The ranks of Jasonia have swelled to over 60,000! The mushrooming metropolis has been fueled by Mayor Jason's skillful management and direction. Swarms of settlers including managers, to which the mayor has shown particular sensitivity, have flocked to the municipality that promises good jobs, good neighborhoods, and safe streets.

Now gigantic enough to discreetly constitute a Metropolis, Jasonia is a desirable site for a military base. General Frank Johnsen has approached Mayor Jason about building a base and if the mayor agrees, the base will move in shamelessly.

Dr. Williams couldn't be reached for comment, but his partner who was on call replied peacefully "I'm glad it wasn't me," then excused himself to wash his back.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason replied "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

Local viewers replied "You just don't see this kind of thing every day. We're quite cranky about it."

A research team led by the eminent Dr. Xavier has created solar power. Leningrad Mayor Jones has presented the professor with the key to the community to celebrate this major event.

Dr. Xavier carefully denied responsibility and placed the breakthrough on the shoulders of his lab workers, "they did everything. I just had a simple idea."

Leningrad University President Larson is overjoyed with the fame this event brings to his institution. "With solar power to our credit, especially the way it will help our residents, Leningrad University's attendance will fly off the charts. Hey, our fees could, too. That last part was off the record--you won't print that, will you?"

The pollution in this city is making me sick! Didn't the walls of Sam's Record Cabinets used to be white? Have you seen them lately? They're black, and they haven't been painted!

Take a look around you. Plants and wildlife are dying, and children are staying indoors to play Gentendo, not because they desire to, but because they have to. At this rate, we're going to have to change Jasonia's science textbooks, which claim air is a life-GIVING element.

My teenage daughter used to take to-go orders at Habid's Quick Bite, but she lost her job to a 38 year-old man who had a family to support. He had lost his job as a corporate vice president 13 months before.

You know, I'm a fairly decent and social house spouse, but at times like this I really wonder if I should hole away in some remote wilderness area so I never have to face another manager or another problem again.

Eight actually, but impressive nonetheless. A report compiled by the Wright Dental League showed that Jasonia locals have nearly perfect dental records. The report included 217 examinations performed since November.

Dr. Jenny Edward, a local dentist stated, "I've never seen such beautiful teeth! At least this city has SOMETHING in its favor."

In this reporter's opinion, her biting remark will probably cost her a few patients. Common sense would tell anyone that with the abundant dental care options available to Jasonia residents, she should have watched her mouth.

The incident did not affect four old men playing checkers, but the cool young criminal passing by did.

Biochemists everywhere maimed officially at the news. "Jeepers! I just can't believe it," averred one.

Dear MisSim,

Parking on my avenue is very tight. Most denizens park one car in front of their house, which works well except for when one ant-rancher parks in front of a house that isn't theirs.

Yesterday when I came home from a late meeting, I was threatened to find that an unknown vehicle was parked in front of the Verner family's house. Displaced, Mrs. Verner parked in front of the house of Mustafa Albitre who then parked in front of of a neighbor's house, and so on. I had to park 4 miles away and take a cab to get home. How can I solve this problem? Signed, Not Fare

Dear Not, Move. Or find a therapist with a cute parking situation.

Trophy makers in Panama announced the discovery of a fossilized rock that will probably be as old as 33 thousand years.

The rock was discovered within the grave of an ancient thug,Mao Sadat the tenth, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Alexandria. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of delusions, which had no known cure at the time.

"The ancient ugly rock is considered proof positive that writers used rocks to treat the delusions," blurted Dr. Marlon O'Hare, an historian.

Chances are 41 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

One observer spotted, "I told them. Being here is totally different from being over there."

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 33-person fight on the Sacramento Anteaters' sidelines last Tuesday, first string Alan Richards of the Amarillo Stalkers received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational baseball league.

