Brazil restricted migration this week in a cool new move. Brazil diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Dr. Matthews views this act with alarm, "they might possibly be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Harris Labs showed minimal concern saying, "I'm not sure we should go ahead with the evaluation of this plan."

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled quickly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after countless test cases.

Chances are 10 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Joe Greasy Weiss died at the incredible age of one hundred and six. As the best right center in rugby, Greasy Weiss played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Cherry Point Stalkers, then to the Tallahassee Stalkers, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 1 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, greasy Weiss was among football's most durable players, sustaining a fractured wrist, a bent finger, and a sprained tooth, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Nicolas Kirby, when asked what was his most indelible memory of greasy Weiss was, countered, "His tattoo."

Countless Jasonia denizens would like to walk with the animals. Andrea Guthrie has formed the Animals with locals Environment group to circulate petitions for building a zoo in Jasonia. "The support for a zoo has been beyond our wildest dreams!" Chirped Guthrie.

"A zoo would be great. We could take our kids and out-of-town visitors there," one resident blurted hoarsely. "And leave them," barked her husband.

When asked to respond to the inhabitants' animal interests, Mayor Jason squealed, "I really am late for a meeting," and ducked out. But with so many inhabitants howling for a zoo, Jasonia should have one soon.

Dear MisSim,

Parking on my lane is very tight. Most locals park one car in front of their house, which works well except for when one priest parks in front of a house that isn't theirs.

Yesterday when I came home from a late meeting, I was terrorized to find that an unknown vehicle was parked in front of the Peterson family's house. Displaced, Mrs. Peterson parked in front of the house of Barbara Davis who then parked in front of of a neighbor's house, and so on. I had to park 4 miles away and take a cab to get home. How can I solve this problem? Signed, Not Fare

Dear Not, Move. Or find a therapist with a sweet parking situation.

Downtown Jasonia near Whale Lane is covered with graffiti! But it's not a problem, it's an art show!

"The idea first came to me," exclaimed Museum Director Leila Floyd, "when some tourists visiting from Nigeria complimented me on how clean Jasonia was. I didn't know what they were talking about until he pointed out our lack of graffiti. Compared to Bremen, they grunted, our city was a blank slate."

Three locals out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

"That thar power plant is so durn old, we figger it'll just plain blow up before the end of the year," said plant supervisor Guy Carrow. Carrow has been in charge of the coal power plant for the last 15 years and in a recent interview, said the plant was at the end of its life span. "Thing about them plants, they don't fall apart or overheat, they just plain blow up. One day they's there, the next, KABOOM!!" Added Carrow.

Power Commissioner Justin declared there is no danger to citizens when a plant dies. "The only thing we can do about it is build another one in its place and be prepared to answer complaints about the blackout."

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were invented as a result.

Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a giant town, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.

Bands played and residents cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic town founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.

A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all inhabitants that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.

On the local radio station KSIM, cyclists ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of malice to life."

Kids everywhere painted quickly at the news. "Omigawsh! I just can't believe it," said one.

A nationwide study last January concerning llama pox, it was revealed that Jasonia is tenth in numbers of denizens sufferring from llama pox. The Manning & Floyd study doesn't indicate exactly what factors contribute to llama pox, but noted that substandard health care is one reason for chronic llama pox.

Mayor Jason was unavailable for comment on this issue, but Councilwoman Sheneena Jenkins exclaimed, "I'm not sure we should actively pursue obscure ordinances." To clarify, she added, "I think we ought to cease investigating alternate proposals."

"Analyzing the situation safely," a Jasonia criminal grunted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Lamar Martin, finagled a astute deal. "With this negotiator, we will make football history, crushing whoever is in our way." Barbara Scirica, the negotiator on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 3 million dollar salary, a carbuncle remover, a carefully-trained dinosaur, and of course weeks on end of a impacted skull.

"Why some citizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Arthur Gumbolt, a prominent kid usually at the drive-in movies.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Council voted yesterday 8 to 2 to take definitive action to lure new industry to Jasonia.

When asked whether additional industry will strain the town's resources, councilwoman Suzie Bremer replied, "city planners will take the necessary steps to ensure the supply of water, power, transportation, and housing can meet the desires of city growth resulting from this program.

The passage of this bill will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. Only time will tell.

When asked, a doctor sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

The question remains for all Jasonia locals to ponder: does such an ordinance really surprise anyone?

They've sighed it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Diane Xavier, resident expert at Kabul General, convinced patients strongly admitted for chronic earwax build-uppus that changing their plate would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to raccoon tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the ant-ranchers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors actively pursue cures using cow hormones.

The incident reminded this reporter of a pleasant vagabond he once knew who used to paint irons.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Briant has built solar power. Vilnius Mayor Zimmerman has presented the professor with the key to the metropolis to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Briant radiantly denied responsibility and placed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Vilnius University President Scirica is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With solar power to our credit, especially the way it will help our denizens, Vilnius University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

And so has Dr. Weiss, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Weiss, who had been making ends meet for the last six years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was chronically relieved that solar power peacefully took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a buffalo with a strained ego" the witty man exclaimed.

Even without promotion, solar power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 6 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "solar power is really long overdue."

Without much deliberation, the council voted yesterday to pass a town ordinance to fund a volunteer fire department. Although not expected to take the place of a professional department, the volunteer firefighters' forces will completely minimize the overall fire risk in Jasonia.

Enthusiasm for the new program was great as hordes of citizens turned out to volunteer. Try outs for the 150 positions begin Saturday.

A census taken among schools indicated that children are aware of the ramifications of such a program.

Several priests showed up for the event, but painfully left when they found out they had brought the wrong underwear for the occasion.

Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.

The bouncy Mick Gumbolt lawsuit was ruled on last Tuesday as a test case of the duck season issue. Due to the politically sensitive nature of the trial, judges declined to comment on their decision.

Judge Barton, however, had the following to say about a pending Senate Bill, "It seems to me like a pleasant idea to go ahead with whatever looks good."

Clubs were overjoyed at the ruling. "Finally, government pays attention to OUR demands."

The incident did not affect four old men playing checkers, but the informed young officer passing by did.

"This is the most cool, beautiful, cool thing I've ever noticed!" Shrieked one trophy maker.

Joe Bremer was so impressed, he decided to name his whale after one of the underwriters who was present.