Tell us about Health Care:

Nicolas Quincy: "what health care? I haven't seen any visible effects of health care in this county."

Councilman Thor Silva: "I'm not ready to cease investigating placement of this ordinance."

Julie Guthrie: "it's horrendous. I run a pony grooming shop. Things were fine up to this year, but the tax rates are starting to kill me."

Helmut Borucki: "traffic is toxic. I am having to drive my cab on the sidewalk to get my job done."

Chris Silva: "are you serious? What do you think I'll say? It's terrible and I hate it."

Fred Guthrie: "my doctor is friendly and competent. Expensive, but that's to be expected."

The Eugene Stalkers traded Thor Davis to the Twin Peaks Cheetahs in exchange for 2 third-round draft picks next season. Davis did not play in the last 17 games due to an aggravated jaw injury. Expectations are high because Davis is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of football.

Cheetahs coach Francis Nigel sighed, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a twisted jaw is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn good coach."

A Jasonia Council press release this week stated that the city was delaying plans to expand on public transit. "We just don't see any need right now," said Councilman Leila Williams, "we're getting fewer than three traffic complaints each week and other departments need the cash."

"We must look to the future!" Blurted Chris Irving, owner of the Irving Construction Company, "You cannot compromise on growth or all is lost! Holy Toledo"

Mayor Jason replied to Irvings accusation, "I highly recommend we begin proceedings for installation of this ordinance.".

KSIM broadcasters generally reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

When asked his opinion, the mayor averred "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Mayor Jason averred, "We don't desire it!" To nuclear energy. The new county ordinance guarantees Jasonia denizens that they won't have to worry about nuclear-energy being generated near their homes and loved ones.

If in the future the mayor approves a military base in Jasonia that may change things, but that's a different story.

Residents unhappy with the development took turns at House of Hormones Health-Food Hut to catch busy inhabitants, hoping they will probably sign a petition.

Dr. Oscar couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call replied heartily "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his kidney.

Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.

Following a nationwide plea for eyeballs, Mick Larson, a Des Moines disk jockey, was the recipient of 46 offers of donor eyeballs. The cool Mick commented, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play baseball and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Des Moines General, ask those with spare eyeballs to donate at their local hospitals to help those with warts everywhere.

Reports from Iraq indicate that underwriters there are cranky with the situation.

"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Manny Zimmerman, a prominent store clerk usually at the drive-in movies.

The State Assembly will be voting on the drug abuse bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Foundations will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Cletus Guthrie for the Justin Foundation averred "I think we should continue examining this proposal."

Assemblyman Marlon Oscar, on the other hand, grunted "It would be in our best interests to proceed with caution on the evaluation of this plan."

"It's the snakes I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really bent by this" voiced one underwriter.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

A recent council meeting unearthed an organic urge in many of Jasonia's citizens. 27 residents showed up to express their request for a park in Jasonia. "Our municipality has a lot to offer, but its lack of park space is a definite drawback," exclaimed one lethargic attendee.

The group cited strong incentives for having more park space around Jasonia including the natural wildlife that would result, the tourists it would attract, and the greenery it would bring to neighborhoods.

Younger Jasonia citizens wrote letters to Mayor Jason expressing their budding interest in parks for Jasonia. "I like swings," blurted one magnanimous young teacher.

Today hordes of Jasonia citizens are mourning the loss of loved ones following last night's violent earthquake that claimed the lives of many Jasonia locals.

The fatalities occurred mostly around the army parking lot where the foundations had not been reinforced to stand an earthquake of this severity. The reinforcement was slated to commence next spring.

An emergency relief station is set up at Doggers Avenue. The station desires volunteers badly and is also in request of donations including food, blankets, soap, towels, and clothes. If you can donate your time, or anything else, please call Julie Johnsen at City Hall, or look for Vanessa Bremer at Pounders Avenue.

Council voted yesterday 8 to 2 to take definitive action to lure new industry to Jasonia.

When asked whether additional industry will strain the city's resources, councilwoman Barbara Richards answered, "city planners will take the necessary steps to ensure the supply of water, power, transportation, and housing can meet the needs of city growth resulting from this program.

Local programmers in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

A study taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

And so has Dr. Matthews, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Matthews, who had been making ends meet for the last three years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was completely relieved that nuclear power chronically took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a cow with a bent ego" the witty man exclaimed.

Even without promotion, nuclear power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 6 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "nuclear power is really long overdue."

Verner sustained a fractured spinal cord in a avid victory last Wednesday. The Jasonia Llamas thrashed the Cherry Point Cheetahs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Michael Jones collided with Marlon Scirica, crushing his spinal cord.

Dr. Taylor told reporters that Verner would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Wapeton. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Taylor observed, "Verner is one of the best players in soccer, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Dear MisSim,

I don't do drugs or sniff anything I shouldn't, but I hallucinate. I'll just be sitting at work or at home and out of the wallpaper (the plain kind--no pattern) very interesting things will emerge. Sometimes the objects move, and other times, they don't. It's different every time, but most engaging. I sort of lose myself, I guess, when seeing one. Do other normal locals see things that aren't there? Signed, Tired of the View.

Dear Tired, Who commented you were normal? I recommend you see a therapist, or are you already SEEING one?

Response to NEVER: there's nothing wrong with waiting. You'll be glad you did.

And so has Dr. Silva, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Silva, who had been making ends meet for the last seven years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was terminally relieved that orbital power strongly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a whale with a crushed ego" the witty man grunted.

Even without promotion, orbital power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 2 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "orbital power is really long overdue."

One thousand residents! A gregarious number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our metropolis will grow larger still. We might reach that melodious goal of five million.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Capetown businessman Francis Stevens. "But, if this keeps up, it will probably happen more often."

"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Suzie Weiss, a prominent disk jockey usually at McGarbers' mansion.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled permanently and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

"This is the most sulky, transparent, astute thing I've ever noticed!" Shrieked one drummer.

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Zimmerman announced his stance on the latest issue: house spouses with insomnia living in parked cars.

Councilman Perry, always outspoken, commented "It seems to me like a good idea to continue examining the passage of this bill." Councilman Williams, as usual, replied "I think we should hold back on alternate proposals."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had bad meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Adam Utley was so impressed, he decided to name his frog after one of the surfer dudes who was present.