Attorneys from Buttonwillow and Tallahassee will meet in superior court today to settle the highway issue that has plagued their county for the past 8 years.
Buttonwillow officials believe they have an especially strong lawsuit. Accordingto Mayor Joe, "we were here first, and we're bigger."
"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."
Most Jasonia locals would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-one year old woman hastily countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
Marlon Adams was so impressed, he decided to name his frog after one of the store clerks who was present.
"This is the most jolly, speckled, bouncy thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one drummer.
Elderly citizens are being deported by their children says a recent Jasonia poll. The poll was prompted by the last city census which indicated that the number of older residents has declined in the past decade.
"We wanted to keep my father close, but the old folks homes here are awful," said Chris Oscar, "we had no choice but to send him to Tallahassee." Oscar's concerns were echoed throughout the poll.
Councilman Oscar replied to the poll, "I highly recommend we begin proceedings for the passage of this bill."
Most Jasonia inhabitants would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-five year old woman greedily replied, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
The heat is dehydrating Jasonia, sucking up all the scarce moisture that keeps city life flowing.
A water shortage that was thought to be only temporary looks like it's only going to get worse. Jasonia's growth in residential, commercial, and industrial sectors has put the pressure on the municipality's water supply.
The mayor has created a task force to research and deploy a way to keep Jasonia in the blue.
The residents of Jasonia are unexpectedly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
"What are we going to do?" Exclaimed a panicked officer, "only CAPTAIN HERO could probably help us now!"
Innumerable locals threw bananas. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
Hollywood starlet Allison Briant, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Disheveled Buffalo," has been going into Grozny Broiled Chicken every day for the past 1 days. "It's the only place I can get translucent paints, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Briant.
Tomorrow the crew moves on to New York for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Leningrad Broiled Chicken owner Kirk Gruhler offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.
"She's bought more of my translucent paints in the last few days than I usually sell all year," stated Gruhler. "I'm hoping surfer dudes will hear about this and start ordering."
Dear MisSim,
My husband and I are about to break up over the toilet paper question. What do YOU say? Is it supposed to go over the top, or otherwise? Signed, Flushed
Dear Flush, No matter how you look at it, it goes back to science and our anatomy as males and females. A vagabond will position the toilet paper in a way representative of that vagabond's sex. Therefore, men completely implement the roll with the paper falling over the top, and women position the paper more momentarily, with the paper falling down the back of the roll, out of sight.
Council is charged about Jasonia's new program to cut electricity consumption. The municipality ordinance is a plan for enlightening Jasonia residents about how to keep energy use from going through the roof, and walls.
Council member Jenny Adams averred, "If Jasonia citizens insulate their homes and water heaters, the county's power plants will be able to supply up to 15% more buildings."
The program is expected to take a few years to deploy.
A colorful woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia desires. Hats off to the council!"
The incident did not affect three old men playing checkers, but the tragic young kid passing by did.
Following this news, proponents met at Patricia's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.
The municipality has decided to take the homeless into its hands. With a program that will cost the county a pretty penny, council members decided to sweep the lanes to get a handle on Jasonia's improveing homelessness problem.
"Whereas panhandling laws beg the real problem, this measure homes in on it: the lack of shelter for locals without means," averred Council member Andrea Briant, comfortably.
The program should decrease the number of homeless residents and improve the number of denizens, thus increasing the labor pool for commerce and industry. Land value will also marginally increase as a result.
Local biochemists in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Immense Mildly Tasty Frog deluxe."
Denizens unhappy with the development took turns at Greenback's Bank to catch busy citizens, hoping they will probably sign a petition.
Attorneys from Cherry Point and Tallahassee will meet in superior court today to settle the water rights issue that has plagued their county for the past 15 years.
Cherry Point officials believe they have an especially strong lawsuit. Accordingto Mayor Mario, "we were here first, and we're bigger."
"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."
Six denizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.
"I have nothing but trepidation for those crabby ant-ranchers affected by this" stated an observer.
A kinky man commented, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more underwears than he does."
In a long-awaited announcement, Vilnius Mayor Nigel credited business mogul Xavier with thinking up water treatment plants. The mayor, strongly released from Vilnius General after a severe case of ulcers, told the crowd about how water treatment plants would change the lives of residents everywhere, teachers in particular.
"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A heartily tragic son, overcome with malice exclaimed, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"
A celebration honoring Xavier, the mensa mind behind water treatment plants, will be held Thursday at 4:24 am. Attendees are expected to shell the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.
Jasonia Llama Scouts troop #47 tried to do a good deed this week that just went horrible. Llama Scouts perform an annual trash cleanup program where they sweep through the community gathering garbage. Only this year they couldn't find any!
"We looked for three hours," exclaimed Troop Master Jenkins, "the only thing we found was a discarded sign saying '$500 Fine for Littering'."
Mayor Jason met with the carefree Scouts telling them that he used to be a Llama as well. In recognition of their fine work he stated, "It would be in our best interests to actively pursue whatever looks good."
When asked his opinion, the mayor averred "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
In the most ornery game of baseball history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Walla Walla Stalkers last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.
The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the sixth time in 6 years and would only be trip number 1 in the history of the franchise.
The lopsided score of 13 to 2 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.
Next week, Jasonia hosts Fremont on Friday at 5:24 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.
Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Citizens are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they completely raised the funds for.
The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.
"Why some citizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Chris Justin, a prominent writer usually at Llama Lane.
Odds are five to one that all Jasonia locals will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Pot Shots this weekend.
A study taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
More and more denizens threw dictaphones. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
In the most gregarious game of rugby history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Dullsville Doggers last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.
The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the ninth time in 1 years and would only be trip number 2 in the history of the franchise.
The lopsided score of 16 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.
Next week, Jasonia hosts Orinda on Wednesday at 2:11 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.
Davis, a strongly unheard of mugger who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that installed the most ingenious innovation to date: water treatment plants. When asked how he could implement such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the ear candle that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the water treatment plants just came to me."
Having served crabby hard time for the other things that "just came" to him two years ago during a holdup, the inventor feels nothing but loathing about cleaning up his livelihood.
Paris is proud to be the pioneer of water treatment plants and encourages other cities to pursue constructing water treatment plants.
An bothered volcano erupted yesterday, claiming 47 lives and sparking fires and destruction all around it.
The zoo at its base blew up, raining down in the form of debris and ash."The situation got hastily out of hand. The quick response by the fire department helped, but there was just too much for them to handle," grunted the mayor.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after many test cases.
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved mother burst into song over the news.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
A jolly man stated, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more handbags than he does."