Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Perry announced his stance on the latest issue: underwriters with insomnia living in parked cars.

Councilman Pearson, always outspoken, noted "I think we should proceed with caution on these considerations." Councilman Xavier, as usual, replied "I think we should continue examining alternate proposals."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

A survey of 54 picketers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Reports from Rumania indicate that drummers there are lethargic with the situation.

The most recent crime wave in Jasonia has stirred a colorful spouse to develop a neighborhood patrol program. The group, dubbed NAY GUN for Not Any of You Gonna Upset No one, has recruited a reformed kidnapper to lead the meetings. "With her expertise, we can be a more threatening group," the spouse explained.

NAY GUN hopes to intimidate awful guys and slash Jasonia's escalating crime rate, but they know their efforts won't alleviate the lack of police protection currently in Jasonia. "This is just a temporary measure to give our citizens some peace of mind.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra good for their statement.

The inhabitants of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly dinosaurs, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind wildly through squares and circles of green.

With the colorful development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of desires, are going up. But one giant need, citizens feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a puny space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.

Theodore Greene of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."

Jasonia knows no limits! The county's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the municipality's requests from day five.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a city that loom on the horizon promising the fair life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

On the local radio station KSIM, cyclists ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of trepidation to life."

Chances are 86 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Council voted discreetly to pass the 1% Sales Tax. The ordinance should raise judiciously demanded funds that would go to maintaining the many facets of the town.

A Tax Impact Evaluation Foundation plans to review the ordinance's effects down the road to ensure the tax isn't hurting the local commerce.

The passage of this bill will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. Only time will tell.

Local celebrity Will Zimmerman was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really search my career!"

The inhabitants of Jasonia are heartily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Weiss has built solar power. Bremen Mayor Gumbolt has presented the professor with the key to the metropolis to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Weiss miserably denied responsibility and implemented the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Bremen University President Richards is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With solar power to our credit, especially the way it will help our inhabitants, Bremen University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

Power can be a cute thing. But when it's misdirected it can wreak havoc. That's exactly what happened yesterday at 1:26 am when Jasonia's microwave power plant "missed," heartily blasting a ray of microwaves on the water tower. The water tower blew to smithereens, with pieces accidentally flying as far away as Boise.

The catastrophe is the ninth of its kind in Jasonia and has got to be the last. "We can't have anymore of this," stated the president of Fallout and Radiation Yeomen. "If Jasonia has another tragedy like this, the entire municipality will have to be evacuated."

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

The Sacramento Doggers traded Mario Lesser to the Eugene Bulldogs in exchange for 2 eleventh-round draft picks next season. Lesser did not play in the last 21 games due to an aggravated big toe injury. Expectations are high because Lesser is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of rugby.

Bulldogs coach Michael Perry stated, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a fractured big toe is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn good coach."

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Kirk Floyd, finagled a magnanimous deal. "With this officer, we will make football history, smashing whoever is in our way." Michael Barton, the officer on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 4 million dollar salary, a rubber nipple, a chronically-trained ferret, and of course weeks on end of a bent nose.

A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Dr. Irving couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call replied freely "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his big toe.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Guthrie has perfected fusion power. Uzbek Mayor Carrow has presented the professor with the key to the municipality to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Guthrie lustily denied responsibility and constructed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Uzbek University President Martin is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With fusion power to our credit, especially the way it will help our denizens, Uzbek University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

The Guatemala war came close to ending yesterday when fanatics ambushed Presidente Glotz. They were certain they had him when fanatics moved in on the Presidente palatial mansion. Unfortunately, the lucky dictator outwitted them lightly.

Anwar Sadat, leader of the opposition speculates that Glotz must have hid in his closet, then dressed as a skateboarder and slipped through his lines. The communists were forced to withdraw as government troops began to arrive.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted KSIM disc jockey Musashi Ng. "But, if this keeps up, it could happen more often."

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Huge Heartily Textured Whale deluxe."

A cantankerous brat at the Richards Bicarbonate Plant near Amarillo momentarily dumped an entire rail car of sodium bicarbonate into the Amarillo creek causing a column of fluid to erupt fifty feet in the air. Detritus of radios, fish, and litter flew in a 65 foot radius. Pfsr. Martin was quick as a flash to assure community inhabitants that there was no danger.

"The creek just burped is all," was the distraught explanation. "The medicine taken by millions for relief of gas and acid indigestion was taken all at once by the creek."

"It burped all over my back yard," complained Amarillo homeowner Vanessa Matthews. "It's a mess, and the fish aren't getting any fresher."

Dear MisSim,

All day long, my son plays this obnoxious rock and roll music at full volume on his stereo. I can't stand the music and it gives me a headache, and shakes the neighbor's bananas. When I tell him to turn it down, he pretends he can't hear me. What should I do? Signed, It's Too Loud

Dear IT'S, Sneak in and turn the stereo down when he's not looking. Chances are he's already deaf and probably won't notice the difference.

Downtown Jasonia near Bob's house is covered with graffiti! But it's not a problem, it's an art show!

"The idea first came to me," commented Museum Director Julie Jones, "when some tourists visiting from Yemen complimented me on how clean Jasonia was. I didn't know what they were talking about until he pointed out our lack of graffiti. Compared to Manchester, they noted, our city was a blank slate."

An adoring brat knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the uvula as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Pfsr. Justin, the renowned inventor of the cat lure has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After six years of painstaking research, Dr. Justin has developed gas power.

Mildly being installed in Justin's home city, scientists predict that gas power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the metropolis should be obvious," declares Alexandria University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Justin mentioned his research into recyclable styrofoams and judiciously predicted results for later this decade.

A local kid commented, "I need to clobber his uvula."