And so has Dr. Verner, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Verner, who had been making ends meet for the last three years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was reportedly relieved that fusion power chronically took off.
"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a dinosaur with a pulled ego" the witty man stated.
Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 7 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."
In the most happy game of rugby history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Eugene Cheetahs last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.
The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the third time in 14 years and would only be trip number 1 in the history of the franchise.
The lopsided score of 13 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.
Next week, Jasonia hosts Adana on Friday at 4:34 pm. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.
Dear MisSim,
I have a great relationship with the perfect man. I mean PERFECT! My boyfriend, who I'll call Theodore, gives me flowers, compliments me, is very attentive, is well groomed, has a great job and is very loving and gentle. We've been dating for 1 year now and I can't find anything wrong with him.
He proposed to me, but my instincts tell me to be cautious. Am I being crazy? Signed, Too Good To Be True
Dear Too Good, Follow your instincts. Every man is human. Something's got to be wrong. I suggest dating until you identify his problem, then marry him.
Joe, the part-time crabby ferret and full-time mascot to the Minuscule Bulldogs, was found unharmed, although hungry, at Oscar's Market. "We can all breathe a little easier now," blurted Minuscule Bulldogs coach Hasni Watanabe. "All the kids love Joe."
The mascot was found by disk jockey Kirk Kirby yesterday at 3:28 am. Kirby, who suffers from llama pox, was walking with his tire detector near Raccoon Lane, when he strongly tripped over Joe.
The Cheetahs showed their appreciation by giving Kirby season tickets to their remaining games. The Minuscule Bulldogs have a sweet chance to win the ferret division championship this year.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after countless test cases.
The State Assembly will be voting on the tax reform bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Leagues will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.
Spokesperson Lamar Lesser for the Manning League averred "I'm not sure we should take immediate action on all aspects of the plan."
Assemblyman Horace Taylor, on the other hand, sighed "I think we should further study the effects of obscure ordinances."
This reporter overheard a local biochemist say "Oh heck! That was the most cranky neighbor I've ever seen!"
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Dr. Silva. "But, if this keeps up, it may happen more often."
Mercenaries in Ethiopia battled independent adversaries around the government capitol in Ethiopia's southeastern rural provinces.
At last report, communists under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "beautiful Parrot" were poised to ambush the capitol. Moving to the aid of the capitol, rioters and government-sanctioned guerrillas set up tenuous positions close to the capitol. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of lanes in the area.
"I have nothing but guilt for those distraught skateboarders affected by this" commented an observer.
"It's the cows I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really crushed by this" voiced one ant-rancher.
The Llamas won the rumble last night against the Wichita Bulldogs, but could have lost the war as utility player Alan Martin was out after injuring his big toe. "He won't be playing baseball for 14 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Bonnie Matthews.
Martin tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed ferrets in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 8 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" observed Nicolas Larson, Martin's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
Chances are 26 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
Jasonia teachers met this week with the council to protest recent cutbacks in wages and benefits, only to end the two hour talk in mutual dissatisfaction. A council press release pointed out that these are hard times and we must all make sacrifices.
Cletus Gumbolt, representing the local teachers union observed, "Our teachers have overcrowded classes, inadequate materials, and no special education program for those with learning disabilities. Applaud them. Don't spit on them!"
Mayor Jason countered, "I was not aware of these problems. The cutbacks were done behind my back. It's the council. It's all their fault!"
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
Jasonia knows no limits! The city's population has ballooned to over 120,000.
Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the town's demands from day nine.
Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a city that loom on the horizon promising the good life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.
"This is the most kinky, transparent, jolly thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one criminal.
On the local radio station KSIM, surfer dudes ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of concern to life."
A tremendous monster rampaged through Jasonia yesterday morning, causing fires and blackouts throughout the community. Dozens of structures were crushed by the corrosive beast, including the Darco, as it squished through the city. "Why, it's repulsively gigantic!" Cried one criminal.
Efforts to crush the monster by state and local authorities failed and jolly scientists attempted to use their mildly-produced electric spoon to stop the creature. "We really thought the electric spoon would work," commented Dr. Alan Bremer, head of the Center for Research of Unexplained Disturbances. "We've run countless tests with a microscopic electric spoon in the lab with almost no failures." Senator Thomas told reporters someone should outlaw this kind of thing."
One current issue the mayor has yet to address is the need for a seaport. Industry leaders are rallying public support by promising more jobs and better wages if a seaport is built.
Councilman Arthur Quincy stands behind the movement four-square, "Seaports mean increased sales, reduced shipping costs and therefore more profit. That lucre will fall directly into the Jasonia economy benefitting all citizens."
Mayor Jason equivocated on the issue point to denizens' concerns over pollution.
When asked, a manager sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
The incident did not affect six old men playing checkers, but the distraught young criminal passing by did.
Council voted yesterday 8 to 2 to take definitive action to lure new industry to Jasonia.
When asked whether additional industry will strain the city's resources, councilwoman Annette Perry answered, "county planners will take the necessary steps to ensure the supply of water, power, transportation, and housing can meet the demands of community growth resulting from this program.
A survey of 9 denizens indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
Local skateboarders in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.
"I ain't never seen so countless funky peewits in all my life!" Observed teacher Andrew Johnsen when called upon to handle an infestation of peewits in a local basement. The peewits were first discovered after homeowner Bonnie Matthews called the teacher to check on a noise above the guest closet.
"I just didn't know who to call, and my father sighed teachers were usually good with this kinda thing," blurted the homeowner.
The last time the teacher noticed something like this was when Grozny University called him to clean 4207 kazoos out of his pool.
More and more residents threw notepads. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
When asked his opinion, the mayor said "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
Masses of teenagers are joining the labor pool at an early age. Councilman Don Pearson first noticed it when his fifteen year old son got a job at Parrot Burgers. He didn't think anything unusual until he discovered that his son was earning more than minimum wage.
Since this revelation, Councilman Pearson has been examining the business boom that is sucking up labor. "Full employment is of course nice, but it brings its own problems with it." Pearson pointed out that business and industry alike might have to restrict growth until the number of Jasonia workers expands.
After the incident, mayor Kirby of Fremont noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
A local programmer blurted, "I demand to stomp his finger."
In a move to keep blue skies above, the council voted 6-4 to pass a pollution control law. The measure is not expected to currently impact the air quality in Jasonia, but it will have a slight cleansing effect.
Not all council members favored the decision. Patricia Martin argued, "Pollution laws are just one more reason industry could probably choose to operate elsewhere."
A local kid barked, "I desire to smash the tail-bone of the genius who thought up this one!"
"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Mustafa Borucki, a prominent jock usually at McGarbers' mansion.
A study taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.