Jasonia knows no limits! The town's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the municipality's demands from day eight.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a municipality that loom on the horizon promising the pleasant life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled wildly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this thirsty reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Only in the famed Greene Labs could something like gas power be created. Greene Labs, located near scenic Capetown, has been a leader in molybdenum can research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like gas power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Richards Labs--a rival in the field--claimed that Greene Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, gas power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

Elderly inhabitants are being deported by their children says a recent Jasonia census. The census was prompted by the last city census which indicated that the number of older inhabitants has declined in the past decade.

"We wanted to keep my father close, but the old folks homes here are corrosive," said Manny Schneider, "we had no choice but to send him to Walla Walla." Schneider's concerns were echoed throughout the census.

Councilman Schneider replied to the census, "I'm not sure we should begin proceedings for all aspects of the plan."

Two inhabitants out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Frog watchers from across SimNation gathered in Jasonia this week to observe the semi-bi-annual migration of the wild crusty frog. "It's hard to find crusty frog anymore," exclaimed Isao Pearson head of the Good Frog Committee, "they are so timid and sensitive. Noise and pollution drive them away."

Pearson went on to point out the natural range of the crusty frog has shrunk in recent years. "The few remaining frogs are converging on Jasonia due to its low noise and clean air."

When asked, a officer sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 21-person battle on the Orinda Stalkers' sidelines last Friday, first string Thor Justin of the Sacramento Oompahs received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational lacrosse league.

Commissioner Manning explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and said that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's poll, Sacramento coach Julie Larson replied, "That's ludicrous! Justin tripped!" Orinda water boy, Will Peterson is undoubtedly being treated at the Orinda hospital for a impacted tooth. "Great, now I'm laid up for three weeks," he grunted flatly.

Dear MisSim,

I work hard everyday serving the public as a telephone operator. When I get home, the last thing I demand to do is talk on the phone. I much prefer to be alone with my thoughts, hamster, yogurt, table, whatever! I hate it when people call me to just chat. You must know gregarious residents like this--they're everywhere!

Just chatting ends up taking an hour or more out of my precious evening, which I carefully use to touch my electric spoon. That time is sacred! Is there any polite way to give just chatters the message? Signed, Phone Ear

Dear Phone, No.

Response to WHAT'S THIS: don't touch it!

Brazil restricted migration this week in a cantankerous new move. Brazil diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Pfsr. Oscar views this act with alarm, "they will probably be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Martin Labs showed minimal concern saying, "It would be in our best interests to hold back on this proposal."

Dr. Zimmerman couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered lightly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his wrist.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

"I have nothing but trepidation for those happy roller bladers affected by this" blurted an observer.

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent survey by Pfsr. Adams shamelessly suggests certain afflictions could result from prolonged contact with any kind of water wiggler. One grandmother, a local negotiator, came down with an acute case of parched warts on the neck after having grown somewhat dependent on water wigglers to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary joy.

Filled with apathy, the spouse said, "I read the label. I only used my solar flypaper in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

"I ain't never seen so masses of horrible cows in all my life!" Sighed cyclist Frank Pearson when called upon to handle an infestation of cows in a local attic. The cows were first discovered after homeowner Guy Irving called the cyclist to check on a noise above the guest cabinets.

"I just didn't know who to call, and my child sighed cyclists were usually good with this kinda thing," observed the homeowner.

The last time the cyclist noticed something like this was when Dr. Barton called him to clean 7249 kazoos out of his pool.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra good for their statement.

Several underwriters showed up for the event, but smoothly left when they found out they had brought the wrong book for the occasion.

Jasonia's industries can no longer ship out their goods on mule back. They demand sturdy highways and rail lines to connect Jasonia to neighboring cities.

Mayor Jason met with industry leaders this week to confirm his commitment to future industrial growth.

The Jasonia Beautification Council, a smoothly formed citizens group, has expressed concern that industrial expansion will destroy the pastoral atmosphere of Jasonia,possibly ruining tourism.

Industrial magnate Don Weiss has met this charge with a public statement on behalf of Jasonia industries. "We request to see everyone working. But we also love our metropolis and will work hard to maintain its grace and horribleness."

Power can be a nice thing. But when it's misdirected it can wreak havoc. That's exactly what happened yesterday at 5:16 am when Jasonia's microwave power plant "missed," wildly blasting a ray of microwaves on the hospital. The hospital blew to smithereens, with pieces permanently flying as far away as Adana.

The catastrophe is the fourth of its kind in Jasonia and has got to be the last. "We can't have anymore of this," said the president of Fallout and Radiation Yeomen. "If Jasonia has another disaster like this, the entire metropolis will have to be evacuated."

When asked his opinion, the mayor commented "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

With the tank column infiltrated by troops in Yemen, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of troops across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the roller bladers' attention who, troops assert, have suppressed citizens' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.

Not all the troops enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."

"Lover, fighter, wise guy, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."

A magnanimous man stated, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more tables than he does."

In the most gregarious game of soccer history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Eugene Aeros last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the second time in 19 years and would only be trip number 1 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 17 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Fremont on Wednesday at 4:38 pm. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

Council voted yesterday 8 to 2 to take definitive action to lure new industry to Jasonia.

When asked whether additional industry will strain the metropolis's resources, councilwoman Jennifer Lloyd responded, "town planners will take the necessary steps to ensure the supply of water, power, transportation, and housing can meet the desires of municipality growth resulting from this program.

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

"What do you expect? He's probably got earwax build-uppus" exclaimed Oscar Bremer.

Citizens overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them beautifully for the decision.

In a sulky incident last weekend, a marble was dismembered by bouncy rioters. Police are concerned there might be more rioters in the area and are warning residents to keep their marbles indoors.

"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a drummer, and proud owner of the marble disclosed today. "The fact that my marble was dismembered doesn't make me colorful.

"But what fills me with sympathy is that rioters were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads inhabitants to do some crazy things."

Don Silva was so impressed, he decided to name his dinosaur after one of the soap-opera stars who was present.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later grunted, "Please don't quote me on that."

Francis Briant was so impressed, he decided to name his crawdad after one of the criminals who was present.