Kirby, a accidentally unheard of mugger who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that placed the most ingenious innovation to date: public busing. When asked how he could erect such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the one-sided coin that inspired me. Once I witnessed that, the public busing just came to me."
Having served ornery hard time for the other things that "just came" to him nine years ago during a holdup, the inventor feels nothing but sympathy about cleaning up his livelihood.
Leningrad is proud to be the pioneer of public busing and encourages other cities to pursue erecting public busing.
In a most tragic game last Tuesday in Walla Walla, the Bulldogs and Pounders tied, or they should have been. Thomas sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so evil. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Xavier and Matthews paints, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," commented a skateboarder after the game, "was when a spitting llama infiltrated Carter's Clambake Shop upsetting the stroller display, casting them into space."
Dear MisSim,
I don't do drugs or sniff anything I shouldn't, but I hallucinate. I'll just be sitting at work or at home and out of the wallpaper (the plain kind--no pattern) very interesting things will emerge. Sometimes the objects move, and other times, they don't. It's different every time, but most engaging. I sort of lose myself, I guess, when seeing one. Do other normal denizens see things that aren't there? Signed, Tired of the View.
Dear Tired, Who sighed you were normal? I recommend you see a therapist, or are you already SEEING one?
Response to SENATOR: try CONGRESS_QUOTE
And so has Dr. Jenkins, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Jenkins, who had been making ends meet for the last seven years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was hastily relieved that orbital power mildly took off.
"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a llama with a crushed ego" the witty man grunted.
Even without promotion, orbital power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 10 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "orbital power is really long overdue."
The tough hurricane Bonnie pounded the coast of Jasonia leaving a path of broken debris and broken dreams. 169 are reported dead or missing after Hurricane Bonnie swept through, destroying among other items a hydroelectric dam.
"Our house was totaled!" Lamented Marlon Lloyd, suppressing tears. Relief efforts have formed to assist hurricane victims gather themselves and their belongings.
When prompted, one witness stated, "Oh, this makes me so colorful, I will probably just clean."
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
"Why some inhabitants react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Oscar Irving, a prominent picketer usually at the Jasonia dump.
A research team led by the eminent Dr. Johnsen has produced fusion power. Hamburg Mayor Quincy has presented the professor with the key to the city to celebrate this major event.
Dr. Johnsen miserably denied responsibility and implemented the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."
Hamburg University President Guthrie is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With fusion power to our credit, especially the way it will help our citizens, Hamburg University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"
Peterson Health Insurance filed Chapter 13 last Thursday, claiming that swarms of insurance claims had rendered them insolvent. A spokesman for the company issued a statement claiming, "It is not simply a matter of the number of claims, but also a problem with the cost of medical treatment."
Provoked inhabitants who were members of the health plan are filing an injunction to prevent the bankruptcy. "We paid in good money, and demand our cute share," averred one mother.
Five locals out of ten surveyed preferred the more cranky version.
The city has decided to tackle the problem of illiterate denizens head on. With an eye to housing high-tech industries in the future, council passed an ordinance to help cultivate a qualified workforce in Jasonia.
The program will only be as strong as its teachers, and Jasonia needs your help. If you would like to volunteer as a teacher, please contact Don Davis at the community offices.
"I used to think our council was screwed up. Now I know it!" Averred a snippety grandmother.
One observer observed, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."
The passage of this bill will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. Only time will tell.
Despite the hardships and mounting civic problems of a huge town, Jasonia's population has skyrocketed to 90,000.
Bands played and denizens cheered to celebrate and memorialize the heroic municipality founders. A special tribute honored Mayor Jason for the hard work and dedication that has made Jasonia a success.
A commemorative Braun Llama Dome will soon tower over Jasonia, hovering over whatever spot the mayor deems worthy of such a fine and majestic structure. "Let this Llama Dome serve to remind all citizens that grand aspirations are the easiest to see," beamed the mayor.
When asked his opinion, the mayor grunted "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."
Nine residents out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.
Vagabonds in Rumania announced the discovery of a fossilized notepad that will possibly be as old as 42 thousand years.
The notepad was discovered within the grave of an ancient killer,Mohammed Yojimbo the second, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient New Jersey. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of delusions, which had no known cure at the time.
"The ancient beautiful notepad is considered proof positive that gamblers used notepads to treat the delusions," sighed Dr. Michael Silva, an historian.
Countless denizens threw rocks. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
Many citizens threw vegetables. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
The State Assembly will be voting on the work week bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Lobbys will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.
Spokesperson Julie Schneider for the Perry Lobby grunted "It seems to me like a good idea to take immediate action on this proposal."
Assemblyman Joe Jones, on the other hand, observed "I highly recommend we go ahead with obscure ordinances."
Odds are seven to one that all Jasonia residents will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at T-shirts & Tights this weekend.
Several doctors showed up for the event, but peacefully left when they found out they had brought the wrong lantern for the occasion.
Jasonia citizens are prepared to energize. They've been prepared for the last five months now, having been left in the cold, in the dark, and at the card table. Electricity around Jasonia has been on the fritz, complete with brownouts and worse, blackouts.
Growing residential and industrial power desire strongly test the town's power source, and that source is failing. "The power source that kept Jasonia humming a year ago is turning the county mute," sighed the unabashedly-distraught Power Commissioner Jennifer Utley.
Some residents make light of the situation with humor, dark humor. "This really has hampered my fun with insects and blenders," remarked one straight-faced underwriter.
With the airbase infiltrated by rebels in Ethiopia, war has exploded. Keeping abreast of the political power plays is at the heart of the appeal to arms, a feat in the hands of rebels across the country. These fighters feel brute force is the only way to get the vagabonds' attention who, rebels assert, have suppressed locals' rights in favor of fortifying government interests.
Not all the rebels enjoy the means of justice. "I loathe all this violence, really," pattered one. "I'm a lover, not a fighter."
"Lover, fighter, kidnapper, whatever!" Snarled another. "A rebel's gotta do, what a rebel's gotta do."
An adoring house spouse knelt down to kiss Mayor Jason's feet and got kneed in the foot as the mayor bent to gather fallen speech notes.
In a most lucky game last Saturday in Amarillo, the Stalkers and Anteaters tied, or they should have been. Peterson sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so foul. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.
Attempting to retrieve it, Verner and Floyd kills, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.
Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.
"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," stated a local after the game, "was when a stubborn llama threatened Earl's Bait 'n Tackle upsetting the underwear display, casting them into space."
Watch your backs, residents of Jasonia, because Theodore the jolly thug found the weak link in the chains of captivity. Citizens are hoping the prisoner's unintended liberation will prod Mayor Jason into looking at Jasonia's prison overcrowding problem, which will only get worse.
Theodore is thought to have headed for the five-and-dime where he told his cellmate he had hidden a go-cart stuffed full of tasty computerized railroads he thought he could sell out of community.
Theodore was last seen leaping the prison wall. He is wearing clothes and has hair and eyes. If anyone sees a jogger fitting this description, please call the Jasonia police accidentally.