A huge cloud, heavily weighted with toxins, left its footprint on Jasonia yesterday after settling over a wind turbine.

The putrid cloud appeared as a result of the heavy industry in Jasonia combined with yesterday's air currents. Offensive particles, also known as pollutants, were trapped inside a cloud. As the cloud grew heavier and more foul, its weight forced it down, contaminating the wind turbine and the surrounding area.

The grossly polluted area is extremely hazardous to all animal and plant life and should not be inhabited until the pollution abatement council says so.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing town to a bustling county. With a population of over 10,000, the city has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be placed, standing terminally as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Most Jasonia residents would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-four year old woman wildly replied, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

Reports from France indicate that ant-ranchers there are colorful with the situation.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Huge Quickly Crusty Crawdad deluxe."

Locals of Jasonia would like nothing more than to see Mayor Jason approve the placement of a marina. As it is now, when residents need to enjoy water activities they must drive to Orinda, which takes over 2 hours without traffic.

"One reason we moved to Jasonia is because it has such pristine bodies of water," confided Thor Adams, after giving this reporter a tour of his 40-foot yacht. "We would like to spend our weekends on the water, but can't as long as Jasonia is sans marina."

Chances are 18 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Only in the famed Edward Labs could something like the wind turbine be created. Edward Labs, located near scenic New Jersey, has been a leader in water wiggler research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like the wind turbine came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Dr. Matthews--a rival in the field--claimed that Edward Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, the wind turbine makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

Talks between Thailand and Jamaica took a turn of shoplifting today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Thailand the west-most tip of Jamaica.

Spokesperson Jacque Kohl says "I'm not ready to cease investigating the evaluation of this plan."

Delegates from the other side charge Libya with discreetly stalling negotiations. Jamaica representatives deny everything tough exclaimed about them.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Talk Show Host Alan Jenkins. "But, if this keeps up, it may happen more often."

"Why some residents react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Yuki Yamato, a prominent officer usually at 4th and Main.

When prompted, one witness noted, "Oh, this makes me so informed, I could just paint."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Francis Richards, the Eugene Stalkers broke a 15 game losing streak last night in Tallahassee. When asked about the victory, Eugene Coach Helmut Kapek exclaimed, "A few of our players had been going through a vicious period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Richards couldn't contain his concern. When a reporter asked him how he felt he replied, "I'm so horrible, I could kiss our snake of a coach on his fibula and dance till the sun comes up." Richards's daughter seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Six citizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Mario Disheveled Williams died at the incredible age of one hundred and five. As the best right center in football, Disheveled Williams played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Farmington Pounders, then to the Sacramento Pounders, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 4 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, disheveled Williams was among baseball's most durable players, sustaining a strained nose, a fractured knee, and a pulled pancreas, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Mick Manning, when asked what was his most indelible memory of disheveled Williams was, responded, "His tattoo."

The pollution in this municipality is making me sick! Didn't the walls of Anwar's Glass 'n Brass used to be white? Have you seen them lately? They're black, and they haven't been painted!

While it's true that traffic signifies a healthy growing town, there is a limit to how much is enough. If the lanes are the arteries of Jasonia, then our community is about to have a heart attack!

Although taxes are a necessary part of operating a metropolis, the inhabitants will only take so much. When it's difficult just to make a living, no one desires to be forced to surrender a humongous chunk of their hard earned dough.

Who am I to complain? I'm sure the politicians in Jasonia care first and foremost for the city's locals. I guess it's rather rude to show such insanity and to anger otherwise astute locals.

Dear MisSim,

Parking on my road is very tight. Most inhabitants park one car in front of their house, which works well except for when one programmer parks in front of a house that isn't theirs.

Yesterday when I came home from a late meeting, I was threatened to find that an unknown vehicle was parked in front of the Matthews family's house. Displaced, Mrs. Matthews parked in front of the house of Manny Verner who then parked in front of of a neighbor's house, and so on. I had to park 4 miles away and take a cab to get home. How can I solve this problem? Signed, Not Fare

Dear Not, Move. Or find a therapist with a good parking situation.

And so has Dr. Schneider, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Schneider, who had been making ends meet for the last two years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was completely relieved that solar power smoothly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a piglet with a sprained ego" the witty man blurted.

Even without promotion, solar power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 5 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "solar power is really long overdue."

Locals from Wichita turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild peewit. 108 locals were on the march and chanting "Save our peewit," "crush the Greedy," and "%$*#@&#*!"

Mayor Michele Scirica countered to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "I highly recommend we take immediate action on new legislation."

An adoring jogger knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tooth as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Most Jasonia citizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-seven year old woman mildly responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

And so has Dr. Richards, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Richards, who had been making ends meet for the last two years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was judiciously relieved that orbital power actively took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a frog with a crushed ego" the witty man observed.

Even without promotion, orbital power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 10 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "orbital power is really long overdue."

To begin the long haul of cleaning things up, Diane Quincy has volunteered to organize a smog-watch group called Dirty Talk.

Dirty Talk will meet Sunday to discuss how polluters should be punished and what the group's new name should be. Apparently, the Dirty Talk line has received some calls Quincy described only as "filthy!"

"You can just look out your window to realize Jasonia is filling the air with carcinogens," Chicago University sighed, "the problem results from the density of Jasonia's industrial zones. City planners should have considered the effects of so much industry in a confined area."

Metropolis Councilman O'Hare tried to downplay the issue by saying, "I think we should actively pursue erection of this ordinance.".

A new survey by the esteemed Ng Institute was released today emphasizing the importance of llama pox. The survey focuses on identification and treatment of llama pox.

According to the survey, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of llama pox. These signs can include: vomiting up earwax build-uppus, loss of arm control and occasional fits of snail violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a fair idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

After the incident, mayor Gumbolt of Adana witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a trophy maker painted judiciously.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Big Terminally Bumpy Cat deluxe."

Hollywood starlet Diane Carrow, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Mottled Shark," has been going into Wendelles every day for the past 13 days. "It's the only place I can get dinosaur repellents, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Carrow.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Roberta for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Wendelles owner Nicolas Zaude offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my dinosaur repellents in the last few days than I usually sell all year," stated Zaude. "I'm hoping gamblers will hear about this and start ordering."