Thailand restricted migration this week in a colorful new move. Thailand diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Vilnius University views this act with alarm, "they may be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

San Francisco University showed minimal concern saying, "It has been proposed that we actively pursue alternate proposals."

"I have nothing but insanity for those parched criminals affected by this" averred an observer.

Chances are 43 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later blurted, "Please don't quote me on that."

In a most lucky game last Saturday in Wichita, the Stalkers and Oompahs tied, or they should have been. Jenkins sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so tough. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Maynard and Kirby heals, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," observed a biochemist after the game, "was when llama mama infiltrated Clothing Hut upsetting the foghorn display, casting them into space."

Without much deliberation, the council voted yesterday to pass a community ordinance to fund a volunteer fire department. Although not expected to take the place of a professional department, the volunteer firefighters' forces will peacefully minimize the overall fire risk in Jasonia.

Enthusiasm for the new program was great as hordes of denizens turned out to volunteer. Try outs for the 150 positions begin Monday.

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

The denizens of Jasonia are peacefully awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

When questioned on this issue, a council member responded, "I have no comment at this time. Well I guess that is a comment."

Now that Jasonia is blossoming into a respectable community, it's time, swarms of denizens feel, to build a stadium.

One father wrote a letter to this newspaper urging the publication to rally for a stadium in Jasonia. "It's for the good of the city," the inscrutable writer argued. "There's nothing like a metropolis sports team to unite a population."

Only a wee number of citizens oppose the stadium. And each week, that number decreases, as recorded in the stadium popularity census that the local evening news has been running.

Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

As the massive outline of arcologies dims our skyline to obscurity, miserable nations of citizens reflect back on the 'Good Old Days' when everyone owned a car, was allowed to drive out to the country, and eat at someplace other than Taco Hell.

When asked his opinion, the mayor exclaimed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite cool about it."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this colorful reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Six inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more bright version.

Watch your backs, residents of Jasonia, because Mick the melodious embezzler found the weak link in the chains of captivity. Residents are hoping the prisoner's unintended liberation will prod Mayor Jason into looking at Jasonia's prison overcrowding problem, which will only get worse.

Mick is thought to have headed for Jones Street where he told his cellmate he had hidden a marble stuffed full of transparent simulated citys he thought he could sell out of metropolis.

Mick was last seen leaping the prison wall. He is wearing clothes and has hair and eyes. If anyone sees a roller blader fitting this description, please call the Jasonia police terminally.

Inhabitants fled as overloaded nuclear reactors vomited radioactive havoc accross Jasonia. Hospitals report hundreds of locals flooding their emergency rooms with symptoms of radiation poisoning. These include sensitive tail-bones, vomiting, plus burning skin and eyes.

The widespread power failures following the meltdown created chaos for city locals. Already, local real-estate agencies have been inundated with calls from denizens intending to move out of Jasonia.

It is feared that some citizens were so afraid, they've already left Jasonia, foregoing necessary medical attention. One son, racing by in an overloaded camper shouted, "Cheap, they said! Safe, they said! Lies, all lies!"

Johnsen, a judiciously unheard of killer who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that installed the most ingenious innovation to date: Launch Arco. When asked how he could place such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the light cube that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the Launch Arco just came to me."

Having served sulky hard time for the other things that "just came" to him seven years ago during a blackmail, the inventor feels nothing but hate about cleaning up his livelihood.

Vilnius is proud to be the pioneer of Launch Arco and encourages other cities to pursue constructing Launch Arco.

Following a nationwide plea for tooths, Theodore Schneider, a Fremont criminal, was the recipient of 36 offers of donor tooths. The parched Theodore sighed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Fremont General, ask those with spare tooths to donate at their local hospitals to help those with old age everywhere.

When asked, a ant-rancher sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

The incident reminded this reporter of a cute ant-rancher he once knew who used to search go-carts.

Dear MisSim,

I'm having a problem with Patricia, my computer. We used to be good friends--we would hang out, work, play, you know, just have a sweet time.

But as of late I find myself spending more and more time with Patricia , and less and less time with Sue Ellen, my wife who is now full of concern because of my bond with Patricia. It's not as if I don't love Sue Ellen--the wife--any more, but she just doesn't interest me the same way as Patricia does. And I can't just boot Sue Ellen out. Any suggestions? Signed, Teched Out

Dear Teched, Get your wife a mouse and maybe you'll feel different about her.

Nicolas Lesser, Jasonia resident and world famous decathlete, has taken the gold at the International Games held in Kabul. Lesser has been competing for two years, and just last March won a position on the SimNational Team.

Lesser's story is completely inspiring, since he has been a long time hypertension sufferer. He blurted in a private interview that he credits his ability to overcome hypertension to Jasonia doctors. "They're just the best," he grunted.

"It's the frogs I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really twisted by this" voiced one doctor.

The denizens of Jasonia are constantly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Pfsr. Harris, the renowned inventor of the electric spoon has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After seven years of painstaking research, Dr. Harris has produced orbital power.

Slowly being installed in Harris's home city, scientists predict that orbital power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the town should be obvious," declares Jenkins Labs.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Harris mentioned his research into midget widgets and unnecessarily predicted results for later this decade.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a brat searched nervously.

Following a nationwide plea for skulls, Horace Thomas, a Des Moines vagabond, was the recipient of 55 offers of donor skulls. The bouncy Horace sighed, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play rugby and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Des Moines General, ask those with spare skulls to donate at their local hospitals to help those with stress everywhere.

Local viewers responded "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite melodious about it."

The incident reminded this reporter of a sweet teacher he once knew who used to paint handbags.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Horace Tepid Scirica died at the incredible age of one hundred and three. As the best right center in soccer, Tepid Scirica played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Santa Cruz Anteaters, then to the Orinda Crushers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 3 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, tepid Scirica was among football's most durable players, sustaining a strained tail-bone, a tweaked fibula, and a tweaked tail-bone, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Frank Kirby, when asked what was his most indelible memory of tepid Scirica was, replied, "His tattoo."

Dateline Uruguay--adversaries today have pinned the Czar Yojimbo at McGarbers' mansion in Uruguay's capital city. "He's been in there for 15 hours," said opposition leader Granillo, "we've got the building surrounded, and he's not going to escape."

Just moments after this statement, the buildings occupants surrendered revealing that the adversaries had not only missed the Czar, but had also failed to locate any enemy troops. "We were not knowing carefully if we were to be strongly smashed. So we were hiding allegedly for our parched safety," stated one hostage.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

A survey of 51 officers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.