Mayor Jason sighed, "We don't need it!" To nuclear energy. The new city ordinance guarantees Jasonia denizens that they won't have to worry about nuclear-energy being generated near their homes and loved ones.

If in the future the mayor approves a military base in Jasonia that may change things, but that's a different story.

The passage of this bill will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. Only time will tell.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later commented, "Please don't quote me on that."

Local doctors in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.

Iraq sighed yesterday that it supports its guerrillas. In their peace-keeping efforts, the guerrillas shelled the opposition's supply depot. Their actions, they reported, were the only way they will probably avert hostilities.

Czar Haggen, jolly with the news, sputtered "It has been proposed that we take immediate action on the root of all this violence." His only child, Cletus agreed. These actions will undoubtedly spark further violence, perhaps commanded by the tasty Czar himself.

Chances are 73 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Several lawyers showed up for the event, but shamelessly left when they found out they had brought the wrong lantern for the occasion.

One thousand denizens! A cool number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our city will grow larger still. We might reach that bouncy goal of five million.

The locals of Jasonia are carefully awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

"What do you expect? He's probably got pimples" exclaimed Suzie Zimmerman.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few good relationships were designed as a result.

A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

In the most bright game of football history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Fremont Oompahs last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the tenth time in 15 years and would only be trip number 3 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 15 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Tallahassee on Friday at 2:32 pm. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

President Jenkins celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest priest friends. Senator Leila Richards presented the President with a greasy chocolate cake in the shape of a cushion. The senator also presented President Jenkins with a pair of gold-plated bananas to use on his upcoming vacation in Uruguay.

When asked his opinion, the mayor sighed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Don Maynard, a prominent picketer usually at Horace's Market.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved neighbor burst into song over the news.

And so has Dr. Harris, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Harris, who had been making ends meet for the last four years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was terribly relieved that the wind turbine steadily took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a llama with a shattered ego" the witty man stated.

Even without promotion, the wind turbine is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 10 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the wind turbine is really long overdue."

Inhabitants fled as overloaded nuclear reactors vomited radioactive havoc accross Jasonia. Hospitals report hundreds of denizens flooding their emergency rooms with symptoms of radiation poisoning. These include sensitive fingers, vomiting, plus burning skin and eyes.

The widespread power failures following the meltdown created chaos for community locals. Already, local real-estate agencies have been inundated with calls from citizens intending to move out of Jasonia.

It is feared that some locals were so afraid, they've already left Jasonia, foregoing necessary medical attention. One mother, racing by in an overloaded camper shouted, "Cheap, they said! Safe, they said! Lies, all lies!"

With tears in her eyes, and wrinkled lips trembling, Grandma Utley pleaded "Stop the wrecking. I just can't stand to see my old neighborhood destroyed. Why, my grandfather and I used to pretend we were snakes and scamper up those trees." She added tearily, "I broke my skull falling out of it."

Young and old alike are aggravated over the wrecking of the old to make room for the new. "Now where will I ride my bike?" Asked Bobby Adams, 2th grader at Jasonia Elementary.

"The public dread is understandable," the city planner observed, "but as a community grows, we have to make room somewhere."

Chances are 8 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Joey the wonder llama was reportedly seen today by innumerable local locals. According to Bonnie Jones, the kinky quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It might possibly smoothly jump!" He recalled. "And its spinal cord looked kinda sorta bent."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal might have escaped from Mubarik Institute's research facility.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Mayor Thor Pearson. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."

"Analyzing the situation bravely," a Jasonia biochemist grunted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Now that Jasonia is blossoming into a respectable community, it's time, countless residents feel, to build a stadium.

One neighbor wrote a letter to this newspaper urging the publication to rally for a stadium in Jasonia. "It's for the good of the city," the cantankerous writer argued. "There's nothing like a city sports team to unite a population."

Only a minuscule number of inhabitants oppose the stadium. And each week, that number decreases, as recorded in the stadium popularity census that the local evening news has been running.

Outraged protesters marched on the county center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

It is always heartwarming to see the young citizens of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 17 students of the Edward High School held a dance-a-thon to earn cash for the Homeless and Hungry peewit Organization.

Principal Briant boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most denizens give them credit for."

Sophomore Sue Ellen Martin answered by saying, "yeah, whatever."

Most Jasonia locals would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-eight year old woman spitefully answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

"This is the most jolly, crusty, distraught thing I've ever witnessed!" Shrieked one negotiator.

The Zaire war came close to ending yesterday when adversaries occupied Prime Minister Granillo. They were certain they had him when adversaries moved in on the Prime Minister palatial mansion. Unfortunately, the astute dictator outwitted them miserably.

Mustafa Sadat, leader of the opposition speculates that Granillo must have hid in his cabinets, then dressed as a brat and slipped through his lines. The fanatics were forced to withdraw as government troops began to arrive.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

A carefree man grunted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more tables than he does."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Roger Maynard, the Twin Peaks Thrashers broke a 15 game losing streak last night in Farmington. When asked about the victory, Twin Peaks Coach Manny Perry grunted, "A few of our players had been going through a vicious period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Maynard couldn't contain his hunger. When a reporter asked him how he felt he answered, "I'm so melodious, I will probably kiss our raccoon of a coach on his neck and dance till the sun comes up." Maynard's aunt seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

"It's the cats I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really twisted by this" voiced one teacher.

Crawdad watchers from across SimNation gathered in Jasonia this week to observe the semi-bi-annual migration of the wild speckled crawdad. "It's hard to find speckled crawdad anymore," observed Yuki Floyd head of the Fair Crawdad Group, "they are so timid and sensitive. Noise and pollution drive them away."

Floyd went on to point out the natural range of the speckled crawdad has shrunk in recent years. "The few remaining crawdads are converging on Jasonia due to its low noise and clean air."

A poll of 57 gamblers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Dear MisSim,

My husband and I are about to break up over the toilet paper question. What do YOU say? Is it supposed to go over the top, or otherwise? Signed, Flushed

Dear Flush, No matter how you look at it, it goes back to science and our anatomy as males and females. A store clerk will position the toilet paper in a way representative of that store clerk's sex. Therefore, men unexpectedly deploy the roll with the paper falling over the top, and women position the paper more properly, with the paper falling down the back of the roll, out of sight.