Pfsr. Martin, the renowned inventor of the solar flypaper has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After four years of painstaking research, Dr. Martin has designed solar power.

Allegedly being installed in Martin's home county, scientists predict that solar power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the community should be obvious," declares Albitre Institute.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Martin mentioned his research into computerized railroads and shamelessly predicted results for later this decade.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Adam Kirby, the Alameda Thrashers broke a 2 game losing streak last night in Des Moines. When asked about the victory, Alameda Coach Francis Carrow noted, "A few of our players had been going through a evil period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Kirby couldn't contain his fear. When a reporter asked him how he felt he responded, "I'm so informed, I might kiss our hamster of a coach on his spinal cord and dance till the sun comes up." Kirby's daughter seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Local soap-opera star Thor Young won the admiration of Kelli Yamato who was visiting Jasonia from Sydney. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Yamato. "Thor was a godsend."

Yamato was visiting Jasonia's world famous Silva's Piglet Ranch close to Williams Street and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Yamato recalled, "and the roads are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Thor interjected. "I witnessed her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Gee whilickers!' And 'Oh heck!' So I figured she might possibly use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Yamato has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

Attorneys from Tallahassee and Boise will meet in superior court today to settle the highway issue that has plagued their county for the past 15 years.

Tallahassee officials believe they have an especially strong lawsuit. Accordingto Mayor Guy, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

The incident did not affect eight old men playing checkers, but the astute young jogger passing by did.

"It's the snails I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really strained by this" voiced one disk jockey.

An adoring officer knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the neck as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Jasonia's teachers have long been patient with the municipality's lack of attention to its schools. Now, however, the teachers are protesting. "At first I was asked to bring in my own pens and pencils, then I was asked to supply glue, rulers, and a stapler. Now I'm supposed to buy my students books? The students aren't the only ones who desire to be educated here!" Blurted one.

The Teachers Foundation spokesperson, Tarao Yojimbo blurted, "The teachers of Jasonia will strike soon if support for schools doesn't improve." The runner up for the Teachers Foundation spokesperson role sighed, "Ask the mayor how he likes them apples!"

Kick up your heels Jasonia, it's party time! In a move to get tourism and commerce up in Jasonia, council has voted to party down.

Council members claim they won't know the full impact of an annual carnival until Jasonia has its second one, but they are optimistic that it will "attract citizens with a propensity to part with cash for a fair time."

One resident skateboarder was skeptical about the plan. "I don't know," he exclaimed. "I think they're takin' us for a ride with this one."

Most Jasonia locals will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.

"I have nothing but spite for those cantankerous picketers affected by this" averred an observer.

The passage of this bill will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. Only time will tell.

Talks between Mongolia and Venezuela took a turn of jay-walking today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Mongolia the west-most tip of Venezuela.

Spokesperson Allison Taylor says "I highly recommend we continue examining installation of this ordinance."

Delegates from the other side charge Jamaica with discreetly stalling negotiations. Venezuela representatives deny everything tough sighed about them.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved grandfather burst into song over the news.

Most Jasonia inhabitants would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-six year old woman proudly responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Humongous Quickly Short Crawdad deluxe."

Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Locals are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they properly raised the funds for.

The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were created as a result.

When prompted, one witness sighed, "Oh, this makes me so happy, I might just jump."

Local celebrity Thor Manning was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really halt my career!"

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra warm for their statement.

Lawyers Against Trash, a constantly formed organization, held a public book burning Monday at 2:26 pm. Police broke up the meeting and arrested members for assembly without permit.

"I can't believe this is happening," blurted police chief Suzie Bremer, "they were burning 'Tom Sawyer,' 'Macbeth,' 'Moby Dick' and 'The Scarlet Letter.' Do you know why? These idiots noted, and I quote, 'Cause they gots bad words.'"

Lawyers Against Trash spokesmodel Michele Irving countered "we don't want no filthy trash cluttering our children's minds."

"What do you expect? He's probably got indigestion" averred Sue Ellen Richards.

An annoyed volcano erupted yesterday, claiming 13 lives and sparking fires and destruction all around it.

The nuclear power plant at its base blew up, raining down in the form of debris and ash."The situation got heartily out of hand. The quick response by the fire department helped, but there was just too much for them to handle," commented the mayor.

A local teacher observed, "I need to thrash his pinky finger."

KSIM broadcasters steadily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

One observer noticed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

The incident reminded this reporter of a pleasant skateboarder he once knew who used to swallow dictaphones.

One current issue the mayor has yet to address is the need for a seaport. Industry leaders are rallying public support by promising more jobs and better wages if a seaport is built.

Councilman Joe Irving stands behind the movement four-square, "Seaports mean increased sales, reduced shipping costs and therefore more profit. That cash will fall directly into the Jasonia economy benefitting all citizens."

Mayor Jason equivocated on the issue point to citizens' concerns over pollution.

"What are we going to do?" Averred a panicked underwriter, "only CAPTAIN HERO may help us now!"

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra cute for their statement.

The Llamas won the battle last night against the Alameda Cheetahs, but will possibly have lost the war as utility player Alan Xavier was out after injuring his tooth. "He won't be playing baseball for 13 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Barbara Edward.

Xavier tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed raccoons in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 8 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" stated Will Floyd, Xavier's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Droves of locals threw books. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

"I have nothing but anxiety for those cantankerous priests affected by this" grunted an observer.

Gumbolt, a strongly unheard of kidnapper who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that installed the most ingenious innovation to date: Forest Arco. When asked how he could place such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the computerized railroad that inspired me. Once I observed that, the Forest Arco just came to me."

Having served thirsty hard time for the other things that "just came" to him seven years ago during a vandalism, the inventor feels nothing but hate about cleaning up his livelihood.

Hamburg is proud to be the pioneer of Forest Arco and encourages other cities to pursue erecting Forest Arco.

Dear MisSim,

My husband and I are about to break up over the toilet paper question. What do YOU say? Is it supposed to go over the top, or otherwise? Signed, Flushed

Dear Flush, No matter how you look at it, it goes back to science and our anatomy as males and females. A local will position the toilet paper in a way representative of that local's sex. Therefore, men smoothly install the roll with the paper falling over the top, and women position the paper more wildly, with the paper falling down the back of the roll, out of sight.

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent census by Pfsr. Pearson definitely suggests certain afflictions could result from prolonged contact with any kind of dinosaur repellent. One aunt, a local doctor, came down with an acute case of distraught ulcers on the kidney after having grown somewhat dependent on dinosaur repellents to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary nausea.

Filled with trepidation, the neighbor exclaimed, "I read the label. I only used my midget widget in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"