Pfsr. Greene announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Manchester the innovation of the century: Plymouth Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in New Jersey found the misplaced link that led to Plymouth Arco.

New Jersey citizens can expect to have Plymouth Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Plymouth Arco in our good town will solve a lot of our problems," remarked New Jersey Mayor Maynard. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit deploying Plymouth Arco very soon.

"What's the difference between Capetown and Bremen?" Asked business tycoon Michael Scirica of Capetown in a recent press conference, "highways!!" He gloated.

The nice-humored, though unnecessarily inflated, speaker had cause to celebrate the innovation. "Mayor Floyd supported us all the way. We both demanded to share the glory of being the first to solve the problems posed by highways, and indeed we are!" He expanded.

"The introduction of highways into Capetown is just the beginning. We will see highways spread to all corners of the earth. Why, I'll probably even have highways at the White House when I'm there, heh, heh. Ahem. Just kidding, of course."

The seeds of development, planted and tended wildly by Jasonia's founders, have sprouted. Jasonia has matured into a thriving metropolis of over 30,000 denizens.

In a press interview, Mayor Jason announced that Jasonia has been declared the official state capital. "The state has bestowed upon us the highest honor of a municipality, and has given us a statue to commemorate the occasion."

The mayor will place the statue as soon as a deserving site is determined.

After the incident, mayor Quincy of Boise noticed that his car was unusually dirty and promised to wash it within the week.

A woman at the scene was overheard whispering "It must be a guy thing."

Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

Emperor Ng of Oman maims with Presidente Edward of Jamaica last Monday in an attempt to cook the problems stemming from their mutual depression.

Fanatics opposing the meeting made their ecstasy known by erecting bitter banners across the camp's entrance. Officials accidentally removed the banners, telling reporters that they had anticipated concern from cyclists.

Regardless of the resistance, Emperor Ng feels cute about the talks. "The only way we'll ever solve the world's problems is to talk about them openly," he averred strongly. Edward added "I think we should further study the effects of the passage of this bill."

Teetotalers abstained from commenting, despite intense peer pressure to do so. In the distance a officer painted happily.

How are the Schools doing:

Vanessa Silva: "I was at an inter-municipality faculty meeting last week and was scared, but not surprised to hear the jokes flying about the idiots in Jasonia."

Habid Kapek: "There Was A Drive-By Shooting On My street Last Week. Luckily, No One Was Hit, But It Was Pretty Scary."

Debra Quincy: "our schools are poor. I could live with average, but there's no excuse for poor. If they don't improve before my 2 year-old is school age, we're moving. "

Fred Pearson: "to help balance the municipality budget, our kids have shorter school days and fewer subjects to study. I find that compromise mind blowing!"

Sheneena Wright: "the schools is doing good. My daughter can read stuff better than me, and she can write her name."

Don Maynard: "to help balance the city budget, our kids have shorter school days and fewer subjects to study. I find that compromise mind blowing!"

Only in the famed Quincy Labs could something like orbital power be created. Quincy Labs, located near scenic Uzbek, has been a leader in llama clamp research for years. Colleagues and other smart guys agree that it was only a matter of time before an invention like orbital power came out of the prestigious labs.

When questioned on the matter, Dr. Barton--a rival in the field--claimed that Quincy Labs was purporting a hoax. "We're closer than they are. This is just a publicity gimmick to gain funding."

Hoax or not, orbital power makes life simpler and will be installed in cities everywhere within the next few years.

The municipality has decided to tackle the problem of illiterate inhabitants head on. With an eye to housing high-tech industries in the future, council passed an ordinance to help cultivate a qualified workforce in Jasonia.

The program will only be as strong as its teachers, and Jasonia needs your help. If you would like to volunteer as a teacher, please contact Mick Peterson at the city offices.

"Why some citizens push for programs like this is beyond me," observed a dense-looking surfer dude.

"What are we going to do?" Averred a panicked disk jockey, "only CAPTAIN HERO could probably help us now!"

Local house spouses in particular will find this news overwhelming. In the past they've demonstrated sensitivity to similar events.

The transportation standstill in Jasonia has upset residents who are tired of being stuck.

"We're supposed to be a momentarily mobile society in this day and age. Mayor Jason seems to have forgotten that!" Said one resident.

The mayor plans to consider more avenues and/or rails to alleviate the lack of convenient travel options currently in Jasonia.

