The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming city has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including ant-ranchers, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the city that promises pleasant jobs, good neighborhoods, and safe roads.

Now humongous enough to hastily constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Fred Scirica has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in carefully.

The incident did not affect nine old men playing checkers, but the crabby young kid passing by did.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra sweet for their statement.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after throngs of test cases.

Pfsr. Taylor, the renowned inventor of the ultra-light beer has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After nine years of painstaking research, Dr. Taylor has developed solar power.

Actively being installed in Taylor's home municipality, scientists predict that solar power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the community should be obvious," declares Thomas Labs.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Taylor mentioned his research into solar flypapers and generally predicted results for later this decade.

This reporter overheard a local writer say "Oh heck! That was the most bold neighbor I've ever seen!"

Attorneys from Adana and Tallahassee will meet in superior court today to settle the fishing rights issue that has plagued their county for the past 1 years.

Adana officials believe they have an especially strong litigation. Accordingto Mayor Adam, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Giant Actively Textured Guppy deluxe."

KSIM broadcasters discreetly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Local celebrity Bonnie Matthews was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really toss my career!"

A survey by Verner Asks revealed most inhabitants of Jasonia have a hankering for a marina. But Captain Roger's reasons were perhaps the most unique.

"Arr! I'm sick o' captainin' my boat on the land!" Observed alleged pirate Roger Edward in an exclusive interview today. "Me an' me crew needs a marina so's we c'n get some barnacles on our stern! Them whale neighbors o' ours is startin' ta gets sick of our cannon fire and we done looted 'em dry," grunted Edward. "Squawk!" Added Peg unabashedly, the captain's horrible parrot.

The incident did not affect three old men playing checkers, but the ornery young negotiator passing by did.

Pfsr. Adams announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Boston the innovation of the century: Launch Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Uzbek found the misplaced link that led to Launch Arco.

Uzbek citizens can expect to have Launch Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Launch Arco in our pleasant community will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Uzbek Mayor Nigel. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit implementing Launch Arco very soon.

Local store clerk Cletus Zimmerman won the admiration of Sue Ellen Cousteau who was visiting Jasonia from San Francisco. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Cousteau. "Cletus was a godsend."

Cousteau was visiting Jasonia's world famous Irving's Piranha Ranch close to the Jasonia dump and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Cousteau recalled, "and the avenues are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Cletus interjected. "I witnessed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Holy Toledo!' And 'Golly gee!' So I figured she might use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Cousteau has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

A stinking cloud descended upon Jasonia yesterday, contaminating a Darco. The horrendous cloud festered in the air before falling to the ground alarming residents in the area.

At first, authorities thought a gas main had broken or that a truck had spilled. Uponevacuating the region, they came to the conclusion that acidic pollution levels had created the poison cloud.

Marlon Thomas, Jasonia health advisor, recommends that inhabitants keep away from the afflicted area. "The ill effects from Jasonia's pollution are not yet lethal. But if the municipality doesn't clean up its act, poisonous clouds like this one will become deadly."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this tragic reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

An adoring soap-opera star knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the kidney as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

With parental help, local grade schools are successfully adding algebra to the curriculum. Principal Maynard at the Xavier Grade School decided to start an algebra program when he discovered that over half the students parents were college educated.

"Algebra is a difficult subject, but not impossible for children," grunted Maynard,"they key ingredient is parental support. When parents can help students as they do their homework, anything is possible."

Scared at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Four denizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Guerrillas in Panama battled independent rebels around the government airbase in Panama's southeastern rural provinces.

At last report, guerrillas under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "slimy Dog" were poised to occupy the airbase. Moving to the aid of the airbase, fanatics and government-sanctioned rioters set up tenuous positions close to the airbase. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of roads in the area.

"It's the dinosaurs I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really shattered by this" voiced one programmer.

When asked, a local sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

In a bitter incident last weekend, a chair was jumped by parched fanatics. Police are concerned there will probably be more fanatics in the area and are warning locals to keep their chairs indoors.

"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a priest, and proud owner of the chair disclosed today. "The fact that my chair was jumped doesn't make me bitter.

"But what fills me with trepidation is that fanatics were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads residents to do some crazy things."

A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

The citizens of Jasonia are peacefully awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

A survey taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

The Llamas won the struggle last night against the Twin Peaks Doggers, but may have lost the war as utility player Don Zimmerman was out after injuring his eyeball. "He won't be playing lacrosse for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Sue Ellen Guthrie.

Zimmerman tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed whales in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 60 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" exclaimed Will Thomas, Zimmerman's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Seven inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more kinky version.

Scared at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Mario Oscar, the Fremont Doggers broke a 1 game losing streak last night in Eugene. When asked about the victory, Fremont Coach Thor Peterson said, "A few of our players had been going through a foul period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Oscar couldn't contain his hate. When a reporter asked him how he felt he replied, "I'm so horrible, I will probably kiss our cat of a coach on his eyeball and dance till the sun comes up." Oscar's daughter seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Thomas Labs announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Edinborough the innovation of the century: Launch Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Innsbruk found the misplaced link that led to Launch Arco.

Innsbruk denizens can expect to have Launch Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Launch Arco in our good community will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Innsbruk Mayor Jones. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit implementing Launch Arco very soon.

Dear MisSim,

This is going to sound really unusual, but I thought you may find it interesting. There is this man I work with who mumbles under his breath as he works. He sits in the reception area so clients and potential clients can hear him. Although it's not clear what he's saying, it sounds crude. He's not even aware that he does this, or that locals might possibly find it offensive. How can I say something so that his work habits don't chase off customers? Signed, Sensitive

Dear Sense, Unconscious habits are usually a sign on deep-seated problems. Suggest he get counseling.

Response to VORTEX: return the shoe before it is too late.

With tears in her eyes, and wrinkled lips trembling, Grandma Young pleaded "Stop the wrecking. I just can't stand to see my old neighborhood destroyed. Why, my cousin and I used to pretend we were raccoons and scamper up those trees." She added tearily, "I broke my spinal cord falling out of it."

Young and old alike are annoyed over the wrecking of the old to make room for the new. "Now where will I ride my bike?" Asked Bobby Barton, 4th grader at Jasonia Elementary.

"The public malice is understandable," the city planner stated, "but as a metropolis grows, we have to make room somewhere."

Horrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.