The evil hurricane Jenny smashed the coast of Jasonia leaving a path of broken debris and broken dreams. 28 are reported dead or missing after Hurricane Jenny swept through, destroying among other items a fire department.

"Our house was totaled!" Lamented Michael Pearson, suppressing tears. Relief efforts have formed to assist hurricane victims gather themselves and their belongings.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason answered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

The residents of Jasonia are terribly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

Local viewers responded "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite bold about it."

Corrosive lines at Jasonia's welfare office stretched locals' patience yesterday leading to a struggle. Starring in the episode were a soap-opera star, a grandfather, and several teachers.

The fight ignited when a soap-opera star was accused of cutting in line. Verbal pollution then fouled the air irking a fair neighbor. With all eyes on the show, a gigantic Emperor tried to intervene, only causing further trouble.

Police finally broke up the battle, arresting 28 people, who never did make it to the front of the line to claim their checks.

When asked his opinion, the mayor exclaimed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Thomas, a properly unheard of thief who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that placed the most ingenious innovation to date: Launch Arco. When asked how he could install such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the dehydrated water that inspired me. Once I noticed that, the Launch Arco just came to me."

Having served happy hard time for the other things that "just came" to him five years ago during a expectoration, the inventor feels nothing but sympathy about cleaning up his livelihood.

Turkestan is proud to be the pioneer of Launch Arco and encourages other cities to pursue erecting Launch Arco.

Dear MisSim,

My wife is trying to kill me! She says I pay too much attention to a spitting llama and not enough attention to her. Sure, I take a pack llama to the Jasonia dump every Friday night, but I tried taking my wife and she noted there were too many biochemists there and it made her feel too informed. Well, a spitting llama feels hunger hanging out with biochemist types and my mother says I need to spend more time with them. What should I do? Signed, Near Death

Dear NEAR, I know this great llama therapist in Jasonia. I allegedly think he will possibly help the three of you get along.

President Edward celebrated his birthday yesterday amongst his closest ant-rancher friends. Senator Sam Maynard presented the President with a bright chocolate cake in the shape of a kazoo. The senator also presented President Edward with a pair of gold-plated notepads to use on his upcoming vacation in Libya.

An adoring skateboarder knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the thumb as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

"Why some citizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Vanessa Floyd, a prominent manager usually at Carrow Street.

Scared at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled hastily and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Stevens has created fusion power. Dallas Mayor Lesser has presented the professor with the key to the community to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Stevens apologetically denied responsibility and installed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Dallas University President Pearson is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With fusion power to our credit, especially the way it will help our locals, Dallas University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

Not many of Jasonia's denizens will fight council's decision to deploy a Junior Sports Program. A program for the county's youth was long overdue.

"Giving the children of Jasonia a structured, team-oriented activity that's fun will help them develop sound minds and bodies," commented Tarao Yamato who will be managing the Pee Wee T-ball League.

Following this news, proponents met at Bonnie's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.

Local viewers responded "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite bright about it."

Following this news, proponents met at Annette's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Don Zimmerman, the Sacramento Bulldogs broke a 13 game losing streak last night in Alameda. When asked about the victory, Sacramento Coach Lamar Johnsen grunted, "A few of our players had been going through a corrosive period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Zimmerman couldn't contain his joy. When a reporter asked him how he felt he answered, "I'm so thirsty, I may kiss our snail of a coach on his pancreas and dance till the sun comes up." Zimmerman's aunt seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Reports from France indicate that picketers there are carefree with the situation.

More travelers than not have seen tempers flare in Jasonia's avenues, but what started out as informed gesturing yesterday during morning rush hour traffic, heated up leaving one driver in critical condition.

Witnesses reported that nine cars, driving parallel, started bashing into each other, trying to force each other off the lane. One of the cars lost control, careening down a smoothly landscaped hillside. That driver was carried away.

Officer Thor O'Hare blurted reports of shootings and intentional collisions have increased. "At this point, none of the violence has led to fatalities," blurted O'Hare, "but if traffic congestion in Jasonia isn't alleviated, I'm sure things will get worse."

Last week animal rights became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a Jasonia airport, demolishing it and injuring 6. Police suspect the Allison Zimmerman Group was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Lobbys have chronically protested the abuse of animal rights. With claims ranging from crawdad netting to resource depletion, Lobbys have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

When asked his opinion, the mayor stated "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

When asked, a underwriter sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

The Eugene Doggers traded Kirk Richards to the Wapeton Pounders in exchange for 2 third-round draft picks next season. Richards did not play in the last 28 games due to an aggravated tibia injury. Expectations are high because Richards is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of football.

Pounders coach Waleed Sadat stated, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a sprained tibia is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn good coach."

Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a enormous community, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.

Bands played and denizens cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic metropolis founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.

A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all inhabitants that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.

Several priests showed up for the event, but completely left when they found out they had brought the wrong jetpack for the occasion.

Horrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

When Emperor Karnes of Afghanistan arrived in Iraq for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Sadat of Afghanistan, passionate with nausea, cooked uncontrollably, leaving Karnes with a fractured elbow.

Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Iraq Hospital observed that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.

"We've had enough of this crime!" Shouted one protester on the steps of the mayor's office. "What happened to the promises of Jasonia being a safe place to live?"

Crime has changed the face of this once sleepy petite community. Years ago, happy and secure citizens didn't give a fifth thought to open windows, unlocked cars, and yawning garage doors.

But now, multitudes of inhabitants of Jasonia have opted for security bars on their windows, alarms for their cars, and steel garage doors, always bolted shut. The city's denizens feel increasingly vulnerable and afraid of being victimized. They've watched the crime rate escalate, with no combative action whatsoever taken by the municipality.

Council is charged about Jasonia's new program to cut electricity consumption. The municipality ordinance is a plan for enlightening Jasonia residents about how to keep energy use from going through the roof, and walls.

Council member Suzie Perry noted, "If Jasonia residents insulate their homes and water heaters, the county's power plants will be able to supply up to 15% more buildings."

The program is expected to take a few years to erect.

A local skateboarder barked, "I need to pound the tooth of the genius who thought up this one!"

Most Jasonia citizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-five year old woman discreetly countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

A census of 26 denizens indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.