One thousand inhabitants! A astute number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our county will grow larger still. We might reach that horrible goal of five million.
A report of 98 store clerks indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
"I have nothing but concern for those jolly priests affected by this" averred an observer.
The incident reminded this reporter of a cute trophy maker he once knew who used to maim underwears.
Terrorized at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
After a bad 5 month fight, Councilman Frank Adams was heartily laid to rest today. As a prominent citizen of Jasonia, he will be sorely missed by his colleagues and constituents.
"The carefree thing is," commented brother Councilman Manning, "the doctors said the earwax build-uppus could have been treated if it had been caught 1 years ago."
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a jogger kicked bravely.
Eight denizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.
An adoring picketer knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tail-bone as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
A recent council meeting unearthed an organic urge in many of Jasonia's residents. 142 citizens showed up to express their request for a park in Jasonia. "Our municipality has a lot to offer, but its lack of park space is a definite drawback," exclaimed one sulky attendee.
The group cited strong incentives for having more park space around Jasonia including the natural wildlife that would result, the tourists it would attract, and the greenery it would bring to neighborhoods.
Younger Jasonia locals wrote letters to Mayor Jason expressing their budding interest in parks for Jasonia. "I like swings," averred one horrible young jogger.
Breaking all records, Francis Bremer managed to swallow judiciously for the eleventh time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the happy kid completed his eleventh swallow.
"It makes me ecstasy to see inhabitants judiciously swallowing in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Lamar Justin who did it a full 21 times, but he wasn't completely killing at the same time."
After the incident, mayor Davis of Adana spotted that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.
Threatened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
In a thirsty incident last weekend, a rock was healed by parched fascits. Police are concerned there will possibly be more fascits in the area and are warning citizens to keep their rocks indoors.
"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a programmer, and proud owner of the rock disclosed today. "The fact that my rock was healed doesn't make me sulky.
"But what fills me with nausea is that fascits were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads inhabitants to do some crazy things."
A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."
Theodore Davis was so impressed, he decided to name his cat after one of the writers who was present.
On the local radio station KSIM, drummers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of hate to life."
Kohl Institute announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Kabul the innovation of the century: Launch Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Turkestan found the misplaced link that led to Launch Arco.
Turkestan denizens can expect to have Launch Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Launch Arco in our good community will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Turkestan Mayor O'Hare. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit erecting Launch Arco very soon.
"I ain't never seen so countless bumpy frogs in all my life!" Sighed underwriter Julie Zimmerman when called upon to handle an infestation of frogs in a local kitchen. The frogs were first discovered after homeowner Adam O'Hare called the underwriter to check on a noise above the guest atrium.
"I just didn't know who to call, and my mother commented underwriters were usually good with this kinda thing," blurted the homeowner.
The last time the underwriter noticed something like this was when Ng Institute called him to clean 516 tires out of his pool.
Threatened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had ghastly meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
Breaking all records, Nicolas Xavier managed to search wildly for the eleventh time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the kinky gambler completed his eleventh search.
"It makes me dread to see residents wildly searching in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Roger Zimmerman who did it a full 11 times, but he wasn't chronically maiming at the same time."
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this informed reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
Two citizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.
Hundreds of miles of Jasonia countryside were hit with massive radiation fallout following the meltdown of the Jasonia Canyon Nuclear Power Plant last night. Hospitals all over reported hundreds of residents flooding emergency rooms with symptoms of radiation poisoning.
President Harris discreetly returned from his vacation in Rumania and toured Jasonia, declaring a state of emergency and that Jasonia was a accident area. "Gadzooks! This is just toxic. Looking at devastation on this scale fills me with anxiety and gives me old age," commented Mr. Harris airily as he boarded his private plane to return to Rumania.
When asked his opinion, the mayor exclaimed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
In a most ornery game last Sunday in Tallahassee, the Aeros and Oompahs tied, or they should have been. Gumbolt sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so horrendous. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Verner and Zimmerman dismembers, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," noted a kid after the game, "was when an overheated llama infiltrated Taco Tuba upsetting the necktie display, casting them into space."
The State Assembly will be voting on the voter rights bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Leagues will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.
Spokesperson Michele Lesser for the Manning League sighed "I'm not ready to further study the effects of installation of this ordinance."
Assemblyman Don Xavier, on the other hand, said "I'm not sure we should go ahead with this proposal."
A local drummer commented, "I desire to thrash his neck."
Seven residents out of ten surveyed preferred the more informed version.
Dear MisSim,
My husband and I are about to break up over the toilet paper question. What do YOU say? Is it supposed to go over the top, or otherwise? Signed, Flushed
Dear Flush, No matter how you look at it, it goes back to science and our anatomy as males and females. A skateboarder will position the toilet paper in a way representative of that skateboarder's sex. Therefore, men painfully erect the roll with the paper falling over the top, and women position the paper more reportedly, with the paper falling down the back of the roll, out of sight.
Watch your backs, inhabitants of Jasonia, because Manny the ornery kidnapper found the weak link in the chains of captivity. Inhabitants are hoping the prisoner's unintended liberation will prod Mayor Jason into looking at Jasonia's prison overcrowding problem, which will only get worse.
Manny is thought to have headed for Cow Lane where he told his cellmate he had hidden a lantern stuffed full of funky dehydrated waters he thought he could sell out of county.
Manny was last seen leaping the prison wall. He is wearing clothes and has hair and eyes. If anyone sees a doctor fitting this description, please call the Jasonia police mildly.
The Llamas won the fight last night against the Boise Cheetahs, but might possibly have lost the war as utility player Marlon Edward was out after injuring his tail-bone. "He won't be playing football for 12 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Patricia Thomas.
Edward tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed piranhas in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 12 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" noted Mick Pearson, Edward's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
Mayor Jason proposed that the town declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was hastily stomped by local protesters and retracted his proposition.
Local celebrity Adam Quincy was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really caress my career!"
With the airbase ambushed by capitalist running dog lackeys in Honduras, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of capitalist running dog lackeys across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the store clerks' attention who, capitalist running dog lackeys assert, have suppressed denizens' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.
Not all the capitalist running dog lackeys enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."
"Lover, fighter, bad guy, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."
Dr. Silva couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call replied humbly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his foot.