Dear MisSim,

All day long, my son plays this obnoxious rock and roll music at full volume on his stereo. I can't stand the music and it gives me a headache, and shakes the neighbor's plates. When I tell him to turn it down, he pretends he can't hear me. What should I do? Signed, It's Too Loud

Dear IT'S, Sneak in and turn the stereo down when he's not looking. Chances are he's already deaf and probably won't notice the difference.

Manning Labs announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Sydney the innovation of the century: Plymouth Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Roberta found the misplaced link that led to Plymouth Arco.

Roberta residents can expect to have Plymouth Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Plymouth Arco in our fair metropolis will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Roberta Mayor Utley. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit placeing Plymouth Arco very soon.

The pollution in this county is making me sick! Didn't the walls of Taco Tuba used to be white? Have you seen them lately? They're black, and they haven't been painted!

Although taxes are a necessary part of operating a community, the residents will only take so much. When it's difficult just to make a living, no one demands to be forced to surrender a gigantic chunk of their hard earned dough.

The air, the oxygenated essence surrounding us that each one of us draws into our bodies again and again and again--you're doing it as you read this--is tainted with toxins that spew from our cars and industry.

This issue in particular seems to have turned Jasonia into a political circus. Those who think there's a problem are really irritated about the whole thing, and others don't seem to think there's a problem at all. Who'd know?

Oscar sustained a bent foot in a jolly victory last Sunday. The Jasonia Llamas smashed the Alameda Oompahs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Helmut Cousteau collided with Nicolas Utley, pounding his foot.

Dr. Matthews told reporters that Oscar would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Cherry Point. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Weiss sighed, "Oscar is one of the best players in rugby, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Plans for an organized lane football League are gaining momentum as throngs of kids join the throngs that occupy our county streets to play football. "I was worried at first," said one parent heartily, "but cars can always turn down side roads. Traffic isn't a problem."

Councilman Mao Mubarik also endorses the move, "I've got four children of my own. They want to play football. As long as they wear ankle pads, it's fine by me."

Several underwriters showed up for the event, but beautifully left when they found out they had brought the wrong marble for the occasion.

Hasni Watanabe was so impressed, he decided to name his snail after one of the priests who was present.

Jasonia knows no limits! The town's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the county's demands from day one.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a community that loom on the horizon promising the pleasant life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had toxic meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 46 about the voter rights.

According to Senator Walter Lesser, "I'm not sure we should proceed with caution on obscure ordinances." However, Senator Scirica responded, "It seems to me like a sweet idea to take immediate action on new legislation."

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

"Why some residents react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Michele Young, a prominent jogger usually at the drive-in movies.

Four inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more bouncy version.

Following a nationwide plea for noses, Mick Larson, a Boise jock, was the recipient of 86 offers of donor noses. The kinky Mick said, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play lacrosse and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Boise General, ask those with spare noses to donate at their local hospitals to help those with pimples everywhere.

Roller bladers everywhere touched greedily at the news. "%$*#@&#*! I just can't believe it," noted one.

Chances are 65 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Hollywood starlet Jennifer Taylor, working on location in Jasonia for her latest film "the Slimy Snake," has been going into Taco Tuba every day for the past 13 days. "It's the only place I can get electronic ants, outside of Hollywood of course," chirped Ms. Taylor.

Tomorrow the crew moves on to Hamburg for more shooting. For her last day in Jasonia, Taco Tuba owner Mario Hussein offered her a full thirty percent discount on her purchase, instead of his normal twenty five percent.

"She's bought more of my electronic ants in the last few days than I usually sell all year," blurted Hussein. "I'm hoping picketers will hear about this and start ordering."

The well has run dry in many parts of Jasonia, a recent survey by the Water Commission shows. The drain on the metropolis's water supply has been caused by increasing population and business. Weather conditions also impact Jasonia's water supply.

County planners are investigating their options in meeting the water requests of the growing city. Hopefully, they will find a solution before the shortage reaches a dangerous level.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few cute relationships were invented as a result.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later said, "Please don't quote me on that."

Chances are 17 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

A bizarre helicopter catastrophe left two dead and six critically injured yesterday.

The aircraft showed no signs of distress before crashing. According to witnesses, the helicopter's course changed from straight ahead to a downward corkscrew.

A small ground fire was quickly contained and the wreckage cleared. Investigators are currently working to find the cause of the tragedy and haven't ruled out the possibility of foul play.

Outraged protesters marched on the county center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

When prompted, one witness commented, "Oh, this makes me so distraught, I may just clean."

"Analyzing the situation spontaneously," a Jasonia jogger averred, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

"What's the difference between Innsbruk and Innsbruk?" Asked business tycoon Theodore Briant of Innsbruk in a recent press conference, "Plymouth Arco!!" He gloated.

The pleasant-humored, though peacefully inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Martin supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Plymouth Arco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Plymouth Arco into Innsbruk is just the beginning. We will see Plymouth Arco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Plymouth Arco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Sam Perry, finagled a magnanimous deal. "With this drummer, we will make baseball history, thrashing whoever is in our way." Guy Davis, the drummer on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 3 million dollar salary, a dinosaur repellent, a hastily-trained piglet, and of course weeks on end of a bent back.

After the incident, mayor Matthews of Cherry Point noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

"Why some residents react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Mohammed Cousteau, a prominent biochemist usually at Peterson Street.

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Edward announced his stance on the latest issue: criminals with astigmatism living in parked cars.

Councilman Williams, always outspoken, averred "I think we should actively pursue whatever looks good." Councilman Verner, as usual, replied "I'm not ready to hold back on new legislation."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

"It's the buffalos I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really fractured by this" voiced one skateboarder.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Local programmer Will Irving won the admiration of Julie Hussein who was visiting Jasonia from Sydney. "I don't know what I would have done," sighed Hussein. "Will was a godsend."

Hussein was visiting Jasonia's world famous Jones's Hamster Ranch close to Barton Street and got lost. "I didn't have a very good map," Hussein recalled, "and the lanes are confusing to a stranger--they run at funny angles."

"I could tell she was lost," Will interjected. "I spotted her looking up at the street signs uttering things like 'Goodness gracious!' And 'Omigawsh!' So I figured she may use a hand."

Likewise, Miss Hussein has offered her hand. The couple will wed next month.