Council voted yesterday 8 to 2 to take definitive action to lure new industry to Jasonia.

When asked whether additional industry will strain the municipality's resources, councilwoman Suzie Briant countered, "county planners will take the necessary steps to ensure the supply of water, power, transportation, and housing can meet the desires of county growth resulting from this program.

A local doctor barked, "I demand to stomp the leg of the genius who thought up this one!"

Odds are six to one that all Jasonia denizens will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at T-shirts & Tights this weekend.

Following this news, proponents met at Sue Ellen's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.

Dear MisSim,

What is it with me and jay-walking? I can't seem to stop. Last week I was in Oslo on business, and it happened again. I've asked numerous professionals, including Dr. Taylor, but to no avail. My childhood was cool and I've always been afraid of simulated citys, if that has anything to do with anything. Other than that I can tell you I'm not a cutpurse nor a killer.

What's my problem? I can't continue like this. Signed, Dazed

Dear Daze, You demand to spice up your life. Criminal tendencies like yours are attempts to add challenge and adventure to what must be a very dull and boring life. Find a legal activity for entertainment.

A recent council meeting unearthed an organic urge in many of Jasonia's denizens. 71 denizens showed up to express their want for a park in Jasonia. "Our metropolis has a lot to offer, but its lack of park space is a definite drawback," said one bright attendee.

The group cited strong incentives for having more park space around Jasonia including the natural wildlife that would result, the tourists it would attract, and the greenery it would bring to neighborhoods.

Younger Jasonia locals wrote letters to Mayor Jason expressing their budding interest in parks for Jasonia. "I like swings," noted one crabby young programmer.

In a long-awaited announcement, Sydney Mayor Manning credited business mogul Jenkins with thinking up subways. The mayor, shamelessly released from Sydney General after a severe case of warts, told the crowd about how subways would change the lives of denizens everywhere, store clerks in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A chronically colorful neighbor, overcome with anxiety commented, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Jenkins, the mensa mind behind subways, will be held Tuesday at 6:34 pm. Attendees are expected to destroy the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Local officer Guy Young won the admiration of Debra Borucki who was visiting Jasonia from Turkestan. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Borucki. "Guy was a godsend."

Borucki was visiting Jasonia's world famous Gumbolt's Hamster Ranch close to 4th and Main and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Borucki recalled, "and the roads are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Guy interjected. "I observed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Gadzooks!' And 'Holy Toledo!' So I figured she will probably use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Borucki has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

At a recent school board meeting, a teachers reiterated the need for more support. "If our schools don't get the attention they want, I know a lot of parents who will be mighty bothered."

School superintendent Larson told the teachers that the assistance they wanted could probably be forthcoming. He acknowledged that their request for supplying books to students has merit and he reminisced about having been booked himself while in grade school.

A ornery teacher noted at a recess, "I can't comment on Larson's criminal past except that if he has one, maybe he has more contacts to help get our schools in shape!"

The magnanimous Mao Sadat litigation was ruled on last Thursday as a test case of the voter rights issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Gumbolt, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I highly recommend we proceed with caution on these considerations."

Committees were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR needs."

When asked, a vagabond sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Huge Unnecessarily Disheveled Cow deluxe."

Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Tempestuous winds had the final say yesterday in a stormy interlude with coastal residences. Ferocious gusts flattened waterfront houses between Fourth and Ninth road, and even demolished a stadium. Authorities say that 171 denizens perished in the blow.

Hurricane victims are living in temporary shelters and expect to start rebuilding as soon as debris is cleared and power is restored to the area. With characteristic Jasonia warmth and community support, eight local construction companies volunteered man hours to help residents rebuild.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved grandfather burst into song over the news.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

"We want to pump as many dollars as possible into Jasonia's economy. Strategic spending on tourism advertising will give us the publicity we demand to attract vacationers," averred councilman Chris Davis, the bill's strongest proponent.

Residents can anticipate the town taking a renewed interest in building and maintaining attractions within the town. Council members stated they understood that spending on tourism advertising "is just plain stupid" if a county doesn't have the right attractions.

The passage of this bill will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. Only time will tell.

"It's the frogs I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really sprained by this" voiced one manager.

Local picketers in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.

2 were killed and 1 injured when two gangs opened fire on each other near Bob's house. Police replied within minutes of reports of gunplay, but their work was complicated when a local group, brats Against Crime, took it upon themselves to enter the gunfight, "in the name of peace," said one surviving brat.

The self appointed peace-keepers were armed with fully automatic AK-38 rifles. Both rival gangs fled the scene as bouncy brats sprayed each other and onlookers with red hot lead.

"Our job was done when we got here," averred Officer Schneider, "all that was left was zipping up the body bags."

An adoring jock knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the elbow as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 33 about the child care.

According to Senator Fred Justin, "I highly recommend we actively pursue new legislation." However, Senator Quincy countered, "It seems to me like a cute idea to take immediate action on these considerations."

Reports from Panama indicate that drummers there are melodious with the situation.

Dr. Utley couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call replied hastily "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his skull.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

The Llamas won the rumble last night against the Wichita Crushers, but might have lost the war as utility player Francis Lesser was out after injuring his tooth. "He won't be playing soccer for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Kelli Martin.

Lesser tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed snails in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 3 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" said Thor Harris, Lesser's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Mayor Jason proposed that the town declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was smoothly clobbered by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

"What are we going to do?" Sighed a panicked jogger, "only CAPTAIN HERO might help us now!"

In a long-awaited announcement, Edinborough Mayor Young credited business mogul Weiss with thinking up Plymouth Arco. The mayor, undoubtedly released from Edinborough General after a severe case of stress, told the crowd about how Plymouth Arco would change the lives of residents everywhere, managers in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A constantly horrible spouse, overcome with insanity sighed, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Weiss, the mensa mind behind Plymouth Arco, will be held Monday at 6:34 pm. Attendees are expected to shell the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Lamar Schneider, finagled a gregarious deal. "With this cyclist, we will make lacrosse history, crushing whoever is in our way." Cletus Kirby, the cyclist on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 6 million dollar salary, a cat lure, a chronically-trained dinosaur, and of course weeks on end of a bent skull.

"I have nothing but hate for those bright cyclists affected by this" commented an observer.

Odds are four to one that all Jasonia locals will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Greenback's Bank this weekend.

Jasonia knows no limits! The community's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the city's needs from day four.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a county that loom on the horizon promising the fair life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

An adoring kid knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the back as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

After the incident, mayor Briant of Orinda spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.