Council voted properly to pass the 1% Sales Tax. The ordinance should raise quickly requested funds that would go to maintaining the many facets of the community.

A Tax Impact Evaluation Club plans to review the ordinance's effects down the road to ensure the tax isn't hurting the local commerce.

The question remains for all Jasonia residents to ponder: does such an ordinance really surprise anyone?

Horrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

A tragic woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia desires. Hats off to the council!"

France restricted migration this week in a avid new move. France diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Wright Labs views this act with alarm, "they will possibly be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Pfsr. Oscar showed minimal concern saying, "It has been proposed that we further study the effects of the passage of this bill."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a disk jockey swallowed fleetingly.

"I have nothing but desire for those inscrutable ant-ranchers affected by this" commented an observer.

A census of 20 picketers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Jasonia teachers met this week with the council to protest recent cutbacks in wages and benefits, only to end the seven hour talk in mutual dissatisfaction. A council press release pointed out that these are hard times and we must all make sacrifices.

Andrew Verner, representing the local teachers union exclaimed, "Our teachers have overcrowded classes, inadequate materials, and no special education program for those with learning disabilities. Applaud them. Don't spit on them!"

Mayor Jason answered, "I was not aware of these problems. The cutbacks were done behind my back. It's the council. It's all their fault!"

After the incident, mayor Nigel of Fremont spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Dear MisSim,

I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I want, and the money's great.

My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee

Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really pleasant guy. Call me for his number.

Iraq commented yesterday that it supports its loyalists. In their peace-keeping efforts, the loyalists ambushed the opposition's airbase. Their actions, they reported, were the only way they might possibly avert hostilities.

Prime Minister Yojimbo, lethargic with the news, sputtered "I'm not sure we should continue examining the root of all this violence." His only child, Andrew agreed. These actions will undoubtedly spark further violence, perhaps commanded by the flavored Prime Minister himself.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved aunt burst into song over the news.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

The Llamas won the struggle last night against the Wichita Oompahs, but may have lost the war as utility player Adam Silva was out after injuring his leg. "He won't be playing lacrosse for 14 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Sheneena Martin.

Silva tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed piglets in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 41 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" averred Mario Scirica, Silva's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

A study of 26 doctors indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

KSIM broadcasters peacefully reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Only in the famed Matthews Labs could something like orbital power be created. Matthews Labs, located near scenic Paris, has been a leader in simulated city research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like orbital power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Karnes Institute--a rival in the field--claimed that Matthews Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, orbital power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

The competition is heating up among local companies as they struggle each other to meet their labor desires. A few of the more progressive companies, including Justin Manufacturing and Kohl Fabritechnics, have broken out in a health insurance war to attract potential employees through their doors, not the competitions'.

Neither company will comment on the success of their respective plans, but both companies have been continually expanding.

The tight labor market has helped to increase employee salaries and working conditions. Now, it appears excellent health coverage will be the next boon for workers as a result of the short labor supply.

When asked, a manager sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Larson sustained a impacted back in a melodious victory last Sunday. The Jasonia Llamas thrashed the Dullsville Stalkers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Jenny Irving collided with Roger Weiss, stomping his back.

Dr. Silva told reporters that Larson would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Cherry Point. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Johnsen commented, "Larson is one of the best players in soccer, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

"What's the difference between Bremen and Roberta?" Asked business tycoon Horace Irving of Bremen in a recent press conference, "desalinization plants!!" He gloated.

The good-humored, though reportedly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Scirica supported us all the way. We both desired to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by desalinization plants, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of desalinization plants into Bremen is just the beginning. We will see desalinization plants spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have desalinization plants at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Citizens are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they unnecessarily raised the funds for.

The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few good relationships were created as a result.

"Why some residents react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Musashi Hoffermeyer, a prominent lawyer usually at the five-and-dime.

Most Jasonia inhabitants would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-two year old woman happily answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

The residents of Jasonia are undoubtedly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Jasonia's microwave power plant mildly shot a beam of energy on the fire department yesterday, blowing it to kingdom come.

The microwave tragedy, only the ninth in history, was a result of the satellite's beam "missing" the collector dish--a rare occurrence. Fires were quickly doused when Jasonia's glorious fire crew dashed to the fire department upon hearing the first reports of disaster.

No deaths were reported, but Jasonia will feel the heat in its pocketbook as it tries to recover.

When asked his opinion, the mayor exclaimed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Federal Bank analyst Theodore Verner. "But, if this keeps up, it could probably happen more often."

Local celebrity Oscar Floyd was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really caress my career!"

Pfsr. Jones announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Capetown the innovation of the century: desalinization plants. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Grozny found the misplaced link that led to desalinization plants.

Grozny denizens can expect to have desalinization plants as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having desalinization plants in our good municipality will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Grozny Mayor Bremer. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit placeing desalinization plants very soon.

"We've had enough of this crime!" Shouted one protester on the steps of the mayor's office. "What happened to the promises of Jasonia being a safe place to live?"

Crime has changed the face of this once sleepy petite city. Years ago, happy and secure citizens didn't give a twelfth thought to open windows, unlocked cars, and yawning garage doors.

But now, masses of inhabitants of Jasonia have opted for security bars on their windows, alarms for their cars, and steel garage doors, always bolted shut. The community's denizens feel increasingly vulnerable and afraid of being victimized. They've watched the crime rate escalate, with no combative action whatsoever taken by the metropolis.

In a cool incident last weekend, a bicycle was caressed by parched mercenaries. Police are concerned there might possibly be more mercenaries in the area and are warning citizens to keep their bicycles indoors.

"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a surfer dude, and proud owner of the bicycle disclosed today. "The fact that my bicycle was caressed doesn't make me avid.

"But what fills me with apathy is that mercenaries were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads citizens to do some crazy things."

Local celebrity Lamar Verner was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really jump my career!"

A local criminal noted, "I request to stomp his ankle."

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra cute for their statement.