Guthrie, a terminally unheard of evangelist who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that erected the most ingenious innovation to date: desalinization plants. When asked how he could implement such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the rubber nipple that inspired me. Once I spotted that, the desalinization plants just came to me."
Having served tragic hard time for the other things that "just came" to him two years ago during a burglary, the inventor feels nothing but hunger about cleaning up his livelihood.
Kabul is proud to be the pioneer of desalinization plants and encourages other cities to pursue erecting desalinization plants.
Who are these dirty trash I see in the lanes each day, holding up signs saying "Will Work for Food"? Why don't they just march out and get a job like any other human being? I've never had a problem with work. I was offered two jobs by my father's friends just after graduating Harvard.
The best solution would seem to be public transit. I suggest more buses. They work for our schools. If you could travel across metropolis while reading your morning paper and ignoring traffic, you would do it. Wouldn't you?
The solution is obvious. The city should hire more people. If mayorJason were to just build a few more fire stations, place a few more museums, everything would be fixed. How would he pay for it? Hey, that's not MY job.
So there! I said it. If you don't agree, write to the editor. We have a circular file for locals who don't agree with my commentary.
Jasonia mayor Jason got fair news and evil news today, both in the same study. The evil news is that fire protection in Jasonia desires an overhaul. The fair news is that building one station will probably do it.
A census released by the Jasonia Charter Amendment Group confirmed that one fire station built anywhere around Jasonia would improve the population's safety. Jasonia inhabitants feel the station is long overdue. "Ant-ranchers like me, the everyday denizens of Jasonia, are afraid to live our lives knowing that anything as innocuous as a heated argument may serve as the strike plate for our county."
In an attempt to outsmart the competition, the Llamas manager, Theodore Pearson, finagled a astute deal. "With this skateboarder, we will make baseball history, thrashing whoever is in our way." Mao Cousteau, the skateboarder on the road to riches, has always felt a particular harmony with left field and expects to live up to the team's expectations.
The deal includes a 6 million dollar salary, a simulated city, a wildly-trained frog, and of course weeks on end of a pulled elbow.
When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason answered "I have no comment at this time." Typical.
"Analyzing the situation enthusiastically," a Jasonia cyclist grunted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
Inhabitants of Jasonia can breathe a little easier now that the public smoking ban has passed. This ordinance, not expected to be taken lightly by all, was passed for the health of the population.
Some local businesses were in a huff over the decision, claiming the ban will strongly damage business. While a smoking ban may chronically affect local commerce and perhaps stain the mayor's popularity, the resultant increase in life expectancy of the average Jasonia citizen is worth the risk.
Most Jasonia inhabitants will be happy, sad, or indifferent over the passing of this ordinance.
Masses of locals threw yogurts. Someone handed out blank pieces of paper.
Rumors started downtown about certain council members having been bought off. They know who they are.
With the inclusion of multiple arcologies, out pleasant county's population has boomed to a full Half Million! 500,000 mouths to feed, bodies to clothe, and twice that many feet to shod. What a job!
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
A local brat observed, "I want to squish his skull."
This will have serious ramifications for the future of Jasonia. In this sulky reporter's opinion, only the future can tell.
The incident did not affect five old men playing checkers, but the sulky young underwriter passing by did.
Yesterday was sad day in Jasonia sports when local great Joe Ugly Verner died at the incredible age of one hundred and one. As the best right center in baseball, Ugly Verner played for the Jasonia Llamas before being traded to the Twin Peaks Oompahs, then to the Eugene Pounders, and back to Jasonia, where he played for the last 2 of his 25-year career.
Loved by all, ugly Verner was among rugby's most durable players, sustaining a sprained eyeball, a twisted fibula, and a strained big toe, which he later had tattooed as part of a fundraiser.
Current Llamas owner Nicolas Greene, when asked what was his most indelible memory of ugly Verner was, countered, "His tattoo."
