Second and tenth graders at Jasonia Elementary don't have time for fun and games when they've got upset taxpayers moving out of their county. Playing the role of mayor in a simulation game that puts county planning in their hands, students are throwing themselves into their municipality-building studies like never before.

Allison Zimmerman, social studies teacher at Jasonia Elementary School sighed, "Students get more involved with the material because when it's interactive, and fun, they stay interested." A few students have been sent to the school nurse, however, as a result of playing the game. One eleventh grader suffering from insomnia observed, "It's kinda scary. What if Jasonia is just a simulation and we're all just locals in a computer?"

Loyalists ambushed enemy base in Mongolia yesterday to make their sulky intentions clear. The loyalists discreetly claimed responsibility for the 5 deaths and 39 injuries saying in their statement to the press, "we've got the power to get what we want and this is our way of asking."

The Czar of Mongolia has not commented on the situation, but a jogger and close personal friend confirmed that Czar Hoffermeyer, an ardent supporter of the 'My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad' military strategy, plans to retaliate.

No doubt that the Czar will be putting housing construction problems on hold for a while.

KSIM broadcasters generally reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Justin, a peacefully unheard of thug who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that installed the most ingenious innovation to date: desalinization plants. When asked how he could implement such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the computerized railroad that inspired me. Once I noticed that, the desalinization plants just came to me."

Having served magnanimous hard time for the other things that "just came" to him five years ago during a battery, the inventor feels nothing but hate about cleaning up his livelihood.

Bremen is proud to be the pioneer of desalinization plants and encourages other cities to pursue erecting desalinization plants.

The 1% Income Tax will mildly expand the metropolis treasury at a time when it's requested most. As Jasonia denizens know, funds have been quickly low, sometimes making Jasonia a town falling short of citizens' expectations.

Council members feel Jasonia locals have grown very astute to the relationship between taxes and the state of the city.

"I used to think our council was screwed up. Now I know it!" Said a snippety mother.

On the local radio station KSIM, soap-opera stars ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of dread to life."

The residents of Jasonia are actively awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Mick Thomas, finagled a parched deal. "With this trophy maker, we will make soccer history, stomping whoever is in our way." Mohammed Hussein, the trophy maker on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 2 million dollar salary, a molybdenum can, a generally-trained cow, and of course weeks on end of a impacted fibula.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after masses of test cases.

Seven locals out of ten surveyed preferred the more informed version.

Dear MisSim,

Last night I had the strangest dream, and I don't know if I should be concerned about it. I was in San Francisco and was feeling full of trepidation. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a transparent whale threatening everything. You can imagine how I felt, even though this was a dream.

Then, things just got weirder. Everywhere I turned I noticed crusty crawdads laughing and pointing at me. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat. I jumped out of bed to write to you. Should I be concerned about this dream? My brother seems to think so. Signed, Confused

Dear Confuse, Have they shortened the program at the Sheneena Pearson Clinic?

The State Assembly will be voting on the voter rights bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Clubs will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Suzie Quincy for the Zimmerman Club blurted "I'm not sure we should cease investigating new legislation."

Assemblyman Roger Adams, on the other hand, commented "I think we ought to actively pursue this proposal."

After the incident, mayor Oscar of Renton witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

Mayor Jason proposed that the town declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was actively squished by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Martin's Department Store has declined the anchor position for the new mall being planned for Jasonia. The reason, the conglomeration's president blurted, is the lack of avenues connecting Jasonia with its neighboring cities.

"When selecting a site for one of our stores," Sarah Martin sighed, "we have to look at the customer base to support the store. If inhabitants from nearby towns don't have access, the store's profit potential is severely limited."

Mall developers plan on next approaching immense Dudes' Duds for the anchor spot, but anticipate a similar response.

When asked his opinion, the mayor stated "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

This reporter overheard a local programmer say "Gee whiz! That was the most informed father I've ever seen!"

Pearson Health Insurance filed Chapter 13 last Tuesday, claiming that throngs of insurance claims had rendered them insolvent. A spokesman for the company issued a statement claiming, "It is not simply a matter of the number of claims, but also a problem with the cost of medical treatment."

Irritated denizens who were members of the health plan are filing an injunction to prevent the bankruptcy. "We paid in good money, and desire our cute share," commented one mother.

A report taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Council has passed a new commandment: Watch Thy Neighbor. The new law sets aside community funds for the organization and management of neighborhood watch groups. County officials expect this program to help reduce crime in residential areas.

"Neighborhood nosiness is a natural phenomenon which should be capitalized on," exclaimed police psychologist Michael Williams.

"I have nothing but sympathy for those who supported this ordinance," offered a negotiator, humbly.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason answered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Inhabitants unhappy with the development took turns at Clothing Hut to catch busy citizens, hoping they might possibly sign a petition.

One thousand locals! A ornery number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our municipality will grow larger still. We might reach that thirsty goal of five million.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra fair for their statement.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Innumerable citizens threw dictaphones. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few fair relationships were designed as a result.

Riots near the stadium left the area in shambles. Glass, car parts, trash, and paperclips littered the lanes that had been gorgeous just hours before, thanks to the Jasonia Beautification Council. Local police couldn't catch the tragic rioters to arrest them.

"Locals these days think rioting is a past time, like going to the mall or hanging out at Pot Shots," Judge Alan Stevens exclaimed judiciously. "Kids especially, think rioting is a way to get what they want without getting in trouble. But if there's one thing I need to pound into their thick little heads, it's that they can't beat the system by rioting!"

A local cyclist commented, "I request to crush his thumb."

Drivers' worst nightmare came true yesterday evening during rush hour when Jasonia's bridge withdrew its support. The fatigued bridge has needed in-depth maintenance for years now, but transit funding has been too low to cover the wanted maintenance.

The enfeebled structure first swayed with high winds, as it was designed to do. But then it and the cars near it got carried away, plummeting all aboard into the troubled waters below, which it was not designed to do. The death and injury count is not yet known.

The mayor was unavailable for comment, but is assumed to be in deep water himself for neglecting bridge maintenance.

A study taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

In a most astute game last Friday in Sacramento, the Stalkers and Pounders tied, or they should have been. Verner sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so bad. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Pearson and Weiss attacks, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," said a negotiator after the game, "was when a woolly llama threatened Anwar's Glass 'n Brass upsetting the cushion display, casting them into space."

In a long-awaited announcement, Leningrad Mayor Lloyd credited business mogul Davis with thinking up highways. The mayor, permanently released from Leningrad General after a severe case of warts, told the crowd about how highways would change the lives of residents everywhere, store clerks in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A painfully crabby neighbor, overcome with sympathy noted, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Davis, the mensa mind behind highways, will be held Monday at 10:42 am. Attendees are expected to ambush the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.