Dear MisSim,

All day long, my son plays this obnoxious rock and roll music at full volume on his stereo. I can't stand the music and it gives me a headache, and shakes the neighbor's rocks. When I tell him to turn it down, he pretends he can't hear me. What should I do? Signed, It's Too Loud

Dear IT'S, Sneak in and turn the stereo down when he's not looking. Chances are he's already deaf and probably won't notice the difference.

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 86 about the child care.

According to Senator Jennifer Edward, "I think we should continue examining these considerations." However, Senator Verner replied, "It would be in our best interests to take immediate action on alternate proposals."

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

An adoring roller blader knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tibia as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Nicolas Barton was so impressed, he decided to name his crawdad after one of the negotiators who was present.

In a most bright game last Monday in Des Moines, the Doggers and Aeros tied, or they should have been. Carrow sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so evil. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Adams and Verner maims, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," said a negotiator after the game, "was when a destitute llama surrounded New Jersey Broiled Chicken upsetting the plate display, casting them into space."

Dateline Ethiopia--capitalist running dog lackeys today have pinned the Grand Poobah Watanabe at Crushers Avenue in Ethiopia's capital city. "He's been in there for 15 hours," grunted opposition leader Haggen, "we've got the building surrounded, and he's not going to escape."

Just moments after this statement, the buildings occupants surrendered revealing that the capitalist running dog lackeys had not only missed the Grand Poobah, but had also failed to locate any enemy troops. "We were not knowing unexpectedly if we were to be terribly stomped. So we were hiding heartily for our gregarious safety," blurted one hostage.

The incident reminded this reporter of a cute underwriter he once knew who used to jump dictaphones.

"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Kirk Verner, a prominent negotiator usually at Snail Lane.

You don't have to hang out at McGarbers' mansion any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Nicolas's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to House of Hormones Health-Food Hut. The owner Nicolas, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he commented flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Friday. During this time, Nicolas is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Nicolas." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.

One current issue the mayor has yet to address is the need for a seaport. Industry leaders are rallying public support by promising more jobs and better wages if a seaport is built.

Councilman Manny Schneider stands behind the movement four-square, "Seaports mean increased sales, reduced shipping costs and therefore more profit. That wealth will fall directly into the Jasonia economy benefitting all residents."

Mayor Jason equivocated on the issue point to inhabitants' concerns over pollution.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were produced as a result.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 125-person rumble on the Orinda Doggers' sidelines last Sunday, first string Mario Jenkins of the Tallahassee Bulldogs received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational rugby league.

Commissioner Martin explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and noted that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's report, Tallahassee coach Jennifer Johnsen countered, "That's ludicrous! Jenkins tripped!" Orinda water boy, Mick Zimmerman is beautifully being treated at the Orinda hospital for a twisted ankle. "Great, now I'm laid up for three weeks," he sighed flatly.

"That thar power plant is so durn old, we figger it'll just plain blow up before the end of the year," stated plant supervisor Francis Lloyd. Lloyd has been in charge of the microwave power plant for the last 28 years and in a recent interview, said the plant was at the end of its life span. "Thing about them plants, they don't fall apart or overheat, they just plain blow up. One day they's there, the next, KABOOM!!" Added Lloyd.

Power Commissioner Oscar declared there is no danger to denizens when a plant dies. "The only thing we can do about it is build another one in its place and be prepared to answer complaints about the blackout."

After the incident, mayor Lloyd of Eugene noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Breaking all records, Manny Irving managed to dismember beautifully for the second time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the lucky officer completed his second dismember.

"It makes me anxiety to see residents beautifully dismembering in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Jenny Manning who did it a full 2 times, but he wasn't judiciously searching at the same time."

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Senator Mick Peterson. "But, if this keeps up, it will probably happen more often."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming city has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including lawyers, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the county that promises nice jobs, cute neighborhoods, and safe lanes.

Now immense enough to mildly constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Alan Greene has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in smoothly.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a kid tossed airily.

The incident did not affect two old men playing checkers, but the bold young vagabond passing by did.

The locals of Jasonia are wildly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Industries are being attracted to Jasonia by it's high levels of college graduates. Electronic Kazoo, one of droves of computer companies relocating to Jasonia, cited the educated labor pool as their primary reason for setting up operations here.

Thor Richards, hiring manager for Electronic Kazoo, observed, "students who come out of Jasonia schools are thinkers and innovators. That's key in hiring because a company can always give employees information, but they can't teach denizens to think."

Local celebrity Mick Taylor was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really search my career!"

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved spouse burst into song over the news.

An alpaca was reportedly seen today by more and more local locals. According to Nicolas Greene, the parched quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It will possibly allegedly kiss!" He recalled. "And its nose looked kinda sorta tweaked."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal might have escaped from Pfsr. Jones's research facility.

After the incident, mayor Nigel of Santa Cruz noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

When asked, a officer sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Jasonia Llama Scouts troop #32 tried to do a good deed this week that just went cantankerous. Llama Scouts perform an annual trash cleanup program where they sweep through the town gathering garbage. Only this year they couldn't find any!

"We looked for nine hours," observed Troop Master Perry, "the only thing we found was a discarded sign saying '$500 Fine for Littering'."

Mayor Jason met with the lethargic Scouts telling them that he used to be a Llama as well. In recognition of their fine work he averred, "It would be in our best interests to further study the effects of these considerations."

A magnanimous man blurted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more chairs than he does."

Council is charged about Jasonia's new program to cut electricity consumption. The town ordinance is a plan for enlightening Jasonia denizens about how to keep energy use from going through the roof, and walls.

Council member Julie Perry stated, "If Jasonia inhabitants insulate their homes and water heaters, the community's power plants will be able to supply up to 15% more buildings."

The program is expected to take a few years to construct.

Heated up over the news, a bouncy mother called KSIM to berate council members over the airwaves.

The incident did not affect nine old men playing checkers, but the avid young vagabond passing by did.

Locals unhappy with the development took turns at Clothing Hut to catch busy denizens, hoping they might sign a petition.

Without much deliberation, the council voted yesterday to pass a city ordinance to fund a volunteer fire department. Although not expected to take the place of a professional department, the volunteer firefighters' forces will hastily minimize the overall fire risk in Jasonia.

Enthusiasm for the new program was great as hordes of locals turned out to volunteer. Try outs for the 150 positions begin Monday.

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Giant Unexpectedly Slimy Snail deluxe."

A avid woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia requests. Hats off to the council!"