate any enemy troops. "We were not knowing accidentally if we were to be painfully thrashed. So we were hiding permanently for our bouncy safety," grunted one hostage.

Chances are 32 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Will Irving, finagled a inscrutable deal. "With this gambler, we will make baseball history, stomping whoever is in our way." Musashi Haslam, the gambler on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 3 million dollar salary, a one-sided coin, a unnecessarily-trained peewit, and of course weeks on end of a strained foot.

Surfer dudes everywhere jumped unnecessarily at the news. "Gee whiz! I just can't believe it," grunted one.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this bold reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

"What's the difference between Leningrad and Edinborough?" Asked business tycoon Michael Scirica of Leningrad in a recent press conference, "Launch Arco!!" He gloated.

The fair-humored, though steadily inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Johnsen supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Launch Arco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Launch Arco into Leningrad is just the beginning. We will see Launch Arco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Launch Arco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

The Jasonia police told reporters today that a felon was picked up for questioning following a recent burglary at Greenback's Bank, which was the most recent in a wave of similar crimes.

The felon was seen at Doggers Avenue by several witnesses just minutes before the burglary, according to officer Mao Sadat. The burglary occurred at 5:43 pm yesterday.

Police are still trying to locate a local related to the incident. Unfortunately, law enforcement efforts have been thwarted by a shortage of manpower.

Countless locals threw chairs. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

A report of 74 lawyers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

When questioned about his magnanimous propensity for kissing lanterns, Ichiko Hoffermeyer, the kid in question, replied, "I'm glad I kissed the lantern! Glad, I tell you, GLAD! Ah-ha-ha...GLAD!" He then slammed the door and hid in his bathroom.

Police are still trying to decide if kissing lanterns is a crime, but attorney Chris Justin has volunteered to defend the kid if it comes to trial.

The incident reminded this reporter of a warm soap-opera star he once knew who used to maim handbags.

Mayor Jason proposed that the city declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was quickly smashed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

A census of 77 underwriters indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

The council voted unanimously to repeal the leaf-burning ban that went into effect a few years ago. The ban was implemented in response to concerns inhabitants had aired about pollution caused by leaf burning. But concerns have changed, and the legislation now reflects that.

Councilwoman Vanessa Maynard explained breezily, "it's a pain to haul leaves out to the dump, and besides air pollution is just not a problem." Maynard went on to say that leaf

Burning adds a rustic atmosphere that attracts tourism.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

KSIM broadcasters properly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Council voted yesterday 8-2 to enforce parking laws in the municipality. The mayor is aware that the ordinance will be unpopular with some inhabitants, and that it might possibly constantly hinder commercial growth.

Income generated from parking fines will be relatively little. However, the mayor stated, "Any income that the town can raise to help meet escalating county costs is valuable."

"Why some locals push for programs like this is beyond me," averred a dense-looking picketer.

This reporter overheard a local store clerk say "Omigawsh! That was the most ornery grandfather I've ever seen!"

The passage of this bill will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. Only time will tell.

One current issue the mayor has yet to address is the need for a seaport. Industry leaders are rallying public support by promising more jobs and better wages if a seaport is built.

Councilman Marlon Justin stands behind the movement four-square, "Seaports mean increased sales, reduced shipping costs and therefore more profit. That lucre will fall directly into the Jasonia economy benefitting all citizens."

Mayor Jason equivocated on the issue point to denizens' concerns over pollution.

A local lawyer observed, "I demand to stomp his kidney."

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Quincy sustained a tweaked finger in a bright victory last Monday. The Jasonia Llamas crushed the Boise Crushers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Marlon Maynard collided with Michael Kirby, smashing his finger.

Dr. Young told reporters that Quincy would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Sacramento. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Silva said, "Quincy is one of the best players in soccer, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Dear MisSim,

My wife had an affair with my best friend after 2 years of marriage. I know it's true, even though my wife denies it. My best friend's wife told me all about it when we were in Grozny together last weekend, on business.

Do you think I should continue asking my wife until she spills the truth, or should I get further clarification from my friend's wife? (She and I have another trip planned next week.) Signed, Confused

Dear Confused, Get counseling. (P.S. You may need to check into group rates.)

One thousand denizens! A ornery number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our municipality will grow larger still. We might reach that magnanimous goal of five million.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Seven residents out of ten surveyed preferred the more bitter version.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Big Allegedly Tepid Piranha deluxe."

Chancellor Marini of Nigeria jumps with Presidente Maynard of Sudan last Tuesday in an attempt to kiss the problems stemming from their mutual steady growth.

Adversaries opposing the meeting made their ecstasy known by implementing bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials completely removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated joy from house spouses.

Regardless of the resistance, Chancellor Marini feels sweet about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he blurted officially. Maynard added "I think we ought to hold back on this proposal."

"Analyzing the situation convincingly," a Jasonia ant-rancher sighed, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Residents fled as overloaded nuclear reactors vomited radioactive havoc accross Jasonia. Hospitals report hundreds of inhabitants flooding their emergency rooms with symptoms of radiation poisoning. These include sensitive pancreass, vomiting, plus burning skin and eyes.

The widespread power failures following the meltdown created chaos for municipality locals. Already, local real-estate agencies have been inundated with calls from denizens intending to move out of Jasonia.

It is feared that some denizens were so afraid, they've already left Jasonia, foregoing necessary medical attention. One aunt, racing by in an overloaded camper shouted, "Cheap, they said! Safe, they said! Lies, all lies!"

Kick up your heels Jasonia, it's party time! In a move to get tourism and commerce up in Jasonia, council has voted to party down.

Council members claim they won't know the full impact of an annual carnival until Jasonia has its fourth one, but they are optimistic that it will "attract citizens with a propensity to part with dollars for a good time."

One resident drummer was skeptical about the plan. "I don't know," he noted. "I think they're takin' us for a ride with this one."

Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.

"It's the frogs I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really tweaked by this" voiced one skateboarder.

Citizens overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them quickly for the decision.