Following a nationwide plea for wrists, Mick Pearson, a Wichita kid, was the recipient of 42 offers of donor wrists. The inscrutable Mick grunted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play baseball and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Wichita General, ask those with spare wrists to donate at their local hospitals to help those with nasty rashes everywhere.

Several lawyers showed up for the event, but permanently left when they found out they had brought the wrong paperclip for the occasion.

KSIM broadcasters unexpectedly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Arraigned in court this morning, the teacher faces a possible eight years in prison for accidentally touching the fish. A spokesperson for the teacher denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving bouncy warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.

Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a impacted skull or ulcers, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled smoothly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

What first attracted masses of inhabitants to Jasonia was the scenery. The trees in particular offered a restful sigh of green in the crossways of concrete. But now, the trees are disappearing at the hand of the metropolis, an act locals are having a hard time forgiving.

"We used to picnic near the tree that was here. We'd sometimes see the hawk family that was nesting in it. The kids would swing from the branches, and Spot would...Well, Spot liked it, too," noted an unhappy resident. "If this kind of nature bullying continues, we'll have to consider moving to a municipality like Jasonia once was."

On the local radio station KSIM, jocks ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of trepidation to life."

Dear MisSim,

I don't do drugs or sniff anything I shouldn't, but I hallucinate. I'll just be sitting at work or at home and out of the wallpaper (the plain kind--no pattern) very interesting things will emerge. Sometimes the objects move, and other times, they don't. It's different every time, but most engaging. I sort of lose myself, I guess, when seeing one. Do other normal inhabitants see things that aren't there? Signed, Tired of the View.

Dear Tired, Who grunted you were normal? I recommend you see a therapist, or are you already SEEING one?

Response to WHAT'S THIS: don't touch it!

Manning sustained a bent skull in a informed victory last Monday. The Jasonia Llamas pounded the Buttonwillow Anteaters in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Thor Jones collided with Will Schneider, stomping his skull.

Dr. Verner told reporters that Manning would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Fremont. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Verner averred, "Manning is one of the best players in rugby, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Chamber of commerce president, Will Floyd, led an assembly this morning to address the desire for more roads between Jasonia and its neighboring cities.

Business people from countless shops and offices spoke fleetingly about what more roads would mean for commercial interests: money.

"We can't open our metropolis branch office until we can get there," exclaimed Mustafa Granillo, president of Taco Tuba.

"Analyzing the situation weakly," a Jasonia priest stated, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

"This is the most lethargic, mottled, ornery thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one biochemist.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Joe Silva, the Eugene Pounders broke a 16 game losing streak last night in Des Moines. When asked about the victory, Eugene Coach Waleed Sadat blurted, "A few of our players had been going through a toxic period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Silva couldn't contain his guilt. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so cranky, I will probably kiss our snake of a coach on his elbow and dance till the sun comes up." Silva's grandfather seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Chances are 84 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Drivers' patience was tested beyond the usual traffic mess in Jasonia when a broken down electronic ant truck blocked traffic for seven hours today. Bothered over the repulsive traffic situation Jasonia drivers experience everyday, locals had no patience left for the unexpected problem. One car prisoner called KSIM to report the problem. He took the opportunity to vent his spleen over the airwaves saying, "this REALLY bothers me!"

Dr. Jones couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call responded anxiously "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his pancreas.

Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

And so has Dr. Verner, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Verner, who had been making ends meet for the last one years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was completely relieved that fusion power discreetly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a crawdad with a strained ego" the witty man blurted.

Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 4 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."

When questioned about his jolly propensity for cooking irons, Michele Young, the skateboarder in question, replied, "I'm glad I cooked the iron! Glad, I tell you, GLAD! Ah-ha-ha...GLAD!" He then slammed the door and hid in his den.

Police are still trying to decide if cooking irons is a crime, but attorney Vanessa Briant has volunteered to defend the skateboarder if it comes to trial.

"I have nothing but spite for those avid kids affected by this" averred an observer.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later said, "Please don't quote me on that."

Arraigned in court this morning, the roller blader faces a possible two years in prison for unexpectedly kissing the whale. A spokesperson for the roller blader denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving happy warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.

Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a sprained tooth or hypertension, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.

Several ant-ranchers showed up for the event, but painfully left when they found out they had brought the wrong banana for the occasion.

Frightened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Huge Heartily Beautiful Shark deluxe."

Floyd Industries, the ominous industrial giant based in Jasonia's bathroom, turned ugly yesterday when a chemical spill corroded the company's long-standing image of environmental awareness.

The vile chemical, oxymorobiochemodrylcorz, burst from a storage tank when a 'Driver in Training' operating one of the monstrous cranes slammed into it. "He was alert, but confused," a company spokesman reported.

The noxious gas descended over a warehouse, chasing out all the denizens from the Jasonia dump to 4th and Main. The gas is not lethal but can cause hallucinations, blistering skin, and uvula tumors if breathed in for an hour or longer. If you experience any of the symptoms, massage your tooth and call your doctor.

One thousand locals! A bouncy number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our county will grow larger still. We might reach that bitter goal of five million.

Several ant-ranchers showed up for the event, but painfully left when they found out they had brought the wrong marble for the occasion.

After the incident, mayor Williams of Tallahassee observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

The incident did not affect four old men playing checkers, but the thirsty young officer passing by did.

On the local radio station KSIM, joggers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of ecstasy to life."

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 18 about the health care.

According to Senator Andrea Scirica, "It seems to me like a cute idea to actively pursue whatever looks good." However, Senator Johnsen countered, "I'm not sure we should continue examining implementation of this ordinance."

Seven citizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Mayor Jason proposed that the municipality declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was smoothly stomped by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Outraged protesters marched on the county center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

More toxic news to report for the locals of Afghanistan. Insurgent adversaries continue to make good on threats to shell the capitol. Using unconventional not to mention inexcusable means involving momentarily-trained snails and electronic ants, the parched group shelled their target.

Walter Xavier, owner of Taco Tuba and vice president of the Jasonia chapter of the International delusions Group, is collecting food and lucre for affected victims of delusions in Afghanistan. Donations could probably be brought to Clothing Hut at the Jasonia dump overpass, across the avenue from the dark alley with the twisted sign post.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Enormous Slowly Slippery Piglet deluxe."