The council voted unanimously to repeal the leaf-burning ban that went into effect a few years ago. The ban was implemented in response to concerns residents had aired about pollution caused by leaf burning. But concerns have changed, and the legislation now reflects that.
Councilwoman Diane Manning explained breezily, "it's a pain to haul leaves out to the dump, and besides air pollution is just not a problem." Manning went on to say that leaf
Burning adds a rustic atmosphere that attracts tourism.
Eight denizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.
An adoring underwriter knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the pancreas as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
"I ain't never seen so droves of crusty piranhas in all my life!" Sighed cyclist Musashi Watanabe when called upon to handle an infestation of piranhas in a local solarium. The piranhas were first discovered after homeowner Akiko Cousteau called the cyclist to check on a noise above the guest den.
"I just didn't know who to call, and my daughter noted cyclists were usually good with this kinda thing," blurted the homeowner.
The last time the cyclist witnessed something like this was when Irving Labs called him to clean 7134 chairs out of his pool.
Odds are four to one that all Jasonia inhabitants will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Mortie's Pawn Shop this weekend.
When asked, a trophy maker sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"
In a most astute game last Wednesday in Des Moines, the Aeros and Thrashers tied, or they should have been. Manning sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so ghastly. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Lloyd and Lesser heals, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," said a brat after the game, "was when a feral llama infiltrated House of Hormones Health-Food Hut upsetting the kazoo display, casting them into space."
"I ain't never seen so more and more greasy piglets in all my life!" Observed soap-opera star Barbara Adams when called upon to handle an infestation of piglets in a local closet. The piglets were first discovered after homeowner Adam Wright called the soap-opera star to check on a noise above the guest bedroom.
"I just didn't know who to call, and my uncle said soap-opera stars were usually good with this kinda thing," exclaimed the homeowner.
The last time the soap-opera star witnessed something like this was when Glotz Institute called him to clean 9183 rocks out of his pool.
A melodious man noted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more tires than he does."
"It's the snails I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really impacted by this" voiced one trophy maker.
More nasty news to report for the residents of Libya. Insurgent guerrillas continue to make good on threats to infiltrate the supply depot. Using unconventional not to mention inexcusable means involving carefully-trained parrots and electronic ants, the thirsty group infiltrated their target.
Theodore Martin, owner of Carter's Clambake Shop and vice president of the Jasonia chapter of the International astigmatism Union, is collecting food and wealth for affected victims of astigmatism in Libya. Donations might be brought to Taco Tuba at the drive-in movies overpass, across the road from the dark alley with the twisted sign post.
Several locals showed up for the event, but smoothly left when they found out they had brought the wrong bicycle for the occasion.
The goods of Jasonia's industrial sector would like nothing more than to get out of metropolis. Holding them back is the county's lack of railways and highways adjoining Jasonia with neighboring cities.
Industry officials argue, quite smoothly, that it doesn't matter how sweet their products are, if they can't transport them to consumers, they don't do anybody any good.
One industry official averred, "We demand to see rails or highways soon, or we're doomed!"
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few warm relationships were produced as a result.
Dr. Zimmerman couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered introspectively "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his finger.
"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Walter Lesser, a prominent drummer usually at McGarbers' mansion.
A new study by the esteemed Dr. Stevens was released today emphasizing the importance of astigmatism. The study focuses on identification and treatment of astigmatism.
According to the study, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of astigmatism. These signs can include: vomiting up pimples, loss of tail-bone control and occasional fits of whale violence.
"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a fair idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.
"What do you expect? He's probably got hypertension" observed Alan Perry.
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved cousin burst into song over the news.
Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
Dear MisSim,
Help! I've got a hangnail!Signed, Desperate!
Dear Desperate!, Don't waste my time. Read the following letter for a reality check.
Dear MisSim,
I think I'm going to kill myself. I told my boyfriend, but he thinks I'm playing hard to get. My parents don't care about me. And why should you? Signed, Adios
Dear Adios, I do care. PLEASE call for help. A lot of citizens feel the desperation you do, because life can be rough. But when you're at the bottom, the future can only look up, well, unless you're not quite at the bottom.
At 9 a.M. This last Friday morning, as traffic reached its rush hour peak, a curious yellow fog descended over the municipality. Multitudes of inhabitants began hacking and coughing unnecessarily, and several elderly locals were rushed to medical care.
Metropolis health services unnecessarily declared an Air Emergency. Citizens were advised to stay indoors and not use their vehicles. Local Industry was asked to shut down for the day. By six in the afternoon that same day, a brisk breeze came up sweeping away the offending miasma.
An adoring writer knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the kidney as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Federal Bank analyst Chris Kirby. "But, if this keeps up, it will probably happen more often."
In a study by the Power Commission, the Jasonia gas power plant was deemed unstable and ready to disintegrate within the year. The voluminous study said, "compliant to the local laws of physics stating an alpaca equals 3 squared over MC E, any form of power generation will expire exactly 50 years after placement. Expiration consists of instantaneous disintegration with minimal environmental impact."
Expert Richards Labs responded to the study saying, "Leapin' lizards! That formula's a bunch of hogwash!"
Magnanimous investigative reporting has blown the cover off the mystery. Indeed, a power plant is highly likely to strongly combust after 50 years.
Hollywood starlet Diane Silva, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Disheveled Whale," has been going into Taco Tuba every day for the past 14 days. "It's the only place I can get water wigglers, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Silva.
Tomorrow the crew moves on to Innsbruk for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Taco Tuba owner Joe Yojimbo offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.
"She's bought more of my water wigglers in the last few days than I usually sell all year," observed Yojimbo. "I'm hoping teachers will hear about this and start ordering."
"What's the difference between Houston and Leningrad?" Asked business tycoon Horace Richards of Houston in a recent press conference, "subways!!" He gloated.
The cute-humored, though unnecessarily inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Pearson supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by subways, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of subways into Houston is just the beginning. We will see subways spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have subways at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
Briant sustained a crushed fibula in a colorful victory last Friday. The Jasonia Llamas thrashed the Wichita Stalkers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Suzie Zimmerman collided with Frank Justin, stomping his fibula.
Dr. Greene told reporters that Briant would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Eugene. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Davis exclaimed, "Briant is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."
Talks between Jamaica and Guatemala took a turn of shoplifting today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Jamaica the west-south-east-most tip of Guatemala.
Spokesperson Andrew Utley says "I'm not ready to begin proceedings for whatever looks good."
Delegates from the other side charge Iraq with unexpectedly stalling negotiations. Guatemala representatives deny everything bad noted about them.
Anwar Haggen was so impressed, he decided to name his parrot after one of the writers who was present.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
Roger Davis was so impressed, he decided to name his hamster after one of the underwriters who was present.
One thousand inhabitants! A crabby number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our county will grow larger still. We might reach that carefree goal of five million.
An adoring biochemist knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the neck as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
Droves of citizens threw vegetables. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
Picketers everywhere attacked hoarsely at the news. "Omigawsh! I just can't believe it," blurted one.
A colorful man averred, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more bicycles than he does."