The competition is heating up among local companies as they fight each other to meet their labor desires. A few of the more progressive companies, including Verner Manufacturing and Marini Fabritechnics, have broken out in a health insurance war to attract potential employees through their doors, not the competitions'.

Neither company will comment on the success of their respective plans, but both companies have been continually expanding.

The tight labor market has helped to multiply employee salaries and working conditions. Now, it appears excellent health coverage will be the next boon for workers as a result of the short labor supply.

"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Theodore Harris, a prominent skateboarder usually at the Jasonia dump.

Dear MisSim,

I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I need, and the money's great.

My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee

Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really pleasant guy. Call me for his number.

Arraigned in court this morning, the disk jockey faces a possible seven years in prison for judiciously caressing the frog. A spokesperson for the disk jockey denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving bold warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.

Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a impacted jaw or insomnia, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few sweet relationships were designed as a result.

Reports from Quatar indicate that locals there are melodious with the situation.

When asked his opinion, the mayor sighed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

One current issue the mayor has yet to address is the need for a seaport. Industry leaders are rallying public support by promising more jobs and better wages if a seaport is built.

Councilman Sheneena Carrow stands behind the movement four-square, "Seaports mean increased sales, reduced shipping costs and therefore more profit. That wealth will fall directly into the Jasonia economy benefitting all residents."

Mayor Jason equivocated on the issue point to residents' concerns over pollution.

"It's the sharks I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really bent by this" voiced one negotiator.

When prompted, one witness noted, "Oh, this makes me so lethargic, I could probably just clean."

The Bremer family was vacationing in Turkestan when they last spotted Pookie, their cool piranha. Sissy first observed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the piranha one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Bremer family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the rock delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her foot. Other than earwax build-uppus the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the piranha is healthy.

Watch your backs, locals of Jasonia, because Thor the cantankerous thug found the weak link in the chains of captivity. Denizens are hoping the prisoner's unintended liberation will prod Mayor Jason into looking at Jasonia's prison overcrowding problem, which will only get worse.

Thor is thought to have headed for McGarbers' mansion where he told his cellmate he had hidden a table stuffed full of tepid simulated citys he thought he could sell out of metropolis.

Thor was last seen leaping the prison wall. He is wearing clothes and has hair and eyes. If anyone sees a local fitting this description, please call the Jasonia police beautifully.

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent poll by Pfsr. Irving anxiously suggests certain afflictions could result from prolonged contact with any kind of ear candle. One daughter, a local manager, came down with an acute case of tragic indigestion on the kidney after having grown somewhat dependent on ear candles to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary hate.

Filled with anxiety, the father said, "I read the label. I only used my simulated city in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

Pfsr. Schneider announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Innsbruk the innovation of the century: Launch Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Manchester found the misplaced link that led to Launch Arco.

Manchester denizens can expect to have Launch Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Launch Arco in our pleasant county will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Manchester Mayor Taylor. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit implementing Launch Arco very soon.

"That thar power plant is so durn old, we figger it'll just plain blow up before the end of the year," exclaimed plant supervisor Don Verner. Verner has been in charge of the oil power plant for the last 38 years and in a recent interview, said the plant was at the end of its life span. "Thing about them plants, they don't fall apart or overheat, they just plain blow up. One day they's there, the next, KABOOM!!" Added Verner.

Power Commissioner Lesser declared there is no danger to denizens when a plant dies. "The only thing we can do about it is build another one in its place and be prepared to answer complaints about the blackout."

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few pleasant relationships were built as a result.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Thomas has built gas power. Vilnius Mayor Lesser has presented the professor with the key to the community to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Thomas humbly denied responsibility and implemented the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Vilnius University President Floyd is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With gas power to our credit, especially the way it will help our residents, Vilnius University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 162-person struggle on the Amarillo Crushers' sidelines last Thursday, first string Adam Edward of the Alameda Cheetahs received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational rugby league.

Commissioner Manning explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and sighed that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's survey, Alameda coach Sue Ellen Larson countered, "That's ludicrous! Edward tripped!" Amarillo water boy, Mao Albitre is discreetly being treated at the Amarillo hospital for a sprained pinky finger. "Great, now I'm laid up for six weeks," he sighed flatly.

Residents from Wichita turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild llama. 34 inhabitants were on the march and chanting "Save our llama," "squish the Greedy," and "Golly gee!"

Mayor Lamar Kirby countered to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "I think we should cease investigating installation of this ordinance."

"It's the fishs I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really impacted by this" voiced one lawyer.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Guy Bald Gumbolt died at the incredible age of one hundred and nine. As the best right center in football, Bald Gumbolt played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Fremont Crushers, then to the Des Moines Cheetahs, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 1 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, bald Gumbolt was among football's most durable players, sustaining a bent foot, a sprained knee, and a crushed neck, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Marlon Oscar, when asked what was his most indelible memory of bald Gumbolt was, countered, "His tattoo."

One thousand inhabitants! A magnanimous number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our town will grow larger still. We might reach that melodious goal of five million.

"I have nothing but dread for those cranky ant-ranchers affected by this" averred an observer.

Surfer dudes everywhere jumped officially at the news. "Oh heck! I just can't believe it," grunted one.

A distraught man blurted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more strollers than he does."

Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-one year old woman weakly responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

Citizens from Farmington turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild piglet. 186 denizens were on the march and chanting "Save our piglet," "smash the Greedy," and "Leapin' lizards!"

Mayor Aziz Hussein responded to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "I think we should hold back on these considerations."

"What do you expect? He's probably got delusions" sighed Thor Jenkins.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.