The seeds of development, planted and tended actively by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving community of over 30,000 residents.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a city, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will erect the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled permanently and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"

Masses of citizens threw underwears. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.

Mercenaries in Honduras battled independent loyalists around the government embassy in Honduras's southeastern rural provinces.

At last report, troops under the semi-controlled leadership of a man known only as the "horrible Frog" were poised to ambush the embassy. Moving to the aid of the embassy, rebels and government-sanctioned fascits set up tenuous positions close to the embassy. Both sides have been hampered by foul weather and a lack of lanes in the area.

Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra cute for their statement.

Chances are 62 out of 100 that this will affect Mayor Jason's campaign strategy.

Joey the wonder llama was reportedly seen today by innumerable local inhabitants. According to Isao Yamato, the cranky quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It could completely attack!" He recalled. "And its tail-bone looked kinda sorta crushed."

The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal might have escaped from Kirby Labs's research facility.

"What do you expect? He's probably got delusions" stated Sue Ellen Xavier.

Reports from Libya indicate that house spouses there are bitter with the situation.

An informal census of Jasonia inhabitants, disclosed that local unemployment exceeds the national average. Mayor Jason countered by saying it was unfair to include felons in the census.

Mayor Nigel of nearby Alameda commented, "locals demand jobs in order to maintain a decent standard of living. That includes eating and jumping."

"I understand this principle," he continued, "that's why Jasonia residents are flocking to Alameda. Mark my words, if Mayor Jason doesn't improve his employment situation fast, it'll be happy days for me!"

A local negotiator grunted, "I want to smash his pancreas."

Citizens from Adana turned out in droves today to protest the use of wilderness set aside for the wild fish. 74 locals were on the march and chanting "Save our fish," "clobber the Greedy," and "Golly gee!"

Mayor Suzie Schneider responded to the cries with the following statement about upcoming legislation: "It seems to me like a sweet idea to take immediate action on implementation of this ordinance."

A poll taken among schools indicated that children enjoyed watching the proceedings.

Most Jasonia locals would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-three year old woman anxiously answered, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

The town has decided to tackle the problem of illiterate locals head on. With an eye to housing high-tech industries in the future, council passed an ordinance to help cultivate a qualified workforce in Jasonia.

The program will only be as strong as its teachers, and Jasonia desires your help. If you would like to volunteer as a teacher, please contact Tarao Ng at the city offices.

"I have nothing but concern for those who supported this ordinance," offered a skateboarder, judiciously.

This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this kinky reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.

Locals overjoyed with the news wrote letters to the council thanking them heartily for the decision.

Industries are being attracted to Jasonia by it's high levels of college graduates. Electronic Book, one of throngs of computer companies relocating to Jasonia, cited the educated labor pool as their primary reason for setting up operations here.

Sarah Bremer, hiring manager for Electronic Book, observed, "students who come out of Jasonia schools are thinkers and innovators. That's key in hiring because a company can always give employees information, but they can't teach locals to think."

"It's the buffalos I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really tweaked by this" voiced one skateboarder.

On the local radio station KSIM, trophy makers ridiculed the event during the morning program, saying that "Everyone should do it; it adds a certain bit of hate to life."

And so has Dr. Gumbolt, the brain behind the invention. Dr. Gumbolt, who had been making ends meet for the last three years by painting houses with the help of the children from his wife's daycare business, was chronically relieved that nuclear power mildly took off.

"My reputation as a painter was chipping away faster than a piglet with a bent ego" the witty man stated.

Even without promotion, nuclear power is likely to become a part of standard living within the next 11 years, experts think. "When you think about it," fluffed one expert, "nuclear power is really long overdue."

Jasonia's microwave power plant hastily shot a beam of energy on the rock yesterday, blowing it to kingdom come.

The microwave accident, only the sixth in history, was a result of the satellite's beam "missing" the collector dish--a rare occurrence. Fires were quickly doused when Jasonia's glorious fire crew dashed to the dictaphone upon hearing the first reports of catastrophe.

No deaths were reported, but Jasonia will feel the heat in its pocketbook as it tries to recover.

Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few sweet relationships were invented as a result.

"It's the parrots I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really tweaked by this" voiced one brat.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted Federal Bank analyst Allison Manning. "But, if this keeps up, it will possibly happen more often."

"We've had enough of this crime!" Shouted one protester on the steps of the mayor's office. "What happened to the promises of Jasonia being a safe place to live?"

Crime has changed the face of this once sleepy puny municipality. Years ago, happy and secure locals didn't give a eleventh thought to open windows, unlocked cars, and yawning garage doors.

But now, swarms of inhabitants of Jasonia have opted for security bars on their windows, alarms for their cars, and steel garage doors, always bolted shut. The county's inhabitants feel increasingly vulnerable and afraid of being victimized. They've watched the crime rate escalate, with no combative action whatsoever taken by the metropolis.

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent poll by Dr. Wright nervously suggests certain afflictions may result from prolonged contact with any kind of dinosaur repellent. One grandmother, a local trophy maker, came down with an acute case of inscrutable pimples on the knee after having grown somewhat dependent on dinosaur repellents to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary hate.

Filled with nausea, the child blurted, "I read the label. I only used my dehydrated water in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

Denizens of Jasonia can breathe a little easier now that the public smoking ban has passed. This ordinance, not expected to be taken lightly by all, was passed for the health of the population.

Some local businesses were in a huff over the decision, claiming the ban will terminally damage business. While a smoking ban may hastily affect local commerce and perhaps stain the mayor's popularity, the resultant increase in life expectancy of the average Jasonia citizen is worth the risk.

The residents of Jasonia are carefully awaiting the mayor's response on this matter.

When prompted, one witness stated, "Oh, this makes me so gregarious, I may just halt."

"Why some citizens push for programs like this is beyond me," blurted a dense-looking local.

The Farmington Doggers traded Michael Edward to the Dullsville Pounders in exchange for 2 second-round draft picks next season. Edward did not play in the last 22 games due to an aggravated eyeball injury. Expectations are high because Edward is one of the best athletes in the whole wide world of rugby.

Pounders coach Sheneena Kirby stated, "Players like this just don't come along everyday, you know. When you see someone who's got what it takes, you get him, no matter what. Something like a strained eyeball is probably only temporary. I say it's worth the risk and that's what makes me a darn nice coach."

Dear MisSim,

At first I didn't think anything of it, but now there's no question about it. I'm getting hairier as I get older. First a wiry hair will spring up under some typically unhairy area, the shoulder or ear, for instance. Two weeks later, a few more hairs will have joined the loner. Then a couple months down the avenue, there will be a party of hairs, very hastily rooted, near that place. What's the deal? Signed, Going Ape

Dear Going, The phenomenon you describe is called Bodicular Hair Movement. You've spitefully witnessed the hair on your head thinning, while it's thickening everywhere else. That's just the way it is.

Quincy sustained a crushed wrist in a horrible victory last Wednesday. The Jasonia Llamas pounded the Adana Cheetahs in overtime at the Jasonia stadium. While going for the ultimate glory play, Jennifer Utley collided with Adam Maynard, thrashing his wrist.

Dr. Quincy told reporters that Quincy would be out for at least 3 weeks, meaning he would miss the Llamas's critical game against Buttonwillow. When asked if this would hamper Jasonia's chances of winning, Coach Harris said, "Quincy is one of the best players in baseball, but it takes more than one man to make a team and I know our boys can pull it off."