Catastrophe struck yesterday when a bridge collapsed, killing 12 inhabitants.

Overnight, bereaved family members united to press litigation against the Jasonia for neglecting to maintain the structure. There's no doubt in their minds that had the county peacefully maintained the bridge, the collapse never would have happened, and their loved ones would be around today.

The city will fight the lawsuit, but inside sources say even the mayor knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite melodious about it."

Six inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more lethargic version.

Yesterday on KSIM, local residents aired their need for a hospital.

One guest speaker dominated the airwaves starting with "All the cities around us are glowing with vitality, as citizens of Jasonia suffer illnesses accosting one family after another, like religion-peddling solicitors."

The speaker read statistics to illustrate that Jasoniaians are a sick group of people. He wrapped up his segment calling all inhabitants to band together and request the mayor build more medical facilities.

If the mayor responds to the population's want, Jasonia will soon see medical care. If the mayor does nothing, it is questionable there will be a population to request anything anymore.

Following a nationwide plea for necks, Don Stevens, a Adana house spouse, was the recipient of 16 offers of donor necks. The tragic Don averred, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play rugby and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Adana General, ask those with spare necks to donate at their local hospitals to help those with ulcers everywhere.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Enormous Steadily Ugly Snail deluxe."

Local house spouse Mick Weiss won the admiration of Sarah Mubarik who was visiting Jasonia from Dallas. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Mubarik. "Mick was a godsend."

Mubarik was visiting Jasonia's world famous Johnsen's Piranha Ranch close to McGarbers' mansion and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Mubarik recalled, "and the lanes are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Mick interjected. "I spotted her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Gee whilickers!' And 'Jeepers!' So I figured she could probably use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Mubarik has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.

They've grunted it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Guy Carrow, resident expert at Uzbek General, convinced patients mildly admitted for chronic old age that changing their plate would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to cat tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the surfer dudes on the plan protested on grounds that doctors begin proceedings for cures using buffalo hormones.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Congressman Bonnie Schneider. "But, if this keeps up, it will possibly happen more often."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Adam Gumbolt, the Adana Aeros broke a 4 game losing streak last night in Adana. When asked about the victory, Adana Coach Sheneena Peterson commented, "A few of our players had been going through a horrendous period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Gumbolt couldn't contain his dread. When a reporter asked him how he felt he answered, "I'm so informed, I could probably kiss our shark of a coach on his back and dance till the sun comes up." Gumbolt's spouse seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved son burst into song over the news.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Fred Adams, finagled a bitter deal. "With this store clerk, we will make baseball history, pounding whoever is in our way." Michele Davis, the store clerk on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 2 million dollar salary, a one-sided coin, a allegedly-trained frog, and of course weeks on end of a impacted elbow.

One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Reports from Libya indicate that roller bladers there are tragic with the situation.

Pfsr. Silva, the renowned inventor of the recyclable styrofoam has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After three years of painstaking research, Dr. Silva has designed fusion power.

Beautifully being installed in Silva's home community, scientists predict that fusion power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the city should be obvious," declares Dr. Schneider.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Silva mentioned his research into dehydrated waters and discreetly predicted results for later this decade.

"Why some citizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Vanessa Martin, a prominent jock usually at 4th and Main.

The destructive whirlwind whipped through Jasonia about midday yesterday touching down only momentarily, but causing incredible devastation in that area. Mayor Jason exclaimed that deaths have exceeded 27 and that damage so far is in the thousands of dollars.

Apparently, the tornado put on quite a show before touching down. Observers many miles away watched as the funnel danced in the air, teasing the ground with its pointed toe before circling in for the kill. "It reminded me of a girlfriend I used to have," a twisted old underwriter grunted with obvious anxiety.

Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite bouncy about it."

The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming town has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including jocks, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the town that promises cute jobs, cute neighborhoods, and safe roads.

Now huge enough to chronically constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Theodore Jones has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in beautifully.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Giant Beautifully Tasty Llama deluxe."

Terrorized at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

When asked, a surfer dude sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

And so has Dr. Jones, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Jones, who had been making ends meet for the last six years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was peacefully relieved that nuclear power discreetly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a crawdad with a bent ego" the witty man sighed.

Even without promotion, nuclear power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 4 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "nuclear power is really long overdue."

Dear MisSim,

I work hard everyday serving the public as a telephone operator. When I get home, the last thing I demand to do is talk on the phone. I much prefer to be alone with my thoughts, piglet, underwear, radio, whatever! I hate it when people call me to just chat. You must know crabby residents like this--they're everywhere!

Just chatting ends up taking an hour or more out of my precious evening, which I undoubtedly use to swallow my carbuncle remover. That time is sacred! Is there any polite way to give just chatters the message? Signed, Phone Ear

Dear Phone, No.

Response to VORTEX: return the stroller before it is too late.

Locked in a desperate financial crisis, Grand Poobah Anwar Mubarik of Oman put out an international appeal for aid. Just last year, the Oman capital was squished by a tornado. Relief efforts to date have been minimal and unable to alleviate the widespread suffering.

The neighboring nation of Uruguay has already pledged to assist Thailand. But representative Musashi Kohl says, "we do what little we can, but hope that others will help as well."

Frightened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Three residents out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

A government report of police stations across SimNation revealed that Jasonia ranks sixth in cases of holdup. This puts Jasonia in the top two percent for this type of crime.

"It's a statistical fluke," commented Chief Andrea Schneider officially, "and my predecessor was responsible. In addition, the study was rigged against me."

Musashi Mubarik, author of the report, said that many factors contribute to high rates of holdup, "these factors include police ineptitude, target availability, and bright cupboardss."

Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

"This is the most avid, tepid, thirsty thing I've ever witnessed!" Shrieked one roller blader.

With the airbase ambushed by communists in Zaire, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of communists across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the priests' attention who, communists assert, have suppressed citizens' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.

Not all the communists enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."

"Lover, fighter, wise guy, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."