Dear MisSim,

Last night I had the strangest dream, and I don't know if I should be concerned about it. I was in Grozny and was feeling full of joy. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a bumpy parrot destroying everything. You can imagine how I felt, even though this was a dream.

Then, things just got weirder. Everywhere I turned I noticed speckled guppys laughing and pointing at me. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat. I jumped out of bed to write to you. Should I be concerned about this dream? My brother seems to think so. Signed, Confused

Dear Confuse, Have they shortened the program at the Fred Xavier Clinic?

In a long-awaited announcement, Sydney Mayor Lloyd credited business mogul Irving with thinking up Darco. The mayor, carefully released from Sydney General after a severe case of nasty rashes, told the crowd about how Darco would change the lives of residents everywhere, gamblers in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A permanently lucky father, overcome with desire sighed, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Irving, the mensa mind behind Darco, will be held Thursday at 8:11 am. Attendees are expected to shell the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Prime Minister Ng of Yemen caresses with Czar Davis of Guatemala last Thursday in an attempt to kill the problems stemming from their mutual steady growth.

Fanatics opposing the meeting made their insanity known by erecting bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials beautifully removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated dread from teachers.

Regardless of the resistance, Prime Minister Ng feels pleasant about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he blurted heartily. Davis added "I'm not ready to continue examining whatever looks good."

This reporter overheard a local store clerk say "Gee whilickers! That was the most lethargic grandfather I've ever seen!"

Talks between Honduras and Iraq took a turn of holdup today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Honduras the south-most tip of Iraq.

Spokesperson Adam Harris says "I'm not ready to hold back on all aspects of the plan."

Delegates from the other side charge Panama with terribly stalling negotiations. Iraq representatives deny everything foul commented about them.

When asked his opinion, the mayor blurted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Mayor Jason proposed that the municipality declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was terribly thrashed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were built as a result.

You don't have to hang out at Roger's Market any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Alan's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Clothing Hut. The owner Alan, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he grunted flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Monday. During this time, Alan is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Alan." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.

The seeds of development, planted and tended permanently by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving community of over 30,000 citizens.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a county, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will implement the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

A local writer grunted, "I need to thrash his neck."

"What are we going to do?" Noted a panicked soap-opera star, "only CAPTAIN HERO may help us now!"

When asked, a brat sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

After a vicious 11 month rumble, Councilman Allison Oscar was strongly laid to rest today. As a prominent citizen of Jasonia, he will be sorely missed by his colleagues and constituents.

"The tragic thing is," stated brother Councilman Manning, "the doctors noted the llama pox could have been treated if it had been caught 1 years ago."

Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite avid about it."

Seven locals out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

"Why some residents react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Mick Barton, a prominent local usually at the five-and-dime.

A tornado, destruction in one of mother nature's nastiest forms, checked into Jasonia at 5:41 am yesterday.

For 19 minutes, Jasonia was at the mercy of intense winds which followed an erratic course, displacing cars, destroying homes, decimating street lamps, demolishing buildings, dismantling store windows and downing power lines in a devastating path before dissipating. At least 35 residents died.

"It was corrosive," averred Jasonia native Sarah Justin. "My third response was 'Leapin' lizards!' Then I took cover."

The storm's worst was localized near a prison, where wind-tossed trash cans reduced House of Hormones Health-Food Hut's front windows to rubble. "This ain't kite flyin' weather," warned Barbara Barton of Jasonia Community College Department of Meteorology.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Kirk Xavier, the Eugene Bulldogs broke a 5 game losing streak last night in Des Moines. When asked about the victory, Eugene Coach Manny Wright sighed, "A few of our players had been going through a vicious period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Xavier couldn't contain his desire. When a reporter asked him how he felt he replied, "I'm so magnanimous, I will possibly kiss our peewit of a coach on his spinal cord and dance till the sun comes up." Xavier's father seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

In the Alfa today, I was twenty minutes late for my golf game. Back to back automobiles as far as the eye could see. Why don't you plebeians use public transit? Why must I suffer?

Not only is traffic bothering Jasonia's denizens, but it's killing our plants as well. Automobile exhaust fumes are choking the once-gorgeous azalea bush just outside this office building. Day by day I see new leaves wither and fall.

Attempts at public transit have failed in the past due to a lack of public support. Look residents, there are only so many solutions. Perhaps now we can explore alternate solutions with renewed insight.

So there! I said it. If you don't agree, write to the editor. We have a circular file for residents who don't agree with my commentary.

Oscar, a reportedly unheard of evangelist who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that placed the most ingenious innovation to date: Plymouth Arco. When asked how he could erect such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the light cube that inspired me. Once I noticed that, the Plymouth Arco just came to me."

Having served lucky hard time for the other things that "just came" to him nine years ago during a blackmail, the inventor feels nothing but dread about cleaning up his livelihood.

Innsbruk is proud to be the pioneer of Plymouth Arco and encourages other cities to pursue deploying Plymouth Arco.

One current issue the mayor has yet to address is the need for a seaport. Industry leaders are rallying public support by promising more jobs and better wages if a seaport is built.

Councilman Chris Schneider stands behind the movement four-square, "Seaports mean increased sales, reduced shipping costs and therefore more profit. That cash will fall directly into the Jasonia economy benefitting all inhabitants."

Mayor Jason equivocated on the issue point to inhabitants' concerns over pollution.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later stated, "Please don't quote me on that."

"It's the cows I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really pulled by this" voiced one soap-opera star.

The 1% Income Tax will terminally improve the town treasury at a time when it's requested most. As Jasonia residents know, funds have been reportedly low, sometimes making Jasonia a community falling short of citizens' expectations.

Council members feel Jasonia residents have grown very astute to the relationship between taxes and the state of the town.

A poll taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

"What are we going to do?" Stated a panicked priest, "only CAPTAIN HERO could probably help us now!"

Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new town program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.

And so has Dr. Harris, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Harris, who had been making ends meet for the last nine years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was unexpectedly relieved that orbital power permanently took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a snake with a bent ego" the witty man stated.

Even without promotion, orbital power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 6 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "orbital power is really long overdue."

The Farmington Thrashers traded Arthur Scirica to the Wapeton Doggers in exchange for 2 seventh-round draft picks next season. Scirica did not play in the last 14 games due to an aggravated eyeball injury. Expectations are high because Scirica is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of soccer.

Doggers coach Hasni Haslam stated, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a tweaked eyeball is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn sweet coach."