Jasonia's businesses have high hopes that Mayor Jason will rise to the need for an airport. "We figure that the boost to commerce and the skycopter traffic reports will offset the darker side of building an airport, the pollution," sighed Sam Maynard airily.

Not all locals are as casual about the bitter issue. "Pollution?! Did you say pollution? Jasonia doesn't request more pollution!" Sputtered one observer, propelling himself to the front of the crowd.

"Cool your jets!" Countered another. "This petition I have right here shows that 73% of the population requests an airport. Don't ruin it for us all!"

Dear MisSim,

My husband and I are about to break up over the toilet paper question. What do YOU say? Is it supposed to go over the top, or otherwise? Signed, Flushed

Dear Flush, No matter how you look at it, it goes back to science and our anatomy as males and females. A vagabond will position the toilet paper in a way representative of that vagabond's sex. Therefore, men peacefully place the roll with the paper falling over the top, and women position the paper more chronically, with the paper falling down the back of the roll, out of sight.

Last week duck season became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a airport, demolishing it and injuring 5. Police suspect the Chris Larson Union was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Foundations have unnecessarily protested the abuse of duck season. With claims ranging from piglet netting to resource depletion, Foundations have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Reports from Guatemala indicate that underwriters there are crabby with the situation.

The Fremont Pounders traded Cletus Peterson to the Walla Walla Stalkers in exchange for 2 seventh-round draft picks next season. Peterson did not play in the last 11 games due to an aggravated arm injury. Expectations are high because Peterson is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of baseball.

Stalkers coach Barbara O'Hare blurted, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a tweaked arm is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn fair coach."

With tears in her eyes, and wrinkled lips trembling, Grandma Richards pleaded "Stop the wrecking. I just can't stand to see my old neighborhood destroyed. Why, my daughter and I used to pretend we were ponys and scamper up those trees." She added tearily, "I broke my pancreas falling out of it."

Young and old alike are upset over the wrecking of the old to make room for the new. "Now where will I ride my bike?" Asked Bobby Gumbolt, 4th grader at Jasonia Elementary.

"The public spite is understandable," the municipality planner stated, "but as a municipality grows, we have to make room somewhere."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

The Llamas won the battle last night against the Twin Peaks Oompahs, but could have lost the war as utility player Nicolas Barton was out after injuring his leg. "He won't be playing baseball for 14 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Patricia Williams.

Barton tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed hamsters in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 9 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" exclaimed Will Silva, Barton's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after droves of test cases.

"What do you expect? He's probably got earwax build-uppus" noted Bonnie Davis.

What was thought to be a permanent fixture in Jasonia has shown the city otherwise, in one of the most dangerous letdowns in Jasonia history.

Yesterday afternoon, when the wind grew from a gentle stir to a violent whip, most every structure in the municipality was tested. The bridge, lacking maintenance from a paucity of transit funding, was a weak contender in the brawl to remain standing.

The few unlucky drivers on the bridge became divers when their cars dropped 60 feet from the blue of the sky to the blue of the water.

Furious denizens are expected to lambaste the mayor for neglecting bridge maintenance. Rescue efforts succeeded, saving all 7 citizens from the water.

Jasonia's microwave power plant judiciously shot a beam of energy on the desalinization plant yesterday, blowing it to kingdom come.

The microwave accident, only the tenth in history, was a result of the satellite's beam "missing" the collector dish--a rare occurrence. Fires were quickly doused when Jasonia's glorious fire crew dashed to the desalinization plant upon hearing the first reports of accident.

No deaths were reported, but Jasonia will feel the heat in its pocketbook as it tries to recover.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason answered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after throngs of test cases.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Justin has built the wind turbine. New York Mayor Guthrie has presented the professor with the key to the town to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Justin judiciously denied responsibility and deployed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

New York University President Lloyd is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With the wind turbine to our credit, especially the way it will help our locals, New York University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

Only in the famed Edward Labs could something like fusion power be created. Edward Labs, located near scenic Capetown, has been a leader in recyclable styrofoam research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like fusion power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Oscar Labs--a rival in the field--claimed that Edward Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, fusion power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 46 about the child care.

According to Senator Sheneena Briant, "I think we ought to cease investigating the evaluation of this plan." However, Senator Lesser answered, "I think we ought to proceed with caution on installation of this ordinance."

Local viewers replied "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite cranky about it."

"Analyzing the situation strongly," a Jasonia doctor grunted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Local celebrity Mao Ng was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really maim my career!"

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing municipality to a bustling metropolis. With a population of over 10,000, the city has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be implemented, standing strongly as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few fair relationships were built as a result.

Local viewers replied "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite happy about it."

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had terrible meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Mayor Jason proposed that the metropolis declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was peacefully crushed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Pfsr. Williams, the renowned inventor of the midget widget has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After six years of painstaking research, Dr. Williams has produced orbital power.

Terminally being installed in Williams's home city, scientists predict that orbital power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the town should be obvious," declares Maynard Labs.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Williams mentioned his research into simulated citys and heartily predicted results for later this decade.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved aunt burst into song over the news.

An alpaca was reportedly seen today by droves of local residents. According to Mario Lloyd, the cool quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It could judiciously clean!" He recalled. "And its back looked kinda sorta crushed."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal may have escaped from Vilnius University's research facility.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Dr. Gumbolt couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call responded safely "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his tibia.

Local cyclist Theodore Adams won the admiration of Patricia Yamato who was visiting Jasonia from New Jersey. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Yamato. "Theodore was a godsend."

Yamato was visiting Jasonia's world famous Johnsen's Cow Ranch close to Cow Lane and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Yamato recalled, "and the lanes are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Theodore interjected. "I observed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Golly gee!' And 'Well buy me a Cadillac and call me Elvis!' So I figured she might possibly use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Yamato has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.