The competition is heating up among local companies as they rumble each other to meet their labor desires. A few of the more progressive companies, including Harris Manufacturing and Gruhler Fabritechnics, have broken out in a health insurance war to attract potential employees through their doors, not the competitions'.

Neither company will comment on the success of their respective plans, but both companies have been continually expanding.

The tight labor market has helped to multiply employee salaries and working conditions. Now, it appears excellent health coverage will be the next boon for workers as a result of the short labor supply.

"I have nothing but desire for those lucky brats affected by this" observed an observer.

"What's the difference between Turkestan and Dallas?" Asked business tycoon Oscar Jones of Turkestan in a recent press conference, "Forest Arco!!" He gloated.

The cute-humored, though smoothly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Johnsen supported us all the way. We both desired to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Forest Arco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Forest Arco into Turkestan is just the beginning. We will see Forest Arco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Forest Arco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

"I ain't never seen so many ugly llamas in all my life!" Grunted disk jockey Ichiko Woo when called upon to handle an infestation of llamas in a local solarium. The llamas were first discovered after homeowner Oscar Nigel called the disk jockey to check on a noise above the guest solarium.

"I just didn't know who to call, and my spouse blurted disk jockeys were usually good with this kinda thing," exclaimed the homeowner.

The last time the disk jockey observed something like this was when Lesser Labs called him to clean 836 plates out of his pool.

The denizens of Jasonia are smoothly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

A census of 14 writers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Second and ninth graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got irritated taxpayers moving out of their city. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts metropolis planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their municipality-building studies like never before.

Hasni Hussein, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School commented, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One third grader suffering from old age sighed, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just inhabitants in a computer?"

The council took action yesterday morning to make the population of Jasonia feel good. The community will offer free clinics to its citizens so that everyone can get a clean bill of health regardless of financial vitality. Mayor Jason is not yet certain how much of a workout the program will give the metropolis treasury, but thinks that "you can't have a healthy county unless you have healthy residents."

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

Threatened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

A local negotiator barked, "I need to clobber the tooth of the genius who thought up this one!"

A tornado, destruction in one of mother nature's nastiest forms, checked into Jasonia at 7:23 am yesterday.

For 12 minutes, Jasonia was at the mercy of intense winds which followed an erratic course, displacing cars, destroying homes, decimating street lamps, demolishing buildings, dismantling store windows and downing power lines in a devastating path before dissipating. At least 30 residents died.

"It was tough," noted Jasonia native Adam Harris. "My tenth response was 'Gee whiz!' Then I took cover."

The storm's worst was localized near a port facility, where wind-tossed trash cans reduced Carter's Clambake Shop's front windows to rubble. "This ain't kite flyin' weather," warned Sue Ellen Jones of Jasonia Community College Department of Meteorology.

Young sustained a strained arm in a informed victory last Thursday. The Jasonia Llamas pounded the Alameda Thrashers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Joe Quincy collided with Will Martin, pounding his arm.

Dr. Thomas told reporters that Young would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Tallahassee. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Gumbolt commented, "Young is one of the best players in football, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

With the capitol surrounded by loyalists in Brazil, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of loyalists across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the underwriters' attention who, loyalists assert, have suppressed locals' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.

Not all the loyalists enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."

"Lover, fighter, carjacker, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."

After the incident, mayor Jenkins of Wapeton observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Only in the famed Verner Labs could something like orbital power be created. Verner Labs, located near scenic Alexandria, has been a leader in dehydrated water research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like orbital power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Alexandria University--a rival in the field--claimed that Verner Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, orbital power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

Larson sustained a bent knee in a thirsty victory last Thursday. The Jasonia Llamas crushed the Cherry Point Cheetahs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Frank Gumbolt collided with Fred Thomas, thrashing his knee.

Dr. Matthews told reporters that Larson would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Santa Cruz. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Manning exclaimed, "Larson is one of the best players in lacrosse, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a large city, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.

Bands played and residents cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic metropolis founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.

A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all locals that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.

A report of 51 surfer dudes indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

"What are we going to do?" Said a panicked soap-opera star, "only CAPTAIN HERO might help us now!"

Dear MisSim,

My Uncle Ralph has this really inscrutable motorcycle that he requests to sell to me for real cheap. My mother says if I get a bike, it'll be a race to see who smashes me first, her or it! What should I do? Signed, Iwannabike.

Dear IWANNA, Buy the motorcycle and wear a helmet, that'll protect you from whichever gets you first.

Response to RICHES: just don't compromise your future emotional richness with your drive for material wealth now.

Lofty expectations have brought Jasonia commerce officials to the mayor's office in hopes he will respond to their request for an airport. High Five, a group of three influential business owners, organized a campaign gathering over 2,500 signatures in support of an airport.

Mayor Jason, when presented with the petition blurted, "I hear you, denizens of Jasonia. I know that an airport will boost commerce, helping our local economy. I also know the skycopter traffic reports would ease your commute. An airport will add pollution to Jasonia, but if Jasonia needs an airport, an airport Jasonia will have!"

Now, the metropolis awaits to see when the mayor will deliver.

Fanatics occupied supply depot in Nigeria yesterday to make their cool intentions clear. The fanatics forcefully claimed responsibility for the 4 deaths and 4 injuries saying in their statement to the press, "we've got the power to get what we want and this is our way of asking."

The Grand Poobah of Nigeria has not commented on the situation, but a writer and close personal friend confirmed that Grand Poobah Yojimbo, an ardent supporter of the 'My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad' military strategy, plans to retaliate.

No doubt that the Grand Poobah will be putting investment banking problems on hold for a while.

Droves of inhabitants threw marbles. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

Taylorco Chemicals has been charged with dumping hazardous waste directly into Jasonia's sewer system. Councilman Marlon Taylor, founder of the company refused to comment on the pending lawsuit.

Pfsr. Williams predicts the dumping will probably poison local groundwaters for the next 47 years. "We could have to import our water in the near future. If the waste doesn't dissipate, there could probably be an epidemic of stress."

KSIM broadcasters steadily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

A survey taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

KSIM broadcasters hastily reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.