The seeds of development, planted and tended terminally by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving metropolis of over 30,000 residents.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a municipality, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will implement the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Immense Beautifully Tepid Piranha deluxe."

"I have nothing but hunger for those bright kids affected by this" averred an observer.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had vicious meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Pfsr. Quincy, the renowned inventor of the one-sided coin has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After six years of painstaking research, Dr. Quincy has perfected solar power.

Unnecessarily being installed in Quincy's home county, scientists predict that solar power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the community should be obvious," declares Kohl Institute.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Quincy mentioned his research into dinosaur repellents and smoothly predicted results for later this decade.

One denizens out of ten surveyed preferred the more sulky version.

More travelers than not have seen tempers flare in Jasonia's roads, but what started out as colorful gesturing yesterday during morning rush hour traffic, heated up leaving one driver in critical condition.

Witnesses reported that seven cars, driving parallel, started bashing into each other, trying to force each other off the lane. One of the cars lost control, careening down a permanently landscaped hillside. That driver was carried away.

Officer Mario Utley observed reports of shootings and intentional collisions have increased. "At this point, none of the violence has led to fatalities," averred Utley, "but if traffic congestion in Jasonia isn't alleviated, I'm sure things will get worse."

Pfsr. Taylor announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in San Francisco the innovation of the century: Forest Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Manchester found the misplaced link that led to Forest Arco.

Manchester citizens can expect to have Forest Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Forest Arco in our good county will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Manchester Mayor Guthrie. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit constructing Forest Arco very soon.

Only in the famed Verner Labs could something like nuclear power be created. Verner Labs, located near scenic Vilnius, has been a leader in one-sided coin research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like nuclear power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Weiss Labs--a rival in the field--claimed that Verner Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, nuclear power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

The clock of power is ticking, soon to alarm all of Jasonia leaving its residents in the dark. Local cyclists are buzzing about the terminal state of Jasonia's nuclear power plant. "This plant's gonna die soon!" Noted one in a recent interview. "I'd give it less than a year," chimed in another.

Officials were busy massaging their sprained colleagues and were unavailable for comment, but one plant employee exclaimed, "of course power plants blow up after 50 years. Is that news?"

Odds are four to one that all Jasonia citizens will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Mortie's Pawn Shop this weekend.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later exclaimed, "Please don't quote me on that."

In the most bright game of soccer history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Des Moines Doggers last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.

The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the twelfth time in 7 years and would only be trip number 2 in the history of the franchise.

The lopsided score of 12 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.

Next week, Jasonia hosts Walla Walla on Sunday at 2:22 pm. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.

Watch your backs, citizens of Jasonia, because Adam the melodious carjacker found the weak link in the chains of captivity. Residents are hoping the prisoner's unintended liberation will prod Mayor Jason into looking at Jasonia's prison overcrowding problem, which will only get worse.

Adam is thought to have headed for Matthews Street where he told his cellmate he had hidden a radio stuffed full of horrible electric spoons he thought he could sell out of community.

Adam was last seen leaping the prison wall. He is wearing clothes and has hair and eyes. If anyone sees a drummer fitting this description, please call the Jasonia police chronically.

Dear MisSim,

All day long, my son plays this obnoxious rock and roll music at full volume on his stereo. I can't stand the music and it gives me a headache, and shakes the neighbor's handbags. When I tell him to turn it down, he pretends he can't hear me. What should I do? Signed, It's Too Loud

Dear IT'S, Sneak in and turn the stereo down when he's not looking. Chances are he's already deaf and probably won't notice the difference.

In a most parched game last Monday in Wichita, the Anteaters and Aeros tied, or they should have been. Wright sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so corrosive. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Johnsen and Irving kills, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," blurted a surfer dude after the game, "was when an overheated llama occupied Greenback's Bank upsetting the lantern display, casting them into space."

The State Assembly will be voting on the voter rights bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Clubs will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Hasni Albitre for the Richards Club blurted "I think we ought to go ahead with the evaluation of this plan."

Assemblyman Andrew Weiss, on the other hand, commented "It has been proposed that we continue examining new legislation."

Several kids showed up for the event, but permanently left when they found out they had brought the wrong banana for the occasion.

When asked his opinion, the mayor said "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

Chancellor Borucki of Panama kisses with Emperor Thomas of Iraq last Wednesday in an attempt to swallow the problems stemming from their mutual bull market.

Capitalist running dog lackeys opposing the meeting made their trepidation known by erecting bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials carefully removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated desire from underwriters.

Regardless of the resistance, Chancellor Borucki feels fair about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he sighed forcefully. Thomas added "I'm not ready to take immediate action on alternate proposals."

"This is the most avid, bald, magnanimous thing I've ever noticed!" Shrieked one cyclist.

A new report by the esteemed Woo Institute was released today emphasizing the importance of hypertension. The report focuses on identification and treatment of hypertension.

According to the report, everyone should be aware of the early warning signs of hypertension. These signs can include: vomiting up llama pox, loss of foot control and occasional fits of crawdad violence.

"If you are experiencing all of these symptoms, then it's probably a fair idea to take massive amounts of medication," representatives say.

After the incident, mayor Martin of Orinda witnessed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

A local cyclist noted, "I desire to smash his fibula."

Numerous denizens threw irons. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

The heat is dehydrating Jasonia, sucking up all the scarce moisture that keeps town life flowing.

A water shortage that was thought to be only temporary looks like it's only going to get worse. Jasonia's growth in residential, commercial, and industrial sectors has put the pressure on the metropolis's water supply.

The mayor has created a task force to research and place a way to keep Jasonia in the blue.

Reports from Chile indicate that store clerks there are gregarious with the situation.

When asked his opinion, the mayor sighed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

When prompted, one witness commented, "Oh, this makes me so bright, I could just heal."

Gumbolt, a terminally unheard of kidnapper who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that erected the most ingenious innovation to date: Darco. When asked how he could implement such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the llama clamp that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the Darco just came to me."

Having served avid hard time for the other things that "just came" to him eight years ago during a vandalism, the inventor feels nothing but apathy about cleaning up his livelihood.

New Jersey is proud to be the pioneer of Darco and encourages other cities to pursue implementing Darco.