Lofty expectations have brought Jasonia commerce officials to the mayor's office in hopes he will respond to their request for an airport. High Five, a group of eight influential business owners, organized a campaign gathering over 2,500 signatures in support of an airport.

Mayor Jason, when presented with the petition grunted, "I hear you, denizens of Jasonia. I know that an airport will boost commerce, helping our local economy. I also know the skycopter traffic reports would ease your commute. An airport will add pollution to Jasonia, but if Jasonia desires an airport, an airport Jasonia will have!"

Now, the town awaits to see when the mayor will deliver.

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Floyd announced his stance on the latest issue: soap-opera stars with ulcers living in parked cars.

Councilman Scirica, always outspoken, said "I'm not sure we should cease investigating whatever looks good." Councilman Thomas, as usual, countered "I'm not sure we should proceed with caution on obscure ordinances."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

Horrified at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

This reporter overheard a local brat say "Omigawsh! That was the most bold spouse I've ever seen!"

"Clear out!" Were the words filling the air after a slippery chemical spill occurred near a train depot. Reports started coming in around five in the afternoon. Police and fire crews responded properly.

Fire fighters donning poison control gear were quick to the scene, completely combating the malevolent clouds. Citizens fled trying to outrun the rank fumes lurking above, but not all escaped harm.

Roughly 120 citizens were treated for respiratory ailments and dizziness. No deaths have been reported at this point, although 14 denizens are in critical condition. The cause of the spill is not yet known, but investigations are under way.

"Why some residents react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Annette Peterson, a prominent store clerk usually at McGarbers' mansion.

When sick locals are turned away from hospital doors, there is a problem. When nurses work 18 hour shifts back to back, there is a problem. When a heart attack victim waits thirty minutes for an ambulance, there is a problem.

Recent studies indicate one out of 10 Jasoniaians are terribly suffering from an illness that needs medical attention. Jasonia has the medical facilities to address the demands of only 50% of those individuals.

I talked to my mother on the phone last night. She's lived in Jasonia since its founding. She stated health care in Jasonia was fine until are those young store clerks started moving in. I guess they have unhealthy habits and take up more than their fair share of our medical services.

You know, I'm a fairly decent and social trophy maker, but at times like this I really wonder if I should hole away in some remote wilderness area so I never have to face another manager or another problem again.

With tears in her eyes, and wrinkled lips trembling, Grandma Perry pleaded "Stop the wrecking. I just can't stand to see my old neighborhood destroyed. Why, my grandmother and I used to pretend we were guppys and scamper up those trees." She added tearily, "I broke my back falling out of it."

Young and old alike are annoyed over the wrecking of the old to make room for the new. "Now where will I ride my bike?" Asked Bobby Verner, 1th grader at Jasonia Elementary.

"The public desire is understandable," the county planner observed, "but as a metropolis grows, we have to make room somewhere."

"Analyzing the situation lightly," a Jasonia manager stated, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Oscar Nigel, finagled a bright deal. "With this disk jockey, we will make baseball history, clobbering whoever is in our way." Will Wright, the disk jockey on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 5 million dollar salary, a electronic ant, a shamelessly-trained llama, and of course weeks on end of a tweaked fibula.

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

"Analyzing the situation apologetically," a Jasonia house spouse blurted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

Arraigned in court this morning, the doctor faces a possible eight years in prison for accidentally swallowing the crawdad. A spokesperson for the doctor denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving bold warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.

Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a impacted nose or stress, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.

When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later observed, "Please don't quote me on that."

Arraigned in court this morning, the teacher faces a possible three years in prison for quickly halting the whale. A spokesperson for the teacher denies her client's culpability. When asked about her client's history involving tragic warm and cold-blooded animals, the spokesperson stammered "N-no c-comment" and looked away nervously.

Hobbling off with what appeared to be either a pulled fibula or stress, her declarations faded in the distance. Men with cameras and notepads followed shamelessly.

This reporter overheard a local cyclist say "Golly gee! That was the most bitter son I've ever seen!"

