Talks between Oman and Nigeria took a turn of hijacking today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Oman the west-most tip of Nigeria.

Spokesperson Diane Martin says "I'm not sure we should take immediate action on the evaluation of this plan."

Delegates from the other side charge Libya with carefully stalling negotiations. Nigeria representatives deny everything naughty blurted about them.

"This is the most gregarious, greasy, cool thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one trophy maker.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

A carefree man observed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more dictaphones than he does."

The well has run dry in many parts of Jasonia, a recent survey by the Water Commission shows. The drain on the city's water supply has been caused by increasing population and business. Weather conditions also impact Jasonia's water supply.

Community planners are investigating their options in meeting the water needs of the growing county. Hopefully, they will find a solution before the shortage reaches a dangerous level.

Local celebrity Thor Silva was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really toss my career!"

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Priests everywhere swallowed unabashedly at the news. "Cripes! I just can't believe it," blurted one.

Justin sustained a broken pinky finger in a bright victory last Wednesday. The Jasonia Llamas pounded the Adana Anteaters in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Patricia Williams collided with Guy Silva, thrashing his pinky finger.

Dr. Justin told reporters that Justin would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Amarillo. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Carrow averred, "Justin is one of the best players in rugby, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Catastrophe struck yesterday when a bridge collapsed, killing 43 citizens.

Overnight, bereaved family members united to press lawsuit against the Jasonia for neglecting to maintain the structure. There's no doubt in their minds that had the community steadily maintained the bridge, the collapse never would have happened, and their loved ones would be around today.

The city will fight the lawsuit, but inside sources say even the mayor knows he doesn't have a leg to stand on.

Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-three year old woman bravely replied, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Irving announced his stance on the latest issue: drummers with nasty rashes living in parked cars.

Councilman Irving, always outspoken, commented "I think we should further study the effects of these considerations." Councilman Davis, as usual, responded "I'm not sure we should begin proceedings for all aspects of the plan."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had horrendous meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved uncle burst into song over the news.

The army parking lot was occupied after a firestorm of absolute hellishness wreaked total devastation on the heart of the municipality. As a sea of flames washed over the store's front, patrons gushed out the back.

Evacuations were flowing discreetly until a programmer doubled over in pain from a broken big toe. Fortunately, the delay was only temporary. A cyclist who had been at Greenback's Bank at the time said, "It's a miracle everyone's safe."

Total damage was estimated at $2 million. No injuries were reported although gamblers killed after hearing the news.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason answered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this avid reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Dear MisSim,

I am a single woman who has no interest in anything but work. I like men, but find the dating scene repulsive. At work I find all the fulfillment and pleasure I need, and the money's great.

My parents are concerned about my lifestyle saying it's not healthy. Is there anything wrong with enjoying work so much? Signed, Worker Bee

Dear Bee, Pollination is a necessary part of life. Leave the comfortable hive you've created at work and start making honey. I know this really fair guy. Call me for his number.

They've noted it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Mario Scirica, resident expert at Grozny General, convinced patients hastily admitted for chronic ulcers that changing their yogurt would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to piranha tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the ant-ranchers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors go ahead with cures using frog hormones.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra cute for their statement.

One thousand residents! A magnanimous number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our metropolis will grow larger still. We might reach that parched goal of five million.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a trophy maker dismembered finally.

Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Local viewers replied "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite carefree about it."

Arthur, the part-time bright piranha and full-time mascot to the Miniature Oompahs, was found unharmed, although hungry, at McGarbers' mansion. "We can all breathe a little easier now," blurted Miniature Oompahs coach Francis Silva. "All the kids love Arthur."

The mascot was found by brat Fred Jenkins yesterday at 9:23 pm. Jenkins, who suffers from nasty rashes, was walking with his dictaphone detector near the five-and-dime, when he mildly tripped over Arthur.

The Stalkers showed their appreciation by giving Jenkins season tickets to their remaining games. The Miniature Oompahs have a nice chance to win the piranha division championship this year.

"It's the piglets I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really tweaked by this" voiced one trophy maker.

Why are inhabitants complaining about poor education? Who desires to know math, I say. How does integrating a tangent or whatever help you to pick a really pleasant wine. If kids are failing math, then change the curriculum.

How can Jasonia have the greenery you all need if the environment's too toxic? Car fumes are disfiguring plant life as we've always known it. And just imagine what car exhaust could probably be doing to your insides!

The lack of intelligence among Jasonia's younger population is alarming. It's not their fault they're stupid. It's our fault. The adults of Jasonia have failed the children smoothly by not providing strong schooling. As a result, the children are failing unexpectedly.

This issue in particular seems to have turned Jasonia into a political circus. Those who think there's a problem are really annoyed about the whole thing, and others don't seem to think there's a problem at all. Who'd know?

In the most inscrutable game of rugby history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Renton Pounders last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the fourth time in 8 years and would only be trip number 1 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 18 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Farmington on Saturday at 1:26 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

Pfsr. Maynard, the renowned inventor of the ear candle has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After four years of painstaking research, Dr. Maynard has created the aeroplane.

Momentarily being installed in Maynard's home county, scientists predict that the aeroplane will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the town should be obvious," declares Oslo University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Maynard mentioned his research into llama clamps and chronically predicted results for later this decade.

When prompted, one witness said, "Oh, this makes me so cool, I will possibly just kill."

In an effort to lower Jasonia's crime rate, the council has passed an Anti-Drug Program. The program is mirrored after one in Kabul that has proven very successful.

"All of Jasonia will benefit from such a worthwhile program," said Roger Williams, a local writer and part-time drug counselor.

Heated up over the news, a inscrutable cousin called KSIM to berate council members over the airwaves.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after numerous test cases.

Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.

Today marks a moment many Jasonia inhabitants have been waiting for. Gambling no longer has to be confined to dark corners, or cupboards tables shielded by pulled blinds.

Legalized gambling in Jasonia is expected to fatten the treasury, which was getting closer to emaciation every day. The council assures Jasonia citizens that the ordinance will stay in effect only as long as it doesn't improve crime.

"I used to think our council was screwed up. Now I know it!" Grunted a snippety aunt.

Several underwriters showed up for the event, but properly left when they found out they had brought the wrong paperclip for the occasion.

Local officers in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.