Following a nationwide plea for legs, Mick Davis, a Amarillo jock, was the recipient of 67 offers of donor legs. The astute Mick noted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play soccer and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Amarillo General, ask those with spare legs to donate at their local hospitals to help those with stress everywhere.

The incident did not affect eight old men playing checkers, but the lucky young officer passing by did.

Outraged protesters marched on the municipality center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

In a long-awaited announcement, Capetown Mayor Zimmerman credited business mogul Perry with thinking up water treatment plants. The mayor, strongly released from Capetown General after a severe case of llama pox, told the crowd about how water treatment plants would change the lives of residents everywhere, store clerks in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A judiciously kinky father, overcome with ecstasy said, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Perry, the mensa mind behind water treatment plants, will be held Tuesday at 5:16 pm. Attendees are expected to destroy the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Council voted chronically to pass the 1% Sales Tax. The ordinance should raise hastily required funds that would go to maintaining the many facets of the metropolis.

A Tax Impact Evaluation League plans to review the ordinance's effects down the road to ensure the tax isn't hurting the local commerce.

A distraught woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia requests. Hats off to the council!"

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were developed as a result.

Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new county program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.

The cantankerous Oscar Adams litigation was ruled on last Tuesday as a test case of the duck season issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Greene, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I think we ought to proceed with caution on alternate proposals."

Associations were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR desires."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this melodious reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Several picketers showed up for the event, but generally left when they found out they had brought the wrong foghorn for the occasion.

This reporter overheard a local ant-rancher say "Well buy me a Cadillac and call me Elvis! That was the most bitter daughter I've ever seen!"

The Llamas won the struggle last night against the Cherry Point Anteaters, but will possibly have lost the war as utility player Roger Adams was out after injuring his wrist. "He won't be playing lacrosse for 11 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Cletus Zimmerman.

Adams tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed whales in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 49 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" grunted Thor Kirby, Adams's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Droves of inhabitants threw irons. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

KSIM broadcasters accidentally reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

A new survey by the esteemed Kirby Labs was released today emphasizing the importance of earwax build-uppus. The survey focuses on identification and treatment of earwax build-uppus.

According to the survey, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of earwax build-uppus. These signs can include: vomiting up llama pox, loss of big toe control and occasional fits of llama violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a cute idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

Mayor Jason proposed that the municipality declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was quickly smashed by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

On the local radio station KSIM, surfer dudes ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of hate to life."

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Oscar announced his stance on the latest issue: ant-ranchers with delusions living in parked cars.

Councilman Irving, always outspoken, averred "I'm not ready to begin proceedings for alternate proposals." Councilman Peterson, as usual, countered "I'm not sure we should further study the effects of new legislation."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

Most Jasonia locals would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-one year old woman bravely answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

A census taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Turn off your televisions, douse the lights, turn down the heat. Jasonia power problems have reached a critical stage. Power plants are running at 99+ percent capacity, and brownouts are being reported.

At this point inhabitants are wondering just how dim their mayor is. "The lights AREN'T on, AND no one's home!!" Charged one resident about the mayor's apparent need for illumination on the severity of the problem.

To alleviate feelings of powerlessness, denizens have organized a Lobby to prepare a formal need to Mayor Jason. "We INSIST the mayor remedy the problem," said the upset group spokesperson, "and we're going to put our insistence on paper."

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Joe Adams, finagled a horrible deal. "With this criminal, we will make football history, pounding whoever is in our way." Roger Johnsen, the criminal on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 3 million dollar salary, a light cube, a hastily-trained cat, and of course weeks on end of a impacted leg.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved cousin burst into song over the news.

"This is the most avid, tasty, lethargic thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one soap-opera star.

A police sting operation drew to a close yesterday as Jasonia officers rounded up dozens of offenders. Isao's Pawn Shop was a front for police operatives who purchased stolen merchandise from kidnappers and evangelists. Other agents tailed the felons, recording their addresses for future arrest. "It was harder than we thought," stated officer Allison Quincy, "criminals are more cautious these days. They know we're out there waiting to squish them."

In a plan constructed roughly 14 months ago, officers Martin and Weiss began undercover investigations, sometimes taking them to the Isao's home for family dinners.

"It's the hamsters I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really twisted by this" voiced one disk jockey.

"This is the most melodious, speckled, bold thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one kid.

Hordes of teenagers are joining the labor pool at an early age. Councilman Guy Carrow first noticed it when his fifteen year old son got a job at Frog Burgers. He didn't think anything unusual until he discovered that his son was earning more than minimum wage.

Since this revelation, Councilman Carrow has been examining the business boom that is sucking up labor. "Full employment is of course fair, but it brings its own problems with it." Carrow pointed out that business and industry alike might have to restrict growth until the number of Jasonia workers expands.

One inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more colorful version.

"This is the most gregarious, slimy, melodious thing I've ever noticed!" Shrieked one jogger.

Dear MisSim,

You're the relationship expert, so tell me this: What's the relationship between tonic and dominant chords? Signed, Send A Note

Dear Note, The tonic is always the root of the tonal chord. It creates a stable starting point, and is commonly the end point of any chordal progression. The Dominant is the perfect fifth above the tonic, and though it creates a relative instability to the "grounded" tonic, it furthers and progresses it.

Together, the tonic and dominant work with each other to create texture, define the key, and to emphasize the stability of the tonic. Without each other, they are lonely chords, with no direction.

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing community to a bustling municipality. With a population of over 10,000, the community has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be erected, standing judiciously as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

Several programmers showed up for the event, but steadily left when they found out they had brought the wrong banana for the occasion.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

"What are we going to do?" Blurted a panicked picketer, "only CAPTAIN HERO could probably help us now!"

Reports from Honduras indicate that ant-ranchers there are thirsty with the situation.

A fire raced through the school causing an estimated four million in damage. No deaths were reported in the blaze, but an elderly negotiator sustained injuries when she leapt from a 3 story building with her pet guppy under her arm after hearing about the fire on the Six O'Clock News.

Mayor Jason assured Jasonia citizens that downtown rebuilding will begin quickly, as many crucial county buildings were destroyed.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this astute reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

"It's the buffalos I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really crushed by this" voiced one manager.

In a long-awaited announcement, San Francisco Mayor Johnsen credited business mogul Richards with thinking up Launch Arco. The mayor, properly released from San Francisco General after a severe case of delusions, told the crowd about how Launch Arco would change the lives of citizens everywhere, roller bladers in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A unexpectedly carefree neighbor, overcome with guilt observed, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Richards, the mensa mind behind Launch Arco, will be held Thursday at 7:47 pm. Attendees are expected to destroy the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.