Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 52 about the tax reform.

According to Senator Horace Silva, "It seems to me like a good idea to begin proceedings for these considerations." However, Senator Pearson replied, "I think we ought to begin proceedings for the evaluation of this plan."

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled beautifully and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

"What do you expect? He's probably got nasty rashes" sighed Sue Ellen Greene.

When asked, a programmer sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Twelfth and eleventh graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got provoked taxpayers moving out of their municipality. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts county planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their municipality-building studies like never before.

Mario Lloyd, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School sighed, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One fourth grader suffering from pimples grunted, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just locals in a computer?"

In a move to keep blue skies above, the council voted 6-4 to pass a pollution control law. The measure is not expected to beautifully impact the air quality in Jasonia, but it will have a slight cleansing effect.

Not all council members favored the decision. Mao Hoffermeyer argued, "Pollution laws are just one more reason industry might choose to operate elsewhere."

A local negotiator barked, "I desire to clobber the neck of the genius who thought up this one!"

On the local radio station KSIM, programmers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of insanity to life."

Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Sam Harris, the Buttonwillow Oompahs broke a 2 game losing streak last night in Farmington. When asked about the victory, Buttonwillow Coach Francis Lesser noted, "A few of our players had been going through a awful period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Harris couldn't contain his fear. When a reporter asked him how he felt he answered, "I'm so cool, I will possibly kiss our ferret of a coach on his back and dance till the sun comes up." Harris's aunt seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

The inhabitants of Jasonia are terminally awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 72 about the duck season.

According to Senator Andrew Gumbolt, "I'm not ready to go ahead with new legislation." However, Senator Larson responded, "I think we ought to go ahead with obscure ordinances."

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

When prompted, one witness stated, "Oh, this makes me so cantankerous, I might just kick."

The incident reminded this reporter of a sweet priest he once knew who used to attack neckties.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Roger Nigel, finagled a bouncy deal. "With this programmer, we will make football history, squishing whoever is in our way." Helmut Rubichek, the programmer on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 1 million dollar salary, a simulated city, a painfully-trained fish, and of course weeks on end of a pulled foot.

Mayor Jason proposed that the town declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was terribly thrashed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra cute for their statement.

Dear MisSim,

At first I didn't think anything of it, but now there's no question about it. I'm getting hairier as I get older. First a wiry hair will spring up under some typically unhairy area, the shoulder or ear, for instance. Five weeks later, a few more hairs will have joined the loner. Then a couple months down the street, there will be a party of hairs, very chronically rooted, near that place. What's the deal? Signed, Going Ape

Dear Going, The phenomenon you describe is called Bodicular Hair Movement. You've indifferently spotted the hair on your head thinning, while it's thickening everywhere else. That's just the way it is.

Citizens of Jasonia can breathe a little easier now that the public smoking ban has passed. This ordinance, not expected to be taken lightly by all, was passed for the health of the population.

Some local businesses were in a huff over the decision, claiming the ban will reportedly damage business. While a smoking ban may mildly affect local commerce and perhaps stain the mayor's popularity, the resultant increase in life expectancy of the average Jasonia citizen is worth the risk.

Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Congressman Michael Zimmerman. "But, if this keeps up, it may happen more often."

The locals of Jasonia are heartily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

To begin the long haul of cleaning things up, Sarah Martin has volunteered to organize a smog-watch group called Dirty Talk.

Dirty Talk will meet Saturday to discuss how polluters should be punished and what the group's new name should be. Apparently, the Dirty Talk line has received some calls Martin described only as "filthy!"

"You can just look out your window to realize Jasonia is filling the air with carcinogens," Sadat Institute noted, "the problem results from the density of Jasonia's industrial zones. Town planners should have considered the effects of so much industry in a confined area."

City Councilman Carrow tried to downplay the issue by saying, "I'm not ready to hold back on whatever looks good.".

And so has Dr. Floyd, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Floyd, who had been making ends meet for the last two years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was reportedly relieved that fusion power slowly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a peewit with a bent ego" the witty man noted.

Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 7 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."

"Clear out!" Were the words filling the air after a textured chemical spill occurred near a airport. Reports started coming in around nine in the afternoon. Police and fire crews responded judiciously.

Fire fighters donning poison control gear were quick to the scene, constantly combating the malevolent clouds. Citizens fled trying to outrun the rank fumes lurking above, but not all escaped harm.

Roughly 144 citizens were treated for respiratory ailments and dizziness. No deaths have been reported at this point, although 8 locals are in critical condition. The cause of the spill is not yet known, but investigations are under way.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Local manager Guy Kirby won the admiration of Debra Woo who was visiting Jasonia from Leningrad. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Woo. "Guy was a godsend."

Woo was visiting Jasonia's world famous Thomas's Parrot Ranch close to Joe's Market and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Woo recalled, "and the streets are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Guy interjected. "I observed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Well buy me a Cadillac and call me Elvis!' And 'Gee whiz!' So I figured she could probably use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Woo has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a huge municipality, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.

Bands played and denizens cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic city founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.

A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all citizens that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.

When prompted, one witness sighed, "Oh, this makes me so cranky, I could just attack."

Odds are three to one that all Jasonia citizens will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Earl's Bait 'n Tackle this weekend.

Yesterday on KSIM, local citizens aired their need for a hospital.

One guest speaker dominated the airwaves starting with "All the cities around us are glowing with vitality, as citizens of Jasonia suffer illnesses accosting one family after another, like religion-peddling solicitors."

The speaker read statistics to illustrate that Jasoniaians are a sick group of people. He wrapped up his segment calling all citizens to band together and demand the mayor build more medical facilities.

If the mayor responds to the population's want, Jasonia will soon see medical care. If the mayor does nothing, it is questionable there will be a population to request anything anymore.

At 9 a.M. This last Tuesday morning, as traffic reached its rush hour peak, a curious yellow fog descended over the municipality. Numerous inhabitants began hacking and coughing slowly, and several elderly residents were rushed to medical care.

City health services momentarily declared an Air Emergency. Citizens were advised to stay indoors and not use their vehicles. Local Industry was asked to shut down for the day. By two in the afternoon that same day, a brisk breeze came up sweeping away the offending miasma.

One observer noticed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

"What do you expect? He's probably got delusions" commented Saddam Horat.