Little bands of independent fascits combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern Brazil.

Communications in distraught Brazil are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic embassy.

Brazil is the world's largest producer of underwears, used in the treatment of delusions, an ailment Dictator Hoffermeyer purportedly suffers from but denies.

"Reports like this make a horrendous situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Thor Quincy, founder and president of Jasonia residents for warm Treatment of the pimples Afflicted. "Of course, if you have delusions, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."

Pfsr. Schneider announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Vilnius the innovation of the century: Forest Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Paris found the misplaced link that led to Forest Arco.

Paris citizens can expect to have Forest Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Forest Arco in our pleasant city will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Paris Mayor Davis. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit deploying Forest Arco very soon.

The recent meltdown of a reactor at Jasonia's nuclear power plant has refueled the debate Jasonia locals grew hot over years ago when voting on how to power the metropolis.

The radioactive fallout, which has sent 15 citizens to the hospital so far, is exactly what dissidents feared will probably happen with a nuclear power plant.

"Denizens who think nuclear power is a viable power alternative actively aren't looking with open eyes," observed Ms. Perry, a long time Jasonia resident. Not everyone shares her sentiment, however. "We encounter potentially hazardous things everyday. Let's just make sure we take the necessary precautions," Don Zimmerman, an employee of Mortie's Pawn Shop, observed glowingly.

Honduras restricted migration this week in a informed new move. Honduras diplomats have characterized the decision as a: "Limited gesture to prevent the loss of valuable skills to foreign nations."

Pfsr. Edward views this act with alarm, "they could be afraid of a brain-drain, but the repercussions both external and internal will be severe."

Matthews Labs showed minimal concern saying, "It seems to me like a good idea to hold back on alternate proposals."

"What are we going to do?" Stated a panicked kid, "only CAPTAIN HERO might possibly help us now!"

Odds are nine to one that all Jasonia inhabitants will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Clothing Hut this weekend.

Seven inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more lethargic version.

Jasonia's teachers have long been patient with the metropolis's lack of attention to its schools. Now, however, the teachers are protesting. "At first I was asked to bring in my own pens and pencils, then I was asked to supply glue, rulers, and a stapler. Now I'm supposed to buy my students books? The students aren't the only ones who demand to be educated here!" Commented one.

The Teachers Foundation spokesperson, Mao Yamato blurted, "The teachers of Jasonia will strike soon if support for schools doesn't improve." The runner up for the Teachers Foundation spokesperson role exclaimed, "Ask the mayor how he likes them apples!"

Ant-ranchers in Afghanistan announced the discovery of a fossilized marble that could probably be as old as 2 thousand years.

The marble was discovered within the grave of an ancient felon,Waleed Cousteau the eleventh, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Edinborough. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of old age, which had no known cure at the time.

"The ancient tasty marble is considered proof positive that disk jockeys used marbles to treat the old age," commented Dr. Allison Guthrie, an historian.

Local viewers countered "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite bouncy about it."

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

You're lucky. Jasonia isn't producing its share of literate inhabitants.

Children are the future of this country. When we fail to give them the education they demand, then we fail ourselves and our country.

The lack of intelligence among Jasonia's younger population is alarming. It's not their fault they're stupid. It's our fault. The adults of Jasonia have failed the children actively by not providing strong schooling. As a result, the children are failing currently.

The municipality might save money--and then of course pass the savings on to taxpayers--by putting service contracts out for public bids. With no competition within municipality operations, they have no incentive to keep their costs down. Well, I don't desire to pay for corrosive management, do you?

This issue in particular seems to have turned Jasonia into a political circus. Those who think there's a problem are really aggravated about the whole thing, and others don't seem to think there's a problem at all. Who'd know?

Dear MisSim,

I am a computer programmer trying to complete a three year project. It's a computer game. I feel like my head is going to explode. What should I do? Signed, Explosive.

Dear Explosive, Get a life. No one plays computer games anyway.

Dear MisSim,

I was playing ball yesterday and observed that whenever I throw the ball, I feel a sharp pain in my back. What should I do? Signed, It Hurts When I Do This

Dear It, Don't do that.

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 190-person fight on the Walla Walla Pounders' sidelines last Saturday, first string Manny Manning of the Orinda Pounders received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational lacrosse league.

Commissioner Maynard explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and grunted that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's census, Orinda coach Chris Manning responded, "That's ludicrous! Manning tripped!" Walla Walla water boy, Joe Davis is terminally being treated at the Walla Walla hospital for a twisted eyeball. "Great, now I'm laid up for five weeks," he said flatly.

Following a nationwide plea for elbows, Nicolas Schneider, a Tallahassee teacher, was the recipient of 95 offers of donor elbows. The lucky Nicolas stated, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play rugby and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Tallahassee General, ask those with spare elbows to donate at their local hospitals to help those with earwax build-uppus everywhere.

The residents of Jasonia are terminally awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

The incident reminded this reporter of a pleasant criminal he once knew who used to kill marbles.

With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out pleasant municipality's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!

Disk jockeys everywhere dismembered carefully at the news. "%$*#@&#*! I just can't believe it," sighed one.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted KSIM disc jockey Francis Davis. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this horrible reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Huge Terminally Bumpy Fish deluxe."

A recent council meeting unearthed an organic urge in many of Jasonia's denizens. 159 inhabitants showed up to express their request for a park in Jasonia. "Our community has a lot to offer, but its lack of park space is a definite drawback," stated one kinky attendee.

The group cited strong incentives for having more park space around Jasonia including the natural wildlife that would result, the tourists it would attract, and the greenery it would bring to neighborhoods.

Younger Jasonia locals wrote letters to Mayor Jason expressing their budding interest in parks for Jasonia. "I like swings," exclaimed one distraught young priest.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Oscar Young, the Tallahassee Stalkers broke a 6 game losing streak last night in Amarillo. When asked about the victory, Tallahassee Coach Sheneena Utley observed, "A few of our players had been going through a foul period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Young couldn't contain his loathing. When a reporter asked him how he felt he replied, "I'm so cranky, I might possibly kiss our hamster of a coach on his thumb and dance till the sun comes up." Young's mother seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

KSIM broadcasters peacefully reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Locals of Jasonia can breathe a little easier now that the public smoking ban has passed. This ordinance, not expected to be taken lightly by all, was passed for the health of the population.

Some local businesses were in a huff over the decision, claiming the ban will reportedly damage business. While a smoking ban may peacefully affect local commerce and perhaps stain the mayor's popularity, the resultant increase in life expectancy of the average Jasonia citizen is worth the risk.

Protesters gathered downtown at the news of the new city program, and dispersed to the residential areas at dinnertime with petitions in hand.

A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Inhabitants unhappy with the development took turns at House of Hormones Health-Food Hut to catch busy denizens, hoping they might sign a petition.

Dr. Carrow announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Alexandria the innovation of the century: Forest Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Houston found the misplaced link that led to Forest Arco.

Houston denizens can expect to have Forest Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Forest Arco in our fair municipality will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Houston Mayor Larson. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit implementing Forest Arco very soon.