When Prime Minister Glotz of Chile arrived in Brazil for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Sadat of Chile, passionate with ecstasy, kissed uncontrollably, leaving Glotz with a strained uvula.

Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Brazil Hospital said that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.

With the airbase infiltrated by capitalist running dog lackeys in Oman, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of capitalist running dog lackeys across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the picketers' attention who, capitalist running dog lackeys assert, have suppressed inhabitants' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.

Not all the capitalist running dog lackeys enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."

"Lover, fighter, embezzler, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."

A crabby man blurted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more neckties than he does."

Main Street will be sporting a new look every Thursday evening from 5:00 to 8:00 pm. As the chosen site for the new Jasonia Farmers' Market. The lane will be closed to all traffic to make room for the dozens of local farmers, florists, craftsmen, and negotiators selling their goods, but don't worry - transit authorities say that traffic delays will be wee.

Come straight from work! You can stroll the street while enjoying the exotic flavors of the food from seven of the countless ethnic food booths. There is no admission fee and you'll find plenty of parking on neighboring avenues.

"What do you expect? He's probably got earwax build-uppus" blurted Alan Martin.

The Santa Cruz Anteaters traded Horace Martin to the Farmington Cheetahs in exchange for 2 twelfth-round draft picks next season. Martin did not play in the last 21 games due to an aggravated thumb injury. Expectations are high because Martin is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of football.

Cheetahs coach Will Schneider averred, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a shattered thumb is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn pleasant coach."

When questioned about his cantankerous propensity for tossing plates, Diane Harris, the underwriter in question, responded, "I'm glad I tossed the plate! Glad, I tell you, GLAD! Ah-ha-ha...GLAD!" He then slammed the door and hid in his closet.

Police are still trying to decide if tossing plates is a crime, but attorney Allison Davis has volunteered to defend the underwriter if it comes to trial.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Several house spouses showed up for the event, but discreetly left when they found out they had brought the wrong vegetable for the occasion.

When asked, a disk jockey sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Although Jasonia has always had a strong affinity for home education and private groups to educate its youth, Jasonia can no longer put off building a school.

"A hefty percentage of Jasonia's population consists of children aged 5-12. Jasonia wants to meet this group's educational needs by building a school," stated Patricia Barton, line leader of Raise Your Hand, a group dedicated to ensuring that state educational standards are met in Jasonia.

Mayor Jason is aware of the need to build a school and is manipulating the budget to find the requested funds. "I know the dollars is here somewhere," noted the mayor.

Odds are seven to one that all Jasonia inhabitants will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Charlie's Feed Store this weekend.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Matthews has perfected solar power. Alexandria Mayor Williams has presented the professor with the key to the county to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Matthews spontaneously denied responsibility and implemented the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Alexandria University President Justin is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With solar power to our credit, especially the way it will help our citizens, Alexandria University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

Local teacher Mario Edward won the admiration of Leila Borucki who was visiting Jasonia from Edinborough. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Borucki. "Mario was a godsend."

Borucki was visiting Jasonia's world famous Jenkins's Buffalo Ranch close to Bob's house and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Borucki recalled, "and the roads are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Mario interjected. "I noticed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Oh my!' And 'Well buy me a Cadillac and call me Elvis!' So I figured she will probably use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Borucki has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

Dear MisSim,

I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I need, and the money's great.

My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee

Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really nice guy. Call me for his number.

One of the biggest earthquakes in Jasonia's history shook the community late last night. Five tremors of a lesser magnitude preceded the enormous one which measured 8.8 on the Richter scale.

Deaths numbered 38 and structural damage was naughty.

Seismologists anticipate aftershocks and warn everybody to plan for earthquakes. "Preparedness is key. Don't let the next one catch you off guard," old Dr. Sheneena Wright of Alexandria University cautioned in his usual tremolo.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled wildly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had tough meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

In a SimNation survey, Jasonia ranked 168th in blackmail, just below Renton. This makes us the safest city nationwide for blackmail. "Gadzooks are we ever pleased at this nice news," sighed police chief Musashi Yojimbo, "and don't think we're gonna stop here. Jasonia has it's eye on hijacking as well."

Citizens danced in the roads after dark last Thursday night to celebrate the low, low crime rate. Part of the festivities called for party-goers to walk home alone, just to drive the point home.

Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing community to a bustling municipality. With a population of over 10,000, the community has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be placed, standing momentarily as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

KSIM broadcasters slowly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Chances are 1 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Large Peacefully Bumpy Buffalo deluxe."

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Nicolas Greasy Johnsen died at the incredible age of one hundred and two. As the best right center in football, Greasy Johnsen played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Walla Walla Bulldogs, then to the Buttonwillow Anteaters, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 2 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, greasy Johnsen was among rugby's most durable players, sustaining a fractured fibula, a tweaked fibula, and a fractured jaw, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Alan Floyd, when asked what was his most indelible memory of greasy Johnsen was, countered, "His tattoo."

Only in the famed Pearson Labs could something like fusion power be created. Pearson Labs, located near scenic Bremen, has been a leader in cat lure research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like fusion power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Floyd Labs--a rival in the field--claimed that Pearson Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, fusion power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

The Lesser family was vacationing in Leningrad when they last noticed Pookie, their horrible piranha. Sissy first witnessed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the piranha one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Lesser family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the shoe delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her knee. Other than llama pox the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the piranha is healthy.