The jolly Guy Utley lawsuit was ruled on last Thursday as a test case of the tax reform issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Manning, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I think we ought to cease investigating all aspects of the plan."

Committees were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR desires."

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra sweet for their statement.

"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Barbara Richards, a prominent programmer usually at Dog Lane.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

"What's the difference between San Francisco and Boston?" Asked business tycoon Fred Zimmerman of San Francisco in a recent press conference, "water treatment plants!!" He gloated.

The cute-humored, though slowly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Barton supported us all the way. We both requested to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by water treatment plants, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of water treatment plants into San Francisco is just the beginning. We will see water treatment plants spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have water treatment plants at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

Scirica Industries, the ominous industrial giant based in Jasonia's bedroom, turned ugly yesterday when a chemical spill corroded the company's long-standing image of environmental awareness.

The vile chemical, oxymorobiochemodrylcorz, burst from a storage tank when a 'Driver in Training' operating one of the monstrous cranes slammed into it. "He was alert, but confused," a company spokesman reported.

The noxious gas descended over a military storage, chasing out all the denizens from the drive-in movies to Stalkers Avenue. The gas is not lethal but can cause hallucinations, blistering skin, and knee tumors if breathed in for an hour or longer. If you experience any of the symptoms, massage your knee and call your doctor.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Fred Flavored Manning died at the incredible age of one hundred and three. As the best right center in football, Flavored Manning played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Renton Doggers, then to the Farmington Stalkers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 2 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, flavored Manning was among football's most durable players, sustaining a pulled eyeball, a sprained fibula, and a shattered knee, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Cletus Schneider, when asked what was his most indelible memory of flavored Manning was, answered, "His tattoo."

I believe steadily in the single rate income tax. Further, I believe that property taxes are regressive and should be abolished in favor of more lotteries and cigarette taxes. Why should the decent, hard-working property owners shoulder the burden of municipality expenses?

Although taxes are a necessary part of operating a city, the citizens will only take so much. When it's difficult just to make a living, no one wants to be forced to surrender a gigantic chunk of their hard earned dollars.

Although taxes are a necessary part of operating a town, the locals will only take so much. When it's difficult just to make a living, no one desires to be forced to surrender a giant chunk of their hard earned money.

So there! I said it. If you don't agree, write to the editor. We have a circular file for locals who don't agree with my commentary.

Jasonia will be host to the 'Grey Games' this year. The 'Grey Games' are a track and field competition for citizens over 50 years of age. The games are the inspiration of Don Stevens, Czar of the Grey Dinosaurs.

"Each year Jasonia finds itself with more and more active elderly," said Stevens, "they need an outlet for their energy just as sulky kids do."

Health experts disagree on the health benefits of games. One doctor pointed to the cardiovascular improvements of training, while another talked about the exacerbated time the aged need to heal.

Local celebrity Vanessa Justin was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really paint my career!"

"What are we going to do?" Noted a panicked disk jockey, "only CAPTAIN HERO could probably help us now!"

The citizens of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly peewits, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind slowly through squares and circles of green.

With the bright development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of demands, are going up. But one humongous need, citizens feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a minuscule space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.

Chris Stevens of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."

Larson Labs announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Hamburg the innovation of the century: desalinization plants. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Dallas found the misplaced link that led to desalinization plants.

Dallas inhabitants can expect to have desalinization plants as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having desalinization plants in our nice community will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Dallas Mayor Nigel. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit installing desalinization plants very soon.

The Boise Anteaters traded Adam Thomas to the Cherry Point Doggers in exchange for 2 eleventh-round draft picks next season. Thomas did not play in the last 17 games due to an aggravated thumb injury. Expectations are high because Thomas is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of baseball.

Doggers coach Alan Thomas commented, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a sprained thumb is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn pleasant coach."

Arraigned in court this morning, the drummer faces a possible three years in prison for completely caressing the llama. A spokesperson for the drummer denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving magnanimous warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.

Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a broken foot or hypertension, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.

Reports from Mongolia indicate that kids there are horrible with the situation.

When asked his opinion, the mayor said "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

A local jogger exclaimed, "I want to clobber his fibula."

One thousand citizens! A crabby number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our community will grow larger still. We might reach that carefree goal of five million.

Terrorized at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

When asked his opinion, the mayor blurted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

The locals of Jasonia are undoubtedly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Local celebrity Manny Quincy was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really dismember my career!"

In a long-awaited announcement, San Francisco Mayor Richards credited business mogul Richards with thinking up subways. The mayor, undoubtedly released from San Francisco General after a severe case of pimples, told the crowd about how subways would change the lives of inhabitants everywhere, brats in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A unexpectedly bitter child, overcome with hate grunted, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Richards, the mensa mind behind subways, will be held Friday at 7:11 am. Attendees are expected to surround the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Talks between Uruguay and Libya took a turn of vandalism today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Uruguay the west-north-most tip of Libya.

Spokesperson Jennifer Larson says "It would be in our best interests to proceed with caution on placement of this ordinance."

Delegates from the other side charge Thailand with generally stalling negotiations. Libya representatives deny everything awful averred about them.

KSIM broadcasters reportedly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Threatened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

"What are we going to do?" Exclaimed a panicked biochemist, "only CAPTAIN HERO will probably help us now!"

Dear MisSim,

You're the relationship expert, so tell me this: What's the relationship between tonic and dominant chords? Signed, Send A Note

Dear Note, The tonic is always the root of the tonal chord. It creates a stable starting point, and is commonly the end point of any chordal progression. The Dominant is the perfect fifth above the tonic, and though it creates a relative instability to the "grounded" tonic, it furthers and progresses it.

Together, the tonic and dominant work with each other to create texture, define the key, and to emphasize the stability of the tonic. Without each other, they are lonely chords, with no direction.

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent report by Pfsr. Weiss lightly suggests certain afflictions may result from prolonged contact with any kind of ultra-light beer. One child, a local writer, came down with an acute case of inscrutable delusions on the knee after having grown somewhat dependent on ultra-light beers to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary desire.

Filled with guilt, the aunt sighed, "I read the label. I only used my midget widget in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"