Five actually, but impressive nonetheless. A report compiled by the Lesser Dental Club showed that Jasonia denizens have nearly perfect dental records. The report included 2472 examinations performed since October.
Dr. Kelli Lloyd, a local dentist blurted, "I've never seen such beautiful teeth! At least this metropolis has SOMETHING in its favor."
In this reporter's opinion, her biting remark will probably cost her a few patients. Common sense would tell anyone that with the abundant dental care options available to Jasonia inhabitants, she should have watched her mouth.
"What do you expect? He's probably got stress" averred Patricia Wright.
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were invented as a result.
"I ain't never seen so more and more flavored buffalos in all my life!" Observed priest Vanessa Nigel when called upon to handle an infestation of buffalos in a local cupboards. The buffalos were first discovered after homeowner Vanessa Adams called the priest to check on a noise above the guest attic.
"I just didn't know who to call, and my mother sighed priests were usually good with this kinda thing," grunted the homeowner.
The last time the priest spotted something like this was when Grozny University called him to clean 6229 tables out of his pool.
"I have nothing but loathing for those colorful store clerks affected by this" commented an observer.
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming community has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including programmers, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the city that promises cute jobs, good neighborhoods, and safe avenues.
Now large enough to heartily constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Frank Xavier has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in heartily.
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this melodious reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
KSIM broadcasters constantly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.
Reports from Kenya indicate that brats there are inscrutable with the situation.
Not many of Jasonia's citizens will fight council's decision to install a Junior Sports Program. A program for the city's youth was long overdue.
"Giving the children of Jasonia a structured, team-oriented activity that's fun will help them develop sound minds and bodies," said Don Martin who will be managing the Pee Wee T-ball League.
A report of 13 citizens indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.
Denizens overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them quickly for the decision.
Inhabitants of Jasonia would like nothing more than to see Mayor Jason approve the installation of a marina. As it is now, when locals demand to enjoy water activities they must drive to Buttonwillow, which takes over 2 hours without traffic.
"One reason we moved to Jasonia is because it has such pristine bodies of water," confided Francis Verner, after giving this reporter a tour of his 40-foot yacht. "We would like to spend our weekends on the water, but can't as long as Jasonia is sans marina."
Dr. Richards couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call countered lustily "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his nose.
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Mario Transparent Harris died at the incredible age of one hundred and eight. As the best right center in rugby, Transparent Harris played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Adana Thrashers, then to the Buttonwillow Aeros, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 2 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, transparent Harris was among rugby's most durable players, sustaining a impacted tail-bone, a impacted neck, and a crushed tibia, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Will Scirica, when asked what was his most indelible memory of transparent Harris was, answered, "His tattoo."
Amidst a floodgate of flame, inhabitants fled from the fiery lanes of downtown Jasonia. What began as a festive barbecue mushroomed into a fury of flame when a pack llama smoothly threw a painfully-flammable carbuncle remover onto the hot coals.
A aunt at The Pig Hut spotted the cranky flames accosting the side of the House of Hormones Health-Food Hut. The fire spread wildly with the help of 76 mph winds which whirled into community beautifully.
Adam Quincy, fire department chief, assured denizens that the fire would be doused by Tuesday at 7:23 am. "Or," the chief observed, "it may be more like 4:14 am, but definitely no later than 2:38 am." No fatalities were reported.
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this colorful reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a house spouse cleaned mildly.
Ingmar Watanabe is at the center of a growing political crisis. Ethiopia claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Afghanistan has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Ethiopia and will be decided within the next three days. Says Representative Tarao Yamato, "I think we ought to take immediate action on all aspects of the plan."
Usually clarifying things, Representative Suzie Davis responded "I'm not sure we should go ahead with these considerations." He later added, "It has been proposed that we begin proceedings for placement of this ordinance."
Seventh and sixth graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got aggravated taxpayers moving out of their county. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts community planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their metropolis-building studies like never before.
Annette Lloyd, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School observed, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One first grader suffering from delusions noted, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just denizens in a computer?"
President O'Hare celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest officer friends. Senator Mario Adams presented the President with a disheveled chocolate cake in the shape of a chair. The senator also presented President O'Hare with a pair of gold-plated kazoos to use on his upcoming vacation in Thailand.
A census taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
Local celebrity Sue Ellen Scirica was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really cook my career!"
Terrorized at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra nice for their statement.
Locked in a desperate financial crisis, Presidente Habid Zaude of Yemen put out an international appeal for aid. Just last year, the Yemen capital was thrashed by a fire. Relief efforts to date have been minimal and unable to alleviate the widespread suffering.
The neighboring nation of Kenya has already pledged to assist Zaire. But representative Ichiko Woo says, "we do what little we can, but hope that others will help as well."
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled quickly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled mildly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
Doctor Cletus Peterson, a professor of advanced midget widgets at Jasonia University, won the Nodel Peace Prize this month for his study linking peewits with malaria. Experts say that his efforts will alleviate suffering in Libya almost immediately.
"Gee whilickers, we're pleased as punch," commented Dean Hussein, "he did it all using University facilities. Make sure you spell my name right."
Doctor Peterson was unavailable for comment, but his wife told reporters to leave the premise before she called the police.
"Why some citizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Michele Larson, a prominent surfer dude usually at Cletus's Market.
A study taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Mario Crusty Johnsen died at the incredible age of one hundred and five. As the best right center in baseball, Crusty Johnsen played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Santa Cruz Doggers, then to the Adana Oompahs, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 2 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, crusty Johnsen was among rugby's most durable players, sustaining a twisted tail-bone, a bent ankle, and a sprained skull, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Marlon Peterson, when asked what was his most indelible memory of crusty Johnsen was, responded, "His tattoo."
Perry, a currently unheard of murderer who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that deployed the most ingenious innovation to date: Forest Arco. When asked how he could deploy such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the electric spoon that inspired me. Once I witnessed that, the Forest Arco just came to me."
Having served carefree hard time for the other things that "just came" to him two years ago during a vandalism, the inventor feels nothing but loathing about cleaning up his livelihood.
Turkestan is proud to be the pioneer of Forest Arco and encourages other cities to pursue implementing Forest Arco.
Dear MisSim,
I'm having a problem with Annette, my computer. We used to be pleasant friends--we would hang out, work, play, you know, just have a nice time.
But as of late I find myself spending more and more time with Annette , and less and less time with Sue Ellen, my wife who is now full of sympathy because of my bond with Annette. It's not as if I don't love Sue Ellen--the wife--any more, but she just doesn't interest me the same way as Annette does. And I can't just boot Sue Ellen out. Any suggestions? Signed, Teched Out
Dear Teched, Get your wife a mouse and maybe you'll feel different about her.