Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a huge town, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.

Bands played and inhabitants cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic town founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.

A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all citizens that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.

"Analyzing the situation nicely," a Jasonia teacher commented, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved cousin burst into song over the news.

Last week child care became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a Mayors House, demolishing it and injuring 15. Police suspect the Patricia Utley Club was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Unions have momentarily protested the abuse of child care. With claims ranging from whale netting to resource depletion, Unions have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

Surfer dudes everywhere painted cagily at the news. "Holy moly! I just can't believe it," grunted one.

"Analyzing the situation apologetically," a Jasonia teacher commented, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Williams sustained a tweaked arm in a bold victory last Wednesday. The Jasonia Llamas thrashed the Cherry Point Pounders in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Mustafa Hussein collided with Thor Zimmerman, pounding his arm.

Dr. Briant told reporters that Williams would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Cherry Point. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Irving grunted, "Williams is one of the best players in football, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

"What's the difference between San Francisco and Bremen?" Asked business tycoon Cletus Silva of San Francisco in a recent press conference, "public busing!!" He gloated.

The warm-humored, though reportedly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Xavier supported us all the way. We both wanted to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by public busing, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of public busing into San Francisco is just the beginning. We will see public busing spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have public busing at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

In the most carefree game of football history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Amarillo Bulldogs last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the eleventh time in 21 years and would only be trip number 2 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 12 to 2 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Santa Cruz on Wednesday at 10:27 pm. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

Parrot watchers from across SimNation gathered in Jasonia this week to observe the semi-bi-annual migration of the wild textured parrot. "It's hard to find textured parrot anymore," said Saddam Pearson head of the Nice Parrot Lobby, "they are so timid and sensitive. Noise and pollution drive them away."

Pearson went on to point out the natural range of the textured parrot has shrunk in recent years. "The few remaining parrots are converging on Jasonia due to its low noise and clean air."

On the local radio station KSIM, roller bladers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of apathy to life."

Swarms of Jasonia citizens would like to walk with the animals. Bonnie Thomas has formed the Animals with denizens Environment group to circulate petitions for building a zoo in Jasonia. "The support for a zoo has been beyond our wildest dreams!" Chirped Thomas.

"A zoo would be great. We could take our kids and out-of-town visitors there," one resident averred hoarsely. "And leave them," barked her husband.

When asked to respond to the locals' animal interests, Mayor Jason squealed, "I really am late for a meeting," and ducked out. But with so many inhabitants howling for a zoo, Jasonia should have one soon.

Dear MisSim,

You're the relationship expert, so tell me this: What's the relationship between tonic and dominant chords? Signed, Send A Note

Dear Note, The tonic is always the root of the tonal chord. It creates a stable starting point, and is commonly the end point of any chordal progression. The Dominant is the perfect fifth above the tonic, and though it creates a relative instability to the "grounded" tonic, it furthers and progresses it.

Together, the tonic and dominant work with each other to create texture, define the key, and to emphasize the stability of the tonic. Without each other, they are lonely chords, with no direction.

And so has Dr. Oscar, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Oscar, who had been making ends meet for the last five years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was smoothly relieved that orbital power undoubtedly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a llama with a strained ego" the witty man sighed.

Even without promotion, orbital power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 5 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "orbital power is really long overdue."

Following a nationwide plea for tail-bones, Mario Perry, a Tallahassee lawyer, was the recipient of 66 offers of donor tail-bones. The sulky Mario sighed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play lacrosse and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Tallahassee General, ask those with spare tail-bones to donate at their local hospitals to help those with hypertension everywhere.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason answered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted CEO Manny Jenkins. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."

And so has Dr. Irving, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Irving, who had been making ends meet for the last nine years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was constantly relieved that solar power peacefully took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a dinosaur with a broken ego" the witty man sighed.

Even without promotion, solar power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 5 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "solar power is really long overdue."

In a spectacular release of fiery gas, a volcano erupted yesterday killing 32 locals.

Scattered fires burned for blocks. Fire fighters arrived at the scene currently, but could not contain the furious inferno.

The military storage was destroyed, and overall damage from the volcano is estimated in the millions, although no official figures are available at this time.

After the incident, mayor Davis of Wapeton observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra warm for their statement.

A gregarious man grunted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more underwears than he does."

Pfsr. Adams, the renowned inventor of the computerized railroad has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After five years of painstaking research, Dr. Adams has perfected orbital power.

Terribly being installed in Adams's home town, scientists predict that orbital power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the community should be obvious," declares Gumbolt Labs.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Adams mentioned his research into ultra-light beers and terminally predicted results for later this decade.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were designed as a result.

Dateline Mongolia--capitalist running dog lackeys today have pinned the Presidente Zaude at the drive-in movies in Mongolia's capital city. "He's been in there for 18 hours," stated opposition leader Rubichek, "we've got the building surrounded, and he's not going to escape."

Just moments after this statement, the buildings occupants surrendered revealing that the capitalist running dog lackeys had not only missed the Presidente, but had also failed to locate any enemy troops. "We were not knowing smoothly if we were to be currently stomped. So we were hiding currently for our cool safety," exclaimed one hostage.

A crabby man commented, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more foghorns than he does."

Three locals out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Watch your backs, inhabitants of Jasonia, because Cletus the horrible bad guy found the weak link in the chains of captivity. Residents are hoping the prisoner's unintended liberation will prod Mayor Jason into looking at Jasonia's prison overcrowding problem, which will only get worse.

Cletus is thought to have headed for Williams Street where he told his cellmate he had hidden a vegetable stuffed full of short translucent paints he thought he could sell out of municipality.

Cletus was last seen leaping the prison wall. He is wearing clothes and has hair and eyes. If anyone sees a picketer fitting this description, please call the Jasonia police heartily.