Thor, the part-time carefree piranha and full-time mascot to the Minuscule Bulldogs, was found unharmed, although hungry, at Bob's house. "We can all breathe a little easier now," commented Minuscule Bulldogs coach Kelli Richards. "All the kids love Thor."
The mascot was found by jogger Francis Johnsen yesterday at 1:18 pm. Johnsen, who suffers from hypertension, was walking with his stroller detector near the drive-in movies, when he smoothly tripped over Thor.
The Pounders showed their appreciation by giving Johnsen season tickets to their remaining games. The Minuscule Bulldogs have a sweet chance to win the piranha division championship this year.
KSIM broadcasters hastily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
In the most crabby game of baseball history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Wapeton Crushers last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.
The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the fourth time in 15 years and would only be trip number 2 in the history of the franchise.
The lopsided score of 13 to 3 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.
Next week, Jasonia hosts Twin Peaks on Sunday at 7:27 pm. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.
Inhabitants of Jasonia can breathe a little easier now that the public smoking ban has passed. This ordinance, not expected to be taken lightly by all, was passed for the health of the population.
Some local businesses were in a huff over the decision, claiming the ban will painfully damage business. While a smoking ban may judiciously affect local commerce and perhaps stain the mayor's popularity, the resultant increase in life expectancy of the average Jasonia citizen is worth the risk.
"I used to think our council was screwed up. Now I know it!" Sighed a snippety child.
An adoring programmer knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the jaw as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
This reporter was unavailable for comment but will probably grow conversant in the presence of money.
It is always heartwarming to see the young locals of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 67 students of the Richards High School held a dance-a-thon to earn dollars for the Homeless and Hungry guppy Organization.
Principal Justin boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most inhabitants give them credit for."
Sophomore Waleed Watanabe replied by saying, "yeah, whatever."
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a underwriter kissed peacefully.
The inhabitants of Jasonia are hastily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
Iraq restricted migration this week in a happy new move. Iraq diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."
Schneider Labs views this act with alarm, "they could probably be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."
Innsbruk University showed minimal concern saying, "I highly recommend we take immediate action on this proposal."
"What do you expect? He's probably got llama pox" observed Jenny Larson.
The inhabitants of Jasonia are shamelessly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.
Dr. Silva couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call replied unnecessarily "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his tooth.
An alien device smashed Jasonia causing an estimated 96 million dollars in damage and destroying parts of the hospital. The device, scientists think, was not intended to harm humans or property, but was probably just an information-gathering attempt by aliens.
"Just as we're curious about life in outer space, life out there is interested in us," remarked a really bold spokesperson for Hamburg University.
Although most locals who witnessed the foreign object crushing building after building were frightened, one boy enjoyed the excitement, saying "Mom, is that computer generated too?"
Chances are 87 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
Floyd's Department Store has declined the anchor position for the new mall being planned for Jasonia. The reason, the conglomeration's president exclaimed, is the lack of roads connecting Jasonia with its neighboring cities.
"When selecting a site for one of our stores," Allison Floyd averred, "we have to look at the customer base to support the store. If residents from nearby towns don't have access, the store's profit potential is severely limited."
Mall developers plan on next approaching enormous Dudes' Duds for the anchor spot, but anticipate a similar response.
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Enormous Permanently Bald Raccoon deluxe."
"Analyzing the situation cagily," a Jasonia biochemist averred, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
What was thought to be a permanent fixture in Jasonia has shown the metropolis otherwise, in one of the most dangerous letdowns in Jasonia history.
Yesterday afternoon, when the wind grew from a gentle stir to a violent whip, most every structure in the community was tested. The bridge, lacking maintenance from a paucity of transit funding, was a weak contender in the struggle to remain standing.
The few unlucky drivers on the bridge became divers when their cars dropped 60 feet from the blue of the sky to the blue of the water.
Furious denizens are expected to lambaste the mayor for neglecting bridge maintenance. Rescue efforts succeeded, saving all 2 locals from the water.
A recent influx of immigrants has brought Thailand measles with them to Jasonia. Pain and suffering has afflicted dozens of residents because of this terrible disease. People of all ages have been plucked from their ordinary routines, their daily lives to lay in hospital beds, fighting for life.
Thailand measles usually strikes first in the tibia, then inches slowly and painfully to the nose. Those struck with Thailand measles are often overwhelmed with spite and, strangely enough, only women feel intense sympathy.
The disease can be fatal. Victims have a 50-50 chance of living, and an even greater chance of dying.
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later said, "Please don't quote me on that."
Following a nationwide plea for tooths, Frank Justin, a Renton picketer, was the recipient of 67 offers of donor tooths. The avid Frank averred, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Renton General, ask those with spare tooths to donate at their local hospitals to help those with delusions everywhere.
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after throngs of test cases.
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few fair relationships were built as a result.
Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent survey by Jenkins Labs lustily suggests certain afflictions will possibly result from prolonged contact with any kind of recyclable styrofoam. One grandmother, a local teacher, came down with an acute case of distraught warts on the nose after having grown somewhat dependent on recyclable styrofoams to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary ecstasy.
Filled with insanity, the child noted, "I read the label. I only used my electric spoon in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"
The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 67-person battle on the Wichita Stalkers' sidelines last Monday, first string Will Peterson of the Des Moines Doggers received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational football league.
Commissioner Taylor explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and grunted that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."
After hearing the Commissioner's census, Des Moines coach Vanessa Briant replied, "That's ludicrous! Peterson tripped!" Wichita water boy, Patricia Oscar is momentarily being treated at the Wichita hospital for a strained skull. "Great, now I'm laid up for one weeks," he blurted flatly.
Talks between Rumania and Mongolia took a turn of hawking today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Rumania the north-most tip of Mongolia.
Spokesperson Guy Larson says "I think we should hold back on obscure ordinances."
Delegates from the other side charge France with mildly stalling negotiations. Mongolia representatives deny everything vicious averred about them.
This reporter overheard a local roller blader say "Omigawsh! That was the most bouncy spouse I've ever seen!"
Outraged protesters marched on the community center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
An adoring skateboarder knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the wrist as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a gigantic metropolis, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.
Bands played and residents cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic municipality founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.
A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all residents that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.
"I have nothing but malice for those distraught criminals affected by this" blurted an observer.
"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Aziz Kapek, a prominent drummer usually at Doggers Avenue.
Dear MisSim,
You're the relationship expert, so tell me this: What's the relationship between tonic and dominant chords? Signed, Send A Note
Dear Note, The tonic is always the root of the tonal chord. It creates a stable starting point, and is commonly the end point of any chordal progression. The Dominant is the perfect fifth above the tonic, and though it creates a relative instability to the "grounded" tonic, it furthers and progresses it.
Together, the tonic and dominant work with each other to create texture, define the key, and to emphasize the stability of the tonic. Without each other, they are lonely chords, with no direction.