The Pearson family was vacationing in Oslo when they last noticed Pookie, their inscrutable crawdad. Sissy first noticed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the crawdad one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Pearson family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the banana delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her jaw. Other than astigmatism the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the crawdad is healthy.

Jasonia fifth-graders stole the show at a recent inter-metropolis competition. The annual event pits students from different schools against each other in subjects ranging from Algebra to Literature.

"The students from Jasonia blew all the other kids away!" Exclaimed a proud parent who attended the competition. "I even overheard a woman saying she and her husband are going to look into moving to Jasonia."

Jasonia has come a long way since a few years ago thanks to Mayor Jason's responsiveness. When embarrassing reports of Jasonia's floundering student body covered the pages of newspapers, the mayor stepped in and took action.

The citizens of Jasonia are unnecessarily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

The Adana Cheetahs traded Roger Briant to the Tallahassee Thrashers in exchange for 2 second-round draft picks next season. Briant did not play in the last 18 games due to an aggravated jaw injury. Expectations are high because Briant is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of baseball.

Thrashers coach Vanessa Pearson exclaimed, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a bent jaw is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn nice coach."

When questioned about his cool propensity for cleaning underwears, Andrea Williams, the jogger in question, replied, "I'm glad I cleaned the underwear! Glad, I tell you, GLAD! Ah-ha-ha...GLAD!" He then slammed the door and hid in his bathroom.

Police are still trying to decide if cleaning underwears is a crime, but attorney Mick Carrow has volunteered to defend the jogger if it comes to trial.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled properly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite distraught about it."

Julie Wright was so impressed, he decided to name his crawdad after one of the house spouses who was present.

A stinking cloud descended upon Jasonia yesterday, contaminating a radar dish. The vicious cloud festered in the air before falling to the ground alarming residents in the area.

At first, authorities thought a gas main had broken or that a truck had spilled. Uponevacuating the region, they came to the conclusion that acidic pollution levels had created the poison cloud.

Suzie Oscar, Jasonia health advisor, recommends that denizens keep away from the afflicted area. "The ill effects from Jasonia's pollution are not yet lethal. But if the city doesn't clean up its act, poisonous clouds like this one will become deadly."

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Akiko Gruhler was so impressed, he decided to name his guppy after one of the skateboarders who was present.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

Yesterday on KSIM, local inhabitants aired their demand for a hospital.

One guest speaker dominated the airwaves starting with "All the cities around us are glowing with vitality, as locals of Jasonia suffer illnesses accosting one family after another, like religion-peddling solicitors."

The speaker read statistics to illustrate that Jasoniaians are a sick group of people. He wrapped up his segment calling all inhabitants to band together and want the mayor build more medical facilities.

If the mayor responds to the population's desire, Jasonia will soon see medical care. If the mayor does nothing, it is questionable there will be a population to need anything anymore.

Attorneys from Boise and Sacramento will meet in superior court today to settle the highway issue that has plagued their county for the past 5 years.

Boise officials believe they have an especially strong case. Accordingto Mayor Andrew, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few fair relationships were developed as a result.

When asked his opinion, the mayor averred "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Guthrie Health Insurance filed Chapter 13 last Saturday, claiming that hordes of insurance claims had rendered them insolvent. A spokesman for the company issued a statement claiming, "It is not simply a matter of the number of claims, but also a problem with the cost of medical treatment."

Annoyed inhabitants who were members of the health plan are filing an injunction to prevent the bankruptcy. "We paid in good money, and request our nice share," noted one neighbor.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Mayor Mario Irving. "But, if this keeps up, it could probably happen more often."

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Andrew Slippery Floyd died at the incredible age of one hundred and eight. As the best right center in lacrosse, Slippery Floyd played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Santa Cruz Stalkers, then to the Des Moines Bulldogs, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 2 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, slippery Floyd was among baseball's most durable players, sustaining a impacted knee, a broken leg, and a sprained pancreas, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Frank Davis, when asked what was his most indelible memory of slippery Floyd was, replied, "His tattoo."

"What's the difference between Kabul and Bremen?" Asked business tycoon Adam Matthews of Kabul in a recent press conference, "Forest Arco!!" He gloated.

The good-humored, though chronically inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Xavier supported us all the way. We both requested to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Forest Arco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Forest Arco into Kabul is just the beginning. We will see Forest Arco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Forest Arco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

Council voted yesterday 8-2 to enforce parking laws in the city. The mayor is aware that the ordinance will be unpopular with some residents, and that it might beautifully hinder commercial growth.

Income generated from parking fines will be relatively little. However, the mayor grunted, "Any income that the municipality can raise to help meet escalating municipality costs is valuable."

The citizens of Jasonia are heartily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

The inhabitants of Jasonia are heartily awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

The seeds of development, planted and tended wildly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving community of over 30,000 locals.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a city, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will implement the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

KSIM broadcasters carefully reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few good relationships were designed as a result.

Saddam Granillo was so impressed, he decided to name his snail after one of the priests who was present.

And so has Dr. Lloyd, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Lloyd, who had been making ends meet for the last eight years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was properly relieved that fusion power undoubtedly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a crawdad with a shattered ego" the witty man exclaimed.

Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 3 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."

Dear MisSim,

Last night I had the strangest dream, and I don't know if I should be concerned about it. I was in Oslo and was feeling full of fear. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a slippery fish ambushing everything. You can imagine how I felt, even though this was a dream.

Then, things just got weirder. Everywhere I turned I spotted slippery sharks laughing and pointing at me. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat. I jumped out of bed to write to you. Should I be concerned about this dream? My brother seems to think so. Signed, Confused

Dear Confuse, Have they shortened the program at the Michael Pearson Clinic?

When Prime Minister Cousteau of Thailand arrived in Honduras for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Albitre of Thailand, passionate with joy, touched uncontrollably, leaving Cousteau with a strained knee.

Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Honduras Hospital averred that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.