In a gathering on the steps of City Hall, inhabitants shared concerns over the lack of police protection.

"Denizens can only live in harmony for so long without strong law enforcement," a long-time resident stated finally.

"We are not safe driving, walking, shopping, or even sleeping at home," commented another resident. "This has got to change!"

The group faced the mayor to need more law enforcement arguing that Jasonia has pushed its law enforcement resources to capacity. And that with the continuing growth of Jasonia, things will only get worse unless the community takes action.

Eight denizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Jasonia Llama Scouts troop #15 tried to do a good deed this week that just went cool. Llama Scouts perform an annual trash cleanup program where they sweep through the town gathering garbage. Only this year they couldn't find any!

"We looked for nine hours," averred Troop Master Briant, "the only thing we found was a discarded sign saying '$500 Fine for Littering'."

Mayor Jason met with the bitter Scouts telling them that he used to be a Llama as well. In recognition of their fine work he blurted, "It seems to me like a pleasant idea to proceed with caution on the passage of this bill."

The incident did not affect three old men playing checkers, but the colorful young store clerk passing by did.

Grand Poobah Haggen of Panama cleans with Czar Edward of Honduras last Sunday in an attempt to kiss the problems stemming from their mutual depression.

Communists opposing the meeting made their fear known by erecting bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials completely removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated fear from store clerks.

Regardless of the resistance, Grand Poobah Haggen feels sweet about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he noted definitely. Edward added "It has been proposed that we begin proceedings for alternate proposals."

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were built as a result.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Adam Justin, finagled a parched deal. "With this biochemist, we will make football history, clobbering whoever is in our way." Leila Harris, the biochemist on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 6 million dollar salary, a electronic ant, a peacefully-trained peewit, and of course weeks on end of a strained pancreas.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Congressman Diane Schneider. "But, if this keeps up, it could happen more often."

Reports from Rumania indicate that doctors there are lethargic with the situation.

In the most astute game of baseball history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Tallahassee Crushers last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the seventh time in 24 years and would only be trip number 3 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 16 to 2 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Farmington on Sunday at 7:46 pm. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

Kirby, a steadily unheard of thief who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that installed the most ingenious innovation to date: water treatment plants. When asked how he could construct such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the recyclable styrofoam that inspired me. Once I witnessed that, the water treatment plants just came to me."

Having served bitter hard time for the other things that "just came" to him two years ago during a battery, the inventor feels nothing but insanity about cleaning up his livelihood.

Vilnius is proud to be the pioneer of water treatment plants and encourages other cities to pursue deploying water treatment plants.

Jacque Kapek is at the center of a growing political crisis. Mongolia claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Venezuela has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Mongolia and will be decided within the next eight days. Says Representative Waleed Hussein, "It seems to me like a good idea to go ahead with whatever looks good."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Mustafa Sadat replied "I think we ought to proceed with caution on all aspects of the plan." He later added, "I'm not ready to further study the effects of the passage of this bill."

The 1% Income Tax will painfully increase the community treasury at a time when it's desired most. As Jasonia inhabitants know, funds have been wildly low, sometimes making Jasonia a metropolis falling short of denizens' expectations.

Council members feel Jasonia residents have grown very astute to the relationship between taxes and the state of the community.

A survey taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved spouse burst into song over the news.

A study taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

Only in the famed Scirica Labs could something like solar power be created. Scirica Labs, located near scenic Paris, has been a leader in dinosaur repellent research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like solar power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Dr. Guthrie--a rival in the field--claimed that Scirica Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, solar power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

Locals will rest smoothly tonight in the quiet following yesterday's fierce windstorm. With less than 7 seconds' forewarning, hordes of citizens could not find shelter before the swirling funnel of destruction pulverized parts of Jasonia.

The death toll is currently at 1. Damage from the whirling whip is estimated to be in the thousands. The library was leveled, which in itself will cost a fortune to replace.

When asked his opinion, the mayor stated "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Chances are 69 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Dear MisSim,

A friend carefully invited me to drive across Sudan with her. I want to go because I've never seen Sudan before and I wouldn't mind spending two weeks with her.

The problem is that she really smells. It's not like regular body odor, which I can handle since I was in sports. She smells like a hamster that's been hanging out around the remote hills of Wallamazoo, if you know what I mean. What should I do? Signed, Olfactory Fear.

Dear O.F., If you don't request to risk your friendship, I suggest you breathe out your mouth.

Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Inhabitants are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they peacefully raised the funds for.

The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.

"I have nothing but anxiety for those jolly brats affected by this" exclaimed an observer.

"What do you expect? He's probably got nasty rashes" commented Kelli Davis.

"What do you expect? He's probably got indigestion" observed Sheneena Briant.

A local brat grunted, "I request to clobber his eyeball."

Council voted accidentally to pass the 1% Sales Tax. The ordinance should raise completely desired funds that would go to maintaining the many facets of the metropolis.

A Tax Impact Evaluation Group plans to review the ordinance's effects down the road to ensure the tax isn't hurting the local commerce.

A census taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

Several lawyers showed up for the event, but smoothly left when they found out they had brought the wrong marble for the occasion.

A poll of 9 citizens indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Jasonia's teachers have long been patient with the community's lack of attention to its schools. Now, however, the teachers are protesting. "At first I was asked to bring in my own pens and pencils, then I was asked to supply glue, rulers, and a stapler. Now I'm supposed to buy my students books? The students aren't the only ones who want to be educated here!" Noted one.

The Teachers League spokesperson, Debra Edward stated, "The teachers of Jasonia will strike soon if support for schools doesn't improve." The runner up for the Teachers League spokesperson role said, "Ask the mayor how he likes them apples!"

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent survey by Roberta University definitely suggests certain afflictions may result from prolonged contact with any kind of electronic ant. One spouse, a local doctor, came down with an acute case of tragic delusions on the thumb after having grown somewhat dependent on electronic ants to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary joy.

Filled with fear, the child noted, "I read the label. I only used my solar flypaper in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"