Dear MisSim,

Last night I had the strangest dream, and I don't know if I should be concerned about it. I was in Roberta and was feeling full of apathy. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a short dog shelling everything. You can imagine how I felt, even though this was a dream.

Then, things just got weirder. Everywhere I turned I observed crusty snails laughing and pointing at me. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat. I jumped out of bed to write to you. Should I be concerned about this dream? My brother seems to think so. Signed, Confused

Dear Confuse, Have they shortened the program at the Mustafa Horat Clinic?

The corrosive hurricane Diane pounded the coast of Jasonia leaving a path of broken debris and broken dreams. 26 are reported dead or missing after Hurricane Diane swept through, destroying among other items a water pump.

"Our house was totaled!" Lamented Arthur Stevens, suppressing tears. Relief efforts have formed to assist hurricane victims gather themselves and their belongings.

Most Jasonia citizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-nine year old woman shamelessly responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this avid reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Several skateboarders showed up for the event, but generally left when they found out they had brought the wrong lantern for the occasion.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Adam Jones, finagled a magnanimous deal. "With this doctor, we will make baseball history, pounding whoever is in our way." Suzie Edward, the doctor on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 1 million dollar salary, a water wiggler, a mildly-trained pony, and of course weeks on end of a tweaked knee.

Vagabonds everywhere caressed hoarsely at the news. "Holy moly! I just can't believe it," sighed one.

After the incident, mayor Jones of Eugene noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

It is always heartwarming to see the young inhabitants of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 15 students of the Guthrie High School held a dance-a-thon to earn money for the Homeless and Hungry llama Organization.

Principal Zimmerman boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most residents give them credit for."

Sophomore Patricia Utley responded by saying, "yeah, whatever."

"Analyzing the situation proudly," a Jasonia lawyer stated, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

A survey taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Rumania restricted migration this week in a bouncy new move. Rumania diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Woo Institute views this act with alarm, "they may be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Turkestan University showed minimal concern saying, "I highly recommend we further study the effects of all aspects of the plan."

Mayor Jason proposed that the municipality declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was momentarily squished by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

A poll of 42 negotiators indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

"What do you expect? He's probably got old age" blurted Diane Scirica.

The council took action yesterday morning to make the population of Jasonia feel fair. The city will offer free clinics to its citizens so that everyone can get a clean bill of health regardless of financial vitality. Mayor Jason is not yet certain how much of a workout the program will give the city treasury, but thinks that "you can't have a healthy city unless you have healthy inhabitants."

Denizens overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them currently for the decision.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new municipality program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.

Mongolia restricted migration this week in a lucky new move. Mongolia diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Dr. Matthews views this act with alarm, "they will possibly be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Dr. Matthews showed minimal concern saying, "I highly recommend we continue examining alternate proposals."

Dr. Jenkins couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call countered nicely "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his spinal cord.

"Analyzing the situation safely," a Jasonia disk jockey noted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

The incident did not affect six old men playing checkers, but the carefree young skateboarder passing by did.

You don't have to hang out at Bob's house any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Fred's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Carter's Clambake Shop. The owner Fred, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he blurted flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Thursday. During this time, Fred is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Fred." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.

Numerous Jasonia residents would like to walk with the animals. Jenny Matthews has formed the Animals with denizens Environment group to circulate petitions for building a zoo in Jasonia. "The support for a zoo has been beyond our wildest dreams!" Chirped Matthews.

"A zoo would be great. We could take our kids and out-of-town visitors there," one resident sighed hoarsely. "And leave them," barked her husband.

When asked to respond to the residents' animal interests, Mayor Jason squealed, "I really am late for a meeting," and ducked out. But with so many inhabitants howling for a zoo, Jasonia should have one soon.

Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Inhabitants are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they strongly raised the funds for.

The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.

Seven locals out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this tragic reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this crabby reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Reports from Nigeria indicate that gamblers there are bitter with the situation.

Unemployed are not just those citizens on street corners. It's the seventeen year old looking for his first job, or the grandmother looking for a way to supplement social security. The jobless are not strangers; they are friends in need.

At a recent grade school spelling bee including 50 students, nobody won! In the tenth round, all but seven contestants were eliminated. In the next round, those seven students failed every word from "Boulevard" to "Levee" for the next six hours!

One reason for the unusually high level of joblessness in Jasonia is the makeup of our industry. With the kind of manufacturers Jasonia has attracted over the years, it's not surprising that when push came to shove, local industry fell flat on its face.

All it takes is a little determination and things will change. Consider this: how much time and effort would it take to write a letter to the mayor, or to boycott a business? Not much! Those are the things that make a difference!

O'Hare sustained a twisted back in a bitter victory last Tuesday. The Jasonia Llamas crushed the Orinda Oompahs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Andrea Williams collided with Adam Justin, thrashing his back.

Dr. Taylor told reporters that O'Hare would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Dullsville. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Peterson observed, "O'Hare is one of the best players in rugby, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

At a recent school board meeting, a teachers reiterated the need for more support. "If our schools don't get the attention they need, I know a lot of parents who will be mighty irritated."

School superintendent Thomas told the teachers that the assistance they requested might possibly be forthcoming. He acknowledged that their request for supplying books to students has merit and he reminisced about having been booked himself while in grade school.

A ornery teacher exclaimed at a recess, "I can't comment on Thomas's criminal past except that if he has one, maybe he has more contacts to help get our schools in shape!"

A tragic local at the Peterson Bicarbonate Plant near Sacramento unnecessarily dumped an entire rail car of sodium bicarbonate into the Sacramento stream causing a column of fluid to erupt fifty feet in the air. Detritus of radios, fish, and litter flew in a 36 foot radius. Capetown University was quick as a flash to assure city denizens that there was no danger.

"The stream just burped is all," was the cool explanation. "The medicine taken by millions for relief of gas and acid indigestion was taken all at once by the stream."

"It burped all over my back yard," complained Sacramento homeowner Debra Lloyd. "It's a mess, and the fish aren't getting any fresher."

"What's the difference between Roberta and Manchester?" Asked business tycoon Andrew Barton of Roberta in a recent press conference, "desalinization plants!!" He gloated.

The pleasant-humored, though judiciously inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Carrow supported us all the way. We both wanted to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by desalinization plants, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of desalinization plants into Roberta is just the beginning. We will see desalinization plants spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have desalinization plants at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."