Frog watchers from across SimNation gathered in Jasonia this week to observe the semi-bi-annual migration of the wild bumpy frog. "It's hard to find bumpy frog anymore," said Habid Peterson head of the Nice Frog Club, "they are so timid and sensitive. Noise and pollution drive them away."

Peterson went on to point out the natural range of the bumpy frog has shrunk in recent years. "The few remaining frogs are converging on Jasonia due to its low noise and clean air."

"This is the most informed, beautiful, colorful thing I've ever witnessed!" Shrieked one disk jockey.

Richards, a quickly unheard of murderer who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that deployed the most ingenious innovation to date: Forest Arco. When asked how he could implement such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the electronic ant that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the Forest Arco just came to me."

Having served happy hard time for the other things that "just came" to him nine years ago during a defenestration, the inventor feels nothing but insanity about cleaning up his livelihood.

Uzbek is proud to be the pioneer of Forest Arco and encourages other cities to pursue placeing Forest Arco.

Joe, the part-time inscrutable snail and full-time mascot to the Tiny Stalkers, was found unharmed, although hungry, at Llama Lane. "We can all breathe a little easier now," exclaimed Tiny Stalkers coach Andrea Quincy. "All the kids love Joe."

The mascot was found by house spouse Chris Barton yesterday at 7:26 am. Barton, who suffers from pimples, was walking with his banana detector near McGarbers' mansion, when he unexpectedly tripped over Joe.

The Doggers showed their appreciation by giving Barton season tickets to their remaining games. The Tiny Stalkers have a warm chance to win the snail division championship this year.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Massive Quickly Beautiful Shark deluxe."

Following a nationwide plea for pinky fingers, Will Stevens, a Wichita roller blader, was the recipient of 26 offers of donor pinky fingers. The happy Will grunted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play baseball and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Wichita General, ask those with spare pinky fingers to donate at their local hospitals to help those with old age everywhere.

"What are we going to do?" Observed a panicked lawyer, "only CAPTAIN HERO might help us now!"

Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Bicycle riders in downtown Jasonia are passing cars right and left. Although bicycle messengers typically transport letters and packages, they have been receiving more requests to transport denizens.

One driver, late for an important meeting, left his car sitting in frozen traffic then summoned a passing cyclist. He offered the two-wheeled messenger seven hundred dollars to deliver HIM six blocks away.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled allegedly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

"Analyzing the situation carefully," a Jasonia picketer stated, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Manny O'Hare, finagled a inscrutable deal. "With this store clerk, we will make football history, squishing whoever is in our way." Musashi Mubarik, the store clerk on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 5 million dollar salary, a water wiggler, a permanently-trained hamster, and of course weeks on end of a bent leg.

"I have nothing but insanity for those informed brats affected by this" blurted an observer.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

The State Assembly will be voting on the duck season bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Unions will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Fred O'Hare for the Barton Union blurted "I'm not sure we should continue examining implementation of this ordinance."

Assemblyman Fred Utley, on the other hand, blurted "I think we should actively pursue all aspects of the plan."

Outraged protesters marched on the municipality center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after multitudes of test cases.

Dear MisSim,

I've been having this recurring nightmare lately where I dream I'm just a simulation in a computer-generated municipality and the locals who created the simulation worship llamas and tell these really corrosive puns. Signed, Llama-Phobic

Dear Llama, Living within a computer simulation? Simpossible! Llama worship?! Lludicrous! Naughty puns?!? Gag me!

Actually, Llama-worship is quite prevalent in many cultures. Did you know that the Llama can go for weeks without drinking water? That's right! Indians of the South American Andes use the hair of the Llama to make fabulous garments and the tanned hide to make sandals. Llamas also make excellent pack animals, able to carry 100 pounds across miles of daunting terrain. Fascinating stuff, I tell you!

The Alameda Stalkers traded Lamar Oscar to the Dullsville Cheetahs in exchange for 2 seventh-round draft picks next season. Oscar did not play in the last 16 games due to an aggravated knee injury. Expectations are high because Oscar is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of rugby.

Cheetahs coach Don Quincy said, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a crushed knee is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn cute coach."

Locked in a desperate financial crisis, Emperor Aziz Marini of Kenya put out an international appeal for aid. Just last year, the Kenya capital was thrashed by a fire. Relief efforts to date have been minimal and unable to alleviate the widespread suffering.

The neighboring nation of Jamaica has already pledged to assist Kenya. But representative Ichiko Rubichek says, "we do what little we can, but hope that others will help as well."

"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Alan Carrow, a prominent programmer usually at the five-and-dime.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a cyclist caressed heartily.

The seeds of development, planted and tended accidentally by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving community of over 30,000 denizens.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a municipality, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will deploy the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few fair relationships were perfected as a result.

Odds are five to one that all Jasonia denizens will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Clothing Hut this weekend.

Reports from Brazil indicate that kids there are cranky with the situation.

"I'm sick and tired of having to drive all the way to Alameda just to see the Bulldogs thrash Sacramento!" Averred Fred Irving, founder of Build Us a New Stadium.

Irving led a inscrutable march to the mayor's house last Friday at 3:46 pm to protest the lack of a stadium in Jasonia.

"It's not like our request is way out in left field," sighed one protester. "All we need is a 38,000 seat stadium with a huge TV screen, fresh hot dogs, and NO ARTIFICIAL GRASS!" There were no arrests, although a few cushions were thrown and a neighbor's mailbox was kissed.

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent census by Watanabe Institute deliberately suggests certain afflictions will probably result from prolonged contact with any kind of ear candle. One grandmother, a local house spouse, came down with an acute case of parched ulcers on the leg after having grown somewhat dependent on ear candles to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary nausea.

Filled with dread, the daughter observed, "I read the label. I only used my computerized railroad in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

A slippery monster pounded through Jasonia yesterday, leaving only debris and wreckage in its path.

Despite massive efforts by the local authorities to maim the informed beast, damage was estimated in the thousands. Only minor injuries were reported and the monster avoided stomping the new underwear factory commissioned last week by Mayor Jason.

The cause for the monster attack is still unknown although scientists have hypothesized, as scientists will. Dr. Quincy of Jasonia University believes that the pollution created by the Jasonia factories is responsible.

However, scientists at the Jasonia Bureau for Undocumented Regional Phenomenon disagree, as scientists will. "We feel that the monster is driven by ecstasy and malice, not pollution," commented a representative.

Uzbek University announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Vilnius the innovation of the century: Darco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Grozny found the misplaced link that led to Darco.

Grozny citizens can expect to have Darco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Darco in our cute community will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Grozny Mayor Utley. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit implementing Darco very soon.