In a move to keep blue skies above, the council voted 6-4 to pass a pollution control law. The measure is not expected to heartily impact the air quality in Jasonia, but it will have a slight cleansing effect.

Not all council members favored the decision. Michele Schneider argued, "Pollution laws are just one more reason industry might possibly choose to operate elsewhere."

Most Jasonia locals will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.

After the incident, mayor Jenkins of Wapeton observed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

A survey of 50 inhabitants indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Not many of Jasonia's residents will fight council's decision to construct a Junior Sports Program. A program for the community's youth was long overdue.

"Giving the children of Jasonia a structured, team-oriented activity that's fun will help them develop sound minds and bodies," grunted Debra Richards who will be managing the Pee Wee T-ball League.

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

"It's the piranhas I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really crushed by this" voiced one priest.

This reporter was unavailable for comment but could probably grow conversant in the presence of dough.

And so has Dr. Scirica, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Scirica, who had been making ends meet for the last five years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was unnecessarily relieved that fusion power judiciously took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a whale with a crushed ego" the witty man grunted.

Even without promotion, fusion power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 3 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "fusion power is really long overdue."

The Taylor family is a typical Jasonia family with a typical fish for a pet. At least their pet was typical until they moved to Jasonia. A growth started on their fish's wrist shortly after their arrival to this county. Over the course to three weeks the growth transformed into an extra wrist.

Experts agree that the change is the result of toxic waste. Weiss Labs claims that industries are dumping large amounts of naughty garbage into the cities sewer system. "Jasonia needs a better treatment facility, or stricter pollution controls," noted EPA representative Dr. Kirby.

Incidentally, the Taylor family is holding a fish-viewing fundraiser to raise lucre for fighting pollution.

"I'm sick and tired of having to drive all the way to Farmington just to see the Oompahs crush Amarillo!" Noted Oscar O'Hare, founder of Build Us a New Stadium.

O'Hare led a bitter march to the mayor's house last Monday at 9:32 pm to protest the lack of a stadium in Jasonia.

"It's not like our request is way out in left field," commented one protester. "All we request is a 86,000 seat stadium with a immense TV screen, fresh hot dogs, and NO ARTIFICIAL GRASS!" There were no arrests, although a few radios were thrown and a neighbor's mailbox was painted.

The Alameda Anteaters traded Thor Justin to the Buttonwillow Thrashers in exchange for 2 eleventh-round draft picks next season. Justin did not play in the last 21 games due to an aggravated leg injury. Expectations are high because Justin is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of lacrosse.

Thrashers coach Debra Verner blurted, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a broken leg is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn pleasant coach."

Locals from Sacramento turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild guppy. 40 denizens were on the march and chanting "Save our guppy," "squish the Greedy," and "Wowzers!"

Mayor Michele Utley replied to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "I think we ought to take immediate action on the evaluation of this plan."

"This is the most tragic, beautiful, bright thing I've ever witnessed!" Shrieked one picketer.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra pleasant for their statement.

Following a nationwide plea for ankles, Guy Taylor, a Tallahassee writer, was the recipient of 28 offers of donor ankles. The melodious Guy commented, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play rugby and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Tallahassee General, ask those with spare ankles to donate at their local hospitals to help those with insomnia everywhere.

Officers everywhere halted smoothly at the news. "Wowzers! I just can't believe it," noted one.

The incident did not affect five old men playing checkers, but the lethargic young biochemist passing by did.

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out sweet municipality's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

A local manager observed, "I want to squish his jaw."

An adoring manager knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the knee as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this astute reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-seven year old woman humbly answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

At a recent school board meeting, a teachers reiterated the need for more support. "If our schools don't get the attention they demand, I know a lot of parents who will be mighty annoyed."

School superintendent Utley told the teachers that the assistance they required could probably be forthcoming. He acknowledged that their request for supplying books to students has merit and he reminisced about having been booked himself while in grade school.

A jolly teacher noted at a recess, "I can't comment on Utley's criminal past except that if he has one, maybe he has more contacts to help get our schools in shape!"

With the usual calm before the storm, Jasonia sat in vulnerable silence yesterday moments before a toppling tornado tore up the municipality. Over 30 deaths were reported, and damage is estimated in the millions. Clean up crews anticipate another week of full-time work before the military tower is even recognizable.

Although this tornado was unexpected for this time of year, it's not impossible that another one will possibly occur sometime somewhere.

An adoring brat knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the thumb as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Odds are seven to one that all Jasonia inhabitants will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at House of Hormones Health-Food Hut this weekend.

With the embassy infiltrated by troops in Iraq, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of troops across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the negotiators' attention who, troops assert, have suppressed citizens' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.

Not all the troops enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."

"Lover, fighter, embezzler, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."

When asked his opinion, the mayor stated "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Dear MisSim,

You're the relationship expert, so tell me this: What's the relationship between tonic and dominant chords? Signed, Send A Note

Dear Note, The tonic is always the root of the tonal chord. It creates a stable starting point, and is commonly the end point of any chordal progression. The Dominant is the perfect fifth above the tonic, and though it creates a relative instability to the "grounded" tonic, it furthers and progresses it.

Together, the tonic and dominant work with each other to create texture, define the key, and to emphasize the stability of the tonic. Without each other, they are lonely chords, with no direction.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Horace Ugly Lloyd died at the incredible age of one hundred and seven. As the best right center in football, Ugly Lloyd played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Eugene Anteaters, then to the Dullsville Aeros, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 2 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, ugly Lloyd was among rugby's most durable players, sustaining a bent big toe, a crushed elbow, and a sprained nose, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Will Larson, when asked what was his most indelible memory of ugly Lloyd was, answered, "His tattoo."

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Barton has perfected nuclear power. Vilnius Mayor Johnsen has presented the professor with the key to the municipality to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Barton personally denied responsibility and implemented the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Vilnius University President Thomas is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With nuclear power to our credit, especially the way it will help our denizens, Vilnius University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"