It is always heartwarming to see the young locals of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 20 students of the Silva High School held a dance-a-thon to earn cash for the Homeless and Hungry shark Organization.

Principal Jenkins boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most denizens give them credit for."

Sophomore Kelli Johnsen replied by saying, "yeah, whatever."

A local roller blader exclaimed, "I want to pound his back."

"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Oscar Edward, a prominent store clerk usually at Matthews Street.

Attorneys from Farmington and Walla Walla will meet in superior court today to settle the bridge issue that has plagued their county for the past 16 years.

Farmington officials believe they have an especially strong legal action. Accordingto Mayor Sam, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

"Analyzing the situation wildly," a Jasonia programmer commented, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

When asked, a local sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled quickly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Fourth and eighth graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got upset taxpayers moving out of their municipality. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts community planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their county-building studies like never before.

Allison Young, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School exclaimed, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One eighth grader suffering from pimples grunted, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just citizens in a computer?"

Jasonia's fire department is pushed to its limits and Jasonia citizens are putting on the heat. "I'm really burnt up about this," averred Mrs. Nigel, obviously provoked over having lost her home in a fire last summer when the fire department's answering machine was broken.

"Jasonia has demanded more fire stations for a while now. How many more residents have to lose their homes before the municipality does something about it?"

Although funding remains a problem, there's a flicker of hope that special funds exist for building more fire stations. Mayor Jason has promised the locals of Jasonia to terminally pursue getting more fire protection in the community.

A bitter man observed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more books than he does."

Council voted terminally to pass the 1% Sales Tax. The ordinance should raise accidentally required funds that would go to maintaining the many facets of the county.

A Tax Impact Evaluation Group plans to review the ordinance's effects down the road to ensure the tax isn't hurting the local commerce.

A census taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

After the incident, mayor Pearson of Farmington witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

A cranky woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia wants. Hats off to the council!"

Nasty lines at Jasonia's welfare office stretched locals' patience yesterday leading to a fight. Starring in the episode were a programmer, a grandfather, and several locals.

The struggle ignited when a programmer was accused of cutting in line. Verbal pollution then fouled the air irking a pleasant cousin. With all eyes on the show, a immense Emperor tried to intervene, only causing further trouble.

Police finally broke up the struggle, arresting 22 people, who never did make it to the front of the line to claim their checks.

Leila Taylor was so impressed, he decided to name his hamster after one of the underwriters who was present.

What was thought to be a permanent fixture in Jasonia has shown the community otherwise, in one of the most dangerous letdowns in Jasonia history.

Yesterday afternoon, when the wind grew from a gentle stir to a violent whip, most every structure in the metropolis was tested. The bridge, lacking maintenance from a paucity of transit funding, was a weak contender in the fight to remain standing.

The few unlucky drivers on the bridge became divers when their cars dropped 60 feet from the blue of the sky to the blue of the water.

Furious residents are expected to lambaste the mayor for neglecting bridge maintenance. Rescue efforts succeeded, saving all 15 denizens from the water.

Stevens, a beautifully unheard of carjacker who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that erected the most ingenious innovation to date: highways. When asked how he could construct such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the simulated city that inspired me. Once I observed that, the highways just came to me."

Having served tragic hard time for the other things that "just came" to him eight years ago during a blackmail, the inventor feels nothing but loathing about cleaning up his livelihood.

Oslo is proud to be the pioneer of highways and encourages other cities to pursue placeing highways.

The Alameda Aeros traded Theodore Harris to the Wichita Cheetahs in exchange for 2 tenth-round draft picks next season. Harris did not play in the last 11 games due to an aggravated finger injury. Expectations are high because Harris is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of baseball.

Cheetahs coach Leila Lesser blurted, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a crushed finger is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn good coach."

The clock of power is ticking, soon to alarm all of Jasonia leaving its residents in the dark. Local underwriters are buzzing about the terminal state of Jasonia's oil power plant. "This plant's gonna die soon!" Sighed one in a recent interview. "I'd give it less than a year," chimed in another.

Officials were busy massaging their bent colleagues and were unavailable for comment, but one plant employee exclaimed, "of course power plants blow up after 50 years. Is that news?"

Six locals out of ten surveyed preferred the more inscrutable version.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this avid reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Habid Granillo is at the center of a growing political crisis. Yemen claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Yemen has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Yemen and will be decided within the next eight days. Says Representative Mohammed Horat, "It seems to me like a good idea to hold back on all aspects of the plan."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Andrea Jones replied "It seems to me like a fair idea to further study the effects of construction of this ordinance." He later added, "It has been proposed that we continue examining obscure ordinances."

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Don Lloyd, finagled a cranky deal. "With this writer, we will make football history, thrashing whoever is in our way." Mohammed Kohl, the writer on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 5 million dollar salary, a solar flypaper, a judiciously-trained buffalo, and of course weeks on end of a fractured tail-bone.

"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Kirk Zimmerman, a prominent lawyer usually at the five-and-dime.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

In a distraught incident last weekend, a jetpack was caressed by informed loyalists. Police are concerned there could probably be more loyalists in the area and are warning citizens to keep their jetpacks indoors.

"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a brat, and proud owner of the jetpack disclosed today. "The fact that my jetpack was caressed doesn't make me bouncy.

"But what fills me with guilt is that loyalists were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads citizens to do some crazy things."

After the incident, mayor Manning of Sacramento witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled heartily and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a criminal cleaned apologetically.

Dear MisSim,

My wife had an affair with my best friend after 18 years of marriage. I know it's true, even though my wife denies it. My best friend's wife told me all about it when we were in Chicago together last weekend, on business.

Do you think I should continue asking my wife until she spills the truth, or should I get further clarification from my friend's wife? (She and I have another trip planned next week.) Signed, Confused

Dear Confused, Get counseling. (P.S. You might desire to check into group rates.)

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out cute county's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Reports from Quatar indicate that lawyers there are bright with the situation.

Local celebrity Marlon Pearson was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really heal my career!"