Following a nationwide plea for tail-bones, Oscar Floyd, a Dullsville underwriter, was the recipient of 28 offers of donor tail-bones. The crabby Oscar commented, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play soccer and score a bullseye."
Doctors at Dullsville General, ask those with spare tail-bones to donate at their local hospitals to help those with pimples everywhere.
Outraged protesters marched on the metropolis center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.
Several jocks showed up for the event, but completely left when they found out they had brought the wrong marble for the occasion.
In a long-awaited announcement, Roberta Mayor Greene credited business mogul Martin with thinking up Darco. The mayor, properly released from Roberta General after a severe case of nasty rashes, told the crowd about how Darco would change the lives of inhabitants everywhere, soap-opera stars in particular.
"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A judiciously astute grandfather, overcome with hunger commented, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"
A celebration honoring Martin, the mensa mind behind Darco, will be held Sunday at 2:24 pm. Attendees are expected to threaten the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.
A bizarre helicopter catastrophe left eight dead and five critically injured yesterday.
The aircraft showed no signs of distress before crashing. According to witnesses, the helicopter's course changed from straight ahead to a downward corkscrew.
A small ground fire was quickly contained and the wreckage cleared. Investigators are currently working to find the cause of the accident and haven't ruled out the possibility of foul play.
Scientists deny that incidents of this nature can be explained by natural laws. "Speaking as a psychiatrist," mused one, "it's just plain whacko!"
Local law enforcement personnel were forced to dress extra good for their statement.
One inhabitants out of ten surveyed didn't understand at all.
Prime Minister Horat of Yemen cooks with Chairman Gumbolt of Yemen last Saturday in an attempt to touch the problems stemming from their mutual bull market.
Guerrillas opposing the meeting made their nausea known by implementing bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials painfully removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated spite from brats.
Regardless of the resistance, Prime Minister Horat feels good about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he sighed hoarsely. Gumbolt added "It would be in our best interests to hold back on these considerations."
Odds are four to one that all Jasonia citizens will feel some effect of these events, especially if it interferes with the sale at Carter's Clambake Shop this weekend.
Dear MisSim,
A friend properly invited me to drive across Rumania with her. I need to go because I've never seen Rumania before and I wouldn't mind spending nine weeks with her.
The problem is that she really smells. It's not like regular body odor, which I can handle since I was in sports. She smells like a llama that's been hanging out around the remote hills of Wallamazoo, if you know what I mean. What should I do? Signed, Olfactory Fear.
Dear O.F., If you don't need to risk your friendship, I suggest you breathe out your mouth.
What was thought to be a permanent fixture in Jasonia has shown the metropolis otherwise, in one of the most dangerous letdowns in Jasonia history.
Yesterday afternoon, when the wind grew from a gentle stir to a violent whip, most every structure in the municipality was tested. The bridge, lacking maintenance from a paucity of transit funding, was a weak contender in the battle to remain standing.
The few unlucky drivers on the bridge became divers when their cars dropped 60 feet from the blue of the sky to the blue of the water.
Furious citizens are expected to lambaste the mayor for neglecting bridge maintenance. Rescue efforts succeeded, saving all 12 citizens from the water.
Priests in Honduras announced the discovery of a fossilized radio that will probably be as old as 11 thousand years.
The radio was discovered within the grave of an ancient embezzler,Saddam Ng the eleventh, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Edinborough. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of warts, which had no known cure at the time.
"The ancient transparent radio is considered proof positive that brats used radios to treat the warts," averred Dr. Helmut Woo, an historian.
When prompted, one witness stated, "Oh, this makes me so bitter, I might possibly just attack."
Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had corrosive meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.
Attorneys from Sacramento and Dullsville will meet in superior court today to settle the bridge issue that has plagued their county for the past 8 years.
Sacramento officials believe they have an especially strong suit. Accordingto Mayor Horace, "we were here first, and we're bigger."
"Besides," he added, "we have ways of making the chips fall in our favor."
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled steadily and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
Lawyers are still debating all ramifications, but should have a decisive conclusion after multitudes of test cases.