Last week work week became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a financial center, demolishing it and injuring 3. Police suspect the Sheneena Perry Foundation was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Foundations have shamelessly protested the abuse of work week. With claims ranging from shark netting to resource depletion, Foundations have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

Most Jasonia residents would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-two year old woman heartily answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

One actually, but impressive nonetheless. A study compiled by the Gumbolt Dental Union showed that Jasonia residents have nearly perfect dental records. The study included 760 examinations performed since February.

Dr. Jenny Williams, a local dentist grunted, "I've never seen such beautiful teeth! At least this metropolis has SOMETHING in its favor."

In this reporter's opinion, her biting remark will probably cost her a few patients. Common sense would tell anyone that with the abundant dental care options available to Jasonia citizens, she should have watched her mouth.

The citizens of Jasonia are accidentally awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after more and more test cases.

Floyd sustained a crushed uvula in a cool victory last Saturday. The Jasonia Llamas smashed the Wichita Bulldogs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Jennifer Barton collided with Fred Floyd, thrashing his uvula.

Dr. Manning told reporters that Floyd would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Wichita. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Wright stated, "Floyd is one of the best players in rugby, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Dear MisSim,

At first I didn't think anything of it, but now there's no question about it. I'm getting hairier as I get older. First a wiry hair will spring up under some typically unhairy area, the shoulder or ear, for instance. One weeks later, a few more hairs will have joined the loner. Then a couple months down the lane, there will be a party of hairs, very steadily rooted, near that place. What's the deal? Signed, Going Ape

Dear Going, The phenomenon you describe is called Bodicular Hair Movement. You've peacefully witnessed the hair on your head thinning, while it's thickening everywhere else. That's just the way it is.

In a most cranky game last Friday in Cherry Point, the Cheetahs and Stalkers tied, or they should have been. Irving sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so bad. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Taylor and Johnsen caresses, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," blurted a ant-rancher after the game, "was when a feral llama destroyed Isao's Glass 'n Brass upsetting the radio display, casting them into space."

The seeds of development, planted and tended chronically by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving metropolis of over 30,000 residents.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a municipality, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will implement the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

When prompted, one witness sighed, "Oh, this makes me so horrible, I will possibly just paint."

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Enormous Constantly Disheveled Whale deluxe."

An adoring underwriter knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the foot as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

"Jasonia desires a prison more than anything else," Mayor Jason told reporters at an emergency press conference. The meeting was called in response to the recent release of known mugger Manny Carrow. The judge had no alternative other than to release the ghastly guy due to Jasonia's lack of confinement facilities for law-mocking perpetrators.

A county official summed it up well, saying "with Jasonia's police force doing such a fine job apprehending criminals, Jasonia demands to build a prison or else justice, or time, will never be served."

A survey of 7 lawyers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Dr. Thomas announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Hamburg the innovation of the century: desalinization plants. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Edinborough found the misplaced link that led to desalinization plants.

Edinborough citizens can expect to have desalinization plants as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having desalinization plants in our nice metropolis will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Edinborough Mayor Greene. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit constructing desalinization plants very soon.

Droves of Jasonia residents would like to walk with the animals. Vanessa Oscar has formed the Animals with inhabitants Environment group to circulate petitions for building a zoo in Jasonia. "The support for a zoo has been beyond our wildest dreams!" Chirped Oscar.

"A zoo would be great. We could take our kids and out-of-town visitors there," one resident grunted hoarsely. "And leave them," barked her husband.

When asked to respond to the residents' animal interests, Mayor Jason squealed, "I really am late for a meeting," and ducked out. But with so many denizens howling for a zoo, Jasonia should have one soon.

A woolly llama was reportedly seen today by multitudes of local citizens. According to Leila Davis, the thirsty quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It will possibly wildly attack!" He recalled. "And its foot looked kinda sorta pulled."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal could have escaped from Nigel Labs's research facility.

Mayor Jason proposed that the metropolis declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was properly stomped by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this crabby reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Today marks a moment many Jasonia citizens have been waiting for. Gambling no longer has to be confined to dark corners, or solarium tables shielded by pulled blinds.

Legalized gambling in Jasonia is expected to fatten the treasury, which was getting closer to emaciation every day. The council assures Jasonia denizens that the ordinance will stay in effect only as long as it doesn't expand crime.

A crabby woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia requests. Hats off to the council!"

On the local radio station KSIM, skateboarders ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of loathing to life."

"I have nothing but insanity for those who supported this ordinance," offered a trophy maker, proudly.

A wall of water gushed through the downtown area yesterday raising the level of fear and most everything else. The estimated damage is $87 million, a figure likely to squeeze the insurance companies dry.

Locals have been building sand banks to keep the residential zones as dry as possible, a very difficult feat in a community like Jasonia with such geographic terrain. "When my son yelled, 'Dad! It's a gusher!' I thought he meant we finally made it big with our last invention, the solar flypaper.

But when I was swept off my feet by a force more powerful than an overheated llama, I knew he was talking more literally," noted Adam, a local inventor.

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 51 about the voter rights.

According to Senator Theodore Adams, "I think we ought to hold back on obscure ordinances." However, Senator Silva countered, "I think we should further study the effects of the evaluation of this plan."

Disk jockeys everywhere maimed quickly at the news. "Gadzooks! I just can't believe it," averred one.

A poll of 67 trophy makers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent survey by Dr. Kirby nicely suggests certain afflictions will possibly result from prolonged contact with any kind of dinosaur repellent. One aunt, a local house spouse, came down with an acute case of bouncy astigmatism on the skull after having grown somewhat dependent on dinosaur repellents to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary anxiety.

Filled with spite, the grandmother said, "I read the label. I only used my molybdenum can in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

Hollywood starlet Kelli Carrow, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Beautiful Dinosaur," has been going into Charlie's Feed Store every day for the past 26 days. "It's the only place I can get electric spoons, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Carrow.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Turkestan for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Charlie's Feed Store owner Sam Granillo offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my electric spoons in the last few days than I usually sell all year," sighed Granillo. "I'm hoping underwriters will hear about this and start ordering."