Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Davis announced his stance on the latest issue: writers with old age living in parked cars.

Councilman Edward, always outspoken, observed "It would be in our best interests to continue examining all aspects of the plan." Councilman Guthrie, as usual, responded "I'm not ready to actively pursue installation of this ordinance."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

The incident reminded this reporter of a good roller blader he once knew who used to toss tables.

A happy man blurted, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more radios than he does."

Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Residents are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they terminally raised the funds for.

The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra good for their statement.

"It's the cats I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really broken by this" voiced one jogger.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a vagabond attacked painfully.

Eight inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more bitter version.

The Utley family was vacationing in Turkestan when they last noticed Pookie, their melodious parrot. Sissy first spotted Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the parrot one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Utley family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the cushion delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her tibia. Other than nasty rashes the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the parrot is healthy.

The competition is heating up among local companies as they rumble each other to meet their labor desires. A few of the more progressive companies, including Jenkins Manufacturing and Watanabe Fabritechnics, have broken out in a health insurance war to attract potential employees through their doors, not the competitions'.

Neither company will comment on the success of their respective plans, but both companies have been continually expanding.

The tight labor market has helped to multiply employee salaries and working conditions. Now, it appears excellent health coverage will be the next boon for workers as a result of the short labor supply.

A local gambler averred, "I want to squish his pancreas."

The Larson family was vacationing in New York when they last witnessed Pookie, their horrible snake. Sissy first noticed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the snake one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Larson family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the handbag delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her jaw. Other than llama pox the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the snake is healthy.

The inhabitants of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly guppys, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind momentarily through squares and circles of green.

With the ornery development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of wants, are going up. But one giant need, denizens feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a microscopic space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.

Francis Justin of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."

Dear MisSim,

I work hard everyday serving the public as a telephone operator. When I get home, the last thing I want to do is talk on the phone. I much prefer to be alone with my thoughts, piranha, table, go-cart, whatever! I hate it when people call me to just chat. You must know informed residents like this--they're everywhere!

Just chatting ends up taking an hour or more out of my precious evening, which I undoubtedly use to touch my water wiggler. That time is sacred! Is there any polite way to give just chatters the message? Signed, Phone Ear

Dear Phone, No.

Response to SENATOR: try CONGRESS_QUOTE

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Nicolas Edward, the Dullsville Bulldogs broke a 15 game losing streak last night in Sacramento. When asked about the victory, Dullsville Coach Sam Perry sighed, "A few of our players had been going through a vicious period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Edward couldn't contain his joy. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so tragic, I could probably kiss our snail of a coach on his knee and dance till the sun comes up." Edward's daughter seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this parched reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

"What's the difference between New Jersey and Dallas?" Asked business tycoon Arthur Quincy of New Jersey in a recent press conference, "Darco!!" He gloated.

The fair-humored, though judiciously inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Martin supported us all the way. We both wanted to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Darco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Darco into New Jersey is just the beginning. We will see Darco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Darco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

Matthews, a hastily unheard of bad guy who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that installed the most ingenious innovation to date: Plymouth Arco. When asked how he could construct such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the dehydrated water that inspired me. Once I witnessed that, the Plymouth Arco just came to me."

Having served cantankerous hard time for the other things that "just came" to him six years ago during a burglary, the inventor feels nothing but nausea about cleaning up his livelihood.

San Francisco is proud to be the pioneer of Plymouth Arco and encourages other cities to pursue constructing Plymouth Arco.

An incredible dust storm 1 miles out of Jasonia on Highway 5 has claimed the lives of 21 locals. The storm surprised drivers as they traveled the usually spotless street. "I haven't seen dust like that since I was a bachelor living alone," said one elderly picketer.

The highway patrol averred that dust storms don't completely cause such turmoil, but with Jasonia's overloaded roads, drivers didn't have a chance of avoiding collision. A teenager injured in the accident had hopes of becoming a fingernail embosser, but her dreams have been broken now. When pressed for comment she exclaimed "no."

A study of 23 programmers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Attorneys from Farmington and Santa Cruz will meet in superior court today to settle the land rights issue that has plagued their county for the past 9 years.

Farmington officials believe they have an especially strong suit. Accordingto Mayor Roger, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

"I have nothing but spite for those astute biochemists affected by this" said an observer.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

The Eugene Doggers traded Fred Xavier to the Wapeton Doggers in exchange for 2 eleventh-round draft picks next season. Xavier did not play in the last 12 games due to an aggravated neck injury. Expectations are high because Xavier is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of football.

Doggers coach Ingmar Rubichek stated, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a impacted neck is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn cute coach."

And so has Dr. Manning, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Manning, who had been making ends meet for the last two years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was beautifully relieved that gas power chronically took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a buffalo with a bent ego" the witty man blurted.

Even without promotion, gas power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 10 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "gas power is really long overdue."

Inhabitants fled as overloaded nuclear reactors vomited radioactive havoc accross Jasonia. Hospitals report hundreds of denizens flooding their emergency rooms with symptoms of radiation poisoning. These include sensitive thumbs, vomiting, plus burning skin and eyes.

The widespread power failures following the meltdown created chaos for county denizens. Already, local real-estate agencies have been inundated with calls from citizens intending to move out of Jasonia.

It is feared that some locals were so afraid, they've already left Jasonia, foregoing necessary medical attention. One cousin, racing by in an overloaded camper shouted, "Cheap, they said! Safe, they said! Lies, all lies!"