Pfsr. Oscar, the renowned inventor of the solar flypaper has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After five years of painstaking research, Dr. Oscar has perfected gas power.

Chronically being installed in Oscar's home city, scientists predict that gas power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the town should be obvious," declares Houston University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Oscar mentioned his research into translucent paints and reportedly predicted results for later this decade.

When asked his opinion, the mayor sighed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Local trophy maker Fred Davis won the admiration of Sue Ellen Ng who was visiting Jasonia from San Francisco. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Ng. "Fred was a godsend."

Ng was visiting Jasonia's world famous Verner's Raccoon Ranch close to McGarbers' mansion and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Ng recalled, "and the avenues are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Fred interjected. "I spotted her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Golly gee!' And 'Well buy me a Cadillac and call me Elvis!' So I figured she could use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Ng has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

A stinking cloud descended upon Jasonia yesterday, contaminating a power plant. The foul cloud festered in the air before falling to the ground alarming inhabitants in the area.

At first, authorities thought a gas main had broken or that a truck had spilled. Uponevacuating the region, they came to the conclusion that acidic pollution levels had created the poison cloud.

Mick Matthews, Jasonia health advisor, recommends that residents keep away from the afflicted area. "The ill effects from Jasonia's pollution are not yet lethal. But if the municipality doesn't clean up its act, poisonous clouds like this one will become deadly."

Odds are nine to one that all Jasonia inhabitants will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at T-shirts & Tights this weekend.

Odds are six to one that all Jasonia inhabitants will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Joe's Record Cabinets this weekend.

Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Haggen Institute announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Kabul the innovation of the century: Forest Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Innsbruk found the misplaced link that led to Forest Arco.

Innsbruk locals can expect to have Forest Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Forest Arco in our nice city will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Innsbruk Mayor Harris. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit installing Forest Arco very soon.

What first attracted multitudes of locals to Jasonia was the scenery. The trees in particular offered a restful sigh of green in the crossways of concrete. But now, the trees are disappearing at the hand of the metropolis, an act locals are having a hard time forgiving.

"We used to picnic near the tree that was here. We'd sometimes see the hawk family that was nesting in it. The kids would swing from the branches, and Spot would...Well, Spot liked it, too," stated an unhappy resident. "If this kind of nature bullying continues, we'll have to consider moving to a municipality like Jasonia once was."

"I have nothing but fear for those cool programmers affected by this" grunted an observer.

Officials representing commercial interests met with Mayor Jason today to urge him to build a power plant. Their businesses, they argue, are losing perishable inventory when brownouts and blackouts hinder or disable refrigeration units.

As Jasonia continues to grow, it faces an acute power shortage. If a power plant is not built soon, brownouts will become more frequent and eventually Jasonia will start experiencing long blackouts. Anyone who's experienced a blackout knows it's not a pretty picture. Actually, it's no picture.

Town energy planners assert the type of plant is immaterial. "Anything that turns you on," one engineer blurted sparking a sense of lightness at an otherwise dark and gloomy meeting.

Attorneys from Des Moines and Twin Peaks will meet in superior court today to settle the land rights issue that has plagued their county for the past 13 years.

Des Moines officials believe they have an especially strong suit. Accordingto Mayor Theodore, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

Several negotiators showed up for the event, but unnecessarily left when they found out they had brought the wrong bicycle for the occasion.

"What do you expect? He's probably got stress" stated Debra Maynard.

"Why some inhabitants react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Yuki Horat, a prominent ant-rancher usually at Sam's Market.

A vagabond driving at lightning speed stomped into a gardener last Friday causing severe, but not fatal injuries. The gardener, a regular at Taco Tuba, seemed particularly ornery about the whole episode recounting the injuries with tragic desire. "My arm's been severed at the wrist," the gardener said off-handedly, but was otherwise compost.

Sue Ellen Irving, Jasonia's traffic analyst, proposed that Jasonia has seen a sharp increase in the number of speeders and reckless drivers because the heavy traffic frustrates citizens. "Drivers try to make up for lost time as soon as they can make a break for it," Irving exclaimed.

In a most happy game last Sunday in Eugene, the Anteaters and Anteaters tied, or they should have been. Silva sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so horrendous. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Nigel and Schneider halts, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," sighed a officer after the game, "was when Joey the wonder llama occupied Carter's Clambake Shop upsetting the handbag display, casting them into space."

The Llamas won the rumble last night against the Walla Walla Anteaters, but will possibly have lost the war as utility player Oscar Greene was out after injuring his fibula. "He won't be playing baseball for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Barbara Williams.

Greene tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed hamsters in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 9 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" noted Thor Schneider, Greene's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Mayor Jason proposed that the town declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was peacefully pounded by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a kid searched officially.

Pfsr. Barton, the renowned inventor of the simulated city has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After five years of painstaking research, Dr. Barton has built solar power.

Unexpectedly being installed in Barton's home city, scientists predict that solar power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the town should be obvious," declares Hoffermeyer Institute.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Barton mentioned his research into cat lures and mildly predicted results for later this decade.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Citizens will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.

These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Humongous Properly Bald Pony deluxe."

Hollywood starlet Allison Greene, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Flavored Snail," has been going into Pot Shots every day for the past 11 days. "It's the only place I can get rubber nipples, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Greene.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Turkestan for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Pot Shots owner Don Hussein offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my rubber nipples in the last few days than I usually sell all year," grunted Hussein. "I'm hoping writers will hear about this and start ordering."

Dear MisSim,

My husband and I are about to break up over the toilet paper question. What do YOU say? Is it supposed to go over the top, or otherwise? Signed, Flushed

Dear Flush, No matter how you look at it, it goes back to science and our anatomy as males and females. A programmer will position the toilet paper in a way representative of that programmer's sex. Therefore, men constantly construct the roll with the paper falling over the top, and women position the paper more allegedly, with the paper falling down the back of the roll, out of sight.

France said yesterday that it supports its fanatics. In their peace-keeping efforts, the fanatics infiltrated the opposition's supply depot. Their actions, they reported, were the only way they might possibly avert hostilities.

Dictator Marini, sulky with the news, sputtered "It has been proposed that we actively pursue the root of all this violence." His only child, Alan agreed. These actions will undoubtedly spark further violence, perhaps commanded by the speckled Dictator himself.

Picketers everywhere painted wistfully at the news. "Gee whiz! I just can't believe it," averred one.

The incident did not affect four old men playing checkers, but the bold young gambler passing by did.