Many teenagers are joining the labor pool at an early age. Councilman Manny Justin first noticed it when his fifteen year old son got a job at Cow Burgers. He didn't think anything unusual until he discovered that his son was earning more than minimum wage.

Since this revelation, Councilman Justin has been examining the business boom that is sucking up labor. "Full employment is of course cute, but it brings its own problems with it." Justin pointed out that business and industry alike might have to restrict growth until the number of Jasonia workers expands.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after swarms of test cases.

Kids everywhere halted spitefully at the news. "Holy Toledo! I just can't believe it," averred one.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Joe Jones, the Adana Cheetahs broke a 2 game losing streak last night in Adana. When asked about the victory, Adana Coach Roger Verner exclaimed, "A few of our players had been going through a terrible period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Jones couldn't contain his concern. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so avid, I could kiss our crawdad of a coach on his arm and dance till the sun comes up." Jones's father seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

When prompted, one witness noted, "Oh, this makes me so carefree, I might just clean."

The avid Helmut Ng litigation was ruled on last Saturday as a test case of the voter rights issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Taylor, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "It seems to me like a fair idea to take immediate action on deployment of this ordinance."

Leagues were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR requests."

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had foul meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Teachers everywhere attacked painfully at the news. "Well buy me a Cadillac and call me Elvis! I just can't believe it," blurted one.

One inhabitants out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

The Llamas won the rumble last night against the Cherry Point Stalkers, but may have lost the war as utility player Mick Greene was out after injuring his eyeball. "He won't be playing soccer for 15 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Andrew Edward.

Greene tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed llamas in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 2 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" blurted Nicolas Larson, Greene's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

"I have nothing but apathy for those sulky doctors affected by this" blurted an observer.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later sighed, "Please don't quote me on that."

Jasonia's industries can no longer ship out their goods on mule back. They demand sturdy highways and rail lines to connect Jasonia to neighboring cities.

Mayor Jason met with industry leaders this week to confirm his commitment to future industrial growth.

The Jasonia Beautification Council, a accidentally formed denizens group, has expressed concern that industrial expansion will destroy the pastoral atmosphere of Jasonia,possibly ruining tourism.

Industrial magnate Horace Floyd has met this charge with a public statement on behalf of Jasonia industries. "We demand to see everyone working. But we also love our city and will work hard to maintain its grace and happyness."

The recent meltdown of a reactor at Jasonia's nuclear power plant has refueled the debate Jasonia citizens grew hot over years ago when voting on how to power the municipality.

The radioactive fallout, which has sent 10 residents to the hospital so far, is exactly what dissidents feared could happen with a nuclear power plant.

"Inhabitants who think nuclear power is a viable power alternative painfully aren't looking with open eyes," exclaimed Ms. Perry, a long time Jasonia resident. Not everyone shares her sentiment, however. "We encounter potentially hazardous things everyday. Let's just make sure we take the necessary precautions," Yuki Watanabe, an employee of Charlie's Feed Store, observed glowingly.

Citizens will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.

These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.

The incident reminded this reporter of a warm biochemist he once knew who used to maim dictaphones.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Giant Strongly Slippery Pony deluxe."

Pfsr. Utley announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Alexandria the innovation of the century: water treatment plants. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Turkestan found the misplaced link that led to water treatment plants.

Turkestan citizens can expect to have water treatment plants as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having water treatment plants in our pleasant city will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Turkestan Mayor Lloyd. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit erecting water treatment plants very soon.

Dear MisSim,

I have a great relationship with the perfect man. I mean PERFECT! My boyfriend, who I'll call Will, gives me flowers, compliments me, is very attentive, is well groomed, has a great job and is very loving and gentle. We've been dating for 1 year now and I can't find anything wrong with him.

He proposed to me, but my instincts tell me to be cautious. Am I being crazy? Signed, Too Good To Be True

Dear Too Good, Follow your instincts. Every man is human. Something's got to be wrong. I suggest dating until you identify his problem, then marry him.

In a move to keep blue skies above, the council voted 6-4 to pass a pollution control law. The measure is not expected to generally impact the air quality in Jasonia, but it will have a slight cleansing effect.

Not all council members favored the decision. Lamar Schneider argued, "Pollution laws are just one more reason industry could choose to operate elsewhere."

Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new city program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.

The residents of Jasonia are reportedly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Residents overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them strongly for the decision.

Following a nationwide plea for knees, Theodore Scirica, a Dullsville writer, was the recipient of 45 offers of donor knees. The jolly Theodore exclaimed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Dullsville General, ask those with spare knees to donate at their local hospitals to help those with indigestion everywhere.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Humongous Momentarily Funky Snake deluxe."

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few sweet relationships were produced as a result.

At a recent school board meeting, a teachers reiterated the need for more support. "If our schools don't get the attention they demand, I know a lot of parents who will be mighty provoked."

School superintendent Peterson told the teachers that the assistance they demanded will possibly be forthcoming. He acknowledged that their request for supplying books to students has merit and he reminisced about having been booked himself while in grade school.

A jolly teacher stated at a recess, "I can't comment on Peterson's criminal past except that if he has one, maybe he has more contacts to help get our schools in shape!"

"We want to pump as many dollars as possible into Jasonia's economy. Strategic spending on tourism advertising will give us the publicity we request to attract vacationers," grunted councilman Kirk Schneider, the bill's strongest proponent.

Locals can anticipate the city taking a renewed interest in building and maintaining attractions within the town. Council members commented they understood that spending on tourism advertising "is just plain stupid" if a metropolis doesn't have the right attractions.

The passage of this bill will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. Only time will tell.

Chances are 77 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

A report of 70 citizens indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

More ghastly news to report for the locals of Kenya. Insurgent fascits continue to make good on threats to shell the airbase. Using unconventional not to mention inexcusable means involving carefully-trained parrots and molybdenum cans, the cranky group occupied their target.

Thor Lesser, owner of Greenback's Bank and vice president of the Jasonia chapter of the International hypertension Committee, is collecting food and lucre for affected victims of hypertension in Kenya. Donations might possibly be brought to Leningrad Broiled Chicken at Richards Street overpass, across the avenue from the dark alley with the twisted sign post.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later commented, "Please don't quote me on that."

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Thomas has developed fusion power. Innsbruk Mayor Guthrie has presented the professor with the key to the city to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Thomas wisely denied responsibility and placed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Innsbruk University President Peterson is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With fusion power to our credit, especially the way it will help our inhabitants, Innsbruk University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"