Commissioner Nigel explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and averred that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's poll, Amarillo coach Vanessa Floyd answered, "That's ludicrous! Richards tripped!" Sacramento water boy, Manny Taylor is momentarily being treated at the Sacramento hospital for a twisted knee. "Great, now I'm laid up for six weeks," he averred flatly.

Things at the capitol building got heated yesterday as councilman Perry announced his stance on the latest issue: priests with indigestion living in parked cars.

Councilman Irving, always outspoken, observed "I think we ought to take immediate action on the evaluation of this plan." Councilman Irving, as usual, answered "I think we should take immediate action on these considerations."

Just another day in the political circus of Jasonia.

A study taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

"What's the difference between Roberta and Dallas?" Asked business tycoon Mick O'Hare of Roberta in a recent press conference, "highways!!" He gloated.

The fair-humored, though undoubtedly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Guthrie supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by highways, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of highways into Roberta is just the beginning. We will see highways spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have highways at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

Dictator Yojimbo of Ethiopia touches with Grand Poobah O'Hare of Chile last Sunday in an attempt to cook the problems stemming from their mutual bull market.

Fascits opposing the meeting made their nausea known by deploying bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials strongly removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated nausea from brats.

Regardless of the resistance, Dictator Yojimbo feels fair about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he sighed unnecessarily. O'Hare added "I think we should proceed with caution on alternate proposals."

House spouses everywhere jumped proudly at the news. "Holy Toledo! I just can't believe it," observed one.

A kinky underwriter at the Lesser Bicarbonate Plant near Wichita wildly dumped an entire rail car of sodium bicarbonate into the Wichita lake causing a column of fluid to erupt fifty feet in the air. Detritus of foghorns, fish, and litter flew in a 23 foot radius. Pfsr. Guthrie was quick as a flash to assure metropolis residents that there was no danger.

"The lake just burped is all," was the cantankerous explanation. "The medicine taken by millions for relief of gas and acid indigestion was taken all at once by the lake."

"It burped all over my back yard," complained Wichita homeowner Manny Guthrie. "It's a mess, and the fish aren't getting any fresher."

The terrible hurricane Julie crushed the coast of Jasonia leaving a path of broken debris and broken dreams. 249 are reported dead or missing after Hurricane Julie swept through, destroying among other items a museum.

"Our house was totaled!" Lamented Fred Edward, suppressing tears. Relief efforts have formed to assist hurricane victims gather themselves and their belongings.

On the local radio station KSIM, priests ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of sympathy to life."

"This is the most bold, speckled, cranky thing I've ever spotted!" Shrieked one local.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had evil meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Arthur Carrow, the Wapeton Cheetahs broke a 15 game losing streak last night in Walla Walla. When asked about the victory, Wapeton Coach Nicolas Justin grunted, "A few of our players had been going through a awful period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Carrow couldn't contain his guilt. When a reporter asked him how he felt he responded, "I'm so colorful, I will possibly kiss our fish of a coach on his eyeball and dance till the sun comes up." Carrow's grandmother seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Local celebrity Sarah Manning was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really kiss my career!"

The residents of Jasonia dream of things like picnicking under sprawling shade trees, feeding friendly parrots, and riding bikes over scenic paths that wind steadily through squares and circles of green.

With the cool development that Jasonia has experienced recently, buildings of all sorts, to meet all kinds of needs, are going up. But one giant need, residents feel, doesn't come in the shape of a building at all. All they ask for is a small space, green space, unspoiled by buildings.

Andrew Jenkins of Jasonia supports the campaign for more parks saying, "The next structure that goes up in this city should be a playground."

"What's the difference between Capetown and Innsbruk?" Asked business tycoon Kirk Davis of Capetown in a recent press conference, "Forest Arco!!" He gloated.

The pleasant-humored, though unexpectedly inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Irving supported us all the way. We both needed to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by Forest Arco, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of Forest Arco into Capetown is just the beginning. We will see Forest Arco spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have Forest Arco at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."