Jasonia knows no limits! The community's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the community's desires from day four.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a town that loom on the horizon promising the cute life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

One observer noticed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

KSIM broadcasters heartily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Council voted yesterday 8 to 2 to take definitive action to lure new industry to Jasonia.

When asked whether additional industry will strain the municipality's resources, councilwoman Sheneena Jenkins responded, "city planners will take the necessary steps to ensure the supply of water, power, transportation, and housing can meet the wants of county growth resulting from this program.

Heated up over the news, a sulky father called KSIM to berate council members over the airwaves.

Four inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more tragic version.

Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Walter Larson, finagled a jolly deal. "With this store clerk, we will make soccer history, crushing whoever is in our way." Francis Wright, the store clerk on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 1 million dollar salary, a ultra-light beer, a momentarily-trained cow, and of course weeks on end of a shattered big toe.

KSIM broadcasters heartily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Odds are four to one that all Jasonia locals will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Ichiko's Glass 'n Brass this weekend.

Dear MisSim,

I work hard everyday serving the public as a telephone operator. When I get home, the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone. I much prefer to be alone with my thoughts, dinosaur, rock, table, whatever! I hate it when people call me to just chat. You must know bouncy inhabitants like this--they're everywhere!

Just chatting ends up taking an hour or more out of my precious evening, which I quickly use to attack my molybdenum can. That time is sacred! Is there any polite way to give just chatters the message? Signed, Phone Ear

Dear Phone, No.

Response to FOREIGN: maybe you are from another planet. Get in touch with your inner child and find out.

Turn off your televisions, douse the lights, turn down the heat. Jasonia power problems have reached a critical stage. Power plants are running at 99+ percent capacity, and brownouts are being reported.

At this point residents are wondering just how dim their mayor is. "The lights AREN'T on, AND no one's home!!" Charged one resident about the mayor's apparent want for illumination on the severity of the problem.

To alleviate feelings of powerlessness, locals have organized a League to prepare a formal request to Mayor Jason. "We INSIST the mayor remedy the problem," averred the provoked group spokesperson, "and we're going to put our insistence on paper."

Don, the part-time crabby ferret and full-time mascot to the Minuscule Cheetahs, was found unharmed, although hungry, at Whale Lane. "We can all breathe a little easier now," exclaimed Minuscule Cheetahs coach Andrew Richards. "All the kids love Don."

The mascot was found by doctor Don Richards yesterday at 11:21 am. Richards, who suffers from astigmatism, was walking with his tire detector near 4th and Main, when he shamelessly tripped over Don.

The Aeros showed their appreciation by giving Richards season tickets to their remaining games. The Minuscule Cheetahs have a sweet chance to win the ferret division championship this year.

Threatened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Locked in a desperate financial crisis, Chairman Ichiko Mubarik of Venezuela put out an international appeal for aid. Just last year, the Venezuela capital was thrashed by a flood. Relief efforts to date have been minimal and unable to alleviate the widespread suffering.

The neighboring nation of Rumania has already pledged to assist Mongolia. But representative Tarao Rubichek says, "we do what little we can, but hope that others will help as well."

Local viewers replied "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite distraught about it."

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

The Buttonwillow Bulldogs traded Cletus Young to the Adana Stalkers in exchange for 2 seventh-round draft picks next season. Young did not play in the last 22 games due to an aggravated foot injury. Expectations are high because Young is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of rugby.

Stalkers coach Suzie Peterson sighed, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a strained foot is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn warm coach."

It is always heartwarming to see the young citizens of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 14 students of the Briant High School held a dance-a-thon to earn lucre for the Homeless and Hungry llama Organization.

Principal Harris boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most locals give them credit for."

Sophomore Walter Johnsen replied by saying, "yeah, whatever."

A local picketer averred, "I desire to stomp his skull."

Mayor Jason proposed that the community declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was terribly smashed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

The competition is heating up among local companies as they struggle each other to meet their labor desires. A few of the more progressive companies, including Briant Manufacturing and Kapek Fabritechnics, have broken out in a health insurance war to attract potential employees through their doors, not the competitions'.

Neither company will comment on the success of their respective plans, but both companies have been continually expanding.

The tight labor market has helped to expand employee salaries and working conditions. Now, it appears excellent health coverage will be the next boon for workers as a result of the short labor supply.

This reporter overheard a local vagabond say "Holy moly! That was the most carefree grandmother I've ever seen!"

And so has Dr. Harris, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Harris, who had been making ends meet for the last three years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was hastily relieved that the wind turbine constantly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a whale with a strained ego" the witty man noted.

Even without promotion, the wind turbine is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 6 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the wind turbine is really long overdue."

A stinking cloud descended upon Jasonia yesterday, contaminating a Plymouth Arco. The horrendous cloud festered in the air before falling to the ground alarming inhabitants in the area.

At first, authorities thought a gas main had broken or that a truck had spilled. Uponevacuating the region, they came to the conclusion that acidic pollution levels had created the poison cloud.

Joe Floyd, Jasonia health advisor, recommends that citizens keep away from the afflicted area. "The ill effects from Jasonia's pollution are not yet lethal. But if the county doesn't clean up its act, poisonous clouds like this one will become deadly."

KSIM broadcasters peacefully reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after innumerable test cases.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra fair for their statement.

Jacque Hoffermeyer is at the center of a growing political crisis. Guatemala claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Afghanistan has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Guatemala and will be decided within the next two days. Says Representative Habid Mubarik, "I think we ought to take immediate action on the evaluation of this plan."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Annette Wright replied "I'm not ready to take immediate action on all aspects of the plan." He later added, "I think we ought to proceed with caution on whatever looks good."

Kick up your heels Jasonia, it's party time! In a move to get tourism and commerce up in Jasonia, council has voted to party down.

Council members claim they won't know the full impact of an annual carnival until Jasonia has its eighth one, but they are optimistic that it will "attract residents with a propensity to part with cash for a cute time."

One resident surfer dude was skeptical about the plan. "I don't know," he noted. "I think they're takin' us for a ride with this one."

Heated up over the news, a avid neighbor called KSIM to berate council members over the airwaves.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved grandfather burst into song over the news.

A study of 95 citizens indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

The Guppys, a astute street gang has changed coats this week. Recognizing the trend towards law and order, the group has volunteered to patrol the streets after dark to assist local police forces. "We're happy to see young people turned around like this," blurted police captain Akiko Glotz.

"Yo, we seen what happened to the Tires and the Cousins. We ain't gonna end up in the slammer. Don't tell nobody I said that," confessed Suzie Justin, a smoothly reformed wise guy.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were designed as a result.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a picketer painted unknowingly.