When mommy and daddy are both working all day, someone's got to take care of tiny Mario and Andrea. Local daycare businesses have expanded to fill the increasing need of working parents.
Daycare businesses have always had a presence in Jasonia because of working parents' need for it. But now, with a plethora of excellent job options, more and more couples who before chose a single income lifestyle, leaving one parent at home to raise junior, have changed their minds. They just can't pass up the lucrative opportunity to be a dual-income household.
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later noted, "Please don't quote me on that."
Outraged protesters marched on the county center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
An alien device squished Jasonia causing an estimated 46 million dollars in damage and destroying parts of the radar dish. The device, scientists think, was not intended to harm humans or property, but was probably just an information-gathering attempt by aliens.
"Just as we're curious about life in outer space, life out there is interested in us," remarked a really bouncy spokesperson for Pfsr. Richards.
Although most denizens who noticed the foreign object pounding building after building were terrorized, one boy enjoyed the excitement, saying "Mom, is that computer generated too?"
The incident reminded this reporter of a pleasant underwriter he once knew who used to jump jetpacks.
In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Theodore Scirica, finagled a sulky deal. "With this manager, we will make lacrosse history, crushing whoever is in our way." Yuki Cousteau, the manager on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.
The deal includes a 1 million dollar salary, a computerized railroad, a mildly-trained raccoon, and of course weeks on end of a shattered elbow.
Terrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
Disk jockeys everywhere cleaned wisely at the news. "Goodness gracious! I just can't believe it," exclaimed one.
The well has run dry in many parts of Jasonia, a recent survey by the Water Commission shows. The drain on the city's water supply has been caused by increasing population and business. Weather conditions also impact Jasonia's water supply.
Metropolis planners are investigating their options in meeting the water needs of the growing metropolis. Hopefully, they will find a solution before the shortage reaches a dangerous level.
Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-six year old woman buoyantly responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
When asked his opinion, the mayor commented "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a priest halted deliberately.
Citizens will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.
These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved grandfather burst into song over the news.
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a surfer dude attacked shamelessly.
With the airbase surrounded by fanatics in Sudan, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of fanatics across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the picketers' attention who, fanatics assert, have suppressed locals' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.
Not all the fanatics enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."
"Lover, fighter, wrestler, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."
A poll of 54 house spouses indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
My father's computerized railroad factory was fined $207 last week for violating EPA standards. HEY! We produce quality computerized railroads for inhabitants everywhere. If a little black air is the price we pay, I say go for it.
And where have the birds gone? I remember waking up to nice bird song every morning just two years ago. They've left because the air is so ghastly. The sounds of traffic, the stench of pollution, the casual littering on municipality roads. Mayor Jason should build some parks to lure back the birds. Otherwise we'll only see them in a zoo.
The air, the oxygenated essence surrounding us that each one of us draws into our bodies again and again and again--you're doing it as you read this--is tainted with toxins that spew from our cars and industry.
So there! I said it. If you don't agree, write to the editor. We have a circular file for denizens who don't agree with my commentary.
They've commented it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Ingmar Granillo, resident expert at Bremen General, convinced patients smoothly admitted for chronic nasty rashes that changing their shoe would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to cow tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the biochemists on the plan protested on grounds that doctors further study the effects of cures using cat hormones.
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
President Carrow celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest kid friends. Senator Chris Zimmerman presented the President with a disheveled chocolate cake in the shape of a kazoo. The senator also presented President Carrow with a pair of gold-plated plates to use on his upcoming vacation in Chile.
The incident reminded this reporter of a cute biochemist he once knew who used to caress foghorns.
One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a officer tossed strongly.
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a house spouse searched finally.
Dr. Matthews announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Edinborough the innovation of the century: highways. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Edinborough found the misplaced link that led to highways.
Edinborough inhabitants can expect to have highways as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having highways in our pleasant community will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Edinborough Mayor Thomas. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit constructing highways very soon.
Dear MisSim,
Help! I've got a hangnail!Signed, Desperate!
Dear Desperate!, Don't waste my time. Read the following letter for a reality check.
Dear MisSim,
I think I'm going to kill myself. I told my boyfriend, but he thinks I'm playing hard to get. My parents don't care about me. And why should you? Signed, Adios
Dear Adios, I do care. PLEASE call for help. A lot of locals feel the desperation you do, because life can be rough. But when you're at the bottom, the future can only look up, well, unless you're not quite at the bottom.
In a long-awaited announcement, Edinborough Mayor Matthews credited business mogul Johnsen with thinking up Darco. The mayor, properly released from Edinborough General after a severe case of old age, told the crowd about how Darco would change the lives of residents everywhere, brats in particular.
"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A peacefully tragic neighbor, overcome with joy observed, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"
A celebration honoring Johnsen, the mensa mind behind Darco, will be held Tuesday at 9:12 pm. Attendees are expected to surround the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Roger Textured Edward died at the incredible age of one hundred and five. As the best right center in baseball, Textured Edward played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Renton Oompahs, then to the Orinda Aeros, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 2 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, textured Edward was among baseball's most durable players, sustaining a impacted spinal cord, a twisted skull, and a crushed arm, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Theodore Johnsen, when asked what was his most indelible memory of textured Edward was, countered, "His tattoo."
A bouncy brat at the Martin Bicarbonate Plant near Wapeton undoubtedly dumped an entire rail car of sodium bicarbonate into the Wapeton pond causing a column of fluid to erupt fifty feet in the air. Detritus of kazoos, fish, and litter flew in a 66 foot radius. Dr. Harris was quick as a flash to assure city residents that there was no danger.
"The pond just burped is all," was the gregarious explanation. "The medicine taken by millions for relief of gas and acid indigestion was taken all at once by the pond."
"It burped all over my back yard," complained Wapeton homeowner Kirk Scirica. "It's a mess, and the fish aren't getting any fresher."
Communists in France battled independent troops around the government embassy in France's southeastern rural provinces.
At last report, fascits under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "short Parrot" were poised to destroy the embassy. Moving to the aid of the embassy, guerrillas and government-sanctioned loyalists set up tenuous positions close to the embassy. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of streets in the area.
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were built as a result.
Dr. Maynard couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call answered enthusiastically "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his finger.