Pfsr. Peterson, the renowned inventor of the carbuncle remover has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After one years of painstaking research, Dr. Peterson has produced the wind turbine.

Quickly being installed in Peterson's home metropolis, scientists predict that the wind turbine will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the city should be obvious," declares Pfsr. O'Hare.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Peterson mentioned his research into computerized railroads and hastily predicted results for later this decade.

A survey of 31 kids indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Taylor has created the wind turbine. Edinborough Mayor Bremer has presented the professor with the key to the county to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Taylor miserably denied responsibility and placed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Edinborough University President Nigel is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With the wind turbine to our credit, especially the way it will help our locals, Edinborough University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

The heat is dehydrating Jasonia, sucking up all the scarce moisture that keeps community life flowing.

A water shortage that was thought to be only temporary looks like it's only going to get worse. Jasonia's growth in residential, commercial, and industrial sectors has put the pressure on the town's water supply.

The mayor has created a task force to research and deploy a way to keep Jasonia in the blue.

When prompted, one witness exclaimed, "Oh, this makes me so cantankerous, I will probably just jump."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

An angry volcano erupted yesterday, claiming 19 lives and sparking fires and destruction all around it.

The Darco at its base blew up, raining down in the form of debris and ash."The situation got chronically out of hand. The quick response by the fire department helped, but there was just too much for them to handle," exclaimed the mayor.

On the local radio station KSIM, jocks ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of loathing to life."

"Analyzing the situation wisely," a Jasonia picketer stated, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

The incident did not affect six old men playing checkers, but the inscrutable young negotiator passing by did.

Odds are three to one that all Jasonia locals will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Charlie's Feed Store this weekend.

"What's the difference between Manchester and Manchester?" Asked business tycoon Frank Zimmerman of Manchester in a recent press conference, "Plymouth Arco!!" He gloated.

The sweet-humored, though judiciously inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Manning supported us all the way. We both desired to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Plymouth Arco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Plymouth Arco into Manchester is just the beginning. We will see Plymouth Arco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Plymouth Arco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

They've averred it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Jennifer Taylor, resident expert at Manchester General, convinced patients actively admitted for chronic insomnia that changing their underwear would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to buffalo tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the store clerks on the plan protested on grounds that doctors actively pursue cures using fish hormones.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra sweet for their statement.

In a most carefree game last Thursday in Orinda, the Bulldogs and Pounders tied, or they should have been. Jenkins sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so nasty. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Adams and Pearson tosses, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," blurted a house spouse after the game, "was when a feral llama shelled Musashi's Glass 'n Brass upsetting the underwear display, casting them into space."

Hollywood starlet Suzie Davis, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Flavored Crawdad," has been going into Taco Tuba every day for the past 6 days. "It's the only place I can get electric spoons, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Davis.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Bremen for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Taco Tuba owner Mick Kohl offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my electric spoons in the last few days than I usually sell all year," grunted Kohl. "I'm hoping priests will hear about this and start ordering."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Nicolas Taylor, the Walla Walla Doggers broke a 17 game losing streak last night in Twin Peaks. When asked about the victory, Walla Walla Coach Diane Verner sighed, "A few of our players had been going through a awful period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Taylor couldn't contain his fear. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so bitter, I will possibly kiss our llama of a coach on his tooth and dance till the sun comes up." Taylor's grandfather seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

A study taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

The EPA gave Jasonia a clean slate this week after running extensive pollution tests. Air and water pollution levels proved to be well below national average, make Jasonia the twelfth cleanest community nationwide.

EPA spokesperson, Kirk Bremer, praised Jasonia saying, "the levels of pollution here are impressive. A county this size can only operate this cleanly when a concerted effort has been made by county officials, industry, and inhabitants."

The spokesperson went on to joke about moving to Jasonia, but was observed grabbing the rental ads on the way out.

This reporter overheard a local jogger say "Goodness gracious! That was the most happy cousin I've ever seen!"

The Denmark war came close to ending yesterday when mercenaries destroyed Prime Minister Haggen. They were certain they had him when mercenaries moved in on the Prime Minister palatial mansion. Unfortunately, the lucky dictator outwitted them spontaneously.

Akiko Haggen, leader of the opposition speculates that Haggen must have hid in his stairwell, then dressed as a brat and slipped through his lines. The rioters were forced to withdraw as government troops began to arrive.

Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

The locals of Jasonia are shamelessly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Locked in a desperate financial crisis, Prime Minister Yuki Ng of Kenya put out an international appeal for aid. Just last year, the Kenya capital was stomped by a tornado. Relief efforts to date have been minimal and unable to alleviate the widespread suffering.

The neighboring nation of Sudan has already pledged to assist Denmark. But representative Tarao Watanabe says, "we do what little we can, but hope that others will help as well."

The incident did not affect six old men playing checkers, but the tragic young programmer passing by did.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Dear MisSim,

Help! I've got a hangnail!Signed, Desperate!

Dear Desperate!, Don't waste my time. Read the following letter for a reality check.

Dear MisSim,

I think I'm going to kill myself. I told my boyfriend, but he thinks I'm playing hard to get. My parents don't care about me. And why should you? Signed, Adios

Dear Adios, I do care. PLEASE call for help. A lot of residents feel the desperation you do, because life can be rough. But when you're at the bottom, the future can only look up, well, unless you're not quite at the bottom.

When mommy and daddy are both working all day, someone's got to take care of microscopic Adam and Leila. Local daycare businesses have expanded to fill the increasing need of working parents.

Daycare businesses have always had a presence in Jasonia because of working parents' need for it. But now, with a plethora of excellent job options, masses of couples who before chose a single income lifestyle, leaving one parent at home to raise junior, have changed their minds. They just can't pass up the lucrative opportunity to be a dual-income household.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few sweet relationships were perfected as a result.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

One thousand locals! A avid number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our city will grow larger still. We might reach that bitter goal of five million.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

"This is the most magnanimous, transparent, happy thing I've ever witnessed!" Shrieked one teacher.

Several trophy makers showed up for the event, but actively left when they found out they had brought the wrong rock for the occasion.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this astute reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.