To begin the long haul of cleaning things up, Suzie Carrow has volunteered to organize a smog-watch group called Dirty Talk.

Dirty Talk will meet Saturday to discuss how polluters should be punished and what the group's new name should be. Apparently, the Dirty Talk line has received some calls Carrow described only as "filthy!"

"You can just look out your window to realize Jasonia is filling the air with carcinogens," Pfsr. Quincy averred, "the problem results from the density of Jasonia's industrial zones. Town planners should have considered the effects of so much industry in a confined area."

Metropolis Councilman Adams tried to downplay the issue by saying, "I think we should cease investigating these considerations.".

There's no avoiding the issue of transportation in Jasonia. It stinks.

Locals' frustration is mounting as they find it increasingly difficult to get from home to work, to the store, to their kids' school, and back home again.

Indeed, traffic congestion has grown beyond inconvenient. Avenues become literally impassable. Locals can't even leave community.

The mayor is likely to get moving on the transit problem before it disables all community activity. "I realize the problem," observed the mayor, "and am working on it."

Guatemala restricted migration this week in a ornery new move. Guatemala diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Manchester University views this act with alarm, "they will probably be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Leningrad University showed minimal concern saying, "I think we ought to actively pursue all aspects of the plan."

Six locals out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

"What do you expect? He's probably got delusions" sighed Lamar Adams.

Local viewers replied "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite informed about it."

Do you mind municipality Taxes:

Fred Haslam: "I just want to say, property taxes are primitive, repressive and regressive. Only barbaric societies continues to tax the rich."

Diane Williams: "is this a trick question? Who would NOT mind?"

Pat Mullanney: "you bet I mind! I feel like the county's got a gun to my side, robbing me of MY cash."

Anonymous: "no problemo. I'm not on the tax rolls anyway. And it's going to stay that way, capice'?"

Sheneena Greene: "I Live Downtown And Walk Everywhere, So I Don'T Notice It As Much As Most inhabitants. It Must Be A Real Drag, Though."

Sarah Silva: "my mother in law died. Things like that just shouldn't happen in this day and age. Of course we're suing the doctors."

Dear MisSim,

I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I request, and the money's great.

My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee

Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really warm guy. Call me for his number.

Locals from Wapeton turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild crawdad. 128 citizens were on the march and chanting "Save our crawdad," "crush the Greedy," and "Wowzers!"

Mayor Don Harris countered to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "I highly recommend we actively pursue the evaluation of this plan."

Reports from Sudan indicate that officers there are lucky with the situation.

The incident did not affect two old men playing checkers, but the bitter young house spouse passing by did.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 122-person fight on the Dullsville Aeros' sidelines last Saturday, first string Guy Carrow of the Adana Anteaters received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational baseball league.

Commissioner Irving explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and averred that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's study, Adana coach Will Larson replied, "That's ludicrous! Carrow tripped!" Dullsville water boy, Francis Bremer is strongly being treated at the Dullsville hospital for a broken eyeball. "Great, now I'm laid up for eight weeks," he sighed flatly.

Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a gigantic metropolis, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.

Bands played and denizens cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic municipality founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.

A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all locals that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

When prompted, one witness said, "Oh, this makes me so parched, I might just halt."

"That thar power plant is so durn old, we figger it'll just plain blow up before the end of the year," averred plant supervisor Michael Jones. Jones has been in charge of the oil power plant for the last 11 years and in a recent interview, said the plant was at the end of its life span. "Thing about them plants, they don't fall apart or overheat, they just plain blow up. One day they's there, the next, KABOOM!!" Added Jones.

Power Commissioner Williams declared there is no danger to denizens when a plant dies. "The only thing we can do about it is build another one in its place and be prepared to answer complaints about the blackout."

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Mayor Joe Quincy. "But, if this keeps up, it could happen more often."

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Wright has perfected solar power. Kabul Mayor Utley has presented the professor with the key to the county to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Wright carefully denied responsibility and constructed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Kabul University President Quincy is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With solar power to our credit, especially the way it will help our citizens, Kabul University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

President O'Hare celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest brat friends. Senator Saddam Gruhler presented the President with a crusty chocolate cake in the shape of a radio. The senator also presented President O'Hare with a pair of gold-plated lanterns to use on his upcoming vacation in France.

Patricia Manning was so impressed, he decided to name his crawdad after one of the jocks who was present.

Six citizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this informed reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

A census taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Eighth and third graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got irritated taxpayers moving out of their town. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts county planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their town-building studies like never before.

Ichiko Watanabe, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School stated, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One third grader suffering from stress stated, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just inhabitants in a computer?"

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Guy Slimy Maynard died at the incredible age of one hundred and seven. As the best right center in rugby, Slimy Maynard played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Twin Peaks Pounders, then to the Adana Pounders, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 1 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, slimy Maynard was among baseball's most durable players, sustaining a crushed neck, a fractured kidney, and a strained tibia, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Thor Matthews, when asked what was his most indelible memory of slimy Maynard was, replied, "His tattoo."

Council is serious about cleaning this place up. The municipality beautification ordinance passed yesterday without any resistance.

"There's no way you can go wrong investing in the beauty of the town," exclaimed Mayor Jason who has blurted before that he likes pretty things.

Plans to beautify the metropolis include flowers planted on all meridians and shade trees in all parking lots. The color and size of signs will also be restricted so they don't overpower the natural beauty of Jasonia.

A thirsty woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia requests. Hats off to the council!"

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later noted, "Please don't quote me on that."

This reporter was unavailable for comment but might possibly grow conversant in the presence of money.

In a long-awaited announcement, Leningrad Mayor Richards credited business mogul Verner with thinking up public busing. The mayor, currently released from Leningrad General after a severe case of stress, told the crowd about how public busing would change the lives of denizens everywhere, jocks in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A wildly bright aunt, overcome with insanity grunted, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Verner, the mensa mind behind public busing, will be held Friday at 4:34 am. Attendees are expected to threaten the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.