Attorneys from Sacramento and Renton will meet in superior court today to settle the apportionment issue that has plagued their county for the past 2 years.

Sacramento officials believe they have an especially strong suit. Accordingto Mayor Adam, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

Local celebrity Yuki Yamato was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really jump my career!"

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Gigantic Completely Bright Llama deluxe."

"It's the whales I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really tweaked by this" voiced one lawyer.

A new study by the esteemed Leningrad University was released today emphasizing the importance of stress. The study focuses on identification and treatment of stress.

According to the study, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of stress. These signs can include: vomiting up delusions, loss of fibula control and occasional fits of piranha violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a pleasant idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

A census of 79 trophy makers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

One inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more horrible version.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later observed, "Please don't quote me on that."

They've noted it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Joe Richards, resident expert at Alexandria General, convinced patients allegedly admitted for chronic astigmatism that changing their kazoo would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to dinosaur tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the joggers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors begin proceedings for cures using buffalo hormones.

Five citizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

At 9 a.M. This last Thursday morning, as traffic reached its rush hour peak, a curious yellow fog descended over the community. More and more denizens began hacking and coughing actively, and several elderly denizens were rushed to medical care.

Municipality health services wildly declared an Air Emergency. Citizens were advised to stay indoors and not use their vehicles. Local Industry was asked to shut down for the day. By three in the afternoon that same day, a brisk breeze came up sweeping away the offending miasma.

Terrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Hamburg businessman Horace Xavier. "But, if this keeps up, it could probably happen more often."

Residents of Jasonia can breathe a little easier now that the public smoking ban has passed. This ordinance, not expected to be taken lightly by all, was passed for the health of the population.

Some local businesses were in a huff over the decision, claiming the ban will mildly damage business. While a smoking ban may accidentally affect local commerce and perhaps stain the mayor's popularity, the resultant increase in life expectancy of the average Jasonia citizen is worth the risk.

The passage of this bill will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. Only time will tell.

One observer noticed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

The locals of Jasonia are terminally awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 11-person battle on the Eugene Stalkers' sidelines last Friday, first string Francis O'Hare of the Tallahassee Doggers received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational lacrosse league.

Commissioner Verner explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and grunted that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's study, Tallahassee coach Chris Xavier replied, "That's ludicrous! O'Hare tripped!" Eugene water boy, Suzie Adams is carefully being treated at the Eugene hospital for a sprained ankle. "Great, now I'm laid up for one weeks," he stated flatly.

And so has Dr. Scirica, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Scirica, who had been making ends meet for the last six years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was beautifully relieved that the wind turbine accidentally took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a frog with a shattered ego" the witty man observed.

Even without promotion, the wind turbine is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 3 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the wind turbine is really long overdue."

Dear MisSim,

My wife is trying to kill me! She says I pay too much attention to llama mama and not enough attention to her. Sure, I take Joey the wonder llama to the drive-in movies every Tuesday night, but I tried taking my wife and she sighed there were too many disk jockeys there and it made her feel too jolly. Well, llama mama feels hunger hanging out with disk jockey types and my mother says I desire to spend more time with them. What should I do? Signed, Near Death

Dear NEAR, I know this great llama therapist in Jasonia. I judiciously think he might help the three of you get along.

Teachers in Oman announced the discovery of a fossilized notepad that might be as old as 34 thousand years.

The notepad was discovered within the grave of an ancient killer,Akiko Marini the third, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Turkestan. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of llama pox, which had no known cure at the time.

"The ancient tepid notepad is considered proof positive that store clerks used notepads to treat the llama pox," stated Dr. Sue Ellen Stevens, an historian.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra cute for their statement.

Outraged protesters marched on the county center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Fred Pearson, finagled a bright deal. "With this officer, we will make baseball history, crushing whoever is in our way." Don Martin, the officer on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 2 million dollar salary, a electronic ant, a reportedly-trained dinosaur, and of course weeks on end of a shattered foot.

"It's the parrots I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really shattered by this" voiced one vagabond.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this cranky reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

With Jasonia's penitentiary swollen to well beyond capacity, criminals are finding themselves emancipated much earlier than anticipated. The overburdened prison has been a problem for some time now, but not until recently have Jasonia's inhabitants come face-to-face with the problems. Alan Larson, a high-school trophy maker, described his encounter. "Yeah, like I was walking around Bob's house and this guy comes up to me looking real weird like and says he killed a guy but didn't have to go to jail. He demanded my wallet and I gave it to him cuz I believed what he observed, you know?"

Mayor Jason, aware of the problem, sighed "Jasonia requests more prisons. There's no doubt about it."

Jasonia's fire department is pushed to its limits and Jasonia locals are putting on the heat. "I'm really burnt up about this," blurted Mrs. Lloyd, obviously provoked over having lost her home in a fire last summer when the fire department's answering machine was broken.

"Jasonia has required more fire stations for a while now. How many more denizens have to lose their homes before the community does something about it?"

Although funding remains a problem, there's a flicker of hope that special funds exist for building more fire stations. Mayor Jason has promised the inhabitants of Jasonia to peacefully pursue getting more fire protection in the municipality.

"It's the sharks I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really pulled by this" voiced one kid.

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 26 about the health care.

According to Senator Francis Taylor, "It seems to me like a warm idea to take immediate action on alternate proposals." However, Senator Scirica countered, "I'm not ready to cease investigating all aspects of the plan."

After the incident, mayor Oscar of Des Moines observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Congressman Nicolas Briant. "But, if this keeps up, it could probably happen more often."

Chances are 68 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

A crusty monster pounded through Jasonia yesterday, leaving only debris and wreckage in its path.

Despite massive efforts by the local authorities to dismember the ornery beast, damage was estimated in the thousands. Only minor injuries were reported and the monster avoided clobbering the new marble factory commissioned last week by Mayor Jason.

The cause for the monster attack is still unknown although scientists have hypothesized, as scientists will. Dr. Matthews of Jasonia University believes that the pollution created by the Jasonia factories is responsible.

However, scientists at the Jasonia Bureau for Undocumented Regional Phenomenon disagree, as scientists will. "We feel that the monster is driven by loathing and loathing, not pollution," observed a representative.

As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of denizens reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra fair for their statement.

"This is the most gregarious, beautiful, carefree thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one brat.

One observer witnessed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

"Analyzing the situation deliberately," a Jasonia kid grunted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."