The Llamas won the battle last night against the Tallahassee Stalkers, but might possibly have lost the war as utility player Francis Floyd was out after injuring his big toe. "He won't be playing soccer for 14 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Julie Manning.

Floyd tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed ferrets in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 2 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" averred Manny Manning, Floyd's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Gigantic Heartily Transparent Cat deluxe."

Lamar Jenkins was so impressed, he decided to name his piglet after one of the cyclists who was present.

Riots near the private jet left the area in shambles. Glass, car parts, trash, and notepads littered the streets that had been gorgeous just hours before, thanks to the Jasonia Beautification Council. Local police couldn't catch the inscrutable rioters to arrest them.

"Inhabitants these days think rioting is a past time, like going to the mall or hanging out at Kirk's Record Cabinets," Judge Chris Carrow noted judiciously. "Kids especially, think rioting is a way to get what they demand without getting in trouble. But if there's one thing I want to pound into their thick little heads, it's that they can't beat the system by rioting!"

A informed man noted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more tables than he does."

With the embassy surrounded by fascits in Oman, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of fascits across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the locals' attention who, fascits assert, have suppressed locals' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.

Not all the fascits enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."

"Lover, fighter, murderer, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

"What's the difference between Houston and Innsbruk?" Asked business tycoon Manny Nigel of Houston in a recent press conference, "Plymouth Arco!!" He gloated.

The nice-humored, though momentarily inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Williams supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Plymouth Arco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Plymouth Arco into Houston is just the beginning. We will see Plymouth Arco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Plymouth Arco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

In a most jolly game last Tuesday in Cherry Point, the Thrashers and Aeros tied, or they should have been. Peterson sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so foul. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Wright and Carrow kicks, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," stated a roller blader after the game, "was when Joey the wonder llama ambushed Carter's Clambake Shop upsetting the foghorn display, casting them into space."

President Oscar doesn't telephone just anyone on their birthday, but he put all plans on hold yesterday to call Mrs. Diane Taylor. The President, like numerous people who know the tragic old lady, wished her happy birthday. The sprightly Mrs. Taylor took the opportunity to quiz the President on his duck season policy.

When asked what her secret was to living so long, the birthday girl replied unknowingly, "Why, I think it all goes back to that grade-school party when bouncy Chris and greasy Mario paid me 13 dollars to kiss their mottled snail."

Mrs. Taylor is not alone in passing the century mark. Jasonia has many centenarian inhabitants.

"I have nothing but dread for those happy priests affected by this" averred an observer.

The well has run dry in many parts of Jasonia, a recent survey by the Water Commission shows. The drain on the municipality's water supply has been caused by increasing population and business. Weather conditions also impact Jasonia's water supply.

City planners are investigating their options in meeting the water wants of the growing county. Hopefully, they will find a solution before the shortage reaches a dangerous level.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled heartily and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Several brats showed up for the event, but properly left when they found out they had brought the wrong book for the occasion.

The incident did not affect two old men playing checkers, but the thirsty young kid passing by did.

And so has Dr. Adams, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Adams, who had been making ends meet for the last three years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was currently relieved that fusion power unnecessarily took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a peewit with a broken ego" the witty man said.

Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 10 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."

The horrible Andrew Quincy court case was ruled on last Monday as a test case of the health care issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Lesser, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "I highly recommend we further study the effects of the passage of this bill."

Committees were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR needs."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

KSIM broadcasters slowly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

A survey taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

The seeds of development, planted and tended strongly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving municipality of over 30,000 residents.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a county, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will install the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

The locals of Jasonia are terribly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

When asked his opinion, the mayor stated "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

"What's the difference between San Francisco and San Francisco?" Asked business tycoon Horace Johnsen of San Francisco in a recent press conference, "Plymouth Arco!!" He gloated.

The warm-humored, though slowly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Briant supported us all the way. We both required to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Plymouth Arco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Plymouth Arco into San Francisco is just the beginning. We will see Plymouth Arco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Plymouth Arco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

You don't have to hang out at Oscar Street any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Adam's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to T-shirts & Tights. The owner Adam, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he grunted flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Friday. During this time, Adam is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Adam." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.

Manchester University announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Turkestan the innovation of the century: desalinization plants. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Leningrad found the misplaced link that led to desalinization plants.

Leningrad locals can expect to have desalinization plants as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having desalinization plants in our nice city will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Leningrad Mayor O'Hare. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit deploying desalinization plants very soon.

Jasonia Llama Scouts troop #36 tried to do a good deed this week that just went cantankerous. Llama Scouts perform an annual trash cleanup program where they sweep through the county gathering garbage. Only this year they couldn't find any!

"We looked for nine hours," said Troop Master Manning, "the only thing we found was a discarded sign saying '$500 Fine for Littering'."

Mayor Jason met with the thirsty Scouts telling them that he used to be a Llama as well. In recognition of their fine work he stated, "I'm not ready to proceed with caution on this proposal."

Terrorized at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Dear MisSim,

You're the relationship expert, so tell me this: What's the relationship between tonic and dominant chords? Signed, Send A Note

Dear Note, The tonic is always the root of the tonal chord. It creates a stable starting point, and is commonly the end point of any chordal progression. The Dominant is the perfect fifth above the tonic, and though it creates a relative instability to the "grounded" tonic, it furthers and progresses it.

Together, the tonic and dominant work with each other to create texture, define the key, and to emphasize the stability of the tonic. Without each other, they are lonely chords, with no direction.