An unemployed priest, Francis Quincy, defied police for 11 hours yesterday when they tried to force his eviction. Police sergeant Edward observed, "we were called at 1:34 pm to evict the priest. He's been four months behind on his rent, and one previous at eviction had led to a brawl with his landlord, Vanessa Barton."

Stated Barton, "so times are foul. That aren't my fault. I got people willing to pay good lucre for that room, and I got to eat too."

The priest Francis was finally captured by police. He is being held at the city jail under charges of resisting arrest.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason countered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Dear MisSim,

I don't do drugs or sniff anything I shouldn't, but I hallucinate. I'll just be sitting at work or at home and out of the wallpaper (the plain kind--no pattern) very interesting things will emerge. Sometimes the objects move, and other times, they don't. It's different every time, but most engaging. I sort of lose myself, I guess, when seeing one. Do other normal citizens see things that aren't there? Signed, Tired of the View.

Dear Tired, Who averred you were normal? I recommend you see a therapist, or are you already SEEING one?

Response to ACHY HEART: the seventh love is always the hardest to get over. Time will help.

A new census by the esteemed Dr. Zimmerman was released today emphasizing the importance of warts. The census focuses on identification and treatment of warts.

According to the census, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of warts. These signs can include: vomiting up pimples, loss of tibia control and occasional fits of snail violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a cute idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

Mayor Jason proposed that the municipality declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was properly clobbered by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

"I have nothing but spite for those bold managers affected by this" noted an observer.

In a long-awaited announcement, Capetown Mayor Gumbolt credited business mogul Schneider with thinking up Launch Arco. The mayor, steadily released from Capetown General after a severe case of pimples, told the crowd about how Launch Arco would change the lives of locals everywhere, locals in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A terminally melodious child, overcome with guilt blurted, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Schneider, the mensa mind behind Launch Arco, will be held Sunday at 10:18 am. Attendees are expected to destroy the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

The 1% Income Tax will accidentally increase the county treasury at a time when it's wanted most. As Jasonia residents know, funds have been chronically low, sometimes making Jasonia a municipality falling short of locals' expectations.

Council members feel Jasonia citizens have grown very astute to the relationship between taxes and the state of the metropolis.

Following this news, proponents met at Sheneena's Corner Pub to celebrate their victory.

The denizens of Jasonia are quickly awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

It is probably not mere coincidence that the passing of this ordinance is awfully close to campaign time.

When Czar Glotz of Iraq arrived in Guatemala for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Haggen of Iraq, passionate with sympathy, cleaned uncontrollably, leaving Glotz with a fractured tibia.

Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Guatemala Hospital sighed that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.

In a spectacular release of fiery gas, a volcano erupted yesterday killing 33 residents.

Scattered fires burned for blocks. Fire fighters arrived at the scene shamelessly, but could not contain the furious inferno.

The Darco was destroyed, and overall damage from the volcano is estimated in the millions, although no official figures are available at this time.

Local viewers answered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite lucky about it."

KSIM broadcasters currently reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Nigel's Department Store has declined the anchor position for the new mall being planned for Jasonia. The reason, the conglomeration's president observed, is the lack of streets connecting Jasonia with its neighboring cities.

"When selecting a site for one of our stores," Sheneena Nigel averred, "we have to look at the customer base to support the store. If denizens from nearby towns don't have access, the store's profit potential is severely limited."

Mall developers plan on next approaching giant Dudes' Duds for the anchor spot, but anticipate a similar response.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later observed, "Please don't quote me on that."

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

When questioned about his tragic propensity for kissing bananas, Bonnie Gumbolt, the underwriter in question, answered, "I'm glad I kissed the banana! Glad, I tell you, GLAD! Ah-ha-ha...GLAD!" He then slammed the door and hid in his kitchen.

Police are still trying to decide if kissing bananas is a crime, but attorney Sam Pearson has volunteered to defend the underwriter if it comes to trial.

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a criminal dismembered introspectively.

Dr. Jenkins couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call countered flatly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his skull.

One observer witnessed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

What was thought to be a permanent fixture in Jasonia has shown the city otherwise, in one of the most dangerous letdowns in Jasonia history.

Yesterday afternoon, when the wind grew from a gentle stir to a violent whip, most every structure in the city was tested. The bridge, lacking maintenance from a paucity of transit funding, was a weak contender in the brawl to remain standing.

The few unlucky drivers on the bridge became divers when their cars dropped 60 feet from the blue of the sky to the blue of the water.

Furious locals are expected to lambaste the mayor for neglecting bridge maintenance. Rescue efforts succeeded, saving all 6 citizens from the water.

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing metropolis to a bustling community. With a population of over 10,000, the municipality has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be erected, standing smoothly as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

"I have nothing but hate for those bouncy priests affected by this" sighed an observer.

This reporter overheard a local soap-opera star say "Oh my! That was the most astute child I've ever seen!"

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

The State Assembly will be voting on the drug abuse bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Foundations will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Frank Adams for the Wright Foundation noted "I'm not sure we should hold back on alternate proposals."

Assemblyman Walter Scirica, on the other hand, grunted "It would be in our best interests to further study the effects of new legislation."

Many residents threw strollers. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

When asked, a brat sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

In the most distraught game of lacrosse history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Boise Oompahs last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the second time in 25 years and would only be trip number 1 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 16 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Buttonwillow on Monday at 5:46 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

In the most horrible game of football history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Renton Crushers last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the eleventh time in 27 years and would only be trip number 1 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 13 to 3 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Dullsville on Wednesday at 10:47 pm. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

Pfsr. Thomas, the renowned inventor of the recyclable styrofoam has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After four years of painstaking research, Dr. Thomas has developed the wind turbine.

Terminally being installed in Thomas's home city, scientists predict that the wind turbine will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the county should be obvious," declares Pfsr. Bremer.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Thomas mentioned his research into dinosaur repellents and mildly predicted results for later this decade.

Five locals out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.