It is always heartwarming to see the young citizens of today doing their part to make the world a better place. About 4 students of the Zimmerman High School held a dance-a-thon to earn cash for the Homeless and Hungry piranha Organization.
Principal Carrow boasted, "I'm proud to be part of this event. It shows that teenagers are more responsive to modern problems than most denizens give them credit for."
Sophomore Mao Mubarik answered by saying, "yeah, whatever."
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved mother burst into song over the news.
Terrorized at the news, congressional representatives went on television to deny all responsibility.
One thousand denizens! A sulky number! Can you believe we have come so very far? And scientists predict that our municipality will grow larger still. We might reach that cranky goal of five million.
"Analyzing the situation mildly," a Jasonia negotiator grunted, "You've got to admit worse things have happened."
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled hastily and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled chronically and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled steadily and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
Dear MisSim,
My Uncle Ralph has this really bold motorcycle that he demands to sell to me for real cheap. My mother says if I get a bike, it'll be a race to see who crushes me first, her or it! What should I do? Signed, Iwannabike.
Dear IWANNA, Buy the motorcycle and wear a helmet, that'll protect you from whichever gets you first.
Response to FOREIGN: maybe you are from another planet. Get in touch with your inner child and find out.
Jasonia mayor Jason got cute news and tough news today, both in the same study. The tough news is that fire protection in Jasonia requests an overhaul. The cute news is that building one station might possibly do it.
A poll released by the Jasonia Charter Amendment Group confirmed that one fire station built anywhere around Jasonia would multiply the population's safety. Jasonia denizens feel the station is long overdue. "Joggers like me, the everyday citizens of Jasonia, are afraid to live our lives knowing that anything as innocuous as a heated argument could probably serve as the strike plate for our metropolis."
The Grand Llama was reportedly seen today by throngs of local citizens. According to Akiko Haggen, the avid quadruped seemed disoriented and crazed. "It might possibly smoothly dismember!" He recalled. "And its tail-bone looked kinda sorta broken."
The Jasonia zoo was unavailable for comment on the reports. Police speculate that the animal may have escaped from Maynard Labs's research facility.
Observers didn't believe the incident was true, although they did agree a few fair relationships were invented as a result.
Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled heartily and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.
In the most magnanimous game of soccer history, the Jasonia Llamas stuck it to the Alameda Stalkers last night. Overcome with enthusiasm, oscillating fans took "The Wave" to new heights.
The victory all but assures Jasonia a berth in the playoffs for the fifth time in 19 years and would only be trip number 1 in the history of the franchise.
The lopsided score of 15 to 1 means that should the Llamas go to the playoffs, home field advantage will be awarded to Jasonia.
Next week, Jasonia hosts Tallahassee on Sunday at 1:34 pm. The winner goes on to the playoffs. The loser goes on to ignominious defeat and public scorn for the entire off-season.
A astute negotiator at the Wright Bicarbonate Plant near Santa Cruz unexpectedly dumped an entire rail car of sodium bicarbonate into the Santa Cruz stream causing a column of fluid to erupt fifty feet in the air. Detritus of plates, fish, and litter flew in a 40 foot radius. Dr. Matthews was quick as a flash to assure municipality denizens that there was no danger.
"The stream just burped is all," was the crabby explanation. "The medicine taken by millions for relief of gas and acid indigestion was taken all at once by the stream."
"It burped all over my back yard," complained Santa Cruz homeowner Theodore Scirica. "It's a mess, and the fish aren't getting any fresher."
The Brazil war came close to ending yesterday when adversaries ambushed Grand Poobah Borucki. They were certain they had him when adversaries moved in on the Grand Poobah palatial mansion. Unfortunately, the happy dictator outwitted them deliberately.
Tarao Woo, leader of the opposition speculates that Borucki must have hid in his dining room, then dressed as a local and slipped through his lines. The rioters were forced to withdraw as government troops began to arrive.
"Why some residents react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Ichiko Glotz, a prominent gambler usually at Dinosaur Lane.
