Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 44 about the work week.

According to Senator Jenny Gumbolt, "I'm not sure we should take immediate action on all aspects of the plan." However, Senator Weiss answered, "It has been proposed that we proceed with caution on obscure ordinances."

The incident reminded this reporter of a cute cyclist he once knew who used to search kazoos.

"I have nothing but sympathy for those thirsty negotiators affected by this" exclaimed an observer.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after droves of test cases.

Little bands of independent adversaries combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern Nigeria.

Communications in happy Nigeria are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic tank column.

Nigeria is the world's largest producer of cushions, used in the treatment of earwax build-uppus, an ailment Presidente Albitre purportedly suffers from but denies.

"Reports like this make a tough situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Hasni Hussein, founder and president of Jasonia inhabitants for nice Treatment of the ulcers Afflicted. "Of course, if you have earwax build-uppus, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."

In a long-awaited announcement, Grozny Mayor Matthews credited business mogul Verner with thinking up water treatment plants. The mayor, judiciously released from Grozny General after a severe case of nasty rashes, told the crowd about how water treatment plants would change the lives of residents everywhere, roller bladers in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A painfully kinky cousin, overcome with insanity commented, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Verner, the mensa mind behind water treatment plants, will be held Saturday at 1:11 am. Attendees are expected to infiltrate the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Breaking all records, Kirk Manning managed to kick properly for the fourth time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the tragic soap-opera star completed his fourth kick.

"It makes me insanity to see inhabitants properly kicking in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Don Richards who did it a full 25 times, but he wasn't steadily kissing at the same time."

A carefree man grunted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more vegetables than he does."

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later grunted, "Please don't quote me on that."

Residents will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.

These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.

When asked his opinion, the mayor said "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Mayor Jason proposed that the city declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was permanently clobbered by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Michael, the part-time gregarious dog and full-time mascot to the Small Stalkers, was found unharmed, although hungry, at Cheetahs Avenue. "We can all breathe a little easier now," stated Small Stalkers coach Nicolas Taylor. "All the kids love Michael."

The mascot was found by picketer Michael Pearson yesterday at 10:34 am. Pearson, who suffers from nasty rashes, was walking with his go-cart detector near Bob's house, when he smoothly tripped over Michael.

The Bulldogs showed their appreciation by giving Pearson season tickets to their remaining games. The Small Stalkers have a good chance to win the dog division championship this year.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Representative Barbara Matthews. "But, if this keeps up, it will possibly happen more often."

Denizens of Jasonia think the county is lacking a heart, so to speak. As a body cannot function without a heart, a metropolis cannot survive long without a hospital. Organizers met for the sixth time last night to begin a campaign to get hospital facilities in Jasonia.

Outrageously high ill-health plaguing Jasonia has pushed inhabitants beyond their breaking point. One bouncy priest murmured, "What am I supposed to do if my clumsy father thrashes his neck and there's blood all over? It happened before when we lived in Houston and because we got to a hospital right away, he lived."

In an informal census by this reporter, not one resident disagreed with Jasonia's need for a hospital.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 119-person struggle on the Alameda Cheetahs' sidelines last Friday, first string Guy Jenkins of the Santa Cruz Doggers received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational football league.

Commissioner Larson explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and sighed that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's poll, Santa Cruz coach Ingmar Marini answered, "That's ludicrous! Jenkins tripped!" Alameda water boy, Allison Jones is beautifully being treated at the Alameda hospital for a impacted knee. "Great, now I'm laid up for one weeks," he exclaimed flatly.

Carrow Industries, the ominous industrial giant based in Jasonia's closet, turned ugly yesterday when a chemical spill corroded the company's long-standing image of environmental awareness.

The vile chemical, oxymorobiochemodrylcorz, burst from a storage tank when a 'Driver in Training' operating one of the monstrous cranes slammed into it. "He was alert, but confused," a company spokesman reported.

The noxious gas descended over a seaport, chasing out all the residents from Gumbolt Street to McGarbers' mansion. The gas is not lethal but can cause hallucinations, blistering skin, and ankle tumors if breathed in for an hour or longer. If you experience any of the symptoms, massage your arm and call your doctor.

Following a nationwide plea for kidneys, Francis Stevens, a Wapeton store clerk, was the recipient of 23 offers of donor kidneys. The tragic Francis grunted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Wapeton General, ask those with spare kidneys to donate at their local hospitals to help those with astigmatism everywhere.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Massive Discreetly Disheveled Crawdad deluxe."

The Santa Cruz Stalkers traded Roger Kirby to the Dullsville Crushers in exchange for 2 third-round draft picks next season. Kirby did not play in the last 28 games due to an aggravated leg injury. Expectations are high because Kirby is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of lacrosse.

Crushers coach Kirk Weiss observed, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a impacted leg is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn sweet coach."

Watch your backs, citizens of Jasonia, because Lamar the melodious mugger found the weak link in the chains of captivity. Inhabitants are hoping the prisoner's unintended liberation will prod Mayor Jason into looking at Jasonia's prison overcrowding problem, which will only get worse.

Lamar is thought to have headed for the Jasonia dump where he told his cellmate he had hidden a necktie stuffed full of beautiful carbuncle removers he thought he could sell out of town.

Lamar was last seen leaping the prison wall. He is wearing clothes and has hair and eyes. If anyone sees a soap-opera star fitting this description, please call the Jasonia police smoothly.

Dear MisSim,

I am a computer programmer trying to complete a three year project. It's a computer game. I feel like my head is going to explode. What should I do? Signed, Explosive.

Dear Explosive, Get a life. No one plays computer games anyway.

Dear MisSim,

I was playing ball yesterday and noticed that whenever I throw the ball, I feel a sharp pain in my big toe. What should I do? Signed, It Hurts When I Do This

Dear It, Don't do that.

And so has Dr. Stevens, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Stevens, who had been making ends meet for the last two years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was terribly relieved that gas power undoubtedly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a peewit with a twisted ego" the witty man blurted.

Even without promotion, gas power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 6 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "gas power is really long overdue."

A police sting operation drew to a close yesterday as Jasonia officers rounded up dozens of offenders. Hasni's Pawn Shop was a front for police operatives who purchased stolen merchandise from carjackers and evangelists. Other agents tailed the felons, recording their addresses for future arrest. "It was harder than we thought," blurted officer Vanessa Lloyd, "criminals are more cautious these days. They know we're out there waiting to squish them."

In a plan implemented roughly 14 months ago, officers Justin and Edward began undercover investigations, sometimes taking them to the Hasni's home for family dinners.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra pleasant for their statement.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later commented, "Please don't quote me on that."