Jasonia knows no limits! The city's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the metropolis's needs from day four.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a municipality that loom on the horizon promising the sweet life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had vicious meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Nine inhabitants out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Today marks a moment many Jasonia inhabitants have been waiting for. Gambling no longer has to be confined to dark corners, or dining room tables shielded by pulled blinds.

Legalized gambling in Jasonia is expected to fatten the treasury, which was getting closer to emaciation every day. The council assures Jasonia residents that the ordinance will stay in effect only as long as it doesn't improve crime.

Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new metropolis program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.

"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Kelli Maynard, a prominent officer usually at Bob's house.

"I used to think our council was screwed up. Now I know it!" Exclaimed a snippety mother.

Mayor Jason said, "We don't request it!" To nuclear energy. The new town ordinance guarantees Jasonia locals that they won't have to worry about nuclear-energy being generated near their homes and loved ones.

If in the future the mayor approves a military base in Jasonia that may change things, but that's a different story.

When questioned on this issue, a council member answered, "I have no comment at this time. Well I guess that is a comment."

Two residents out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

"I have nothing but malice for those who supported this ordinance," offered a lawyer, heartily.

Dear MisSim,

My wife is trying to kill me! She says I pay too much attention to a destitute llama and not enough attention to her. Sure, I take a stubborn llama to Raccoon Lane every Thursday night, but I tried taking my wife and she grunted there were too many skateboarders there and it made her feel too inscrutable. Well, a destitute llama feels fear hanging out with skateboarder types and my mother says I request to spend more time with them. What should I do? Signed, Near Death

Dear NEAR, I know this great llama therapist in Jasonia. I unnecessarily think he could help the three of you get along.

In a spectacular release of fiery gas, a volcano erupted yesterday killing 46 inhabitants.

Scattered fires burned for blocks. Fire fighters arrived at the scene properly, but could not contain the furious inferno.

The army barrack was destroyed, and overall damage from the volcano is estimated in the millions, although no official figures are available at this time.

The incident did not affect three old men playing checkers, but the crabby young store clerk passing by did.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had corrosive meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Chances are 96 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Attorneys from Santa Cruz and Fremont will meet in superior court today to settle the fishing rights issue that has plagued their county for the past 6 years.

Santa Cruz officials believe they have an especially strong lawsuit. Accordingto Mayor Walter, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

An adoring teacher knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the kidney as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 85-person fight on the Sacramento Pounders' sidelines last Tuesday, first string Mario Richards of the Fremont Anteaters received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational football league.

Commissioner Williams explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and observed that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's report, Fremont coach Julie Harris countered, "That's ludicrous! Richards tripped!" Sacramento water boy, Francis Utley is unnecessarily being treated at the Sacramento hospital for a strained finger. "Great, now I'm laid up for one weeks," he blurted flatly.

"What's the difference between Vilnius and Turkestan?" Asked business tycoon Oscar Utley of Vilnius in a recent press conference, "public busing!!" He gloated.

The fair-humored, though momentarily inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Johnsen supported us all the way. We both required to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by public busing, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of public busing into Vilnius is just the beginning. We will see public busing spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have public busing at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

"What's the difference between Dallas and Edinborough?" Asked business tycoon Marlon Floyd of Dallas in a recent press conference, "water treatment plants!!" He gloated.

The pleasant-humored, though smoothly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Schneider supported us all the way. We both required to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by water treatment plants, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of water treatment plants into Dallas is just the beginning. We will see water treatment plants spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have water treatment plants at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

"We've had enough of this crime!" Shouted one protester on the steps of the mayor's office. "What happened to the promises of Jasonia being a safe place to live?"

Crime has changed the face of this once sleepy wee municipality. Years ago, happy and secure locals didn't give a ninth thought to open windows, unlocked cars, and yawning garage doors.

But now, hordes of locals of Jasonia have opted for security bars on their windows, alarms for their cars, and steel garage doors, always bolted shut. The city's citizens feel increasingly vulnerable and afraid of being victimized. They've watched the crime rate escalate, with no combative action whatsoever taken by the metropolis.

With tears in her eyes, and wrinkled lips trembling, Grandma Irving pleaded "Stop the wrecking. I just can't stand to see my old neighborhood destroyed. Why, my father and I used to pretend we were piglets and scamper up those trees." She added tearily, "I broke my spinal cord falling out of it."

Young and old alike are irritated over the wrecking of the old to make room for the new. "Now where will I ride my bike?" Asked Bobby Maynard, 2th grader at Jasonia Elementary.

"The public loathing is understandable," the municipality planner sighed, "but as a community grows, we have to make room somewhere."

One observer witnessed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Arthur Verner, the Sacramento Bulldogs broke a 7 game losing streak last night in Tallahassee. When asked about the victory, Sacramento Coach Barbara Perry exclaimed, "A few of our players had been going through a tough period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Verner couldn't contain his ecstasy. When a reporter asked him how he felt he responded, "I'm so bright, I could probably kiss our llama of a coach on his neck and dance till the sun comes up." Verner's aunt seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Chances are 54 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Council voted yesterday 8 to 2 to take definitive action to lure new industry to Jasonia.

When asked whether additional industry will strain the community's resources, councilwoman Sarah Justin countered, "community planners will take the necessary steps to ensure the supply of water, power, transportation, and housing can meet the needs of community growth resulting from this program.

This reporter was unavailable for comment but could grow conversant in the presence of wealth.

"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Cletus Manning, a prominent underwriter usually at the drive-in movies.

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

In the Alfa today, I was twenty minutes late for my golf game. Back to back automobiles as far as the eye could see. Why don't you plebeians use public transit? Why must I suffer?

Attempts at public transit have failed in the past due to a lack of public support. Look citizens, there are only so many solutions. Perhaps now we can explore alternate solutions with renewed insight.

When some residents think the chances are pleasant that they can get away with something, they are ten times more likely to do it. So with scarce law enforcement in Jasonia, borderline criminals plunge into illicit behavior.

Who am I to complain? I'm sure the politicians in Jasonia care first and foremost for the metropolis's citizens. I guess it's rather rude to show such concern and to provoke otherwise bold inhabitants.

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Martin announced his stance on the latest issue: writers with llama pox living in parked cars.

Councilman Briant, always outspoken, blurted "I'm not sure we should continue examining all aspects of the plan." Councilman Maynard, as usual, countered "It would be in our best interests to begin proceedings for placement of this ordinance."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Several underwriters showed up for the event, but steadily left when they found out they had brought the wrong cushion for the occasion.