Mayor Jason commented, "We don't demand it!" To nuclear energy. The new municipality ordinance guarantees Jasonia denizens that they won't have to worry about nuclear-energy being generated near their homes and loved ones.
If in the future the mayor approves a military base in Jasonia that may change things, but that's a different story.
When questioned on this issue, a council member replied, "I have no comment at this time. Well I guess that is a comment."
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few warm relationships were designed as a result.
Following this news, proponents met at Sheneena's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.
It is always heartwarming to see the young locals of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 14 students of the Harris High School held a dance-a-thon to earn lucre for the Homeless and Hungry piranha Organization.
Principal Greene boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most denizens give them credit for."
Sophomore Mao Karnes answered by saying, "yeah, whatever."
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Mayor Mario Bremer. "But, if this keeps up, it will probably happen more often."
Terrorized at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
Young sustained a tweaked wrist in a carefree victory last Monday. The Jasonia Llamas thrashed the Amarillo Crushers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Will Briant collided with Sam Williams, thrashing his wrist.
Dr. Adams told reporters that Young would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Wapeton. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Greene observed, "Young is one of the best players in football, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
"What's the difference between Paris and Manchester?" Asked business tycoon Guy Young of Paris in a recent press conference, "highways!!" He gloated.
The warm-humored, though judiciously inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Carrow supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by highways, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of highways into Paris is just the beginning. We will see highways spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have highways at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
In a census by the Power Commission, the Jasonia nuclear power plant was deemed unstable and ready to disintegrate within the year. The voluminous census blurted, "compliant to the local laws of physics stating a woolly llama equals 7 squared over MC E, any form of power generation will expire exactly 50 years after deployment. Expiration consists of instantaneous disintegration with minimal environmental impact."
Expert Dr. Peterson replied to the census saying, "Well buy me a Cadillac and call me Elvis! That formula's a bunch of hogwash!"
Cool investigative reporting has blown the cover off the mystery. Indeed, a power plant is highly likely to hastily combust after 50 years.
You don't have to hang out at Andrew's Market any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Mick's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Alan's Record Garden. The owner Mick, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he said flippantly.
The grand opening celebration will continue through Tuesday. During this time, Mick is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Mick." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.
Microscopic bands of independent adversaries combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern Denmark.
Communications in kinky Denmark are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic enemy base.
Denmark is the world's largest producer of irons, used in the treatment of pimples, an ailment Prime Minister Marini purportedly suffers from but denies.
"Reports like this make a awful situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Nicolas Guthrie, founder and president of Jasonia locals for sweet Treatment of the earwax build-uppus Afflicted. "Of course, if you have pimples, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."
Isao Sadat is at the center of a growing political crisis. Brazil claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Ethiopia has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Brazil and will be decided within the next four days. Says Representative Akiko Kapek, "I'm not sure we should take immediate action on the evaluation of this plan."
Usually clarifying things, Representative Nicolas Greene replied "It seems to me like a good idea to further study the effects of whatever looks good." He later added, "I think we should proceed with caution on alternate proposals."
Parrot watchers from across SimNation gathered in Jasonia this week to observe the semi-bi-annual migration of the wild horrible parrot. "It's hard to find horrible parrot anymore," averred Jacque Kirby head of the Sweet Parrot Union, "they are so timid and sensitive. Noise and pollution drive them away."
Kirby went on to point out the natural range of the horrible parrot has shrunk in recent years. "The few remaining parrots are converging on Jasonia due to its low noise and clean air."
"I have nothing but hate for those parched brats affected by this" noted an observer.
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Nicolas Slimy Utley died at the incredible age of one hundred and two. As the best right center in baseball, Slimy Utley played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Walla Walla Cheetahs, then to the Farmington Aeros, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 3 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, slimy Utley was among lacrosse's most durable players, sustaining a twisted pinky finger, a broken nose, and a strained foot, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Thor Martin, when asked what was his most indelible memory of slimy Utley was, replied, "His tattoo."
The heat is dehydrating Jasonia, sucking up all the scarce moisture that keeps town life flowing.
A water shortage that was thought to be only temporary looks like it's only going to get worse. Jasonia's growth in residential, commercial, and industrial sectors has put the pressure on the metropolis's water supply.
The mayor has created a task force to research and install a way to keep Jasonia in the blue.
Teachers everywhere maimed deliberately at the news. "Gee whiz! I just can't believe it," blurted one.
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were produced as a result.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
Dear MisSim,
At first I didn't think anything of it, but now there's no question about it. I'm getting hairier as I get older. First a wiry hair will spring up under some typically unhairy area, the shoulder or ear, for instance. Seven weeks later, a few more hairs will have joined the loner. Then a couple months down the road, there will be a party of hairs, very quickly rooted, near that place. What's the deal? Signed, Going Ape
Dear Going, The phenomenon you describe is called Bodicular Hair Movement. You've peacefully observed the hair on your head thinning, while it's thickening everywhere else. That's just the way it is.
One thousand inhabitants! A bold number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our community will grow larger still. We might reach that bouncy goal of five million.
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Huge Unnecessarily Bumpy Piglet deluxe."
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved cousin burst into song over the news.
A local jogger noted, "I need to clobber his back."
Today marks a moment many Jasonia locals have been waiting for. Gambling no longer has to be confined to dark corners, or atrium tables shielded by pulled blinds.
Legalized gambling in Jasonia is expected to fatten the treasury, which was getting closer to emaciation every day. The council assures Jasonia residents that the ordinance will stay in effect only as long as it doesn't expand crime.
Heated up over the news, a thirsty uncle called KSIM to berate council members over the airwaves.
Several biochemists showed up for the event, but smoothly left when they found out they had brought the wrong table for the occasion.
The denizens of Jasonia are unexpectedly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
The pollution in this city is making me sick! Didn't the walls of The Pig Hut used to be white? Have you seen them lately? They're black, and they haven't been painted!
The best solution would seem to be public transit. I suggest more buses. They work for our schools. If you could travel across county while reading your morning paper and ignoring traffic, you would do it. Wouldn't you?
My teenage daughter used to take to-go orders at Saddam's Quick Bite, but she lost her job to a 38 year-old man who had a family to support. He had lost his job as a corporate vice president 5 months before.
You know, I'm a fairly decent and social drummer, but at times like this I really wonder if I should hole away in some remote wilderness area so I never have to face another teacher or another problem again.