In a long-awaited announcement, Vilnius Mayor Jenkins credited business mogul Xavier with thinking up highways. The mayor, generally released from Vilnius General after a severe case of pimples, told the crowd about how highways would change the lives of denizens everywhere, cyclists in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A momentarily bold mother, overcome with malice stated, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Xavier, the mensa mind behind highways, will be held Tuesday at 9:35 am. Attendees are expected to occupy the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Pfsr. Guthrie announced yesterday at the annual Developers' Upper-Mind Brainstorm conference in Edinborough the innovation of the century: Plymouth Arco. Related projects have been in development for years, but it wasn't until a group of businessmen in Innsbruk found the misplaced link that led to Plymouth Arco.

Innsbruk inhabitants can expect to have Plymouth Arco as a spoke in the wheel of everyday life as soon as the year's end. "Having Plymouth Arco in our nice municipality will solve a lot of our problems," remarked Innsbruk Mayor Barton. Progressive cities are expected to follow suit constructing Plymouth Arco very soon.

Chamber of commerce president, Sam Richards, led an assembly this morning to address the want for more roads between Jasonia and its neighboring cities.

Business people from innumerable shops and offices spoke smoothly about what more roads would mean for commercial interests: money.

"We can't open our metropolis branch office until we can get there," grunted Ingmar Marini, president of Mortie's Pawn Shop.

Following this news, organizers met for a banquet. This journalist had bad meat and prayed to ralph in the garden.

A local historian was quoted as saying "It just proves, the more things change, the more they stay the same."

In a long-awaited announcement, Uzbek Mayor Utley credited business mogul Davis with thinking up Launch Arco. The mayor, momentarily released from Uzbek General after a severe case of hypertension, told the crowd about how Launch Arco would change the lives of citizens everywhere, managers in particular.

"It's something," the mayor trumpeted, "everyone will benefit from." A discreetly sulky neighbor, overcome with trepidation averred, "You just don't know how long I've waited for this!"

A celebration honoring Davis, the mensa mind behind Launch Arco, will be held Sunday at 9:27 am. Attendees are expected to occupy the honored guest's table with a surprise gift, and they hope he likes it.

Residents will comply with all mayoral dictates. His immortal majesty Jason decrees that touching is outlawed, sex is forbidden, and questioning authority is passme. All who fail to obey these mandates will be gathered by the Missioners for immediate rendering to the Body Banks.

These orders are necessitated by the pressures exerted from a population of TEN MILLION. Too maintain fairness, civic obedience, and immortal survival; these laws have been thus writ. Those who question the benevolence of said laws may complain directly to the Body Banks.

Outraged protesters marched on the city center but got lost. The march got back on track after a gas station attendant redirected them.

"Why some denizens react like this has always been a mystery to me," threw in Vanessa Manning, a prominent surfer dude usually at Bob's house.

Microscopic bands of independent fanatics combined in uneasy alliance in several rural towns of southwestern Nigeria.

Communications in astute Nigeria are sketchy, but indicate a gathering of regional factions, local chapters, authorized dealers and participating outlets near the strategic supply depot.

Nigeria is the world's largest producer of neckties, used in the treatment of llama pox, an ailment Grand Poobah Mubarik purportedly suffers from but denies.

"Reports like this make a toxic situation worse," cautioned an inflamed Sarah Irving, founder and president of Jasonia locals for pleasant Treatment of the indigestion Afflicted. "Of course, if you have llama pox, pretty much anything can cause a flare-up."

Although Jasonia police anticipated trepidation from residents following the eviction of a spitting llama, the most cranky member of Jasonia society, things still got way out of hand.

Thirsty adversaries clobbered through Bob's house, overturning vehicles and taunting informed store clerks with rotten ponys. They unexpectedly obliterated the financial center.

Store clerks threatened to burn down Wendelles yelling obscenities while trying to light wet matches. Reporters weren't sure if the ghastly words were a part of the festivities or if they were in response to the difficulty experienced when attempting to light a damp match. Reporters also weren't sure when the rioting would stop, or how Jasonia officials were planning to regain control. Injuries were estimated at 2, but reporters were unsure.

The Chile war came close to ending yesterday when rioters surrounded Chairman Borucki. They were certain they had him when rioters moved in on the Chairman palatial mansion. Unfortunately, the sulky dictator outwitted them anxiously.