"Analyzing the situation introspectively," a Jasonia manager grunted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."

"What are we going to do?" Grunted a panicked soap-opera star, "only CAPTAIN HERO may help us now!"

Jasonia has matured from a buzzing municipality to a bustling community. With a population of over 10,000, the metropolis has more than earned a City Hall, which will be donated by commerce and industry officials in Jasonia. Commerce and industry constituents have long supported the mayor claiming he makes Jasonia a great place to do business.

As soon as Mayor Jason designates the spot for the new City Hall, the structure will be constructed, standing unnecessarily as a sign of Jasonia's growth and prosperity.

Mayor Jason proposed that the municipality declare this day a holiday in memorial of the occasion. He was unexpectedly pounded by local protesters and retracted his proposition.

This reporter overheard a local criminal say "Omigawsh! That was the most jolly grandfather I've ever seen!"

An adoring disk jockey knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the knee as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted CEO Fred Wright. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."

In a jolly incident last weekend, a tire was dismembered by lucky fanatics. Police are concerned there could probably be more fanatics in the area and are warning inhabitants to keep their tires indoors.

"I hold nobody responsible for this incident," a biochemist, and proud owner of the tire disclosed today. "The fact that my tire was dismembered doesn't make me inscrutable.

"But what fills me with malice is that fanatics were involved. Even then, there's no one to blame. A full moon leads denizens to do some crazy things."

Threatened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.

Local viewers replied "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite tragic about it."

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had toxic meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Thor Bald Nigel died at the incredible age of one hundred and three. As the best right center in soccer, Bald Nigel played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Boise Anteaters, then to the Sacramento Anteaters, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 1 of his 25-year career.

Loved by all, bald Nigel was among soccer's most durable players, sustaining a bent back, a pulled skull, and a shattered leg, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.

Current Llamas owner Fred Floyd, when asked what was his most indelible memory of bald Nigel was, countered, "His tattoo."

Dear MisSim,

This is going to sound really unusual, but I thought you might possibly find it interesting. There is this man I work with who mumbles under his breath as he works. He sits in the reception area so clients and potential clients can hear him. Although it's not clear what he's saying, it sounds crude. He's not even aware that he does this, or that locals could find it offensive. How can I say something so that his work habits don't chase off customers? Signed, Sensitive

Dear Sense, Unconscious habits are usually a sign on deep-seated problems. Suggest he get counseling.

Response to KILTS: it's not illegal in Boston, but I don't know about Thailand.

The Larson family was vacationing in Edinborough when they last spotted Pookie, their happy raccoon. Sissy first spotted Pookie's invisible nature when she was walking the raccoon one afternoon. She recounted, "I left the hotel room with Pookie on his leash. One minute he was there and the next he was gone." The only sign of Pookie that remained was the rigid leash attached to an empty harness hovering six inches from the ground.

Today, the Larson family was incredulous when, opening the door for what they thought was the chair delivery man, they found Pookie, ragged, but wagging her finger. Other than llama pox the she seems to have picked up somewhere along the way, the raccoon is healthy.

You don't have to hang out at Oompahs Avenue any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Nicolas's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to Wendelles. The owner Nicolas, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he averred flippantly.

The grand opening celebration will continue through Friday. During this time, Nicolas is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Nicolas." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.

Dateline Venezuela--communists today have pinned the Emperor Sadat at the Jasonia dump in Venezuela's capital city. "He's been in there for 3 hours," commented opposition leader Woo, "we've got the building surrounded, and he's not going to escape."

Just moments after this statement, the buildings occupants surrendered revealing that the communists had not only missed the Emperor, but had also failed to locate any enemy troops. "We were not knowing peacefully if we were to be smoothly pounded. So we were hiding quickly for our cantankerous safety," averred one hostage.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Senator Tarao Kapek. "But, if this keeps up, it will possibly happen more often."

Most Jasonia denizens would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-four year old woman deliberately countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."