"We want to pump as many dollars as possible into Jasonia's economy. Strategic spending on tourism advertising will give us the publicity we request to attract vacationers," blurted councilman Nicolas Gumbolt, the bill's strongest proponent.

Denizens can anticipate the metropolis taking a renewed interest in building and maintaining attractions within the community. Council members sighed they understood that spending on tourism advertising "is just plain stupid" if a county doesn't have the right attractions.

This reporter was unavailable for comment but might grow conversant in the presence of dough.

On the local radio station KSIM, ant-ranchers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of trepidation to life."

Most Jasonia residents will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.

Pfsr. Davis, the renowned inventor of the electric spoon has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After five years of painstaking research, Dr. Davis has invented fusion power.

Generally being installed in Davis's home metropolis, scientists predict that fusion power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the municipality should be obvious," declares Dr. O'Hare.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Davis mentioned his research into simulated citys and peacefully predicted results for later this decade.

Three citizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

When Presidente Hoffermeyer of France arrived in Iraq for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Sadat of France, passionate with fear, painted uncontrollably, leaving Hoffermeyer with a crushed finger.

Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Iraq Hospital stated that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.

With the embassy infiltrated by fanatics in Kenya, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of fanatics across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the doctors' attention who, fanatics assert, have suppressed locals' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.

Not all the fanatics enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."

"Lover, fighter, wise guy, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few sweet relationships were produced as a result.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Adam Irving, finagled a sulky deal. "With this priest, we will make soccer history, pounding whoever is in our way." Andrea Carrow, the priest on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 3 million dollar salary, a dehydrated water, a mildly-trained raccoon, and of course weeks on end of a crushed tail-bone.

On the local radio station KSIM, disk jockeys ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of fear to life."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this avid reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

In a SimNation census, Jasonia ranked 116th in shoplifting, just below Eugene. This makes us the safest city nationwide for shoplifting. "Wowzers are we ever pleased at this fair news," averred police chief Sam Xavier, "and don't think we're gonna stop here. Jasonia has it's eye on defenestration as well."

Residents danced in the roads after dark last Thursday night to celebrate the low, low crime rate. Part of the festivities called for party-goers to walk home alone, just to drive the point home.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

One observer witnessed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Dear MisSim,

I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I request, and the money's great.

My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee

Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really cute guy. Call me for his number.

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent poll by Hamburg University shamelessly suggests certain afflictions could probably result from prolonged contact with any kind of solar flypaper. One cousin, a local officer, came down with an acute case of inscrutable earwax build-uppus on the kidney after having grown somewhat dependent on solar flypapers to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary desire.

Filled with dread, the grandfather exclaimed, "I read the label. I only used my computerized railroad in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing community to a bustling city. With a population of over 10,000, the community has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be implemented, standing momentarily as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

"Analyzing the situation lustily," a Jasonia writer sighed, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Local celebrity Kirk Edward was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really kill my career!"

Terrorized at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few warm relationships were produced as a result.

Sarah Adams of the Nurses United to Treat the Sick held a press conference last night in which they announced their plans to strike. Adams cited the lack of adequate facilities as the main reason for the strike. "There aren't enough hospitals around. We just can't treat locals this way!"

The nurse, trembling with dread added, "Our members are working double-shifts just to keep up with the crushed fibula patients, let alone the poor surfer dudes with delusions."

Denizens attending the press conference opened a grueling debate with cutting remarks. Overall, they agreed with Pearson, urging Mayor Jason to build more medical facilities.

Local viewers responded "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite cantankerous about it."

Council is charged about Jasonia's new program to cut electricity consumption. The metropolis ordinance is a plan for enlightening Jasonia residents about how to keep energy use from going through the roof, and walls.

Council member Bonnie Briant stated, "If Jasonia citizens insulate their homes and water heaters, the city's power plants will be able to supply up to 15% more buildings."

The program is expected to take a few years to implement.

A lucky woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia demands. Hats off to the council!"

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had corrosive meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

A report of 69 denizens indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Chris, the part-time inscrutable pony and full-time mascot to the Puny Thrashers, was found unharmed, although hungry, at the five-and-dime. "We can all breathe a little easier now," observed Puny Thrashers coach Sarah Matthews. "All the kids love Chris."

The mascot was found by biochemist Cletus O'Hare yesterday at 1:34 am. O'Hare, who suffers from old age, was walking with his foghorn detector near Carrow Street, when he judiciously tripped over Chris.

The Anteaters showed their appreciation by giving O'Hare season tickets to their remaining games. The Puny Thrashers have a warm chance to win the pony division championship this year.

"What are we going to do?" Said a panicked ant-rancher, "only CAPTAIN HERO will possibly help us now!"

An earthquake measuring 3.2 on the Richter scale rumbled Jasonia in the early morning hours. The quake, centered in Manchester, 78 miles east of Jasonia, caused extensive damage and 52 deaths.

The stadium was damaged, annoying many denizens close to it. Reports so far suggest the damage to be in the thousands of dollars.

Multitudes of stores, including the new Jennifer's Tea Accessories, confirmed that items fell off of shelves, thus breaking a lot of inventory, and the current trend of slow-moving inventory.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Alan Peterson, finagled a melodious deal. "With this house spouse, we will make football history, squishing whoever is in our way." Cletus Briant, the house spouse on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 3 million dollar salary, a dinosaur repellent, a generally-trained frog, and of course weeks on end of a twisted ankle.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Gigantic Terribly Crusty Snail deluxe."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this bouncy reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Do you mind city Taxes:

Julie Maynard: "it really stresses me out after work when I have to get to my son's day care because they charge $1 for each minute after six o'clock. That can lead to very expensive traffic jams!"

Francis Greene: "I think if inhabitants could see exactly where their tax dollars were going, they'd be more receptive to giving cash away. As it is, I don't see the benefits from handing over my lucre."

Sue Ellen Carrow: "yeah, they're a little high. It seems to me municipality management is a little top heavy. That's gotta cost us."

Guy Perry: "yes, we are taxed way too high for what we get. I don't think we're making out very well in this deal."

Kirk Schneider: "federal taxes, state taxes, municipality taxes--they all suck!"

Suzie Young: "yeah, but after I got out of jail I straightened out."