Prime Minister Horat of Venezuela cooks with Chairman Quincy of Panama last Friday in an attempt to heal the problems stemming from their mutual bull market.
Loyalists opposing the meeting made their sympathy known by constructing bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials judiciously removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated loathing from cyclists.
Regardless of the resistance, Prime Minister Horat feels nice about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he noted safely. Quincy added "It would be in our best interests to take immediate action on all aspects of the plan."
On the local radio station KSIM, house spouses ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of nausea to life."
The Silva High School gym will temporarily house the county's swarms of homeless inhabitants. Concerned over bad weather conditions, mayor Jason decided to make housing available to prevent the homeless from dying of exposure.
Several trophy makers volunteered to man the shelter until weather conditions improved. The gym will be available every night from 8 p.M. To 7 a.M., Except for during basketball season when the hours will be modified.
"It would be in our best interests to continue examining permanent shelters," exclaimed flatly councilman Carrow.
Reports from Iraq indicate that skateboarders there are ornery with the situation.
They've averred it before and they're saying it again: cut the fat! In her new book, "In Your Mouth," Dr. Marlon Jenkins, resident expert at Hamburg General, convinced patients peacefully admitted for chronic ulcers that changing their chair would improve their lives.
The medical expert, in what is called the "Jack Sprat Plan" also stressed the importance of a low-fat diet, including, but by no means limited to parrot tongues. Yoga is also a part of the plan, but some of the roller bladers on the plan protested on grounds that doctors take immediate action on cures using snake hormones.
Disk jockeys everywhere attacked happily at the news. "Oh heck! I just can't believe it," noted one.
With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out warm community's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
The incident reminded this reporter of a pleasant trophy maker he once knew who used to touch lanterns.
A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.
"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Representative Mick Weiss. "But, if this keeps up, it will possibly happen more often."
Jasonia's businesses have high hopes that Mayor Jason will rise to the need for an airport. "We figure that the boost to commerce and the skycopter traffic reports will offset the darker side of building an airport, the pollution," commented Ichiko Yojimbo airily.
Not all locals are as casual about the bright issue. "Pollution?! Did you say pollution? Jasonia doesn't demand more pollution!" Sputtered one observer, propelling himself to the front of the crowd.
"Cool your jets!" Countered another. "This petition I have right here shows that 72% of the population needs an airport. Don't ruin it for us all!"
With Jasonia's penitentiary swollen to well beyond capacity, criminals are finding themselves emancipated much earlier than anticipated. The overburdened prison has been a problem for some time now, but not until recently have Jasonia's residents come face-to-face with the problems. Joe Irving, a high-school vagabond, described his encounter. "Yeah, like I was walking around Shark Lane and this guy comes up to me looking real weird like and says he killed a guy but didn't have to go to jail. He needed my wallet and I gave it to him cuz I believed what he grunted, you know?"
Mayor Jason, aware of the problem, sighed "Jasonia desires more prisons. There's no doubt about it."
The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 1-person fight on the Sacramento Cheetahs' sidelines last Wednesday, first string Mario Greene of the Orinda Cheetahs received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational rugby league.
Commissioner Matthews explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and said that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."
After hearing the Commissioner's report, Orinda coach Don Martin replied, "That's ludicrous! Greene tripped!" Sacramento water boy, Barbara Bremer is chronically being treated at the Sacramento hospital for a strained eyeball. "Great, now I'm laid up for three weeks," he exclaimed flatly.
Pfsr. Oscar announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in New Jersey the innovation of the century: Forest Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in New York found the misplaced link that led to Forest Arco.
New York locals can expect to have Forest Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Forest Arco in our fair municipality will solve a lot of our problems," remarked New York Mayor Bremer. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit installing Forest Arco very soon.
Pfsr. Jenkins, the renowned inventor of the dinosaur repellent has announced a breakthrough of astounding import. After six years of painstaking research, Dr. Jenkins has developed gas power.
Allegedly being installed in Jenkins's home municipality, scientists predict that gas power will soon be found in cities across the SimNation. "Its utility to the town should be obvious," declares Dr. Pearson.
When asked what next, Pfsr. Jenkins mentioned his research into electric spoons and peacefully predicted results for later this decade.
A poll of 33 lawyers indicated general support, although a quorum objected to the decision.
A research team led by the eminent Dr. Schneider has produced gas power. Roberta Mayor Quincy has presented the professor with the key to the municipality to celebrate this major event.
Dr. Schneider freely denied responsibility and constructed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."
Roberta University President Utley is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With gas power to our credit, especially the way it will help our locals, Roberta University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"
The State Assembly will be voting on the health care bill this week, determining the destiny of this state for the next decade. Committees will be holding candlelight vigils awaiting the outcome.
Spokesperson Mohammed Horat for the Kirby Committee said "I think we ought to go ahead with obscure ordinances."
Assemblyman Alan Harris, on the other hand, stated "I highly recommend we hold back on alternate proposals."
Most Jasonia locals would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-four year old woman shamelessly countered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 198-person brawl on the Alameda Cheetahs' sidelines last Friday, first string Lamar Larson of the Walla Walla Bulldogs received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational rugby league.
Commissioner Davis explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and blurted that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."
After hearing the Commissioner's report, Walla Walla coach Horace Briant replied, "That's ludicrous! Larson tripped!" Alameda water boy, Ichiko Gruhler is constantly being treated at the Alameda hospital for a broken tibia. "Great, now I'm laid up for six weeks," he sighed flatly.
Breaking all records, Don Young managed to cook painfully for the sixth time. Experts from the Guiless Book of World Records watched as the bitter biochemist completed his sixth cook.
"It makes me desire to see inhabitants painfully cooking in the old manner," said one official. "The old record was held by Sue Ellen Kirby who did it a full 25 times, but he wasn't generally halting at the same time."
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
Innumerable residents threw underwears. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
Dateline Boston--18 denizens lost their lives last Tuesday when the Matthews Dam broke flooding the town.
The National Guard assisted Boston with hundreds of extra hands to build barriers, rescue stranded residents and care for the injured.
The breakage was a result of an unrepaired leak that was discovered years ago, but was thought to pose no threat.
The incident did not affect three old men playing checkers, but the lucky young lawyer passing by did.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
When asked his opinion, the mayor asserted "No sir, I don't like it." He later said, "Please don't quote me on that."
Dear MisSim,
I am a computer programmer trying to complete a three year project. It's a computer game. I feel like my head is going to explode. What should I do? Signed, Explosive.
Dear Explosive, Get a life. No one plays computer games anyway.
Dear MisSim,
I was playing ball yesterday and witnessed that whenever I throw the ball, I feel a sharp pain in my tail-bone. What should I do? Signed, It Hurts When I Do This
Dear It, Don't do that.