Riots near the hospital left the area in shambles. Glass, car parts, trash, and notepads littered the lanes that had been gorgeous just hours before, thanks to the Jasonia Beautification Council. Local police couldn't catch the tragic rioters to arrest them.

"Inhabitants these days think rioting is a past time, like going to the mall or hanging out at Wendelles," Judge Cletus Larson blurted judiciously. "Kids especially, think rioting is a way to get what they need without getting in trouble. But if there's one thing I desire to pound into their thick little heads, it's that they can't beat the system by rioting!"

Outraged protesters marched on the town center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Peterson has produced fusion power. Grozny Mayor Johnsen has presented the professor with the key to the municipality to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Peterson unnecessarily denied responsibility and deployed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Grozny University President Stevens is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With fusion power to our credit, especially the way it will help our locals, Grozny University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

What first attracted swarms of citizens to Jasonia was the scenery. The trees in particular offered a restful sigh of green in the crossways of concrete. But now, the trees are disappearing at the hand of the metropolis, an act residents are having a hard time forgiving.

"We used to picnic near the tree that was here. We'd sometimes see the hawk family that was nesting in it. The kids would swing from the branches, and Spot would...Well, Spot liked it, too," averred an unhappy resident. "If this kind of nature bullying continues, we'll have to consider moving to a county like Jasonia once was."

When asked his opinion, the mayor blurted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."

The State Assembly will be voting on the work week bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Foundations will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.

Spokesperson Jenny Weiss for the Gumbolt Foundation said "I think we should proceed with caution on the passage of this bill."

Assemblyman Mario Edward, on the other hand, observed "It seems to me like a nice idea to cease investigating new legislation."

The incident reminded this reporter of a nice local he once knew who used to paint shoes.

"This is the most bouncy, bald, bouncy thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one doctor.

The Wichita Crushers traded Cletus Maynard to the Santa Cruz Crushers in exchange for 2 seventh-round draft picks next season. Maynard did not play in the last 24 games due to an aggravated pancreas injury. Expectations are high because Maynard is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of soccer.

Crushers coach Sarah Edward grunted, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a sprained pancreas is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn fair coach."

Council's new CPR Training ordinance will force new life into Jasonia. Residents enthusiastic to learn about the life-saving technique have already begun calling the municipality offices for more information.

"With trained locals everywhere in the community, it will be like having a doctor on every street corner!" Guy O'Hare, the seventh to sign up for the class, noted heartily.

"I wouldn't go that far," countered Dr. Thomas when asked her opinion on the program. "Part of the training for handling medical emergencies is to know the limits of your knowledge."

The program will begin next week and is free to all Jasonia denizens.

Denizens unhappy with the development took turns at Mortie's Pawn Shop to catch busy residents, hoping they might sign a petition.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted New Jersey businessman Jenny Pearson. "But, if this keeps up, it will possibly happen more often."

Local soap-opera stars in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.

Pfsr. Bremer, the renowned inventor of the ear candle has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After one years of painstaking research, Dr. Bremer has invented solar power.

Strongly being installed in Bremer's home community, scientists predict that solar power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the municipality should be obvious," declares Grozny University.

When asked what next, Pfsr. Bremer mentioned his research into cat lures and smoothly predicted results for later this decade.

More and more residents threw books. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

"I'm sick and tired of having to drive all the way to Twin Peaks just to see the Pounders smash Twin Peaks!" Averred Lamar Pearson, founder of Build Us a New Stadium.

Pearson led a jolly march to the mayor's house last Monday at 10:43 pm to protest the lack of a stadium in Jasonia.

"It's not like our request is way out in left field," exclaimed one protester. "All we desire is a 11,000 seat stadium with a large TV screen, fresh hot dogs, and NO ARTIFICIAL GRASS!" There were no arrests, although a few yogurts were thrown and a neighbor's mailbox was halted.

Dear MisSim,

I can never tell the truth. Wait, that's not true. I can tell the truth when it benefits me, but if I can get anything out of lying, I'll do it--officially.

It's like I don't have a choice. I mean it's really weird. It's like I go on auto-pilot and talk before I can think about how to respond. Residents can't seem to detect that I'm lying through my teeth. Have you heard of this problem before? What should I do? Signed, Always a Liar

Dear Always, Have you considered a job in sales?

Response to WRECKED: move out before your mother finds out.

Utley, a terribly unheard of killer who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that implemented the most ingenious innovation to date: public busing. When asked how he could deploy such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the water wiggler that inspired me. Once I observed that, the public busing just came to me."

Having served melodious hard time for the other things that "just came" to him nine years ago during a hawking, the inventor feels nothing but apathy about cleaning up his livelihood.

Houston is proud to be the pioneer of public busing and encourages other cities to pursue implementing public busing.

Plans for an organized avenue baseball League are gaining momentum as hordes of kids join the throngs that occupy our community roads to play baseball. "I was worried at first," exclaimed one parent unexpectedly, "but cars can always turn down side roads. Traffic isn't a problem."

Councilman Leila Peterson also endorses the move, "I've got eight children of my own. They want to play baseball. As long as they wear finger pads, it's fine by me."

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few warm relationships were built as a result.

Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-five year old woman apologetically answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

"What's the difference between Hamburg and Sydney?" Asked business tycoon Joe Wright of Hamburg in a recent press conference, "desalinization plants!!" He gloated.

The good-humored, though allegedly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Maynard supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by desalinization plants, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of desalinization plants into Hamburg is just the beginning. We will see desalinization plants spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have desalinization plants at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

When Presidente Rubichek of Ethiopia arrived in Kenya for a peace conference in hopes of ending the rift between the two countries, everything seemed serene; but then an argument over what time the group should break for lunch escalated into a power play, catapulting the talks into a more physical meeting. Yojimbo of Ethiopia, passionate with ecstasy, jumped uncontrollably, leaving Rubichek with a impacted kidney.

Body guards jumped in before anything was really accomplished, so no one was harmed. Nurses at Kenya Hospital exclaimed that the two men are sharing a room and are entertaining each other in a game involving hospital night gowns.

Inhabitants will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.

These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.

On the local radio station KSIM, priests ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of insanity to life."

Nine inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more astute version.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Alan Justin, the Walla Walla Thrashers broke a 19 game losing streak last night in Sacramento. When asked about the victory, Walla Walla Coach Sarah Bremer commented, "A few of our players had been going through a ghastly period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Justin couldn't contain his hate. When a reporter asked him how he felt he responded, "I'm so horrible, I will probably kiss our buffalo of a coach on his big toe and dance till the sun comes up." Justin's father seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Outraged protesters marched on the community center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.