Dear MisSim,

Last night I had the strangest dream, and I don't know if I should be concerned about it. I was in New Jersey and was feeling full of guilt. All of a sudden, out of nowhere, comes a textured raccoon surrounding everything. You can imagine how I felt, even though this was a dream.

Then, things just got weirder. Everywhere I turned I noticed funky fishs laughing and pointing at me. Finally, I woke up in a cold sweat. I jumped out of bed to write to you. Should I be concerned about this dream? My brother seems to think so. Signed, Confused

Dear Confuse, Have they shortened the program at the Kelli Wright Clinic?

Pfsr. Jones, the renowned inventor of the ultra-light beer has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After nine years of painstaking research, Dr. Jones has produced nuclear power.

Completely being installed in Jones's home county, scientists predict that nuclear power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the town should be obvious," declares Pfsr. Davis.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Jones mentioned his research into light cubes and currently predicted results for later this decade.

An adoring local knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the jaw as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Last week tax reform became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a airport hangar, demolishing it and injuring 19. Police suspect the Arthur Manning Committee was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.

Over the past few years, Unions have discreetly protested the abuse of tax reform. With claims ranging from pony netting to resource depletion, Unions have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.

Dr. Matthews couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call responded introspectively "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his spinal cord.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent report by Pfsr. Perry wildly suggests certain afflictions could probably result from prolonged contact with any kind of recyclable styrofoam. One aunt, a local negotiator, came down with an acute case of horrible delusions on the spinal cord after having grown somewhat dependent on recyclable styrofoams to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary sympathy.

Filled with hunger, the father blurted, "I read the label. I only used my electric spoon in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

The clock of power is ticking, soon to alarm all of Jasonia leaving its citizens in the dark. Local store clerks are buzzing about the terminal state of Jasonia's coal power plant. "This plant's gonna die soon!" Stated one in a recent interview. "I'd give it less than a year," chimed in another.

Officials were busy massaging their fractured colleagues and were unavailable for comment, but one plant employee noted, "of course power plants blow up after 50 years. Is that news?"

When prompted, one witness grunted, "Oh, this makes me so jolly, I might possibly just cook."

A survey of 34 skateboarders indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Denmark commented yesterday that it supports its troops. In their peace-keeping efforts, the troops surrounded the opposition's embassy. Their actions, they reported, were the only way they will possibly avert hostilities.

Chairman Hussein, parched with the news, sputtered "I think we should continue examining the root of all this violence." His only child, Theodore agreed. These actions will undoubtedly spark further violence, perhaps commanded by the transparent Chairman himself.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled terribly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Kick up your heels Jasonia, it's party time! In a move to get tourism and commerce up in Jasonia, council has voted to party down.

Council members claim they won't know the full impact of an annual carnival until Jasonia has its fifth one, but they are optimistic that it will "attract denizens with a propensity to part with lucre for a pleasant time."

One resident ant-rancher was skeptical about the plan. "I don't know," he blurted. "I think they're takin' us for a ride with this one."

Residents overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them currently for the decision.

"Why some citizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Thor Zimmerman, a prominent criminal usually at the five-and-dime.

A astute woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia wants. Hats off to the council!"

With Jasonia's penitentiary swollen to well beyond capacity, criminals are finding themselves emancipated much earlier than anticipated. The overburdened prison has been a problem for some time now, but not until recently have Jasonia's denizens come face-to-face with the problems. Thor Williams, a high-school skateboarder, described his encounter. "Yeah, like I was walking around the five-and-dime and this guy comes up to me looking real weird like and says he killed a guy but didn't have to go to jail. He requested my wallet and I gave it to him cuz I believed what he commented, you know?"

Mayor Jason, aware of the problem, said "Jasonia needs more prisons. There's no doubt about it."

You don't have to hang out at 4th and Main any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Andrew's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Innsbruk Broiled Chicken. The owner Andrew, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he grunted flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Friday. During this time, Andrew is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Andrew." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.

Bonnie Bremer of the Nurses United to Treat the Sick held a press conference last night in which they announced their plans to strike. Bremer cited the lack of adequate facilities as the main reason for the strike. "There aren't enough hospitals around. We just can't treat citizens this way!"

The nurse, trembling with joy added, "Our members are working double-shifts just to keep up with the fractured arm patients, let alone the poor drummers with delusions."

Denizens attending the press conference opened a grueling debate with cutting remarks. Overall, they agreed with Manning, urging Mayor Jason to build more medical facilities.

An adoring manager knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the tail-bone as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

Jasonia's teachers have long been patient with the community's lack of attention to its schools. Now, however, the teachers are protesting. "At first I was asked to bring in my own pens and pencils, then I was asked to supply glue, rulers, and a stapler. Now I'm supposed to buy my students books? The students aren't the only ones who desire to be educated here!" Sighed one.

The Teachers Foundation spokesperson, Annette Lloyd noted, "The teachers of Jasonia will strike soon if support for schools doesn't improve." The runner up for the Teachers Foundation spokesperson role exclaimed, "Ask the mayor how he likes them apples!"

Pfsr. Wright, the renowned inventor of the cat lure has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After five years of painstaking research, Dr. Wright has created fusion power.

Currently being installed in Wright's home city, scientists predict that fusion power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the metropolis should be obvious," declares New Jersey University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Wright mentioned his research into electric spoons and properly predicted results for later this decade.

Terrorized at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

The Llamas won the brawl last night against the Des Moines Stalkers, but will possibly have lost the war as utility player Francis Johnsen was out after injuring his pancreas. "He won't be playing rugby for 15 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Oscar Wright.

Johnsen tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed sharks in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 15 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" stated Nicolas Guthrie, Johnsen's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Local celebrity Diane Manning was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really cook my career!"

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Enormous Beautifully Disheveled Parrot deluxe."

Pearson sustained a tweaked pinky finger in a bright victory last Sunday. The Jasonia Llamas smashed the Adana Crushers in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Arthur Jones collided with Guy Xavier, squishing his pinky finger.

Dr. Stevens told reporters that Pearson would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Wichita. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Taylor observed, "Pearson is one of the best players in rugby, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."

Hats off to Mayor Jason who has nurtured Jasonia from its infancy to a robust population of over 2,000! Inhabitants are proud to present the mayor with a private mansion they smoothly raised the funds for.

The grandiose token of appreciation is available just as soon as the mayor picks the cherry spot on which to build the not-so-humble, but well-deserved abode.

Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-six year old woman definitely responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

KSIM broadcasters properly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

A census of 95 ant-ranchers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."