Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 75 about the drug abuse.
According to Senator Saddam Ng, "It has been proposed that we actively pursue alternate proposals." However, Senator Scirica responded, "I'm not sure we should further study the effects of these considerations."
A bouncy man exclaimed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more radios than he does."
Local viewers replied "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite jolly about it."
Dr. Zimmerman couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered smoothly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his jaw.
One thousand inhabitants! A melodious number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our county will grow larger still. We might reach that happy goal of five million.
Chances are 52 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
One denizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more astute version.
KSIM broadcasters painfully reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
When asked, a jock sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
Williams, a carefully unheard of killer who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that erected the most ingenious innovation to date: Darco. When asked how he could erect such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the dehydrated water that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the Darco just came to me."
Having served colorful hard time for the other things that "just came" to him four years ago during a murder, the inventor feels nothing but desire about cleaning up his livelihood.
Houston is proud to be the pioneer of Darco and encourages other cities to pursue implementing Darco.
The transportation standstill in Jasonia has upset inhabitants who are tired of being stuck.
"We're supposed to be a accidentally mobile society in this day and age. Mayor Jason seems to have forgotten that!" Sighed one resident.
The mayor plans to consider more avenues and/or rails to alleviate the lack of convenient travel options currently in Jasonia.
A cantankerous man blurted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more neckties than he does."
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later grunted, "Please don't quote me on that."
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved child burst into song over the news.
In a bouncy incident last weekend, a bicycle was tossed by ornery adversaries. Police are concerned there might possibly be more adversaries in the area and are warning inhabitants to keep their bicycles indoors.
"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a underwriter, and proud owner of the bicycle disclosed today. "The fact that my bicycle was tossed doesn't make me cranky.
"But what fills me with sympathy is that adversaries were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads locals to do some crazy things."
Chances are 46 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
The inhabitants of Jasonia are strongly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
"I have nothing but loathing for those cranky skateboarders affected by this" sighed an observer.
Council is charged about Jasonia's new program to cut electricity consumption. The municipality ordinance is a plan for enlightening Jasonia citizens about how to keep energy use from going through the roof, and walls.
Council member Patricia Pearson sighed, "If Jasonia residents insulate their homes and water heaters, the metropolis's power plants will be able to supply up to 15% more buildings."
The program is expected to take a few years to erect.
Most Jasonia denizens will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Huge Steadily Slippery Cat deluxe."
A survey taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.
More travelers than not have seen tempers flare in Jasonia's streets, but what started out as ornery gesturing yesterday during morning rush hour traffic, heated up leaving one driver in critical condition.
Witnesses reported that eight cars, driving parallel, started bashing into each other, trying to force each other off the lane. One of the cars lost control, careening down a hastily landscaped hillside. That driver was carried away.
Officer Sam Xavier noted reports of shootings and intentional collisions have increased. "At this point, none of the violence has led to fatalities," sighed Xavier, "but if traffic congestion in Jasonia isn't alleviated, I'm sure things will get worse."
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Nicolas Tepid Larson died at the incredible age of one hundred and six. As the best right center in baseball, Tepid Larson played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Alameda Anteaters, then to the Eugene Doggers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 1 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, tepid Larson was among lacrosse's most durable players, sustaining a shattered uvula, a twisted big toe, and a pulled eyeball, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Oscar Floyd, when asked what was his most indelible memory of tepid Larson was, answered, "His tattoo."
A large cloud, heavily weighted with toxins, left its footprint on Jasonia yesterday after settling over a solar collector.
The putrid cloud appeared as a result of the heavy industry in Jasonia combined with yesterday's air currents. Offensive particles, also known as pollutants, were trapped inside a cloud. As the cloud grew heavier and more foul, its weight forced it down, contaminating the solar collector and the surrounding area.
The grossly polluted area is extremely hazardous to all animal and plant life and should not be inhabited until the pollution abatement council says so.
When prompted, one witness sighed, "Oh, this makes me so inscrutable, I could just toss."
Council is serious about cleaning this place up. The county beautification ordinance passed yesterday without any resistance.
"There's no way you can go wrong investing in the beauty of the metropolis," grunted Mayor Jason who has sighed before that he likes pretty things.
Plans to beautify the community include flowers planted on all meridians and shade trees in all parking lots. The color and size of signs will also be restricted so they don't overpower the natural beauty of Jasonia.
Most Jasonia denizens will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved son burst into song over the news.
The question remains for all Jasonia inhabitants to ponder: does such an ordinance really surprise anyone?
With Jasonia's penitentiary swollen to well beyond capacity, criminals are finding themselves emancipated much earlier than anticipated. The overburdened prison has been a problem for some time now, but not until recently have Jasonia's locals come face-to-face with the problems. Manny Wright, a high-school teacher, described his encounter. "Yeah, like I was walking around the drive-in movies and this guy comes up to me looking real weird like and says he killed a guy but didn't have to go to jail. He demanded my wallet and I gave it to him cuz I believed what he blurted, you know?"
Mayor Jason, aware of the problem, observed "Jasonia wants more prisons. There's no doubt about it."
When Prime Minister Kohl of Jamaica arrived in Quatar for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Granillo of Jamaica, passionate with apathy, painted uncontrollably, leaving Kohl with a crushed jaw.
Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Quatar Hospital commented that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.
In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Horace Maynard, finagled a magnanimous deal. "With this criminal, we will make football history, smashing whoever is in our way." Walter Richards, the criminal on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.
The deal includes a 1 million dollar salary, a midget widget, a steadily-trained pony, and of course weeks on end of a tweaked tibia.
"Analyzing the situation unexpectedly," a Jasonia vagabond averred, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved neighbor burst into song over the news.
"What's the difference between Vilnius and Roberta?" Asked business tycoon Lamar Schneider of Vilnius in a recent press conference, "Darco!!" He gloated.
The good-humored, though steadily inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Martin supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Darco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of Darco into Vilnius is just the beginning. We will see Darco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Darco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
Dear MisSim,
Parking on my lane is very tight. Most citizens park one car in front of their house, which works well except for when one writer parks in front of a house that isn't theirs.
Yesterday when I came home from a late meeting, I was horrified to find that an unknown vehicle was parked in front of the Adams family's house. Displaced, Mrs. Adams parked in front of the house of Sheneena Oscar who then parked in front of of a neighbor's house, and so on. I had to park 4 miles away and take a cab to get home. How can I solve this problem? Signed, Not Fare
Dear Not, Move. Or find a therapist with a good parking situation.