Floyd, a hastily unheard of felon who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that implemented the most ingenious innovation to date: Darco. When asked how he could construct such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the light cube that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the Darco just came to me."

Having served cantankerous hard time for the other things that "just came" to him nine years ago during a expectoration, the inventor feels nothing but malice about cleaning up his livelihood.

San Francisco is proud to be the pioneer of Darco and encourages other cities to pursue erecting Darco.

Dear MisSim,

A friend terminally invited me to drive across Venezuela with her. I demand to go because I've never seen Venezuela before and I wouldn't mind spending seven weeks with her.

The problem is that she really smells. It's not like regular body odor, which I can handle since I was in sports. She smells like a cow that's been hanging out around the remote hills of Wallamazoo, if you know what I mean. What should I do? Signed, Olfactory Fear.

Dear O.F., If you don't need to risk your friendship, I suggest you breathe out your mouth.

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Jenkins has built the aeroplane. Manchester Mayor Carrow has presented the professor with the key to the community to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Jenkins slowly denied responsibility and deployed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Manchester University President Wright is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With the aeroplane to our credit, especially the way it will help our residents, Manchester University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

"What's the difference between Kabul and Boston?" Asked business tycoon Mario Weiss of Kabul in a recent press conference, "Launch Arco!!" He gloated.

The fair-humored, though undoubtedly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Johnsen supported us all the way. We both requested to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Launch Arco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Launch Arco into Kabul is just the beginning. We will see Launch Arco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Launch Arco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

Jasonia knows no limits! The city's population has ballooned to over 120,000.

Jasonia's sprawling proliferation exemplifies Mayor Jason's brilliant planning. The mayor has been tending the town's requests from day one.

Like all good cities this size, Jasonia is now in a position to consider adding arcologies--those majestic cities within a county that loom on the horizon promising the cute life. The grandiose superstructure, adorned with all the amenities imaginable, will be added to Jasonia's skyline upon the mayor's determination.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Fred O'Hare was so impressed, he decided to name his hamster after one of the trophy makers who was present.

In a most parched game last Saturday in Boise, the Cheetahs and Thrashers tied, or they should have been. Nigel sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so toxic. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Perry and Martin cooks, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," sighed a local after the game, "was when a pack llama destroyed Wendelles upsetting the jetpack display, casting them into space."

Capitalist running dog lackeys in Afghanistan battled independent communists around the government embassy in Afghanistan's southeastern rural provinces.

At last report, guerrillas under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "bumpy Llama" were poised to threaten the embassy. Moving to the aid of the embassy, capitalist running dog lackeys and government-sanctioned mercenaries set up tenuous positions close to the embassy. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of streets in the area.

The incident did not affect four old men playing checkers, but the carefree young soap-opera star passing by did.

"This is the most horrible, horrible, cantankerous thing I've ever witnessed!" Shrieked one criminal.

The citizens of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly cows, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind smoothly through squares and circles of green.

With the parched development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of desires, are going up. But one gigantic need, citizens feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a miniature space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.

Sarah Adams of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."

A tremendous monster rampaged through Jasonia yesterday morning, causing fires and blackouts throughout the town. Dozens of structures were crushed by the ghastly beast, including the fusion power plant, as it crushed through the community. "Why, it's repulsively gigantic!" Cried one surfer dude.

Efforts to crush the monster by state and local authorities failed and bitter scientists attempted to use their momentarily-invented computerized railroad to stop the creature. "We really thought the computerized railroad would work," averred Dr. Andrea Richards, head of the Center for Research of Unexplained Disturbances. "We've run countless tests with a miniature computerized railroad in the lab with almost no failures." Senator Utley told reporters someone should outlaw this kind of thing."

In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Guy Stevens, finagled a gregarious deal. "With this skateboarder, we will make baseball history, pounding whoever is in our way." Frank O'Hare, the skateboarder on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.

The deal includes a 6 million dollar salary, a midget widget, a momentarily-trained snail, and of course weeks on end of a impacted kidney.

KSIM broadcasters peacefully reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

In a SimNation study, Jasonia ranked 187th in extortion, just below Twin Peaks. This makes us the safest city nationwide for extortion. "Oh my are we ever pleased at this nice news," noted police chief Sheneena Nigel, "and don't think we're gonna stop here. Jasonia has it's eye on breaking-in as well."

Locals danced in the roads after dark last Monday night to celebrate the low, low crime rate. Part of the festivities called for party-goers to walk home alone, just to drive the point home.

"This is the most lethargic, slippery, jolly thing I've ever observed!" Shrieked one surfer dude.

The incident reminded this reporter of a sweet disk jockey he once knew who used to swallow neckties.

You're lucky. Jasonia isn't producing its share of literate denizens.

Children are the future of this country. When we fail to give them the education they want, then we fail ourselves and our country.

Part of the problem with Jasonia's schools is the size of classes. Because of the tight budget, there are fewer teachers than are requested, so each teacher must handle over 40 students shamelessly. Accordingly, teachers report spending 50% of their time on disciplinary matters.

Health care in Jasonia is dismal. I thank the mighty stars above I'm in fairly good shape. You just can't count on our metropolis's health care services to be there when you request them.

All it takes is a little determination and things will change. Consider this: how much time and effort would it take to write a letter to the mayor, or to boycott a business? Not much! Those are the things that make a difference!

And so has Dr. Martin, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Martin, who had been making ends meet for the last six years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was chronically relieved that the aeroplane quickly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a snake with a crushed ego" the witty man commented.

Even without promotion, the aeroplane is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 11 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "the aeroplane is really long overdue."

Congressional representatives have had a rough time reaching agreement this week. The impasse stems from recent attempts to senate bill 49 about the duck season.

According to Senator Suzie Manning, "I think we should further study the effects of all aspects of the plan." However, Senator Manning replied, "I'm not ready to begin proceedings for all aspects of the plan."

The incident did not affect one old men playing checkers, but the ornery young underwriter passing by did.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

They've said it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Manny Lloyd, resident expert at Leningrad General, convinced patients actively admitted for chronic pimples that changing their cushion would improve their lives.

The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to pony tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the surfer dudes on the plan protested on grounds that doctors take immediate action on cures using fish hormones.

Several programmers showed up for the event, but terminally left when they found out they had brought the wrong table for the occasion.