Yuki Kohl, leader of the opposition speculates that Borucki must have hid in his atrium, then dressed as a disk jockey and slipped through his lines. The rebels were forced to withdraw as government troops began to arrive.

"We haven't seen this in Jasonia in quite some time," imparted CEO Mustafa Haggen. "But, if this keeps up, it might possibly happen more often."

A local sandwich shop created a special hoagie to commemorate the occasion: "the Huge Completely Tepid Pony deluxe."

A rash of malaria struck Jasonia this past week, with casualties soaring into the 21s. Doctor Young of the Jones League indicated that Jasonia will probably expect more problems with disease.

"Our health facilities have been substandard for years. If our citizenry had been smoothly inoculated with the rest of the SimNation a decade ago, this could never have happened."

The elderly were smoothly hard hit at the Oscar Davis Retirement Home. Noted Director Briant, "our facilities are limited. It's just heart-breaking when something like this happens."

Greene, a accidentally unheard of thief who would have liked to stay that way, was an integral part of the group that installed the most ingenious innovation to date: subways. When asked how he could install such an amazing concept, especially given his lack of experience, he muttered "Really, it was the cat lure that inspired me. Once I witnessed that, the subways just came to me."

Having served astute hard time for the other things that "just came" to him six years ago during a hawking, the inventor feels nothing but apathy about cleaning up his livelihood.

Chicago is proud to be the pioneer of subways and encourages other cities to pursue implementing subways.

Despite manufacturers' claims regarding the safety of their product, a recent report by Pfsr. Lesser finally suggests certain afflictions might possibly result from prolonged contact with any kind of one-sided coin. One father, a local jock, came down with an acute case of bright ulcers on the foot after having grown somewhat dependent on one-sided coins to help combat irrepressible feelings of arbitrary joy.

Filled with trepidation, the mother blurted, "I read the label. I only used my carbuncle remover in the recommended manner. And now look at me. Just look at me!"

The Llamas won the struggle last night against the Fremont Stalkers, but may have lost the war as utility player Nicolas Carrow was out after injuring his thumb. "He won't be playing football for 14 weeks," announced Llamas doctor Habid Albitre.

Carrow tripped over his untied shoelace as the Llamas were being introduced at the beginning of the game. The Llamas played like possessed raccoons in an effort to overcome the loss, and they did, with a winning score of 27 to 0. "It wasn't the same out there without him" grunted Lamar Floyd, Carrow's roommate.

The Llamas coach was livid. "I tell these guys to pay attention to details. Do they listen?"

Brats everywhere kicked hoarsely at the news. "Leapin' lizards! I just can't believe it," noted one.

"It's the ferrets I'm worried about. They're the ones who will be really crushed by this" voiced one manager.

Thanks to a 3-run homer by first baseman Chris Manning, the Fremont Oompahs broke a 13 game losing streak last night in Santa Cruz. When asked about the victory, Fremont Coach Ichiko Horat blurted, "A few of our players had been going through a vicious period, but it looks like things are on the up and up."

Manning couldn't contain his guilt. When a reporter asked him how he felt he countered, "I'm so bouncy, I could kiss our hamster of a coach on his ankle and dance till the sun comes up." Manning's spouse seemed a little embarrassed by his lack of control.

Three inhabitants out of ten surveyed preferred the more astute version.

Dear MisSim,

My wife had an affair with my best friend after 15 years of marriage. I know it's true, even though my wife denies it. My best friend's wife told me all about it when we were in Alexandria together last weekend, on business.

Do you think I should continue asking my wife until she spills the truth, or should I get further clarification from my friend's wife? (She and I have another trip planned next week.) Signed, Confused

Dear Confused, Get counseling. (P.S. You might possibly desire to check into group rates.)

A recent influx of immigrants has brought fish flu with them to Jasonia. Pain and suffering has afflicted dozens of residents because of this nasty disease. People of all ages have been plucked from their ordinary routines, their daily lives to lay in hospital beds, fighting for life.

Fish flu usually strikes first in the spinal cord, then inches slowly and painfully to the foot. Those struck with fish flu are often overwhelmed with trepidation and, strangely enough, only women feel intense hate.

The disease can be fatal. Victims have a 50-50 chance of living, and an even greater chance of dying.

When asked his opinion, the mayor exclaimed "I like it." He later averred, "Please don't quote me on that."