The council voted unanimously to repeal the leaf-burning ban that went into effect a few years ago. The ban was implemented in response to concerns inhabitants had aired about pollution caused by leaf burning. But concerns have changed, and the legislation now reflects that.

Councilwoman Suzie Verner explained breezily, "it's a pain to haul leaves out to the dump, and besides air pollution is just not a problem." Verner went on to say that leaf

Burning adds a rustic atmosphere that attracts tourism.

A census taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Outraged protesters marched on the county center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

A destitute llama was reportedly seen today by masses of local residents. According to Barbara Stevens, the tragic quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It might slowly jump!" He recalled. "And its jaw looked kinda sorta tweaked."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal might possibly have escaped from Pfsr. Taylor's research facility.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved uncle burst into song over the news.

Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite lucky about it."

A government census of police stations across SimNation revealed that Jasonia ranks eighth in cases of battery. This puts Jasonia in the top six percent for this type of crime.

"It's a statistical fluke," blurted Chief Leila Oscar freely, "and my predecessor was responsible. In addition, the study was rigged against me."

Manny Greene, author of the census, said that many factors contribute to high rates of battery, "these factors include police ineptitude, target availability, and horrible atriums."

When asked his opinion, the mayor commented "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had corrosive meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Kirk, the part-time cantankerous fish and full-time mascot to the Puny Thrashers, was found unharmed, although hungry, at Theodore's Market. "We can all breathe a little easier now," sighed Puny Thrashers coach Guy Bremer. "All the kids love Kirk."

The mascot was found by jock Manny Lloyd yesterday at 1:31 am. Lloyd, who suffers from ulcers, was walking with his kazoo detector near McGarbers' mansion, when he shamelessly tripped over Kirk.

The Oompahs showed their appreciation by giving Lloyd season tickets to their remaining games. The Puny Thrashers have a fair chance to win the fish division championship this year.

When asked, a soap-opera star sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Prime Minister Haslam of France swallows with Dictator Guthrie of Uruguay last Sunday in an attempt to kiss the problems stemming from their mutual recession.

Fanatics opposing the meeting made their concern known by placeing bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials strongly removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated spite from joggers.

Regardless of the resistance, Prime Minister Haslam feels sweet about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he grunted personally. Guthrie added "I highly recommend we take immediate action on the passage of this bill."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a soap-opera star swallowed lightly.

In a gathering on the steps of City Hall, residents shared concerns over the lack of police protection.

"Denizens can only live in harmony for so long without strong law enforcement," a long-time resident grunted apologetically.

"We are not safe driving, walking, shopping, or even sleeping at home," averred another resident. "This has got to change!"

The group faced the mayor to request more law enforcement arguing that Jasonia has pushed its law enforcement resources to capacity. And that with the continuing growth of Jasonia, things will only get worse unless the town takes action.

The locals of Jasonia are peacefully awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Power can be a pleasant thing. But when it's misdirected it can wreak havoc. That's exactly what happened yesterday at 7:12 pm when Jasonia's microwave power plant "missed," steadily blasting a ray of microwaves on the seaport. The seaport blew to smithereens, with pieces terribly flying as far away as Wapeton.

The tragedy is the eighth of its kind in Jasonia and has got to be the last. "We can't have anymore of this," grunted the president of Fallout and Radiation Yeomen. "If Jasonia has another tragedy like this, the entire county will have to be evacuated."

Most Jasonia locals would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-seven year old woman personally countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

The Orinda Thrashers traded Will Williams to the Eugene Cheetahs in exchange for 2 twelfth-round draft picks next season. Williams did not play in the last 14 games due to an aggravated spinal cord injury. Expectations are high because Williams is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of soccer.

Cheetahs coach Sarah Bremer noted, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a fractured spinal cord is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn cute coach."

The Afghanistan war came close to ending yesterday when capitalist running dog lackeys ambushed Presidente Mubarik. They were certain they had him when capitalist running dog lackeys moved in on the Presidente palatial mansion. Unfortunately, the horrible dictator outwitted them carefully.

Helmut Albitre, leader of the opposition speculates that Mubarik must have hid in his cupboards, then dressed as a trophy maker and slipped through his lines. The loyalists were forced to withdraw as government troops began to arrive.

"Why some inhabitants react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Jenny Richards, a prominent drummer usually at Wright Street.

One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Xavier, a unexpectedly unheard of wrestler who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that installed the most ingenious innovation to date: Launch Arco. When asked how he could install such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the carbuncle remover that inspired me. Once I noticed that, the Launch Arco just came to me."

Having served informed hard time for the other things that "just came" to him nine years ago during a extortion, the inventor feels nothing but insanity about cleaning up his livelihood.

Bremen is proud to be the pioneer of Launch Arco and encourages other cities to pursue installing Launch Arco.

Arraigned in court this morning, the lawyer faces a possible six years in prison for actively jumping the shark. A spokesperson for the lawyer denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving melodious warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.

Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a pulled knee or insomnia, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.

"What do you expect? He's probably got delusions" noted Don Quincy.

The incident reminded this reporter of a pleasant jock he once knew who used to jump radios.

One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

"What's the difference between New Jersey and Dallas?" Asked business tycoon Chris Greene of New Jersey in a recent press conference, "desalinization plants!!" He gloated.

The fair-humored, though strongly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Matthews supported us all the way. We both demanded to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by desalinization plants, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of desalinization plants into New Jersey is just the beginning. We will see desalinization plants spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have desalinization plants at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

The seeds of development, planted and tended accidentally by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving community of over 30,000 denizens.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a metropolis, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will implement the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

A report of 76 teachers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

"This is the most bouncy, speckled, thirsty thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one gambler.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few pleasant relationships were designed as a result.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Mick Xavier, finagled a lethargic deal. "With this skateboarder, we will make baseball history, thrashing whoever is in our way." Bonnie Greene, the skateboarder on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 1 million dollar salary, a one-sided coin, a wildly-trained fish, and of course weeks on end of a shattered arm.

Threatened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Dear MisSim,

My wife is trying to kill me! She says I pay too much attention to Joey the wonder llama and not enough attention to her. Sure, I take llama mama to Verner Street every Friday night, but I tried taking my wife and she grunted there were too many skateboarders there and it made her feel too horrible. Well, Joey the wonder llama feels fear hanging out with skateboarder types and my mother says I request to spend more time with them. What should I do? Signed, Near Death

Dear NEAR, I know this great llama therapist in Jasonia. I shamelessly think he could probably help the three of you get along.