They've sighed it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Bonnie Gumbolt, resident expert at Sydney General, convinced patients unnecessarily admitted for chronic ulcers that changing their cushion would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to dinosaur tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the criminals on the plan protested on grounds that doctors go ahead with cures using frog hormones.
Chances are 54 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
Numerous teenagers are joining the labor pool at an early age. Councilman Arthur Adams first noticed it when his fifteen year old son got a job at Buffalo Burgers. He didn't think anything unusual until he discovered that his son was earning more than minimum wage.
Since this revelation, Councilman Adams has been examining the business boom that is sucking up labor. "Full employment is of course nice, but it brings its own problems with it." Adams pointed out that business and industry alike might have to restrict growth until the number of Jasonia workers expands.
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
They've observed it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Theodore Weiss, resident expert at Edinborough General, convinced patients generally admitted for chronic warts that changing their cushion would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to fish tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the trophy makers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors actively pursue cures using frog hormones.
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this sulky reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
Rebels occupied embassy in Ethiopia yesterday to make their cantankerous intentions clear. The rebels safely claimed responsibility for the 4 deaths and 42 injuries saying in their statement to the press, "we've got the power to get what we want and this is our way of asking."
The Chairman of Ethiopia has not commented on the situation, but a writer and close personal friend confirmed that Chairman Yojimbo, an ardent supporter of the 'My Dad Can Beat Up Your Dad' military strategy, plans to retaliate.
No doubt that the Chairman will be putting the trade deficit problems on hold for a while.
Chances are 73 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.
The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming community has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including locals, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the town that promises nice jobs, pleasant neighborhoods, and safe streets.
Now immense enough to carefully constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Thor Gumbolt has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in accidentally.
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few good relationships were designed as a result.
Protest groups met downtown to denounce this new development. A petition is passing around the institutes of higher education.
The Llamas won the rumble last night against the Twin Peaks Anteaters, but will probably have lost the war as utility player Michael Barton was out after injuring his tail-bone. "He won't be playing football for 11 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Anwar Granillo.
Barton tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed snakes in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 14 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" blurted Francis Lesser, Barton's roommate.
The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"
A poll of 29 negotiators indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
Dr. Nigel couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call countered discreetly "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his spinal cord.
Pfsr. Pearson, the renowned inventor of the electric spoon has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After eight years of painstaking research, Dr. Pearson has invented nuclear power.
Wildly being installed in Pearson's home city, scientists predict that nuclear power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the community should be obvious," declares San Francisco University.
When asked what next, Pfsr. Pearson mentioned his research into electric spoons and heartily predicted results for later this decade.
"What are we going to do?" Noted a panicked house spouse, "only CAPTAIN HERO could help us now!"
Dear MisSim,
At first I didn't think anything of it, but now there's no question about it. I'm getting hairier as I get older. First a wiry hair will spring up under some typically unhairy area, the shoulder or ear, for instance. Three weeks later, a few more hairs will have joined the loner. Then a couple months down the road, there will be a party of hairs, very wildly rooted, near that place. What's the deal? Signed, Going Ape
Dear Going, The phenomenon you describe is called Bodicular Hair Movement. You've convincingly observed the hair on your head thinning, while it's thickening everywhere else. That's just the way it is.
Council is serious about cleaning this place up. The town beautification ordinance passed yesterday without any resistance.
"There's no way you can go wrong investing in the beauty of the town," blurted Mayor Jason who has sighed before that he likes pretty things.
Plans to beautify the metropolis include flowers planted on all meridians and shade trees in all parking lots. The color and size of signs will also be restricted so they don't overpower the natural beauty of Jasonia.
A colorful woman gibbered, "This is exactly the kind of program Jasonia wants. Hats off to the council!"
"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Waleed Hoffermeyer, a prominent underwriter usually at 4th and Main.
Heated up over the news, a thirsty father called KSIM to berate council members over the airwaves.
Now that Jasonia is blossoming into a respectable county, it's time, countless citizens feel, to build a stadium.
One child wrote a letter to this newspaper urging the publication to rally for a stadium in Jasonia. "It's for the good of the city," the bouncy writer argued. "There's nothing like a city sports team to unite a population."
Only a wee number of residents oppose the stadium. And each week, that number decreases, as recorded in the stadium popularity report that the local evening news has been running.
The incident did not affect seven old men playing checkers, but the informed young roller blader passing by did.
Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Irving announced his stance on the latest issue: teachers with earwax build-uppus living in parked cars.
Councilman Martin, always outspoken, grunted "I'm not sure we should further study the effects of obscure ordinances." Councilman Irving, as usual, countered "I'm not ready to hold back on alternate proposals."
Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.
"It's the dinosaurs I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really impacted by this" voiced one house spouse.
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
The Des Moines Aeros traded Alan Silva to the Farmington Cheetahs in exchange for 2 fifth-round draft picks next season. Silva did not play in the last 24 games due to an aggravated skull injury. Expectations are high because Silva is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of lacrosse.
Cheetahs coach Michele Weiss grunted, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a bent skull is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn warm coach."
Masses of residents are turning to themselves for financial support. Frustrated with a lack of income, unemployed denizens are hocking their most valuable assets: their guts.
One father, doing well financially, but otherwise lacking, noted flatly, "selling six of my vocal chords was probably my only mistake."
With the current lack of jobs in Jasonia, denizens are growing more and more desperate. Dr. Francis Peterson doesn't recommend parting with parts to make ends meet. Nevertheless, one body merchant, when told there's nothing more valuable than sweet health, commented ,"my eye!"
"Analyzing the situation safely," a Jasonia negotiator averred, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
Citizens fled as overloaded nuclear reactors vomited radioactive havoc accross Jasonia. Hospitals report hundreds of residents flooding their emergency rooms with symptoms of radiation poisoning. These include sensitive wrists, vomiting, plus burning skin and eyes.
The widespread power failures following the meltdown created chaos for municipality citizens. Already, local real-estate agencies have been inundated with calls from citizens intending to move out of Jasonia.
It is feared that some locals were so afraid, they've already left Jasonia, foregoing necessary medical attention. One grandmother, racing by in an overloaded camper shouted, "Cheap, they said! Safe, they said! Lies, all lies!"
They've said it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Anwar Albitre, resident expert at Oslo General, convinced patients permanently admitted for chronic warts that changing their vegetable would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to fish tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the drummers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors continue examining cures using frog hormones.
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra nice for their statement.