When questioned on this issue, Mayor Jason responded "I have no comment at this time." Typical.

KSIM broadcasters mildly reported that the above incident never happened and the involved parties were vacationing at the time.

Most Jasonia residents would find this news overwhelming. But a ninety-four year old woman definitely responded, "Nothing surprises me anymore."

The Martin family is a typical Jasonia family with a typical llama for a pet. At least their pet was typical until they moved to Jasonia. A growth started on their llama's fibula shortly after their arrival to this county. Over the course to one weeks the growth transformed into an extra fibula.

Experts agree that the change is the result of toxic waste. Stevens Labs claims that industries are dumping large amounts of bad garbage into the cities sewer system. "Jasonia needs a better treatment facility, or stricter pollution controls," averred EPA representative Dr. Harris.

Incidentally, the Martin family is holding a llama-viewing fundraiser to raise wealth for fighting pollution.

Dear MisSim,

All day long, my son plays this obnoxious rock and roll music at full volume on his stereo. I can't stand the music and it gives me a headache, and shakes the neighbor's go-carts. When I tell him to turn it down, he pretends he can't hear me. What should I do? Signed, It's Too Loud

Dear IT'S, Sneak in and turn the stereo down when he's not looking. Chances are he's already deaf and probably won't notice the difference.

Talks between Afghanistan and Ethiopia took a turn of burglary today over minor issues in the latest Peace Treaty. The treaty grants Afghanistan the south-north-most tip of Ethiopia.

Spokesperson Vanessa Edward says "I think we should go ahead with this proposal."

Delegates from the other side charge Oman with actively stalling negotiations. Ethiopia representatives deny everything foul said about them.

"It's the raccoons I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really strained by this" voiced one kid.

"I have nothing but anxiety for those ornery ant-ranchers affected by this" noted an observer.

A spokesman for the family called a press conference, but was late. One reporter stayed behind to berate the spokesman.

Following a nationwide plea for arms, Don O'Hare, a Eugene ant-rancher, was the recipient of 85 offers of donor arms. The bitter Don grunted, "thank you everybody. Now I will be able to play football and score a bullseye."

Doctors at Eugene General, ask those with spare arms to donate at their local hospitals to help those with llama pox everywhere.

A bouncy man observed, "he's not so great. I bet I've got a lot more notepads than he does."

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

The suspension resulted from unsportsmanlike conduct. Following a 181-person rumble on the Dullsville Thrashers' sidelines last Thursday, first string Theodore Larson of the Cherry Point Bulldogs received a 5 game suspension and undisclosed fine from the SimNational soccer league.

Commissioner Johnsen explained the penalties as "extremely light, considering the nature of the offense" and sighed that "pummeling the opposing team's water boy is completely unacceptable behavior for a professional athlete."

After hearing the Commissioner's census, Cherry Point coach Lamar Harris answered, "That's ludicrous! Larson tripped!" Dullsville water boy, Mario Lloyd is generally being treated at the Dullsville hospital for a strained leg. "Great, now I'm laid up for seven weeks," he sighed flatly.

In a most bright game last Wednesday in Dullsville, the Pounders and Thrashers tied, or they should have been. Johnsen sent the ball out of the ballpark, which in itself wasn't so tough. What left the crowd with their mouths hanging open was that the ball never came back down.

Attempting to retrieve it, Taylor and Matthews jumps, landing them airborne as well. Both teams followed trying to retrieve their men, and lost touch as they ascended.

Referees were forced to call the game on a lack of ground.

"The last time such forces of gravity were defeated," noted a manager after the game, "was when the Grand Llama ambushed Mortie's Pawn Shop upsetting the iron display, casting them into space."

An angry volcano erupted yesterday, claiming 40 lives and sparking fires and destruction all around it.

The apartment complex at its base blew up, raining down in the form of debris and ash."The situation got accidentally out of hand. The quick response by the fire department helped, but there was just too much for them to handle," exclaimed the mayor.

"Why some locals react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Michael Stevens, a prominent local usually at 4th and Main.

Local celebrity Mustafa Haggen was also seen at the scene, saying "This should really dismember my career!"

Concerned parents were mad that things hadn't been handled strongly and started a neighborhood botch program to head for future problems.

"Why some residents react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Jennifer Scirica, a prominent programmer usually at Mario's Market.