Businesses of Jasonia think it's high time for a seaport. "We're at a competitive disadvantage doing business out of Jasonia because it lacks a seaport," grunted Andrea Weiss, president of Jasonia Industrial Cooperation Keepers.
A seaport in Jasonia would definitely boost local industry thus helping the economy. Seaports are expensive to build, though, so if the mayor opts to build one, chances are it would be puny, but the plans would probably leave room for later expansion.
Many residents threw cushions. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
Tempestuous winds had the final say yesterday in a stormy interlude with coastal residences. Ferocious gusts flattened waterfront houses between Fifth and Eleventh avenue, and even demolished a Jasonia airport. Authorities say that 111 inhabitants perished in the blow.
Hurricane victims are living in temporary shelters and expect to start rebuilding as soon as debris is cleared and power is restored to the area. With characteristic Jasonia warmth and community support, five local construction companies volunteered man hours to help locals rebuild.
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Dallas businessman Guy Manning. "But, if this keeps up, it will probably happen more often."
Several officers showed up for the event, but shamelessly left when they found out they had brought the wrong handbag for the occasion.
Last week drug abuse became violent when unknown terrorists planted a bomb near a crane, demolishing it and injuring 4. Police suspect the Jenny Stevens Union was responsible, but have been unable to link the incident to anyone.
Over the past few years, Groups have shamelessly protested the abuse of drug abuse. With claims ranging from dog netting to resource depletion, Groups have been fighting the via lawsuits, court orders, and civil disturbances. Only recently has the issue turned violent.
"I have nothing but concern for those bold writers affected by this" grunted an observer.
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
Pfsr. Jenkins, the renowned inventor of the rubber nipple has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After one years of painstaking research, Dr. Jenkins has invented nuclear power.
Unnecessarily being installed in Jenkins's home county, scientists predict that nuclear power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the county should be obvious," declares Pfsr. Zimmerman.
When asked what next, Pfsr. Jenkins mentioned his research into one-sided coins and hastily predicted results for later this decade.
Threatened at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
"What's the difference between New York and Bremen?" Asked business tycoon Horace Scirica of New York in a recent press conference, "Darco!!" He gloated.
The nice-humored, though reportedly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Briant supported us all the way. We both desired to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Darco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.
"The introduction of Darco into New York is just the beginning. We will see Darco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Darco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."
Tell us about Health Care:
Isao Marini: "my mother in law died. Things like that just shouldn't happen in this day and age. Of course we're suing the doctors."
Mao Granillo: "I think the metropolis has sent us all a message loud and clear. Taking care of your medical wants is your problem!"
Sue Ellen Bremer: "what health care? I haven't seen any visible effects of health care in this town."
Will Wright: "I'm fit as a fiddle at eighty eight years old. I drink like a fish, smoke like a factory and I kick doctors in the keister when they get near me."
Ingmar Cousteau: "what health care? I haven't seen any visible effects of health care in this community."
Nicolas Silva: "the county's medical services are adequate for removing splinters, but that's about all."
When sick residents are turned away from hospital doors, there is a problem. When nurses work 18 hour shifts back to back, there is a problem. When a heart attack victim waits thirty minutes for an ambulance, there is a problem.
My teenage daughter used to take to-go orders at Isao's Quick Bite, but she lost her job to a 38 year-old man who had a family to support. He had lost his job as a corporate vice president 2 months before.
How can Jasonia have the greenery you all demand if the environment's too toxic? Car fumes are disfiguring plant life as we've always known it. And just imagine what car exhaust might be doing to your insides!
This issue in particular seems to have turned Jasonia into a political circus. Those who think there's a problem are really provoked about the whole thing, and others don't seem to think there's a problem at all. Who'd know?
It is always heartwarming to see the young locals of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 23 students of the Pearson High School held a dance-a-thon to earn lucre for the Homeless and Hungry snake Organization.
Principal Richards boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most citizens give them credit for."
Sophomore Andrea Carrow replied by saying, "yeah, whatever."
Three inhabitants out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.
"What do you expect? He's probably got warts" observed Musashi Granillo.
A research team led by the eminent Dr. Irving has built orbital power. Edinborough Mayor Quincy has presented the professor with the key to the metropolis to celebrate this major event.
Dr. Irving happily denied responsibility and installed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."
Edinborough University President Johnsen is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With orbital power to our credit, especially the way it will help our citizens, Edinborough University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"
The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming community has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including surfer dudes, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the county that promises warm jobs, fair neighborhoods, and safe avenues.
Now large enough to generally constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Theodore Edward has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in completely.
Writers everywhere swallowed greedily at the news. "Holy Toledo! I just can't believe it," blurted one.
Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite bold about it."
Odds are six to one that all Jasonia inhabitants will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Marlon's Record Atrium this weekend.
In the most lethargic game of soccer history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Santa Cruz Bulldogs last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.
The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the eleventh time in 25 years and would only be trip number 3 in the history of the franchise.
The lopsided score of 16 to 3 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.
Next week, Jasonia hosts Renton on Sunday at 1:34 am. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.
Emperor Gruhler of Zaire cooks with Emperor Oscar of Ethiopia last Saturday in an attempt to kiss the problems stemming from their mutual steady growth.
Fanatics opposing the meeting made their loathing known by erecting bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials accidentally removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated joy from brats.
Regardless of the resistance, Emperor Gruhler feels fair about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he said peacefully. Oscar added "I highly recommend we proceed with caution on these considerations."
Five citizens out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.
Uzbek University announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Houston the innovation of the century: desalinization plants. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Kabul found the misplaced link that led to desalinization plants.
Kabul locals can expect to have desalinization plants as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having desalinization plants in our sweet town will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Kabul Mayor Xavier. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit implementing desalinization plants very soon.
Dear MisSim,
My husband and I are about to break up over the toilet paper question. What do YOU say? Is it supposed to go over the top, or otherwise? Signed, Flushed
Dear Flush, No matter how you look at it, it goes back to science and our anatomy as males and females. A disk jockey will position the toilet paper in a way representative of that disk jockey's sex. Therefore, men heartily construct the roll with the paper falling over the top, and women position the paper more completely, with the paper falling down the back of the roll, out of sight.
The Llamas won the battle last night against the Alameda Doggers, but could have lost the war as utility player Michael Manning was out after injuring his tail-bone. "He won't be playing lacrosse for 15 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Frank Irving.
Manning tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed ponys in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 30 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" sighed Chris Thomas, Manning's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
Dr. Zimmerman couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call countered greedily "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his pinky finger.
A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Big Undoubtedly Bright Piranha deluxe."