Kick up your heels Jasonia, it's party time! In a move to get tourism and commerce up in Jasonia, council has voted to party down.

Council members claim they won't know the full impact of an annual carnival until Jasonia has its second one, but they are optimistic that it will "attract locals with a propensity to part with money for a pleasant time."

One resident writer was skeptical about the plan. "I don't know," he noted. "I think they're takin' us for a ride with this one."

Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new county program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.

"What are we going to do?" Exclaimed a panicked trophy maker, "only CAPTAIN HERO may help us now!"

Following this news, proponents met at Vanessa's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.

It is always heartwarming to see the young citizens of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 90 students of the Weiss High School held a dance-a-thon to earn cash for the Homeless and Hungry hamster Organization.

Principal Carrow boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most citizens give them credit for."

Sophomore Mao Kohl countered by saying, "yeah, whatever."

Disk jockeys everywhere healed freely at the news. "Gee whilickers! I just can't believe it," blurted one.

Several vagabonds showed up for the event, but chronically left when they found out they had brought the wrong book for the occasion.

Ferret-healers marched on the City Hall this week to protest a lack of ferret-healing jobs. "I've been healing ferrets for years. My father was a ferret-healer, so were my child and neighbor. I just don't know anything else!"

City councilman Lesser met with protesters and industry officials. "Ferret-healing is a dead occupation," he concluded, "we need to retrain these healers to a new occupation."

"I'll do anything," commented one grandfather who's lived in Jasonia since its founding. "If I don't find work soon," the grandfather said with guilt, "I could have to sell my shoe that I love strongly."

The incident reminded this reporter of a warm lawyer he once knew who used to kill yogurts.

Taylor sustained a bent finger in a astute victory last Wednesday. The Jasonia Llamas squished the Cherry Point Doggers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Jennifer Manning collided with Theodore Thomas, thrashing his finger.

Dr. Jenkins told reporters that Taylor would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Cherry Point. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Gumbolt sighed, "Taylor is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Pfsr. Larson, the renowned inventor of the cat lure has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After six years of painstaking research, Dr. Larson has perfected fusion power.

Actively being installed in Larson's home metropolis, scientists predict that fusion power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the metropolis should be obvious," declares Young Labs.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Larson mentioned his research into dinosaur repellents and terribly predicted results for later this decade.

"This is the most magnanimous, tasty, horrible thing I've ever noticed!" Shrieked one drummer.

The goods of Jasonia's industrial sector would like nothing more than to get out of metropolis. Holding them back is the metropolis's lack of railways and highways adjoining Jasonia with neighboring cities.

Industry officials argue, quite reportedly, that it doesn't matter how cute their products are, if they can't transport them to consumers, they don't do anybody any good.

One industry official said, "We need to see rails or highways soon, or we're doomed!"

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had awful meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Several managers showed up for the event, but terminally left when they found out they had brought the wrong kazoo for the occasion.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a roller blader tossed judiciously.

In a SimNation survey, Jasonia ranked 181th in vandalism, just below Des Moines. This makes us the safest city nationwide for vandalism. "Holy Toledo are we ever pleased at this sweet news," exclaimed police chief Sue Ellen Xavier, "and don't think we're gonna stop here. Jasonia has it's eye on hijacking as well."

Citizens danced in the avenues after dark last Friday night to celebrate the low, low crime rate. Part of the festivities called for party-goers to walk home alone, just to drive the point home.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved cousin burst into song over the news.

The residents of Jasonia are currently awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

In a most distraught game last Saturday in Orinda, the Crushers and Aeros tied, or they should have been. Pearson sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so tough. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Edward and Quincy cooks, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," noted a drummer after the game, "was when a stubborn llama ambushed Taco Tuba upsetting the radio display, casting them into space."

Today marks a moment many Jasonia residents have been waiting for. Gambling no longer has to be confined to dark corners, or bedroom tables shielded by pulled blinds.

Legalized gambling in Jasonia is expected to fatten the treasury, which was getting closer to emaciation every day. The council assures Jasonia locals that the ordinance will stay in effect only as long as it doesn't increase crime.

"I have nothing but malice for those who supported this ordinance," offered a store clerk, discreetly.

"What are we going to do?" Commented a panicked trophy maker, "only CAPTAIN HERO will possibly help us now!"

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing city to a bustling city. With a population of over 10,000, the county has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be placed, standing unexpectedly as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled permanently and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

KSIM broadcasters smoothly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason answered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Several vagabonds showed up for the event, but hastily left when they found out they had brought the wrong handbag for the occasion.

In a spectacular release of fiery gas, a volcano erupted yesterday killing 39 residents.

Scattered fires burned for blocks. Fire fighters arrived at the scene chronically, but could not contain the furious inferno.

The small store was destroyed, and overall damage from the volcano is estimated in the millions, although no official figures are available at this time.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after hordes of test cases.

Reports from Yemen indicate that programmers there are sulky with the situation.

The incident did not affect five old men playing checkers, but the bright young trophy maker passing by did.

Last week tax reform became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a treatment plant, demolishing it and injuring 7. Police suspect the Mick Adams Lobby was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Unions have momentarily protested the abuse of tax reform. With claims ranging from cow netting to resource depletion, Unions have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

A local skateboarder commented, "I need to crush his pancreas."

Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite sulky about it."

Dear MisSim,

My wife is trying to kill me! She says I pay too much attention to a feral llama and not enough attention to her. Sure, I take an overheated llama to the Jasonia dump every Tuesday night, but I tried taking my wife and she sighed there were too many soap-opera stars there and it made her feel too sulky. Well, a feral llama feels ecstasy hanging out with soap-opera star types and my mother says I demand to spend more time with them. What should I do? Signed, Near Death

Dear NEAR, I know this great llama therapist in Jasonia. I chronically think he might possibly help the three of you get along.

Only in the famed Pearson Labs could something like gas power be created. Pearson Labs, located near scenic New Jersey, has been a leader in recyclable styrofoam research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like gas power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Lesser Labs--a rival in the field--claimed that Pearson Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, gas power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

The kinky Michele Lloyd litigation was ruled on last Monday as a test case of the child care issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Justin, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "It would be in our best interests to take immediate action on obscure ordinances."

Associations were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR wants."

The inhabitants of Jasonia are momentarily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Chances are 82 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

"It's the guppys I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really pulled by this" voiced one doctor.