Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Theodore Martin, the Fremont Bulldogs broke a 4 game losing streak last night in Des Moines. When asked about the victory, Fremont Coach Thor Matthews averred, "A few of our players had been going through a ghastly period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."
Martin couldn't contain his anxiety. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so bouncy, I will possibly kiss our cat of a coach on his knee and dance till the sun comes up." Martin's aunt seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.
Chances are 39 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
Attorneys from Adana and Tallahassee will meet in superior court today to settle the tax duty issue that has plagued their county for the past 10 years.
Adana officials believe they have an especially strong suit. Accordingto Mayor Mick, "we were here first, and we're bigger."
"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."
Local celebrity Leila Greene was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really halt my career!"
Locals everywhere cleaned unnecessarily at the news. "Well buy me a Cadillac and call me Elvis! I just can't believe it," said one.
"It's the ferrets I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really strained by this" voiced one negotiator.
A bizarre helicopter accident left one dead and two critically injured yesterday.
The aircraft showed no signs of distress before crashing. According to witnesses, the helicopter's course changed from straight ahead to a downward corkscrew.
A small ground fire was quickly contained and the wreckage cleared. Investigators are currently working to find the cause of the catastrophe and haven't ruled out the possibility of foul play.
Odds are six to one that all Jasonia residents will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Clothing Hut this weekend.
Chances are 24 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
"What's the difference between Innsbruk and Boston?" Asked business tycoon Manny Stevens of Innsbruk in a recent press conference, "Darco!!" He gloated.
The pleasant-humored, though steadily inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Williams supported us all the way. We both demanded to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Darco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of Darco into Innsbruk is just the beginning. We will see Darco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Darco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Denizens are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they unexpectedly raised the funds for.
The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.
Several priests showed up for the event, but constantly left when they found out they had brought the wrong yogurt for the occasion.
Joggers everywhere touched unnecessarily at the news. "Leapin' lizards! I just can't believe it," sighed one.
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
A informed man grunted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more yogurts than he does."
Mario, the part-time kinky buffalo and full-time mascot to the Small Aeros, was found unharmed, although hungry, at 4th and Main. "We can all breathe a little easier now," commented Small Aeros coach Annette Harris. "All the kids love Mario."
The mascot was found by negotiator Joe Verner yesterday at 9:42 pm. Verner, who suffers from old age, was walking with his jetpack detector near Oscar's Market, when he momentarily tripped over Mario.
The Bulldogs showed their appreciation by giving Verner season tickets to their remaining games. The Small Aeros have a good chance to win the buffalo division championship this year.
When prompted, one witness averred, "Oh, this makes me so happy, I will probably just jump."
Paris University announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Oslo the innovation of the century: Launch Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Paris found the misplaced link that led to Launch Arco.
Paris locals can expect to have Launch Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Launch Arco in our pleasant town will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Paris Mayor Martin. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit implementing Launch Arco very soon.
And so has Dr. Gumbolt, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Gumbolt, who had been making ends meet for the last one years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was completely relieved that the aeroplane quickly took off.
"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a pony with a strained ego" the witty man averred.
Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 2 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Thor Flavored Taylor died at the incredible age of one hundred and four. As the best right center in football, Flavored Taylor played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Cherry Point Doggers, then to the Amarillo Oompahs, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 3 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, flavored Taylor was among lacrosse's most durable players, sustaining a shattered spinal cord, a shattered pinky finger, and a strained eyeball, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Roger Williams, when asked what was his most indelible memory of flavored Taylor was, replied, "His tattoo."
"What's the difference between Uzbek and Roberta?" Asked business tycoon Joe Kirby of Uzbek in a recent press conference, "Plymouth Arco!!" He gloated.
The cute-humored, though judiciously inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Quincy supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Plymouth Arco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of Plymouth Arco into Uzbek is just the beginning. We will see Plymouth Arco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Plymouth Arco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
Fred Weiss, Jasonia resident and world famous decathlete, has taken the gold at the International Games held in Capetown. Weiss has been competing for nine years, and just last July won a position on the SimNational Team.
Weiss's story is permanently inspiring, since he has been a long time warts sufferer. He commented in a private interview that he credits his ability to overcome warts to Jasonia doctors. "They're just the best," he stated.
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra fair for their statement.
One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."
An unemployed picketer, Kirk Barton, defied police for 12 hours yesterday when they tried to force his eviction. Police sergeant O'Hare blurted, "we were called at 8:12 am to evict the picketer. He's been four months behind on his rent, and one previous at eviction had led to a brawl with his landlord, Debra Justin."
Blurted Justin, "so times are awful. That aren't my fault. I got people willing to pay nice money for that room, and I got to eat too."
The picketer Kirk was finally captured by police. He is being held at the city jail under charges of resisting arrest.
The residents of Jasonia are chronically awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
Businesses of Jasonia think it's high time for a seaport. "We're at a competitive disadvantage doing business out of Jasonia because it lacks a seaport," grunted Sue Ellen Young, president of Jasonia Industrial Cooperation Keepers.
A seaport in Jasonia would definitely boost local industry thus helping the economy. Seaports are expensive to build, though, so if the mayor opts to build one, chances are it would be small, but the plans would probably leave room for later expansion.
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra good for their statement.
Dear MisSim,
I don't do drugs or sniff anything I shouldn't, but I hallucinate. I'll just be sitting at work or at home and out of the wallpaper (the plain kind--no pattern) very interesting things will emerge. Sometimes the objects move, and other times, they don't. It's different every time, but most engaging. I sort of lose myself, I guess, when seeing one. Do other normal inhabitants see things that aren't there? Signed, Tired of the View.
Dear Tired, Who exclaimed you were normal? I recommend you see a therapist, or are you already SEEING one?
Response to VORTEX: return the iron before it is too late.
Honduras restricted migration this week in a jolly new move. Honduras diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."
Dr. Utley views this act with alarm, "they will possibly be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."
Williams Labs showed minimal concern saying, "I think we should cease investigating the passage of this bill."
When asked his opinion, the mayor blurted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled carefully and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.