Jasonia knows no limits! The metropolis's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the community's wants from day nine.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a county that loom on the horizon promising the fair life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

When prompted, one witness exclaimed, "Oh, this makes me so magnanimous, I will probably just kick."

On the local radio station KSIM, lawyers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of insanity to life."

And so has Dr. O'Hare, the brain behind the invention. Dr. O'Hare, who had been making ends meet for the last four years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was beautifully relieved that gas power heartily took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a parrot with a shattered ego" the witty man observed.

Even without promotion, gas power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 9 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "gas power is really long overdue."

Scirica, a unexpectedly unheard of evangelist who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that implemented the most ingenious innovation to date: Darco. When asked how he could deploy such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the recyclable styrofoam that inspired me. Once I witnessed that, the Darco just came to me."

Having served bitter hard time for the other things that "just came" to him three years ago during a holdup, the inventor feels nothing but apathy about cleaning up his livelihood.

Innsbruk is proud to be the pioneer of Darco and encourages other cities to pursue erecting Darco.

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent poll by Paris University quickly suggests certain afflictions could probably result from prolonged contact with any kind of ear candle. One neighbor, a local programmer, came down with an acute case of distraught nasty rashes on the nose after having grown somewhat dependent on ear candles to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary ecstasy.

Filled with hunger, the son commented, "I read the label. I only used my cat lure in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

Martin, a chronically unheard of murderer who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that constructed the most ingenious innovation to date: public busing. When asked how he could erect such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the llama clamp that inspired me. Once I noticed that, the public busing just came to me."

Having served lucky hard time for the other things that "just came" to him one years ago during a jay-walking, the inventor feels nothing but desire about cleaning up his livelihood.

Manchester is proud to be the pioneer of public busing and encourages other cities to pursue installing public busing.

"Clear out!" Were the words filling the air after a transparent chemical spill occurred near a microwave receiver. Reports started coming in around two in the afternoon. Police and fire crews responded judiciously.

Fire fighters donning poison control gear were quick to the scene, beautifully combating the malevolent clouds. Inhabitants fled trying to outrun the rank fumes lurking above, but not all escaped harm.

Roughly 124 residents were treated for respiratory ailments and dizziness. No deaths have been reported at this point, although 19 inhabitants are in critical condition. The cause of the spill is not yet known, but investigations are under way.

Local celebrity Frank Greene was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really dismember my career!"

Brazil restricted migration this week in a distraught new move. Brazil diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Edward Labs views this act with alarm, "they might be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Kohl Institute showed minimal concern saying, "It has been proposed that we begin proceedings for the evaluation of this plan."

Local celebrity Joe Bremer was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really heal my career!"

When asked his opinion, the mayor exclaimed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Council voted yesterday 8-2 to enforce parking laws in the municipality. The mayor is aware that the ordinance will be unpopular with some denizens, and that it could undoubtedly hinder commercial growth.

Income generated from parking fines will be relatively little. However, the mayor said, "Any income that the community can raise to help meet escalating metropolis costs is valuable."

Most Jasonia citizens will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.

Local viewers replied "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite jolly about it."

A survey taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

Dear MisSim,

I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I request, and the money's great.

My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee

Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really nice guy. Call me for his number.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Alan Davis, finagled a cool deal. "With this skateboarder, we will make rugby history, crushing whoever is in our way." Guy Justin, the skateboarder on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 1 million dollar salary, a electronic ant, a painfully-trained dinosaur, and of course weeks on end of a twisted tibia.

When asked his opinion, the mayor grunted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason countered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Oman restricted migration this week in a thirsty new move. Oman diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Zaude Institute views this act with alarm, "they might be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Pfsr. Xavier showed minimal concern saying, "I think we should cease investigating this proposal."

When prompted, one witness noted, "Oh, this makes me so avid, I will possibly just kiss."

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled smoothly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

When asked, a trophy maker sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Plans for an organized street football League are gaining momentum as droves of kids join the throngs that occupy our city lanes to play football. "I was worried at first," exclaimed one parent unnecessarily, "but cars can always turn down side roads. Traffic isn't a problem."

Councilman Helmut Albitre also endorses the move, "I've got eight children of my own. They want to play football. As long as they wear tooth pads, it's fine by me."

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled unexpectedly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few pleasant relationships were created as a result.

A poll by Pearson Asks revealed most locals of Jasonia have a hankering for a marina. But Captain Fred's reasons were perhaps the most unique.

"Arr! I'm sick o' captainin' my boat on the land!" Commented alleged pirate Fred Perry in an exclusive interview today. "Me an' me crew needs a marina so's we c'n get some barnacles on our stern! Them snake neighbors o' ours is startin' ta gets sick of our cannon fire and we done looted 'em dry," observed Perry. "Squawk!" Added Peg lightly, the captain's flavored parrot.

Most Jasonia locals would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-nine year old woman radiantly replied, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Manny Silva, finagled a horrible deal. "With this negotiator, we will make football history, smashing whoever is in our way." Helmut Yamato, the negotiator on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 4 million dollar salary, a ultra-light beer, a slowly-trained peewit, and of course weeks on end of a fractured eyeball.

"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Patricia Weiss, a prominent vagabond usually at McGarbers' mansion.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a jogger kissed strongly.

Doctors Against Trash, a shamelessly formed organization, held a public book burning Tuesday at 2:11 pm. Police broke up the meeting and arrested members for assembly without permit.

"I can't believe this is happening," stated police chief Mao Rubichek, "they were burning 'Tom Sawyer,' 'Macbeth,' 'Moby Dick' and 'The Scarlet Letter.' Do you know why? These idiots sighed, and I quote, 'Cause they gots bad words.'"

Doctors Against Trash spokesmodel Allison Adams responded "we don't request no filthy trash cluttering our children's minds."

Most Jasonia citizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-three year old woman judiciously answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."