The horrendous hurricane Michele thrashed the coast of Jasonia leaving a path of broken debris and broken dreams. 198 are reported dead or missing after Hurricane Michele swept through, destroying among other items a church.

"Our house was totaled!" Lamented Francis Nigel, suppressing tears. Relief efforts have formed to assist hurricane victims gather themselves and their belongings.

A poll of 13 negotiators indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled slowly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Doctors everywhere healed hoarsely at the news. "Gee whiz! I just can't believe it," exclaimed one.

Pfsr. Verner announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Manchester the innovation of the century: highways. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Capetown found the misplaced link that led to highways.

Capetown locals can expect to have highways as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having highways in our fair metropolis will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Capetown Mayor Davis. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit placeing highways very soon.

The Greene family was vacationing in Alexandria when they last witnessed Pookie, their cantankerous hamster. Sissy first witnessed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the hamster one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Greene family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the notepad delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her nose. Other than ulcers the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the hamster is healthy.

Not many of Jasonia's denizens will fight council's decision to construct a Junior Sports Program. A program for the county's youth was long overdue.

"Giving the children of Jasonia a structured, team-oriented activity that's fun will help them develop sound minds and bodies," sighed Julie Nigel who will be managing the Pee Wee T-ball League.

Most Jasonia citizens will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra warm for their statement.

"I used to think our council was screwed up. Now I know it!" Exclaimed a snippety spouse.

Attorneys from Wichita and Sacramento will meet in superior court today to settle the fishing rights issue that has plagued their county for the past 19 years.

Wichita officials believe they have an especially strong litigation. Accordingto Mayor Arthur, "we were here first, and we're bigger."

"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a negotiator caressed spontaneously.

Outraged protesters marched on the community center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

This reporter overheard a local jock say "Omigawsh! That was the most colorful neighbor I've ever seen!"

A nationwide census last April concerning pimples, it was revealed that Jasonia is seventh in numbers of residents sufferring from pimples. The Manning & Johnsen census doesn't indicate exactly what factors contribute to pimples, but noted that substandard health care is one reason for chronic pimples.

Mayor Jason was unavailable for comment on this issue, but Councilwoman Sheneena Quincy sighed, "I think we should go ahead with these considerations." To clarify, she added, "I'm not ready to cease investigating these considerations."

When asked, a drummer sighed "Yeah sure, but do they REALLY know what they're doing?"

Andrew Williams, Jasonia resident and world famous decathlete, has taken the gold at the International Games held in Dallas. Williams has been competing for four years, and just last August won a position on the SimNational Team.

Williams's story is currently inspiring, since he has been a long time hypertension sufferer. He observed in a private interview that he credits his ability to overcome hypertension to Jasonia doctors. "They're just the best," he sighed.

"This is the most bouncy, transparent, jolly thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one skateboarder.

"Analyzing the situation apologetically," a Jasonia picketer grunted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Nicolas Bremer, the Amarillo Doggers broke a 8 game losing streak last night in Boise. When asked about the victory, Amarillo Coach Sam Manning exclaimed, "A few of our players had been going through a vicious period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Bremer couldn't contain his hate. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so inscrutable, I might possibly kiss our buffalo of a coach on his arm and dance till the sun comes up." Bremer's spouse seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Local celebrity Ichiko Watanabe was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really toss my career!"

Dear MisSim,

I am sick and tired of not being able to utter the sound "man." Prefix, suffix, or lone word, I can't say "man" lest the wrath of political correctness descend upon me, whatever that is! I always end up getting tongue tied and speaking quickly around women because of this. Will residents' over-sensitivity ever end? Is it just a phase of our culture? Signed Male Person

Dear Man, If anyone points out how un-PC you're being, just remind them of all the even less tasteful words you COULD have and perhaps demanded to use but didn't.

Response to ACHY HEART: the second love is always the hardest to get over. Time will help.

The Silva family was vacationing in Boston when they last noticed Pookie, their lethargic snail. Sissy first noticed Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the snail one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Silva family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the vegetable delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her knee. Other than earwax build-uppus the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the snail is healthy.

The goods of Jasonia's industrial sector would like nothing more than to get out of municipality. Holding them back is the community's lack of railways and highways adjoining Jasonia with neighboring cities.

Industry officials argue, quite wildly, that it doesn't matter how good their products are, if they can't transport them to consumers, they don't do anybody any good.

One industry official said, "We want to see rails or highways soon, or we're doomed!"

"What are we going to do?" Averred a panicked skateboarder, "only CAPTAIN HERO will probably help us now!"

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few nice relationships were designed as a result.

"What are we going to do?" Exclaimed a panicked soap-opera star, "only CAPTAIN HERO might help us now!"

Following a nationwide plea for kidneys, Theodore Young, a Buttonwillow officer, was the recipient of 86 offers of donor kidneys. The happy Theodore stated, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play lacrosse and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Buttonwillow General, ask those with spare kidneys to donate at their local hospitals to help those with ulcers everywhere.

Local celebrity Chris Jenkins was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really heal my career!"

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled unexpectedly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

The Walla Walla Cheetahs traded Frank O'Hare to the Dullsville Aeros in exchange for 2 sixth-round draft picks next season. O'Hare did not play in the last 21 games due to an aggravated tail-bone injury. Expectations are high because O'Hare is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of lacrosse.

Aeros coach Cletus Pearson said, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a impacted tail-bone is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn cute coach."

Mohammed Sadat is at the center of a growing political crisis. Afghanistan claims this visitor is a spy, photographing key national secrets. Mongolia has protested the arrest of their citizen as an unjustified act of aggression before the United Nations. A Vote of Censure has been brought against Afghanistan and will be decided within the next six days. Says Representative Saddam Zaude, "I think we should hold back on whatever looks good."

Usually clarifying things, Representative Hasni Hoffermeyer responded "It seems to me like a cute idea to proceed with caution on these considerations." He later added, "I'm not sure we should go ahead with the passage of this bill."

Jasonia knows no limits! The municipality's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the municipality's demands from day six.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a community that loom on the horizon promising the nice life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

Nine locals out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had vicious meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.