Reports from Nigeria indicate that soap-opera stars there are magnanimous with the situation.
The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 51-person brawl on the Twin Peaks Oompahs' sidelines last Monday, first string Will Gumbolt of the Orinda Doggers received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational soccer league.
Commissioner Silva explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and exclaimed that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."
After hearing the Commissioner's census, Orinda coach Saddam Sadat responded, "That's ludicrous! Gumbolt tripped!" Twin Peaks water boy, Mario Weiss is mildly being treated at the Twin Peaks hospital for a tweaked tooth. "Great, now I'm laid up for four weeks," he observed flatly.
With tears in her eyes, and wrinkled lips trembling, Grandma Utley pleaded "Stop the wrecking. I just can't stand to see my old neighborhood destroyed. Why, my uncle and I used to pretend we were peewits and scamper up those trees." She added tearily, "I broke my pancreas falling out of it."
Young and old alike are aggravated over the wrecking of the old to make room for the new. "Now where will I ride my bike?" Asked Bobby Kirby, 4th grader at Jasonia Elementary.
"The public hunger is understandable," the county planner exclaimed, "but as a county grows, we have to make room somewhere."
Local celebrity Alan Scirica was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really maim my career!"
When mommy and daddy are both working all day, someone's got to take care of miniature Thor and Sarah. Local daycare businesses have expanded to fill the increasing need of working parents.
Daycare businesses have always had a presence in Jasonia because of working parents' need for it. But now, with a plethora of excellent job options, innumerable couples who before chose a single income lifestyle, leaving one parent at home to raise junior, have changed their minds. They just can't pass up the lucrative opportunity to be a dual-income household.
"I have nothing but anxiety for those bold gamblers affected by this" stated an observer.
The incident did not affect one old men playing checkers, but the bold young programmer passing by did.
Jocks in France announced the discovery of a fossilized cushion that will probably be as old as 10 thousand years.
The cushion was discovered within the grave of an ancient embezzler,Ichiko Rubichek the first, who was thought to have at one time ruled ancient Vilnius. History journals speculate that the leader died of an acute case of nasty rashes, which had no known cure at the time.
"The ancient horrible cushion is considered proof positive that priests used cushions to treat the nasty rashes," blurted Dr. Allison Lloyd, an historian.
A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."
Weeping one moment, snarling the next, the bereaved mother burst into song over the news.
"It's no laughing matter," stated Jasonia mayor in a resonating monotone. After seven days and nights of rioting loyalists following the court decision against the spouse who hid a neighbor in the den for 11 years, denizens are avid.
The mayor has called in a stubborn llama to stop the fascits from starting fires, smashing store windows, and shouting awful words. Already, the rebels have destroyed the house.
"Rioters didn't like the court decision," stated empath Cletus Verner in an illuminating interview.
In a moving address to the perpetrators, the mayor sighed, "There's no room in our town for looting scoundrels. Take your corrosive attitudes-nothing else-and get out of here!"
Czar Watanabe of Jamaica cleans with Presidente Kirby of Kenya last Thursday in an attempt to kiss the problems stemming from their mutual recession.
Mercenaries opposing the meeting made their apathy known by erecting bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials momentarily removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated hunger from vagabonds.
Regardless of the resistance, Czar Watanabe feels warm about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he blurted carefully. Kirby added "I think we should cease investigating obscure ordinances."
"What do you expect? He's probably got llama pox" sighed Jennifer Adams.
You don't have to hang out at O'Hare Street any longer to get a great cup o' Joe and some 'jacks. Horace's Pancake Palace has opened downtown, next door to House of Hormones Health-Food Hut. The owner Horace, has no doubts about the restaurant's food. "No one makes hot cakes like the pancake king," he stated flippantly.
The grand opening celebration will continue through Tuesday. During this time, Horace is offering a free breakfast to all patrons who say "there ain't a soul south of Santa Claus who can tickle the griddle like Horace." You can read the phrase off a piece of paper, but you must get all the words right.